Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org M_I_SForEver
Once upon a time,
a very wealthy man had the great misfortune
to fall out of a plane.
As he fell,
the wind stripped him off his designer suit,
his Italian patent shoes, crocodile wallet,
gold watch, everything.
And when he eventually hit the Earth he was
all but naked.
The strange thing was
when they found his broken body
he was smiling,
but that never made any sense to me.
Hey that's me done, I'm out of here.
You've only got yourself to blame.
Look at this,
look at it; phone, gas, electric, all final demands.
They're taking the telly back,
'cause we haven't paid him.
You know Oprah was my only salvation.
All these years, all these years I've wasted
on mediocrity and look where it's got me.
What's it got me, aye?
I haven't even got a pot to piss in.
Yeah, I know how that feels.
Yeah well, that's about to change.
I've met someone else.
What?
Someone who can take proper care of me.
Just say something to me.
What do you want me to say?
I mean anything.
I mean that dress is a bit short, isn't it?
Don't do that.
Here you go.
There you go.
Get yourself down the pawn shop, aye,
go and buy yourself a consolation beer,
or better still get yourself a new suit, aye.
Nice.
What was I thinking an insurance salesman.
- I'm a loss adjuster, Angie. - Aye, yeah.
Well, deal with this loss,
and I won't be needing these anymore either.
Someone in North London can get
to claim the winning lottery ticket.
What are you looking at you old bint?
Martin, open the damn door.
Please Martin.
Angie, Angie.
Hey, I got you Angie, Angie, I can't let you...
- Martin. - It's me.
It's still me, Angie.
Oh, damn it.
Hello Polly.
Hello, Mr. Dyer.
You're hard to get hold of this morning.
I hope you aren't avoiding me.
Anyway, I've got you now and it's a busy day
- ahead for you. - There's no need.
Polly, I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this...
One moment, I've got multiple calls coming through.
Good morning, Glipton Millgrove, Polly speaking,
could you hold the line, please?
Sorry about that.
Right, so your first appointment is scheduled
with Mrs. Rogerton-Sykes.
She's at 9:15.
Quite close to actually, Highgate, a burglary.
Nice and simple.
Police verified everything,
but she's since added a few more items.
No, no, but...
Next up is Mr. Gimpole in Totteridge.
Someone has chopped down his prize rhododendrons
that he was planning to enter
into the Chelsea Flower Show next year,
so you'll need to establish the size of the plants
before we can entertain the size of the claims,
bit tricky that one but I'm sure you'll manage.
And next, Mr. And Mrs. Smallwood in Finchley,
a house fire claiming for absolutely everything, so...
- Polly stop. - No wait,
forget the Smallwoods.
Fire Service's haven't filled their report yet.
- Oh and your favorite, - Polly stop.
dear old Dr. Wicksteed.
Can you believe the lodges flooded the bathroom
through the ceiling again?
Polly, my wife left me today.
Oh, and he's absolutely adamant
that he won't see anyone else apart from you.
I mean, it's not surprising really,
you don't get voted the company's number one loss adjuster
three years running without being the best.
Oh yes, okay, okay, just e-mail the details to me,
and I'll...
Yeah, I already done, Mr. Dyer,
I sent you last night.
You have a lovely day and be sure
to give my best to Mrs. Dyer, okay?
Yes, I'll be sure to tell her, bye, bye.
Excuse me.
I just got here.
Well, happy Christmas.
It would have been cheaper to stay in bed.
Yes.
Yes, hello, this is Mr. Dyer for Mrs. Rogerton-Sykes.
Enter.
Okay, let's do this.
Hello there, Mrs. Rogerton-Sykes.
Mr. Dyer, you are late.
Yes, I know the traffic was very...
Yes, the traffic usually is
that's entirely predictable
and should be planned for, don't you think?
Yes, absolutely, I apologize.
You have a lovely home.
This way.
Do you take tea?
I have Lapsang Souchong or Earl grey?
Oh, that's lovely, maybe a coffee would be nice.
Coffee?
I'm afraid we don't take coffee.
Not to worry then.
Shall we get on with it?
Okay, yes, of course.
So Mrs. Rogerton-Sykes I see,
in addition to the items listed in your police report,
I see that you've noted a few extra missing items.
Missing, are you suggesting they might actually
not be missing?
Oh my goodness, no, I wouldn't,
Mr. Dyer, do I look like I need
to defraud an insurance claim?
No, no but you...
Mr. Dyer, this has been the most terrible shock,
an absolute violation.
I think that I listed everything correctly,
but in my distressed state maybe I,
it was obviously an oversight.
I am the victim after all.
Of course, you are.
This is really just a formality,
and these are question I have to ask unfortunately.
I should have insured with Legal and General.
My late husband always said that we should.
As usual, he was right.
He was a sanctimonious bastard.
They wouldn't have treated me like a fraudster.
I'm so sorry for your loss,
I really am.
Was it recent?
Not that long ago.
If I didn't know any better,
I would have thought he planned the whole thing,
and now he just leaves me alone in my prime.
Well, no and of course, I doubt that,
I mean you know a charming figure
of a woman like you.
Oh, you really think so?
Have you experienced loss, Mr. Dyer?
Well, actually I have, very recently,
well, this morning, my wife she left me.
Oh, no, oh, what a terrible shock,
and right before Christmas,
oh, you must be in pieces.
Let me get you a whiskey.
Oh no, thank you.
I'm driving and everything.
Come.
Really, okay.
Did you love her madly?
Yes, I suppose I did.
Well, of course you did,
and so here we both are lonely, abandoned, lost.
There's only one cure for a fall, Martin.
Can I call you Martin?
Yes off course, please do.
Get back on the horse.
You know, my husband wasn't a very tactile man,
and he always made me feel lonely
even when we were married.
How do you mean?
He never made me feel like a real woman.
I'm sure you are extremely special
to your husband, Mrs. Rogers.
- Please call me Margaret. - Okay, Margaret, okay.
Yes, well, Margaret,
I believe we can approve all
of the missing items on your list,
and I really think there's no need
to make you suffer any more than you already have.
I think it's a very unfortunate burglary if I'm honest.
Oh, I don't mind going through the details again with you,
- It does. - I really don't,
and if you like I can find some coffee
for you in one of the cupboards.
I'm sure the cooks left something there.
You've gone to so much trouble for me today, really...
Thank you, Martin, you're so kind.
They said you were.
They did?
Yes, they said that you're kind, and compassionate,
and that you only cared for others.
Well, thank you, Margaret.
I do try my best.
You know, Martin, it's only when you've lost everything
that you realize what you're really missing.
Well, what about you stay for a spot of lunch,
I could get a cook to do some oysters?
I'm sure you know about oysters don't you...
Yes, yes, of course, it is a lovely offer, Margaret.
I really do have to get going though.
It's getting late.
Well, another time then.
Maybe we could go shopping.
Shopping?
Yes, you could accompany me to the Ivy,
after I bought you a new suit
just a little Christmas gift from me.
Just the coffee actually.
Oh, that's okay.
Look, I realize you're very busy,
but I really would like it.
Yes.
And I really would like if you could call me sometime.
- Yes of course. - Would you?
Yes.
Martin?
- Merry Christmas. - Oh, Merry Christmas.
That's the European way.
It's very charming.
Thank you, Margaret.
Thank you, thank you, Margaret.
- Thank you. - Goodbye.
Mr. Dyer, Ms. Rogerton-Sykes has
just been on the phone,
only there's a few items she forgot about,
and wondered if you could pop back later.
No, it's okay.
Polly it's okay, whatever she puts on the list please
just approve it, it's okay.
Okay, for sure.
I'm more than okay.
No need for me to go back again.
Right okay, bye, bye, bye.
Goodness me.
I'm staying here with the two of these...
Martin, Martin, my name.
Mr. Dyer, Mr. Dyer, Mr. Dyer, goodness me.
So the news my local news is
that somebody near me has won the lottery ticket,
so if you live in Highgate or Totteridge,
please check your tickets.
Tell me Nicodema did you check yours?
[Woman[ I didn't even enter It, Donnie.
Polly, could I, actually I need to ask you a question.
Yes, Mr. Dyer?
Actually not a work related question.
Do you think there's something wrong with my suit?
Polly?
Sorry, I have another call, I have to go.
What?
You tosser!
How about this one?
Oh, I like that.
It's lovely, thank you.
I think she will like this.
She's a lucky lady.
Well, I think I'm the lucky one, actually.
So how many?
How many years have you been married?
Sorry five years.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
Do you think she will like this?
Well off course.
All women love flowers.
You know, it's lovely here.
I can't imagine who'd ever get bored of it.
No, never.
- Okay. - Yes.
Enter your pin, please.
Oh, this changes, it's a new card,
I don't understand.
Is it a joint account?
Could your wife have a little surprise for you perhaps?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Mr. Dyer.
Yeah, hello.
Mr. Gimpole, nice to see you today.
Call me Gimp.
Gimp.
Everyone else does.
Follow me, lad.
Follow me.
You know much about flowers, do you Dyer?
Well, not really, Mr. Gimp.
It's a, oh, dear, but I do know what a rose looks like.
I thought as much not that it matters,
I'll show you what's happened,
and you'll get an idea.
Oh dear.
Sorry, I thought you'd be more prepared,
otherwise, I had had a found you some wellies.
You see these specimens here.
Oh yes, they're very nice, Mr. Gimp.
No Dyer, they are nothing compared to my rhododendrons.
The bastards knew I would win of course.
Bastards.
Next May's Flower show, Dyer.
They cut down what was to be my prize exhibits.
Well you don't know what to say, Mr. Gimp.
Well, there's nothing you can say really.
But I would imagine of course that the priority here is
to establish exactly what these rhododendrons are worth
to you, Mr. Gimp.
Nothing that money can replace.
Their beauty was priceless,
the color, the shape, the very touch.
Can you zip me up darling?
Okay.
Why it's not just the prestige, you know,
the honour of receiving an award.
Of course Mr. Gimp.
Dyer?
These were a hybrid you see.
A complete one off I'd the spent years affecting the species
A new species.
Oh my, this must be akin to losing a child.
Wow, I guess it's similar.
As in fact as you, you feed it, you water it.
You shower it with love and attention.
You cherish it.
You protect it,
and then some bastard runs off with it.
I know exactly what you mean.
My God, you've lost a child.
Oh no, Mr. Gimp,
but somebody did nick my wife.
Martin, Martin, thank you so much for coming out.
Do come in.
Good to see you again.
So good to see you.
Come in.
Oh, it's okay, you have something.
Oh, please let me give it to you.
That feels nothing important.
Oh my goodness, thank you, there we go.
Come in, come in.
Welcome, welcome.
Oh my goodness, I'm sorry to have ask this question,
what's that awful smell?
Yeah, a rat.
A rat where?
A dead one under there,
judging from the concentrated potency.
Oh dear, have you called anyone?
Environmental health.
They can't get anyone round till Monday,
but this smell is intolerable,
so I have to get the little devil up myself.
No, please Norman, let me help you.
- Wait. - Well, look at this.
- That's a non-invented cause. - Yes.
Okay, come on, let me help you.
I'm gonna need a flat head screwdriver
and oh, a hammer if you have...
I have the toolbox is there.
Are you sure about this, Martin?
Well, as long as he's dead.
Yes.
Also do you have any plastic bags?
Yes, yes, I do.
The twins save them for me.
It's part of their green intentions,
but they never remember to reuse them.
I have a drawer full.
- Oh, thank you. - Would you like a peg?
I'm okay.
Yeah, I think the plastic bags are fine.
Can I do anything to help?
Oh, one of your lovely coffees will be great.
Right, I'm way ahead of you.
The coffee is already made.
- Careful. - Thank you.
- Have you found it? - I think I have.
Ah, let me see.
Have a look.
Right there, you see him?
My goodness, look at the size of it.
It's a bit of a monster.
Must be a sewer rat.
Got him.
Oh, well done, Martin.
Oh thank you so much.
Oh, thank you.
Well, that's a nice bag.
Ah shit, maybe I can give this to the wife.
- Aye? - Nothing.
Oh look, might have you have turn those taps back off
- I'd hope. - No.
How many times has it been there, Norman?
A fair few.
I am sorry, Martin.
I hadn't meant to be a burden to you.
Norman, please don't say such a thing.
I have to be honest with you
if they didn't flood you out
every few months I think I might be disappointed.
Really?
Well, to be honest, I kind of I would be
with this old friends you and me.
You mean you don't go rat catching for all your clients?
Now come on let's straighten out your living room,
we've gotta sort your claim out.
We got him.
Oh, remove the thing.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
Still stinks.
Good coffee.
So Martin, something's troubling you.
I'm here to look after you.
Of course, but you are troubled, I can tell.
It's good to talk, you know.
I used to tell that to my patients.
Did it help?
Nah, not really.
But I got a few extra Christmas cards.
Now there's a bonus.
Life is short yet we spend nearly all
of our time pretending that we're fine
when we're anything but.
It cannot have escaped your attention
that I'm of an age that defies much more longevity.
Stop that Norman you're fighting fit and raring to go.
Fighting fit,
raring to go.
Raring to go, I suppose I am.
Norman, is everything okay?
I never had children you know.
I'm confused, what about the twins?
Oh, they're not mine.
No, their mom was my patient.
I've known them since they were babies.
They're very sweet.
They do some shopping and laundry for me.
No, my late wife couldn't conceive,
and after she went back in the '70s,
I fell in love with the freedom
that comes with the bachelor life.
Wow, '70s, huh?
She must have been so young.
Sorry, I know, she didn't die.
No, she buggered it off with the neighbor.
Oh dear, it must be catching.
Aha, so it's wife troubles.
Yes.
I'm sorry to share this,
but my wife left me this morning, Norman.
Oh Martin,
I'm so sorry.
It's funny you know, it's been a long time coming,
and I'm sure I would have seen the signs
if I had just been looking.
You do love me, don't you, Aiden?
Yes, my life.
Why did you have to go for so long?
Glasgow is a long way, aye babe?
24 hours traveling, there and back
plus two days to recuperate,
that brings the month down to 24 days,
that's barely three weeks to finish the legals,
and I don't work weekends,
so that's really only 15 days.
After closing joint bank accounts
that would be at least three days.
Three?
There's a process.
Got to get appointments with the managers
which will give me 12 days.
Then I have to pay off the joint bills, terminate the leckie
and gas accounts, another two days, so 10 left.
I can't go halfway around the world
without visiting mom and dad for a couple of days.
Then my sister and she aint close.
Do have you any idea how how big Oz is?
Two days driving there and back,
plus a day with her at least,
that'll give me...
Five, five days left.
Yeah, right, five days in which to sell my car,
pack up my life and move the other side of the world.
No biggie, right?
Okay, just because I want you back here with me
as soon as possible that's all.
Well, be patient.
In a month, I'll be free to be with you.
I'm sorry.
Okay, I understand all this,
why don't you come back to bed.
I have a pub to run.
Well, can't Rob manage by himself for once.
Rob?
He's only a bar man.
Well, so how is he gonna manage then
when the landlord's away?
Well, maybe he won't,
and then I'll have no business to come back to.
Did you sort out the money?
Yeah, I transferred it yesterday.
It should be in by Friday.
It is gonna be enough isn't it?
'Cause I'm not sure I can get my hands on anymore.
Yes, my love.
Thank you.
Oh, and babe, slip out the back door, will you?
We don't wanna attract attention, aye.
I'm so sorry.
Where has she gone?
I don't know, Norman.
To be honest with you it could be a number of men.
I see.
Money is the issue?
I really don't wanna bore you
with my financial difficulties, Norman,
but my wife she wants a better life.
The life of Riley.
I see and don't we all.
But payback comes to Riley in the end one way or another.
What do you mean?
What goes around comes around.
Look at it positively.
She can't nag about your suit,
or tell you to shave your beard,
or throw out your beer cans.
The glass is always half full, Martin.
Being a single man can be liberating.
I've never been.
You mentioned my suit.
I was being metaphorical, Martin.
I think you are truly rather remarkable.
You really must learn to appreciate the value
of your virtues,
but you're too modest by far
which in itself is another of your virtues.
Martin, I wish I'd had a son,
it's my greatest regret,
but you have made me realise that
if I had had a son
I would like him to have been just like...
Norman.
- Hey. - Hello.
I'm friends with Norman.
I can help.
Who are you?
Sorry, I know Norman.
Oh, you know him.
What is this?
I'm here to help him clean up.
Okay, yes come in.
So, how can I help you?
That's a nice tie.
Excuse me, you can't just barge in here.
Oh that is a terrible stink, is that the rat?
Oh yes, it is actually.
Hold on how do you know about that?
Oh no, please don't touch him, he's not well.
You can say that again.
Is he okay?
Of course, he's not okay.
He's brown bread.
Oh goodness me.
This day is really turning out to be the most awful day.
Yeah, I don't think his is turning out too great either.
Excuse me, what are you doing?
What?
It's not like he needs any more anymore.
I think you shoved your missus under the floorboards
if I didn't know any better.
What, wait what?
Do you want another coffee?
You look like you need it.
Oh no, thank you, actually,
I'd rather have something stronger.
It's good idea.
Screw it.
There you go, here.
Would you.
No thanks.
But you said.
I said it was good idea but I don't drink.
Poor Norman.
All right, come on mate get a grip.
He's just another client to you.
No, he's not.
He's a lovely lovely old man.
He was.
Okay, fair enough he was, and who you are you?
You're not the bloody tenant, are you?
What?
No.
The bedsit's empty.
I don't understand that doesn't make sense,
because I'm here because of this,
it just happened.
I'm the loss adjuster.
I know who you are,
but the place is empty.
Trust me, I know these things.
I'm the hoover man.
Hoover man, what does that mean?
I keep the place clean.
- You get me? - No.
Okay, ambulance.
If you think that's wise.
Why is that?
Who is that?
How the hell should I know.
Go and see.
Well, what about Norman?
I'm sure he won't mind.
I don't mean like that, what do we say about him?
It doesn't matter what you say about him,
because no one's ever gonna know I was here,
and I aint got prints all over the gaff unlike some.
What are you trying to suggest?
Well, from the way I see it,
you've came in, upended his floorboards,
moved his furniture around,
and last thing I see you've giving the old bloke a hug,
now he's out and your DNA is everywhere, mate.
He just keeled over.
From where I'm standing.
it doesn't quite look like that.
Steed honey,
Mummy is here, you naughty boy.
Your boy's got a tart.
Shut up, shut up.
Where are you?
What do I say to her?
Tell her he's sleeping,
just get rid of her.
- Sleeping? - Yeah.
Okay, that works.
That's good stay here.
Hello there
- Hello there lover. - Hello.
He didn't say there'll be three of us today.
Three of us.
- But I'm fine with three. - All right, that's me.
Especially if the third one is as cute as you.
Hello madam, you are?
- I'm Purdy. - Hello Purdy,
and he's my steed.
- Get it? - Oh steed.
Excuse me, madam, madam.
Aw, my baby is sleeping, aw.
Oh, and he's not very warm.
Poor darling.
What in the hell's name is that smell?
Oh, it's a rat, it's a dead rat.
Does it smell that bad upstairs?
Well, I actually, I don't think it does actually.
Well thank the lord,
'cause it doesn't exactly whet my appetite
if you know what I'm saying.
Get my Steedy a blanket,
and join me upstairs.
Ms. Purdy, probably I must tell you I'm, I'm...
Shy honey.
I honestly I'm a little out of shape,
but I'm just a loss adjuster.
Role play, whatever you want honey.
Yowza!
What was that?
What that was Martin, is the funniest thing
I have ever seen.
How do you know my name?
Hey, you tell me who you are,
and what you're doing here right now?
Yeah, all right, keep your hair on.
Oh dear, the smell of that thing.
Uncle Norman, it's us, Georgia and Mimi.
Who are you?
Oh, the twins.
Oh, we asked first.
Oh yes, yes, yes, right, I am, I'm Martin.
- Oh, you're Martin. - Oh, you're Martin.
Yes, yes.
- You look awful. - I do?
Doesn't he Georgia?
And he smells funny too.
Well, actually I don't really smell.
It's something.
And I'm sure you know where everything is.
What am I doing?
You don't even think about it, get back in.
Oh, you again?
Didn't your mama teach you any manners?
How about You try knocking?
I think you do enough knocking for all of us.
That's very rude young lady.
You can put them away and then you can scram.
I thought she only came on Thursdays.
And Mondays honey.
Where's uncle Norman he owes us 20 quid?
For a service wash that's robbery.
Yeah well, not all of us earn our money lying down.
Some of us actually graft for our money.
Young lady, I never...
Save it.
We really don't wanna know.
Our mom says you're his strumpet.
One thing, could you find a new body lotion?
It's a nightmare to get off the sheets.
Brats.
- Tart. - Tart.
Oh, hello there, how are you?
Uncle Norman owes us 20 quid,
do you know where he is?
He's actually sleeping right now?
Sleeping, where?
Oh, he's the sofa just resting.
Can you wake him up?
He's got an aerobics session with Holly Golightly upstairs,
and she's getting cranky.
Well, I'm sure, I mean, I don't think he's gonna be up
for that today if I'm honest
but you know what? I can pay you the 20 pounds.
Oh, that's 20 each.
- Each? - Yeah.
One second.
Here you go.
Oh, what is at stink?
You see it's not me actually, it's a rat a dead one.
Oh woozy bad.
Let me see.
- Where is it? - Here you go.
No, you really don't want to see it.
It's dead and it's in the bag.
It's horrible.
You touched it, bloody disgusting.
Just like your language young lady,
and in front of Norman.
I thought he was sleeping.
Well, yes, he is sleeping.
Well, he can't hear us then can he?
Yes, have a lovely day goodbye.
- Sucker. - One born every minute.
Thanks, say hi to uncle Norman
when he wakes up.
Little terrors.
Okay, I need to get going.
You're not going anyway not until you explain
to me what's going on here?
I'll tell you just stop gripping my Ralphie.
Your what?
My hoodie, it's Ralph Lauren.
I like nice clothes.
It looks pretty expensive for a kid like you.
Perks of the job.
Oh yes, that's right a hoover man.
So how do you know me?
You know more importantly how do they know me?
Well, Norman was pretty fond of you.
It's probably how they know you, me, I know your Angie.
I never actually met you though.
What did you say?
Angie, you mean my wife, Angie?
Yeah, she's shacked up with my dad now.
You really aint got a clue, huh?
No, I don't,
but it might have something to do with the fact
of the day I had before I even got here,
and I lost a very dear friend today.
On top of that, I just found out that my wife,
my wife is playing housie with your old man.
Do you really think I don't know
that this suit might not be the height of fashion?
Time is money honey.
What's taking you boys so long.
It's truth time.
What is your name?
Sam.
Okay Sam, start talking.
Okay, do you remember
when Angie ran up those massive credit card bills?
Are you okay, babe.
Am I?
I'm just worried that you,
I don't understand Angie it's a brand new card.
I'm confused how can we be maxed out already?
Just months on months and I didn't realise.
It's five.
Look, I'm sorry.
Just a, you know, it adds up sometimes.
You need another one?
Hey, Rob.
Rob?
Hey, give us a minute, I'm busy.
All right, another for Angie and when you get a second
a pint for me, thanks.
Where this other guy?
Hey, Rob, what's the name of the guy that works here?
Aiden.
That's his name isn't it?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Guys back in Australia, man.
Australia what's he doing there?
He got deported.
He's visa ran out.
It's good riddance to him I say,
lazy flipping jiggalo.
I've got it, its all right darlin'.
Sweetheart, are you okay?
- Yeah. - Do you feel all right?
- Yeah, I'm all right. - Yeah?
He said he loved me, bastard.
Oh darling, what bastard?
He promised me we'd set up home to get there,
he told me he owned the place.
Set up home? really, the bastard.
He lied to me, Angie,.
He was never coming back.
He was only the bloody barman.
Never, bloody bastard.
He stole 10 grand from me.
10?
Absolute bastards, all of them!
I just don't know how I'm gonna replace it.
I maxed out on all my other credit card.
Babe, what?
Just how many cards do you have?
Oh, you need help.
You need like, one of those fixer people.
What?
Not a loan shark, Gilda.
No, no, no, nothing like that.
I can personally recommend him.
We went on a very hot date last week.
Did you?
Yeah, you're sorted.
That's what he does.
Look, Lee has got a very personal touch.
I gave him nine out of 10.
Huh, only nine.
Well, I'm never going to give a score of 10, darling.
Lee.
Hello, darling.
I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine.
Yeah, she's gorgeous.
No, I haven't but I can take a selfie of us.
No.
Oh, sorry, Lee.
She's just gone the bog.
Oh, I mean, she's just gone to the loo, er
when she comes back, yeah.
Yes, so yes, her name's Angie,
and I'm sure you're gonna like her.
Known her for ages.
Tomorrow afternoon?
Yeah, yeah, that's great.
Okay, good luck to the both of you, all right.
Sorted.
Came to my dad to help pay them off.
I don't understand how did she arrange to pay him back?
That's probably how I fit in,
because she didn't have regular income,
he had to come to another arrangement,
you were the inspiration.
I will tell.
I'll tell you.
The suspense is killing me, Sam.
So 10 grand and you need it straightaway.
Ideally, yeah.
What do you do?
You spend your old man's money, yeah?
Something like that.
But you're a bad girl.
Angie, I love to lend you the money of course I would,
but the big question is, will you be able to pay me back?
You know, that's what I'm thinking.
But I have a soft spot for bad girls,
especially once as lovely as you.
Let me see what I can do.
Okay.
So does that mean you think you can help me, Mr. Leicester?
Why don't you call me Lee?
You know what?
I think we could work quite nicely together.
Your old man the loss adjuster.
He could prove to be quite useful
in our little business venture.
You should have the e-mail.
The burglary has upset them rather profoundly Mr. Dyer,
and the Henderson's are very long standing
and important clients,
and I promised we would send over our best man.
He's really giving me a hard time.
Please, please, could you just squeeze them in?
Yeah Polly, I've got the e-mail here.
Don't worry about it, I'll sort you out leave it with me.
Okay, bye, bye.
Ah, thank you.
That was Polly another burglary.
Now.
I have to get running.
- Gotta go. - Okay.
- I'll be back at six. - Okay.
- Love you. - Love you.
- Bye. - Bye.
Hey, darling, it's me.
Ang.
Yeah, I've got another one for you.
Oh yeah.
All right look, I'll tell you what,
why don't you come over here and take it from there?
- Yeah. - Good.
- All right, I see you soon. - Yeah.
Sounds like Ang is coming good.
Nice.
Nobody ever gets everything.
They don't have enough time or they miss something.
Miss something, what do you mean?
A piece of jewellery or a piece of art.
Or a painting.
All right, you get in there like a ghost,
quick as you can.
- Okay. - Go on in.
Come on, Sam.
Sorted?
Sorted.
Good boy.
I know people like the Henderson's are properly insured,
because you were called in,
so they get paid.
Angie gets to pay down her loan,
and I get a bit.
Everyone's happy.
Are you sure about that?
Right, it was over here.
Mr. Dyer, in your own time.
I don't know how I actually didn't notice it, Mr. Dyer.
For goodness sake, it's been in my family for generations.
Of course, I understand, Mr. Anderson.
It's extremely unfortunate, I'll be sure...
Unfortunate?
It's a downright bloody disgrace, bastards.
Yeah bastards.
Did you know?
This is the second time I've been burgled in 12 months.
I mean, what do the police actually do?
I'll tell you stopping motorists
and not catching drug addicts.
Oh yes I do, drug addicts, yes,
Yes, I do agree with you, Mr. Henderson.
Do you, do you really?
I don't think you actually do.
so how much hoovering have you done, Sam?
Who might you be?
Actually, he is just a hoover man.
Norman never said there will be three of you,
and anyway you look way too young for me honey,
cleaner or not.
- No. - Actually, Ms. Purdy,
he's just a virgin.
Virgin?
I can be gentle to you honey.
Oh, my days, I can't stand the smell in here.
It stinks.
God, I need some air.
Tell me you haven't been robbing from poor Norman.
What?
No, how could you think that?
Because you dress for a robbery, Sam.
Yeah, I saw you pull out a rat,
it seemed reasonable.
So what are you doing here?
I promised Norman I wouldn't tell you.
I don't think he'll hear us anymore, do you?
I guess.
A promises is a promise.
Now, go and have a look.
Go on.
It's the nurse.
Hello, Dr. Wicksteed is expecting me.
A nurse.
Yes, I have an appointment.
He didn't mention no medical fetish,
and I just don't do girl on girl.
Sorry, I think there's been some confusion now...
Look at you.
Can you make more effort?
Heels, stockings, damn liberty.
I've had enough.
Sorry.
I can't just leave.
I'm so sorry.
Please, come in and do excuse the smell.
Oh, what's causing it?
Oh, decaying flesh, I'd imagine.
Oh my God, when did it happen?
Well I don't know exactly, but it's good we've wrapped it up
in plastic bags and it's ready to throw,
so it's fine.
Sorry, I need to do an examination.
What do you need to do that?
Hold on?
You're gonna have to pay me,
'cause I'm not waiting here any longer.
And if my Steedy has decided to get himself a new playmate,
No he's actually...
then you're gonna have to compensate me.
How much?
Just 100 to you sweetheart.
Give my best to Steedy won't you for me.
Oh, and keep that cute little virgin boy 'til next time,
won't you?
Thanks Ms. Purdy.
Oh bless you Dr. Wicksteed.
I was just being too silly,
I thought you were talking about a rat.
We just removed a rat from under the floorboards.
I'm so sorry for your loss,
and I didn't get here sooner.
Hey, what?
You weren't expecting it to be so sudden.
Well, I wasn't really expecting it at all.
He didn't tell you?
I'm so sorry, tell me what?
It was only a matter of days.
He insisted he remained at home.
You mean he knew he was dying?
Yes.
You're Martin, aren't you?
Yes, yes, I am.
He said he wanted to see you before he passed.
I'm so glad that he did.
So am I, thank you.
Bless you, Norman.
I'm so sorry, you've been called out unnecessarily.
The coroner is on his way now,
so I think he was just panicking,
he didn't know what to do.
Hello there.
I'm sorry, we don't take dead bodies.
What?
You don't take what?
Martin, it's all right, the coroner is on his way.
Okay.
Please don't worry about anything.
Dr. Wicksteed made sure
that all the arrangements were in place.
- Oh, he did? - Mm-hmm.
Okay, good, that's very reassuring.
Thank you for letting me know.
Thank you.
Oh, shit.
- I'm sorry. - You need a new car mate.
I need a new everything, Sam.
Right, come on, help you change it for the spare.
Oh, I don't have a spare.
I guess it's the bus for you then.
Yes.
Sam, I really don't mean to pry,
but you really haven't told me anything.
Yeah, I know.
I promised Norman.
Yes, jeez I know you said that.
And you know I really do respect that,
but I just want some closure, you know,
maybe some understanding if that makes sense.
I see why Norman liked you.
You do?
You know, I do understand, a promises is a promise,
but Norman meant so much to me.
What kind of work did you do for him?
I know this might come as a bit
of a surprise to you, Martin,
but our dear old Norman,
he wasn't quite what he appeared to be.
What do you mean?
Look, I've got to go, I'll catch up with you later.
What do you mean, Sam, Sam.
for Christmas.
Come on, get to it.
What's in the bag, mate?
Another lottery, aye.
- What do you got? - No, no, no.
- What's in the bag? - Listen, I gotta get home.
No, nothing's in the bag.
- What's in the bag? - Do you know him?
- Who? - Sam, what's in the bag?
You want a lift or something.
Nothing's in the bag?
It don't look like nothing to me.
- Nothing. - What's in the bag?
Come on.
I'm just, I'm going home, I'm trying to get home,
that's what I'm doing.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Go on.
Take it if I can go home.
- Yeah. - Just take it.
- Sod off. - Okay.
Kinky.
So what is there?
God only knows, but if it's wrapped up this good,
it must be must be pretty special.
Geez man, what is that stink.
Oh my God.
Oh hello.
What's happening?
I'll explain, please close the door, close the door.
Hey, have you seen a punk in a shitty grey suit?
Oh, I don't think so, no, sorry.
It's all over my hands.
Hello, hello, hello is anyone there.
- Hello. - Hello.
- They're gone? - Yes.
Come on.
- Here you go. - Thank you so much.
You too.
That's very kind of you.
You're welcome, Martin.
We know each other?
Yes, you bought some flowers from me a while back
for your anniversary.
I'm Emily.
Well, you have a very, very good memory, Emily.
- You have such a lovely name. - Thank you.
I remember now.
The declined credit card.
- Yeah. - Oh, so embarrassing.
So was I right,
did your wife have a little surprise for you?
Oh yes, quite a big one.
That's nice.
No, not really,
but everybody must think I'm crazy.
I'm so sorry, I've had quite a bit of a day.
This is so sweet of you.
What do I owe you for this?
Oh no, It's my treat for locking you in the black hole.
Well, actually, I'm kind of glad you did.
Shall I hold this for you?
Why were they chasing you?
Well, kind of a strange story.
I gave them a dead rat in a bag.
I do, true story, I'll explain I promise.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
But it looks like something stronger is in order.
Can I buy you a drink?
Be spontaneous, there is no dress rehearsal in life,
this is it.
Oh, I'd love to, but I can't I'm so sorry.
Yes, yes, of course.
Your wife will be expecting you and...
Oh no, no, no, no,
she's actually not expecting me at all.
Look to be honest.
I really just don't think
I'll be very good company this evening that's all.
Of course.
Yeah, I understand.
Another time maybe?
Sure.
You know where I am.
Yes, I do.
Well, do you need any help?
Don't.
Good night, Emily.
Good night, Martin.
Any spare change mate?
Oh, change, change.
Oh, I see, you know what?
I actually don't have any change,
but I would give it to you...
Yeah right, what? just a wallet full of notes.
Have a great day.
What!
What are we talking about?
I mean what use would I have for my own money, huh?
Oh here, here, here take it.
I'm sick of this.
Aye, thanks you didn't have to be be snarky about it.
- It's nearly Christmas. - Snarky?
What the, I was being snarky?
Yeah, you were.
We're homeless, we've got nothing.
Well, you want me to treat you like God almighty
because you dropped me a few quid.
It's not a few quid, it's all I've got left,
you hear me, everything.
What are you talking about it's all I had.
Calm down mate.
Briefcase, suit, what are you an accountant or something?
Oh, of course, of course, I didn't please you, sir.
I didn't please you.
I wasn't generous enough was I, huh?
Take the bloody suit, I don't want it.
I'm sick of it.
I don't want it either.
What do you mean you don't want it?
Suit's not exactly well tailored is it?
And anyway it's no use without the trousers.
I don't believe this.
Such wisdom, such wisdom.
No suit without trousers.
How bloody wise of you.
Here, hey, you know what?
Here take 'em, take 'em I don't need it.
Here, have my bloody shoes,
and I've got a good idea what you're gonna ask for next.
Do you want the shirt off a back, huh, is that?
That's what everyone does to me.
Huh, here we go.
How do you like this one, has it suit you?
You think it's nice, huh?
You like this one?
Here we go.
You like that.
Here, just take the bloody thing.
Anything else I can do for you.
Happy Christmas.
It's got no buttons on it now.
come on.
Sorry, governor.
Once upon a time,
a very wealthy man had the great misfortune
to fall out of a plane.
As he fell the wind stripped him of his designer suit,
his Italian patent shoes,
crocodile wallet, gold watch, everything.
And when he eventually hit the Earth he was all but naked.
You're pawning or you're selling?
I'm selling.
You know what they say
there's plenty of fish in the sea,
if you fancy a swim let me know.
Hello.
Nice.
Tell me about Norman and the kind of work you did for him.
It can wait until he's buried.
No, because I think now he might appreciate you
telling me the truth, Sam.
They were on to him.
Who?
Everyone.
Why?
He had fake patients on his books.
What?
Ghost patients.
Now, I know what you mean.
Like you don't know what I mean.
They were literally ghosts.
Come in.
Anna, how very kind.
I take it I'm finished.
Yes, that's your lot for today, doctor.
Well, you get yourself off home now then.
Don't work too late.
Good night, Anna.
Good afternoon, nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Good afternoon.
I didn't know you was a real vicar.
Good afternoon.
Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
Nice to see you, good afternoon.
You're in church ain't you got no shame.
You need to put those creased up baps away.
Excuse me.
Oh, dum dum and dudu.
- Whatever. - Whatever.
Why would he do that?
Suppose he wanted to help people.
I'm lost Sam.
Have you heard of the postcode lottery?
Mm-hmm.
Different people were eligible for different levels
of care depending on where they live.
Yeah, I know that's terrible.
Well, Norman would write prescriptions for dead patients
in order to give medicines to patients
who weren't eligible for them.
I'd pick up the prescriptions and drop them off.
Hey, that means you know about Norman's condition.
What?
No.
Look, I was just skint.
When a doctor offers you some pocket money
you don't just assume he's bent.
Sam, didn't you consider getting a proper job, Sam?
- I can't. - Why?
'Cause I'm still in school.
What?
Jesus!
Sorry.
I'd like to extend a very warm welcome to all of you,
as we gather in united grief to mourn the loss
and celebrate the life of Dr. Norman Wicksteed.
So, you knew what Norman was up to?
No, I just thought he was a doctor.
It's fraud, Sam.
I know.
- They caught him. - Who?
Some tosser shopped him.
A lot of the letters you picked up in his house.
Yeah, I saw them.
A lot of them were bills but, I guess why pay them
when you know you're gonna die.
- Some of them, - At the age of 18.
some of them were from lawyers.
The doctors were taking legal action
cost the government a small fortune,
They wanted it back.
He believed that his particular talent,
Oh Norman.
were best served in the care of people,
and the healing of the sick.
He enrolled in many good schools.
His heart was in the right place, wasn't it Sam.
And qualified as a general practitioner
in the 1970s.
- Always was. - His practice
Yeah.
His health declined in late '80s,
but he never lost his passion.
It doesn't make sense Martin.
One of the hardest things about life.
Norman was an anonymous author I believe.
- It'll be okay. - Which best sums up Norman
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
In the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Doing okay?
He was well liked was Norman.
A lot of people paying their respects.
He must have helped a lot of people.
I'm sure he did.
They were gonna take everything,
seize it all and sell it.
That's what they do these days, right?
Come on.
What are they gonna do take his house, his car?
No, not his car.
Why not?
He transferred it to me.
He arranged for the papers, the logbook,
and the keys to me, post it to me.
At first I thought it was a joke,
but I saw the previous owner was Norman, It all made sense.
He didn't tell you.
No.
The way he was.
Really nice thing to do.
Yes, it was.
I just need to pass my test now.
That's the easy part.
Oh, this was in the glovebox.
Strict instructions to give it to you.
- From Norman? - Yeah.
Bless him.
Oh, and also all the claims on the house.
he faked those.
Like I said there was no one living upstairs,
it's just him.
Just alone, huh?
Bless his heart.
I never checked I just thought he was telling me the truth.
Yeah.
He was a really lonely but very, very kind old man.
Yes, he was
You're not going to the wake?
No, it's not really my thing.
It's not mine either Sam.
I'll see you.
You know there's only one cure for a fall, Martin,
get back on the horse.
You really should learn
to appreciate the value of your virtues.
Be spontaneous, there is no dress rehearsal in life,
this is it.
Hello.
It's a lot more fun being this side of the door
than it is over there.
Hey, you look very smart.
I hardly recognize you.
It's either a wedding or a funeral?
Well, unfortunately it's a...
- Oh, it's a funeral. - Yeah.
- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.
Is there anything that I can do?
Well, I need a drink,
and I thought it would be lovely
if you have time of course to join me.
Well, I'm only buying if you promise not
to kick it over.
Sounds fair, but I think I owe you, come on.
♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ All is calm ♪
♪ All is bright ♪
♪ Round yon virgin ♪
Merry Christmas.
- Thank you. - Of course.
I think it's this way actually.
Warmer in here.
Here we are.
Hello sir, how are you?
Good, thanks, how are you?
I'm good, thank you.
What would you like?
Surprise me.
In that case, I think a bottle of champagne.
- Champagne? - Yeah.
- Sure. - Thanks.
Wow, you didn't need to do that.
I thought it would be fun.
Yeah, would you excuse me a moment?
Sure, okay, sure.
I'll bring it outside to your table if you like.
Thank you, sir, it's very nice of you.
You've put your hair down it looks beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you sir.
Have a wonderful evening, sir.
- Merry Christmas. - Thank you.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Actually, everything,
but right now nothing.
Do you mind me asking who died?
He was a client.
Actually he was a dear friend.
His name is Norman.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
He was very sick.
I just, I didn't know he never told me.
To new beginnings.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, my life has been pretty terrible
for some time now.
The day that Norman died it was a crazy day probably
if not the worst day of my life,
and then you know, you, you saved me.
I've been thinking about this story of this very wealthy man
who'd unfortunately fallen from an airplane.
Oh my God.
He had a clearly much worse day than mine,
but as he fell to Earth the force of the wind stripped him
off everything; his crocodile wallet, his gold watch,
his Italian shoes, designer suit, all of it gone.
And then he finally hit the Earth,
and they found him all but naked in a field.
He was smiling,
and I never understood why,
and I think finally, I do understand now.
Yes.
Well, the possessions, the belongings,
the responsibilities, you know, maybe they tied him down
to a life that wasn't truly him, you know?
Maybe in those last few moments,
in those last few moments he felt free you know,
totally free, you know what I mean?
And how about you?
Are you free?
I think I have some pain to walk through,
but maybe I am.
Maybe I am.
I mean I feel I got nothing.
- Nothing left to lose. - Nothing left to lose.
Exactly, right?
It kind of gets easier in some crazy way.
But you have you.
Thank you.
Yes, I do.
I'm glad.
So am I.
Merry Christmas, Martin.
Merry Christmas, Emily.
I'm glad you're here.
You know, I've got this something, it's from Norman.
You think he might have wanted you to open it?
Mm-hmm.
Well, so sweet, look.
Bless him, look at what he did.
Dearest Martin,
you're the winner.
The son I never.
Oh, what does he mean I'm the winner?
Does he mean what I think he means?
Look, look, take a look.
Please, here.
Oh my God, oh my God, you won.
- What, what we won. - This is the winning ticket.
You won.
- Oh my God. - It is.
Norman, thank you.
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