1 00:00:01,917 --> 00:00:04,042 (ominous music) 2 00:00:07,917 --> 00:00:08,833 (transition whooshing) 3 00:00:08,917 --> 00:00:10,333 - I'm Ana Garcia, 4 00:00:10,375 --> 00:00:13,833 and this is "Beyond the Headlines: Dark Influences". 5 00:00:13,958 --> 00:00:15,208 (transition whooshing) 6 00:00:15,292 --> 00:00:17,667 Whether they were victims of sex trafficking. 7 00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:19,250 - Once you get reeled in, 8 00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:21,917 ain't no turning back. 9 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,583 - [Ana] Conversion therapy. 10 00:00:23,667 --> 00:00:26,375 - I was given the backpack filled with rocks, 11 00:00:26,458 --> 00:00:28,167 it was supposed to help me feel 12 00:00:28,292 --> 00:00:30,417 the physical burden of being gay. 13 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,208 - [Ana] The troubled teen industry. 14 00:00:32,292 --> 00:00:33,917 - Any resistance I had 15 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,667 then was punished out of me. (child screaming) 16 00:00:35,750 --> 00:00:37,000 - [Ana] Or even a religion 17 00:00:37,042 --> 00:00:39,375 disguised as a weight-loss program. 18 00:00:39,458 --> 00:00:42,625 - It was like, "Make sure you're staying slim for God." 19 00:00:42,708 --> 00:00:44,167 (ominous music) 20 00:00:44,208 --> 00:00:45,750 - [Ana] These are the shocking accounts of people 21 00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:48,167 who were manipulated, abused. 22 00:00:48,208 --> 00:00:50,750 - I was raped, drugged, 23 00:00:50,875 --> 00:00:51,458 I was gonna die. 24 00:00:53,083 --> 00:00:55,542 - You just were in this warehouse 12, 16 hours a day 25 00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:56,583 getting tortured. 26 00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,208 (transition whooshing) (bright music) 27 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:01,208 - [Ana] And finally broke free before it was too late. 28 00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:03,417 - Leaving was very difficult. 29 00:01:03,542 --> 00:01:06,583 It went from, "This is my whole life, my community," 30 00:01:06,708 --> 00:01:08,125 to nothing. 31 00:01:08,208 --> 00:01:10,292 - If you think you have a chance of getting out alive, 32 00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:11,750 you do whatever it takes. 33 00:01:16,083 --> 00:01:17,250 (transition whooshing) (suspenseful music) 34 00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:19,292 - As individuals, we think for ourselves, 35 00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:20,917 but the decisions we make 36 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,625 sometimes lead us down the wrong road, 37 00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:27,292 which can leave us vulnerable and easily influenced. 38 00:01:27,375 --> 00:01:28,667 And before we know it, 39 00:01:28,750 --> 00:01:32,042 our mind is no longer our own. 40 00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:33,500 In the next hour, 41 00:01:33,625 --> 00:01:37,292 we'll hear from people who experienced the unthinkable. 42 00:01:37,375 --> 00:01:39,500 A sex trafficking victim. 43 00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:41,625 Three women whose parents sent them 44 00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:45,208 to abusive reform camps for troubled teens. 45 00:01:45,292 --> 00:01:48,917 A 15-year-old forced into conversion therapy. 46 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,542 And finally, ex-members 47 00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:53,583 of Gwen Shamblin's Remnant Fellowship. 48 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:55,333 Through the telling of their stories, 49 00:01:55,458 --> 00:01:56,833 we'll learn what it means 50 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,125 to live a life beyond the trauma 51 00:01:59,208 --> 00:02:01,667 and beyond the headlines. 52 00:02:01,708 --> 00:02:06,750 (transition whooshing) (suspenseful music) 53 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,833 Psychological manipulation comes in many forms, 54 00:02:15,875 --> 00:02:17,458 and in the case of sex trafficking, 55 00:02:17,542 --> 00:02:20,292 it can be perpetrated by someone with whom a victim 56 00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:23,583 forms a close and sometimes romantic bond. 57 00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:26,750 Sex traffickers use a cycle of abuse and affection 58 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:29,542 to control their victims and manipulate them 59 00:02:29,625 --> 00:02:32,125 into thinking that the nightmare they're living 60 00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:34,167 is a dream come true, 61 00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:37,500 and that cycle of abuse keeps their victims loyal. 62 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:41,458 Toni D Rivera is a sex trafficking survivor and expert, 63 00:02:41,542 --> 00:02:43,500 who was trafficked as a teenager 64 00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:47,625 and overcame a cycle of physical and mental abuse. 65 00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:50,000 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 66 00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:52,083 - My name is Toni D Rivera. 67 00:02:52,208 --> 00:02:54,000 I'm from a small town in South Carolina, 68 00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:55,417 right outside of Greenville. 69 00:02:56,458 --> 00:02:59,250 As a kid growing up in a small town, 70 00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:00,875 you know, everybody knows everybody. 71 00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:06,000 So, I never was taught about stranger danger, 72 00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:09,000 not knowing that sometimes these strangers 73 00:03:09,042 --> 00:03:10,833 are actually in your family. 74 00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:13,042 (forlorn music) 75 00:03:13,125 --> 00:03:16,833 I was sexually molested by a family member, 76 00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:25,000 and that actually took a toll on my adulthood. 77 00:03:25,708 --> 00:03:28,083 You know, as a kid, we don't have the capacity 78 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,958 of thinking like an adult. 79 00:03:31,042 --> 00:03:33,208 I have someone who's in my family 80 00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:36,167 doing this to me who quote-unquote, "Loves me," 81 00:03:36,208 --> 00:03:37,500 so it was normal to me. 82 00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:41,333 And once I got older 83 00:03:41,417 --> 00:03:43,583 and got caught up in this trafficking life, 84 00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:48,167 I converted back to the trauma I had as a kid, 85 00:03:48,208 --> 00:03:50,042 and it was fine with me. 86 00:03:50,125 --> 00:03:52,333 (transition whooshing) (suspenseful music) 87 00:03:52,417 --> 00:03:55,708 In 1994, my friends and I decided to follow 88 00:03:55,792 --> 00:03:58,500 another family friend down to Atlanta, Georgia. 89 00:03:58,625 --> 00:03:59,958 (friends laughing) We get to Atlanta, Georgia, 90 00:04:00,042 --> 00:04:00,875 we had no money. 91 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,708 This one guy catch my eye. 92 00:04:03,792 --> 00:04:06,250 He asked where we were staying at, 93 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,458 and I was like, "We don't have a place to stay." 94 00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:10,333 So he wound up getting me and my friends a room. 95 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,208 (cicadas chirping) 96 00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:12,208 (transition whooshing) 97 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:13,542 He had bought me a phone 98 00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:15,667 and bought me these clothes and shoes. 99 00:04:15,708 --> 00:04:19,667 Mind you, again, I don't know stranger danger, 100 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,250 so I took it. 101 00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:23,500 And he said, "Go ahead, get dressed, 102 00:04:23,625 --> 00:04:24,833 we're going out tonight." 103 00:04:27,042 --> 00:04:28,375 This is the red flag. 104 00:04:29,125 --> 00:04:31,708 He brought me to a strip club, 105 00:04:31,833 --> 00:04:34,000 knowing I was not 18. 106 00:04:34,042 --> 00:04:35,917 He knew a friend of a friend 107 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,708 who knew the owner to get me in. 108 00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:40,958 I get on the pole, I'm dancing. 109 00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:45,083 Music stop, I see all this money on the ground, 110 00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:46,583 I'm ready to walk off the stage, 111 00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:48,875 and he told me, "Yo, that's your money, 112 00:04:49,042 --> 00:04:49,833 pick your money up." 113 00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:51,083 (ominous music) 114 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,333 (transition whooshing) 115 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,667 That was the honeymoon stage, as we call it, 116 00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:57,708 the, "I give you the world, I give you anything, 117 00:04:57,792 --> 00:04:59,042 I'm your boyfriend." 118 00:05:00,292 --> 00:05:01,250 They're getting to know you, 119 00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:03,042 you're getting to know them, 120 00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:05,292 you're telling them all your problems. 121 00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:07,208 It's like they're your therapist. 122 00:05:07,292 --> 00:05:10,417 And once you get reeled in through that process, 123 00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,458 ain't no turning back. 124 00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:18,542 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 125 00:05:27,042 --> 00:05:28,458 After that experience, 126 00:05:28,542 --> 00:05:31,167 I went back to the little town that I'm from. 127 00:05:31,292 --> 00:05:32,500 He had bought me the phone, 128 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,250 so we kept in touch. 129 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,333 "Yeah, I'm leaving to go off to school." 130 00:05:36,375 --> 00:05:39,000 He was like, "Well, come see me before you leave." 131 00:05:39,125 --> 00:05:40,750 So I made the stop in Charlotte, 132 00:05:41,583 --> 00:05:43,167 and that's when it went dark. 133 00:05:43,208 --> 00:05:45,542 (transition whooshing) 134 00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:48,625 I'm in a hotel room and there's a girl in there. 135 00:05:48,708 --> 00:05:50,333 She had clothes out on the bed for me, 136 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:51,792 "Get dressed, we're going out." 137 00:05:51,875 --> 00:05:54,625 And I'm like, "I'm not, I don't know you." 138 00:05:54,708 --> 00:05:55,417 (Toni and stranger arguing) Me and her 139 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,917 start passing words, 140 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,167 got up in each other's face. 141 00:05:58,250 --> 00:05:59,667 We starts to fight. 142 00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:02,333 When he walks in the room, he had a key. 143 00:06:02,417 --> 00:06:03,542 He didn't hit her, 144 00:06:04,917 --> 00:06:06,458 he hit me. 145 00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:08,083 One of his other friends was there, 146 00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,333 and I was raped. 147 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:13,083 I was raped by him and the guy, 148 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,667 and blanked out. 149 00:06:19,083 --> 00:06:21,750 (wind blowing) (pensive music) 150 00:06:21,875 --> 00:06:23,500 It wasn't easy. 151 00:06:23,542 --> 00:06:25,833 I let the dominoes fall as they lay. 152 00:06:25,917 --> 00:06:26,792 (heroin bubbling) 153 00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,875 He gave me a hot shot. 154 00:06:28,958 --> 00:06:32,125 I was on drugs, homeless, 155 00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,667 had to go everywhere they went. 156 00:06:35,708 --> 00:06:38,375 I had to be what they called a debt payment. 157 00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:42,667 A debt payment in the life of sex human trafficking, 158 00:06:42,708 --> 00:06:46,708 if I owe you something and I can't pay it, 159 00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:49,375 I have to do something for you. 160 00:06:51,042 --> 00:06:52,958 How it happened with me, 161 00:06:53,042 --> 00:06:56,375 it was Superbowl night, 1997. (crowd cheering) 162 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,792 Green Bay Packers and Patriots. 163 00:07:00,083 --> 00:07:01,375 The man that lost, 164 00:07:02,625 --> 00:07:05,917 I had to be the debt payment to the gorilla pimp. 165 00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:08,417 That's the topnotch person, 166 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,625 that's the head honcho, 167 00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:11,375 that's who everybody answers to. 168 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,500 So in that one night, 169 00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:16,042 I had to sleep with 50 men. 170 00:07:17,958 --> 00:07:20,958 Raped, drugged. 171 00:07:21,042 --> 00:07:21,792 I had to, 172 00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:23,875 'cause I was gonna die. 173 00:07:25,542 --> 00:07:26,667 I died inside. 174 00:07:29,042 --> 00:07:30,458 And I know that now, 175 00:07:30,542 --> 00:07:31,958 but I didn't know it then, 176 00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:36,833 that dying inside woke something up, 177 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,167 because that following June, 178 00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:42,875 I was determined to leave. 179 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:43,500 (dramatic music) 180 00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:48,042 After being coerced and trafficked 181 00:07:48,042 --> 00:07:49,417 into sex work for years, 182 00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:51,500 Toni D Rivera realized 183 00:07:51,583 --> 00:07:54,500 that it would take more than escaping her situation 184 00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:56,333 to heal from the trauma. 185 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,875 (transition whooshing) (suspenseful music) 186 00:07:57,958 --> 00:08:02,125 - 1998, how I got out was through my ex-husband. 187 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:04,792 He was friends with the people 188 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,208 that my pimp had placed me with. 189 00:08:08,625 --> 00:08:11,792 So it just happened, one day, he came by, 190 00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:14,333 nobody was in the whole house. 191 00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:17,000 This never happens, ever. 192 00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:17,875 (door clicking) 193 00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:19,000 I opened the door, 194 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:21,958 he asked for the guy who he was friends with, 195 00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:24,333 and I was like, "No, he not here." 196 00:08:24,333 --> 00:08:27,167 He said, "Well, I got two tickets to go to the movies, 197 00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:29,167 I don't wanna waste them." 198 00:08:29,292 --> 00:08:31,042 Your survival skills kick in. 199 00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:33,667 If you think you have a chance of getting out alive, 200 00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:35,833 you do whatever it takes. 201 00:08:35,958 --> 00:08:38,125 I'm thinking like, "Okay, I gotta hurry up, hurry up, 202 00:08:38,125 --> 00:08:39,542 look for my stuff." 203 00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:42,250 I grabbed the bag that I had brought to Charlotte with me 204 00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:44,167 when I first came. 205 00:08:44,250 --> 00:08:45,750 So we went to the movies. 206 00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:47,042 He said, "Well, I gotta go home 207 00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:48,458 and get finished packing, 208 00:08:48,542 --> 00:08:50,417 'cause I'm leaving out early in the morning." 209 00:08:50,542 --> 00:08:52,333 And I was like, "We can leave tonight, 210 00:08:52,375 --> 00:08:53,833 you wanna leave tonight?" 211 00:08:53,917 --> 00:08:57,000 So he went home, packed up his little red Honda, 212 00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:59,500 and we were gone, that's how I got out. 213 00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:04,792 (pensive music) 214 00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:06,875 Once you get outta sex and human trafficking life, 215 00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:09,000 it's hard to get back into society. 216 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,375 (Toni and therapist speaking) Psychiatrists and therapists, 217 00:09:12,458 --> 00:09:14,292 they couldn't help me. 218 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:17,042 I've saw probably a total of 52. 219 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,375 You can't help me. 220 00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:20,500 Reason why you can't help me 221 00:09:20,625 --> 00:09:23,875 is because you ain't been there. 222 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,583 (pensive music) 223 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:30,292 What made me get into the life of rescuing, 224 00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:31,500 it started to give me therapy, 225 00:09:31,625 --> 00:09:33,500 it started to give me healing 226 00:09:33,625 --> 00:09:37,125 knowing that I can help somebody 227 00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:38,542 that's going through that, 228 00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:41,083 'cause I've been through it, 229 00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:42,667 I've been through worse. 230 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,542 (crying) I've tried to kill myself a total of 34 times. 231 00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:52,958 Who does that? 232 00:09:53,042 --> 00:09:58,042 And who does that and continue to live? 233 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,458 (pensive music) 234 00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:06,000 The number-one thing that you can do 235 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:09,667 to combat human trafficking is education. 236 00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:11,167 I have a curriculum right now 237 00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:14,500 that I am actually implementing in New York. 238 00:10:14,542 --> 00:10:17,167 It's under this organization called Unitas. 239 00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:20,583 I'm also a part of this organization called CLIMB. 240 00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:23,167 We house, help people find jobs, 241 00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:24,667 help homeless people, 242 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:27,333 also house the sex and human trafficking victims 243 00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:29,375 in my organization, ROSE, 244 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:30,958 we offer counseling. 245 00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:32,875 (pensive music) 246 00:10:32,958 --> 00:10:34,583 Most of these victims and these kids, 247 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:37,042 and adults, boys and girls, 248 00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:40,458 they'd rather talk to people such as myself 249 00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,667 and other survivors 250 00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,375 because they feel like we understand 251 00:10:44,458 --> 00:10:45,792 'cause we've been there. 252 00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:49,042 We all have been through something in our life, 253 00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:52,875 all of us, young, old, we've been through it, 254 00:10:52,958 --> 00:10:54,833 but we got through it. 255 00:10:54,917 --> 00:10:57,208 We still smiling as we going through it. 256 00:10:57,375 --> 00:10:58,875 Some have been through it 257 00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,625 and they still on top. 258 00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:02,125 (transition whooshing) 259 00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:05,167 - If you or anyone you know is a victim of sex trafficking, 260 00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:08,500 please reach out to any of the following organizations, 261 00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,000 Unitas, ROSE, CLIMB, 262 00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:14,917 and Tony D Rivera @TonyDRivera. 263 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,083 If you or someone you know needs help, 264 00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:20,750 text, "Be free," 233733, 265 00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:26,042 or call the National Human Trafficking Hotline 266 00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:31,042 at 1-888-373-7888. 267 00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:32,750 (transition whooshing) 268 00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,583 A trauma bond is the connection 269 00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:37,708 an abused person has with their abuser. 270 00:11:37,708 --> 00:11:39,792 Sex traffickers use trauma bonding 271 00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:41,500 to control their victims, 272 00:11:41,625 --> 00:11:42,833 but they're not the only ones. 273 00:11:42,917 --> 00:11:46,083 It's also used in a nefarious enterprise 274 00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:49,417 known as the troubled teen industry. 275 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,500 Despite having allegations of abuse 276 00:11:51,583 --> 00:11:53,500 levied against it for decades, 277 00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:54,958 the troubled teen industry 278 00:11:55,042 --> 00:11:57,542 continues to operate largely unregulated. 279 00:11:57,625 --> 00:11:58,875 (transition whooshing) 280 00:11:58,958 --> 00:12:02,292 Jenny Pentland, Cyndy Etler and Raelyn Kaplan 281 00:12:02,375 --> 00:12:04,208 have similar stories of abuse 282 00:12:04,292 --> 00:12:05,458 after they were sent away 283 00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:07,708 in order to be scared straight. 284 00:12:07,792 --> 00:12:09,667 (transition whooshing) (ominous music) 285 00:12:09,792 --> 00:12:11,375 - My name is Cyndy Etler. 286 00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:15,750 In October of 1985, I turned 14. 287 00:12:15,833 --> 00:12:18,000 In November of 1985, 288 00:12:18,042 --> 00:12:20,083 I went into Straight Incorporated. 289 00:12:21,375 --> 00:12:25,917 I remained trapped in Straight for 16 months. 290 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,833 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 291 00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:29,625 When I was a little kid, 292 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:32,583 there was abuse going on in my home. 293 00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:35,875 When I hit adolescence, 294 00:12:35,958 --> 00:12:40,167 I was starting to say, "I'm not taking this anymore, 295 00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:41,500 I'm outta here," 296 00:12:41,583 --> 00:12:42,833 and I ran away. 297 00:12:44,125 --> 00:12:45,958 My mother thought, "Oh, if my daughter 298 00:12:46,042 --> 00:12:47,208 is running away from home, 299 00:12:47,292 --> 00:12:50,333 that must mean that she is an addict." 300 00:12:50,417 --> 00:12:53,250 My mother had heard about Straight Incorporated, 301 00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:58,000 "A drug rehab for struggling teens." 302 00:12:58,042 --> 00:12:59,500 Straight was the model 303 00:12:59,625 --> 00:13:02,875 for the troubled teen industry programs that exist today. 304 00:13:02,958 --> 00:13:04,750 (transition whooshing) 305 00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:09,250 My mother was coached by Straight to tell me 306 00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:13,208 that I was gonna be going to a boarding school in Virginia. 307 00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:14,500 (transition whooshing) 308 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,083 I had a bad feeling, 309 00:13:16,208 --> 00:13:19,250 but I was a 14-year-old, I didn't have a choice. 310 00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:23,750 I found myself in a room with two teenage girls, 311 00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:26,333 and there was a strip search. 312 00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:31,375 One of those girls was told to belt loop me. 313 00:13:31,458 --> 00:13:33,958 She yanked upwards hard 314 00:13:34,042 --> 00:13:37,333 and dug her knuckles into my lower back, 315 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,333 and then she pushed forward. 316 00:13:39,417 --> 00:13:43,125 And I looked over and there was my mother 317 00:13:43,208 --> 00:13:45,792 saying, "Bye, (laughing) bye," and leaving. 318 00:13:45,875 --> 00:13:47,292 (transition whooshing) 319 00:13:47,375 --> 00:13:50,208 And then I'm in front of these giant doors, 320 00:13:50,292 --> 00:13:53,792 and the doors opened and I saw hell. 321 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:57,125 (transition whooshing) 322 00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:59,042 - My name is Jenny Pentland. 323 00:13:59,125 --> 00:14:01,917 My mom is the actress, comedian and producer, Roseanne Barr. 324 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,500 (suspenseful music) (transition whooshing) 325 00:14:03,583 --> 00:14:07,333 I was about 13 when "The Roseanne Show" went on the air, 326 00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:10,292 and that was right at the time when a kid 327 00:14:10,375 --> 00:14:12,792 is sort of going through things of their own anyway, 328 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,833 trying to figure out who they are in the world. 329 00:14:14,875 --> 00:14:19,583 And my instinct was to be rebellious and to act out. 330 00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:22,000 Like cutting on myself, 331 00:14:22,083 --> 00:14:24,000 not taking care of my body or my health. 332 00:14:24,042 --> 00:14:25,583 (transition whooshing) 333 00:14:25,708 --> 00:14:27,000 Yes, kids were my mom's priorities, 334 00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:29,417 so she was spending all this time on us at home 335 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,125 and trying to figure out how to take care of us. 336 00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:33,917 There were a lot of people relying on my mom 337 00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:36,083 for their livelihoods and to make money, 338 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,833 and for her to be distracted 339 00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:39,500 was affecting all these people. 340 00:14:39,583 --> 00:14:41,167 So I think, at some point, 341 00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:42,917 one of the agents was like, 342 00:14:43,042 --> 00:14:45,958 "You need to get your kids some help." 343 00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:48,417 (transition whooshing) (dramatic music) 344 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,958 My mom found out about a therapeutic boarding school, 345 00:14:52,042 --> 00:14:54,125 Rocky Mountain Academy, in Northern Idaho. 346 00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:55,333 (transition whooshing) 347 00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:58,708 - The marketing is very carefully crafted. 348 00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:01,333 You've got glossy images 349 00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:04,500 of healthy, wholesome, smiling kids. 350 00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:08,000 And they have secret methodologies 351 00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:09,500 that you won't find anywhere else, 352 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,000 "So if you don't come to us, 353 00:15:11,125 --> 00:15:14,333 your child is doomed." 354 00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,500 - The parents are preyed upon first, 355 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,250 and the parents aren't at fault, 356 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:23,167 the parents are victims of being vulnerable and feeling lost 357 00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:25,333 and like they can't take care of their kids. 358 00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:27,625 (transitions whooshing) (suspenseful music) 359 00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:31,875 - The forms of, quote-unquote, "Therapy," that they used 360 00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:34,917 included attack therapy, 361 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,667 using brutal methods to break a person, 362 00:15:38,708 --> 00:15:40,167 to then build them back up. 363 00:15:41,042 --> 00:15:44,417 You just were in this warehouse 12, 16 hours a day 364 00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:49,375 getting tortured physically, psychologically, 365 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:53,667 you had absolutely no bodily autonomy. 366 00:15:53,708 --> 00:15:56,708 (pensive music) 367 00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:59,625 - I watched a lot of my peers be told 368 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,250 that they were responsible 369 00:16:01,375 --> 00:16:03,042 for the abuse that they suffered. 370 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,708 That's a lot of responsibility to put on somebody 371 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,583 who's just figuring out who they are. 372 00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:16,042 After Jenny Pentland and Cyndy Etler 373 00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,750 were released from their troubled youth programs, 374 00:16:18,875 --> 00:16:21,917 they spent their adulthood working through the trauma 375 00:16:22,042 --> 00:16:24,042 from the abuse they experienced, 376 00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:25,583 the same abuse endured 377 00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:29,667 by a young woman named Raelyn Kaplan a generation later. 378 00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:32,458 (forlorn music) 379 00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:35,792 - My name is Raelyn Kaplan, I'm 22 years old. 380 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:39,083 I entered a troubled teen program in 2017 381 00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,542 when I was 17 years old. 382 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,417 (transition whooshing) 383 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:46,125 My family kind of had this facade of a perfect family, 384 00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:48,292 but behind the scenes, things were pretty tough. 385 00:16:48,292 --> 00:16:50,250 (transition whooshing) 386 00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:52,042 By the time I was in high school, 387 00:16:52,125 --> 00:16:54,250 I was already in therapy. 388 00:16:55,833 --> 00:16:58,083 After a sexual assault 389 00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:00,958 and my parents separating, 390 00:17:01,042 --> 00:17:02,875 I ended up in the hospital 391 00:17:02,958 --> 00:17:04,500 because I was suicidal. 392 00:17:08,750 --> 00:17:11,875 I was sent to Spring Ridge Academy for 13 months. 393 00:17:11,875 --> 00:17:12,833 (transition whooshing) (ominous music) 394 00:17:12,875 --> 00:17:14,542 It was in rural Arizona. 395 00:17:16,042 --> 00:17:19,375 I was in shock when I first arrived. 396 00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:22,875 In my first journal entry that I wrote while I was there, 397 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,000 I said, "I'm now living my worst nightmare." 398 00:17:26,042 --> 00:17:27,208 (transition whooshing) 399 00:17:27,292 --> 00:17:29,500 We were in an isolated environment, 400 00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:32,583 we had zero way to communicate with the outside world. 401 00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:34,333 I couldn't let my friends or family 402 00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:36,375 know where I was or that I was okay. 403 00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:40,292 I didn't sleep for (laughing) the first many weeks, 404 00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:42,625 and I just felt sick all the time 405 00:17:42,708 --> 00:17:45,167 from how distressing it was to be there. 406 00:17:46,042 --> 00:17:47,458 (dramatic music) 407 00:17:47,542 --> 00:17:50,333 You were not allowed to talk about your life at home. 408 00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:52,500 That was called war storying. 409 00:17:52,542 --> 00:17:56,500 We had to participate in daily groups, 410 00:17:56,583 --> 00:18:00,000 which consisted of what's known as attack therapy. 411 00:18:00,083 --> 00:18:02,583 We had to get up in front of everyone constantly 412 00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:05,625 and disclose the most intimate details, 413 00:18:05,708 --> 00:18:07,042 only to then be criticized 414 00:18:07,125 --> 00:18:09,458 for the vulnerabilities we just shared. 415 00:18:09,542 --> 00:18:13,125 I was forced to carry a five-pound sandbag with me 416 00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:14,750 everywhere I went for three months, 417 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:16,250 (transition whooshing) (counselors screaming) 418 00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:19,333 Any resistance I had then was punished out of me 419 00:18:19,417 --> 00:18:22,000 and I began to become compliant 420 00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:24,125 and I turned into this poster child. 421 00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:25,958 (transition whooshing) (suspenseful music) 422 00:18:26,042 --> 00:18:29,708 I graduated when I was 18 years old 423 00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:32,167 in December of 2017. 424 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,875 When I got out of the program, 425 00:18:34,875 --> 00:18:36,625 I was convinced that I was saved. 426 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,125 And then I realized I hadn't been saved, 427 00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,583 I'd been brainwashed. 428 00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:45,292 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 429 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,250 - When I got out of the programs, 430 00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:49,083 I didn't think very much about it. 431 00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:51,167 And then I got pregnant when I was 23, 432 00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:52,458 we got married. 433 00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:57,125 When my youngest kid went to school full time, 434 00:18:57,208 --> 00:18:59,333 and I had like a full breakdown, 435 00:18:59,417 --> 00:19:02,375 and I had to walk myself out of that darkness. 436 00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:05,250 (pensive music) 437 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,750 Three years ago, I started writing a book, 438 00:19:07,833 --> 00:19:09,792 trying to process all that PTSD, 439 00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,792 but I'd been writing it in my head since I can remember. 440 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:19,208 - I spent 10 years writing about my experience 441 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,583 in a troubled teen facility. 442 00:19:21,708 --> 00:19:25,125 In 2017, my memoir was published. 443 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,667 I think I no longer live in Straight 444 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,375 because I got it outta my head by writing about it. 445 00:19:30,458 --> 00:19:31,250 (transition whooshing) 446 00:19:31,333 --> 00:19:32,500 - When I was 17 447 00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:34,625 and my parents forced me to spend 13 months 448 00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:37,250 in an abusive therapeutic boarding school, 449 00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:39,833 I would beg them to take me home. 450 00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:41,208 - I'm a creative processor, 451 00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:45,500 whether that's making TikToks or writing songs. 452 00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:46,667 ♪ First day out 453 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,333 ♪ And the freedom tastes like magic ♪ 454 00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:49,792 ♪ I'm crying tears of joy 'cause I get to sit in traffic ♪ 455 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:54,125 ♪ And I can't imagine slipping into my own bed ♪ 456 00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:55,625 And it was really cool 457 00:19:55,708 --> 00:19:58,667 because as I was processing these things for myself, 458 00:19:58,792 --> 00:20:00,792 it was simultaneously helping other people too. 459 00:20:00,875 --> 00:20:02,042 (upbeat music) 460 00:20:02,125 --> 00:20:04,000 - The generation of teenagers and kids 461 00:20:04,042 --> 00:20:06,458 coming up now are amazing. 462 00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:08,750 I look at their self-awareness 463 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:11,875 and their ability to put themselves out there. 464 00:20:11,958 --> 00:20:13,333 And I think that made it safe 465 00:20:13,417 --> 00:20:14,458 for a lot of people to come out 466 00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:16,125 and talk about their experiences. 467 00:20:16,208 --> 00:20:20,083 ♪ I think I'm still learning 468 00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:22,000 The first tangible step 469 00:20:22,083 --> 00:20:25,042 to protecting youth at these facilities 470 00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:26,500 needs to be legislative, 471 00:20:26,542 --> 00:20:28,833 because currently there's zero federal legislation 472 00:20:28,917 --> 00:20:32,667 pertaining to therapeutic facilities for youth in the US. 473 00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:35,958 - There needs to be an advocate on site 24/7, 474 00:20:36,042 --> 00:20:39,167 and the kids need to be informed that they have rights. 475 00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:41,750 - The advice I have for anyone 476 00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:44,417 who experienced one of these programs, 477 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:47,500 when the memories start to come back and start to thaw, 478 00:20:47,625 --> 00:20:49,500 trust your instinct, believe yourself, 479 00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,458 and then get it outta your brain. 480 00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,583 - Open up the conversation 481 00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:56,375 so other people can join in shamelessly 482 00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:58,833 and talk about what they're going through. 483 00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:02,708 - I expected backlash when I started making my videos, 484 00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:06,750 from students like me who had been brainwashed, 485 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:10,167 but actually survivors started messaging me saying, 486 00:21:10,292 --> 00:21:13,333 "Thank you for helping me feel less alone." 487 00:21:18,375 --> 00:21:20,792 Living life authentically means being who you truly are, 488 00:21:20,875 --> 00:21:24,167 not a version of yourself that others expect, 489 00:21:24,292 --> 00:21:25,375 and it isn't easy. 490 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:26,625 But when Alex Cooper, 491 00:21:26,625 --> 00:21:28,667 a teenager from Southern California, 492 00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:31,667 was brave enough to reveal her true self, 493 00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:35,042 the last thing she expected was betrayal. 494 00:21:35,167 --> 00:21:36,167 (transition whooshing) (keys clacking) 495 00:21:36,208 --> 00:21:37,458 (pensive music) 496 00:21:37,542 --> 00:21:39,417 - I'm Alex Cooper, and when I was 15, 497 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:42,333 I fell in love and came out to my parents. 498 00:21:42,417 --> 00:21:43,750 And the next thing I knew, 499 00:21:43,875 --> 00:21:46,000 I was being sent to conversion therapy. 500 00:21:46,125 --> 00:21:49,417 (transition whooshing) 501 00:22:01,333 --> 00:22:03,167 (transition whooshing) (birds singing) 502 00:22:03,208 --> 00:22:05,667 I grew up in Southern California. 503 00:22:06,542 --> 00:22:08,500 I grew up pretty religious, 504 00:22:08,583 --> 00:22:11,458 but I always had an extremely happy childhood. 505 00:22:11,542 --> 00:22:12,167 (birds singing) (pensive music) 506 00:22:12,292 --> 00:22:13,417 A really tight family. 507 00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:19,167 When my parents took me to conversion therapy, 508 00:22:19,292 --> 00:22:23,125 we drove to Southern Utah, St. George, 509 00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,208 and we pulled up to a stranger's house. 510 00:22:25,292 --> 00:22:26,500 (transition whooshing) 511 00:22:26,583 --> 00:22:28,750 The couple came outside of the house 512 00:22:28,875 --> 00:22:31,375 and brought me inside, 513 00:22:31,458 --> 00:22:32,708 and my parents signed over 514 00:22:32,833 --> 00:22:35,292 their parental rights to this couple. 515 00:22:38,667 --> 00:22:40,167 (transition whooshing) (dramatic music) 516 00:22:40,250 --> 00:22:42,000 They practiced conversion therapy 517 00:22:42,083 --> 00:22:44,000 unlicensed in their home. 518 00:22:44,083 --> 00:22:47,708 Neither one of them had a degree 519 00:22:47,792 --> 00:22:49,958 or had even finished high school. 520 00:22:50,042 --> 00:22:51,583 But they told my parents 521 00:22:51,667 --> 00:22:54,792 that they were able to make me straight. 522 00:22:54,875 --> 00:22:56,625 (transition whooshing) (suspenseful music) 523 00:22:56,708 --> 00:23:00,500 It started with keeping me out of school. 524 00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:04,000 I learned how to take care of a household, 525 00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:05,292 including all of their kids, 526 00:23:05,375 --> 00:23:07,542 getting them ready for school, 527 00:23:07,625 --> 00:23:10,208 making meals, keeping the house clean. 528 00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:12,000 (transition whooshing) 529 00:23:12,083 --> 00:23:14,333 I was given the backpack, 530 00:23:14,375 --> 00:23:15,667 they filled it with rocks 531 00:23:15,750 --> 00:23:18,375 and told me that it was supposed to help me feel 532 00:23:18,458 --> 00:23:20,875 the physical burden of being gay. 533 00:23:20,875 --> 00:23:23,917 I started wearing it for a couple hours a day. 534 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,083 And then when I was still not accepting 535 00:23:26,167 --> 00:23:27,417 what they were saying, 536 00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:31,125 it got up to be 18 hours a day at some points. 537 00:23:32,792 --> 00:23:34,708 (forlorn music) 538 00:23:34,792 --> 00:23:37,875 I made several attempts to reach out to community members 539 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:41,375 to tell them what was going on and ask for help. 540 00:23:41,458 --> 00:23:43,083 And every single time I did that, 541 00:23:43,167 --> 00:23:44,333 these community members 542 00:23:44,417 --> 00:23:46,000 would tell the people I was staying with 543 00:23:46,042 --> 00:23:47,500 that I had tried to get out. 544 00:23:48,792 --> 00:23:50,958 So I realized that I needed 545 00:23:51,042 --> 00:23:53,792 to start just lying to everybody around me. 546 00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:56,625 I felt completely trapped. 547 00:23:58,375 --> 00:24:00,417 There were times where I would pray 548 00:24:01,417 --> 00:24:04,375 and ask for forgiveness. 549 00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:05,625 Then I'd be like, "Wait, 550 00:24:05,708 --> 00:24:07,042 I don't need to ask for forgiveness, 551 00:24:07,125 --> 00:24:08,542 this isn't what I believe in." 552 00:24:10,708 --> 00:24:15,500 It was definitely the darkest point in my life, 553 00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:19,667 even to thoughts of suicide and suicide attempted. 554 00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:24,875 When I first went to conversion therapy, 555 00:24:24,958 --> 00:24:27,417 a big question was, "Why did you decide to be gay?" 556 00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:29,083 (pensive music) 557 00:24:29,208 --> 00:24:32,708 It took me probably a lot longer than it should've 558 00:24:32,833 --> 00:24:34,875 to say like, "I didn't choose this, 559 00:24:34,958 --> 00:24:38,042 I actually, I had no choice in this." 560 00:24:38,167 --> 00:24:40,458 (birds singing) (pensive music) 561 00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:43,875 The day that I left conversion therapy, 562 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,750 I was late to class, 563 00:24:45,875 --> 00:24:47,250 and the family I was staying with 564 00:24:47,333 --> 00:24:49,000 got one of those automated voice messages 565 00:24:49,083 --> 00:24:51,833 that says, "Your child was 15 minutes late to class." 566 00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:53,000 (answering machine beeping) 567 00:24:53,083 --> 00:24:54,833 So they decided that they couldn't trust me. 568 00:24:54,875 --> 00:24:57,333 I had to put the backpack on and face the wall, 569 00:24:57,375 --> 00:24:58,708 and they told me that I wasn't allowed 570 00:24:58,792 --> 00:24:59,583 to go to school anymore. 571 00:24:59,667 --> 00:25:01,083 (transition whooshing) 572 00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:02,583 So that night, 573 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:05,208 I waited 'til about three or four in the morning, 574 00:25:05,333 --> 00:25:07,875 when I was sure everybody was asleep, 575 00:25:08,042 --> 00:25:09,333 took the backpack off. 576 00:25:09,375 --> 00:25:11,500 I went out the back door, 577 00:25:11,542 --> 00:25:13,500 hopped over the fence, 578 00:25:13,583 --> 00:25:15,875 and I went and hid in the bushes 579 00:25:15,958 --> 00:25:17,958 until the buses started running. 580 00:25:21,583 --> 00:25:23,208 Leaving was really scary. 581 00:25:23,292 --> 00:25:24,708 I thought I was gonna get caught, 582 00:25:24,833 --> 00:25:27,167 and then things were just gonna be really terrible for me. 583 00:25:27,250 --> 00:25:28,708 But once I was on the bus, 584 00:25:28,792 --> 00:25:31,000 I felt a sense of relief, 585 00:25:31,042 --> 00:25:32,167 the biggest relief ever. 586 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,500 (powerful music) 587 00:25:35,542 --> 00:25:38,042 It took a long time for me to feel safe. 588 00:25:39,708 --> 00:25:42,750 After a really long court battle, 589 00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:45,917 I was granted the right in a court order 590 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,208 to live as an openly gay teenager. 591 00:25:49,292 --> 00:25:52,625 Without that, I don't think I'd be where I am today. 592 00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:55,667 (birds singing) 593 00:25:55,792 --> 00:25:58,000 I moved to Portland, Oregon. 594 00:25:58,042 --> 00:26:00,792 I live with my girlfriend and my best friend 595 00:26:00,875 --> 00:26:02,792 in this really beautiful city. 596 00:26:03,583 --> 00:26:05,000 I have been lucky enough 597 00:26:05,042 --> 00:26:07,583 to work with the Human Rights Campaign 598 00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:08,792 and the National Center for Lesbian Rights 599 00:26:08,875 --> 00:26:11,083 with their Born Perfect campaign, 600 00:26:11,167 --> 00:26:13,292 and a lot of other nonprofits in between. 601 00:26:14,708 --> 00:26:16,333 I've seen a lot of progress 602 00:26:16,417 --> 00:26:18,458 when it comes to conversion therapy. 603 00:26:18,542 --> 00:26:21,625 States are outlawing it, which is amazing, 604 00:26:21,708 --> 00:26:23,750 but I think the fact that people 605 00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:25,667 are actually talking about it 606 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,167 and are aware of what it is 607 00:26:27,292 --> 00:26:30,042 is probably the biggest proactive change that I've seen. 608 00:26:34,167 --> 00:26:36,875 I never blamed my parents. 609 00:26:36,958 --> 00:26:40,833 I think what they did, they did out of love. 610 00:26:40,958 --> 00:26:43,750 They were afraid for my soul 611 00:26:43,875 --> 00:26:45,917 because of what they believed in. 612 00:26:46,042 --> 00:26:48,333 So how can you be mad at somebody 613 00:26:48,417 --> 00:26:50,250 who just wants to try to save you, 614 00:26:50,375 --> 00:26:53,333 even if it was the completely wrong way to do it, 615 00:26:53,417 --> 00:26:55,458 and that I didn't need saving. 616 00:26:55,542 --> 00:26:56,875 (upbeat music) 617 00:26:56,958 --> 00:27:00,292 My relationship with my parents now is great. 618 00:27:00,375 --> 00:27:03,833 They just had their first Pride weekend in Portland, 619 00:27:03,875 --> 00:27:05,542 which was really fun. 620 00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:07,250 They're really big advocates now. 621 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,167 People can definitely grow and change. 622 00:27:12,292 --> 00:27:13,667 Being able to educate my parents 623 00:27:13,750 --> 00:27:15,500 and having them listen to me, 624 00:27:15,583 --> 00:27:17,333 value my thoughts and opinions, 625 00:27:17,333 --> 00:27:18,708 and want me in their life, 626 00:27:18,792 --> 00:27:20,042 whether I'm gay or not, 627 00:27:20,167 --> 00:27:21,125 is really amazing. 628 00:27:22,042 --> 00:27:24,583 Going through conversion therapy, 629 00:27:24,708 --> 00:27:26,583 I heard a lot of, "It'll get better," 630 00:27:26,667 --> 00:27:28,375 but when is it gonna get better 631 00:27:28,458 --> 00:27:29,833 and who's gonna make it better? 632 00:27:29,917 --> 00:27:31,417 But I think if I could say something 633 00:27:31,542 --> 00:27:33,375 to my 16-year-old self, 634 00:27:33,458 --> 00:27:37,167 I'd say, "You get to be the person that makes it better. 635 00:27:37,208 --> 00:27:39,917 You have the opportunity to change things for other people. 636 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,625 That's why you should stick it out." 637 00:27:45,667 --> 00:27:46,667 Gwen Shamblin was a dietician 638 00:27:46,667 --> 00:27:48,292 who promised to make women thin 639 00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:50,500 through their faith in God. 640 00:27:50,583 --> 00:27:52,833 She promised community and support, 641 00:27:52,917 --> 00:27:55,500 and she meant well, until she didn't. 642 00:27:55,542 --> 00:27:57,042 The more power she had, 643 00:27:57,125 --> 00:27:59,833 the more she wanted at any cost. 644 00:27:59,917 --> 00:28:01,833 And when her weight-loss workshop 645 00:28:01,958 --> 00:28:04,417 became more like a God-fearing prison, 646 00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:06,125 members wanted out. 647 00:28:06,208 --> 00:28:08,500 (bright music) 648 00:28:08,625 --> 00:28:10,042 - My name is Megan Cox, 649 00:28:10,125 --> 00:28:12,958 I was a member of the Weigh Down Workshop 650 00:28:13,042 --> 00:28:15,333 and Remnant Fellowship for 10 years. 651 00:28:16,833 --> 00:28:18,792 My relationship with religion throughout my life, 652 00:28:18,875 --> 00:28:20,542 it was always present. 653 00:28:20,625 --> 00:28:22,208 I saw it as a way to be a better person 654 00:28:22,292 --> 00:28:24,125 and a way to be closer to my mother. 655 00:28:25,250 --> 00:28:26,875 My mother discovered the Weigh Down Workshop 656 00:28:26,958 --> 00:28:29,667 around 1996 when I was 12. 657 00:28:30,875 --> 00:28:33,833 The core philosophy is that Americans 658 00:28:33,917 --> 00:28:36,333 are worshiping the refrigerator over God. 659 00:28:37,417 --> 00:28:39,250 Instead of wanting to overeat, 660 00:28:39,375 --> 00:28:41,667 take that and read the Bible, 661 00:28:41,792 --> 00:28:43,625 pray, go to God, worship God, 662 00:28:43,708 --> 00:28:45,542 placing that focus back on him. 663 00:28:45,625 --> 00:28:48,292 (transition whooshing) (serene music) 664 00:28:48,375 --> 00:28:50,708 Anytime Gwen Shamblin opened her mouth, 665 00:28:50,792 --> 00:28:54,083 it was just full of charisma and authority. 666 00:28:55,125 --> 00:28:56,708 She was a registered dietician, 667 00:28:56,833 --> 00:28:59,750 so that lends her some credibility. 668 00:28:59,875 --> 00:29:01,292 You believed what she said 669 00:29:01,417 --> 00:29:03,083 because she was so sincere. 670 00:29:04,125 --> 00:29:06,292 Around 1999, Gwen had noticed 671 00:29:06,375 --> 00:29:09,000 that a lot of the Weigh Down Workshop participants 672 00:29:09,042 --> 00:29:10,542 were going back to their churches 673 00:29:10,625 --> 00:29:12,625 and regaining their weight, 674 00:29:12,625 --> 00:29:15,792 and she felt a calling to break out 675 00:29:15,875 --> 00:29:18,083 and create the Remnant Fellowship Church, 676 00:29:18,208 --> 00:29:20,542 'cause she felt she had the one true way 677 00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,458 to bring people closer to God 678 00:29:22,542 --> 00:29:25,000 and keep the weight off. 679 00:29:25,083 --> 00:29:27,083 - My name is Ge'Cobi Pittman, 680 00:29:27,208 --> 00:29:29,833 and I was a member of Remnant Fellowship 681 00:29:29,917 --> 00:29:31,208 for about 10 years. 682 00:29:31,333 --> 00:29:33,292 (bright music) 683 00:29:33,375 --> 00:29:37,750 I was 14 when my mom first found Weigh Down classes, 684 00:29:37,875 --> 00:29:41,167 and we joined Remnant the year after. 685 00:29:41,208 --> 00:29:44,750 I found friends and I was all-in. 686 00:29:44,833 --> 00:29:46,000 They were very good at having people 687 00:29:46,042 --> 00:29:48,000 reach out to new members, 688 00:29:48,167 --> 00:29:51,208 and having sleepovers and bonfires 689 00:29:51,333 --> 00:29:52,333 and we got to dress up, 690 00:29:52,375 --> 00:29:54,167 and they just made us feel so special. 691 00:29:55,542 --> 00:29:57,208 - My name is Helen Byrd, 692 00:29:57,292 --> 00:30:00,125 I was a member of Remnant Fellowship Church 693 00:30:00,208 --> 00:30:01,125 for 10 years. 694 00:30:01,208 --> 00:30:02,875 (bright music) 695 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,000 I found Remnant in 2007, 696 00:30:06,083 --> 00:30:08,417 I had just had a newborn baby 697 00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:11,833 and I felt just the weight of the world on my shoulders, 698 00:30:11,958 --> 00:30:14,250 and truthfully, I felt abandoned by God. 699 00:30:15,250 --> 00:30:17,125 And so you're attracted to the light, 700 00:30:17,208 --> 00:30:20,167 you're attracted to people who exude positivity, 701 00:30:20,208 --> 00:30:23,250 hope and joy and gratitude. 702 00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:27,792 Gwen Shamblin was an exuberant personality, 703 00:30:27,875 --> 00:30:30,667 almost larger than life. 704 00:30:30,708 --> 00:30:32,125 - In the early years, 705 00:30:32,208 --> 00:30:35,667 it was very warm and loving, 706 00:30:35,708 --> 00:30:37,917 Gwen embraced everyone. 707 00:30:38,042 --> 00:30:39,583 (transition whooshing) (ominous music) 708 00:30:39,667 --> 00:30:42,667 But then Gwen, going from just Weigh Down Workshop 709 00:30:42,708 --> 00:30:44,500 to Remnant Fellowship, 710 00:30:44,542 --> 00:30:46,375 she completely transformed 711 00:30:46,458 --> 00:30:50,833 to someone who finally had power and a platform. 712 00:30:50,917 --> 00:30:52,583 She became colder. 713 00:30:53,875 --> 00:30:56,625 - I think Gwen eventually realized 714 00:30:56,708 --> 00:30:59,958 that she couldn't control everyone 715 00:31:00,042 --> 00:31:03,167 unless there was fear mongering around the weight. 716 00:31:03,208 --> 00:31:06,625 It was like, "Make sure you're staying slim for God." 717 00:31:06,708 --> 00:31:08,333 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 718 00:31:08,417 --> 00:31:12,250 - Being a Black woman and being surrounded by Black women, 719 00:31:12,375 --> 00:31:15,750 I didn't have a negative perception 720 00:31:15,833 --> 00:31:17,958 of my body or my weight, 721 00:31:18,875 --> 00:31:21,375 but I was fat according to Gwen, 722 00:31:21,375 --> 00:31:25,875 and so I needed to fast from my disobedience 723 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,167 and, "Give up the greed," as they like to say. 724 00:31:30,167 --> 00:31:33,750 - Losing weight was definitely correlated with godliness, 725 00:31:33,833 --> 00:31:37,833 and gaining weight was sin, simply put. 726 00:31:37,875 --> 00:31:39,625 (transition whooshing) 727 00:31:39,708 --> 00:31:41,208 - Losing weight felt great. 728 00:31:41,292 --> 00:31:46,000 I mean, who doesn't love being skinny, right? (laughing) 729 00:31:46,083 --> 00:31:47,417 But it always comes at a cost. 730 00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:48,875 (transition whooshing) (ominous music) 731 00:31:48,958 --> 00:31:51,583 I was starving myself for years. 732 00:31:51,708 --> 00:31:53,000 (pensive music) 733 00:31:53,083 --> 00:31:55,708 - Even though I was at a really good weight, 734 00:31:55,792 --> 00:31:58,917 I think I just got skinnier and skinnier as time went on, 735 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,500 'cause it felt like that meant 736 00:32:00,583 --> 00:32:02,292 I was (laughing) closer to God. 737 00:32:03,708 --> 00:32:08,125 - My lowest weight was 130 pounds. 738 00:32:08,208 --> 00:32:11,583 My collarbones and hip bones were very prominent, 739 00:32:11,708 --> 00:32:15,083 and I was still asked how much weight I needed to lose. 740 00:32:15,083 --> 00:32:16,500 (transition whooshing) 741 00:32:16,542 --> 00:32:20,250 - I was at my thinnest that I had ever been. 742 00:32:20,333 --> 00:32:23,208 I had drank all the Kool-Aid and swallowed it 743 00:32:23,292 --> 00:32:25,833 and was swimming in the Kool-Aid. 744 00:32:25,958 --> 00:32:28,375 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 745 00:32:28,500 --> 00:32:30,125 - Submitting yourself completely and wholly 746 00:32:30,208 --> 00:32:33,042 to anyone in authority to you in Remnant Fellowship 747 00:32:33,125 --> 00:32:36,458 showed how strong you were in your relationship with God 748 00:32:36,542 --> 00:32:39,333 and showed that you were serious about your salvation. 749 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,250 If you were a person who chronically dealt 750 00:32:43,375 --> 00:32:45,375 with having a hard time losing weight, 751 00:32:45,375 --> 00:32:48,167 you'd have to sit out from church services 752 00:32:48,250 --> 00:32:49,167 and church functions 753 00:32:49,250 --> 00:32:51,917 until you essentially repented 754 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,042 and figured it out and lost that weight. 755 00:32:55,167 --> 00:32:56,292 - I was hungry, (laughing) 756 00:32:56,375 --> 00:32:58,208 I think I was always just a little hungry 757 00:32:58,292 --> 00:33:00,458 'cause I was scared to gain weight. 758 00:33:00,542 --> 00:33:02,125 (suspenseful music) 759 00:33:02,125 --> 00:33:04,208 - The general kind of rule of thumb with Remnant 760 00:33:04,292 --> 00:33:08,083 was that the only emotions allowed 761 00:33:08,167 --> 00:33:10,167 were happy, joyful ones. 762 00:33:10,208 --> 00:33:13,750 If you exuded anything other than happy or joyful, 763 00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:14,667 there was a problem. 764 00:33:14,792 --> 00:33:16,083 (transition whooshing) 765 00:33:20,542 --> 00:33:22,292 Dedicated members of Gwen Shamblin's Remnant Fellowship 766 00:33:22,292 --> 00:33:24,167 were beginning to have doubts. 767 00:33:24,292 --> 00:33:26,875 It was no longer just about losing weight, 768 00:33:26,958 --> 00:33:30,167 Gwen controlled every facet of their lives. 769 00:33:30,208 --> 00:33:32,292 They regretted drinking the Kool-Aid 770 00:33:32,375 --> 00:33:34,250 and were tired of submitting themselves 771 00:33:34,333 --> 00:33:36,417 completely and wholly to a woman 772 00:33:36,500 --> 00:33:39,375 who no longer had their best interest at heart. 773 00:33:39,458 --> 00:33:42,958 But Gwen wasn't going to let them leave without a fight. 774 00:33:43,042 --> 00:33:44,333 (transition whooshing) (suspenseful music) 775 00:33:44,458 --> 00:33:46,792 - For me, the first inkling that something wasn't right, 776 00:33:46,875 --> 00:33:48,542 it just wasn't sitting well with me, 777 00:33:48,667 --> 00:33:50,958 was in 2005. 778 00:33:51,042 --> 00:33:52,500 I went to massage school, 779 00:33:52,583 --> 00:33:54,000 and people were asking me, "Oh, what do you do?" 780 00:33:54,042 --> 00:33:54,958 And I had moments where I'm like, 781 00:33:55,042 --> 00:33:57,125 "How do I explain Remnant? 782 00:33:57,250 --> 00:33:58,958 If I can't feel comfortable 783 00:33:59,042 --> 00:34:00,500 talking about my life in Remnant and everything, 784 00:34:00,583 --> 00:34:02,167 then maybe it's not a good thing." 785 00:34:02,208 --> 00:34:05,083 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 786 00:34:05,208 --> 00:34:08,167 - The beginning of the end for me 787 00:34:08,208 --> 00:34:12,375 came when my father died very unexpectedly, 788 00:34:12,458 --> 00:34:16,875 and so I had a crisis of faith. 789 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,417 So I sought out leadership, 790 00:34:19,500 --> 00:34:23,500 and I was made fun of, I was mocked. 791 00:34:23,625 --> 00:34:27,625 And at that moment, it broke something in me. 792 00:34:27,708 --> 00:34:29,125 (ominous music) 793 00:34:29,208 --> 00:34:31,042 - Whenever we had negative thoughts about leaving 794 00:34:31,125 --> 00:34:33,000 or were questioning the church, 795 00:34:33,083 --> 00:34:34,458 Gwen would say that was Satan 796 00:34:34,542 --> 00:34:38,125 and that was because our own sin was running rampant. 797 00:34:38,208 --> 00:34:40,250 And leaving Remnant Fellowship 798 00:34:40,375 --> 00:34:43,250 meant choosing death essentially. 799 00:34:43,375 --> 00:34:45,958 Your prayers aren't answered and you're cursed. 800 00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:48,083 (transition whooshing) (suspenseful music) 801 00:34:48,167 --> 00:34:51,083 - I was pregnant when we were leaving the church. 802 00:34:51,167 --> 00:34:54,833 I had a last-goodbye meeting with Gwen. 803 00:34:56,083 --> 00:34:58,167 It started off with them questioning 804 00:34:58,208 --> 00:35:00,000 why we wanted to leave, 805 00:35:00,083 --> 00:35:01,792 and then the threats came. 806 00:35:01,875 --> 00:35:03,125 (transition whooshing) 807 00:35:03,125 --> 00:35:05,000 Gwen looked me in the eyes and said, 808 00:35:05,042 --> 00:35:07,667 "Do you wanna see the list of curses we keep 809 00:35:07,750 --> 00:35:10,042 that happen to people who leave the church? 810 00:35:10,042 --> 00:35:12,167 Things are not gonna go well for you." 811 00:35:12,208 --> 00:35:13,583 Dead serious. 812 00:35:14,667 --> 00:35:16,667 (pensive music) 813 00:35:16,792 --> 00:35:18,208 I thought I was strong enough 814 00:35:18,292 --> 00:35:20,667 to not let (laughing) that permeate, 815 00:35:20,792 --> 00:35:22,625 but then when we lost the baby, 816 00:35:22,708 --> 00:35:23,750 all that came back. 817 00:35:25,375 --> 00:35:27,583 I was used as an example from Gwen to highlight like, 818 00:35:27,667 --> 00:35:30,042 "This is what happens when you leave, you're cursed. 819 00:35:30,167 --> 00:35:31,500 She lost her baby, 820 00:35:32,542 --> 00:35:34,208 it's because she left the church." 821 00:35:35,708 --> 00:35:36,792 (pensive music) 822 00:35:36,917 --> 00:35:38,333 - The last straw for me leaving 823 00:35:38,417 --> 00:35:40,667 was when I was being disciplined 824 00:35:40,708 --> 00:35:42,250 for something I didn't do. 825 00:35:42,375 --> 00:35:45,000 My punishment was to have my cellphone taken away. 826 00:35:45,083 --> 00:35:46,375 And I went along with it, 827 00:35:46,458 --> 00:35:49,667 and then I said, "Wait, no, I don't think so." 828 00:35:49,792 --> 00:35:50,625 I had to go. 829 00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:55,292 - Leaving was very difficult. 830 00:35:55,375 --> 00:35:59,083 It went from, "This is my whole life, my community," 831 00:35:59,167 --> 00:36:00,125 to nothing. 832 00:36:02,125 --> 00:36:03,042 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 833 00:36:03,208 --> 00:36:05,583 My ex-husband and I separated 834 00:36:05,667 --> 00:36:08,333 a few years after we left the church, 835 00:36:08,417 --> 00:36:09,667 and then the miscarriage, 836 00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:12,667 and so I was depressed, immediately depression. 837 00:36:14,083 --> 00:36:17,000 And then drinking, all the vices I turned to 838 00:36:17,125 --> 00:36:19,417 to try to cope with the pain I felt 839 00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:21,125 from being an ex-member. 840 00:36:23,417 --> 00:36:25,875 - Because I was starving myself for years, 841 00:36:25,958 --> 00:36:28,333 it's really messed up my metabolism. 842 00:36:28,417 --> 00:36:30,000 I do have type 2 diabetes 843 00:36:30,083 --> 00:36:31,542 and I have high blood pressure. 844 00:36:32,708 --> 00:36:34,417 The mental fallout for me after leaving 845 00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:37,667 was trying to remind myself 846 00:36:37,708 --> 00:36:41,125 that I didn't just sentence myself and my son to hell 847 00:36:41,208 --> 00:36:42,417 and to have a cursed life, 848 00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:43,708 that things were gonna be okay 849 00:36:43,708 --> 00:36:46,292 and that I did make the right decision. 850 00:36:47,333 --> 00:36:49,917 (bright music) (transition whooshing) 851 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,667 - When I left Remnant, 852 00:36:51,750 --> 00:36:55,167 I was just sort of addicted to weighing myself 853 00:36:55,292 --> 00:36:56,667 so that I can determine 854 00:36:56,708 --> 00:36:59,917 whether or not I was right with God for the day. 855 00:37:00,042 --> 00:37:01,667 I noticed that my youngest daughter 856 00:37:01,708 --> 00:37:03,250 started weighing herself 857 00:37:03,333 --> 00:37:05,667 at about nine or 10 years old. 858 00:37:05,708 --> 00:37:10,125 So some of those psychological things still plague us, 859 00:37:10,125 --> 00:37:12,208 but I'm working through them. 860 00:37:12,292 --> 00:37:14,458 My dedication to God. 861 00:37:14,542 --> 00:37:19,208 I'm not wanting him to be just this fire and brimstone God. 862 00:37:19,292 --> 00:37:21,083 I'm leaning into that loving side 863 00:37:21,167 --> 00:37:23,333 and I'm leaning into that caring side 864 00:37:23,458 --> 00:37:25,583 and the forgiving side. 865 00:37:25,708 --> 00:37:28,250 I think that I'm in a much better place. 866 00:37:28,375 --> 00:37:31,292 (transition whooshing) (pensive music) 867 00:37:31,375 --> 00:37:32,208 - When I lost the baby, 868 00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:34,208 I felt like my world was over. 869 00:37:35,583 --> 00:37:38,833 And I feel like, in those darkest moments, I was saved, 870 00:37:38,917 --> 00:37:41,167 'cause I still believe in a God. 871 00:37:41,250 --> 00:37:45,208 And now I am eight months pregnant. (laughing) 872 00:37:45,292 --> 00:37:48,042 So being where I am in my mental and physical, 873 00:37:48,125 --> 00:37:49,667 I'm just so happy, 874 00:37:49,792 --> 00:37:51,208 so ready to be a mom. 875 00:37:55,750 --> 00:37:58,042 - I don't necessarily think that Gwen 876 00:37:58,125 --> 00:37:59,833 believed that she was God, 877 00:37:59,875 --> 00:38:01,292 she's the next best thing. 878 00:38:01,375 --> 00:38:03,167 (upbeat music) 879 00:38:03,250 --> 00:38:04,500 - I 100% believe that Gwen 880 00:38:04,583 --> 00:38:05,958 did start off with good intentions. 881 00:38:06,042 --> 00:38:09,167 However, I think when Remnant Fellowship started, 882 00:38:09,250 --> 00:38:13,167 her intentions definitely started changing. 883 00:38:13,292 --> 00:38:16,417 And while she may have felt they were good, 884 00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:18,833 her actions and the things carried out 885 00:38:18,875 --> 00:38:21,375 in her name were not, 886 00:38:21,458 --> 00:38:24,417 so the message was definitely lost. 887 00:38:24,500 --> 00:38:26,458 - For a long time, it was like, "Oh my gosh, 888 00:38:26,542 --> 00:38:28,417 how could I have followed this woman?" 889 00:38:28,500 --> 00:38:30,250 But I think I have mercy now, 890 00:38:30,250 --> 00:38:32,833 because the core of it is just belonging, 891 00:38:32,875 --> 00:38:35,833 Remnant was just another way of belonging. 892 00:38:35,875 --> 00:38:39,292 It started off as a safe place for us, 893 00:38:39,375 --> 00:38:40,292 until it wasn't. 894 00:38:44,250 --> 00:38:45,708 (transition whooshing) (bright music) 895 00:38:45,792 --> 00:38:49,333 - By overcoming their traumatic experiences and persevering, 896 00:38:49,417 --> 00:38:52,250 these women have shown they are not victims, 897 00:38:52,333 --> 00:38:54,292 they are survivors. 898 00:38:55,042 --> 00:38:56,583 - I'm a great mother 899 00:38:56,583 --> 00:38:58,375 and I'm a great person and a good wife 900 00:38:58,458 --> 00:39:00,500 without Remnant's message. 901 00:39:00,542 --> 00:39:02,833 And I think I take great pride in that, 902 00:39:04,208 --> 00:39:05,958 that I've been able to prove them wrong. 903 00:39:07,292 --> 00:39:10,208 - I could cry thinking about my journey. 904 00:39:10,208 --> 00:39:11,917 I'm so grateful. 905 00:39:12,042 --> 00:39:14,083 Life is joyful. 906 00:39:14,083 --> 00:39:18,000 - [Ana] And they stand alongside all the other survivors 907 00:39:18,083 --> 00:39:20,500 we've met this past hour. 908 00:39:20,625 --> 00:39:22,583 - I'm really just living the life 909 00:39:22,667 --> 00:39:26,917 that my 17-year-old self dreamed of. 910 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:28,167 - It's been eight years 911 00:39:28,208 --> 00:39:29,833 since I've been in conversion therapy, 912 00:39:29,875 --> 00:39:31,500 but it's still something 913 00:39:31,583 --> 00:39:35,042 that I have to carry with me. 914 00:39:35,125 --> 00:39:37,333 - I am doing okay, and I'm alive, 915 00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:41,375 but I am also a (beep) mess. 916 00:39:41,500 --> 00:39:44,792 - We all broken crayons, but we still can color. 917 00:39:44,875 --> 00:39:46,167 Look at me, 918 00:39:46,250 --> 00:39:50,417 married, five kids, medical degrees, 919 00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:53,625 and my crayon was stepped on, smeared, 920 00:39:54,417 --> 00:39:56,000 but I'm still out here coloring.