1
00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:03,438
[♪♪♪]

2
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:05,570
Oof!

3
00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:06,963
Why am I doing
all the heavy lifting

4
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,051
while you're on the floor

5
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:10,488
folding paper like
a Japanese princess?

6
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,925
Assembling this display
is no walk in the park...

7
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:15,058
he said, ignoring
his paper cut.

8
00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:17,452
There you go.

9
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:18,583
Hope I didn't
lose a finger.

10
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:19,584
I hope you did.

11
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,894
Well, I believe we earned
a refreshing beverage.

12
00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:26,765
[popping cans]

13
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,204
What's so military about this?

14
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,032
I thought it would be more...

15
00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:32,902
...explode-y.

16
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,036
Hi-yaa!

17
00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:39,474
Oh, sorry.

18
00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,171
I thought we were
getting Red Dawn-ed.

19
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,955
No, but good to know
you can pop a squat

20
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,479
if World War III
breaks out.

21
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:45,958
It's a promotion
for a new soda.

22
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:47,047
Thought I'd give it a whirl,

23
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,613
since it came
with six free cases.

24
00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:49,658
How does it taste?

25
00:00:49,701 --> 00:00:51,094
Free.

26
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,096
Pretty unrealistic portrayal
of the male physique,

27
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,097
wouldn't you say?

28
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,272
I'm more concerned

29
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,752
with him going into
battle shirtless.

30
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:58,710
I dunno. Those abs look like
they could stop a bullet.

31
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:01,626
The real problem
is charging in with no gonch.

32
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,280
No gonch?
How can you tell?

33
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,673
He's a Commander.

34
00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,022
Where do you think
"commando" comes from?

35
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,328
Oh...

36
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:10,113
then I guess you can
call me Commander Hank.

37
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:13,769
And you can call me queasy.

38
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,903
Get your hands
out of your pockets.

39
00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:21,298
♪ You think
there's not a lot going on ♪

40
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:22,691
♪ Look closer, baby

41
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,475
♪ You're so wrong

42
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:29,959
Buenos días, amigas.

43
00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:30,829
Cómo estás?

44
00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:31,917
Two weeks in Cuba,

45
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:34,224
and suddenly
she's Chita Rivera.

46
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:35,660
Cuba sounds great.

47
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:37,140
Better than
my vacation.

48
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,098
Oh, you took
a trip?

49
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:38,968
Where? When?

50
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,578
Here. Now.

51
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:42,363
I had three extra
vacation days banked,

52
00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:43,973
and it's a "use 'em
or lose 'em"

53
00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:45,235
type of situation.

54
00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:46,367
I guess the upside is

55
00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,411
I've been able
to binge-watch

56
00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:49,109
this whole season
of Battle Brides.

57
00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:50,284
Battle Brides?

58
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,720
That's my favourite show.

59
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,156
I don't like
reality shows.

60
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,811
I prefer
actual reality.

61
00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:57,160
Like deep conversations

62
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,858
on the white sandy
beaches of Varadero,

63
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:03,166
listening to salsa music
while smoking delicious cigars.

64
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,646
You like cigars?

65
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:07,649
Yes, I love
the rich, brown,

66
00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:11,174
musky aroma, full body...

67
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,350
Buenos días,
beautiful lady.

68
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:16,136
Pardon the muskiness
of my full body.

69
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,702
Would you like to buy
a box of...

70
00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:19,051
...of cigars.

71
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:20,705
I'm talking about
the cigars.

72
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:22,054
Did you bring any back?

73
00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:23,621
Oh. Yeah,
a couple.

74
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:25,362
What? Chicks
don't smoke cigars!

75
00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:27,277
I smoke cigars.

76
00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,714
I said chicks,
not my friend's mom.

77
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:32,456
Now you're about to get smoked.

78
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,328
Okay, crazy idea.

79
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,286
Tomorrow, we get together,
smoke cigars,

80
00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,462
and watch
the Battle Brides finale.

81
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,203
I'd feel like I was
still on vacation.

82
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,640
We get it.
You had an actual vacation.

83
00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:43,598
Count me in.

84
00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:44,555
Great!

85
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:45,469
But can we watch
something

86
00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:47,471
other than
a stupid bride show?

87
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,343
Sorry, Hank.
Cigar-smoking chicks only.

88
00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:52,215
C'mon, I'll...
I'll wear gonch!

89
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,047
What is it that bugs me
about that guy?

90
00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:58,961
That you'll never
look as good

91
00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:00,092
as a piece
of cardboard?

92
00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:01,137
That's it.

93
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,313
I don't know.
Studies have shown

94
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,097
that you can make a
big difference in your physique

95
00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:06,882
by doing one simple
activity per day.

96
00:03:06,925 --> 00:03:08,362
Yeah, right.

97
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:09,493
Oh, look at me.

98
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,669
I'm doing three
push-ups in a row.

99
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,976
I'm Dwayne "The Rock"
Carrot Top.

100
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,761
Jeez. Maybe you're right.

101
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:18,415
I do feel different.

102
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:19,851
Oh, my face is crying.

103
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:20,635
That's sweat.

104
00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:21,723
Ew.

105
00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:22,593
But look.

106
00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:23,812
I'm stronger already.

107
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:24,769
[crushing]

108
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,118
[bell dings outside]

109
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:28,686
Maybe there is something
to this working-out thing.

110
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:29,992
Oops.

111
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,515
Hulk not know own strength.

112
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,649
Oh. Oh...

113
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:37,956
Those are impressive.

114
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,656
A woman could get lost in there.

115
00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:44,180
All right, back off, jar-head.
I got work to do.

116
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,922
Why aren't ya
inside with Karen?

117
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:49,577
Don't wanna remind her of work
while she's on vaycay.

118
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:50,969
With her off duty,

119
00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:54,016
it's just me keeping an eye
on the mean streets.

120
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,800
Dog River doesn't have
any mean streets.

121
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:57,628
[whistling]

122
00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:58,760
[tripping]

123
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:01,371
Hey! What're you
trying to do, kill me?

124
00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:04,940
At worst, we have some
uncaring boulevards.

125
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:07,072
[muttering]

126
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:08,204
Hey, Davis!

127
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,466
Do something about
the curbs around here.

128
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,685
They're too damn high!

129
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,121
'Cause that's what cops do.

130
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:13,775
Shave down curbs.

131
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:14,645
[muttering]

132
00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:15,864
Hey, Oscar.

133
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:16,821
If you're going to go
to Corner Gas,

134
00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:18,519
grab me a lottery ticket.

135
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:21,739
Karen usually picks them for us
'cause I have terrible luck.

136
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:25,569
I didn't think you could
get any more useless.

137
00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:27,397
Here's your damn
scratch and sniff.

138
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:28,355
I hope you lose,

139
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:30,182
you lazy,
non-curb-shaving,

140
00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:31,619
unlucky
ticket picking...

141
00:04:31,662 --> 00:04:34,012
That's some top-notch
muttering, Oscar.

142
00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:35,927
Hey!
I won two dollars!

143
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,146
All right!

144
00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:38,147
[chortling]

145
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,322
We did it!

146
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:40,454
I'll take my half in cash.

147
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:41,542
Your half?

148
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,761
I picked the ticket,
I should get half,

149
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,372
you cheap, stingy,
ticket-scratching--

150
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,198
Fine.

151
00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:51,029
Why are you suddenly
all Patrick Swayze?

152
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,248
I don't get the reference.

153
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,381
I'm not dancing, molding clay,

154
00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:56,121
cross-dressing,
or undercover surfing.

155
00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,035
No sleeves.

156
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:58,515
Oh, Roadhousing.

157
00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:00,082
Yeah, I rolled them up
as a precaution

158
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,127
before my biceps shred them.

159
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,521
Don't want anyone to lose an eye
due to shirt shards.

160
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:05,783
Right? Wanda?

161
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,874
Is there something wrong
with the Commander Cola cutout?

162
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:11,354
You keep
staring at it.

163
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:12,790
Huh? No! Who did?

164
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,314
And why are you
wearing lipstick?

165
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:15,315
Shut up!

166
00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:16,533
My lips are chapped.

167
00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:18,492
Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

168
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:19,797
Gimme another
scratch and win.

169
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:21,364
I'm on a roll!

170
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,540
Give him two.
I'm riding his roll.

171
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:24,498
Pick 'em and weep.

172
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,369
I mean, good luck.

173
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,590
Ah well.
End of the roll.

174
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:30,547
Fun's over.

175
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,767
Holy hell, I won
a hundred bucks!

176
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:34,159
Ha ha ha!

177
00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:37,772
♪ I'm Richy Richard Richardson
the Richest! ♪

178
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,426
I'll take my 50
in cash.

179
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,645
My fat Aunt Fanny you will.

180
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:45,257
I gave you half my winnings,
so you give me half yours.

181
00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:47,608
You ungrateful, underhanded,
good for nothing...

182
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:48,957
Is he muttering
more than usual?

183
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,219
Dad, it sounds like

184
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:52,177
Davis is being completely
reasonable here.

185
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:55,093
He... he didn't...

186
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,486
Wanda's wearing lipstick!

187
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:01,491
So we can't have the party
at Karen's because of the smoke,

188
00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,972
can't have it at my place
because I don't have cable,

189
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,627
and can't have it at Emma's,
because... Oscar.

190
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,063
We can have it
at my place.

191
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:09,543
One, you're not invited.

192
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:11,283
Two, your place stinks.

193
00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:12,894
Three, you're Hank.

194
00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:15,810
Numbers one and three aside,
my place does smell.

195
00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:18,116
If anything, cigar smoke
would make it better...

196
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,075
and keep the insects away.

197
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:22,425
Have you ever talked
anyone into anything?

198
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:23,818
The hotel bar!

199
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:25,689
Phil just installed
a new projector and screen

200
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,038
for movie night.

201
00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:28,388
[struggling]

202
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,521
C'mon, Oscar!
This isn't fair.

203
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:32,783
So call a cop.

204
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,437
Don't know... how long...

205
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:35,917
arms will hold...

206
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,179
Take it down a notch.

207
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:38,398
You guys are overreacting to...

208
00:06:39,703 --> 00:06:42,358
No!

209
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,361
This isn't over, Oscar!

210
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,015
His arm!

211
00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:49,147
His beautiful, bumpy arm!

212
00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:51,585
It's completely ripped!

213
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,238
I know how he feels.

214
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:58,287
[panting]

215
00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,636
Hey, Phil.

216
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,246
Can we have a cigar
and Battle Brides party here

217
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,030
tomorrow night?

218
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,118
Sure.

219
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:04,902
So long as "Officer
By-law" here

220
00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:06,991
overlooks the
no-smoking rules.

221
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:08,428
Meh. I'm on vacation.

222
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:09,385
Great!

223
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,560
Battle Brides
is on at 8:00,

224
00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:12,997
so get that projection
screen ready.

225
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:15,217
Can't.
Hank ruined the screen.

226
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,871
What? When?

227
00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:19,482
Put 200 bucks on my tab!

228
00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:23,312
[panting]

229
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:24,748
Hey, Phil.

230
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,358
Can we have a cigar
and Battle Brides party

231
00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:27,577
here tomorrow night?

232
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,057
Not long ago.

233
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,885
Great. Now we have
no choice

234
00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,669
but to have the party
at Hank's place.

235
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:34,715
Well, well, well.

236
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:37,805
Look who came crawling
back to old Hanky.

237
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:40,024
I mean, we're going
to have so much fun!

238
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:44,507
Who'd have thought that cigars
could bring the girls together?

239
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:47,031
It's like I brought my vacation
home with me.

240
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:48,555
Oh, fine, I'll bite.

241
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,165
Whatcha doing, Brent?

242
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:52,080
I used to just
swivel for fun,

243
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,995
but now I can feel it
working my core.

244
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,039
Wanda was right.

245
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,345
Small changes
go a long way

246
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:57,477
to getting fit.

247
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,087
This morning,
I did one squat,

248
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,871
and I can already
see a difference.

249
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,786
Yeah, I see squat,
all right.

250
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,135
But isn't all that cola,

251
00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:05,441
which you didn't purchase
here, by the way,

252
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,790
fattening?

253
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:07,878
Oh, sure, the cola has sugar,

254
00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:09,750
but the sugar
gives me the energy

255
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:11,534
to burn off the sugar.

256
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:12,796
I'm calorie neutral.

257
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:13,928
Like Sweden.

258
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,369
Shh.

259
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,327
You're going to be
just fine, soldier.

260
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:25,983
[humming]

261
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,682
Tell me about the place
you grew up.

262
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,553
[humming]

263
00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:33,034
♪ Richy Richardson, the Richest
of the Richy Riches ♪

264
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:35,036
[humming]

265
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,080
Hmm.

266
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:38,735
Jaywalking
is a $50 fine.

267
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,476
Or you could just
give me

268
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,957
my half of the
lottery winnings.

269
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,654
You're not getting
a cent of my money!

270
00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:45,742
[tripping]

271
00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,091
And neither
are you!

272
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,270
Well, look who's up already.

273
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:55,970
You certainly have
better colour today.

274
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:58,799
Are you flirting
with me, mister?

275
00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,280
Ooh, someone's excited.

276
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,458
Hey, Emma!

277
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:09,549
How many new teeth can I get
for a hundred bucks?

278
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,072
Oh no.

279
00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:13,161
If you think you're trapping me
into a second wedding,

280
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,684
you got another
thing coming.

281
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,599
Why would I want
a second wedding

282
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,645
when I'm not done
regretting the first?

283
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,211
This is for the
Battle Brides party.

284
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:21,038
[knocking]

285
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:23,388
Emma.

286
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:26,827
I'm here to collect $50,
or Oscar's going to jail.

287
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:27,828
Oscar, get
your shoes on.

288
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:28,829
I'm not giving
nothing

289
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:31,309
to that
scratch and loser!

290
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:35,096
Why don't you two idiots
spend the money on more tickets?

291
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:38,012
Agree to split whatever you win,
and be done with it.

292
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:39,317
Hmm...

293
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,668
That would make
the jaywalking fine go away.

294
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,671
Okay, but I pick
the tickets.

295
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:48,065
Am I the only one
with any brains around here?

296
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,285
Aah!

297
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,769
You going to arm-wrestle
that thing all day,

298
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,206
or pump some gas?

299
00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:00,034
My eyes are up here, ladies.

300
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,824
How long is this
going to take?

301
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,696
As long as you like.

302
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,700
The gas fumes have finally
gotten to Brent.

303
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,267
Just like his old man.

304
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:17,181
Rrr!

305
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:18,530
[giggling]

306
00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:20,663
-Oh, my.
-Who is this?

307
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,143
Commander Cola.

308
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,013
Well, he can shimmy

309
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:25,929
into my foxhole
any day.

310
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:28,236
If I knew the military
looked like this,

311
00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:30,151
I wouldn't have
dodged the draft.

312
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,848
You didn't have
to dodge the draft.

313
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,023
You're a woman.

314
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,721
That's right.

315
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,070
A woman.

316
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:37,898
Hey! You two floozies
going to buy something,

317
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,377
or you're just going
to hang around,

318
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,292
drooling like a couple
of high school hussies?

319
00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:43,120
Just 'cause
there's snow on the roof

320
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:44,295
doesn't mean--

321
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:46,036
Take your snowy roofs
and powder.

322
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,040
And don't stand there grinning

323
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:51,651
like you had
nothing to do with it.

324
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,045
And put on
a damn shirt!

325
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:57,700
[knocking]

326
00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:01,791
Welcome to Casa Del House
of Hank's House.

327
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,924
Everything is ready
for the big party...

328
00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,403
inside.

329
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:09,364
What exactly did you do
to get ready?

330
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,018
I'm wearing pants,
ain't I?

331
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,716
Whatever, let's get this show
on the road to holy matrimony!

332
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,892
Why don't we leave
the TV off for now

333
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:16,850
and enjoy a cigar

334
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:18,460
in the company of good friends?

335
00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:20,157
[screeching]

336
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:22,072
Hey, I didn't know I had a cat.

337
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,901
Huh. Probably why I haven't seen
as many rats around lately.

338
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:29,601
No.

339
00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:30,820
I'm not jealous.

340
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,909
I was just worried
you might catch a cold

341
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:35,607
by that drafty door.

342
00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:38,741
I'm not trying to change you.

343
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,788
Well, if you don't want
to wear it, take it off.

344
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,050
Oh, the silent treatment?

345
00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,268
Hmm.

346
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,096
Well, two can play
that game, hot stuff.

347
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:50,492
Hello?

348
00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:51,667
Do you mind?

349
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,234
Trying to win
a war here.

350
00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:56,106
Fine. I'll get my own
scratch and win tickets.

351
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,064
Ow!

352
00:11:57,107 --> 00:11:58,108
Pick 'em
and get out.

353
00:11:58,152 --> 00:11:59,196
I'm in the middle
of a domestic.

354
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,763
Ooh, get the Leprechaun.

355
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,199
Scratchie O'Shamrock.

356
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,418
Luck of the Irish.

357
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,462
That's racist.

358
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:06,203
I got a system.

359
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,292
Yeah, stick to
your system, Oscar.

360
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:09,598
Loyalty is important.

361
00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,078
At least it is to some people!

362
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,470
Quit yammering.

363
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,124
You're jinxing my mojo.

364
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:15,604
Where's Brent?

365
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:17,998
All I'm saying is,

366
00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:20,696
a few small changes
yield big results.

367
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,350
I can train you
if you're interested.

368
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,744
And if we're not interested,
will you leave?

369
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,006
Nope. It's called
commitment.

370
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:29,574
Carbs equal energy.

371
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,448
Aw, don't move those comics!

372
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:36,451
They're scattered in
alphabetical order!

373
00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:37,669
Don't touch
the remotes!

374
00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:39,323
I have a system!

375
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:40,760
Aah! What are
you doing?

376
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,674
Your milk is expired.

377
00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:44,546
I was making cheese!

378
00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:48,332
Aw, it was going
to pair perfectly

379
00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:50,291
with those crackers I found.

380
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:54,469
Quit messing
with my stuff!

381
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:00,170
I'll start with
the Western theme,

382
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:02,390
then move on
to the fruit motif.

383
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:03,957
Ha!

384
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,220
Wagon wheel! Wagon wheel!

385
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:07,134
Spaceship?

386
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:08,526
That's a cow patty.

387
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,180
Well, it's still
not a match.

388
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:12,704
Ooh, look!

389
00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,184
I won a bag
of chips!

390
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,099
Half a bag of chips.

391
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,755
Well, I'm closing up now.

392
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,976
But, look, I think
we both got carried away.

393
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:23,933
Things were said.

394
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,674
Feelings were hurt.

395
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,850
But I'm going to be mature,
take the high road,

396
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,374
and offer you
a chance to apologize.

397
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:35,510
Aw! You military types
are all the same.

398
00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,686
You need the drama,
don't you, Hurt Locker?

399
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:39,296
Well, I can't live
like this.

400
00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:43,344
That's exactly
where you belong!

401
00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:46,129
Oh, God, what have I done?

402
00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:47,304
This isn't right.

403
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:50,307
There.

404
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,353
And you can keep the t-shirt.

405
00:13:52,396 --> 00:13:54,398
[stifling a sob]
It'll only remind me of you.

406
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:58,228
Now, power-walking
like Wanda there

407
00:13:58,272 --> 00:13:59,969
is a good way
to raise the heart rate,

408
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:02,232
but that much rage
can also make it explode.

409
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:03,799
Bit of a tightrope.

410
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,019
Okay, ready?

411
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:06,889
And we're done.

412
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,412
Shake it out.

413
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:09,718
That's it?

414
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:11,633
That was Brent's
Butt-Blaster Challenge?

415
00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:13,243
I said they were
small changes.

416
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:15,028
[grumbling]

417
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,507
Nice power-walking,
ladies.

418
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,161
But dial back that rage.

419
00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:19,946
You'll feel it in the morning.

420
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:22,339
This is the life.

421
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:24,864
Good friends,
quality cigars,

422
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,170
and whatever this liquid
is Hank gave us.

423
00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:28,606
Cheers!

424
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:29,869
[sniffing]

425
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:34,221
Sorry I, uh,
lost my head, ladies.

426
00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:36,440
Allow me to present you

427
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:39,182
with my specially prepared
h'ordurvays.

428
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:40,531
Aw! [giggling]

429
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:41,793
Oh.

430
00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:43,795
It looks like chopped-up
wieners in popcorn.

431
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:46,102
Yeah, my own invention,
popdogs!

432
00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:47,712
I was going to call it
"corndogs,"

433
00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:48,800
but that was
a legal can of worms.

434
00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:49,976
Ooh!

435
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,716
The brides are arriving
in the limos.

436
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,196
Volume.

437
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,938
Okay, the entertainment system
is a tad complicated.

438
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,026
Try to keep up.

439
00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:58,898
If you want volume,
use this one,

440
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:00,116
and press "source."

441
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,726
Then push "input 1" on this--

442
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:03,163
No need.

443
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:04,555
I programmed all of them
into your universal remote.

444
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,470
You can't use
the universal remote!

445
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:08,211
I haven't bought
a universal yet!

446
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,519
And who fixed my
lucky broken lamp?

447
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,216
I'm starting to regret
letting you guys

448
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:15,131
let me into
this hen party.

449
00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:17,481
It's time
to leave.

450
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:20,615
No, I was thinking
you guys leave.

451
00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:22,095
Guess I should've been
more specific.

452
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:22,965
[rattling knob]

453
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:23,966
Hey!

454
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,228
Who fixed the door lock?

455
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:26,577
Come on!

456
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,711
Welcome to Battle Brides!

457
00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:32,192
We've watched it all season,
and it's come down to this.

458
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,584
Two brides enter.

459
00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:34,934
One dream dies.

460
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,762
This is Battle Brides?

461
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:39,242
It looks awful!

462
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,287
This is Battle Brides?

463
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:41,984
It looks awesome!

464
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,464
[cheering on TV]

465
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:47,555
Here we go, Sondra.

466
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:48,860
Get in there

467
00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:50,297
and tell her that bouquet
is so last season!

468
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:51,951
Yeah!

469
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,083
Ask her why her dad isn't there
to walk her down the aisle!

470
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:55,911
Harsh.

471
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,608
Whew!
Commercial break.

472
00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,393
How about we calm down
with some Cuban music

473
00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:01,047
I brought back from my vacation?

474
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:03,658
Oh, isn't this better?

475
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,181
Maybe we can chat?

476
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:06,226
With each other?

477
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:07,531
Hey, Emma,

478
00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:10,099
what was the best part
of your wedding night?

479
00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:12,710
Oscar fell asleep early.

480
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,495
That was nice.

481
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:17,150
I've always imagined my wedding
to be on a beach somewhere,

482
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:18,890
with a warm breeze, and--

483
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:19,979
A punch to the head!

484
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,241
No...

485
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:23,373
It's back on.
Sondra punched the priest.

486
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:28,552
[spitting]

487
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:33,862
[♪♪♪]

488
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:38,998
[sniffling]

489
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:46,570
[whistling]

490
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:49,182
Gaah?

491
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,140
Commander Cola?

492
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:52,228
Wha--

493
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,708
How did you... ?

494
00:16:55,579 --> 00:16:59,192
And the prize
for our lucky winners!

495
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,193
Gimme.

496
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:01,933
It may be the
only thing we won,

497
00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:03,718
but we're splitting it
fair and square!

498
00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:06,199
[humming]

499
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:07,635
Oh, excuse me.

500
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,463
Oh, hello.

501
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,900
Sergeant... Soda, wasn't it?

502
00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,510
Anyway, nice to see you again.

503
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,599
Looks like your arm
has healed nicely.

504
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:16,905
Can I help
you, Wanda?

505
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:18,689
I think
you've done enough.

506
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:19,734
It didn't take you long
to move on...

507
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:20,822
Pig.

508
00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:22,954
Quite the display, huh?

509
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:25,087
Did you get one of these
at Corner Gas too?

510
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,045
Oh, so this is...

511
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,481
Kind of creepy, eh?

512
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,222
I feel like he's
always watching me.

513
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:30,745
Don't flatter yourself.

514
00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,791
I mean, yeah, super creepy
and not sexy.

515
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,142
I'll get him
out of here for you.

516
00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:37,143
Weirdo.

517
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:41,538
This is some amazing
smack-talk!

518
00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:43,714
How long does
the smack-talk last?

519
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:46,717
Till someone stops talking
and starts smacking!

520
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:47,936
[laughing]

521
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,160
Ah! This is more like it.

522
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:55,944
Hey, wanna play something?

523
00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:56,945
Maybe.

524
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:57,946
Any requests?

525
00:17:57,989 --> 00:17:59,948
Hmm. Know any Pablo Milanés?

526
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,472
[plucking]

527
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:03,995
No. I don't
play guitar.

528
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,301
I was gonna use
this for kindling.

529
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:09,523
Hey.

530
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:10,959
This one has
three cherries.

531
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:11,960
Doesn't that mean--

532
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:12,830
It's a winner!

533
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,136
Two hundred bucks!

534
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,137
I'm rich!

535
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,660
You mean
I'm rich.

536
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:18,009
You two thought
it was garbage.

537
00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:18,967
I picked the ticket!

538
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,186
It's my money!

539
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:21,926
We agreed to split
everything, remember?

540
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:24,233
How about we split it
three ways?

541
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,366
That's about 66 and change
apiece.

542
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,280
Nice.

543
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,847
All right!

544
00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:31,197
There you go, boys.

545
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,763
Uh, okay.

546
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,200
There's the change.

547
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:36,463
You forgot
the "66" part.

548
00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:38,943
Taking into account
your outstanding tabs,

549
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:41,337
I'm being generous.

550
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:42,643
Gimme a bag of chips.

551
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:45,080
And this time,
I'm not sharing.

552
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,997
Welcome home, soldier.

553
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,346
I'm off for the night,

554
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,479
but here's a little something
for you to read

555
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:53,480
if you get bored.

556
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:54,829
[laughing]

557
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:59,138
Two hours of juicy jabs
and sleazy slams,

558
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:00,791
and now the main event!

559
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:03,011
Here we go!

560
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:09,887
[laughing]

561
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,193
[crowd booing]

562
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,718
That's it?

563
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:15,893
That was a lot
of hype and build-up

564
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,504
for zero payoff.

565
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:19,680
That's marriage,
all right.

566
00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:20,898
Now what do we do?

567
00:19:21,812 --> 00:19:23,118
[sighing]

568
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,294
See, isn't this the best kind
of entertainment?

569
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:28,210
Yup. Best mandatory
vacation ever.

570
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,734
Can I take
my pants off now?

571
00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:33,259
Whatever.
I've got my own entertainment.

572
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:34,825
[beeping]

573
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:36,392
Stupid universe.

574
00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:38,438
Karen! How do you
work this thing?

575
00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:44,052
You ever going
to open those?

576
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,967
Eat my winnings?
No way.

577
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,491
These chips are
worth 66 bucks!

578
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,190
Hey, is that Zeke?

579
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,497
What the hell
is he doing with a boat?

580
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:55,455
Hey, Zeke!

581
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,152
Where'd you get
that boat?

582
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,458
I won it!

583
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,329
Bought the last
leprechaun ticket!

584
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,723
Thank you, Scratchie O'Shamrock!

585
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:05,116
Stupid Irish!

586
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,944
Now, that's racist.

587
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,034
Morning, Wanda.

588
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:10,948
Off to prom?

589
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:11,993
None of your business.

590
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:13,908
A gal doesn't need
any special reason

591
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:14,778
to look her best.

592
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:16,389
Aah!

593
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:19,783
Oh yeah, that's the new display
for Screamin' Demon Diapers.

594
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,089
It's a weird name,

595
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:22,656
until you learn
they're hellishly absorbent.

596
00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:24,266
Where's
Commander Cola?

597
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,267
He shipped out.

598
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:26,268
To war?

599
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,009
No. Back to
the distributor.

600
00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:29,967
Turns out that soda
hadn't been approved

601
00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:32,274
by the foodie druggie...
approvers.

602
00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:35,016
Anyway, it had unhealthy levels
of tyrosine.

603
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:36,365
Side effects include

604
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:39,281
heightened feelings
of passion and delusion.

605
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,892
In hindsight, that does
explain some odd behaviour.

606
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:43,154
And emotions.

607
00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:44,852
By certain people.

608
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,288
I'm going to go wash my face.

609
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,594
Don't be sad.

610
00:20:47,637 --> 00:20:50,510
I heard Cap'n Crunch say
he thinks you're cute!

611
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,947
I drank a lot of that soda too.

612
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,123
Wonder why I didn't
become delusional.

613
00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,345
How you doin'?

614
00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:04,828
[♪♪♪]

615
00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:08,354
♪ I don't know

616
00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:10,617
♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

617
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,318
♪ I don't know

618
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:19,016
♪ I just... don't know

619
00:21:21,454 --> 00:21:23,847
♪ Ooh

620
00:21:23,891 --> 00:21:25,196
♪ It's a great big place

621
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,503
♪ Ooh

622
00:21:27,547 --> 00:21:28,896
♪ Full of nothing but space

623
00:21:28,939 --> 00:21:31,333
♪ Ooh

624
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:33,161
♪ It's my happy place

625
00:21:33,204 --> 00:21:37,204
♪ I don't know