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[ Traffic noises ]
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♪♪
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Announcer: But the other thing
about this jail was...
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it could only afford
one wall of bars.
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Guard!
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Whenever a prisoner
wanted to escape,
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the guards had to lug it over
to him so he could try.
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Ugh. Ugh.
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Auuuugghhh!
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All right, pal.
You done here?
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Yeah, I'm good.
Thanks, guys.
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Yeah, yeah.
[ Snaps fingers ]
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Damn it, we supposed
to be on break.
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I mean, where's our rest?
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It's as though, despite the fact
that we are the jailers,
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in a sense,
we are in our own prison...
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of the mind.
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Oh, man.
What a thought!
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Announcer:
That's when Prisoner 72301
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figured out how to escape.
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Guard, bars!
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Do it now, or I say
something so profound,
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it'll blow every mind
in this joint.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, easy.
Let's not get heavy here.
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I-I'm --
I'm bringing it.
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You -- Your head here.
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J-J-Just don't
say anything
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to upend my world view,
all right?
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I got kids.
I got kids.
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You know what
I always wondered --
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like, what's the deal
with society, bruh?
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Oh, man,
that's a trip.
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You're free!
No bars can hold you now, boys.
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Yah, boys! Yah! Yah!
Whoo-hoo!
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Where did he go?
W-Where'd he go?
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Aah!
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Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
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Aaaaaaaaaaah!
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Announcer: Then again, some
people are born victims --
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all of them.
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♪♪
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And some days, your whole life
flashes before your eyes,
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in real time,
starting with Day One.
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One last push, ma'am.
It's a boy!
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Oh! Oh, God.
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What?
Oh, no!
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What is it?!
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I'm sorry, ma'am --
he's a dirty pig.
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[ Cries ]
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Announcer: But some accidents
are even worse...
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when the victim
doesn't deserve it.
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Sir?
Mr. Lem, can you hear me?
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Oh. Where am I?
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Who am I?
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Your name is Neil Lem.
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You've been in an accident.
You were driving,
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and a woman was
on the sidewalk without a bra.
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You took your eyes off the road
to ogle her breasts.
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Oh.
You hopped the curb
and ran over a dog.
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Oh!
And its owner.
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Oh, God.
And his kids.
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Ohh!
And their friends.
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Oh.
And their
pet hamster.
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But, miraculously,
we were able to save...
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only the hamster.
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I...was ogling?
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The good thing is you managed
to swerve back onto the road.
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Thank God.
Straight into
a school bus.
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Ohh!
None of those
kids survived.
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The parents
are devastated.
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Understandably,
many have bought guns...
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Ohh!
...and are going on
shooting sprees all over town.
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I-I don't know who I am,
but I'm -- I'm --
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I'm sure I did not mean
to ogle a girl.
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Woman. Woman.
She wants to meet you.
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Meet me? Why?
It's the least
you could do.
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I mean, it seems like you
like her so much.
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We thought,
maybe you two
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meet under these tragic
circumstances,
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it bonds you into
an unlikely romance
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wherein you help
each other heal.
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Could be an amazing
love story.
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Oh. Um...I...Okay.
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Do -- Do I --
Do I look all right?
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Sure. Lila!
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Come on in, honey.
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Wait. W-When did
the accident happen?
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It was about
three hours ago.
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Why?
She's just...
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older than I --
I'm sorry.
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Is she not your type?
No!
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I didn't --
I didn't mean...
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She's really vulnerable
right now.
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She's gone.
I hope you're happy.
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[ Hyperventilating ]
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Sir?
Mr. Lem?
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Can you hear me?
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What...happened?
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You said some offensive
things to a woman,
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and the media got wind
of everything you've done.
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Mm-hmm.
There's been riots
across the state.
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The whole
country's in chaos.
Oh.
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But before
it got out of control,
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the police were deployed
to maintain the peace...
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Thank Christ for --
...which means thousands
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of innocent citizens
have been shot quite dead.
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That's awful.
The human animal
will take only so much
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before they rise up to tear
down governments that oppress.
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-Ohh.
-Sensing weakness,
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the North Koreans
launched the first nuke.
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-Ohh!
-But after we retaliated,
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Iran, Russia, China,
Japan, India,
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Brazil unleashed
all they had.
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Most of Earth's
population is dead.
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Of the survivors,
90% are mutant-ed.
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The only thing
the globe agrees on
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is that this is all your fault,
and you must pay.
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[ Hyperventilating ]
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Mr. Lem? Can you hear me?
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Where am I?
What happened?
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The mutants consider you
their God...
Ahh. What?
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...presuming this was
all your grand plan
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to remake civilization with
their kind as our overlords.
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Ohh. Ohh.
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But we normals beseech you --
stand with us.
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Ohh. Ohh.
Declare allegiance
to our resistance!
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Aah.
Will you wave
our flag?
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I-I swear I'll never
ogle anyone again.
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Forget about that!
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You're the only
fertile male left --
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we need your help
to repopulate.
What?
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Come.
Give me some semen.
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Oh. Ohh.
Hurry. Come on.
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Hit me, stat!
Uh, okay.
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Do you have, like,
a-a dirty magazine?
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Haven't you
ogled enough?!
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We've got medical
extraction procedures.
No, no, no, no, no!
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Ohh!
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Ohh. Hello?
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Mr. Lem, you're up.
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Great. All's back to normal.
You're free to go.
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But the ogling?
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Turns out that
was a hoax.
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You're totally fine.
Exit's through there.
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Ohh. Uh.
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This is the worst hoax
I've ever been a part of!
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And I was in the camps.
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Oh!
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Guard!
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Announcer: The only way to
escape the prison of reality
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is to turn your life into a lie
so you are not you.
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You're a different person
making all this up
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in his journal
of fantastical fiction,
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a lonely loser
as pathetic as a poet.
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No, put that down!
Please, n-not poetry!
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Aaah!
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Where'd he go?
Where'd he go?
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Announcer: Life flashes forced
Officer Dale
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to recall
his first disappointment...
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how, since the age of 6,
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he yearned for a puppy
but his parents were allergic...
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to making him happy.
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So, instead, they had
his grandma move in,
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and Dale taught her some tricks.
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He trained Nana to sit up
and beg for her meds.
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She could shake...
Here, Nana, Nana!
Good Nana!
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...catch a Frisbee
in her teeth.
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When she messed the rug,
he rubbed her nose in it
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until the foul of her
unpleasantness was gone.
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But when Dale took Nana
to the vet to get fixed,
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they discovered she had mange,
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and he had to put her out of his
misery and into his ecstasy.
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[ Gunshot ]
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Weeks later, when his chum
got a 3-legged dog,
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Dale was jealous because he
could only afford a pet leg.
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It spent all day humping itself,
happy as a lark's arm,
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00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:06,319
and even gave birth
to a litter of toe-lets...
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00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:10,907
until the day it got hit
by a wheel.
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Doctors had to amputate
his whole body
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and replace him
with a wooden one.
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Other dogs mistook Sock
for a stick,
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so he contracted rabies
and went on a rampage.
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Witnessing such carnage
gave Dale a deep desire
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to create his own fate.
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But tragically, the urge
to conjure a better new world
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can turn even a decent
human being into a poet.
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Dale: The sun-dappled lark
crouched on a branch,
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admiring the brilliance
of the poet...
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[ Tweets ]
No. That's ridiculous.
190
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The chipmunk crouched
on a branch in awe of the poet.
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No, no, no.
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Hm. Hm.
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[ Gasps ]
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I know!
There he is!
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00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,542
Sir, we need you to come
with us immediately.
196
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,086
Excuse me? I-I don't...
No, we need your poetry.
197
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,088
It's the only thing
that can save the world.
198
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,798
Your poetry
really matters.
199
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,466
It does?
Totally.
200
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,802
The world needs
your poetry right away!
201
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,137
For real?
Yes, and
the amazing thing --
202
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,056
we're not making fun
of you at all.
203
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,225
The government personally
requested that you,
204
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,019
the best poet on earth,
come read his super not boring,
205
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,980
not lame, not solipsistic,
indulgent,
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00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,274
narcissistic, vapid,
deluded twaddle.
207
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,025
Come on! Let's move!
208
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:31,112
Oh, my God,
this is amazing.
209
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,739
I know! It's incredible.
You're such a good poet.
210
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:36,742
I always secretly hoped
this would happen.
211
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,661
Oh, it's happening.
Let's go!
212
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,580
This is so inspiring.
213
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,873
Hang on.
I've got to write about this.
214
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,375
But we need you!
Hold on.
215
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:47,962
Words are coming --
slowly, but, oh, they're coming.
216
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,839
Sir, we don't have time!
217
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,758
You know, you're kind of
in my space right now,
218
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,552
lagging my flow?
219
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,095
Not sure if you've heard,
220
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:59,348
but I've recently been
acknowledged by the military
221
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,000
as a pretty important poet,
222
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,811
so I can probably
get you fired.
223
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:06,439
No. Please don't, sir.
I need this job.
224
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,524
I have 52 children.
Well, now you know
225
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,359
there are some things
more important than sex
226
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with a whole bunch
of stupid, beautiful women.
227
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:16,657
You really taught me
something today.
228
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:17,908
How did you get so wise?
229
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I've had a lot
of lonely time
230
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:23,581
to think up a lot of very wise,
um, thoughts...
231
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,459
Oh, that's so cool.
...thoughts...thoughts...
232
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,752
Anyway, we better go.
233
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,962
World needs you and all.
Yeah, right.
234
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:33,090
My poem isn't finished.
But, sir, the world!
235
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I need you to respect
my beautiful process.
236
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Aaaaah!
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Announcer:
And that was the day
that man never remembered
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00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,608
to stop ogling the Earth.
239
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,234
[ Thwap! ]
240
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♪ There's blood in the kitchen ♪
241
00:10:57,073 --> 00:11:00,284
♪ There's blood in the hall ♪
242
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:07,291
♪ There's blood in the parlor
where my lady did fall ♪
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00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:11,921
♪♪