1
00:00:01,209 --> 00:00:05,964
Announcer: Not to mention the
fact that lies attract bunnies.
2
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,633
[ Dialing ]
3
00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:10,218
Operator: 911.
What's your emergency?
4
00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:11,845
Lyle: Oh, God!
An intruder.
5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:12,971
This guy --
He broke into my house,
6
00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:14,389
and he tied me up,
and -- oh, God --
7
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:18,351
he made sure I had to watch
as he w-woke up my -- my wife!
8
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,104
And he -- he charmed her.
Made her laugh.
9
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:24,065
Then he made it so they
found little similarities...
10
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,026
ways their world views
coalesced,
11
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:30,739
and, over time, he made her
fall in love with him.
12
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,073
In love?
13
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:34,242
And now they're
in a committed relationship
14
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:36,119
where they look out for
each others' emotional needs
15
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,164
with a maturity I'll never
be capable of achieving.
16
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,042
Okay, sir, I'm going
to tell you what to do.
17
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,877
But you have
to remain calm.
18
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,211
Please, hurry.
19
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,964
Now. You're not going to be
able to compete with this guy
20
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,299
on fulfilling her needs.
21
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:52,802
So you have to made
a drastic show of indifference,
22
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,095
play on her insecurity.
23
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:56,556
Stoke her latent desire
to have her inner sense
24
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,099
of worthlessness reinforced.
25
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,894
Can you do that for me?
I don't know how!
26
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,187
Just ignore her, sir.
27
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,647
Then when she looks to you
for validation,
28
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:05,857
treat her like dirt.
Oh, God.
29
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,818
Degrade her.
It's -- It's working.
30
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:09,986
Don't let up.
Keep it going.
31
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:12,363
It worked.
We're back together.
32
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,824
Ah, thank you so much.
No need to thank me, sir.
33
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,743
I'm just doing my job.
34
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,703
[ Ominous music plays ]
35
00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:22,999
♪♪
36
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:24,542
And then.
37
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:25,418
For show and tell,
38
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,546
Pauly Dindin showed
and told his class
39
00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:32,008
that if you hold a seashell
to your ear,
40
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:38,056
you can hear the roar
of the very ocean itself.
41
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,184
But some seashells
work too well.
42
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,353
Some children hear too much
43
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:46,898
of what is happening
on that fated shore.
44
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:50,693
Woman: Oh, just take in
that salt air.
45
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:52,570
The sunset is radiant today.
46
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,864
Angus: Not as radiant
as you, my love.
47
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,324
Oh, Angus!
48
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:58,535
What if your wife finds out
about us? And your kid?
49
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:03,164
Little Pauly and his mother
will never find out about us.
50
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:04,374
How can you be sure?
51
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,542
This is how.
[ Gun cocks ]
52
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,877
Angus.
Where did you get that gun?
53
00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:09,045
Put that down.
54
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,881
I'm sorry, but I can't
risk losing my wife.
55
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,091
I don't mind losing Pauly,
56
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,843
but that's neither here
nor there.
57
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,219
What are you gonna do?!
58
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:19,055
Nothing I haven't fantasized
about a thousand times.
59
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,390
Only,
usually it wasn't you.
60
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,975
It was my kid, Pauly.
61
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,268
[ Gun cocks ]
No!
62
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:24,853
[ Gunshot ]
63
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,104
You did it, Angus.
64
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,606
Your problems are over.
[ Laughs ]
65
00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:31,109
I mean, you still got
a crap-ass son
66
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,527
with crap
all over his face.
67
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,070
Well,
ya can't have everything.
68
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,071
All right, let me just see
69
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:37,365
if she's got any cash
in her wallet.
70
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,868
Ooh! Grape gum!
71
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,035
Okay, ready?
[ Sighs ]
72
00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,287
You can do this.
[ Dialing ]
73
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,998
Here we go.
Operator:
911. What's your emergency?
74
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,082
I was jogging on the beach,
75
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,042
and I found the body
of a stranger
76
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:49,878
who I've never seen before
in my life!
77
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,129
Is the person dead?
78
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,338
Oh, she better be.
79
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,216
I-I mean, she looks like
she's been shot by a lover.
80
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,926
Can you describe the victim?
81
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,136
Uh, let's see.
82
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,345
Uh, well, she's not
the kind of woman
83
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,014
that I
would be attracted to.
84
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:01,973
Just not my type.
85
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,266
Besides, I'm married.
86
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,435
I got a kid, too, but that
wouldn't be a deal breaker
87
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:06,811
'cause he's such a chode.
88
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,063
In fact, when I dropped
my kid off at school today,
89
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,440
he's whining at me, like,
90
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,193
"Oh, I hope have embarrass
myself at show and tell today."
91
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,028
I seriously had to stop
myself from blasting
92
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,322
a snot rocket
in his frickin' mouth
93
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:20,241
just to see the tweaked-out
look on his stupid puss.
94
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:22,035
This kid of your
sounds like a real piece
95
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,244
of garbage.
[ Laughing ] Yeah.
96
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,704
Sounds like
you've met the boy.
97
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:27,165
No, but I hope when he's
in front of the class today
98
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,125
he wets his pants.
Oh, yeah, lady?
99
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,502
Well, I hope
he solids his face.
100
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:35,173
[ Laughs ] His classmates
oughta call him "Solid Face."
101
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,550
Seriously. They should
start doing that today.
102
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,136
Anyway, I'm sending
an emergency vehicle to you
103
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,554
right away, so --
Oh, the body!
104
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,722
It's -- It's not dead!
105
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,390
She's got my gun.
A gun.
106
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,267
She must have found it.
I-I don't have a gun.
107
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,186
Please, honey.
Okay, just put that down.
108
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,562
[ Gunshot ]
Aah!
109
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:50,772
Hello?
[ Dial tone ]
110
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,065
Hello?!
111
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,068
Oh, God,
something terrible happened.
112
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,319
This job sucks.
113
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,948
Every call
tragedy after tragedy.
114
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,241
Calm down, Sheryl.
115
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,784
It's the only job
you got.
116
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,078
At least you're not
an absolute turd
117
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,913
like that kid Solid Face.
118
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,206
What a turd.
119
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,083
Take it easy.
Take the next call.
120
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,417
I can't save 'em all.
121
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:12,293
[ Beep ]
122
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,753
911.
What is your emergency?
123
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,881
Elderly woman's voice: Oh,
I don't want to be any trouble.
124
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:17,590
Never mind.
125
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:18,800
Ma'am?
If you need some help --
126
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,177
No, I shouldn't
have bothered you.
127
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,095
I shouldn't have.
No, no, no!
128
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,137
It's -- It's no trouble.
129
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,555
What is it?
It's nothing.
130
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:28,309
I'm sure you're too busy
to save a little lady's life.
131
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:29,602
Bye-bye.
Ma'am, wait!
132
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,397
You can tell me what is wrong,
and I will help you.
133
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,941
Don't waste your time
worrying about me
134
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:38,152
and my unfolding
personal emergency.
135
00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:39,445
How are you?
136
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,990
Are you seeing anyone,
dear?
137
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,116
I'm married.
138
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,325
Oh, that's nice.
139
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:45,660
D-Does he hit you?
No.
140
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,996
Not at all.
Is that what happened to you?
141
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,247
Did your husband hit you?
142
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,415
Oh, no.
I never married.
143
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,000
I didn't want
to trouble anyone.
144
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,418
It's just me and the cats.
145
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,545
Okay, if you're lonely,
I can transfer you
146
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,714
to elderly services --
Elderly?!
147
00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,000
Good heavens!
I'm 24!
148
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,593
Do I sound elderly
to you?
149
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,470
No!
I just thought with the cats --
150
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,473
Oh, a young woman
can't keep a few dozen cats.
151
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,183
I get it.
Good one.
152
00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:12,478
You got me.
Really tore me down good.
153
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:13,771
No, I didn't mean to --
154
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:16,190
[ Voice breaking ]
If you're done having your fun,
155
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:19,861
then why don't you go back
to your fancy husband,
156
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,322
who doesn't hit you
for some strange reason?
157
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,531
Ma'am.
It's fine.
158
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:27,160
The cats have eaten
most of my body by now.
159
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,995
I didn't want
to be any trouble,
160
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:33,207
and I don't have the heart
to shoo them off, so...
161
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,292
they're really digging in.
162
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,961
Okay, I'm sending
animal control out now.
163
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,546
But what will
the kitties eat?
164
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,715
Someone will be there
within the hour.
165
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,343
They've eaten
up to my throat.
166
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,053
I'm inside them now.
167
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,263
I live through them.
168
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:50,475
One in flesh,
one in soul,
169
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,143
one in -- Meow.
170
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,312
[ Meowing ]
171
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:57,398
[ Yowling ]
172
00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,360
Excuse me, Mr. Darpi.
173
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,780
I think there's something
wrong with this seashell.
174
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,823
Lyle Darpi suddenly wondered
175
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:09,285
if he had wasted his life
teaching for a reason.
176
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,245
[ Gasps ]
Perhaps this miracle
177
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:14,082
was finally
the treasure he deserved.
178
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,333
Yes!
179
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,586
[ Engine starts, tires screech ]
180
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:22,423
Now that he was rich,
he was free to live life
181
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,467
to the fullest possible --
[ Crash ]
182
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,594
Oh. Oh, oh. Oh.
183
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:27,595
[ Beep ]
184
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,263
Operator: 911.
What is your emergency?
185
00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:32,392
I'm trapped upside down
in my car. Losing blood.
186
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,352
Please, send someone quick.
I'm -- I'm rich.
187
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,812
I'll pay whatever.
What's that?
188
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,273
I-If you can get someone here
faster, money is no object.
189
00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:41,567
Oh. I didn't realize
you were wealthy.
190
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,027
You should have said
something.
191
00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:46,155
I'll transfer you
to our luxury line.
192
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,240
Luxury line?
193
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,282
One moment, please.
194
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:50,576
[ Click, classical music plays ]
Oh.
195
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:51,786
[ Beep ]
196
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,080
Charleston: [ British accent ]
Good evening. 9-1-1 Deluxe.
197
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,248
My name is Charleston.
198
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,041
To whom do I have
the pleasure of speaking?
199
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:59,085
My name is Lyle Darpi.
Please help.
200
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,711
Right away, Mr. Darpi.
201
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,464
What is the nature
of our emergency this afternoon?
202
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:07,093
I'm trapped in my car.
I think my leg is gone.
203
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,594
Oh, wonderful.
204
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,389
Well, we have
a superb fleet of ambuli
205
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,224
for you to choose from --
Anything!
206
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:15,143
Would you prefer
standard stretch,
207
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,936
that comes
with a stocked wet bar;
208
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:20,481
superstretch
with hotted tub...
Whatever's fastest!
209
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,859
...super-duper-
duper-double-decker,
210
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,735
which comes with
a personal blood butler --
211
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,571
It doesn't matter!
Just hurry!
212
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:27,989
Wolves are closing in!
213
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,282
Oh, excellent, sir.
214
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,618
And what is your Platinum
Elite Plus member number?
215
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:33,619
I don't have one!
216
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,538
Oh, God,
there are wolves coming!
217
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,957
It's perfectly fine, sir.
No need to yell.
218
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,625
This is the luxury service.
219
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,169
I can just give you
a new account.
220
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,545
Losing blood.
[ Keyboard clacking ]
221
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,797
[ Wolves howling ]
I'm losing blood and...
222
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:47,675
Losing blood.
Losing blood.
Yes, sir.
223
00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:50,386
Losing blood.
Losing blood.
224
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:53,598
This is all that kid Pauly's
fault -- Solid Face.
225
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,516
Uh-huh, and...yeah.
226
00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:56,642
There we go.
227
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,103
And your confirmation number
on the new account
228
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:11,866
is YTR583836839027FRTH85779.
229
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,034
Dash B.
230
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,703
Now go ahead and give me
that confirmation number,
231
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:16,913
and we'll be good to go.
232
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,080
I-I don't remember it!
233
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,874
You've lost
your confirmation number?
234
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,042
Please send help.
235
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,461
The wolves are licking
blood off the hood.
236
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,671
Mm.
You know what, sir?
237
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:28,216
I'm really not supposed
to do this,
238
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,884
but I'm going to get you
an ambulance
239
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,802
without
the confirmation number.
240
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:34,305
Thank you!
Absolutely.
241
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:36,516
So, would you prefer
standard stretch,
242
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,644
which, again, comes complete
with a fully stocked wet bar;
243
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,313
superstretch
with hotted tub;
244
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:45,399
super-dupra-double-dog-lupra --
Please!
245
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,734
The wolves!
246
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,611
Aah! Aaahhh!
247
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,238
[ Wolf snarling ]
248
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,657
[ Wolf growls, children scream ]
249
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,702
But when a boy girds his hatches
for a wolf attack,
250
00:08:56,702 --> 00:09:00,748
he lowers his guard
against the true threat.
251
00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,708
[ Growls, chomps ]
252
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,419
Because certain fangs
inject into the child
253
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:09,340
a recognition that every object
in the physical realm
254
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,342
is a shell for something,
255
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:15,805
faintly sounding its source
into the ear of the air.
256
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:19,976
He could hear the embarrassment
of things around him.
257
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,979
He could sense
how one particular pen
258
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,815
knew somewhere inside...
[ Pen screeching ]
259
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,442
...that, due
to certain circumstances,
260
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:32,738
it would one day be responsible
for more deaths
261
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:37,618
than a Nazi Holocaust
with a side of Nagasaki.
262
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,621
Pauly could hear it knowing.
263
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:46,210
He became the greatest hero
the world has ever not known.
264
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,211
[ Laughter ]
265
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:48,921
And that was the moment
266
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:52,758
Pauly Dindin
first came out of his shell.
267
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,428
♪♪
268
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,638
[ Seashell ringing ]
269
00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:00,000
911.
What is your emergency?
270
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:05,855
But after being robbed for ages,
271
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,024
the sea
had taken its sound back
272
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,693
from all the shells
that had stolen it.
273
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,904
Hello?
It's broken.
274
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:16,866
And the ocean's throat
was finally free
275
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,744
to share
its innermost reflections.
276
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,663
[ Waves crashing,
people screaming ]
277
00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:26,834
[ Pulsating tone, wailing ]
278
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:30,379
[ Screaming continues ]
279
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,507
So little Pauly
solidified his face
280
00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:36,636
and did what
a good boy would do.
281
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,346
[ Screaming continues ]
282
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,513
[ Gun cocks ]
283
00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:40,514
[ People gasp ]
284
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,558
[ Screaming stops ]
285
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,269
♪♪
286
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:48,481
To this day,
he remains at vigilant arms.
287
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:53,235
None of us know it,
but he stays there for us.
288
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:56,197
♪♪