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♪♪
[Chillnflix.to - Free Movie Online]
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Announcer:
Our best minds have determined
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00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:09,926
that the whole universe
is the dream of one ant.
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[ Gasps ]
[Chillnflix.to - Free Movie Online]
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Huh?
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[ Panicked breathing ]
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Aah!
8
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,027
A-Are you okay?
9
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,319
I was just sleeping,
10
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,405
and I heard
troubled breath.
11
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Nothing. Nothing.
I-I'm fine.
12
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,492
I just...
had a nightmare.
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00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:35,827
What are you
accusing me of?
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I-I didn't shove anything
all up in your ear.
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[ Drip! ]
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I never seen that thing
before in my life.
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I don't even know
what it is.
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Besides,
my thing would need
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one twice that size.
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What did you do to me?!
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[ Sobs ]
[ Snoring ]
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Stop this!
What d-- What did you do?
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Huh?
Get up!
24
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W-W-What's happening?
25
00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,809
W-Why are you
hitting me?
26
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What have you done to me
while I was sleeping?
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[ Panicked cries ]
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What did you do to me?
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I -- I didn't
do anything.
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I don't think I did.
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Did I do something to you?
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Oh, God!
What did I do?!
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What did you do to me?
You monster!
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I'm sorry.
I'm so confused.
35
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It's okay.
I forgive you.
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These things happen.
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Why are you
so good to me?
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Because you have such tight,
pretty ears.
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Not really.
You really wanna know?
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I've never shown
anyone this.
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[ Grunts ]
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♪♪
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It's huge.
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Thank you.
Thank you so much.
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[ Squealing ]
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[ Clicking ]
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♪♪
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Announcer: Then again,
toddler prodigy Trudy Glimmer
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was the greatest peekaboo player
the world had ever known.
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Trudy?
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00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,131
W-Where's Trudy?
I just saw her.
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She was just here.
Where'd she go?
53
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Where'd she go?!
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Oh, God.
She was just here!
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Oh, my God! Trudy!
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Where'd you go?!
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, Trudy!
My baby!
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Where's my baby?!
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911!
Someone stole my baby!
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Oh, God! [ Sobs ]
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Someone stole my baby!
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Oh, God,
oh, God, oh God.
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Oh, God.
What's going on?
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Where's Trudy?
What happened?!
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Where is she?!
Aah!
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[ Shattering ]
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[ Sirens wail ]
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You get that bastard
that took her!
[ Giggling ]
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If he hurt a hair
on her head, I swear,
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I'm gonna rip
God's face off
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and -- and ram it
down his tip.
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I promise
I will find your daughter,
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even if I have to
kill her to do it.
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Announcer: Police rounded up
every pervert in the area,
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torturing them
for information,
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which, naturally,
the perverts loved.
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They undulated
orgasmically for more.
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The cops were all
too happy to oblige.
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Nipple twisting,
purple nurples, blue nurples,
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every nurple in the rainbow
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turned up
a steaming pile of zilch.
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The trauma of losing their child
tore the parents apart.
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Last year, I let your brothers
sandwich my business.
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Ah, yeah, so did I, Chachi.
So did I.
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Before long, a father
finds a suitable outlet
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to properly deal
with his grief.
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If I don't see my child again
soon, I'm gonna do this.
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Announcer: Some children
are just naturally talented.
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We'll never know why.
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Peekaboo!
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Trudy!
Oh, sweetie, where were you?
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Oh, my God, Trudy.
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Don't ever
disappear again.
[ Giggles ]
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Trudy?!
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Trudy! Trudy!!
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[ Screams ]
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Peekaboo.
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Mama? Papa?
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[ Chicken clucking ]
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Announcer: We have long known
that chickens can live for years
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with their heads cut off.
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Recently, embedded Mideast
war reporters
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have been dosing with huge
infusions of chicken blood
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to frustrate
their terrorist beheaders.
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This is what western
infidels get!
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Is that all you got,
cha-cha?
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[ Laughs, yawns ]
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Shut up and die,
you infidel pig dog.
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Uh, correction --
chicken dog.
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Bawk-bawk.
[ Smooches ]
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You are making me angry.
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And you have schmutz
on your dress.
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Bonk! Gotcha!
Bawk-bawk, playa!
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Announcer: Innocent bystanders
were so amused,
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they took the act on the road.
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[ Laughter ]
Why will you
not die already?
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Uh, why don't you
brush your teeth already?
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I'm warning you --
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keep it up and I'll stop
this holy war right now.
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Bawk-bawk, homey.
A-bawk-bawk.
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[ Slide whistle plays ]
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Mmm, check the hottie
in the front row.
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Hey, uh, missy,
you care for a three-way?
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Or at least a 2 1/4-way?
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[ Laughs ]
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Hey, I'm not severed
where it counts.
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Please die,
for the love of Allah.
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Tell you what, I'll die
if you answer one question.
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You have a deal.
Fire away.
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Why does your faith
glorify hate?
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[ Audience gasping ]
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You really want to know?
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For me, it's --
s-see, I never had a mother.
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[ Sniffles ]
[ Audience boos ]
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Wait, wait,
if you never had a mom,
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then how do you
exist at all?
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Jumpin' Jihad,
you're right.
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[ Cheers and applause ]
140
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Announcer:
At that precise moment,
141
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:12,413
only one man was having
a worse day at work.
142
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Man: We are
so freaking disappointed
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00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,583
in your output, Dwyer.
144
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,293
Everyone else
in this department types
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00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,545
at least 10,000
random numbers a day.
146
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:22,173
Your average is 19.
147
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,841
Sorry, sir.
It's just --
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00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:26,594
I -- It's just --
What's so hard
about it?
149
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:29,347
Just type random numbers
as fast as you can.
150
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:32,934
See? Ding, ding, ding, ding.
That's it. Easy peasy.
151
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,060
Now you try. Go!
152
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,687
Uh. Um...
153
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,232
Let's see, uh...
Ooh...
154
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,025
Uh...
155
00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:43,528
Um...
Just hit numbers!
156
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,279
Faster. Faster!
157
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,407
But I can never decide
which number to choose.
158
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,450
Don't think about it.
Just type. It's random.
159
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:52,245
I know, but I still
want it to be good.
160
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,122
Well, it isn't good.
161
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,331
And what's this?
162
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There's some type
of Goddamn hole
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in the back
of your head here.
164
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,294
Whoa.
165
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,547
Weird little critter
living in there.
166
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,758
Hey, little guy.
What the hell, Dwyer?
167
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,261
I wish you could
see this.
What is it?
168
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,762
What is it?!
Come on, Dwyer,
169
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,264
how the hell
am I supposed to know?
170
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,807
Get your act together.
171
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,560
Let me feed
this little thing for you.
172
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,314
Damn thing was hungry.
173
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:22,483
Maybe that's why
you're doing a sucky job.
174
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,068
Did it eat?!
175
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,946
What is it?
176
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:27,989
Dagit!
177
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,533
The damn thing's allergic
to peanuts or something.
178
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,910
You're on thin ice
with this nonsense, Dwyer.
179
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:35,580
I'm sorry. Here, l-let me
help you wipe that up.
180
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:39,834
Just get back to work.
And get that thing checked out.
181
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:46,007
[ Faint growling ]
182
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,971
[ Hisses ]
What are you doing?
183
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,891
Just keep working, Dwyer.
I'm having a look.
184
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:59,228
W-What the he--
What the hell is this thing?
185
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,605
[ Squeaks ]
186
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:06,235
Ah! What the heck-fire?
Just keep working.
187
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:07,945
Feisty little bastard.
188
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:11,491
Oh, wait.
That's what's going on.
189
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,118
Feisty little bitch,
I should say --
190
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,120
protecting her eggs.
191
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,247
Eggs?
192
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:19,415
I'm a little scared.
193
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,458
It's okay.
194
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,668
She got the little things
hatching right now.
195
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,587
What does it look like?
Christ, Dwyer!
196
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:28,382
Those things are loud.
Buddy, these are disruptive.
197
00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:31,260
[ Chirping and squeaking ]
This is not
appropriate
198
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,720
for a workspace
environment.
199
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,598
I'm sorry. I could strap
a pillow to my head.
200
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,808
Muffle it.
I can't hear you,
Dwyer!
201
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,018
It's too loud!
202
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,645
Or could you fill
it with water
203
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,063
and drown them?
Or piss?
204
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:46,567
Sorry, Dwyer!
Look, we gotta let you go.
205
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:50,446
You can fire me,
but one day I'll show you.
206
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:52,490
I'll show you all.
[ Gunfire ]
207
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,159
Christ, Dwyer!
It's too loud.
208
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:58,996
[ Whimpering ]
209
00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:02,583
Announcer: When he realized
that no one believed in him,
210
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:06,254
Doug rushed home to see
if he was there.
211
00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:11,634
Dwyer: And the noble prize
for the Most Random Series
212
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:15,513
of Numbers of All Time
goes to...
213
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,432
Dougie Dwyer!
214
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:21,644
[ Smooches ]
215
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,646
Announcer: When he reflected
on his strengths,
216
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,065
Doug finally began
to love himself.
217
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,901
And when a man
finds self-esteem,
218
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:32,321
he can coax himself
to go all the way.
219
00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:36,867
♪♪
220
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:42,290
It got so steamy,
even his vanity became aroused.
221
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:47,420
And Doug got to experience
every man's fantasy --
222
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,755
a two-way with himself.
223
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,258
Dwyer: You're killing me.
Killing me.
224
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:56,512
Kill me. Kill me harder.
Kill me harder. Kill me deeper.
225
00:09:56,512 --> 00:10:00,000
Kill me harder. Kill me harder,
kill me deeper, kill me harder.
226
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:05,521
Announcer: But alas, someone
always gets hurt in love.
227
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,024
And when one raw-dogs it
with a mirror,
228
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:12,903
the fruit of your vain
comes home to roost...
229
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:15,948
Push! Push!
230
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:18,534
[ Baby cries ]
231
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:22,705
Announcer: ...and our lives are
filled with meaning forever,
232
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,458
as long as the screams
don't get so loud
233
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,586
that they wake the ants
that are dreaming us.
234
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,921
[ Babies crying ]
235
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,803
[ Gasps ]
236
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:41,891
[ Panting ]
237
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,894
♪ Oh, master, oh, master ♪
238
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:48,481
♪ Don't lay blame on me ♪
239
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,107
♪ 'Twas the false nurse ♪
240
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:54,654
♪ And Lankin that
killed your lady ♪
241
00:10:54,654 --> 00:11:00,993
♪ Long Lankin was hanged
on a gibbet so high ♪
242
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:08,376
♪ And the false nurse was burned
in a fire close by ♪
243
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:16,509
♪♪