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♪♪

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Announcer:
Nevertheless, if you mashed
together every soul on Earth,

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it would weigh less
than one flea.

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Ryan Regrt scratched
so religiously

5
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that the sore on his arm

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grew into the shape
of a small church.

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The more fanatic he scratched,
the deeper the itch became,

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until Ryan was more church
than child,

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wholly swallowed
by the swell, gone.

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His grieving parents
were grateful

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for the tragic loss
of their beloved boy,

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as it gave them
the perfect place

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to mourn the tragic loss
of their beloved boy.

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Luckily, the church pastor

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taught them how to repent
for this perverse pleasure.

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Pastor: That's good.
A little to the left.

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Right there. Ah, don't stop.
Yes. Ahh, ahh. Yes! Oh!

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Ohhhhh!

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♪♪

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Announcer:
But as man evolves,

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war itself must become
increasingly sophisticated.

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You puny maggots need me
to break you into men...

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'cause you're maggots!
What are you?

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I'm a maggot, sir!I can't hear you!

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I'm a maggot, sir!!

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I don't understand!

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Sir! I am -- I'm saying I --
I'm saying a maggot!

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But I'm confused -- how are you
a maggot of some kind?!

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Just 'cause you told me I was,
so I'm a maggot, sir!

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But how is that
physiologically possible?!

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Huh, maggot?!
It just is!

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I can't explain
the biology of it,

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but I am a maggot,
I swear!

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Are you playin' mental games
with me, maggot?

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No, sir!
Am I playing

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mental games
with you, maggot?

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I really don't know.
I-I really don't know, sir!

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Do I look like
I'm playing mental games?

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Look me in the eye.
What do you see in there?

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God, I hope he can't
really see inside me --

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how fragile I am...

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how I can only feel big
by belittling others...

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how I'd crumble were I not
held whole by his fear of me.

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Can he tell that
I'm the real maggot?

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Hey, now,
I'm not gonna let you

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beat yourself up like that.

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Wait. How did --
I can hear your voi--

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Shh! It's okay.
I genuinely respect you,

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not because of your performance of masculinity,

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but in spite of it. But...I'm toxic trash.

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You know what I see behind
all your emotional armor?

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A real cool cookie. For real?

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Triple sugar
shine real, real.

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I've waited my whole life
to hear someone tell me that.

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Now that it happened, why do
I still feel so alone inside?

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You're not alone.
I'm in there with you.

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You're my tough
little guy, okay?

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Who's my tough
little guy?
I am.

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I can't hear you.

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I-I'm your tough
little guy!

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Louder!

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I'm your tough little guy!

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God, I feel so appreciated
for the first time.

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How can I ever
thank you, guy?

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How 'bout, uh, maybe --

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I don't know --
a

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Oh.
That's not what I...

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That -- That would make me
uncomfortable.

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After all
I've done for you?

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One quick little kiss
inside of our minds.

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No one has to know. Um, okay.

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Um, well, o-okay,
just -- just one.

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That wasn't
so bad, was it?

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I guess not. Gimme a little more.

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Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm.

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This is all
happening so fast.

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What was that?

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Be still, my cookie.
This'll be over quick.

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Where'd I go?
Where am I?

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You're in the realm
of love eternal.

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Isn't it beautiful?

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I-I don't know.

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Just kidding.
You're in my tummy.

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It's beautiful.

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Oh, boy.
I gotta go to the bathroom.

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I feel like you're taking
advantage of me, Private.

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Aw, that's all
in your head.

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Which reminds me --
I-I forgot to wipe. Hang on.

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Well, we better
get back to it

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before the guys
notice anything.

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And don't you dare squeal
about what I done did to you.

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Well, do I look like I'm
playing mental games, maggot?!

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No, sir!
You're not, I swear!

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Then answer this question,
maggot --

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why do you treat me like dirt
when all I ever wanted

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was to bask
in the light of your love?!

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Great! You're ready!
What

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This was all a part

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of a covert elite
psychic training program.

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You are now
the perfect soldier.

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Really? Thanks.
W-What an honor.

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Yep. Go on now. The big war
is right through there.

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♪♪

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Well, that takes care
of that dildo.

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Announcer: Private Ray Pontle
simply did what was required

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to get out of his
dangerous combat obligations.

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Now he was free to pursue
his true calling --

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a life of secretly watching
women purchase underwear.

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-Aah!
-He knew Sarge would be fine.

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Sergeant Pat Mounder, on behalf
of the U.S. Armed Forces,

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it's my duty
to inform you

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that we're gonna have
to let you go.

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You are firing me?

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It's not your fault.

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It's just you're not a good
fit for our organization.

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You're more like a piece of meat
that just keeps on living.

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But your war made
me like this.

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Now, w-we could
get into all that

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"he said, meat said"
stuff,

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but you'd be better off
trying for a job

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as a raisin or a maggot.

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I'll kill you.

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I'll kill everyone!

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Congratulations!

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You passed your cyborg
warrior training.

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You're ready!

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What an honor.

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Announcer: Tessa Doinel had
wasted enough of her life

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doing whatever men
wanted her to do.

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She decided to take a stand
and buy the blue ones this time.

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Find what you're
looking for?

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Did you see these underwear?
T-They...

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Yes, all the panties on this
rack are self-bleeding.

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But why?

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They bleed
so you don't have to.

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Ooh, these would
look sexy on you.

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No, I-I don't like it.

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Not your color?No, it's the blood.

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Oh.
Well, there are other fluids.

140
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These ones here
are self-snotting.

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Ooh,
that's hot on you.

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You looking to spice up
your marriage?

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Well, I'd like
to have kids, so...

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You should've said so.

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These ones are crotchless
for easy...you know.

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Go on, push.
Huh?

147
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Push.
Unh.

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Don't be shy.

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Here it comes.

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Harder. Harder!

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Ooh, that's sexy.

152
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You broke it,
you bought it.

153
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I don't know how to take
care of it.
Gotcha covered.

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Just feed the goddamn thing

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till it moves out
or goes to jail.

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Truth is, I-I don't actually
have a husband.

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Not a problem.

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We carry a wide selection
of wifebeaters.

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I knew I'd find love if o--
Oh, oh, oh!

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He dumped me!

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I'll never bask
in the light of love...

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love...love...
love...love...

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Announcer: Private Pontle
had found his soul mate.

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He just had to speak to her

165
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and begin his new life
of perfect joy.

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Wait! Miss!

167
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Woman's voice:
Attention.

168
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You have activated our

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00:08:25,746 --> 00:08:27,507
automated insecurity system.

170
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I didn't take anything.
Go on -- check.

171
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,684
There's nothing missing.

172
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Oh. I see.

173
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You're saying that there's
something missing in me,

174
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is that it?

175
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Like there's a hole
in my soul or something?

176
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How dare this thing attack me!
Trying to make mefeel guilty?

177
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Judge me? I'm a good guy.
So maybe I'm not perfect.

178
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But I'm expected to what --
search inside of myself

179
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and confront
the bad things I've done?

180
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Okay, fine! I made him suffer
in a really bad war!

181
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I'm a monster!

182
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,613
How can I pay
for what I've done?!

183
00:09:04,647 --> 00:09:08,548
You can be forgiven for how you treated Sergeant Pat Mounder

184
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,378
if you seek absolution
from above.

185
00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:13,898
And Sarge is probably fine,
right?

186
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:16,141
Right
Right

187
00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:19,593
Announcer: Sergeant Mounder
was thrown into war after war

188
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until every shred
of his flesh was blown up.

189
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They managed to keep
his essence alive,

190
00:09:26,911 --> 00:09:30,742
though he was stripped down
to pure consciousness energy --

191
00:09:30,777 --> 00:09:34,608
the perfect killing machine.

192
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Contrite,
Private Pontle prostrated

193
00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:38,267
before his higher power,

194
00:09:38,301 --> 00:09:41,719
begging for holiness
to bright his life.

195
00:09:41,753 --> 00:09:47,517
♪♪

196
00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:48,967
It is often said

197
00:09:49,002 --> 00:09:52,246
you should never give a man's
pure consciousness

198
00:09:52,281 --> 00:09:55,456
a clear shot
to exact vengeance.

199
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,737
But the yucks was on
the sergeant again

200
00:09:59,771 --> 00:10:03,085
because, when you're tormented
by the itch of guilt,

201
00:10:03,119 --> 00:10:06,088
there is only one path
to relief.

202
00:10:06,122 --> 00:10:09,091
Private:
Oh, that's good. Yes, yes.
Right there. To the left.

203
00:10:09,125 --> 00:10:12,128
Ah, yes. Right there, yes.
That's good.

204
00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:15,753
I'm free!

205
00:10:19,515 --> 00:10:21,379
I'm basking in love.

206
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:24,831
I'm basking in love!
Oh, I'm basking in love!

207
00:10:24,865 --> 00:10:26,660
Announcer:
And if you spend your life

208
00:10:26,695 --> 00:10:28,697
praying for the light of love...

209
00:10:28,731 --> 00:10:30,768
-I'm basking in love!
-...you magnify it in your head

210
00:10:30,802 --> 00:10:34,116
until it can caress the stuff
between your atoms...

211
00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:36,670
-Aaaah!
-...that gunk in there

212
00:10:36,705 --> 00:10:41,571
that makes them
all stick together as one whole.

213
00:10:41,606 --> 00:10:44,264
Tessa: Aaaah!

214
00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:48,786
♪ There's blood in the kitchen

215
00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:51,961
♪ There's blood in the hall

216
00:10:51,996 --> 00:10:58,519
♪ There's blood in the parlor
where my lady did fall ♪

217
00:10:58,554 --> 00:11:05,319
♪ Long Lankin was hanged
on a gibbet so high ♪

218
00:11:05,354 --> 00:11:11,636
♪ And the false nurse was burned
in a fire close by ♪