1
00:00:02,416 --> 00:00:07,179
Announcer: Not to mention the
fact that lies attract bunnies.

2
00:00:09,526 --> 00:00:11,045
Operator: 911.
What's your emergency?

3
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,667
Lyle: Oh, God!
An intruder.

4
00:00:12,702 --> 00:00:13,944
This guy --
He broke into my house,

5
00:00:13,979 --> 00:00:15,429
and he tied me up,
and -- oh, God --

6
00:00:15,463 --> 00:00:19,260
he made sure I had to watch
as he w-woke up my -- my wife!

7
00:00:19,295 --> 00:00:22,160
And he -- he charmed her.
Made her laugh.

8
00:00:22,194 --> 00:00:25,025
Then he made it so they
found little similarities...

9
00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:27,061
ways their world views
coalesced,

10
00:00:27,096 --> 00:00:31,514
and, over time, he made her
fall in love with him.

11
00:00:31,548 --> 00:00:32,894
In love?

12
00:00:32,929 --> 00:00:35,069
And now they're
in a committed relationship

13
00:00:35,104 --> 00:00:37,175
where they look out for
each others' emotional needs

14
00:00:37,209 --> 00:00:40,178
with a maturity I'll never
be capable of achieving.

15
00:00:40,212 --> 00:00:42,939
Okay, sir, I'm going
to tell you what to do.

16
00:00:42,973 --> 00:00:44,699
But you have
to remain calm.

17
00:00:44,734 --> 00:00:46,356
Please, hurry.

18
00:00:46,391 --> 00:00:48,807
Now. You're not going to be
able to compete with this guy

19
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,360
on fulfilling her needs.

20
00:00:50,395 --> 00:00:53,467
So you have to made
a drastic show of indifference,

21
00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:54,951
play on her insecurity.

22
00:00:54,985 --> 00:00:57,298
Stoke her latent desire
to have her inner sense

23
00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:59,093
of worthlessness reinforced.

24
00:00:59,128 --> 00:01:01,716
Can you do that for me?I don't know how!

25
00:01:01,751 --> 00:01:03,097
Just ignore her, sir.

26
00:01:03,132 --> 00:01:05,306
Then when she looks to you
for validation,

27
00:01:05,341 --> 00:01:06,756
treat her like dirt.
Oh, God.

28
00:01:06,790 --> 00:01:09,483
Degrade her.It's -- It's working.

29
00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:10,829
Don't let up.
Keep it going.

30
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:13,280
It worked.
We're back together.

31
00:01:13,314 --> 00:01:15,627
Ah, thank you so much.No need to thank me, sir.

32
00:01:15,661 --> 00:01:17,387
I'm just doing my job.

33
00:01:23,669 --> 00:01:25,154
And then.

34
00:01:25,188 --> 00:01:26,258
For show and tell,

35
00:01:26,293 --> 00:01:29,399
Pauly Dindin showed
and told his class

36
00:01:29,434 --> 00:01:32,816
that if you hold a seashell
to your ear,

37
00:01:32,851 --> 00:01:38,753
you can hear the roar
of the very ocean itself.

38
00:01:38,788 --> 00:01:41,963
But some seashells
work too well.

39
00:01:41,998 --> 00:01:44,242
Some children hear too much

40
00:01:44,276 --> 00:01:47,624
of what is happening
on that fated shore.

41
00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:51,352
Woman: Oh, just take in
that salt air.

42
00:01:51,387 --> 00:01:53,423
The sunset is radiant today.

43
00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:55,598
Angus: Not as radiant
as you, my love.

44
00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:57,117
Oh, Angus!

45
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,533
What if your wife finds out
about us? And your kid?

46
00:01:59,567 --> 00:02:03,813
Little Pauly and his mother
will never find out about us.

47
00:02:03,847 --> 00:02:05,055
How can you be sure?

48
00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:06,264
This is how.

49
00:02:06,298 --> 00:02:08,542
Angus.
Where did you get that gun?

50
00:02:08,576 --> 00:02:09,957
Put that down.

51
00:02:09,991 --> 00:02:12,649
I'm sorry, but I can't
risk losing my wife.

52
00:02:12,684 --> 00:02:13,961
I don't mind losing Pauly,

53
00:02:13,995 --> 00:02:15,618
but that's neither here
nor there.

54
00:02:15,652 --> 00:02:17,171
What are you gonna do?!

55
00:02:17,206 --> 00:02:19,829
Nothing I haven't fantasized
about a thousand times.

56
00:02:19,863 --> 00:02:21,037
Only,
usually it wasn't you.

57
00:02:21,071 --> 00:02:22,694
It was my kid, Pauly.

58
00:02:22,728 --> 00:02:23,833
No!

59
00:02:25,593 --> 00:02:26,974
You did it, Angus.

60
00:02:27,008 --> 00:02:29,321
Your problems are over.

61
00:02:29,356 --> 00:02:31,668
I mean, you still got
a crap-ass son

62
00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:33,222
with crap
all over his face.

63
00:02:33,256 --> 00:02:34,637
Well,
ya can't have everything.

64
00:02:34,671 --> 00:02:35,914
All right, let me just see

65
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,985
if she's got any cash
in her wallet.

66
00:02:38,019 --> 00:02:40,401
Ooh! Grape gum!

67
00:02:40,436 --> 00:02:41,644
Okay, ready?

68
00:02:41,678 --> 00:02:43,197
You can do this.

69
00:02:43,232 --> 00:02:45,751
Here we go.
Operator:
911. What's your emergency?

70
00:02:45,786 --> 00:02:46,890
I was jogging on the beach,

71
00:02:46,925 --> 00:02:48,720
and I found the body
of a stranger

72
00:02:48,754 --> 00:02:50,584
who I've never seen before
in my life!

73
00:02:50,618 --> 00:02:51,826
Is the person dead?

74
00:02:51,861 --> 00:02:53,242
Oh, she better be.

75
00:02:53,276 --> 00:02:55,934
I-I mean, she looks like
she's been shot by a lover.

76
00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,384
Can you describe the victim?

77
00:02:57,418 --> 00:02:58,833
Uh, let's see.

78
00:02:58,868 --> 00:03:00,110
Uh, well, she's not
the kind of woman

79
00:03:00,145 --> 00:03:01,664
that I
would be attracted to.

80
00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:02,665
Just not my type.

81
00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:04,184
Besides, I'm married.

82
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:06,047
I got a kid, too, but that
wouldn't be a deal breaker

83
00:03:06,082 --> 00:03:07,566
'cause he's such a chode.

84
00:03:07,601 --> 00:03:09,534
In fact, when I dropped
my kid off at school today,

85
00:03:09,568 --> 00:03:11,191
he's whining at me, like,

86
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,848
"Oh, I hope have embarrass
myself at show and tell today."

87
00:03:13,883 --> 00:03:15,850
I seriously had to stop
myself from blasting

88
00:03:15,885 --> 00:03:18,025
a snot rocket
in his frickin' mouth

89
00:03:18,059 --> 00:03:20,855
just to see the tweaked-out
look on his stupid puss.

90
00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:22,754
This kid of your
sounds like a real piece

91
00:03:22,788 --> 00:03:23,962
of garbage.
Yeah.

92
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,446
Sounds like
you've met the boy.

93
00:03:25,481 --> 00:03:27,897
No, but I hope when he's
in front of the class today

94
00:03:27,931 --> 00:03:29,692
he wets his pants.Oh, yeah, lady?

95
00:03:29,726 --> 00:03:32,350
Well, I hope
he solids his face.

96
00:03:32,384 --> 00:03:35,801
His classmates
oughta call him "Solid Face."

97
00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:38,356
Seriously. They should
start doing that today.

98
00:03:38,390 --> 00:03:40,703
Anyway, I'm sending
an emergency vehicle to you

99
00:03:40,737 --> 00:03:42,118
right away, so --Oh, the body!

100
00:03:42,152 --> 00:03:43,292
It's -- It's not dead!

101
00:03:43,326 --> 00:03:45,052
She's got my gun.
Agun.

102
00:03:45,086 --> 00:03:46,881
She must have found it.
I-I don't have a gun.

103
00:03:46,916 --> 00:03:48,780
Please, honey.
Okay, just put that down.

104
00:03:48,814 --> 00:03:50,126
Aah!

105
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,369
Hello?

106
00:03:51,403 --> 00:03:52,887
Hello?!

107
00:03:52,922 --> 00:03:55,442
Oh, God,
something terrible happened.

108
00:03:55,476 --> 00:03:57,064
This job sucks.

109
00:03:57,098 --> 00:04:00,585
Every call
tragedy after tragedy.

110
00:04:00,619 --> 00:04:01,896
Calm down, Sheryl.

111
00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:03,381
It's the only job
you got.

112
00:04:03,415 --> 00:04:05,452
At least you're not
an absolute turd

113
00:04:05,486 --> 00:04:07,419
like that kid Solid Face.

114
00:04:07,454 --> 00:04:08,662
What a turd.

115
00:04:08,696 --> 00:04:10,422
Take it easy.
Take the next call.

116
00:04:10,457 --> 00:04:11,803
I can't save 'em all.

117
00:04:12,942 --> 00:04:14,564
911.
What is your emergency?

118
00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:17,257
Elderly woman's voice: Oh,
I don't want to be any trouble.

119
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,154
Never mind.

120
00:04:18,188 --> 00:04:19,397
Ma'am?
If you need some help --

121
00:04:19,431 --> 00:04:21,606
No, I shouldn't
have bothered you.

122
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:22,676
I shouldn't have.
No, no, no!

123
00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:23,780
It's -- It's no trouble.

124
00:04:23,815 --> 00:04:25,299
What is it?
It's nothing.

125
00:04:25,334 --> 00:04:28,854
I'm sure you're too busy
to save a little lady's life.

126
00:04:28,889 --> 00:04:30,339
Bye-bye.
Ma'am, wait!

127
00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:32,927
You can tell me what is wrong,
and I willhelp you.

128
00:04:32,962 --> 00:04:35,482
Don't waste your time
worrying about me

129
00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:38,623
and my unfolding
personal emergency.

130
00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:40,038
How are you?

131
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,316
Are you seeing anyone,
dear?

132
00:04:42,351 --> 00:04:43,628
I'm married.

133
00:04:43,662 --> 00:04:44,939
Oh, that's nice.

134
00:04:44,974 --> 00:04:46,320
D-Does he hit you?
No.

135
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:48,426
Not at all.
Is that what happened to you?

136
00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:49,634
Did your husband hit you?

137
00:04:49,668 --> 00:04:51,049
Oh, no.
I never married.

138
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:52,637
I didn't want
to trouble anyone.

139
00:04:52,671 --> 00:04:53,948
It's just me and the cats.

140
00:04:53,983 --> 00:04:56,157
Okay, if you're lonely,
I can transfer you

141
00:04:56,192 --> 00:04:58,194
to elderly services --Elderly?!

142
00:04:58,228 --> 00:05:01,059
Good heavens!
I'm 24!

143
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:03,164
Do I sound elderly
to you?

144
00:05:03,199 --> 00:05:04,959
No!
I just thought with the cats --

145
00:05:04,994 --> 00:05:07,962
Oh, a young woman
can't keep a few dozen cats.

146
00:05:07,997 --> 00:05:09,861
I get it.
Good one.

147
00:05:09,895 --> 00:05:12,967
You got me.
Really tore me down good.

148
00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:14,452
No, I didn't mean to --

149
00:05:14,486 --> 00:05:16,730
If you're done having your fun,

150
00:05:16,764 --> 00:05:20,458
then why don't you go back
to your fancy husband,

151
00:05:20,492 --> 00:05:22,805
who doesn't hit you
for some strange reason?

152
00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,185
Ma'am.
It's fine.

153
00:05:24,220 --> 00:05:27,810
The cats have eaten
most of my body by now.

154
00:05:27,844 --> 00:05:29,639
I didn't want
to be any trouble,

155
00:05:29,674 --> 00:05:33,540
and I don't have the heart
to shoo them off, so...

156
00:05:33,574 --> 00:05:34,989
they're really digging in.

157
00:05:35,024 --> 00:05:37,371
Okay, I'm sending
animal control out now.

158
00:05:37,406 --> 00:05:39,166
But what will
the kitties eat?

159
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,202
Someone will be there
within the hour.

160
00:05:41,237 --> 00:05:43,826
They've eaten
up to my throat.

161
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:45,552
I'm inside them now.

162
00:05:45,586 --> 00:05:47,830
I live through them.

163
00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:50,867
One in flesh,
one in soul,

164
00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:52,559
one in -- Meow.

165
00:05:58,806 --> 00:06:01,084
Excuse me, Mr. Darpi.

166
00:06:01,119 --> 00:06:04,191
I think there's something
wrong with this seashell.

167
00:06:04,225 --> 00:06:06,400
Lyle Darpi suddenly wondered

168
00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:09,852
if he had wasted his life
teaching for a reason.

169
00:06:09,886 --> 00:06:11,854
Perhaps this miracle

170
00:06:11,888 --> 00:06:14,408
was finally
the treasure he deserved.

171
00:06:14,443 --> 00:06:15,547
Yes!

172
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,968
Now that he was rich,
he was free to live life

173
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:24,798
to the fullest possible --

174
00:06:24,832 --> 00:06:26,869
Oh. Oh, oh. Oh.

175
00:06:28,146 --> 00:06:29,734
Operator: 911.
What is your emergency?

176
00:06:29,768 --> 00:06:33,047
I'm trapped upside down
in my car. Losing blood.

177
00:06:33,082 --> 00:06:34,877
Please, send someone quick.
I'm -- I'm rich.

178
00:06:34,911 --> 00:06:36,465
I'll pay whatever.What's that?

179
00:06:36,499 --> 00:06:39,882
I-If you can get someone here
faster, money is no object.

180
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:42,056
Oh. I didn't realize
you were wealthy.

181
00:06:42,091 --> 00:06:43,472
You should have said
something.

182
00:06:43,506 --> 00:06:46,544
I'll transfer you
to our luxury line.

183
00:06:46,578 --> 00:06:47,648
Luxury line?

184
00:06:47,683 --> 00:06:48,891
One moment, please.

185
00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:50,824
Oh.

186
00:06:52,481 --> 00:06:54,552
Charleston:
Good evening. 9-1-1 Deluxe.

187
00:06:54,586 --> 00:06:55,725
My name is Charleston.

188
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,451
To whom do I have
the pleasure of speaking?

189
00:06:57,486 --> 00:06:59,557
My name is Lyle Darpi.
Please help.

190
00:06:59,591 --> 00:07:01,317
Right away, Mr. Darpi.

191
00:07:01,351 --> 00:07:03,837
What is the nature
of our emergency this afternoon?

192
00:07:03,871 --> 00:07:07,461
I'm trapped in my car.
I think my leg is gone.

193
00:07:07,496 --> 00:07:09,083
Oh, wonderful.

194
00:07:09,118 --> 00:07:11,914
Well, we have
a superb fleet of ambuli

195
00:07:11,948 --> 00:07:13,571
for you to choose from --Anything!

196
00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:15,469
Would you prefer
standard stretch,

197
00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:17,471
that comes
with a stocked wet bar;

198
00:07:17,506 --> 00:07:20,957
superstretch
with hotted tub...Whatever's fastest!

199
00:07:20,992 --> 00:07:23,304
...super-duper-
duper-double-decker,

200
00:07:23,339 --> 00:07:25,134
which comes with
a personal blood butler --

201
00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:26,929
It doesn't matter!
Just hurry!

202
00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:28,206
Wolves are closing in!

203
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,690
Oh, excellent, sir.

204
00:07:29,725 --> 00:07:32,935
And what is your Platinum
Elite Plus member number?

205
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:34,039
I don't have one!

206
00:07:34,074 --> 00:07:36,041
Oh, God,
there are wolves coming!

207
00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:38,285
It's perfectly fine, sir.
No need to yell.

208
00:07:38,319 --> 00:07:40,114
This is the luxury service.

209
00:07:40,149 --> 00:07:41,495
I can just give you
a new account.

210
00:07:41,530 --> 00:07:43,117
Losing blood.

211
00:07:43,152 --> 00:07:45,292
I'm losing blood and...

212
00:07:45,326 --> 00:07:48,053
Losing blood.
Losing blood.
Yes, sir.

213
00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:50,780
Losing blood.
Losing blood.

214
00:07:50,815 --> 00:07:53,887
This is all that kid Pauly's
fault -- Solid Face.

215
00:07:53,921 --> 00:07:55,785
Uh-huh, and...yeah.

216
00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:57,166
There we go.

217
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,375
And your confirmation number
on the new account

218
00:07:59,409 --> 00:08:11,974
is YTR583836839027FRTH85779.

219
00:08:12,008 --> 00:08:13,493
Dash B.

220
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,978
Now go ahead and give me
that confirmation number,

221
00:08:16,012 --> 00:08:17,151
and we'll be good to go.

222
00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:18,394
I-I don't remember it!

223
00:08:18,428 --> 00:08:20,051
You've lost
your confirmation number?

224
00:08:20,085 --> 00:08:21,431
Please send help.

225
00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,813
The wolves are licking
blood off the hood.

226
00:08:23,848 --> 00:08:26,057
Mm.
You know what, sir?

227
00:08:26,091 --> 00:08:28,508
I'm really not supposed
to do this,

228
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,199
but I'm going to get you
an ambulance

229
00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:32,063
without
the confirmation number.

230
00:08:32,097 --> 00:08:34,548
Thank you!
Absolutely.

231
00:08:34,583 --> 00:08:36,895
So, would you prefer
standard stretch,

232
00:08:36,930 --> 00:08:40,002
which, again, comes complete
with a fully stocked wet bar;

233
00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:42,591
superstretch
with hotted tub;

234
00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:45,594
super-dupra-double-dog-lupra --Please!

235
00:08:45,628 --> 00:08:46,871
The wolves!

236
00:08:46,905 --> 00:08:48,838
Aah! Aaahhh!

237
00:08:53,222 --> 00:08:57,191
But when a boy girds his hatches
for a wolf attack,

238
00:08:57,226 --> 00:09:00,954
he lowers his guard
against the true threat.

239
00:09:03,232 --> 00:09:05,855
Because certain fangs
inject into the child

240
00:09:05,890 --> 00:09:09,687
a recognition that every object
in the physical realm

241
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:11,723
is a shell for something,

242
00:09:11,758 --> 00:09:16,383
faintly sounding its source
into the ear of the air.

243
00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:20,318
He could hear the embarrassment
of things around him.

244
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,390
He could sense
how one particular pen

245
00:09:23,424 --> 00:09:26,220
knew somewhere inside...

246
00:09:26,255 --> 00:09:28,775
...that, due
to certain circumstances,

247
00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:33,227
it would one day be responsible
for more deaths

248
00:09:33,262 --> 00:09:37,922
than a Nazi Holocaust
with a side of Nagasaki.

249
00:09:37,956 --> 00:09:41,063
Pauly could hear it knowing.

250
00:09:41,097 --> 00:09:46,275
He became the greatest hero
the world has ever not known.

251
00:09:47,448 --> 00:09:49,312
And that was the moment

252
00:09:49,347 --> 00:09:52,902
Pauly Dindin
first came out of his shell.

253
00:09:59,944 --> 00:10:03,430
911.
What is your emergency?

254
00:10:03,464 --> 00:10:06,122
But after being robbed for ages,

255
00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:08,331
the sea
had taken its sound back

256
00:10:08,366 --> 00:10:10,851
from all the shells
that had stolen it.

257
00:10:10,886 --> 00:10:14,199
Hello?
It's broken.

258
00:10:14,234 --> 00:10:17,133
And the ocean's throat
was finally free

259
00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:20,102
to share
its innermost reflections.

260
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,667
So little Pauly
solidified his face

261
00:10:33,702 --> 00:10:36,843
and did what
a good boy would do.

262
00:10:45,575 --> 00:10:48,786
To this day,
he remains at vigilant arms.

263
00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:53,204
None of us know it,
but he stays there for us.