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[ Ominous music plays ]

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[ Swing music plays ]

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♪♪

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[ Buzzing ]

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♪♪

6
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Excuse me.

7
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Would anybody like
to purchase a hand?

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I have a human hand
for sale.

9
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Is -- Is anyone interested in --
in a buying a man's hand?

10
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[ Sighs ]

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How much
for just two fingers?

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Oh.

13
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Buy me a whiskey,
and we'll call it even.

14
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So, what do you plan to do
with all them fingers, anyway?

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[ Ominous music plays ]

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[ Swing music plays ]

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♪♪

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[ Clapping ]

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♪♪

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[ Applause ]

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[ Cheers and applause ]

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♪♪

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Announcer: And then
there was Violet Galuhwaye,

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whose insecurity
climbed in through her window

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on the night
of her 19th birthday.

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♪♪

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From that day forth,

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it controlled her every move
with its steady man hands.

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♪♪

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She was so grateful
for all the attention,

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even the air around her
learned how to vomit.

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[ Hisses ]

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[ Swing music plays ]

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And just when the world looks
most bleak, love rears its face.

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It rears and rears
and rears and rears...

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[ Twinkle! ]

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[ Twinkle! ]

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♪♪

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♪♪

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[ Squeaks ]

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♪♪

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[ Door closes ]

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Announcer: Once all alone,

44
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Violet swore if her Insecurity
would only return,

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she'd never take it
for granted again.

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It is often said that witnessing
the warmth of true love,

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even from a distance,

48
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can transform
the loneliest heart

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into a burning pile
of garbage.

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♪♪

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Thankfully, the local hospital

52
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was well versed
in modern medicalia.

53
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Scalpel.

54
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Bone saw.

55
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[ Saw whirring ]

56
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Slam poet.

57
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Oh, say can you scream,

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by the con's burly plight?

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In God we thrust,
in butts we nut.

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Uncle Sambo
and Agent Orenje Julieass

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used mustard gas
and ketchup gas

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to relish truth, justice,

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and the American't waste.

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Oh, that was lovely.

65
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Did you write it?

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Nurse, tape her up, please.

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Announcer:
Once her mouth was taped up,

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people began to see
Violet's beauty.

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And after others
see your beauty,

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you may actually
become beautiful.

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Possibly even blond.

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Violet became so beautiful,
she grew beauty marks.

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So many that soon you could
no longer see her face --

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just the beautiful
beauty marks.

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[ Pop! ]

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Now everyone who gazed upon her
was captivated

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by her comeliness.[ Wolf-whistle ]

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But there was only one
she wanted.

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♪♪

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[ Twinkle! ]

81
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[ Dial tone, dialing ]

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Woman: Hello? 911?

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God, please come quick!

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He's choking!
He's choking!

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This beautiful monster came in,

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flaunting
her ravishing good looks...

87
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[ Choking ]...and her exquisite allure

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murdered the only man
she'll ever love!

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He's dead!

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Announcer: Beauty got blood
on its hands that night,

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which revealed one thing.

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Man: When I ponder the infinite
expanse of the universe,

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I realize just how insignificant
we humans truly are.

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I don't like feeling
insignificant, see?!

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How do you like it?!

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Huh?

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Yeah, bitch, get in there!
Yeah, get!

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[ Sucking ]

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[ Grunting ]

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Announcer: That we drink
to drown the darkness

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that's been punishing us
ever since that mysterious day

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when all the stars packed up
and left the sky.

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[ Swing music plays ]

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♪♪

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Like how, after 35 years,
even the healthiest couples

106
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must find ways to keep
the love fresh and exciting.

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Gloria!

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Gloria, go get me a beer!

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♪♪

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What's takin' you
so long in there?!

111
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I don't see
no beer in my hand.

112
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Do you see a beer
in my hand?

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My hand wants that beer,
Glor!

114
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It's gettin' antsy.

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My hand's itchin' for
that beer we discussed, Glor.

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Look at it!

117
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The hell?

118
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It's makin' sauce, Glor.

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Here's your damn beer.

120
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Don't bring me a beer
right now, woman!

121
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My hand's making sauce.

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The hell's
comin' outta there?

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My mom's famous
boogigabatch sauce.

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You're makin' a mess
all over the floor, Harry.

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Glor, you know

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how good my mom's secret
goojedubatchi sauce is?

127
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We're gonna be rich.

128
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Ah, geez. Is another
money-grubbin' scheme?

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Just taste it.

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Oh, my God.

131
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It's the most incredible thing
I've ever known.

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It can't be comin' from you.

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It's better than you.

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Do you see it
coming out of there?

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Yeah.
From your hand there.

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So I ammakin' it, see?

137
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Now go get
the money bucket.

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You gonna let me touch
the money bucket?

139
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Ooh la la!
Chu-cha-cha!

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You catch it in the bucket,
sell it in town,

141
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we're in the gravy, baby.

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You married right,
I tell ya.

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I'm gonna call my mother
an' tell her.

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She always said
you'd never amount to nothing.

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Don't call her now!

146
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Handle it first.

147
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This is my chance to patch
things up with my ma.

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Now that I'm finally
proud of ya.

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Glor, all this sauce is
gettin' wasted, ya ding-dong!

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You know what?
Mother was right about you.

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All ya ever do
is sit on yer ass

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gushin' sauce out of ya hand.

153
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Glor, the bucket.
Please.

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Hello? Yeah.
Hey, Ma.

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I was just callin' to say
you were right about the bum.

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Come on, Gloria.Get it yourself.

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I'm on the phone, Harry.

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You know I don't like
to get outta my chair.

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Money's dumpin' here.
C'mon.

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You don't have control
over me no more, Harry.

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I'm a wealthy woman now.

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I'm through with you.

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Please tell me
you're gettin' the bucket.

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Or at least a beer?
-I'm leavin' you, Harry.

165
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I'm gonna travel the world
with my big riches.

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And where'd
you get them riches?

167
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I happen to be partner
in a very lucrative

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new sauce organization
of some kind.

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So long!

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[ Rug rips ]Aah!

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Gloria! Baby!

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Are you okay?

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Harry, Harry...

174
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I'm not gonna make it.

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Oh, God!
I wish I could save you,

176
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but I-I don't like
to get outta my chair.

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At least I'm gonna die
a wealthy woman.

178
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Finally, I can afford
to be sorry, Harry.

179
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Sorry I got so selfish
after I got rich.

180
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Maybe that's the secret
that the secret sauce

181
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was trying to teach us --

182
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that love is a...

183
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[ Choking ]

184
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Noooooooooo!

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Announcer: The secret to love
was lost forever that day,

186
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but Harry hung on for weeks,

187
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refusing to eat
any of the murderous sauce

188
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that took his lady wife.

189
00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:10,722
Tragically, he didn't like
to get out of his chair,

190
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so he began to waste,
to starve,

191
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to die to death.

192
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♪♪

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[ Women vocalizing ]

194
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♪♪

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[ Glimmer! ]

196
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♪♪

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And as his old friend and
sudden savior reared her face,

198
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Harry's gaze glimmered
and glormed with the realization

199
00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:42,651
that beauty glistens in the eye
of the beholder.

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[ Echoing ]
Beholder, beholder.

201
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[ Glimmer! ]

202
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[ Sucking ]

203
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Man: [ Thinking ] I'm beholding.

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I'm beholding.

205
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I'm beholding.

206
00:09:56,216 --> 00:09:57,424
I'm beholding.

207
00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:58,770
I'm beholding.

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Announcer:
So whoever beholds the hardest

209
00:10:01,877 --> 00:10:05,259
can make the sky insecure
once again...

210
00:10:05,294 --> 00:10:07,641
[ Angelic choir vocalizing ]

211
00:10:07,676 --> 00:10:11,127
...make it break out
in a disgusting rash of zits

212
00:10:11,162 --> 00:10:15,615
across the greasy face
of the endless night.

213
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,547
♪♪

214
00:10:17,582 --> 00:10:20,343
[ Harry groaning ]

215
00:10:20,378 --> 00:10:25,314
♪♪

216
00:10:28,973 --> 00:10:30,146
♪ There's blood in the kitchen

217
00:10:30,181 --> 00:10:33,184
♪ There's blood in the hall

218
00:10:33,218 --> 00:10:39,984
♪ There's blood in the parlor
where my lady falls ♪

219
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♪ "Oh, master, oh, master

220
00:10:43,159 --> 00:10:46,369
♪ Don't lay the blame on me

221
00:10:46,404 --> 00:10:49,579
♪ 'Twas the false nurse
and Lankin ♪

222
00:10:49,614 --> 00:10:53,031
♪ That killed your lady"

223
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:56,241
♪ Long Lankin was hanged

224
00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:59,486
♪ On a gibbet so high

225
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:05,492
♪ And the false nurse was burned
in a fire close by ♪

226
00:11:05,526 --> 00:11:07,839
♪ La-da-da, dum

227
00:11:07,874 --> 00:11:10,566
♪ Mmmm