- Oh, I got something in my teeth.
Are you sure?
I had a poppy seed bagel for lunch in there.
Am I good?
I'm good, yeah?
Okay.
This is Hannah Murphy reporting
from the secret hospital facility where we have heard disturbing reports
about illegal experimentation on living creatures.
We were told about these reports from a brave whistle-blower
who is still employed in this facility.
We then need to therefore be incredibly careful in our investigation,
as we don't want to place her under any danger.
If her employees are capable
of what we think they are capable of.
Is that too much, actually?
Sorry, is it?
Okay.
They could be capable of anything, so we're gonna go inside
and see if we can get someone to speak to us on the record.
- You can't bring that camera i - Oh hi, um, come on, come on.
Come on!
Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Doctor.
- Well, you're a very assertive young lady.
You bruised my toe.
- We've heard some disgusting rumors about this place.
- Rumors, what rumors?
You are going to blur my face though, aren't you?
- Anguished cries, body parts.
I'm talking about
the illegal experimentation of animals, Doctor.
- No, no, no, young lady.
- Hannah Murphy, ZWTV News.
- There's absolutely no animal experiments here.
Absolutely not, zero.
- Well, what are you doing here then?
- Other things.
- Like what?
Oh Charlie, I told you you can't be on camera.
No, it's not the Charlie Show.
- Oh, was this outside?
Hmm, nibbles in the parlor again.
Visitors do leave such a mess.
- What's going on?
- Just a precaution.
Hospital lockdown.
We don't want things getting out.
Now this is going to take an hour or so,
and then you're free to go.
Well, well, I won't, I won't stand in your way.
What say we give you a tour of the facility?
That should wile away the time.
I can show you around, tell you some stories.
That should take up the time.
This first tale is about two intrepid reporters
who go somewhere where they really shouldn't.
- Okay Zedra, that's enough.
- You know what that is?
That's the Hollywood stereotypical bullshit.
The old wannabe actors wearing Halloween contact lenses.
- Okay, well, let's do another take.
Yeah?
- Yeah. - Okay, camera rolling.
Set.
- Vince?
- Sound speed.
- Hey Vince, is it?
Are you gonna drop the boom in my shot?
- No.
- Didn't think so.
- Okay, Zedra.
Hey, if you wanna stop terrorizing the set, for
like five seconds, we'll, we'll get this done.
Okay, and action!
- Your generous donations of cerebral fluid
enable zombies to flourish.
Now there's a new way
that you can support your zombie neighbors.
Tick Z on your organ donor card, and upon your death,
your brain will be sent to Zombridge
where it can feed a family of three.
Support the town
that supports the Australian economy, Zombridge.
- And cut.
That was, that was good.
That was good.
Maybe one more for safety.
- Whose safety exactly?
- Police investigation continues
as Lions captain Cecil Livngsworth is still missing
two weeks after his mysterious disappearance-
- Mike filling in for Chris? - Yeah.
- Well, here's your security pass. - Cool.
- It's also your helicopter return ticke
and I'll get you in and out of quarantin too when we get back, so hold onto that.
- I'm sorry.
Did you say quarantine?
- Yes.
Standard procedure for trips to Zombridg
Three days hospital, food, couple of blood tests
- Mate, it's a piece of piss.
It's basically a holiday.
We've got a PlayStation.
- That's, that's really fuckin' heavy, man.
Do you know what lives in Zombridge?
- Well, that's a little zombie-phobic, Mike.
It's who lives there, but yes.
We're interviewing the mayor.
This was all explained to Chris.
- I'm sorry, I can't do this, guys.
Zombies eat people.
- Mate, this is Australia.
Pretty much everything eats people.
Am I right?
- Yeah, you know?
Well then.
- She swallowed the dog to eat the cat.
She swallowed the cat to eat the bed.
She swallowed the bed to eat the spider.
She swallowed the spider to eat-
- It's catch, sweetie. - What?
- She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
- But don't spiders eat flies?
- But don't you think catch sounds nicer
- Yeah.
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird.
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fl
I don't know why she swallowed the fly, perhaps she'll die.
- Zedra, from the ads?
We actually worked together.
I was just behind the camera.
It's great to meet you in the flesh.
I mean, I'm Andrew.
I ticked Z on my donor card and everything.
- Did you?
Well, every little helps.
- Hey, I was thinking, uh, while I'm around, you know,
maybe we could go for a drink or something?
- Better yet, why don't I take you home for dinner?
- Andrew, when you're ready. - Okay.
I'll, uh, go and do a thing on the,
we'll chat later.
Sure.
- It's a privilege to meet you Mr. Mayor
- Is it?
I remember being feared by humans.
Now I'm stuck here doing bullshit PR for charity brain soup.
- It's a special occasion!
Well, that hurt my feelings.
- Feelings?
Cheers.
You know, we have a lot in common with this fella here.
Up to 70% of what a crocodile eats
gets converted into flesh and energy.
Up to 80% of what we eat
gets converted into energy, which is quite fortuitous,
considering the, uh, generosity of your donations.
Do you know what it is for humans?
Four percent.
The rest is wasted on keeping your blood warm,
whereas our crocodile friend here uses clean solar power to keep warm.
We have the zombie virus
or as I like to call it, our evolutionary advantage.
But I've heard you're ignorant in the media,
fret about some kind of zombie apocalypse-like scenario
but why don't you just re-imagine it,
and see there's a fuel efficiency upgrad for the entire population.
- Well, that's quite a spin.
I'll run it past the network.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that.
- Today though,
we'll just concentrate on questions about the DCC,
the donor card campaign.
- Whatever.
- Andrew?
- And rolling.
- Get behind me.
- What are you doing?
- Rescuing you? - Oh, wonderful, a heroine!
- It's Daisy from the farm.
Don't you-
- I don't know anything about the farm.
Nice to meet you though.
I am the new mayor of Zombridge.
- Are we still doing the... - No, definitely not.
Excuse me, one sec.
Hello, mayor of Zombridge.
Yeah, no, no.
Don't worry about that.
Just a little bit of gunfire.
Yep, okay, if you have to.
All right, bye.
That was security.
Uh, we may need to reschedule, postpone.
Let's go, off we go.
All right.
- Sorry to be a bother. - Yep?
- Is this still valid for two o'clock fine?
- Yes, but you need to take that psychotic girl with you.
- Geez, I was so in with her.
- Okay.
You guys are gonna tell me what the hell's going on.
- Oh, well, let's see.
You just killed the mayor of Zombridge, and my potential girlfriend in cold bloo
- Cold blood? - Tell me what he did.
- What's your name? - Daisy.
- Daisy, I'm Aaron.
This is Andrew.
What are you doing in Zombridge anyway?
- Besides murdering! - I'm not the murderer here.
I've been stuck in a godforsaken farm
where they spinal tap us every day for cerebral fluid.
- Heavy.
- When we get too weak, they eat us.
- We had no idea.
We're journalists just here for the day.
Come with us when we leave.
- I don't know.
I've been planning on rescuing the others for months.
- Hang on, zombies aren't supposed to be eating live humans anymore, I mean...
- If they are, this will be the biggest story since the uprising.
- No, no, no, whoa.
- And of course if the world knew,
we could get those people out.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Let me show you.
Psst.
What are you doing?
- Yeah, Andrew!
Jesus, Daisy.
- I know.
- I should do a piece to camera.
- Rolling.
Set.
- G'day mate.
Um, we're from another farm.
We're just admiring your methods.
- Is that so? - Yeah.
I very much like your mask.
It must be quite handy, what with the smell and all.
Oh, that's it.
- Come on!
Come on!
- Oh god, oh god.
- Holy shit, it's Cecil. - Who's Cecil?
- He's the Lions captain.
- They are following us.
They are hunting us
and they've got Cecil's head on the fucking wall.
This is too much!
Let's go!
Back door, back door.
- No, no, no, not the back door.
- What, why? - Trust me.
- Who's your dead dentist, mate?
- Let's go. - No, no, wait, wait, wait!
- Look, I am sorry about your friend, bu
he's given us five minutes, 10 if he's fast!
- So let's use them. - What?
- The world wouldn't let this happen if they knew about it.
- Okay.
- Okay, yeah.
Okay, press there.
Okay, ready? - Yep.
- Zombridge is a lie.
They're farming humans in cages.
We found Cecil.
He's here in Zombridge.
He's been hunted like an animal.
Look, his head's on a wall.
This has to stop.
We can't allow this anymore.
- How do we get this out there?
- We don't.
- Andrew!
- I was supposed to be on that shoot.
But, you know, I just woke up in the morning, and I had a bad feeling.
- And there will be shenanigans, we guarantee it.
We promise shenanigans, come join us for said shenanigans.
We party hard.
- This is the police!
Come out with your hands up!
- But our lockdown is for infection control.
Don't worry, it's not airborne, not yet.
We have procedures in place, so we're completely safe.
- Is it?
- Human?
Yes.
There are no animal experiments here.
Yes, they're all willing volunteers.
- Is she?
- Dead?
Yes, yes, 100%.
Absolutely dead as a door-nail.
- Oh my god!
Oh my god!
- Hmm, cream cheese, and I took you for a vegan.
- Mondays and Thursdays.
- Well, you'll need more discipline than that
if you are to survive an encounter with death.
I mean, if you're surrounded by predator
you'll need more than just discipline.
You'll need weapons.
Like the girl in our next tale.
- Oh shit!
- These are the end of days.
All of humanity should gather as one for the preservation-
May God have mercy on us all.
- This is not a test.
Cover your mouth and nose with a clean cloth
that has been soaked with a solution of one cup water
and one tablespoon of baking soda,
also cover your skin and make sure that-
- No, no!
- Help!
- As a result of the outbreak, the city
or entire region may be endangered by a lethal agent.
- I can't, no!
No!
- If conditions as the location, make this a possibility yo
need to consider staying in place until the threat has subsided or blown over.
The following steps will ensure that your home
will serve as a biological or chemical safe haven.
- For more information.
Extreme caution when driving.
If traffic signals are out, treat each signal as a stop sign.
Come to a complete-
- No, no!
What is that?
No!
- No.
No!
- Hey!
Come on, get them butt cheeks in here!
Damn.
Let's go.
- So, top tip.
When making your weapon selection,
a chainsaw is definitely better than a scalpel.
- Um, sorry.
Why is she strapped up?
- Oh, for everyone's safety.
- Right.
- I wouldn't get too close.
Sometimes they manage to break through the sedation.
- Sedation, sorry, um, is she alive?
- Mm.
- Oh, okay, Doctor, I'm sorry.
What's wrong with her?
What is it you're actually doing here?
- I'm trying to save the world.
- Right, she doesn't look very safe.
- Uh, no, we're not,
we're not quite there yet, but we we're getting there.
You know, I, I'm, I don't want to, I don't want things to go wrong.
I don't want to prolong anyone's death.
That can cause upset, I'm not a monster.
Now, I can't think of anything worse than a long lingering death
when humanity is going through its own death throes,
like in this next story.
- Um, she just...
Oh my god.
Okay.
- Stay down, get down!
- Are these the same as the last one?
- Yes, they're completely sedated.
Shall we move on?
- Okay, so I still don't understand.
You're trying to save the population from this disease,
but what even is it?
Some kind of super scurvy or mutated leprosy?
- Hannah.
Haven't you been listening to my stories
- All your stories are about zombies.
- Yes.
- Zombies though.
- Yes, and they're all volunteers.
I, I have their release forms to prove i
Would you like to see?
- Are you making zombies here?
- Honestly, Hannah,
I thought we were on the same page.
Oh, wouldn't you like.
Zombies?
- And they all just volunteered for this
- Yes, they're very altruistic.
We have the same common goal.
- And that goal is to be tied up with bits missing?
- Well, that is an unfortunate side effect of our work here.
You know, obviously the higher brain function goes
and they revert to their basal instincts
and they can't really appreciate what we're trying to do.
But you know, this is a mystery, and-
- Uh, is it because they've got their brains extracted?
- Well, it's only the frontal lobes, and most of the limbic system.
You know, they still sleep and they still get hungry,
and they still get touchy.
They're like babies, really.
I wanted a family, but sadly,
it never really happened in the usual wa
Yeah.
Who says families have to be traditional anymore?
And what is normal anyway?
- Not this.
- They'll do anything for their families
Well, we have to give them anything.
They'll do terrible things, this bond.
What is it?
What does it take to break that bond?
I feel another story time coming on.
- Yay.
- Hey, come on!
Come and get me you fucks!
Come and fucking get me!
Come here!
Come on, you!
- Come on!
I know you're in there!
Come on!
Hey, get out here, come on!
- Go, check its pack.
- It's got food!
- Take it!
Come on, there'll be more coming soon.
Go, go, go!
- In we go then.
Why don't you take a seat?
- Oh, hello.
Are you part of the hospit-
She's not...
- Yes, she was.
You're looking a little peaky.
Why don't you take a seat?
- Is she...
Dead?
- Yes, definitely dead.
Yes.
You didn't know her, did you?
- No.
- At the start she seemed so committed.
But before you entered,
she started to make secret fill holes.
Trying to remove secure materials from the site.
Now look at her, ready for the autopsy team.
- Um,
how many employees, do you have here, Doctor?
I'd quite like to meet them.
- Well, we, we have just had a number
of vacancies that have opened up.
So, all in all, now at this moment,
I'd say it's just, just me.
Me and my babies.
- What was that?
- They tend to get a bit raucous around lunchtime.
That's when they tend to break through the sedation.
- Um...
- Don't worry, babies!
Daddy's here!
- Um, Doctor-
- We, we, we could move to the other roo
It's more secure.
- We need to go.
- Before you do, just relax.
They'll soon tire.
It's not like we're going to have to
make a last stand here, now is it?
Now, let's dive back into the apocalypse with one last tale.
- Oh my god!
- Worker five, you're outside the zone.
- Bloody edge of perimeter cameras.
Screw 'em all.
Anything passes for a anyway.
- I hear you, but I don't see you.
You're not in the zone, Bob.
What's happened?
- Oh shit, the fucking seagulls to death.
Let's try this.
You see me, yeah?
Nothing out here on the Eastern quadrant
Same old, same old.
The battery's running low.
I'll be heading back in.
- Yeah, I'll send Smith and Ginge out.
- Tough break.
- You get some sleep.
Fuck, I wonder if we were cops.
Where is he?
- Foxtrot.
Check the cameras while you're out there
He was a bit happy with that hammer of his.
I think Joe and Api are out there as wel
- Roger that.
Bravo seven-two-nine.
- You're in charge of Doug.
You should get the Foxtrot back.
- Good job.
- Randall, where are you?
Randall, are you receiving?
- Randall, I'm in Section B.
- Chin up, one-six. - Yeah, man down.
- Aye aye, Captain. - You're all standing up.
- Send him in with a fully charged camer
I get intermittent readings, occasionally static.
- Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
Bob's just done his usual.
He went out to Foxtrot and no one's seen him since.
We need to go and get him and bring him back.
- For fuck's sake.
Why don't we just fucking shoot him?
- That geezer's so un-fucking reliable, man.
- He's an asshole.
- He got you out of hot water last week, didn't he?
- But he's still an asshole. - He's an asset.
Come on, razzle dazzle.
- You know, is he an asset?
- Synchronized, alpha one. - Okay, all synchronized.
Head out. - Roger that, control.
- Switching to exterior camera now.
- I'm just heading into the zone now. - I'll follow you.
Hold on, I'm getting contact.
Smith, Vandal, Bicino, we have contact.
Bob's heading to you.
- Where the fuck is Bob?
I can't see him anywhere?
- Extract, fall back to CNC!
- Talk to me, goddamn it!
Bob, talk to me!
Bob is down.
Fall back, fall back!
- What's going on, Bubs?
- They've got Bubs, they've got hi
- Bob, what are you doing?
Bubs, what are you doing?
Bubs, Bubs-
- Shit!
Boys, gimme a sit wrap.
Is anybody there?
Smithy?
What the fuck?
James!
- Another one, they're everywhere!
- One can only hope.
- But, okay,
you said you were trying to save the population, yeah?
Surely this would just lead to the destruction of humanity.
- Exactly!
I knew you'd get it.
- Uh, I don't get it.
No.
- But, I mean, humans are a plague,
and what do we do to plagues?
We eradicate them.
I mean, think of the grand scale of things, you know?
What are use of humans?
What are they for?
Wouldn't the planet be much healthier, and better off without us?
It'd be in a far healthier state.
I mean, think of all the pollution.
The air that we've choked,
the seas that we've just spoiled.
Somebody has to do something about it.
- But a zombie apocalypse?
- It has a certain, je ne sais quoi.
- You are completely mental!
- It's not very nice
to insult the father of the apocalypse, now is it?
I expected more from you.
You are very disappointing.
I hoped you'd understand.
I thought you'd appreciate it.
I mean, it's true,
my researches haven't gone quite according to plan.
I haven't,
still haven't worked out the airborne virus just yet,
but I'm working on it and it'll happen soon.
But, yeah, I do like you, Hannah.
That's why I'm giving you a fighting chance.
This, this key will override the lockdow
so you can try to escape.
Go now, make a run for it.
- Oh, okay.
Right, no, Charlie, Charlie, listen.
No, I told you can't be on script.
What?
- Feeding time.
Always the best time to visit.
No, don't make a mess!
Too late.