1
00:00:15,820 --> 00:00:20,690
(jazz music playing)

2
00:00:43,980 --> 00:00:47,850
(people chattering)

3
00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:54,360
(man on TV) <i>Why wouldn't we
bring up the first amendment?</i>

4
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,630
<i>We have to stick to the constitution.
That is what made this country.</i>

5
00:00:57,630 --> 00:01:02,600
(group chattering, indistinct)

6
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:14,250
- (hocking phlegm)
- (TV continues in background)

7
00:01:18,550 --> 00:01:20,750
(woman exhaling)

8
00:01:25,730 --> 00:01:27,060
Don't die.

9
00:01:29,660 --> 00:01:31,560
Come on, photosynthesis.

10
00:01:36,140 --> 00:01:39,370
(jet engines whooshing)

11
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,020
(female announcer over PA,
indistinct)

12
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,010
- That's a nice dress.
- Oh. Thank you.

13
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:20,080
- I like your jacket.
- Thanks.

14
00:02:22,450 --> 00:02:26,120
- I hope our flight's on time.
- Oh, it is. See?

15
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,990
This airline has an excellent
arrival-departure record.

16
00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:31,890
Um, I Googled it.

17
00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:34,790
And, um, it has a 98...

18
00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:37,090
No 96,
no 98 percent approval...

19
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:39,560
online user
approval rating.

20
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,070
Which is very incredibly
high, obviously.

21
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:45,700
Um, and Rancho Cucamonga
Mary sent me three,

22
00:02:45,710 --> 00:02:49,610
who I trust implicitly,
was very effusive about it.

23
00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:53,880
- Yeah.
- And you get a snack.

24
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,510
Great.

25
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,920
(woman on PA continues,
indistinct)

26
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,880
- I'm sorry, what was that?
- What?

27
00:02:59,890 --> 00:03:01,520
You just took
a step forward there.

28
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,920
- I didn't.
- Yeah, you did. You know you did.

29
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,820
- I didn't realize.
- Oh, I see.

30
00:03:05,830 --> 00:03:07,620
I beg your pardon?

31
00:03:07,630 --> 00:03:11,800
- I s-see what you did. I know what you did. It's...
- What did I do?

32
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:17,470
You came up alongside me, you know, with
your jacket and your face and charm,

33
00:03:17,470 --> 00:03:21,240
and you just, you know, talked to
me for a strategic amount of time,

34
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:22,940
established your position,

35
00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:26,810
and then just casually, blatantly
stepped in front of me.

36
00:03:26,810 --> 00:03:28,650
Like I had
some sort of amnesia

37
00:03:28,650 --> 00:03:31,150
and couldn't remember 15 seconds in
the past when you were behind me.

38
00:03:31,150 --> 00:03:33,650
- Untrue.
- (scoffs)

39
00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:35,850
Oh my... You just
did it again.

40
00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:39,090
This is like watching a
master at work in his dojo.

41
00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:40,990
- I mean...
- Here's what happened.

42
00:03:40,990 --> 00:03:43,790
I came to my gate, hoping
my flight was on time.

43
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,860
I then attempted to start
a pleasant conversation,

44
00:03:45,870 --> 00:03:48,800
whereupon you revealed the tip of
the iceberg of your tendencies,

45
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,740
and I was forced to take a step
forward to escape the vortex.

46
00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:54,970
Oh, my God.
Oh... Again! Oh!

47
00:03:54,970 --> 00:03:58,280
And now you're casting me as the author
of a Byzantine conspiracy theory

48
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,640
of a Machiavellian land grab

49
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:04,150
designed to usurp your position on
an aircraft that has eight seats.

50
00:04:04,150 --> 00:04:06,150
You know what? Okay.

51
00:04:06,150 --> 00:04:10,290
That's cra... If I'm wrong, just step in
back of me instead of in front of me.

52
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:12,690
No, because that would mean
going past you again.

53
00:04:12,690 --> 00:04:15,690
(scoffs)
I see. You know what?

54
00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:20,060
Five years ago, I would have said
something trite like, "Chivalry is dead."

55
00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:22,170
But this is worse
than unchivalrous.

56
00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:26,040
This is... You are
part and parcel of a world

57
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:29,070
that no longer has any
idea how to behave itself.

58
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,680
In fact, I draw a straight
line between people like you

59
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,550
to investment bankers to
politicians to terrorists.

60
00:04:36,550 --> 00:04:41,220
You basically all have the same contempt
for decency and rules and any manners.

61
00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:44,860
And what's funny is there's
no way you can board first

62
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:47,220
because the only way you could board
first is if you had a special need.

63
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:49,030
Do you have
a special need?

64
00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:52,160
Yes, I need
to be over there.

65
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:52,900
(scoffs)

66
00:04:54,930 --> 00:04:57,900
(woman on PA continues,
indistinct)

67
00:04:57,900 --> 00:04:58,840
(sighs)

68
00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:03,740
Fucker.

69
00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,070
(sighs)

70
00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:32,870
- Fantastic.
- Wonderful.

71
00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:37,310
- Anybody want to trade seats?
- You're ridiculous.

72
00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:39,910
Anybody?
It's great back here.

73
00:05:39,910 --> 00:05:42,280
(sighs) You've got
to be kidding me.

74
00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:47,890
Jesus.

75
00:05:57,830 --> 00:05:59,560
What brings you
to San Luis Obispo?

76
00:06:00,630 --> 00:06:02,300
- You don't have to.
- What?

77
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:05,970
Talk. Honestly, I'd be
happier if you didn't.

78
00:06:05,970 --> 00:06:07,040
Fine.

79
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:13,810
(loud crinkling)

80
00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:22,190
(loud crinkling)

81
00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:29,290
Dear God.
Tear it at the notch.

82
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,660
There is no notch.

83
00:06:31,660 --> 00:06:33,430
- Give it to me.
- I'm not giving you...

84
00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:34,370
Give it to me.

85
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,350
This one does not appear
to have a working notch.

86
00:06:59,230 --> 00:07:00,230
Yeah.

87
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,360
Yeah.

88
00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:11,900
All that...

89
00:07:15,910 --> 00:07:17,080
Thank you.

90
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:26,990
(both groan)

91
00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:40,900
I'm actually
going to Paso Robles.

92
00:07:42,030 --> 00:07:44,130
They call it Paso "Roables."

93
00:07:44,140 --> 00:07:46,500
Well, the correct
pronunciation is Robles.

94
00:07:46,510 --> 00:07:48,770
But they call it "Roables."

95
00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:50,370
- Whatever.
- I hope it's a big place.

96
00:07:50,380 --> 00:07:52,110
It isn't.

97
00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:54,810
If I see you at a restaurant,
I'll go to another restaurant.

98
00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:56,880
I'm not going to be
in any restaurants.

99
00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,250
Why? Are you checking
into a mental institution?

100
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:04,920
I'm going to that most presumptuous
of all things, a destination wedding.

101
00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:08,960
Please don't tell me
it's Keith and Anne's.

102
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:13,330
How many weddings
can there possibly be

103
00:08:13,330 --> 00:08:15,530
on any given day
in Paso Robles?

104
00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:17,430
I was praying for two.

105
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,100
And I was blaming Satan
for my seat assignment

106
00:08:20,110 --> 00:08:22,810
when it was actually
just Keith's assistant.

107
00:08:22,810 --> 00:08:24,940
And how do you know
the esteemed Keith?

108
00:08:24,940 --> 00:08:27,210
I was engaged to him
six years ago.

109
00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:29,980
- Oh, my God, you're Lindsay.
- Why, how do you know him?

110
00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:31,820
He and I have
the same mother.

111
00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:33,320
Holy shit,
you're Frank?

112
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:37,290
Oh, you're even worse
than he said.

113
00:08:37,290 --> 00:08:38,960
You too.

114
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,060
(groans)

115
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:44,500
(loud slam)

116
00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:50,830
Oh, my God.

117
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,340
Serious...
(mouthing)

118
00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:55,470
(exhales)

119
00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:22,530
- There was supposed to be a car.
- Our flight was early.

120
00:09:22,530 --> 00:09:24,270
Really?
It seemed so long.

121
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:27,870
(man on PA) <i>Attention, passengers,
increased security measures</i>

122
00:09:27,870 --> 00:09:30,040
<i>require all passengers
to maintain</i>

123
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,280
<i>close personal contact
with your bags at all times.</i>

124
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,880
(man on PA continues,
indistinct)

125
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:44,990
So how much do you know about what
happened between me and Keith?

126
00:09:44,990 --> 00:09:47,590
I know that he broke off your engagement
five weeks before the wedding.

127
00:09:47,590 --> 00:09:49,190
And now I know why.

128
00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:51,160
He said some shit
about you, boy.

129
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,360
- Like what?
- Doesn't matter.

130
00:09:53,370 --> 00:09:56,600
Don't do that, don't dangle an injurious
tidbit and then snatch it away.

131
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,040
Or what, I'll die alone?

132
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,970
Keith is a panhandling
piece of garbage,

133
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:02,370
and you're better off
without him.

134
00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:05,440
Which is saying something,
considering how bad off you are.

135
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,010
Just pity the bride,
whoever she is.

136
00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:11,150
- You haven't met her?
- Just like I never met you.

137
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,950
I stay as far away
from Keith as I can.

138
00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:17,420
My mother insisted I turn up for this shit show,
otherwise, I wouldn't be meeting you now.

139
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:19,890
Isn't that nice
to think about?

140
00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:22,090
She said it's important to show
up because if you show up,

141
00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:24,460
the worst they can say is you're
horrendous, which is subjective.

142
00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:26,930
But not showing up
is objective.

143
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,300
Well, you showed up.

144
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,100
Why would you come
to his wedding?

145
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,640
He broke your heart,
as I recall.

146
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,570
Shattered, yes.

147
00:10:34,570 --> 00:10:36,240
Didn't you wind up
suing him?

148
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,410
Well, I needed to lash out.

149
00:10:38,410 --> 00:10:42,010
Plus he cost my parents
$32,000 in deposits.

150
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:43,650
- Did you win?
- There was a settlement.

151
00:10:43,650 --> 00:10:45,350
Did you feel better?

152
00:10:45,350 --> 00:10:48,450
Look, I came
because he invited me.

153
00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:51,250
He only invited you because he
wanted to act like a big person,

154
00:10:51,260 --> 00:10:54,290
not because he, in any way,
wanted you to come.

155
00:10:54,290 --> 00:10:59,200
You think I wanted to come? I'm
just trying to be the big person.

156
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,330
See, this only works if one of
you actually is a big person.

157
00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:06,170
Well, also, I need closure.

158
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:09,170
You don't have closure?
It was six years ago.

159
00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:12,140
Do I strike you as someone
who has closure?

160
00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:14,540
He's marrying someone else.
That's closure.

161
00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:15,980
It's closed.

162
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:19,150
Closed is not
the same thing as closure.

163
00:11:19,150 --> 00:11:20,390
(car horn beeps)

164
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,230
Any chance
they sent two cars?

165
00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:03,260
So, what do you do, Frank?

166
00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:06,600
That is, when you're not shining
your light upon the world.

167
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,030
I run marketing
for J.D. Power and Associates.

168
00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:10,740
The "Car of the Year" people?

169
00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:12,540
No, that's a magazine.

170
00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:14,710
I bought one of your cars of the year.
It was a piece of crap.

171
00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:17,170
Again, a magazine.
Common error.

172
00:12:17,180 --> 00:12:18,740
Is that the career
you dreamed of?

173
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:21,410
Handing out awards
by the fistful?

174
00:12:21,410 --> 00:12:24,350
Hugely successful company,
extremely well-respected.

175
00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:28,050
It's corporate brownnosing
on a national scale.

176
00:12:28,050 --> 00:12:30,320
International.
And don't sleep on awards.

177
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,390
Our country lives
on self-congratulation.

178
00:12:32,390 --> 00:12:33,520
Let me ask you this.

179
00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,390
Has there ever been a car

180
00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:38,360
that wasn't a J.D. Power
and Associates Car of the Year?

181
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,730
We don't do "Car of the
Year." That's a magazine.

182
00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:42,570
I've seen those
Lucite trophies.

183
00:12:42,570 --> 00:12:45,340
They're on every car commercial
for every car, ever.

184
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,710
(sighs)

185
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,810
What do you do anyway?

186
00:12:51,810 --> 00:12:54,810
I prosecute companies
and institutions

187
00:12:54,810 --> 00:12:57,450
for culturally insensitive
actions or speech.

188
00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:01,720
You're the politically
correct police.

189
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,390
(laughs) No.

190
00:13:03,390 --> 00:13:05,590
You parse what people say and
do, and then accuse them

191
00:13:05,590 --> 00:13:09,130
of being racist or misogynist
or otherwise horrible.

192
00:13:09,130 --> 00:13:11,260
You destroy lives
and reputations for money.

193
00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:13,060
(scoffs)
No.

194
00:13:13,070 --> 00:13:15,470
Is that what you dreamed of?
A career in reverse fascism?

195
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:19,770
I can't remember dreaming.

196
00:14:26,270 --> 00:14:27,410
(key clatters)

197
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:43,160
(exhaling)

198
00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:51,530
(TV chattering)

199
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:54,430
Wrong!

200
00:14:57,740 --> 00:14:59,810
I thought this was my closet.

201
00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:04,440
Are you expecting
a response of some kind?

202
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:07,280
No.

203
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,280
Uh, I see now that there
is a bolt on the door.

204
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,180
So, we should use it.

205
00:15:13,190 --> 00:15:14,490
Yep.

206
00:15:26,630 --> 00:15:28,740
(Frank hocking phlegm)

207
00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:34,970
(bolt clicks)

208
00:15:34,970 --> 00:15:36,270
(TV continues)

209
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:37,410
(bolt clicks)

210
00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:44,580
(hocking phlegm)

211
00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:45,650
(man) <i>♪ Oh, my good girl ♪</i>

212
00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:46,980
<i>♪ Looking this fancy ♪</i>

213
00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:49,420
<i>♪ Pretty little mama
Like a lot of table dancin' ♪</i>

214
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:51,890
<i>♪ I want to pop a bottle
But she just keep dancin' ♪</i>

215
00:15:51,890 --> 00:15:54,360
<i>♪ We gonna keep it up
Till the top of the morning ♪</i>

216
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,560
<i>♪ Hey, everybody
Take a look at that body ♪</i>

217
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,630
<i>♪ Fine derriere
That's a whole lot of hotty ♪</i>

218
00:15:58,630 --> 00:16:00,500
(music fades)

219
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,930
- How's your room?
- I'm just sleeping there.

220
00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:04,600
How's yours?

221
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,300
I'll let you know after I run
a UV light over the sheets.

222
00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:08,910
We really shouldn't
speak anymore.

223
00:16:08,910 --> 00:16:10,610
If you think that's best.

224
00:16:10,610 --> 00:16:12,440
Do you think Keith
is trying to fix us up?

225
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,710
Even he is smarter
than that.

226
00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:16,780
I don't know.
I mean, same flight.

227
00:16:16,780 --> 00:16:18,920
Seated next to each other
on the plane.

228
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,420
Adjoining rooms.
Seated next to each other here.

229
00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:23,790
You think that's
all just coincidence?

230
00:16:23,790 --> 00:16:27,260
Keith has never had a thought
about another human being.

231
00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:30,460
So we're just the people
you don't know where to stick?

232
00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:32,560
Might as well
just stick us together.

233
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,870
I don't want to be a person
you don't know where to stick.

234
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:37,600
That is not the life
I imagined for myself.

235
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,810
I'm sure your next life
will be better.

236
00:16:40,810 --> 00:16:44,640
Welp, here we go.

237
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:45,710
So that's her.

238
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:47,280
Yep.

239
00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:50,850
She is a tall glass
of hemlock.

240
00:16:50,850 --> 00:16:52,780
- She's Danish.
- Dutch, I thought.

241
00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:54,280
Danish.
From Denmark.

242
00:16:54,290 --> 00:16:56,020
I know where
Danish are from.

243
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,790
He looks the same
as he used to.

244
00:16:57,790 --> 00:16:59,420
Plastic people don't age.

245
00:16:59,420 --> 00:17:00,990
Well, I was hoping he had.

246
00:17:00,990 --> 00:17:05,860
I was hoping he'd be less attractive
or on his way to obesity.

247
00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:08,700
Is this the first time you've seen
him since the crushing ending?

248
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,740
- Is it bad?
- Yep.

249
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:13,970
- As bad as you feared?
- Yeah. Worse.

250
00:17:17,010 --> 00:17:20,980
- How can this be the way the species is set up?
- I'm sorry?

251
00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:24,080
How can we be allowed
to feel so much for people

252
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,520
who don't feel
anything for us?

253
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,490
You're assuming that you're
normal, which is hilarious.

254
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:32,660
- It's incredibly cruel.
- Well, look at it this way.

255
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,930
For a time, you carved out a place in his life
when there really shouldn't have been one.

256
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,590
That makes me a dipshit.

257
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,900
I agree.
I was just humoring you.

258
00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:41,700
The truth is,
from puberty on in,

259
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:44,000
we should all just
be playing defense.

260
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,510
- "On in"? On in to what?
- Death.

261
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:50,040
- Oh, God.
- Officer on deck.

262
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,440
- (Frank) So you got to know Mom.
- (Lindsay) Plenty well enough.

263
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,680
(Frank)
So you met her twice.

264
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,850
(groans)

265
00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:57,480
Howard.

266
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,120
- (Frank) Oh, this fucking guy.
- (Lindsay) Who's he with?

267
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:02,490
(Frank) His girlfriend.

268
00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:04,120
Howard left your mother?

269
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:07,090
"Left" is not
a strong enough word. Fled.

270
00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:09,830
- (Lindsay) For an older woman?
- (Frank) He would have left for an otter.

271
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:13,030
- Anyway, leaving is leaving.
- No, no.

272
00:18:13,030 --> 00:18:16,600
Leaving for a younger woman
is awful, it's horrible.

273
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:20,400
But leaving for an older
woman is perverse.

274
00:18:20,410 --> 00:18:22,640
(Frank) Mom would have been just
as angry about a younger one.

275
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,980
(Lindsay) Yeah, but she would've
been able to use her age

276
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:27,910
to rail against
a gender-unfair society.

277
00:18:27,910 --> 00:18:30,920
I mean, leaving for a younger
woman's the least he could've done.

278
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,920
My father left her
for a younger woman.

279
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,550
She can think about that,
when she wants to cheer up.

280
00:18:35,550 --> 00:18:38,960
But she and your father eventually
made peace though, didn't they?

281
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,130
Yep. Dad jumped out
a seventh-floor window,

282
00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:43,030
and Mom considered them
all square.

283
00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:44,760
- I'm sorry?
- Don't be.

284
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,530
I was not a fan.

285
00:18:46,530 --> 00:18:49,130
Well, you're not a fan of
many people, is my sense.

286
00:18:49,140 --> 00:18:50,940
Well, this person
shot me, so...

287
00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:53,170
- He shot you?
- He did.

288
00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:56,710
He said I was the embodiment
of all his bad choices.

289
00:18:56,710 --> 00:18:59,110
- Did it hurt?
- Did it hurt?

290
00:18:59,110 --> 00:19:00,880
Is that a serious question?

291
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,780
There's a metal missile
going into your body.

292
00:19:02,780 --> 00:19:04,850
Yes, it hurt.
It hurt a great deal.

293
00:19:04,850 --> 00:19:06,820
Well, what did you do?

294
00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:07,920
I ran at him.

295
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,790
You ran at him?

296
00:19:09,790 --> 00:19:11,450
Why didn't you
run away from him?

297
00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:13,620
That didn't occur to me.
I was pissed off.

298
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:16,130
He tried to shoot me again,
but he missed.

299
00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:20,430
I got the gun out of his hand, hit him in
the face with it, broke his orbital bone.

300
00:19:20,430 --> 00:19:22,870
- What did he do?
- He cried.

301
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,370
Begged me to kill him.
I wouldn't.

302
00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:27,540
Not because I didn't want to, but because
I didn't want to fuck up my life.

303
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:30,010
I mean, any more
than it already was.

304
00:19:30,010 --> 00:19:31,670
Turned out I didn't
have to kill him though,

305
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,110
because that night,
he jumped.

306
00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:36,680
It's quite a family.

307
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,020
Nobody's arguing.

308
00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:43,020
(Lindsay) You can't call a
78-year-old woman your "girlfriend."

309
00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:44,520
It's ridiculous.

310
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:45,920
(Frank)
What should I call her then?

311
00:19:45,930 --> 00:19:49,930
I don't know. An ossified,
pre-dead corpse-friend?

312
00:19:49,930 --> 00:19:52,230
Is that in the politically
correct handbook?

313
00:19:52,230 --> 00:19:54,230
I'm off the clock.

314
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,130
She just needs a little
more hair and makeup.

315
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:58,940
(Lindsay) I think we passed
a mortician on the way in.

316
00:19:58,940 --> 00:20:00,640
Travel with her
on your arm,

317
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,170
you'd better know where the
funeral parlors are at all times.

318
00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:06,480
(Lindsay) And by "On your arm,"
you mean both figuratively

319
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,050
and for actual
physical support.

320
00:20:09,050 --> 00:20:11,610
- I've never met her.
- Better hurry.

321
00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:14,150
I guess the heart wants
what the heart wants.

322
00:20:14,150 --> 00:20:16,750
(Lindsay) Or whatever the
pacemaker says it can have.

323
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,550
(Frank) Apparently,
they went to the same college.

324
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,720
She was a senior
when he was a freshman.

325
00:20:20,730 --> 00:20:23,030
Well, she's a senior again.

326
00:20:23,030 --> 00:20:24,960
(laughs)

327
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,700
- Are you gonna say hello?
- Yep. Are you?

328
00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:31,040
Yep.
(clears throat)

329
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,870
Have a nice time.

330
00:20:32,870 --> 00:20:37,170
(dance music playing
in background)

331
00:20:37,180 --> 00:20:38,380
(rap music begins playing)

332
00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:42,180
<i>♪ Everybody, everybody
Hands in the air ♪</i>

333
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:44,050
<i>♪ We're rocking with the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

334
00:20:44,050 --> 00:20:46,190
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

335
00:20:51,690 --> 00:20:53,690
<i>♪ Rocking with the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

336
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:56,690
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

337
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:57,760
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

338
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,560
(groans)

339
00:21:01,570 --> 00:21:02,800
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

340
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,770
<i>♪ Rocking with the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

341
00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:07,500
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

342
00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:13,840
<i>♪ Party will be rocking With
the beats That I'm dropping ♪</i>

343
00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:17,210
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

344
00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:18,990
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

345
00:21:20,750 --> 00:21:23,260
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

346
00:21:35,630 --> 00:21:36,940
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

347
00:21:39,010 --> 00:21:40,100
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

348
00:21:40,110 --> 00:21:41,870
<i>♪ With the beats
That I'm dropping ♪</i>

349
00:21:41,870 --> 00:21:45,140
- You okay?
- Nope. You?

350
00:21:45,140 --> 00:21:47,250
I'm all fucked up
and I always will be.

351
00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:53,990
You think anyone will notice
if I... go back to the hotel?

352
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,290
Nope.

353
00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:58,120
Yeah.

354
00:21:59,690 --> 00:22:00,690
All right.

355
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,630
(chuckles)

356
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,780
Psst.

357
00:22:23,780 --> 00:22:28,190
(whispering) I mean, not to throw
stones, but he has a lot going on.

358
00:22:29,620 --> 00:22:31,990
I mean... I mean, I know
I have mine,

359
00:22:31,990 --> 00:22:34,360
but my father
never <i>shot</i> me.

360
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,960
I don't think he ever
even touched a gun.

361
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:42,200
I mean, there was that one time I
put those two boxes of Band-Aids

362
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:47,140
on my doll and he,
like, barely patted me.

363
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:49,870
Like, you couldn't
even call it a spanking.

364
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:55,080
It was like... He was
apologizing forever for it.

365
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,320
And he still feels bad.

366
00:22:58,650 --> 00:23:01,750
I mean, seven floors.

367
00:23:01,750 --> 00:23:04,420
I wonder if there was more
floors he could of just gone up

368
00:23:04,420 --> 00:23:06,060
so he could die instantly.

369
00:23:07,090 --> 00:23:10,260
Not like...
(groans)

370
00:23:10,260 --> 00:23:12,300
Can you die... How many...

371
00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:14,370
I don't know. I guess
it depends on the building.

372
00:23:15,900 --> 00:23:17,270
Very, very...

373
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:20,340
Just psychologically,
it's just interesting, but...

374
00:23:22,170 --> 00:23:24,210
(mutters, indistinct)

375
00:23:24,210 --> 00:23:26,080
(woman on TV)
<i>You don't think.</i>

376
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,780
<i>He stole from me, from his
employer, from Katherine March.</i>

377
00:23:29,780 --> 00:23:33,090
(man on TV) <i>My wife... I mean
my former wife is correct.</i>

378
00:23:34,350 --> 00:23:35,690
<i>I really can paint.</i>

379
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,720
<i>My copies were so bad
I had to destroy them.</i>

380
00:23:40,730 --> 00:23:42,230
(woman on TV)
<i>For God's sake, he's lying.</i>

381
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:47,130
Because he's left-handed,
you idiot.

382
00:23:48,770 --> 00:23:51,340
(man on TV) <i>He told me
Miss March painted them.</i>

383
00:23:51,340 --> 00:23:53,000
- <i>In my expert opinion...</i>
- (TV clicks off)

384
00:23:53,010 --> 00:23:57,880
(same TV program
echoing faintly in next room)

385
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,420
(man on TV) <i>He said he was going to fix
it when he left my place around 2:00 a.m.</i>

386
00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:12,490
<i>That's when I told him...</i>
(continues, indistinct)

387
00:24:12,490 --> 00:24:14,960
(man on TV continues) <i>So he
kills her with my ice pick.</i>

388
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,790
(woman on TV) <i>And I heard her say,
"'Hello, Johnnie' before she hung up."</i>

389
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,330
(man on TV)
<i>He was there all right.</i>

390
00:24:19,330 --> 00:24:20,960
(woman on TV)
<i>Well, what I don't understand</i>

391
00:24:20,970 --> 00:24:22,200
<i>is this talk
about her being an artist.</i>

392
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,800
<i>I never saw her paint.</i>

393
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,840
(man on TV) <i>That was one
of her peculiar traits.</i>

394
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,770
<i>She never let anyone
see her paint.</i>

395
00:24:48,260 --> 00:24:52,500
I would not have guessed, Frank, that you
were a man who enjoyed a foot massage.

396
00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:57,370
I'm not. When I saw the complimentary
chit in the wedding welcome basket,

397
00:24:57,370 --> 00:24:59,400
I thought, "I don't want that.

398
00:24:59,410 --> 00:25:01,470
I'm not comfortable with other
people touching my feet.

399
00:25:01,470 --> 00:25:03,870
I don't see why
it's necessary or good."

400
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,910
Then why are you here?

401
00:25:05,910 --> 00:25:08,350
Because it's a $30 value,
and throwing it away

402
00:25:08,350 --> 00:25:10,410
would have bothered me
even more than this does.

403
00:25:10,420 --> 00:25:11,820
So, you're cheap.

404
00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:13,280
Oh, I'm way worse
than cheap,

405
00:25:13,290 --> 00:25:15,820
especially when it comes to free shit...
I hoard free shit.

406
00:25:15,820 --> 00:25:17,350
Especially
the gray-area free shit,

407
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:20,490
like the nail files and disposable
slippers in the hotel room.

408
00:25:20,490 --> 00:25:22,160
"Gray area."

409
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,160
I tell myself that they
want me to take it,

410
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,860
that I'm intended
to take it.

411
00:25:25,860 --> 00:25:27,260
Do you take
the shoehorns?

412
00:25:27,270 --> 00:25:29,070
Not the long ones,
only the short ones.

413
00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:32,400
Well, that's not a gray area,
that's theft. You're a thief.

414
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,870
Do you take the shampoo,
conditioner, and body wash?

415
00:25:35,870 --> 00:25:38,210
I used to, but then one
leaked in my suitcase.

416
00:25:38,210 --> 00:25:40,880
Huh. What about the soaps?

417
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,480
Not the round soaps
wrapped in paper.

418
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,220
But the bigger ones,
in the boxes? Yes, I do.

419
00:25:45,220 --> 00:25:49,190
So, you're a minor person
with grubby hands.

420
00:25:49,190 --> 00:25:52,120
I don't understand how, even after
Keith did what he did to you,

421
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,390
and even in the midst
of the shame of being here,

422
00:25:54,390 --> 00:25:56,890
you can possibly still
be mooning over him.

423
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,400
That's because
you're a monkey

424
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,900
who doesn't understand
the human condition.

425
00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:02,830
Having met you, I understand
why it's a condition.

426
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,230
You don't stop
loving a person

427
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,470
just because
they injure you.

428
00:26:06,470 --> 00:26:07,900
It helps.

429
00:26:07,910 --> 00:26:10,540
- Well, love is not rational.
- Clearly.

430
00:26:10,540 --> 00:26:12,380
But how could you
even like Keith?

431
00:26:12,380 --> 00:26:15,110
- I never said I liked him.
- Then how can you love him?

432
00:26:15,110 --> 00:26:17,110
Love has nothing
to do with like.

433
00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:20,450
- Healthy people would disagree.
- Healthy people are sick.

434
00:26:20,450 --> 00:26:23,920
Isn't there a part of you that just
wants to wish him well and move on?

435
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,560
Mmm... Most of me wants him
to be found in an icy river.

436
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,930
It makes no sense to want the
person you love to be dead.

437
00:26:30,930 --> 00:26:33,260
Because then you'd have no one
left to love except yourself.

438
00:26:33,270 --> 00:26:35,530
Which, in your case,
would be unrequited.

439
00:26:37,070 --> 00:26:40,600
- I really don't want him dead.
- Good.

440
00:26:40,610 --> 00:26:43,870
I want him to have a long life, during
which he is miserable every single day

441
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,340
before slowly
dying of regret.

442
00:26:46,350 --> 00:26:49,250
There are seven billion people
in the world.

443
00:26:49,250 --> 00:26:51,350
So when one of them
behaves badly toward you,

444
00:26:51,350 --> 00:26:54,280
he's actually doing you a great
favor because he's saving you time.

445
00:26:54,290 --> 00:26:56,650
He's telling you that
he's not worth your while.

446
00:26:56,660 --> 00:26:59,120
He's freeing you to say,
"Thank you for the information.

447
00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:06,600
I will now move on to
the 6,999,999,999 other people,

448
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:09,430
some of whom
may have some value."

449
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,170
And is that what
you've done, Frank?

450
00:27:11,170 --> 00:27:13,500
Just sifted,
calmly and sensibly,

451
00:27:13,510 --> 00:27:16,970
through the entire population,
searching for your soul mate?

452
00:27:16,980 --> 00:27:20,110
No, I have opted out, which
makes me uniquely qualified

453
00:27:20,110 --> 00:27:22,010
to observe and comment
on your situation.

454
00:27:22,010 --> 00:27:23,480
Oh, I am so lucky.

455
00:27:25,050 --> 00:27:27,380
- It was a long time ago.
- Not an eternity.

456
00:27:27,390 --> 00:27:31,520
- You were both very young.
- Old enough to know right from wrong.

457
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,920
Incidentally, I spoke
to the bride last night.

458
00:27:33,930 --> 00:27:37,030
Oh, she does not have the
sense God gave a toaster.

459
00:27:37,030 --> 00:27:40,300
She's a moron, and her breasts
were built on a medical bench.

460
00:27:40,300 --> 00:27:43,700
But she said to tell you that
she hopes you can be friends.

461
00:27:43,700 --> 00:27:45,370
You talked about me?

462
00:27:45,370 --> 00:27:47,040
She didn't give you
a lot of airtime.

463
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,170
She has trouble
stringing sentences together.

464
00:27:49,170 --> 00:27:51,110
And she uses a lot
of personal pronouns,

465
00:27:51,110 --> 00:27:53,310
so you're not always quite sure
who she's talking about.

466
00:27:53,310 --> 00:27:55,180
Well done, Keith.

467
00:27:55,180 --> 00:27:59,220
But if it helps, she said
she's not threatened by you.

468
00:27:59,220 --> 00:28:02,190
Yes, that helps
tremendously.

469
00:28:02,190 --> 00:28:03,690
At least I think
she was talking about you.

470
00:28:03,690 --> 00:28:05,260
(sighs)

471
00:28:05,260 --> 00:28:09,330
She said "her." I'm pretty
sure she meant you.

472
00:28:09,330 --> 00:28:13,160
- Wow. What do you care anyway?
- I don't.

473
00:28:13,170 --> 00:28:16,130
I'm just trying to amuse myself
and get to tomorrow.

474
00:28:16,140 --> 00:28:18,500
Do you care
about anything?

475
00:28:20,270 --> 00:28:22,510
How many times in your life
have you been in love?

476
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,440
Once.

477
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:26,980
What was it like?

478
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,400
How does anybody drink wine
at 11:00 in the morning?

479
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,130
It's a winery, Frank.

480
00:28:49,130 --> 00:28:52,140
Haven't you ever given out a Car
of the Year award at 11:00?

481
00:28:52,140 --> 00:28:53,540
I can still taste toothpaste.

482
00:28:56,340 --> 00:28:59,280
- You were absolutely right.
- What did you say?

483
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,150
A destination wedding
is presumptuous.

484
00:29:02,150 --> 00:29:04,380
"Please drag your carcass
hundreds of miles

485
00:29:04,380 --> 00:29:06,620
to excessively celebrate
our happiness."

486
00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:09,190
Yeah. "Because our
wedding is so special,

487
00:29:09,190 --> 00:29:11,460
it needs to be
an epic imposition."

488
00:29:11,460 --> 00:29:15,090
"It's far too important to celebrate
in anybody's shit-ass hometown."

489
00:29:15,090 --> 00:29:19,100
"Or on one calendar day. So kindly
give up your entire weekend."

490
00:29:19,100 --> 00:29:22,130
"And spend a fuck-ton of your own
money, over and above the gift."

491
00:29:22,130 --> 00:29:24,230
I bet you loved
the minibar prices.

492
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:25,570
It's like 80 cents
per cashew.

493
00:29:27,710 --> 00:29:29,410
(Frank) What's hilarious
is that these two

494
00:29:29,410 --> 00:29:32,080
have no idea they're
in a fool's paradise.

495
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,140
You really think that?

496
00:29:34,150 --> 00:29:37,310
I've spent most of my life dodging the
shrapnel from my mother's marriages,

497
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,750
both of which started
with smiles as big as theirs.

498
00:29:40,750 --> 00:29:42,690
Some marriages work out.

499
00:29:42,690 --> 00:29:45,190
Yes, and some people
have six fingers.

500
00:29:45,190 --> 00:29:47,190
So I'm guessing
you're single.

501
00:29:47,190 --> 00:29:49,330
I decided to learn
from my parents' mistakes.

502
00:29:49,330 --> 00:29:51,600
It's a form
of evolution.

503
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,330
Yeah, but you can't blame people for
believing their own lives will be different.

504
00:29:55,330 --> 00:29:59,100
Yes, I can.
It's incredibly egotistical.

505
00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:02,570
It might help you to consider the
idea that heartbreak is pointless,

506
00:30:02,570 --> 00:30:04,270
because if you had
wound up with the person,

507
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:07,110
eventually, you would've
been miserable anyway.

508
00:30:07,110 --> 00:30:09,180
Actually that does help,
thank you.

509
00:30:09,180 --> 00:30:11,750
No problem.

510
00:30:11,750 --> 00:30:14,650
But don't you believe there's
someone for everyone?

511
00:30:14,650 --> 00:30:16,120
Close.

512
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,620
I believe that there's
nobody for anyone.

513
00:30:23,130 --> 00:30:26,230
(people chattering, laughing)

514
00:30:35,810 --> 00:30:39,280
I wish your mother and Howard's
corpse-friend were playing.

515
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:43,110
They could try and dislodge
each other's tunnel catheters.

516
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,120
Have you talked
to the corpse-friend?

517
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:48,820
Briefly. She's dull, and she
needs a week at depilatory camp.

518
00:30:48,820 --> 00:30:52,160
- Maybe she's rich.
- I sure hope so.

519
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:53,260
(man)
Get her!

520
00:30:55,330 --> 00:30:57,290
Do you ever think
it's a crutch though,

521
00:30:57,300 --> 00:30:59,560
blaming your mother and
father for everything?

522
00:30:59,570 --> 00:31:01,330
When did crutches
get a bad name?

523
00:31:01,330 --> 00:31:02,900
When you have a broken leg,
you need a crutch.

524
00:31:02,900 --> 00:31:05,440
In fact, it would be stupid
not to have a crutch.

525
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,740
Well, yeah,
but broken legs heal.

526
00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:10,140
I mean don't you have
a responsibility to yourself

527
00:31:10,140 --> 00:31:14,180
to eventually cast aside the
crutches and meet new challenges?

528
00:31:14,180 --> 00:31:16,450
If the parent-child bond
is diseased,

529
00:31:16,450 --> 00:31:20,620
you have a better chance of being a
sociopath than of being well-adjusted.

530
00:31:20,620 --> 00:31:22,620
I consider it a triumph
of the will

531
00:31:22,620 --> 00:31:26,190
that there aren't shallow graves
dotting my backyard.

532
00:31:26,190 --> 00:31:29,560
Besides, who are you to talk?

533
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:33,900
Simple heartbreak like yours should be,
relatively speaking, a piece of cake to get over.

534
00:31:33,900 --> 00:31:35,830
Well, it's not.

535
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,500
I'd rather be strong and ruined
than weak and ruined.

536
00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:42,440
I'm not weak.
I just have hope.

537
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,370
That's the same thing.

538
00:31:44,380 --> 00:31:45,850
- (loud smack)
- (men laughing)

539
00:32:00,430 --> 00:32:04,390
How do you not install steps
or a pathway for this shit?

540
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,560
They warned us. It was
in the Welcome Basket.

541
00:32:06,570 --> 00:32:08,570
This is a fucking
liability nightmare.

542
00:32:08,570 --> 00:32:10,840
That's right,
sue Keith again.

543
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,900
Can't we just get the van
to drive us up?

544
00:32:12,910 --> 00:32:15,540
- We're going 90 feet.
- Well, the heels won't make it.

545
00:32:15,540 --> 00:32:17,540
Then take them off
until we get there.

546
00:32:17,540 --> 00:32:19,910
- I just got a foot massage.
- So?

547
00:32:19,910 --> 00:32:23,350
I'm not gonna show up at my
ex-fiancé's wedding with dirty feet.

548
00:32:23,350 --> 00:32:25,850
You can clean them off
at the grape wash.

549
00:32:25,850 --> 00:32:28,690
- Can't you just carry me, please?
- What?

550
00:32:28,690 --> 00:32:31,820
- I can't believe I have to ask.
- What?

551
00:32:31,820 --> 00:32:34,360
- It's 90 feet.
- How much do you weigh?

552
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,590
- Frank.
- I don't want to shed my mortal coil.

553
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:38,770
Well, if that happens,
you can put me down.

554
00:32:47,940 --> 00:32:50,410
- (Lindsay grunts)
- (Frank coughs)

555
00:32:50,410 --> 00:32:52,610
You have a high,
specific gravity.

556
00:32:52,610 --> 00:32:54,410
Yeah, dense bones.

557
00:32:54,410 --> 00:32:56,580
Really deceptive avoirdupois.

558
00:32:56,580 --> 00:32:59,320
This is the slowest
I've ever been carried.

559
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:00,890
Oh, dear God, be quiet.

560
00:33:00,890 --> 00:33:02,620
Can you just let me off
at the top though,

561
00:33:02,620 --> 00:33:04,650
so no one sees
that you carried me?

562
00:33:04,660 --> 00:33:08,490
Why? Maybe Keith will get
jealous and rethink everything.

563
00:33:08,490 --> 00:33:10,630
Keith has
forgotten I'm here.

564
00:33:10,630 --> 00:33:11,930
(Frank grunting)

565
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:16,940
(Frank)
Fuck me.

566
00:33:24,810 --> 00:33:27,980
(sighs)
It's 800 degrees.

567
00:33:27,980 --> 00:33:30,380
Why is the minister
in a seersucker suit?

568
00:33:30,380 --> 00:33:31,580
(Lindsay)
Because he's not a minister.

569
00:33:31,580 --> 00:33:32,950
He's Keith's friend
from college.

570
00:33:32,950 --> 00:33:34,820
Levy, I think his name is.

571
00:33:34,820 --> 00:33:36,920
- Kaplan?
- Kaplan, right.

572
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:39,290
- Is he wearing makeup?
- Always.

573
00:33:39,290 --> 00:33:41,590
Usually
the Nars Radiant Creamy.

574
00:33:41,590 --> 00:33:43,460
If memory serves,
he's gay.

575
00:33:43,460 --> 00:33:47,660
The correct term is "Effeminate
American." And actually he's pansexual.

576
00:33:47,670 --> 00:33:49,070
What does that mean?

577
00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:51,000
He's attracted
to all genders,

578
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,800
gender identities,
and sexual orientations.

579
00:33:53,810 --> 00:33:55,840
- Come on.
- I'm telling you.

580
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:57,640
How'd he get the gig?

581
00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:59,380
He fucked the bride
and the groom.

582
00:33:59,380 --> 00:34:01,980
- Which was, like, no big deal.
- Vanilla.

583
00:34:01,980 --> 00:34:04,510
I mean, because he would fuck, for
example, a man who believes he's a woman?

584
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,050
Absolutely.

585
00:34:06,050 --> 00:34:08,920
Or a straight woman who believes
she's actually a gay man?

586
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,020
- Not a day goes by.
- What about hermaphrodites?

587
00:34:11,020 --> 00:34:12,590
(Lindsay)
You'd have to think.

588
00:34:12,590 --> 00:34:14,790
(Frank) They just let anyone
officiate at weddings?

589
00:34:14,790 --> 00:34:18,560
Not anyone. You need a credit
card and an Internet connection.

590
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,900
- You researched this?
- Oh, I researched everything.

591
00:34:21,900 --> 00:34:23,870
I knew where
we would buy a house,

592
00:34:23,870 --> 00:34:26,870
where our kids would be born,
where they'd go to school.

593
00:34:26,870 --> 00:34:28,610
I knew where we'd be buried.

594
00:34:31,740 --> 00:34:34,780
Do you become a clergyman in
an online church of some sort?

595
00:34:34,780 --> 00:34:36,910
No, you can
just do weddings.

596
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,020
- Not baptisms?
- No.

597
00:34:39,020 --> 00:34:42,050
- Funerals? Bar Mitzvahs?
- Just weddings.

598
00:34:42,050 --> 00:34:45,820
- How many believers does he have?
- No believers. No congregation.

599
00:34:45,830 --> 00:34:48,990
- Does his church preach that there's a heaven?
- Ain't got no church.

600
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,700
Why would anyone have my
mother as the maid of honor?

601
00:34:52,700 --> 00:34:56,600
(Lindsay) I don't know. It's like having
the Grim Reaper at your CAT scan.

602
00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:00,500
If I had a nickel for every time she
said to me, "I am not your maid."

603
00:35:00,510 --> 00:35:04,140
- Was she born during the Great Depression?
- No, she caused it.

604
00:35:04,140 --> 00:35:06,580
- You know who I feel sorry for?
- Yourself?

605
00:35:06,580 --> 00:35:08,080
Anne's father.

606
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,610
Why? He's the only one here
who wasn't married to my mother.

607
00:35:10,620 --> 00:35:15,820
Because once upon a time, he was the Most
Important Male Person In Anne's Life,

608
00:35:15,820 --> 00:35:18,790
the "M.P.I.A.L." if you will.

609
00:35:18,790 --> 00:35:21,090
I will, but only
if I have to.

610
00:35:21,090 --> 00:35:24,530
It's dangerous for a father
to pass that mantle.

611
00:35:24,530 --> 00:35:27,900
Just because he's Danish doesn't mean
he was fucking his own daughter.

612
00:35:27,900 --> 00:35:31,170
In a very real sense,
by virtue of cultivating

613
00:35:31,170 --> 00:35:35,570
a healthy, loving relationship with
her, showing her, day after day,

614
00:35:35,570 --> 00:35:38,080
year after year, how a good
man should comport himself,

615
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,810
he's been preparing
her whole life for marriage.

616
00:35:40,810 --> 00:35:43,410
- To Keith.
- Exactly.

617
00:35:43,420 --> 00:35:45,720
(Lindsay) That's the lamb to
the slaughter right there.

618
00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:49,190
She and her dad have been leading with
their chins, cruising for a bruising.

619
00:35:49,190 --> 00:35:51,420
Asking for it.
It's a total sucker play.

620
00:35:51,420 --> 00:35:52,920
Or so you've heard.

621
00:35:52,930 --> 00:35:55,130
There's a sucker that reaches
age of consent every minute.

622
00:35:55,130 --> 00:35:58,530
When Keith turns out to be
the mythic jerk that he is,

623
00:35:58,530 --> 00:36:02,100
all of her carefully curated
self-esteem will be destroyed,

624
00:36:02,100 --> 00:36:05,540
a father will have lost a
daughter, and where will she be?

625
00:36:06,610 --> 00:36:08,470
Right here
with the rest of us.

626
00:36:08,470 --> 00:36:11,840
(band playing ballad)

627
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:32,660
I used to love this song.

628
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,130
Do you want to dance?

629
00:36:36,140 --> 00:36:37,870
- I said "used to."
- Fine.

630
00:36:39,970 --> 00:36:42,570
- Why, do you want to dance?
- Of course not, I hate dancing.

631
00:36:42,570 --> 00:36:44,980
It's moronic and a
complete waste of time.

632
00:36:44,980 --> 00:36:47,780
You're not that busy.

633
00:36:47,780 --> 00:36:51,120
I just thought maybe you wanted to
dance to get your mind off things.

634
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,250
I don't and it wouldn't.

635
00:36:53,250 --> 00:36:56,790
Fine. I said fine.

636
00:36:56,790 --> 00:36:58,760
Neither of us wants
to fucking dance.

637
00:37:01,230 --> 00:37:03,160
(guests whooping)

638
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,630
I can't help but hope
Keith tears a hip muscle.

639
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:17,910
Can we take a walk?

640
00:37:19,910 --> 00:37:22,450
(guests cheering, applauding)

641
00:37:44,770 --> 00:37:46,970
- (Frank) How are the shoes?
- (Lindsay) They're fine.

642
00:37:46,970 --> 00:37:49,240
I didn't really want to go through
the whole entire selection,

643
00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:52,780
but I have weird arches
on my mom's side.

644
00:37:52,780 --> 00:37:54,780
- So they're good.
- Yeah.

645
00:37:54,780 --> 00:37:56,310
Okay.

646
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,750
You know after
the whole thing with Keith,

647
00:37:58,750 --> 00:38:02,720
- I was diagnosed with PTSD.
- Rich person's PTSD.

648
00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:05,690
- Privileged person's PTSD.
- Okay, I do know what you're saying.

649
00:38:05,690 --> 00:38:07,590
This is why people
hate the top one percent.

650
00:38:07,590 --> 00:38:10,330
- I am not the top one percent.
- Neither am I.

651
00:38:10,330 --> 00:38:13,700
When people talk about the top
one percent like it's home,

652
00:38:13,700 --> 00:38:15,170
it drives me fucking crazy.

653
00:38:15,170 --> 00:38:16,930
You know who's actually
in the top one percent

654
00:38:16,940 --> 00:38:18,840
are the assholes
that run the companies

655
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,070
that I prosecute
and you reward.

656
00:38:21,070 --> 00:38:23,940
Top ten, top 20 percent,
whatever it is.

657
00:38:23,940 --> 00:38:26,110
The segment of society
that doesn't have to worry

658
00:38:26,110 --> 00:38:29,210
about basic things like food,
clothing, shelter, transportation,

659
00:38:29,220 --> 00:38:30,950
or getting shot
by the police.

660
00:38:30,950 --> 00:38:32,620
So we're not allowed
to have problems?

661
00:38:32,620 --> 00:38:34,790
We're allowed to have them, but
no one is interested in them.

662
00:38:34,790 --> 00:38:37,220
And I don't blame them,
I'm not even interested.

663
00:38:37,220 --> 00:38:40,260
We're trite, trivial,
tiresome, tone-deaf narcissists.

664
00:38:40,260 --> 00:38:42,930
I never said I wasn't
a tone-deaf narcissist.

665
00:38:42,930 --> 00:38:44,860
- The optics are very bad.
- Nobody's looking.

666
00:38:44,860 --> 00:38:46,200
We should keep our shit
to ourselves.

667
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,330
We are keeping it
to ourselves.

668
00:38:48,330 --> 00:38:52,600
Besides, it's human nature to find pain in
any situation, however relatively fortunate.

669
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,740
That doesn't
make it listenable.

670
00:38:54,740 --> 00:38:58,310
Well, I'm sorry if my brand of pain
is out of vogue, but it's all I got.

671
00:38:58,310 --> 00:39:00,880
It would be so much more
interesting and fantastic

672
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,150
if we had been
fondled by priests

673
00:39:03,150 --> 00:39:06,080
or lost a leg but could
still feel it or something.

674
00:39:06,090 --> 00:39:07,850
(Lindsay laughs)

675
00:39:07,850 --> 00:39:11,650
(Lindsay) My theory about
myself is that my soma

676
00:39:11,660 --> 00:39:15,790
is sending me a Darwinian
message telling me,

677
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,060
"Hey, you're unfit to pass your
DNA on to future generations,

678
00:39:19,070 --> 00:39:21,100
so you should just select out."

679
00:39:21,100 --> 00:39:23,870
Well, just keep doing
what you're doing.

680
00:39:23,870 --> 00:39:26,270
But I have
so much to give.

681
00:39:26,270 --> 00:39:27,910
Not really.

682
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:31,940
(gasps) Holy shit, Frank.
What is that?

683
00:39:31,940 --> 00:39:33,680
- (growling)
- I think it's a mountain lion.

684
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,950
- Could it be a jaguar?
- I don't know. I'm not a zookeeper.

685
00:39:36,950 --> 00:39:38,980
It's too big for an
ocelot or a bearcat,

686
00:39:38,980 --> 00:39:40,980
but too small
for a panther, I think.

687
00:39:40,990 --> 00:39:43,390
What the fuck difference does it make
what it is? It's a fucking predator cat.

688
00:39:43,390 --> 00:39:44,960
- A cougar, maybe?
- (cat snarling)

689
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,060
- Jesus Christ.
- I don't know what you're worried about.

690
00:39:47,060 --> 00:39:48,760
- It's gonna go for me.
- Why?

691
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:50,990
I saw a thing. They pick out
the smallest of the herd.

692
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,330
We're not a herd,
we're wedding guests.

693
00:39:52,330 --> 00:39:54,360
I'm telling you,
you're safe if you just run.

694
00:39:54,370 --> 00:39:55,830
You run.
I'll stay here and fight.

695
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:57,300
Uh, yeah,
but I'm not a sprinter.

696
00:39:57,300 --> 00:40:00,070
I run for distance, so it
gives me a certain clarity...

697
00:40:00,070 --> 00:40:01,710
- Yes, all right.
- (roars)

698
00:40:01,710 --> 00:40:03,040
You run.
I'll stay here and fight.

699
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,280
How about if we both run
and nobody stays and fights?

700
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:06,980
Neither one of us
can outrun a cheetah.

701
00:40:06,980 --> 00:40:08,780
It's not a fucking cheetah.
We're not in Africa.

702
00:40:08,780 --> 00:40:10,950
They're also in Iran,
I think it said.

703
00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:12,420
They won't even
hear us scream.

704
00:40:12,420 --> 00:40:14,220
I hate those
fucking people.

705
00:40:14,220 --> 00:40:16,820
- (snarling)
- On the plus side, you'll be ruining Keith's wedding.

706
00:40:16,820 --> 00:40:19,360
- That's true.
- Unless they don't find us for weeks.

707
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,190
And then only in pieces, some of
which were brought back to its lair.

708
00:40:22,190 --> 00:40:23,830
(roaring)

709
00:40:23,830 --> 00:40:25,460
Last chance on the running.

710
00:40:25,460 --> 00:40:28,430
I can't believe you're the last human
person I'm ever gonna talk to.

711
00:40:28,430 --> 00:40:30,000
There might be EMTs.

712
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,800
Yeah, but I might
be a hemophiliac.

713
00:40:32,810 --> 00:40:34,810
Might be?
Don't you know that already?

714
00:40:34,810 --> 00:40:38,780
Well, no, because you can get things
as an adult, like adult onset asthma.

715
00:40:38,780 --> 00:40:41,080
- My friend Suzanne has that...
- (hissing, hocking phlegm)

716
00:40:43,750 --> 00:40:45,380
- (hocking phlegm)
- (snarls)

717
00:40:45,380 --> 00:40:52,320
(hocking phlegm)

718
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:53,960
- (roars)
- (hocking phlegm)

719
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,830
(whimpers)

720
00:40:55,830 --> 00:40:56,930
(hocking phlegm)

721
00:40:56,930 --> 00:40:59,460
- Now we run!
- Oh!

722
00:40:59,470 --> 00:41:01,870
- That was good, Frank.
- My throat is really raw.

723
00:41:01,870 --> 00:41:03,270
(Lindsay) But why are
we still running?

724
00:41:03,270 --> 00:41:04,640
(Frank) Because I don't
think it's a bad idea

725
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,470
to put as much distance between us
and the mountain lion as possible.

726
00:41:07,470 --> 00:41:08,970
(Lindsay) It might've
been a lynx!

727
00:41:08,970 --> 00:41:10,270
(Frank) It would be so
ironic if I strangled you.

728
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,510
Why do you have to ruin
a nice moment!

729
00:41:12,510 --> 00:41:16,110
- (Lindsay) Ow!
- (Frank) Ah, fuck! Ah, fuck!

730
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:19,180
- (Lindsay) Ow! Ow!
- (Frank) Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

731
00:41:19,190 --> 00:41:20,450
(Frank) Ah!

732
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:24,690
Okay. Oh.

733
00:41:27,530 --> 00:41:29,800
For the record,
you ruined the moment, not me.

734
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:34,770
Lindsay?

735
00:41:36,100 --> 00:41:37,440
Lindsay?

736
00:41:39,810 --> 00:41:43,770
I'm fine!
For God's sake. Jesus.

737
00:41:43,780 --> 00:41:47,180
- Great.
- I just had the wind knocked out of me.

738
00:41:47,180 --> 00:41:49,080
Okay, good.

739
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:52,420
It was good, because you didn't have
the first clue what you were doing.

740
00:41:52,420 --> 00:41:55,250
Hey, it's been a while
since health class.

741
00:41:55,250 --> 00:41:58,160
Yeah, well, if you thought
I had a cervical injury,

742
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,460
the last thing you're supposed
to do is flip a person over

743
00:42:00,460 --> 00:42:02,390
like a fuckin' pancake.

744
00:42:02,390 --> 00:42:07,060
- I'm sorry.
- But on the other hand, you did save me.

745
00:42:07,070 --> 00:42:08,270
Us.

746
00:42:08,270 --> 00:42:11,000
I told you,
it would have gone for me.

747
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,800
Why did you do that?
Why did you save me?

748
00:42:13,810 --> 00:42:14,510
I didn't save you.

749
00:42:15,910 --> 00:42:17,440
Why did you save me?

750
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:18,980
Because I'm an idiot.

751
00:42:18,980 --> 00:42:22,380
- You could've died.
- Of idiocy.

752
00:42:22,380 --> 00:42:24,350
Don't tell me
you're secretly noble.

753
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:26,520
I'm not.

754
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:27,880
But I thought,
"Maybe she's right.

755
00:42:27,890 --> 00:42:29,250
Maybe hers
is the life in danger.

756
00:42:29,260 --> 00:42:31,960
She seems to know
fuckin' everything."

757
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,430
And I didn't want to feel guilty for the
rest of my life about not having saved you.

758
00:42:35,430 --> 00:42:37,060
I get that.

759
00:42:37,060 --> 00:42:40,830
- I didn't want to think of myself as selfish.
- Frank.

760
00:42:40,830 --> 00:42:44,940
As <i>that</i> selfish. Not on top of everything
else I already think about myself.

761
00:42:44,940 --> 00:42:47,240
Copy you.

762
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,840
'Cause it's not like
I have so much to live for.

763
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,010
Yeah, well,
that's true.

764
00:42:53,350 --> 00:42:54,850
Well, anyway, thank you.

765
00:43:01,990 --> 00:43:03,590
What the fuck, Frank?

766
00:43:03,590 --> 00:43:05,220
I'm sorry.
I don't know what that was.

767
00:43:05,220 --> 00:43:07,490
Neither do I,
for fuck's sake. Jesus.

768
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,460
- Goddamn it!
- I'm sorry.

769
00:43:13,470 --> 00:43:16,040
- What is wrong with you?
- I don't know.

770
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,240
What the fuck?

771
00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:24,540
Let's just...
Come on.

772
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:28,250
Mmm.

773
00:43:31,220 --> 00:43:33,420
- (groans)
- Can't... Just put it on...

774
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:38,090
I'm sorry.

775
00:43:38,090 --> 00:43:41,430
(panting) I'm sorry,
it's just very difficult

776
00:43:41,430 --> 00:43:44,330
for me to give myself over to
any sort of positive activity.

777
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:47,600
Yeah.
Especially this one.

778
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:49,630
It makes me think about how
long I've gone without it,

779
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,600
which makes me
want to kill myself.

780
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,970
Yeah, well, I've been pretty
sure for a very long time

781
00:43:54,970 --> 00:43:57,440
that life is essentially
a horrible experience,

782
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,410
and I really don't need
this kind of confusion.

783
00:43:59,410 --> 00:44:01,210
- And pressure.
- Yeah.

784
00:44:01,210 --> 00:44:02,380
I mean, if it all sucks,
then fuck it,

785
00:44:02,380 --> 00:44:05,420
but if it doesn't all suck,
then there's so much pressure.

786
00:44:05,420 --> 00:44:07,120
Yeah.

787
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,490
God, do you even know
how long it's been

788
00:44:09,490 --> 00:44:13,160
since I've been touched with
affection by another human being?

789
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,330
How about without affection?

790
00:44:15,330 --> 00:44:17,190
(sighs)
Nearly as long.

791
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:21,130
I tell you right now, I haven't
felt pleasure since about 2006.

792
00:44:21,130 --> 00:44:23,530
Sometimes, I feel
the absence of pain,

793
00:44:23,540 --> 00:44:26,000
which at this point
feels like pleasure,

794
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,470
or at least pleasure's
little cousin.

795
00:44:29,410 --> 00:44:31,040
I don't have protection.

796
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,180
Well, why would you?

797
00:44:32,180 --> 00:44:34,540
I mean, why would you
have a condom today?

798
00:44:34,550 --> 00:44:37,110
What are the odds?
Astronomical.

799
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:40,250
- What if you got pregnant?
- I'm sure my womb is hostile.

800
00:44:40,250 --> 00:44:42,990
Having sex right now
would be irresponsible.

801
00:44:42,990 --> 00:44:44,650
Well, who cares?

802
00:44:44,660 --> 00:44:46,990
I mean, how much worse
can things get?

803
00:44:48,460 --> 00:44:50,390
- Okay.
- Yeah?

804
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:51,500
Okay.

805
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,080
Okay.

806
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:08,150
- (sighs)
- Okay.

807
00:45:08,150 --> 00:45:09,710
Okay.

808
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:12,080
All right.

809
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,450
(clears throat)

810
00:45:13,450 --> 00:45:16,360
(groans)
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

811
00:45:25,630 --> 00:45:26,570
Okay.

812
00:45:30,170 --> 00:45:31,230
How's that?

813
00:45:31,240 --> 00:45:32,600
That's fine.

814
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,040
(groans)

815
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,040
Do you think the mountain lion
will be attracted to the musk?

816
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,010
I think it was a puma.

817
00:45:40,010 --> 00:45:41,110
(groans)

818
00:45:41,110 --> 00:45:42,510
How is it now?

819
00:45:42,510 --> 00:45:46,280
It feels strange
yet pleasantly familiar,

820
00:45:46,290 --> 00:45:49,720
kind of like coming off a long
diet or going back to smoking.

821
00:45:51,660 --> 00:45:53,460
How about now?

822
00:45:53,460 --> 00:45:55,290
Do you have
any diseases?

823
00:45:55,290 --> 00:45:56,630
Of course not.

824
00:45:56,630 --> 00:45:58,630
I missed every
possible sexual revolution.

825
00:45:58,630 --> 00:46:01,260
The first one,
the one after Tinder,

826
00:46:01,270 --> 00:46:03,800
- the one after Caitlyn Jenner...
- Me, too.

827
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,770
(both moaning)

828
00:46:06,770 --> 00:46:08,410
Crabs.

829
00:46:08,410 --> 00:46:10,340
You have crabs?

830
00:46:10,340 --> 00:46:11,680
No, actual crabs.

831
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:13,240
Over there.

832
00:46:13,250 --> 00:46:15,450
Those aren't crabs,
those are tarantulas.

833
00:46:15,450 --> 00:46:16,550
They look like crabs.

834
00:46:16,550 --> 00:46:17,650
No, they don't.

835
00:46:17,650 --> 00:46:20,150
And besides,
they don't attack humans.

836
00:46:20,150 --> 00:46:21,590
Now you're just
making shit up.

837
00:46:21,590 --> 00:46:24,120
Oh, yes, for the thrill
of fucking you.

838
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,390
- Let's get it over with.
- Fine.

839
00:46:26,390 --> 00:46:30,490
(both moaning)

840
00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:33,700
My mother used to tell me to always
use two condoms when you have sex.

841
00:46:33,700 --> 00:46:35,430
The second one
always had to be bigger.

842
00:46:35,430 --> 00:46:38,100
- It looked like a wind sock.
- That's so stupid.

843
00:46:38,100 --> 00:46:40,840
Each condom would cause
the other one to break.

844
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,840
A fact discovered, astraddle,
in the summer after 12th grade,

845
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,440
by a nice girl named Auden
who had no quarrel with anyone.

846
00:46:47,450 --> 00:46:49,350
She ran screaming
from our rec room.

847
00:46:49,350 --> 00:46:51,680
Of course, you had sex
in your rec room.

848
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:53,720
We had a Nutone intercom system.

849
00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:56,250
The master control
was in the kitchen.

850
00:46:56,260 --> 00:46:59,320
My parents could listen and talk to
any room in the house from there.

851
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:02,290
- I used to call the kitchen "The Eagle's Nest."
- (moans)

852
00:47:02,290 --> 00:47:03,730
When my father heard
Auden wailing,

853
00:47:03,730 --> 00:47:06,130
he screamed
through the intercom,

854
00:47:06,130 --> 00:47:08,330
"What the fuck
is going on down there?"

855
00:47:08,330 --> 00:47:09,370
I said what happened.

856
00:47:09,370 --> 00:47:10,870
There was a pause,

857
00:47:10,870 --> 00:47:13,570
and then my mother said,
"Dinner's ready."

858
00:47:13,570 --> 00:47:15,470
Your mother cooked?

859
00:47:15,470 --> 00:47:17,340
On the off-chance
that we are making a baby,

860
00:47:17,340 --> 00:47:18,610
do you want a boy
or a girl?

861
00:47:18,610 --> 00:47:20,640
You're asking me this now?

862
00:47:20,650 --> 00:47:22,750
I'm killing time.

863
00:47:22,750 --> 00:47:25,250
Uh, a boy.

864
00:47:25,250 --> 00:47:28,180
(sniffs) My mother actually told
me there's a way to get a boy.

865
00:47:28,190 --> 00:47:30,250
- Oh, this ought to be good.
- Yeah.

866
00:47:30,260 --> 00:47:34,490
At the moment of climax, just
shout out, "Oh, boy! Oh, boy!"

867
00:47:34,490 --> 00:47:37,230
(laughs) Can we please stop
talking about your mother.

868
00:47:37,230 --> 00:47:39,360
But I don't know why
you'd possibly want a boy,

869
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:40,800
considering, you know,

870
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:43,630
the baseline quality of
your relationships with men.

871
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:45,640
Oh. What, revenge?

872
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:47,910
(both groaning)

873
00:47:47,910 --> 00:47:50,340
Oh, Jesus, Frank!

874
00:47:50,340 --> 00:47:53,280
Jesus effing Christ!

875
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,810
(moaning loudly)

876
00:47:55,820 --> 00:47:58,480
Oh, God, you look like
you're gonna throw up!

877
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:00,520
Why would I?
You're a very attractive woman.

878
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:02,350
Not from that.

879
00:48:02,350 --> 00:48:03,590
Oh, right,
sorry.

880
00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:04,890
Oh, God!

881
00:48:04,890 --> 00:48:07,290
No!
No, no, no, no!

882
00:48:07,290 --> 00:48:09,160
- No?
- No, not "no."

883
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,590
I'm just
a very negative person.

884
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:11,730
Okay.

885
00:48:11,730 --> 00:48:13,730
I'm expressing
incredulity!

886
00:48:13,730 --> 00:48:15,530
- Got it.
- (screams)

887
00:48:15,530 --> 00:48:16,930
- No!
- Ah!

888
00:48:16,940 --> 00:48:19,540
No! No! No!
No! No!

889
00:48:19,540 --> 00:48:21,640
Oh, boy!
Oh, boy!

890
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:23,370
Oh, boy!

891
00:48:23,380 --> 00:48:27,340
Yeah!
Oh, boy!

892
00:48:27,350 --> 00:48:31,450
(both moaning)

893
00:48:33,550 --> 00:48:35,350
Anytime, pal.

894
00:48:35,350 --> 00:48:36,690
Can you not talk right now?

895
00:48:36,690 --> 00:48:38,190
Fine.

896
00:48:38,190 --> 00:48:40,660
- It's gonna get cold out.
- No, it won't.

897
00:48:40,660 --> 00:48:42,930
Yes, it will.
It's the Paso Robles Diurnal.

898
00:48:42,930 --> 00:48:45,630
There's
sweeping wind temperatures.

899
00:48:45,630 --> 00:48:47,560
Don't you know anything
about meteorology?

900
00:48:47,570 --> 00:48:49,600
No! (groans)

901
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:51,870
Oh, God. Kelp.

902
00:48:51,870 --> 00:48:53,800
- Help?
- No, kelp.

903
00:48:53,810 --> 00:48:56,410
There's kelp at
or near my vagina.

904
00:48:56,410 --> 00:48:58,780
Oh, that's grass.
We're in grass.

905
00:48:58,780 --> 00:49:00,340
How is that better?

906
00:49:00,350 --> 00:49:02,350
You put the ocean in my head
with the fucking crabs.

907
00:49:02,350 --> 00:49:05,420
(moaning loudly)

908
00:49:05,420 --> 00:49:11,720
(yelling)

909
00:49:11,720 --> 00:49:14,620
(purring)

910
00:49:14,630 --> 00:49:19,360
(continues moaning)

911
00:49:22,970 --> 00:49:24,540
(moans)

912
00:49:28,340 --> 00:49:31,340
(breathes heavily)

913
00:49:31,340 --> 00:49:32,580
What?

914
00:49:32,580 --> 00:49:34,250
I had a purse.

915
00:49:39,990 --> 00:49:41,920
(Lindsay)
Do you want a drink?

916
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,960
I want all the drinks poured
directly down my gullet.

917
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:47,930
Why don't we go to your room
and crack open your minibar?

918
00:49:47,930 --> 00:49:49,430
Why don't we
go to your room

919
00:49:49,430 --> 00:49:51,900
and crack open
your goddamn minibar?

920
00:49:51,900 --> 00:49:54,500
Frank.
We're alive.

921
00:49:54,500 --> 00:49:56,400
What does that have
to do with anything?

922
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:10,010
(Lindsay)
<i>♪ Oh, Danny boy, the pipes ♪</i>

923
00:50:10,020 --> 00:50:13,520
(both singing)
<i>♪ The pipes are calling ♪</i>

924
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,050
- (Lindsay) <i>♪ From glen to glen ♪</i>
- (Frank) <i>♪ From glen ♪</i>

925
00:50:16,060 --> 00:50:19,490
(together)
<i>♪ And down the mountainside ♪</i>

926
00:50:19,490 --> 00:50:21,660
- (Frank) How do you know the words to this?
- (Lindsay) Come on.

927
00:50:21,660 --> 00:50:23,360
<i>♪ The summer's gone ♪</i>

928
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:24,860
(Frank) <i>♪ Summer's
gone And all the... ♪</i>

929
00:50:24,860 --> 00:50:27,000
(Lindsay)
<i>♪ Flowers are dy... ♪</i>

930
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,670
(Frank) <i>♪ Dying ♪</i>

931
00:50:28,670 --> 00:50:31,670
(Lindsay) <i>♪ 'Tis you,
'tis you Must go ♪</i>

932
00:50:31,670 --> 00:50:34,970
- <i>♪ And I must bide... ♪</i>
- (Frank) What?

933
00:50:34,970 --> 00:50:36,910
(Lindsay)
<i>♪ But come ye back ♪</i>

934
00:50:36,910 --> 00:50:38,540
(woman on TV)
<i>But at some point,</i>

935
00:50:38,540 --> 00:50:40,980
<i>don't you think it just starts
to look a little ridiculous?</i>

936
00:50:40,980 --> 00:50:44,380
<i>Think about it, this guy was formally
the head of the committee...</i>

937
00:50:44,380 --> 00:50:46,620
(Lindsay)
"Formerly," not "form-ally."

938
00:50:46,620 --> 00:50:48,250
I know, it's appalling.

939
00:50:49,620 --> 00:50:51,690
Seriously, the chocolate?

940
00:50:51,690 --> 00:50:54,890
We're not going to drink without eating.
Alcoholics do that.

941
00:50:54,890 --> 00:50:56,760
The chocolate
is the most expensive thing

942
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:58,100
in the minibar
besides the...

943
00:50:58,100 --> 00:51:00,400
- (wine cork pops)
- wine.

944
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,430
Would you rather we had
ordered room service?

945
00:51:02,430 --> 00:51:03,730
Definitely not.

946
00:51:03,740 --> 00:51:05,740
I spoke to the front desk.

947
00:51:05,740 --> 00:51:08,570
They add a delivery fee,
a 17 percent gratuity,

948
00:51:08,570 --> 00:51:11,510
and some sort of fuckin' cover
charge, like we're in Italy.

949
00:51:11,510 --> 00:51:15,050
I've always wondered why
they give you two glasses

950
00:51:15,050 --> 00:51:16,850
even when
you're traveling alone.

951
00:51:16,850 --> 00:51:19,580
Because one
would be so sad.

952
00:51:19,580 --> 00:51:21,020
Here's to...
What?

953
00:51:21,020 --> 00:51:22,620
- Please.
- (glasses clink)

954
00:51:36,740 --> 00:51:39,040
It's not hashish.

955
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:41,670
I'm not wearing anything
under my pajamas.

956
00:51:41,670 --> 00:51:43,470
Why would you?
They're so alluring.

957
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:46,510
I didn't think I was gonna
be intimate this weekend.

958
00:51:46,510 --> 00:51:47,880
Or any weekend.

959
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,080
Superman couldn't see
through those pajamas.

960
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:51,450
So you tried.

961
00:51:51,450 --> 00:51:54,050
People have jousted
in lighter clothing.

962
00:51:54,050 --> 00:51:56,090
- Frank?
- Present.

963
00:51:56,090 --> 00:51:59,020
When you said before that
I was an attractive woman,

964
00:51:59,030 --> 00:52:00,660
what did you mean?

965
00:52:00,660 --> 00:52:02,390
What do you mean
what did I mean?

966
00:52:02,390 --> 00:52:04,430
You're an attractive woman.
You're physically appealing.

967
00:52:04,430 --> 00:52:05,830
Can you be more specific?

968
00:52:07,530 --> 00:52:10,840
Your facial features
subscribe to the Golden Ratio.

969
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:12,500
What?

970
00:52:12,500 --> 00:52:15,510
One to the quantity one half
times radical five plus one.

971
00:52:15,510 --> 00:52:16,870
The Golden Ratio.

972
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:18,440
You can tell that?

973
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:20,040
It's an estimate.

974
00:52:20,050 --> 00:52:22,480
And you have
The Folds of Aphrodite.

975
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,680
What are the Folds
of Aphrodite?

976
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:26,680
That's the name of the
particular, graceful way

977
00:52:26,690 --> 00:52:28,050
that the cheeks
of beautiful women

978
00:52:28,050 --> 00:52:30,690
arrange themselves
when they smile.

979
00:52:30,690 --> 00:52:34,090
There's a gentle creasing
that begins at the cheekbone

980
00:52:34,090 --> 00:52:36,990
and runs downward,
in a slightly arced diagonal,

981
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,200
directing the eye
to the mouth.

982
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:42,430
It's aesthetically thrilling.

983
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:48,110
Well...
I've never heard the term

984
00:52:48,110 --> 00:52:49,940
"Folds of Aphrodite."

985
00:52:49,940 --> 00:52:51,710
I coined it.

986
00:52:51,710 --> 00:52:53,640
Then it's not a real thing.

987
00:52:53,650 --> 00:52:56,110
Then it and you
are bullshit.

988
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:58,850
I googled around and there was
no name for it so I coined it.

989
00:52:58,850 --> 00:53:01,720
- It's established now.
- Bullshit.

990
00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:05,220
In my experience, there's at least a 90
percent correlation between beautiful women

991
00:53:05,220 --> 00:53:07,930
- and women who have The Folds of Aphrodite.
- Oh...

992
00:53:07,930 --> 00:53:10,860
The Folds cut across races
and ethnicities.

993
00:53:10,860 --> 00:53:12,460
What else about me?

994
00:53:13,530 --> 00:53:14,800
Well...

995
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:18,940
(sighs)

996
00:53:18,940 --> 00:53:20,700
you're slender,

997
00:53:20,710 --> 00:53:23,470
but not to the point of a
troubled relationship with food.

998
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:25,610
That's actionable profiling,
right there.

999
00:53:25,610 --> 00:53:27,610
File a grievance.

1000
00:53:27,610 --> 00:53:31,050
And your curves are very
sexy but not vulgar.

1001
00:53:31,050 --> 00:53:33,050
Everything very much
in proportion,

1002
00:53:33,050 --> 00:53:35,220
firm but not overly,

1003
00:53:35,220 --> 00:53:38,590
which I've always found
weird and prepossessing.

1004
00:53:38,590 --> 00:53:41,760
Your arms bespeak physical
fitness and athleticism,

1005
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,560
but nothing sapphic.

1006
00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:46,700
- (scoffs)
- And your ankles quietly aver

1007
00:53:46,700 --> 00:53:49,770
that you will keep your body
well into later age.

1008
00:53:49,770 --> 00:53:52,870
(scoffs) It's despicable
the way men look at women.

1009
00:53:52,870 --> 00:53:57,640
In short, you are beautiful,
graceful, and elegant.

1010
00:53:59,150 --> 00:54:02,710
Also, you don't dress
in an overtly sexy way.

1011
00:54:02,720 --> 00:54:04,880
You seem to understand
that dressing sexy

1012
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:07,680
is actually the opposite
of being sexy,

1013
00:54:07,690 --> 00:54:09,920
that certain information
should have to be earned,

1014
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:11,790
rather than given away
for free

1015
00:54:11,790 --> 00:54:14,690
to anyone and everyone
who passeth by your doorstep.

1016
00:54:14,690 --> 00:54:16,860
(scoffs)
If this were 1732.

1017
00:54:16,860 --> 00:54:18,230
I'm giving you
a compliment.

1018
00:54:18,230 --> 00:54:19,730
You're calling me
a prude.

1019
00:54:19,730 --> 00:54:21,870
I'm suggesting that
you've taken the high road.

1020
00:54:21,870 --> 00:54:24,030
Even in this flagrant,
flaunting day and age,

1021
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:26,270
you have chosen
to preserve the mystery.

1022
00:54:26,270 --> 00:54:30,980
Yes, the pajamas go too far,
but I applaud the ethos.

1023
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,580
- Would you like to know about you?
- No.

1024
00:54:35,580 --> 00:54:36,820
Yes, you would.

1025
00:54:38,780 --> 00:54:40,720
You're very handsome.

1026
00:54:40,720 --> 00:54:43,720
You have powerful eyes.

1027
00:54:43,720 --> 00:54:46,720
Your hair
will never be a problem.

1028
00:54:46,730 --> 00:54:49,830
The corners
of your mouth touch

1029
00:54:49,830 --> 00:54:54,230
but do not cross the vertical
lines which bisect your eyes.

1030
00:54:54,230 --> 00:54:57,600
In profile, your chin extends
exactly the same as your lower lip,

1031
00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:59,570
which is an ideal.

1032
00:54:59,570 --> 00:55:04,610
Bodily, you feel strong and
substantial, sinuous but not wiry.

1033
00:55:04,610 --> 00:55:06,340
Sartorially,
you get high marks.

1034
00:55:06,350 --> 00:55:08,080
You tuck in your shirts
because you realize

1035
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,120
that tails out is
a ridiculous way to dress.

1036
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:14,020
You wear your pants low, and
your shoes are legitimate.

1037
00:55:14,020 --> 00:55:18,090
And you have
a beautiful penis.

1038
00:55:18,090 --> 00:55:19,790
I do?

1039
00:55:19,790 --> 00:55:21,260
Oh, come on, Frank.

1040
00:55:21,260 --> 00:55:24,130
Surely people have told you
that your entire life.

1041
00:55:25,300 --> 00:55:26,700
No.

1042
00:55:26,700 --> 00:55:29,030
Well, it's very nice.

1043
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:30,700
It's straight,

1044
00:55:30,700 --> 00:55:33,240
and you would not believe how
epidemic a problem that is.

1045
00:55:33,240 --> 00:55:37,040
Also,
it's balletically formed.

1046
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:42,350
It's not so big as to ever
be a cause for concern,

1047
00:55:42,350 --> 00:55:46,050
but it's big enough never to be
the object of ridicule or scorn.

1048
00:55:46,050 --> 00:55:49,050
You're in
a very sweet spot there.

1049
00:55:49,060 --> 00:55:51,890
Are you saying that Keith's
penis is not straight?

1050
00:55:51,890 --> 00:55:55,690
Can you imagine that we would
have gone this entire weekend

1051
00:55:55,690 --> 00:55:58,100
without saying these
things to each other?

1052
00:55:58,100 --> 00:56:00,760
- "Balletically formed"?
- That's right.

1053
00:56:00,770 --> 00:56:04,270
(sighs) People are
ridiculous and pathetic.

1054
00:56:04,270 --> 00:56:07,340
Animals, that's all.

1055
00:56:07,340 --> 00:56:11,180
We want to believe that there's some
high-minded, cosmic meaning behind love,

1056
00:56:11,180 --> 00:56:12,880
but the truth is
we're drawn to,

1057
00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:14,810
and make most of our
decisions based upon,

1058
00:56:14,810 --> 00:56:19,050
shapes we find appealing,
and colors and textures

1059
00:56:19,050 --> 00:56:22,720
and smells and tastes
and spatial relations.

1060
00:56:22,720 --> 00:56:25,120
It's so stupid.

1061
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,320
This is pretty good.

1062
00:56:27,330 --> 00:56:29,390
I mean, when I think about
what people look like

1063
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:33,030
when they kiss or have sex,
I want to vomit.

1064
00:56:33,030 --> 00:56:34,930
You almost did vomit.

1065
00:56:34,930 --> 00:56:38,700
I mean, there's nothing beautiful
or transcendent about being human.

1066
00:56:38,700 --> 00:56:41,210
Ultimately,
it's just a filthy business

1067
00:56:41,210 --> 00:56:44,910
of a revolting species
trying to survive.

1068
00:56:44,910 --> 00:56:47,740
I mean, if you've ever really
watched another person eat,

1069
00:56:47,750 --> 00:56:49,880
or seen yourself in a mirror
taking a shit,

1070
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:52,750
or walked through
South Coast Plaza,

1071
00:56:52,750 --> 00:56:54,750
you know exactly
what I'm talking about.

1072
00:56:54,750 --> 00:56:57,390
But I had my eyes open
when I was fucking you,

1073
00:56:57,390 --> 00:56:59,290
and I thought we must
have looked pretty good.

1074
00:56:59,290 --> 00:57:02,230
My father thought
he had a good golf swing.

1075
00:57:02,230 --> 00:57:03,430
(laughs)

1076
00:57:03,430 --> 00:57:04,730
Wait.

1077
00:57:05,830 --> 00:57:07,460
(clears throat)

1078
00:57:07,470 --> 00:57:10,170
Do a groove chew.

1079
00:57:10,170 --> 00:57:12,000
I'm sorry?

1080
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,000
It's a style
of chewing used

1081
00:57:14,010 --> 00:57:15,810
when you're really
enjoying something

1082
00:57:15,810 --> 00:57:17,880
that you don't have
very often.

1083
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:19,380
Like this.
(clears throat)

1084
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:22,880
Mm!

1085
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:25,250
Mm!

1086
00:57:28,150 --> 00:57:30,390
- This is a thing?
- I coined it.

1087
00:57:30,390 --> 00:57:32,760
And you're not embarrassed?

1088
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:34,390
All right, just come on.
Just try.

1089
00:57:37,900 --> 00:57:39,230
- Mmm...
- Mm.

1090
00:57:39,230 --> 00:57:41,730
- Mmm!
- Mmm-mm!

1091
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:50,910
- Can you groove swallow?
- You can.

1092
00:57:50,910 --> 00:57:53,010
- Can we groove swallow now?
- Okay, fine.

1093
00:57:54,150 --> 00:57:56,020
(both swallow loudly)

1094
00:58:08,390 --> 00:58:09,490
(mutters)

1095
00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:11,200
- Huh?
- Uh...

1096
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:19,770
(man on TV) <i>I remember the
first time I ever saw you.</i>

1097
00:58:20,940 --> 00:58:22,470
<i>It was a partial nephrectomy.</i>

1098
00:58:22,470 --> 00:58:25,880
<i>You were standing in for Dr.
Sumner who had an emergency.</i>

1099
00:58:27,380 --> 00:58:29,110
<i>With your cap and mask,</i>

1100
00:58:29,110 --> 00:58:31,180
<i>all I could see
were your eyes.</i>

1101
00:58:32,820 --> 00:58:34,320
<i>And I remember thinking...</i>

1102
00:58:35,290 --> 00:58:36,790
<i>thank God.</i>

1103
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,860
<i>Because anything more
would be too much to bear.</i>

1104
00:58:41,860 --> 00:58:43,790
Stop worrying
about fucking each other

1105
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:46,360
and start saving the people
who are dying in your hospital.

1106
00:58:46,370 --> 00:58:49,370
Your patient has a
snake in his urethra.

1107
00:58:49,370 --> 00:58:51,400
You should all
lose your licenses.

1108
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:54,840
When my time comes,
I will sign a DNR.

1109
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:57,310
I won't.
I want to be resuscitated.

1110
00:58:57,310 --> 00:59:00,410
I want to be intubated, revived,
retrieved, and prolonged.

1111
00:59:00,410 --> 00:59:01,880
I want them
to zap me with clappers

1112
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:05,450
and inject my heart with that long needle
of adrenaline... whatever it takes.

1113
00:59:05,450 --> 00:59:07,480
What? But, what if
there's no hope?

1114
00:59:07,490 --> 00:59:08,950
There's already no hope.

1115
00:59:08,950 --> 00:59:11,520
But what if you're just
a burden to your family

1116
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:14,190
and, by extension, the
entire health-care system?

1117
00:59:14,190 --> 00:59:15,390
Won't give a shit.

1118
00:59:15,390 --> 00:59:17,360
I want them
to stave off death.

1119
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:20,030
I don't care if there's turnips
with better brain-wave patterns.

1120
00:59:20,030 --> 00:59:21,270
Legumes.

1121
00:59:21,270 --> 00:59:23,130
But I thought
you hated life.

1122
00:59:23,140 --> 00:59:25,340
I do, but I'm going to
be dead for a long time,

1123
00:59:25,340 --> 00:59:27,270
so there's no rush.

1124
00:59:27,270 --> 00:59:28,570
Do you want
to have children?

1125
00:59:28,570 --> 00:59:30,110
I'd rather be dead
in a ditch.

1126
00:59:30,110 --> 00:59:32,080
Oh.

1127
00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:34,440
I mean, why would I do
that to those poor souls?

1128
00:59:34,450 --> 00:59:37,080
Well, for the same reason
you want to be resuscitated.

1129
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:40,950
Because being, as bad as it
is, is better than not being.

1130
00:59:40,950 --> 00:59:43,090
This is a horrible place
to be.

1131
00:59:43,090 --> 00:59:45,360
Central California,
or the whole thing?

1132
00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:48,030
I'm already alive.
I already know shit.

1133
00:59:48,030 --> 00:59:49,990
But unborn children
are none the wiser

1134
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,930
and deserve to be protected
from certain things,

1135
00:59:51,930 --> 00:59:53,400
like being alive
in the first place.

1136
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:55,170
That makes no sense.

1137
00:59:55,170 --> 00:59:57,330
Living was not my choice.
It was my mother's.

1138
00:59:57,340 --> 00:59:59,370
Have you ever heard
of anything more selfish?

1139
00:59:59,370 --> 01:00:02,070
- I hope I'm not pregnant.
- That's all I'm saying.

1140
01:00:02,070 --> 01:00:04,170
Why did your father
leave your mother?

1141
01:00:04,180 --> 01:00:05,340
Because he could.

1142
01:00:05,340 --> 01:00:07,480
Because he had the power
of locomotion.

1143
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:11,350
Why did she keep and hyphenate
both her divorced last names?

1144
01:00:11,350 --> 01:00:13,950
Because she thought
it made her sound aristocratic.

1145
01:00:13,950 --> 01:00:15,550
Also, this way
she gets all her mail.

1146
01:00:15,550 --> 01:00:19,520
And what would you say
is the major barrier

1147
01:00:19,530 --> 01:00:22,130
to a warm relationship between
you and your half-brother?

1148
01:00:22,130 --> 01:00:24,900
He's a douchebag. Why are you
asking me these questions?

1149
01:00:24,900 --> 01:00:27,030
Just... I don't know.

1150
01:00:27,030 --> 01:00:31,070
I'm just evaluating your qualifications
as an ongoing love interest.

1151
01:00:31,070 --> 01:00:32,940
Not that
I'm advocating that.

1152
01:00:32,940 --> 01:00:35,540
Clearly, you're an emotional
cripple, as am I.

1153
01:00:35,540 --> 01:00:40,310
I don't have any qualifications as an
ongoing love interest and neither do you.

1154
01:00:40,310 --> 01:00:42,410
But love interest
is too strong a word.

1155
01:00:42,410 --> 01:00:44,350
I, um... Affection.

1156
01:00:44,350 --> 01:00:45,980
Interest.
Tolerance interest.

1157
01:00:45,980 --> 01:00:47,980
This isn't
going to be ongoing.

1158
01:00:47,990 --> 01:00:50,150
What, you've just decided
that unilaterally?

1159
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:52,560
- For both our sakes.
- I don't get a say?

1160
01:00:52,560 --> 01:00:55,230
No, you have terrible judgment
in this regard.

1161
01:00:55,230 --> 01:00:58,300
(scoffs)
What, but... I...

1162
01:00:58,300 --> 01:01:02,030
My head is finally
clear, thanks to you.

1163
01:01:02,030 --> 01:01:04,630
I mean, I haven't thought about
Keith since the mountain lion.

1164
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,270
So you admit
it was a mountain lion.

1165
01:01:07,270 --> 01:01:10,140
Do you have any idea
how huge this is for me?

1166
01:01:10,140 --> 01:01:12,040
If it's true,
the mountain lion and I

1167
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:14,440
are happy to have
performed that service.

1168
01:01:14,450 --> 01:01:18,050
But now, apparently, no
good deed goes unpunished.

1169
01:01:18,050 --> 01:01:20,180
I think
I finally have closure.

1170
01:01:20,190 --> 01:01:22,420
I don't trust that statement
and neither should you.

1171
01:01:22,420 --> 01:01:24,050
But you want to.

1172
01:01:24,060 --> 01:01:26,290
You don't just jump from one
love object to another.

1173
01:01:26,290 --> 01:01:28,190
- Tolerance object.
- That's how mistakes are made.

1174
01:01:28,190 --> 01:01:29,960
All I make are mistakes.

1175
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:31,430
At least this one
would be fun.

1176
01:01:31,430 --> 01:01:33,100
Are you having fun
right now?

1177
01:01:33,100 --> 01:01:36,400
Yes. I mean, we're kind of
arguing, but there's hope.

1178
01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:39,340
This is an interlude.

1179
01:01:39,340 --> 01:01:41,040
A weekend.

1180
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:43,610
A small oasis of time
in which we can taste intimacy

1181
01:01:43,610 --> 01:01:47,010
like it's a piece of free
salami at Trader Joe's.

1182
01:01:47,010 --> 01:01:50,180
Why not? You're in the store anyway,
and you forgot to eat breakfast,

1183
01:01:50,180 --> 01:01:53,550
and it tastes okay, and afterwards
there's no salami fallout.

1184
01:01:53,550 --> 01:01:57,050
When no one's looking, you just
drop the toothpick onto the floor.

1185
01:01:57,060 --> 01:01:59,760
Man, you're not one of the...
Do you do that?

1186
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:01,630
Well, there's no garbage
pails in that place,

1187
01:02:01,630 --> 01:02:04,730
and it's unsanitary to put the
toothpick on the receptacle napkin.

1188
01:02:04,730 --> 01:02:06,600
All right,
le... just... Okay.

1189
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:08,170
Just... I'm just
devil's advocate.

1190
01:02:08,170 --> 01:02:10,270
Maybe...
(clears throat)

1191
01:02:10,270 --> 01:02:12,000
just what if, okay?

1192
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:13,600
What if it's more?

1193
01:02:13,610 --> 01:02:16,570
What if there actually
is something to the idea

1194
01:02:16,580 --> 01:02:18,440
of a destination wedding?

1195
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:22,080
What if we've been thinking about
this whole thing backwards?

1196
01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:24,250
What if...

1197
01:02:24,250 --> 01:02:29,050
I know, but what if our real
destination was each other?

1198
01:02:29,050 --> 01:02:31,220
What if you
never say that again?

1199
01:02:33,230 --> 01:02:36,230
What if happiness
is... contagious?

1200
01:02:36,230 --> 01:02:37,660
Why would you think
that meeting someone

1201
01:02:37,660 --> 01:02:39,500
has anything to do
with being happy?

1202
01:02:39,500 --> 01:02:41,030
Because!

1203
01:02:41,030 --> 01:02:42,630
Once upon a time,
I met someone,

1204
01:02:42,630 --> 01:02:44,800
and I was happy...
I thought.

1205
01:02:44,800 --> 01:02:47,140
Personally, I'd be worried
if my life philosophy

1206
01:02:47,140 --> 01:02:48,770
began with
"Once Upon a Time."

1207
01:02:48,780 --> 01:02:50,780
Well, I was raised
by optimists.

1208
01:02:50,780 --> 01:02:52,810
But you have a preponderance
of counter-evidence.

1209
01:02:52,810 --> 01:02:54,640
Were you not watching
your own engagement?

1210
01:02:54,650 --> 01:02:56,750
- How could I have been?
- What's wrong with you?

1211
01:02:56,750 --> 01:02:59,420
Nothing. Sometimes I just
willfully reject irony.

1212
01:02:59,420 --> 01:03:00,790
You are doomed.

1213
01:03:00,790 --> 01:03:03,420
Maybe we saved
each other, Frank.

1214
01:03:03,420 --> 01:03:05,620
I mean, did you ever
think about it like that?

1215
01:03:05,620 --> 01:03:08,290
No. Neither should you.

1216
01:03:08,290 --> 01:03:11,130
I wonder how many
people met at weddings

1217
01:03:11,130 --> 01:03:13,530
- and then went on to...
- Thirty-two.

1218
01:03:13,530 --> 01:03:16,430
Why not, you know,
extend the oasis?

1219
01:03:16,440 --> 01:03:18,770
A good day here,
a good day there,

1220
01:03:18,770 --> 01:03:22,110
pretty soon you're just talking
about a couple of good days.

1221
01:03:22,110 --> 01:03:24,110
What time does our flight
land tomorrow night?

1222
01:03:24,110 --> 01:03:25,710
I don't know,
about 7:30?

1223
01:03:25,710 --> 01:03:29,080
I will extend it until
tomorrow at about 7:30.

1224
01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:32,520
Well, there's no point in
extending it another four seconds

1225
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:35,420
if you're not gonna keep your
mind open to the possibilities.

1226
01:03:35,420 --> 01:03:37,550
Why do people need the
dangled carrot of a future?

1227
01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:38,760
Because we do.

1228
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:40,730
Because connection
is precious,

1229
01:03:40,730 --> 01:03:43,330
therefore, it is immoral

1230
01:03:43,330 --> 01:03:46,200
to just treat each other
like dalliances,

1231
01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:48,530
even if that's what
we wind up being.

1232
01:03:48,530 --> 01:03:50,500
But that's exactly what
we wind up being.

1233
01:03:50,500 --> 01:03:53,140
Permanence is a myth,
an a... an illusion.

1234
01:03:53,140 --> 01:03:55,240
Well, I didn't say anything
about permanence.

1235
01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:59,110
I was speaking of a slightly
lengthier temporariness.

1236
01:03:59,110 --> 01:04:00,280
What's the point?

1237
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,250
I just told you
what the point was.

1238
01:04:02,250 --> 01:04:05,350
But when it's over, you're
right back at square zero.

1239
01:04:05,350 --> 01:04:07,380
I will not
keep my mind open.

1240
01:04:07,390 --> 01:04:09,350
(scoffs) Well, then
just keep it open

1241
01:04:09,350 --> 01:04:11,720
to the possibility
of keeping it open.

1242
01:04:11,720 --> 01:04:12,660
No.

1243
01:04:14,190 --> 01:04:15,660
Really?

1244
01:04:15,660 --> 01:04:20,330
Oh, wow. That's... I...
I'm almost, I'm almost...

1245
01:04:20,330 --> 01:04:22,300
You know what,
if you can't or won't,

1246
01:04:22,300 --> 01:04:24,630
then you simply
can't or won't.

1247
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:26,600
- That's my blanket.
- (mocking) "That's my blanket."

1248
01:04:26,610 --> 01:04:28,470
You might want to shake out
the Pringle fragments.

1249
01:04:28,470 --> 01:04:30,170
"You might want to shake out
the Pringle fragments."

1250
01:04:30,180 --> 01:04:31,370
If you want to leave,
just say so.

1251
01:04:31,380 --> 01:04:33,480
- I very much want to leave.
- Say it again.

1252
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:35,410
You debate like a child.

1253
01:04:35,410 --> 01:04:37,410
You eat like a raccoon.

1254
01:04:37,420 --> 01:04:38,820
You're fucking up.

1255
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:45,520
How about
if I keep my mind open

1256
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:47,560
to the possibility
of keeping my mind open

1257
01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:50,260
to the possibility
of keeping my mind open?

1258
01:04:51,530 --> 01:04:54,770
That is just one metalevel
too removed.

1259
01:04:54,770 --> 01:04:56,700
Come on.

1260
01:04:56,700 --> 01:04:58,170
Get back into bed.

1261
01:04:59,670 --> 01:05:02,210
Let's find out who the
nephrologist is sleeping with.

1262
01:05:03,710 --> 01:05:05,640
Fine.

1263
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:08,180
But only until
the next commercial break.

1264
01:05:08,180 --> 01:05:10,720
And with no sexual reprise.

1265
01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:15,720
And only because I <i>do</i> want to know who
the nephrologist is sleeping with.

1266
01:05:15,720 --> 01:05:17,250
Okay.

1267
01:05:17,260 --> 01:05:18,460
(sighs)

1268
01:05:20,630 --> 01:05:24,830
(man on TV) <i>When I look at
you, I don't see smallpox.</i>

1269
01:05:24,830 --> 01:05:26,230
And it's "re-prize."

1270
01:05:26,230 --> 01:05:27,400
It's "re-preeze."

1271
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:30,200
- "Re-prize."
- It's... "re-preeze." (scoffs)

1272
01:05:37,840 --> 01:05:39,610
(squeaks)

1273
01:05:43,850 --> 01:05:45,480
(snoring)

1274
01:05:47,690 --> 01:05:48,620
(quick snort)

1275
01:05:50,420 --> 01:05:53,160
(snoring)

1276
01:06:07,870 --> 01:06:08,880
(quick snort)

1277
01:06:11,010 --> 01:06:11,910
(quick snort)

1278
01:06:16,750 --> 01:06:17,780
(gurgles)

1279
01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:33,470
(sighs)

1280
01:06:34,730 --> 01:06:35,740
(quick snort)

1281
01:06:54,790 --> 01:06:56,750
- (snoring)
- (knocking)

1282
01:06:56,760 --> 01:06:58,720
(Lindsay sighs)

1283
01:06:58,730 --> 01:07:00,060
(knocking)

1284
01:07:00,060 --> 01:07:01,860
Jesus,
is it Kristallnacht?

1285
01:07:01,860 --> 01:07:03,430
Oh, it's housekeeping.

1286
01:07:03,430 --> 01:07:05,430
They're not going to
get that reference.

1287
01:07:05,430 --> 01:07:06,560
(knocking continues)

1288
01:07:06,570 --> 01:07:08,470
<i>Mas retardos!</i>

1289
01:07:08,470 --> 01:07:12,500
Ah...
(speaking foreign language)

1290
01:07:13,740 --> 01:07:17,940
Oh... You shouldn't be in here.

1291
01:07:17,940 --> 01:07:19,580
This is my room.

1292
01:07:19,580 --> 01:07:21,010
Then I shouldn't be
in here.

1293
01:07:21,010 --> 01:07:23,650
Okay.

1294
01:07:23,650 --> 01:07:25,720
How did I wind up
in this position?

1295
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:27,520
You made some
poor life choices.

1296
01:07:27,520 --> 01:07:30,320
No, in this position.
I'm half off the bed.

1297
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:32,720
- (groans)
- Why is my nose bleeding?

1298
01:07:32,730 --> 01:07:35,560
I think I have a spinal injury.
(groans)

1299
01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:37,460
You feel pregnant?

1300
01:07:37,460 --> 01:07:38,730
I wouldn't know.

1301
01:07:38,730 --> 01:07:40,460
What's your gut say?

1302
01:07:40,470 --> 01:07:41,900
What it always says.

1303
01:07:41,900 --> 01:07:43,830
"Don't listen to me."

1304
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:45,870
But if you did listen?

1305
01:07:45,870 --> 01:07:48,470
I don't feel any different,
if that's what you mean.

1306
01:07:48,470 --> 01:07:51,340
- Good.
- How is that good?

1307
01:07:51,340 --> 01:07:55,050
Why would you want me to perpetuate
my general circumstances?

1308
01:07:55,050 --> 01:07:57,080
You can do anything you want
with your circumstances.

1309
01:07:57,080 --> 01:07:58,920
I was thinking
of my circumstances.

1310
01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:00,820
Which are so wonderful.

1311
01:08:00,820 --> 01:08:02,590
We shouldn't have spent
the night together.

1312
01:08:02,590 --> 01:08:03,890
You wouldn't let me leave.

1313
01:08:03,890 --> 01:08:05,890
I didn't want it to end
on a bad note.

1314
01:08:05,890 --> 01:08:07,120
Also,
you're in the next room.

1315
01:08:07,130 --> 01:08:09,030
It would have been
spectacularly awkward.

1316
01:08:09,030 --> 01:08:10,500
(scoffs)
As opposed to this.

1317
01:08:11,760 --> 01:08:15,030
We tried, okay?
We did.

1318
01:08:15,030 --> 01:08:18,600
But at some point there's just not
enough optimism left inside a person

1319
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:21,470
to sustain something
like this, you know?

1320
01:08:21,470 --> 01:08:23,940
You broken preacher,
me broken choir.

1321
01:08:23,940 --> 01:08:26,610
I think it's important we recognize
that and verbalize it openly,

1322
01:08:26,610 --> 01:08:28,650
so as to avoid
any discomfort.

1323
01:08:28,650 --> 01:08:31,480
Oh. Mission accomplished.

1324
01:08:31,480 --> 01:08:32,750
Good.

1325
01:08:37,890 --> 01:08:40,420
Do you have everything?

1326
01:08:40,430 --> 01:08:43,060
Oh, um... Yeah.

1327
01:08:43,060 --> 01:08:46,030
I think, uh, my...

1328
01:08:46,030 --> 01:08:48,670
Can we still hang together
at the farewell brunch?

1329
01:08:48,670 --> 01:08:50,470
Uh, who else
am I gonna hang with?

1330
01:08:50,470 --> 01:08:52,600
Although I suppose
I could hang with myself.

1331
01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:57,010
Well, I'm going to shove some tissues
up my nostrils and take a shower.

1332
01:08:57,010 --> 01:08:59,050
Sounds like
good-bye to me.

1333
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:09,960
(bird cawing)

1334
01:09:11,060 --> 01:09:13,530
(patrons chattering)

1335
01:09:15,160 --> 01:09:18,060
Well, what do you think, about
time we head to the airport?

1336
01:09:18,060 --> 01:09:19,530
It's really close.

1337
01:09:19,530 --> 01:09:20,900
Fifteen minutes.

1338
01:09:20,900 --> 01:09:23,870
- Well, our flight's not for...
- Five hours.

1339
01:09:23,870 --> 01:09:26,070
- There could be traffic.
- Why take chances?

1340
01:09:26,070 --> 01:09:27,910
Then we should just
say our good-byes.

1341
01:09:29,710 --> 01:09:30,840
(together) Good-bye.

1342
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:36,550
Want your farewell gift?

1343
01:09:36,550 --> 01:09:39,150
The farewell is my gift,
but please, take mine.

1344
01:09:56,140 --> 01:09:58,670
Who was San Luis Obispo,
anyway?

1345
01:09:58,670 --> 01:10:01,070
And what the fuck did he do
to become a saint?

1346
01:10:01,070 --> 01:10:03,870
Thirteenth Century Bishop
of Toulouse.

1347
01:10:03,880 --> 01:10:07,610
Served the poor, left the
Church, and died of typhus.

1348
01:10:07,610 --> 01:10:09,210
That's all it takes?

1349
01:10:09,220 --> 01:10:10,850
It was in
the welcome basket.

1350
01:10:10,850 --> 01:10:13,580
Why would you canonize a guy
who left the Church?

1351
01:10:13,590 --> 01:10:16,820
Why look to France when you're
naming a city in California?

1352
01:10:16,820 --> 01:10:18,990
And what the fuck happened
with the urban planning here?

1353
01:10:18,990 --> 01:10:21,830
- At some point, did they just give up?
- Right.

1354
01:10:21,830 --> 01:10:24,660
On the off, off chance
that I ever have a wedding,

1355
01:10:24,660 --> 01:10:28,100
I would never make
anyone travel to it.

1356
01:10:28,100 --> 01:10:30,170
I don't think you'll have
to worry about that.

1357
01:10:31,240 --> 01:10:32,910
(chuckling)

1358
01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:38,180
Because you're
a decent person.

1359
01:10:40,050 --> 01:10:42,180
Not because
you won't get married.

1360
01:10:42,180 --> 01:10:43,550
Oh, come on.

1361
01:10:56,660 --> 01:10:58,660
Why do we live, Frank?

1362
01:10:59,300 --> 01:11:01,530
Oh, Jesus Christ.

1363
01:11:01,530 --> 01:11:03,770
I'm serious.

1364
01:11:03,770 --> 01:11:06,640
The work we do isn't
meaningful in any great sense.

1365
01:11:06,640 --> 01:11:09,610
The connections we make
invariably fall to ruin.

1366
01:11:09,610 --> 01:11:12,240
Everything we build
burns to the ground.

1367
01:11:12,240 --> 01:11:15,780
Meaning is a myth, like you've
said, so why do we live?

1368
01:11:15,780 --> 01:11:18,720
I was so enjoying
the silence.

1369
01:11:18,720 --> 01:11:23,090
It has to be that the myth
isn't a myth for everyone.

1370
01:11:23,090 --> 01:11:26,160
Well, it's certainly a myth
for those two. Look at them.

1371
01:11:26,160 --> 01:11:28,990
They'd rather burst into flames
than to fuck each other.

1372
01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:31,960
- You don't know that.
- Oh, yes, I do.

1373
01:11:31,960 --> 01:11:37,670
It's possible that within the
myth, there's a sliver of truth,

1374
01:11:37,670 --> 01:11:40,340
and you have to believe
in that sliver wholeheartedly,

1375
01:11:40,340 --> 01:11:43,670
come what may,
despite the rational mind,

1376
01:11:43,680 --> 01:11:47,210
because if you...
if you don't,

1377
01:11:47,210 --> 01:11:50,010
the myth just reveals
itself to be a myth,

1378
01:11:50,020 --> 01:11:53,750
and meaninglessness becomes
a self-fulfilling prophecy.

1379
01:11:53,750 --> 01:11:58,820
Try as I might, I cannot get
behind wine in screw-top bottles.

1380
01:11:58,820 --> 01:12:02,660
Also, you have to encourage
others to believe in the myth.

1381
01:12:02,660 --> 01:12:04,860
Because if they believe,
they can do anything.

1382
01:12:04,860 --> 01:12:07,970
They can laugh,
cry, hope,

1383
01:12:07,970 --> 01:12:10,170
vote, get married.

1384
01:12:10,170 --> 01:12:13,140
But if they don't, they can't
do anything, I mean not really,

1385
01:12:13,140 --> 01:12:17,780
except make themselves as shallowly
happy and comfortable as possible.

1386
01:12:17,780 --> 01:12:21,010
Which is just vanity,
let's face it.

1387
01:12:21,010 --> 01:12:24,010
For me,
wine in a screw-top

1388
01:12:24,020 --> 01:12:26,920
will always carry the
stench of chintziness.

1389
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:32,260
(sighs) What if we're
falling in love?

1390
01:12:32,260 --> 01:12:35,090
Don't get me wrong,
I'm not a big fan of cork.

1391
01:12:35,090 --> 01:12:37,390
You ever see it on a wall or
in the heels of an espadrille?

1392
01:12:37,400 --> 01:12:38,900
Ridiculous.

1393
01:12:38,900 --> 01:12:42,930
But for wine, it conveys
a certain necessary élan.

1394
01:12:42,940 --> 01:12:45,040
What if love
comes for everyone?

1395
01:12:45,040 --> 01:12:47,100
(sighs)
Don't be absurd.

1396
01:12:47,110 --> 01:12:50,710
What if no one is immune,
not even us?

1397
01:12:50,710 --> 01:12:51,780
Stop it.

1398
01:12:54,010 --> 01:12:56,950
It would be remiss
not to embrace the miracle.

1399
01:12:56,950 --> 01:12:59,220
What happened between us
was not a miracle.

1400
01:12:59,220 --> 01:13:01,250
It was actually much closer
to a debacle.

1401
01:13:01,250 --> 01:13:03,320
- Maybe that's what you meant.
- Oh, come on.

1402
01:13:03,320 --> 01:13:05,060
You don't find it miraculous

1403
01:13:05,060 --> 01:13:07,960
that two people like us
forged any kind of bond?

1404
01:13:07,960 --> 01:13:10,760
I find it "debaculous."

1405
01:13:10,760 --> 01:13:12,430
It was a miracle.

1406
01:13:12,430 --> 01:13:15,200
It required forever
being seated together.

1407
01:13:15,200 --> 01:13:18,770
It required an adjoining door
and a near-death experience.

1408
01:13:18,770 --> 01:13:20,400
What are you waiting for,
a burning bush?

1409
01:13:20,410 --> 01:13:23,140
I can't believe you're
bringing this up again.

1410
01:13:23,140 --> 01:13:24,910
I thought we had
an understanding.

1411
01:13:24,910 --> 01:13:27,210
We had come
to an agreement.

1412
01:13:27,210 --> 01:13:29,950
We're less than an hour away
from parting as friends.

1413
01:13:29,950 --> 01:13:31,720
Okay, but deep down,

1414
01:13:31,720 --> 01:13:34,680
in your broken,
miserable gut,

1415
01:13:34,690 --> 01:13:37,890
don't you want something
that's pure

1416
01:13:37,890 --> 01:13:40,360
and in its own grotesque
way, beautiful?

1417
01:13:40,360 --> 01:13:42,330
No.

1418
01:13:42,330 --> 01:13:46,060
Don't you want to secretly
have a romantic life

1419
01:13:46,070 --> 01:13:49,300
that confirms your hopes
instead of your cynicism?

1420
01:13:49,300 --> 01:13:50,830
No.

1421
01:13:50,840 --> 01:13:52,840
Don't you want to believe
that things like this

1422
01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:54,200
actually do happen?

1423
01:13:54,210 --> 01:13:56,170
Nope. I'm fond
of my cynicism.

1424
01:13:56,180 --> 01:13:58,380
It's very comfortable.

1425
01:13:58,380 --> 01:14:00,910
- Like a warm blanket of your own shit.
- Yes. Yes.

1426
01:14:00,910 --> 01:14:02,880
I'm very comfortable
and warm

1427
01:14:02,880 --> 01:14:05,380
in my fucking warm blanket
of fucking shit.

1428
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:11,820
But what if
we're falling in love?

1429
01:14:11,820 --> 01:14:13,090
Dear God...

1430
01:14:13,090 --> 01:14:15,890
I mean, what if this
is what it's like?

1431
01:14:15,900 --> 01:14:17,730
It would end
in disaster.

1432
01:14:17,730 --> 01:14:19,100
- What if it didn't?
- It would.

1433
01:14:19,100 --> 01:14:20,900
- I know.
- Good.

1434
01:14:23,840 --> 01:14:26,040
- But...
- Stop.

1435
01:14:26,040 --> 01:14:27,410
- Ah...
- Stop.

1436
01:14:28,910 --> 01:14:31,910
- But...
- (hocking phlegm)

1437
01:14:31,910 --> 01:14:33,280
(continues
hocking phlegm)

1438
01:14:39,120 --> 01:14:40,890
Oh!

1439
01:14:42,960 --> 01:14:44,990
(laughing)

1440
01:14:44,990 --> 01:14:46,960
This is not funny. Don't
laugh at me, please.

1441
01:14:46,960 --> 01:14:49,460
I'm laughing
out of affection.

1442
01:14:49,460 --> 01:14:51,430
No one laughs at another
person out of affection.

1443
01:14:51,430 --> 01:14:53,330
You laugh at another
person out of contempt.

1444
01:14:53,330 --> 01:14:55,430
No. I'm laughing
'cause it's cute.

1445
01:14:55,430 --> 01:14:56,970
- It is?
- Yes.

1446
01:14:56,970 --> 01:14:58,770
But, fine,
I'll stop laughing.

1447
01:14:58,770 --> 01:14:59,710
Thank you.

1448
01:15:04,880 --> 01:15:06,410
- Frank?
- Yes?

1449
01:15:06,410 --> 01:15:09,510
(clears throat) Don't you, like,
have an instinct about me?

1450
01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:10,780
Nope.

1451
01:15:12,420 --> 01:15:15,120
I think you do.

1452
01:15:15,120 --> 01:15:17,920
You're the one who said
your gut can't be trusted.

1453
01:15:17,920 --> 01:15:19,290
That's true.

1454
01:15:19,290 --> 01:15:21,860
For a long time,
it's been a lying bitch.

1455
01:15:21,860 --> 01:15:24,030
But I would have been willing
to give it another shot.

1456
01:15:24,030 --> 01:15:26,030
Why? I mean, how much shit
has to fall on your head

1457
01:15:26,030 --> 01:15:27,860
before you start
wearing a hat?

1458
01:15:27,870 --> 01:15:31,070
You can't die from jumping
out of a basement window.

1459
01:15:31,070 --> 01:15:33,810
Of course you can. You can hit
your head on a pipe or something.

1460
01:15:35,540 --> 01:15:37,170
(sighs)

1461
01:15:37,180 --> 01:15:39,340
You're going to wish you
embraced the miracle, Frank.

1462
01:15:39,350 --> 01:15:40,950
You're gonna wish you had.

1463
01:16:20,120 --> 01:16:22,550
How are your pants,
John Wayne Bobbitt?

1464
01:16:22,550 --> 01:16:24,520
- Sticky.
- (giggles)

1465
01:16:31,900 --> 01:16:34,870
We shouldn't exchange
contact information.

1466
01:16:34,870 --> 01:16:36,430
There's no point.

1467
01:16:36,440 --> 01:16:38,000
I think
I just said that.

1468
01:16:39,540 --> 01:16:42,140
It was very nice
to meet you.

1469
01:16:42,140 --> 01:16:44,280
It was very nice
to meet you too.

1470
01:16:50,920 --> 01:16:52,580
I know what
you're going to say...

1471
01:16:52,580 --> 01:16:55,350
- "It's not you, it's me."
- No, it's you.

1472
01:16:55,350 --> 01:16:57,650
- (laughs)
- It's me.

1473
01:16:57,660 --> 01:16:59,120
Yeah.
I know.

1474
01:16:59,120 --> 01:17:01,390
- It's you.
- I... Yep.

1475
01:17:01,390 --> 01:17:03,030
(sniffles)

1476
01:17:17,410 --> 01:17:18,910
I liked the bow
though.

1477
01:17:33,630 --> 01:17:36,660
Why didn't we meet
seven years ago, Frank?

1478
01:17:36,660 --> 01:17:38,230
Just lucky, I guess.

1479
01:17:42,530 --> 01:17:45,670
(Lindsay) 14 Catalina Drive,
Newport Beach, please?

1480
01:17:45,670 --> 01:17:48,270
What are you doing?
Don't give your exact address.

1481
01:17:48,270 --> 01:17:49,640
You don't know
who the driver is.

1482
01:17:51,210 --> 01:17:53,280
Thank you for caring.

1483
01:17:53,280 --> 01:17:55,150
I don't. I would've
said the same to anyone.

1484
01:17:57,150 --> 01:17:59,150
We're holding up
the line, Frank.

1485
01:17:59,150 --> 01:18:00,950
There are other people
in the world.

1486
01:18:02,020 --> 01:18:03,360
There are?

1487
01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:45,560
Do you have a whistle?

1488
01:18:53,340 --> 01:18:55,940
(people chattering on TV)

1489
01:19:00,410 --> 01:19:02,180
(man) <i>And then taxation.</i>

1490
01:19:02,180 --> 01:19:05,180
(man 2) <i>We get shut down
every single time by your...</i>

1491
01:19:05,180 --> 01:19:07,350
- (man 1) <i>Idea you have so far.</i>
- (man 2) <i>No, no, no.</i>

1492
01:19:07,350 --> 01:19:08,720
<i>Can I speak?
Can I speak?</i>

1493
01:19:08,720 --> 01:19:09,750
- (man 1) <i>Please.</i>
- (man 2) <i>Because of your...</i>

1494
01:19:09,760 --> 01:19:10,860
- <i>Hold on. Hold on.</i>
- <i>That's what I...</i>

1495
01:19:10,860 --> 01:19:13,420
- <i>Just wait a second, all right?</i>
- <i>I'm working on it.</i>

1496
01:19:13,430 --> 01:19:15,660
(conversation continues)

1497
01:19:15,660 --> 01:19:18,330
(woman on TV) <i>It's the guys who
stand by in all their philosophies</i>

1498
01:19:18,330 --> 01:19:21,100
<i>and all their ideas and
everything that they represent.</i>

1499
01:19:21,100 --> 01:19:22,700
(man) <i>They're talking about
the silent majority.</i>

1500
01:19:22,700 --> 01:19:25,040
(man 2) <i>I don't know.
I mean, listen,</i>

1501
01:19:25,040 --> 01:19:27,370
- <i>if you look at the facts again...</i>
- (man) <i>Hold on.</i>

1502
01:19:27,370 --> 01:19:29,270
<i>They're having a sidebar here.
Hold on.</i>

1503
01:19:29,270 --> 01:19:31,680
(man 2) <i>How can we even bring
that up at this point?</i>

1504
01:19:31,680 --> 01:19:33,340
- (woman) <i>But what fact?</i>
- (man) <i>In the media.</i>

1505
01:19:33,350 --> 01:19:34,540
<i>You're not getting paid here.</i>

1506
01:19:34,550 --> 01:19:36,810
(woman) <i>You have got to look
at what your guy did too.</i>

1507
01:19:36,820 --> 01:19:38,380
(man) <i>Oh, really?
There it is again.</i>

1508
01:19:38,380 --> 01:19:40,080
<i>There's the same thing
right there.</i>

1509
01:19:40,090 --> 01:19:42,450
<i>It's the same response
for the other side. Yeah.</i>

1510
01:19:42,450 --> 01:19:45,320
<i>Yeah, but never mind
because your guy was worse...</i>

1511
01:19:45,320 --> 01:19:48,160
(indistinct conversation
continues)

1512
01:19:55,330 --> 01:19:58,170
(indistinct conversation
continues)

1513
01:20:55,800 --> 01:20:57,500
(doorbell rings)

1514
01:21:05,370 --> 01:21:07,140
(hocking phlegm)