1
00:00:01,687 --> 00:00:06,479
♪♪
2
00:00:06,562 --> 00:00:07,979
Friday night!
3
00:00:08,062 --> 00:00:11,729
Who's ready for the DTLA
Hot and Hard Festival?
4
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:12,937
Yeah!
5
00:00:13,021 --> 00:00:14,521
I am not overpaying
for pills
6
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from a dude in a
porta-potty again.
7
00:00:16,187 --> 00:00:18,687
[ Laughs ] We've got uppers,
downers, laughers, screamers,
8
00:00:18,771 --> 00:00:21,104
tampons soaked in vodka,
and your favorite --
9
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,604
[ Gasps ]
Cherry MDMA bites!
10
00:00:23,687 --> 00:00:27,187
And for me -- I stole this
from UCLA before I got fired.
11
00:00:27,271 --> 00:00:29,437
Uh, you got anything
more Dad speed?
12
00:00:29,521 --> 00:00:30,896
A glow stick, maybe?
13
00:00:30,979 --> 00:00:33,479
[ Laughs ]
Yeah, a glow stick.
14
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Josh! W-W-Wait,
you're drinking it?
15
00:00:36,854 --> 00:00:38,562
Uhhh...yeah.
16
00:00:38,646 --> 00:00:42,937
I thought you guys were telling
me about a life hack.
17
00:00:43,021 --> 00:00:44,521
That's awesome!
18
00:00:44,604 --> 00:00:47,479
All [ chanting ]:
Hot and Hard! Hot and Hard!
19
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Thanks for letting me
pretend like
20
00:00:52,229 --> 00:00:54,396
I have enough free time
to go to a concert.
21
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What a rush.
22
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[ Gags ]
23
00:00:57,562 --> 00:01:01,437
♪♪
24
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♪♪
25
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Man [on video ]:
Hmm, what do we have here?
26
00:01:14,479 --> 00:01:17,479
Oh. It looks like
a piece of plastic?
27
00:01:17,562 --> 00:01:19,896
It's a similar shape
as the toy...
28
00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:21,146
Ahh!
29
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Morning, Candice.
May I present to you...
30
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Ta-da!
Eggs Bunny-dict!
31
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[ Munches ]
[ Burps ]
32
00:01:30,271 --> 00:01:31,896
Hmm.
Hey, you watching
33
00:01:31,979 --> 00:01:33,646
an unboxing video,
Candice?
34
00:01:33,729 --> 00:01:36,854
Man [ on video ]:
We have this sort of,
uh, spinner toy.
35
00:01:36,937 --> 00:01:39,521
Let's see what
this is all about.
36
00:01:39,604 --> 00:01:42,521
Candice, why don't you
just unbox this one?
37
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This is better.
38
00:01:45,437 --> 00:01:47,146
Hey, I got an idea.
39
00:01:47,229 --> 00:01:49,604
Let's do something
we can both enjoy?
40
00:01:49,687 --> 00:01:52,812
All right Candice, this guy
right here is Teddy Ruxpin.
41
00:01:52,896 --> 00:01:55,687
Hi. Can you and I
be frieeeeennnnn...
42
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[ Screams ]
Oh, dude!
43
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[ Beeping ]
44
00:02:04,229 --> 00:02:07,896
Magic Eight Ball, are we having
a great time right now?
45
00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:12,562
Huh?
Man [ on video ]:
Yes, another twist tie!
46
00:02:12,646 --> 00:02:16,479
Interesting choice
they made on that one.
47
00:02:16,562 --> 00:02:19,187
Teddy, how am I gonna
bond with my daughter?
48
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Let me die.
49
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,562
Hey, let's get rid of
this evil robot.
50
00:02:27,646 --> 00:02:29,062
Might as well.
51
00:02:29,146 --> 00:02:31,062
Candice doesn't want to do
anything I liked as a kid.
52
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[ Gasps ] Whoa!
My old skateboard!
53
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I used to love skating.
54
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Whoa!
A body rollerskate!
55
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Look, look! I'm a foot!
Hwuh, hwuh, hwuh, hwuh.
56
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I haven't seen her this happy
since that coyote bit her
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and she thought she was
gonna turn into a werewolf.
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Candice, you want me
to teach you how to skate?
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00:02:47,396 --> 00:02:49,021
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah!
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[ Gasps ]
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Skate Dad.
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Big day, Candice!
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I remember when my dad
took me to my first skate shop.
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Sure, they're a little
grungy, a little cluttered,
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but I'll be there to guide
you the whole way,
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Wooooow.
-What up, what up, what up!
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This guy knows
what time it is!
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Oh my God, Dad,
that's Bob Jonesworth! Dad?
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00:03:10,062 --> 00:03:12,021
[ Horn honks ]
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[ Horn blares ]
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All right, Candice,
you ready to go in?
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00:03:17,146 --> 00:03:18,646
Yeah!
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00:03:22,354 --> 00:03:25,354
Dad, why did you take me
to the Apple Store?
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What the...
Oh, check this out.
75
00:03:27,562 --> 00:03:29,687
Bob Jonesworth bombing
Baxter Street.
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[ Yelling ]
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What a legend.
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Someday, you'll be bombing hills
just like your dad used to.
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00:03:35,729 --> 00:03:37,729
Bob Jonesworth
is my dad?
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00:03:37,812 --> 00:03:40,437
No. I'm your dad.
That's... never mind.
81
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,312
What up, what up,
what up!
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This dude knows
what time it is!
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00:03:44,187 --> 00:03:46,729
Oh, can I help you
with some watches?
84
00:03:46,812 --> 00:03:48,854
What?
We're here to shred.
85
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,479
I'm looking for some
righteous decks!
86
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Uh, righteous dicks?
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00:03:52,896 --> 00:03:55,104
No, man, a deck.
I want a skateboard.
88
00:03:55,187 --> 00:03:56,812
Oh. You're gonna want
The Goosh.
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Yo, Goosh!
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Be right with ya,
folks!
91
00:04:01,021 --> 00:04:03,021
-Ohh!
-Oh, my God, wow.
92
00:04:03,104 --> 00:04:05,521
I could do that.
93
00:04:05,604 --> 00:04:07,812
Hey, I'm The Goosh.
Can I help you?
94
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No doubt. No doubt, no doubt,
no doubt, no doubt.
95
00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:11,271
Pardon me, sir?
96
00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:12,937
Uh, we're looking for a
skateboard for our daughter.
97
00:04:13,021 --> 00:04:14,979
Nice!
What's your name, shorty?
98
00:04:15,062 --> 00:04:17,771
Candice. Why do they
call you "The Goosh"?
99
00:04:17,854 --> 00:04:19,687
Because when I skate
it sounds like...
100
00:04:19,771 --> 00:04:21,729
Goooooosh!
[ Laughs ]
101
00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:22,979
[ Frustrated groan ]
102
00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:24,396
So, can I help you
pick a deck, here?
103
00:04:24,479 --> 00:04:26,021
No! We're good.
We'll do the picking.
104
00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:27,687
You can just do the selling
or ringing up or whatever.
105
00:04:27,771 --> 00:04:28,854
No help needed.
106
00:04:28,937 --> 00:04:31,312
All right, Candice.
Choose wisely.
107
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,062
Mmmm...
That one!
108
00:04:34,146 --> 00:04:36,062
[ Ominous satanic
voice mumbling ]
109
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Oh my God, Josh,
that board is $100.
110
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Well, this one's on sale.
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Is that you?
112
00:04:42,812 --> 00:04:45,604
Yeah! Well, no,
it's a picture of me.
113
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The real me is right here!
114
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Oh, hello, Goosh!
115
00:04:49,812 --> 00:04:52,062
That's a little inappropriate
for children.
116
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We'll take the Satan board.
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[ Laughs ]
118
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Daddy, can you teach me how to
ollie like "The Goosh?"
119
00:05:01,979 --> 00:05:04,437
The cashier? Nah. He doesn't
know what he's doing.
120
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,146
-Can you Ollie?
-Oh, I dunno.
121
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Both: Show us!
Show us! Show us!
122
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Okay, fine.
123
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Watch and learn.
124
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[ Screams ]
125
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[ Siren wailing ]
126
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Taking notes, Tony Hawk?
127
00:05:24,437 --> 00:05:26,312
that dude
just got ass knifed!
128
00:05:26,396 --> 00:05:28,979
I'm fine. I'm not
done shredding yet.
129
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,896
Daddy, what's an
ass knife?
130
00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:34,937
Uhh, that's a
different lesson!
131
00:05:35,021 --> 00:05:38,812
Emily:
Dang, Josh. I can't believe they
put a metal plate on your taint.
132
00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:42,271
[ Sighs ]
Skate Dad is skate sad.
133
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At least I'm trying my best,
unlike my dad.
134
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All he ever did was point
at his watch angrily.
135
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I know it means a lot to Candice
that you're trying so hard.
136
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"This guy got ass-knifed.
137
00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:55,896
We have to take him
to the hospital."
138
00:05:55,979 --> 00:05:57,354
[ Imitates siren ]
139
00:05:57,437 --> 00:05:59,396
I'm gonna go show her
how to roll down that ramp.
140
00:05:59,479 --> 00:06:02,271
Haha! You know what? Your
metal plate is kind of cool.
141
00:06:02,354 --> 00:06:05,687
Does it hurt, though?
The only thing that's
hurting is my heart,
142
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because I can't be
out there
143
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helping Candice
realize her skate potential.
144
00:06:09,146 --> 00:06:11,771
Now, let me be. These pain pills
should be kicking in any min--
145
00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:17,229
[ Snores ]
146
00:06:17,312 --> 00:06:19,896
Skate Dad.
147
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:23,354
♪ La La La La
La La La La La ♪
148
00:06:23,437 --> 00:06:26,979
♪ La La La La La La
La La LA LA LA LA ♪
149
00:06:27,062 --> 00:06:30,229
♪ La La La La La ♪
150
00:06:30,312 --> 00:06:34,021
♪ La La La La ♪
151
00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:37,229
♪ La La La ♪
152
00:06:37,312 --> 00:06:38,729
♪ La La La La La ♪
153
00:06:38,812 --> 00:06:40,146
♪ La La La La ♪
154
00:06:40,229 --> 00:06:42,146
♪ La La La ♪
155
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You suck.
156
00:06:44,562 --> 00:06:46,812
Hey, what's going on?
157
00:06:46,896 --> 00:06:49,854
Where are we right now?
158
00:06:49,937 --> 00:06:51,771
Hey, Dad!
Check it out!
159
00:06:51,854 --> 00:06:53,979
Wait, you taught Candice
to skate?
160
00:06:54,062 --> 00:06:55,187
Nooo...
161
00:06:55,271 --> 00:06:57,646
Yo, Skate Dad!
Your kid's a natural!
162
00:06:57,729 --> 00:07:00,187
[ Echoing ]
Natural.
163
00:07:00,271 --> 00:07:01,687
Josh!
What?
164
00:07:01,771 --> 00:07:04,187
I knew how bad you wanted
Candice to learn to skate,
165
00:07:04,271 --> 00:07:05,979
so I went back to
the skate shop
166
00:07:06,062 --> 00:07:08,104
and I signed her up
for a lesson.
167
00:07:08,187 --> 00:07:09,521
You shred, Candy!
168
00:07:09,604 --> 00:07:11,937
We'll have you
ollyin' in no time!
169
00:07:12,021 --> 00:07:13,312
Thanks, Papa Goosh!
170
00:07:13,396 --> 00:07:16,479
[ Echoing ]
Papa Goosh.
171
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,854
The Goosh: Yeah!
great job, guys! Whooo!
172
00:07:18,937 --> 00:07:21,021
So stupid.
Pff. Hmph.
173
00:07:22,562 --> 00:07:23,646
[ Cheering ]
174
00:07:23,729 --> 00:07:25,687
Pfft.
I could do that.
175
00:07:26,771 --> 00:07:27,729
Wah! Oof!
176
00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:29,229
Candice!
177
00:07:29,312 --> 00:07:30,646
You okay, Candy Cane?
178
00:07:30,729 --> 00:07:32,146
I scraped my knee!
179
00:07:32,229 --> 00:07:35,146
I got it.
180
00:07:35,229 --> 00:07:37,687
[ Ominously ]
Now, I'm Skate Dad.
181
00:07:37,771 --> 00:07:40,604
[ Laughs evilly ]
182
00:07:40,687 --> 00:07:42,146
Josh:
That's it!
183
00:07:44,937 --> 00:07:46,521
Come on, Emily.
184
00:07:46,604 --> 00:07:47,771
[ Breathing heavily ]
185
00:07:47,854 --> 00:07:49,062
We're leaving.
186
00:07:49,146 --> 00:07:51,979
Whoa, Sir-groiny Weaver,
where's this coming from?
187
00:07:52,062 --> 00:07:53,437
I've had enough.
188
00:07:53,521 --> 00:07:55,937
It's one thing that this guy
is teaching Candice to skate,
189
00:07:56,021 --> 00:07:57,937
but now he's trying to
out-Skate-Dad me, too?
190
00:07:58,021 --> 00:07:59,271
Aw, come on.
191
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,562
Hey, I can teach you, too.
It's a free class.
192
00:08:01,646 --> 00:08:04,521
You know what, The Goosh,
you're full of it!
193
00:08:04,604 --> 00:08:06,146
Enough with the
nice-guy act.
194
00:08:06,229 --> 00:08:08,396
Act? I'm nice.
I'm a nice guy.
195
00:08:08,479 --> 00:08:10,396
We're gonna settle
this old-school.
196
00:08:10,479 --> 00:08:13,271
Let's bomb the gnarliest
hill in LA --
197
00:08:13,354 --> 00:08:15,896
Baxter Street.
198
00:08:15,979 --> 00:08:19,854
♪♪
199
00:08:22,604 --> 00:08:26,479
♪♪
200
00:08:27,562 --> 00:08:29,604
No doubt.
201
00:08:31,937 --> 00:08:33,437
No doubt. No doubt, no doubt.
Josh, this is insane!
202
00:08:33,521 --> 00:08:36,104
Uh, excuse me, sir. Obviously,
you're a little agitated.
203
00:08:36,187 --> 00:08:38,437
Skate Dad is not too old
to bomb Baxter Street!
204
00:08:38,521 --> 00:08:40,437
Josh!
What is wrong with you?
205
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,729
Why are you doing this?
206
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,437
Skate or die!
Whooo!
207
00:08:44,521 --> 00:08:45,854
-Candice!
-Whoa!
208
00:08:45,937 --> 00:08:47,562
I'm coming
for you, baby!
209
00:08:47,646 --> 00:08:50,562
Wait! I haven't taught you
about street bombing yet!
210
00:08:50,646 --> 00:08:54,646
If anyone's gonna teach her,
it should be me, Skate Dad!
211
00:08:54,729 --> 00:08:56,521
-Hang on, Candice!
-Ma'am!
212
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,312
What you're gonna want to do
is lean with the wind.
213
00:08:59,396 --> 00:09:01,021
I'm scared, Goosh!
214
00:09:01,104 --> 00:09:03,521
Don't tell The Goosh
you're scared. Tell me.
215
00:09:03,604 --> 00:09:04,729
I'm your Dad!
216
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,771
Why are you doing this?
217
00:09:06,854 --> 00:09:08,146
Why am I doing this?
218
00:09:08,229 --> 00:09:09,521
This was supposed
to be my fun thing
219
00:09:09,604 --> 00:09:11,146
that I get to do
with my daughter.
220
00:09:11,229 --> 00:09:12,479
And this evil Goosh-bag
221
00:09:12,562 --> 00:09:14,187
is trying to take
that away from me!
222
00:09:14,271 --> 00:09:17,896
I don't need your help
'cause I know what time it is.
223
00:09:17,979 --> 00:09:19,854
Huh?
224
00:09:19,937 --> 00:09:21,146
Dude, listen.
225
00:09:21,229 --> 00:09:22,646
My dad never
took me skating,
226
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,229
and I'm trying to be a different
type of dad for Candice.
227
00:09:25,312 --> 00:09:29,021
Goosh, thanks for your help,
but I have to do this myself.
228
00:09:29,104 --> 00:09:30,354
Whoa, gnarly!
229
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,271
My old man never
took me skating.
230
00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:34,479
I just took it up
to reject him.
231
00:09:34,562 --> 00:09:36,146
Respect, dude.
-No doubt.
232
00:09:36,229 --> 00:09:38,687
No doubt. Goosh out!
233
00:09:38,771 --> 00:09:41,729
Okay, I'll admit
that was pretty cool.
234
00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:43,437
Daddy!
235
00:09:43,521 --> 00:09:45,771
Candice,
you have to stand up!
236
00:09:45,854 --> 00:09:47,229
Okay.
237
00:09:50,187 --> 00:09:51,354
I'm doing it!
238
00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:53,146
[ Cheering ]
239
00:09:58,937 --> 00:10:00,021
Whoa!
240
00:10:00,104 --> 00:10:01,187
Jump back!
I got you!
241
00:10:01,271 --> 00:10:03,354
What?!
Just do it!
242
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:10,021
Come on, baby.
Hold together.
243
00:10:10,104 --> 00:10:13,854
Oh, shi...
244
00:10:13,937 --> 00:10:15,354
Oh, no.
245
00:10:19,229 --> 00:10:21,604
Josh, look out!
246
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,687
-[ Gasps ]
-[ Gasps ]
-[ Laughs ]
247
00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:25,229
Go under!
Go under!
248
00:10:29,812 --> 00:10:31,604
[ Gasping ]
249
00:10:34,979 --> 00:10:36,479
[ Yelling ]
250
00:10:36,562 --> 00:10:37,896
Over there!
251
00:10:37,979 --> 00:10:40,979
[ Yelling ]
252
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,396
[ Cheering ]
253
00:10:49,479 --> 00:10:52,271
[ Gasping ]
254
00:10:52,354 --> 00:10:55,354
[ Both laugh ]
255
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,062
Yeah, Skate Dad! Yeah!
256
00:10:57,146 --> 00:10:58,979
That man's no Skate Dad.
257
00:10:59,062 --> 00:11:01,312
He's a Skate Father.
258
00:11:02,437 --> 00:11:04,104
[ Both grunting ]
259
00:11:06,229 --> 00:11:07,896
Well,
all the tests came back.
260
00:11:08,021 --> 00:11:11,104
And I hate to say it, but
there's nothing wrong with you.
261
00:11:11,187 --> 00:11:13,646
Then how do you explain this?
Aah!
262
00:11:13,729 --> 00:11:14,812
Or this?
Whaa!
263
00:11:14,896 --> 00:11:16,187
I have
seen this before
264
00:11:16,271 --> 00:11:18,187
from patients under
a lot of pressure.
265
00:11:18,271 --> 00:11:20,562
Have you been stressed?
-Me?
266
00:11:21,979 --> 00:11:26,271
[ Paper rustling ]
267
00:11:26,354 --> 00:11:28,187
[ Clicking ]
268
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:30,229
[ Explosion ]
269
00:11:30,312 --> 00:11:32,146
Sweet cashmere Jesus!
270
00:11:33,271 --> 00:11:34,646
Hey,
have you seen my vibrator?
271
00:11:34,729 --> 00:11:35,771
-No.
[ High-pitched humming ]
272
00:11:35,854 --> 00:11:37,146
Whoa!
273
00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:39,104
Whoa! Whaa!
274
00:11:39,187 --> 00:11:41,604
Nope.
All good in the 'hood.
275
00:11:41,687 --> 00:11:47,937
♪♪
276
00:11:48,021 --> 00:11:54,146
♪♪
277
00:11:54,229 --> 00:11:56,854
I'd like to thank you guys for
givin' up part of your Saturday
278
00:11:56,937 --> 00:11:58,479
to help me beta test
my new game.
279
00:11:58,562 --> 00:12:01,104
Welcome to Ladder World!
280
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:04,354
[ Clanking ]
281
00:12:04,437 --> 00:12:06,604
[ Screeching ]
282
00:12:06,687 --> 00:12:08,896
So we just climb
the ladders?
283
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:11,312
Yeah.
284
00:12:11,396 --> 00:12:12,521
[ Laughing ]
285
00:12:12,604 --> 00:12:14,937
It's working!
It's working!
286
00:12:17,229 --> 00:12:19,646
[ Screams ] Help!
[ Gasps ]
287
00:12:19,729 --> 00:12:21,479
Why would you put this
in the game, Josh?
288
00:12:21,562 --> 00:12:22,979
Son of a glitch.
289
00:12:23,062 --> 00:12:25,521
Oh, no! Kevin Costner's head
from "Waterworld"!
290
00:12:25,604 --> 00:12:26,729
[ Growls ]
291
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:27,812
Get me out of here!
292
00:12:27,896 --> 00:12:29,687
[ Growling ]
[ All grunt ]
293
00:12:29,771 --> 00:12:30,771
[ Growls ]
294
00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:32,521
I loved you
in "Draft Day"!
295
00:12:32,604 --> 00:12:34,979
[ All scream ]
296
00:12:35,062 --> 00:12:37,521
[ All groan ]
297
00:12:37,604 --> 00:12:39,937
So, any feedback?
298
00:12:40,021 --> 00:12:42,604
Great news.
There's nothing wrong with me.
299
00:12:42,687 --> 00:12:44,854
Uh, you sure about that,
Pacquiao?
300
00:12:44,937 --> 00:12:47,687
Dr. Glandz mentioned
some nonsense about stress,
301
00:12:47,771 --> 00:12:50,312
but little does she know
I'm immune to it.
302
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,229
[ Glass shatters ]
303
00:12:52,312 --> 00:12:54,646
Ooh. Immune feels like
too strong of a word.
304
00:12:54,729 --> 00:12:57,104
It's fine! I'm just
gonna make my to-do list
305
00:12:57,187 --> 00:13:00,479
a ta-dow done list.
Where's my list?!
306
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:04,771
Um, maybe eating something
might make you feel better?
307
00:13:04,854 --> 00:13:06,104
Uh...
308
00:13:06,187 --> 00:13:07,812
Oh, great!
We don't even have any food!
309
00:13:07,896 --> 00:13:09,062
Hey, hey, hey.
It's okay.
310
00:13:09,146 --> 00:13:10,521
We always have
the earthquake ham.
311
00:13:10,604 --> 00:13:12,812
[ Freezer humming ]
312
00:13:12,896 --> 00:13:16,479
[ Echoing ]
Someone stole the friggin' ham!
313
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:18,479
-It's gonna be okay.
-Is it, Josh?
314
00:13:18,562 --> 00:13:20,729
If an earthquake hits today,
guess what we're eating?
315
00:13:20,812 --> 00:13:22,604
Each other!
-I don't know.
316
00:13:22,687 --> 00:13:24,396
You're all too bony
for my taste.
317
00:13:24,479 --> 00:13:25,687
Ha!
Found it!
318
00:13:26,521 --> 00:13:28,396
-I'll take care of that!
-What? No!
319
00:13:28,479 --> 00:13:29,604
You need a break.
320
00:13:29,687 --> 00:13:31,104
Let me give you
a stress-free day.
321
00:13:31,187 --> 00:13:32,437
This is a bad idea.
322
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:35,062
No, I promise I'll put
100% of my mind to it.
323
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:37,896
[ Electricity crackles ]
324
00:13:37,979 --> 00:13:41,312
My last fortune cookie did tell
me to "Trust Josh more."
325
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:44,354
Come with me.
It's time for you to loosen up.
326
00:13:44,437 --> 00:13:46,604
No Stress
is my middle name.
327
00:13:46,687 --> 00:13:48,229
I had it legally changed.
328
00:13:48,312 --> 00:13:49,729
I was high.
329
00:13:51,187 --> 00:13:52,854
Man!
Em is gonna be so stoked
330
00:13:52,937 --> 00:13:54,396
that we're breezing
through this list.
331
00:13:54,479 --> 00:13:56,396
Last thing.
"Earthquake ham."
332
00:13:56,479 --> 00:13:57,812
Next!
333
00:13:57,896 --> 00:14:00,896
I'll take your finest $10 worth
of ham, my good man.
334
00:14:00,979 --> 00:14:02,771
Pft, you busting my balls,
man?
335
00:14:02,854 --> 00:14:04,812
Haven't you heard about
the SoCal ham shortage?
336
00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:07,937
This local meat artisan runs
the only business in town
337
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,187
that still has ham.
338
00:14:09,271 --> 00:14:11,104
How are you still
hamming it up?
339
00:14:11,187 --> 00:14:13,771
Oh, we always keep some around
in case of a shortage.
340
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:17,062
But then uh-oh! We have
to jack up our prices!
341
00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:18,521
"Not stolen hams"?
342
00:14:18,604 --> 00:14:20,146
Uh, no,
it's Notschstolen.
343
00:14:20,229 --> 00:14:22,396
Uh, from -- from Germany.
[ Laughs ]
344
00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:24,104
Those guys are
ripping everybody off!
345
00:14:24,187 --> 00:14:26,437
We're gonna go to that factory,
and we're gonna get a ham.
346
00:14:26,521 --> 00:14:27,396
[ Horn squeaks ]
347
00:14:27,479 --> 00:14:31,937
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
348
00:14:32,021 --> 00:14:33,146
They found me!
349
00:14:33,229 --> 00:14:34,271
I don't know how,
but they found me!
350
00:14:34,354 --> 00:14:35,937
Who?
The clowns!
351
00:14:36,062 --> 00:14:37,729
Alex: Okay, so the circus
was in town last week,
352
00:14:37,812 --> 00:14:40,271
and I met some clowns
who never back down from a bet.
353
00:14:40,354 --> 00:14:41,479
So, I told them,
354
00:14:41,562 --> 00:14:42,979
"I bet you can't
make a giraffe."
355
00:14:43,062 --> 00:14:45,979
[ Balloon squeaks ]
356
00:14:46,062 --> 00:14:49,187
I was like,
"Ha! That's just a dog."
357
00:14:49,271 --> 00:14:53,812
And he said,
"Wait for it."
358
00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:56,021
Long story short...
359
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,187
I owe them 3 grand.
Dude!
360
00:14:58,271 --> 00:14:59,812
[ Horn squeaks ]
[ Gasps ]
361
00:15:00,521 --> 00:15:01,604
Meat factory it is.
362
00:15:01,687 --> 00:15:02,979
I have
all my coupons organized,
363
00:15:03,062 --> 00:15:04,729
so check-out
should be fast.
364
00:15:05,729 --> 00:15:07,312
[ Inhales deeply,
exhales sharply ]
365
00:15:07,396 --> 00:15:09,812
[ Laughs ]
366
00:15:09,896 --> 00:15:13,271
100% no-stress day.
367
00:15:13,354 --> 00:15:14,646
[ Inhales deeply ]
368
00:15:14,729 --> 00:15:17,021
[ Coughs ]
369
00:15:17,104 --> 00:15:18,187
Holy sh--
370
00:15:18,271 --> 00:15:19,354
[ Coughing continues ]
371
00:15:19,437 --> 00:15:22,104
How long till this hits?
Soon-ish?
372
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:27,062
It all depends on your...
[slow motion] tolerance.
373
00:15:27,146 --> 00:15:34,187
[ Slow-motion laughter ]
374
00:15:34,271 --> 00:15:35,479
♪ We gotta stay ♪
375
00:15:35,562 --> 00:15:38,021
♪ High, Ah-ah-ah,
ah-ah, ah-ah, ah ♪
376
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,479
♪ Till I die ♪
377
00:15:39,562 --> 00:15:41,771
♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah,
ah-ah, ah ♪
378
00:15:41,854 --> 00:15:43,021
♪ I gotta stay ♪
379
00:15:43,104 --> 00:15:45,604
♪ High, ah-ah-ah,
ah-ah, ah-ah, ah ♪
380
00:15:45,687 --> 00:15:46,854
♪ Till I die ♪
381
00:15:46,937 --> 00:15:48,687
♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah,
ah-ah, ah ♪
382
00:15:48,771 --> 00:15:49,979
♪ I gotta stay ♪
383
00:15:50,062 --> 00:15:52,396
♪ High, ah-ah-ah,
ah-ah, ah-ah, ah ♪
384
00:15:52,479 --> 00:15:53,646
♪ Till I die ♪
385
00:15:53,729 --> 00:15:55,979
♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah,
ah-ah, ah ♪
386
00:15:56,062 --> 00:15:57,229
♪ I gotta stay ♪
387
00:15:57,312 --> 00:16:00,229
♪ High, ah-ah-ah,
ah-ah, ah-ah, ah ♪
388
00:16:00,312 --> 00:16:01,604
[ Bear roars ]
389
00:16:01,687 --> 00:16:03,396
[ All screaming ]
[ Gasps ] Bridgette!
390
00:16:03,479 --> 00:16:05,104
-[ Growls ]
-Aah!
391
00:16:05,187 --> 00:16:06,271
[ Breathing shallowly ]
392
00:16:06,354 --> 00:16:08,146
Whoops, Emily.
393
00:16:08,229 --> 00:16:09,937
Aah!
Me daughter teacher?
394
00:16:10,021 --> 00:16:16,021
♪♪
395
00:16:16,104 --> 00:16:17,229
Aw, sick!
396
00:16:17,312 --> 00:16:18,896
Look at what they're
putting in the meat.
397
00:16:22,021 --> 00:16:24,021
That is...so gross.
398
00:16:24,104 --> 00:16:25,937
Dude, look up there.
399
00:16:26,021 --> 00:16:27,729
I bet there's hams
in there.
400
00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:28,729
[ Both grunt ]
401
00:16:28,812 --> 00:16:30,854
Factory tour's on Thursdays.
402
00:16:30,937 --> 00:16:32,437
Hello, sweetie.
403
00:16:32,521 --> 00:16:36,646
I have the perfect place
for you.
404
00:16:37,771 --> 00:16:39,604
[ Both groan ]
405
00:16:39,687 --> 00:16:41,896
Wha-- W-where's Candice?
Where is she?!
406
00:16:42,021 --> 00:16:44,937
Lil' Missy?
She's in a better place now.
407
00:16:45,021 --> 00:16:48,104
[ Both gasp ]
Our Michelin-rated
daycare center.
408
00:16:49,479 --> 00:16:52,271
So you're the ones
behind the SoCal ham shortage.
409
00:16:52,354 --> 00:16:54,146
You freakin'
hipster hamburglers.
410
00:16:54,229 --> 00:16:56,437
Um, hamburglers
are an entirely different
411
00:16:56,521 --> 00:16:59,687
and, frankly, rather cartoonish
kind of meat thief, okay?
412
00:16:59,771 --> 00:17:01,604
This is
a professional operation.
413
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,771
[ Soft music plays ]
414
00:17:02,854 --> 00:17:03,937
[ Crashes, glass shatters ]
415
00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:05,187
Man:
Get the ham! Get the ham!
416
00:17:05,271 --> 00:17:07,604
[ Laughter ]
417
00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:09,187
Our next scam --
buttholes!
418
00:17:09,271 --> 00:17:12,146
And we're not even trying to
make them look like hot dogs.
419
00:17:12,229 --> 00:17:13,604
And guess
whose buttholes
420
00:17:13,687 --> 00:17:15,271
are going in
the next batch?
421
00:17:15,354 --> 00:17:17,521
Two nosey nerds!
422
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,104
Ah, come on, man! Nerd?
423
00:17:19,187 --> 00:17:20,896
That word means enthusiast,
424
00:17:20,979 --> 00:17:23,354
and it's not derogatory!
-Aah!
425
00:17:23,437 --> 00:17:24,271
[ Both grunt ]
426
00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:25,646
[ Whirring ]
427
00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:26,812
Aw, man.
428
00:17:26,896 --> 00:17:28,354
There was only one item
left on the list.
429
00:17:28,437 --> 00:17:29,354
Damn you, ham!
430
00:17:29,437 --> 00:17:31,146
Aah! Aah!
431
00:17:31,229 --> 00:17:32,729
[ Heartbeat, zapping ]
432
00:17:32,812 --> 00:17:34,479
[ Computer sound plays ]
433
00:17:34,562 --> 00:17:39,646
♪♪
434
00:17:39,729 --> 00:17:41,187
Thank you, brain.
435
00:17:41,271 --> 00:17:44,354
[ Grunting ]
436
00:17:44,437 --> 00:17:46,146
I'm limitless!
437
00:17:46,229 --> 00:17:49,437
♪♪
438
00:17:49,521 --> 00:17:51,896
[ Exhales sharply ]
Let's roll, bitch.
439
00:17:51,979 --> 00:17:53,187
Who are you?
440
00:17:53,271 --> 00:17:55,271
[ Jazz music plays ]
441
00:17:55,354 --> 00:17:58,604
Uh...I can't believe we ran
into Candice's teacher.
442
00:17:58,687 --> 00:18:00,104
He totally knows
I'm high.
443
00:18:00,187 --> 00:18:02,312
Relax.
He has no idea.
444
00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:03,979
[ Music continues ]
445
00:18:04,062 --> 00:18:06,187
Wine?
No, thanks.
446
00:18:06,271 --> 00:18:08,021
Please.
447
00:18:08,104 --> 00:18:09,646
[ Lighter clicks ]
[ Inhales sharply ]
448
00:18:09,729 --> 00:18:10,937
[ Gasps ]
Weed?
449
00:18:11,021 --> 00:18:12,646
I didn't do it!
Huh?
450
00:18:12,729 --> 00:18:15,354
[ Stammering ]
451
00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:16,812
[ Gasping ]
452
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:20,146
♪♪
453
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:22,562
Ohh!
Bitch, use your words!
454
00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:24,896
[ Panting ]
Dude, the ham!
455
00:18:26,229 --> 00:18:27,937
Holy shoat.
456
00:18:28,021 --> 00:18:29,021
♪♪
457
00:18:29,104 --> 00:18:30,271
[ Both laugh ]
458
00:18:30,354 --> 00:18:32,062
Hey, how'd you know
"shoat" meant pig?
459
00:18:32,146 --> 00:18:33,937
Josh: I don't know,
I just did.
460
00:18:34,021 --> 00:18:35,979
No, I told you guys,
I deleted my Facebook.
461
00:18:36,062 --> 00:18:37,646
You want to get
in touch with me,
462
00:18:37,729 --> 00:18:38,646
you write a letter.
463
00:18:38,729 --> 00:18:40,021
Hey,
they're getting away!
464
00:18:40,104 --> 00:18:41,854
No, no, no.
They got our hams!
465
00:18:41,937 --> 00:18:43,146
After them!
466
00:18:43,229 --> 00:18:46,437
♪♪
467
00:18:48,812 --> 00:18:50,396
[ Soft jazz music plays ]
468
00:18:50,479 --> 00:18:52,312
So, I work too,
which I want to,
469
00:18:52,396 --> 00:18:54,229
'cause, you know,
feminism.
470
00:18:54,312 --> 00:18:56,104
I'm just trying so hard
to do a good job.
471
00:18:56,187 --> 00:18:57,479
And you are!
472
00:18:57,562 --> 00:18:58,812
But it won't feel like it
473
00:18:58,896 --> 00:19:01,187
till you start doing things
for yourself.
474
00:19:01,271 --> 00:19:02,562
I don't even know
what I like.
475
00:19:02,646 --> 00:19:04,896
Find out,
before you stab a bitch.
476
00:19:04,979 --> 00:19:05,771
You're right.
477
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,729
I've got to find my thing!
478
00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:09,396
Go find it, girl.
479
00:19:09,479 --> 00:19:10,812
Go find it.
480
00:19:10,896 --> 00:19:12,229
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
481
00:19:12,312 --> 00:19:14,187
[ Slow motion laughing ]
482
00:19:14,271 --> 00:19:15,396
Josh: [ Grunts ]
483
00:19:15,479 --> 00:19:16,771
Watch
your freakin' driving!
484
00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:18,479
[ Panting ]
485
00:19:18,562 --> 00:19:20,396
Hyah!
486
00:19:20,479 --> 00:19:21,896
Aw, damn it!
487
00:19:21,979 --> 00:19:23,229
[ Grunts ]
[ Tires squeal ]
488
00:19:23,312 --> 00:19:25,104
Red light, red light!
489
00:19:25,479 --> 00:19:27,812
[ Both scream,
tires squeal ]
490
00:19:27,896 --> 00:19:30,396
[ Breathing heavily ]
491
00:19:30,479 --> 00:19:31,729
Good, good, good.
492
00:19:31,812 --> 00:19:35,479
Yeah, this is what
200 degrees feels like.
493
00:19:35,562 --> 00:19:37,437
Feel the Fahrenheit.
494
00:19:37,521 --> 00:19:39,937
♪♪
495
00:19:40,021 --> 00:19:41,312
Red light, red light,
red light!
496
00:19:41,396 --> 00:19:43,521
♪♪
497
00:19:43,604 --> 00:19:44,812
[ Tires screech ]
498
00:19:44,896 --> 00:19:46,437
Move!
499
00:19:46,521 --> 00:19:50,562
♪♪
500
00:19:50,646 --> 00:19:51,687
I think we lost them.
501
00:19:51,771 --> 00:19:53,104
Yes! [ Laughs ]
502
00:19:53,187 --> 00:19:54,521
♪♪
503
00:19:54,604 --> 00:19:57,437
[ Grunting, shouting ]
504
00:19:57,521 --> 00:20:00,146
♪♪
505
00:20:00,229 --> 00:20:01,187
Oh, God.
506
00:20:01,271 --> 00:20:03,062
[ Breathing sharply ]
507
00:20:03,146 --> 00:20:04,104
♪♪
508
00:20:04,187 --> 00:20:05,021
Dog!
509
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:06,437
[ Tires screech ]
510
00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:08,604
That's no dog.
511
00:20:09,854 --> 00:20:10,646
[ Horn squeaks ]
512
00:20:10,729 --> 00:20:16,937
♪♪
513
00:20:17,021 --> 00:20:20,979
Head Thug:
No way out now, Jabronis!
514
00:20:21,062 --> 00:20:22,271
Oh, geez! Oh, geez!
515
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,354
Aah!
516
00:20:23,437 --> 00:20:24,979
[ Heartbeat, zapping ]
517
00:20:25,062 --> 00:20:26,604
[ Computer sound plays ]
518
00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:27,812
♪♪
519
00:20:27,896 --> 00:20:29,521
Okay, so the circus
was in town last week,
520
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:31,812
and I met some clowns
who never back down from a bet.
521
00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:32,896
[ Gasps ]
522
00:20:32,979 --> 00:20:35,187
Stripper clowns,
hamburglers,
523
00:20:35,271 --> 00:20:37,312
we bet our lives...
524
00:20:37,396 --> 00:20:38,521
[ All gasping ]
525
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:42,354
...that you can't beat us
in Ladder World!
526
00:20:42,437 --> 00:20:44,979
[ All grunting ]
527
00:20:45,771 --> 00:20:48,312
[ All grunting ]
528
00:20:48,396 --> 00:20:49,521
[ Coughing ]
529
00:20:49,604 --> 00:20:51,146
[ Weakly ] Emily.
What's happening?
530
00:20:51,229 --> 00:20:53,812
You have to take my place
in Ladder World.
531
00:20:53,896 --> 00:20:55,604
We bet our lives.
532
00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:56,854
They'll kill us all.
533
00:20:56,937 --> 00:20:58,146
How do I even play?
534
00:20:58,229 --> 00:21:01,062
Just...climb...ladders.
535
00:21:01,146 --> 00:21:05,979
[ All grunting ]
536
00:21:06,062 --> 00:21:07,437
♪♪
537
00:21:07,521 --> 00:21:10,521
Wait, this is actually
kind of fun.
538
00:21:10,604 --> 00:21:11,521
[ Laughs ]
539
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:12,937
[ Grunts ]
540
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:14,312
Gotcha!
Aah!
541
00:21:14,396 --> 00:21:17,229
No, no, no,
no, no, no.
542
00:21:17,312 --> 00:21:18,229
Whoo-hoo!
543
00:21:18,312 --> 00:21:26,354
♪♪
544
00:21:26,437 --> 00:21:28,312
That was on purpose!
545
00:21:28,396 --> 00:21:31,521
[ Beeping ]
546
00:21:31,604 --> 00:21:33,812
I won? [ Laughs ]
547
00:21:33,896 --> 00:21:34,937
Yes!
548
00:21:35,021 --> 00:21:36,687
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughs ] Amazing!
549
00:21:36,771 --> 00:21:38,062
I feel incredible!
550
00:21:38,146 --> 00:21:39,229
[ Both smooch ]
551
00:21:39,312 --> 00:21:40,687
Can't we just kill them?
552
00:21:40,771 --> 00:21:42,562
Respect the bet!
553
00:21:42,646 --> 00:21:45,687
Whoa. Is this my thing?
Video games?
554
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:48,229
Guess who's
zero-percent stressed?
555
00:21:48,312 --> 00:21:49,396
-Yeah!
-Yahoo!
556
00:21:49,479 --> 00:21:51,062
Whoo! [ Laughs ]
557
00:21:51,146 --> 00:21:52,687
Bridgette,
where were you?
558
00:21:52,771 --> 00:21:54,021
I've actually been outside
559
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:56,021
talking to the hottest guy
right now.
560
00:21:56,104 --> 00:21:58,396
Anybody want to see me
make a Brontosaurus?
561
00:21:58,479 --> 00:21:59,604
Yeah!
562
00:21:59,687 --> 00:22:01,354
-Do not let him do that!
-No, no, no, no, no.
563
00:22:01,437 --> 00:22:11,187
♪♪
564
00:22:11,271 --> 00:22:21,062
♪♪
565
00:22:21,146 --> 00:22:30,896
♪♪
566
00:22:30,979 --> 00:22:40,729
♪♪
567
00:22:40,812 --> 00:22:50,521
♪♪
568
00:22:50,604 --> 00:22:53,562
[ Both grunting ]