1
00:00:01,666 --> 00:00:05,791
♪♪
2
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:08,125
Ah! A surprising love
3
00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:09,791
is about
to bloom in your life.
4
00:00:09,875 --> 00:00:11,916
This is so me and Ron.
5
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Who?
Ron!
6
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I've been texting
7
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:16,083
and occasionally
sexting him forever.
8
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:18,458
Tonight, we're finally
meeting face-to-face.
9
00:00:18,541 --> 00:00:20,083
Ron is the first guy
I've met
10
00:00:20,166 --> 00:00:22,583
since Alex who seems like
he could be something.
11
00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:24,416
You'd be surprised how hard
it is to find someone
12
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,333
when you're divorced
and living with your ex.
13
00:00:26,416 --> 00:00:27,666
-It's not.
-Not surprising at all.
14
00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:29,458
You might as well be
wearing a red flag.
15
00:00:29,541 --> 00:00:31,166
So, as I was predicting...
16
00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:33,125
Mmm!
Look what Ron just sent.
17
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:35,583
Ooh, I'll sign for that.
Business!
18
00:00:35,666 --> 00:00:38,333
Since they're not paying
attention, you want a reading?
19
00:00:38,416 --> 00:00:40,875
Uh, no, thanks.
I don't believe in that stuff.
20
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,791
You don't need to believe
in psychics
21
00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,875
to see that your marriage is
like that salsa:
22
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not so spicy.
23
00:00:47,041 --> 00:00:48,583
[ Gasps ]
24
00:00:48,666 --> 00:00:54,291
♪♪
25
00:00:54,375 --> 00:00:55,458
How did you know that?
26
00:00:55,541 --> 00:00:56,916
I say what I see...
27
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In my mind!
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[ Cackling, thunder crashing ]
29
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Sorry!
30
00:01:02,875 --> 00:01:04,875
These new thunder pants
are louder
31
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than I thought
they would be.
32
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[ Thunder crashing ]
33
00:01:08,375 --> 00:01:15,166
♪♪
34
00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:21,625
♪♪
35
00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:24,833
Look at you!
36
00:01:24,916 --> 00:01:26,125
A hot date?
What?
37
00:01:26,208 --> 00:01:29,083
No, I'm just going to --
a funeral.
38
00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:30,375
Eh, it's totally cool.
39
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,166
So you're not gonna
lose your shit?
40
00:01:32,250 --> 00:01:33,583
Oh, no.
And ooh, hey,
41
00:01:33,666 --> 00:01:35,833
if you need help
getting laid at that funeral,
42
00:01:35,916 --> 00:01:37,291
I'm a great wingman.
43
00:01:37,375 --> 00:01:38,791
Like the theme song says --
44
00:01:38,875 --> 00:01:42,416
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
45
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:45,083
Yeah, that's not
where the claps go.
46
00:01:47,458 --> 00:01:51,666
Ooh, you're looking real fine
with that staple gun.
47
00:01:51,750 --> 00:01:53,083
I got to finish my costume
before we go
48
00:01:53,166 --> 00:01:54,541
to the pumpkin patch tonight.
49
00:01:54,625 --> 00:01:56,583
Can't have Candice be
a genie without a lamp.
50
00:01:56,666 --> 00:01:59,250
Come on, Josh. I'm trying to
spice up our love life.
51
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,416
What? Why?
We're spicy.
52
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:02,833
Not like we used to be.
53
00:02:02,916 --> 00:02:04,500
We used to have sex a lot,
54
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:05,916
and you'd surprise me
with stuff,
55
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:07,791
and I'd brag about it
to my friends.
56
00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:09,333
Do you still feel that spark?
57
00:02:09,416 --> 00:02:11,875
I mean, yes, no.
58
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Uh, what's the right answer?
59
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:17,416
♪♪
60
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,708
Ugh, another sexy night
61
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:22,041
making all of Candice's
lunches for the week.
62
00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:24,333
This mayo is getting
more action than I am.
63
00:02:24,416 --> 00:02:27,791
[ Buzzing ]
Open your closet for a surprise?
64
00:02:29,708 --> 00:02:30,916
Ah!
Oh, sorry.
65
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,625
I was trying to be sexy,
but I have no game.
66
00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:35,916
The surprise is, we're reliving
our first date tonight!
67
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,875
[ Gasps ]
Our first date, really?
68
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,750
And that's why I think
Best Picture might go to
69
00:02:39,833 --> 00:02:41,666
"Mr. Magorium's
Wonder Emporium."
70
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:45,041
Rar!
Ah! Mmm, mmm, mmm.
71
00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:47,250
I know things have gotten
a little stale lately, so let's
72
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:51,250
kick it old-school, back to
when things were the spiciest.
73
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I love this idea!
74
00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:56,291
Hi, I'm meeting someone.
75
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:59,458
Reservation under Ron, maybe
Ronald 'cause he's classy.
76
00:02:59,541 --> 00:03:02,083
Yes, party of three.
Right this way.
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00:03:02,166 --> 00:03:04,375
Three?
Bridgette!
78
00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:08,083
Ron... Oh, wait.
What?
79
00:03:08,166 --> 00:03:09,750
Hi, I'm Joy!
80
00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:12,416
Is this -- Is this
a Halloween costume or...
81
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,291
I've heard so much about you,
82
00:03:14,375 --> 00:03:16,083
but not because
I've been eavesdropping.
83
00:03:16,166 --> 00:03:17,250
That'd be creepy.
84
00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:20,250
It's because
we're sewn together.
85
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,750
No!
I know.
86
00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:25,083
We were young, dumb,
and matching tattoos
87
00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:27,250
weren't strong enough
to express our love.
88
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:30,208
But you're broken up?
Very.
89
00:03:30,291 --> 00:03:32,458
We're actually getting
unconjoined next month,
90
00:03:32,541 --> 00:03:34,750
but I couldn't wait
any longer to see you.
91
00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:37,166
Look, I understand
if you want to bail,
92
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:41,291
but after our very
long conversations over text,
93
00:03:41,375 --> 00:03:42,458
I don't know.
94
00:03:42,541 --> 00:03:44,541
I feel connected to you.
95
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:47,041
Eh, and you did look past
some of my baggage.
96
00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:49,166
Come on.
Give it a chance.
97
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:50,750
I'll put a tablecloth over her.
98
00:03:50,833 --> 00:03:53,416
I'm just gonna run
to the bathroom for a minute.
99
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,583
I'll be right back.
100
00:03:56,666 --> 00:03:59,875
I'm a great wingman, wingman,
wingman...
101
00:03:59,958 --> 00:04:01,541
Five!
102
00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:04,958
Five!
Five!
103
00:04:05,041 --> 00:04:06,416
Five!
104
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:07,791
You're missing a great show.
105
00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:10,291
He is busting out all the hits!
106
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,708
Did you really mean it when
you said you'd be my wingman?
107
00:04:12,791 --> 00:04:13,916
Uh, no doy.
108
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,333
I used to wing for Josh
in high school.
109
00:04:15,416 --> 00:04:16,541
I was amazing at it.
110
00:04:16,625 --> 00:04:17,833
Funny story, actually...
111
00:04:17,916 --> 00:04:19,500
[ Laughs ]
Funny story. Okay.
112
00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:21,583
I'm texting you the address.
113
00:04:21,666 --> 00:04:23,708
It is a funny story, though.
114
00:04:23,791 --> 00:04:25,833
Josh ends up turding
in the pool.
115
00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:28,541
And that's how I climbed
Machu Picchu.
116
00:04:28,625 --> 00:04:32,708
Wow.
I can barely say Micha Picca.
117
00:04:32,791 --> 00:04:34,166
Remember when we got to the top?
118
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:36,750
We 69ed so hard we passed out.
119
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:39,833
God, your laugh
makes our knees weak.
120
00:04:39,916 --> 00:04:41,208
Get over here!
121
00:04:41,291 --> 00:04:43,500
Bridgette?
122
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:46,125
What are you doing here?
123
00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:47,166
Oh, my gosh.
124
00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:48,500
Ron, Joy,
125
00:04:48,583 --> 00:04:51,833
this is Alex, my ex.
126
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:53,375
Hi, I'm Joy.
Alex!
127
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:55,291
What am I looking at?
Oh, that?
128
00:04:55,375 --> 00:04:57,500
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No big deal, Alex.
129
00:04:57,583 --> 00:04:58,875
They got conjoined
when they were together,
130
00:04:58,958 --> 00:05:01,208
but now they are super apart.
No!
131
00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:04,291
I mean, why are you hiding that
beautiful hair
132
00:05:04,375 --> 00:05:05,958
under a tablecloth?
133
00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:07,458
Oh, I like this one.
134
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,708
May I?
Sure, as long as
135
00:05:09,791 --> 00:05:13,541
you don't mind
our connection over here.
136
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,208
Woman: And initial here.
137
00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:19,041
And initial here acknowledging
that you will shit your pants.
138
00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:22,666
Perfect.
Have fun... in Hell!
139
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:25,208
[ Cackling ]
140
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:26,583
Josh.
Emily.
141
00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:28,500
Josh!
I'm right here, okay?
142
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,708
Don't be scared. See?
We're okay.
143
00:05:30,791 --> 00:05:32,666
No phones allowed!
144
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,291
Ah!
Not sexy, not sexy!
145
00:05:35,375 --> 00:05:37,958
[ Creaking ]
[ Both screaming ]
146
00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:41,291
Ah!
147
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,708
Okay.
I'm done.
148
00:05:42,791 --> 00:05:44,291
No spark is worth this.
149
00:05:44,375 --> 00:05:47,041
I guess I can get a refund
on that sex pillow.
150
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,500
What the hell?
151
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:53,375
Emily! Emily!
152
00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:56,250
Mmm, your hands are so soft.
153
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:57,916
Thank you!
154
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:03,250
Almost as soft as the llama
I met hiking Machu Picchu.
155
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:06,291
Again, I'm not so into hiking.
156
00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:09,291
I feel like
it's just hard walking.
157
00:06:09,375 --> 00:06:12,250
Okay.
Your favorite Viking erotica?
158
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:14,083
Both:
"The Glistening Scabbard."
159
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,291
Yes!
Yes!
160
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,250
You know what?
Dinner's on me.
161
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:20,458
Emily!
162
00:06:20,541 --> 00:06:21,500
Huh?
163
00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:23,125
Josh?
164
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:24,833
Anybody?
165
00:06:24,916 --> 00:06:26,333
[ Snarling ]
166
00:06:26,416 --> 00:06:28,208
[ Bones cracking ]
167
00:06:28,291 --> 00:06:31,750
[ Roaring ]
168
00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:33,708
Ah!
169
00:06:33,791 --> 00:06:35,791
[ Josh and Emily screaming ]
170
00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:38,208
[ Creature roaring ]
171
00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,833
Is that its neck
or its butthole?
172
00:06:40,916 --> 00:06:42,625
It's both!
173
00:06:42,708 --> 00:06:52,250
♪♪
174
00:06:52,333 --> 00:06:53,625
[ Echoing ]
Josh?
175
00:06:53,708 --> 00:06:56,458
[ Racing footsteps ]
176
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,166
You'll never find the right me.
177
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:02,875
Never! Never!
Ah!
178
00:07:02,958 --> 00:07:04,500
Woo!
179
00:07:04,583 --> 00:07:07,458
Ooh, yeah. Woo!
180
00:07:07,541 --> 00:07:08,458
Woo!
181
00:07:08,541 --> 00:07:10,083
You never took me dancing.
182
00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:11,750
I guess I just needed
a little Joy
183
00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:16,583
in my life
to unlock the real me.
184
00:07:16,666 --> 00:07:19,833
Ooh, yeah!
Woo!
185
00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:21,291
I'm so sorry.
186
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:24,541
Nature calls, and I'm not
talking about Machu Picchu.
187
00:07:24,625 --> 00:07:26,833
[ Laughs ]
That'd be a first.
188
00:07:26,916 --> 00:07:29,333
Don't go anywhere,
my little birdie.
189
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,833
Feed me from your mouth
to my mouth.
190
00:07:31,916 --> 00:07:33,083
Chirp-a, chirp-a, chirp!
191
00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:34,875
Okay.
Your wingman job is done.
192
00:07:34,958 --> 00:07:36,666
We can go.
What? Why?
193
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:38,666
Because my date is sewn
to his ex
194
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,000
and won't stop
bragging about Macho Pecho.
195
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:44,208
Well, it sounds like he and Joy
had a transformative experience.
196
00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:45,916
If you like Joy so much,
197
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,125
why don't you just conjoin
with her?
198
00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:51,958
Yes, why don't I?
199
00:07:52,041 --> 00:07:56,208
[ Soft music playing ]
200
00:07:56,291 --> 00:07:59,750
Aw, this one looks nice.
201
00:07:59,833 --> 00:08:02,458
Oh, this one will really show
we're in love.
202
00:08:02,541 --> 00:08:03,958
[ Both laugh ]
203
00:08:04,041 --> 00:08:06,000
I can't believe you're letting
him conjoin with you guys.
204
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:07,708
He barely knows
the "Friends" theme song.
205
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:10,541
If she wants to sit middle seat
in this flight called life,
206
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,625
then so be it.
207
00:08:12,708 --> 00:08:15,750
Ooh, somebody is full.
208
00:08:15,833 --> 00:08:17,541
Kiss me!
209
00:08:17,625 --> 00:08:20,083
Mmm, more tongue, yeah.
210
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:24,000
Mmm, just look
at this tum-tum.
211
00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:26,000
Now, let's do other sex stuff.
212
00:08:26,083 --> 00:08:29,416
When Joy and I used to have sex,
we'd call it the panini press,
213
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:32,416
but we'd have to be
conjoined to do that.
214
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:34,750
That's it!
We're conjoining too!
215
00:08:34,833 --> 00:08:36,166
What's that now?
I'm sorry?
216
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,750
Josh!
217
00:08:38,833 --> 00:08:40,458
Emily!
218
00:08:40,541 --> 00:08:43,250
Give up now. It was better
in the past anyway.
219
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:44,458
I'm not giving up!
220
00:08:44,541 --> 00:08:46,916
And now Candice will be
an orphan,
221
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,500
all because you lost your spark.
222
00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:51,000
An orphan, what?
223
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:53,083
Don't you get it?
224
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:56,125
You died in the haunted house.
225
00:08:56,208 --> 00:08:58,000
-We're...
-...dead?
226
00:08:59,791 --> 00:09:01,083
We can't be dead.
No way!
227
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,375
It's true.
228
00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:06,166
Remember that tree
in the graveyard?
229
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:08,750
[ Zipping ]
230
00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,875
No! It's not true!
231
00:09:10,958 --> 00:09:12,250
Emily!
Josh!
232
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:14,791
Don't move.
I'll be right there.
233
00:09:14,875 --> 00:09:17,750
Josh!
234
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:19,791
Ah!
235
00:09:19,875 --> 00:09:21,291
Gah!
236
00:09:21,375 --> 00:09:22,666
Unh!
237
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,791
Yah!
238
00:09:24,875 --> 00:09:26,208
[ Glass breaking ]
239
00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:30,791
When that demon was chasing me,
240
00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:32,791
all I could think about was
that I'd never see you again.
241
00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:35,041
I thought I'd never see you
again either.
242
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,291
I'm sorry we're dead.
243
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:38,125
I just wanted to reconnect
with you.
244
00:09:38,208 --> 00:09:39,666
Me too.
245
00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:42,208
I may be physically dead,
but you know what's not dead?
246
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,375
Oh, I know.
247
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:47,583
♪♪
248
00:09:47,666 --> 00:09:49,666
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
249
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,791
[ Lights clunking on ]
250
00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:54,166
You can stop making out now.
251
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,666
You're not really dead,
and we've got to bring
252
00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:59,208
in another couple
to psychologically torture.
253
00:09:59,291 --> 00:10:01,000
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
254
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:03,500
Hello?
Please!
255
00:10:03,583 --> 00:10:05,333
Ugh.
256
00:10:05,416 --> 00:10:08,500
Oh, my-God-isn't-real,
you're jealous.
257
00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:10,666
Wha...?
What, of who?
258
00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:13,333
Oh, you can't stand to see me
finally over you.
259
00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:14,708
Just say it.
Never!
260
00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:16,458
Come on, Ron.
We're getting sewn together.
261
00:10:16,541 --> 00:10:18,666
Not if we do it first!
262
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:21,125
[ Groaning, grunting ]
263
00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:23,208
Stop!
264
00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:25,625
Bridgette, I can't attach myself
to someone
265
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,166
who's clearly not detached
from their ex.
266
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:29,291
I'm not detached?
267
00:10:29,375 --> 00:10:31,333
You're literally sewn
to your ex.
268
00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:33,666
But we can cut ourselves apart.
269
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:35,416
You can't cut apart feelings.
270
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,458
Oh, great, now you say
something interesting.
271
00:10:37,541 --> 00:10:39,500
Alex, what we have
is nice, but...
272
00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:41,583
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Come on. Come on. What?
273
00:10:41,666 --> 00:10:44,291
It's not like I've already
written a part of my memoir
274
00:10:44,375 --> 00:10:47,041
where I described her teeth
or anything.
275
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:49,291
You know what my teeth
look like?
276
00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:50,583
Of course I do.
277
00:10:50,666 --> 00:10:52,875
They're all the pieces
that make up your smile.
278
00:10:52,958 --> 00:10:54,791
Mmm, aww.
279
00:10:56,208 --> 00:10:59,250
Oh, I want that.
Yeah...
280
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:01,500
And I want
to masturbate alone.
281
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:04,333
[ Both grunting ]
282
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:10,250
♪♪
283
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:11,583
[ Bats screeching ]
[ Screams ]
284
00:11:11,666 --> 00:11:12,541
[ Grunts ]
285
00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:13,458
Wha--
286
00:11:13,541 --> 00:11:15,583
[ Grunting ]
287
00:11:15,666 --> 00:11:17,875
Oowie.
288
00:11:17,958 --> 00:11:24,250
♪♪
289
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,541
Jackpot!
290
00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:27,708
[ Grunting ]
291
00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,458
[ Growling ]
292
00:11:29,541 --> 00:11:31,583
Professor,
a little help!
293
00:11:31,666 --> 00:11:34,583
Uh, yeah, just hang on.
I gotta take this call.
294
00:11:34,666 --> 00:11:35,791
What?!
295
00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:38,750
♪♪
296
00:11:38,833 --> 00:11:40,416
[ Grunts ]
297
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,500
[ Growls ]
298
00:11:41,583 --> 00:11:44,458
Should have stayed dead,
moldy bitch!
299
00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:45,583
♪♪
300
00:11:45,666 --> 00:11:46,916
Professor!
301
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,041
I'm sorry.
Can you say that one more time?
302
00:11:50,916 --> 00:11:51,916
[ Roars ]
303
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,625
[ Screams ]
304
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:59,791
Thanks a lot, Mom.
You set off all the booby traps.
305
00:11:59,875 --> 00:12:03,000
Yes, Mr. Salt, I'll e-mail
the project managers right now.
306
00:12:03,083 --> 00:12:04,458
Time for bed!
307
00:12:04,541 --> 00:12:07,291
My mom won't play
board games with me, either.
308
00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:13,750
♪♪
309
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:20,083
♪♪
310
00:12:20,166 --> 00:12:21,791
[ Singsong voice ] Mom!
311
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,416
We never finished
Grave Rollers from last night.
312
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,833
You know I love Grave Rollers,
but I have to go to work.
313
00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:30,458
Ugh! You're missing a lot
of stuff 'cause of work.
314
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,000
Candice is right.
315
00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:33,750
You have kind of been
being a doormat for Mr. Salt.
316
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,666
Maybe I do say yes a lot,
but I can't lose my job.
317
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:39,041
It gets us important stuff,
like health insurance.
318
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,000
My job gets us
important stuff, too.
319
00:12:41,083 --> 00:12:42,333
[ Both laughing ]
320
00:12:42,416 --> 00:12:45,583
More like 20% off Ethernet
cables that no one uses.
321
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:46,833
Ah.
322
00:12:46,916 --> 00:12:49,166
Look, I know I've been
super busy with work lately,
323
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:50,541
so I came up with a plan.
324
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:52,416
You know how Food Corps
has a P.R. nightmare
325
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,708
every couple weeks?
326
00:12:53,791 --> 00:12:56,166
Mr. Salt:
"Condom Found in Woman's Can"?
327
00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:59,333
What, are we supposed
to inspect every can now?
328
00:12:59,416 --> 00:13:03,166
Okay, we need a crazy publicity
stunt to distract everyone.
329
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:06,083
Go!
We could sponsor a garden
at my daughter's school.
330
00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:07,666
Wait, wait.
I have an idea.
331
00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:11,166
What if we sponsor a garden at
my assistant's kid's school?
332
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:13,750
So you're coming to my school
today to garden with us?
333
00:13:13,833 --> 00:13:15,333
-Yep!
-Yay!
334
00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:17,041
I could come help
with the garden, too.
335
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:18,791
No, no, I don't want
to interrupt your day.
336
00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:20,666
You're on call,
and that's important.
337
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:23,625
Ready for a day
of skipping rocks, bro?
338
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:28,541
Welcome, everyone.
339
00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:30,375
Our little garden
is turning into
340
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:33,875
a big Food Corps
community garden project,
341
00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:36,708
all thanks to Candice's mom.
342
00:13:36,791 --> 00:13:38,583
Jerry Plembladd,
L.A. Weekly.
343
00:13:38,666 --> 00:13:39,791
Is this community event
344
00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:41,875
merely an attempt
to divert attention away
345
00:13:41,958 --> 00:13:43,625
from the used condom
that was found --
346
00:13:43,708 --> 00:13:46,041
Okay, it was not used.
It's not just the garden.
347
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,833
We're gonna have
a fancy celebration dinner,
348
00:13:48,916 --> 00:13:50,333
and you're all invited.
349
00:13:50,416 --> 00:13:54,583
And it's all gonna happen
tonight, right, Emily?
350
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:57,541
Yes, Mr. Salt.
351
00:13:58,375 --> 00:14:02,125
[ Recorders playing ]
You won't find any condoms here.
352
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,500
[ School bell rings ]
353
00:14:03,583 --> 00:14:06,416
Okay, class.
Line up for Yoga Snack Time.
354
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:08,583
Wait, I thought the children
would help me garden.
355
00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:11,750
And the whole point was to spend
more time with Can-- them.
356
00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:15,416
Oh, honey, the school doesn't
have the legal team for that.
357
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:18,916
Instead, we nurture
their inner emotional garden.
358
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,333
Okay, Mommy's going to work
on the garden for your class,
359
00:14:21,416 --> 00:14:25,416
but later, it's just you, me,
and Grave Rollers!
360
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:29,416
Hmm. I'm not holding my breath,
which is really fun to do.
361
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,791
♪♪
362
00:14:33,041 --> 00:14:34,833
Huh! Waahh!
363
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,583
Your rock-throwing
seems off today.
364
00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:38,666
You okay, bro?
365
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,083
Do you think I'm useless,
Randy?
366
00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:41,833
Emily's job gets us
health insurance and stuff,
367
00:14:41,916 --> 00:14:43,500
and mine doesn't
get us anything.
368
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,666
You gotta think of yourself
like a rock.
369
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:48,625
You spend most of your life
not doing much.
370
00:14:48,708 --> 00:14:50,166
But when you do...
371
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,708
...it's beautiful.
372
00:14:56,791 --> 00:14:58,875
[ Birds screech ]
373
00:14:58,958 --> 00:15:01,125
[ Grunting ]
374
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:03,333
♪♪
375
00:15:03,416 --> 00:15:05,916
Oh, man!
376
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,916
Why did I fill this
with assorted nuts?
377
00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:12,833
Snailathan Gold: Don't stop now.
You were doing such a good job.
378
00:15:12,916 --> 00:15:14,250
Huh? [ Gasps ]
379
00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:16,250
[ Slurping ]
380
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:19,416
Aah!
Creepy giant snail!
381
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,583
Sorry.
Didn't mean to startle you.
382
00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:24,000
I just make that noise sometimes
when I'm hungry.
383
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:25,791
Yeah, well,
don't get your hopes up.
384
00:15:25,875 --> 00:15:27,666
There's no way
I can finish this garden.
385
00:15:27,750 --> 00:15:29,208
Perhaps I can be
of service.
386
00:15:29,291 --> 00:15:32,083
You need more time,
and I've got a magic hat.
387
00:15:32,166 --> 00:15:33,666
What is that,
an expression?
388
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,875
No, no, I've literally got
a magic hat
389
00:15:35,958 --> 00:15:37,291
that can slow down time.
390
00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:38,833
What if I
made you a deal?
391
00:15:38,916 --> 00:15:41,000
I'll let you use the hat
to work the garden,
392
00:15:41,083 --> 00:15:43,791
and in return,
you give me a free pass to...
393
00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:46,291
nibble on the vegetation.
394
00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:48,291
[ Sneezes ]
Okay.
395
00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:51,875
Go ahead, try using it
on the garden.
396
00:15:52,916 --> 00:15:58,041
♪♪
397
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:02,708
♪♪
398
00:16:02,791 --> 00:16:06,208
Wow!
What a time saver!
399
00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:07,666
[ Cellphone rings ]
400
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:08,833
Hello, Mr. Salt.
401
00:16:08,916 --> 00:16:10,333
Mr. Salt:
Emily, I need you
402
00:16:10,416 --> 00:16:12,250
to pick up the mini tuxes
from the rental place
403
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:15,375
and have them
on my desk ASAP.
Mini tuxes?
404
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:17,250
Mr. Salt,
the dinner's in an hour.
405
00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:19,916
I know. That's why
when you're done with that,
406
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,875
you can stop by
Javier's Dance Studio
407
00:16:21,958 --> 00:16:24,500
to learn the choreography
to teach the children.
408
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,791
Ooh, the press is gonna
eat this up.
409
00:16:26,875 --> 00:16:29,375
Okay. I'll handle it.
410
00:16:29,458 --> 00:16:30,708
Knock, knock!
411
00:16:30,791 --> 00:16:32,916
On my way home,
I passed the Domingo's truck,
412
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,291
and I brought you
some carnitas tacos.
413
00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:39,000
[ Sniffs ] Oh, the aroma alone
conveys the sensation
414
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:42,000
of slithering down
the streets of Cuernavaca,
415
00:16:42,083 --> 00:16:43,750
and I've not even
been there.
416
00:16:43,833 --> 00:16:48,083
♪♪
417
00:16:48,166 --> 00:16:50,625
So, anyway,
some work stuff came up,
418
00:16:50,708 --> 00:16:52,541
and I was wondering if I
could borrow that hat again?
419
00:16:52,625 --> 00:16:55,416
Unfortunately, the hat's
only for the garden.
420
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:56,958
Come on.
No!
421
00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,291
It's not my fault
you put too many ingredients
422
00:16:59,375 --> 00:17:00,750
in your parenting paella.
423
00:17:00,833 --> 00:17:03,166
[ Gasps ] What's that
supposed to mean?!
424
00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:04,583
It means
you're a shit parent.
425
00:17:04,666 --> 00:17:05,833
Now, if you'll excuse me,
426
00:17:05,916 --> 00:17:08,416
it's time for a little
post-taco siesta.
427
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:10,208
[ Yawns ]
428
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:15,208
Don't tell me
how to be a working mom.
429
00:17:15,291 --> 00:17:17,666
♪ I've got too much ♪
430
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:19,500
♪ Time on my hands ♪
431
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:22,541
♪ It's hard to believe
such a calamity ♪
432
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:25,083
♪ I've got too much ♪
433
00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:26,916
♪ Time on my hands ♪
434
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,041
♪ And it's ticking away ♪
435
00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:31,666
♪ Ticking away from me ♪
436
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,250
Mr. Salt: Wow.
I gotta hand it to you, Ramirez.
437
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:36,875
You really took care
of everything.
438
00:17:36,958 --> 00:17:38,416
Thanks, Mr. Salt.
439
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,875
It was nothing.
440
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,083
Oh, don't be modest.
441
00:17:41,166 --> 00:17:42,791
I can tell that
it was really stressful,
442
00:17:42,875 --> 00:17:45,333
judging by those
massive crow's feet.
443
00:17:45,416 --> 00:17:48,041
Crow's feet? I didn't have
these this morning.
444
00:17:48,125 --> 00:17:52,125
Don't be embarrassed.
Let them ca-caw loud and proud!
445
00:17:52,208 --> 00:17:56,458
♪♪
446
00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:57,458
Uh...
447
00:17:57,541 --> 00:17:59,416
[ Slurping ]
[ Gasps ]
448
00:18:01,208 --> 00:18:02,291
Aah!
449
00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:08,000
♪♪
450
00:18:08,083 --> 00:18:09,500
[ Gasps ]
451
00:18:09,583 --> 00:18:12,000
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Huh?
452
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:13,791
[ Candice screams ]
453
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,583
Candice!
Are you okay?
454
00:18:15,666 --> 00:18:16,666
He scared me.
455
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:18,083
Well, well, well.
456
00:18:18,166 --> 00:18:20,333
Looks like someone
couldn't get enough of the hat.
457
00:18:20,416 --> 00:18:24,333
And look at you, aging rapidly
with every disgusting tip of it.
458
00:18:24,416 --> 00:18:25,333
[ Gasps ]
459
00:18:25,416 --> 00:18:27,291
I warned you
of the consequences,
460
00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:29,833
and yet you still chose
to break our deal.
461
00:18:29,916 --> 00:18:32,625
Consequences? You didn't say
anything about that.
462
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:35,458
Perhaps I was talking
too fast for you.
463
00:18:35,541 --> 00:18:37,500
I'll let you use the hat
to work the garden,
464
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:40,541
and in return,
you give me a free pass to...
465
00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:42,541
nibble on the vegetation.
466
00:18:42,625 --> 00:18:43,750
[ Sneezes ]
467
00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,208
Any use of the hat
outside the garden
468
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,541
will result in rapid aging,
469
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,666
acquisition of child,
and may cause anal leakage.
470
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:50,375
I, myself,
can vouch for that.
471
00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:52,166
I would have never
agreed to that.
472
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:54,083
-But you already did!
-Aah!
473
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,875
-[ Gasps ]
-Mommy!
474
00:18:55,958 --> 00:18:58,541
-[ Gasps ]
-What's happening?!
475
00:18:58,625 --> 00:19:00,208
Mommy's too busy
to care now.
476
00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:01,708
But we're going to have
some fun together.
477
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:04,208
Maybe go see a movie,
maybe play some board games,
478
00:19:04,291 --> 00:19:07,708
or use these chubby little legs
of yours to run to Chinatown
479
00:19:07,791 --> 00:19:11,708
so I can finally savor
some pork dumplings!
480
00:19:11,791 --> 00:19:15,208
Run for me,
my tiny beauty!
481
00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:17,458
-Run!
-No!
482
00:19:17,541 --> 00:19:19,375
I can't feel my body!
483
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:20,875
[ Panting ]
484
00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:24,666
I got you.
[ Gasps ]
485
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,125
[ Cellphone rings ]
486
00:19:30,208 --> 00:19:31,333
[ Gasps ]
A call.
487
00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:32,750
Josh, I know
this sounds crazy,
488
00:19:32,833 --> 00:19:34,416
but I used a magic hat
way too many times,
489
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:35,791
and I'm in way over my head
at the dinner,
490
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,875
and I need your help.
491
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,958
I'll be right there!
492
00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:40,833
Now be the rock, Josh!
493
00:19:40,916 --> 00:19:44,500
Be the rock that your family
can depend on!
494
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:50,583
Let's see how you fight when
you're an insecure teenager!
495
00:19:50,666 --> 00:19:53,250
Aah! My T-zone!
496
00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:55,000
Ooh!
497
00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:56,458
Huh?
498
00:19:56,541 --> 00:19:58,083
Oh! Candice!
499
00:19:58,166 --> 00:20:04,958
♪♪
500
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:06,416
-[ Groans ]
-Mommy!
501
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:07,916
[ Voice deepening ]
Get this asshole!
502
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,916
Oh. They grow up so fast,
don't they?
503
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,375
No!
504
00:20:16,541 --> 00:20:18,541
It's too late for you!
Bah!
505
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:19,958
Never!
506
00:20:20,041 --> 00:20:22,583
♪♪
507
00:20:22,666 --> 00:20:25,375
[ Both screaming ]
508
00:20:29,416 --> 00:20:30,583
Oh.
509
00:20:30,666 --> 00:20:31,666
[ Grunting ]
510
00:20:31,750 --> 00:20:33,791
Emily!
What the hell?!
511
00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:35,458
Josh, help!
512
00:20:35,541 --> 00:20:37,916
Uh, uh...
513
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,750
[ Both grunting ]
514
00:20:39,833 --> 00:20:47,291
♪♪
515
00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:50,541
Be the rock-ock-ock.
516
00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,666
Sorry, I'm not great at echoes.
517
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,041
Hyah!
518
00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:58,541
♪♪
519
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:01,583
[ Grunting ]
520
00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:05,166
[ Coughing ]
521
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:06,750
[ Chuckles ]
Don't you see?
522
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,208
You need me to keep
all this going.
523
00:21:09,291 --> 00:21:10,666
Oh, yeah?
524
00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:13,333
Escargot to hell.
525
00:21:13,416 --> 00:21:14,500
Yah!
526
00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:18,125
Aah!
527
00:21:18,208 --> 00:21:21,000
-Are you okay?
-[ Coughs ]
528
00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:22,458
[ Hoarsely ] No.
529
00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:25,125
[ Engine starts, revs ]
530
00:21:25,208 --> 00:21:28,000
Mediocre table service,
giant snail fight,
531
00:21:28,083 --> 00:21:30,500
and a wormhole
to another dimension?!
532
00:21:30,583 --> 00:21:33,416
Now that is how you
distract everyone
533
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,333
from a condom
in a can of lima beans.
534
00:21:36,416 --> 00:21:37,958
Great work, Emily.
535
00:21:38,041 --> 00:21:39,916
And, by the way,
I'm gonna need you to come in
536
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,291
at 6:00 tomorrow, Emily.
537
00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:44,583
The children's tuxedos
won't return themselves.
538
00:21:44,666 --> 00:21:46,291
Yes, Mr. Salt.
539
00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:50,666
Actually, no.
I can't be in that early.
540
00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:53,541
I'm gonna play Grave Rollers
with my child.
541
00:21:53,625 --> 00:21:55,583
Oh. Okay.
542
00:21:55,666 --> 00:21:58,708
Just come in at 6:45.
543
00:21:58,791 --> 00:21:59,958
All: Nice!
544
00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:01,666
[ Laughter ]
545
00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:11,666
♪♪
546
00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:21,666
♪♪
547
00:22:21,750 --> 00:22:31,625
♪♪
548
00:22:31,708 --> 00:22:41,583
♪♪
549
00:22:41,666 --> 00:22:51,583
♪♪
550
00:22:51,666 --> 00:22:53,875
[ Both grunting ]