This next song
is about all the ways...
men rock!
♪♪
♪ You let me
handle the chores ♪
♪ Your ponytail
looks like Thor's ♪
♪ You're not held back
by emotion ♪
♪ You deserve a promotion ♪
♪ Men rock! ♪
♪ Love how you mansplain
when I try to talk ♪
[ Cheering ]
♪ You got so much style ♪
♪ When you tell us
we need to smile ♪
♪ Or that we shouldn't
drive or vote ♪
♪ Because we don't
have a scrote! ♪
When we say "men,"
you say "rock"!
Men!
Bridgette,
you're so hot!
[ Sighs ]
At least we have Ron.
♪♪
♪♪♪
[ Groans ]
That was so embarrassing.
C'mon,
we had four people there!
Last month was two.
Our fanbase doubled.
I'm just saying, maybe there's
something more worthwhile
we could do the third Wednesday
of every month.
Do you not believe
in us anymore?
I don't think we're ever
going to be successful.
[ Gasps ]
Guys, you're never gonna believe
what I saw online!
Wait.
We're...popular?
I can't read
any of the comments.
♪ ...back by emotion ♪
♪ You deserve a promotion ♪
[ Cromanian accent ]
Emily and Bridgette!
I'm Mirek.
Minister of arts for
splendid nation of Cromania.
And huuuge big fan
of your bops!
Every song so good!
Is my pleasure to invite
amazing music stars
to visit our country.
You will fly on private jet,
is so sick,
and perform for brave,
strong President Agoustan!
Anyway, hit me ups!
[ Squeals ]
This is so cool!
Don't you think
this seems sketchy?
A stranger from the Internet
offering to fly us
Somewhere On a private jet?
I get five of those
in my DMs every day.
C'mon, Emily.
This is our shot.
Please, please,
please, please.
Fine. But if we get murdered,
I'm quitting the band.
♪♪
[ Cheering ]
Are they...
fans of this plane?
They're here for you!
Crowd: Em-i-ly!
Bri-duh-jit!
Em-i-ly!
Bri-duh-jit!
Ahhh.
This feels right.
Bridgette and Emily.
It's me, Mirek!
From Cool Video?
Kiss on cheek, kiss on cheek,
best friends.
Welcome to Cromania.
Very fun, very safe.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Don't worry,
they're loaded.
Come, we have
full schedule of events.
Then you meet
President Agoustan.
Wonderful man, perfect penis,
let's ride in sweet limo!
-Ooooh.
-Aaah.
-Wow.
-Okaaaay.
Welcome to Presidential
Palace.
Sooo many tax dollars.
You sleep here in finest suite,
no one even watch.
Sketchy.
No, he said
they don't watch.
[ Groans ]
Is there a bathroom in here?
Beautiful bathrooms,
no one watching.
But way on other side
of palace.
You make later.
-I gotta make now.
-You guys go.
I'll hang back with Candice
and we'll catch up.
We go now.
Have a good shit!
♪♪
Do you really
need to pee?
Or are you just anxious
about mom becoming a celebrity
because it makes you feel
like less of a man?
What?
[ Guitars playing ]
♪ So you were in a public
bathroom without any shoes ♪
♪ Then you played basketball
against green kangaroos ♪
♪ You showed up late
for class ♪
♪ You couldn't
find your nose ♪
♪ You had a chat
with Jose Canseco ♪
♪ About UFOs ♪
♪ Don't tell me
about your stupid dreams ♪
♪ Don't tell me
about your stupid dreams ♪
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you so much.
What an honor
to meet beautiful Emily!
Oh!
Thank you!
And Bridgette,
the funny one.
Wait, what?
I'm the hot one.
Ha ha!
Classic Bridgette!
What is happening?
Emily, you are such role model
for women of Cromania.
Right, Svetmoosha?
Permission to agree?
Oh, my gosh.
You guys are such sweeties.
Okay, Em, you were right,
this is sketchy.
It's fine.
They love us, they get us,
they're giving us fish.
[ Shudders ]
Thank you?
No, to sign. [ Laughs ]
Come on, Bridgette.
It's her first fish.
I mean, obviously we
want mom to succeed,
but it's normal if her success
makes you feel inadequate.
Dad!
Bathroom!
I'm at defcon pee.
You're right.
Let's focus
on what's important,
not on the idea
that we'll lose her forever.
[ Gasps ]
Okay, they'll know
where the bathroom is.
♪♪
[ Chuckles ]
This looks promising.
Almost time
for big concert.
I am legit freaking out!
But first we go
to Croval office
to meet indestructible
leader Agoustan,
powerful hairline,
breath like Jasmine.
Emily, I have a very bad
feeling about this country.
Something's going on here.
Yeah.
Something is going on here --
you're jealous.
You can't handle that
I'm the hot one.
That is absolutely
part of it!
But not all of it.
[ Gasps ]
♪♪
Absolute Unit Agoustan,
it is my pleasure to present
Emily and Bridgette.
Ah, welcome to
my glorious homeland.
Oh. Okay, okay.
[ Sniffs deeply ]
[ Both grunting ]
Entire nation awaits
your performance.
We broadcast live
on every channel.
All two!
Your music so inspirational.
See, Bridgette?
We're inspirational.
Mirek will project patriotic
slideshow behind performance.
♪♪
♪ You let me handle
the chores ♪
♪ Your ponytail
looks like Thor's ♪
[ Laughs ]
If Emily's
like Katy Perry,
then I guess
I'm like Orlando bloom.
Oh, yes, yes, yes!
Candice, wait!
[ Moans ]
[ Screams ]
Oh, were you guys
in line?
♪ Or that we shouldn't
drive or vote ♪
♪ Because we don't have
a scrote ♪
We base whole society
on your music.
Your song "Stupid Dreams"
teach population
to stop dreaming
of better life.
Sketchy yet?
We are way beyond sketchy.
And what's going on here?
Emily is most perfect
role model.
She has child,
dresses conservatively,
and hides hair
under modest wig.
[ Gasps ]
Em, did you hear that?
About the wig?
How your hair looks fake?
Okay,
we should get out of here.
Showtime!
Ready to impose your catchy bops
on subservient masses?
Ooooh, so sorry, but I think
we gotta postpone.
I'm feeling
a little [coughs] raspy?
And I've got diarrhea!
That sounds serious.
But show must go on.
[ Guns cock ]
Do you really
have diarrhea?
Because I have something
for it in my bag.
[ Cheers and applause ]
We can't do this.
If we perform, we'll reinforce
their evil system.
I'm sorry I got carried away
by the fame and hotness
and didn't notice
the oppression and misogyny.
People of Cromania, and women!
Amazing music stars
Emily and Bridgette
will perform national anthem,
"Men Rock"!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ You let me handle
the chores ♪
♪ Your ponytail
looks like Thor's ♪
[ Sighs ]
We can't keep singing this.
♪♪
Then let's sing
something else.
♪ But here's the real message
that we have for you ♪
♪ Women can do anything
that men can do ♪
[ Groans ]
♪ Don't be silent ♪
♪ Use your voice ♪
♪ You can stay at home ♪
♪ But it should be
your choice ♪
♪ Women rock! ♪
♪ They're so awesome! ♪
♪ Girls who code! ♪
♪ Beyoncé! Blossom! ♪
♪ Women rock! ♪
♪ When we say "women,"
you say "rock"! ♪
♪ Women! ♪
♪ Rock! ♪
♪ Women! ♪
Seize them!
♪♪
Emily!
We gotta get out of here!
This country hates women!
We noticed.
[ Guns cock ]
♪♪
We found these women
in an underground jail.
They were arrested
for not laughing
at their
husbands's jokes!
♪♪
[ Both gasps, guns cock ]
Mirek, don't!
[ Gunshot ]
Guys, your new song!
Incredible.
Women doing men things?
Having choices?
Poof!
I had no idea.
Come,
I fly you out of country.
Thank you, Mirek.
There's that smile!
You should smile more,
it's so pretty.
You were so close.
♪ So we made it to the plane ♪
♪ And escaped
the Cromanian leader ♪
♪ All the women
are now in charge ♪
♪ But they're not
that great either ♪
♪ They murdered all the men ♪
♪ We think they overdid it ♪
♪ But after all
they went through ♪
♪ I guess we kinda get it ♪
[ Light applause ]
Bridgette,
you're still hot!
In my country,
Bridgette is a 3.
Narrator: Well, looks like them
ol' Santa Ana winds
are blowin' once again.
Ahhhhh!
They sure do bluster.
♪♪
But sometimes,
when troubles got ya down,
them winds can stir up
exactly what you need.
Now, maybe you didn't
grow up a horse girl.
But I did.
And it taught me something.
Not something you'd learn
at a four year college.
It's more of a life lesson
type deal.
If you got troubles...
ain't nothing can fix 'em
like a horse.
♪♪
Anybody want to play
with me?
Sorry, sweetie.
I'm late for an install.
Finishing this work thing,
just give me two quick hours!
[ Groans ]
[ Horse whinnies ]
[ Horse blows ]
♪♪
[ Vacuums ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
[ Thud ]
Now in the county
of Los Angeles,
it's illegal to keep a secret
horse in a rental property.
So Candice did what
any horse girl would do.
She hid that dang pony
in the garage.
[ Engine starts, bangs ]
Aah!
[ Horn honks, cellphone chimes ]
Oh no, me late!
Ah!
[ Horse blows ]
[ Screams ]
Horsejacker!
Take my wallet.
Maybe me not late.
♪♪
[ Horse whinnies ]
♪♪
[ Game playing ]
[ Lock clicks,
doorknob rattles ]
We gotta hide you.
Well, ah, it's enough of
being alone in this room!
Uh, okay...
[ Chuckles ]
Ugh,
is everyone in Dubai?
[ Sighs ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Horse whinnies ]
Couch horse!
Ooh, pics or it didn't happen!
Hashtag do it
for the gram.
What are you doing?
[ Horse snorts ]
No.
No, you're right.
Why can't I just be
in the [echoing] moment?
♪♪
[ Eagle cries ]
♪♪
Thank you for helping me
find inner peace.
Ugh. I've had these elbow
patches since undergrad.
I look like a schmuck.
Quick, hide!
Aagh!
I love your hair.
Ohmigosh.
You're so soft.
Are you kidding me?!
30 bucks?
I can't afford that!
[ Groans ]
What is this,
tenured professor magazine?
[ Gasps ]
Tree horse!
Waaaaaait a minute.
I need cash,
you're a horse.
Are you thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?
[ Trumpet plays,
horse whinnies ]
Okay, what about
Tupelo Genie?
[ Horse snorts ]
Got it.
A drinker.
And Salt Bray?
[ Horse growls ]
What about
My Cousin Whinny?
[ Horse grunts ]
He's got unexamined
childhood trauma
from witnessing the death
of his father?
Hard pass.
Oooh, what about Extremely Loud
and Incredibly Horse?
[ Horse grunts ]
That's the one!
Okay, here goes next
month's rent.
[ Bell ringing ]
[ Horses whinnying ]
♪♪
Yes!
Yes, yes, yes!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, we're rich!
We're rich, you dumb horse!
♪♪
Say, mister, lookin' sharp.
Mind if I take a picture
of you and your filly?
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Tomorrow I'm thinking it's
between Call Me By Your Mane
and Won't You Me
by Neigh-bor.
Huh
Whoaaa!
We've got to hide you!
[ Grunts ]
[ Humming ]
Oh. gaw!
I'll never wow 'em down
at the rink.
When it comes to roller skating,
I'm a basic bitch.
[ Horse blows ]
Or am I?
♪♪
[ Stammering ]
Yeah.
♪♪
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
♪♪
[ Laughing ]
♪♪
[ Slow motion music ]
♪♪
[ Cheering ]
They're cheering for you,
too.
Double IPA?
Straight-edge?
That's cool.
-[ Groans ]
-Quick, under here.
♪♪
I miss you every day,
Sergeant Spurs.
♪♪
[ Horse whinnies ]
You're no barbecue grill.
♪♪
[ Gasps ]
[ Horse snorts ]
It can't be...
♪♪
[ Horse grunts ]
♪♪
Let's go!
Power slide!
Whoa!
♪♪
[ Smooches ]
Thank you
for one last day.
Ooh.
[ Door opens ]
Hey, Mr. Salt.
Mr. Salt: Emily!
I need you to write my speech
for the lettuce convention.
Can you come up
with some jokes?
I will "endive" right in.
That's amazing!
Haha endive...
Ugh, I'm never
gonna get a break.
[ Groans ]
[ Horse blows ]
[ Gasps ]
Hi, is this Animal Control?
Yeah, I got a friggin' horse
in my backyard
and I do not need
this today.
Yes, he's chubby, Brown,
big beautiful eyes...
He's obviously an angel.
I love him.
You know what?
I'll call you back.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
[ Inhales, exhales deeply ]
♪♪
Ahhhhhh!
♪♪
Thanks for reminding me
to take time for myself.
[ Screams ]
-Mom?
-Candice!
-You found my secret horse?
Hey, what are you guys doing
with my secret horse?
Your secret horse?
He loves me.
[ Chuckles ] Uh, no, what he
loves is installing TVs with me.
Can somebody hand me
some clothes?
Emily, get away
from my best friend!
That's my therapeutic
companion!
What's it gonna be, horse?
Who do you love?
You've gotta choose.
♪♪
[ Horse whinnies ]
[ All scream ]
Where is he going?
Maybe he wants to go back
to his home.
Come back, Pickles!
You call him Pickles?
Well he's definitely
not a "Liam".
-Train!
-That's an even worse name!
[ Horn blaring ]
No, train!
[ All scream ]
No train, no gain.
[ Engine revving ]
♪♪
Narrator: Though their time
with him was brief.
Pickles had changed
all their lives.
Forever.
♪♪
Or had he?
Wait,
did we all imagine him?
Even if Pickles wasn't real,
we all have a little horse
inside of us.
Oh, no, wait.
He's real everybody.
Narrator:
Well, of course he was real.
If you thought Pickles
was just a metaphor,
well, you're dumber
than some kind of asshole.
Happy trails, cow pokes!
♪♪