1
00:00:01,060 --> 00:00:06,219
♪♪

2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,150
Oh, man.
Look at her.

3
00:00:08,169 --> 00:00:10,060
I can't wait
for us to play.

4
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,050
We're gonna have
so much fun together.

5
00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:13,220
[ Baby laughing ]
Blue 42! Hut hut! Hike!

6
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,060
Stiff arm! Spin move!

7
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,210
He passes! He scores!

8
00:00:16,230 --> 00:00:19,000
Josh,
support the neck!

9
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,059
Oh, I'm gonna getcha!
I'm gonna getcha!

10
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:23,100
Hey, look at this little baby!
Is she ticklish?

11
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,179
[ Laughing ]
Ha ha!

12
00:00:24,199 --> 00:00:25,219
Pbht!

13
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,179
Daddy, Daddy,
picky up!

14
00:00:27,199 --> 00:00:30,230
Prepare for lift off!
[ Laughs ]

15
00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:32,140
Dad!

16
00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,140
We saw this really old movie
at school today

17
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,179
called "King Kong"!

18
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,020
It had Jack Black
in it!

19
00:00:37,039 --> 00:00:38,119
Classic!

20
00:00:38,140 --> 00:00:39,219
Let's play "King Kong"!

21
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,060
[ Both laughing ]

22
00:00:41,079 --> 00:00:43,060
[ Bones crack ]
[ Grunts ]

23
00:00:43,079 --> 00:00:45,119
[ Distorted laughter ]

24
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:46,159
Hmm.

25
00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:49,020
[ Laughter continues ]

26
00:00:49,039 --> 00:00:52,100
[ Snapping ]

27
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,039
Uh, Dad?

28
00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:55,179
Aaah!

29
00:00:55,200 --> 00:01:05,180
♪♪

30
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,150
♪♪

31
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:11,109
Well, Mr. Singleton, no wonder
you threw your back out

32
00:01:11,129 --> 00:01:12,180
lifting your daughter.

33
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,109
You have literally
zero core strength.

34
00:01:15,129 --> 00:01:16,150
Oh, my God.

35
00:01:16,170 --> 00:01:19,030
Will I ever be able
to pick her up again?

36
00:01:19,049 --> 00:01:21,060
Only if
you start exercising.

37
00:01:21,079 --> 00:01:22,230
So there's nothing
I can do?

38
00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:25,030
Look, you need
to work on your core

39
00:01:25,049 --> 00:01:26,200
if you want
to get better.

40
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,069
I would like
a second opinion.

41
00:01:28,090 --> 00:01:29,159
Start exercising

42
00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:32,159
or you will never
lift your daughter again.

43
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:35,000
♪♪

44
00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:37,120
[ Sighs ]

45
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:40,060
Let's do this. For Candice.

46
00:01:40,079 --> 00:01:42,229
[ Grunting ]

47
00:01:43,009 --> 00:01:45,069
[ Groaning, vomiting ]

48
00:01:45,090 --> 00:01:46,099
[ Coughs ]

49
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,109
Jim: You know
what they say...

50
00:01:48,129 --> 00:01:50,159
if you ain't pukin',
it ain't workin'.

51
00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:51,200
Jim Crunch.

52
00:01:51,219 --> 00:01:53,099
Thank you,
strong sir.

53
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,020
You ever get tired
of playin' with the pups

54
00:01:55,039 --> 00:01:56,180
and want to run
with the big dogs,

55
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,159
I'm right next door.

56
00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:01,049
I want to run
with the big dogs.

57
00:02:01,069 --> 00:02:04,000
What we do here
isn't just exercise, Josh.

58
00:02:04,019 --> 00:02:05,060
It's a church

59
00:02:05,079 --> 00:02:07,189
where we
max out greatness...

60
00:02:07,209 --> 00:02:09,129
annihilate weakness...

61
00:02:09,150 --> 00:02:12,180
and discover unrealized
swole-tential.

62
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,020
[ Grunts ]

63
00:02:14,039 --> 00:02:16,199
Weights are my angels,
and gains are my God.

64
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:20,099
We're not just blastin' bodies,
we're blastin' lives.

65
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,129
Whoa.

66
00:02:21,150 --> 00:02:23,129
You make it
sound like a cult.
Thanks!

67
00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:25,170
If you do everything I say
and devote yourself

68
00:02:25,189 --> 00:02:27,139
to the swoletown
system of WODs --

69
00:02:27,159 --> 00:02:28,210
"workouts of the day" --

70
00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:31,030
you will get the massive gains
you deserve.

71
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:33,000
I just want to be able
to lift up my daughter.

72
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,099
When I'm done
with you,

73
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,139
you'll be able
to kill your daughter.

74
00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:39,079
First, here's you right now,
string bean.

75
00:02:39,099 --> 00:02:41,060
But next,
you'll get swole.

76
00:02:41,079 --> 00:02:42,099
Then cut.

77
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,219
After that,
ripped, yoked, jacked,

78
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,180
and finally, shredded,
which is what I am.

79
00:02:49,199 --> 00:02:52,079
[ Grunting ]

80
00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:57,159
Wow.
What's that?

81
00:02:57,180 --> 00:03:00,199
Oh, no one has ever
achieved absolute unit.

82
00:03:00,219 --> 00:03:03,030
You have to complete
the impossible WOD,

83
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,229
which could
literally kill you.

84
00:03:05,009 --> 00:03:08,060
Let's focus on getting you
swole first, okay?

85
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,180
Well,
these don't look so --

86
00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:11,169
[ Groans ]

87
00:03:11,189 --> 00:03:14,000
Daddy,
come play with me!

88
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:15,080
Sorry, Candice.

89
00:03:15,099 --> 00:03:16,219
A few more WODs
and a couple of protein shakes,

90
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,110
and I should be able to lift you
as high as the ceiling.

91
00:03:19,129 --> 00:03:20,219
Yay!

92
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,009
Jim Crunch says that pain is
just weakness leaving the body.

93
00:03:23,030 --> 00:03:24,229
And if you ain't achin',
it ain't workin'.

94
00:03:25,009 --> 00:03:26,199
Know your limits
and defy them daily.

95
00:03:26,219 --> 00:03:28,219
Because you don't stop
when you're tired --

96
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,090
you stop
when you're done.

97
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,090
And if you --

98
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,189
[ Bones crack ]

99
00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:42,009
♪♪

100
00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:43,159
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

101
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:45,030
[ Watch beeping ]

102
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:48,030
♪ Come on now ♪

103
00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:49,110
♪♪

104
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,000
♪ Come on now ♪

105
00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:53,210
♪♪

106
00:03:53,229 --> 00:03:55,110
♪ Come on now ♪

107
00:03:55,129 --> 00:04:05,110
♪♪

108
00:04:05,129 --> 00:04:07,150
♪♪

109
00:04:07,169 --> 00:04:10,020
Yeah!

110
00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:13,139
♪♪

111
00:04:13,159 --> 00:04:15,039
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

112
00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:25,040
♪♪

113
00:04:25,060 --> 00:04:27,120
♪♪

114
00:04:27,139 --> 00:04:29,149
Sorry.

115
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:32,199
Bridgette,
I'm scared.

116
00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:34,090
[ Grunts ]

117
00:04:34,110 --> 00:04:36,170
Yeah, you're married
to a monster.

118
00:04:36,189 --> 00:04:39,090
No, I'm scared
of how hot Josh is.

119
00:04:39,110 --> 00:04:41,159
I always thought I was attracted
to string-bean beta males,

120
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,209
but apparently,
I love big, ham-hock hunks.

121
00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,060
Em,
check this out --

122
00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:47,149
I got that "V" thing
like the dudes from "300."

123
00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:50,199
"I. Am. Sparta!"

124
00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:52,209
[ Chuckles ]

125
00:04:52,230 --> 00:04:54,050
Uh...

126
00:04:54,069 --> 00:04:56,000
Daddy, can we go
play "King Kong"?

127
00:04:56,019 --> 00:04:57,230
You bet!
Uhp!
[ Watch beeping ]

128
00:04:58,009 --> 00:04:59,129
Sorry,
I gotta get to Swoletown.

129
00:04:59,149 --> 00:05:01,079
If I miss even one workout
or meal,

130
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,060
I could lose
my massive gains.

131
00:05:06,110 --> 00:05:09,079
Hell, yeah!
Sorry.

132
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,139
But we were playing.

133
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,019
[ Sighs ]
I know, sweetie.

134
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,069
But it's important we
support him now that he's hot.

135
00:05:16,089 --> 00:05:18,060
99.

136
00:05:18,079 --> 00:05:20,050
100!

137
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:23,009
Congrats, Josh.
You're officially shredded.

138
00:05:23,029 --> 00:05:24,139
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

139
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,199
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thanks, guys. But I need more.

140
00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:29,149
I want to become
an absolute unit.

141
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,069
[ All gasp ]

142
00:05:31,089 --> 00:05:32,180
It's too dangerous.

143
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:35,079
The last guy who attempted
the impossible WOD

144
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,000
died after
his hammies exploded.

145
00:05:38,159 --> 00:05:40,040
[ Scoffs ]
You know what they say --

146
00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:42,090
If you ain't dyin',
it ain't workin'.

147
00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:45,019
Bro, listen.
This is me, Jim Crunch, talking.

148
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,019
Even if your hammies
survive the 'splozh,

149
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,149
we don't know what all that
muscle could do to your mind.

150
00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:51,100
My dude,
I appreciate you.

151
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,159
But would you
tell the sun

152
00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:54,100
not to rise and grind
each morning?

153
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,220
Would you tell the moon

154
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,129
not to blast its quads
into the night sky?

155
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,100
Oh, I love your energy
right now, brah.

156
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,220
If anyone can become
an absolute unit,

157
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,040
it's you, brah.

158
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,120
I'm gonna start
a gratitude journal

159
00:06:06,139 --> 00:06:07,199
and just write
your name in it, brah.

160
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:10,009
You're the wind
beneath my traps, brah.

161
00:06:10,029 --> 00:06:12,100
You're the reason
I got so good at kegels, brah!

162
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,220
Words fail me,
bro!

163
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,029
Bro!
Bro!

164
00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:18,209
[ Both howling ]

165
00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:22,089
Daddy,
look at my drawing!

166
00:06:22,110 --> 00:06:25,160
Not now, Candice,
I'm making a chicken smoothie.

167
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:29,139
[ Blender whirring ]

168
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,230
Be firm.

169
00:06:33,009 --> 00:06:34,139
[ Gasps ]

170
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:39,120
♪♪

171
00:06:39,139 --> 00:06:41,149
God, he's so freakin' hot.

172
00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:43,029
[ Clears throat ]
Josh, we need to talk.

173
00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:45,180
I'm horny -- happy
you've gotten so healthy.

174
00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:49,029
What I'm trying to sex is --
shit, hold on.

175
00:06:51,009 --> 00:06:52,050
[ Sighs ]

176
00:06:52,069 --> 00:06:53,230
Josh?
You're neglecting Candice.

177
00:06:54,009 --> 00:06:55,079
You haven't played with her
all week.

178
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,069
We just made this
chicken smoothie together.

179
00:06:57,090 --> 00:06:59,079
She's fine.

180
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,120
Oh...

181
00:07:00,139 --> 00:07:02,120
Maybe I have been
a little preoccupied.

182
00:07:02,139 --> 00:07:04,029
[ Watch beeping ]
Damn.

183
00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:05,079
I got to get back
to the gym.

184
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,170
I'll play
with Candice tomorrow --

185
00:07:06,189 --> 00:07:08,000
the best "King Kong" ever.

186
00:07:08,019 --> 00:07:10,110
Because once I do
the impossible WOD,

187
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:13,120
I'll be
an absolute unit.

188
00:07:13,139 --> 00:07:14,160
I don't know
what that is,

189
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:16,050
but somehow
I know I need it.

190
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:19,040
Just promise you'll spend time
with Candice, okay?

191
00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:21,040
I promise.

192
00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:24,160
[ Sighs ]
It's like warm marble.

193
00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,199
♪♪

194
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:29,079
Jim:
The impossible WOD.

195
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:34,000
10 reps of every exercise
at one 100% of your max.

196
00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:36,029
♪♪

197
00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:38,209
You've only got
10 minutes.

198
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,159
Ready?

199
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:42,199
[ Stopwatch beeps ]
Go!

200
00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:52,090
♪♪

201
00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:53,129
♪♪

202
00:07:53,149 --> 00:07:55,000
He's doing it, Tony.

203
00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:56,209
He's really doing it.

204
00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:59,129
Just one more rep,
Josh!

205
00:07:59,149 --> 00:08:01,180
[ Distorted grunting ]

206
00:08:01,199 --> 00:08:06,089
♪♪

207
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:09,019
It's happening!

208
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,180
[ Grunts ]

209
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,009
You're the king.

210
00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:19,019
King...Kong?

211
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,129
Candice!

212
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:23,160
I coming to play!

213
00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:27,069
Hang on, you gotta take
a victory selfie for the wall!

214
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,170
[ Camera shutter clicks ]

215
00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:34,139
Worth it, bro.

216
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,200
Check the passport
of your heart.

217
00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:39,029
Anything to declare?

218
00:08:39,049 --> 00:08:41,059
Yes. Inner peace.

219
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,139
[ Grunts ]

220
00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:45,120
Play. With. Candice!

221
00:08:45,139 --> 00:08:47,000
Dad?

222
00:08:47,019 --> 00:08:50,139
I know perfect place
play "King Kong."

223
00:08:50,159 --> 00:08:52,100
[ Grunts ]

224
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,059
[ Screaming ]

225
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,059
[ Car alarm blaring ]

226
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,009
Going up!

227
00:08:58,029 --> 00:08:59,179
Daddy go higher!

228
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,190
[ Sirens wail, tires screech ]

229
00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:04,230
Mom!
It's okay, Candice!

230
00:09:05,009 --> 00:09:06,139
Josh,
you look incredible.

231
00:09:06,159 --> 00:09:09,059
Please put
our daughter down.

232
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,090
Candice ready
to play "King Kong"?

233
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,039
Uh,
this is pretty freaky,

234
00:09:13,059 --> 00:09:15,110
but I'll take
what I can get?

235
00:09:15,129 --> 00:09:16,190
[ Laughs ]
[ Watch beeping ]

236
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,059
Huh?
Workout time.

237
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,159
Me go back gym.

238
00:09:20,179 --> 00:09:22,090
But we didn't play!

239
00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:24,210
Strong Daddy need gains!

240
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:28,029
You care more about
your stupid gains than me.

241
00:09:28,049 --> 00:09:30,049
I wish
you never got strong.

242
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,090
Oh!

243
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:34,009
What if
me no able pick you up?

244
00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:35,190
You getting so big.

245
00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:38,149
I don't care if you can't
pick me up to play.

246
00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:40,149
Just as long
as we play.

247
00:09:40,169 --> 00:09:42,009
Really?

248
00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:43,100
Of course.

249
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,090
Oh,
forget the gym.

250
00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:47,220
Let's play.

251
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,009
Oh!

252
00:09:49,029 --> 00:09:51,159
[ Laughing ]
I love you, Dad!

253
00:09:51,179 --> 00:09:54,120
I love you, t--

254
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,200
Bullseye.

255
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,220
[ Groans ]

256
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,159
[ Siren wailing ]

257
00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:05,090
[ Groans ]

258
00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:06,169
That's my husband.

259
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:10,000
Hunk, right?

260
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:11,210
[ Gasps ] Huh?

261
00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:14,200
How long
have I been out?
Three hours.

262
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:17,159
[ Gasps ] That's five
meals, four smoothies,
and two workouts!

263
00:10:17,179 --> 00:10:20,190
I lost all my gains.

264
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:22,000
That's okay.

265
00:10:22,019 --> 00:10:25,159
I liked strong Dad,
but I love Dad Dad.

266
00:10:25,179 --> 00:10:29,129
Yeah, no, it's -- it's good
that you're normal again.

267
00:10:29,149 --> 00:10:32,169
Was I feeling passion
I've never felt before?

268
00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:35,029
Yes.
"But..."?

269
00:10:35,049 --> 00:10:36,120
No, that's it.

270
00:10:36,139 --> 00:10:40,230
Well, there is one
final workout I need to do.

271
00:10:41,009 --> 00:10:43,200
♪♪

272
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:47,049
[ All grunting ]

273
00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:53,210
♪♪

274
00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:57,049
[ All sobbing ]

275
00:10:57,070 --> 00:11:01,080
♪♪

276
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:03,129
Jim Crunch!

277
00:11:08,139 --> 00:11:11,220
All:
DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA!

278
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,019
DNA! DNA!

279
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,110
What's up?
What are we doing?

280
00:11:14,129 --> 00:11:15,190
We got our results back

281
00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:17,210
from that bulk genetic test
we bought from Costco!

282
00:11:17,230 --> 00:11:21,009
Nice.
So, whose ancestors killed who?

283
00:11:21,029 --> 00:11:24,100
Well, my people came
from Guadalajara...

284
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,090
Bridgette's came from Kyoto...

285
00:11:26,110 --> 00:11:28,190
and Josh is white.

286
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:30,029
Can you believe it?

287
00:11:30,049 --> 00:11:32,029
Mine says
there's a 92% chance

288
00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:36,029
I'm descended
from a long line of...creeps?

289
00:11:36,049 --> 00:11:38,019
[ Chuckles ]

290
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:39,220
Ooh, aha.

291
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,039
[ Chuckling ]

292
00:11:42,059 --> 00:11:43,129
You're out of here!

293
00:11:43,149 --> 00:11:45,070
Well, that doesn't
seem scientific!

294
00:11:45,090 --> 00:11:48,090
Please let me be related
to Bruce Willis.

295
00:11:48,110 --> 00:11:49,179
Well,
this can't be right.

296
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,110
Ma told me
my birth parents died.

297
00:11:51,129 --> 00:11:55,179
But Costco says
they're living in Malibu?!

298
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,039
[ All gasp ]

299
00:11:57,059 --> 00:12:02,149
[ Chuckles ]
Ooh, ahh, ooh!

300
00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:12,149
♪♪

301
00:12:12,169 --> 00:12:16,070
♪♪

302
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:18,220
You told me
they were dead!

303
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,090
Randy --
And not just
that they were dead --

304
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:22,169
that they were astronauts

305
00:12:22,190 --> 00:12:25,009
who went on
a top-secret mission to Mars!

306
00:12:25,029 --> 00:12:28,049
Where they and their
trusty chimpanzee, Derek,

307
00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:30,000
were attacked
by Martians

308
00:12:30,019 --> 00:12:33,080
and they heroically died
protecting the spaceship.

309
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,039
Is none of that true?!

310
00:12:35,059 --> 00:12:36,129
I'm so sorry.

311
00:12:36,149 --> 00:12:39,039
It's just --
I could never bring myself

312
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,210
to tell you the truth
about your parents.

313
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:43,049
Which is?

314
00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:45,049
[ Sighs ]

315
00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:48,019
Your parents,
Wyatt and Deborah Trickle,

316
00:12:48,039 --> 00:12:49,159
were thieves.

317
00:12:49,179 --> 00:12:51,120
And not just
any thieves.

318
00:12:51,139 --> 00:12:53,139
Gas thieves.

319
00:12:53,159 --> 00:12:55,190
Masters of
the "sip 'n slip."

320
00:12:55,210 --> 00:12:57,129
They slurped gas
out of tanks

321
00:12:57,149 --> 00:13:00,080
from Santa Maria
to Santa Clarita.

322
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:03,000
Deborah was "the nose..."
[ Sniffs ]

323
00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:07,120
...able to sniff out a full tank
from 30 yards away.

324
00:13:07,139 --> 00:13:10,090
Wyatt was "the cheeks,"

325
00:13:10,110 --> 00:13:14,039
able to suck gas out of a tank
faster than you can say

326
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:18,139
"Hey, what you doing over there?
That's my car!"

327
00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:21,129
Then, one night,
I came along.

328
00:13:21,149 --> 00:13:23,110
[ Gun cocks ]
Hands up!

329
00:13:23,129 --> 00:13:25,100
[ Gasps ]

330
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,139
Little did I know

331
00:13:26,159 --> 00:13:29,090
what they'd be willing to do
to get away.

332
00:13:29,110 --> 00:13:33,210
♪♪

333
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,190
They left you behind
so they could make off

334
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:38,149
with 15 gallons
of premium unleaded.

335
00:13:38,169 --> 00:13:40,000
Aww.

336
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,129
Eventually,
the law caught up to them.

337
00:13:42,149 --> 00:13:44,009
I brought you
to visit them

338
00:13:44,029 --> 00:13:46,009
to try to keep them
in your life.

339
00:13:46,029 --> 00:13:49,110
Here!
But they weren't interested.

340
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,139
[ Electricity crackles ]

341
00:13:51,159 --> 00:13:54,009
So, that's why
I never told you.

342
00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:56,110
I couldn't stand the idea
of you thinking

343
00:13:56,129 --> 00:13:58,009
someone
wouldn't want you.

344
00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,080
Well,
despite what you think,

345
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,139
I'm a big boy
that can handle the truth.

346
00:14:01,159 --> 00:14:04,080
In fact,
I already e-mailed my parents,

347
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:05,179
and I'm
meeting them today.

348
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,179
Randy, you need
to be careful.

349
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,139
Ma!
I can take care of myself!

350
00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:11,220
Ow! No!

351
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,090
Do not
kiss it better!

352
00:14:13,110 --> 00:14:14,220
I'm a grown man!

353
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,220
I'll kiss it better!

354
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,129
[ Smooches ] Better.

355
00:14:20,039 --> 00:14:22,049
Hey!
How was the toy store?

356
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:25,000
A bust. Candice thought
everything was for babies.

357
00:14:25,019 --> 00:14:27,210
Luckily, Home Depot
was having a sale next door.

358
00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:31,169
[ Whirring, laughter ]

359
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:33,139
You bought her
a leaf blower?!

360
00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:35,080
You're the one who always says
she should be playing

361
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,159
with non-gendered toys!

362
00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:41,070
Ohh.

363
00:14:41,090 --> 00:14:43,159
Ohh.

364
00:14:47,169 --> 00:14:49,110
Look at
that red-ass Mullet.

365
00:14:49,129 --> 00:14:50,230
You must be a Trickle.

366
00:14:51,009 --> 00:14:52,220
C'mon 'n give us
some sugar!

367
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,139
[ Laughs ]
A Trickle.

368
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,000
Aww.

369
00:14:56,019 --> 00:14:58,049
I don't know
what to say.

370
00:14:58,070 --> 00:14:59,149
Hell,
neither do we.

371
00:14:59,169 --> 00:15:02,230
But let's head inside
and talk over some fine dinin'.

372
00:15:03,009 --> 00:15:06,190
♪♪

373
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:07,230
What?! McRibs?!

374
00:15:08,009 --> 00:15:10,129
That's G-God's
favorite sandwich!

375
00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:11,169
Hell, yes!

376
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:12,230
When you're with
the Trickles,

377
00:15:13,009 --> 00:15:15,220
McRibs are on the menu
year round!

378
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,039
Take that,
Ronald McDonald,

379
00:15:17,059 --> 00:15:19,129
you withholdin' sack
of dog shit.

380
00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:21,169
[ Slurping, groaning ]

381
00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:24,080
I can't believe
how incredible this is.

382
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:28,149
My mo-- um -- Pearle told me
you were bad people.

383
00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:30,139
You obviously can't be.

384
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:31,200
'Cause you guys are rich.

385
00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:33,129
Well,
we were bad people.

386
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,200
Out of our minds
on gas fumes.

387
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:38,080
Always lookin' for
the next big slurp.

388
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:40,139
When we got out of prison,
we straightened up.

389
00:15:40,159 --> 00:15:42,220
No more
suckin' gas from cars.

390
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,059
What do you do now?

391
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,080
We're frackers!
We suck gas from the land.

392
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:51,000
I use "the nose"
to sniff out natural gas.

393
00:15:51,019 --> 00:15:52,080
[ Sniffs ]

394
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,210
And I use "the cheeks"
[Slurping]

395
00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:59,049
to lay back
and sip hillbilly Mai Tais.

396
00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:00,220
Mountain Dew and rum.

397
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,210
This tastes like
I banged my head on a pole.

398
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,049
I love it.

399
00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:06,169
[ Slurping ]

400
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:08,100
Hot damn,
look at that!

401
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,039
You got the cheeks,
too!

402
00:16:10,059 --> 00:16:11,090
I guess I do!

403
00:16:11,110 --> 00:16:14,090
Randy, we are so sorry
for not reachin' out.

404
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:17,080
We just -- Ah, we thought
it was best you move on.

405
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:20,009
We didn't deserve
to be your parents.

406
00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,090
I don't care what you did
in the past.

407
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:24,129
The important thing is
you're here now,

408
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,059
and you aren't tossing me
at anyone as a means of escape.

409
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,220
Hell,
I'll drink to that!

410
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,210
[ Tires screech ]

411
00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:34,190
[ Groans ]

412
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:37,049
Thanks for the ride,
Mom and Dad.

413
00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:38,110
Today was perfect.

414
00:16:38,129 --> 00:16:40,019
It was our pleasure.

415
00:16:40,039 --> 00:16:42,149
[ Gasps, sniffs ]

416
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,070
Do you smell gas?

417
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,000
[ Laughing ]

418
00:16:46,019 --> 00:16:49,080
Candice!
Stop giving that kid sick air!

419
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:50,190
Ah.
Never mind.

420
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:53,070
Pearle!
Get on over here!

421
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:54,220
[ Grunts ]

422
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,080
We can't thank you enough
for doing such a terrific job

423
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,149
raising our boy.

424
00:16:59,169 --> 00:17:02,200
Looks like we threw our baby
at the right cop.

425
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:05,019
Just stepping up
where others wouldn't.

426
00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:07,019
What're you two
up to these days?

427
00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:09,140
Still doing
the ole sip 'n slip?

428
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,210
Ma! Geeze!

429
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:13,039
They don't
steal gas anymore!

430
00:17:13,059 --> 00:17:14,079
They frack it.

431
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,019
It's more like
burping the Earth.

432
00:17:16,039 --> 00:17:18,079
What would you know
about burping anything?

433
00:17:18,099 --> 00:17:20,180
Ma!
Stop getting hung up on the fact

434
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,190
that these guys abandoned me
multiple times as a child

435
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,019
and be nice!

436
00:17:25,039 --> 00:17:26,119
No,
we understand, son.

437
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:28,069
We don't deserve
her trust.

438
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,059
But we'd sure like
to earn it.

439
00:17:30,079 --> 00:17:31,230
We want
to stay in Randy's life,

440
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,190
meet all his friends.

441
00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:36,079
Why don't we throw a big party,
right here?

442
00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:37,220
A neighborhood carnival!

443
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,049
We'd do it
at our place,

444
00:17:39,069 --> 00:17:41,069
but we're re-glazing
our butthole washers.

445
00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:43,150
In Europe,
they're called "bidettes."

446
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:46,190
That'd be amazing!
Alright then.

447
00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:56,049
♪♪

448
00:17:56,069 --> 00:17:58,069
[ Whirring ]

449
00:17:58,089 --> 00:18:01,150
[ Laughing ]

450
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:02,230
Oh, geeze!

451
00:18:03,009 --> 00:18:06,019
I have to say, Randy,
this is pretty fun.

452
00:18:06,039 --> 00:18:08,190
I'm sorry I misjudged
the Trickles.

453
00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:09,230
That's okay.

454
00:18:10,009 --> 00:18:12,039
I just wish I'd known
about them sooner.

455
00:18:12,059 --> 00:18:13,220
Well,
I hope you realize

456
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,130
I did what I did
out of love.

457
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:19,009
Uh, yeah.
I guess so.

458
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,039
[ Sniffs ] Huh?

459
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,079
[ Sniffing ]

460
00:18:24,099 --> 00:18:31,220
♪♪

461
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,160
Huh. [ Grunts ]

462
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,200
Fracking?!

463
00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:37,049
No, son.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.

464
00:18:37,069 --> 00:18:38,220
We set this whole thing up
so we could do

465
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,160
a little bit
of secret frackin'.

466
00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:42,210
[ Chuckles ]

467
00:18:42,230 --> 00:18:45,059
I knew I smelled gas!

468
00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:46,200
Well, Goddamn.

469
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:49,099
You got the cheeks
and the nose.

470
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,089
You're fracking
under my house?

471
00:18:51,109 --> 00:18:54,029
Soon as we pulled up
the other day, I smelled it.

472
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:56,099
Ah, the motherlode,
right here.

473
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:57,210
We had to have it.

474
00:18:57,230 --> 00:19:02,019
Them swings're suckin' out
natural gas as we speak.

475
00:19:02,039 --> 00:19:06,019
[ Children shouting ]

476
00:19:06,039 --> 00:19:07,170
I'm sorry
we didn't tell ya, bud.

477
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:10,019
It's just the city
can get real prickly

478
00:19:10,039 --> 00:19:12,089
about fracking
under people's houses.

479
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,180
And we'll cut you in
on the proceeds.

480
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,180
Ah,
you're a Trickle now!

481
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,210
Huh.
Are you sure this is safe?

482
00:19:19,230 --> 00:19:21,039
Of course!

483
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:23,059
Nothin' bad ever happened
from fracking.

484
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,049
[ Screaming ]

485
00:19:25,069 --> 00:19:26,130
[ Rumbling ]

486
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,220
[ Clattering ]

487
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,140
[ Screaming ]

488
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,059
That's probably
a coincidence.

489
00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:39,029
[ Screaming ]

490
00:19:39,049 --> 00:19:41,000
That sinkhole
ain't playin'!

491
00:19:41,019 --> 00:19:43,039
Let's bail!
C'mon, Randy!

492
00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,029
It's time for the ole
sip 'n slip!

493
00:19:45,049 --> 00:19:47,059
No!
You're gonna destroy my home!

494
00:19:47,079 --> 00:19:48,180
What do you
expect us to do,

495
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,150
dump the gas
back into the ground,

496
00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:51,190
fill up the sinkhole,

497
00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:54,029
and go back to bein'
all buddy buddy?

498
00:19:54,049 --> 00:19:55,099
Yeah, I guess!

499
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,099
Sorry, Randy, but we ain't
exactly the type

500
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,009
that puts gas
into stuff.

501
00:19:59,029 --> 00:20:01,150
Now are you
a Trickle or not?

502
00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:06,089
[ Groaning ]

503
00:20:06,109 --> 00:20:07,150
Adios, son!

504
00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:10,150
Until next time!

505
00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:13,059
♪♪

506
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,220
[ Panting ]

507
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:18,069
[ Grunts ]

508
00:20:18,089 --> 00:20:21,190
♪♪

509
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:23,069
[ Grunts ]

510
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:26,190
♪♪

511
00:20:26,210 --> 00:20:28,019
[ All gasp ]

512
00:20:28,039 --> 00:20:33,009
Aaaah!

513
00:20:33,029 --> 00:20:36,130
[ Whirring ]

514
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:37,210
[ All gasp ]

515
00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,049
[ Grunts ]

516
00:20:39,069 --> 00:20:41,069
[ Grunting ]

517
00:20:41,089 --> 00:20:43,019
[ Gasps ]

518
00:20:43,039 --> 00:20:44,230
Dad!
Don't do this!

519
00:20:45,009 --> 00:20:46,039
Sorry, son.

520
00:20:46,059 --> 00:20:48,079
I love ya...
but I love gas more.

521
00:20:48,099 --> 00:20:49,160
[ Grunts ]

522
00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:51,150
[ Screams ]

523
00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:54,029
Ma?!

524
00:20:54,049 --> 00:20:56,200
I'll always be there
to catch you, baby.

525
00:20:56,220 --> 00:20:58,039
What are we gonna do?

526
00:20:58,059 --> 00:21:00,079
Uh-huh.

527
00:21:00,099 --> 00:21:02,200
[ Tires screech ]
[ Sniffs ]

528
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:06,039
♪♪

529
00:21:06,059 --> 00:21:07,220
My God.

530
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,170
[ Slurping ]

531
00:21:09,190 --> 00:21:12,029
He's the greatest Trickle
that ever lived.

532
00:21:12,049 --> 00:21:19,150
♪♪

533
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:21,039
[ Tires screech ]

534
00:21:21,059 --> 00:21:22,140
[ Sirens wail ]

535
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:23,200
[ Guns cock ]

536
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:26,160
That boy sucks
just like his daddy.

537
00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:28,039
[ Whirring ]

538
00:21:28,059 --> 00:21:31,069
I can't hold it much longer!

539
00:21:31,089 --> 00:21:40,230
♪♪

540
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:45,140
♪♪

541
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,109
[ All cheering ]

542
00:21:48,130 --> 00:21:49,190
Yay!

543
00:21:49,210 --> 00:21:52,059
Ma, you've given me the best
life I could've asked for.

544
00:21:52,079 --> 00:21:55,009
I may've inherited
the Trickle nose and cheeks,

545
00:21:55,029 --> 00:21:56,140
but I got your heart.

546
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,089
Oh, baby.

547
00:21:58,109 --> 00:22:00,089
[ Chuckles ]

548
00:22:00,109 --> 00:22:02,210
Get rid of it!
[ Grunts ]

549
00:22:02,230 --> 00:22:06,130
Candice: Has anyone seen
my leaf blower?

550
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:16,140
♪♪

551
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:26,140
♪♪

552
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:36,140
♪♪

553
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:46,140
♪♪

554
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:55,170
♪♪