1
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,382
Ooh, I'm excited to check out
this "hot new place"
2
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:09,008
Josh and 'em
are taking us to.
3
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,469
Yeah, I don't know
anything in this area.
4
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,304
Hey.
There's the address.
5
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:16,224
[ Ominous chord strikes ]
6
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,644
[ People cheering ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
7
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:22,230
[ Eerie music plays ]
8
00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:23,732
[ Whimpers ]
9
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,024
[ People screaming ]
10
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,276
Aaaah!
11
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,278
Hey, guys!
You found it!
12
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,529
[ Snap! ]
Ew.
13
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:31,239
This isn't exactly
what we were expecting
14
00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:33,158
when you said "dinner."
15
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,493
[ Squish ]
Ugh!
16
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,912
Pssh! Come on, guys.
This place is a blast!
17
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:41,040
[ Chomping, breathing rapidly ]
18
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:44,085
Okay, we may have neglected
to say this place is for kids.
19
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,045
But it's only because every time
we invite you guys
20
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,590
to something Candice can enjoy,
you don't wanna come!
21
00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:52,260
Yeah, because kids' places
are gross and loud and horrible!
22
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:55,430
But we have a kid. How are we
supposed to hang out with you
23
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,724
if we don't go
to kids' places?
Good question.
if we don't go
to kids' places?
Good question.
24
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,226
Maybe we shouldn't hang out
so much anymore.
25
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,436
[ Both gasp ]
26
00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:03,271
As we used to say back
when you were fun --
27
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,106
outi 5000!
28
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,651
[ Grunts ] Ah, this
whole place is so sticky!
29
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,154
[ Grunting ]
30
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,072
[ Bones cracking ]
Ha!
[ Bones cracking ]
Ha!
31
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:20,789
♪♪
32
00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:27,128
♪♪
33
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,630
Emily: It is kind of
thoughtless of us
34
00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:30,131
to make them
tag along everywhere.
35
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,050
If only we had some friends
who were parents...
36
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,593
I found this app
that matches parents
37
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,220
with other
like-minded parents.
38
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,722
Ugh! Meeting strangers
on the Internet?
39
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,098
I don't know.
40
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,143
You know what?
Let's do it!
41
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,436
Ohh!
42
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,940
Not gonna happen.
No, thanks. Nope!
43
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:49,150
Hey.
They look alright.
44
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,737
You know what I love
about this line? No kids.
45
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,490
Yeah. Nobody here
has a bedtime.
46
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:58,034
Cokey Brian:
Psst! Hey! Up here!
47
00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:01,996
♪♪
48
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,500
[ Grunting ]
49
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,378
-Ugh!
-Thanks for letting us in!
50
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,547
No problem.
It's my personal belief
51
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,132
that no one should pay
for anything.
52
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,259
Ever!
53
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,594
Uh, yeah, no-doy.
54
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,514
My friends call me Cokey Brian.
I love cocaine.
55
00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:21,808
I can get high just by
snorting trace elements of it
56
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,268
out of the air.
57
00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:24,811
[Inhales sharply]
58
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,105
[Exhales shakily]
59
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,399
Welcome
to the rat's nest.
60
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,443
[ EDM music thumping ]
61
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,487
[ People cheering ]
62
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:42,161
♪♪
63
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,747
Finally!
Some culture!
64
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,709
It's great to be at a place
for grown-ups for once.
65
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,211
Can we get two flavor-blasted
'za shots?
66
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:57,218
♪♪
67
00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,555
Oh, God! I've missed
being around adults!
68
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,724
They'll be here
any second.
69
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,726
The only normal family
on that whole app.
70
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,896
-Emily? Josh?
-Hi! We're Evan and Danielle.
71
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:11,149
From Kindr. And over there
is our little June.
72
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,654
She's a little shy.
73
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,781
This is Candice.
She's not.
74
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,576
[ Candice giggling ]
75
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:23,912
Well, hey!
They're already a pack!
76
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,832
Can I just say -- it's so nice
to meet a normal couple.
77
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,500
We just love
being parents.
78
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,920
And we want to hang out
with other people
79
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,588
who love being parents.
80
00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:34,756
Us too!
81
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,132
[ Giggling ]
82
00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:38,134
June! Not so fast!
83
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:40,428
Sorry.
She's so hyper.
84
00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:42,722
We've been taking her
to the park to burn off energy,
85
00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:44,349
but apparently not enough.
86
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,267
Same! Ah.
You guys get it.
87
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:49,270
Kids need to be tired,
but not too tired.
88
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,731
[ Laughter ]
89
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,277
[ Heavy-metal music playing ]
90
00:03:56,361 --> 00:04:04,285
♪♪
91
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:12,293
♪♪
92
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:20,301
♪♪
93
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:28,267
♪♪
94
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:36,275
♪♪
95
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:44,158
♪♪
96
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,743
[ Glass shatters,
alarm ringing ]
97
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,121
Cheese it! It's the fuzz!
98
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:51,874
Alex: I don't know how much
longer I can do this.
99
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,168
I've been drunk
for three weeks straight.
100
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:55,503
[ Cokey Brian giggling ]
101
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:57,338
Attendant:
Riders, please remain seated,
102
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,757
keeping your hands and arms
inside the log at all times.
103
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,843
Wait.
Are all adult activities
104
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,303
just kid activities
with drinking?
105
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,556
Oh, yeah!
Front of the log!
106
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:09,017
[ Gulping ]
107
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,394
Ah, yeah!
Front of the log!
108
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,688
[ Gulping ] Hunh!
109
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:15,606
Hey! Don't copy me!
110
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,275
You don't copy me,
dick!
111
00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:18,359
I'll kill you!
112
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,112
Cokey Brian, no!
What are you doing?!
Cokey Brian, no!
What are you doing?!
113
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:22,864
You guys
need to spread out.
114
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:25,575
Otherwise the logs
could launch off the tracks.
115
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,160
[ Laughs hysterically ]
116
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:28,995
-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.
117
00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:32,206
[ Cokey Brian
grunting and laughing ]
118
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:35,877
Come on! Let's see if we can
really launch this thing!
119
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,838
I don't know, man!
It doesn't feel safe!
120
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,381
I thought
you guys were cool.
121
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,716
If you want to be babies,
122
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:44,218
you should go back
to hanging out with babies!
123
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,636
Put your arms up!
124
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,722
-Unh!
-Aah!
125
00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:49,390
Oh, no!
126
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,641
[ Alex and Bridgette scream ]
127
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,062
I'm kind of the world!
Ha ha!
128
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:59,567
[ Both groaning ]
129
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,027
♪♪
130
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:03,488
It's gone. It's all gone.
131
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,281
They've destroyed
the apple butter,
132
00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:08,117
the apple preserves,
the blackberry jam,
133
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,827
the blueberry orange
marmalade...
134
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,746
[ Police siren approaches ]
...the cranberry pear jam,
135
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,581
the cantaloupe preserves
with cinnamon...
What?
the cantaloupe preserves
with cinnamon...
What?
136
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:16,584
See ya, fuzz!
You're not taking me! No!
137
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,503
Ah!
[ Laughs hysterically ]
138
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:19,754
[ Siren wails ]
139
00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:22,048
[ Siren stops, steam hissing ]
140
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:25,218
Oh, my God. We never should have
bailed on Josh and Emily.
141
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,303
[ Message whooshes ]
142
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,554
Emily: Jam jail?
143
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,098
Oh. An important text?
144
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,600
Oh, it's some old friends.
Acquaintances, really.
145
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:35,061
Who didn't want to hang out
with us anymore
146
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,354
because we have a kid.
147
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:39,023
-Ha ha. Weirdos!
-What else should we order?
148
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,859
Why don't we split the
Skinnylicious Buffalo Blasterz
149
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,278
with a side of
cheesecake nachos?
150
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,155
Ooh, and maybe
a mini corndog salad?
151
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,865
That should
probably be enough.
152
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,742
Although we could order extra
and get them
153
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,244
to put it
in a doggy bag.
154
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:53,121
June loves leftovers.
155
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,665
We were so bummed when
we saw you didn't bring her.
156
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,625
-Oh, she's here.
-Excuse me?
157
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:01,462
We wouldn't leave our dog-ter
home alone. We're not monsters.
158
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,506
Did you just say
"dog-ter"?
159
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:06,801
[ Eerie music plays ]
160
00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:09,303
What the hell?!
You told us you were parents!
161
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:12,056
Josh, I'm offended!
We are parents.
162
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,307
Just like you.
163
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:14,934
This is a dog!
164
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,145
It's nothing like
raising a human child!
165
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,479
Everyone always says that.
166
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,314
But we do the same things
you do.
167
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,608
Take June to the vet.
Check her for worms.
168
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,361
Rub her face in pee
when she has an accident.
169
00:07:25,444 --> 00:07:26,821
Candice, did you know
about this?
170
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,157
Yeah, what did you think
I meant when I said
171
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,118
June had the softest ears
in the whole wide world?
172
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,495
I don't know! You're a weird
kid! You say weird things!
173
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,539
[ Chuckles nervously]
Maybe we should head out.
174
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:39,167
But our next course
is just arriving.
175
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:43,045
Okay. We've got one order
of...raw horse meat!
176
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,673
I thought when you ordered that
it was just an ironic name!
177
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:49,719
No, Josh.
They have everything here.
178
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,804
[ All chomping ]
179
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,807
Uh, can we get some
sandwiches to go, please?
180
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,101
Get to the car, get to the car,
get to the car.
181
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,519
Ugh! I can't believe
we got duped
182
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,438
into hanging out
with those freaks.
183
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:02,190
Yeah, they're
obviously nuts,
184
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,358
but isn't this kind of what
we did to Bridgette and Alex?
185
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,194
We did trick them
into hanging out with us.
186
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,362
You're right.
We should apologize.
187
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,489
[ Dog growling ]
[ All gasp ]
188
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,118
[ Screams ]
189
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,204
[ Dogs growling ]
190
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:20,208
♪♪
191
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,084
[ Man whistles, growling stops ]
192
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,879
What do you want from us?!
193
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:28,925
We just want you to admit
that raising a dog
194
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:32,303
is exactly the same
as raising a child.
195
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:33,888
That's completely insane!
196
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:35,848
Be careful
what you say, Josh.
197
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,808
The children
are watching.
198
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,435
[ Dogs growling ]
199
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,896
[ Both laughing ]
200
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:43,981
♪♪
201
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,733
Tcch! Tcch!
202
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:47,443
[ Dogs barking ]
203
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:48,903
[ Both howling ]
204
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:50,363
[ Dogs barking ]
205
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:52,031
[ Elevator bell dings ]
206
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:56,494
♪♪
207
00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:59,121
Did you remember
to validate the parking?
208
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,123
Shiiiiiiiiiit.
209
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,045
[ Elevator bell dings,
dogs barking ]
210
00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:08,130
Start the car!
211
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,423
Unh!
212
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,259
[ Dogs barking ]
213
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,427
[ Josh panting ]
214
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,137
[ Beep ]
215
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,806
[ Dogs growling ]
216
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:20,434
♪♪
217
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,770
[ Beep ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Beep ]
[ Gasps ]
218
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:26,440
♪♪
219
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,985
[ Beep ]
Aah!
220
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,528
♪♪
221
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,280
[ Beep ]
[ Dogs growl ]
222
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:35,700
♪♪
223
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,076
[ All scream ]
224
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,120
[ Tires screech ]
225
00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:43,374
♪♪
226
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,294
Come on, guys.
We can get past this.
227
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,628
Uh, we can't!
228
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,172
You lied to us about
having a human daughter!
229
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,676
No, you assumed our
dog daughter was a human.
230
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:56,470
So there's plenty of blame
to go around!
231
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,638
No!
232
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,931
Unh! Why won't you
hang out with us?!
233
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,141
Give us a reason!
234
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,810
Uh -- [ Gasps ]
We're cat people!
235
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,478
Ew! Gross!
236
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,564
[ Both grunting ]
237
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,149
[ Tires screech ]
238
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,234
Can you believe
those freaks?
239
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,029
Hopefully the next people
won't be as toxic.
240
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,989
-[ Gasps ] Oh, that's a match.
-Yes! Ooh. Yes, yes, yes.
241
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,574
-That's a match.
-Ooh, they look interesting.
242
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,492
Ooh, ooh!
That's definitely a match.
243
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:21,912
♪♪
244
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,122
[ Door opens ]
245
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,249
Oh, thank God
you got our message!
246
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,251
We made a mistake!
Stop.
We made a mistake!
Stop.
247
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,836
You guys
are our real friends.
248
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:31,505
You don't lie to us or dress
up animals like people.
249
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,007
What?
250
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,676
I mean, we're parents,
but we're not just parents.
251
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,762
We can make time
to have fun with you guys.
252
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,847
And we realized
that adult activities
253
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:43,017
are exactly like kid activities,
but with booze.
254
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,518
So we can just
take flasks with us
255
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,562
to Candice's recitals
and birthdays or whatever.
256
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,106
Oh, I don't think --
That's a great idea!
257
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,233
So...can you
bail us out of here?
258
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,110
Yeah, we talked
to the guard.
259
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,112
He said you just need
to pay for some jam?
260
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,364
[ Cash register dings ]
261
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,783
Alright.
Here's your apple butter,
262
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:01,452
the apple preserves,
the blackberry jam,
263
00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:03,329
the blueberry orange
marmalade...
264
00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,247
[ Both grunting ]
265
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:13,339
So, long story short, that's
why I bring my own salt.
266
00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,050
[ Chuckles ]
[Flatly] Fascinating.
267
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:17,551
[ Grunts ]
268
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:20,388
Uh, excuse me!
[ Fingers snapping ]
269
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,224
I specifically asked
for no mayonnaise.
270
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:25,059
That's our signature
house aioli.
271
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,812
Mayo is aioli!
272
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:31,607
Mayo is the devil's
condiment! Ugh!
273
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:34,276
♪♪
274
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,070
Bingo. Miss?
275
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:38,531
♪♪
276
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:41,909
I couldn't help but notice
you hating on mayo.
277
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:42,952
Paul here --
278
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,453
Travis!
Whatever.
279
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,913
He also hates mayo,
280
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,958
so maybe you two
can, you know, talk?
281
00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:52,795
All white sauces
are a no for me.
282
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,380
Mayo, ranch.
283
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:58,551
Urp! The sound of the word
"ranch" makes me want to vomit.
284
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,344
Kiss me, you dreamboat!
285
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,263
[ Travis moaning ]
286
00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:08,060
And then they made out
over dry sandos. Ugh!
287
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,937
If it makes you feel
any better,
288
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,314
I totally crashed
and burned on my last date.
289
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,608
Literally.
We went go-kart racing.
290
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:18,154
I T-boned her car
and singed off my leg hair.
291
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:21,157
You have a way better chance of
meeting someone new than I do.
292
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,617
Oh, can you imagine
if you met someone first?
293
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,161
And moved on?
294
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,121
[ Both laughing ]
295
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,331
[ Alex continues laughing ]
296
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:32,835
Aah!
297
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,253
Whoops.
Sorry about that.
298
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:35,796
Wouldn't want
to accidentally
299
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,214
rekindle our
relationship, right?
300
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:40,426
Yeah. Right.
Like that could ever happen.
301
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,386
[ Doorbell rings ]
302
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,806
Bridgette! We wanted you
to be the first to know.
303
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,933
Both: We're engaged!
[ Twinkle! ]
Both: We're engaged!
[ Twinkle! ]
304
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,853
I hope you don't mind, but we
told all our single friends
305
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,771
that you were the one
who set us up!
306
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,732
-Bridgette!
-I'm desperate!
307
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:55,900
Me next!
308
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,818
Okaaaaay.
309
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:04,325
♪♪
310
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:10,706
♪♪
311
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:13,083
You want me
to be a matchmaker?
312
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,252
Everyone I go out with
is a total freak!
313
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:18,923
Exactly. And all those freaks
want to meet their soul mates.
314
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,674
[ Indistinct shouting ]
315
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:25,095
Alright.
Who's ready to get monogamied?!
316
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:29,808
♪ Can't explain all the feelings
that you're making me feel ♪
317
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:32,353
♪♪
318
00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:34,063
♪ My heart's in overdrive ♪
319
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,732
♪ And you're behind
the steering wheel ♪
320
00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:40,653
♪♪
321
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:44,573
♪ Touching you ♪
322
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:48,118
♪ Touching me ♪
323
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:52,373
♪ Touching you, God,
you're touching me ♪
324
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:54,875
♪♪
325
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,627
♪ I believe in a thing
called love ♪
326
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,712
♪ Just listen to the rhythm
of my heart ♪
327
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,130
♪ There's a chance... ♪
328
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:03,384
Great. Now everyone in town
has a date but me.
329
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,302
Alex:
Uh, not everybody.
330
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,596
What'd you lose in the couch
this time, goofus?
331
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,306
My favorite...
332
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,642
[Deep voice] DVD.
[ Gasps ]
333
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:14,728
It's about a Viking
334
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,355
murder horse that...
335
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,566
[ Doorbell rings ]
336
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,402
Bridgette here.
Hottest matchmaker in town.
337
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,112
[ Giggles ]
I'm Hannah.
338
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,197
I teach at a small
liberal-arts college,
339
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:29,577
and I'm looking for a guy who
gets my passion for Viking lore.
340
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,954
Ohh.
You like Vikings?
341
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,414
Uh, duh-doy!
342
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:37,293
And I'd love a guy in tweed...
who wears glasses...
343
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,752
Ha!
344
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:40,921
...and has unkempt facial hair
that kind of smells
345
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:44,049
like if hummus fermented
in a beard for six years.
346
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,927
If he did exist,
which he doesn't,
347
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,762
you'd hit it off, right?
348
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,431
Ohh, yeah!
Alex: It's gone!
Ohh, yeah!
Alex: It's gone!
349
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:51,974
I'm sorry, but I don't
know anyone that --
350
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,435
And now I'll never be able
to find another copy
351
00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:56,020
of "Need for Steed 3..."
352
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:58,772
Both:
"Tales of a Norse Horse."
353
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,442
Is that the Bronze Anniversary
Special Edition?!
[ Grunts ]
354
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:04,028
And the 14-hour
director's cut!
355
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:06,405
♪ I believe in a thing
called love ♪
356
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,282
♪ Just listen to the rhythm
of my heart ♪
357
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:10,451
♪ There's a chance we could make
it now, we'll be rocking... ♪
358
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,411
[ Clearing throat loudly ]
Well, thanks!
359
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,371
He'll get this back to you
after he's done.
360
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,207
Do you wanna maybe
watch this in my room?
361
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,293
Please tell me you live
in a cramped space
362
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,628
with no ventilation.
363
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:23,172
I call it "a closet."
364
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,840
Ooh!
365
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:28,052
Hey! What are you --
[ Stammers ]
366
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:31,597
Bridgette,
you truly are the best!
367
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,100
Arghhh!
368
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:38,103
[ Alarm beeping ]
369
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,980
[ Groans ]
370
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:41,315
[ Gasps ]
371
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:42,816
Good morning,
Bridgette!
372
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,861
Heyyy.
You, uh, slept over?
373
00:15:45,944 --> 00:15:47,488
Yeah!
We were up so late
374
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:49,490
geeking out over
ancient Norse runes.
375
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:52,409
Ohhh. So you only crashed here
'cause you were tired.
376
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,244
Yeah. [ Spits ]
377
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,789
[Deep voice]
And we had sex.
378
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:59,083
♪♪
379
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,584
[Normal voice]
All yours!
380
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,461
Greaaaaat.
381
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:05,381
Uh-oh!
382
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,925
Bridgette doing chores.
What's wrong?
383
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:10,135
Have you met
Alex's new friend?!
384
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:14,473
No, but are you maybe,
uh, jealous?
385
00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:16,016
Me?! Jealous?!
386
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,685
[ Laughing maniacally ]
387
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:21,730
Eh, don't mind us. Just two
lovebirds looking for a snack.
388
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,399
Chirp, chirp.
389
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:27,861
[ Both moaning passionately ]
390
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,863
I need to get out of here!
391
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:33,492
So, uh, I'm looking for
someone tough like me.
392
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,078
Casual horseback falconry?
What --
393
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,330
[ Gasps ]
HanbergerLoveJourney?
394
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,166
Ugh! He never made up
a hashtag for me!
395
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,835
is this a bad time?
396
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,170
No, no. Not at all.
Here.
397
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,880
Oh. Okay.
398
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,300
[ Inhales sharply ]
Unh! Guh!
399
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,844
[ Phone buzzes ]
400
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:54,555
What does he -- [ Gasps ]
401
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:56,932
I knew
they wouldn't work out!
402
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,684
[ Moaning ]
403
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:02,813
Unh! Ow! We should, uh,
establish a safe word.
404
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,441
Ooh, you're back!
405
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,276
Mm-hmm.
What'd you want to talk about?
406
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,236
Uh, look.
407
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,280
I know things
have been weird.
408
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,532
Weird? What?
[Chuckling] How?
409
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,409
You know,
me being with Hannah
410
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:17,828
and us still sharing
a very thin wall.
411
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:21,331
Ohhh! That! No, that's fine.
That's fine. I'm fine.
412
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,084
no, I've just been super busy
having similar sex
413
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,419
with tons of dudes.
414
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:26,879
That's great!
415
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,089
I just wanted to make sure
you were cool
416
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:31,717
with me and Hannah
before things get,
417
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,427
you know, serious.
418
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,763
Of course!
Live your life!
419
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,347
Thanks, Bridge.
420
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,933
I'm glad you're here
to see this.
421
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,935
Hit it!
[ Switch clicks ]
422
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,771
Aah!
Oh, my gosh!
423
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:48,067
Hannah, my sweet,
tender Viking lover...
424
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,276
[ Gasps ]
425
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,237
...will you marry me?
426
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,947
Of course I will!
427
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:56,784
Hanberger forever!
[ Giggles ]
428
00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,411
Uh-huh!
429
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:00,746
-Yay, Alex!
-Alex and the new girl!
430
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,706
[Restrained] Congrats.
431
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:06,085
♪♪
432
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,629
Alex is on a budget,
so you get to be flower girl
433
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:09,880
and cocktail waitress!
434
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,215
On it, Dad!
435
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,967
Yeah, a former tenant
left this in his unit.
436
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:16,220
Actually, he kinda died
in his unit.
437
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,639
[ Vacuum whirring ]
438
00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:20,474
[ Gasps ] What the hell
are you doing?!
439
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:22,017
Hey!
I was using that.
440
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:25,145
You need to tell Alex that
you still have feelings for him.
441
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,981
Pssh! Even if I did,
which I don't,
442
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:30,651
this "marriage"
won't last!
443
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,986
Once they run out of Viking
shows to watch together,
444
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,238
they'll fall apart.
445
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,323
I give it a week, tops.
446
00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:37,991
[ Sighs ]
447
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:39,952
[ Indistinct conversations ]
448
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:43,664
♪♪
449
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:46,125
Nordic mead
or hanberger spritz?
450
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:50,879
Ah. Auntie Bridgette's cut off.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
451
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,048
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
452
00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:57,052
to join Alex and Hannah
in marriage,
453
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,805
a contract not to be
entered into lightly.
454
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:03,392
No mulligans, take-backs,
or JK LOLs.
455
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,644
Hannah, do you take Alex
to be your --
456
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,396
Wait!
This isn't right!
457
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:08,564
[ All gasp ]
Oh, no!
458
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:09,690
Told ya so.
459
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:11,859
Alex, I haven't been
honest with you.
460
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,945
I don't teach at a small
liberal-arts college.
461
00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:17,239
Occidental
is more mid-sized.
462
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,867
No, I -- Ohh.
This is so embarrassing.
463
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:22,536
I just have to show you.
464
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,037
[ Thunder crashes ]
465
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,789
♪♪
466
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,666
[ Electricity zapping ]
467
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:33,714
♪♪
468
00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:35,299
I am Hnoss.
469
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:38,969
The Norse goddess
of lust and desire.
470
00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,846
[ Electricity zapping ]
471
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:45,559
♪♪
472
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:47,561
Whoa!
473
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:48,896
Come!
474
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,397
We will wed in Valhalla
475
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,026
and induct you as a god
by my side.
476
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,319
[ Whimpers ]
477
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,154
This one's
on the house.
478
00:19:58,864 --> 00:19:59,907
Ohh!
479
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:03,368
This is...very hot!
480
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:06,705
Oh, ho, ho, ho,
holy shit!
481
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:07,915
[ Reins crack ]
482
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,291
[ Braying ]
483
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,752
♪♪
484
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,754
[ People cheering ]
485
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:17,591
He's leaving?!
For real?! For...ever?
486
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:20,886
♪♪
487
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:24,139
♪♪
488
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:25,766
[ Gasps ]
489
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:28,268
[ People gasping ]
490
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,103
Bridgette:
Alex, wait!
491
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:32,064
What in Odin's name?
492
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:34,066
♪♪
493
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,026
Bridgette?
What's wrong?
494
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,111
I still have feelings
for you, okay?!
495
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:40,489
I'm sorry I didn't
tell you earlier.
496
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,449
I-I didn't even
realize it myself.
497
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,618
But I had to say something
before I lost you
498
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,828
to becoming a god
or whatever.
499
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:51,917
Hannah, I am so sorry
about all of this.
500
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,168
[ Whimpers ]
501
00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:55,629
But I can't marry you.
502
00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:57,130
[Sternly] What?
503
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,967
Not when I still have
unresolved feelings
504
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,469
for someone else.
[ Gasps ]
505
00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:04,930
♪♪
506
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:07,933
You're dumping me?
I am a literal deity.
507
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:10,394
I don't need
to settle for a guy
508
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,980
who can't even
commit to eternity.
509
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,773
Hnoss out!
510
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,024
[ Reins crack ]
511
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,776
[ Braying ]
512
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:19,820
♪♪
513
00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:22,364
Damn!
That would've rocked.
514
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,408
But not as much as this.
515
00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:26,118
[ Both moan ]
516
00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:29,371
[ All cheering ]
517
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:33,625
So, may I formally ask you out
on a second first date?
518
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,377
I would love that.
519
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,005
But let's take things slow
this time.
520
00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:40,465
I don't want to rush and
mess it up like I usually do.
521
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:41,717
Well, except for the sex.
522
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,344
That can happen
whenever, wherever.
523
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:46,513
Deal. Ugh!
524
00:21:46,596 --> 00:21:49,558
[ Thunder crashes ]
525
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:52,477
Hnoss: I can't believe
I let your gross beard
526
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,980
scratch my face!
527
00:21:55,063 --> 00:21:57,190
Oh, right.
Goddess ex.
528
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:58,692
You blocked her
on Insta, right?
529
00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:00,694
We've been broken up
for like two minutes!
530
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:03,030
[ Sighs ] Already
with the excuses.
531
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:04,531
[ Both scream ]
532
00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:06,533
[ Hnoss laughs evilly ]
533
00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:16,376
♪♪
534
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:26,178
♪♪
535
00:22:26,261 --> 00:22:35,979
♪♪
536
00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:45,739
♪♪
537
00:22:45,822 --> 00:22:55,540
♪♪
538
00:22:55,624 --> 00:22:57,751
[ Both grunting ]