[ Fabolous' "So NY" plays ] ♪ New York ♪
♪ I said I'm so New York ♪
♪ Weezy probably don't like me ♪
♪ I'm so New York, Weezy probably don't like me ♪
♪ La da da da, da da da da ♪
First signs of life post-graduation, bitches!
Woman: Who you calling a "bitch," bitch?
Yeah? Say it to my face!
I love New York. [ Chuckles ]
Everyone said life after college would be hard, but, honestly...
♪ I'm so New York, Weezy probably... ♪
...your girl's thriving.
♪ La da da da, da da da da ♪
[ Ding ]
Honestly, my entire crew is killing the game.
Zoey: Which I kind of expected.
The only real surprise is that these two are still together.
No one saw that coming.
♪ I'm only comin' out to play ♪
And, of course, there is a certain someone
that I haven't mentioned yet.
After years of countless breakups and make-ups,
an incarceration, a six-hour marriage
officiated by a cartel pastor,
I'm sure it comes as no surprise...
we're doing great.
Thanks to Google Calendars
and a couple after-dark Snapchats --
just to keep the mystery alive --
we are making long distance work.
Flight attendant: Welcome to Los Angeles.
Mm!
♪ What about today? ♪
And now I'm back to surprise my guy.
Zoey: After Aaron's Afro-Salon
became an international success,
Cal U made him an offer he couldn't refuse --
Assistant Professor, tenure track.
Today's not just a fresh start for Aaron,
it's also a new beginning for someone else.
Bro, it is geometry. Just turn left.
That's what I'm doing.
No, your other left. Use the hypotenuse.
Use English when you're talking to me.
I am! Hypotenuse!
My little brother's taking on my alma mater!
You heard that right --
Junior is enrolled as a freshman,
so of course I had to be here.
You're not using your knees.
I am. Surprise!
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
Ah! Ah!
Zoey. You gotta be [bleep] kidding me.
[ Giggles ]
They're so excited to see me!
That's my toe.
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ Learn something new every day ♪
♪ I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ♪
♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪
♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪
♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪ ♪ You can tell me ♪
♪ My heart beating so loud ♪
♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
Aren't you excited to see me?
Yeah, yeah, so excited.
Just didn't get the alert on our shared calendar.
Okay.
Today is a huge day for both of you,
so I flew in on business class --
You mean, "used Dad's miles."
Point is, I am here for 19 1/2 hours,
and I can multitask for the men I love.
Or man and boy.
I -- You are 11 months older than me.
I mean...
All right, that is a collectible Charizard statue,
limited number.
You know, I don't need to justify it to you.
Mnh-mnh. All I'm saying is I'm proud of you.
I mean, you're finally embracing the whole college experience.
Look, I'm not here to butt-chug beers
and go to pep rallies.
I'm here to get in, get out,
and get back into the real world.
What I realized during my gap year is that college
is a stepping stone, not a standstill.
Uh, that was a gap year?
Yeah, well, hey, listen, there's nothing wrong with being
a geriatric freshman. That's fine.
The point is, I've got this. Oh.
Nice to meet you. Hi!
Zaara. Zoey.
Dig your vibe, Z.
Ooh, thank you.
But, oh, I'm actually not your roommate.
I'm here to help my brother settle in.
This is the brother right here. Yeah.
Hi. I'm Junior.
Lakers flag, Jordans,
Axe three-in-one body wash.
This is what I get for rolling the dice
on gender-inclusive housing.
All right. Yeah.
Godspeed.
And why don't you just text me when you need me?
Yeah. And, um, you will need me.
Yep. You guys have fun.
You got this, J.
Thanks.
Rule number one --
if you're gonna watch porn or "Pokémon,"
headphones on.
♪♪
[ Sighs ] Some people say
returning to campus as an alumnus
is like being the Ghost of Christmas Past,
haunting a life that's technically no longer yours.
I mean, what if Cal U's forgotten me?
♪ Zoooooeeeeyyyyyyy ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Yes!
Who am I kidding? It is great to be back.
This is such a crazy surprise.
Hey, there is no way
I'd miss seeing my dude stroll down his campus
as a tenure-track assistant professor.
Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Class of '22, whaddup!
Oh! Wait.
Did you not graduate? [ Chuckles ]
Of course I did, dummy! Barely.
I had to take a sociology class online over the summer.
But real question is, what are you doing on campus?
Welcome brunch with the graduating class of Gammas.
Mm-hmm. My frat brothers needed me, so...
Mm. They make him dress like
he's selling bean pies for Farrakhan.
Hey, oh, don't hate. Yeah.
Hey, when you work at the number-three marketing firm
in Cali, you gotta dress the part.
All right, okay, Gucci loafers.
And right, right, right.
Turner and Hyde -- that is such a sick company.
Congrats, Doug. Yeah.
Hey, you gotta come to my Black Excellence White Party tonight.
Mm. So you're celebrating Blackness with whiteness?
Wait, a party?
You really can't throw a party without telling Big Zo-Zo.
But, hey, your girl's here now.
What if I make my infamous jungle juice?
'Cause I still have that grain alcohol connect.
We just have to drive to Fresno.
Zoey, no jungle juice. This is not a college party.
This is an adult party, okay?
Mm-hmm. They only turn up just because.
If anybody needs to turn up, it's teachers, okay?
I literally feel like I'm --
I'm shaping the future minds of America.
Mm. You never forget that first professor
who made an impact, you know?
Actually, I --
I can't remember the names of any of my professors.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one.
But not to say that's gonna happen with you.
Everyone's gonna remember your name, baby.
Yeah.
Tenure-track assistant professor Aaron Jackson. Ooh!
♪ You're now rockin' with the best, yes ♪
♪ Better than the rest ♪
♪ This a level up 'cause I'm way too fresh ♪
♪ All I do is win, so I tend to say less ♪
♪ Except when I come through to flex ♪
♪ Rockin' with the best, yes ♪
♪ Better than the rest ♪
So, while Aaron and I got reacquainted with Cal U,
Junior was in the middle of freshman-ing.
And he was beginning to question
if he had made the right decision.
Hey, so welcome to your first day as residents of King Hall.
I'm Kiela, your RA.
And, you know, let's start this orientation off
with an icebreaker.
Tell me your name and why Cal U.
I'll start.
I'm Kiela, sophomore, and I'm at Cal U to figure out
how to save our democracy before the next insurrection.
Who's next?
I'm Annika, freshman, repping Brooklyn.
I came to Cal U because of the legacy, the history,
and, statistically, Cal U has the most attractive,
financially stable students on this coast,
so it was a no-brainer.
Yo, I'm Slick.
Um, I'm just -- I'm just happy to be here.
Wherever "here" is.
Uh...
Wait. What was the question?
I'm Zeke, freshman, and I'm just here for football.
And the ladies.
So get at me before I get drafted.
I'm Zaara, freshman.
Why did I pick Cal U?
Um, because Harvard, Brown, and Yale
don't offer accelerated medical-degree programs.
Go, Titans.
[ Clears throat ]
Oh. Um, right.
Sorry. I -- Why am I here?
Why am I here? Right.
Uh, I guess, because, after dropping out of Howard,
I got a job that didn't pay enough.
Thought I found the love of my life,
tried to settle down, but that didn't work out.
And since my high school AP credits can get me
in and out of Cal U in three years,
I thought, hey, it's a means to an end.
♪♪
Oh, and, uh, I'm Junior.
Kiela: Uh, yeah, so...
[ Cellphone vibrates ] ...you know, second icebreaker.
Let's just get right into that.
Everyone a fan?
[ Conversation continues indistinctly ]
♪♪
We're excited to have you, Aaron.
Hey, it's good to be here.
Actually, I wanted to run a couple things by you --
basically my plans for the semester.
I've written out a proposal --
Now, while I love your enthusiasm,
as a new member of faculty,
your focus should really be on your intro course.
Right. Uh...
But when you hired me, you told me to think big,
so that's what I did.
Well, for the time being, maybe think a little...
smaller.
Smaller, right.
Okay.
So, Aaron's got a new place,
and I'd say it is in desperate need of a woman's touch.
I mean, why wouldn't you put almond milk in the fridge?
[ Sniffs ] Whoo! That is why.
Yikes!
Hey, babe.
I put your almond milk in the fridge.
[ Sighs ]
Which, I guess if you really don't like it,
I could put it back on the counter.
It's not that.
You remember that I had those three, uh,
competing job offers?
Yeah, but then Cal U offered you a tenure-track position.
How could you turn that down?
I think I made a mistake.
Really? Yeah, Dean Watson --
he promised me I would have more agency,
but I-I can't even choose what color markers I have.
It's the same bureaucratic BS.
I...
think I played myself.
[ Groans ]
That's a cry for help, right?
I'm glad you're here.
He needs me.
Um, babe, you know,
Anti-Muse is mainly virtual these days,
which means, technically, I can work from anywhere.
So how about I stay with you for a few weeks?
Yeah? Really?
Of course. You're sure?
Hundred percent.
Mm. Yeah?
Mm.
[ Whispering ] I love being needed.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
♪♪
I know that the food here is kinda weird, right?
Oh, Junior.
AirDrop me your info so I can add you to Friend Tracker.
We've known each other for 12 hours.
Why do we need to find each other?
People get lost. Exactly.
You never seen "Abducted in Plain Sight"?
Well, a bunch of us are hanging out later.
Come through.
Oh, um, I'd love to, but I actually have something.
Maybe next time, though.
Well, in case your plans change, you know how to find me.
[ Cellphone dings ]
Anyway, that's exactly what I was talking about...
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ I came to steal the show ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ 'Cause it's my time to flow ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ I came to steal the show ♪
♪ Whoo, whoo ♪
If there is anything Diddy taught us,
it's that the two-step will never die,
and nothing screams "Black success"
like an all-white party.
Ironic, but somehow still true.
♪ Shots! ♪
♪ Shots, shots, shots, shots, anybod-- ♪
Zoey, Zoey, Zoey.
W-What are you doing?
I'm helping bring on a mild but pleasing buzz.
No, no, no.
I-I-I have mixologists over there
making overpriced lychee cocktails. Mm.
And you're out here doing this red Jell-O thing.
I don't want people thinking that this is
some low-budget college party.
You see what I'm doing here?
Oh, gotchu, gotchu, gotchu.
But people love Jell-O shots.
So why don't we just agree to disagree?
No. Why don't we just agree to disagree?
No. [ Sighs ]
♪ Bring the entourage ♪ Aaron: This is like old times, huh?
Zoey: Mm-hmm.
I mean, not like the times when we broke up
and got back together again, or even got arrested,
but, like, the good old times.
Mm-hmm. I'm so glad I'm home.
I feel like we have so many good new old times in our future.
Speaking of our future... Yeah.
...I was thinking we really should, like... Yeah?
...try to spend more time together, you know?
Like, one-on-one time. Mm.
J-Just the two of us. You know what I'm saying?
Mm-hmm. Vibing, connecting.
Yeah. Because I've missed you.
Aw. Baby, I missed you, too.
[ Megan Thee Stallion's "Girls In the Hood" plays ]
Yeah? Oh!
♪ I'm a hot girl, oh, I do hot shit, ah! ♪
♪ Hate under my pictures on the 'Gram ♪
♪ Bitch, you better hope ♪
♪ I never run across your man, uh ♪
Remember?
Sophomore year, I'd have them play this
every single night at Titanium.
I'd make the bartender play this at closing.
This is my song, this is my song.
This is my mother [bleep] song!
Right. ♪ I don't text quick 'cause I ain't thirsty ♪
♪ Mad, mad, they wanna hurt me ♪
♪ I'm a hot girl, I do hot... ♪
♪ Spend his income on my outfit ♪
♪ I don't text quick 'cause I ain't thirsty ♪
♪ These bitches mad, mad ♪
♪ They wanna hurt me ♪ Yeah!
[ Litty Kitty's "Move Somethin" plays ]
♪ Move somethin', baby, move somethin', unh ♪
♪ Tell me if you wanna do somethin', unh ♪
♪ What you want, baby? Choose something, unh ♪
You're the RA who wants to stop the next insurrection, right?
Mm, and you're the freshman
who's already over college, right?
[ Scoffs ] I never said that.
Maybe not, but that's your whole, um, vibe.
Oh. Yeah.
♪ Move, move something ♪
♪ Feel the beat like the... ♪
Kiela.
Junior.
Okay, Junior, same question --
why Cal U?
I don't know. I guess...to get a degree.
You know, same as everybody else.
Look, I -- I know, for me, to come all the way to Cal U
and live with strangers, eat on a meal plan,
and leave thousands of dollars in debt,
it just -- you know, it has to be worth
more than some piece of paper in a fancy-ass frame.
Also, it'll help if you just loosen up
and enjoy this whole college thing.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
You never know what will happen.
All: 97, 98, 99, 100!
[ Cheering ]
Raah!
Some people might say that traveling 2,789 miles
to shoot copious alcohol down your throat
is poor decision-making, and they would be wrong.
The good news is, I still have a high tolerance
and remain the keg-stand GOAT!
Hunh!
Anybody that says that you cannot relive the good old days,
they're probably just in their 30s.
Ooh! Okay.
Here comes the time of the night that every party girl hates.
I gotta break the seal.
All right, excuse me, guys.
Really gotta pee. Really gotta pee.
Tryin' to keep this outfit white.
Oh, my God! Aahhh!
[ Screams ]
Excuse me.
Hey, I need a drink that'll erase
the last three minutes from my brain.
Make it a double. Sure.
Zoey, I'm sorry -- Shh! Shh!
Okay. Cool. It's understandable.
Wow.
Ooh. Zoey, I am sorry
that you had to see me engage in carnal activities.
Uh, again.
Not as sorry as me. Okay.
But do you think this is why I'm here?
To have sex with Kiela?
No! No.
But maybe? I don't know.
I-I feel like I started here feeling out of place,
like I was too old, and I think that kept me
from embracing the college experience.
But college needs to be more than me
just keeping my head down and getting my degree.
Yeah. Of course it does.
I mean, I fell in love here.
I figured out who I was and what I wanted,
how to go after it.
College made me who I am.
And I just know it can be all of that for you.
And let me remind you --
it is so much easier than the real world.
I just want my life to be easier.
I miss my meal plan.
Oh. Does that sound crazy?
It's a little weird.
That's crazy. That food sucked.
But sometimes I just wish...
I could come home.
No, no, no, no, no.
Zoey, you cannot go backwards.
What do you think Future Zoey is gonna say
when she looks back at herself
and sees that you gave up just because things weren't easy?
Yeah.
Also, you have always wanted to live in New York.
It's all you've ever talked about.
Yeah, I know.
What if I'm not ready for the life I always talked about?
We are never ready.
Yeah. But that's just life.
We both need to take that next step forward.
Yeah.
This is weird. Yeah.
Us talking like this, like...
Yeah. ...adults.
I mean, you're just a real grown-up, dude.
Yeah, you too. It's...
so weird.
Also, it seems like the elder Johnsons have a type.
What do you mean?
You know, Kiela is Luca's little sister.
No! Mm-hmm.
Oh, my -- Oh, my God.
Uh, excuse me. Bartender?
I'll have what she's having.
Make it a double double. You're gonna need it.
♪ Step out when I do it ♪
♪ Got the phone with the panoramic views ♪
♪ 'Cause my view different ♪
♪ Let 'em watch how I do it ♪
♪ Mr. Wild Wild West ♪
Hey. Hey.
I am so sorry that I was out there
acting like a spring-breaker on South Padre Island.
[ Chuckles ] I was just having a good time,
and then I didn't want that time to ever end.
Why? I thought things were going good in New York.
Yeah, they are.
Anti-Muse is bigger than I could've ever imagined, but...
I only have work-friends, and I'm starting
to really hate being away from my family and from you.
I thought coming back to Cal U would bring out the old me,
but I think that chapter's closed.
And I'm okay with that.
Look, Zoey, I love you, and whatever you want,
wherever you want to be, we'll make it work.
All right?
So you got this flight tomorrow. Yeah.
What do you want to do until then?
Just make the most of our time together.
Let's do that. Yeah.
I love you.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪♪
Zoey: New beginnings are exciting and terrifying
for the same reason --
anything can happen.
What? [ Laughs ]
I mean...
[ Yoste's "Arc" plays ]
♪ Heaving ♪
♪ Hollow ♪
♪ Breathing ♪
♪ So slow ♪
Oh, guys, you remember Junior.
What's up, y'all? What's up?
♪ But tiring ♪
♪ Lost sight ♪
♪ Climbing ♪
♪ Coming to rest ♪
After graduation, everyone tells you
you have your whole life ahead of you.
But no one ever tells you just how scary that is.
♪ I could breathe in the colors so bright ♪
For the first time, you're really on your own.
♪♪
Junior: Sometimes you have to start over
to get where you need to go.
And you know what?
Both: I'm not scared.
Let's get it right this time, gentlemen.
This is a love song to someone who lives 3,000 miles away.
Give it to me with some soul, right?
5, 6, 7, 8.
♪ You're a hot girl ♪ Hot!
♪ You do hot sh... ♪ Sh!
♪ You're a hot girl ♪ Hot!
♪ You do hot sh... ♪
♪ You're a hot girl ♪
♪ You do hot sh..., you're a hot girl ♪
What are we talkin' about?
Give it to 'em tender now.
[ Softly ] ♪ You do hot sh... ♪
♪ You're a hot girl ♪
♪ You do hot sh... ♪ ♪ You do hot sh... ♪
♪ You're a hot girl, you do hot sh... ♪
I don't think they can hear us in the back.
2, 3, hey! [ Loudly ] ♪ You're a hot girl ♪
♪ You're a hot girl, what ♪ ♪ You do hot sh ♪
What! ♪ You're a hot girl ♪
♪ You do hot sh... ♪
My baby's hot. ♪ You're a hot girl ♪
My baby's hot. My baby's hot.
♪ You do hot sh... ♪
♪ You're a hot girl ♪
2, 3, and zzt!