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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
M_I_SForEver
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Throughout history,
humans have had a primal instinct to hunt,
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00:00:48,573 --> 00:00:51,477
to compete, to dominate.
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Initially,
survival was a daily necessity.
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Kill or be killed.
There was no choice.
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And through these battles,
through all the aggression
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00:00:59,218 --> 00:01:02,488
against the opposition,
a respect developed.
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00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:04,989
An unexpected camaraderie
was born.
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And around the world,
brotherhoods were forged.
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But now that we're civilized
and spoiled
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by the luxuries
of the modern world,
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those instincts
have been dulled.
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However, that primal need
to dominate remains.
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Even today, people around
the world need an outlet,
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an arena to crush
the competition.
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And I'm not talking
about fantasy football.
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I'm talking about
real competition.
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Blood, sweat, and beer.
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This is the story
about my group of friends.
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And for the last 20 years,
we found that outlet
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to unleash our need
to conquer, to win,
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to be crowned king,
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and to ruthlessly demoralize
our best buddies.
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But at the end of the day,
we are lifelong friends,
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and nothing could come
between our brotherhood.
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Well, almost nothing.
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Where are you?
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Oh, okay.
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Oh, okay. Get some.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Fuck you!
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Fuck!
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Damn it!
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Ow! Fuck!
Aaah! Aaah! Stop!
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Fucking stop shooting!
Aaah!
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Too much!
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Oh, fuck.
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Yeah!
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- Who's the king?
- You're the king!
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I want to say a couple words here.
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I should not be
standing here
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collecting another
championship,
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but I am,
thanks to guys like Doc.
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I had you, Shelly.
I had you.
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You had me dead
in the fucking water,
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- I did, Shelly.
- right there by the tree stump,
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and then you... what happened?
You panicked, right? You spazzed out?
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That is a good quality
in a doctor, you must admit.
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Your patients are very lucky.
We'll let it go, and Zane...
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- That's my name!
- "In Zane" in the membrane.
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You idiot.
You're such an idiot.
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This fucking guy!
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And, Durfy, I was really hoping
you'd win, man.
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00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:11,909
- Oh, thank you.
- 'Cause I wanted to go down on the champion.
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Since I'm the champion,
you can go down on me.
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- Yeah, I'll start now.
- Ooh! Ooh, ooh!
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It's "ding!" Like a bullet off Superman.
That's what that was.
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Where's big Bob?
Big Bob! Bobfather!
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- Yes!
- The man we owe it all to.
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The man who put
all this shit together.
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- Bobby, thank you. I love you, brother.
- Love you too, buddy.
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And last but not least,
Dixon Bender "like Beckham."
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Get over here, Bender.
Bender,
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I, uh, I've won, uh,
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six championships
in six years.
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What do you have
to say about that?
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- Well, Shelly, I...
- Oh, we're all out of time.
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So sorry, Bender.
Love you, Bobby!
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- Whoo!
- I need a beer.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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Bender, I'm sorry, man.
I'm sorry about earlier.
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I was just trying to make sure
you were actually dead, you know.
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Well, you did.
You shot me, like, 30 times, Shelly.
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- Thirty times. You painted a fucking house.
- Yeah.
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It hurt.
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Aw, sweet, sweet Bender.
Come on.
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Come on over here.
You didn't deserve that.
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- I'll never do it again, okay?
- All right.
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- You hear me?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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'Cause you are the toughest
son of a bitch I know,
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and you wear your heart
on your shoe.
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Aaah! Fuck!
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You can be such
an asshole, dude. Fuck!
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- You're 33?
- Yeah.
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- Wow!
- You're so good looking for an older guy.
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- Yeah! Totally.
- I am not.
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- Yeah, you are.
- No, I'm not.
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You look like
a movie star.
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You seriously think
I look like a movie star?
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Yeah, totally!
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- You're hot!
- Wow, thank you!
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- What do you do?
- Oh, I operate a backhoe.
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I dig a lot of, uh,
sewer mains and cesspools.
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It's, uh, anywhere where waste
generally dissipates into the soil.
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- Like poo? Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
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Pretty good job.
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00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:14,600
Your grandparents let you
throw parties like this here?
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- Yeah. Yeah.
- Really?
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Well, every summer,
last 15 years.
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- Oh, my...
- Hello! Who's this beautiful lady?
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- Hi, I'm Tiff.
- Tiff?
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Tiff, do you know
who this is?
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- That's Bob.
- This is Bob.
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Bob is the bestest,
sweetest son of a bitch
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- in the whole, wide world.
- Are you gonna kiss me on the lips?
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I'm gonna kiss you right on your
lips, you big, handsome...
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- You guys should kiss.
- I love this guy.
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Okay. Nikki calls.
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Jesus Christ.
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Careful...
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Hey, who's got my bucket?
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There you are, baby.
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Sheldon Baldinger.
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Why, Nikki Baldinger?
Hi, wifey.
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I think it's time
we have a little chat.
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Yeah? What do you want
to talk about?
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I think it's time for
my big, strong champion
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to take his trophy...
inside.
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00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:08,320
- Shelly! Shelly! We got a sleeper. Right there.
- Dude.
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00:07:08,454 --> 00:07:10,955
Mark did a bunch of absinthe.
He's basically in a coma.
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So fire up the nut sac.
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Time for the old
meat goggles.
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Rain check, babe. I'm sorry.
I can't disappoint my fans.
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Whoo! Who wants
some balls and gravy?
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Balls! Balls! Balls!
Balls! Balls! Balls!
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Ugh.
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Unbelievable.
Look at this guy.
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Why do I do this? Every year,
I get dragged down to these things.
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Bunch of grown men
acting like teenage chimps.
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Yeah, they're animals.
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Poor Mark's passed out. Now he has
balls smeared all over his forehead.
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He's a schoolteacher.
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It's a good thing
Mark's students aren't here.
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All he cares about is work
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and beating his buddies at the Buddy
Games, especially you, Bender.
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I haven't showered
for three days!
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Why don't you
teach him a lesson?
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From us. Come on.
It'll be fun.
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00:08:02,708 --> 00:08:05,944
- What, shoot him? I can't do that.
- Okay.
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00:08:06,078 --> 00:08:09,348
Two for one.
Two nuts, one guy.
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00:08:09,481 --> 00:08:12,351
Look familiar, Bender?
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00:08:14,086 --> 00:08:15,754
- What if I did?
- Yeah, do it.
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00:08:15,888 --> 00:08:17,623
Left hook. Uppercut.
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00:08:17,756 --> 00:08:19,191
Body blow. Aaah!
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00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,159
What?
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00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,295
Shel! Shelly!
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00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:27,132
Bender, you fucked him up
real good, man.
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00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:30,135
Jesus Christ,
what am I looking at?
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00:08:47,386 --> 00:08:49,721
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
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00:08:51,089 --> 00:08:52,958
You know,
I was doing the math
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00:08:53,091 --> 00:08:54,626
on how many years
we've been coming here,
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- and it's five years of Sundays.
- I know.
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She's making
the same casserole.
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Oh, God.
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00:09:00,566 --> 00:09:02,334
My mom really
appreciates it though.
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00:09:02,467 --> 00:09:04,037
And I appreciate you
for coming with me.
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00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,737
I was thinking
that maybe we could
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00:09:05,871 --> 00:09:08,674
- add something to the Sunday routine.
- Like what?
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00:09:08,807 --> 00:09:11,543
I'm just gonna keep sliding down
the counter until you figure it out.
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00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:14,079
We could see
how we like that.
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00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,650
Yeah. You want
to do it right here?
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00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:30,063
You want to add something
to the Sunday routine?
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00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:45,611
I'm staring at a picture of myself
as a child staring back at me.
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It's horrifying.
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Oh, God!
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00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,854
Okay, my buns are warm.
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00:09:55,988 --> 00:09:57,956
Bless your heart!
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00:09:58,091 --> 00:10:00,325
Oh, I always forget
to heat those up.
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00:10:00,459 --> 00:10:03,161
Not a big deal.
I mean, look at your casserole.
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00:10:03,295 --> 00:10:04,630
- Isn't it good today?
- Oh...
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00:10:04,763 --> 00:10:06,632
- Did you do something different this time?
- No.
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00:10:06,765 --> 00:10:09,134
No, you baked a pie.
How am I gonna compete with you?
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00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:10,736
Oh, I bought
that pie, sweetie.
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00:10:10,869 --> 00:10:12,304
Bill hates my pie.
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00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,073
What? What's that?
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00:10:14,206 --> 00:10:15,974
I said,
you hate my pie.
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00:10:16,109 --> 00:10:19,011
Oh, yeah.
Store pie's better.
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00:10:19,177 --> 00:10:21,213
You know, I always think
that pie is pie.
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00:10:21,346 --> 00:10:22,981
You know,
as long as it's warm
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00:10:23,116 --> 00:10:25,350
and lots of whipped cream,
you know.
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00:10:25,484 --> 00:10:27,452
- Mmm.
- Bob loves my pie, right?
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00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:30,288
- I do love your pie. Very much.
- Yeah, Bob loves my pie.
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00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,591
Sounds like you guys
are talking about vagina.
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00:10:32,724 --> 00:10:34,226
- Oh, Bill!
- What?
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00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:37,396
Oh, good Lord!
I know what you meant.
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00:10:37,529 --> 00:10:39,665
No, we were actually
talking about vagina.
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00:10:39,798 --> 00:10:41,733
- No, we weren't.
- Oh, stop it.
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00:10:44,236 --> 00:10:46,938
Bobby, when are you
gonna marry this girl?
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00:10:47,073 --> 00:10:48,407
Mom, please.
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00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:50,809
- Peas?
- No, Dad. I don't want peas.
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00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:52,878
I want grandbabies,
for goodness sake.
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00:10:53,011 --> 00:10:55,180
I know you want grandbabies.
You say that every weekend.
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00:10:55,313 --> 00:10:57,649
- What are you guys waiting for?
- Mother...
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00:10:59,418 --> 00:11:01,386
Mary Ann Baldinger?
195
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,488
Uh, give me one second.
196
00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:06,758
Why don't you take him away
somewhere romantic?
197
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,796
Mrs. Baldinger. This is a surprise.
How are you?
198
00:11:10,929 --> 00:11:14,133
Not so good, Bobby.
Sheldon needs you. Now.
199
00:11:14,266 --> 00:11:17,569
- We're at Silver Linings.
- Silver Linings? Like, the rehab?
200
00:11:17,703 --> 00:11:20,472
Yes. I'll explain when you get here.
Come now.
201
00:11:23,375 --> 00:11:25,410
- I'm sorry, you guys. I have to run.
- What?
202
00:11:25,544 --> 00:11:27,080
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, I'll see you back at the house.
203
00:11:27,212 --> 00:11:29,681
- Do you want me to go with you?
- Nope. You enjoy yourselves.
204
00:11:31,249 --> 00:11:33,885
- Eat your casserole.
- I can...
205
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,390
Okay. Okay.
206
00:11:49,035 --> 00:11:50,302
What?
207
00:11:52,071 --> 00:11:53,238
What is going on?
208
00:11:53,371 --> 00:11:54,840
Shouldn't his wife be here?
Where's Nikki?
209
00:11:54,973 --> 00:11:57,008
Nikki?
The bitch filed for divorce,
210
00:11:57,143 --> 00:12:00,812
sold the shares back to the
investors, and moved to Jamaica.
211
00:12:00,946 --> 00:12:02,514
What?
212
00:12:02,647 --> 00:12:05,317
He is in a dark,
dark place, Bobby.
213
00:12:05,450 --> 00:12:08,054
Sheldon's a good boy.
Do you know what it's like
214
00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,256
watching your boy wasting away
in front of your eyes?
215
00:12:11,389 --> 00:12:13,625
I can't even imagine, Mrs. B.
I am so sorry.
216
00:12:13,759 --> 00:12:15,494
I need you to do
something for me.
217
00:12:15,627 --> 00:12:17,029
Yeah, anything. You name it.
218
00:12:17,163 --> 00:12:18,430
Get the boys back together.
219
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,432
Yeah. Whatever you need.
We'll take him out,
220
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,000
- maybe go on a vacation.
- No.
221
00:12:22,135 --> 00:12:24,770
His counselor said Sheldon
needs something to live for.
222
00:12:24,903 --> 00:12:28,040
He needs a win.
He needs those games.
223
00:12:28,174 --> 00:12:29,474
- The Buddy Games?
- Yeah.
224
00:12:29,608 --> 00:12:31,543
No. No, no, no.
225
00:12:31,676 --> 00:12:33,246
That's... That's not
gonna happen.
226
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,680
I'm not asking.
I'm telling.
227
00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:38,084
If you have any compassion
in your soul whatsoever,
228
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:40,285
you will do this
for my boy.
229
00:12:41,319 --> 00:12:43,588
Oh, don't be a pussy.
230
00:12:44,289 --> 00:12:45,824
You were always
a leader of men.
231
00:12:45,957 --> 00:12:47,926
What did the boys
used to call you?
232
00:12:50,096 --> 00:12:52,564
- The Bobfather.
- And why did they call you that?
233
00:12:52,697 --> 00:12:55,300
Because I was their leader.
234
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:57,302
Exactly.
235
00:12:57,435 --> 00:12:59,604
Now, you rally
those troops.
236
00:13:00,372 --> 00:13:02,307
- Shake. All right.
- All right.
237
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,709
Oh, you're a good boy,
Bobby.
238
00:13:07,146 --> 00:13:08,380
God...
239
00:13:09,815 --> 00:13:12,818
- Whoop. Excuse me.
- Hey, Bob.
240
00:13:17,022 --> 00:13:18,423
Shelly?
241
00:13:18,557 --> 00:13:20,859
What are you
doing here, Bob?
242
00:13:20,992 --> 00:13:24,130
Holy shit! What...
Uh, you look...
243
00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:26,098
Like a runway model?
244
00:13:26,232 --> 00:13:28,433
You know...
245
00:13:29,302 --> 00:13:31,237
- Why are you here, Bob?
- Uh...
246
00:13:32,205 --> 00:13:34,539
Uh, could we go talk someplace
a little more private?
247
00:13:34,673 --> 00:13:37,943
Sure. Just let
Bruce finish first.
248
00:13:38,077 --> 00:13:39,444
You hungry, fella?
249
00:13:39,578 --> 00:13:41,379
I know it feels like
he's taking stuff off,
250
00:13:41,513 --> 00:13:43,448
but he's actually putting
things on your head.
251
00:13:48,987 --> 00:13:51,257
- Mmm!
- What, you got cocaine in here?
252
00:13:51,389 --> 00:13:52,891
How the fuck did you get
cocaine in here?
253
00:13:53,024 --> 00:13:54,492
Crushed-up SweeTARTS.
254
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,394
Desperate times,
brother.
255
00:13:56,528 --> 00:13:59,865
So, uh, I don't see you
for years,
256
00:13:59,998 --> 00:14:02,667
and then you just show up
on my doorstep like this.
257
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,036
Uh, you don't see me for y...
258
00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:06,038
We've been trying
to track you down for years.
259
00:14:06,172 --> 00:14:09,175
- What do you want, Bob?
- I want my best friend back.
260
00:14:09,308 --> 00:14:10,675
That's what I want.
261
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:13,145
I want to know
what the hell happened to you.
262
00:14:13,279 --> 00:14:15,847
And why are you here...
Five years?
263
00:14:17,582 --> 00:14:19,784
Oh, come on, man.
264
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:21,519
Seriously?
265
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:24,823
What could be so bad that
you had to go down this road?
266
00:14:26,424 --> 00:14:29,128
I lost my right testicle
that night, Bob.
267
00:14:30,962 --> 00:14:33,832
Oh, I... I didn't...
I didn't...
268
00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:35,533
I didn't know that.
I'm sorry.
269
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,270
Yeah, that night
they did surgery.
270
00:14:37,402 --> 00:14:39,138
I didn't feel anything
for days, man.
271
00:14:39,272 --> 00:14:41,573
I mean, it might have been
the OxyContin talking,
272
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,875
but, whoo, son!
273
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,878
But, uh something
still wasn't right.
274
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:48,147
What do you mean?
275
00:14:48,281 --> 00:14:49,748
I guess
in all the chaos,
276
00:14:49,881 --> 00:14:51,917
nobody thought to check
on my left nut,
277
00:14:52,051 --> 00:14:54,452
- the only one I had left.
- Oh, no.
278
00:14:54,586 --> 00:14:56,122
It got a little
staph infection,
279
00:14:56,255 --> 00:14:59,358
and they had to
remove that one too.
280
00:14:59,491 --> 00:15:00,692
So you...
281
00:15:00,825 --> 00:15:02,427
Lost both my balls?
Yeah.
282
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,364
Ah, Jesus Christ.
I'm so sorry, man.
283
00:15:05,497 --> 00:15:08,433
I had no idea.
I don't even know what to say.
284
00:15:08,566 --> 00:15:12,071
I'm a fuckin' textbook
alpha male, honest.
285
00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:13,605
I am a wrecking ball.
286
00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,640
- I am a killing machine.
- Okay. Okay.
287
00:15:15,774 --> 00:15:18,710
I bring food back to the
village and lay all the women.
288
00:15:21,147 --> 00:15:24,716
You know, life hasn't been all that
good to me either, just so you know.
289
00:15:24,849 --> 00:15:27,852
My company is completely
in the shitter.
290
00:15:27,986 --> 00:15:30,889
I'm practically broke.
I'm living in a one-bedroom apartment.
291
00:15:31,022 --> 00:15:32,224
- Really?
- Yeah.
292
00:15:34,793 --> 00:15:38,130
Goddamn it, man! We were on top
of the world, weren't we?
293
00:15:38,264 --> 00:15:41,233
Look, I know we're not as young
and bulletproof as we used to be,
294
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:43,735
but we got to where we were because
we were good at what we did.
295
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:47,672
Who says that got to settle because
life dealt us a couple of shitty hands?
296
00:15:47,806 --> 00:15:49,941
You know what we need?
297
00:15:50,076 --> 00:15:51,143
A gun.
298
00:15:52,178 --> 00:15:54,813
No, we don't... not a...
No, we don't need a gun.
299
00:15:54,946 --> 00:15:56,815
Right. Two guns.
One for each of us. Good catch.
300
00:15:56,948 --> 00:15:58,683
You know
what else we need?
301
00:15:58,817 --> 00:16:01,486
- The Buddy Games.
- You out of your fucking mind?
302
00:16:01,619 --> 00:16:03,688
- No.
- That's the reason I'm in this place,
303
00:16:03,822 --> 00:16:05,724
in this goddamn robe,
304
00:16:05,857 --> 00:16:07,759
snorting crushed-up
candies.
305
00:16:07,892 --> 00:16:10,895
I got tits, for Christ's sake!
Fuck the Buddy Games!
306
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:14,866
Let's not let one little hiccup
destroy 20 years of greatness.
307
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,670
You are...
the Buddy Games.
308
00:16:18,803 --> 00:16:21,606
You are our champion.
You are our king.
309
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,508
- We need you to save us.
- I'm the king?
310
00:16:23,641 --> 00:16:25,211
- You're the king.
- Who's the king?
311
00:16:25,344 --> 00:16:26,611
- You.
- Mm-mmm.
312
00:16:26,745 --> 00:16:28,580
- Shelly.
- Shelly's the fucking king.
313
00:16:28,713 --> 00:16:30,615
If I'm the king, then I get
to decide who's there.
314
00:16:30,749 --> 00:16:32,385
Okay, sure.
315
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:34,153
Then Bender can't be there.
316
00:16:34,286 --> 00:16:37,289
Really?
317
00:16:37,423 --> 00:16:40,359
- Come on.
- Yeah, he's an asshole, but he's one of us.
318
00:16:40,493 --> 00:16:41,926
What?
After what he did to me?
319
00:16:42,061 --> 00:16:44,330
Then forget it, man.
Fuck you. Save yourselves.
320
00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:47,932
Okay, okay, you know what? Fine, fine.
He doesn't even have to know.
321
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:50,668
I'll call everybody else
except for Bender.
322
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,304
Get those fucking games
back on.
323
00:16:52,438 --> 00:16:53,738
- Right on. One more thing.
- What?
324
00:16:53,872 --> 00:16:55,341
Let me tell the guys.
325
00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:57,109
- About what?
- My balls.
326
00:16:57,243 --> 00:16:58,643
What balls?
327
00:16:59,378 --> 00:17:02,081
Too soon, sorry.
Come on.
328
00:17:03,548 --> 00:17:05,251
Just give me a...
329
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,021
Bear. Look at you.
330
00:17:13,691 --> 00:17:15,827
What's the matter
with you?
331
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,230
- Tell me you're in.
- Are you kidding me?
332
00:17:18,364 --> 00:17:21,200
Fuck, yeah!
Yeah, I'm in!
333
00:17:21,966 --> 00:17:24,170
Bitches are going down!
334
00:17:28,807 --> 00:17:30,642
Stay Golden.
335
00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:32,911
- Zanester!
- Bobfather!
336
00:17:33,045 --> 00:17:34,813
"Boobfather."
337
00:17:34,946 --> 00:17:37,483
What's up, man?
338
00:17:37,615 --> 00:17:39,884
- The games are back, baby!
- What?
339
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,820
- And Shelly's in.
- You're kidding me.
340
00:17:41,953 --> 00:17:43,355
- No, I'm not.
- Shelly's...
341
00:17:43,489 --> 00:17:45,790
Yeah, count me in, man.
Count me in. Sounds delish.
342
00:17:45,924 --> 00:17:48,860
- All right, buddy, let's talk soon.
- Okay.
343
00:17:49,761 --> 00:17:51,330
Holy shit.
344
00:17:51,464 --> 00:17:53,998
Whoo!
345
00:18:03,175 --> 00:18:06,112
- Bobby!
- Hey, Durfy, you got a minute to talk?
346
00:18:06,245 --> 00:18:08,147
- Uh...
- Okay, that's a cut on rehearsal.
347
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,483
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a second.
348
00:18:10,615 --> 00:18:14,320
- I'm just shooting a major motion picture right now.
- Please face camera.
349
00:18:14,453 --> 00:18:16,788
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
So what's up, dude?
350
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,690
Buddy Games, they're back.
Are you in?
351
00:18:18,823 --> 00:18:21,460
Um, I feel like that would be a
little weird without Shelly now.
352
00:18:21,594 --> 00:18:23,496
- No, no, he's in.
- Then I'm there.
353
00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:26,198
- I can't wait to see him.
- All right, I'll talk to you soon, buddy.
354
00:18:26,332 --> 00:18:28,567
Thank you, second team.
First team on set.
355
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,169
- Hey, Mr. McDonough.
- Hey, how are you?
356
00:18:30,302 --> 00:18:33,038
Yeah, good.
So your mark is right there.
357
00:18:33,172 --> 00:18:35,006
- Thank you.
- Yeah, you're gonna be looking...
358
00:18:35,141 --> 00:18:38,144
- Right. Mm, mm, mm...
- ...right over there. Okay.
359
00:18:38,277 --> 00:18:41,213
Don't be too nervous.
You already got the job.
360
00:18:41,347 --> 00:18:43,382
Maybe grab a quick pic,
though, together?
361
00:18:43,516 --> 00:18:46,585
- Then we can tag each other.
- Inappropriate, but, yeah, sure.
362
00:18:46,718 --> 00:18:48,220
- Have you heard of Facebook?
- Yeah, I guess.
363
00:18:48,354 --> 00:18:49,888
- I'm gonna pop it on there.
- That's great.
364
00:18:50,021 --> 00:18:51,624
Hey, here with
my top dog,
365
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,058
- Neil McDonough.
- Is that a video?
366
00:18:53,192 --> 00:18:54,959
- It is a video. Is that okay?
- Yeah, n...
367
00:18:55,094 --> 00:18:57,163
- You'd rather I take a picture?
- Second team, what are you doing?
368
00:18:57,296 --> 00:18:59,365
One second. I'll just do a video.
I'll be really quick.
369
00:19:16,048 --> 00:19:17,183
Hello?
370
00:19:17,316 --> 00:19:18,450
Hey.
371
00:19:19,652 --> 00:19:23,155
- Looks like someone's been busy.
- I have been busy.
372
00:19:24,822 --> 00:19:26,559
What do you think
about taking a vacation?
373
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,662
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah? Oh, my gosh, good.
374
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,896
'Cause I went through our calendars,
and there's a couple things we can move,
375
00:19:32,031 --> 00:19:34,066
and we can make it work out.
We can go anywhere.
376
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,368
Do you smell
something burning?
377
00:19:36,502 --> 00:19:38,537
Oh! Damn it.
378
00:19:38,671 --> 00:19:41,005
Oh! Ugh!
379
00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:42,107
Oh!
380
00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:43,442
Are you...
381
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,946
Dang!
I burned it.
382
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,250
Could you...
Could you turn back?
383
00:19:52,084 --> 00:19:53,619
I made three of these.
384
00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:57,122
The other two didn't actually
turn out so well either, but...
385
00:19:57,256 --> 00:19:58,823
oh, well.
386
00:19:58,957 --> 00:20:02,661
Well, you know what? We can always
scrape it off and still eat the inside.
387
00:20:04,729 --> 00:20:07,966
Oh, I was gonna ask you,
what was going on with Mrs. Baldinger?
388
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:10,469
Oh, uh...
Yeah, no, that's...
389
00:20:10,603 --> 00:20:13,505
Shelly's not doing so hot.
He is on suicide watch.
390
00:20:13,639 --> 00:20:15,674
- What? Poor Sheldon.
- Yeah.
391
00:20:15,807 --> 00:20:17,109
He needs my help, babe.
392
00:20:17,243 --> 00:20:18,910
Yeah, of course.
Whatever he needs.
393
00:20:19,044 --> 00:20:21,913
Mary Ann thinks that I should
get the guys back together
394
00:20:22,047 --> 00:20:24,683
for the Buddy Games.
395
00:20:24,816 --> 00:20:26,918
- And what'd you tell her?
- Well, no.
396
00:20:27,052 --> 00:20:29,321
- Good.
- At first, and then I said yes.
397
00:20:29,455 --> 00:20:32,191
- And then you said yes?
- Of course. You know?
398
00:20:32,324 --> 00:20:34,993
Are you sure you don't want to
think about this for a second?
399
00:20:35,127 --> 00:20:37,296
- I have thought about it.
- You have thought about it?
400
00:20:37,429 --> 00:20:39,764
It's a really good idea.
What better to get him off his feet?
401
00:20:39,897 --> 00:20:42,800
You really think that getting the guys
together for a weekend of teabagging
402
00:20:42,934 --> 00:20:44,703
will stop Sheldon
from killing himself?
403
00:20:44,836 --> 00:20:47,139
Yeah. I do.
404
00:20:47,273 --> 00:20:49,308
Okay, so then, um,
what's next for us?
405
00:20:49,441 --> 00:20:51,310
Um...
406
00:20:52,211 --> 00:20:53,878
- Oh, my God, you don't know.
- I do know.
407
00:20:54,012 --> 00:20:55,681
- You don't know.
- Yeah, I know.
408
00:20:57,449 --> 00:20:59,451
We've grown up,
and it's not gonna be like it was before.
409
00:20:59,585 --> 00:21:01,153
How do you know?
You haven't seen these guys in forever.
410
00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:03,589
Can somebody
open the goddamn door?
411
00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:05,157
Is that Bender?
412
00:21:05,291 --> 00:21:07,526
Oh, sounds like he's grown up.
I'm gonna go.
413
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:09,861
You know what? That's a good idea.
Let me deal with him,
414
00:21:09,994 --> 00:21:11,563
and I'll meet you
for dinner later.
415
00:21:11,697 --> 00:21:14,600
- No, Bob, I'm leaving.
- What do you mean, you're...
416
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,635
Okay.
417
00:21:16,769 --> 00:21:19,104
You have the Buddy Games,
right?
418
00:21:19,238 --> 00:21:21,440
I'm taking the helicopter.
419
00:21:29,381 --> 00:21:31,983
Dixon fuckin' Bender.
420
00:21:32,117 --> 00:21:34,386
- How are you, man?
- Well, I'd be lying
421
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,456
if I said everything was
rainbows and unicorns.
422
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:38,990
You're still struggling, huh?
423
00:21:39,124 --> 00:21:41,293
Yeah, I've been
eating shit, actually.
424
00:21:41,427 --> 00:21:44,829
Went through my mom's inheritance,
and, uh, now I'm living in my van.
425
00:21:44,962 --> 00:21:46,632
So, you know, fuck me.
426
00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:49,934
I don't want to talk about it.
Know what I want to talk about?
427
00:21:50,069 --> 00:21:52,204
I want to talk
about Buddy Games.
428
00:21:52,338 --> 00:21:55,374
- Uh, what about Buddy Games?
- I heard through the grapevine
429
00:21:55,507 --> 00:21:59,144
not only are they back on,
but Shelly's back?
430
00:21:59,278 --> 00:22:01,513
Where the fuck has he been,
and why didn't you call me?
431
00:22:01,647 --> 00:22:04,583
- Uh, listen...
- I want to know when and where they are.
432
00:22:04,717 --> 00:22:05,983
I need to sleep
on your couch.
433
00:22:06,118 --> 00:22:08,654
I'll take a bed.
I'll take whatever.
434
00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:10,389
But I need some sleep.
435
00:22:11,190 --> 00:22:15,494
Uh... there's an
entry fee this year.
436
00:22:15,627 --> 00:22:16,994
Okay, yeah. All right.
437
00:22:17,129 --> 00:22:19,931
Like, how much?
Like, ten bucks?
438
00:22:21,834 --> 00:22:24,303
$10,000? Our friends
that I've known...
439
00:22:24,436 --> 00:22:26,338
we've known forever...
they now all of a sudden
440
00:22:26,472 --> 00:22:29,974
have $10,000 in side cash
they can just throw around?
441
00:22:30,109 --> 00:22:32,211
Durfy does?
He still owes me 20 bucks.
442
00:22:32,344 --> 00:22:34,179
- That's what the guys wanted to do. I'm sorry.
- Fine.
443
00:22:34,313 --> 00:22:36,548
We'll play your
high-stakes shit, okay?
444
00:22:36,682 --> 00:22:40,085
But I want to play,
so can you front me the money?
445
00:22:40,219 --> 00:22:42,154
No. Things are, uh,
a little tight
446
00:22:42,287 --> 00:22:43,856
at the moment,
so I can't.
447
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,791
Yeah, I can tell.
You're roughing it.
448
00:22:45,923 --> 00:22:49,261
Just let me play. You can.
You can because you're the Bobfather.
449
00:22:49,395 --> 00:22:52,164
So you created this world.
You make the rules.
450
00:22:52,297 --> 00:22:54,932
So you could go, "Hey,
remember our friend Bender?
451
00:22:55,067 --> 00:22:57,136
Can he come and play?"
452
00:22:58,570 --> 00:23:01,840
I can't.
Just figured it out. Shelly.
453
00:23:01,973 --> 00:23:03,742
Now this makes sense.
Holy shit.
454
00:23:03,876 --> 00:23:05,644
Because five years ago,
455
00:23:05,778 --> 00:23:07,679
I accidentally
cracked his nut.
456
00:23:07,813 --> 00:23:10,048
- I'm really sorry, okay?
- He lost both of his balls.
457
00:23:10,182 --> 00:23:13,352
- He lost both his fucking balls.
- What?
458
00:23:13,485 --> 00:23:14,919
Goddamn you, man!
459
00:23:15,053 --> 00:23:16,488
Both of them?
460
00:23:17,890 --> 00:23:20,024
- I don't want to talk about it. You got to go.
- Bob, I didn't know.
461
00:23:20,159 --> 00:23:21,560
- You got to go.
- All right, all right.
462
00:23:21,693 --> 00:23:24,163
I love you, dude,
but you gotta fucking go.
463
00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:41,012
You're leaving right now?
464
00:23:41,146 --> 00:23:42,714
Where are you going?
465
00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:47,853
Really? Really, Bob?
466
00:23:47,985 --> 00:23:51,857
You can't float me
any cash? Really?
467
00:23:51,989 --> 00:23:54,326
Damn it, man! Come on!
468
00:23:54,460 --> 00:23:56,161
What a dick!
469
00:24:05,504 --> 00:24:08,040
All right,
I'll tell you what.
470
00:24:08,173 --> 00:24:10,876
I'll give you 25 for
the china, 50 for the ring,
471
00:24:11,008 --> 00:24:14,112
- Fifty?
- A hundred for the locket, a hundred for the paintings,
472
00:24:14,246 --> 00:24:17,516
and, uh, $100 for
the rest of this crap.
473
00:24:17,649 --> 00:24:20,319
- 375. We got a deal?
- What? No, we don't have a deal.
474
00:24:20,452 --> 00:24:24,056
$50 for a diamond?
That was my mother's wedding ring.
475
00:24:24,189 --> 00:24:26,291
It's fake, fella.
476
00:24:26,425 --> 00:24:27,860
What?
477
00:24:27,992 --> 00:24:30,662
Fuckin' motherfucker!
478
00:24:30,796 --> 00:24:33,031
She gave him 47 years.
479
00:24:33,165 --> 00:24:35,033
That should be
a Purple Heart!
480
00:24:35,167 --> 00:24:36,869
That would actually
be worth something.
481
00:24:37,001 --> 00:24:38,370
Fine. Okay.
482
00:24:38,504 --> 00:24:40,739
All right, fine.
What about the china?
483
00:24:40,873 --> 00:24:43,242
You can't tell me that's fake.
'Cause that says,
484
00:24:43,375 --> 00:24:45,511
"Made in China."
Okay.
485
00:24:45,644 --> 00:24:47,679
So I will take no less
486
00:24:47,813 --> 00:24:50,716
than a thousand for all this,
and that's final.
487
00:24:50,849 --> 00:24:52,651
I'll tell you what.
488
00:24:52,784 --> 00:24:54,586
I'll give you 375.
489
00:24:56,020 --> 00:24:58,123
She's still dead.
490
00:24:59,191 --> 00:25:01,393
500. $500.
491
00:25:01,527 --> 00:25:02,661
Okay.
492
00:25:03,362 --> 00:25:05,163
I don't normally
do this...
493
00:25:06,164 --> 00:25:07,499
but I'm gonna
give you 375.
494
00:25:07,633 --> 00:25:11,370
Oh, you're really
having fun, aren't you?
495
00:25:14,506 --> 00:25:16,675
Can I hold the locket
one more time?
496
00:25:17,442 --> 00:25:19,711
Can you give me that,
you surly fuck?
497
00:25:23,248 --> 00:25:25,617
- Can I keep the picture?
- Sure.
498
00:25:25,751 --> 00:25:28,120
That'll be $5.
499
00:25:32,157 --> 00:25:34,192
Hey!
500
00:25:34,326 --> 00:25:36,828
- Asshole!
- Sorry. I'm in training.
501
00:25:36,962 --> 00:25:39,197
We're gonna test your range of
motion, all right?
502
00:25:39,331 --> 00:25:41,500
I want you to hold on
to this ball here,
503
00:25:41,633 --> 00:25:44,136
and you're gonna go
from side to side.
504
00:25:44,269 --> 00:25:46,705
Oh! He steals the ball!
505
00:25:46,838 --> 00:25:48,874
Oh!
506
00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:51,843
Mr. Hornbacher,
I am so sorry.
507
00:25:53,078 --> 00:25:55,747
Yeah, some lemonade, please.
508
00:25:57,549 --> 00:25:59,117
Thank you.
509
00:25:59,918 --> 00:26:02,220
Thank you.
510
00:26:12,497 --> 00:26:15,367
Hey, what do we have here?
511
00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:18,037
Saddle up,
you old grisly bird.
512
00:26:18,170 --> 00:26:21,006
Yeah.
513
00:26:21,139 --> 00:26:22,808
Yeah, beauty.
514
00:26:22,941 --> 00:26:24,576
Cheers.
515
00:26:24,710 --> 00:26:26,712
You're breaking
the law, mister!
516
00:26:26,845 --> 00:26:30,749
You need a liquor
license to sell vodka.
517
00:26:30,882 --> 00:26:34,252
And you need to recognize
a business opportunity.
518
00:26:34,386 --> 00:26:37,556
So MYOB, little bitches!
519
00:26:37,689 --> 00:26:40,692
- He just said the "B" word!
- Shame on you!
520
00:26:40,826 --> 00:26:42,461
You're both gonna be strippers
when you grow up,
521
00:26:42,594 --> 00:26:44,863
really bad ones
that no one pays to see.
522
00:26:44,997 --> 00:26:46,131
Ew!
523
00:26:46,264 --> 00:26:48,800
I'm texting the police!
524
00:26:48,934 --> 00:26:50,435
Fuck.
525
00:26:53,605 --> 00:26:55,374
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Stop!
526
00:26:55,507 --> 00:26:57,609
Hey, come back here!
527
00:26:57,743 --> 00:26:59,144
Get on the pole!
528
00:26:59,277 --> 00:27:00,679
What are you doing?
Stop!
529
00:27:00,812 --> 00:27:04,349
- Give us our money! Come back!
- You're bad kids!
530
00:27:07,019 --> 00:27:09,855
- He took our money!
- Stop! Hey!
531
00:27:12,058 --> 00:27:13,092
Pig!
532
00:27:13,225 --> 00:27:14,793
Mom!
533
00:27:17,863 --> 00:27:19,698
She didn't tell me.
534
00:27:19,831 --> 00:27:22,401
I thought I had cancer,
damn it. Okay.
535
00:27:22,534 --> 00:27:24,336
I thought I had cancer,
damn it.
536
00:27:24,469 --> 00:27:27,572
You all knew what I was,
and you didn't tell me?
537
00:27:27,706 --> 00:27:30,542
I thought I had cancer,
damn it!
538
00:27:32,045 --> 00:27:33,679
Hmm.
539
00:27:34,312 --> 00:27:35,781
Fuck.
540
00:27:37,649 --> 00:27:39,885
What the fuck.
Was that any good?
541
00:27:44,523 --> 00:27:46,324
- Yeah.
- Hey, little brother.
542
00:27:46,458 --> 00:27:47,993
Little busy today.
What do you need?
543
00:27:48,127 --> 00:27:50,529
I need to borrow
a couple bucks.
544
00:27:51,563 --> 00:27:53,465
Thought you said this
Hollywood thing was working out.
545
00:27:53,598 --> 00:27:56,334
It is. I just
murdered an audition
546
00:27:56,468 --> 00:27:58,637
for a CW pilot
right before I called you.
547
00:27:58,770 --> 00:28:01,540
And I'm in postproduction
on something right now.
548
00:28:01,673 --> 00:28:02,941
What the fuck
is postproduction?
549
00:28:03,076 --> 00:28:06,611
I star in a national commercial
for the Marines.
550
00:28:06,745 --> 00:28:08,680
Well, I'm sure Dad
would have been proud.
551
00:28:08,814 --> 00:28:10,716
He'd have been more proud if you
were an actual fucking Marine.
552
00:28:10,849 --> 00:28:13,585
Jack, you are hurting my
feelings a little bit, but yes.
553
00:28:13,719 --> 00:28:16,655
Jesus Christ. Listen to me.
Do you know how hard it is
554
00:28:16,788 --> 00:28:18,757
trying to keep this
family business profitable
555
00:28:18,890 --> 00:28:21,094
without having to finance
your little pipe dreams?
556
00:28:21,226 --> 00:28:22,794
Dad left this to you,
not me.
557
00:28:22,928 --> 00:28:25,330
How long's it gonna be
before you figure out
558
00:28:25,464 --> 00:28:28,366
that this acting thing
is a fucking waste of time?
559
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:33,039
You know, sister's out here.
Belly's as big as shit,
560
00:28:33,172 --> 00:28:34,973
but she's sweating her balls
off just like the rest of us.
561
00:28:35,108 --> 00:28:37,409
So why don't you think about
that while you're out there
562
00:28:37,542 --> 00:28:39,978
in La-La Land eating your
goddamn avocado sandwiches?
563
00:28:40,113 --> 00:28:42,781
- You don't know what I...
- I got work to do. Real work.
564
00:28:42,914 --> 00:28:45,417
Look it up. Fuck-head.
565
00:29:00,866 --> 00:29:03,035
Full penetration's
an extra hundred.
566
00:29:03,169 --> 00:29:05,470
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Uh-huh!
567
00:29:05,604 --> 00:29:07,572
I'm giving you
the early-bird special.
568
00:29:07,706 --> 00:29:10,008
Shut up and dig! Dig, boy!
569
00:29:11,576 --> 00:29:13,311
How many labias
do you have?
570
00:29:13,445 --> 00:29:16,149
Oh, I just farted!
Just keep going!
571
00:29:16,281 --> 00:29:17,983
Oh, it's bad!
572
00:29:22,188 --> 00:29:23,855
Oh, no!
573
00:29:23,989 --> 00:29:28,326
No!
574
00:29:39,038 --> 00:29:40,806
Looking great, hon.
575
00:29:40,939 --> 00:29:43,642
- Yeah?
- Gorgeous.
576
00:29:43,775 --> 00:29:45,577
Come on, angel.
Time to go.
577
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:51,316
Hey, honey, it's me,
checking in again.
578
00:29:52,584 --> 00:29:54,853
I just want to make sure
that you're okay out there,
579
00:29:54,986 --> 00:29:56,788
wherever you are.
580
00:29:56,922 --> 00:29:59,391
I just want to know why
you stormed off like that,
581
00:29:59,524 --> 00:30:01,960
why you hate these guys
so much.
582
00:30:02,094 --> 00:30:03,695
Look, we need to talk.
583
00:30:40,599 --> 00:30:42,834
Oh, here we are.
584
00:30:46,072 --> 00:30:47,873
Okay.
585
00:30:48,006 --> 00:30:50,408
Oh, wow.
586
00:30:50,542 --> 00:30:53,678
Oh, I bet this brings back
some fond memories, huh?
587
00:30:54,913 --> 00:30:57,916
Last time I was here,
I was getting wheeled out on a stretcher.
588
00:30:58,683 --> 00:31:00,219
Well,
not that memory.
589
00:31:00,353 --> 00:31:03,588
- Welcome back, buddy!
- Oh, hey.
590
00:31:03,722 --> 00:31:05,523
- You made it.
- Yeah.
591
00:31:05,657 --> 00:31:07,525
Hey, I got to defend
my title, right?
592
00:31:07,659 --> 00:31:09,195
- I'm gonna take that back.
- Hey! Hey!
593
00:31:09,328 --> 00:31:12,864
Oh, talking smack already.
How much fun is this, huh?
594
00:31:12,998 --> 00:31:16,302
- All right, Mama.
- Okay, I'll let you boys be.
595
00:31:16,434 --> 00:31:18,337
- Come on.
- Hold that for a second.
596
00:31:18,470 --> 00:31:22,208
Just a second. You only hold
it while I get out of the car.
597
00:31:22,341 --> 00:31:24,377
Good luck, sweetie.
598
00:31:24,509 --> 00:31:26,212
- So good to see you.
- Give 'em hell, hon.
599
00:31:26,345 --> 00:31:27,812
- Bye, Mom. Thanks.
- Bye, Mary Ann.
600
00:31:27,946 --> 00:31:29,714
- Thanks.
- Bye, Mama. Thank you.
601
00:31:29,848 --> 00:31:33,352
- Welcome back, man.
- The place hasn't changed much.
602
00:31:33,485 --> 00:31:35,087
Yeah. Yeah.
603
00:31:36,488 --> 00:31:38,090
Hey, there's, uh...
604
00:31:39,325 --> 00:31:42,527
There's something that I wasn't
entirely honest with you about.
605
00:31:42,661 --> 00:31:45,997
- My company did well.
- How well?
606
00:31:46,132 --> 00:31:50,936
Well, I sold it for...
approximately 387 million.
607
00:31:51,070 --> 00:31:52,671
Wow! That's...
608
00:31:52,804 --> 00:31:55,408
- I'm... Holy...
- Yeah, it's been a...
609
00:31:55,540 --> 00:31:58,643
- Congratulations, brother.
- ...a pretty good couple of years, thanks.
610
00:31:59,577 --> 00:32:01,546
Life just hasn't been
the same without you.
611
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,682
That part was true.
612
00:32:04,883 --> 00:32:07,420
You didn't tell
the guys about my...
613
00:32:07,552 --> 00:32:10,189
Your balls? No. No.
Definitely not.
614
00:32:11,489 --> 00:32:13,326
I'm not sure I can
believe you now, Bob.
615
00:32:13,458 --> 00:32:15,061
Yeah? Well, believe this.
616
00:32:15,194 --> 00:32:17,629
- You're with friends now.
- Hey, boobs!
617
00:32:17,762 --> 00:32:20,899
- Is that your dad?
- Hey, Mr. Schmidt.
618
00:32:21,033 --> 00:32:23,135
No, no, no.
That's... That's Shelly.
619
00:32:23,969 --> 00:32:26,105
Oh, my God.
What the hell?
620
00:32:26,238 --> 00:32:28,540
Holy shit, Sheldon!
621
00:32:28,673 --> 00:32:31,243
- Fuck you guys.
- Are you kidding me?
622
00:32:31,377 --> 00:32:33,212
He's back!
623
00:32:33,346 --> 00:32:35,381
Get the fuck off of me.
624
00:32:35,513 --> 00:32:37,816
Get off of me.
Get off of me.
625
00:32:38,750 --> 00:32:40,952
Hands off, hands off.
626
00:32:41,087 --> 00:32:43,055
That's right.
627
00:32:45,458 --> 00:32:46,958
Oh, so, um,
628
00:32:47,093 --> 00:32:49,362
I had to say goodbye
to the guys in Bon Jovi
629
00:32:49,494 --> 00:32:53,032
and start the journey
home, man.
630
00:32:53,165 --> 00:32:55,700
I just realized I couldn't
run from it anymore.
631
00:32:55,834 --> 00:32:58,037
That's reality.
That's it.
632
00:32:58,170 --> 00:33:01,273
You still got his
number, Bon Jovi?
633
00:33:03,675 --> 00:33:05,111
Come on, Doc. Some decorum.
634
00:33:05,244 --> 00:33:08,381
Shel, I'm so sorry you had
to go through all that, man.
635
00:33:08,546 --> 00:33:09,781
Thanks.
636
00:33:09,914 --> 00:33:11,816
But tell me about
the chicks from Tibet, man.
637
00:33:11,950 --> 00:33:13,885
'Cause I've heard they're
smoking hot. True or false?
638
00:33:14,019 --> 00:33:15,754
- Nah, I never heard that.
- I never heard that.
639
00:33:15,887 --> 00:33:17,356
You guys haven't heard...
640
00:33:17,490 --> 00:33:19,624
The point is that our king is back.
Look at this.
641
00:33:19,758 --> 00:33:22,061
He sure as hell is.
642
00:33:22,194 --> 00:33:24,296
Let's make a toast.
Oh, wait. Somebody's here.
643
00:33:24,430 --> 00:33:27,299
- Nut check!
- Oh!
644
00:33:27,433 --> 00:33:29,834
Oh! Oh!
645
00:33:29,968 --> 00:33:33,705
Nut tap! You're lucky they were low.
I didn't really feel much.
646
00:33:33,838 --> 00:33:37,809
You dodged a bullet.
I just felt log.
647
00:33:37,942 --> 00:33:40,246
I'm very happy to see
we're still doing that.
648
00:33:40,379 --> 00:33:42,148
No shit,
because that is...
649
00:33:42,281 --> 00:33:44,983
That's the kind of stuff I
missed, man, all my travels.
650
00:33:45,117 --> 00:33:47,886
It was the camaraderie,
being with you guys, just...
651
00:33:48,019 --> 00:33:50,256
the connection with other
people, you know?
652
00:33:50,389 --> 00:33:52,724
I feel bad I didn't reach
back out to you guys.
653
00:33:52,857 --> 00:33:56,761
'Cause I got all the cards and the notes and
everything. I just had a lot on my mind.
654
00:33:56,895 --> 00:33:59,331
- It just wasn't...
- You kidding? We love you, man.
655
00:33:59,465 --> 00:34:01,233
What...
656
00:34:05,271 --> 00:34:07,139
I know that horn. Yeah.
657
00:34:07,273 --> 00:34:08,606
It's got to be.
658
00:34:08,740 --> 00:34:10,842
Whoo! What?
659
00:34:11,510 --> 00:34:13,878
What? Buddy Games!
660
00:34:14,012 --> 00:34:16,082
Yeah!
661
00:34:16,215 --> 00:34:19,385
- There he is!
- Hey, you guys, Bender's here!
662
00:34:19,518 --> 00:34:21,586
You fucking bastard.
663
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,855
He's not supposed
to be here.
664
00:34:23,988 --> 00:34:25,790
Come on. I'm not gonna
miss the Buddy Games.
665
00:34:25,924 --> 00:34:27,359
That's insane.
What's up, Durf?
666
00:34:27,493 --> 00:34:29,161
Bender!
667
00:34:29,295 --> 00:34:32,131
- Who's that guy?
- Hey, man. How are ya?
668
00:34:33,165 --> 00:34:34,266
Are you lost?
669
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,102
Sheldon.
What's up, bud?
670
00:34:36,235 --> 00:34:38,370
I got nothing to say
to you, buddy.
671
00:34:38,504 --> 00:34:40,506
You got a lot of fucking nerve
showing your face here.
672
00:34:40,638 --> 00:34:43,675
I knew you were gonna say
that, and I'm here for peace.
673
00:34:43,808 --> 00:34:45,810
Okay? Hear me out.
674
00:34:49,081 --> 00:34:51,649
Look, man, the past
is in the past, dude.
675
00:34:51,783 --> 00:34:54,652
There's nothing we can do about it.
What happened, happened.
676
00:34:54,786 --> 00:34:57,089
All I care about
is the future
677
00:34:57,223 --> 00:34:59,158
and our prosperity,
678
00:34:59,291 --> 00:35:01,025
and that's why I'm here.
679
00:35:01,659 --> 00:35:03,995
Sheldon, I give you...
680
00:35:04,130 --> 00:35:07,632
- Cuban cigars.
- No, Doc, but good guess.
681
00:35:07,765 --> 00:35:10,402
This is something
a little bit more special.
682
00:35:19,211 --> 00:35:20,146
What is this?
683
00:35:20,279 --> 00:35:21,679
It's my... my seed.
684
00:35:21,813 --> 00:35:24,816
My... baby sauce.
685
00:35:24,949 --> 00:35:27,052
- What?
- Dick matter.
686
00:35:34,460 --> 00:35:37,630
- Are you... Are you for real?
- Wow, Dixon fucking Bender.
687
00:35:37,762 --> 00:35:39,764
Oh, that's a lot of loads.
688
00:35:39,898 --> 00:35:41,400
Uh, it's nine,
to be exact.
689
00:35:41,534 --> 00:35:42,700
Whoa, there.
690
00:35:42,834 --> 00:35:44,570
- Dude, two days, that took me.
- Ugh.
691
00:35:44,702 --> 00:35:47,473
Bender, you are
a fucking hero, man.
692
00:35:48,474 --> 00:35:50,509
- That's kind of weird, man.
- Was there a memo?
693
00:35:50,643 --> 00:35:52,710
Were we supposed to bring semen?
I didn't bring semen. Durfy?
694
00:35:52,844 --> 00:35:56,182
Bender, that's a very gross present.
Why did you give him that?
695
00:35:56,315 --> 00:35:59,084
It's not gross.
It's not gross, okay?
696
00:35:59,218 --> 00:36:02,354
Our friend, our very good
friend here, Sheldon,
697
00:36:02,488 --> 00:36:05,757
he lost both of his testicles.
698
00:36:06,458 --> 00:36:07,692
Oh...
699
00:36:08,793 --> 00:36:10,095
Is that true, Shelly?
700
00:36:13,731 --> 00:36:15,867
It's true. I, uh...
They're both gone.
701
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,505
I'm... I'm, uh... I'm like
a Ken doll down there now.
702
00:36:19,638 --> 00:36:21,873
Hey, Ken had a good life.
703
00:36:22,006 --> 00:36:26,078
He had a hot blonde,
a Corvette. Right?
704
00:36:27,112 --> 00:36:29,582
Ah, look, I mean,
I can't complain.
705
00:36:29,714 --> 00:36:32,016
- Now I can have kids.
- You can have dozens.
706
00:36:32,151 --> 00:36:35,054
So, that's
my peace offering,
707
00:36:35,187 --> 00:36:39,091
and I just want to know,
are we cool?
708
00:36:42,194 --> 00:36:44,463
Yeah. Yeah.
709
00:36:44,597 --> 00:36:46,165
All right. Whew!
710
00:36:46,298 --> 00:36:47,765
- Oh, thank God.
- Are you kidding me?
711
00:36:47,899 --> 00:36:49,301
- Come on.
- Love you, brother.
712
00:36:49,435 --> 00:36:51,303
It worked. Thought we
were gonna see some blows.
713
00:36:51,437 --> 00:36:53,871
Thank you very much.
That's really fucking awesome.
714
00:36:54,005 --> 00:36:56,108
I love that. Know what
else I love? Alcohol!
715
00:36:56,242 --> 00:36:57,710
Let's go to the tiki bar.
Come on.
716
00:36:57,842 --> 00:36:59,712
- Tiki bar!
- All right.
717
00:36:59,844 --> 00:37:01,080
Go for it.
718
00:37:01,980 --> 00:37:04,049
- I can't believe that worked...
- Thanks, Bob.
719
00:37:04,183 --> 00:37:06,185
'Cause that's
your fault, right?
720
00:37:07,152 --> 00:37:08,721
- Whoa!
- What the hell?
721
00:37:08,853 --> 00:37:11,557
Dude, what is all this money?
What is that?
722
00:37:11,690 --> 00:37:13,958
Dude,
it was not easy.
723
00:37:14,093 --> 00:37:16,595
I mean, a $10,000
entry fee?
724
00:37:16,729 --> 00:37:18,397
That was not easy
to scrape up,
725
00:37:18,530 --> 00:37:20,865
but I banged and bartered
my way for those Benjamins.
726
00:37:20,999 --> 00:37:23,569
Pretty much sold my soul,
and, uh, don't give a shit.
727
00:37:23,702 --> 00:37:25,870
But at the end of the
day, I'm gonna win that...
728
00:37:26,004 --> 00:37:28,540
♪ $60,000, whores ♪
729
00:37:28,674 --> 00:37:30,709
Entry fee?
What entry fee?
730
00:37:30,842 --> 00:37:33,045
- I'm lost.
- Bender...
731
00:37:34,012 --> 00:37:36,482
I'm sorry, Bender.
There was never an entry fee.
732
00:37:36,615 --> 00:37:38,450
What?
733
00:37:38,584 --> 00:37:43,021
I'm sorry, but I didn't have the heart
to tell you, man, you weren't invited.
734
00:37:43,155 --> 00:37:45,324
We didn't feel comfortable
with you here this year.
735
00:37:45,457 --> 00:37:48,627
You know, you could've told me that.
That would have been a lot easier.
736
00:37:48,761 --> 00:37:50,396
I didn't think you were gonna
come up with ten thou...
737
00:37:50,529 --> 00:37:53,399
I mean, 10,000 bucks?
Really? That's crazy!
738
00:37:53,532 --> 00:37:55,234
- Oh, my God.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
739
00:37:55,367 --> 00:37:58,270
I made up everything about
the fee and the pot. I'm sorry.
740
00:37:58,404 --> 00:38:02,074
You're sorry? I sold
all of my shit! All of it!
741
00:38:02,207 --> 00:38:04,076
I sold all
my mom's stuff.
742
00:38:04,209 --> 00:38:07,246
I gave a bum
a hand job for $30.
743
00:38:07,379 --> 00:38:10,182
- Ooh, expand on that.
- No, I'm not going to. You want to smell my hand?
744
00:38:10,316 --> 00:38:12,618
I don't think so.
No, probably not.
745
00:38:12,751 --> 00:38:14,320
Bob, you fucked me, man!
746
00:38:14,453 --> 00:38:16,722
You promised me 60 grand,
so you better fix this.
747
00:38:16,854 --> 00:38:19,792
I can't get that stuff back.
I can't take that hand job back.
748
00:38:19,924 --> 00:38:23,128
This has always been about pride. You said
it yourself. This is about the brotherhood.
749
00:38:23,262 --> 00:38:24,962
This is not about money
or anything else.
750
00:38:25,097 --> 00:38:26,432
Oh, fuck that!
751
00:38:26,565 --> 00:38:28,534
Yeah, it's not about money,
because you have money.
752
00:38:28,667 --> 00:38:30,602
- All right? Zane.
- Yeah?
753
00:38:30,736 --> 00:38:33,405
Could you use $60,000
for your tanning business?
754
00:38:33,539 --> 00:38:35,574
- Yes.
- Yeah.
755
00:38:35,708 --> 00:38:38,043
- Durf, what about you, bud?
- Yeah.
756
00:38:38,177 --> 00:38:41,380
- It's a hard yes from you. It should be. Doc?
- Yeah.
757
00:38:41,513 --> 00:38:44,316
Exactly. And Shelly needs new
straitjackets. You see, Bob?
758
00:38:44,450 --> 00:38:47,086
We all fucking need.
759
00:38:47,219 --> 00:38:51,423
But not you, man.
You don't have the need for anything.
760
00:38:55,993 --> 00:38:58,397
Zane, could I spot you
10,000 bucks?
761
00:38:58,530 --> 00:39:00,366
- Just this once.
- What about you, Durfy? Can I spot you?
762
00:39:00,499 --> 00:39:03,602
- What about you? Doc? Shelly?
- Yeah, I won't say no.
763
00:39:03,736 --> 00:39:05,170
50,000 bucks.
764
00:39:05,304 --> 00:39:07,272
- That's great. What about you?
- What about me?
765
00:39:07,406 --> 00:39:09,208
What are you gonna
spot yourself?
766
00:39:09,941 --> 00:39:11,477
Can you believe
this fucking guy?
767
00:39:11,610 --> 00:39:12,644
Well, yeah.
768
00:39:12,778 --> 00:39:14,847
It's so crazy!
I sold all my shit.
769
00:39:15,848 --> 00:39:18,217
I'm gonna match the fucking pot.
How does that sound?
770
00:39:18,350 --> 00:39:20,853
Hundred thousand bucks!
771
00:39:20,985 --> 00:39:22,287
We're gonna play
for 100,000 bucks.
772
00:39:22,421 --> 00:39:24,623
I like it,
I don't love it.
773
00:39:24,757 --> 00:39:26,023
- One-fifty.
- Yes! Done.
774
00:39:26,158 --> 00:39:29,094
- 150,000 bucks!
- 150 grand!
775
00:39:29,228 --> 00:39:33,165
- Oh!
- Looks like we got ourselves a Buddy Game.
776
00:39:34,233 --> 00:39:35,334
Yes!
777
00:39:41,607 --> 00:39:44,008
All right,
boys, here we go!
778
00:39:44,143 --> 00:39:45,844
The Buddy Games
are back, baby!
779
00:39:47,746 --> 00:39:50,749
Kicking off this year's event:
Kong's Crucible.
780
00:39:50,883 --> 00:39:52,518
It's a giant
obstacle course,
781
00:39:52,651 --> 00:39:54,853
complete with corn dogs,
bubble balls,
782
00:39:54,986 --> 00:39:57,189
watermelons,
electric eels.
783
00:39:57,322 --> 00:39:59,425
- What's that?
- Don't ask.
784
00:39:59,558 --> 00:40:01,827
Once you get through there,
it's mud pits,
785
00:40:01,959 --> 00:40:03,629
motorcycles, beer bongs,
786
00:40:03,762 --> 00:40:06,732
and one
big-ass waterslide.
787
00:40:06,865 --> 00:40:09,835
You're gonna catch a lot of air,
I'm gonna warn you right now,
788
00:40:09,967 --> 00:40:11,236
but, very important
to note,
789
00:40:11,370 --> 00:40:13,405
the only way you win
is if you capture the flag.
790
00:40:13,539 --> 00:40:16,007
Whoever captures the flag
wins the event.
791
00:40:16,141 --> 00:40:18,410
Top three finalists
at the end of today's events
792
00:40:18,544 --> 00:40:21,313
competes in tomorrow's
final event, the endgame.
793
00:40:21,447 --> 00:40:23,682
Oh, by the way, Shelly,
we got near beer for you.
794
00:40:23,816 --> 00:40:25,651
- Copy.
- Wait, what?
795
00:40:25,784 --> 00:40:28,687
- He's in the program, Bender.
- I can't mix my meds with alcohol.
796
00:40:28,821 --> 00:40:30,155
He can't drink alcohol period.
797
00:40:30,289 --> 00:40:31,890
That seems like
an unfair advantage.
798
00:40:32,023 --> 00:40:34,860
- It's still beer, dick face!
- Why don't you just get him a Fresca.
799
00:40:34,992 --> 00:40:38,530
Are you trying to mind-fuck me, mijo?
'Cause I invented mind-fucking.
800
00:40:38,664 --> 00:40:41,200
- I'll come all over your mind.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
801
00:40:41,333 --> 00:40:43,202
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
802
00:40:43,335 --> 00:40:45,237
Insane Clown Pussy.
803
00:40:45,370 --> 00:40:47,639
Are you ready for this?
804
00:40:48,340 --> 00:40:50,007
- Boom!
- Eat!
805
00:41:15,234 --> 00:41:17,102
Goddamn, dude!
806
00:41:21,106 --> 00:41:23,208
What the fuck?
807
00:42:11,223 --> 00:42:13,725
High voltage? What...
808
00:42:20,465 --> 00:42:23,702
- Oh! Oh, God!
- Get over here!
809
00:42:47,125 --> 00:42:48,827
Go, go, go, go!
810
00:43:03,308 --> 00:43:06,445
Fuck you!
Eat it! Eat it!
811
00:43:13,052 --> 00:43:14,620
Coming for you!
812
00:43:14,753 --> 00:43:16,089
Come on!
813
00:43:16,221 --> 00:43:18,023
I can suck way harder
than you, Bender!
814
00:43:18,156 --> 00:43:20,158
Let's get it!
815
00:43:23,862 --> 00:43:25,397
Fuck it.
816
00:43:34,740 --> 00:43:35,874
Ah, good!
817
00:43:36,008 --> 00:43:37,509
Cheaters!
818
00:43:39,177 --> 00:43:41,313
Not today!
819
00:43:42,414 --> 00:43:44,916
Don't touch me, Bender! Aaah!
820
00:43:48,121 --> 00:43:51,823
I am Kong King!
821
00:43:57,030 --> 00:43:58,897
Stop Shelly!
822
00:44:06,938 --> 00:44:08,373
Oh, no! Oh, no!
823
00:44:08,507 --> 00:44:11,376
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no!
824
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:17,215
Son of a bitch!
825
00:44:52,185 --> 00:44:53,719
You finished?
826
00:44:53,852 --> 00:44:56,089
Bob put zero effort
into this event.
827
00:44:56,221 --> 00:44:57,556
This is
fucking dumb.
828
00:44:57,689 --> 00:44:59,791
Oh, come on.
I lost my whole lure.
829
00:45:04,229 --> 00:45:05,931
Is there money in there?
830
00:45:06,065 --> 00:45:07,999
- Open it.
- Be careful, Doc.
831
00:45:13,106 --> 00:45:14,673
Yeah!
832
00:45:15,741 --> 00:45:17,876
Oh, no!
833
00:45:20,046 --> 00:45:22,781
- Don't touch it! Don't touch it!
- Oh, God!
834
00:45:43,169 --> 00:45:44,436
Yeah, baby.
835
00:45:44,569 --> 00:45:46,105
Okay.
Remember them well.
836
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:48,540
All right, here we are, boys...
the old watering hole.
837
00:45:48,673 --> 00:45:50,809
The old Spread Eagle
Bar and Grill.
838
00:45:52,644 --> 00:45:54,913
It's also the home
of our next challenge.
839
00:45:55,047 --> 00:45:56,848
So full
of curveballs.
840
00:45:56,982 --> 00:45:58,416
Who here thinks
they got what it takes
841
00:45:58,550 --> 00:45:59,885
when it comes to
charming the ladies?
842
00:46:01,653 --> 00:46:02,921
Well, that's part of it.
843
00:46:03,055 --> 00:46:04,956
You think you can get
a girl to buy you a drink?
844
00:46:05,091 --> 00:46:06,758
Okay, easy enough.
845
00:46:06,892 --> 00:46:08,994
Take them on the dance floor and
maybe get a kiss on the lips?
846
00:46:09,128 --> 00:46:11,230
- Oh, please.
- Bob, come on.
847
00:46:11,363 --> 00:46:13,431
Okay, well,
who can do that
848
00:46:13,565 --> 00:46:16,001
without shitting
your pants first?
849
00:46:18,204 --> 00:46:20,106
Yeah, you all got real serious
now, didn't you?
850
00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:22,340
- Bob, that's perverse.
- Nope, that's the next challenge.
851
00:46:22,474 --> 00:46:24,342
I like to call it
"intestinal fortitude."
852
00:46:24,476 --> 00:46:27,312
Man, this is the dumbest shit ever.
Are you fucking kidding me?
853
00:46:27,445 --> 00:46:29,148
- No.
- Corn dogs and laxatives?
854
00:46:29,282 --> 00:46:31,650
You are the ones that wanted
to play for 150,000 bucks.
855
00:46:31,783 --> 00:46:33,351
I'm just trying to
make you earn it.
856
00:46:33,485 --> 00:46:35,420
Sounds like somebody
doesn't want to compete.
857
00:46:35,554 --> 00:46:38,023
- And if you don't compete...
- You must concede.
858
00:46:38,157 --> 00:46:41,993
I'm not conceding! I'm a fucking
cock rooster. Gonna get me a chicken.
859
00:46:42,128 --> 00:46:44,629
- Here we go.
- Oh, man.
860
00:47:04,250 --> 00:47:05,684
Oh, my God.
861
00:47:06,918 --> 00:47:09,621
- Your bag is everything.
- Oh, thank you.
862
00:47:09,754 --> 00:47:12,058
- I'm sorry. May I?
- Absolutely.
863
00:47:12,191 --> 00:47:13,892
- Look at that.
- It's watermelon.
864
00:47:14,025 --> 00:47:16,195
I think I might be the last
piece to this puzzle.
865
00:47:16,329 --> 00:47:18,264
Oh!
866
00:47:20,066 --> 00:47:21,633
My mouth is very dry.
867
00:47:21,766 --> 00:47:24,337
- Can I get you a drink?
- You are so very sweet.
868
00:47:24,469 --> 00:47:26,438
- Absolutely.
- I... Just this once.
869
00:47:26,571 --> 00:47:29,308
- Okay. What do you like?
- Oh, anything that's wet.
870
00:47:29,441 --> 00:47:30,475
- Oh...
- Oh!
871
00:47:30,609 --> 00:47:32,510
Hey, can you buy me a drink?
872
00:47:32,644 --> 00:47:34,113
I live in my van.
873
00:47:34,247 --> 00:47:35,714
What? No.
874
00:47:36,648 --> 00:47:38,483
I'll chow your box
for a week.
875
00:47:38,617 --> 00:47:40,418
You like vodka?
876
00:47:40,552 --> 00:47:43,021
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
877
00:47:43,155 --> 00:47:44,522
Two wet ones.
878
00:47:44,656 --> 00:47:46,758
Yeah, hi.
This is Dr. Kelly.
879
00:47:53,565 --> 00:47:56,102
You look like
you need a blow job.
880
00:47:58,304 --> 00:48:00,039
- Shot, silly.
- Oh.
881
00:48:00,172 --> 00:48:01,240
What did you think
I meant?
882
00:48:01,374 --> 00:48:03,541
Uh, you know, oral...
883
00:48:04,910 --> 00:48:07,946
Can you please just call me back?
I miss you.
884
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:09,215
All right, bye.
885
00:48:09,348 --> 00:48:12,817
Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.
886
00:48:13,752 --> 00:48:15,754
I would buy you a drink...
887
00:48:16,755 --> 00:48:19,658
but my friends and I are playing
this ridiculous game
888
00:48:19,791 --> 00:48:22,128
where we're trying to get
women to buy us drinks.
889
00:48:22,261 --> 00:48:24,096
That's refreshingly
honest.
890
00:48:24,230 --> 00:48:27,999
- It's ridiculous.
- I feel like buying you a drink.
891
00:48:28,134 --> 00:48:30,669
- Okay.
- What'll it be?
892
00:48:31,270 --> 00:48:33,538
Uh-oh. You look lonely.
893
00:48:33,672 --> 00:48:37,176
The cure for that is,
you buy me a drink,
894
00:48:37,310 --> 00:48:38,677
and I'll sit...
895
00:48:39,477 --> 00:48:41,147
I'll save
this seat for you.
896
00:48:41,947 --> 00:48:43,648
You know what drinking
makes me want to do?
897
00:48:43,782 --> 00:48:46,918
- What's that?
- It makes me want to feel, and it makes me want to move.
898
00:48:47,053 --> 00:48:49,454
- You want to move with me?
- Ooh, absolutely!
899
00:48:49,587 --> 00:48:52,158
Oh, I know you.
Hi, Durf.
900
00:48:54,659 --> 00:48:56,995
Here we go. Here it is.
901
00:48:57,129 --> 00:48:58,964
There's a kink there
that's very sensitive
902
00:48:59,098 --> 00:49:00,832
- on the right side, yeah.
- Oh, I can feel that.
903
00:49:00,966 --> 00:49:02,567
Why don't you order us
a couple drinks,
904
00:49:02,701 --> 00:49:04,502
and I'll get you
all fixed up?
905
00:49:04,636 --> 00:49:06,571
Um, sure.
906
00:49:06,705 --> 00:49:09,141
Eddie,
two vodka cranberry.
907
00:49:09,275 --> 00:49:11,077
Careful.
I'm very sensitive.
908
00:49:11,210 --> 00:49:14,246
Nice and loosey-goosey.
Nice and loosey-goosey.
909
00:49:14,380 --> 00:49:15,714
Aaah!
910
00:49:15,847 --> 00:49:17,716
- Oh, yeah, there you go.
- Oh, God!
911
00:49:17,849 --> 00:49:21,387
- How's that? Nice?
- I think you just made it worse.
912
00:49:21,519 --> 00:49:25,091
- Stand up. Let's check that weight distribution.
- Okay, hang on.
913
00:49:25,224 --> 00:49:28,760
- I love your hair. Do you sleep in the woods?
- Sometimes.
914
00:49:28,893 --> 00:49:31,397
I got a half a bottle
of Fireball parked outside
915
00:49:31,529 --> 00:49:34,599
in my Kia Sorento,
if you're interested in coming out back.
916
00:49:35,234 --> 00:49:36,435
Yes. Yes, I am.
917
00:49:36,568 --> 00:49:37,802
- Yes, I am.
- Good.
918
00:49:37,936 --> 00:49:41,506
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Save it, kitty. Save it.
919
00:49:41,639 --> 00:49:44,909
Let's hit the dance floor,
and you can ride me like a fucking animal.
920
00:49:45,044 --> 00:49:47,979
I will. I will.
Okay, let's go.
921
00:49:57,822 --> 00:50:00,525
If you let
your hips go,
922
00:50:00,658 --> 00:50:02,560
your neck will follow.
923
00:50:02,694 --> 00:50:04,963
Wait a minute.
Are you trying to dance with me?
924
00:50:05,097 --> 00:50:07,066
Yeah. No, I'm...
925
00:50:08,633 --> 00:50:11,270
Oh, no.
926
00:50:11,404 --> 00:50:12,937
Oh, no!
927
00:50:13,571 --> 00:50:15,207
Where's the bathroom?
928
00:50:15,341 --> 00:50:17,243
That's it for Doc.
929
00:50:20,912 --> 00:50:22,814
- I don't want to buy you a drink.
- What's the big deal?
930
00:50:22,947 --> 00:50:25,317
- Fuck off, please.
- What did you say to me?
931
00:50:25,451 --> 00:50:28,953
- I said, "Walk off."
- Hey! The lady said no, asshole.
932
00:50:29,088 --> 00:50:32,924
- Fuck off, shrimp dick. Come on. Please.
- No!
933
00:50:34,460 --> 00:50:36,128
Hey, bud,
how's it going?
934
00:50:36,262 --> 00:50:38,364
How does it look
like it's going, bitch?
935
00:50:38,497 --> 00:50:39,898
Okay.
936
00:50:40,032 --> 00:50:42,201
Zane, I forgot what a good
dancer you are, man.
937
00:50:42,334 --> 00:50:44,969
- Yeah?
- What was that move you used to do back in the day?
938
00:50:45,104 --> 00:50:47,139
It was sick.
You used to kill it.
939
00:50:47,273 --> 00:50:51,410
It's not a move, Bender.
It's called art.
940
00:50:51,544 --> 00:50:53,812
- Hey, dude, break it out, man.
- Yeah?
941
00:50:53,945 --> 00:50:54,946
Yeah.
942
00:50:55,081 --> 00:50:58,050
- Here at the Spread Eagle?
- Yeah.
943
00:50:58,184 --> 00:50:59,918
Okay.
944
00:51:02,188 --> 00:51:04,256
Oh!
945
00:51:04,390 --> 00:51:07,226
Oh, Bender,
you made me...
946
00:51:07,359 --> 00:51:10,463
- Oh!
- What happened?
947
00:51:10,595 --> 00:51:13,099
I'm having a hard time
understanding what's she's doing.
948
00:51:13,232 --> 00:51:15,667
Why would she do that? She just left.
949
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:17,902
She just left,
and... and I'm...
950
00:51:18,037 --> 00:51:21,273
I'm a little busted up about it.
951
00:51:21,407 --> 00:51:23,741
I mean, she's...
I love her.
952
00:51:23,875 --> 00:51:26,178
She is beautiful.
Tiff...
953
00:51:32,585 --> 00:51:34,120
You like that, huh?
954
00:51:34,253 --> 00:51:37,856
Who's the shrimp dick
now, huh?
955
00:51:37,989 --> 00:51:39,624
Let me go,
shrimp dick!
956
00:51:39,757 --> 00:51:41,327
What's up, Durf?
957
00:51:41,460 --> 00:51:43,362
Having some troubles?
Struggling a little bit?
958
00:51:43,496 --> 00:51:44,696
I'm good.
959
00:51:44,829 --> 00:51:45,897
You don't look good.
960
00:51:46,031 --> 00:51:47,399
Oh, fuck!
961
00:51:47,533 --> 00:51:49,135
Let it out!
962
00:51:51,537 --> 00:51:55,773
I'm gonna crush you,
you little Oompa Loompa motherfucker!
963
00:51:55,907 --> 00:51:59,478
Shh, shh. Go to sleep.
Shh, just let it happen.
964
00:51:59,612 --> 00:52:02,414
Shh.
965
00:52:02,548 --> 00:52:04,350
Shh.
966
00:52:05,117 --> 00:52:07,453
Yes! Yeah!
967
00:52:14,527 --> 00:52:16,828
Congratulations, Bender.
968
00:52:24,537 --> 00:52:25,837
Hey, Shelly.
969
00:52:25,970 --> 00:52:28,607
You looked pretty good
until the fight started.
970
00:52:28,740 --> 00:52:30,075
I don't want
to talk about it.
971
00:52:30,209 --> 00:52:32,144
- That guy was really small.
- Bender...
972
00:52:32,278 --> 00:52:35,013
I know they like to be called little
people, but I'd classify that guy...
973
00:52:35,147 --> 00:52:37,550
- Shut your cock pocket.
- What the fuck are we doing here?
974
00:52:37,715 --> 00:52:41,019
- Seriously, Bob. I have meat strapped to my face.
- Hold your horses, boys.
975
00:52:41,153 --> 00:52:43,755
It'll be here momentarily.
But first,
976
00:52:43,888 --> 00:52:46,791
I decided to throw a little
curveball into this one.
977
00:52:46,925 --> 00:52:49,662
- Oh!
- We're gonna hit this.
978
00:52:49,794 --> 00:52:52,097
- Oh, man.
- Oh, fuck, yes. Let's get weird.
979
00:52:52,231 --> 00:52:53,831
- Please!
- What does that mean?
980
00:52:53,965 --> 00:52:55,700
You're saying
you've never smoked pot?
981
00:52:55,833 --> 00:52:57,469
You don't fucking know
what I do
982
00:52:57,603 --> 00:52:58,803
when I go
to the clubs, man.
983
00:52:58,937 --> 00:53:00,939
I get super paranoid
when I smoke grass.
984
00:53:01,073 --> 00:53:03,042
Come on. You know the rules.
Buddy Games, baby.
985
00:53:03,175 --> 00:53:05,444
- If you can't compete, you must concede.
- It's medicinal.
986
00:53:05,578 --> 00:53:08,113
Bet I'm the only
one that's smoked hash.
987
00:53:08,247 --> 00:53:10,182
Guys, they test
sometimes on movie sets.
988
00:53:10,316 --> 00:53:11,916
I don't know if I can
have this in my system.
989
00:53:12,051 --> 00:53:13,918
That's the shit
that killed Hendrix.
990
00:53:14,053 --> 00:53:16,921
Yeah, boy!
Bye, bye, brain.
991
00:53:19,258 --> 00:53:20,725
Take it.
992
00:53:20,858 --> 00:53:22,261
- Got it?
- Got it.
993
00:53:23,229 --> 00:53:25,130
Don't bogart that shit.
994
00:53:26,632 --> 00:53:28,234
Fuck you.
995
00:53:31,537 --> 00:53:33,172
Holy shit.
996
00:53:33,305 --> 00:53:36,275
You're blowing it out and
sucking it in at the same time?
997
00:53:38,310 --> 00:53:40,878
- This is a bad idea.
- All right, boys.
998
00:53:41,012 --> 00:53:43,215
The final event
of the day.
999
00:53:44,015 --> 00:53:46,252
This is not a game
of strength
1000
00:53:46,385 --> 00:53:48,387
or endurance,
but rather a test of courage,
1001
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:52,358
and it will determine tomorrow's
three finalists in the endgame.
1002
00:53:52,491 --> 00:53:55,728
So ask yourselves, how bad
do you want that money, boys?
1003
00:53:55,860 --> 00:53:57,895
- Bad. Real bad.
- Real bad.
1004
00:53:58,030 --> 00:53:59,931
The game is simple.
1005
00:54:00,065 --> 00:54:02,735
The last one to keep
his head above board wins.
1006
00:54:02,867 --> 00:54:04,637
Enter the dragon!
1007
00:54:04,769 --> 00:54:06,272
What?
1008
00:54:09,441 --> 00:54:11,343
- Bob, what the fuck is that thing?
- What the fuck is that?
1009
00:54:11,477 --> 00:54:14,213
- What the fuck is that, man.
- It's a dinosaur.
1010
00:54:20,386 --> 00:54:23,088
Hey, Bob. Bob left.
1011
00:54:23,222 --> 00:54:25,857
Bob, what
a fucking coward.
1012
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:44,743
Yeah. Look at Shelly
and his juicy, fat head.
1013
00:54:44,876 --> 00:54:47,279
Eat off the rest
of his hair.
1014
00:54:49,947 --> 00:54:51,116
Doc!
1015
00:54:51,250 --> 00:54:53,218
- Oh, my God!
- Doc!
1016
00:54:53,352 --> 00:54:56,288
- Tell me you're okay!
- That was intense.
1017
00:54:56,422 --> 00:54:59,857
Doc, talk to me!
Doc, just talk!
1018
00:54:59,991 --> 00:55:01,794
He senses fear!
1019
00:55:01,926 --> 00:55:04,330
Doc was weak,
like you, Zane.
1020
00:55:04,463 --> 00:55:05,863
Yeah.
1021
00:55:10,235 --> 00:55:12,571
Yeah, I'm not afraid.
1022
00:55:12,705 --> 00:55:14,906
Oh, no. Oh, God.
1023
00:55:16,375 --> 00:55:18,444
No. No.
1024
00:55:23,881 --> 00:55:27,018
Ugh! I'm sorry, Mom!
1025
00:55:33,192 --> 00:55:36,395
That's it, motherfucker.
That's it, motherfucker.
1026
00:55:36,528 --> 00:55:38,130
Huh?
1027
00:55:38,263 --> 00:55:40,566
Shelly, get out of there.
You win, man.
1028
00:55:40,699 --> 00:55:43,868
- What are you doing?
- You want a piece of me, huh?
1029
00:55:44,001 --> 00:55:47,872
You stupid fucking pea-brained
lizard, you think I'm scared of you?
1030
00:55:48,005 --> 00:55:49,675
Shelly, man, you already won.
Get out of there!
1031
00:55:49,808 --> 00:55:52,144
Where is it?
Where is it? Come on!
1032
00:55:52,277 --> 00:55:54,313
Oh, my God!
1033
00:56:08,926 --> 00:56:10,162
Hey.
1034
00:56:12,765 --> 00:56:13,799
You all right?
1035
00:56:13,931 --> 00:56:16,201
Uh-huh. Good times, man.
1036
00:56:16,335 --> 00:56:18,103
You're sort of gazing
right into that fire.
1037
00:56:18,237 --> 00:56:21,507
I'm just a little
worried about you.
1038
00:56:24,309 --> 00:56:26,445
Hey, look, I know you're
pissed at me right now...
1039
00:56:26,578 --> 00:56:30,048
Why would I be pissed at you?
'Cause you lied to me about everything?
1040
00:56:30,182 --> 00:56:33,085
I'm sorry that I lied to you.
I am. But I did it for...
1041
00:56:33,218 --> 00:56:35,220
Don't apologize.
You literally saved my life.
1042
00:56:35,354 --> 00:56:38,257
- Well, I wouldn't go that far. I mean...
- No.
1043
00:56:38,390 --> 00:56:41,059
This little reunion could just
as easily have been my funeral,
1044
00:56:41,193 --> 00:56:44,196
but now I got a reason
to live again, man.
1045
00:56:45,063 --> 00:56:47,932
And that? I owe that all
to you, little buddy.
1046
00:56:51,203 --> 00:56:53,605
Can I get you anything?
Another near beer?
1047
00:56:53,739 --> 00:56:55,307
Nah, I'm good.
1048
00:56:55,441 --> 00:56:58,410
- Okay.
- You know what, though? I'm gonna get you something.
1049
00:56:58,544 --> 00:57:01,380
- Okay.
- Show you how I feel about everything.
1050
00:57:01,513 --> 00:57:03,682
- Ooh!
- Oh, yeah.
1051
00:57:29,675 --> 00:57:33,111
- How many cards you want, Doc?
- Hey, fellas.
1052
00:57:33,245 --> 00:57:35,080
Look, I'm a little
embarrassed
1053
00:57:35,214 --> 00:57:37,516
by my behavior earlier...
I got a little crazy there.
1054
00:57:37,649 --> 00:57:42,054
It's just been a long day of
excruciating pain and humiliation.
1055
00:57:42,187 --> 00:57:44,456
I feel bad about
the way I behaved.
1056
00:57:44,590 --> 00:57:47,059
I feel better now because being
with you guys means the world to me.
1057
00:57:47,192 --> 00:57:51,096
As a token of my appreciation,
I made you guys these frosty piña coladas.
1058
00:57:51,230 --> 00:57:53,365
One for everybody.
Get in there!
1059
00:57:53,499 --> 00:57:56,335
- Can you get me one?
- Guys...
1060
00:57:56,468 --> 00:57:58,737
- Thanks, man.
- Look how frothy these are.
1061
00:57:58,871 --> 00:58:02,374
- Shelly did a fun thing. Look, Bob.
- Thank you, bro. Wow.
1062
00:58:02,508 --> 00:58:04,843
Mmm. It's different,
but it's good.
1063
00:58:04,977 --> 00:58:07,212
- Creamy, ooh.
- I like it.
1064
00:58:07,346 --> 00:58:10,849
My mom always said, "If the drinks are
free, drink till you can't walk or see."
1065
00:58:10,983 --> 00:58:14,086
Shelly, are you good?
I thought you were on the wagon.
1066
00:58:14,219 --> 00:58:16,088
Never been better, buddy.
Never been better.
1067
00:58:16,221 --> 00:58:18,891
This is exactly
what I needed.
1068
00:58:19,023 --> 00:58:21,460
All right. Don't get too drunk
and then whip your pants down
1069
00:58:21,593 --> 00:58:24,196
- and start playing with your empty bean bag chair.
- All right.
1070
00:58:24,329 --> 00:58:27,165
- Hey, to Shelly.
- To Shelly Belly. Love you, Shel.
1071
00:58:27,299 --> 00:58:28,834
Glad to
have you back, brother.
1072
00:58:28,967 --> 00:58:31,236
Cheers, cheers.
1073
00:58:31,370 --> 00:58:33,472
Yo, Doc,
I think you need to have
1074
00:58:33,605 --> 00:58:36,742
a doctor look at that thing.
It's starting to drip.
1075
00:58:36,875 --> 00:58:37,876
I am a doctor, Durf.
1076
00:58:38,010 --> 00:58:39,211
So good, man!
1077
00:58:39,344 --> 00:58:40,546
I didn't mean it
like that.
1078
00:58:40,679 --> 00:58:42,981
So how's La La Land
treating you, bro?
1079
00:58:43,115 --> 00:58:44,349
Yeah, Hollywood man.
1080
00:58:44,483 --> 00:58:46,785
Pretty darn good.
I'm feeling blessed.
1081
00:58:46,919 --> 00:58:50,322
- I got a lot of things coming down the pipeline.
- That's great, man.
1082
00:58:50,455 --> 00:58:53,358
- Couple things in postproduction.
- What's postproduction?
1083
00:58:53,492 --> 00:58:56,061
That's a good question.
Editing,
1084
00:58:56,194 --> 00:58:58,664
color timing, scoring...
1085
00:58:58,797 --> 00:59:00,165
Scoring, verb...
1086
00:59:00,299 --> 00:59:02,234
What Zane does every night
with the ladies.
1087
00:59:05,871 --> 00:59:07,839
You know what you should do?
1088
00:59:07,973 --> 00:59:11,009
Seriously.
Work with Mark Wahlberg.
1089
00:59:11,143 --> 00:59:12,377
Guy is money.
1090
00:59:12,511 --> 00:59:14,813
He kicks all kinds of ass.
1091
00:59:14,947 --> 00:59:17,482
He's got that itty-bitty waist,
but he seems like an accessible guy.
1092
00:59:17,616 --> 00:59:19,117
Like, the kind of guy
you can talk to.
1093
00:59:19,251 --> 00:59:21,086
That's a really helpful tip.
Thank you.
1094
00:59:21,219 --> 00:59:22,654
Yeah, for sure.
1095
00:59:22,788 --> 00:59:24,556
But seriously, like,
what do you got, Durfy?
1096
00:59:24,690 --> 00:59:27,626
Uh, I was told not to
let anybody watch this,
1097
00:59:27,759 --> 00:59:29,962
but I did get an early cut
of something
1098
00:59:30,095 --> 00:59:32,831
that I have on my phone if you
guys want to take a little look.
1099
00:59:32,965 --> 00:59:35,200
All right.
1100
00:59:35,334 --> 00:59:38,103
You can't tell anyone
you saw this, though, okay?
1101
00:59:38,236 --> 00:59:41,473
This is what we call
an industrial in the biz.
1102
00:59:43,442 --> 00:59:45,243
Oh, she's pregnant.
1103
00:59:45,377 --> 00:59:48,081
Who's that handsome guy?
1104
00:59:48,213 --> 00:59:50,115
- Black-and-white. Nice touch.
- Artsy.
1105
00:59:50,248 --> 00:59:51,917
She's cute.
1106
00:59:52,051 --> 00:59:54,419
It's like Raging Bull.
1107
00:59:54,553 --> 00:59:57,222
It's got a great twist,
too, you guys.
1108
01:00:05,130 --> 01:00:07,033
Oh, God, she's so good.
1109
01:00:07,165 --> 01:00:09,401
I really liked
working with her.
1110
01:00:14,740 --> 01:00:16,541
Um...
1111
01:00:16,675 --> 01:00:18,143
- Oh, man.
- Wow.
1112
01:00:18,276 --> 01:00:20,479
Man, she gets me
when she gives that look.
1113
01:00:20,612 --> 01:00:22,781
- What do you think?
- Yeah, it's...
1114
01:00:22,914 --> 01:00:24,316
Let me get
this straight.
1115
01:00:24,449 --> 01:00:27,086
You stay at home,
and your wife goes to war?
1116
01:00:27,219 --> 01:00:30,822
Yeah, well, um, you know,
somebody has to watch the baby.
1117
01:00:30,956 --> 01:00:33,291
I didn't write it.
I just act in it, so...
1118
01:00:33,425 --> 01:00:35,861
No, totally. America thanks
you for your service, man.
1119
01:00:35,994 --> 01:00:39,398
- How do you make yourself cry?
- On the day, I wasn't able to,
1120
01:00:39,531 --> 01:00:41,767
so they just put
a drop in your eye.
1121
01:00:41,900 --> 01:00:44,302
- You didn't cry?
- Well, not on that day.
1122
01:00:44,436 --> 01:00:46,304
- Wow!
- I always though you actually cried.
1123
01:00:46,438 --> 01:00:49,574
- I think it looks real.
- Come on. This...
1124
01:00:49,708 --> 01:00:52,511
We're his best friends.
We owe him honesty here.
1125
01:00:52,644 --> 01:00:56,149
Durf, I love you.
That's a terrible commercial.
1126
01:00:56,281 --> 01:00:59,451
That's 100%
Rotten Tomatoes, man.
1127
01:00:59,584 --> 01:01:01,820
Yeah, I have other things
maybe you'll dig.
1128
01:01:01,953 --> 01:01:03,722
Of course you will,
and they'll be awesome.
1129
01:01:03,855 --> 01:01:06,324
No, we're all pro-troops,
but that was anti-acting.
1130
01:01:06,458 --> 01:01:09,227
That's good, though, dude.
Next time, Durf.
1131
01:01:09,361 --> 01:01:11,164
I'm kidding, Dude.
1132
01:01:11,296 --> 01:01:13,331
I'll get an eyedropper, dude.
Don't well up.
1133
01:01:13,465 --> 01:01:16,234
I loved it. Hey, it's time
to announce the finalists.
1134
01:01:16,368 --> 01:01:18,104
- Come on. Let's go.
- This is go time.
1135
01:01:18,236 --> 01:01:19,971
- Come on, baby.
- Come on. Let's go.
1136
01:01:21,306 --> 01:01:22,974
I liked your movie, Durf.
1137
01:01:23,109 --> 01:01:25,343
Thanks, man.
1138
01:01:26,545 --> 01:01:28,814
All right, boys, the moment
we've all been waiting for.
1139
01:01:28,947 --> 01:01:31,349
As you can see, I stand
among these tiki torches.
1140
01:01:31,483 --> 01:01:33,852
These three tiki torches
represent the three guys
1141
01:01:33,985 --> 01:01:36,321
who will be competing
in tomorrow's final event.
1142
01:01:36,455 --> 01:01:38,690
If I call your name,
you're in. Ready?
1143
01:01:38,824 --> 01:01:40,892
And remember,
we're playing for this.
1144
01:01:41,026 --> 01:01:42,828
- Yeah.
- Hell, yeah.
1145
01:01:42,961 --> 01:01:46,631
- Say my name.
- The first finalist in this year's Buddy Games is...
1146
01:01:46,765 --> 01:01:48,667
Bob Schmidt.
1147
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:51,137
Is there a Bob Schm...
Oh, that's me.
1148
01:01:51,269 --> 01:01:53,271
That's me.
1149
01:01:53,405 --> 01:01:56,142
All right,
game one, game one.
1150
01:01:56,274 --> 01:01:58,243
Hey, check it.
The score's right here.
1151
01:01:58,376 --> 01:02:01,313
And the next finalist is...
1152
01:02:01,446 --> 01:02:03,014
Dixon Bender.
1153
01:02:03,149 --> 01:02:05,118
- Yes!
- What?
1154
01:02:05,283 --> 01:02:07,786
- I did better than Bender did.
- I did not see that coming.
1155
01:02:07,919 --> 01:02:09,788
- Yep, I saw it coming.
- I want a recount.
1156
01:02:09,921 --> 01:02:11,556
You'd be up here if you held
your shit the longest.
1157
01:02:11,690 --> 01:02:13,625
That's right.
And the third finalist
1158
01:02:13,759 --> 01:02:15,827
may not be the most
athletic guy here.
1159
01:02:15,961 --> 01:02:18,131
- In fact, he's probably the least athletic guy here.
- Doc.
1160
01:02:18,263 --> 01:02:21,600
- Oh, no. That's not good for me.
- He demonstrated nerves of steel
1161
01:02:21,733 --> 01:02:25,037
in the face of dragons.
It's Shelly Baldinger!
1162
01:02:25,171 --> 01:02:27,240
- Yeah!
- You got to be kidding me!
1163
01:02:27,372 --> 01:02:29,841
- What? Are you joking?
- Yep.
1164
01:02:29,975 --> 01:02:31,110
That's bullshit.
1165
01:02:31,244 --> 01:02:32,544
Don't look so down, Durf.
1166
01:02:32,677 --> 01:02:35,347
Maybe there's a tampon
commercial in your future.
1167
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:38,050
Yeah. Anything with
a vagina, you know?
1168
01:02:38,184 --> 01:02:40,519
Or a fake baby.
You fuckers.
1169
01:02:40,652 --> 01:02:44,022
I don't know how I'm not a finalist.
1170
01:02:44,157 --> 01:02:46,992
- I want a recount.
- Hey, who wants a piña colada?
1171
01:02:47,126 --> 01:02:50,263
- I want a piña colada!
- Who wants a piña colada?
1172
01:02:50,395 --> 01:02:52,964
When I say "piña,"
you say "colada"!
1173
01:02:53,099 --> 01:02:55,634
- Piña! Piña!
- Colada! Colada!
1174
01:03:50,989 --> 01:03:52,424
Hey.
1175
01:03:54,327 --> 01:03:56,761
Hey. Shelly.
1176
01:03:57,296 --> 01:03:59,764
Shelly.
1177
01:04:01,566 --> 01:04:04,070
Guys. Guys, come here.
Shelly's out cold here.
1178
01:04:04,203 --> 01:04:06,771
Oh, you know what that means.
Balls and gravy!
1179
01:04:06,905 --> 01:04:09,541
No, no, no, no. I'm serious.
I can't tell if he's breathing.
1180
01:04:09,674 --> 01:04:12,245
- What? He's just passed out.
- All right, get out of my way.
1181
01:04:12,377 --> 01:04:14,546
Let me handle this.
Let me handle this.
1182
01:04:17,316 --> 01:04:18,850
- Oh, no.
- What?
1183
01:04:18,984 --> 01:04:21,254
- This is bad, guys.
- Give it to us straight, Doc.
1184
01:04:21,386 --> 01:04:23,722
It's an impingement
between C3 and C4.
1185
01:04:23,855 --> 01:04:25,557
Are you kidding me?
Is he breathing?
1186
01:04:25,690 --> 01:04:27,692
Yes, he's breathing.
He's fine.
1187
01:04:27,826 --> 01:04:29,561
He's just
a big, ugly baby.
1188
01:04:29,694 --> 01:04:31,897
He's fine.
He's sleeping.
1189
01:04:32,597 --> 01:04:35,600
Where's... Where's Durfy?
1190
01:04:35,734 --> 01:04:37,602
- I don't know.
- That's odd.
1191
01:04:37,736 --> 01:04:40,373
- Durfy!
- Durf!
1192
01:04:40,505 --> 01:04:43,175
- Durfy! Durfy!
- Durf! Durf!
1193
01:04:44,609 --> 01:04:46,611
This is bullshit.
1194
01:04:46,745 --> 01:04:49,481
I'm gonna pack my bags
and get out of here.
1195
01:04:54,819 --> 01:04:57,189
What the hell is that?
1196
01:05:03,595 --> 01:05:05,364
What the fuck?
1197
01:05:05,497 --> 01:05:07,465
- He's not out there.
- His car's still here.
1198
01:05:07,599 --> 01:05:10,202
- He's not in his room.
- I called him. He didn't answer.
1199
01:05:10,336 --> 01:05:12,171
- Where would he be?
- Oh, you guys.
1200
01:05:12,305 --> 01:05:13,538
- What?
- The commercial.
1201
01:05:13,672 --> 01:05:15,141
His commercial
about lady Marines.
1202
01:05:15,274 --> 01:05:17,609
Dude, our own military might
attack us over that commercial.
1203
01:05:17,742 --> 01:05:20,246
- We shit all over it.
- We were being honest. It sucked.
1204
01:05:20,379 --> 01:05:23,682
- We didn't have to be that honest.
- You know how sensitive he is.
1205
01:05:23,815 --> 01:05:25,418
Fuck! He probably
wandered off somewhere.
1206
01:05:25,583 --> 01:05:28,553
- We got to go looking for him.
- Somebody's got to watch Shelly.
1207
01:05:28,687 --> 01:05:29,955
The doctor should.
1208
01:05:30,089 --> 01:05:30,922
I want Bender to stay.
1209
01:05:31,057 --> 01:05:32,425
- You hear that?
- What'd you say?
1210
01:05:32,557 --> 01:05:34,160
He picked Bender.
1211
01:05:34,293 --> 01:05:36,728
- He said "Doctor."
- He said "Bender." I heard him.
1212
01:05:36,861 --> 01:05:38,863
- Bender, you stay here. Stay with him.
- Are you kidding me?
1213
01:05:38,997 --> 01:05:40,899
Grab the torches, boys.
Let's go find him.
1214
01:05:41,033 --> 01:05:43,802
What if he wakes up?
Do I have to talk to him?
1215
01:05:46,372 --> 01:05:47,806
Stay back!
1216
01:05:52,078 --> 01:05:53,578
Leave me alone!
1217
01:05:54,713 --> 01:05:56,681
Oh! Shelter.
1218
01:06:22,574 --> 01:06:24,076
Durfy?
1219
01:06:25,643 --> 01:06:28,147
- Durf!
- Durf and Turf?
1220
01:06:28,980 --> 01:06:31,716
What is that? What is that?
1221
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:37,756
How's it getting
in the door?
1222
01:06:40,393 --> 01:06:43,028
What?
1223
01:06:50,602 --> 01:06:53,272
Where are you?
1224
01:06:56,409 --> 01:06:58,277
You hear that?
1225
01:06:58,411 --> 01:06:59,944
Oh, my God.
1226
01:07:00,678 --> 01:07:02,481
- That way.
- Let's go get our boy.
1227
01:07:02,614 --> 01:07:04,183
We're coming, Durf!
1228
01:07:29,041 --> 01:07:30,775
What?
1229
01:07:31,709 --> 01:07:33,778
That's weird.
1230
01:07:45,857 --> 01:07:48,194
Don't make me do this.
1231
01:07:48,327 --> 01:07:49,661
Please!
1232
01:07:49,794 --> 01:07:52,764
Okay, I'm going
to let you go.
1233
01:07:52,897 --> 01:07:55,034
Stop fighting, okay?
1234
01:07:55,167 --> 01:07:56,502
Stay down.
1235
01:07:59,105 --> 01:08:01,140
Whore! Okay!
1236
01:08:04,110 --> 01:08:06,512
- Die you little...
- That's a tiny thing!
1237
01:08:06,644 --> 01:08:09,281
Durfy...
Knock it off, man!
1238
01:08:09,415 --> 01:08:11,150
Stop, man, stop!
1239
01:08:11,983 --> 01:08:14,353
Did he kill it?
1240
01:08:15,521 --> 01:08:16,888
Oh, my God!
1241
01:08:17,021 --> 01:08:19,592
You guys, that thing
was trying to kill me.
1242
01:08:19,724 --> 01:08:21,293
- Oh, my God.
- That little thing right there?
1243
01:08:21,427 --> 01:08:23,828
Yeah, it looks cute,
but it came in that shed
1244
01:08:23,962 --> 01:08:25,897
and got my ear
and my face.
1245
01:08:26,031 --> 01:08:28,633
- Holy mother of God.
- You look like shit, man.
1246
01:08:28,766 --> 01:08:30,436
Is that right?
I look like shit?
1247
01:08:30,569 --> 01:08:32,871
My commercial sucks. Do you
want to say anything else?
1248
01:08:33,004 --> 01:08:35,874
- I was just busting...
- No, no, I heard you loud and clear.
1249
01:08:36,007 --> 01:08:37,842
I heard you loud and clear.
The commercial sucked.
1250
01:08:37,976 --> 01:08:40,312
- We were just busting your chops.
- You know what else?
1251
01:08:40,446 --> 01:08:42,714
I'm not fucking making it
in Hollywood, okay?
1252
01:08:42,847 --> 01:08:45,783
Are you happy?
I don't have an agent.
1253
01:08:45,917 --> 01:08:48,753
I self-submit
to extras casting, okay?
1254
01:08:48,887 --> 01:08:50,822
I sell tape.
1255
01:08:50,955 --> 01:08:53,559
And right before I got here,
I shit the bed
1256
01:08:53,691 --> 01:08:56,629
on probably the best opportunity
I'm ever gonna have for a CW pilot.
1257
01:08:56,761 --> 01:08:59,898
And it's fucking gone, and that's it, okay?
So I fucking suck!
1258
01:09:00,032 --> 01:09:02,334
- You don't suck.
- You feel fucking funny now?
1259
01:09:02,468 --> 01:09:04,436
You want to make some
fucking jokes about that?
1260
01:09:04,570 --> 01:09:07,506
Durfy, calm down.
You're a little fired up right now.
1261
01:09:07,640 --> 01:09:10,543
No, no, no. Don't calm down.
Let him get it out.
1262
01:09:10,675 --> 01:09:15,247
What is this, Durf, huh? What is this,
your fucking goodbye speech? Huh?
1263
01:09:15,381 --> 01:09:17,982
We throw a little tough love your
way, and you throw in the towel?
1264
01:09:18,117 --> 01:09:20,952
You want to be an actor or not?
Start filming this.
1265
01:09:21,086 --> 01:09:24,190
You want to fucking be an actor
on a CW pilot, Durfy?
1266
01:09:24,323 --> 01:09:27,159
- Use it! Use it!
- Show me! Show me!
1267
01:09:27,293 --> 01:09:29,328
You guys, I just got attacked
by a fucking mink.
1268
01:09:29,461 --> 01:09:32,131
I'm not auditioning
in the woods, okay?
1269
01:09:34,466 --> 01:09:36,602
- I'm not gonna do this!
- Do it right now!
1270
01:09:36,734 --> 01:09:40,172
You guys knew what I was the whole
time, and you didn't tell me?
1271
01:09:42,074 --> 01:09:43,942
I thought I had cancer,
damn it.
1272
01:09:44,076 --> 01:09:46,679
Okay, so I'm a mutant?
1273
01:09:46,811 --> 01:09:49,048
So I'm gonna dedicate
the rest of my life...
1274
01:09:50,082 --> 01:09:52,418
to putting those
who would do ill to others
1275
01:09:52,551 --> 01:09:54,819
straight in the fucking ground.
1276
01:09:54,953 --> 01:09:57,855
And I don't care
if I have to die doing it.
1277
01:09:59,791 --> 01:10:02,661
John Durfy Jr,
Mutant Institute.
1278
01:10:02,794 --> 01:10:04,929
Yeah!
1279
01:10:05,064 --> 01:10:07,166
You guys,
that last part was improv.
1280
01:10:07,299 --> 01:10:09,301
Yeah, Durfy! Yeah!
1281
01:10:09,435 --> 01:10:12,770
That's not even in the script.
It's not even in the script.
1282
01:10:27,885 --> 01:10:29,355
Hi, Dixon.
1283
01:10:32,258 --> 01:10:33,525
Hey, Shelly.
1284
01:10:34,660 --> 01:10:38,130
Have an extra bowl of
Cuckoo Puffs this morning?
1285
01:10:38,264 --> 01:10:41,400
When are you gonna learn
to shut the fuck up, Bender?
1286
01:10:41,533 --> 01:10:43,502
Why am I here?
1287
01:10:43,636 --> 01:10:46,171
That is a really good question.
What are you doing here?
1288
01:10:46,305 --> 01:10:49,275
You're not supposed to be here.
I was very clear about that.
1289
01:10:49,408 --> 01:10:51,577
I have every right to be here.
I'm one of your oldest friends,
1290
01:10:51,710 --> 01:10:54,812
and I'm here to preserve
the sanctity of our friendship
1291
01:10:54,946 --> 01:10:56,948
and to beat your ass
in the Buddy Games.
1292
01:10:57,082 --> 01:10:59,585
I'm gonna wipe your ass
out there today.
1293
01:10:59,718 --> 01:11:01,420
You're gonna wipe my ass?
1294
01:11:01,553 --> 01:11:02,920
Yeah, with your face.
1295
01:11:03,055 --> 01:11:05,190
You're gonna wipe my ass
with my face.
1296
01:11:05,324 --> 01:11:06,891
Got it, bud.
1297
01:11:07,025 --> 01:11:09,762
And I'm sure that Bob
will make that happen.
1298
01:11:09,894 --> 01:11:12,298
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You don't think this is all rigged for you?
1299
01:11:12,431 --> 01:11:16,535
Like you didn't know that?
Look, you made your point. Just let me out.
1300
01:11:19,937 --> 01:11:21,407
What the fuck are you doing?
1301
01:11:21,540 --> 01:11:23,242
You know what
your problem is, Bender?
1302
01:11:24,809 --> 01:11:27,879
You don't know when to shut the fuck up!
1303
01:11:28,012 --> 01:11:30,815
No! You crazy fuck!
1304
01:11:30,948 --> 01:11:33,218
- No! All right, no!
- Yeah!
1305
01:11:33,352 --> 01:11:35,621
I won't say anything else.
I'll stop talking.
1306
01:11:36,555 --> 01:11:38,923
Oh, I really want to
believe you when you say
1307
01:11:39,058 --> 01:11:43,295
that the sanctity of our lifelong
friendship means something to you,
1308
01:11:43,429 --> 01:11:44,563
but...
1309
01:11:45,863 --> 01:11:47,232
I don't.
1310
01:11:49,768 --> 01:11:51,836
Is that supposed to
scare me?
1311
01:11:51,969 --> 01:11:53,539
When's the last time
you've driven a car?
1312
01:11:53,672 --> 01:11:55,140
Your mom
dropped you off here.
1313
01:11:55,274 --> 01:11:56,508
Don't you talk
about my mama.
1314
01:11:56,642 --> 01:11:58,876
Then get your fat ass
out of my mom's van!
1315
01:11:59,010 --> 01:12:00,279
You say you're sorry.
1316
01:12:00,412 --> 01:12:01,380
Sorry for what?
1317
01:12:01,513 --> 01:12:02,481
For ruining my life.
1318
01:12:02,614 --> 01:12:04,049
I didn't ruin your life!
1319
01:12:04,183 --> 01:12:05,617
You fucking say it!
1320
01:12:05,751 --> 01:12:07,119
Fuck you!
1321
01:12:09,854 --> 01:12:12,191
No! No!
Wait, wait, wait!
1322
01:12:12,324 --> 01:12:14,626
I didn't shoot you!
I didn't shoot you!
1323
01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:16,128
I didn't do...
1324
01:12:18,797 --> 01:12:20,432
No!
1325
01:12:28,474 --> 01:12:29,775
What did you say?
1326
01:12:29,907 --> 01:12:31,310
I said you're
a piece of shit!
1327
01:12:31,443 --> 01:12:33,645
No, that's not what you said.
You said you didn't do it.
1328
01:12:33,779 --> 01:12:37,349
Of course I didn't do it, man.
I'm not an animal.
1329
01:12:37,483 --> 01:12:40,918
I wouldn't shoot a man in the
balls, let alone my friend.
1330
01:12:41,053 --> 01:12:43,722
I love balls.
I have two of them.
1331
01:12:43,856 --> 01:12:48,527
Okay. You didn't do it?
Who did?
1332
01:12:50,596 --> 01:12:52,030
Nikki.
1333
01:12:52,564 --> 01:12:54,133
Bullshit.
1334
01:12:58,570 --> 01:13:00,172
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1335
01:13:00,938 --> 01:13:03,075
Why don't you teach him
a lesson.
1336
01:13:03,208 --> 01:13:05,177
From us. Come on.
It'll be fun.
1337
01:13:05,310 --> 01:13:08,680
- Rest it. Let it sit there.
- Right on the nose.
1338
01:13:10,716 --> 01:13:12,050
What if I did it
right there?
1339
01:13:12,184 --> 01:13:13,485
- Shoot him.
- Ooh.
1340
01:13:13,619 --> 01:13:15,888
But I couldn't do it.
1341
01:13:16,855 --> 01:13:19,658
So she took the gun from me
and pulled the trigger.
1342
01:13:28,167 --> 01:13:30,803
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What did you do?
1343
01:13:30,935 --> 01:13:33,138
Then why wouldn't
you say something, huh?
1344
01:13:33,272 --> 01:13:35,307
Why would you
protect her?
1345
01:13:35,441 --> 01:13:38,610
- I was protecting you.
- Protecting me?
1346
01:13:38,744 --> 01:13:42,013
- Your marriage.
- If you wanted to protect me, you could've stopped her.
1347
01:13:42,147 --> 01:13:45,250
Do you think I knew that she was
gonna shoot you in the scrotum?
1348
01:13:45,384 --> 01:13:48,986
All right, I could've taken the gun
away, but I didn't.
1349
01:13:49,121 --> 01:13:51,123
Can somebody get me out of
this fucking thing, man?
1350
01:13:51,256 --> 01:13:53,392
I got it. I got it.
1351
01:13:54,660 --> 01:13:58,897
Do you want to know why I didn't?
1352
01:13:59,031 --> 01:14:01,533
Maybe it's because
you were being
1353
01:14:01,667 --> 01:14:04,570
- a drunk, obnoxious asshole.
- This fucking guy.
1354
01:14:04,703 --> 01:14:07,739
Or maybe I did it because you
put your balls on our foreheads
1355
01:14:07,873 --> 01:14:09,741
for years
and just laughed it up.
1356
01:14:09,875 --> 01:14:12,578
Or maybe I liked
1357
01:14:12,711 --> 01:14:14,413
that you thought it was me
all these years.
1358
01:14:14,546 --> 01:14:17,149
Because whether or not
I pulled the trigger,
1359
01:14:17,282 --> 01:14:20,052
- you got what you deserved, bud.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
1360
01:14:20,185 --> 01:14:23,355
- He doesn't mean that. Bender, you don't mean that.
- Nobody deserves...
1361
01:14:23,489 --> 01:14:25,524
Guys, I got to
come clean. In '95,
1362
01:14:25,657 --> 01:14:29,127
when I won the cup,
I was juicing.
1363
01:14:29,261 --> 01:14:32,764
I got to get it off my chest. I don't want
you to scratch my name off the cup though.
1364
01:14:32,898 --> 01:14:36,702
Nobody's gonna scratch anything
off anything. Shell Bell,
1365
01:14:36,835 --> 01:14:40,339
I think it's pretty clear
that Bender feels terribly.
1366
01:14:40,472 --> 01:14:43,007
I mean, he gifted you
his own personal spank bank.
1367
01:14:43,141 --> 01:14:44,576
That's a gesture.
1368
01:14:44,710 --> 01:14:46,712
- Am I right? That was a real gesture.
- Yeah.
1369
01:14:46,845 --> 01:14:48,847
- You're right.
- Yeah, which I want back.
1370
01:14:48,981 --> 01:14:50,616
You're unfit
to raise my children.
1371
01:14:50,749 --> 01:14:53,151
- That's not gonna happen?
- What do you mean?
1372
01:14:53,285 --> 01:14:55,587
Can't do it.
I already re-gifted it.
1373
01:14:55,721 --> 01:14:57,021
- To who?
- What?
1374
01:14:57,155 --> 01:14:58,557
You like those piña coladas?
1375
01:14:58,690 --> 01:15:00,726
Mmm. Little bit
of Bender in there?
1376
01:15:01,426 --> 01:15:02,995
Oh, no.
1377
01:15:03,128 --> 01:15:05,097
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
1378
01:15:05,230 --> 01:15:07,366
You're joking? That's a joke?
1379
01:15:07,499 --> 01:15:09,334
Oh, my...
Oh, my God.
1380
01:15:09,468 --> 01:15:12,704
- No.
- I knew I tasted jizz!
1381
01:15:12,838 --> 01:15:15,507
Bob, get him back
in the loony bin right now.
1382
01:15:15,641 --> 01:15:17,643
Call his mom
and have her pick him up.
1383
01:15:17,776 --> 01:15:19,978
- That is grounds for disqualification.
- I'm calling the cops.
1384
01:15:20,112 --> 01:15:24,249
What are you going to tell the cops?
"Hey, Officer, I drank my own jizz"?
1385
01:15:24,383 --> 01:15:26,151
Hold up. Hold up.
1386
01:15:27,452 --> 01:15:29,721
Why are we surprised
by this?
1387
01:15:29,855 --> 01:15:32,691
This is the kind of stupid shit that
happens every time we get together.
1388
01:15:32,824 --> 01:15:36,328
I mean, I never thought I was
gonna forgive you guys for this.
1389
01:15:37,629 --> 01:15:40,033
- I was so pissed at you guys.
- Still a great piece.
1390
01:15:40,165 --> 01:15:42,167
You remember that one?
That was you guys.
1391
01:15:42,301 --> 01:15:45,170
Sons of bitches!
And this? Fucking...
1392
01:15:45,304 --> 01:15:47,906
- Zac Efron.
- That was your idea.
1393
01:15:48,041 --> 01:15:49,107
You did that
on your own, bro.
1394
01:15:49,241 --> 01:15:50,175
Your choice.
1395
01:15:50,309 --> 01:15:51,376
You wanted that.
1396
01:15:51,510 --> 01:15:53,845
- You all gave me the...
- No. No.
1397
01:15:53,979 --> 01:15:56,248
Look, the point is
that every time we get together,
1398
01:15:56,381 --> 01:15:58,051
we do something that
we regret in the moment,
1399
01:15:58,183 --> 01:16:00,419
but then we laugh about it
later, right?
1400
01:16:00,552 --> 01:16:03,689
That's why we keep coming back.
These are the games we play.
1401
01:16:03,822 --> 01:16:07,192
These are the memories that we live for.
And, yeah, we drank a little jizz...
1402
01:16:07,326 --> 01:16:08,760
We drank a lot of jizz.
1403
01:16:08,894 --> 01:16:10,262
We drank a lot of jizz.
1404
01:16:10,395 --> 01:16:11,830
I had a second piña colada.
1405
01:16:11,964 --> 01:16:15,068
And Shelly totaled
Bender's van, but you know what?
1406
01:16:15,200 --> 01:16:16,969
This too shall pass.
We will live on,
1407
01:16:17,102 --> 01:16:19,605
and this brotherhood
will never die.
1408
01:16:21,206 --> 01:16:24,209
And I fucking love it!
I love all of it.
1409
01:16:24,343 --> 01:16:26,178
And I've missed every one
of you assholes.
1410
01:16:26,311 --> 01:16:28,614
And I wouldn't trade this shit
for anything, so...
1411
01:16:28,747 --> 01:16:30,749
I suggest that each one of you
look in the mirror
1412
01:16:30,882 --> 01:16:33,018
and think about what this
brotherhood means to you.
1413
01:16:33,185 --> 01:16:35,020
Especially you, Durfy.
1414
01:16:35,153 --> 01:16:37,422
Your ear,
it's, like, hanging...
1415
01:16:37,556 --> 01:16:39,625
Is it injured?
'Cause it doesn't feel good.
1416
01:16:39,758 --> 01:16:42,628
- You might want peroxide...
- You think that's gonna read on camera?
1417
01:16:42,761 --> 01:16:45,330
- Not if the camera's pointed at someone else.
- Thanks for inviting me.
1418
01:16:45,464 --> 01:16:47,199
- You're a good person.
- Yeah, yeah, you too.
1419
01:16:47,332 --> 01:16:50,535
Thanks for letting me play, and thanks
for the piña coladas and my ear.
1420
01:16:50,669 --> 01:16:51,903
It's just
been really great.
1421
01:16:52,038 --> 01:16:53,338
All right.
1422
01:16:53,472 --> 01:16:55,974
The rest of you
get a little sleep,
1423
01:16:56,109 --> 01:16:57,876
because come sundown,
it's game on.
1424
01:17:00,512 --> 01:17:03,315
- Not so much you two.
- Nope, we are sleeping in.
1425
01:17:03,448 --> 01:17:05,884
Didn't make the cut.
1426
01:17:06,018 --> 01:17:07,619
Shelly,
you went too far.
1427
01:17:07,753 --> 01:17:10,322
- Oh, I'm gonna throw up.
- Yeah, Shelly.
1428
01:17:10,455 --> 01:17:12,524
Well played.
1429
01:17:34,446 --> 01:17:35,947
So here we are, boys.
1430
01:17:37,549 --> 01:17:39,184
The endgame.
It's simple.
1431
01:17:39,317 --> 01:17:41,120
First one to lay their hands
1432
01:17:41,253 --> 01:17:43,655
on that buddy bucket
at the end of this field
1433
01:17:43,789 --> 01:17:45,257
wins all the cash.
1434
01:17:45,390 --> 01:17:47,160
What's with the suit?
1435
01:17:47,292 --> 01:17:48,827
Oh, this old thing?
1436
01:17:48,960 --> 01:17:53,198
It's a one-inch-thick
superpolyamide body armor suit.
1437
01:17:53,331 --> 01:17:54,800
Why? What the fuck
are we doing now?
1438
01:17:54,933 --> 01:17:57,369
Well, this little baby
can absorb a bullet
1439
01:17:57,502 --> 01:17:59,371
- from ten feet away.
- What?
1440
01:17:59,504 --> 01:18:01,306
All we're gonna be using
are simple bows and arrows.
1441
01:18:01,440 --> 01:18:02,908
Give it a try.
1442
01:18:04,409 --> 01:18:06,778
- You want me to shoot you with an arrow?
- Yeah.
1443
01:18:06,912 --> 01:18:08,447
Okay.
1444
01:18:08,880 --> 01:18:10,348
There you go.
1445
01:18:12,951 --> 01:18:14,386
I like this already.
1446
01:18:18,824 --> 01:18:20,492
Oh, no!
1447
01:18:21,127 --> 01:18:22,828
- Bob!
- What the fuck?
1448
01:18:22,961 --> 01:18:23,895
Holy shit!
1449
01:18:24,029 --> 01:18:24,996
Oh, my God.
1450
01:18:25,131 --> 01:18:27,100
Bob! Oh, my...
1451
01:18:27,232 --> 01:18:29,102
Oh! Help!
1452
01:18:33,905 --> 01:18:35,907
You should see the looks
on your faces!
1453
01:18:36,042 --> 01:18:39,511
- I'm just kidding.
- Oh, my... Dude, what the fuck, man?
1454
01:18:39,644 --> 01:18:41,880
That's the game.
That's the game.
1455
01:18:42,013 --> 01:18:45,051
You got six arrows right over here.
Use them wisely,
1456
01:18:45,184 --> 01:18:47,853
because if you get stuck
with an arrow, you're out.
1457
01:18:47,986 --> 01:18:50,189
Ten minutes, shotgun start,
so suit up, boys.
1458
01:18:50,322 --> 01:18:51,723
Whoo!
1459
01:18:52,390 --> 01:18:54,526
Ow. Bob, you're...
1460
01:18:54,659 --> 01:18:57,395
Bob's not well mentally,
I don't...
1461
01:19:03,735 --> 01:19:05,570
I don't know
who to root for.
1462
01:19:05,704 --> 01:19:07,305
- I hate them all.
- Yeah, it's tough.
1463
01:19:07,439 --> 01:19:09,674
- I'm going Bender.
- You're gonna go Bender?
1464
01:19:09,808 --> 01:19:12,344
- Bender.
- He lost his mom. He lives in a van.
1465
01:19:12,477 --> 01:19:15,248
He's had hemorrhoids
since we were, what, six?
1466
01:19:15,380 --> 01:19:18,950
How many fucking six-year-olds do
you know that have hemorrhoids?
1467
01:19:20,619 --> 01:19:24,389
Hey, everybody. Welcome back.
1468
01:19:26,858 --> 01:19:28,927
You know what's
fucking crazy?
1469
01:19:29,061 --> 01:19:30,629
Like, seriously?
1470
01:19:30,762 --> 01:19:33,199
How slimming
black really is.
1471
01:19:33,331 --> 01:19:34,866
One little announcement.
1472
01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:37,036
That field is live.
Real arrows will be flying.
1473
01:19:37,170 --> 01:19:39,504
So, please, if you could
stay behind these flags
1474
01:19:39,638 --> 01:19:41,706
until you can see that
champion bucket is raised.
1475
01:19:41,840 --> 01:19:44,210
- Smell weird to you?
- Oh, fuck, man!
1476
01:19:44,342 --> 01:19:47,246
Oh, let me get a shot really quick.
You got any schnapps?
1477
01:19:47,379 --> 01:19:50,448
Why do you have a nut cup?
Aren't those supposed to protect testicles?
1478
01:19:50,582 --> 01:19:54,053
Aren't minivans meant for mothers?
Oh, that's right. You don't have a minivan.
1479
01:19:54,187 --> 01:19:56,922
Yeah, thanks. I don't have a mother either.
You're about to lose.
1480
01:19:57,056 --> 01:19:59,024
You're about to burp up
your own cum bubbles.
1481
01:19:59,158 --> 01:20:00,492
You're gonna
fucking lose, man.
1482
01:20:00,625 --> 01:20:02,961
This is your day...
1483
01:20:07,465 --> 01:20:09,367
Bye, suckers!
1484
01:20:21,613 --> 01:20:25,117
Let's go, babe! Come on.
You got this. Let's go!
1485
01:20:42,235 --> 01:20:44,270
Okay, babe, you got this!
1486
01:20:44,402 --> 01:20:45,871
Let's go, baby!
1487
01:20:48,274 --> 01:20:51,244
Ah!
1488
01:20:53,312 --> 01:20:54,746
Oh, my God.
1489
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:56,648
Suck on that,
Richie Rich!
1490
01:20:56,781 --> 01:20:59,885
Bob!
1491
01:21:01,686 --> 01:21:03,155
Bob! Bob!
No, wait...
1492
01:21:04,290 --> 01:21:06,391
Shit just got real.
1493
01:21:17,636 --> 01:21:19,871
Okay. Shelly's
sucking wind right now.
1494
01:21:20,005 --> 01:21:22,241
He's not gonna be able
to shoot for shit.
1495
01:21:22,375 --> 01:21:24,310
It's now or never.
1496
01:21:24,442 --> 01:21:26,011
Let's go, Bender.
1497
01:21:26,978 --> 01:21:29,981
We already know how
this will end, Bender!
1498
01:21:30,116 --> 01:21:32,784
I own you! I always have!
1499
01:21:34,719 --> 01:21:36,922
You always said,
"There's next year," Shelly.
1500
01:21:37,056 --> 01:21:40,192
Well, guess what?
It is next year!
1501
01:21:40,326 --> 01:21:45,664
I guess it boils down to
who's got the bigger balls.
1502
01:21:45,797 --> 01:21:48,167
Well, that'd definitely
be you, pal.
1503
01:21:48,301 --> 01:21:50,969
No, no, no.
Ladies first.
1504
01:21:53,272 --> 01:21:55,308
Aaah! Fuck you!
1505
01:22:03,581 --> 01:22:05,717
Ooh, look at that fat back.
1506
01:22:05,850 --> 01:22:08,553
Here we go, baby.
1507
01:22:11,157 --> 01:22:13,792
- Damn it!
- Crap!
1508
01:22:13,925 --> 01:22:16,962
Yeah, let's dance, baby.
1509
01:22:18,863 --> 01:22:20,266
It's over. It's over.
1510
01:22:20,399 --> 01:22:23,169
Fuck you, Bender.
Fuck you.
1511
01:22:25,104 --> 01:22:27,772
Sorry about all that stuff
I said about you earlier, buddy.
1512
01:22:29,208 --> 01:22:30,542
No, you're not, Sheldon.
1513
01:22:33,578 --> 01:22:34,946
Just end it.
1514
01:22:36,382 --> 01:22:39,051
Don't shoot me in the balls either.
That'd be super predictable and lame.
1515
01:22:39,185 --> 01:22:42,654
Always the bridesmaid,
never the bride.
1516
01:22:46,225 --> 01:22:49,527
- You fucking caught that?
- You were gonna shoot me in the face?
1517
01:22:58,570 --> 01:23:00,772
Get off me!
Get off me!
1518
01:23:00,905 --> 01:23:03,842
You son of a bitch!
1519
01:23:09,614 --> 01:23:13,119
Not this year!
1520
01:23:18,157 --> 01:23:20,992
No! No!
1521
01:23:21,127 --> 01:23:24,029
Never fuck with
a man's minivan.
1522
01:23:33,605 --> 01:23:35,241
I got it. I got it.
1523
01:23:47,886 --> 01:23:50,789
Yeah!
1524
01:23:54,826 --> 01:23:58,029
Yeah!
I fucking did it!
1525
01:23:58,164 --> 01:24:01,033
You okay, buddy?
No shame. You did good.
1526
01:24:01,167 --> 01:24:03,069
- You did really good.
- How many fingers is this?
1527
01:24:03,202 --> 01:24:05,937
Just not as good as that
motherfucker right there!
1528
01:24:06,072 --> 01:24:08,140
You just kicked him
in the head, Doc!
1529
01:24:08,274 --> 01:24:10,076
Bobby, are you okay?
1530
01:24:10,209 --> 01:24:12,977
- Oh, my goodness, look at that.
- Bob!
1531
01:24:13,112 --> 01:24:14,547
Oh, my God!
1532
01:24:14,679 --> 01:24:16,449
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, you came.
1533
01:24:16,581 --> 01:24:18,983
- We've got to get you to the hospital.
- No, no, I'm fine.
1534
01:24:19,118 --> 01:24:22,121
I really am. I'm fine.
Well, not great.
1535
01:24:22,254 --> 01:24:24,022
Oh, my God!
1536
01:24:24,156 --> 01:24:27,059
Oh, I know what you're gonna say,
that this whole thing was a mistake.
1537
01:24:27,193 --> 01:24:29,228
No, I wasn't gonna
say that at all.
1538
01:24:30,429 --> 01:24:31,696
Bobby, you needed this.
1539
01:24:31,830 --> 01:24:33,032
- Really?
- Yeah.
1540
01:24:33,165 --> 01:24:34,899
Now that it's out
of your system,
1541
01:24:35,034 --> 01:24:36,734
- we can just go back to our life, you know?
- Yeah.
1542
01:24:36,868 --> 01:24:38,803
God, I love you.
1543
01:24:39,572 --> 01:24:41,873
- I love you so much.
- I love you too.
1544
01:24:42,006 --> 01:24:45,743
I was doing a lot of thinking
on my trip, and, um...
1545
01:24:46,512 --> 01:24:49,115
I think it's time, Bob.
1546
01:24:49,248 --> 01:24:50,382
Yeah.
1547
01:24:51,484 --> 01:24:54,153
- All right, come on. Let's do this.
- I... I can't.
1548
01:24:54,286 --> 01:24:56,621
Oh, God, because your...
your hand.
1549
01:24:56,754 --> 01:24:58,457
- Let me help you.
- Whoa!
1550
01:24:58,591 --> 01:25:00,825
Whoa! Yeah!
1551
01:25:00,959 --> 01:25:03,761
It is huge!
How much was it?
1552
01:25:03,895 --> 01:25:06,065
I don't know.
1553
01:25:06,198 --> 01:25:08,033
I don't know!
1554
01:25:10,603 --> 01:25:12,338
Okay, everybody's
watching, Bob.
1555
01:25:13,139 --> 01:25:14,839
Look, baby, I know
that you're scared.
1556
01:25:14,973 --> 01:25:17,376
That's okay, and I get it,
but you don't need to be.
1557
01:25:17,510 --> 01:25:19,411
These last few weeks,
yeah, they have been weird,
1558
01:25:19,545 --> 01:25:21,614
but we can just go back
to the way things used to be.
1559
01:25:21,746 --> 01:25:23,282
Just you and me...
1560
01:25:23,748 --> 01:25:25,717
forever.
1561
01:25:27,119 --> 01:25:28,887
- I love you.
- Oh, my God. I love you too.
1562
01:25:29,020 --> 01:25:31,723
- I love you so much.
- I love you so much.
1563
01:25:34,493 --> 01:25:36,262
I'm not this guy.
1564
01:25:37,962 --> 01:25:39,998
I'm not the guy you deserve.
1565
01:25:40,566 --> 01:25:42,201
I'm this fucking guy.
1566
01:25:42,734 --> 01:25:44,203
What?
1567
01:25:44,336 --> 01:25:47,672
My mom wants me to be Bob,
the soon-to-be father, but...
1568
01:25:47,805 --> 01:25:49,941
I'm just the Bobfather,
you know?
1569
01:25:50,075 --> 01:25:53,112
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Look, I know this sounds crazy.
1570
01:25:53,245 --> 01:25:56,315
I've never felt more purpose
than I have these last few weeks.
1571
01:25:57,249 --> 01:26:00,252
These guys need me,
and I need them,
1572
01:26:00,386 --> 01:26:02,954
and this is gonna keep happening
every year for the rest of my life.
1573
01:26:03,088 --> 01:26:06,024
And you're just gonna end up
hating them and resenting me.
1574
01:26:06,158 --> 01:26:07,892
And who knows? Maybe you'll
end up shooting me in the balls
1575
01:26:08,026 --> 01:26:09,894
and taking all my money
like Shel...
1576
01:26:10,762 --> 01:26:13,032
- Oh!
- Bobby!
1577
01:26:15,767 --> 01:26:17,503
You know, I really
respect your choice...
1578
01:26:17,636 --> 01:26:19,071
and your honesty.
1579
01:26:19,205 --> 01:26:21,040
I just wish you would've
told me five fucking years ago
1580
01:26:21,173 --> 01:26:22,541
that you would've chosen
your friend's balls
1581
01:26:22,675 --> 01:26:24,276
and their farts
over me.
1582
01:26:26,345 --> 01:26:28,380
- Where's the gravity? I...
- Oh, my God.
1583
01:26:28,514 --> 01:26:31,584
Okay, okay, okay, that's enough.
You got it out of your system.
1584
01:26:31,716 --> 01:26:33,319
Farewell, Bobfather.
1585
01:26:33,452 --> 01:26:37,489
Now, nobody does that to my buddy Bob.
1586
01:26:37,623 --> 01:26:39,358
- Ooh!
- Doc!
1587
01:26:39,491 --> 01:26:41,260
You are done, Tiff!
1588
01:26:43,562 --> 01:26:46,065
Mama, start the car.
Start the car, Mama!
1589
01:26:46,198 --> 01:26:47,366
Later, Tiff.
1590
01:27:00,646 --> 01:27:02,814
Well,
things didn't go exactly as planned,
1591
01:27:02,947 --> 01:27:05,917
but then again,
the games never do.
1592
01:27:06,051 --> 01:27:09,088
Look, you don't stop playing
because you get older,
1593
01:27:09,221 --> 01:27:11,923
you get older
when you stop playing.
1594
01:27:12,057 --> 01:27:14,693
Now the boys are back,
1595
01:27:14,826 --> 01:27:16,894
and somehow everything
seems right again.
1596
01:27:17,028 --> 01:27:20,832
In fact, things might even
be a little better.
1597
01:27:44,089 --> 01:27:46,824
Shelly may not have
reclaimed his throne,
1598
01:27:46,958 --> 01:27:49,161
but he's back.
1599
01:27:49,295 --> 01:27:51,563
Exactly where he belongs.
1600
01:27:53,332 --> 01:27:55,100
Still the king.
1601
01:27:58,637 --> 01:28:02,174
Turns out Durfy may not be
such a shitty actor after all.
1602
01:28:02,940 --> 01:28:05,311
He just needed a little nudge.
1603
01:28:07,413 --> 01:28:11,417
"You have officially been offered
the role of Frankie in..."
1604
01:28:13,485 --> 01:28:15,254
Oh, my God!
1605
01:28:16,755 --> 01:28:18,223
Yes!
1606
01:28:19,124 --> 01:28:21,393
And then there's Bender.
1607
01:28:21,527 --> 01:28:23,329
- Look at him.
- Call Sheldon again.
1608
01:28:23,462 --> 01:28:26,465
- That's the face of a champion.
- Calling Sheldon.
1609
01:28:32,538 --> 01:28:34,173
Nope.
1610
01:28:34,972 --> 01:28:37,443
- Call declined.
- Come on, man!
1611
01:28:38,610 --> 01:28:41,347
- Call Sheldon again. Call him again!
- Please watch your tone.
1612
01:28:41,480 --> 01:28:43,315
As for Doc, well,
1613
01:28:43,449 --> 01:28:45,651
he was finally able to
provide some relief.
1614
01:28:47,985 --> 01:28:50,422
It's time I got something
off my chest.
1615
01:28:50,556 --> 01:28:52,524
So here goes.
1616
01:28:52,658 --> 01:28:54,760
- I'm, uh...
- I know.
1617
01:28:54,892 --> 01:28:56,861
- What do you mean, you know?
- I know.
1618
01:28:56,994 --> 01:28:59,498
- How long have you known?
- Remember back in '96,
1619
01:28:59,631 --> 01:29:02,668
when you bought that Cavalier
King Charles spaniel,
1620
01:29:02,801 --> 01:29:05,804
and you named it after Brad Pitt's
character in Legends of the Fall?
1621
01:29:05,937 --> 01:29:08,040
- Oh, Tristan.
- Way before that.
1622
01:29:08,173 --> 01:29:09,575
All right, one more.
1623
01:29:09,708 --> 01:29:10,642
I'm gay!
1624
01:29:10,776 --> 01:29:11,909
All right, you're all done.
1625
01:29:12,044 --> 01:29:14,146
Oh, that felt amazing!
1626
01:29:14,279 --> 01:29:17,349
So if I'm not happy with the
results, I get a full refund, right?
1627
01:29:17,483 --> 01:29:19,016
'Cause I burn through
workout equipment
1628
01:29:19,151 --> 01:29:21,620
like Gene Simmons does
through pussy.
1629
01:29:21,754 --> 01:29:23,155
From Kiss.
1630
01:29:23,288 --> 01:29:26,958
I mean, fitness is
my middle name.
1631
01:29:27,092 --> 01:29:28,660
And I'm just afraid...
You know, like,
1632
01:29:28,794 --> 01:29:31,630
I've broken things before,
'cause I'm so strong, and I'm...
1633
01:29:31,764 --> 01:29:34,999
- Shelly, just hear me out.
- What are you doing here, dude?
1634
01:29:35,134 --> 01:29:37,236
I'm in trouble,
and it's bad.
1635
01:29:37,369 --> 01:29:39,405
- I need a place to hide out.
- No, man!
1636
01:29:39,538 --> 01:29:41,874
Oh, my God,
I'm in deep shit, man!
1637
01:29:42,006 --> 01:29:45,144
Get the fuck out of my house, dude.
What are you doing here?
1638
01:29:45,277 --> 01:29:49,047
- Bender!
- No! No! Aaah!
1639
01:29:52,785 --> 01:29:54,653
You're mine, bitch.
1640
01:29:58,891 --> 01:30:02,026
You shot my best friend,
you son of a bitch! You're fucking dead!
1641
01:30:02,161 --> 01:30:04,028
You hear me?
You're fucking dead!
1642
01:30:04,163 --> 01:30:06,532
Yeah, that's right,
you fucking pussy.
1643
01:30:06,665 --> 01:30:08,066
"Best friend"?
1644
01:30:09,134 --> 01:30:11,069
I'm truly touched
by that, man.
1645
01:30:11,203 --> 01:30:14,740
What the...
You're alive?
1646
01:30:14,873 --> 01:30:17,309
Ha, ha, ha!
I'm alive!
1647
01:30:17,443 --> 01:30:20,978
- It was a joke. I was trying to get you out of the house.
- What?
1648
01:30:21,113 --> 01:30:24,216
Yeah, you weren't returning my phone
calls, dude. I just want to talk.
1649
01:30:24,349 --> 01:30:26,452
But, he... he shot you.
1650
01:30:26,585 --> 01:30:29,621
Yeah, that's my buddy Thurston.
He works for the pawn shop.
1651
01:30:29,755 --> 01:30:32,224
I was buying my mom's shit back,
and he got me this movie gun.
1652
01:30:32,357 --> 01:30:34,493
- What movie is it from?
- Ride Along 2.
1653
01:30:34,626 --> 01:30:37,796
- Yeah, 50 bucks. Fucking bang, bang, dude.
- Hundred bucks.
1654
01:30:37,930 --> 01:30:40,199
- You said 50.
- I said a hundred.
1655
01:30:40,332 --> 01:30:43,302
Twenty-five a bullet and 50 for the
gun, that's $100.
1656
01:30:43,435 --> 01:30:46,572
You're a fucking liar!
1657
01:30:46,705 --> 01:30:48,407
- I'm not paying for that.
- Yes, you are.
1658
01:30:48,540 --> 01:30:50,975
- No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
1659
01:30:51,109 --> 01:30:53,645
What the fuck is going on here?
1660
01:30:54,780 --> 01:30:56,482
Look, man,
1661
01:30:56,615 --> 01:30:58,050
all I cared about
1662
01:30:58,183 --> 01:31:00,619
was you and just
making things right again.
1663
01:31:00,752 --> 01:31:03,455
You lost your fucking mind, Bender?
Get me out of this goddamn chair.
1664
01:31:03,589 --> 01:31:06,925
Dude, with that money,
I could've done anything.
1665
01:31:07,059 --> 01:31:08,827
Got an eight-ball
the size of Nebraska,
1666
01:31:08,961 --> 01:31:13,232
fucked my way through whatever
rogue country this asshole's from,
1667
01:31:13,365 --> 01:31:14,967
but that's not what
was in my heart.
1668
01:31:15,100 --> 01:31:18,604
I felt so bad for you and all
the shit you went through,
1669
01:31:18,737 --> 01:31:21,540
and I just wanted to
get you back on your feet.
1670
01:31:21,673 --> 01:31:22,741
So...
1671
01:31:22,875 --> 01:31:26,411
here's my plan.
Wait for it...
1672
01:31:26,545 --> 01:31:28,680
Boom!
1673
01:31:28,814 --> 01:31:31,149
A scrot-o!
1674
01:31:31,283 --> 01:31:33,752
Fuckin' scrotes!
1675
01:31:33,886 --> 01:31:35,621
I got balls for you!
1676
01:31:35,754 --> 01:31:37,256
Smell it! Smell!
1677
01:31:37,389 --> 01:31:40,759
I got you balls.
Fuck you. I got you balls.
1678
01:31:40,893 --> 01:31:43,695
Fuckin' Sack Nicholson
over here.
1679
01:31:43,829 --> 01:31:47,766
Piercings. One with a tattoo on it.
Look at this guy.
1680
01:31:47,900 --> 01:31:49,768
So many fucking balls, dude.
1681
01:31:49,902 --> 01:31:52,271
And then lo and behold...
1682
01:31:52,404 --> 01:31:56,141
Sheldon, you're back!
1683
01:31:56,275 --> 01:31:58,911
Shel Bell!
You look like Elton John.
1684
01:31:59,044 --> 01:32:01,947
You're fucking back!
Fuck you!
1685
01:32:02,080 --> 01:32:05,117
Look at that shit. Juicy!
1686
01:32:05,250 --> 01:32:08,654
Long live the king!
1687
01:32:20,299 --> 01:32:22,035
Bob's web of lies
1688
01:32:22,167 --> 01:32:24,236
has finally
come home to roost.
1689
01:32:24,369 --> 01:32:26,338
What will happen
to poor Bob?
1690
01:32:29,441 --> 01:32:32,244
I'm free.
And you're fucked.
1691
01:32:36,148 --> 01:32:37,549
It's not gross, all right?
Our buddy just...
1692
01:32:37,683 --> 01:32:40,053
It's a very,
very gross present.
1693
01:32:40,185 --> 01:32:42,220
- It's not gross.
- Why would you get him that?
1694
01:32:42,354 --> 01:32:44,957
It's not gross.
1695
01:32:45,090 --> 01:32:47,192
I was just a little
distracted, um,
1696
01:32:47,326 --> 01:32:50,862
planning my speech
for the Oscars.
1697
01:32:53,231 --> 01:32:56,735
What the fuck is that thing?
Fucking cat?
1698
01:33:00,039 --> 01:33:03,408
You need the Heimlich, dude?
You need the Heimlich?
1699
01:33:10,415 --> 01:33:12,985
This is some
jackassery, man.
1700
01:33:13,118 --> 01:33:14,987
Are you fucking
kidding me?
1701
01:33:15,153 --> 01:33:17,756
A baby? A baby here?
1702
01:33:17,889 --> 01:33:20,459
- Yeah, just take a look at the tailbone there.
- No tailbone.
1703
01:33:20,592 --> 01:33:23,395
- That's where I draw the line.
- Come on.
1704
01:33:23,528 --> 01:33:26,932
All right, bend over.
1705
01:33:27,066 --> 01:33:29,301
- Great swimsuit.
- Thank you.
1706
01:33:29,434 --> 01:33:31,169
Can you swim or dive?
1707
01:33:31,303 --> 01:33:32,537
Yeah, both.
1708
01:33:32,671 --> 01:33:34,040
Well, you can dive
on my dick.
1709
01:33:34,172 --> 01:33:36,141
Okay. Okay.
1710
01:33:36,274 --> 01:33:37,776
- Two more. Two more.
- Two more. Two more.
1711
01:33:45,150 --> 01:33:48,620
Filled with jizz!
1712
01:33:52,491 --> 01:33:55,861
Are you just gonna call it?
Okay. Foreground, background...
1713
01:34:03,835 --> 01:34:05,537
My dad likes to buy
his pie at the store.
1714
01:34:05,671 --> 01:34:07,873
Oh, yeah.
Store pie's better.
1715
01:34:08,006 --> 01:34:09,374
Oh, God.
1716
01:34:09,508 --> 01:34:11,077
What's the matter
with your woman?
1717
01:34:11,209 --> 01:34:12,911
Is she always
like this?
1718
01:34:13,845 --> 01:34:16,181
I think she's been
drinking this morning.
1719
01:34:16,314 --> 01:34:18,183
- Really?
- Yeah.
1720
01:34:19,918 --> 01:34:22,454
Motherfucker!
1721
01:34:22,587 --> 01:34:24,189
Fuck!
1722
01:34:26,224 --> 01:34:28,061
- I'm so sorry.
- On frame, right?
1723
01:34:28,193 --> 01:34:32,264
You became a friar.
That's dope, right? That is so rad.
1724
01:34:32,397 --> 01:34:35,901
- Listen to Lance Bass over here.
- Oh, shit!
1725
01:34:40,672 --> 01:34:42,240
Oh!
1726
01:34:47,146 --> 01:34:48,246
What?
1727
01:34:48,380 --> 01:34:50,849
Thanks, Prick Moranis.
1728
01:34:53,018 --> 01:34:55,654
Let's play some
Buddy Games!
1729
01:34:55,787 --> 01:34:57,956
Let's play some
"Bloody" Games!
1730
01:34:58,091 --> 01:34:59,825
No!
1731
01:35:06,732 --> 01:35:09,234
Get it.
Get it. Get it.
1732
01:35:15,507 --> 01:35:18,044
The, uh,
the parking brake wasn't set,
1733
01:35:18,177 --> 01:35:19,978
so it just started
rolling back.
1734
01:36:23,341 --> 01:36:25,877
Let's play some Buddy Games!
1735
01:36:28,314 --> 01:36:33,314
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