00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:04,240 This programme contains very strong language. 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:05,960 ♫ I feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes 3 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,840 ♫ Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo 4 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,560 ♫ Love is all around me 5 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,560 ♫ And so the feeling grows 6 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,520 ♫ Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo 7 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:19,960 ♫ It's written in the wind 8 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,520 ♫ It's everywhere I go... ♫ 9 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,280 Sweet Jesus. 10 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,480 ♫ So if you really love me 11 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,160 ♫ Come on and let it show... ♫ 12 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:35,160 Did I not ban this one? Let me see. 13 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,240 Endless Love, The Power Of Love, What You Need Is Love, 14 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:39,280 How Deep Is Your Love? 15 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,680 It Must Have Been Love, I Want To Know What Love Is, 16 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,240 I Will Always Love You. 17 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:47,240 No, Sister, you didn't. 18 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,880 ♫ Cos on my love 19 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,720 ♫ You can depe-he-hend... ♫ 20 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:58,720 Put it on the list. Wonderful, girls, lovely stuff. 21 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,960 Before I dismiss you for the weekend, a few announcements. 22 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,400 On Monday morning, 23 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,400 several of our Year 13s will face their GCSE maths resit. 24 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,560 Now, I know how daunting resit examinations can be, 25 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,360 so if anyone is feeling anxious or worried, 26 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,240 or even if you just want to chat, 27 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,720 please, please, do not come crying to me. 28 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,200 Let me see, what else? 29 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,320 Come on, come on, come on to fuck! Notice from Mr McCauley. 30 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:29,320 This year's destination for the Euro Trotters trip will be 31 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:33,520 dramatic pause... 32 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:38,080 Did you actually want me to do the dramatic pause? 33 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,880 Interesting. 34 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,280 Paris, it's going to be Paris. 35 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:47,280 If you need any further information, there is a stall in the foyer. 36 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,320 Sadly, I am unable to come on this one 37 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,480 as I despise the French. 38 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,640 In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 39 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:59,640 MUSIC: BOUM by Charles Trenet 40 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,760 BELL RINGS 41 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,920 There's so much I want to do, 42 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,560 the Champs-Elysees, the Arc de Triomphe, The Louvre... 43 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,520 A French fella. That's what I want to do. Nation of rides. 44 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,520 My fanny is going funny just thinking about it. 45 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:14,440 Could you not use that word, Michelle? What, Fanny? 46 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,360 Why do you always have to be so coarse? 47 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,280 What is the big deal? We all have one. 48 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,120 JAMES: I don't. You are one. Of course, Beckett lived in Paris, 49 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:24,440 and if anybody's influenced my writing, it is... 50 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,240 Brenda Beckett from 12A? 51 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,280 No, not Brenda Beckett. Beckett Beckett. 52 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,600 If we go to Paris, I'd like to meet Nicole. 53 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:32,920 Who is Nicole? 54 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,320 For God's sake. 55 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,840 How many times? It's just an ad. She's not a real person. 56 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:37,880 Neither is Papa. 57 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,240 It would be good conversation practice as well, you know, 58 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,560 for the orals. 59 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,720 Which will be the only oral that you get. 60 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,200 OK, Michelle. Will you let me finish? 61 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,480 Well, I sensed where you were going. 62 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:49,920 Blow jobs. 63 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,160 Oh, God. 64 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,920 Don't tell me Charlene Kasvanasgh is going. 65 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,680 She is dying about herself. 66 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,920 "Oh, I'm so good-looking, oh, I'm so popular... " 67 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,640 If there ever was a more shallow, 68 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,640 self absorbed, generally unpleasant human being... 69 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,120 Hi, Erin. 70 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:08,600 Hi. Good. Grand. Not too bad. 71 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,280 Can't complain. 72 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,280 Is the answer I'd have given if you'd asked how I was. 73 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:17,280 Right. Are you signing up for Paris? I can't convince that lot to come. 74 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,720 Looks like I'm going to need someone to hang out with. 75 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,360 It would be an honour. 76 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:28,320 OK. Well, I'll see you later then. You will, Charlene. 77 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,320 Indeed you will! 78 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,840 Did you hear that? 79 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:35,680 The Charlene Kasvanasgh wants to hang around with little old me. 80 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,760 Do you know what I admire most about you, Erin? 81 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,200 Your unshakeable principles! 82 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,360 Bonjour, tout-le-monde. Comment allez-vous? 83 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:47,160 MICHELLE: Wise up, Jenny. Where do we sign? 84 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,680 Hold on! Stall the fucking ball! 375 quid? 85 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,560 Are you for real? 86 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,480 What?! £375 each? 87 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,840 Isn't there some sort of group discount? It's not Club 18 to 30. 88 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,040 More's the pity. It is a bit steep, Jenny. 89 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,000 Just dip into your trust fund. 90 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,600 I do it all the time. Our what? 91 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,160 It's like an account your parents set up for you 92 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,720 to help pay for things like university, 93 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,120 your first car, educational trips! 94 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,120 I didn't know about this. 95 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,600 Did you know about this? 96 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,920 No, did I fuck! Trust funds, you say... 97 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,520 Interesting. 98 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,960 Dip into your trust fund? Of course, no bother at all. 99 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:29,040 Pass us the phone, I just need to ring the bank. 100 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:33,040 7654321, that's the account number. The password, what is it again? 101 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:34,880 What was it now? 102 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,640 Oh, aye, catch yourself on. Da, for God's sake, 103 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,040 will you turn that down? 104 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,680 I have turned it down. It's at zero... 105 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,240 TELEVISION: An opportunity there. 106 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,640 I don't know how he does it. 107 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,280 Are you telling me I don't have a trust fund? There you go. 108 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:49,080 You're are not as slow as you look. Do I have a trust fund, Mary? 109 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,920 Listen, girls, there are no trust funds. There are no funds, period. 110 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,320 For God's sake! 111 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:59,000 OK, that is one portion of redfish, one portion of whitefish, 112 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,680 two bags of chips... No, no, no! Two bags won't be enough. 113 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,760 Two is plenty, Joe. Four! 114 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,480 Four should cover it. Three, then, we'll compromise. 115 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,000 I'll compromise you through that window. That's enough, Da. 116 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,080 The tight bastard is trying to starve us all, Mary. 117 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,840 OK, four bags of chips, then. 118 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,600 ORLA: And I want 12 chicken nuggets, a small battered hot dog, 119 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,160 plenty of onions, plenty of... Get a move-on, Daddy. 120 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:23,200 At that chippy, well, it's every man for himself on a Friday night. 121 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,200 I am trying to concentrate here, Erin. 122 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,280 ORLA: All right, Mammy? 123 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:29,120 All right, love. Did you ask about the trust fund? 124 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,280 I don't have one. 125 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,240 I take it that means I don't have one. 126 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:37,120 For the love of God! Will four bags be enough? More than enough. 127 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,880 I'd say we need five to be safe. Do you not think, Dad? 128 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,800 JOE: Stick down five. 129 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,080 Five bags of chips, then! I'll have a chicken fillet burger. 130 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:48,200 No lettuce, no tomato, no cheese... I'll just write plain, will I? 131 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,080 No onions, no cucumber. One plain... 132 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,920 No relish, no pickles, no mayonnaise. No chicken. 133 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,680 What do you mean, no chicken?! 134 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,280 Get that! TELEPHONE RINGS 135 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:01,080 It's a chicken burger! Of course I want chicken! 136 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,680 What are you? A simpleton? 137 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,320 No chicken. 138 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,800 It's Uncle Colm. Well, I'm not taking it. 139 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,000 I've been stung once already this week. 140 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,800 Around 45 minutes talking about his new shoelaces. 141 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,880 Sure, I've stopped answering my phone altogether 142 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,320 for fear it's him, Mary. 143 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,200 Will you take it, Da? No chance, love. 144 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,520 I mean, I know I shouldn't say this about my own brother, 145 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,360 but, by Christ, he's a boring bastard. 146 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,840 Well, is somebody going to take it or not? Don't you be cheeky! 147 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,240 Less of the cheek, you. 148 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,520 How is it going, Colm? 149 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,880 Would you ever think of going cordless? 150 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,880 Aye, it was freezing cold earlier, that's true. 151 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,560 Gemma Sharkey went cordless and she's like a new woman now, Gerry. 152 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,120 No, it's not as cold now. 153 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,880 She can make a call from her living room, from her kitchen, 154 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,720 from her bedroom... Look, Colm, I don't have long. 155 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,400 We're sending to the chippy here. 156 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,920 And the other night, right, and this is no word of a lie, 157 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,120 she rang me from the bath. 158 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,200 These cordless phones are the future. What?! 159 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,280 Oh, my God. 160 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,480 What's up? Our Colm is in the Police Station. 161 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,320 Last night, two gunmen forced their way into his house, 162 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,520 tied him up, stole his van. 163 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,320 Dirty bastards. Oh, God love you, you poor critter. 164 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,280 You ought to come straight round here, 165 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,480 do you hear me? Oh, of course, of course. 166 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,400 Is he all right? 167 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,640 He is traumatised, Gerry. 168 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:24,120 He'll take a steak and kidney pie. 169 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:28,120 Do you think five bags will be enough? 170 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,600 Seven bags of chips, 12 chicken nuggets, 171 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,680 one small battered hot dog, one plain chicken burger... 172 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,520 Give me that! 173 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,680 Thank you, Fionnula. All right? 174 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,000 Any joy with the trust fund? 175 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,000 No, according to my mam, we're actually quite poor. Aye. 176 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,920 I think we might be as well. What's yours? 177 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,240 Can I please get one fish supper 178 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,120 and one cowboy special, please, Fionnula. 179 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,440 Thank you, please. It'll be ready when it's ready. 180 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,520 Well, Jenny Joyce was talking through her fat hole 181 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,960 about this trust fund thing. 182 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,600 What's yours? Don't rush me, Fionnula. 183 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,320 Where the fuck are we going to get the money for Paris now? 184 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,760 ORLA: We could sell our organs. 185 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,880 We could. We could sell our organs. 186 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,440 Or, and forgive me if this is a bit left-field, 187 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,920 but could we not, you know, get jobs? There are no jobs in Derry. 188 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,840 That's all you ever hear anybody say. So what are these? 189 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,920 I never really looked at this before. 190 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,800 I just assumed they were all dead cat posters. Missing cat posters. 191 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,160 If you're an optimist. 192 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,680 I'm not sure if I'd be suited to any of these. 193 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,880 You're very practical and I'm just more creative. 194 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,880 You're more of a slabber. 195 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,600 Fuck's sake. I think other people are on to this thing, girls. Oi! 196 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,960 I'll not ask you again! A large cowboy, Fionnula. 197 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,880 And don't be shy with the salt, now. What about the wee limey? 198 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,200 Well, dicko...? 199 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,560 I'm OK, thanks. What? I don't really want anything. 200 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,480 You don't want anything? How could you not want anything? It's lovely. 201 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,440 I just don't really fancy it, that's all. I don't understand. 202 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,480 CLARE: Are you not feeling well, James? 203 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,080 I don't like it! OK? 204 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,640 It's too greasy, it's much, much too greasy! 205 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:12,640 Even the smell of it makes me feel physically sick! 206 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:16,400 I'm sorry you had to hear that, Fionnula. 207 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:20,000 You are a fucking embarrassment. Get him out of here! 208 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,000 You heard the woman. 209 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,400 There was a knock at the door, this must have been, ach, 210 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,720 we're talking eight, 8:30, 211 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,280 for I was halfway through my dinner. 212 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:37,280 And up I got to open it, and there they both were, large as life. 213 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,800 And the taller fella, though, to be fair, 214 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,520 there was no more than an inch in it... Jesus wept. 215 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,400 The slightly taller fella, he says to me, says he, 216 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,360 "Do you know who we are?" How is a body supposed to enjoy his dinner? 217 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:55,040 And I says to him, says I, "Well, I can't be sure now. 218 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,000 "But maybe if you took off the balaclavas..." 219 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,960 And then he says to me, the slightly taller fella does, he says, 220 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,880 "Step aside, we are armed." 221 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,880 And that is when the smaller fella, although, as I say, 222 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,160 we are talking an inch... 223 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,840 Mammy, make it stop. ..an inch and a half at most. 224 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,080 I need a drink. 225 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,160 He has the bright idea of tying me to the radiator, you see. 226 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,520 And I remember saying to myself, says I, 227 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:22,480 "Colm, it's a good job you have the economy seven on the timer, 228 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,360 "or you'd be roasted here." 229 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,760 Did you go for the economy seven in the end, Colm? 230 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,240 I thought you said the hot water settings were a minefield? 231 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:31,320 GERRY: For the love of God, Sarah, no diversions. 232 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,680 Aye, come on, let's pick it up. They tied you to the heater. 233 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,280 They did indeed. 234 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,320 And there I am, 235 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,280 shackled to the thermostatic valve with my new shoelaces, 236 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,720 when one of them, the smaller fella, 237 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,920 or, hang on, maybe it was the... 238 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,600 It doesn't matter, Colm. Well, it was one of the two. 239 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,920 He is looking for the keys to the van. 240 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,160 All ranting and raving and getting himself all worked up, 241 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:56,160 threatening to set fire to my good chaise-longue and all sorts. 242 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,560 By Jesus, they were absolutely desperate to borrow thon van. 243 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,960 Colm, they didn't borrow your van. They stole your van. 244 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:06,560 Used it to move arms across the border. And then they blew it up. 245 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:07,920 Aye. 246 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:11,080 Nightmare altogether. Or diabolique, as they say in France. 247 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,720 Or you are still not going to Paris, 248 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,120 as they say in Derry. 249 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,160 Ach, well, I'm delighted for you, Colm. 250 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,720 What?! 251 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,600 Well, I just mean that, well, 252 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,120 before, he had nothing really going for him, 253 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,800 but now, well, now he is somebody. 254 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:29,760 He is the fella that got tied to his own radiator. Thanks, Sarah. 255 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,520 We should ring the TV. Get them to do an interview. 256 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,120 When Shauna Sharkey was interviewed, 257 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,640 do you mind the time when her brother got hijacked? 258 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,080 Well, Fionnula gave her free chips for a month. 259 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,240 You're joking? Honest to God. 260 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,920 DOORBELL RINGS I'll go! 261 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,920 You will NEVER guess what she's done this time, Erin! 262 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:59,000 Did she nick the notice board from the chip shop, Clare? 263 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,360 ♫ You're unbelievable! ♫ 264 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,040 Fionnula was out the back cashing up. I sneaked in, 265 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,760 yanked it off the wall and away I went. 266 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,360 I was like a thief in the night. 267 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,120 You were "like" a thief in the night?! 268 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,720 You actually were a thief in the night. 269 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,160 And you stole from Fionnula, of all people. 270 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,680 I once saw her punch a Rottweiler, Michelle. 271 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:22,920 If she finds out about this, she will kill you. 272 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,080 Kill us. 273 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,240 You are an accessory after the fact now, my friend. God! 274 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,640 Can I ask why you stole the notice board? 275 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,560 So we get first dibs on all the jobs. 276 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:35,320 Wouldn't it have been easier to just remove the notices, 277 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,400 they're only Blu Tacked on. 278 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:42,400 Fuck off, Dickweed! Christ, what possessed you, Michelle? Yeah... 279 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,440 The more I talk about it and the more I sober up, 280 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,680 the less sure I am, really. 281 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,160 You were drunk. Brilliant 282 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,680 Fuck, we are not like Jenny Joyce. 283 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,200 Nobody is just going to hand us things. 284 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:58,200 But that doesn't mean we shouldn't have things. Come on, Clare. 285 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,040 I know how much you have dreamed of seeing the art... 286 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,240 Whatever the fuck it's called. 287 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,360 James, I know how much you want to practise the shit 288 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,200 out of the past participle. 289 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:15,200 Orla, you really really buzz off those Renault Clio ads. 290 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,960 And you, Erin, well, you are just riding Charlene Kasvanasgh. 291 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,920 I'm not riding her. 292 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,880 I just think it might be time I moved on friendship wise. 293 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,640 You are aware you are talking to your current friends. 294 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,640 We can't give up on Paris. Let's do this, girls. Let's make it happen. 295 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,960 I have never seen you so fired up. 296 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,960 I will book a French lad, so help me God! 297 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,480 So, firstly we have the tutoring and out of everyone I thought you 298 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,720 might be best suited to that, Clare, because... 299 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:54,720 I'm the brightest. In that conventional sort of way, I suppose. 300 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,640 There is also some baby-sitting, the child will be in bed 301 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,800 so you should just about be able to manage that, Michelle. 302 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,840 Oh, thanks. You should just about be able to manage this. 303 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,840 Always the lady. There is also some gardening, mowing a lawn, etc. 304 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:12,840 This will require a bit of muscle so you should take that one, Orla. 305 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:17,840 No, I should do that one. It's a man's job, Erin. I am a man. 306 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,480 That's debatable. Well, I am more of a man than Orla. 307 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,480 I do not accept that. Come on, Erin. Fine. 308 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:29,080 So, that leaves dog walking and washing a car. Is it a Renault Clio? 309 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:33,080 No. I'll take the dogs. OK. 310 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,240 Let's go to work. 311 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,840 ♫ Looking back on a track for a little green bag 312 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,320 ♫ I gotta find, just a kind, I'm losing my mind 313 00:14:56,440 --> 00:15:00,440 ♫ Out of sight in the night, out of sight in the day... ♫ 314 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:05,720 You thieving wee fuckers! 315 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,240 How did you find out? 316 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,360 It doesn't matter how she found out, Michelle, that's not important. 317 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,640 What's important is the fact we are all deeply... Her mother rang me. 318 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,640 You told your ma? OK, I cracked. I couldn't handle it and I cracked. 319 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:28,560 For fuck sake, Clare. Enough! Where do we go from here? You're family. 320 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,200 Well, you are good people. Well, you are decent people. 321 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,360 But I have to set an example. No, dear God, no. 322 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,480 You're not talking about a ban? 323 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,360 Let's call it a suspension. I'm sorry, Mary. 324 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:48,360 Ach, Fionnula, what about you? I thought I could smell vinegar. 325 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:52,400 I am just on my way to meet our Colm here. I'm a nervous wreck. 326 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:57,160 We are doing this interview for UTV. I'm going to be on UTV, Fionnula. 327 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,280 Save your breath, Sarah. There'll be no free chips. 328 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,960 There will be no chips full stop. 329 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,720 Excuse me? What do you expect me to do on a Friday Fionnula, cook? 330 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:10,480 You expect me to cook? You could order a pizza. Pizza's not as nice. 331 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:14,480 No, you are right, Orla. Pizza is not as nice. 332 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,840 Maybe you should all have thought about that. 333 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,840 Is there nothing we can do? 334 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,640 So, not only are we not going to Paris, we are 335 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,520 spending our Sunday scrubbing Fionnula's fish hall for free. 336 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,960 Aye, and she will be back from yoga soon so get a shift on. 337 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,840 It is slave labour, Erin. It is worse than slave labour. 338 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:38,240 We're not even getting paid. Look, mammy had to cut some sort of deal. 339 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:42,240 Would living without fried food really be so bad? Yes! 340 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,240 She wouldn't have actually banned it, she was bluffing. 341 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:48,360 She is not bluffing, Michelle. Didn't she ban the McGuigan twins? 342 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,760 Seriously? Sure, that's why they lost all the weight. 343 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:55,760 Right, girls. No dicking about. 344 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,120 We need to leave this place fucking spotless. 345 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,960 ♫ We are young 346 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,400 ♫ We run green 347 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,440 ♫ Keep our teeth nice and clean 348 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,680 ♫ See our friends, see the sights 349 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:13,200 ♫ Feel all right 350 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,080 ♫ We wake up, we go out 351 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,720 ♫ Smoke a fag, put it out 352 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,040 ♫ See our friends, see the sights 353 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:26,040 ♫ Feel all right 354 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,760 ♫ Are we like you? 355 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,280 ♫ I can't be sure 356 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,280 ♫ Of the scene, as she turns... ♫ 357 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:41,440 Fuck this. 358 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,000 It's... Still sticky. 359 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:56,000 How is it still sticky? 360 00:17:56,080 --> 00:18:00,080 Is it worse than when we started? 361 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:04,520 I think it might be, yeah. Great. Oh, I see. 362 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,440 Yeah, this isn't Windolene. This is... 363 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,240 This is mayonnaise. 364 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,200 Great work, folks. 365 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,920 Absolutely brilliant. Well done, everyone. 366 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,840 It's has been a productive morning. 367 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,240 Fionnula will be absolutely thrilled. 368 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:28,240 MUSIC BLARES FROM OVERHEAD 369 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,560 All right? 370 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,160 Boo! Where did you get all this? Fionnula's cupboard. 371 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,040 I think she might have a bit of a problem. 372 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,840 You think Fionnula might have a bit of a problem? 373 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,480 Put it away and get back downstairs now. 374 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,840 Sit yourself down and have a wee drink. No, Michelle, it's wrong. 375 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,320 So are those ski pants, Clare, 376 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,080 but that didn't stop you pulling them over your hole this morning. 377 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:12,080 Wait for it. 378 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:16,360 Michelle! Don't be such a shower of bore bags. 379 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,120 Slainte, motherfuckers! 380 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:24,120 No, no, no. Fuck, fuck, fuck! 381 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,720 Why are you throwing alcohol on it, 382 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,640 are you actually throwing alcohol on it? 383 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,640 What on earth are you doing? Seasoning it?! 384 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,880 Wow. On a scale of 1 to 10, how dead do you think we are? 385 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,640 This is the truth, Mummy. 386 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,920 Erin, if you expect me to believe that Michelle tripped while carrying 387 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,920 a scented candle, you must think I came up the Foyle in a bubble. 388 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,160 It is my bet, it's my bet. What are we going to do? 389 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:32,160 For God's sake, Mary, would you look? You're missing my big moment. 390 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,800 Two gunmen of roughly the same height kicked his door down 391 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,640 and tied him to the radiator with his own shoelaces. 392 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,240 He barely had those shoelaces a week, John. 393 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,360 They threatened him with physical violence, 394 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:51,360 they threatened to burn his house down... 395 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,880 Why would two gunmen break into a chippy? Ow! That really hurt. 396 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,680 You're such a pussy. What were they looking for? Chips. Obviously. 397 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,280 They were looking for the keys to the van, keep up, Erin. 398 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,800 Do you think we should knock them about a bit? 399 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,800 No. Nothing drastic, just a few slaps. I said no, Sarah. 400 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,760 What, not even the wee gay fella? I'm not gay. 401 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,320 OK, that should do it. 402 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,480 Really? 403 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,560 I hate to be a health and safety stickler 404 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,760 but surely you are not planning on leaving us like this, are you? 405 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,880 DOOR CLOSES 406 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,880 Back door, back door! 407 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,200 It's locked! 408 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:06,080 What the fuck is going on here exactly? OK. All right. 409 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,880 Well, what happened was... 410 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,880 Michelle was carrying a scented candle. 411 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,320 It's just not as nice. 412 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,320 ♫ No, you're never gonna get it 413 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,000 ♫ Never ever gonna get it 414 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,640 ♫ No, you're never gonna get it 415 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,800 ♫ Never ever gonna get it 416 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,120 ♫ No, you're never gonna get it 417 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,040 ♫ Never ever gonna get it 418 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:49,000 ♫ No, you're never gonna get it... ♫