1 00:00:11,005 --> 00:00:13,245 ["Dreams" by The Cranberries] 2 00:00:17,725 --> 00:00:19,965 [Orla] "My name is Erin Quinn. 3 00:00:20,685 --> 00:00:24,965 I'm 16 years old, and I come from a place called 'Derry', 4 00:00:25,045 --> 00:00:28,205 or Londonderry, depending on your persuasion, 5 00:00:28,285 --> 00:00:31,365 a troubled little corner in the northwest of Ireland. 6 00:00:32,285 --> 00:00:34,645 It's fair to say I have a somewhat 7 00:00:34,725 --> 00:00:37,925 complicated relationship with my hometown. 8 00:00:38,725 --> 00:00:41,485 You see, the thing about living in Derry is, 9 00:00:41,565 --> 00:00:43,365 there's nowhere to hide. 10 00:00:43,445 --> 00:00:45,525 Everybody knows everybody, 11 00:00:45,605 --> 00:00:48,525 knows everything about everybody, 12 00:00:49,365 --> 00:00:54,365 and sometimes all I really want... 13 00:00:56,045 --> 00:00:58,645 is to be simply left alone." 14 00:01:00,245 --> 00:01:01,245 Is that my diary? 15 00:01:01,325 --> 00:01:03,805 ["Dreams" resumes] 16 00:01:08,965 --> 00:01:10,925 [Erin] She's gone too far this time, Mammy. 17 00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,605 I mean, what next? Will I catch her trying on my knickers? 18 00:01:13,685 --> 00:01:15,925 Don't say "knickers" in front of your father. He can't cope. 19 00:01:16,005 --> 00:01:17,125 [Erin] Aye, he can cope. 20 00:01:17,205 --> 00:01:19,485 Sure, what's a pair of knickers between cousins? 21 00:01:19,565 --> 00:01:21,565 -Less of the knickers. -[coos] 22 00:01:21,645 --> 00:01:24,725 I won't put up with it anymore. Teenagers have rights now, you know. 23 00:01:24,805 --> 00:01:27,285 -Don't be ridiculous. -They do, Ma. It's true. 24 00:01:27,365 --> 00:01:29,925 Sure, Macaulay Culkin might be divorcing his parents. 25 00:01:30,805 --> 00:01:33,205 Do you hear this? This'll be someone she met 26 00:01:33,285 --> 00:01:35,765 at that stupid summer scheme you insisted we send her on. 27 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,325 Her bloody friends across the barricades think. 28 00:01:38,405 --> 00:01:41,165 I have nothing against Protestants. 29 00:01:41,245 --> 00:01:43,405 I'm all for integration, I am. 30 00:01:43,485 --> 00:01:45,165 But if they're letting their wains divorce them... 31 00:01:45,245 --> 00:01:47,285 Macaulay Culkin isn't a Protestant, Ma. 32 00:01:47,365 --> 00:01:50,045 -It's only gonna give our wains ideas. -Well, he might be. 33 00:01:50,445 --> 00:01:52,405 I didn't meet him at Friends Across the Barricades. 34 00:01:52,485 --> 00:01:55,045 I don't care where you met him. You're not to see him again, understood? 35 00:01:56,165 --> 00:01:57,765 -Fine. -[Joe] Look at this. 36 00:01:57,845 --> 00:01:59,685 They're bombing the bridge, apparently. 37 00:02:00,165 --> 00:02:01,085 No. 38 00:02:01,165 --> 00:02:02,885 [man reporting] Suspicions were raised when a hijacked van-- 39 00:02:02,965 --> 00:02:04,685 Oh, dear God, no. 40 00:02:05,445 --> 00:02:07,645 Does this mean they can't get to school? 41 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,085 I've had a whole summer of it, Gerry. 42 00:02:10,165 --> 00:02:11,725 She's melting my head. 43 00:02:11,805 --> 00:02:13,205 Their bus can go the long way around. 44 00:02:13,285 --> 00:02:14,885 -[knock at door] -[Ma Mary] I'll get it. 45 00:02:15,685 --> 00:02:18,365 Major traffic disruptions are anticipated... 46 00:02:18,445 --> 00:02:20,205 The wains shouldn't have to take the bus to school. 47 00:02:20,285 --> 00:02:21,405 [door closes] 48 00:02:21,485 --> 00:02:24,045 You should be driving them, you useless shite. 49 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,525 -I have to work, Joe. -Work? [chuckles] 50 00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:28,085 -Is that what you call it? -Yes. 51 00:02:28,165 --> 00:02:29,925 Why don't you just leave my Mary alone? 52 00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:33,685 Because we've been married for 17 years, Joe. 53 00:02:33,765 --> 00:02:35,245 We have two children. 54 00:02:35,325 --> 00:02:37,805 And because we're in love with each other. 55 00:02:37,885 --> 00:02:38,925 Oh, bunk. 56 00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:41,125 I'll find some dirt on you yet, boy. 57 00:02:41,205 --> 00:02:42,885 I've got people working on it. 58 00:02:44,645 --> 00:02:47,685 -God, Mammy. You're up early. -So are you. 59 00:02:47,765 --> 00:02:50,565 You should be having a lie in, love. You're on your holidays. 60 00:02:50,645 --> 00:02:52,645 -First day of term, Sarah? -Is it, aye? 61 00:02:52,725 --> 00:02:53,685 [Mary] It is, aye. 62 00:02:56,525 --> 00:02:59,845 Well, I don't know about the rest of you, 63 00:02:59,925 --> 00:03:02,165 but I'm not enjoying this bomb. 64 00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:03,645 -[Joe] Shocking. -[Mary] Desperate. 65 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,045 Disgusting and disgraceful. 66 00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:08,605 I have an appointment in Tropicana at 12:00. 67 00:03:08,685 --> 00:03:10,125 Fifteen minutes in this stand up. 68 00:03:10,205 --> 00:03:12,245 But sure I'll not get over the bridge at this rate. 69 00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:14,285 It's going to play havoc with my build-up. 70 00:03:14,365 --> 00:03:15,645 This is what they want. 71 00:03:15,725 --> 00:03:18,885 They want ordinary people to suffer. 72 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:20,765 This is what it's all about. 73 00:03:20,845 --> 00:03:23,845 I'm pretty sure interfering with your sunbed sessions 74 00:03:23,925 --> 00:03:27,165 isn't very high up on anyone's political agenda, Aunt Sarah. 75 00:03:27,245 --> 00:03:28,445 I wouldn't be so sure. 76 00:03:31,405 --> 00:03:32,405 We'd better head. 77 00:03:33,245 --> 00:03:36,925 Hey, what do you think you're playing at? Where's your blazer? 78 00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:42,085 I've decided to put my own spin on the uniform this year. 79 00:03:42,165 --> 00:03:44,925 I'll spin you across that floor. Get your blazer on. 80 00:03:45,005 --> 00:03:47,325 Look, Mammy, I'm not a clone. 81 00:03:47,405 --> 00:03:50,925 I should be allowed to express my individuality. 82 00:03:51,005 --> 00:03:54,365 I'm sorry, I'm not wearing my blazer. End of story. 83 00:03:55,605 --> 00:03:58,525 Gerry, pass me the wooden spoon. 84 00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,765 [rap music plays] 85 00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:10,925 What's all this? I thought we were going to be individuals this year. 86 00:04:11,005 --> 00:04:13,165 Look, I wanted to, Clare, but my ma wouldn't let me. 87 00:04:13,245 --> 00:04:15,605 Well, I'm not being individual on my own. 88 00:04:16,285 --> 00:04:17,685 ♪ Wind it up! ♪ 89 00:04:17,765 --> 00:04:19,885 ♪ Derek B. he got the cuts you like ♪ 90 00:04:19,965 --> 00:04:23,045 [continues rapping, indistinct] 91 00:04:24,885 --> 00:04:28,685 -[Erin] You're not getting anything? -I'm trying to do this fast for Ethiopia. 92 00:04:28,765 --> 00:04:30,485 Christ's sake. What is it with you and Africa? 93 00:04:30,565 --> 00:04:31,645 Will you sponsor me? 94 00:04:31,725 --> 00:04:33,325 -How much? -Two pound. 95 00:04:33,405 --> 00:04:35,005 Two pound? Catch yourself on. 96 00:04:35,085 --> 00:04:37,165 What's happening over there is really lousy, Erin. 97 00:04:37,245 --> 00:04:40,645 Father Conway showed us a video. There's this one wee fella, Kamal. 98 00:04:40,725 --> 00:04:44,485 He's only ten, and every morning he walks 25 miles to the nearest well. 99 00:04:44,565 --> 00:04:46,565 Does he just really enjoy wells, aye? 100 00:04:46,645 --> 00:04:49,245 -Twenty-five miles? How far is that? -Far. 101 00:04:49,325 --> 00:04:52,165 Like, how far are we talking? From here to Buncrana? 102 00:04:52,245 --> 00:04:54,885 Further. It's more like from here to Ballybofey. 103 00:04:54,965 --> 00:04:57,645 Shut up. From here to Ballybofey? Sure, you'd be knackered. 104 00:04:57,725 --> 00:05:00,845 -Kamal is knackered. -Are you sure Kamal isn't exaggerating? 105 00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:03,165 Stop slagging off Kamal. Kamal doesn't have it easy. 106 00:05:03,245 --> 00:05:06,565 -Now, will you sponsor me or not? -Fine. 107 00:05:07,605 --> 00:05:10,765 Ah! You touch them, you buy them. 108 00:05:10,845 --> 00:05:12,205 That's the law. 109 00:05:12,285 --> 00:05:13,565 I don't think that is the law. 110 00:05:13,645 --> 00:05:15,565 If I say it's the law, it's the law, smart hole! 111 00:05:15,645 --> 00:05:18,045 Right. It's just, I can't afford them anymore. 112 00:05:18,125 --> 00:05:20,125 Have to give all my money to Kamal. 113 00:05:20,205 --> 00:05:21,565 Who the fuck's Kamal? 114 00:05:21,645 --> 00:05:24,365 He's a wee Ethiopian fella from Ballybofey, Dennis. 115 00:05:24,445 --> 00:05:26,645 Do you want to sponsor me, Dennis? 116 00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:29,925 Get out! 117 00:05:30,005 --> 00:05:31,205 ♪ Turn it up ♪ 118 00:05:31,885 --> 00:05:35,405 ♪ Derek B he got the cuts you like ♪ 119 00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:37,045 [Erin] Good one, Geldoff. 120 00:05:38,765 --> 00:05:40,685 Oh, my God. David. 121 00:05:40,765 --> 00:05:42,005 David Donnelly. 122 00:05:42,085 --> 00:05:44,765 Okay, just act normal. 123 00:05:47,045 --> 00:05:49,165 [laughs] 124 00:05:50,485 --> 00:05:51,925 No way. Are you serious? 125 00:05:52,005 --> 00:05:53,965 What are you doing? Who are you talking to? 126 00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:57,045 -Erin, have you got a light? -Me? No, I don't smoke. 127 00:05:57,125 --> 00:05:59,045 [whispers] Why the hell do I not smoke? 128 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,125 I have one. 129 00:06:00,205 --> 00:06:01,965 I don't smoke either. 130 00:06:02,045 --> 00:06:03,805 I just like melting stuff. 131 00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:06,325 Cool poster. 132 00:06:06,405 --> 00:06:07,845 -Oh, do you think so? -[Erin] Yeah. 133 00:06:08,405 --> 00:06:10,965 Really nice use of, you know, letters. 134 00:06:11,685 --> 00:06:13,645 Thanks. You should come along tonight. 135 00:06:13,725 --> 00:06:15,205 You're inviting me to your gig? 136 00:06:15,765 --> 00:06:16,885 Yeah, well, all of you. 137 00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:21,485 But you'd specifically like me to go. I mean, just so we're clear. 138 00:06:21,565 --> 00:06:23,525 But Erin, Murder She Wrote's on tonight. 139 00:06:23,605 --> 00:06:25,045 You never miss Murder She Wrote. 140 00:06:25,125 --> 00:06:26,045 [whispers] Shut up. 141 00:06:26,125 --> 00:06:28,685 -We're going to be late. -Yeah, kicks off at 6:00. 142 00:06:28,765 --> 00:06:30,645 Sweet. Cool. 143 00:06:30,725 --> 00:06:32,485 Maybe I'll see you there, then. 144 00:06:36,005 --> 00:06:37,765 You're not seriously going to his concert? 145 00:06:37,845 --> 00:06:41,085 Gig, Clare, it's called a "gig", and I have to go. He invited me specifically. 146 00:06:41,165 --> 00:06:43,245 [Michelle] Motherfuckers! 147 00:06:44,245 --> 00:06:45,965 "Motherfucker," it's my new thing. 148 00:06:46,045 --> 00:06:48,645 Watched this film last night. My da got it off Pyro Pauline, 149 00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:51,085 and it's about these two lads, they wear these cracking suits, 150 00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:53,285 and rock about shooting people and eating cheeseburgers. 151 00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:55,365 They're all, "motherfucker" this, "motherfucker" that. 152 00:06:55,445 --> 00:06:56,925 It's got your man in it. What do you call him? 153 00:06:57,005 --> 00:07:00,085 -The disco dancer from Look Who's Talking. -Who owns the fella? 154 00:07:00,685 --> 00:07:01,845 Me. 155 00:07:03,725 --> 00:07:06,765 Well, come on, then, ball-ache. Are you introducing yourself, or what? 156 00:07:06,845 --> 00:07:08,885 Hi. I'm Michelle's cousin, James. 157 00:07:08,965 --> 00:07:11,005 Why's he making that funny noise? 158 00:07:11,085 --> 00:07:13,165 He's English, Orla. That's the way they talk. 159 00:07:13,245 --> 00:07:16,245 He's my Auntie Kathy's wain. I told you about my Auntie Kathy. 160 00:07:16,325 --> 00:07:18,925 She went to England years ago to have an abortion, never came back. 161 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,645 Never got the abortion, either. Lucky for you, James, eh? Ha! 162 00:07:23,765 --> 00:07:25,205 I didn't actually know that. 163 00:07:25,285 --> 00:07:27,525 -What did he say? -Nothing interesting. 164 00:07:27,605 --> 00:07:28,925 What's he doing here? 165 00:07:29,005 --> 00:07:31,125 Kathy's just got divorced, so she's moved back. 166 00:07:31,205 --> 00:07:32,805 The husband caught her doing the dirt on him. 167 00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:35,725 She's a bit of a goer, is our Kathy, riding rings around him, so she was. 168 00:07:35,805 --> 00:07:38,405 -Isn't that right, James? -No, I mean here, at our bus stop. 169 00:07:38,485 --> 00:07:39,805 Oh, he's going to our school. 170 00:07:39,885 --> 00:07:40,885 But he's a fella. 171 00:07:40,965 --> 00:07:43,445 An effeminate fella, but a fella all the same. 172 00:07:43,525 --> 00:07:46,445 Everyone was shitting it about sending him to the boys' school. 173 00:07:46,525 --> 00:07:48,485 They were worried lads would beat him up because-- 174 00:07:48,565 --> 00:07:51,045 -[all] He's English. -And you couldn't really blame them. 175 00:07:52,325 --> 00:07:54,085 Our carriage awaits, motherfuckers. 176 00:07:54,525 --> 00:07:56,525 ["Pump It" by The Black Eyed Peas plays] 177 00:08:00,245 --> 00:08:01,485 Avon. 178 00:08:02,085 --> 00:08:03,285 Avon. 179 00:08:04,245 --> 00:08:05,325 Avon. 180 00:08:05,405 --> 00:08:08,965 We have a wee offer on there for hair removal cream, if you want to, with the... 181 00:08:09,045 --> 00:08:11,725 -No? -There's no seats down here. 182 00:08:11,805 --> 00:08:13,445 -Just move them wee dicks. -[Clare] What? 183 00:08:13,525 --> 00:08:16,965 Why should we sit up the front? We're fifth years. They're fetuses. 184 00:08:17,045 --> 00:08:18,165 Come on. 185 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,525 All right, shift your shirt holes, let's go. 186 00:08:23,205 --> 00:08:24,245 Nobody move. 187 00:08:24,725 --> 00:08:27,485 -You better do as I say, or-- -Or what? 188 00:08:27,565 --> 00:08:29,845 -[Michelle] Or there'll be consequences. -Such as? 189 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,485 Well, we'll beat you up. 190 00:08:32,565 --> 00:08:34,445 -[whispering] Wonderful. -Really, Michelle? 191 00:08:34,525 --> 00:08:36,405 -Go on, then. -What? 192 00:08:36,485 --> 00:08:37,365 Beat me up. 193 00:08:38,405 --> 00:08:39,845 Well, not now. 194 00:08:42,085 --> 00:08:44,325 After school. We'll beat you up after school. 195 00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:47,005 Grand. I'll meet you after school and you can beat me up. 196 00:08:47,085 --> 00:08:48,645 What's happening, exactly? 197 00:08:48,725 --> 00:08:51,405 I'll bring my sister Mandy. You might know her. 198 00:08:51,485 --> 00:08:53,125 Mandy O'Connell. 199 00:08:53,205 --> 00:08:54,405 She's an upper sixth. 200 00:08:54,485 --> 00:08:57,365 Big Mandy? Big Mandy is your sister? 201 00:08:57,445 --> 00:08:59,325 -That's right. -[whispers] Retreat. 202 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:03,885 Listen, I think there's been a wee bit of a misunderstanding. 203 00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:05,765 Thought you might say that. 204 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,045 Now fuck off. 205 00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:08,605 Right. Will do. 206 00:09:09,405 --> 00:09:11,405 Wasn't that all humiliating? 207 00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:13,405 ["Uncertain Smile" by The The plays] 208 00:09:20,085 --> 00:09:21,845 [Erin] How long does this fast last? 209 00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:24,085 Twenty-four hours. 210 00:09:24,165 --> 00:09:25,805 So I still have... 211 00:09:27,085 --> 00:09:28,485 almost 23 hours to go. 212 00:09:28,565 --> 00:09:30,485 Fuck me, not the Africans again. 213 00:09:30,565 --> 00:09:34,485 Imagine being born there and not here. We don't know how lucky we are. 214 00:09:34,565 --> 00:09:37,365 -Aye, fair dues. Derry has class. -[all] Aye. 215 00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:43,685 ♪ Peeling the skin back from my eyes ♪ 216 00:09:43,765 --> 00:09:45,765 ♪ I felt surprised ♪ 217 00:09:45,845 --> 00:09:49,845 ♪ That the time on the clock Was the time ♪ 218 00:09:51,205 --> 00:09:53,005 Everyone remain seated. 219 00:09:53,085 --> 00:09:55,005 [officer radio chattering] 220 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,845 -What's going on? -I don't know. 221 00:10:01,925 --> 00:10:05,325 But do you think if I told him I had an incendiary device down my knickers, 222 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:08,565 -he'd have a look? -Michelle, he's a soldier. 223 00:10:08,645 --> 00:10:10,245 Ach, some of them are, right? 224 00:10:10,325 --> 00:10:12,565 I'm willing to admit it, even if nobody else will, 225 00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,045 because I'm a beacon of truth, Erin. 226 00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:15,805 You're a mouth, that's what you are. 227 00:10:18,325 --> 00:10:20,685 [indistinct chatter] 228 00:10:24,445 --> 00:10:26,285 [singsong] Hi, guys. 229 00:10:26,365 --> 00:10:27,925 Could I just have a quick chat? 230 00:10:29,085 --> 00:10:31,845 You must be new. I'm Jenny. 231 00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:34,725 Great hair. Very bold. 232 00:10:35,365 --> 00:10:38,565 I'd love to go that short, but, sure, I don't have the bone structure. 233 00:10:38,645 --> 00:10:40,045 He's a fella, Jenny. 234 00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:42,445 Oh, I see. 235 00:10:43,205 --> 00:10:44,885 -Anyhoo... -[mocking] Anyhoo. 236 00:10:44,965 --> 00:10:46,445 Seriously, shoot me in the face. 237 00:10:46,525 --> 00:10:47,805 This is a bit awkward, 238 00:10:47,885 --> 00:10:51,885 but part of my role as prefect is welcoming the first-year students. 239 00:10:52,605 --> 00:10:54,005 And it's come to my attention 240 00:10:54,085 --> 00:10:57,405 that there was some sort of an incident on the bus this morning. 241 00:10:57,485 --> 00:10:58,445 There was no incident. 242 00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:01,045 Apparently, you guys threatened one of the new girls. 243 00:11:01,125 --> 00:11:02,445 Said you was going to beat her up. 244 00:11:02,525 --> 00:11:04,885 -That's lies. -There were quite a few witnesses. 245 00:11:05,325 --> 00:11:09,165 No, I mean, we said it, but as a joke. 246 00:11:09,245 --> 00:11:12,405 As in, "We're going to beat you up," but, like, in a jokey way. 247 00:11:12,485 --> 00:11:16,085 Right. Well, the thing is, that's not actually funny, is it? 248 00:11:16,165 --> 00:11:17,645 Like, at all. 249 00:11:17,725 --> 00:11:19,725 Well, humor is so subjective, really, so... 250 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,965 Now, the wee girl claims that she's not bothered, 251 00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:25,605 -but reading between the lines... -Why are you reading between the lines? 252 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,565 I'm just not so sure that I believe her. 253 00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,045 I don't want to report you guys. 254 00:11:30,125 --> 00:11:33,405 Please don't report us, Jenny. We'll do anything. Anything at all. 255 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,165 Speak for yourself, sugar tits. 256 00:11:35,245 --> 00:11:37,325 Think I'll just have to mull it over. 257 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,685 Ach, Jenny, mull this over. 258 00:11:40,485 --> 00:11:41,365 Oh, we'll see. 259 00:11:44,045 --> 00:11:45,645 Jesus, Michelle! 260 00:11:49,765 --> 00:11:54,245 [Jenny] A new school can seem like a very scary place. 261 00:11:54,325 --> 00:11:57,525 Do you think Big Mandy looks more schizo than usual? 262 00:11:57,605 --> 00:11:59,765 [Jenny] But try to think of it this way. 263 00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:02,365 Right now, you're like a little seed, 264 00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:05,325 and the school is like the soil: 265 00:12:05,405 --> 00:12:07,965 a safe and stable environment 266 00:12:08,045 --> 00:12:11,205 within which you can grow. 267 00:12:11,845 --> 00:12:14,205 Wow, what a great way to look at it. 268 00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:16,845 Thank you. 269 00:12:19,685 --> 00:12:20,605 Thank you, girls. 270 00:12:21,645 --> 00:12:24,285 Some lovely sentiments there. 271 00:12:25,085 --> 00:12:27,245 Some very beautiful words. 272 00:12:28,565 --> 00:12:30,765 Unfortunately, that's all they are: 273 00:12:30,845 --> 00:12:33,125 sentiments and words. 274 00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:36,445 What you've just witnessed is a piece of fiction. 275 00:12:37,685 --> 00:12:41,005 The reality, I'm sorry to say, is much harsher. Far more brutal. 276 00:12:41,725 --> 00:12:46,125 So let me take this opportunity to advise all our new girls 277 00:12:46,205 --> 00:12:47,685 to keep their guard up. 278 00:12:49,245 --> 00:12:50,685 Watch their back. 279 00:12:51,565 --> 00:12:53,885 Oh, speaking of pupils who need to watch their back, 280 00:12:53,965 --> 00:12:55,685 I'd like to introduce James Maguire. 281 00:12:55,765 --> 00:12:57,885 Show yourself, please, James. 282 00:12:59,965 --> 00:13:04,325 James will be the first ever boy to study here at Our Lady Immaculate College. 283 00:13:04,405 --> 00:13:06,845 -[wolf whistle] -He to start at Christian Brother Boys, 284 00:13:06,925 --> 00:13:09,565 but there were concerns for his safety because, unfortunately, 285 00:13:09,645 --> 00:13:11,925 -James happens to be English. -[laughter] 286 00:13:12,005 --> 00:13:16,045 Let me make one thing clear: I will not have a repeat of the Mr. Mullin affair. 287 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,845 -Is that understood? -What's the Mr. Mullin affair? 288 00:13:18,925 --> 00:13:20,685 Student teacher. 289 00:13:20,765 --> 00:13:23,885 Two fourth-years cable-tied him to the monkey bars and started dry riding him. 290 00:13:23,965 --> 00:13:26,805 He was really good-looking, so you've nothing to worry about. 291 00:13:26,885 --> 00:13:28,245 [Sister Michael] Let us pray. 292 00:13:28,325 --> 00:13:30,325 Father, Son, Holy Ghost... 293 00:13:31,205 --> 00:13:33,765 -Please, Michelle. -No. 294 00:13:33,845 --> 00:13:36,565 I have no interest in David Donnelly's spazzmo band. 295 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,805 -They look nice. -I can't go on my own. 296 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,165 -Are they nice? -Bring Bobby Sands. 297 00:13:42,245 --> 00:13:43,645 [Clare] Sure, how could I go? 298 00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:46,725 -I'm so weak I can barely walk. -What about Orla? 299 00:13:46,805 --> 00:13:49,485 -Orla's... -I love my wee fingers. 300 00:13:49,565 --> 00:13:52,485 Orla's mental. Come on, Michelle. 301 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,285 I'm begging you. It's my big chance with David. 302 00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:56,485 I'd do it for you. 303 00:13:56,565 --> 00:14:00,165 Fine! But we both know you're gonna sit in the corner like a frigid fuck. 304 00:14:00,245 --> 00:14:02,005 I'm not frigid. 305 00:14:02,085 --> 00:14:04,045 You've never even kissed a boy before. 306 00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:07,845 You practice on your pillow sometimes, but you don't think that's the same. 307 00:14:07,925 --> 00:14:09,765 The reading of the diary was bad enough. 308 00:14:09,845 --> 00:14:12,165 I could do without the quoting it from memory. 309 00:14:12,245 --> 00:14:14,445 Michelle, would you mind showing me where the toilet is? 310 00:14:14,525 --> 00:14:16,765 You are really starting to do my head in, do you know that? 311 00:14:16,845 --> 00:14:18,405 -[PA chimes] -[woman on PA] Will the following pupils 312 00:14:18,485 --> 00:14:21,285 please report to Sister Michael's office immediately? 313 00:14:21,365 --> 00:14:24,205 Erin Quinn, Orla McCool, Clare Devlin, 314 00:14:24,285 --> 00:14:27,125 Michelle Mallon and the wee English fella. Thank you. 315 00:14:27,885 --> 00:14:29,165 Wonder what could that be about? 316 00:14:29,245 --> 00:14:31,805 It wasn't bullying. It was attempted bullying. 317 00:14:31,885 --> 00:14:33,485 What if we get expelled? 318 00:14:33,565 --> 00:14:35,725 Nobody ever actually gets expelled. 319 00:14:35,805 --> 00:14:38,245 Wanda Gallagher hasn't been expelled, and she's in the IRA. 320 00:14:38,325 --> 00:14:39,605 So that's probably why. 321 00:14:39,685 --> 00:14:42,005 I can't find the boys' toilets anywhere. 322 00:14:42,085 --> 00:14:44,925 It's an all-girls school, dick face. There are no boys' toilets. 323 00:14:45,525 --> 00:14:47,445 So should I just use the girls' toilets? 324 00:14:47,525 --> 00:14:49,125 No, you should not, you fucking pervert. 325 00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:52,365 Girls, I really don't feel great. I feel sort of shaky. 326 00:14:52,445 --> 00:14:54,445 I think my blood sugar is dangerously low. 327 00:14:54,525 --> 00:14:56,285 Seriously, will you just have a Mars bar? 328 00:14:56,365 --> 00:14:58,165 -What about Kamal? -Fuck Kamal. 329 00:14:59,645 --> 00:15:02,245 Look, whatever happens in there, we have to stick together, okay? 330 00:15:02,325 --> 00:15:03,725 We have to back each other up. 331 00:15:03,805 --> 00:15:04,885 Ladies. 332 00:15:07,405 --> 00:15:10,605 So it had nothing to do with me. Yes, okay, I was there. 333 00:15:10,685 --> 00:15:14,445 I admit that. But I didn't do anything. It was Michelle. 334 00:15:14,525 --> 00:15:17,245 It was all Michelle. I'm not going down for something I didn't do. 335 00:15:17,325 --> 00:15:20,245 If anyone deserves to get punished, it should be Michelle. 336 00:15:25,085 --> 00:15:26,605 Well, I think it's safe to say 337 00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:28,965 we all just lost a bit of respect for you there, Clare. 338 00:15:30,365 --> 00:15:33,085 This is just so disappointing, girls. I mean, threatening a first-year... 339 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,005 We didn't threaten her. We're not stupid. Big Mandy is her sister, 340 00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:38,245 -she's half fucking gorilla. -That's enough, Miss Mallon. 341 00:15:38,325 --> 00:15:41,205 Aye. You shouldn't swear, Michelle, because when you swear, 342 00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:45,205 Our Lady in heaven, she cries her tears and then make rain. 343 00:15:45,285 --> 00:15:46,845 Isn't that right, Sister Michael? 344 00:15:47,925 --> 00:15:50,125 -What age are you now, Orla? -Fifteen. 345 00:15:50,805 --> 00:15:53,205 Yeah. You might want to think about wising up. 346 00:15:54,005 --> 00:15:56,245 It was all just a misunderstanding. 347 00:15:56,325 --> 00:15:57,525 I promise, Sister. 348 00:15:58,405 --> 00:16:00,845 Is that right, Tina? Was it a misunderstanding? 349 00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:02,325 Look, I didn't even report them. 350 00:16:02,405 --> 00:16:04,365 I'm not a grass. I'm saying nothing. 351 00:16:04,445 --> 00:16:06,365 Is that because you're intimidated by them? 352 00:16:06,445 --> 00:16:07,965 [scoffs] 353 00:16:08,045 --> 00:16:09,485 Oh, you were serious. 354 00:16:09,565 --> 00:16:12,325 No, I'm not intimidated by them, Sister. 355 00:16:12,885 --> 00:16:13,885 Okay. 356 00:16:15,045 --> 00:16:17,645 Well, I see no need to take this matter any further, 357 00:16:17,725 --> 00:16:20,965 but if I ever get wind of something like this happening again... 358 00:16:21,045 --> 00:16:22,605 Oh, you won't, Sister. 359 00:16:23,165 --> 00:16:25,645 -Yeah? -Sister Michael, can I just quickly ask, 360 00:16:25,725 --> 00:16:29,925 um, since there's no male student toilets on the premises, 361 00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:32,405 am I permitted to use the staff ones? 362 00:16:32,485 --> 00:16:35,845 Absolutely not. Now, I think you all owe Tina an apology, don't you? 363 00:16:36,525 --> 00:16:40,125 [all] We're very sorry, Tina. 364 00:16:40,205 --> 00:16:43,005 -And Tina, do you accept their apology? -[Tina] No. 365 00:16:43,965 --> 00:16:45,845 You don't accept their apology? 366 00:16:45,925 --> 00:16:48,525 Do I have to accept their apology, Sister? 367 00:16:49,165 --> 00:16:51,885 -I don't suppose you do, no. -Then I don't. 368 00:16:52,925 --> 00:16:54,645 I don't accept it. 369 00:16:56,245 --> 00:16:57,245 I see. 370 00:16:57,725 --> 00:17:01,085 Well, I need to draw a line under this somehow, so... 371 00:17:09,365 --> 00:17:11,405 [ticking] 372 00:17:14,245 --> 00:17:18,325 I cannot actually believe this. 373 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:20,565 I'm missing David Donnelly's gig, Michelle. 374 00:17:20,645 --> 00:17:22,845 And all because of that miniature motherfucker. 375 00:17:22,925 --> 00:17:25,445 I swear, if you say "motherfucker" one more time... 376 00:17:25,525 --> 00:17:27,805 -What's wrong with you? -This is your fault. 377 00:17:27,885 --> 00:17:28,845 Why is it my fault? 378 00:17:28,925 --> 00:17:30,765 You're the one who threatened a first-year. 379 00:17:30,845 --> 00:17:33,125 You're the one who gave Jenny Joyce the finger. 380 00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:35,725 I'm desperate now. This is agony. 381 00:17:36,605 --> 00:17:40,045 Can you please stop crying in my face for five fucking minutes, James? 382 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,325 [Clare] I feel awful. 383 00:17:42,285 --> 00:17:45,925 My body is going into starvation mode. I think it's starting to shut down. 384 00:17:46,005 --> 00:17:48,445 For Christ's sake, Clare. You've basically skipped lunch. 385 00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:54,805 Orla, that better not be what I think it is. 386 00:17:54,885 --> 00:17:57,405 You better not have brought my diary to school. 387 00:17:57,485 --> 00:18:00,605 I had to. I'm doing my book report on it. 388 00:18:01,365 --> 00:18:02,885 -Give it... to me! -No! 389 00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:04,725 What's going on there, girls? 390 00:18:04,805 --> 00:18:07,165 She has my diary, Sister, and she won't give it back. 391 00:18:07,245 --> 00:18:08,445 I'll take that. 392 00:18:12,645 --> 00:18:15,485 Sit down. Mr. Maguire, 393 00:18:16,005 --> 00:18:17,405 you have been warned. 394 00:18:17,925 --> 00:18:19,365 Do not ask me again. 395 00:18:19,445 --> 00:18:21,085 This is disgraceful. 396 00:18:21,165 --> 00:18:24,325 I should have access to a lavatory. What about my civil rights? 397 00:18:24,405 --> 00:18:25,485 Corner. 398 00:18:29,245 --> 00:18:31,525 And you. Give that here. 399 00:18:31,605 --> 00:18:33,205 -Ach, Sister-- -Now. 400 00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,245 Shouldn't you put that in the confiscated box? 401 00:18:40,325 --> 00:18:41,565 Quiet. 402 00:18:44,045 --> 00:18:46,485 -Really? -[Michelle] What am I gonna do, Erin? 403 00:18:46,565 --> 00:18:48,685 That color's been discontinued. 404 00:18:52,885 --> 00:18:54,365 This is torture. 405 00:18:54,445 --> 00:18:57,565 Michelle, I can't hold it in any longer. 406 00:18:57,645 --> 00:19:00,805 What part of me not giving a flying fuck are you struggling with, exactly? 407 00:19:03,845 --> 00:19:06,925 Oh, look, your boring fucking diary sent her to sleep. 408 00:19:07,525 --> 00:19:08,885 I'm taking my lipstick back. 409 00:19:09,525 --> 00:19:11,365 Michelle, you can't do that. It's stealing. 410 00:19:11,445 --> 00:19:12,645 She stole it first. 411 00:19:12,725 --> 00:19:14,485 Michelle, don't. 412 00:19:14,565 --> 00:19:16,045 Oh, God. 413 00:19:20,045 --> 00:19:22,005 Jesus, that's disgusting. Stop it. 414 00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:24,565 That's English for you. Fucking savages. 415 00:19:27,005 --> 00:19:30,285 Don't look at me like that, Erin. You'll get your two pound back. 416 00:19:31,405 --> 00:19:33,525 But will you ever get your self-respect back, Clare? 417 00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:36,045 Right, if I leave now, I might still catch David. 418 00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:38,445 What if Sister Declan wakes up? 419 00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:40,925 It's funny how she sleeps with her eyes wide open, 420 00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:42,685 -isn't it? -What? 421 00:19:48,765 --> 00:19:50,445 Sweet suffering Jehovah. 422 00:19:51,045 --> 00:19:52,565 [James groans] 423 00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:54,205 [urinating] 424 00:19:55,765 --> 00:19:59,645 [clock chiming] 425 00:20:02,205 --> 00:20:04,485 -[knock on door] -[Sister Michael] Enter. 426 00:20:06,445 --> 00:20:08,165 Erin, what in God's name... 427 00:20:08,885 --> 00:20:10,365 Did you kill that wee nun, girls? 428 00:20:10,445 --> 00:20:11,525 [Erin] Of course we didn't. 429 00:20:11,605 --> 00:20:15,085 Then why were you pissing on her dead body and making sandwiches? 430 00:20:15,165 --> 00:20:18,165 Say nothing, girls. Say nothing till we've seen a lawyer. 431 00:20:18,245 --> 00:20:19,285 If you could take a seat. 432 00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:28,205 Sorry I'm late, Sister, couldn't get over the bridge. This bloody bomb. 433 00:20:28,285 --> 00:20:30,205 I begged the Brits to let me take my chances, 434 00:20:30,285 --> 00:20:32,565 but the awkward bastards made me go the long way. 435 00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:34,605 Health and Safety gone mad, Deidre. 436 00:20:34,845 --> 00:20:37,485 What are you playing at, rifling through a dead nun's handbag? 437 00:20:37,565 --> 00:20:39,765 -She stole my lipstick, Mammy. -[Deidre] Don't lie. 438 00:20:39,845 --> 00:20:42,085 Sister Declan was a woman of God. 439 00:20:42,165 --> 00:20:44,245 Actually, she was known to be a bit light-fingered. 440 00:20:45,005 --> 00:20:46,685 Where's my mom, Auntie Deidre? 441 00:20:46,765 --> 00:20:48,525 She's away back to London. 442 00:20:48,605 --> 00:20:49,845 What, without me? 443 00:20:49,925 --> 00:20:52,805 -Oh, dry your eyes, James. -[door opens] 444 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,245 Sorry to keep you waiting, Sister. 445 00:20:54,325 --> 00:20:56,885 How long does it take to defuse a fecking bomb? 446 00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,405 Sure, the wee robots do all the work. 447 00:21:00,045 --> 00:21:02,325 -Oh, killing nuns now, is it? -I didn't, Daddy! 448 00:21:02,405 --> 00:21:04,925 You wait until your mother hears about this. 449 00:21:05,005 --> 00:21:08,445 Obviously, Sister Declan's death was extremely shocking and unexpected. 450 00:21:09,205 --> 00:21:11,485 We're still struggling to understand what happened. 451 00:21:12,365 --> 00:21:13,885 -Yeah? -[Erin] Can I just ask, 452 00:21:13,965 --> 00:21:16,445 what age was Sister Declan? 453 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,365 She'd have been 98 on Friday. 454 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,605 [Erin] Right. 455 00:21:19,685 --> 00:21:22,725 Might that shed some light on the situation? 456 00:21:22,805 --> 00:21:24,165 How so? 457 00:21:25,245 --> 00:21:27,445 Does anybody else have any thoughts on the whole 458 00:21:27,525 --> 00:21:30,645 "her being almost 98 years of age" thing? 459 00:21:30,725 --> 00:21:32,685 Struck down in her prime. 460 00:21:32,765 --> 00:21:35,965 The hospital are saying it was heart failure, 461 00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:38,525 but I have my doubts. 462 00:21:38,605 --> 00:21:40,005 As I said on the phone, 463 00:21:40,085 --> 00:21:45,045 the circumstances in which I found her body were... strange, to say the least. 464 00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:48,085 So I've decided to carry out a full investigation into the incident. 465 00:21:48,965 --> 00:21:50,245 That makes sense. 466 00:21:51,165 --> 00:21:52,165 What? 467 00:21:52,725 --> 00:21:55,005 Nothing about this makes sense. 468 00:21:55,085 --> 00:21:58,645 The woman was almost 98 years of age. She had a heart attack. 469 00:21:58,725 --> 00:22:01,085 Why has everybody gone absolutely mental? 470 00:22:01,165 --> 00:22:02,365 Less of the cheek, Erin. 471 00:22:02,765 --> 00:22:05,805 We didn't do anything. It's not fair! 472 00:22:05,885 --> 00:22:08,685 [Orla] "But the thing is, life isn't fair. 473 00:22:08,765 --> 00:22:12,805 You see, injustice is something I have become accustomed to. 474 00:22:12,885 --> 00:22:16,085 I am, after all, a child of the crossfire, 475 00:22:16,165 --> 00:22:18,605 surrounded by conflict. 476 00:22:18,685 --> 00:22:20,805 But I choose to rise above it. 477 00:22:20,885 --> 00:22:26,405 "The path to peace is paved with tolerance and understanding. 478 00:22:26,485 --> 00:22:30,045 Violence is never the answer." 479 00:22:31,205 --> 00:22:35,805 I am going to ram that so far up your ass! 480 00:22:35,885 --> 00:22:38,085 ["That Woman's Got Me Drinking" by Shane MacGowan plays] 481 00:22:49,965 --> 00:22:51,885 ♪ For seven long years ♪ 482 00:22:51,965 --> 00:22:53,925 ♪ She helped me spend my dough ♪ 483 00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:55,445 ♪ Now I take her out ♪ 484 00:22:55,525 --> 00:22:57,125 ♪ But she don't want to know ♪ 485 00:22:57,205 --> 00:22:59,285 ♪ That woman's got me drinking... ♪