1
00:00:11,005 --> 00:00:13,565
♪ I feel it in my fingers ♪
2
00:00:13,645 --> 00:00:16,645
♪ I feel it in my toes ♪
3
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:19,085
[vocalizing]
4
00:00:19,885 --> 00:00:22,285
♪ Love is all around me ♪
5
00:00:22,365 --> 00:00:25,405
♪ And so the feeling grows ♪
6
00:00:25,485 --> 00:00:27,405
[vocalizing]
7
00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:30,925
♪ It's written in the wind ♪
8
00:00:31,005 --> 00:00:33,325
♪ It's everywhere I go ♪
9
00:00:33,405 --> 00:00:35,045
Sweet Jesus.
10
00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:36,805
[vocalizing]
11
00:00:36,885 --> 00:00:39,525
♪ So if you really love me ♪
12
00:00:39,605 --> 00:00:41,525
♪ Come on and let it show ♪
13
00:00:41,605 --> 00:00:43,245
Did I not ban this one?
14
00:00:43,925 --> 00:00:45,085
Let me see.
15
00:00:45,165 --> 00:00:46,365
Uh...
16
00:00:46,925 --> 00:00:49,525
"Endless Love," "The Power of Love,"
"All You Need Is Love,"
17
00:00:49,605 --> 00:00:51,245
"How Deep Is Your Love,"
"It Must Have Been Love,"
18
00:00:51,325 --> 00:00:53,485
"I Wanna Know What Love Is,"
"I Will Always Love You."
19
00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:57,005
No, Sister, you didn't.
20
00:00:58,605 --> 00:01:03,445
♪ 'Cause on my love you can depend ♪
21
00:01:03,525 --> 00:01:05,365
[hits note off-key]
22
00:01:05,445 --> 00:01:06,485
Put it on the list.
23
00:01:06,565 --> 00:01:08,885
Uh, wonderful, girls. Lovely stuff.
24
00:01:10,005 --> 00:01:12,925
Before I dismiss you for the weekend,
a few announcements.
25
00:01:13,085 --> 00:01:16,245
On Monday morning,
several of our year thirteens
26
00:01:16,325 --> 00:01:19,645
will face their GCSE maths resit.
27
00:01:19,725 --> 00:01:23,365
Now, I know how daunting
resit examinations can be,
28
00:01:23,445 --> 00:01:26,245
so if anyone is feeling anxious
or worried,
29
00:01:26,325 --> 00:01:27,725
or even if you just want to chat,
30
00:01:27,805 --> 00:01:30,925
please, please, do not come crying to me.
31
00:01:31,005 --> 00:01:32,405
Let me see. What else?
32
00:01:32,485 --> 00:01:34,365
Come on, come on, come on to fuck!
33
00:01:34,445 --> 00:01:36,765
"Notice from Mr. Macaulay.
34
00:01:36,845 --> 00:01:39,845
This year's destination
for the Euro Trotters trip
35
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,845
will be, dramatic pause--"
36
00:01:45,245 --> 00:01:47,765
Did you actually want me
to do the dramatic pause?
37
00:01:49,045 --> 00:01:50,365
Interesting.
38
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,005
-Paris. It's going to be Paris.
-[gasps]
39
00:01:54,085 --> 00:01:57,765
If you need any further information,
there is a stall in the foyer.
40
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:03,085
Sadly, I am unable to come on this one,
as I despise the French.
41
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,645
[up-tempo song plays]
42
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,405
Name of the Father, the Son,
the Holy Spirit.
43
00:02:10,525 --> 00:02:12,405
-[man sings in French]
-[school bell ringing]
44
00:02:12,485 --> 00:02:14,805
There's so much I want to do.
The Champs-Élysées,
45
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,765
the Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre.
46
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,925
A French fella.
That's what I want to do.
47
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:22,205
Nation of rides. My fanny's going funny
just thinking about it.
48
00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:25,005
-Could you not use that word, Michelle?
-What, "fanny"?
49
00:02:25,085 --> 00:02:27,485
-Why do you always have to be coarse?
-Ach, what's the big deal?
50
00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:29,285
-We all have one.
-I don't.
51
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:32,445
-You are one.
-Of course, Beckett lived in Paris,
52
00:02:32,525 --> 00:02:35,325
and if anybody's influenced my writing,
it is--
53
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,525
-What, Brenda Beckett from 12A?
-No!
54
00:02:37,605 --> 00:02:39,965
Not Brenda Beckett. "Beckett" Beckett.
55
00:02:40,045 --> 00:02:42,805
If we go to Paris,
I'd like to meet Nicole.
56
00:02:42,885 --> 00:02:44,525
-Who's Nicole?
-[Erin] For God's sake.
57
00:02:44,605 --> 00:02:47,845
How many times?
It's just an ad. She's not a real person.
58
00:02:47,925 --> 00:02:49,245
Neither is Papa.
59
00:02:49,325 --> 00:02:52,765
Be good conversation practice as well,
you know, for the orals.
60
00:02:52,845 --> 00:02:55,645
-Which will be the only oral that you--
-Yeah, okay, Michelle.
61
00:02:55,725 --> 00:02:59,005
-You didn't let me finish.
-Well, I sensed where you were going.
62
00:02:59,685 --> 00:03:01,685
-Blowjobs.
-Oh, God.
63
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:04,045
Don't tell me Charlene Kavanagh is going.
64
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,365
She is dying about herself.
65
00:03:06,445 --> 00:03:08,885
"Oh, I'm so good-looking.
Oh, I'm so popular."
66
00:03:08,965 --> 00:03:11,285
If there ever was a more shallow,
67
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:14,085
self-absorbed,
generally unpleasant human being--
68
00:03:14,165 --> 00:03:15,125
Hi, Erin.
69
00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:16,445
Hi.
70
00:03:17,205 --> 00:03:19,165
Good. Grand. Not too bad.
71
00:03:19,245 --> 00:03:20,805
Can't complain.
72
00:03:20,885 --> 00:03:23,925
Is the answer I'd have given
if you'd asked how I was.
73
00:03:24,005 --> 00:03:26,365
Right. Are you signing up for Paris?
74
00:03:26,965 --> 00:03:29,325
I can't convince that lot to come.
75
00:03:29,405 --> 00:03:31,805
Looks like I'm going to need someone to
hang out with.
76
00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:34,205
It would be an honor.
77
00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:37,805
Okay, well, I'll see you later, then.
78
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,725
You will, Charlene. Indeed you will.
79
00:03:40,805 --> 00:03:42,205
Did you hear that?
80
00:03:42,285 --> 00:03:46,285
The Charlene Kavanagh wants to hang
around with little old me!
81
00:03:46,365 --> 00:03:49,805
You know what I admire most about you,
Erin? Your unshakeable principles.
82
00:03:49,885 --> 00:03:52,165
[French music plays]
83
00:03:52,245 --> 00:03:55,485
Bonjour. Tout le monde.
Comment allez-vous?
84
00:03:55,565 --> 00:03:57,805
-Wise up, Jenny.
-Where do we sign?
85
00:03:57,885 --> 00:04:00,005
Hold on. Stall the fucking ball.
86
00:04:00,085 --> 00:04:02,765
375 quid? Are you for real?
87
00:04:02,845 --> 00:04:05,645
What? £375 each?
88
00:04:06,525 --> 00:04:09,845
-Isn't there some sort of group discount?
-It's not Club 18 to 30.
89
00:04:09,925 --> 00:04:11,845
-More's the pity.
-It is a bit steep, Jenny.
90
00:04:11,925 --> 00:04:15,285
Just dip into your trust fund.
I do it all the time.
91
00:04:15,365 --> 00:04:16,525
Our what?
92
00:04:16,605 --> 00:04:19,365
It's like an account your parents
set up for you to help pay for things,
93
00:04:19,445 --> 00:04:23,685
like university, your first car,
educational trips.
94
00:04:23,765 --> 00:04:25,925
I did not know about this.
95
00:04:26,005 --> 00:04:28,365
-Did you know about this?
-No, did I fuck.
96
00:04:29,005 --> 00:04:30,045
Trust fund, you say?
97
00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:32,325
Interesting.
98
00:04:33,285 --> 00:04:36,965
Dip into your trust fund?
Of course, no bother at all.
99
00:04:37,045 --> 00:04:39,285
Pass us then the phone.
I just need to ring the bank.
100
00:04:39,885 --> 00:04:43,445
7-6-5-4-3-2-1. That's the account number
and the password.
101
00:04:43,525 --> 00:04:45,485
What is it again?
What was it now?
102
00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:47,525
Oh, aye. Catch yourself on!
103
00:04:47,605 --> 00:04:49,925
Da, for God's sake,
will you turn that down?
104
00:04:50,005 --> 00:04:51,685
I have turned it down. It's at zero.
105
00:04:51,765 --> 00:04:53,005
...opportunity there.
106
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,645
I don't know how he does it.
107
00:04:54,725 --> 00:04:56,405
You telling me I don't have a trust fund?
108
00:04:56,485 --> 00:04:58,165
There you go.
You're not as slow as you look.
109
00:04:58,245 --> 00:05:00,365
Do I have a trust fund, Mary?
110
00:05:00,445 --> 00:05:03,885
Listen, girls, there are no trust funds.
There are no funds, period.
111
00:05:03,965 --> 00:05:05,645
For God's sake!
112
00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:10,005
Okay. That's one portion of red fish,
one portion of white fish,
113
00:05:10,085 --> 00:05:12,045
-two bags of chips--
-No, no, no.
114
00:05:12,125 --> 00:05:14,485
-Two bags won't be enough.
-Two's plenty, Joe.
115
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:17,885
-Four. Four should cover it.
-Three, then. We'll compromise.
116
00:05:17,965 --> 00:05:20,605
-I'll compromise you through that window.
-That's enough, Da.
117
00:05:20,685 --> 00:05:23,125
The tight bastard
is trying to starve us all, Mary.
118
00:05:23,205 --> 00:05:25,605
Okay, four bags of chips, then.
119
00:05:25,685 --> 00:05:28,405
And I want 12 chicken nuggets,
a small battered hot dog,
120
00:05:28,485 --> 00:05:30,965
-plenty of onions, plenty of--
-[Erin] Get a move on, Daddy.
121
00:05:31,045 --> 00:05:33,605
At that chippy, it's every man for himself
on a Friday night.
122
00:05:33,685 --> 00:05:35,485
I am trying to concentrate here, Erin.
123
00:05:35,565 --> 00:05:37,885
-All right, Mammy?
-All right, love.
124
00:05:37,965 --> 00:05:39,925
Did you ask about the trust fund?
125
00:05:40,005 --> 00:05:41,405
Uh, I don't have one.
126
00:05:42,085 --> 00:05:43,605
I take it that means I don't have one.
127
00:05:43,685 --> 00:05:45,285
For the love of God.
128
00:05:45,365 --> 00:05:48,285
-Will four bags be enough?
-More than enough.
129
00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:51,005
I say we need five, to be safe.
Do you not think, Da?
130
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:52,645
-Stick down five.
-[sighs]
131
00:05:52,725 --> 00:05:55,885
-Five bags of chips, then!
-I'll have a chicken fillet burger.
132
00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:57,645
No lettuce, no tomato, no cheese.
133
00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,365
-I'll just write "plain," will I?
-No onions, no cucumber.
134
00:06:00,445 --> 00:06:02,605
-One plain--
-No relish, no pickles, no mayonnaise.
135
00:06:02,685 --> 00:06:04,965
-No chicken.
-What do you mean, no chicken?
136
00:06:05,045 --> 00:06:06,525
-[phone ringing]
-Get that.
137
00:06:06,605 --> 00:06:07,565
[sighs]
138
00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:11,405
It's a chicken burger,
of course I want chicken!
139
00:06:12,045 --> 00:06:14,605
-What are you, a simpleton?
-[Erin] Hello?
140
00:06:14,685 --> 00:06:15,925
No chicken.
141
00:06:17,045 --> 00:06:18,365
It's Uncle Colm.
142
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:21,605
Well, I'm not taking it.
I've been stung once already this week,
143
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:24,965
and I'm 45 minutes talking
about his new shoelaces.
144
00:06:25,045 --> 00:06:27,965
I've stopped answering my phone altogether
for fear it's him, Mary.
145
00:06:28,045 --> 00:06:29,725
-Will you take it, Da?
-No chance, love.
146
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:33,565
I mean, I know I shouldn't say this about
my own brother, but by Christ
147
00:06:33,645 --> 00:06:36,845
-he's a boring bastard.
-Is somebody going to take it or not?
148
00:06:36,925 --> 00:06:38,685
-Don't be cheeky.
-Less of the cheek, you.
149
00:06:40,165 --> 00:06:41,325
How's it going, Colm?
150
00:06:42,565 --> 00:06:44,485
Would you ever think of going cordless?
151
00:06:44,565 --> 00:06:47,205
Aye, it was freezing cold earlier,
that's true.
152
00:06:47,285 --> 00:06:50,565
Gemma Sharkey went cordless
and she's like a new woman now, Gerry.
153
00:06:50,645 --> 00:06:54,085
-No, it's not as cold now.
-She can make a call from her living room,
154
00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:56,885
from her kitchen, from her bedroom...
155
00:06:56,965 --> 00:07:00,165
Right, look, Colm, I don't have long.
We're sending to the chippy here.
156
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:05,005
And the other night, right, and this is no
word of a lie, she rang me from the bath.
157
00:07:05,085 --> 00:07:07,365
These cordless phones are the future.
158
00:07:07,445 --> 00:07:10,325
-What? Oh, my God!
-What's up?
159
00:07:10,405 --> 00:07:12,365
Our Colm's in the police station.
160
00:07:12,445 --> 00:07:14,925
Last night, two gunmen
forced their way into his house,
161
00:07:15,005 --> 00:07:17,405
tied him up, stole his van.
162
00:07:17,485 --> 00:07:18,565
Dirty bastards.
163
00:07:18,645 --> 00:07:20,925
Oh, God, love you, you poor critter.
164
00:07:21,565 --> 00:07:23,285
You're to come straight round here,
hear me?
165
00:07:23,365 --> 00:07:25,645
Oh, of course. Of course.
166
00:07:26,645 --> 00:07:28,125
Is he all right?
167
00:07:28,205 --> 00:07:30,565
He is traumatized, Gerry.
168
00:07:31,525 --> 00:07:33,365
He'll take a steak and kidney pie.
169
00:07:34,805 --> 00:07:36,565
Do you think five bags will be enough?
170
00:07:36,645 --> 00:07:39,085
["Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa plays]
171
00:07:40,605 --> 00:07:42,765
♪ Ah, push it ♪
172
00:07:42,845 --> 00:07:44,405
Seven bags of chips,
173
00:07:44,485 --> 00:07:49,325
12 chicken nuggets,
one small battered hot dog,
174
00:07:49,405 --> 00:07:52,805
-one plain chicken burger...
-Give me that. Me.
175
00:07:52,885 --> 00:07:54,565
Thank you, Fionnula.
176
00:07:54,645 --> 00:07:57,365
-All right? Any joy with the trust fund?
-Nah.
177
00:07:57,445 --> 00:07:59,325
According to my ma,
we're actually quite poor.
178
00:07:59,405 --> 00:08:01,605
Aye, I think we might be as well.
179
00:08:01,685 --> 00:08:02,765
-What's yours?
-[Clare] Uh...
180
00:08:02,845 --> 00:08:05,485
Can I p-please get one--one fish supper
and one cowboy special,
181
00:08:05,565 --> 00:08:08,125
-please, Fionnula, thank you, please?
-It'll be ready when it's ready.
182
00:08:08,205 --> 00:08:11,365
Well, Jenny Joyce was talking through
her fat hole about this trust fund thing.
183
00:08:11,445 --> 00:08:13,685
-[Fionnula] What's yours?
-Don't rush me, Fionnula.
184
00:08:14,805 --> 00:08:17,285
Where the fuck are we going
to get the money for Paris now?
185
00:08:17,365 --> 00:08:18,845
We could sell our organs.
186
00:08:18,925 --> 00:08:21,605
We could. We could sell our organs.
187
00:08:21,685 --> 00:08:24,165
Or, and forgive me
if this is a bit left field,
188
00:08:24,245 --> 00:08:26,405
but could we not, you know, get jobs?
189
00:08:26,485 --> 00:08:27,525
There are no jobs in Derry.
190
00:08:27,605 --> 00:08:30,525
-That's all you hear anybody say.
-So what are these?
191
00:08:31,965 --> 00:08:35,205
I never really looked at this before.
I assumed they were all dead cat posters.
192
00:08:35,285 --> 00:08:38,085
-Missing cat posters.
-If you're an optimist.
193
00:08:38,165 --> 00:08:41,525
I'm not sure if I'd be suited to any
of these. They're all very practical,
194
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:43,445
and I'm just more... creative.
195
00:08:43,525 --> 00:08:45,125
You're more of a slabber.
196
00:08:50,885 --> 00:08:52,125
Fuck's sake.
197
00:08:52,205 --> 00:08:54,365
I think other people
are onto this thing, girls.
198
00:08:54,445 --> 00:08:56,925
-Oi! I'll not ask you again.
-A large cowboy, Fionnula.
199
00:08:57,005 --> 00:08:59,365
-And don't be shy with the salt now.
-What about the wee limey?
200
00:08:59,445 --> 00:09:00,485
Well, dicko?
201
00:09:01,965 --> 00:09:03,525
I'm okay, thanks.
202
00:09:03,605 --> 00:09:05,925
-What?
-I don't really want anything.
203
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:07,005
You don't want anything?
204
00:09:07,085 --> 00:09:08,725
How could you not want anything?
It's lovely.
205
00:09:08,805 --> 00:09:11,685
-I don't really fancy it, that's all.
-I don't understand.
206
00:09:11,765 --> 00:09:15,445
-Are you not feeling well, James?
-I don't like it, okay?
207
00:09:15,525 --> 00:09:18,925
It's too greasy!
It's much, much too greasy!
208
00:09:19,005 --> 00:09:23,005
Even the smell of it
makes me feel physically sick.
209
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,765
I'm sorry that you had to hear that,
Fionnula.
210
00:09:27,405 --> 00:09:29,045
You're a fucking embarrassment.
211
00:09:29,125 --> 00:09:30,885
Get him out of here.
212
00:09:30,965 --> 00:09:32,285
[Michelle] You heard the woman.
213
00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:34,365
♪ Ah, push it ♪
214
00:09:34,445 --> 00:09:36,045
♪ Push it real good ♪
215
00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:37,925
[Colm] There was a knock at the door.
216
00:09:38,005 --> 00:09:39,045
This must have been...
217
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,525
ah, we're talking eight, half-eight,
218
00:09:41,605 --> 00:09:43,285
for I was halfway through me dinner.
219
00:09:43,805 --> 00:09:45,725
And up I got to open it.
220
00:09:46,165 --> 00:09:49,165
And there they both were, large as life.
221
00:09:49,925 --> 00:09:51,285
And the taller fella...
222
00:09:51,565 --> 00:09:54,445
though, to be fair, there was
no more than an inch in it.
223
00:09:54,525 --> 00:09:55,525
Jesus wept.
224
00:09:55,605 --> 00:09:59,325
The slightly taller fella,
he says to me, says he,
225
00:09:59,405 --> 00:10:02,005
-"Do you know who we are?"
-How's a body supposed to enjoy dinner?
226
00:10:02,085 --> 00:10:05,645
And I says to him, says I,
"Well, I can't be sure now,
227
00:10:05,725 --> 00:10:08,245
but maybe if you took off
the balaclavas."
228
00:10:08,805 --> 00:10:12,125
And then he says to me,
the slightly taller fella does,
229
00:10:12,205 --> 00:10:14,445
he says, "Step aside. We're armed."
230
00:10:14,525 --> 00:10:15,685
Crass.
231
00:10:15,765 --> 00:10:18,205
And that's when the smaller fella,
232
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,965
although, as I say,
we're talking an inch...
233
00:10:20,045 --> 00:10:22,045
-[whispers] Mammy, make it stop.
-...inch and a half at most.
234
00:10:22,125 --> 00:10:24,765
-I need a drink.
-He has the bright idea
235
00:10:24,845 --> 00:10:26,605
of tying me to the radiator, you see.
236
00:10:27,285 --> 00:10:29,405
And I remember saying to myself, says I,
237
00:10:29,485 --> 00:10:34,045
"Colm, it's a good job you have
the economy seven on the old timer,
238
00:10:34,125 --> 00:10:35,645
or you'd be roasted here."
239
00:10:35,725 --> 00:10:37,805
Did you go for the economy seven
in the end, Colm?
240
00:10:37,885 --> 00:10:40,165
I thought you says the hot water settings
were a minefield.
241
00:10:40,245 --> 00:10:42,405
For the love of God, Sarah,
no diversions, please.
242
00:10:42,485 --> 00:10:44,605
Aye, come on, let's pack it up.
They tied you to the heater.
243
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,045
They did indeed.
244
00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:49,125
And there I am,
shackled to the thermostatic valve
245
00:10:49,205 --> 00:10:50,325
with me new shoelaces,
246
00:10:50,405 --> 00:10:53,125
when one of them,
the smaller fella--
247
00:10:53,205 --> 00:10:55,845
-or, hang on, maybe it was the--
-Doesn't matter, Colm.
248
00:10:55,925 --> 00:10:57,285
Well, it was one of the two.
249
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,245
He's looking for the keys to the van,
250
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,925
all ranting and raving
and getting himself all worked up,
251
00:11:03,005 --> 00:11:06,645
threatening to set fire
to my good chaise longue and all sorts.
252
00:11:07,085 --> 00:11:10,725
By Jesus, they were absolutely desperate
to borrow the van.
253
00:11:10,805 --> 00:11:12,885
Colm, they didn't "borrow" your van.
254
00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:14,205
They stole your van,
255
00:11:14,285 --> 00:11:16,205
used it to move arms
across the border,
256
00:11:16,285 --> 00:11:17,365
and then they blew it up.
257
00:11:17,445 --> 00:11:19,645
Aye. Nightmare altogether.
258
00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:22,205
Or diabolique, as they say in France.
259
00:11:22,285 --> 00:11:24,725
Or, "You're still not going to Paris,"
as they say in Derry.
260
00:11:24,805 --> 00:11:26,965
Ach, well, I'm delighted for you, Colm.
261
00:11:27,045 --> 00:11:29,445
-What?
-Well, I just mean that,
262
00:11:29,525 --> 00:11:32,765
well, before he had nothing
really going for him,
263
00:11:32,845 --> 00:11:36,325
but now, well, now he is somebody.
264
00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:39,565
Now he's the fella
that got tied to his own radiator.
265
00:11:39,645 --> 00:11:41,565
-Thanks, Sarah.
-[Sarah] We should ring UTV,
266
00:11:41,645 --> 00:11:43,405
get them to do an interview.
267
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,285
When Shauna Sharkey was interviewed--
268
00:11:45,365 --> 00:11:47,765
do you mind the time where
her and her brother got hijacked?
269
00:11:47,845 --> 00:11:50,485
Well, Fionnula gave her free chips
for a month.
270
00:11:50,565 --> 00:11:52,485
-You're joking.
-Honest to God.
271
00:11:52,565 --> 00:11:54,005
-[doorbell rings]
-I'll go.
272
00:11:57,085 --> 00:12:00,925
You will never guess
what she's done this time, Erin.
273
00:12:01,005 --> 00:12:03,565
Did she nick the noticeboard
from the chip shop, Clare?
274
00:12:05,605 --> 00:12:07,845
♪ You're unbelievable ♪
275
00:12:07,925 --> 00:12:09,885
Fionnula was out the back, cashing up.
276
00:12:09,965 --> 00:12:13,245
I sneaked in, yanked it off the wall
and away I went.
277
00:12:13,325 --> 00:12:15,325
I was like a thief in the night.
278
00:12:15,405 --> 00:12:16,445
[scoffing]
279
00:12:16,525 --> 00:12:18,405
You were "like" a thief in the night?
280
00:12:18,485 --> 00:12:20,645
You actually were a thief in the night,
281
00:12:20,725 --> 00:12:22,885
and you stole from Fionnula,
of all people.
282
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:23,965
Fionnula!
283
00:12:24,045 --> 00:12:26,485
I once saw her punch a Rottweiler,
Michelle.
284
00:12:26,565 --> 00:12:28,765
If she finds out about this,
she'll kill you.
285
00:12:28,845 --> 00:12:31,605
Kill us. You're an accessory
after the fact now,
286
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:33,125
-my friend.
-God!
287
00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:35,325
Can I ask why you stole the noticeboard?
288
00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:37,365
So we get first dibs on all the jobs.
289
00:12:37,445 --> 00:12:40,845
[James] Wouldn't it have been easier
to just remove the notices?
290
00:12:40,925 --> 00:12:42,805
They're only Blu Tacked on.
291
00:12:44,365 --> 00:12:45,485
Fuck off, dickweed.
292
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,445
[Erin] Christ, what possessed you,
Michelle?
293
00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:50,645
Yeah, the more I talk about it
and the more I sober up...
294
00:12:51,405 --> 00:12:53,605
-the less sure I am, really.
-[Clare] You were drunk?
295
00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:55,005
[Erin] Brilliant!
296
00:12:55,085 --> 00:12:57,325
Fuck. We're not like Jenny Joyce.
297
00:12:57,405 --> 00:12:59,965
Nobody is just going to hand us things.
298
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,765
But that doesn't mean
we shouldn't have things.
299
00:13:02,845 --> 00:13:04,285
Come on, Clare.
300
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,005
[French music plays]
301
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:08,925
I know how much you've dreamed
of seeing the Arc de...
302
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,645
whatever the fuck it's called.
303
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:12,085
James...
304
00:13:13,165 --> 00:13:16,285
I know how much you want to practice
the shit out of the past participle.
305
00:13:16,685 --> 00:13:17,685
Orla...
306
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:22,125
you really, really buzz
off those Renault Clio ads.
307
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:23,965
And you, Erin.
308
00:13:24,485 --> 00:13:28,205
Well... you're just riding
Charlene Kavanagh.
309
00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:29,685
I'm not riding her.
310
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,645
I just think it might be time I moved on,
friendship-wise.
311
00:13:32,725 --> 00:13:34,765
You are aware you're talking
to your current friends?
312
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:37,965
We can't give up on Paris.
313
00:13:38,045 --> 00:13:40,725
Let's do this, girls.
Let's just make it happen.
314
00:13:40,805 --> 00:13:42,605
God, I've never seen you so fired up.
315
00:13:42,685 --> 00:13:44,845
I will buck a French lad, Erin.
316
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,085
I will buck a French lad,
so help me God.
317
00:13:49,445 --> 00:13:52,205
So, firstly we have the tutoring.
318
00:13:52,285 --> 00:13:53,645
And out of everyone,
319
00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:56,405
I thought you might be best suited to
that, Clare, because--
320
00:13:56,485 --> 00:13:57,845
I'm the brightest.
321
00:13:57,925 --> 00:14:00,885
Well, in that conventional sort of way,
I suppose.
322
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,325
There's also some babysitting.
323
00:14:02,405 --> 00:14:03,525
The child will be in bed,
324
00:14:03,605 --> 00:14:06,565
so you should just about be able
to manage that, Michelle.
325
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:09,525
[Michelle] Oh, thanks. And you should
just about be able to manage this.
326
00:14:09,605 --> 00:14:11,005
Always the lady.
327
00:14:11,085 --> 00:14:14,485
There's also some gardening,
mowing a lawn, et cetera.
328
00:14:14,565 --> 00:14:17,205
This will require a bit of muscle, so...
329
00:14:17,885 --> 00:14:20,005
you should take that one, Orla.
330
00:14:20,085 --> 00:14:21,885
No, I should do that one.
331
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:23,645
It's a man's job, Erin. I'm a man.
332
00:14:23,725 --> 00:14:26,165
-That's debatable.
-I'm more of a man than Orla.
333
00:14:26,245 --> 00:14:28,285
I do not accept that.
334
00:14:28,365 --> 00:14:29,485
Come on, Erin.
335
00:14:29,565 --> 00:14:33,525
Fine. So, that leaves dog-walking and
washing a car.
336
00:14:33,605 --> 00:14:34,885
Is it a Renault Clio?
337
00:14:34,965 --> 00:14:37,685
-No.
-I'll take the dogs.
338
00:14:37,765 --> 00:14:38,965
Okay.
339
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,725
["Little Green Bag"
by George baker Selection plays]
340
00:14:42,325 --> 00:14:43,845
Let's go to work.
341
00:14:47,405 --> 00:14:48,845
♪ Yeah ♪
342
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:57,725
♪ Looking back on the track
For a little green bag ♪
343
00:14:57,805 --> 00:15:02,325
♪ I got to find just the kind
Or losing my mind ♪
344
00:15:02,405 --> 00:15:07,365
♪ Out of sight in the night
Out of sight in the day... ♪
345
00:15:07,445 --> 00:15:09,445
You thieving wee fuckers!
346
00:15:17,165 --> 00:15:20,365
-[Michelle] How did you find out?
-Doesn't matter how she found out.
347
00:15:20,445 --> 00:15:23,685
That's not what's important, what's
important is that we are all deeply--
348
00:15:23,765 --> 00:15:26,605
-Her mother rang me.
-You told your ma?
349
00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:28,845
Okay, I cracked.
350
00:15:28,925 --> 00:15:30,485
I couldn't handle it, and I cracked.
351
00:15:30,565 --> 00:15:32,605
-For fuck's sake, Clare.
-Enough!
352
00:15:33,125 --> 00:15:34,405
Where do we go from here?
353
00:15:34,485 --> 00:15:37,005
Mary, look, you're family.
354
00:15:37,485 --> 00:15:39,005
Well, you're good people.
355
00:15:39,365 --> 00:15:40,565
Well, you're decent people.
356
00:15:41,205 --> 00:15:42,485
But I have to set an example.
357
00:15:43,045 --> 00:15:44,605
No. Dear God, no.
358
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,285
You're not talking about a ban.
359
00:15:46,365 --> 00:15:47,565
[whispers] Yes.
360
00:15:47,645 --> 00:15:50,045
Let's call it a suspension.
I'm sorry, Mary.
361
00:15:50,125 --> 00:15:53,725
Ach, Fionnula. What about you?
I thought I could smell vinegar.
362
00:15:53,805 --> 00:15:58,805
I'm just on my way to meet our Colm here.
I'm a nervous wreck.
363
00:15:58,885 --> 00:16:01,885
We're doing this interview, you see,
for UTV.
364
00:16:01,965 --> 00:16:05,005
-I'm going to be on UTV, Fionnula.
-Save your breath, Sarah.
365
00:16:05,085 --> 00:16:07,005
There'll be no free chips.
366
00:16:07,085 --> 00:16:08,645
There'll be no chips, full stop.
367
00:16:08,725 --> 00:16:10,245
Excuse me?
368
00:16:10,325 --> 00:16:12,565
What do you expect me to do on a Friday,
Fionnula? Cook?
369
00:16:12,645 --> 00:16:14,925
-You expect me to cook?
-You could order a pizza.
370
00:16:15,005 --> 00:16:16,725
-Pizza is not as nice.
-[Mary] No.
371
00:16:16,805 --> 00:16:20,045
You are right, Orla.
Pizza is not as nice.
372
00:16:20,125 --> 00:16:22,005
Maybe you should have
all thought about that.
373
00:16:23,845 --> 00:16:25,445
Is there nothing we can do?
374
00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:28,365
["Little Green Bag" resumes]
375
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:31,285
So, not only are we not going to Paris,
376
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,405
we're spending our Sunday scrubbing
Fionnula's fucking fish hole for free.
377
00:16:34,485 --> 00:16:37,445
Aye, and she'll be back from Eucharist
soon, so get a shift on.
378
00:16:37,525 --> 00:16:38,965
It's slave labor, Erin.
379
00:16:39,045 --> 00:16:42,325
It's worse than slave labor.
We're not even getting paid.
380
00:16:42,405 --> 00:16:43,845
Look, Mammy had to cut some sort of deal.
381
00:16:43,925 --> 00:16:46,525
Would living without fried food
really be so bad?
382
00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:47,645
[all] Yes!
383
00:16:49,045 --> 00:16:50,445
She wouldn't actually have banned us.
She was bluffing.
384
00:16:50,525 --> 00:16:52,005
She's not bluffing, Michelle.
385
00:16:52,085 --> 00:16:54,805
-Didn't she ban the McGuigan twins?
-Seriously?
386
00:16:54,885 --> 00:16:56,805
Sure. That's why they lost all the weight.
387
00:16:57,845 --> 00:17:00,205
Right, girls. No dicking about.
388
00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:01,805
["All Right" by Supergrass plays]
389
00:17:02,365 --> 00:17:05,005
We need to leave this place
fucking spotless.
390
00:17:06,045 --> 00:17:07,765
♪ We are young ♪
391
00:17:07,845 --> 00:17:09,245
♪ We run green ♪
392
00:17:09,325 --> 00:17:12,565
♪ Keep our teeth nice and clean ♪
393
00:17:12,645 --> 00:17:15,725
♪ See our friends
See the sights ♪
394
00:17:15,805 --> 00:17:18,525
♪ Feel all right ♪
395
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:22,205
♪ We wake up, we go out ♪
396
00:17:22,285 --> 00:17:25,445
♪ Smoke a fag, put it out ♪
397
00:17:25,525 --> 00:17:28,645
♪ See our friends
See the sights ♪
398
00:17:28,725 --> 00:17:30,725
♪ Feel all right ♪
399
00:17:33,445 --> 00:17:35,605
♪ Are we like you? ♪
400
00:17:35,685 --> 00:17:38,165
♪ I can't be sure ♪
401
00:17:38,245 --> 00:17:41,805
♪ Of the scene
As she turns ♪
402
00:17:41,885 --> 00:17:43,125
♪ We are strange ♪
403
00:17:43,205 --> 00:17:44,485
Fuck this.
404
00:17:54,605 --> 00:17:57,325
-[sprays]
-It's still sticky.
405
00:17:58,125 --> 00:17:59,325
How?
406
00:17:59,405 --> 00:18:01,605
How is it still sticky?
407
00:18:02,285 --> 00:18:04,565
Is it worse than when we started?
408
00:18:06,725 --> 00:18:08,285
I think it might be, yeah.
409
00:18:08,365 --> 00:18:10,725
-Great.
-[James] Oh, I see.
410
00:18:11,245 --> 00:18:14,005
Yeah. This isn't Windolene.
411
00:18:14,085 --> 00:18:15,085
This is...
412
00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:17,445
This is mayonnaise.
413
00:18:18,085 --> 00:18:19,245
Great work, folks.
414
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,045
Absolutely brilliant.
415
00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:23,605
Well done, everyone.
416
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,245
It's been a productive morning.
417
00:18:26,325 --> 00:18:29,085
Fionnula will be absolutely thrilled.
418
00:18:29,165 --> 00:18:31,405
[muffled dance music blaring]
419
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,965
All right?
420
00:18:55,445 --> 00:18:56,965
-[turns music off]
-Boo!
421
00:18:57,045 --> 00:18:59,645
-Where did you get all this?
-[Michelle] Fionnula's cupboard.
422
00:18:59,725 --> 00:19:01,805
I think she might have a bit of a problem.
423
00:19:01,885 --> 00:19:04,605
You think Fionnula
might have a bit of a problem?
424
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,045
Put it away and get back downstairs, now.
425
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:09,965
-Sit yourselves down. Have a wee drink.
-No, Michelle. It's wrong.
426
00:19:10,045 --> 00:19:13,125
So are those ski pants, Clare, didn't stop
you pulling them over your hole.
427
00:19:14,085 --> 00:19:15,125
Wait for it.
428
00:19:18,205 --> 00:19:21,165
-Michelle!
-Don't be a shower of bore bags.
429
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:25,085
Sláinte, motherfuckers.
430
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,285
-No, no, no, no!
-Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
431
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:28,445
[gasps]
432
00:19:31,325 --> 00:19:33,285
[flames roaring]
433
00:19:40,205 --> 00:19:43,885
Are you throwing alcohol on it?
Are you actually throwing alcohol on it?
434
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:46,285
And what in the name of God
are you doing, seasoning it?
435
00:20:06,965 --> 00:20:08,565
-Wow.
-[Clare coughs]
436
00:20:08,645 --> 00:20:12,445
On a scale of one to ten,
how dead do you think we are?
437
00:20:15,125 --> 00:20:17,685
[Colm, on TV] The taller fella.
Well, it was one of the two.
438
00:20:17,765 --> 00:20:20,165
Anyway, he says to me, says he...
439
00:20:20,245 --> 00:20:23,205
-It's the truth, Mammy.
-Erin, if you expect me to believe
440
00:20:23,285 --> 00:20:25,605
that Michelle tripped
while carrying a scented candle,
441
00:20:25,685 --> 00:20:27,605
you must think I came up
the Foyle in a bubble.
442
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,565
[Sarah on TV] My uncle
still finds it all quite difficult
443
00:20:30,645 --> 00:20:32,565
-to talk about.
-It's my bit! It's my bit!
444
00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:36,365
-What are we going to do?
-Oh, for God's sake, Mary, would you look?
445
00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:38,085
You're missing my big moment.
446
00:20:38,165 --> 00:20:40,965
Two gunmen of roughly the same height
447
00:20:41,045 --> 00:20:44,445
kicked his door down
and tied him to the radiator
448
00:20:44,525 --> 00:20:46,205
with his own shoelaces.
449
00:20:46,285 --> 00:20:49,725
He'd barely had those shoelaces
a week, John.
450
00:20:49,805 --> 00:20:52,405
They threatened him
with physical violence.
451
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:57,845
They threatened to burn his house down
before manhandling...
452
00:21:06,285 --> 00:21:08,805
Why would two gunmen break into a chippy?
453
00:21:08,885 --> 00:21:10,885
Ah! That really hurt.
454
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:13,125
-You're such a pussy.
-What were they looking for?
455
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:14,565
Chips, obviously.
456
00:21:14,645 --> 00:21:17,125
They were looking for the keys to the van.
Keep up, Erin.
457
00:21:17,205 --> 00:21:19,005
Do you think we should
knock them about a bit?
458
00:21:19,885 --> 00:21:22,725
-No.
-Nothing drastic. Just a few slaps.
459
00:21:22,805 --> 00:21:24,085
I said no, Sarah.
460
00:21:24,165 --> 00:21:26,965
-What, not even the wee gay fella?
-I'm not gay.
461
00:21:27,045 --> 00:21:30,005
Okay, that should do it. Ready?
462
00:21:30,085 --> 00:21:31,845
I hate to be a health and safety stickler,
463
00:21:31,925 --> 00:21:34,605
but surely you're not actually planning
on leaving us, are you?
464
00:21:34,685 --> 00:21:36,485
-[door slams]
-[footsteps]
465
00:21:37,765 --> 00:21:40,125
[whispers] Back door.
Back door. Back door.
466
00:21:40,845 --> 00:21:42,365
Hurry up.
467
00:21:42,445 --> 00:21:44,405
[man sings in French]
468
00:21:53,525 --> 00:21:55,445
[gasping]
469
00:21:55,525 --> 00:21:58,245
-[door rattles]
-[Mary whispering] Push it, push it.
470
00:21:58,325 --> 00:22:00,765
-[Sarah] I'm pushing! I'm pushing it!
-[Mary] Hurry up!
471
00:22:00,845 --> 00:22:02,525
[Sarah] It's locked!
472
00:22:08,045 --> 00:22:10,525
What the fuck's going on here, exactly?
473
00:22:10,605 --> 00:22:12,085
Okay...
474
00:22:12,725 --> 00:22:14,245
um, all right.
475
00:22:15,365 --> 00:22:17,805
Well, what happened was...
476
00:22:19,045 --> 00:22:22,005
Michelle was carrying
this scented candle...
477
00:22:22,085 --> 00:22:24,565
["Never Gonna Get It" by En Vogue plays]
478
00:22:25,325 --> 00:22:26,765
It's just not as nice.
479
00:22:32,045 --> 00:22:33,525
♪ No, you're never gonna get it ♪
480
00:22:33,605 --> 00:22:35,805
-♪ Ow! ♪
-♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
481
00:22:35,885 --> 00:22:38,245
-♪ No, not this time ♪
-♪ No, you're never gonna get it ♪
482
00:22:38,325 --> 00:22:40,845
-♪ My love ♪
-♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
483
00:22:42,005 --> 00:22:44,165
♪ No, you're never gonna get it ♪
-♪ Ow! ♪
484
00:22:44,245 --> 00:22:46,885
-♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
-♪ Not this time ♪
485
00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:49,045
-♪ No, you're never gonna get it ♪
-♪ My love ♪
486
00:22:49,125 --> 00:22:50,845
♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
487
00:22:50,925 --> 00:22:53,365
♪ Ooh bop ♪