1
00:00:11,485 --> 00:00:13,325
I just can't get my head around it.
2
00:00:14,125 --> 00:00:17,285
The fact that he's gone... forever.
3
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:20,165
It's so sad, it really is.
It is so, so sad.
4
00:00:20,245 --> 00:00:22,725
But at the same time,
what's done is done, so let's crack on.
5
00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:24,485
Well, I'm sorry, Clare.
6
00:00:24,565 --> 00:00:28,125
Has his sudden, tragic death
interrupted your studies?
7
00:00:28,205 --> 00:00:29,485
It has a bit, actually, yeah.
8
00:00:30,765 --> 00:00:33,645
-How can you be so heartless?
-Don't cry, Erin.
9
00:00:33,725 --> 00:00:35,965
He's in a better place now.
10
00:00:36,045 --> 00:00:39,405
Unless he's not, you know,
because unless he's gone to hell.
11
00:00:39,485 --> 00:00:42,725
Can we please talk about something else?
I'm half torn. This is wrecking my head.
12
00:00:42,805 --> 00:00:45,645
-What? Have you been drinking?
-Yes, I have.
13
00:00:46,165 --> 00:00:50,045
And for future reference, if any of you
invite me to a study sleepover again,
14
00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:52,325
and I'm desperate enough
to accept that invitation,
15
00:00:52,405 --> 00:00:55,325
there's a good chance I'll have
a liter bottle of Pernod in my bag.
16
00:00:55,405 --> 00:00:57,405
I shouldn't even have to sit the exam,
17
00:00:57,485 --> 00:01:01,645
-on, you know, compassionate grounds.
-He was a dog, Erin!
18
00:01:01,725 --> 00:01:04,165
Toto was much more than a dog.
19
00:01:04,245 --> 00:01:06,245
-[can hissing open]
-Toto was my best friend.
20
00:01:06,325 --> 00:01:07,765
Christ, I feel a bit bokey.
21
00:01:12,685 --> 00:01:16,725
Sweet suffering Jesus. It's the morning
already?! What are we going to do?
22
00:01:16,805 --> 00:01:18,925
Maybe we could start
with calming the fuck down.
23
00:01:19,005 --> 00:01:20,205
Calm down?
24
00:01:20,285 --> 00:01:23,565
We're still on William of Orange!
We haven't so much looked at the famine!
25
00:01:23,645 --> 00:01:26,285
We've got the gist. They ran out of spuds,
everyone was raging.
26
00:01:26,365 --> 00:01:29,285
Well, I can't tell
my rebellions from my risings.
27
00:01:29,365 --> 00:01:33,245
Whose fault's that? If your lot stopped
invading us for five fucking minutes,
28
00:01:33,325 --> 00:01:35,845
there'd be a lot less to wade through,
you English prick.
29
00:01:35,925 --> 00:01:37,885
[Clare, panting] Nothing's going in.
30
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,605
Nothing is going in,
and every time I try to make notes it...
31
00:01:42,485 --> 00:01:44,285
[whispers] What's happening to me?
32
00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:46,845
There's quite a lot of caffeine in those,
Clare.
33
00:01:46,925 --> 00:01:50,205
-How many of them have you had?
-I don't know. Five? Twenty-three?
34
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:54,405
[laughs] We are all so fucked.
35
00:01:54,485 --> 00:01:59,485
[rock music]
36
00:02:00,285 --> 00:02:02,645
Now, more bacon, anyone?
Another sausage?
37
00:02:02,725 --> 00:02:04,845
Wee omelet, maybe? Anything at all.
38
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,685
It's absolutely no bother.
39
00:02:06,765 --> 00:02:09,205
-I'll have a cup of tea, Joe.
-Make your own tea.
40
00:02:09,885 --> 00:02:11,405
Yeah, I'll do that.
41
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:16,125
-You stay over, too, son?
-Yes, I did. That's correct, sir.
42
00:02:16,685 --> 00:02:17,925
What, in your room?
43
00:02:19,125 --> 00:02:22,005
Have you nothing to say about this,
you slack southern shite?
44
00:02:22,085 --> 00:02:25,045
-Look, love, I know the fella's gay...
-I'm not gay.
45
00:02:25,125 --> 00:02:28,165
-...but gay or not, he's still a fella.
-Who said I was gay?
46
00:02:28,965 --> 00:02:31,285
There's still a good chance
that he's a rapist.
47
00:02:31,365 --> 00:02:33,765
-I mean no offense, son.
-[door opens and closes]
48
00:02:33,845 --> 00:02:36,605
-Well, that's that done.
-God rest his wee soul.
49
00:02:36,685 --> 00:02:39,565
Ach, don't talk to me.
50
00:02:39,645 --> 00:02:41,245
I was in bits last night.
51
00:02:41,325 --> 00:02:43,845
Didn't even manage my Chinese.
52
00:02:43,925 --> 00:02:46,005
Poor Tonto.
53
00:02:46,085 --> 00:02:47,285
Toto.
54
00:02:47,365 --> 00:02:48,845
His name was Toto, Aunt Sarah.
55
00:02:48,925 --> 00:02:52,765
Aye, nightmare, so it is.
Da, do us a bacon butty, would you?
56
00:02:52,845 --> 00:02:55,725
-My stomach thinks my throat's cut here.
-Surely, love.
57
00:02:55,805 --> 00:02:58,525
Jesus, the pets are getting it left,
right and center at the minute.
58
00:02:58,605 --> 00:03:01,005
-Maureen Malarkey's Tigger passed away.
-[slams cooking pan]
59
00:03:01,085 --> 00:03:03,045
We do not utter
that woman's name in this house.
60
00:03:03,125 --> 00:03:05,245
Ach, Da, not the bingo thing still.
61
00:03:05,325 --> 00:03:06,565
She's a cheating old bitch.
62
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,165
How can you cheat at bingo, Granda?
63
00:03:08,245 --> 00:03:10,925
Her nephew brought her this pen
back from New Jersey.
64
00:03:11,005 --> 00:03:14,605
It changes the numbers.
I'm telling you, It's witchcraft, Mary.
65
00:03:14,685 --> 00:03:16,925
We'll hear no more about the magic pen.
66
00:03:17,525 --> 00:03:20,605
Now come on, girls, eat up. You'll need
all your energy for the big exam.
67
00:03:20,685 --> 00:03:23,445
[scoffs] We'll need a miracle
for the big exam.
68
00:03:24,325 --> 00:03:26,925
Mammy, what happened to Toto...
69
00:03:27,965 --> 00:03:30,285
it's just hit me so hard,
70
00:03:31,005 --> 00:03:35,205
and I'm worried
it might affect my performance.
71
00:03:36,245 --> 00:03:37,245
Come here, love.
72
00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:43,085
Look, if you fail the exam, I promise you,
73
00:03:43,845 --> 00:03:46,445
there'll be a nice wee plot
out there with your name on it.
74
00:03:48,805 --> 00:03:50,085
[Erin] It's abuse.
75
00:03:50,165 --> 00:03:52,405
That's what it is.
It's abusive.
76
00:03:52,485 --> 00:03:55,645
Does anybody have 10p?
I'm ringing Childline.
77
00:03:55,725 --> 00:03:58,645
[Michelle] You can't ring Childline every
time your ma threatens to kill you, Erin.
78
00:03:58,725 --> 00:04:00,965
Yeah, you can't waste
Esther's time like that.
79
00:04:01,045 --> 00:04:03,565
And anyway, you're not alone.
We're all going to fail.
80
00:04:03,645 --> 00:04:06,645
We're all going to get our holes kicked,
and we are all in the same boat.
81
00:04:06,725 --> 00:04:08,005
I don't want to be in that boat.
82
00:04:08,085 --> 00:04:11,125
I want to be in a different boat,
sailing down a totally different river.
83
00:04:11,205 --> 00:04:13,245
Guys, all we can do is try our best.
84
00:04:13,325 --> 00:04:15,845
-Ach, don't be such a fruit, James.
-Oh, my God, look.
85
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,725
Doesn't that dog look like Toto?
86
00:04:19,805 --> 00:04:21,965
I suppose it does a bit, yeah.
87
00:04:22,045 --> 00:04:23,485
Looks exactly like him.
88
00:04:24,085 --> 00:04:25,005
Here, boy!
89
00:04:26,285 --> 00:04:28,205
Come here, boy! Here, boy!
90
00:04:28,285 --> 00:04:30,805
Come here, boy! Here, boy!
Come here!
91
00:04:30,885 --> 00:04:33,045
Here, boy! Here, boy!
92
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:34,765
[Orla] What are we doing?
93
00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:37,325
-[Michelle] Don't know. I'm still pished.
-[Orla] Aye!
94
00:04:37,405 --> 00:04:39,965
-[Clare] We're going to be late, Erin!
-[Erin] But it's freaky.
95
00:04:40,045 --> 00:04:41,725
Don't you think it's so freaky?
96
00:04:41,805 --> 00:04:44,645
[Clare] No! It's just a dog
that looks a bit like another dog.
97
00:04:44,725 --> 00:04:46,765
-[Erin] Quick! Come on!
-[church bell tolling]
98
00:04:57,725 --> 00:04:59,045
Where did he go?
99
00:04:59,125 --> 00:05:00,605
I don't really give a flying fuck.
100
00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:01,845
Listen, you.
101
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,205
Yes, Mrs. Malarkey?
102
00:05:04,285 --> 00:05:08,205
You give that grandfather
of yours a message from me.
103
00:05:09,445 --> 00:05:13,765
You tell him to keep
his bloody mouth shut about my pen!
104
00:05:13,845 --> 00:05:16,765
-Okay.
-[ominous organ music]
105
00:05:20,285 --> 00:05:22,765
And I want my baking tray back!
106
00:05:23,605 --> 00:05:24,965
[door slams]
107
00:05:26,925 --> 00:05:29,205
Of course.
Trying to butter up the big woman.
108
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:33,125
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is
with thee. Blessed art thou among--
109
00:05:33,205 --> 00:05:36,245
-Oh, now you'll definitely pass.
-[Clare] It was worth a try!
110
00:05:36,325 --> 00:05:37,565
Aye.
111
00:05:40,485 --> 00:05:43,365
I'm not going to bother with
any "never sin again" material,
112
00:05:43,445 --> 00:05:45,565
because let's face it,
we've been there before.
113
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,525
You know it's balls. I know it's balls.
114
00:05:47,605 --> 00:05:48,765
[gasps]
115
00:05:48,845 --> 00:05:50,525
Oh, my God.
116
00:05:50,605 --> 00:05:53,045
-What is it?
-She... she...
117
00:05:53,765 --> 00:05:55,445
I saw with my own eyes.
118
00:05:55,565 --> 00:05:58,405
-Saw what?
-She smirked!
119
00:05:58,485 --> 00:06:00,485
-Who, big M?
-Aye.
120
00:06:00,565 --> 00:06:01,765
She just smirked at me.
121
00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,165
Are you sure you didn't just--
122
00:06:03,245 --> 00:06:05,445
Jesus! Me, too.
123
00:06:05,525 --> 00:06:07,005
She just smirked at me, too.
124
00:06:07,565 --> 00:06:11,045
-Why isn't she smirking at me?
-She isn't smirking at anyone, James.
125
00:06:11,125 --> 00:06:12,205
I just saw it, too!
126
00:06:12,885 --> 00:06:16,085
-The holy smirk, thanks be to God.
-You're imagining it.
127
00:06:16,165 --> 00:06:18,005
Three of us saw it, Erin.
How do you explain that?
128
00:06:18,085 --> 00:06:19,805
Sleep deprivation.
129
00:06:19,885 --> 00:06:21,285
Pernod.
130
00:06:21,365 --> 00:06:25,485
-Delusional personality disorder.
-[dog barks]
131
00:06:25,565 --> 00:06:26,765
There you are.
132
00:06:29,605 --> 00:06:31,645
Here, boy! Here, boy!
133
00:06:37,205 --> 00:06:39,205
I mean, it's uncanny.
134
00:06:39,645 --> 00:06:41,725
Okay, let's do it together.
135
00:06:41,805 --> 00:06:42,805
Everyone look away.
136
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:44,885
Right. So, on three...
137
00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:47,205
One...
138
00:06:47,285 --> 00:06:48,765
No, no, no, no.
139
00:06:49,525 --> 00:06:53,525
-[Michelle] Two...
-I mean, have a bit of respect.
140
00:06:53,605 --> 00:06:55,405
-Three.
-[gasps]
141
00:06:55,485 --> 00:06:58,525
-[angelic choir vocalizing]
-[Michelle] No way.
142
00:06:58,605 --> 00:07:00,205
What now?
143
00:07:03,325 --> 00:07:04,605
She's crying.
144
00:07:05,765 --> 00:07:07,725
She's crying real tears.
145
00:07:09,405 --> 00:07:13,725
Oh, God, please. Oh, God, no, this is bad.
146
00:07:13,805 --> 00:07:17,205
I said we needed a miracle,
and behold, we have been given one.
147
00:07:17,285 --> 00:07:19,605
This isn't a miracle, Clare.
148
00:07:19,685 --> 00:07:21,845
-The exam, Erin.
-Fuck the exam. Sorry.
149
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:24,005
-Listen... the thing is...
-This is huge, Clare.
150
00:07:24,085 --> 00:07:26,765
Do you really think they're going
to make us sit an exam after seeing this?
151
00:07:28,725 --> 00:07:31,325
-You may have a point.
-Of course I have a point.
152
00:07:32,045 --> 00:07:34,685
We are the motherfucking children
of Fatima, people.
153
00:07:34,765 --> 00:07:36,685
[choir singing crescendos]
154
00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:42,925
[Sister Michael] Could you put me through
to Sister Thomas, please?
155
00:07:43,445 --> 00:07:45,605
Tommy!
156
00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:47,445
How are you?
157
00:07:47,525 --> 00:07:49,085
Yeah, not too bad.
158
00:07:49,765 --> 00:07:50,925
On retreat?
159
00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,365
Tsk. I don't know.
160
00:07:54,245 --> 00:07:55,965
I have judo on Friday.
Don't like to miss it.
161
00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,445
Now, I tell you why I'm ringing you.
162
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:02,245
So, we've had an alleged apparition here
this morning.
163
00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:06,525
Well, it's in the weeping statue category.
164
00:08:07,565 --> 00:08:08,565
Sure, I know.
165
00:08:09,085 --> 00:08:11,325
Yeah, apparently there was a smirk
as well.
166
00:08:11,405 --> 00:08:14,605
[chuckles] I mean, I'm not sure
what Our Lady of the Sorrows
167
00:08:14,685 --> 00:08:16,445
has to be smirking about,
but that's by the by.
168
00:08:16,525 --> 00:08:19,605
-Sister, priest is here.
-[Sister Michael] I'll call you back.
169
00:08:22,765 --> 00:08:24,285
Just a moment, ladies.
170
00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:27,765
[door closes]
171
00:08:28,645 --> 00:08:31,125
Listen, girls,
I didn't really think beyond the exam,
172
00:08:31,205 --> 00:08:32,685
or us getting out of doing it.
173
00:08:32,765 --> 00:08:34,125
Before this goes any further,
174
00:08:34,205 --> 00:08:36,925
before we talk to this priest,
there is something you need to know.
175
00:08:37,005 --> 00:08:39,125
[Sister Michael] Come in, Father.
176
00:08:46,565 --> 00:08:50,125
♪ Do you, do you, do you
Do you see the light? ♪
177
00:08:50,205 --> 00:08:52,005
♪ Do you, do you, do you ♪
178
00:08:52,085 --> 00:08:54,445
-[door closes]
-Fuck me.
179
00:08:54,525 --> 00:08:57,165
I like his shiny hair.
180
00:08:57,245 --> 00:09:00,925
So do I. I really like his shiny hair.
181
00:09:01,005 --> 00:09:03,325
-What were you saying, Erin?
-Nothing. Ignore me. Forget it.
182
00:09:04,165 --> 00:09:05,205
Hello, children.
183
00:09:05,285 --> 00:09:07,205
[all] Hello, Father.
184
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,125
Please, call me Peter.
185
00:09:09,205 --> 00:09:10,845
Christ.
186
00:09:11,365 --> 00:09:14,005
This is just going to be a very relaxed,
informal chat.
187
00:09:14,085 --> 00:09:17,805
I don't want you to think of me
as a priest. Think of me as a friend.
188
00:09:18,805 --> 00:09:20,085
Look.
189
00:09:20,845 --> 00:09:22,125
[girls gasp softly]
190
00:09:22,205 --> 00:09:24,245
-Just like you now.
-[all gasp]
191
00:09:24,325 --> 00:09:25,645
Dose.
192
00:09:25,725 --> 00:09:27,325
[Peter] So, before we begin,
193
00:09:27,405 --> 00:09:29,005
do you guys have any questions for me?
194
00:09:29,605 --> 00:09:32,205
Is that your real eye color
or are they contacts?
195
00:09:32,285 --> 00:09:33,645
These are my real eyes.
196
00:09:33,725 --> 00:09:35,605
-Oh.
-[Peter] Anyone else?
197
00:09:35,685 --> 00:09:36,685
Yes, James.
198
00:09:36,765 --> 00:09:40,005
-Is that a firm hold gel you're using?
-It's a mousse.
199
00:09:40,845 --> 00:09:42,525
-And where do you...
-Hair and Flair.
200
00:09:42,605 --> 00:09:45,245
-[James] Oh, I didn't realize-- Ah...
-They do a men's range.
201
00:09:45,805 --> 00:09:48,965
-Anyone else?
-Have you ever done any modeling?
202
00:09:49,045 --> 00:09:49,925
No.
203
00:09:51,685 --> 00:09:53,205
Does anyone have any questions about
204
00:09:53,285 --> 00:09:56,485
-what happened in the church this morning?
-No, I don't think so.
205
00:09:56,565 --> 00:09:57,565
-No.
-No.
206
00:09:57,645 --> 00:09:58,645
-Not really.
-No.
207
00:09:58,725 --> 00:10:00,445
Okay, then. So you claim you saw
208
00:10:00,525 --> 00:10:03,125
our Blessed Lady's features change.
Is that right?
209
00:10:03,325 --> 00:10:06,405
The Virgin Mother smirked at us, Peter.
That is correct.
210
00:10:06,485 --> 00:10:08,725
I see. And after that,
211
00:10:08,805 --> 00:10:11,285
the statue, well,
you claim it started weeping.
212
00:10:11,365 --> 00:10:14,045
You're using the word "claim"
a lot there, Peter.
213
00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:16,165
Girls, I'm not here to make any judgments.
214
00:10:16,245 --> 00:10:18,605
-I'm just trying to get the truth.
-You think we're lying?
215
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,485
-No, of course not.
-I do.
216
00:10:20,565 --> 00:10:23,005
But sometimes we want to believe in
something so much
217
00:10:23,085 --> 00:10:24,525
that we willingly deceive ourselves.
218
00:10:24,605 --> 00:10:26,685
I know I've been guilty
of that in the past.
219
00:10:26,765 --> 00:10:29,285
I wanted a sign so badly
that it drove me to distraction,
220
00:10:29,365 --> 00:10:33,605
because it is the question
we all want the answer to, isn't it?
221
00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:35,405
I mean, does God exist?
222
00:10:36,725 --> 00:10:37,965
I mean, does he exist?
223
00:10:41,885 --> 00:10:43,325
Does he?
224
00:10:43,445 --> 00:10:46,125
[angelic choir vocalizing]
225
00:10:46,205 --> 00:10:48,605
Or is your whole world built on a lie,
Peter?
226
00:10:53,045 --> 00:10:55,045
-Peter?
-Yeah.
227
00:10:58,245 --> 00:11:00,045
Directly before the weeping,
228
00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:03,645
can you remember what you were doing,
what you were talking about?
229
00:11:03,725 --> 00:11:05,965
-I remember that James was being a dick.
-Miss Mallon.
230
00:11:06,445 --> 00:11:09,845
I don't like to use that word, Sister,
but it's so hard to describe James
231
00:11:09,925 --> 00:11:12,085
any other way because
he's just such a dick.
232
00:11:13,285 --> 00:11:15,405
[Peter] I don't think you're a dick,
James.
233
00:11:15,485 --> 00:11:17,125
-Really?
-Really.
234
00:11:17,205 --> 00:11:19,525
And do you know who else
doesn't think you're a dick?
235
00:11:20,245 --> 00:11:22,565
-Our Lord.
-For feck's sake.
236
00:11:22,645 --> 00:11:25,725
-How do you know Our Lord doesn't?
-Our Lord doesn't think anyone's a dick.
237
00:11:25,805 --> 00:11:28,405
-I very much doubt that.
-Well, it's the truth.
238
00:11:31,245 --> 00:11:32,645
-Marti Pellow.
-No.
239
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,165
-Paddy Ashdown.
-No.
240
00:11:34,245 --> 00:11:35,925
-Your man from Fun House.
-Pat Sharp?
241
00:11:36,005 --> 00:11:37,845
Pat Sharp. Pat Sharp's definitely a dick.
242
00:11:37,925 --> 00:11:42,565
Okay. The five of you attending chapel,
praying together,
243
00:11:42,645 --> 00:11:45,365
-would that be a typical morning?
-[laughs] Very good.
244
00:11:46,285 --> 00:11:49,525
-He's not joking, Michelle.
-Oh. Christ, fuck no.
245
00:11:49,605 --> 00:11:52,485
-We were just following that stupid dog.
-I'm sorry?
246
00:11:52,565 --> 00:11:54,645
The dog has nothing to do with anything.
247
00:11:54,725 --> 00:11:57,925
See, Erin's dog died recently, and she saw
one that sort of looked like him a bit.
248
00:11:58,005 --> 00:12:00,885
-The dog's irrelevant.
-So we followed him for a while.
249
00:12:00,965 --> 00:12:03,485
The dog and statue are unrelated.
250
00:12:03,565 --> 00:12:05,645
And he led us to the chapel.
251
00:12:06,205 --> 00:12:07,925
The dog led you to the chapel?
252
00:12:08,685 --> 00:12:10,405
-The dog isn't important.
-Maybe it is.
253
00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:14,285
What if this dog you saw, Erin,
254
00:12:14,365 --> 00:12:16,485
what if it didn't simply
look like your dog?
255
00:12:17,245 --> 00:12:19,205
What if it actually was your dog?
256
00:12:21,005 --> 00:12:22,445
[scoffs] Right.
257
00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:27,445
Maybe. But, as I think we mentioned,
Toto's dead.
258
00:12:27,525 --> 00:12:29,765
My ma saw him get hit
by an army Land Rover,
259
00:12:29,845 --> 00:12:32,685
and then buried him in our back garden,
so probably not.
260
00:12:33,565 --> 00:12:37,525
A beloved animal returning from the dead.
Now, we've seen this before.
261
00:12:37,605 --> 00:12:39,645
Oh, ghost dog.
262
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:41,165
No, not ghost dog...
263
00:12:42,365 --> 00:12:43,805
resurrected dog.
264
00:12:43,885 --> 00:12:45,365
[angelic choir vocalizes]
265
00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:46,725
Don't you see?
266
00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:49,605
Toto was sent back
to lead you to that chapel,
267
00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,965
to that statue...
because you're special, Erin.
268
00:12:56,005 --> 00:12:57,605
You have been chosen.
269
00:13:00,205 --> 00:13:03,725
Oh, Peter, it's all just so overwhelming.
270
00:13:05,205 --> 00:13:06,605
Hmm.
271
00:13:09,285 --> 00:13:11,245
[Mary] Here's what I find strange.
272
00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:13,885
You're in that chapel every single Sunday,
273
00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:18,165
yet this message from on high comes on
the very day you happen to have an exam,
274
00:13:18,245 --> 00:13:21,725
which, I know for a fact, you haven't
as much as even opened a book for.
275
00:13:21,805 --> 00:13:25,445
I find that very strange as well,
Mrs. Quinn. Very strange indeed.
276
00:13:25,525 --> 00:13:27,165
What are you suggesting?
277
00:13:27,245 --> 00:13:29,485
If you are lying, Erin,
so help me Jesus...
278
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:30,965
I'm not lying.
279
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:32,245
[Mary] Swear.
280
00:13:32,325 --> 00:13:33,605
Swear on Dolly.
281
00:13:34,725 --> 00:13:36,205
-Orla saw too.
-Orla is easily led.
282
00:13:36,285 --> 00:13:37,725
Thank you, Aunt Mary.
283
00:13:37,805 --> 00:13:39,885
Look, I'm sure you all
must have questions.
284
00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:43,285
-I have a question.
-Yes?
285
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:46,245
How do you stay in such good shape?
286
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,645
-Is it exercise? Diet?
-A combination of both.
287
00:13:50,445 --> 00:13:52,765
I also have a question, pretty boy.
288
00:13:52,845 --> 00:13:54,645
Why are you encouraging all this?
289
00:13:54,725 --> 00:13:57,725
I wouldn't say I'm encouraging it.
I'm just open to the possibility.
290
00:13:57,805 --> 00:14:01,325
Well, I'm not, not unless I see
some cold, hard evidence.
291
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:02,485
And maybe it's there.
292
00:14:03,085 --> 00:14:05,685
Proof at last, Peter. Proof at last.
293
00:14:07,405 --> 00:14:08,245
Is he all right?
294
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:10,285
I wouldn't say so, no.
295
00:14:10,365 --> 00:14:11,365
He's a priest, like.
296
00:14:11,445 --> 00:14:15,405
Why seek ye the living among the dead?
He is not here but is risen.
297
00:14:15,485 --> 00:14:18,845
Come, come see the place
where the Lord lay.
298
00:14:20,365 --> 00:14:22,205
God is inviting us to be his witness.
299
00:14:23,205 --> 00:14:25,845
-We must look in the burial place.
-What's he saying?
300
00:14:25,925 --> 00:14:29,325
I think he's saying he wants to dig up
the wee dead dog's grave.
301
00:14:29,405 --> 00:14:30,485
-What?
-What?
302
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:31,805
Fecking weirdo.
303
00:14:31,885 --> 00:14:34,365
-[doorbell rings, knock at door]
-I'll go. I'll get it.
304
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:42,245
It is mental out there.
Everybody is talking about us.
305
00:14:42,325 --> 00:14:46,405
Dennis gave me free pick and mix,
bonbons and all. No fucking about, like.
306
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:48,965
We're basically celebrities now.
We're like the Corrs.
307
00:14:49,045 --> 00:14:51,125
-Can I be Jim?
-[Clare] It's too much, Erin.
308
00:14:51,205 --> 00:14:53,445
I can't handle it.
I think I'm going to crack.
309
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:57,245
Okay, look, this has got way out of hand.
What are you wearing?
310
00:14:58,165 --> 00:15:00,325
What did I say?
You look like a fucking ball bag.
311
00:15:00,405 --> 00:15:01,885
Your hair's all funny.
312
00:15:01,965 --> 00:15:04,645
-I put too much mousse in it, that's all.
-Listen, girls--
313
00:15:04,725 --> 00:15:05,845
-Get off me.
-Okay, listen.
314
00:15:06,725 --> 00:15:09,085
-It was piss.
-What was?
315
00:15:09,165 --> 00:15:10,645
The tears on the statue.
316
00:15:10,725 --> 00:15:14,605
Well, I actually have good reason
to believe they were actually dog piss.
317
00:15:14,685 --> 00:15:16,485
No, you're not serious.
318
00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:17,565
Deadly serious.
319
00:15:17,645 --> 00:15:19,565
Sweet and gentle Jesus.
320
00:15:19,645 --> 00:15:22,245
I mean, that sort of makes sense.
321
00:15:22,325 --> 00:15:25,645
I'm not even sure I saw her smirk anymore.
I've had a lot of caffeine.
322
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,845
I definitely didn't see her smirk.
I was lying, so...
323
00:15:27,925 --> 00:15:29,005
Excellent.
324
00:15:29,085 --> 00:15:31,805
I was going to tell you all earlier,
but then Peter showed up,
325
00:15:31,885 --> 00:15:35,405
and there was just this instant
connection, like a spark.
326
00:15:35,485 --> 00:15:37,445
-There was no spark, Erin.
-He said I was special.
327
00:15:37,525 --> 00:15:40,885
He also said your dead pet had been
fucking resurrected, so, pinch of salt.
328
00:15:40,965 --> 00:15:43,805
Yes, and now he's talking about
digging him up.
329
00:15:43,885 --> 00:15:48,645
And when he does, he'll realize that Toto
has not, in fact, been resurrected.
330
00:15:48,725 --> 00:15:52,125
He'll realize that Toto is just dead.
Very, very dead.
331
00:15:52,205 --> 00:15:55,085
-And we've all been talking shite.
-We need to tell the truth, now.
332
00:15:55,165 --> 00:15:57,765
No fucking way. This is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
333
00:15:58,405 --> 00:15:59,485
Look, Clare.
334
00:16:00,245 --> 00:16:02,005
Take a long, hard look at that.
335
00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:06,285
And this is only the beginning.
The Derry Journal are on their way round.
336
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:07,925
They said we could make page five.
337
00:16:08,005 --> 00:16:09,165
Erin, tell her!
338
00:16:10,285 --> 00:16:13,445
Yeah, we could tell the truth,
but I sort of like the fact
339
00:16:13,525 --> 00:16:15,845
that Peter thinks
I'm the chosen one, so...
340
00:16:15,925 --> 00:16:18,125
-James.
-I have a slight concern.
341
00:16:18,205 --> 00:16:19,525
The truth might affect
342
00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:22,005
-my friendship with Peter.
-You don't have a friendship with Peter.
343
00:16:22,085 --> 00:16:24,005
Yes, I do. We have a lot in common.
344
00:16:24,085 --> 00:16:26,485
Like what? Apart from you appear
to be wearing his clothes.
345
00:16:26,565 --> 00:16:30,045
No, the fact that we're both
very spiritual.
346
00:16:30,645 --> 00:16:33,205
But mainly the fact
that he doesn't think I'm a dick,
347
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,445
and neither do I.
348
00:16:35,325 --> 00:16:37,485
Come on, people! The jig is up!
349
00:16:40,045 --> 00:16:41,565
Doesn't have to be.
350
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,565
What's become of us?
351
00:16:51,005 --> 00:16:53,125
What has become of us?
352
00:16:53,205 --> 00:16:55,805
-Keep an eye on that kitchen window, you.
-I want no part of this.
353
00:16:55,885 --> 00:16:57,725
Well, you're in too deep now, Clare.
354
00:16:57,805 --> 00:16:59,325
You're stealing a body!
355
00:16:59,405 --> 00:17:02,005
Let's just get it over with,
and never, ever speak of it again.
356
00:17:02,085 --> 00:17:05,525
-Jesus, my nails are fucking ruined.
-[Erin] Less talking, more digging.
357
00:17:05,605 --> 00:17:07,485
[Orla] I've got something.
358
00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:11,965
[Erin] Give it here.
359
00:17:13,765 --> 00:17:16,045
Right. Me and Michelle
go stash him somewhere,
360
00:17:16,125 --> 00:17:18,445
and the rest of you all fill it back in.
361
00:17:18,525 --> 00:17:20,085
-Open the box, Erin.
-Oh, God!
362
00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:22,005
Yes, he is with us.
Do not be afraid, child.
363
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:28,485
[gasps]
364
00:17:29,685 --> 00:17:31,845
Listen, I can...
365
00:17:34,005 --> 00:17:35,605
Oh, no, actually, I can't.
366
00:17:37,045 --> 00:17:38,485
I can't explain.
367
00:17:39,845 --> 00:17:42,165
Thanks be to God.
368
00:17:43,285 --> 00:17:44,805
Thanks be to God.
369
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,685
I don't understand it.
370
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,285
The Lord's work is often
difficult to comprehend.
371
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:57,845
No, I mean I really,
really don't understand it.
372
00:17:57,925 --> 00:17:59,325
You're right, Father.
373
00:18:00,405 --> 00:18:01,805
He has... risen.
374
00:18:04,685 --> 00:18:06,845
It's truly a miracle.
375
00:18:06,925 --> 00:18:10,645
-So, what happens now, Peter?
-Well, I think the next stage is Rome.
376
00:18:12,045 --> 00:18:14,485
-Audience with the big man.
-Pavarotti?
377
00:18:14,565 --> 00:18:15,925
John Paul II.
378
00:18:17,325 --> 00:18:19,885
But first let us pray.
Please, join hands.
379
00:18:20,645 --> 00:18:21,725
I don't want you to touch me.
380
00:18:24,245 --> 00:18:25,565
Excuse me.
381
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,845
It is vital you keep
a low profile for a bit.
382
00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:32,005
Do you hear me, Malarkey?
383
00:18:34,365 --> 00:18:35,805
That was nobody.
384
00:18:36,605 --> 00:18:38,725
Well, you could at least
wait till I've asked.
385
00:18:38,805 --> 00:18:41,445
How can I have peace, Erin?
Get back inside.
386
00:18:42,325 --> 00:18:45,205
Why are you calling Maureen Malarkey?
387
00:18:45,285 --> 00:18:47,445
Granda says we're not allowed
to speak to her.
388
00:18:47,525 --> 00:18:49,565
Oh, that? That's all blown over now.
389
00:18:51,685 --> 00:18:53,165
Maureen Malarkey!
390
00:18:53,245 --> 00:18:56,085
[Joe] Don't you mention that lowdown,
deceitful, cheating old witch!
391
00:18:58,525 --> 00:19:01,565
-Why were you ringing her, Mammy?
-It's none of your business.
392
00:19:01,645 --> 00:19:04,085
Fine. I'll ask her myself.
393
00:19:04,805 --> 00:19:06,005
Stop it, Erin.
394
00:19:06,085 --> 00:19:07,805
Redial.
395
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,685
It was only her answer machine anyway.
396
00:19:10,765 --> 00:19:12,965
-[Maureen] Hello, sorry to miss your call.
-See? Now hang up.
397
00:19:13,045 --> 00:19:15,685
-Like to leave a message for Maureen...
-Hang up, Erin.
398
00:19:15,765 --> 00:19:17,325
-[barking]
-...Toto, we'll get back to you
399
00:19:17,405 --> 00:19:19,805
-as soon as we can.
-[answering machine beeps]
400
00:19:21,325 --> 00:19:25,085
You gave Toto to Maureen Malarkey?
401
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,245
Wee Tigger had just passed.
402
00:19:27,325 --> 00:19:28,565
She was lonely.
403
00:19:29,765 --> 00:19:32,285
The chapel. She was there.
404
00:19:32,365 --> 00:19:34,165
That dog was Toto.
405
00:19:34,245 --> 00:19:36,885
Oh, it's all adding up now,
isn't it, Mammy?
406
00:19:36,965 --> 00:19:39,925
-It's all for the best, Erin.
-You staged his death, Ma.
407
00:19:40,005 --> 00:19:42,085
I thought I'd lost him.
-Well, you have lost him.
408
00:19:42,165 --> 00:19:43,765
-We're not taking him back.
-What?
409
00:19:43,845 --> 00:19:45,245
Ah, come on. He's a shit dog.
410
00:19:45,325 --> 00:19:47,325
Toto was not a shit dog.
411
00:19:47,405 --> 00:19:50,405
-Well, he was no Gypsy.
-Stop it. I'm sick of it.
412
00:19:50,485 --> 00:19:52,325
You can't compare
every animal you have
413
00:19:52,405 --> 00:19:54,605
to the dog you had
when you were five years old.
414
00:19:54,685 --> 00:19:57,205
-I can and I will.
-[doorbell rings]
415
00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:01,085
You're not going to tell your granda,
are you?
416
00:20:01,485 --> 00:20:04,565
Well, I'm going to need some time
to think about that.
417
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,205
-[camera shutters click]
-Lovely. And another one.
418
00:20:12,805 --> 00:20:15,205
-[camera shutters click]
-Beautiful. And another one.
419
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,005
I'll be one minute.
420
00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:25,485
[Michelle] Right, get one of me now.
421
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:28,365
[camera shutters click]
422
00:20:40,765 --> 00:20:41,845
Bonbon?
423
00:20:47,285 --> 00:20:48,645
What a day.
424
00:20:49,365 --> 00:20:50,885
God, this is really hard.
425
00:20:50,965 --> 00:20:53,805
-Oh, it's been incredible.
-Were they always this hard?
426
00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:55,765
You know, to tell you the truth, Erin,
427
00:20:55,845 --> 00:20:58,205
I've been having a bit
of a crisis of faith recently.
428
00:20:58,285 --> 00:20:59,445
Is that so?
429
00:21:00,165 --> 00:21:01,685
Seriously, it's like a jawbreaker.
430
00:21:01,765 --> 00:21:04,285
-It's been very challenging.
-Really?
431
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,405
Sorry, I'm going to have to spit this out.
432
00:21:07,485 --> 00:21:10,725
And you know, it became
more challenging...
433
00:21:12,485 --> 00:21:14,925
when I met this amazing girl.
434
00:21:16,965 --> 00:21:18,605
-There was just this...
-Connection?
435
00:21:18,685 --> 00:21:20,205
Exactly.
436
00:21:20,565 --> 00:21:24,285
You know, made me question everything,
doubt everything.
437
00:21:24,365 --> 00:21:28,445
If God hadn't sent me this sign, I might
have left the priesthood to be with her.
438
00:21:28,525 --> 00:21:29,925
What if he didn't?
439
00:21:30,325 --> 00:21:31,525
I'm sorry?
440
00:21:31,605 --> 00:21:34,365
Send you the sign, I mean.
Just for argument's sake.
441
00:21:34,445 --> 00:21:36,005
Well, he did, Erin.
442
00:21:36,085 --> 00:21:38,125
You know, I could never abandon him now.
443
00:21:38,205 --> 00:21:39,805
-It's not true.
-What?
444
00:21:39,885 --> 00:21:42,085
We're lying. We've been lying.
445
00:21:42,165 --> 00:21:44,285
There was no smirking, no weeping.
446
00:21:44,365 --> 00:21:47,565
The dog's not even dead.
He's living with Maureen Malarkey.
447
00:21:47,645 --> 00:21:50,765
None of it's true, Peter.
It's all balls.
448
00:21:50,845 --> 00:21:54,965
But the good news is you're free.
We're free.
449
00:21:55,045 --> 00:21:56,965
We can be together.
450
00:22:02,245 --> 00:22:04,405
[pop song plays]
451
00:22:07,565 --> 00:22:08,685
Peter.
452
00:22:08,765 --> 00:22:11,725
Peter, Peter, where are you going?
Peter, wait.
453
00:22:12,325 --> 00:22:15,805
I've got the most amazing news.
I've had a calling.
454
00:22:15,885 --> 00:22:18,485
I've decided to follow in your footsteps.
455
00:22:18,565 --> 00:22:21,925
-I've decided to serve God.
-Don't be such a dick, James.
456
00:22:22,005 --> 00:22:24,685
♪ I said goodbye ♪
457
00:22:26,725 --> 00:22:29,165
[Michelle] So he's just going to pack in
the priesthood now, is he? Completely?
458
00:22:29,245 --> 00:22:31,285
You can't exactly go part-time.
459
00:22:31,365 --> 00:22:32,685
All because of us.
460
00:22:32,765 --> 00:22:34,085
Not all because of us, Orla.
461
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,365
I mean, a bit because of us.
462
00:22:36,445 --> 00:22:40,005
But mostly because it turns out
he had a connection
463
00:22:40,085 --> 00:22:42,845
with one of the colorists
in Hair and Flair,
464
00:22:42,925 --> 00:22:45,525
who does our Sarah's forwards, by the way.
465
00:22:45,605 --> 00:22:47,645
And apparently she's a dirty tramp.
466
00:22:47,725 --> 00:22:49,965
So, you know, good luck with that, Peter.
467
00:22:50,645 --> 00:22:52,765
At least your ma was all right
with Dog Piss Gate.
468
00:22:52,845 --> 00:22:55,205
I thought she was
going to go fucking nuts.
469
00:22:55,285 --> 00:22:56,845
Let me put it this way.
470
00:22:56,925 --> 00:23:01,205
I have locked my mother in a cage
designed by her own art.
471
00:23:01,285 --> 00:23:04,925
Oh, she has been well and truly hoist
by her own petard.
472
00:23:05,005 --> 00:23:08,485
Could you put it another way?
I didn't understand a word of that.
473
00:23:08,565 --> 00:23:10,925
-Sort of blackmailing her.
-Oh, happy days.
474
00:23:11,005 --> 00:23:12,805
God, it's all so mortifying.
475
00:23:12,885 --> 00:23:15,445
-It'll all blow over soon.
-[James] Have you seen this?
476
00:23:20,805 --> 00:23:22,845
-Jesus Christ.
-[gasps]
477
00:23:22,925 --> 00:23:25,765
This is good. "Wicked" means "good"
in England, doesn't it?
478
00:23:25,845 --> 00:23:27,605
But we're not in England, are we,
Michelle?
479
00:23:27,685 --> 00:23:29,845
And my tits look amazing in that top.
480
00:23:29,925 --> 00:23:30,925
[laughs]
481
00:23:31,005 --> 00:23:32,925
-Well, sure, that's the main thing.
-[door opens]
482
00:23:33,005 --> 00:23:34,325
Ladies...
483
00:23:34,405 --> 00:23:37,045
♪ Tears from my eyes ♪
484
00:23:38,285 --> 00:23:40,565
♪ Since you've gone ♪
485
00:23:41,645 --> 00:23:44,325
♪ All I do is cry ♪
486
00:23:45,285 --> 00:23:47,965
♪ Won't somebody help me? ♪
487
00:23:49,485 --> 00:23:51,845
♪ Somebody help me ♪
488
00:23:53,405 --> 00:23:55,885
♪ Can't you see ♪
489
00:23:56,845 --> 00:23:59,205
♪ That my baby has left me? ♪
490
00:24:00,325 --> 00:24:03,125
♪ She left me reeling and rocking ♪
491
00:24:04,645 --> 00:24:07,645
♪ Walking the floor ♪
492
00:24:07,725 --> 00:24:09,685
♪ She left a note last night... ♪