1 00:00:11,005 --> 00:00:13,325 [organ plays] 2 00:00:16,005 --> 00:00:18,005 [Father Conway] A reading from the Holy Gospel. 3 00:00:18,645 --> 00:00:19,645 Which one's ours? 4 00:00:19,725 --> 00:00:22,125 She didn't send a photo. 5 00:00:22,205 --> 00:00:24,885 Her family probably don't even own a camera. 6 00:00:24,965 --> 00:00:27,365 She'll find Derry a bit overwhelming at first, 7 00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,725 just because of how advanced everything is here. 8 00:00:29,805 --> 00:00:31,645 All the cracker stuff we have. 9 00:00:31,725 --> 00:00:35,685 They have some pretty cracker stuff where she comes from, too, Erin. 10 00:00:35,765 --> 00:00:37,325 Oh, really? Like what? 11 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,645 Disease? Poverty? 12 00:00:39,725 --> 00:00:41,005 No. 13 00:00:41,085 --> 00:00:43,805 You can get this wee woman made of wood, right? 14 00:00:43,885 --> 00:00:48,365 You pull her apart and inside her there's an even weer wooden woman, 15 00:00:48,445 --> 00:00:50,085 and you pull the weer wooden woman apart-- 16 00:00:50,165 --> 00:00:52,285 Are you talking about Russian dolls? 17 00:00:56,285 --> 00:00:57,485 What are you doing? 18 00:00:57,565 --> 00:00:58,845 Taking my change. 19 00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:00,685 Sarah, you don't get change. 20 00:01:00,765 --> 00:01:04,165 I telt you, Gerry. I'm gonna give them a whole fiver? 21 00:01:04,245 --> 00:01:06,445 That's definitely happening. 22 00:01:09,005 --> 00:01:10,245 Did you just wink? 23 00:01:10,845 --> 00:01:12,045 No. 24 00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:13,165 You did. 25 00:01:13,245 --> 00:01:14,645 You just winked. 26 00:01:14,725 --> 00:01:18,085 Sure, winking's not in my notion, Mary. What would I have to be winking about? 27 00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:21,005 I don't know. I'll find out. 28 00:01:21,085 --> 00:01:23,685 [Father Conway] This is the word of the Lord. 29 00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:29,525 And today we welcome some very special guests: 30 00:01:29,605 --> 00:01:30,845 the wains from Chernobyl, 31 00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:34,845 who've come over to give their wee lungs a bit of a clear out, 32 00:01:34,925 --> 00:01:39,885 because, ah, sure, there's all sorts wafting about in their neck of the woods. 33 00:01:39,965 --> 00:01:41,285 Sister. 34 00:01:41,365 --> 00:01:44,125 Lovely job so far, Seamus, but, you know, keep it moving. 35 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:45,725 Rawhide's on in 15 minutes. 36 00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:51,565 Now, one might well question the wisdom of sending you here, of all places. 37 00:01:52,005 --> 00:01:54,005 Out of the frying pan into the... 38 00:01:54,085 --> 00:01:57,685 well, maybe not the fire, but certainly a different type of frying pan. 39 00:01:57,765 --> 00:02:00,605 Or some sort of wok at the very least. 40 00:02:01,365 --> 00:02:06,045 But please, don't worry yourselves too much about the whole civil war, 41 00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:08,405 sectarian conflict carry on. 42 00:02:08,485 --> 00:02:10,285 There's really only one thing you need to know. 43 00:02:11,325 --> 00:02:12,605 We're the goodies. 44 00:02:13,725 --> 00:02:14,765 Welcome to Derry. 45 00:02:14,845 --> 00:02:16,365 ["Informer" by Snow plays] 46 00:02:16,445 --> 00:02:18,725 [indistinct rapping] 47 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:35,645 [song stops] 48 00:02:35,725 --> 00:02:37,165 It's class, isn't it? 49 00:02:37,245 --> 00:02:39,725 Hmm. It's much how I imagine. 50 00:02:39,805 --> 00:02:41,645 Oh, because of my letters? 51 00:02:41,725 --> 00:02:44,565 Well, descriptive narrative has always been a strong point. 52 00:02:44,645 --> 00:02:47,045 No, not your letters. I see on news. 53 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,925 What do you mean, you've seen on news? 54 00:02:49,005 --> 00:02:51,685 You don't have news in the Ukraine. You don't have televisions. 55 00:02:51,765 --> 00:02:54,285 -Yes, we do. We do. -[Erin] No, you don't. Really? 56 00:02:54,365 --> 00:02:55,565 Of course. 57 00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:57,325 Erin, stop hogging the Russian. 58 00:02:57,405 --> 00:02:59,085 Yeah, come on, Erin. Give Orla a go. 59 00:02:59,165 --> 00:03:00,965 She's Ukrainian, actually. 60 00:03:01,045 --> 00:03:04,285 Yeah, go on, love. Say something to Katya. 61 00:03:04,365 --> 00:03:07,565 Your name sounds a bit like "cat". 62 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:08,965 God, aye, so it does. 63 00:03:09,045 --> 00:03:10,925 You don't know a Jack McGinley, do you? 64 00:03:11,005 --> 00:03:13,885 Moved to Moscow, '88, '89, it would have been. 65 00:03:13,965 --> 00:03:15,405 -Seriously? -No. 66 00:03:15,485 --> 00:03:17,045 -Stocky fella. -No. 67 00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:20,285 -Curly hair, bit of a lisp. -I do not know this person. 68 00:03:20,365 --> 00:03:22,005 Ah, maybe just as well, love. 69 00:03:22,085 --> 00:03:23,485 He's an awful prick. 70 00:03:23,565 --> 00:03:25,765 ["Informer" resumes] 71 00:03:31,525 --> 00:03:34,285 [Erin] So, Katya, I've done a bit of an itinerary for your stay. 72 00:03:34,365 --> 00:03:36,405 You should have received a copy in my last letter. 73 00:03:36,485 --> 00:03:37,925 I don't read your letters, Erin. 74 00:03:38,005 --> 00:03:39,925 I'm sorry? I don't follow. 75 00:03:40,005 --> 00:03:41,725 Your letters, they bore. 76 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,525 -They're "boring". -Exactly. 77 00:03:43,605 --> 00:03:45,285 -That's not what I-- -I can smoke here, yes? 78 00:03:45,365 --> 00:03:47,765 No. No, you can't. 79 00:03:47,845 --> 00:03:49,085 Mammy's like a bloodhound. 80 00:03:50,085 --> 00:03:52,405 Your ma said we could come up and have a look at the Russian. 81 00:03:52,485 --> 00:03:54,845 -Ukrainian. -Is this her? 82 00:03:54,925 --> 00:03:56,965 Isn't she cracker? She's half mine. 83 00:03:57,045 --> 00:03:59,805 -No, she's not, Orla. -Aye, she is. Mammy said so. 84 00:03:59,885 --> 00:04:01,125 You're so lucky, Erin. 85 00:04:01,205 --> 00:04:03,685 I begged my ma to let me have one, but she said we've no room 86 00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:06,725 now that my dickhead, ballbag, English prick of a cousin's moved in. 87 00:04:06,805 --> 00:04:08,765 Talking about you, James, in case you're wondering. 88 00:04:08,845 --> 00:04:10,725 Yeah, that much was clear, thank you, Michelle. 89 00:04:10,805 --> 00:04:12,965 Have you seen the one Jenny Joyce got, the fella? 90 00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,885 Massive, massive ride. 91 00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:18,485 I've been thinking. Maybe time for me to lose the rest of my virginity. 92 00:04:18,565 --> 00:04:20,565 He's definitely a contender. 93 00:04:21,045 --> 00:04:22,725 You help me. 94 00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:28,045 You put in good word with your Cossack friend. 95 00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:29,805 So we can... [makes squishing sounds] 96 00:04:29,885 --> 00:04:31,285 Would you stop that? 97 00:04:32,045 --> 00:04:32,965 I'm very sorry for all your trouble, you know, 98 00:04:33,045 --> 00:04:34,805 the whole hoo-ha at the power plant. 99 00:04:34,885 --> 00:04:36,245 Okay. 100 00:04:37,005 --> 00:04:39,445 When you think about it, we've actually got a lot in common, 101 00:04:39,525 --> 00:04:42,925 'cause we understand what it's like to be a young person from a troubled place, 102 00:04:43,005 --> 00:04:44,205 It is not the same. 103 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:47,885 Chernobyl was terrible nuclear accident. 104 00:04:47,965 --> 00:04:50,245 You people like to fight each other and, to be honest, 105 00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:52,565 no person really understands why. 106 00:04:52,645 --> 00:04:56,085 Well, there's actually a political element to it, Katya, 107 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,485 and there's a religious element. 108 00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,405 Mmm, but you're not two different religions here. 109 00:04:59,485 --> 00:05:01,845 You're different flavors of same religion, no? 110 00:05:02,965 --> 00:05:05,765 Well, yes, but... 111 00:05:05,845 --> 00:05:08,525 it's a little bit more complicated than that, Katya. 112 00:05:08,605 --> 00:05:09,765 To me, is stupid. 113 00:05:09,845 --> 00:05:11,205 Oh, my God. 114 00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:14,125 It is stupid. 115 00:05:15,005 --> 00:05:17,085 It is so, so stupid. 116 00:05:17,165 --> 00:05:18,565 Who is this? 117 00:05:18,645 --> 00:05:19,845 Oh, that's just James. 118 00:05:19,925 --> 00:05:21,725 -You are handsome. -[gasps] 119 00:05:21,805 --> 00:05:23,085 And also sexy. 120 00:05:24,205 --> 00:05:25,245 Is her English not great? 121 00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:31,365 [slow-tempo sultry music] 122 00:05:31,445 --> 00:05:33,845 What's happening? 123 00:05:33,925 --> 00:05:35,485 Why would she do that? 124 00:05:35,565 --> 00:05:37,445 -Why? -Fuck knows. He's minging. 125 00:05:37,525 --> 00:05:40,045 [Orla] She seems to be really enjoying it. 126 00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:42,085 -Is he enjoying it? -It's hard to tell. 127 00:05:42,165 --> 00:05:46,885 Well, if he's not enjoying it, isn't that sort of sexual harassment? 128 00:05:46,965 --> 00:05:48,605 Yeah, we should put a stop to it. 129 00:05:48,685 --> 00:05:52,005 -Aye. -Does anyone want a Fruit Pastille? 130 00:05:56,685 --> 00:06:00,325 And when Erin finished reading me her poetry, 131 00:06:00,405 --> 00:06:02,565 she showed me some old walls. 132 00:06:02,645 --> 00:06:04,085 I showed you "the walls". 133 00:06:04,165 --> 00:06:08,245 I showed you the city walls, and they are nothing short of spectacular. 134 00:06:08,325 --> 00:06:12,325 Ach, if she's not into walls, she's not into walls, Erin, love. 135 00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:13,885 Have you any news, Da? 136 00:06:13,965 --> 00:06:15,205 Not really, no. 137 00:06:15,285 --> 00:06:17,885 Right. Shay Harkin was telling me 138 00:06:17,965 --> 00:06:20,605 you were in Duggan's bakery yesterday lunchtime. 139 00:06:21,365 --> 00:06:22,765 That's hardly news. 140 00:06:22,845 --> 00:06:26,405 -[Mary] Two buns he says you ordered. -I often do. 141 00:06:26,485 --> 00:06:29,605 An apple turnover and a cream horn. 142 00:06:29,685 --> 00:06:31,045 A cream horn? 143 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:33,285 That's not like you, Granda. 144 00:06:33,365 --> 00:06:35,485 Sure, you couldn't pay you to eat a cream horn. 145 00:06:35,565 --> 00:06:38,205 Cream finger, it was. Apple turnover and a cream finger. 146 00:06:38,285 --> 00:06:39,685 Cream horn, Shay said. 147 00:06:39,765 --> 00:06:41,125 Horns, fingers. Who cares? 148 00:06:41,205 --> 00:06:43,165 He swore on it. Said he saw it being bagged up. 149 00:06:43,245 --> 00:06:45,205 Big Shay has eyes like a hawk, so he does. 150 00:06:45,285 --> 00:06:48,565 Shay said when you left Duggan's you turned up Pump Street. 151 00:06:48,645 --> 00:06:50,125 Pump Street? 152 00:06:50,205 --> 00:06:52,205 Who do you know on Pump Street, Da? 153 00:06:52,285 --> 00:06:56,085 What were you doing heading up Pump Street with a cream horn, Da? 154 00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,045 -I was visiting a friend of mine. -What friend? 155 00:06:58,125 --> 00:07:00,245 -A new friend. -A male friend, was it? 156 00:07:02,325 --> 00:07:04,645 Aye, I thought as much. 157 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,925 Buying cream horns for his fancy woman. 158 00:07:07,005 --> 00:07:08,405 Sarah, what do you think of that? 159 00:07:08,485 --> 00:07:10,165 We met at the Stations of the Cross. 160 00:07:10,245 --> 00:07:12,965 -What station? -Jesus falls for the second time. 161 00:07:13,045 --> 00:07:14,765 I could do without the details, Da. 162 00:07:14,845 --> 00:07:15,685 Maeve and me, we-- 163 00:07:16,845 --> 00:07:18,045 We just get on well, that's all. 164 00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:20,685 -Maeve? That's her name, is it? -Yes, that's right. 165 00:07:20,765 --> 00:07:22,525 [Mary] Maeve. That's what she's called, is she? 166 00:07:22,605 --> 00:07:25,485 -She is, aye. -Maeve. Maeve. Really? 167 00:07:25,565 --> 00:07:27,845 -Maeve? -Why does your mother make that sound? 168 00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,805 -I cannot believe this. -I think it's a good thing, love. 169 00:07:29,885 --> 00:07:31,245 Just keep out of it, you. 170 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,725 And that's who you were winking at in mass? 171 00:07:33,805 --> 00:07:37,125 -Winking? At your age? -Mm-hmm. 172 00:07:37,205 --> 00:07:39,285 Christ, I feel sick. 173 00:07:39,365 --> 00:07:41,365 It was only a friendly wink. 174 00:07:41,445 --> 00:07:43,485 There is no such thing as a friendly wink. 175 00:07:43,565 --> 00:07:47,685 -Is there not? -Our poor mother is barely cold, 176 00:07:47,765 --> 00:07:50,765 and you're straight back out there, winking away. 177 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,525 Your mother's been dead ten years, Mary. 178 00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:53,845 Look, I'll not tell you again. 179 00:07:53,925 --> 00:07:55,365 I'm sorry. 180 00:07:56,045 --> 00:07:58,205 I seem to have lost my appetite. 181 00:08:01,485 --> 00:08:04,005 [sighs] You happy now? 182 00:08:04,085 --> 00:08:06,285 ♪ Young at heart ♪ 183 00:08:10,765 --> 00:08:12,685 I don't know. I just find her a bit, 184 00:08:12,765 --> 00:08:14,725 "I have a fringe and cigarettes and opinions", 185 00:08:14,805 --> 00:08:17,605 and she's also a bit, you know, "I hate walls", and she's just not-- 186 00:08:17,685 --> 00:08:19,645 Oh, the grateful, little, peasant girl you ordered? 187 00:08:19,725 --> 00:08:20,805 Yeah-- No. 188 00:08:21,525 --> 00:08:23,605 I just don't trust her, okay? 189 00:08:23,685 --> 00:08:26,765 And that thing she said about my letters being boring, 190 00:08:26,845 --> 00:08:30,365 I really think she's playing some sort of twisted psychological mind game here. 191 00:08:30,445 --> 00:08:32,205 Or maybe your letters are just fucking dull. 192 00:08:32,285 --> 00:08:34,085 My letters are a gripping read. 193 00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:36,405 I'm not comfortable with you talking about my girlfriend like this. 194 00:08:36,485 --> 00:08:38,805 Ah-ha! And she also fancies James. 195 00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:40,365 You don't find that a bit weird? 196 00:08:40,445 --> 00:08:42,285 Aye, that is a bit fucked up, in fairness. 197 00:08:42,365 --> 00:08:43,725 I can't get my head around it. 198 00:08:43,805 --> 00:08:45,725 I'm telling you, she's up to something. 199 00:08:45,805 --> 00:08:48,565 Even so, I need her to put a word in with that big Russian ride. 200 00:08:48,645 --> 00:08:51,165 And I really like the fact she glows in the dark. 201 00:08:51,245 --> 00:08:53,845 -I'm sorry? -Because of the radiation, 202 00:08:53,925 --> 00:08:56,605 -they all glow in the dark. -Right. 203 00:08:56,685 --> 00:09:00,285 She's also opened my eyes about how we need to break down barriers here, 204 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:04,325 to no longer define ourselves as Irish or British, Catholic or Protestant, 205 00:09:04,405 --> 00:09:08,205 but simply as human, with human hearts and human heads 206 00:09:08,285 --> 00:09:11,605 and human hands and other human qualities, 207 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:14,845 because at the end of the day, we're all... humans. 208 00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:18,445 Hi. 209 00:09:21,045 --> 00:09:23,445 Incoming ride. I repeat, incoming ride. 210 00:09:23,525 --> 00:09:26,165 Hi, everyone. This is Artem. 211 00:09:26,245 --> 00:09:28,085 Well, hello, Artem. 212 00:09:30,125 --> 00:09:31,325 Go on, then. 213 00:09:33,085 --> 00:09:34,285 [sighs] 214 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,845 She wants to have sex with you. 215 00:09:38,325 --> 00:09:39,845 He doesn't say much. 216 00:09:40,485 --> 00:09:42,605 Is he... is he tied to you? 217 00:09:42,685 --> 00:09:44,125 Yeah, he kept wandering off. 218 00:09:44,765 --> 00:09:48,645 Listen, I've a feeling Artem and a few of the others are a bit homesick. 219 00:09:48,725 --> 00:09:51,045 It'd be nice for them to spend some time together. 220 00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:55,685 So I'm having a bit of a soiree at my place tonight. It's going to be great. 221 00:09:55,765 --> 00:09:57,205 I've got a chocolate fountain and everything! 222 00:09:58,205 --> 00:10:00,285 Well, chocolate fountain or not, 223 00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:03,245 I'd actually prefer to keep our Ukrainians separate, so... 224 00:10:05,445 --> 00:10:07,725 Oh, Christ. David. 225 00:10:07,805 --> 00:10:09,805 David Donnelly has just come in. David's here. 226 00:10:09,885 --> 00:10:12,765 Right. Okay. Don't look. Nobody look. 227 00:10:14,165 --> 00:10:16,165 Hi, do you have a playlist for tonight, then? 228 00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:18,565 I'll need the sound system set up by 7:00. 229 00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:21,005 Is your band playing at this thing tonight? 230 00:10:21,085 --> 00:10:23,485 Oh, no. Christ, no, I just do a bit of DJing at the side. 231 00:10:23,565 --> 00:10:24,765 Make a bit of extra cash. 232 00:10:24,845 --> 00:10:26,645 Wacca-wacca, cha-ching! 233 00:10:26,725 --> 00:10:29,605 Oh, my band, we don't really do covers. Do you know what I mean? 234 00:10:29,685 --> 00:10:31,445 In this game, you need a wee bit of integrity. 235 00:10:31,525 --> 00:10:33,725 Now, whatever you do, don't forget the Grease mega mix. 236 00:10:35,005 --> 00:10:35,965 Yep. 237 00:10:39,325 --> 00:10:44,405 Actually, on second thoughts, I think this party would be really great for Katya. 238 00:10:44,485 --> 00:10:47,125 Might help bring her out of her shell a bit. 239 00:10:49,325 --> 00:10:51,525 ♪ Spinderella cut it up one time ♪ 240 00:10:52,445 --> 00:10:55,445 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, hey ♪ 241 00:10:59,045 --> 00:11:00,245 Oh, you look very... 242 00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:03,285 boob-y. 243 00:11:03,365 --> 00:11:05,325 Yes, I like. 244 00:11:05,405 --> 00:11:06,765 We go now? 245 00:11:09,845 --> 00:11:10,925 Katya. 246 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,085 Well, well, well. 247 00:11:21,165 --> 00:11:23,445 [up-tempo pop music] 248 00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:40,405 ["All that She Wants" by Ace of Base plays] 249 00:11:40,485 --> 00:11:42,885 ♪ She leads a lonely life ♪ 250 00:11:42,965 --> 00:11:44,645 Size of this motherfucking house! 251 00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:46,605 Listen, I think James might be in real trouble. 252 00:11:46,685 --> 00:11:49,125 Right. Struggling to give a shit, if I'm honest. 253 00:11:49,205 --> 00:11:51,885 -Where is Katya? -I don't know. Why? 254 00:11:51,965 --> 00:11:53,485 I must-- I must give. 255 00:11:56,805 --> 00:11:58,125 Hi, girls. 256 00:11:58,205 --> 00:12:01,045 Have you got a Union Jack splashed across your tits, Clare? 257 00:12:01,125 --> 00:12:02,205 I'm making a point. 258 00:12:02,285 --> 00:12:03,565 Is the point, "I'd like to get beaten up"? 259 00:12:03,645 --> 00:12:05,485 Me wearing this, it should be meaningless. 260 00:12:05,565 --> 00:12:07,525 These are just colors and shapes. 261 00:12:07,605 --> 00:12:09,285 This flag is not an identity. 262 00:12:09,365 --> 00:12:11,445 We need to take the power out of these symbols. 263 00:12:11,525 --> 00:12:14,565 Genuine question. Why can't you just be fucking normal? 264 00:12:17,205 --> 00:12:19,485 -Enjoy the chocolate fountain, Orla? -Very much so. 265 00:12:19,565 --> 00:12:21,285 Focus, girls. 266 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:22,885 [Jenny] Has anyone seen Artem? 267 00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:25,485 I untied him for his toilet privileges half an hour ago 268 00:12:25,565 --> 00:12:27,365 -and now I can't find him. -What? 269 00:12:27,445 --> 00:12:29,485 Listen, I know this might be a bit shocking, 270 00:12:29,565 --> 00:12:32,805 but I think Katya is planning on taking James' virginity tonight. 271 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:35,605 I found condoms in her bag, actual condoms. 272 00:12:35,685 --> 00:12:37,325 Like, I don't even think they're legal in Derry. 273 00:12:37,405 --> 00:12:39,365 -Wise up, Erin. -We have to stop her. 274 00:12:39,445 --> 00:12:40,445 [pop song plays] 275 00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:41,645 -Yes! -Yes! 276 00:12:41,725 --> 00:12:45,445 -Tune! -It's our song, girls. It's our song! 277 00:12:45,525 --> 00:12:47,405 -I've lost Katya. -Good. 278 00:12:47,845 --> 00:12:49,085 Let's hit the floor, girls! 279 00:12:51,485 --> 00:12:53,445 She doesn't love him. She's just using him. 280 00:12:53,525 --> 00:12:54,885 She just wants something to do. 281 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:59,605 But she can't do James. He's not a pastime or a plaything. 282 00:13:01,005 --> 00:13:04,525 Ach, Erin, if she wants to ride James, just let her ride James. 283 00:13:04,605 --> 00:13:07,005 Nobody else is ever gonna wanna touch the poor fucker. 284 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,205 I mean, maybe it's just his time. 285 00:13:11,285 --> 00:13:13,085 I mean, we're all gonna have sex at some point. 286 00:13:13,165 --> 00:13:14,165 You probably won't, Clare. 287 00:13:14,245 --> 00:13:16,205 Aye, I can't see that, either, to be honest, Clare. 288 00:13:18,805 --> 00:13:19,845 There you are. 289 00:13:21,045 --> 00:13:23,045 Oh, playing hard to get, are we, Artem? 290 00:13:24,405 --> 00:13:27,045 Or he could be, you know, just not interested. 291 00:13:27,445 --> 00:13:28,685 Fuck off, toots. 292 00:13:30,565 --> 00:13:32,565 Shit. James. 293 00:13:33,765 --> 00:13:36,005 [Mary] How could he bring another woman into this house? 294 00:13:37,725 --> 00:13:39,645 How could he bring her here, 295 00:13:39,725 --> 00:13:41,685 into our mother's home? 296 00:13:41,765 --> 00:13:44,765 -Your mother never lived in this house. -Shut up, Gerry. 297 00:13:44,845 --> 00:13:46,485 Right. Come on in there, Maeve. 298 00:13:47,685 --> 00:13:49,765 Now, these are my daughters. 299 00:13:49,845 --> 00:13:51,925 That's Mary, and this is Sarah. 300 00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:53,285 Hello, Maeve. 301 00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:54,645 Maeve. 302 00:13:55,805 --> 00:13:57,485 I'm Mary's husband, Gerry. 303 00:13:57,565 --> 00:14:00,685 We're Mary and Gerry and we're living in Derry. 304 00:14:00,765 --> 00:14:02,165 -[laughs] -[Joe groans quietly] 305 00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:05,565 I'll get the tea going. 306 00:14:08,205 --> 00:14:10,845 Right, I'll just grab my beads. Be back in a minute. 307 00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:12,405 Just make yourself comfortable. 308 00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:14,005 You'll not have to ask Maeve twice. 309 00:14:14,085 --> 00:14:16,005 Sorry, love, did you say something? 310 00:14:16,085 --> 00:14:18,445 Gerry's name is on the house, not my da's, 311 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,085 if that's what you were thinking. 312 00:14:20,165 --> 00:14:21,645 If what's what I'm thinking? 313 00:14:21,725 --> 00:14:24,965 Hobnob? Custard cream? Wagon Wheel? 314 00:14:25,045 --> 00:14:27,885 What age are you, Maeve, like, 30? 315 00:14:27,965 --> 00:14:30,525 -I'm 62. -Sugar daddy you're after, is it? 316 00:14:31,325 --> 00:14:33,565 I just wanna let you know, Maeve, 317 00:14:33,645 --> 00:14:35,685 we'll never call you "mammy". 318 00:14:37,125 --> 00:14:39,285 -Okay. -[Sarah] And I just wanna say, 319 00:14:39,365 --> 00:14:42,965 although I'm not happy about this thing with me da, 320 00:14:43,045 --> 00:14:46,325 I have to give it to you, that is a cracker blow-dry. 321 00:14:46,405 --> 00:14:49,485 -Great volume. Lovely movement. -[slaps back] 322 00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:53,125 [pop song continues] 323 00:14:59,605 --> 00:15:01,365 [door opens] 324 00:15:02,365 --> 00:15:04,765 Come on, Artem. You want me and I want you. 325 00:15:04,845 --> 00:15:06,245 Let's stop playing these games. 326 00:15:06,325 --> 00:15:07,925 Look, I don't want any trouble. 327 00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:10,925 I'm begging you, just leave me alone, please. 328 00:15:11,685 --> 00:15:13,005 Why are you suddenly Irish? 329 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,445 Queue to the right-hand side, please. 330 00:15:22,525 --> 00:15:25,325 One Chupa Chup per person. 331 00:15:25,405 --> 00:15:28,845 James. Listen, I have something to tell you, and-- 332 00:15:28,925 --> 00:15:31,085 Ooh, Dib-Dab. Okay. 333 00:15:31,165 --> 00:15:32,605 I'm just gonna say it. 334 00:15:32,685 --> 00:15:35,765 I think Katya is planning on having sex with you, tonight. 335 00:15:35,845 --> 00:15:37,405 -I know. -You know? 336 00:15:37,485 --> 00:15:39,005 I'm meeting her upstairs in a bit. 337 00:15:39,085 --> 00:15:40,925 She told me to have some food first. 338 00:15:41,005 --> 00:15:43,965 Apparently, sex uses up a lot of energy. 339 00:15:44,045 --> 00:15:46,365 -You do not want to do this, James. -Yes, I do. 340 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,525 -You're not ready for it. -I am. 341 00:15:48,605 --> 00:15:51,245 She doesn't love you, James. She's just using you. 342 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:54,125 Yeah, but the thing is, I don't care. 343 00:15:54,845 --> 00:15:56,805 I won't let you. I won't let you do it. 344 00:15:56,885 --> 00:15:58,165 You can't stop me. 345 00:15:58,245 --> 00:16:00,525 Fine. In that case, I'll just come and watch. 346 00:16:00,805 --> 00:16:02,605 -What? -You heard me, James. 347 00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:04,485 If you insist on going through with this, 348 00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:06,805 well, I'm-- I'm gonna make sure you don't enjoy it. 349 00:16:07,885 --> 00:16:09,565 I'm skiving. Say nothing. 350 00:16:10,485 --> 00:16:12,285 Oh, Jenny is a bit of a head mother isn't she? 351 00:16:12,365 --> 00:16:13,445 What? 352 00:16:13,525 --> 00:16:15,925 Oh, yeah. Big time. 353 00:16:16,005 --> 00:16:18,085 I've got some beers, if you fancy a sneaky one. 354 00:16:18,165 --> 00:16:20,125 Just give me one minute. 355 00:16:20,205 --> 00:16:21,805 I just have to-- I'll be right back. 356 00:16:21,885 --> 00:16:25,325 Just stay here. One minute. 357 00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:28,685 -Where's Katya? -I don't know. 358 00:16:28,765 --> 00:16:30,805 Up there somewhere, trying to mount my friend. 359 00:16:31,405 --> 00:16:32,365 I owe. 360 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,045 And the plot thickens. 361 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,925 Can you believe him? 362 00:16:38,005 --> 00:16:40,525 Flaunting it in our faces like this. 363 00:16:40,605 --> 00:16:43,085 I don't even know the man anymore. 364 00:16:43,165 --> 00:16:47,165 Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. 365 00:16:47,245 --> 00:16:48,885 -[both] Amen. -Unbelievable. 366 00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:50,165 Jammy Dodger? 367 00:16:50,245 --> 00:16:53,885 [Maeve] Blessed art thou and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. 368 00:16:53,965 --> 00:16:55,885 [muffled dance music plays] 369 00:17:00,405 --> 00:17:01,725 James? 370 00:17:05,205 --> 00:17:06,165 James? 371 00:17:07,085 --> 00:17:09,045 Is there any need for the size of this place? 372 00:17:09,725 --> 00:17:11,565 -James? -All right? 373 00:17:11,645 --> 00:17:14,205 -What is going on? -Trying to sort Clive out. 374 00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:17,325 -Clive? Who's Clive? -Christ. 375 00:17:17,405 --> 00:17:19,165 You dirty, dirty Brit. 376 00:17:19,245 --> 00:17:21,485 -I beg your pardon? -I know what you're up to. 377 00:17:21,565 --> 00:17:24,325 I'm not up to anything. I should be up to something, 378 00:17:24,405 --> 00:17:27,125 but I can't find the person I'm supposed to be up to it with, 379 00:17:27,205 --> 00:17:29,045 because this place is like a fucking maze. 380 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:30,325 Shh! 381 00:17:30,405 --> 00:17:32,405 -You'll scare Clive. -Who's Clive? 382 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,845 Clive. 383 00:17:33,925 --> 00:17:36,045 Clive is a wee Prod from east Belfast. 384 00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:39,165 Clive came back from Ibiza, got on the wrong bus at Aldergrove Airport, 385 00:17:39,245 --> 00:17:40,685 then fell asleep. 386 00:17:40,765 --> 00:17:43,645 Clive woke up in Derry, surrounded by Russians and Fenians. 387 00:17:43,725 --> 00:17:45,485 Clive is absolutely shitting himself. 388 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,925 So where's the real Artem? 389 00:17:47,005 --> 00:17:48,685 Giant's Causeway, probably. 390 00:17:48,765 --> 00:17:51,045 Foreigners fucking love the Giant's Causeway. 391 00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:54,205 I just wanna go home, but she won't let me leave. 392 00:17:54,285 --> 00:17:56,485 She won't let me leave. 393 00:17:56,565 --> 00:18:00,485 Um, I also think Clive may have had too many disco biscuits on his holidays. 394 00:18:01,765 --> 00:18:03,285 Here you are. 395 00:18:03,365 --> 00:18:05,685 -[angelic choir] -Thank God. 396 00:18:06,765 --> 00:18:09,205 Whatever you do, don't slag off the Pope. 397 00:18:10,285 --> 00:18:11,365 We're outnumbered. 398 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:15,805 For God's sake, Orla, you're gonna make yourself boke. 399 00:18:16,525 --> 00:18:17,885 -I can handle it. -[door opens] 400 00:18:19,325 --> 00:18:21,925 James, what is going on? I wait long time. 401 00:18:22,005 --> 00:18:23,845 You no longer want to do sex? 402 00:18:23,925 --> 00:18:26,645 No, no, no, I do want to do sex. I really, really want to do sex. 403 00:18:26,725 --> 00:18:29,805 -Come. -You disgust me. 404 00:18:30,885 --> 00:18:33,525 -You should be ashamed of yourself. -Piss off, Erin. 405 00:18:33,605 --> 00:18:35,965 I mean, I know you're desperate, James, but paying for it? 406 00:18:36,045 --> 00:18:37,205 What? 407 00:18:37,285 --> 00:18:38,965 You really thought I wouldn't work it out? 408 00:18:39,045 --> 00:18:40,845 Work what out? 409 00:18:40,925 --> 00:18:43,805 What the actual cock are you talking about? 410 00:18:43,885 --> 00:18:45,885 I'm talking about the fact that she's a prostitute. 411 00:18:45,965 --> 00:18:47,245 -[music ends] -[all gasp] 412 00:18:48,365 --> 00:18:51,205 [scoffs] I am prostitute? 413 00:18:51,285 --> 00:18:55,005 Oh, come off it, James. She's charging you for it, isn't she? 414 00:18:55,085 --> 00:18:59,125 -Just admit it. -No. I mean, I don't think so. 415 00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:01,725 -I mean, not that I wouldn't consider it. -Ugh! 416 00:19:01,805 --> 00:19:06,725 How dare you? I am poor Ukrainian, so I must be prostitute. 417 00:19:07,805 --> 00:19:08,885 [Erin] Hear me out. 418 00:19:09,885 --> 00:19:12,165 First, she comes on to James here. 419 00:19:12,245 --> 00:19:14,205 What would possess her? 420 00:19:14,285 --> 00:19:16,125 Financial gain, that's what. 421 00:19:16,205 --> 00:19:18,925 -He attractive boy, Erin. -He's English, Katya. 422 00:19:19,005 --> 00:19:21,325 -I have no problem with this. -You should. 423 00:19:21,405 --> 00:19:23,965 Secondly, she owns condoms. 424 00:19:24,045 --> 00:19:26,685 They're in her bag. A whole packet. 425 00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:28,005 And I've seen them, people. 426 00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:29,725 -You are imbecile. -"An" imbecile. 427 00:19:29,805 --> 00:19:33,725 And thirdly, all night, wee Ukrainian fellas 428 00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:36,965 have been coming up and giving her money they "owe" her. 429 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:39,765 How the hell do you explain that? 430 00:19:40,685 --> 00:19:43,925 I organize, how you say it, whip round. 431 00:19:44,525 --> 00:19:47,845 We like to buy Jenny present to thank her for nice party. 432 00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:50,365 Oh, you guys. 433 00:19:51,205 --> 00:19:52,725 Right. Okay. 434 00:19:53,405 --> 00:19:54,965 Yeah, that does sort of explain it. 435 00:19:55,045 --> 00:19:56,645 -Dickhead. -Really, Erin. 436 00:19:56,885 --> 00:20:00,285 So not only you insult me, but you've also spoiled Jenny's surprise. 437 00:20:03,445 --> 00:20:05,285 I think you should leave. 438 00:20:08,205 --> 00:20:10,245 -Yeah. -[crowd murmurs] 439 00:20:10,325 --> 00:20:14,645 But great evening all the same, Jenny. You're a credit to yourself. 440 00:20:25,245 --> 00:20:27,565 Come on, Katya, love. Let's talk about this, please. 441 00:20:27,645 --> 00:20:29,085 I am finished talking. 442 00:20:29,165 --> 00:20:31,525 She is racist, patronizing bitch. 443 00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:34,125 I am "a" racist, patronizing bitch. 444 00:20:34,205 --> 00:20:36,125 Now, come on, girls. Language, please. 445 00:20:36,205 --> 00:20:39,405 Well, you don't really wanna go to Jenny Joyce's house, do you, love? 446 00:20:39,485 --> 00:20:40,805 Yes, I do. 447 00:20:41,605 --> 00:20:44,365 Apart from anything, it has eight bedrooms and a chocolate fountain. 448 00:20:44,445 --> 00:20:46,365 I hope you're happy, Erin. 449 00:20:46,925 --> 00:20:48,925 -You've just done us out of your Russian. -Ukrainian. 450 00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:51,525 Good for you, Mr. Joe. 451 00:20:51,605 --> 00:20:54,805 She is hot and you're not dead, yet. 452 00:20:54,885 --> 00:20:56,205 Why not have some fun? 453 00:21:06,285 --> 00:21:10,405 Tell me this. Does Jenny Joyce's house really have eight bedrooms? 454 00:21:10,485 --> 00:21:13,165 Aye. And some of the bedrooms, 455 00:21:13,245 --> 00:21:17,005 they have these wee, tiny bathrooms attached to them. 456 00:21:17,085 --> 00:21:18,645 Imagine. 457 00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:26,365 Your girls, they're just not ready, Joe. 458 00:21:27,325 --> 00:21:29,245 Maybe see you in mass, then, eh? 459 00:21:29,325 --> 00:21:30,605 Aye. 460 00:21:32,685 --> 00:21:34,445 Here, give me your hand. 461 00:21:36,005 --> 00:21:39,845 Tell Sarah this is the fella that blow-dries my hair. 462 00:21:40,765 --> 00:21:42,165 He's an artist. 463 00:21:45,445 --> 00:21:46,645 [Gerry] Take care. 464 00:21:48,405 --> 00:21:49,605 [door closes] 465 00:21:51,765 --> 00:21:54,845 -That Maeve away? -Aye. 466 00:21:55,445 --> 00:21:58,045 -Nice woman. -Aye. 467 00:21:58,605 --> 00:22:00,685 Mary and Sarah will come round eventually, Joe. 468 00:22:00,765 --> 00:22:02,845 It's just hard for them to see you with somebody else. 469 00:22:02,925 --> 00:22:05,125 As far as they're concerned, their mother was perfect. 470 00:22:05,845 --> 00:22:07,045 Piss off, Gerry. 471 00:22:08,245 --> 00:22:12,205 ["Only a Woman's Heart" by Mary Black] 472 00:22:18,925 --> 00:22:20,125 And they're right. 473 00:22:22,485 --> 00:22:24,085 You were perfect. 474 00:22:24,165 --> 00:22:26,165 ♪ My heart is low ♪ 475 00:22:26,965 --> 00:22:29,605 ♪ My heart is so low ♪ 476 00:22:30,565 --> 00:22:35,165 ♪ As only a woman's heart can be ♪ 477 00:22:37,645 --> 00:22:41,085 ♪ As only a woman ♪ 478 00:22:41,165 --> 00:22:44,845 ♪ As only a woman ♪ 479 00:22:44,925 --> 00:22:47,885 ♪ As only a woman's... ♪