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00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,336
(theme music playing)
2
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(chicken clucks)
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GRAMMA: Good to be back with my family.
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00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,786
Now that you've joined us
in the country, Ma,
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I think it's time to give you and Remy
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a tour of downtown Smalton.
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I can't wait.
Downtown Smalton sounds so cosmopolitan.
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Oh, you bet it's-- whatever that word is.
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Oh, we're turning onto Main Street now.
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00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,593
Welcome to downtown Smalton!
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And... that's it.
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Okay, everyone out. Stretch your legs.
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- Oh, Gramma, I'm so happy
-(grunts)
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{\an8}you came all the way out here
just to visit us.
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{\an8}Darn tootin'. Who's going
to look after y'all if I don't?
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Indeed. It'll be great
to have you around again.
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-(stomach growling)
- Sheesh.
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You've been starving since I was gone?
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Come on, why don't we head out
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and I'll make you your favorite pie?
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Actually, Gramma, you're in luck.
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- We can eat here.
- GRAMMA: Patti's Diner?
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You're going to love it.
Patti's an amazing baker.
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Patti, huh?
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Take it in, Remy.
Welcome to Patti's Diner.
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The beating heart of downtown Smalton.
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It's got everything!
Fine dining, live entertainment,
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- fascinating locals...
-(wheezing)
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And there's even a gift shop!
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Ooh! I've been meaning to get
a country souvenir for Vasquez.
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- I'm gonna go check it out.
- You do you, Remy.
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Should I try the triple bacon burger,
33
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,939
or should I go healthy
and do the double bacon burger?
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Gramma, you must meet the owner, Patti.
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She bakes the best blueberry pie.
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"The best"?
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But nothing beats
my classic homemade pie, right?
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-(both gasp)
- Booths are for paying customers only.
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Patti!
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Long time no see, Tilly.
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You still remember our handshake?
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How can I forget?
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(grunting and vocalizing)
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- TILLY: Oh, yeah!
- PATTI: Yeah!
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- TILLY: Ring, ring.
- PATTI: Hello?
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BOTH: Wink!
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(both laugh)
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It's good to see the Green family again.
49
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,513
And pardon my manners.
Tilly, I didn't know
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00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:20,306
you had a twin sister.
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(chuckles) Oh, Patti, this is my gramma.
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You've got some wonderful grandkids.
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Can I arm wrestle you for them?
Ha! I'm just kidding.
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GRAMMA: I will destroy this woman.
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All right, lay it on me.
What are we eating today?
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I'll start. I think I'll try the--
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Uhp-bup-bup! Wayne!
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As soon as I saw you all come in,
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I went ahead
and started making your usual.
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An open-faced liverwurst sandwich,
extra cold.
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Oh, my usual. (chuckles)
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You remembered.
63
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You have a "usual"? I want one!
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Hey, Patti Cakes. My usual, please.
65
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You don't have a usual.
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And if you ever call me
"Patti Cakes" again,
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you never will.
68
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,928
Okay, what else we havin'?
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-(stomach growls)
- That's tummy talk
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for one slice of blueberry pie, please.
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00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,852
Ah, starting with dessert. I love it.
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Miss Patti, another customer just ordered
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the last slice of blueberry pie.
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Ain't that a shame?
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Well, let's go home
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and I'll whip you up your favorite.
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Oh, heck. For you, Tilly,
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I'll bake a new pie from scratch.
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Splendid. It'll be worth the wait.
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And what can I get for you, ma'am?
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I've lost my appetite.
82
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:26,789
And I'll have the meat-wich,
aka, my "usual."
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Got it. One meat-wich coming right up.
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(scoffs) It's not a usual
if she has to write it down.
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Son, having a usual
isn't all it's cracked up to be.
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When I first came here,
I ordered a liverwurst sandwich,
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and I never had the heart
to tell Patti I hated it.
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They just kept coming and coming.
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Now I'm locked in.
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Well, I'd be upset, too,
if my usual was liverwurst,
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but a meat-wich is meat-tastic.
92
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- I'll be fine.
- Sure you will, son.
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Sure you will.
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REMY: Ah, let's see.
95
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Valentino, Vance, Vanessa, Vosco.
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What? No Vasquez?
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00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,910
Darn! Well, no matter.
98
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,536
There's plenty of stuff here
for me to choose from.
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I'm sure I'll find
the perfect gift for Vasquez.
100
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Hmm.
101
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This keychain
is perfect for holding my keys.
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(groans)
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This mug is perfect for holding liquids.
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(groans louder)
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This pen is perfect
for defending you from bad guys.
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Hyah! (grunts)
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Oh! There are just too many good choices!
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Here you go. One meat-wich.
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Mm. My usual looks mighty fine.
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And, Tilly, I'm going to get started
on your blueberry pie.
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Oh, I can hardly wait.
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Patti's pies are nothing short
of a spiritual experience.
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She might just be my favorite baker.
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Your favorite baker? Huh.
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You know, since you love her pie so much,
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I'm, uh, gonna go see how she does it.
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They're gonna be friends.
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Wayne, you seen my rolling pin?
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-(loud bang)
- Huh?
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I don't know you, and I don't like you.
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- Okay.
- Now my Tilly seems to be mistaken
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- about who makes the best pie.
- Okay.
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So I challenge you to a pie bake off!
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Then we'll see whose pie she likes more.
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Are you sure you want to challenge me?
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The only reason
you won all them competitions
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is because I wasn't there.
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But I'm here now, so preheat your oven!
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You're on.
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(gagging)
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How's your usual treating you, sir?
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-(groaning) So good.
- I'll leave you to it, then.
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Wait, wait, wait.
Aren't you going to ask me about my usual?
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I've never seen you order a usual.
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In fact, I've never seen you.
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I'm new. My name's Wayne.
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Well, then, (sighs) Wayne.
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It's short for "Duh-wayne."
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Right. I'll have another meat-wich,
aka, my usual.
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00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,433
- One... meat...
- Ah, ah, ah!
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The whole point of a usual
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is that you don't have to write it down.
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You just remember what I want.
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Don't. Don't write it.
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Wayne...
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(stammers)
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I'm just gonna draw a picture.
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-(groans)
- Look, man, you're confused.
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Just think: meat-wich. Meat-wich.
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Which meat? Meat-wich! Got it?!
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- Okay.
- Great.
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Is he gone?
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I got to get this out of my mouth.
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-(gags)
- Gross, Dad.
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00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,342
Gotta get that crust nice and flaky,
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just the way Tilly likes it.
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(grunts)
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Aw, blort. She's a pie-makin' machine.
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Oh, Tilly, you deserve the best pie
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to fill your empty little tum-tum.
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I wish I could compete.
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And I will, because I make Tilly's
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favorite pie and she needs me! I hope.
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00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,238
You're gonna keep mumbling to yourself,
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or are you actually going to bake?
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I'd be more concerned about
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that shabby crimping technique
you got going on.
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00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,870
Clearly, you don't know
what you're talking about,
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00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:55,248
given that you're practically
juicing those berries.
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You ain't never had a juicy pie?
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(scoffs) You can talk all you want,
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but we'll see who's really the best.
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00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,463
-(bell dings)
- Sure will,
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00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:06,217
because it's time
to put these babies in the oven.
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(groans) Need pie.
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00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,054
I feel you, sister.
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00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,723
I can't believe
I'm still waiting for my second usual.
178
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,559
- Where's Wayne?
- WAYNE: Here.
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00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,895
-(gasps)
- So, uh, don't get mad or nothing,
180
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,231
but I was having
trouble remembering your usual.
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00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,108
It just flew right out of my head.
182
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I tried thinking of what you said,
183
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something about which meat...
which is the meat--
184
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The meat-wich, Wayne!
185
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,868
I couldn't remember,
so I brought you this!
186
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,287
- Wayne!
- Son, be patient with him.
187
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,206
That's the face of a man
who's doing the best he can.
188
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,500
I'm sorry. I'm afraid my brain
189
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,544
can't hold nothing more than a tune.
190
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:44,130
Oh, "a tune"? Like a song? That's perfect.
191
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,923
Maybe this little diddy will help
192
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,550
you remember my usual.
193
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♪ Meat-wich! Meat-wich
Turkey and pastrami ♪
194
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,806
♪ Roast beef and salami
It's a taste tsunami ♪
195
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,851
♪ Only someone delusional
Wouldn't know it's my usual ♪
196
00:07:56,851 --> 00:08:00,146
♪ Meat-wich! Meat-wich
Turkey and pastrami ♪
197
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,024
-♪ Roast beef and salami ♪
-♪ It's a taste tsunami ♪
198
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:07,195
♪ Only someone delusional
Wouldn't know it's my usual ♪
199
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,197
- Yeah!
- Wait, where'd Wayne go?
200
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:12,700
Meat-wich! Meat-wich,
only someone delusional
201
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,660
wouldn't know it's your usual.
202
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,496
Thank you for helping me remember.
203
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,830
(whimpering)
204
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,124
Ahh...!
205
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,044
Cricket Green has a usual!
206
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,504
Yeah!
207
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,506
Okay. Since I can't decide
on what souvenir
208
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,965
Vasquez would like the most,
209
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:31,093
I have decided to buy everything!
210
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,845
Do you offer gift-wrapping service?
211
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,222
(timer rings)
212
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:37,475
Well, Patti Cakes, you played a good game,
213
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,310
but it looks like it's all over.
214
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,979
(sniffs) Now that's a smell of victory.
215
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:45,942
Nice effort,
but, uh, here's the real masterpiece.
216
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,444
Yeah, well, looks are only crusty.
217
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,862
Here, try it for yourself.
218
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,865
Mm. (gasps)
219
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:59,580
♪ Pie-pie-pie! ♪
220
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,416
♪ Pie-pie-pie! ♪
221
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,168
Oh, wow!
222
00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,379
Ahh! (grunts) Where am I?
223
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,006
Did you leave your body
and go to Pie Valhalla?
224
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,967
My baking seems to do that to folks.
225
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:14,011
This is bad.
If Tilly compares our two pies,
226
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,806
she's never gonna need me
to bake for her again.
227
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:20,851
So... I can't let Tilly eat that pie!
228
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,062
- I'm gonna smash that pie!
- I will break you, woman!
229
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,481
(grunting)
230
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:27,900
Yahh!
231
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,819
(grunts) Oh.
232
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,654
Ha! You're gonna
have to do better than that
233
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,989
if you want to beat... Uh-oh.
234
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,323
- Yahh!
-(grunts)
235
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,075
-(grunting)
- SAUL: My water!
236
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:39,078
Gramma? Patti? What are you doing?
237
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,664
(gasps)
Tilly! I challenged Patti to a pie-off
238
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,000
because you were gushing
about how good hers was.
239
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,835
But I make your favorite sweets,
240
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,087
and I'm the one
who's supposed to provide for ya.
241
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,006
You like my pie better, don't you?
242
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,257
Uh, Gramma...
243
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,675
Hey, guys, do you think we have room
244
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:53,843
in the Kludge for all of this?
245
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,845
Whoa! Oh, no!
246
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,013
The pie!
247
00:09:58,973 --> 00:09:59,849
Yahh!
248
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,397
You sacrificed your pie... to save mine?
249
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,482
I'll be honest. I got jealous
250
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,776
when Tilly said
you were her favorite baker.
251
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,361
She's out here in the country now,
252
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,863
and things are changing,
253
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,532
and I was scared
she wouldn't need me anymore.
254
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,702
But regardless,
she deserves her favorite pie.
255
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,662
Oh, Gramma, I'll always need you.
256
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:22,830
Huh?
257
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,498
You don't have to bake my favorite pie
258
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,876
to be my favorite Gramma. I love you.
259
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,170
Well, now that we all agree
my pie is the best,
260
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,588
why don't you all dig in?
261
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,922
- ALL: Yeah!
- Swell.
262
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,215
Not you, Wayne.
263
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,135
TILLY: Ow, ow! Help!
(chuckles) Just kiddin'.
264
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,428
Here you go, Tilly.
265
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,472
I cut you a piece with your eyeball.
266
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,931
Thank you, Gramma.
267
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,725
Oh, I love pie.
268
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,102
Tell you the truth,
two meat-wiches was too many.
269
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,520
I'm pretty over my usual.
270
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,105
Uh-uh! There's no way
271
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,441
I'm letting you eat dessert
before you clean your plate.
272
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,109
BILL: I tried to tell you, son.
273
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,904
Having a usual is a prison with no escape.
274
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:57,073
And now we're in it together.
275
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,991
(evil laughter)
276
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,078
(evil laughter continues)