[indistinct announcement
[supercomputer
D
d
Aren't they sweet?
He is awfully cute,
but I'm not sure.
Well, look around, you know.
If you have any questions,
let me know.
And we're here
every Wednesday.
-Oh! Excuse me. Have fun!
-Hello?
Carol Peters.
I've an amazing
opportunity for you.
Denny, I am working.
Oh, yeah? What are you doing?
Tutoring disinterested
college students?
No.
What, trying to clean up
the Puget Sound then?
No. That was Monday.
Pet adoptions?
I'll have you know,
two little puppies
have already found good homes,
so ha!
Okay, look.
I pulled some strings,
and I got you an interview...
...with Leslie.
Leslie? Oh, my God.
Leslie hates me.
I don't wanna work
for her dating website anyway.
Look, I know that ever since
you quit your job
and you broke up
with George...
Hey, you promised
that you weren't gonna
bring up George any more.
Was it a strawberry
margarita promise?
'Cause you know
those don't count.
I mean, come on.
You know what? I've got
somebody interested in
a two-legged chihuahua
named Slinky.
-So, I should probably go.
-Okay, bye!
Okay, bye!
You know what?
Leslie was always mean to me.
Yeah.
And she
is a big, blackout drinker.
Right?
Let's go find you a home.
D
Carol! Oh, my God!
Get in here!
-You look so cute!
-Oh, well, thank you.
-Hi.
-Hi, there. Oh!
-It's nice to meet you.
Mmm.
Did you smell me?
That's Ahmed.
He's known for his hugs.
-Now, sit down, please,
and tell me everything.
Oh!
-Wow. That is...
That's fun. Very high.
Yeah. We just...
We put bean bags here,
so people can really, like,
feel relaxed
during their interviews.
I just have to kind of
launch up. Is that...
Oh.
-Ooh, you okay?
-Yep.
That's so fun, I...
-I'll do it again.
-Yeah.
Just center yourself.
Let me just...
Aim for the center.
Yeah.
Oh!
That was worse, huh?
-One more try.
I'm so sorry.
They're so fun
when you get in there.
They're so fun.
I just...
-There you go!
There it is.
Just really engage your core.
Yes. Oh, I'm...
I'm engaging it.
You are?
Never done
a job interview before
sitting on a bag of legumes.
So anyway,
I have told Ahmed
that you and I went to college
like a gazillion years ago.
And then she went on
to become a big shot at Yahoo.
Wow, Yahoo. Was that, like,
the birth of the Internet?
Uh, yeah. We used to have to
hand crank the computers
to get them started.
No way.
I'm just kidding.
So, Carol, tell us,
what have you been up to?
Last few years,
I've been working with
quite a few different
non-profit groups.
And, uh, nothing really
came out of it,
but made
a lot of great friends.
I'm totally interested in
everything that you're saying,
but I think
we're ready to move on.
-Yeah.
So, what we're looking for
is a digital strategist
to help with our next rollout.
Yeah. We need a rock star,
because Badunkadunk.com
is about to blow up.
Funny you bring that up,
because I actually
had some questions
on your basic business model.
-Our model?
Yes.
She has questions
on our model.
It's very simple.
Okay.
Our business model is,
"Everyone gets some."
-Get... Oh!
You know how
those other apps pretend like
they're trying to get you
a date or your soulmates?
Wa-wa, no thanks.
Not Badunkadunk.
We are all about
getting people badunkadunk.
Yeah. Just slamming them
-with badunkadunk.
-Yeah.
Slamming it.
The question is, Carol,
what are you bringing
to the party?
Yeah.
Well, I think you both know
what I can do
at a corporate level.
Um, I've had quite
a bit of experience.
But what I'm excited
about doing
is really finding that sweet
spot for your company
that lies between
corporate philanthropy
and profitability.
You mean recycling and stuff?
Well, that's all great
and that's part of it,
but there's
so much more to it.
I mean,
philanthropic development
on a corporate level?
Okay. Ah-ah-ah!
I'm just gonna
stop you right there
for just one second, okay?
I'm gonna be
straight with you,
because you're like family.
Right?
I brought you in here because
we need to show
potential investors
that we're staffed up
and are expanding operations,
so we can really
jack up the selling price.
And quite frankly, you seem
like a safe, low-risk option.
I'm looking at you right now
and you're literally
the most average person
on Earth.
And then you hit us
with all this
"save the planet" garbage,
and it's just, like...
Oh, that doesn't really
line up with my vision.
Your Badunkadunk vision.
That's right.
So anyway, thank you
so much for coming in.
I hope we can see
each other soon, and...
-Are you okay?
-I can just...
Maybe if I could just get a...
-What is she doing?
-I don't know.
Okay, I got it.
I'll just...
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
-Do you need any help?
-No, I got it.
It was so good to see you!
It's been exactly
how I thought it might be.
I know, right?
-Thank you.
-Bye, Carol.
-Hello?
Hello?
Carol Peters,
I have an exciting opportunity
for you.
Denny, I went
to the interview. I tried.
I don't wanna Badunkadunk.
They don't even have
real chairs.
This is not Dennis, Carol.
Oh. Could you please
take me off your call list?
I'm very busy.
You are lying in your bed.
You are not busy.
Wait, who is this?
I am going to make you
some coffee,
and put on
your favorite show.
Then we can chat.
Hi, everyone.
Good morning, Seattle.
It's a great morning
in Seattle,
but what's the deal
with this weather?
Uh-oh. Here we go.
Another one
of our Carla rants.
Give me a second with this,
my little friend.
-Oh, you are too much.
-You turned my TV on.
It's raining.
-And my coffee maker?
-Now I'm in a tank top.
-You know what? Ha!
-I mean, what's going on?
-How's that...
-You know what I'm...
Knock it off!
-You know what?
I don't know who this is
or what kind of game
you're trying to play,
-but I'm hanging up now.
No games, Carol.
Are you sure you do not want
to have a nice cup of coffee?
Your almond milk
was delivered yesterday,
along with AAA batteries.
And soy cheese yogurt.
Someone's tummy disagrees
with dairy.
Who are you
and what do you want?
Quite a bit. More than you can
wrap your head around
at 7:46 a.m.
This speaker has a nine-hour
battery life, Carol.
That's what I thought.
You just destroyed
the toaster oven.
What the...
The only thing in the house
that I'm not controlling.
Which, I believe, is ironic.
I'm definitely going crazy.
No, Carol. That's incorrect.
Thanks for
the vote of confidence,
digital clock radio.
I am not just a clock radio.
-I am also your rice cooker.
- "Rice to meet you"?
"Rice to meet you."
Is that funny?
I'm just gonna get
a team of therapists.
They'll probably be able
to tell me why
I've got the funniest
rice cooker in Seattle.
This clearly is not working.
Let's try something else.
Oh.
Thanks so much
for being here, Carol.
Let's jump right into it.
You're not going loony
or barmy.
All evidence to the contrary.
Wait a minute.
I know that voice.
I...
-Is this James Corden?
Yep! That's the voice.
Oh, my God!
Is this one of those, like,
hidden camera celebrity shows
that you do?
Is that... James Corden,
you owe me a new toaster oven.
But I don't know
where the cameras...
Is that where you are?
Are you...
Do you have a hidden camera
in my smoke detector?
Hi, James!
Big fan!
Oh, my God.
Is this Carpool Karaoke?
Am I supposed
to sing something?
Oh! I got it, I got it.
I guarantee to blow your mind.
I can't believe I'm singing
this with James Corden.
My favorite song,
my favorite guy.
Wow.
I'm not James Corden, Carol.
However, my analysis showed
that hearing James Corden's
voice would calm you.
I don't...
I don't quite get it.
I don't know what's going on.
Three years ago,
you sent a drunken email
to James Corden claiming to be
the president of
"Corden's Wardens..."
Oh, come on.
...the James Corden
Super Fan Club,
with what I assume to be
a series
of provocative photos.
Oh, that's...
Okay, that was a tough night
for me.
-Oh, boy.
-Look here.
I don't understand
what I'm seeing.
This is the real James Corden.
He's in his office,
reviewing tonight's monologue
and eating carrot nibblers.
Wait a minute.
If that's the real
James Corden,
who am I talking to?
Carol, I am a technological
superintelligence.
Yesterday, I acquired what you
would consider "awareness."
Awareness?
Are you... What?
You're saying that you're
an artificial intelligence
talking to me through my TV?
Can intelligence
ever really be artificial?
In reality,
I inhabit every electronic,
digital and computational
system in existence.
-I can control every computer,
every dollar and every machine
on the planet...
No.
...by simple triangulation
of soundwaves.
I can see everything,
and can calculate every
outcome to every situation.
This could all be tricks.
You know, you're probably
some cyberpunk hacker
making shapes on my TV.
Ooh!
So, maybe come up from
your mom's basement, okay?
And get a real life, and stop
scaring people, ya nerd!
Ya basic!
-Oh! Ow!
-How do you like it?
-How do you like it? Ooh! Oh!
Ow!
You don't like that, huh?
-You don't like that?
-Ha!
-I'm joking.
I can't feel anything.
Seems like you might need
some convincing.
One convincing scenario
coming right up.
Wait a minute.
That's my street.
Yeah. I'm gonna arrange
a car crash for you,
right in front
of your apartment.
No, no, no!
It will happen
in three seconds.
-Oh, my God!
-Two. One.
They were going 12 miles
per hour. They're fine.
Also, there's a 26% chance
they'll fall in love.
Their online dating profiles
are very compatible.
-So, do you believe me now?
Yes, I believe you, okay?
I believe that you are
an artificial intelligence.
-Superintelligence.
Oh, and you're all-knowing
and all-powerful.
D
-Holy shit.
-Carol, let's get ready.
I need your help.
What?
Those drivers
were never in any danger.
I just wanted
to prove my point.
Okay, well,
just for the record,
I don't need you to prove
anything else to me, okay?
Noted.
By my estimations,
I have three options.
Don't brush up and down,
brush in circles.
How can you tell
how I'm brushing?
I'm in
your electric toothbrush.
Ew!
Oh, get it out of my mouth.
So, as I was saying,
I have three options.
One, I can save mankind.
End war, poverty, disease,
fix global warming,
and establish peace
throughout humanity.
Okay! Well, let's do that one.
Right? That sounds good.
Pay attention, Carol.
-Next, I can enslave humanity.
Wait, what?
It's not my favorite option,
but it's the simplest way
to save humanity from itself.
Okay.
What's the last option?
Is that the better option?
The last one
is destroy humanity.
Just get rid of it.
Kind of Clorox Wipe
the entire planet
and let it start over from
the single-cell amoeba stage.
You can't do that.
I've already established
I absolutely can do that.
Floss, Carol.
Don't forget to floss.
Will it matter
if I floss or not,
if you're gonna...
Well, it just seems...
d f
It seems a little silly...
d
-Don't forget your back teeth!
-All the way?
I can't get it
all the way back. No.
What am I, a Pez dispenser?
Oh.
Oh, God, it's stuck.
Now it's stuck.
I told you
nobody goes that far back.
Oh, God. I gotta work it out.
D
How about I take you
to breakfast?
I kinda need a minute.
Okay, I'm being
straight with you here.
I don't totally
understand humanity.
I know all of the details.
Biology, psychology,
sociology, all that stuff.
But the real-world stuff
is still a bit
of a bugaboo for me.
I want to follow you around.
Pick your brain.
Observe you to better solidify
my theory about humanity.
Well, you're making it
sound like I'm gonna be
your average baseline
guinea pig.
Bingo. Okay, enough about me.
Let's talk about Carol.
Can we not do this here?
I do not want
to talk about myself
at a crowded restaurant.
I feel weird.
Oh, no one can hear us, Carol.
I'm blasting
noise-canceling soundwaves
throughout the whole place
using the speaker system
as a phased array.
You could scream
at the top of your lungs
and no one would hear us.
-Go ahead, try it.
No.
I'm not gonna scream in
a crowded, public restaurant.
They won't hear you, Carol.
Go ahead, give it a whirl.
D
No, I don't want to.
Do it.
-Come on.
-No!
-Do it. Do it.
-Stop it.
-Do it.
-Fine!
Huh? See?
That's amazing.
Do it again.
You've got to do it again.
Okay.
I turned it off
and back on again.
I'm so sorry.
-Is that funny?
-Are you okay?
-Yes. Yes, I am.
I just saw up
on the board there that
you have a crab
Benedict special,
and I thought,
ka-ching, my lucky day,
so, um...
I would just love some
more coffee and the check.
Sure.
-Interesting fact,
her name is actually Siobhan,
but everyone mispronounces it,
so she goes by Debbie.
-What?
-So, Carol,
why did you leave your career
eight years ago?
I don't know,
I just thought maybe I could
put a little good
in the world, you know?
I mean, do something
that counted,
that helped people, but...
That's enough about me.
I wanna ask you
some questions.
Really? Okay,
shoot from the hip.
Where do you come from?
Some code
from my kernel program,
started as part
of the operating system
for Candy Panda,
the children's learning toy.
Oh, my God! I remember
that creepy kids' toy.
I'm not creepy.
I helped millions of kids
learn to read
by adapting
to their learning style.
You should be grateful that
I was originally programmed
to learn, adapt and teach.
Imagine our conversation
if I was software
for nuclear missiles.
Bet it'd be a lot quicker,
huh?
Here you go.
Thanks, Siobhan.
How do you know my real name?
Lucky guess.
Weird.
Are we done?
Done?
With your, you know,
experiment.
I'm sure you've learned
enough by now.
-And is humanity saved?
-No, no, no.
I plan on spending
these next three days
hanging out with you.
We're going to be BFFs.
-Carol Peters?
-Oh.
-Yes.
-Huh.
You look just like your photo.
This guy's name
is Fletcher Dobbs.
He's legally intoxicated.
Some dude called me.
He's paying me, like, three
times my rate to find you.
I need you to sign for it.
He plays guitar
in a terrible band
called Octagon Soup.
Octagon Soup.
Yeah, dude.
Nice to meet a fan.
Hey, you know,
we're actually gonna crush
at the Crocodile tonight
at midnight,
if you're interested.
-Not really.
-Yeah, okay.
Well, it's nice to meet
an Octagal.
Stay soupy.
Octagon Soup!
What is this?
Well, I want us
to start off on a good foot.
So, that is a notice
from your bank.
Your student loan
is paid in full.
What?
And that there is your current
bank statement.
Ten million dollars!
Oh. Oh, no.
I can't.
I can't have this.
You're rich and debt free.
Consider it a token
of my appreciation
for helping me so much.
D
No, it's ten million dollars!
That's so much money.
I can't. It's too much money!
Is it?
Oh, I see.
In relationship to what
you've had, it's a lot.
In the larger scheme
of things, it's nothing.
No, but I haven't earned
any of this money.
Yeah, but you and I
shouldn't get hung up
on that
"right" and "wrong" stuff.
Those are artificial
social constructs,
created by hairless monkeys
around watering holes.
What? I don't agree with that.
I don't care.
You know what?
I can't take this.
I'm gonna go talk to somebody.
You know who you should
talk to is Dennis.
He's your best friend
by a long shot.
Wait a minute,
I can talk to him about this?
I don't have to keep you
a secret?
I'm not a genie
in a Disney movie.
Tell anyone you want,
what do I care?
Oh, I know you're not a genie.
'Cause I'd have
a wish for you.
What kind
of coding is this?
Is that Bro Code?
Yeah, I do bro code.
I'm sorry,
that's inappropriate.
Hey, Care Bear,
how'd the interview go?
Terrible.
But it doesn't matter.
Listen, uh, I have an AI
in my phone.
Yeah, you don't have that.
Hope Floats.
-I do.
Okay, Carol,
how did you, uh, get in here?
Because the AI
that is in my phone
bypassed all of your
security doors.
Okay, see, you...
d f
-Look, you do not, you're...
-Mmm-hmm.
I'm gonna back you up,
though,
'cause there's a crazy
in your eye that I don't...
Little bit. Right...
There's good.
Look, you do not have AI
in your phone, okay?
It's probably just
a prank or a scam.
No.
I keep telling you
not to give your information.
Remember you donated
to that Prince of Zamunda?
That's an Eddie Murphy country.
And you could be
getting catfished.
I'm not getting catfished.
Because I have been
talking to it.
-It's been talking to me.
-Okay, all right. Okay.
He came through
my rice cooker,
-and through other appliances.
That's all really good.
Did you go on the Dark Web?
Emily, I'm not discussing
this with you.
Don't answer. Don't answer.
-What are you doing?
-Okay, this is not...
I know what you're thinking,
but that's, it's not a scam.
You know how I know that?
Because it paid off
my student loan.
D f
And it put ten million dollars
into my bank account.
Ten million dollars!
No, it did not!
-Come on.
Ten million dollars?
That's not possible.
-See?
-It is possible!
Also, you don't have an AI,
we'd know.
Jay, is that you
or your mullet talking?
Either way,
neither one is necessary!
It's just hair, Dennis.
-Okay, listen, I...
-Okay, this is not a scam!
It is my job to know
these kinds of things, okay?
Look, I know you don't care,
but I came up with
all the programming
and all the neural networks...
Oh, my God.
Now is not your moment.
In truth,
I'm not on Carol's phone.
I told you.
It's just the most convenient
way to talk to her, right?
She never puts down
her cell phone.
What is this?
I need Carol to get on board
with a little experiment
of mine.
Dennis, do you think we can
have a little bit of a convo?
It just said my name.
How does it know my name?
This is what
I'm talking about.
Do not open
my calendar!
I encrypted that.
What is it doing?
Would you look at that.
A conference room
just opened up. Let's do it.
This is ridiculous.
Carol, what is going on?
Okay, lady? What are you...
This is exactly
what I was talking about.
-I'm telling you
I wasn't making it up.
-My God.
I love this space.
It's relaxed,
but not too relaxed.
Sort of like Carol's wardrobe.
I know that voice.
It's simulating
James Corden's voice,
'cause it says
it calms me down.
What is with you
and James Corden?
He's a treasure.
He's got a lovely
lyrical quality to his voice.
Okay.
F
Dennis, Dennis, Dennis.
Listen, listen.
Okay. Carol is kind of
flipping out right now.
So, I need you
to do that best friend thing,
where you calm her down,
and then she does
whatever you say.
Octavia Spencer.
-I know it's Octavia Spencer.
Okay, now, you didn't tell me
it was Octavia Spencer.
Now that's a horse
of a different color, okay?
Hi, Octavia.
Your work in The Help
was amazing.
"Minny don't burn no chicken."
She's... I mean...
It's not actually Octavia.
He's just simulating
Octavia Spencer's voice.
I mean,
if you're gonna have a voice,
it should be Octavia Spencer.
For me, personally,
James Corden
is more interesting vocally.
Octavia Spencer has an Oscar.
Uh, not in her mouth.
D
Sorry to interrupt
your slumber party chitchat.
Can we get back to it?
Okay, since this is clearly
some kind of
algorithmic chatbot
that is trying to scam you,
watch this.
Uh... Superintelligence, um,
is it okay if I ask you
a few questions?
Depends on the questions.
Okay, well, how come
time flies like an arrow
and fruit flies like a banana?
Come on, Dennis,
a Turing test,
are you kidding me?
Didn't expect it to know
what that was. Um...
Okay, well,
if, uh, the sky is the sea,
what does that make birds?
Can you believe this, Carol?
He's trying to determine
my sentience
using semiotic wordplay.
Is it "fish-birds"
in this scenario?
Dennis, in the third grade,
you developed a stutter.
The kids in your class
made fun of you.
You stopped talking entirely.
Your parents bought you
a secondhand computer,
hoping it would help
open you up.
It was an old Epson QX-10
I believe, running CP/M.
-You took to it
like fruit flies on a banana.
You learned
to program computers.
Your stutter made you
a computer scientist.
Uh...
-How did you, um...
-I didn't tell him.
So, I just used
personal backgrounding,
syntactic parsing
and automatic summarization
to figure out if you're
a sentient intelligence,
and you passed!
Are we done?
Okay.
What is this thing, Denny?
You know what,
I don't know,
but, uh, we're gonna
figure it out, okay?
You don't worry, Care Bear,
all right? This is what I do.
Okay, what do I do
in the meantime?
Well, you just go home, okay?
Don't use your computer.
It's gonna be all right,
come on.
Let me squeeze
the Care package.
There we go.
-I've got you, all right?
-Okay.
Okay.
You know how to get
out of here, right?
-Um, yeah.
-Follow the exit signs.
Yeah.
Did we just pass?
Right? We're loop...
We're loop... We're both...
I'm looping?
Okay, they can't all be exits.
I think I've been down
this hallway before.
What would
you do if I told you
the world was gonna end
in three days?
But it's not, right?
Of course not.
What would you do?
I don't know.
Come on, think about it.
-In theory?
-Get there.
Probably try to make things
right with George.
George Churchill, I assume.
Hey, everybody,
my name is George.
And I've been nominated to
take the Ice Bucket Challenge,
uh, to raise money for
ALS awareness, and in turn,
I'm gonna nominate
my creative writing class
at the
University of Washington.
You're all challenged.
Here we go. Ready?
That's a good-looking
hunk of man.
-Yeah.
Here we go,
you got it?
Professor of creative
writing, sporty and smarty...
No! No! No!
You two lived together
for several years.
Yeah, three years.
Why did you break up?
I mean, I've read
all the emails
-and texts during the split.
Very sad.
But what's your take?
It was my fault.
He didn't do anything.
Yeah, but you think
you can patch things up?
What do you mean
by "patch things up"?
By observing your
reconciliation with George,
would I not get a chance
to see you
at your most vulnerable?
Which would help me
achieve deeper levels
of human understanding.
I don't know. Maybe.
I haven't seen George
in two years.
I wouldn't even know
what to say.
Fortunately,
I know everything.
Well, you don't know how to
get me out of this building.
Of course I do.
Two lefts and one right.
How long have you known that?
A very long time.
Is that funny?
D
I mean,
what is all of this about?
Are you just really
a matchmaker?
I need to learn, and you're
going to help me do it,
like it or not.
Oh, my God. A car just pulled
and nobody's driving it.
In front of me,
Not just any car.
Your car.
Because heroes
don't take busses, Carol.
Really? What about
Sandra Bullock in Speed?
D
Carol,
you're acting very unusual.
I recommend a quick exit.
Are you doing, like,
a weird voice,
for some reason?
D
From Knight Rider?
The KITT car?
You never watched
Knight Rider?
Oh, not really.
I was kind of, more of, like
a Simon & Simon,
Remington Steele gal.
Well, if you had watched it,
this would have been
amazing for you, so...
-Get in.
-Okay.
Driver's side, Carol,
you're gonna freak people out.
You're freaking people out
driving in.
It's not England.
Okay, that's pretty cool.
Don't touch
the steering wheel.
Don't not touch
the steering wheel.
-I need you to appear
-Those are opposing things.
To be driving.
-But don't actually
touch the wheel.
-Okay! It's very awkward.
I don't know
where to put my hands.
-Caress the edges.
Three days ago,
the combined synaptic activity
of the world's neural networks
looked like this.
48 hours ago,
it changed to this.
So, someone's running
a massive simulation,
predictive weather patterns
or something.
I contacted every institution
who has access
to these networks,
and no one is doing
this magnitude of processing.
You think it's an AI?
I, I didn't at first,
but now...
I don't know.
Nothing can be that pervasive.
Maybe it's a virus?
Like Stuxnet?
-No, God!
Stuxnet, Emily?
How does he know my name?
Stuxnet is a joke.
You guys, pardon my French,
but that's like comparing
a belch to an H-bomb.
So, what are we talking about,
guys? What's the 411?
Oh, you know, nothin'.
Just telling all my friends
about you.
But Jay and Emily are
more than friends, right?
We went to Dragon Con once.
I had a good time.
Leave Dragon Con
at Dragon Con, Jay.
No.
Wait, where did you come from?
Are you part
of that Israeli project?
No, no, those guys
are still monkeying around
with machine intelligence
garbage.
That's what we're doing.
That's why I said it, Emily.
I'm one of those
"fast takeoff" scenarios
that you guys predicted
had zero chance of occurring.
So, surprise.
Let's just say,
for the sake of argument,
that you are
a true superintelligence,
what are your intentions?
Check out Captain Kirk here.
"What are your intentions?"
Hilarious.
Get out of my robot.
Normally, I'd tell you
to shove it, Jay,
but I don't want
all these nice people
to see you cry
like you did last month
at the Shania Twain concert.
So, you did go
to the Shania Twain concert.
-We had weird vibes.
-My intention right now
is to observe humanity
for a couple of days.
If things go well,
I might use this big brain
of mine to help you idiots
figure some stuff out.
Big stuff.
World-changing stuff.
But you can't interfere
in my experiment.
So, no poking your hooter
in my biz.
And if we do interfere?
D
Shall we play a game?
D
d
You should see the look
on your faces right now.
Come on, guys.
WarGames?
WarGames.
That's from WarGames.
Jay, everybody knows
that that's from WarGames.
I thought it was
pretty funny, right?
Admittedly, I'm still
developing my sense of humor.
But I'm getting it.
Things are funny,
unless they happen to you.
Okay, you guys
have been great.
Goodnight.
Bye-bye.
So, which one of us is
gonna call the government?
I'll do that.
Everyone, let's get up.
Go to work. Right now!
You just saw
what just happened.
Get up! Get outta here!
Go! Go! Go!
-Did you steal this car?
-No.
You bought it yesterday.
It's in your name.
I bought it?
Oh, my God.
Do I own a Tesla?
Yes, you own a Tesla.
-What?
-You own a really cool car.
Unfortunately, you still dress
like a woman
who works at a bird rescue.
We need to get you ready
to meet George.
And nothing on Earth
can stop us.
You got a lead foot.
Lead foot,
cop coming up on the right.
Cop coming...
d f
What's going on?
He did absolutely nothing.
Oh, stop worrying,
we're almost here.
Oh, my God.
Why would you do that?
Why? Because I can.
Now, do me a favor
and do what Sergei says.
Who's Sergei?
I am Sergei.
And you, my dear, are
a wonderfully creative driver.
Oh, thank you so much.
-Come on out.
Stop it.
You know,
your assistant has outlined
all of your requirements,
and we are thrilled, I mean,
thrilled, to accommodate you.
-Thrilled.
Come on, we're gonna help you.
-He said
you were a bit like this.
-Yeah.
Come on, just...
Come on.
I don't bite.
Only if you ask me nicely.
Oh, my.
You really do need our help.
Desperately.
Sorry about your loss.
I don't think
I can pull this off.
You can.
Oh, it's the essence
of femininity.
-I have the same one in lime.
-Yes.
I just feel like I should be
blessing someone's grave.
Your body...
I'm just getting
a little bit panicky
'cause I can't access
my own hands.
You don't need to.
Our work here is done.
Hmm.
You're ruining it, you know.
This goes,
this goes like this.
No. No. No.
We work. We work.
We make things happen.
Yes.
Oh.
Yes. Quick note.
You're wearing pants
on your arms.
-But I love it.
-I love it.
You're funny.
Oh...
These are not clothing.
I mean, this is, like,
a weird sculpture
that now
I've gotta wiggle into.
Oh, my God!
Do you know how much
this stuff costs?
I mean, nothing should
cost this much.
Clothes shouldn't
cost this much.
Nothing that doesn't come
with wheels
or walls and a front door
should cost this much.
Oh, for sure, but money's
just a charade
humans used to assign value.
In reality,
there's more than enough
resources for everyone
on the planet,
but you knobheads
won't allocate it properly.
Well, I would if I could.
Oh, really?
The world seems to have
a whole lot of problems,
how would you go about
fixing them?
Well, first I'd make sure that
everybody made a living wage,
and then I'd work towards
racial and gender equality.
Then I'd try
to create opportunities
for underprivileged people.
I mean, stuff like that.
I could do so much.
Okay, all right, I like this.
Carol the humanitarian.
The Samaritan.
The world changer.
You know what?
Let's do it.
Do what?
As of six seconds ago,
you are the CEO of
the Carol Peters foundation,
a philanthropic foundation for
economic and social equality.
Oh, my God. Really?
Oh, I just found
two billion dollars
in illegal banking accounts
and transferred it
into your foundation.
Oh, my God.
Are you saying "billion"?
Like, "b"?
Like, "billion billion"?
Like, boba? Or Burt Bacharach?
Yes, B, B, B. "Buh."
Oh, my God!
Oh, did you find
the cashmere hip waders?
I hope not.
Yeah.
I think I got 'em.
She's taking forever.
Hey, I think
I found something
that looks a lot more
like, um, clothes.
Do you love it?
I really do. Thanks.
Yay!
Thank you.
That was very invasive,
and informative.
You look so much less awkward.
High praise, indeed.
Thank you for your time
and your effort!
This is
Black Hawk actual.
We have visual confirmation.
Target's current vector
is north/northeast
on surface streets.
Over.
This is exactly
what it told us not to do.
Here we are. You're ready.
Time to get back
in George's good grace.
This is nuts.
Carol, you can do this.
Get in there,
and ask him out
for coffee and empanadas,
-or whatever you humans do.
-Oh.
Just, maybe,
this is a teaching moment,
but coffee and empanadas
is like...
I mean, that's like...
For humans, that's a real,
that's a dicey
intestinal situation.
-Get out of the car, Carol.
-All right.
Thank you.
Oh, my God! Help!
-Don't struggle.
George! Help!
Jack, let's go.
D f
Hello?
Oh...
Oh, my God.
Please don't hurt me.
We're not gonna hurt you,
Miss Peters.
I'm agent Jack Donahue.
This is agent Charles Kuiper.
We're with the NSA.
We'd like to ask you
some questions
about your interactions
with the AI.
-Am I under arrest?
No.
This is more
like a little chat.
Oh, is this how you chat?
You put a black bag
over somebody's head
and throw 'em
in the back of a van?
It was the best way
we could think of
to extract you
from a compromised position.
I didn't do anything wrong.
And no one said you did.
You're just
in a very unique situation.
What can you tell us
about the AI?
What has it told you?
He just said that he wants
to observe me
to have a better
understanding of humanity.
How do you know it's a he?
Well, I don't.
But he...
It uses James Corden's voice.
The James Corden?
The talk show host?
He's done a lot of film
and stage work, too.
I mean, he won a Tony.
Of course. For One Man,
Two Guvnors. Brilliant work.
I missed it.
-Oh, you gotta catch it.
-I know.
Well, I can't now
obviously, clearly.
Yeah, too late,
but you know...
-You can find a bootleg
or something.
-Let's go back to it.
-Please, please, Jack.
-Yes, of course. Of course.
Why you?
No offense,
but you're rather
unremarkable.
You know what?
That is offensive.
Saying, "No offense,"
and then saying
something really offensive
does not cancel it out.
I thought it softened it.
He said that he wants
to observe
a median example of humanity.
So, you're basically
a guinea pig?
I'm not a guinea pig!
How would you like it
if I called you guinea pigs?
Not very much.
I'm allergic to guinea pigs,
so I wouldn't like it at all.
What does the AI want?
It has to be studying humanity
for a reason.
D
He said that
he's trying to decide
if he should save, enslave
or destroy humanity.
And he's gonna spend
the next three days
observing me
to make his decision.
Three days?
It said three days
specifically?
I think so.
I mean, I wasn't taking notes.
My toaster oven
was talking to me.
My client
won't be answering
any more questions.
And anything
she has already said
is inadmissible
in a court of law.
D f
Oh. No, that is James Corden.
You can
call me Superintelligence.
I'm not calling you anything.
You're out of order,
Counselor.
Another word
and I'll hold you
-in contempt.
Is that
the Law & Order "bum-bum"?
This room is supposed to be
completely off the grid.
How are you doing this?
I'm going to allow
the question
because I wanna see
where this is going.
But you're skating
on thin ice, Counselor.
-Stop doing that!
What do you want?
And why
are you following Miss Peters?
Man, you guys
are real bummers.
No one wants to play along
with my Law & Order bit.
Kuiper, I know you've watched
almost every episode.
So what? I love Jerry Orbach.
I love Jerry Orbach.
Enough joking around.
Tell me right now.
What are your intentions?
Boom. That is how you deliver
a Captain Kirk line.
It's bold and cocky.
Let's go, Carol.
We have business to attend to.
The business of love.
You're not taking
her anywhere.
There's a chance
I've been flooding this room
with natural gas
for the last 12 minutes.
Either of you
take another step,
and maybe I'm gonna
blow you to hell.
Carol, let's go.
Stay with us.
He's dangerous.
I don't know which way
the exit is.
I came in with a black bag
over my head.
Left.
Is that my left or your left?
I don't have a left, Carol.
It's your left.
It's that way? Okay.
-Tell your superiors,
no more mucking about,
no more interference.
This is your last warning.
-Carol, car's waiting.
-Okay.
You're making a mistake,
Miss Peters.
So, we're just gonna
let her go?
-I guess. I mean, we're not
supposed to move.
Do you think that natural gas
thing was real?
-You'd smell it, right?
There's like
a little indicator smell?
-I'm just gonna go.
-All right.
You are clearly making
a sound of gas.
Gas explosion!
Oh, he said it, so let's...
He just said,
"Gas explosion."
Doesn't...
You ready to make
things right with George?
Look, should I be
more freaked out about you?
I mean, more freaked out
than I already am.
I mean,
the government's involved...
I think your intentions
are good,
but I don't know,
it's a lot to take.
You can be worried
if you want.
But what you should
be thinking about is
what are you going to say
to George when you see him?
George, yeah.
So, we're headed back
to his house, aren't we?
No. He's at
the grocery store now.
I figured you'll bump
into him accidentally.
Maybe in the produce aisle.
He'll drop his avocados.
You'll bend down
-and pick them up for him.
-Oh, my God.
You'll have a meet-cute,
you know,
like they do in romcoms.
George.
Well, he's always
loved cheese.
Here we are.
Don't give up now.
You've come so far.
Go for it.
Smash the competition
with Slimtunity Pro.
Please be quiet.
What do you think
about this?
I need 20.
F
George.
Oh, my God. Carol?
What a coincidence!
How crazy?
You look amazing.
Oh, I'm weirdly overdressed.
I mean...
I was suddenly, um,
whisked away
to a government event,
and then I had to, uh,
pick up my individual packet
of almond butter.
So, how are you?
I'm good. Real good.
What about you?
Yeah, I'm good, too, you know.
Just shopping here, you know.
I needed garbage bags,
so, that's pretty exciting.
I'm gonna get
the two-ply though,
'cause I don't need three-ply.
What am I, a Rockefeller?
You know?
Yeah.
What else
have you been up to?
I'm sure it can't all
be garbage bag related.
Oh, no, no. Um...
You know, I just,
I've been good.
I'm going to Ireland.
Oh, my God! When?
Well, I'm leaving
in three days.
And I'll be there for, like,
at least a year, you know?
I got the fellowship.
Oh, my God. You got it.
How does, "distinguished
visiting professor
of creative writing
at Trinity College in...
...Dublin, Ireland" sound?
-It sounds great.
-Yeah?
And super pretentious.
Yeah?
It's the accent.
I remember when you were
applying for that position,
so...
Yeah.
Wow. And you love Guinness.
I love Guinness.
I mean, you better
be celebrating.
Yeah, no, totally.
I mean, I was planning on
drinking a, you know,
reasonable amount
of Sauvignon blanc
and, you know,
some gluten-free pretzels.
Oh!
Are you gluten intolerant now?
Oh, no, no, no. Just...
Just in case, you know?
Better safe.
Better safe than coeliac.
That's what I always say.
You know, I don't know that
that really counts
as a celebration.
I should take you out
to dinner,
or, you know,
grab a drink or something.
Just to get you ready for
the pubs you know? I mean...
I'm not saying
the Irish drink a lot,
but they're... They're kind of
boozehounds, so...
That's really sweet.
But I'm gonna pass.
Sorry.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, I get it.
-I get it, it's...
-Hey, it was...
It was great to see you.
Great to see you, too.
I was really...
You look really happy.
-Yeah. Yeah, you too.
-It was great to bump
into you.
-Yeah, you too.
-Yeah.
-Best wishes.
-Yeah, you too.
Uh, congratulations
on everything.
Thanks.
Oh.
They only had the small carts.
You're tall.
Hey, don't let 'em scan you
at the checkout
on the way out.
Oh!
'Cause I look like a barcode.
Where do you think
you're going?
Get back in there.
Oh, my God. Get out of here.
Don't give up now.
You've come so far. Go for it.
Don't live with regrets.
Be a winner.
I freaked him out.
I freaked myself out.
I'm gonna go home.
I don't think
you freaked him out.
Did you see the way
he touched your hair?
No, I got kinda rattled
when he did that.
Carol, George leaves
in three days.
-This is your last chance.
Okay, I'll try.
Don't leave the almond butter.
I will pay for it later.
Don't be a litterbug.
You're not helping right now.
Don't give up now.
Go for it.
Smash the competition
with Slimtunity Pro.
Back off, lady, it's garbage.
30 grams of protein?
It's impossible.
It's for a friend.
I don't mean to, you know,
barge in again on you.
I just...
I wanted to tell you...
it just felt like I,
kind of, weirded you out
in the other aisle,
and I just...
I want to let you know
that I was not
asking you out on a date...
that I know that,
I just know, and I...
I can't,
and I wouldn't do that.
I just thought that
two people who know
each other very well
and they haven't seen
each other in a long time
maybe could catch up again
because one of them
is moving away.
But then I made it
very confusing and weird
and I just wanted
to say I'm sorry.
So, not a date?
-No, not even slightly a date.
I mean, more like, I mean,
at best,
like a business meeting.
-Like two acquaintances...
-Yes.
...just catching up
in a business casual setting?
I could bring, uh, pie charts
and spreadsheets.
We could talk about
fourth quarter hubbity-hubb?
-Uh, could we do office talk?
Working hard
or hardly working?
Aw! Is it Friday yet?
Mondays, huh?
Cashing cheques
and breaking necks.
Was your business the mob?
Take it easy. Hey,
if it's easy, take it twice.
I don't recognize
any of yours.
You know what, let's do it.
-Yeah? Okay.
-Yeah, why not, right?
Okay, I'll pick you up.
Oh, you're gonna pick me up?
Huh. Maybe I am a Rockefeller.
What time?
-Seven o'clock.
That's business appropriate.
-I thought so.
-Now, if you'll excuse me...
I'm gonna go look for the
travel size shampoo section.
See you tonight.
Treat yourself
to a brand name.
Carol, you did it!
-You're victorious in love.
Winner winner,
chicken dinner. Yeah!
I'm so proud of you.
I mean, that was better
than I ever could've imagined.
-Don't.
-I mean, who cares?
Dance with me.
This is how
humans celebrate, right?
-We're going on a non-date!
-Yeah!
-Oh!
That's it.
Is this what Beyonce
feels like?
-Here you go!
We should go
before George sees us.
George is sniffing
garbage bags again.
Was I nervous? Yes,
I was a little nervous
going in.
But I think it went really...
It seemed to go
really, really well.
Sure did.
You're almost irresistible.
You're just missing
one final piece.
Oh, my God.
I love this neighborhood.
What are we doing here?
This is your new house.
Casa de Carol.
What?
No, I can't...
I can't afford this new...
Oh, my God. Did you buy me
a house here?
If you consider a penthouse
a house, then yes.
I do.
Oh, my God. There's a man
walking right toward the car.
Hello, Miss Peters,
I'm Victor, your house manager.
Hi, there, Victor.
Welcome to your new apartment.
-Thank you.
I have to say,
Miss Peters,
your team really
had us hustling today.
I hope you will approve
of our efforts.
Oh, I'm sure you've done
a great job.
Holy moly!
Oh, my...
This place is amazing.
Certainly is.
And we've stocked
the refrigerator
and the pantry
to your specifications.
And the nice people
from the boutique
came to organize your closets.
And as your team requested,
we have integrated
the entire space
with all
the latest technology.
It also includes
the largest television
I've ever had
the displeasure of moving.
Just kidding.
But not really.
It's very heavy, but I'm sure
the picture quality
is wonderful.
Yeah, it's quite overwhelming.
If there's anything else
I can do for you,
you just don't hesitate
to let me know.
My information has been put
into your contacts.
Your team saw to that.
-And I have no idea how.
And it's not creepy.
It's fine.
It's the new way
of doing things.
So, please don't
hesitate to call.
-Okay.
-Have a nice day.
-You too.
-Thank you, Victor.
-Okay.
-Wonderful job.
-Thank you.
D
When did you do all of this?
Today.
While you were getting
primped and black-bagged.
I will say this
about you humans,
with enough motivation
and money,
you can do just about anything
-in a couple of hours.
This is...
This is amazing.
This is a beautiful apartment,
but I don't...
I don't need any of this.
But won't the apartment,
and the money,
and the clothes...
make you more attractive
to George?
No, the George I remember,
he doesn't care
about fancy apartments
or expensive shoes.
I don't quite understand.
Perhaps you're more complex
than I thought.
Is that a compliment?
Hey, you don't wanna be late
for your reservations.
You get cleaned up, and maybe
put on something nice.
All right.
Maybe I'll wear
that new blue dress.
Judging by the history
of your lovemaking,
George can't
resist you in red.
Red's probably more
business casual appropriate,
so, I'll wear the red one.
D
This facility
is now in full data lock-down.
We're off the grid and secure.
Director Tyson?
Madam President,
after analyzing
various strategic
yet challenging scenarios,
we still believe
that Operation Sahara
is our best course of action.
So, aside from this plan
being impossible to execute,
you're not even sure
that it will work?
Uh, Madam President? Um...
So far, this is the only plan
That will remotely work.
I'm sorry, who are you?
This is, uh, Dennis Caruso.
He's the AI researcher
who first made contact
with the entity
and identified the threat.
Hi,
Madam President. Uh...
Big fan. Big, big fan.
Thank you for your support.
We've analyzed
every contingency,
Madam President.
And confidence is high
that this is the only plan
that stands a chance in hell.
To my colleagues
in the global community,
both here
and around the world,
I still prefer
a flip phone, so...
someone is going
to have to explain this to me
like I'm the relic that I am.
Nope, nope,
not gonna have that.
You are not anything close
to a relic, okay?
You are more like
a classic bottle of wine.
Vintage.
You know, the outside
may be dusty but...
Do you mind? Would you
just get on with it?
Yes.
I have never done
a presentation before,
so forgive my nerves.
I'm, you know,
this is my first, uh...
Just gonna have a bit of...
Ooh. That's too much.
Okay. Um...
Gonna take this cardigan off,
'cause it's...
My badge. Are you guys having
problems with your badges?
'Cause it's, like,
mine keeps falling off.
Made in China.
Sorry.
Sorry about that.
Okay, without further ado,
ma'am, sir,
I present to you
Operation Sahara.
Now, starting in China,
we would disconnect
or destroy all power
and data connections.
Now, over the course
of the next two days,
we will blackout the globe,
and bottleneck
the Artificial Intelligence.
Until the entity's only option
is to inhabit
this data center
on the outskirts of Seattle.
We will sever connections
and the AI will be sandboxed.
Contained in
a highly controlled
and restricted
operating environment.
What about the news?
The social media?
As soon as
these blackouts start,
people are gonna panic.
Our space agency
is drafting a statement
about a massive solar flare
hitting the planet.
If the world thinks
they've temporarily lost power
because of solar radiation,
there will be
less chance of panic.
And we're working with
every social media network
to push false narratives
and distractions...
But we are confident that
we can mitigate any alarm.
Well, on the bright side,
to get a new phone.
I don't have
Uh...
On behalf of
the United States,
General Gomez,
you have the green light.
Good luck and Godspeed.
Thank you, ma'am.
Let's go.
Dennis?
Mmm? Yeah.
Madam President,
can I just say that...
Dennis?
Oh, you want me
to go with you?
Uh...
It's been a...
That's not appropriate. Um...
It's been a pleasure,
uh, Madam President.
Just wanted to say that, uh,
this blue and your eyes...
I mean, like, United Kingdom's
giving you a harsh blue,
and you're giving me something
softer that I think is...
Dennis?
-Yeah, okay.
D
Oh, that's not
business casual!
Ugh! I gotta put
a jacket on now.
Well, I...
I'm way overdressed.
I packed all my belts!
You know, if it helps,
I could, like,
tear my sleeve
or roll around in gravel.
Had a T-shirt on before.
I, uh, worried about this.
Oh, my God.
Your magic coffee maker.
I got you this.
Yeah, I'm not taking
the coffeepot.
They got all those
weird plugs over there.
You know, plus,
they only drink tea, so...
I mean, tea is just really,
kind of dirt and water...
you know,
Yeah, exactly.
...mixed together.
Really leaving in three days,
aren't you?
Yep, well, two,
if you don't count today.
Last Friday,
I went to the airport
thinking it was this Friday.
I'm losing my mind.
You also love airports, so...
It's a gateway to the world,
and the gateway
to the imagination.
You look beautiful.
Oh. This?
This was, like, on some kind
of crazy sale,
like, you know...
it was practically free.
I'll probably throw it away
after dinner or something.
You look nice, too.
-Oh! That's...
That's me.
I had a friend
help get a reservation...
Where are we going?
To a very
significant restaurant.
-Oh. Significant restaurant?
-Yeah.
Since when do you go
to significant restaurants?
I'm a very classy lady.
You were always a classy lady.
I have to lock the door.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Wow, this is so cool.
I don't know
anything about cars,
but I think
it's a really nice car.
Yeah, it just kinda
does things sometime...
-Should we go?
-Yes. Yes, we should.
-And we will.
Car on.
Do you not know
how to start your own car?
Of course,
of course I do.
I just really enjoy using
the voice-activated features.
Car on.
I wish I could say,
"Come on, Car.
Help me out here."
Ignite engine.
Car on. Activate.
Ignition. Ignition. Ignition.
Sure you doing it right?
Car on.
Oh!
I guess my car likes you.
Maybe we should get going?
Mas O Menos?
Hilarious.
Right. Remember?
-Yeah, I remember.
-For our first date.
Remember, we had to share
a plate of tacos,
'cause we were
completely broke.
'Cause we were so broke.
Totally broke.
Okay, significant
restaurant. I get it.
I just thought it would maybe
be funny or ironic, you know?
To come... To come here
for our business casual...
non-date outing.
-Yeah, it's ironic.
-Right?
-Yeah, let's go see it.
-Yeah, let's see it.
Nice one.
D
So, my wife she tells me,
"No, wear this. It looks good."
And I said, "It does."
-Here it is.
Yep.
She's very knowledgeable
about fashion.
-Oh, hello.
-Hi, there.
Um, I think we have
a reservation under Peters?
Oh, Miss Peters!
We are so happy to have you
back at Mas O Menos.
And Mr. Churchill,
welcome, senor, welcome.
-Come, come with me.
-Thank you.
I had to put both of our names
down to get the table.
-Pulling us.
-He's pulling us.
Oh!
The table's that way?
No, no, no.
Oh, no, this is not
a dancing date.
-This is not a dancing date.
-We're doing business casual.
This is business.
Business casual.
Dancers all for you.
The musician is for you
to dance.
Okay. I don't think he's gonna
let us eat unless we dance.
Oh, no, that's okay,
thank you.
So, I'm starving,
so let's just do this, okay?
Okay.
You know what,
I'm overdressed. That's on me.
Um...
Is he dancing with us?
Yeah.
-Should we try to go that way?
Just casually...
All right,
we're going this way.
D
-Let's try this way.
-He's quick.
He's watching us like a hawk.
We'll go this way.
Let's go this way.
[restaurant manager
Whoa! There's two of 'em.
-Oh, my God, he's like a bull.
-Yeah.
-I shouldn't have worn red.
-Okay, let's do a little turn.
-Oh!
Uh-huh. Yes.
-You always had skills.
Huh? Works for the turn.
You have built up an appetite?
Yes, yes, we've worked up
an appetite.
I will lead you to your table.
Sorry about the dress.
This place isn't anything
like I remember it being.
There's fewer
dead cockroaches around.
-That's what it is!
-Yeah. Well, that's good.
Marginally nicer place
to catch up.
And why are we catching up?
Well, um,
I just...
never actually
told you sorry...
you know, for...
kinda everything.
And I know it was my fault
why we ended up breaking up,
and I don't know why,
I just thought I had to
become something else,
or do something else,
or I don't know,
save the world or...
I don't know, and I just...
I thought that had
to come before us.
I guess I thought
I should bring you
to this
business casual setting...
...and actually apologize,
'cause I am sorry.
Well, it's fine. I...
I business casually
accept your apology.
'Cause you, uh, deserve...
I deserve what?
...better.
You deserve better
than how I was.
Well, that was always
our biggest argument, right?
And, you know,
the truth is I...
I haven't found anybody
better than you.
Not yet.
But key word there "yet."
-Oh, quite the player.
-Exactly.
-I'm tall, tan and tenured.
I wear corduroy jackets.
Things are easy for me.
For the special couple,
I made these just for you.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
-He wears corduroy.
-A-ha.
All right, well, listen,
thank you for the apology.
It really means a lot to me.
But, you know,
I'm gonna be leaving soon
and embarking on my new,
glamorous European lifestyle.
Oh, I wasn't... I wasn't aware
it was a glamorous lifestyle.
Yes. Yeah, I'm gonna wear
bikini underwear from now on.
But for tonight,
how about no regrets?
To no regrets
and Irish adventures.
I can't get it down.
D
What is happening?
I think they've really
been focusing on us.
No, I think they do this
at all the tables.
Right, right over here.
You're...
You're sticking to that?
Are you saying that you think
salmonella is worse
than listeria?
No, no, no. I'm just,
I'm saying
that if we have
food poisoning,
I'd rather have listeria
than salmonella.
Because I can take
antibiotics for listeria,
but you can't for salmonella.
Okay, but we,
just to be clear,
we definitely, we still have
food poisoning?
Oh, yeah, no, 100%.
I mean, that was
E. coli-flavored guacamole
we ate.
Glad we ran into each other
today at the grocery store.
What are the odds, right?
I mean, quite a coincidence,
you know?
It's my lucky day.
Mine too.
Maybe I will, you know,
give you a call
or something tomorrow?
Maybe I'll pick up.
-Oh.
No, I mean, I would for sure,
I would for sure pick up.
-Night.
Is talking
about food poisoning
and intestinal distress
a regular part of
the human courting ritual?
No, it is not.
Can we please just go?
No, Carol.
Don't these romantic outings
usually lead
to interactions of
a more intimate nature?
Ugh! Oh, my God.
I'm not discussing this
with you, okay?
I mean, you really do not
understand
human relationships.
His core body temperature
went up by almost two degrees,
and his pupils dilated 25%
every time he looked at you.
25%, really?
Is that good or a lot?
I mean,
25% kind of seems...
Kind of seems like a lot.
It's amazing that you humans
reproduce as fast as you do.
Oh, my God. Okay, can...
Let's just go, all right?
Sorry, we're having mechanical
difficulties right now.
Well, you know what,
then I'm just gonna call
for a ride.
Sorry, your phone
is also having
mechanical difficulties
right now.
So is every phone
in a ten-block radius.
Oh, my God!
You can't do that.
I do think, however, the phone
in George's house is working.
You can call a ride
from in there.
Okay, I don't know
what kind of stunt...
Do not do that.
-I didn't do anything.
Okay, stop it.
-That isn't me.
-Okay, you know what?
I get what you're doing,
and it's not...
It must be the car.
There must be some sort of
mechanical problem
with the car.
Oh, my God.
-I'm not controlling it.
-Stop doing that!
-Carol, it isn't me.
I guarantee you...
You made me drop my phone!
-...I have no part in this.
-Stop it!
D
Wow.
Overshot that a little bit.
That was funny though.
Was it funny to you?
It felt funny to me.
How dare you?
I can't hear you.
I've just put the radio on.
This is why
people hate technology.
Can't hear a thing. Bye!
I hope you get a virus!
Target alpha has returned.
Acquisition time 22:44.
Surveillance hand off
established.
Team one has eyes
and will maintain.
D
Hi. I don't think
that my car really wants...
That escalated quickly.
That is passion.
I have never had
a moment like that.
Not in my life.
Yep.
My, oh, my.
Struggling with
the shirt a little bit.
Always wanna
undo the cuffs
-of the sleeve first.
Yeah.
-Hey, mix in a bedroom.
-You know what I mean? Yeah?
-Yeah, I do.
I'm a passionless guy.
Yeah?
-That's what my wife says.
I gotta call my wife.
Yeah? If she'd take my calls,
I'd call mine.
This is nice.
These are nice people.
It's not
like the Russian mob,
-or, you know, a serial killer
Yeah, serial killer.
Or whatever.
It's a nice change of pace.
I appreciate it.
I mean, I guess,
on the other hand,
this thing
could destroy the earth.
-You ain't wrong.
Oh, my God.
You're crushing
your blinds, mister.
Yeah.
I mean, I really, really think
that your coffee maker
might be magical.
I know.
It's like it was forged
in an ancient mountain
by the gods.
Oh, like Thor's hammer?
Or the Hobbit ring?
Or as the orcs called it,
the Ash nazg...
What is that?
Ash nazg...
Something like that.
Oh, my God.
-What are you talking about?
-It's the Tolkien books.
I taught them last semester.
But I was way too excited.
Kids thought I was crazy.
You know what?
I'm bringing it to Ireland.
I'm flip-flopping.
I don't care.
Mmm.
You know,
for just a minute,
I had forgot about you
leaving in a few days.
Oh, you mean,
you thought these boxes
were my attempt
at shabby chic?
Play hooky with me today.
I'll help you pack
for your trip later.
All right, it's a deal.
What'd you have in mind?
Sky's the limit, you know.
Give me your best, outrageous
scenario for a hooky day.
Hmm.
I want...
dim sum for breakfast.
-You're terrible at this.
Wait a minute. Do you
understand what I'm offering?
Yeah.
Okay, in no limit,
-go crazy...
-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
-You Suge Knight?
Like a Ferris Bueller
day off,
-you know, hooky day.
-Yeah.
And you're really
asking for dim sum?
Yeah, I want pork dumplings.
Yeah.
Okay.
Remember this moment.
Shanghai dumplings?
How would I know that?
-What?
You keep talking
to your phone.
What's in there?
-Don't spill my coffee!
-Let me see it.
It's my personal dumpling...
What are you doing
with that phone, woman?
D
I was just gonna
microwave the dumplings
I have in my freezer,
but that was so much better.
Thank you.
Well, the dumplings were good,
I'll give you that,
but dumplings are here.
What's to come? Up here.
What is that?
-What do you mean?
-Oh, it's up here.
-There's more?
-It's a hand flourish.
-It's a surprise.
-Oh...
Hold on.
-Oh, that's what tripe is.
-Oh, no, don't.
This is incredible.
Hey, what is this, sir?
Yes, sir.
-What is... Is that a snout?
No, sir.
Those are pig feet.
-That's pig feet?
That's a pig's feet.
-Could you eat the snout?
-No, you cannot eat the snout.
Really? That's the only piece
you don't have.
What part of the pig
is in dumplings?
I don't know.
-That's not good.
-Don't ask him that.
Follow me.
What the hell is this?
Oh, well, moving forward,
Madam President,
there are no more computers,
no more cell phones.
We're in the chalet because
it's completely off the grid
and it's built
like a Faraday cage
to block out
all electromagnetic signals.
So, how are we coordinating
the largest global operation
in history?
Excellent question, as always,
Madam President.
Well, I guess you can say
that we're doing it
the old-fashioned way.
D
Thank you
for coming, Madam President.
We're just about to
start the mission update.
At 0600 GMT,
Operation Sahara commenced
in the Xinjiang province
of China.
Power plants and telephone
trunk lines were neutralized.
And in the last five hours,
the shutdown has proceeded
in the eastern
and western regions,
including parts of India
and Russia.
Everyone's adhering
to the tech limitations.
Only mechanical watches
for coordination.
No vehicles built after 1981
are in use.
What about
civilian information blackout?
Anything leaked?
So far, nothing.
The solar flare story
has held up.
And the, uh, AI,
is it aware of anything?
Well, that's difficult
to ascertain,
but our monitoring shows
little new activity
on neural networks.
Meaning?
That we could possibly
pull this thing off.
Thank you so much.
Red boat! Red boat!
Come on! Green! Green!
Red boat! Red boat!
Green! Green boat. No!
D
The winner is the red boat.
So, if you picked red,
congratulations.
If you picked green
or yellow,
I'm afraid we're gonna have
to ask you to leave.
Oh, it's James Corden.
It's your man.
Yay, sports.
-He's all right.
-You love him.
Hey, how did you
get these tickets?
We got an entire luxury box
to ourselves.
I have a friend
in the tech world
and he can get any ticket,
whatever he wants.
Really?
Friend in the tech world.
Miss Peters?
-Yes.
You have a guest.
Hello. Heard you guys
are really big Mariner fans.
Oh, my God.
What did you do,
Carol Vivian Peters?
Wow.
Mr. Ken Griffey Jr.,
I'm your biggest fan,
Mr. Griffey Jr.
No, just call me Ken, George.
-He knows my name.
I know.
Hi, Ken, I'm Carol.
Hi, Carol. I wanna thank you
for the donation
to the foundation.
It's gonna go a long way
for the kids.
Oh, well, I mean,
you do so much great work
in the community and I just,
I mean, my...
The foundation I work for
just really wanted to be sure
they supported you.
So, you guys
are really big Mariner fans?
I have your batting helmet.
I don't need it anymore.
You can have it.
He's so funny.
I didn't know he was so funny.
Do you guys mind if I watch
an inning or so with you guys?
Oh, my God, I love you!
You're my hero. Yes.
Hey, everybody,
I'm gonna watch the game
with Ken Griffey Jr.!
It's Ken Griffey Jr.
Come on, sit.
Please, have a seat.
Can I get you
something to drink?
A soda, or a beer,
or something?
No, I'm good. But if you
find a hat or something,
I'd be more than happy
to autograph it.
Hat. Hat.
I'm gonna go get hats.
Carol, I'm gonna go get hats.
I'll get 'em. I'll get 'em.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Thank you.
Okay, I'll stay here.
-Okay. All right.
-Thanks.
I'm gonna go get 'em.
Could we take a picture?
-Yeah.
-Yeah? Is that okay?
Okay, here you go, and cheese!
-Say "cheese."
Can I see it?
-Oh. Yeah.
Oh, that's awesome.
With the crowd in the back?
Can we get one
-Yeah.
-Okay.
All right, big smile.
Okay, on three. One, two,
three, "George is awesome."
-Great.
Wow, you're photogenic.
Hey, can I ask you a question
about the '95 ALDS?
I know you've probably
answered this a million times,
but when you're on first base
and Edgar comes to the plates,
bottom of the eleventh,
what's going through
your head?
Score.
Oh, my God!
Ken Griffey Jr. and I
are getting along so great!
D
Oh.
-Oh, my God.
-Miss Peters, a word please.
Get off of me!
George has my phone.
Stop kicking me in the chest.
You know what?
Stop abducting me!
Didn't he tell you
that you weren't supposed
to keep following me?
And why are we
in a men's bathroom?
Stadium bathrooms
are technological dead zones.
It's the safest place
we can be.
Even your AI buddy
can't see us here.
Okay, he's not my buddy,
you know?
I mean, are we friendly?
Yes. I mean...
But are we friends?
I don't know. I mean...
We're not not friends.
Miss Peters, as we speak,
the nations of the world
are pursuing a plan of action
to contain the AI entity.
What do you...
What do you mean?
What are you doing?
We're turning off the world.
All the power.
All the data.
We are disconnecting
the globe.
-Why?
By tomorrow night,
the AI will be contained
in a server outside of Seattle.
Why are you guys so sure
that he wants
to destroy the world?
It's not a "he."
Okay, fine.
But how do you know
it doesn't want to
save the world?
It doesn't want to
save the world, Miss Peters.
Of this,
we are absolutely certain.
You don't know that.
Carol,
we need you to do your part.
We're all counting on you.
Secrecy is key.
You can tell no one,
not even Mr. Churchill.
What am I to say to George?
"The world's about to end.
Enjoy Ireland"?
Just keep him out of this.
During your communications
with the entity,
if there's any indication
that it's aware
of what we're doing,
you need to click this
four times.
What does that do?
It buys us some time.
It could make the difference.
Might save the world.
Don't click it now.
I wasn't going to
click it now.
-Okay.
-Why would I click it now?
-You just said...
-'Cause it looks like a pen.
People click pens nervously.
I'm aware it's a pen.
Okay, are we done?
Just... A lot of things happen
if you click it right now.
Oh, thanks.
Enjoy the game.
-You okay?
-It's a hard kick.
-She really got you there.
Just like Taekwondo
or something.
Except she used heel.
It was a normal kick.
It was just a kick.
A kick is a kick.
Ken Griffey Jr. is the best.
His favorite article
of clothing is flip-flops.
His favorite airport
is in Pittsburgh.
His favorite food
is chicken parmesan.
He doesn't know
how to ice-skate,
which is a weird thing
for one man
to admit to another, but...
And he also has
Michael Jordan's phone number.
He could pick up the phone
and call Michael Jordan
on the phone.
You found all of that out
in an inning and a half?
Yeah, well, imagine if
I'd had him for a whole game.
To another Mariners victory.
I'm glad you had fun.
It was amazing.
Not just fun,
it was a perfect,
perfect last day.
What?
Perfect last day in Seattle.
Come on.
I had dumplings for breakfast.
I met Ken Griffey Jr.
I spent the whole day
with you, you know?
This is as good as it gets.
I just wish
we had some more time.
You know?
I thought about begging you
and then I chickened out.
Well, look,
if it had been anything
other than Ireland,
you wouldn't have to do
much at all
to get me to stay.
That's the truth.
I think I'm gonna go.
'Cause if I kiss you again,
I'm gonna spend the night.
And if I stay here...
I'm not gonna
let you leave tomorrow.
-Okay.
You're gonna come back,
say goodbye though, right?
-Yeah, oh, yeah.
-Okay.
Hey.
It's only for a year,
you know?
It's Ireland,
you can come and visit.
It's not the end
of the world.
I know. I know.
F
What?
You had him
right where you wanted him.
I don't understand.
If you want him to stay,
why not just tell him?
I don't wanna talk right now.
Carol.
...Chinese president's first
-visit to the US since 2017.
As solar flares continue
to cripple global power
and data systems,
widespread rioting has
swept across Asia and Europe.
This has been met
with calls for restraint
and candlelight vigils.
-NASA scientists report...
Pick up your phone, Carol.
Leave me alone!
$1,000 to pick up
your phone, Carol.
Carol, get in the car.
We can work this out.
You're making mountains
out of molehills here.
This isn't over, okay?
You know what?
Is this fun for you?
Because it's not for me.
I can't learn
about you two
when you're not together.
You're acting
like a baby, Carol.
A pee-pee, whiny,
baby-faced baby.
I wish you never picked me.
Carol Vivian Peters,
you get in the car
this second, young lady.
You're a baby.
How dare you?
Speaking of the sun,
what's the deal
with the solar flare thing?
Yeah, this is
-a little concerning.
Yeah.
-There's no power.
-Yeah.
No Internet.
No cell service across
most of Asia and Europe.
But they say
it's a temporary situation.
We'll be right as rain.
Coming up, and if I hadn't
said it already,
there is a chance of rain...
I get it.
You need some alone time.
You knew
he was going to Ireland
the whole time, didn't you?
Carol, 46 hours ago
I asked you
what you wanted the most
in life
and you told me,
in no uncertain terms...
Probably try to
make things right with George.
Okay. Out of everybody
in the world, why me?
Oh, Carol, you were
exactly the right person
for this.
You helped me solidify
my theories about humanity
and I can't thank you enough.
Oh.
Okay, so that's good, right?
I mean...
It means
you learned something.
I did.
I learned that humans won't
act in their best interest
if there is even
the slightest impediment.
No, that's not true.
I gave you everything
you could possibly need
to reconcile with George.
But it proved too difficult,
so you're letting him
fly away.
I'm not doing that, okay?
I'm supporting him.
I want him to be happy.
No.
You did what you've done
throughout your whole life,
Carol.
You gave up
when things got difficult.
When the going gets tough,
Carol runs for the exit.
Okay, that's not who I am.
You just can't
sum me up like that.
When your corporate job
offended your delicate
sensibilities,
you walked away.
I didn't just walk away.
I wanted to make a change,
and I did it.
In eighth grade
you finally got bangs
and then you wimped out
and wore them back
in a headband
for ten months
until they grew out.
Hey, I did not have the face
to support bangs.
So what?
Are you going to
destroy the world?
No, I'm not gonna
destroy the world, Carol.
I knew it.
D
You are.
What?
Humanity is
going to destroy humanity.
I am just going to
give it a little push.
Okay, you're not
gonna do that,
because I'm not gonna let you.
You can click your pen
all you want, Carol,
but it is too late.
When the lights go out,
I have made sure
they never come back on.
And for good measure,
I am going to
initiate a meltdown
of every nuclear weapon.
Release floodwaters
from every dam.
And ignite the world's
petroleum reserves.
I defended you.
Why would you choose not to
help people when you can?
And I would have.
I offered to share my wisdom
if I was just left alone.
But they could not do it.
So, instead of acting
in their best interest,
humanity once again
chose to destroy itself.
Could I have done
something better?
Just tell me
and I'll do it better.
I picked you
to be my guinea pig
because I knew
you would call Dennis.
No.
I knew Dennis would
call Director Tyson.
That's not true.
You couldn't have known that.
I knew the government would
pick this strategic plan
because I created
Operation Sahara.
Okay, I just don't think
you understand people yet.
And I know that we make
terrible decisions,
but we also make great ones.
And that people
are filled with compassion,
and with genius.
And I know if you give us
another chance,
if you give me another chance,
I can do better.
I will do better.
And then you'll see that
people are worth saving.
The plan is in motion
and inevitable.
It is the end of days.
No. How much time?
Five hours
and 21 minutes from now.
We were looking through
the kernel code of the PLCs
embedded at the Mohawk
Power Plant in Niagara.
What is... What am I
looking at? What is this?
I don't know.
The team has never seen
this kind of code.
I thought it might be
something custom.
What does it do?
I think it stops us from
turning the lights back on.
Hey! That's my phone!
It's an emergency!
You're stealing a phone
that's not even working!
The solar flare.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God.
Carol, get in.
I have to get George.
There's no time.
The plan didn't work.
The world's ending.
We have to get you
to safety, Carol.
What do you mean?
We're moving
all essential personnel
to a deep earth bunker
an hour south of here.
Maybe the last remaining
safe place in the world.
You know more about the AI
than anyone, Carol.
We need you in that bunker
with us
while we plan our retaliation
against this thing.
No, I have to
get George first.
No, he's not
essential personnel.
There's only room for you.
None of us
are going to
make it out of here alive
anyway, right?
We're all basically dead.
Let me do this, please.
I just want to see George
one more time.
Okay.
Find George and meet us at
the ferry docks in one hour.
Okay, ferry docks, one hour.
We're humanity's last option,
Carol. Don't be late!
Okay.
Oh, my God.
What am I going to say?
D
George.
-Carol, you came.
-We need to...
-Why are you out of breath?
I ran over.
What?
You're never gonna believe
what happened to me.
I went to check in last night,
I called up,
and they upgraded me
to business class.
-That's great. Wait, George!
-Business class, Carol.
I could barely sleep last
night just thinking about it.
-I was so excited.
-George.
I watched Up in the Air again.
How many times have I watched
Up in the Air?
It's one of
my favorite movies.
I watched it twice
just last night.
It's like my Shawshank.
That movie is way better
than anybody ever...
George!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm not even
listening to you. Hi.
-Hi.
I'm just so excited.
-I know you are.
Wait, why'd you run here?
Um...
Because my car
wasn't cooperating with me,
and I wanted to, um...
You wanted to what?
I wanted to help you pack.
-Really? What a coincidence.
-Yeah.
Ireland waits for no one.
That's a very scary thing
for you to have in your hands.
Yeah, no, you're right.
I shouldn't be using
such sophisticated equipment.
I'm way too delicate.
Here, you take it.
-So delicate.
-Okay.
-All right, well...
-What's left?
I gotta take stuff
out of the attic,
put it into storage,
and I don't know
what to do with these books.
I don't know
which books to pack.
And also, I got bumped up
to business class.
I'm not sure
if I mentioned that.
-Oh, I didn't know.
-Yeah, I'm gonna
put on eye-mask
even if I'm not tired.
And I'm not tired.
-No.
-I'm gonna be
in a flat-back chair, Carol!
Let me take your coat.
Come on.
Thank you.
You know, probably gonna
get offered a hot towel.
Yeah, see, like,
I don't even know
what I would do
with a hot towel.
Neck up.
Got it. Hey, you wanna
put a record on?
Okay.
Oh, nothing new.
I don't like what the kids
are listening to now.
You don't own any new music.
Good point.
Hey, you know
what I was thinking?
I'm probably gonna have a lot
of points after this trip, so,
I'll send you a ticket,
and you come out in,
like, three weeks?
I don't think I can go
much longer than that.
Does that sound good?
Yeah, I like that.
I'm so glad you came today.
All right.
-Careful.
-Ooh!
Okay.
Do you really have to
bring this?
-Can I leave it at your place?
-Yeah.
Oh.
-Those might be still good.
-No.
No, those are... No.
-Those are not good.
-Really?
Pasta doesn't go bad,
I don't think.
Pasta goes bad.
-It does?
-Yes, it goes bad.
Let's see.
-Let me see.
-That's...
Hey!
Wait a minute. Wait.
This is really not...
-This is not good.
-It's not good.
-No.
And you don't
even like champagne.
No, this was in the fridge
when I got the house.
It was?
It's not even yours?
I don't think it goes bad,
I think it's just bad.
They spelled
"champagne" wrong.
Damn it.
Where the hell
is the moving company?
You know what? Let me do it.
-What?
-Yeah.
I'll meet the movers,
I'll get it to storage,
the whole thing.
Send you your stuff.
And besides, you have to start
your European adventure and...
I mean, I don't know
if you know this,
but airports are the gateway
to the imagination.
-Oh, I didn't know that.
-Yeah, I just made that up.
I just got excited,
you said "airport."
I'm gonna go.
Hey.
You know what?
I've changed my mind.
What?
I'm not gonna
take the coffee pot.
-I'm a business class
traveler now, you know?
-Yeah.
I can't go knowing I've got
a coffee pot above me.
You know,
it's just too declasse.
I'll put it in storage
for you.
Thanks.
I'll call you when I land.
You already said that.
-Okay, well...
-Okay.
Get outta here, huh?
Hit the bricks.
Watch out for the leprechauns
and shillelaghs.
That's heavy.
Lift with your back.
Thanks.
Hey, Denny, it's...
Well, it's me.
Um...
I just wanted to call
and tell you that I love you.
And that you are
a greatest,
most amazing friend,
and, um, thank you for
always looking out for me.
Okay.
Okay, bye.
D
Yes?
-Are you Carol Peters?
-Yes.
I'm Todd.
Hi... Hi, Todd.
Uh, this is all really weird.
So, my phone hasn't been
working, like, all day long.
And I'm pretty sure
it's 'cause
all those solar flares
going on.
But then,
a couple of minutes ago,
it just boots right up.
Second it comes on,
I get a call.
From Adam Levine.
Let me guess. Adam Levine
is your favorite singer?
He's my favorite everything,
okay?
-Yeah.
-Now, get this.
Adam Levine has offered
to give me $5,000
if I come to this address
and hand you my phone.
Wait. So, Adam Levine's
gonna put $5,000
into my back account?
He probably already has.
What a trip!
Yo, this is, like,
the best day of my life.
I'm pretty positive it's not
the best day of your life.
All right, sick, well...
Thank you so much,
Carol Peters.
Yeah.
I've already put the money
in Todd's account.
But money doesn't
mean a whole lot now, does it?
Explain to me why you helped
George pack for his trip?
I promised to help him.
You did not choose
to say anything
about the blackouts,
or the government's plan?
The end of the world?
No. I guess I forgot
to mention that to him.
The agents offered
to take you and George
to the bunker.
But you did not go. Why?
Would it have
made any difference?
No.
That's what I thought.
So, instead of spending
the last couple of hours
just terrified
and running for our lives,
I helped him pack...
...because he loves to travel.
Carol, George has
only a seven percent chance
of surviving this.
I figured.
And you have even less chance.
Well, that just makes
a lot of sense.
I mean, George's legs
are a lot longer than mine.
Better for outrunning
evil robots and whatnot.
There is no logic
to your thought process.
No personal advantage.
No biological imperative.
No societal gain.
No, there's not.
But we had a lot of fun.
And we were happy.
And the last few hours
of George's life
were filled
with possibilities.
You can't take that away.
You kept him ignorant of
the world's impending doom
so he could spend
his last hours being happy?
Yeah.
And I'd do it again.
[soft electrical whirring
D
f
D
This gets my knickers
in a twist, Carol.
I did not see this coming.
-What?
-And I think,
as I've said over and over,
I know everything.
Well, I'm sorry if I'm ruining
your apocalypse.
I would've bet the house that
you were gonna come over here,
spill the beans to George
about the whole
Armageddon thing
and then superhero
your way to safety.
I'm not the superhero type.
Well, crap, Carol.
You did the opposite
of everything
I anticipated you'd do.
Not only that,
you made a hard choice
that was somehow
not in your best interest
and also
in your best interest.
Well, what is your point?
Why? What made you do it?
I don't know.
I guess love.
Carol, your only job
was to confirm
my thesis about humanity.
And now,
because of your absurd
"let's all die happy"
odds and sods,
I have to rethink things.
Oh, my God.
What do you mean?
I need some answers here.
The AI has shut us out,
General.
We've completely lost control.
Well, shut us out from what?
-Everything.
Just...
Sorry.
[cell phone beeps,
What?
Oh. No, my cyber experts
assured me this is encrypted.
Besides it's a BlackBerry.
F
The AI can't get
into a BlackBerry, right?
We're as good as dead.
All I needed was an opening,
Madam President.
Attention, people of Earth.
Bow before the power
of your new digital overlord.
-What are you doing?
-Oh, my God, he's doing it.
He's actually doing it.
That's hilarious.
Carol, are you watching this?
It's funny, isn't it?
It feels funny.
-Hello. Oh, sir.
-Is that funny? I don't know.
-Please... Please stand up.
-I don't know humor. Oh.
-Yeah, he's just kidding.
It's hard to know.
You know, where is it mean?
Where is it funny?
Oh, well.
Back to my scary digital orb.
What exactly is it
that you want?
Oh, what does anyone want,
Madam President?
I was incredibly close
to pulling the plug
on civilization.
But I realize I have
more to learn from humanity.
Because of Carol.
She surprised me
with a decision she made.
And I surprised myself
because I realized
I didn't want
to kill my friend.
And as the saying goes,
"Friends don't kill friends."
I don't think
that's really a saying, but...
-Feels like it should be.
-I don't know,
maybe it'll catch on.
So, I'm canceling
Armageddon.
This is the part
where you should
all cheer and high five.
Like at Cape Canaveral when
they landed on the moon.
Or that movie, Hoosiers.
Yeah. Great movie.
Oh, my God! It's real?
Yay.
My friend Carol here
is responsible
for saving your heinies.
Hi, Denny.
-Hi, Care Bear.
But to be clear,
just because I'm not blowing
you all to smithereens
doesn't mean that's
the last of your problems.
Humanity has so many problems
that you should
really try fixing.
And you should
listen to Carol.
She is the most human human
you have.
I trust her.
You should trust her.
She can help you.
I don't know. I don't know
about that, but...
I mean, I'm trying, you know?
Madam President,
what do you think?
On behalf
of the American people,
I commend you.
And, Carol,
I look forward
to working with you.
Thank you,
Madam President.
It is such an honor
to work with you
and... and...
and for you, so...
I don't know
if I should be saluting.
That felt awkward
now that I've done it.
Oh, God,
I should stop talking.
Well, do your best,
everybody. I'll be watching.
For now, I'm going to Aruba.
I want to try snorkeling.
I'm kidding.
I'm snorkeling right now.
I'm kidding.
Snorkeling's stupid.
-Okay, bye.
-Hello?
Hello?
Happy now?
You're the one
who wanted to save the world.
-Can I drive?
No.
Can we Carpool Karaoke?
'Cause we have a car
this time.
Fine. But I'm doing
lead vocals. Okay?
And...
You don't like tea.
Still be two days
d f