1 00:00:01,819 --> 00:00:06,238 I seen her before I even knew her, on it was the smack dvd, 2 00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:09,858 and she was performing. And, rest in peace, my uncle was with me. 3 00:00:09,893 --> 00:00:12,861 And we was watching the dvd and I said, 4 00:00:12,896 --> 00:00:14,530 I don't know why I said it out loud, 5 00:00:14,565 --> 00:00:16,081 'cause I was thinking it in my head, I was like, 6 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,734 "one day, she's gonna be my lady." 7 00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:21,754 and he laughed me out of the room like... [imitates laugh] 8 00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:24,906 you know how baby d laughs. [imitates laugh] 9 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,291 he just cracked up. I was like, 10 00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,293 "it's that funny?" 11 00:00:29,747 --> 00:00:33,215 [man] I'd just touched down from detroit into la. 12 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:36,135 -I wanna, like, see what's going on. -Mm-hm. 13 00:00:36,187 --> 00:00:38,137 I also had, like, 14 00:00:38,189 --> 00:00:42,441 a ex-girlfriend thing that I was still working on and messing with and... 15 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,926 It was all kind of crazy during that time. So, I was like, 16 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,262 "mm." and she was like, I could tell, I was like, 17 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:51,150 "she's a little emotional. Like, she's not gonna be ready to handle me." 18 00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:53,435 -I'm straight from the d. Like... -[scoffs] 19 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,104 she ain't never met no guy like me before. 20 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:58,574 She ain't ready for this. Um... 21 00:00:58,609 --> 00:01:01,376 -And look at us now. [laughs] -look at us now. [laughs] 22 00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:06,098 [man 2] and when it became more than just friends, you know? 23 00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:08,500 -Uh... -When you wrote me that song. 24 00:01:08,552 --> 00:01:10,919 -Oh, that was later. That was later. -Oh, "more than a friend." 25 00:01:10,954 --> 00:01:13,589 -yeah. Yeah. That was-- -we'll get to that. 26 00:01:13,624 --> 00:01:16,592 -We'll get to that. -When he wrote me a song called "more than a friend". 27 00:01:16,627 --> 00:01:18,677 -Which is funny that, you had said. -I did. I did. 28 00:01:18,729 --> 00:01:21,263 -It's bars. You feel me? -Yeah. He wrote me a song. 29 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:25,984 I knew. I knew it. I knew that he really loved me, that he really liked me... 30 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:29,971 Nobody had ever wrote me a song before.'m like, "he wrote me a song?" 31 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:33,659 -oh, my goodness. -Mm-hm. Fellas, do a song. 32 00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:12,030 [codie] we're tommy and codie oliver. 33 00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:15,350 We're filmmakers who got engaged after six months, 34 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,903 married 11 months after that, 35 00:02:17,955 --> 00:02:21,824 and when we finished the first season of black love, we were just becoming parents. 36 00:02:22,293 --> 00:02:23,992 We move fast. 37 00:02:24,027 --> 00:02:27,579 Today, we have a five-year old and twin three-year olds. 38 00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:31,083 We've spent our entire relationship interviewing hundreds of married couples 39 00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:34,703 about how they stay together 20, 30, 40 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:37,289 some even 70 years. 41 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:45,213 Okay. So, tommy and I met at the toronto film festival in 2013. 42 00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,883 And he hollered and I hollered back. 43 00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:50,269 -[imitating buzzer sound] eh! -Forget you. 44 00:02:51,054 --> 00:02:53,238 -Um. Mm-hm. -Dragon. 45 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,908 It was June of 2012. 46 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:59,194 He was the weekend sports anchor at little rock, arkansas. 47 00:02:59,229 --> 00:03:03,115 And I was going for an interview. I had just graduated from college. 48 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:06,852 And, uh, they set me up with this reporter to kind of give me, 49 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,788 you know, the scoop on the station and everything I needed to know. 50 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,557 So, we're sitting in the break room, 51 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:16,094 and in comes this man with 52 00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,130 luchador mask, spiderman mask... 53 00:03:18,182 --> 00:03:20,215 -It was a mask. A red mask. -It was luchador, yeah. 54 00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:23,251 And trips on the trashcan. 55 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,053 -Trips on a bike that was there. -Yep. 56 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:26,939 Gets up. 57 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,775 -Say, "hey, my name is robert." -[both laugh] 58 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,577 so... 59 00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:35,147 Uh, matt, the other reporter, was like, "this is... This is our weekend sports anchor." 60 00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:36,097 yeah. 61 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,317 And I was like, I don't know why I said-- 62 00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:41,320 well, I do. Because the station wasn't very diverse. 63 00:03:41,372 --> 00:03:44,573 -And so, I was like, "oh, you're black." -mm-hm. 64 00:03:44,608 --> 00:03:46,909 And he was like, "how'd you know?" 65 00:03:46,944 --> 00:03:51,112 -I was like, "I can see your hands." [laughs] -yeah. Got my hands. 66 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,615 And my arms were showing too. 67 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:57,419 He has, literally, a picture of the first moment he saw my face. 68 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,472 ♪ the first time... ♪ 69 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:03,926 -yes, um... -♪ ...Ever you saw my face ♪ 70 00:04:03,961 --> 00:04:07,012 I was going through-- this is before cellphones. You know. 71 00:04:07,064 --> 00:04:10,349 -There were cellphones. No, there were only beepers right? -There was only pagers. 72 00:04:10,401 --> 00:04:11,767 -Jesus christ. Okay. -Mm-hm. 73 00:04:11,802 --> 00:04:13,969 But I had this little olympus handheld camera. 74 00:04:13,988 --> 00:04:17,305 And I was just, you know, I think, in a vibe of taking pictures. 75 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,474 Young artist things. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. 76 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,309 I mean, complete corny, right? 77 00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:24,112 -But she opened the door and I was like... "hello!" -I was like... 78 00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:25,814 [alami] and she was like, on the phone like, 79 00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:28,533 -like, "my dude, did you just do that?" -[dahn] oh, my god. 80 00:04:28,585 --> 00:04:30,151 True, like, the first time I saw her, 81 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,204 -I got a picture of the moment. -It's the cutest thing though. 82 00:04:32,256 --> 00:04:33,655 -Now, all these years later. -It makes me feel good now. 83 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,291 All these year now, it feels good. But then it was-- I knew... 84 00:04:36,326 --> 00:04:39,127 See, but I wasn't coming over, you know, on that... 85 00:04:39,162 --> 00:04:41,329 -No game. No, like... -I was not-- 86 00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,883 you wasn't coming over to get in there. I was coming over to take headshots, 87 00:04:44,935 --> 00:04:46,685 to point a to point b. 88 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,554 -So, I didn't have to put on my representative. -Yes. 89 00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:52,858 -You know, coming smooth like, "hey girl. How you doing?" -I got to meet him first off. 90 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,143 I was just like, "hey, what up?" sorry about the picture. 91 00:04:55,178 --> 00:04:57,813 Hey, let's go get some coffee. I'll take your headshot over there." 92 00:04:57,848 --> 00:05:00,181 -and that's how it started. -Yes. 93 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,900 -Compton high school. -Mm-hm. 94 00:05:01,952 --> 00:05:03,568 -Compton high school. -We made it come true. Yeah. 95 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:08,573 Yeah, and uh, it was, uh, a talent show for kids. 96 00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:11,243 There was a girl that was there that performed, 97 00:05:11,295 --> 00:05:13,211 you know, named asia lee, right? 98 00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:16,531 Everybody was like, blown away, like, "yo!" kids going crazy. 99 00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,750 -I was a hit hero. -She was. 100 00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:22,921 Yeah, you know what I mean? And they were like, "yo!" and the music was dope. 101 00:05:22,973 --> 00:05:25,724 Performance was amazing. I enjoyed the performance. 102 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,208 I'm like, "yo, who's this girl?" 103 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,512 so, I went to go, you know, say, "hey, you did an amazing job." 104 00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:33,231 so, then we stayed in contact. And what was deep about it, 105 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,101 was that we would always talk on the phone after our dates. 106 00:05:36,153 --> 00:05:38,219 You know what I mean? Which was super cool, right? 107 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,772 So, we'd be like, "man, I was on this date and this girl's..." blah, blah, blah. 108 00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:43,575 [chuckles] and then, she would say that a guy was dot-dot-dot. 109 00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,694 And so, we would have these like, awesome conversations 110 00:05:45,729 --> 00:05:48,196 and talk all the way through the night. 111 00:05:48,231 --> 00:05:49,614 The first time we met, 112 00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:52,868 it was like... Whatever, keep it moving, go past. 113 00:05:52,903 --> 00:05:55,904 The second time we met, it was more of a in-depth situation 114 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:58,239 where we were sitting in a studio, 115 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:02,260 and um, him telling I was bossing everybody around, 116 00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:04,129 and being rude, 117 00:06:04,181 --> 00:06:08,083 and he didn't wanna say nothing because he wasn't gonna tolerate my rudeness, 118 00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,435 which he would've tolerated. 119 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:13,438 He was scared to say anything 'cause he didn't want that smoke. 120 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:18,093 But, um, I know he liked me, and he knew I liked him too. We were just... 121 00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,812 Strictly friends. We would like, go to the movies. 122 00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:24,900 Well, we would go to hotels and watch all the movies on the thing. 123 00:06:24,935 --> 00:06:27,569 Not do anything, but like, literally hang out in hotels 124 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:31,073 'cause he lives all the way in long island and I lived all the way in jersey. 125 00:06:31,108 --> 00:06:34,910 So, like, we would always meet in manhattan like, in the middle. 126 00:06:34,945 --> 00:06:37,129 It was great conversation. 127 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,114 And, um, it was endless conversations. 128 00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,449 Like, we would be talking inside the vehicle, 129 00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:44,569 at night time. And next thing you know, the sun's coming up. 130 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,671 It was definitely a friendship. 131 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:50,092 Maybe like around three months, you know, it started to... 132 00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:52,561 Things started to escalate and, you know, I got more lucky. 133 00:06:54,297 --> 00:06:57,799 -[chuckling awkwardly] -[producer] wait, can you describe... 134 00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,935 [laughing] 135 00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:03,488 I mean, you know. Things became physical, became more intimate. 136 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:06,525 We started to hug, kiss, you know, things of that nature. 137 00:07:06,577 --> 00:07:08,527 And then, we would leave each other, 138 00:07:09,413 --> 00:07:12,948 talk all the way home on the phone, 139 00:07:12,983 --> 00:07:15,951 get home, pull up in the driveway and fall asleep on the phone. 140 00:07:15,986 --> 00:07:17,786 Like it was ridiculous-- we were inseparable. 141 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,173 -Yeah, it was... -[both laugh] 142 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,008 we were really inseparable. 143 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:28,380 -This was the hype years of jerry's famous deli. -Yeah. 144 00:07:28,432 --> 00:07:31,216 -2001. Whoo! -2001. 145 00:07:31,268 --> 00:07:34,970 -2001, man! Hm. -At the end of 2001. 146 00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:38,523 And so, I'm out with my sisters. We were in this restaurant, 147 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,841 going to the restroom. 148 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:43,612 And I'm feeling jb burning a hole in my face. 149 00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:46,031 -And so... -An aisle seat. 150 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:50,485 That means, I was sitting in the aisle of the restaurant where you walk through. 151 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:51,903 The runway was right there. 152 00:07:51,955 --> 00:07:55,240 You know how someone walks when they know eyes are on them? 153 00:07:55,292 --> 00:07:57,409 -You know, that kind of walk. -Mm-hm. 154 00:07:57,461 --> 00:07:59,327 -Mm-hm. Yeah. -I like that. 155 00:07:59,362 --> 00:08:02,714 So, he was doing that and like, staring. 156 00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:06,218 And so, I was real... Like I said, I was in a zone. 157 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,420 I was so not into dating. 158 00:08:08,472 --> 00:08:12,257 I didn't wanna date anybody. So, I wasn't even feeling the energy 159 00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:14,926 -that I was receiving from the stares. -[chuckles] 160 00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:17,395 so... [laughs] so, I went to the restroom, 161 00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:20,348 and then I came back with my sister. And then, 162 00:08:20,383 --> 00:08:24,385 on the way back, jb was like, "excuse me. Excuse me. 163 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,554 You know, can I talk to you?" 164 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,823 and I was like... [laughs] 165 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:35,280 -I was like, "uh, no." -[both laugh] 166 00:08:35,332 --> 00:08:39,367 it was September of 09. I was a reader, um, for a play 167 00:08:39,402 --> 00:08:41,119 called fetch clay, make man. 168 00:08:41,171 --> 00:08:43,588 She had come in. She was the last person of that day. 169 00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:46,574 And um, 170 00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:50,595 when she was finished, I was done, we ended up on the elevator at the same time. 171 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:54,432 -Mm-hm. -And it was a very quick exchange. Just like, 172 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,935 -"hey, how are you? Good job in there." -"oh, hey. Thank you so much." 173 00:08:56,970 --> 00:09:00,438 -you know? -Yeah. And we kind of walked off 'cause... 174 00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:02,557 You know, we walked off before it would get awkward. 175 00:09:02,592 --> 00:09:04,759 There was no, like, "oh, maybe you're interested. 176 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,594 Maybe I should get her number." nothing like that. 177 00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:09,314 Just a few months later, we were in rehearsals for the play, 178 00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:11,733 and that's when he, uh, came. 179 00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:13,485 -Yeah. -Um, he joined the cast. 180 00:09:13,537 --> 00:09:15,237 And it was just a handful of us. 181 00:09:15,272 --> 00:09:17,989 -Yeah. Seven in total. -It was like, what? Six in-- seven in total? 182 00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:21,609 -Yeah, and only three of us under the age of like, 50. -That's right. That's right. 183 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,828 So, three of us really became cool. 184 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,965 And as time was going on, I was like... 185 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,334 -"huh?" -mmm-hmm. 186 00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:32,137 Tommy and I met at the toronto film festival. 187 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:36,675 Um, I was doing pr for canon, the camera company. 188 00:09:36,727 --> 00:09:39,460 And we had like, a lounge with a hollywood reporter. 189 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,297 And I walked in on that day, 190 00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:43,231 it was a Monday, 191 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,801 um, it was September 9th. 192 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:51,472 I walked in on that day and saw one of 193 00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:55,360 few, if any, handsome, black filmmakers. 194 00:09:55,412 --> 00:09:56,611 And I was like, "who is this?" 195 00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:58,813 we had a face sheet. I can see, like, okay, tommy oliver. 196 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,448 He has a movie at the film festival. 197 00:10:00,483 --> 00:10:03,618 So, I go over to where he is looking at the equipment. 198 00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:06,171 And I introduced myself with my card and I said, 199 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,839 "I'm codie. I work with the canon team. 200 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,325 If you're interested in, you know, talking about the equipment, 201 00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:11,876 you know, here's my information." 202 00:10:12,763 --> 00:10:13,712 he was like, "okay." 203 00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:18,183 we talked very briefly and that was it. 204 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:21,219 He um, he let me get away. 205 00:10:21,271 --> 00:10:23,171 -You know what I'm saying? I was surprised by it. -[chuckles] 206 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,506 and I was surprised by it for real. 207 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,176 Uh, so that was that. 208 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,396 And after that, in all truth, and he knows this, 209 00:10:31,448 --> 00:10:32,864 I googled him. 210 00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:35,150 "cause he's a filmmaker, I really didn't wanna date a filmmaker at all. 211 00:10:35,185 --> 00:10:39,154 So, I google him, I find out that he went to carnegie mellon and studied... 212 00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:43,208 -[chuckles] -...Digital media and economics. 213 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,709 -And business. -And business. 214 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,127 And I was like, "ooh, he smart." 215 00:10:46,696 --> 00:10:48,129 and I liked it. 216 00:10:48,165 --> 00:10:50,915 He was like, "what you doing?" I'm like, "getting ready to go on a date." 217 00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:52,700 I'm ironing my clothes. I'm getting ready. 218 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:55,203 I'm about to, you know, go to the restaurant. 219 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:58,223 And I was like, "I really don't wanna go on this date but my friends set me up. 220 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,342 -And I'm just gonna go see." -[chuckles] 221 00:11:00,377 --> 00:11:02,510 and he's like, "well, you should be going out with me." 222 00:11:02,545 --> 00:11:07,015 I'm like, "we have been on the phone for I don't know how long at this point." I'm like, 223 00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:08,433 "what are you talking about?" 224 00:11:08,485 --> 00:11:11,019 and he was like, "nah, I really think, like, 225 00:11:11,054 --> 00:11:13,071 you gonna dig me. I think you gonna dig me." 226 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,407 -like, he's pitching me. And I'm like... -I said, "dig me"? 227 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,225 -Did I say, "dig me"? Okay. -Probably. 228 00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,194 -"dig me". -I think you gonna dig me. 229 00:11:19,229 --> 00:11:23,398 -Is that how... Like, "you gonna dig..." [laughs] -right. No, right. Exactly. 230 00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:26,951 -Yeah. -And I'm like, "okay. Uh... Well... 231 00:11:27,003 --> 00:11:30,205 You know, I don't know. Like, we're really good friends. 232 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,923 Like, I don't wanna mess that up." 233 00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,459 so, I still went on the date. I don't know what he did. 234 00:11:34,511 --> 00:11:38,046 -He was just sitting there... What was you doing? -I'm chilling on the couch. 235 00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:39,798 -[laughs] waiting. -Uh, you just waiting. 236 00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:43,418 -And the date was horrible. -That's right. I said I knew it would be. 237 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,420 -It was horrible. -You know the dude didn't even sound nice. 238 00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:49,107 -I was racing to go back home so I can call him. -And I mean... Yeah. 239 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,275 -Mm-hm. -Yeah. 240 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,526 -I thought about you the whole time. -You heard that? 241 00:11:51,561 --> 00:11:53,228 -She was racing. She was like this. -I thought about you. 242 00:11:53,263 --> 00:11:56,114 -[both laughing] -I diss. 243 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:59,767 -Sorry to that man. Sorry to that man. -Sorry to that man. 244 00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,619 -Sorry. -[both laugh] 245 00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:05,123 truthfully, I thought he was like, this too cool for school, 246 00:12:05,709 --> 00:12:07,275 in a different world, 247 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,078 had no grounding down to earth at all. 248 00:12:10,113 --> 00:12:12,163 Why'd you think that? 249 00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:17,469 Um, I had a studio right next to the studio where she used to record at. 250 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:21,172 So, we would see each other passing int he hallway and stuff but 251 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,708 it was more of like, "hey, how you doing?" you know, I was a songwriter. 252 00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:26,544 She's obviously an artist. And uh... 253 00:12:26,596 --> 00:12:29,047 It was just good to see each other in passing, but, 254 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:35,169 um, we got to be intensive with each other on a writing trip. 255 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,223 -Uh, on an island. -On an island. 256 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,125 -Called bequia. -Mm-hm. 257 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:45,029 So, it was like a camp, a writing camp for producers, artists and songwriters. 258 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,365 That was the first time we got a chance to like, sit and have a conversation. 259 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,567 I just remember saying... 260 00:12:49,619 --> 00:12:53,020 "he's cool as hell. And he's funny corny, like me." 261 00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,989 and I had no idea. 262 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,993 'cause, truthfully, I thought he was like, this too cool for school, 263 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,246 in a different world, 264 00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:04,048 had no grounding down to earth at all. 265 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,200 -Why'd you think that? -I don't know. 266 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,052 You were pretty and you were doing things. 267 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,555 -[laughing] -you don't get busy. 268 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:14,058 So, we were at a all black party. 269 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,928 Uh, close-knit people. Uh... [laughs] 270 00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,379 right. 271 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:22,901 And, uh, I was going up the escalator. 272 00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,853 And ray was coming down the escalator. 273 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,689 And in the venue that we were in, it was very dimly lit. 274 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,525 -And for some reason, ray had on sunglasses. -Yeah. 275 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,411 And so, the person that I was with, I said to her, I said, 276 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,447 -"look at him with them stupid-ass sunglasses on." -just like that. 277 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:39,751 And I said it loud and I pointed, like, literally, right at him. 278 00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:42,871 Went down the escalator, came back up the escalator 279 00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:46,040 and by the time he had come back up, I was on the dance floor. 280 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,593 So, he walked up to me and he said, "you wanna dance?" 281 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,095 yeah, that's-- why is that my voice? First of all? 282 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,748 -[both laughing] -'cause that's what he sounded like in my head. 283 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:57,084 'cause if you would've saw how ray slid up on me, 284 00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,637 he gave me the drake light skin slide. 285 00:13:59,689 --> 00:14:01,088 -You know what I'm saying? -Do the voice one more time. 286 00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,591 "you wanna dance?" so, 287 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,611 when he said that, I said "no. 288 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,597 I don't dance with strangers." that's exactly what I said. 289 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,449 She was pretty aggressive. 290 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:13,985 Um, but it was cute. And she was cute. 291 00:14:14,037 --> 00:14:17,455 -I was not aggressive. -[laughing] yeah, no, you were aggressive. 292 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,656 You were pretty aggressive. 293 00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:21,910 Um, but I liked it. I was like, "strong black woman 294 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:25,129 -trying to go after what she wants." -we were 22 and 23. 295 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:28,132 -He basically had moved to la with his ex. -[laughs] 296 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,118 which is also the craziest part of the story. 297 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:34,472 Unbeknownst to me, we're meeting and flirting. I'm like, "oh, my gosh. 298 00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,007 This guy is dealing with his ex 299 00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:38,426 -everyday still at the time." -yeah. 300 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,679 So, of course, he was like, "nah, I wanna play the field. I wanna try to," 301 00:14:41,731 --> 00:14:43,014 -you know, whatever. -Yeah. 302 00:14:43,066 --> 00:14:46,017 So, it was five years of us seeing each other, 303 00:14:46,069 --> 00:14:49,854 we would be at mutual friends' houses or hang out here and there. 304 00:14:49,906 --> 00:14:53,358 -But it wasn't... We weren't like-- -nothing was established. 305 00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:56,327 -Nothing was established. We weren't going on dates. -It was very casual. 306 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,029 -Like... -Yeah. 307 00:14:58,081 --> 00:15:00,365 -There was no cadence. Yeah. -He would just like hit me up after a late night out. 308 00:15:00,417 --> 00:15:01,866 -Yeah. -And be like, "are you up?" 309 00:15:01,918 --> 00:15:06,120 -and like an idiot I'd be like, "yeah, come by." like... -[laughs] 310 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,489 -so silly. And he would, you know... -Oh, yeah. 311 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:11,659 -...Wake up the next morning, "bye!" and you know... -And then we wouldn't talk for 312 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,795 -three weeks. -You know, couple weeks or something like, yeah. 313 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:18,016 I would be mad about something. He would be mia. It just-- we did that for... 314 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:21,636 -Yeah, we did after a while. -A really long time actually. 315 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:25,840 Jb was like, you know, "I see you guys are in this super long line. 316 00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:28,893 You know, you guys are at the back of the line, 317 00:15:28,945 --> 00:15:30,528 in this long line. 318 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,314 And there's a table open next to me. 319 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,149 And I know the waiter. 320 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:38,987 And I can ask him if he can just get you guys seated if you want me to. 321 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,354 Like, is that cool?" 322 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,206 and beautiful women shouldn't stand in a line like that. 323 00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:45,877 A long line like that, you standing at the back of the line? No. 324 00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:48,195 And then I was like, "that would be really nice." 325 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,832 and so, then he asked the waiter, 326 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:54,886 the waiter had us, you know, get seated with the whole crew. 327 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,722 And jb smoov is so smooth. 328 00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,925 -Mm. -Because when we were sitting there, he was just like, 329 00:16:00,977 --> 00:16:05,713 one time, he just looked over there, he's like, "excuse me, you okay? You guys good?" 330 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,598 I was like, "yeah." 331 00:16:07,651 --> 00:16:09,884 and he didn't bother me the rest of the night. 332 00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,737 He just was smooth as hell. He knew what he was doing, right? 333 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,405 -So... -[both laughing] 334 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:19,694 one night, there's a lunch or a dinner break for tech rehearsal. 335 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:23,614 Maybe five of us or so, we're supposed to go to this restaurant, eat together. 336 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,667 But um, 337 00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:28,069 one by one, people kept falling off till it was just me and her left. 338 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:31,789 And she came up to me and she's like, "I mean, everybody else is kinda backed out. 339 00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:34,909 So, should we...?" I was like, "I mean, I'm still hungry." 340 00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,461 -yeah. -"we could go." 341 00:16:36,513 --> 00:16:38,913 and he ended up charming the mess out of me, 342 00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:40,465 you know, at this thing. 343 00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:43,084 And I'm laughing every five seconds. 344 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:46,554 After this date, you know, I realized that I... 345 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,639 Come into the understanding that he's interested. 346 00:16:48,692 --> 00:16:50,424 -But I, again... -Yeah. I paid the bill. 347 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:54,896 He did. That was the time where we finally, sort of, confronted, like, 348 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:59,650 "okay, you're interested. I think you're, you know, amazing. 349 00:16:59,703 --> 00:17:02,820 But spiritually, I think, we're in two different places 350 00:17:02,872 --> 00:17:07,158 and I've been there, done that and can't do that again. Um..." 351 00:17:07,210 --> 00:17:10,628 it's not healthy. And so, you know. 352 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:14,499 So, once we had this conversation and sort of got all of it out into the light, 353 00:17:14,551 --> 00:17:17,301 we were able to just be friends. 354 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:22,006 -But of course, fell in love like, um, really quickly. -Yeah. Yeah. 355 00:17:22,058 --> 00:17:24,792 We had been friends for a few months. 356 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:28,046 And we went to ihop one night and I was like, 357 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,982 "I like you. I like you." 358 00:17:32,235 --> 00:17:36,104 and I can't remember if you said you liked me back. 359 00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,022 -I don't think you did. -I... I... 360 00:17:38,074 --> 00:17:41,442 -I was almost like... [laughs] -I don't think you did. 361 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,778 -I don't think you did. -[laughing] it was almost like, 362 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:47,632 -"I appreciate you sharing that with me." -[both laugh] 363 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:53,154 -"I respect the vulnerability that it takes." [laughs] -bless you. [laughs] 364 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:56,674 -he was so nervous. -Bless you. I was. I was. I was. 365 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:59,460 But for me, it wasn't like, I didn't take it lightly, right? 366 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:00,661 It wasn't that kind of thing. 367 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,380 And it also wasn't awkward. 368 00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:06,000 But I just wasn't there. 369 00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:07,802 -Mm-hm. -'cause you were such a good friend. 370 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,388 And then you didn't make it awkward. We just kind of moved on. 371 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,524 -And that was it. -Yeah. Yeah, I don't really do the awkward thing. 372 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,226 Yeah. It was... 373 00:18:15,278 --> 00:18:17,178 Did you still pay the bill though? Did you make me pay it? 374 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:20,698 [sighs] I don't know. 375 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,317 We left and went to, like, this kind of after hours eating spot. 376 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,837 And while we were there, 377 00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,289 as soon as our food kind of hit the table, 378 00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:31,843 ray walked in with the people that he had went to the party with. 379 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,494 And he walked over to the table 380 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:37,799 and he introduced himself to everybody very politely. 381 00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:40,301 And when the food, like, everybody kind of got everything, 382 00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,553 he said, "can I bless the table?" 383 00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:45,189 -and I was like, "oh, jesus, this is it." -[laughs] 384 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,307 "I hear you, god." 385 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,360 -so... -And we were immediately... 386 00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,896 -...In a relationship. -And we were immediately married, like. 387 00:18:51,948 --> 00:18:53,347 -So, that happened-- -immediately. 388 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:56,651 Yeah, like, so that happened, um, the party happened on the Saturday. 389 00:18:56,686 --> 00:18:59,370 We went out that Sunday, which was 390 00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,823 -the, um, 6th. -Sixth, yeah. 391 00:19:01,858 --> 00:19:03,524 November 6th, 2016. 392 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:07,411 And we have pretty much been together everyday since then. 393 00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:10,414 After my first marriage, I was like, "I'm not getting married." 394 00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:13,384 I was just like, "I'm done. That was crazy." right? 395 00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:16,203 And so, I went on, like, my dating rampages. 396 00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,339 You know what I mean? I just started dating. 397 00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:20,341 And was just like, "yeah, I'll just be, you know, 398 00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:22,426 I'll just date, you know, forever." you know what I mean? 399 00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:26,564 And then, I got into like, you know, some other different relationships 400 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,266 that went longer than that. 401 00:19:28,318 --> 00:19:30,768 Um, and then those didn't work out. 402 00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:32,436 So, then I was like, "okay, you need to... 403 00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:35,189 You need to kind of like, work on yourself." you know what I mean? How about that? 404 00:19:35,224 --> 00:19:39,226 And so, it was beautiful within me thinking in that process 405 00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,697 where then now, all of a sudden what happened was was that 406 00:19:42,732 --> 00:19:45,583 I have this friendship that blossomed. 407 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,535 I remember one date, we actually skipped. 408 00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,621 -[chuckles] -remember that? [laughs] 409 00:19:50,673 --> 00:19:51,789 so, I had a test. 410 00:19:51,841 --> 00:19:54,625 I was like, "if he liked me for real, 411 00:19:54,677 --> 00:19:56,427 he'll skip with me in public." 412 00:19:57,079 --> 00:19:58,713 so, I... [laughs] 413 00:19:58,748 --> 00:20:00,431 -bro... -[both laughing] 414 00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:03,768 so, it was like, I sent him through a series of different tests. 415 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,803 -A lot of different series of tests that happened. -Yeah. 416 00:20:05,855 --> 00:20:08,606 -That randomly I would just throw out there. -Yeah. 417 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,274 And he's like, "you want me to skip?" 418 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,927 and I'm like, "yeah, let's hold hands and skip." 419 00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:14,145 we were some-- where were we? 420 00:20:14,197 --> 00:20:16,597 -We, uh... -I don't know. Somewhere public. 421 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,983 Yeah, no. We were... [laughs] 422 00:20:19,035 --> 00:20:20,651 yeah, we were outside. 423 00:20:20,703 --> 00:20:22,954 And then, we just started to skip. You know what I mean? Down the street. 424 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,271 I'm sure people saw us. 425 00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,157 So I was-- but it was fun though. Like, it was super fun. 426 00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:29,944 -It was just regular skip. He wasn't... -[laughs] 427 00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:32,330 she basically says, like, "hey. 428 00:20:32,382 --> 00:20:35,499 Um, so, look, I get the sense that you might like me. 429 00:20:35,551 --> 00:20:38,118 Um, and that's great. 430 00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,137 But please forgive me if I'm being presumptuous. 431 00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:42,957 But if you do, I think it's important that you know 432 00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:46,293 I'm a christian woman. Like, I don't date really. 433 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,179 I'm not sure you are. 434 00:20:48,231 --> 00:20:50,648 I don't wanna assume you're not a christian. 435 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,651 But I don't get the sense that you are. And that's fine." 436 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,854 -mm-hm. -"but I just... I can't... I don't date. 437 00:20:56,906 --> 00:20:59,640 And if we're not on that same page. 438 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,776 So, it's like, it's probably better that we just be friends." 439 00:21:01,811 --> 00:21:04,812 and then she tried to kind of just drop that on me and leave. 440 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:07,615 Like, "I'll just go now." and I was like, "wait. Wait. Wait, wait, wait." 441 00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:10,618 you can't just say all that and not give me a chance to respond at least. 442 00:21:10,653 --> 00:21:13,788 -Like, please. Okay? Just have a seat. Let's chat. -Yeah. 443 00:21:13,823 --> 00:21:18,325 And... So, essentially, after that I said, 444 00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:19,961 I said, "you're right." and I was being legit. 445 00:21:19,996 --> 00:21:21,846 Some people, some friends, they hear it and are like, 446 00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,298 "no, you trying to get with jesus so you can get with your girl." 447 00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:25,833 I'm like, "no, for real." 448 00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:28,469 I was genuinely curious. 449 00:21:28,504 --> 00:21:30,354 I was like, "so, what do you have going on?" 450 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:33,674 'cause what you have going on is different from 451 00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:36,777 most of the people that I know that have christ in their life. 452 00:21:37,363 --> 00:21:39,363 -Mm. -"tell me more." 453 00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:42,516 we met in very different places, personally. 454 00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:44,518 So, despite being in a relationship or not, 455 00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:48,823 I just feel like, my year and a half of being single and dating 456 00:21:48,858 --> 00:21:51,375 gave me time and space to do a lot of self-work, 457 00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:53,911 learn lot about myself, I did a lot of spiritual work 458 00:21:53,963 --> 00:21:55,463 and all of it. 459 00:21:55,498 --> 00:21:58,582 And I came to a place where I was very clear on what I wanted from my life. 460 00:21:58,634 --> 00:22:01,201 Whereas, jared, I felt 461 00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:06,090 hadn't taken the time or had the space to really figure that out for himself. 462 00:22:06,142 --> 00:22:10,261 Being in a long relationship meeting me, having a little bit of time but... 463 00:22:10,313 --> 00:22:11,595 -I feel like... -Yeah. 464 00:22:11,647 --> 00:22:14,265 And so, that became, like, a thing for us. 465 00:22:14,317 --> 00:22:16,567 It's funny because, like, two months into us hanging out, 466 00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:18,185 back in new york, I said to him, 467 00:22:18,220 --> 00:22:19,687 I was like, "look, this is no pressure and no stress. 468 00:22:19,722 --> 00:22:21,489 But I'm letting you know right now, 469 00:22:21,524 --> 00:22:24,859 I'm not the girl that you're gonna say we're 'hanging out' or 'dating' a year from now." 470 00:22:24,894 --> 00:22:26,360 whatever, bro. 471 00:22:26,395 --> 00:22:28,696 I was like, "it's not me. And I'm gonna let you know I'm not that girl." 472 00:22:28,731 --> 00:22:32,116 and so, after that year of, like, push and pull, 473 00:22:32,168 --> 00:22:34,618 I can only say the thing that I can... 474 00:22:34,670 --> 00:22:36,737 I digested as, is just that 475 00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:38,405 he hadn't figured out, like, 476 00:22:38,424 --> 00:22:42,626 "well, if I've met the person that I really could be with for the rest of my life. 477 00:22:42,678 --> 00:22:45,579 -Am I ready... " like, "am I reedy for that?" -am I actually ready for it? 478 00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:48,582 You know what I mean? Even though I knew it was special. 479 00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:50,935 I wasn't. I just wasn't ready for it yet. 480 00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:52,686 You were willing to, basically, 481 00:22:53,255 --> 00:22:54,388 let me go. 482 00:22:54,423 --> 00:22:57,274 -Which, by the way, was big for me because... -Wack. 483 00:22:57,310 --> 00:22:59,143 [laughs] no, I had just... 484 00:22:59,195 --> 00:23:02,563 I had never broken up with someone in love. 485 00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:05,116 There was always something that was like, 486 00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:08,486 "you did this." or there's just like, this breaking point. 487 00:23:08,538 --> 00:23:11,072 I just recognized that whatever he was going through, 488 00:23:11,107 --> 00:23:12,823 personally, had nothing to do with me. 489 00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:16,276 I think the term "situationship" is so, uh... 490 00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:17,745 -Appropriate. Yeah. -...Appropriate. 491 00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:19,663 -It's just-- that's exactly what it was. -Just bang on. 492 00:23:19,715 --> 00:23:23,117 And also, you know, I think a huge part of the story is that 493 00:23:23,136 --> 00:23:25,836 we met at 22 and 23, 494 00:23:25,888 --> 00:23:28,255 but we're getting older. So, like, 495 00:23:28,290 --> 00:23:29,957 the kind of, like, games, 496 00:23:29,976 --> 00:23:33,928 and like, I see him, you know, one day, don't talk to him for a couple of... Whatever. 497 00:23:33,963 --> 00:23:36,347 That was cool for a little bit. 498 00:23:36,399 --> 00:23:39,934 But then, now, I'm like, 25, 26, 499 00:23:39,969 --> 00:23:42,019 -I have different wants, I have different... -Hm. 500 00:23:42,071 --> 00:23:46,023 I want someone that's like, you know, a constant part of my life. 501 00:23:46,075 --> 00:23:48,993 We're growing in how we feel about each other. 502 00:23:49,028 --> 00:23:53,114 Um, we've obviously gotten to know each other now, over five years. 503 00:23:53,149 --> 00:23:54,832 But what do we have to show for it? 504 00:23:54,867 --> 00:23:57,668 -Yeah. Yeah. -That's really how I felt about it. It was kind of like, 505 00:23:57,703 --> 00:24:02,823 "okay, but you're still, like, a random person in my life, technically." and... 506 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:06,460 -The older I got, the less space I had for that. -Mm-hm. 507 00:24:06,495 --> 00:24:09,130 He says, "don't move." he like, looks to me, he's like, "don't move." 508 00:24:09,165 --> 00:24:10,347 and I was like, "okay." 509 00:24:10,383 --> 00:24:12,516 and then, as soon as he was gone, I was out. 510 00:24:12,552 --> 00:24:14,852 I went to, like, another part of the party. I started taking shots. 511 00:24:14,887 --> 00:24:16,053 Like, that was it. And I was done. 512 00:24:18,491 --> 00:24:21,658 ...I was about to turn, uh, 35. 513 00:24:21,677 --> 00:24:23,294 -Yeah. -I was 34 when we met. 514 00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:26,497 But we met in November. My birthday fell in January, so... 515 00:24:26,516 --> 00:24:28,466 -Yeah. And I would've been what? 28? -Yeah. 516 00:24:28,501 --> 00:24:30,050 -Ooh. -Right. 517 00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:32,636 Cougar paws, okay? 518 00:24:32,671 --> 00:24:35,523 -Cougar paws. Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah, buddy. 519 00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:39,643 And ray doesn't present a younger guy vibe. 520 00:24:39,678 --> 00:24:41,729 Like, even when I, you know, walked up to him, 521 00:24:41,781 --> 00:24:44,365 or he... He doesn't come off like that at all. 522 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,818 -He comes off very, very debonair. -Right. [laughs] 523 00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:50,154 very old man sweet, you know what I'm saying? 524 00:24:50,189 --> 00:24:52,490 -Very old man smooth. -That's how I get you. 525 00:24:52,525 --> 00:24:54,708 Yeah. That's exactly how. 526 00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:58,045 -Like some good bourbon. That's how ray comes off. -Yeah. She's got a point. 527 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,915 -I was attracted by the age gap. Like, her... -Yeah. 528 00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:03,367 -I saved her number in my phone... -As "35". 529 00:25:03,386 --> 00:25:05,085 -When we first met. -...She was 35. 530 00:25:05,137 --> 00:25:07,588 -He saved it as "35". -[laughing] 531 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,924 he was calling me "35" to his friends. 532 00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:12,510 -"yeah, I'm going out with 35 tonight." -I still am. "hello, this 35?" 533 00:25:15,064 --> 00:25:19,049 so, I saw him later in a large theatre 534 00:25:19,068 --> 00:25:21,068 and we waved from across the room. 535 00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:24,388 And then I saw him late that night, at a party. 536 00:25:24,407 --> 00:25:28,392 So, he walks up, we start talking about the recent premier that he's had 537 00:25:28,411 --> 00:25:31,445 and... And I said, 538 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,781 -"when do you leave the festival?" right, okay. -Mm-hm. 539 00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:37,251 So I said, "when do you leave the festival?" and he said, "Saturday." 540 00:25:37,286 --> 00:25:41,789 this was Monday. So I said, "well, we don't leave until Wednesday night, 541 00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:44,241 but we don't work on Wednesday during the day, 542 00:25:44,260 --> 00:25:46,877 if you wanted to, like, chat." 543 00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:50,548 and he said, "are you hitting on me?" 544 00:25:50,583 --> 00:25:55,219 -and I was like, "uh... I don't know." -[chuckles] 545 00:25:55,254 --> 00:25:58,639 because like, that's all... I mean, come on. Who asks that? 546 00:25:58,691 --> 00:26:00,140 And I was not ready. 547 00:26:00,192 --> 00:26:02,759 Nor did I feel like I was hitting on him. 548 00:26:02,778 --> 00:26:04,778 So, I said, "I don't know." 549 00:26:04,814 --> 00:26:06,780 and like, right at that moment, somebody comes over and they're like, 550 00:26:06,816 --> 00:26:09,066 "tommy, I need you to come over here..." and da-da-da-da. 551 00:26:09,101 --> 00:26:11,118 And he says, "don't move." 552 00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:13,770 he looks to me, he's like, "don't move." and I was like, "okay." 553 00:26:13,789 --> 00:26:15,823 and then, as soon as he was gone, I was out. 554 00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:18,158 I went to, like, another part of the party, I started taking shots. 555 00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:19,827 Like, that was it. I was done. 556 00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:24,298 -And shortly thereafter, he came and found me. -Mm-hm. 557 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:29,086 And we wound up talking until 3:00 in the morning that night? 558 00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:31,338 -Mm-hm. -And then we talked until 559 00:26:31,390 --> 00:26:33,474 5:00 in the morning the next night. 560 00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:36,343 And then, we did have lunch at Wednesday? 561 00:26:36,395 --> 00:26:38,228 -And that's now we met. -That is how we met. 562 00:26:38,981 --> 00:26:40,014 It was fast. 563 00:26:42,635 --> 00:26:45,102 -Oh! -[chuckling] 564 00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:47,271 it was one rainy afternoon. 565 00:26:47,306 --> 00:26:50,491 You know, we were at a place called red cafe on beverly boulevard 566 00:26:50,526 --> 00:26:52,326 right down the street from her apartment. 567 00:26:52,361 --> 00:26:56,497 And she had on this little-- I think she had stanford you know, sweatshirt on. 568 00:26:56,532 --> 00:26:59,283 -My brother goes. -Her brother is a graduate from stanford. 569 00:26:59,318 --> 00:27:01,285 Sweats. And she had a little bob. 570 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,338 She had that little bob back there. The little halley berry bob... 571 00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:06,707 A little bob. A cute little thing, right? 572 00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:09,843 And she was-- she had a boyfriend at the time. Some dude she was dating. 573 00:27:09,879 --> 00:27:11,879 Right? 'cause we were just platonic, you know? 574 00:27:11,931 --> 00:27:13,881 And she was complaining about this cat. 575 00:27:13,933 --> 00:27:15,432 You know, "yeah, yeah, yeah." 576 00:27:15,468 --> 00:27:18,135 I remember the moment she put her hands to hair like this... [inhales deeply] 577 00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:20,354 you know, "he's just getting on my nerves." I looked at her like... 578 00:27:20,389 --> 00:27:23,557 -"uh-oh." right at that moment. -[laughing] 579 00:27:23,609 --> 00:27:25,476 I don't know what was going on with her. 580 00:27:25,511 --> 00:27:26,977 She's talking about this dude she's seeing. All good. 581 00:27:27,012 --> 00:27:28,512 I ain't got nothing against my man. 582 00:27:28,531 --> 00:27:30,514 You know what I mean? But I'm like, 583 00:27:30,533 --> 00:27:34,034 right at that moment, I'mma find a way over in that direction. 584 00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:37,154 And right at that moment, my whole focus was like, 585 00:27:37,189 --> 00:27:39,189 -phew, and now... -Was that, like... 586 00:27:39,208 --> 00:27:42,693 -That was like, two months in? -That was about two or three months in. 587 00:27:42,712 --> 00:27:44,411 -After meeting. -After meeting. 588 00:27:44,463 --> 00:27:46,997 -Okay. -Two or three months. But friendship, which is great, 589 00:27:47,032 --> 00:27:51,168 you know, I didn't know then, you know, my early 20s, that friendship is the best basis 590 00:27:51,203 --> 00:27:53,170 -to build something substantial off of. -Yeah. 591 00:27:53,205 --> 00:27:55,339 You're just thinking, "attraction is the thing." 592 00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:57,725 and, you know, that kind of, "whoo!" 593 00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,426 can go in like, three more days, right? 594 00:27:59,478 --> 00:28:02,879 So, I didn't know at the time, but what had happed for us through grace was, 595 00:28:02,898 --> 00:28:04,881 friendship was forming already 596 00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:06,567 and then the hotness came in there. 597 00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:09,436 Once she did this thing with her hair up, I was like, "oh, she fine!" 598 00:28:09,488 --> 00:28:11,054 he was just starting his career, 599 00:28:11,073 --> 00:28:13,056 and my career was just starting to flourish. 600 00:28:13,075 --> 00:28:14,725 So, we were both moving fast. Like, 601 00:28:14,744 --> 00:28:16,944 our teams, like, our management, 602 00:28:16,996 --> 00:28:20,731 our, you know, entourage, hated each other's. 603 00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:24,084 Like, they hated him and his whole entourage hated me because, 604 00:28:24,787 --> 00:28:27,254 like, time, schedules, 605 00:28:27,289 --> 00:28:29,123 none of those things made any sense. 606 00:28:29,175 --> 00:28:31,875 Like, there was times I'd be on tour and be like, "um... 607 00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:34,762 I'm going home for a couple of days." 608 00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:38,265 "like, in the middle of tour?" "yeah, I just... I'll be back." 609 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:41,719 -and he's... Like. Oh, my god. -[laughs] 610 00:28:41,754 --> 00:28:43,387 he's annoying and vice versa. 611 00:28:43,422 --> 00:28:46,890 Like, when I would show up, like, he'd be overseas and he gets there, he's like, 612 00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:48,642 "hey, babe. I'm glad you could make it." 613 00:28:48,694 --> 00:28:50,778 and they're looking like, "she's in denmark?" 614 00:28:50,813 --> 00:28:53,230 -like... -[both laughing] 615 00:28:53,265 --> 00:28:55,766 "why is she is annoyed with us?" 616 00:28:55,785 --> 00:28:59,770 but, um, it was definitely... 617 00:28:59,789 --> 00:29:00,937 We were really young. 618 00:29:00,956 --> 00:29:05,159 Like, I don't think I realized until more recently 619 00:29:05,211 --> 00:29:07,578 how young we were when we met. 620 00:29:07,613 --> 00:29:11,615 Like, when I look at, you know, our children, like, 621 00:29:11,634 --> 00:29:14,918 I'm like, "if one of them was to get married right now, 622 00:29:14,953 --> 00:29:17,805 I would literally die." like, what? 623 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,956 I feel like, we're definitely different. 624 00:29:19,975 --> 00:29:23,126 -Uh, 25, 26, 27 that we were... -Yeah, yeah. 625 00:29:23,145 --> 00:29:25,962 ...Is not, like, 25, 26 now. 626 00:29:25,981 --> 00:29:27,964 We went to ihop one night. 627 00:29:27,983 --> 00:29:35,305 And, you know, ihop, bill's usually like $15-20, for two. 628 00:29:35,324 --> 00:29:39,943 And gave to the waitress my debit card. 629 00:29:39,978 --> 00:29:42,663 Came back, "sorry, sir." 630 00:29:42,698 --> 00:29:45,699 -[both chuckling] -"I'm sorry, sir. 631 00:29:45,751 --> 00:29:47,818 -You just don't have..." -[laughs] 632 00:29:47,837 --> 00:29:50,637 "came back. Sorry, sir. It came back." 633 00:29:50,673 --> 00:29:52,706 -why'd I have to do that, boy? -Then, you act shocked, right? 634 00:29:52,741 --> 00:29:56,176 -And, right, I was like... -[both laughing] 635 00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:57,878 -"run it again." -[both continue laughing] 636 00:30:00,516 --> 00:30:04,000 "no, no. Try it again. Try it again." 637 00:30:04,019 --> 00:30:04,935 but... 638 00:30:05,838 --> 00:30:08,622 But what did it was, it wasn't like a, 639 00:30:08,657 --> 00:30:11,141 "all right. This broke dude. I'm not..." 640 00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:14,228 it was, "all right, we gotta run to the atm then." 641 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,064 and so, she could've never went out with me, 642 00:30:17,516 --> 00:30:18,866 ever again. 643 00:30:18,901 --> 00:30:22,402 To the point where when she told my mom that story, 644 00:30:22,454 --> 00:30:26,206 -my mom was like, "and you still with him?" -[both laughing] 645 00:30:29,228 --> 00:30:31,628 when I met jb, um, 646 00:30:31,647 --> 00:30:34,130 I had actually been celibate for two years. 647 00:30:34,149 --> 00:30:37,017 So, that's why I wasn't interested in the catcall in the restaurant. 648 00:30:37,069 --> 00:30:39,186 -I was like, "what does he want? Like, what is this?" -[laughs] 649 00:30:39,238 --> 00:30:41,488 uh, you know, went out with him 650 00:30:41,524 --> 00:30:43,857 and I could feel like, just like, right away, 651 00:30:43,909 --> 00:30:46,810 everything that was happening in the, you know, the date, 652 00:30:46,829 --> 00:30:49,162 I felt like, "this is..." not just, like, "oh, my god, 653 00:30:49,198 --> 00:30:50,497 -this is the man for the rest of my life." -mm-hm. 654 00:30:50,533 --> 00:30:52,165 But I knew he was a man. 655 00:30:52,201 --> 00:30:55,786 And I'm like, "this is what I would want for myself." 656 00:30:55,821 --> 00:30:58,989 so, it wasn't like, "this my husband." it wasn't that. 657 00:30:59,008 --> 00:31:03,994 It was like, you know, "this is what I will want as a man in my life." 658 00:31:04,013 --> 00:31:07,714 we actually weren't intimate for five months into the relationship. 659 00:31:07,766 --> 00:31:10,517 So, like, at that point, I was like, "you my man." 660 00:31:10,553 --> 00:31:13,837 because now, we didn't crossed over the border, like... 661 00:31:13,856 --> 00:31:16,172 [laughing] ...You know what I'm saying? Things that we crossed the line. 662 00:31:16,191 --> 00:31:17,808 Done put some money on that layaway. 663 00:31:17,843 --> 00:31:21,695 -He put-- you know what? [laughing] -[laughs] 664 00:31:21,730 --> 00:31:26,182 -I've made him wait three months for a kiss. -Yeah. 665 00:31:26,201 --> 00:31:27,851 -Yeah. -Like, so we would kiss on the cheek. 666 00:31:27,870 --> 00:31:29,069 We would get close. 667 00:31:29,121 --> 00:31:32,489 -Yeah. -But like, I was like, "I don't want you... 668 00:31:32,524 --> 00:31:35,025 To think that I'm easy, in any type of way. 669 00:31:35,044 --> 00:31:36,493 Because I'm not." 670 00:31:36,528 --> 00:31:39,212 -and... [laughs] yeah. -"and I want you to understand that this is... 671 00:31:39,248 --> 00:31:41,698 ...Genuine. And because we're friends, 672 00:31:41,717 --> 00:31:43,166 like, I really just wanna--" 673 00:31:43,201 --> 00:31:47,037 I cherished our friendship and what we had. 674 00:31:47,056 --> 00:31:50,040 So, I really wanted him to know, like, that, 675 00:31:50,059 --> 00:31:52,009 you know, we can go slow. 676 00:31:52,044 --> 00:31:54,210 Like, if we're gonna be together, we gonna be together. 677 00:31:54,229 --> 00:31:56,263 We have more than enough time to kiss. 678 00:31:56,315 --> 00:31:59,733 -Yeah. -So, I kind of kept that, like, "no. Not yet." 679 00:31:59,768 --> 00:32:02,185 -now, let me tell you-- -he would walk me to my door. 680 00:32:02,220 --> 00:32:04,187 -Like, very gentleman. You know? -[chuckles] 681 00:32:04,222 --> 00:32:06,556 yeah, walk her to the door, all that stuff. 682 00:32:06,575 --> 00:32:09,392 You expect, I mean, usually, it's kiss time. 683 00:32:09,411 --> 00:32:11,411 I mean, I go on all the time, you know? 684 00:32:11,447 --> 00:32:14,531 And so... But what was dope about this though, 685 00:32:14,566 --> 00:32:15,782 it was the... 686 00:32:15,834 --> 00:32:19,369 What she did was like, it was the romantic chase. 687 00:32:19,404 --> 00:32:21,755 Like, I'll be like, "madame." you know what I mean? 688 00:32:21,790 --> 00:32:23,624 So, it almost felt like that. 689 00:32:23,676 --> 00:32:26,409 But in my world, that just gave me like, 690 00:32:26,428 --> 00:32:29,296 "oh, this woman is... This is really different." 691 00:32:29,348 --> 00:32:32,766 you know what I mean? I'm vying for a kiss right now. 692 00:32:32,801 --> 00:32:36,753 I didn't feel the pressure of having to, like, 693 00:32:36,772 --> 00:32:39,806 get her or make some decision and be like, yes or no, 694 00:32:39,858 --> 00:32:42,776 -'cause we're in princeton, we got his play going on. -Mm-hm. 695 00:32:42,811 --> 00:32:45,812 It's just me and her and all other castmates. 696 00:32:45,864 --> 00:32:47,948 -It's like, we ain't going nowhere. It's wintertime. -Mm-hm. 697 00:32:47,983 --> 00:32:50,817 -I was like, "hey, I got time. I don't have to... Push. -Mm-hm. 698 00:32:50,869 --> 00:32:53,153 You know, to push this, I don't have to put the pedal to the metal. 699 00:32:53,205 --> 00:32:54,738 I could just wait. Let's see what happens. 700 00:32:54,773 --> 00:32:56,606 -Let's just let it breathe. -Right. 701 00:32:56,625 --> 00:33:00,410 And in that, you know, sort of free space, 702 00:33:00,445 --> 00:33:03,080 um, you know, we fell madly in love. 703 00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:05,966 Very quickly. You know, I prayed diligently about it. 704 00:33:06,001 --> 00:33:08,251 And I really believe, 705 00:33:08,286 --> 00:33:11,922 um, you know, I heard from god about it. 706 00:33:11,957 --> 00:33:17,477 And it was... You know, what I heard was like, "hey, you know, just be friends." 707 00:33:17,513 --> 00:33:22,966 and so, there was that, like, root conflict right there. 708 00:33:22,985 --> 00:33:26,987 Um, because I've, you know, felt that I'd heard 709 00:33:27,022 --> 00:33:29,356 one thing from god. 710 00:33:29,408 --> 00:33:32,142 But we were just falling deeper and deeper in love. 711 00:33:32,161 --> 00:33:35,979 I asked my mom, actually, I was like, "what do you think about robert?" 712 00:33:35,998 --> 00:33:39,099 and it almost seemed like she was waiting for me to ask the question, 713 00:33:39,134 --> 00:33:41,368 'cause she was like, "I really like him for you." 714 00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:45,338 and I think she realized that we have that foundation of friendship. 715 00:33:45,374 --> 00:33:49,659 You know, my mom knows that, and my family were really big with, you know... 716 00:33:49,678 --> 00:33:52,179 Being funny and not taking ourselves seriously. 717 00:33:52,214 --> 00:33:53,964 And robert was like that. 718 00:33:53,999 --> 00:33:57,134 So, I think she noticed that that was a big deal for me. 719 00:33:57,169 --> 00:34:00,003 And I was glad that my mom mentioned it 720 00:34:00,022 --> 00:34:01,972 because I had friends who, 721 00:34:03,058 --> 00:34:04,808 and I think they meant well, 722 00:34:04,843 --> 00:34:08,195 but the idea was, for a lot of my friends, 723 00:34:08,230 --> 00:34:10,697 is you should find someone who's much more established, right? 724 00:34:10,733 --> 00:34:13,900 -Who can pay the ihop bill, who can... -[laughs] 725 00:34:13,952 --> 00:34:15,569 or maybe that's... 726 00:34:15,604 --> 00:34:19,639 -Maybe that's an understandable... [laughs] -yeah. Yeah. 727 00:34:19,675 --> 00:34:21,708 "who can pay the ihop bill." 728 00:34:21,744 --> 00:34:25,178 -you know, ihop yeah. -That is an understandable expectation. 729 00:34:25,214 --> 00:34:26,863 Yes, we finally kissed. 730 00:34:26,882 --> 00:34:29,716 -The kiss was really nice. -It was magical. 731 00:34:29,752 --> 00:34:31,168 It was magical. 732 00:34:31,203 --> 00:34:32,919 And we did the kiss. 733 00:34:32,971 --> 00:34:35,889 And then, after the kiss, uh, 734 00:34:35,924 --> 00:34:38,258 I guess I went home and made this song. 735 00:34:38,310 --> 00:34:39,259 But I was into that. 736 00:34:39,311 --> 00:34:42,045 Like, I was into, like, I would write songs. 737 00:34:42,064 --> 00:34:44,231 -Did do that for years and poetry and stuff. -Poetry, yeah. 738 00:34:44,266 --> 00:34:46,549 And so, it's a good way to express yourself. 739 00:34:46,568 --> 00:34:48,185 You know, however you're feeling. 740 00:34:48,220 --> 00:34:51,438 And I was just like, "all right. I'm gonna write her a song." 741 00:34:51,490 --> 00:34:55,275 you know what I mean? [laughs] and it was called "more than a friend". 742 00:34:55,327 --> 00:34:58,028 Right? And so... [laughs] I was like, 743 00:34:58,063 --> 00:35:00,230 ♪ more than a friend ♪ 744 00:35:00,249 --> 00:35:01,281 mm-hm. 745 00:35:01,333 --> 00:35:03,583 ♪ I kissed her last night now we are ♪ 746 00:35:03,619 --> 00:35:06,069 ♪ more than a friend ♪ 747 00:35:06,088 --> 00:35:07,287 -aye! -Yeah! 748 00:35:07,339 --> 00:35:09,739 ♪ I kissed her last night... ♪ something like that. 749 00:35:09,758 --> 00:35:11,041 It was a whole verse. 750 00:35:11,076 --> 00:35:14,094 The beat was hard. I had a whole verse, a hook, music and... 751 00:35:14,129 --> 00:35:15,295 The whole dime. 752 00:35:15,347 --> 00:35:20,050 -It was difficult... To convince her. -[laughs] 753 00:35:20,085 --> 00:35:22,185 -this guy. -It was hard. I was like... 754 00:35:23,522 --> 00:35:25,522 "I never thought that this would be so hard." 755 00:35:28,610 --> 00:35:31,611 every time she wasn't with me, I would miss her so much. 756 00:35:33,098 --> 00:35:35,732 So, that kind of helped me decide like, 757 00:35:35,784 --> 00:35:37,651 I can't be without this person. 758 00:35:37,686 --> 00:35:40,353 You know, I feel better when she is in my presence. 759 00:35:40,372 --> 00:35:43,523 One day, I had left, I came home from court, 760 00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:45,909 I was having, like, a very stressful day. 761 00:35:45,961 --> 00:35:50,046 And I'm just like, talking about the people in my life and... 762 00:35:50,082 --> 00:35:53,533 Like, if things go bad, who's gonna be there, who's not gonna be there. 763 00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:55,886 I was just like, you know, just thinking of the worst case scenario. 764 00:35:55,921 --> 00:35:57,003 That's just what I do. 765 00:35:57,038 --> 00:35:58,889 Like, he's the mr. Think-on-the-bright-side. 766 00:35:58,924 --> 00:36:01,558 I'm always like, "what's the worst possible thing that can happen?" 767 00:36:01,593 --> 00:36:03,209 and I was just telling him what I think is 768 00:36:03,228 --> 00:36:05,545 the worst possible thing that could happen. 769 00:36:05,564 --> 00:36:08,098 He was like, "oh, you're a great person. 770 00:36:08,150 --> 00:36:10,216 But I don't think that's gonna be the case. 771 00:36:10,235 --> 00:36:13,386 You do a lot for everybody. Like, everyone's gonna be there." 772 00:36:13,405 --> 00:36:15,772 and he's like, "I'm telling you right now, like, 773 00:36:15,824 --> 00:36:17,741 I will marry you. Like..." 774 00:36:17,776 --> 00:36:19,860 and I'm just sitting there like, watching him put-- 775 00:36:19,895 --> 00:36:21,411 like, he's like, "I'm pouring my heart out." he's like, 776 00:36:21,446 --> 00:36:23,747 "I will marry you. I will be there. Like, 777 00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:25,532 you'd be my wife." and... 778 00:36:25,567 --> 00:36:27,117 I'm sitting there, like, "so... 779 00:36:28,420 --> 00:36:31,204 I have to go to prison for you to marry me?" 780 00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:33,039 he's like, "how did you just get there?" I'm like, 781 00:36:33,074 --> 00:36:36,259 "I don't wanna..." like, I just started going crazy, like, 782 00:36:36,295 --> 00:36:38,295 I guess, like, in his own way, 783 00:36:38,347 --> 00:36:41,097 that was his way of assuring me, like, "yo, no matter what 784 00:36:41,133 --> 00:36:42,966 I'm gonna be here with you. 785 00:36:43,018 --> 00:36:44,935 Even if-- like, I'll marry you 786 00:36:44,970 --> 00:36:47,270 so that you know how serious I am about it." 787 00:36:47,306 --> 00:36:49,255 but I was just so pissed off. 788 00:36:49,274 --> 00:36:51,224 Like, I was like, "don't even bring it up again." 789 00:36:51,259 --> 00:36:55,929 -it was difficult... To convince her. -[laughs] 790 00:36:55,948 --> 00:36:58,064 -this guy. -No, it was hard. I was like... 791 00:36:59,201 --> 00:37:02,235 "I never thought that this would be so hard." 792 00:37:02,270 --> 00:37:05,121 but I knew I was ready. You know what I'm saying? 793 00:37:05,157 --> 00:37:07,440 I knew the space. Mentally, 794 00:37:07,459 --> 00:37:08,625 I knew I was there in life. 795 00:37:08,660 --> 00:37:11,077 Like I said, I asked myself that question. 796 00:37:11,112 --> 00:37:13,246 See, a lot of people make this mistake of it. 797 00:37:13,281 --> 00:37:14,831 That's why they get into marriage, they get divorced 798 00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:17,083 they have temptations to cheat 799 00:37:17,118 --> 00:37:20,420 because they never had that conversation with themselves. 800 00:37:20,455 --> 00:37:23,256 And that conversation is very important because, I'mma be honest with you, 801 00:37:24,643 --> 00:37:26,893 for some men, they never even consider 802 00:37:28,146 --> 00:37:31,481 being with one person. They not even gonna think about that. 803 00:37:31,516 --> 00:37:34,317 I was always, always open and honest with her. 804 00:37:34,353 --> 00:37:36,686 -Yes. -And I never like, tried to pull the wool over her eyes. 805 00:37:36,738 --> 00:37:39,155 I wasn't like, "I'm not talking to nobody, it's just me and you." 806 00:37:39,191 --> 00:37:42,525 um, I was like, "no. When I see you, I see you. 807 00:37:42,578 --> 00:37:44,661 When I don't, like, I'm... 808 00:37:44,696 --> 00:37:46,196 On some other stuff." 809 00:37:46,248 --> 00:37:47,981 -but um... -Mm-hm. 810 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,450 But I also was like, "don't wait for me. 811 00:37:50,485 --> 00:37:54,988 If somebody is treating you the way that you want to be treated, 812 00:37:55,007 --> 00:37:57,040 by all means, go explore that. 813 00:37:57,092 --> 00:38:00,343 Hopefully, you're around when I am ready. 814 00:38:00,379 --> 00:38:02,846 But if you aren't, then I gotta deal with that. 815 00:38:02,881 --> 00:38:04,497 Like, that's something that I gotta live with. 816 00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:07,968 Um, but I'm willing to take that chance because I know 817 00:38:08,003 --> 00:38:10,837 that if I get into a relationship with you right now, 818 00:38:10,856 --> 00:38:13,306 -I'm just gonna dog you." um... -Mm-hm. 819 00:38:13,341 --> 00:38:16,342 And I didn't wanna do that because, again, like, she was my friend. 820 00:38:16,361 --> 00:38:18,228 In retrospect, I really appreciate that. 821 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,146 Who wants to be with someone that's not ready? 822 00:38:20,181 --> 00:38:21,865 And who wants to have to give someone ultimatums, 823 00:38:21,900 --> 00:38:24,150 -which I never did either, which I'm grateful... -Yeah. 824 00:38:24,185 --> 00:38:26,486 ...We never did that type of stuff. 825 00:38:26,521 --> 00:38:28,905 Um, but... 826 00:38:28,957 --> 00:38:31,190 I always-- I do need to give you credit for, 827 00:38:31,209 --> 00:38:33,860 you know, darroll was always incredibly honest. 828 00:38:33,879 --> 00:38:36,246 Yeah, you were always incredibly honest. 829 00:38:36,298 --> 00:38:39,365 But the honestly used to really hurt me. 830 00:38:39,384 --> 00:38:43,086 So, she came to my apartment one Thursday or Wednesday. 831 00:38:43,138 --> 00:38:44,704 Sat down in my living room. 832 00:38:44,723 --> 00:38:46,556 I'm sitting on the couch, she's sitting right there. 833 00:38:46,591 --> 00:38:48,725 -She crossed her leg, just like she's facing him. -Another moment 834 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,894 -where he can remember exactly... [laughs] -and she took out-- 835 00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:54,230 -I'm let her tell her stories. I'm not tryna disrupt that. -You're not. 836 00:38:54,266 --> 00:38:56,382 -I'mma be a humble husband today. -You are just like-- yes. 837 00:38:56,401 --> 00:38:57,901 I won't be indignant. 838 00:38:57,936 --> 00:39:01,387 So, she stands around and cross her legs and she had this paper, 839 00:39:01,406 --> 00:39:04,607 she had this fertility chart. She was like, "yeah. So. 840 00:39:04,660 --> 00:39:07,393 I need to get married on this day 841 00:39:07,412 --> 00:39:09,946 because if I could get a baby on this day, 842 00:39:09,998 --> 00:39:11,898 I could have a baby on this day." 843 00:39:11,917 --> 00:39:13,116 and it was the most 844 00:39:13,168 --> 00:39:17,454 insane thing I had ever heard in my entire human life. 845 00:39:17,506 --> 00:39:21,541 And I'm not-- I was raised by a single parent mom, I got four older sisters. 846 00:39:21,576 --> 00:39:23,593 You know, I'm not unaccustomed to women. 847 00:39:23,628 --> 00:39:26,880 I'm not one of those guys, "I don't know how to--" no, I was raised around aunties, 848 00:39:26,915 --> 00:39:28,882 I'm familiar with black women my whole... 849 00:39:28,917 --> 00:39:31,417 I walked into the world all surrounded by black women. 850 00:39:31,436 --> 00:39:34,704 You know, so I'm not unaccustomed to my sisters, my people talking to me. 851 00:39:34,740 --> 00:39:36,639 But this was the most insane thing I had ever heard. 852 00:39:36,692 --> 00:39:39,275 When she was gonna tell me when I'm gonna propose, and when we gonna have babies. 853 00:39:39,311 --> 00:39:41,478 I was like, "how does that, all that, happen with you?" 854 00:39:41,530 --> 00:39:43,730 -I was just laughing. But I knew she-- -and when I was-- 855 00:39:43,765 --> 00:39:46,432 -but hold on. But she was sincere. -[laughs] 856 00:39:46,451 --> 00:39:49,102 -and when you look at it, you know, she was sincere. -I was so sincere. 857 00:39:49,121 --> 00:39:51,154 So, I couldn't like, laugh at her. 858 00:39:51,206 --> 00:39:53,323 -I just had to be like, laugh inside. -He was laughing. 859 00:39:53,375 --> 00:39:55,575 But it was bubbling out over. 860 00:39:55,610 --> 00:39:59,612 -You did laugh out loud. -I hope-- I was trying to fight that, baby. 861 00:39:59,631 --> 00:40:02,132 -So, I was like, "okay." -'cause he was like, "this is so huge." 862 00:40:02,167 --> 00:40:06,386 "really? Wow. And that's my paper. That's what I have to do. 863 00:40:06,888 --> 00:40:08,338 Whoa. Okay. 864 00:40:08,390 --> 00:40:10,456 Well, that's-- thank you so much. 865 00:40:10,475 --> 00:40:12,842 -And I really do appreciate these inputs." -"for your input." 866 00:40:12,894 --> 00:40:16,229 [laughing] and we'll-- I'mma just hold on to these papers. 867 00:40:24,139 --> 00:40:28,525 When I felt like he was still kind of trying to figure it out, 868 00:40:28,577 --> 00:40:31,661 I think, for me, I was just like, "okay. Oh, well... 869 00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:33,196 What's happening? 'cause I'm in new york." 870 00:40:33,248 --> 00:40:36,533 and it was becoming harmful to me. 871 00:40:36,585 --> 00:40:38,752 Like, I felt like I wasn't 872 00:40:39,671 --> 00:40:42,539 full ashley. I wasn't my happiest self. 873 00:40:42,591 --> 00:40:45,341 I wasn't my best self. I wasn't... 874 00:40:45,377 --> 00:40:47,994 I was worried about what other people were doing. 875 00:40:48,013 --> 00:40:51,214 Namely him, and whoever was with him at the time. 876 00:40:51,266 --> 00:40:54,333 I said, "you don't have to call me, you don't have to check on me. 877 00:40:54,352 --> 00:40:57,637 I'll be fine. Don't call me just to chit-chat. No small talk. 878 00:40:57,672 --> 00:41:01,024 Like, go do whatever it is that you need to do for your life." 879 00:41:01,059 --> 00:41:04,727 it's all good. But like, we don't get to be friends. 880 00:41:04,780 --> 00:41:06,813 I'm not trying to be this crazy person 881 00:41:06,848 --> 00:41:10,233 who's just like, making stuff up, like, "god told me..." you know? 882 00:41:10,285 --> 00:41:14,037 And so, I said, "all right, lord. Like, I need you to confirm this for me. 883 00:41:14,072 --> 00:41:16,355 I need you to confirm those for me 884 00:41:16,374 --> 00:41:18,708 because I wanna be with this man and... 885 00:41:18,743 --> 00:41:21,194 This seems to be the man you've made for me. 886 00:41:21,213 --> 00:41:23,296 It seems that I was made for him."