1
00:00:01,819 --> 00:00:06,238
I seen her before I even
knew her, on it was
the smack dvd,
2
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:09,858
and she was performing.
And, rest in peace,
my uncle was with me.
3
00:00:09,893 --> 00:00:12,861
And we was watching the dvd
and I said,
4
00:00:12,896 --> 00:00:14,530
I don't know why I said it
out loud,
5
00:00:14,565 --> 00:00:16,081
'cause I was thinking it
in my head, I was like,
6
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,734
"one day, she's gonna be
my lady."
7
00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:21,754
and he laughed me out of
the room like...
[imitates laugh]
8
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:24,906
you know how baby d laughs.
[imitates laugh]
9
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,291
he just cracked up.
I was like,
10
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,293
"it's that funny?"
11
00:00:29,747 --> 00:00:33,215
[man] I'd just touched down
from detroit into la.
12
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:36,135
-I wanna, like,
see what's going on.
-Mm-hm.
13
00:00:36,187 --> 00:00:38,137
I also had, like,
14
00:00:38,189 --> 00:00:42,441
a ex-girlfriend thing that
I was still working on
and messing with and...
15
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,926
It was all kind of crazy
during that time.
So, I was like,
16
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,262
"mm." and she was like,
I could tell, I was like,
17
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:51,150
"she's a little emotional.
Like, she's not gonna be ready
to handle me."
18
00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:53,435
-I'm straight from the d.
Like...
-[scoffs]
19
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,104
she ain't never met no guy
like me before.
20
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:58,574
She ain't ready for this.
Um...
21
00:00:58,609 --> 00:01:01,376
-And look at us now. [laughs]
-look at us now. [laughs]
22
00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:06,098
[man 2] and when it became
more than just friends,
you know?
23
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:08,500
-Uh...
-When you wrote me that song.
24
00:01:08,552 --> 00:01:10,919
-Oh, that was later.
That was later.
-Oh, "more than a friend."
25
00:01:10,954 --> 00:01:13,589
-yeah. Yeah. That was--
-we'll get to that.
26
00:01:13,624 --> 00:01:16,592
-We'll get to that.
-When he wrote me a song
called "more than a friend".
27
00:01:16,627 --> 00:01:18,677
-Which is funny that,
you had said.
-I did. I did.
28
00:01:18,729 --> 00:01:21,263
-It's bars. You feel me?
-Yeah. He wrote me a song.
29
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:25,984
I knew. I knew it. I knew that
he really loved me, that he
really liked me...
30
00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:29,971
Nobody had ever wrote me
a song before.'m like,
"he wrote me a song?"
31
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:33,659
-oh, my goodness.
-Mm-hm. Fellas, do a song.
32
00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:12,030
[codie] we're tommy
and codie oliver.
33
00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:15,350
We're filmmakers who got
engaged after six months,
34
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,903
married 11 months after that,
35
00:02:17,955 --> 00:02:21,824
and when we finished the first
season of black love,
we were just becoming parents.
36
00:02:22,293 --> 00:02:23,992
We move fast.
37
00:02:24,027 --> 00:02:27,579
Today, we have a five-year old
and twin three-year olds.
38
00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:31,083
We've spent our entire
relationship interviewing
hundreds of married couples
39
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:34,703
about how they stay together
20, 30,
40
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:37,289
some even 70 years.
41
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:45,213
Okay. So, tommy and I met
at the toronto film festival
in 2013.
42
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,883
And he hollered
and I hollered back.
43
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:50,269
-[imitating buzzer sound] eh!
-Forget you.
44
00:02:51,054 --> 00:02:53,238
-Um. Mm-hm.
-Dragon.
45
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,908
It was June of 2012.
46
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:59,194
He was the weekend
sports anchor at
little rock, arkansas.
47
00:02:59,229 --> 00:03:03,115
And I was going for
an interview. I had just
graduated from college.
48
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:06,852
And, uh, they set me up with
this reporter to kind of
give me,
49
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,788
you know, the scoop on
the station and everything
I needed to know.
50
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,557
So, we're sitting in
the break room,
51
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:16,094
and in comes this man with
52
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,130
luchador mask,
spiderman mask...
53
00:03:18,182 --> 00:03:20,215
-It was a mask. A red mask.
-It was luchador, yeah.
54
00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:23,251
And trips on the trashcan.
55
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,053
-Trips on a bike
that was there.
-Yep.
56
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:26,939
Gets up.
57
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,775
-Say, "hey,
my name is robert."
-[both laugh]
58
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,577
so...
59
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:35,147
Uh, matt, the other reporter,
was like, "this is... This is
our weekend sports anchor."
60
00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:36,097
yeah.
61
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,317
And I was like, I don't know
why I said--
62
00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:41,320
well, I do.
Because the station
wasn't very diverse.
63
00:03:41,372 --> 00:03:44,573
-And so, I was like,
"oh, you're black."
-mm-hm.
64
00:03:44,608 --> 00:03:46,909
And he was like,
"how'd you know?"
65
00:03:46,944 --> 00:03:51,112
-I was like, "I can see
your hands." [laughs]
-yeah. Got my hands.
66
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,615
And my arms were showing too.
67
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:57,419
He has, literally,
a picture of the first moment
he saw my face.
68
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,472
♪ the first time... ♪
69
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:03,926
-yes, um...
-♪ ...Ever you saw my face ♪
70
00:04:03,961 --> 00:04:07,012
I was going through--
this is before cellphones.
You know.
71
00:04:07,064 --> 00:04:10,349
-There were cellphones. No,
there were only beepers right?
-There was only pagers.
72
00:04:10,401 --> 00:04:11,767
-Jesus christ. Okay.
-Mm-hm.
73
00:04:11,802 --> 00:04:13,969
But I had this little
olympus handheld camera.
74
00:04:13,988 --> 00:04:17,305
And I was just, you know,
I think, in a vibe of
taking pictures.
75
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,474
Young artist things.
I don't know what the hell
I was thinking.
76
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,309
I mean, complete corny, right?
77
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:24,112
-But she opened the door
and I was like... "hello!"
-I was like...
78
00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:25,814
[alami] and she was like,
on the phone like,
79
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:28,533
-like, "my dude, did you just
do that?"
-[dahn] oh, my god.
80
00:04:28,585 --> 00:04:30,151
True, like, the first time
I saw her,
81
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,204
-I got a picture of
the moment.
-It's the cutest thing though.
82
00:04:32,256 --> 00:04:33,655
-Now, all these years later.
-It makes me feel good now.
83
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,291
All these year now,
it feels good. But then
it was-- I knew...
84
00:04:36,326 --> 00:04:39,127
See, but I wasn't coming over,
you know, on that...
85
00:04:39,162 --> 00:04:41,329
-No game. No, like...
-I was not--
86
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,883
you wasn't coming over to
get in there. I was coming
over to take headshots,
87
00:04:44,935 --> 00:04:46,685
to point a to point b.
88
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,554
-So, I didn't have to put on
my representative.
-Yes.
89
00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:52,858
-You know, coming smooth like,
"hey girl. How you doing?"
-I got to meet him first off.
90
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,143
I was just like,
"hey, what up?"
sorry about the picture.
91
00:04:55,178 --> 00:04:57,813
Hey, let's go get
some coffee. I'll take your
headshot over there."
92
00:04:57,848 --> 00:05:00,181
-and that's how it started.
-Yes.
93
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,900
-Compton high school.
-Mm-hm.
94
00:05:01,952 --> 00:05:03,568
-Compton high school.
-We made it come true.
Yeah.
95
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:08,573
Yeah, and uh, it was,
uh, a talent show for kids.
96
00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:11,243
There was a girl that
was there that performed,
97
00:05:11,295 --> 00:05:13,211
you know, named asia lee,
right?
98
00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:16,531
Everybody was like,
blown away, like, "yo!"
kids going crazy.
99
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,750
-I was a hit hero.
-She was.
100
00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:22,921
Yeah, you know what I mean?
And they were like, "yo!"
and the music was dope.
101
00:05:22,973 --> 00:05:25,724
Performance was amazing.
I enjoyed the performance.
102
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,208
I'm like, "yo, who's
this girl?"
103
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,512
so, I went to go, you know,
say, "hey, you did
an amazing job."
104
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:33,231
so, then we stayed in contact.
And what was deep about it,
105
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,101
was that we would always
talk on the phone after
our dates.
106
00:05:36,153 --> 00:05:38,219
You know what I mean?
Which was super cool, right?
107
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,772
So, we'd be like, "man, I was
on this date and this
girl's..." blah, blah, blah.
108
00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:43,575
[chuckles] and then,
she would say that a guy
was dot-dot-dot.
109
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,694
And so, we would have these
like, awesome conversations
110
00:05:45,729 --> 00:05:48,196
and talk all the way
through the night.
111
00:05:48,231 --> 00:05:49,614
The first time we met,
112
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:52,868
it was like...
Whatever, keep it moving,
go past.
113
00:05:52,903 --> 00:05:55,904
The second time we met,
it was more of
a in-depth situation
114
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:58,239
where we were sitting
in a studio,
115
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:02,260
and um, him telling I was
bossing everybody around,
116
00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:04,129
and being rude,
117
00:06:04,181 --> 00:06:08,083
and he didn't wanna say
nothing because he wasn't
gonna tolerate my rudeness,
118
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,435
which he would've tolerated.
119
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:13,438
He was scared to say anything
'cause he didn't want
that smoke.
120
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:18,093
But, um, I know he liked me,
and he knew I liked him too.
We were just...
121
00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:20,812
Strictly friends. We would
like, go to the movies.
122
00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:24,900
Well, we would go to hotels
and watch all the movies
on the thing.
123
00:06:24,935 --> 00:06:27,569
Not do anything,
but like, literally hang out
in hotels
124
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:31,073
'cause he lives all the way
in long island and I lived
all the way in jersey.
125
00:06:31,108 --> 00:06:34,910
So, like, we would always
meet in manhattan like,
in the middle.
126
00:06:34,945 --> 00:06:37,129
It was great conversation.
127
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,114
And, um, it was
endless conversations.
128
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,449
Like, we would be talking
inside the vehicle,
129
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:44,569
at night time. And next thing
you know, the sun's coming up.
130
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,671
It was definitely
a friendship.
131
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:50,092
Maybe like around
three months,
you know, it started to...
132
00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:52,561
Things started to escalate
and, you know,
I got more lucky.
133
00:06:54,297 --> 00:06:57,799
-[chuckling awkwardly]
-[producer] wait,
can you describe...
134
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,935
[laughing]
135
00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:03,488
I mean, you know.
Things became physical,
became more intimate.
136
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:06,525
We started to hug, kiss,
you know,
things of that nature.
137
00:07:06,577 --> 00:07:08,527
And then, we would leave
each other,
138
00:07:09,413 --> 00:07:12,948
talk all the way home
on the phone,
139
00:07:12,983 --> 00:07:15,951
get home, pull up in
the driveway and fall asleep
on the phone.
140
00:07:15,986 --> 00:07:17,786
Like it was ridiculous--
we were inseparable.
141
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,173
-Yeah, it was...
-[both laugh]
142
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,008
we were really inseparable.
143
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:28,380
-This was the hype years of
jerry's famous deli.
-Yeah.
144
00:07:28,432 --> 00:07:31,216
-2001. Whoo!
-2001.
145
00:07:31,268 --> 00:07:34,970
-2001, man! Hm.
-At the end of 2001.
146
00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:38,523
And so, I'm out
with my sisters.
We were in this restaurant,
147
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,841
going to the restroom.
148
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:43,612
And I'm feeling jb
burning a hole in my face.
149
00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:46,031
-And so...
-An aisle seat.
150
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:50,485
That means, I was sitting
in the aisle of the restaurant
where you walk through.
151
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:51,903
The runway was right there.
152
00:07:51,955 --> 00:07:55,240
You know how someone walks
when they know eyes are
on them?
153
00:07:55,292 --> 00:07:57,409
-You know, that kind of walk.
-Mm-hm.
154
00:07:57,461 --> 00:07:59,327
-Mm-hm. Yeah.
-I like that.
155
00:07:59,362 --> 00:08:02,714
So, he was doing that
and like, staring.
156
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:06,218
And so, I was real...
Like I said, I was in a zone.
157
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,420
I was so not into dating.
158
00:08:08,472 --> 00:08:12,257
I didn't wanna date anybody.
So, I wasn't even feeling
the energy
159
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:14,926
-that I was receiving from
the stares.
-[chuckles]
160
00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:17,395
so... [laughs]
so, I went to the restroom,
161
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:20,348
and then I came back
with my sister. And then,
162
00:08:20,383 --> 00:08:24,385
on the way back, jb was like,
"excuse me. Excuse me.
163
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,554
You know, can I talk to you?"
164
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,823
and I was like... [laughs]
165
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:35,280
-I was like, "uh, no."
-[both laugh]
166
00:08:35,332 --> 00:08:39,367
it was September of 09.
I was a reader, um, for a play
167
00:08:39,402 --> 00:08:41,119
called fetch clay, make man.
168
00:08:41,171 --> 00:08:43,588
She had come in.
She was the last person
of that day.
169
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:46,574
And um,
170
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:50,595
when she was finished,
I was done, we ended up on
the elevator at the same time.
171
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:54,432
-Mm-hm.
-And it was a very quick
exchange. Just like,
172
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,935
-"hey, how are you?
Good job in there."
-"oh, hey. Thank you so much."
173
00:08:56,970 --> 00:09:00,438
-you know?
-Yeah. And we kind of
walked off 'cause...
174
00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:02,557
You know, we walked off
before it would get awkward.
175
00:09:02,592 --> 00:09:04,759
There was no, like,
"oh, maybe you're interested.
176
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,594
Maybe I should get
her number."
nothing like that.
177
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:09,314
Just a few months later,
we were in rehearsals for
the play,
178
00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:11,733
and that's when he, uh, came.
179
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:13,485
-Yeah.
-Um, he joined the cast.
180
00:09:13,537 --> 00:09:15,237
And it was just a handful
of us.
181
00:09:15,272 --> 00:09:17,989
-Yeah. Seven in total.
-It was like, what? Six in--
seven in total?
182
00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:21,609
-Yeah, and only three of us
under the age of like, 50.
-That's right. That's right.
183
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,828
So, three of us really
became cool.
184
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,965
And as time was going on,
I was like...
185
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,334
-"huh?"
-mmm-hmm.
186
00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:32,137
Tommy and I met at
the toronto film festival.
187
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:36,675
Um, I was doing pr
for canon, the camera company.
188
00:09:36,727 --> 00:09:39,460
And we had like, a lounge
with a hollywood reporter.
189
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,297
And I walked in on that day,
190
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:43,231
it was a Monday,
191
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,801
um, it was September 9th.
192
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:51,472
I walked in on that day
and saw one of
193
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:55,360
few, if any, handsome,
black filmmakers.
194
00:09:55,412 --> 00:09:56,611
And I was like, "who is this?"
195
00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:58,813
we had a face sheet.
I can see, like,
okay, tommy oliver.
196
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,448
He has a movie at
the film festival.
197
00:10:00,483 --> 00:10:03,618
So, I go over to where he is
looking at the equipment.
198
00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:06,171
And I introduced myself with
my card and I said,
199
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,839
"I'm codie. I work with
the canon team.
200
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,325
If you're interested in,
you know, talking about
the equipment,
201
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:11,876
you know,
here's my information."
202
00:10:12,763 --> 00:10:13,712
he was like, "okay."
203
00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:18,183
we talked very briefly
and that was it.
204
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:21,219
He um, he let me get away.
205
00:10:21,271 --> 00:10:23,171
-You know what I'm saying?
I was surprised by it.
-[chuckles]
206
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,506
and I was surprised by it
for real.
207
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,176
Uh, so that was that.
208
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,396
And after that, in all truth,
and he knows this,
209
00:10:31,448 --> 00:10:32,864
I googled him.
210
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:35,150
"cause he's a filmmaker,
I really didn't wanna date
a filmmaker at all.
211
00:10:35,185 --> 00:10:39,154
So, I google him, I find out
that he went to
carnegie mellon and studied...
212
00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:43,208
-[chuckles]
-...Digital media
and economics.
213
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,709
-And business.
-And business.
214
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,127
And I was like,
"ooh, he smart."
215
00:10:46,696 --> 00:10:48,129
and I liked it.
216
00:10:48,165 --> 00:10:50,915
He was like, "what you doing?"
I'm like, "getting ready
to go on a date."
217
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:52,700
I'm ironing my clothes.
I'm getting ready.
218
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:55,203
I'm about to, you know,
go to the restaurant.
219
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:58,223
And I was like, "I really
don't wanna go on this date
but my friends set me up.
220
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,342
-And I'm just gonna go see."
-[chuckles]
221
00:11:00,377 --> 00:11:02,510
and he's like, "well,
you should be going out
with me."
222
00:11:02,545 --> 00:11:07,015
I'm like, "we have been on
the phone for I don't know how
long at this point." I'm like,
223
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:08,433
"what are you talking about?"
224
00:11:08,485 --> 00:11:11,019
and he was like, "nah,
I really think, like,
225
00:11:11,054 --> 00:11:13,071
you gonna dig me.
I think you gonna dig me."
226
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,407
-like, he's pitching me.
And I'm like...
-I said, "dig me"?
227
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,225
-Did I say, "dig me"? Okay.
-Probably.
228
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,194
-"dig me".
-I think you gonna dig me.
229
00:11:19,229 --> 00:11:23,398
-Is that how... Like,
"you gonna dig..." [laughs]
-right. No, right. Exactly.
230
00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:26,951
-Yeah.
-And I'm like, "okay.
Uh... Well...
231
00:11:27,003 --> 00:11:30,205
You know, I don't know.
Like, we're really
good friends.
232
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,923
Like, I don't wanna
mess that up."
233
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,459
so, I still went on the date.
I don't know what he did.
234
00:11:34,511 --> 00:11:38,046
-He was just sitting there...
What was you doing?
-I'm chilling on the couch.
235
00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:39,798
-[laughs] waiting.
-Uh, you just waiting.
236
00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:43,418
-And the date was horrible.
-That's right. I said I knew
it would be.
237
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,420
-It was horrible.
-You know the dude
didn't even sound nice.
238
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:49,107
-I was racing to go back home
so I can call him.
-And I mean... Yeah.
239
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,275
-Mm-hm.
-Yeah.
240
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,526
-I thought about you
the whole time.
-You heard that?
241
00:11:51,561 --> 00:11:53,228
-She was racing.
She was like this.
-I thought about you.
242
00:11:53,263 --> 00:11:56,114
-[both laughing]
-I diss.
243
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:59,767
-Sorry to that man.
Sorry to that man.
-Sorry to that man.
244
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,619
-Sorry.
-[both laugh]
245
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:05,123
truthfully, I thought
he was like, this
too cool for school,
246
00:12:05,709 --> 00:12:07,275
in a different world,
247
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,078
had no grounding down
to earth at all.
248
00:12:10,113 --> 00:12:12,163
Why'd you think that?
249
00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:17,469
Um, I had a studio right next
to the studio where she used
to record at.
250
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:21,172
So, we would see each other
passing int he hallway
and stuff but
251
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,708
it was more of like, "hey,
how you doing?"
you know, I was a songwriter.
252
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:26,544
She's obviously an artist.
And uh...
253
00:12:26,596 --> 00:12:29,047
It was just good to see
each other in passing, but,
254
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:35,169
um, we got to be intensive
with each other on
a writing trip.
255
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,223
-Uh, on an island.
-On an island.
256
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,125
-Called bequia.
-Mm-hm.
257
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:45,029
So, it was like a camp,
a writing camp for producers,
artists and songwriters.
258
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,365
That was the first time we got
a chance to like, sit and have
a conversation.
259
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,567
I just remember saying...
260
00:12:49,619 --> 00:12:53,020
"he's cool as hell.
And he's funny corny,
like me."
261
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,989
and I had no idea.
262
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,993
'cause, truthfully, I thought
he was like, this
too cool for school,
263
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,246
in a different world,
264
00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:04,048
had no grounding down
to earth at all.
265
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,200
-Why'd you think that?
-I don't know.
266
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,052
You were pretty
and you were doing things.
267
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,555
-[laughing]
-you don't get busy.
268
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:14,058
So, we were at
a all black party.
269
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,928
Uh, close-knit people.
Uh... [laughs]
270
00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,379
right.
271
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:22,901
And, uh, I was going
up the escalator.
272
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,853
And ray was coming down
the escalator.
273
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,689
And in the venue that
we were in,
it was very dimly lit.
274
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,525
-And for some reason,
ray had on sunglasses.
-Yeah.
275
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,411
And so, the person that
I was with, I said to her,
I said,
276
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,447
-"look at him with them
stupid-ass sunglasses on."
-just like that.
277
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:39,751
And I said it loud and I
pointed, like, literally,
right at him.
278
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:42,871
Went down the escalator,
came back up
the escalator
279
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:46,040
and by the time he had come
back up, I was on
the dance floor.
280
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,593
So, he walked up to me and
he said, "you wanna dance?"
281
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,095
yeah, that's--
why is that my voice?
First of all?
282
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,748
-[both laughing]
-'cause that's what
he sounded like in my head.
283
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:57,084
'cause if you would've saw
how ray slid up on me,
284
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,637
he gave me the drake
light skin slide.
285
00:13:59,689 --> 00:14:01,088
-You know what I'm saying?
-Do the voice one more time.
286
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,591
"you wanna dance?" so,
287
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,611
when he said that, I said "no.
288
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,597
I don't dance
with strangers."
that's exactly what I said.
289
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,449
She was pretty aggressive.
290
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:13,985
Um, but it was cute.
And she was cute.
291
00:14:14,037 --> 00:14:17,455
-I was not aggressive.
-[laughing] yeah, no,
you were aggressive.
292
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,656
You were pretty aggressive.
293
00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:21,910
Um, but I liked it.
I was like, "strong
black woman
294
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:25,129
-trying to go after
what she wants."
-we were 22 and 23.
295
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:28,132
-He basically had moved to la
with his ex.
-[laughs]
296
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,118
which is also the craziest
part of the story.
297
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:34,472
Unbeknownst to me,
we're meeting and flirting.
I'm like, "oh, my gosh.
298
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,007
This guy is
dealing with his ex
299
00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:38,426
-everyday still at the time."
-yeah.
300
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,679
So, of course, he was like,
"nah, I wanna play the field.
I wanna try to,"
301
00:14:41,731 --> 00:14:43,014
-you know, whatever.
-Yeah.
302
00:14:43,066 --> 00:14:46,017
So, it was five years of us
seeing each other,
303
00:14:46,069 --> 00:14:49,854
we would be at mutual
friends' houses or hang out
here and there.
304
00:14:49,906 --> 00:14:53,358
-But it wasn't...
We weren't like--
-nothing was established.
305
00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:56,327
-Nothing was established.
We weren't going on dates.
-It was very casual.
306
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,029
-Like...
-Yeah.
307
00:14:58,081 --> 00:15:00,365
-There was no cadence. Yeah.
-He would just like hit me up
after a late night out.
308
00:15:00,417 --> 00:15:01,866
-Yeah.
-And be like, "are you up?"
309
00:15:01,918 --> 00:15:06,120
-and like an idiot I'd be
like, "yeah, come by." like...
-[laughs]
310
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,489
-so silly. And he would,
you know...
-Oh, yeah.
311
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:11,659
-...Wake up the next morning,
"bye!" and you know...
-And then we wouldn't talk for
312
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,795
-three weeks.
-You know, couple weeks
or something like, yeah.
313
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:18,016
I would be mad about
something. He would be mia.
It just-- we did that for...
314
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:21,636
-Yeah, we did after a while.
-A really long time actually.
315
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:25,840
Jb was like, you know,
"I see you guys are in this
super long line.
316
00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:28,893
You know, you guys are
at the back of the line,
317
00:15:28,945 --> 00:15:30,528
in this long line.
318
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,314
And there's a table open
next to me.
319
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,149
And I know the waiter.
320
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:38,987
And I can ask him if he can
just get you guys seated
if you want me to.
321
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,354
Like, is that cool?"
322
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,206
and beautiful women
shouldn't stand in a line
like that.
323
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:45,877
A long line like that,
you standing at
the back of the line? No.
324
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:48,195
And then I was like,
"that would be really nice."
325
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,832
and so, then he asked
the waiter,
326
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:54,886
the waiter had us, you know,
get seated with
the whole crew.
327
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,722
And jb smoov is so smooth.
328
00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,925
-Mm.
-Because when we were sitting
there, he was just like,
329
00:16:00,977 --> 00:16:05,713
one time, he just looked over
there, he's like, "excuse me,
you okay? You guys good?"
330
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,598
I was like, "yeah."
331
00:16:07,651 --> 00:16:09,884
and he didn't bother me
the rest of the night.
332
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,737
He just was smooth as hell.
He knew what he was
doing, right?
333
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,405
-So...
-[both laughing]
334
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:19,694
one night, there's a lunch
or a dinner break for
tech rehearsal.
335
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:23,614
Maybe five of us or so,
we're supposed to go to
this restaurant, eat together.
336
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,667
But um,
337
00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:28,069
one by one, people kept
falling off till it was just
me and her left.
338
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:31,789
And she came up to me and
she's like, "I mean, everybody
else is kinda backed out.
339
00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:34,909
So, should we...?"
I was like, "I mean,
I'm still hungry."
340
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,461
-yeah.
-"we could go."
341
00:16:36,513 --> 00:16:38,913
and he ended up charming
the mess out of me,
342
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:40,465
you know, at this thing.
343
00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:43,084
And I'm laughing every
five seconds.
344
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:46,554
After this date, you know,
I realized that I...
345
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,639
Come into the understanding
that he's interested.
346
00:16:48,692 --> 00:16:50,424
-But I, again...
-Yeah. I paid the bill.
347
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:54,896
He did. That was the time
where we finally, sort of,
confronted, like,
348
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:59,650
"okay, you're interested.
I think you're, you know,
amazing.
349
00:16:59,703 --> 00:17:02,820
But spiritually, I think,
we're in two different places
350
00:17:02,872 --> 00:17:07,158
and I've been there,
done that and can't
do that again. Um..."
351
00:17:07,210 --> 00:17:10,628
it's not healthy.
And so, you know.
352
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:14,499
So, once we had this
conversation and sort of got
all of it out into the light,
353
00:17:14,551 --> 00:17:17,301
we were able to
just be friends.
354
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:22,006
-But of course, fell in love
like, um, really quickly.
-Yeah. Yeah.
355
00:17:22,058 --> 00:17:24,792
We had been friends for
a few months.
356
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:28,046
And we went to ihop one night
and I was like,
357
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,982
"I like you. I like you."
358
00:17:32,235 --> 00:17:36,104
and I can't remember if
you said you liked me back.
359
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,022
-I don't think you did.
-I... I...
360
00:17:38,074 --> 00:17:41,442
-I was almost like... [laughs]
-I don't think you did.
361
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,778
-I don't think you did.
-[laughing] it was
almost like,
362
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:47,632
-"I appreciate you sharing
that with me."
-[both laugh]
363
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:53,154
-"I respect the vulnerability
that it takes." [laughs]
-bless you. [laughs]
364
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:56,674
-he was so nervous.
-Bless you. I was. I was.
I was.
365
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:59,460
But for me, it wasn't like,
I didn't take it lightly,
right?
366
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:00,661
It wasn't that kind of thing.
367
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,380
And it also wasn't awkward.
368
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:06,000
But I just wasn't there.
369
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:07,802
-Mm-hm.
-'cause you were such
a good friend.
370
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,388
And then you didn't
make it awkward.
We just kind of moved on.
371
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,524
-And that was it.
-Yeah. Yeah, I don't really
do the awkward thing.
372
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,226
Yeah. It was...
373
00:18:15,278 --> 00:18:17,178
Did you still pay
the bill though?
Did you make me pay it?
374
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:20,698
[sighs] I don't know.
375
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,317
We left and went to, like,
this kind of after hours
eating spot.
376
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,837
And while we were there,
377
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,289
as soon as our food
kind of hit the table,
378
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:31,843
ray walked in with the people
that he had went to
the party with.
379
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,494
And he walked over to
the table
380
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:37,799
and he introduced himself
to everybody very politely.
381
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:40,301
And when the food, like,
everybody kind of got
everything,
382
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,553
he said,
"can I bless the table?"
383
00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:45,189
-and I was like, "oh, jesus,
this is it."
-[laughs]
384
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,307
"I hear you, god."
385
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,360
-so...
-And we were immediately...
386
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,896
-...In a relationship.
-And we were
immediately married, like.
387
00:18:51,948 --> 00:18:53,347
-So, that happened--
-immediately.
388
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:56,651
Yeah, like, so that happened,
um, the party happened
on the Saturday.
389
00:18:56,686 --> 00:18:59,370
We went out that Sunday,
which was
390
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,823
-the, um, 6th.
-Sixth, yeah.
391
00:19:01,858 --> 00:19:03,524
November 6th, 2016.
392
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:07,411
And we have pretty much been
together everyday since then.
393
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:10,414
After my first marriage,
I was like,
"I'm not getting married."
394
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:13,384
I was just like, "I'm done.
That was crazy." right?
395
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:16,203
And so, I went on, like,
my dating rampages.
396
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,339
You know what I mean?
I just started dating.
397
00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:20,341
And was just like, "yeah,
I'll just be, you know,
398
00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:22,426
I'll just date,
you know, forever."
you know what I mean?
399
00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:26,564
And then, I got into like,
you know, some other
different relationships
400
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,266
that went longer than that.
401
00:19:28,318 --> 00:19:30,768
Um, and then those
didn't work out.
402
00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:32,436
So, then I was like,
"okay, you need to...
403
00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:35,189
You need to kind of like,
work on yourself." you know
what I mean? How about that?
404
00:19:35,224 --> 00:19:39,226
And so, it was beautiful
within me thinking in
that process
405
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,697
where then now,
all of a sudden what
happened was was that
406
00:19:42,732 --> 00:19:45,583
I have this friendship
that blossomed.
407
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,535
I remember one date,
we actually skipped.
408
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,621
-[chuckles]
-remember that? [laughs]
409
00:19:50,673 --> 00:19:51,789
so, I had a test.
410
00:19:51,841 --> 00:19:54,625
I was like, "if he liked me
for real,
411
00:19:54,677 --> 00:19:56,427
he'll skip with me in public."
412
00:19:57,079 --> 00:19:58,713
so, I... [laughs]
413
00:19:58,748 --> 00:20:00,431
-bro...
-[both laughing]
414
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:03,768
so, it was like, I sent him
through a series of
different tests.
415
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,803
-A lot of different series
of tests that happened.
-Yeah.
416
00:20:05,855 --> 00:20:08,606
-That randomly I would just
throw out there.
-Yeah.
417
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,274
And he's like, "you want me
to skip?"
418
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,927
and I'm like, "yeah,
let's hold hands and skip."
419
00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:14,145
we were some-- where were we?
420
00:20:14,197 --> 00:20:16,597
-We, uh...
-I don't know.
Somewhere public.
421
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,983
Yeah, no. We were... [laughs]
422
00:20:19,035 --> 00:20:20,651
yeah, we were outside.
423
00:20:20,703 --> 00:20:22,954
And then, we just started
to skip. You know what I mean?
Down the street.
424
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,271
I'm sure people saw us.
425
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,157
So I was-- but it was
fun though.
Like, it was super fun.
426
00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:29,944
-It was just regular skip.
He wasn't...
-[laughs]
427
00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:32,330
she basically says, like,
"hey.
428
00:20:32,382 --> 00:20:35,499
Um, so, look, I get the sense
that you might like me.
429
00:20:35,551 --> 00:20:38,118
Um, and that's great.
430
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,137
But please forgive me if
I'm being presumptuous.
431
00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:42,957
But if you do, I think it's
important that you know
432
00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:46,293
I'm a christian woman.
Like, I don't date really.
433
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,179
I'm not sure you are.
434
00:20:48,231 --> 00:20:50,648
I don't wanna assume you're
not a christian.
435
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,651
But I don't get the sense that
you are. And that's fine."
436
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,854
-mm-hm.
-"but I just... I can't...
I don't date.
437
00:20:56,906 --> 00:20:59,640
And if we're not
on that same page.
438
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,776
So, it's like, it's probably
better that we just
be friends."
439
00:21:01,811 --> 00:21:04,812
and then she tried to kind of
just drop that on me
and leave.
440
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:07,615
Like, "I'll just go now."
and I was like, "wait. Wait.
Wait, wait, wait."
441
00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:10,618
you can't just say all that
and not give me a chance
to respond at least.
442
00:21:10,653 --> 00:21:13,788
-Like, please. Okay?
Just have a seat. Let's chat.
-Yeah.
443
00:21:13,823 --> 00:21:18,325
And... So, essentially,
after that I said,
444
00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:19,961
I said, "you're right."
and I was being legit.
445
00:21:19,996 --> 00:21:21,846
Some people, some friends,
they hear it and are like,
446
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,298
"no, you trying to get
with jesus so you can
get with your girl."
447
00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:25,833
I'm like, "no, for real."
448
00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:28,469
I was genuinely curious.
449
00:21:28,504 --> 00:21:30,354
I was like, "so, what do you
have going on?"
450
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:33,674
'cause what you have going on
is different from
451
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:36,777
most of the people that I know
that have christ
in their life.
452
00:21:37,363 --> 00:21:39,363
-Mm.
-"tell me more."
453
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:42,516
we met in very different
places, personally.
454
00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:44,518
So, despite being in
a relationship or not,
455
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:48,823
I just feel like,
my year and a half of being
single and dating
456
00:21:48,858 --> 00:21:51,375
gave me time and space
to do a lot of self-work,
457
00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:53,911
learn lot about myself,
I did a lot of spiritual work
458
00:21:53,963 --> 00:21:55,463
and all of it.
459
00:21:55,498 --> 00:21:58,582
And I came to a place where
I was very clear on what
I wanted from my life.
460
00:21:58,634 --> 00:22:01,201
Whereas, jared, I felt
461
00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:06,090
hadn't taken the time
or had the space to really
figure that out for himself.
462
00:22:06,142 --> 00:22:10,261
Being in a long relationship
meeting me, having a little
bit of time but...
463
00:22:10,313 --> 00:22:11,595
-I feel like...
-Yeah.
464
00:22:11,647 --> 00:22:14,265
And so, that became, like,
a thing for us.
465
00:22:14,317 --> 00:22:16,567
It's funny because, like,
two months into us
hanging out,
466
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:18,185
back in new york,
I said to him,
467
00:22:18,220 --> 00:22:19,687
I was like, "look, this is
no pressure and no stress.
468
00:22:19,722 --> 00:22:21,489
But I'm letting you know
right now,
469
00:22:21,524 --> 00:22:24,859
I'm not the girl that you're
gonna say we're 'hanging out'
or 'dating' a year from now."
470
00:22:24,894 --> 00:22:26,360
whatever, bro.
471
00:22:26,395 --> 00:22:28,696
I was like, "it's not me.
And I'm gonna let you know
I'm not that girl."
472
00:22:28,731 --> 00:22:32,116
and so, after that year of,
like, push and pull,
473
00:22:32,168 --> 00:22:34,618
I can only say the thing that
I can...
474
00:22:34,670 --> 00:22:36,737
I digested as, is just that
475
00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:38,405
he hadn't figured out, like,
476
00:22:38,424 --> 00:22:42,626
"well, if I've met the person
that I really could be with
for the rest of my life.
477
00:22:42,678 --> 00:22:45,579
-Am I ready... " like,
"am I reedy for that?"
-am I actually ready for it?
478
00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:48,582
You know what I mean?
Even though I knew
it was special.
479
00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:50,935
I wasn't. I just wasn't ready
for it yet.
480
00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:52,686
You were willing to,
basically,
481
00:22:53,255 --> 00:22:54,388
let me go.
482
00:22:54,423 --> 00:22:57,274
-Which, by the way,
was big for me because...
-Wack.
483
00:22:57,310 --> 00:22:59,143
[laughs] no, I had just...
484
00:22:59,195 --> 00:23:02,563
I had never broken up
with someone in love.
485
00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:05,116
There was always something
that was like,
486
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:08,486
"you did this."
or there's just like,
this breaking point.
487
00:23:08,538 --> 00:23:11,072
I just recognized that
whatever he was going through,
488
00:23:11,107 --> 00:23:12,823
personally, had nothing to do
with me.
489
00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:16,276
I think the term
"situationship" is so, uh...
490
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:17,745
-Appropriate. Yeah.
-...Appropriate.
491
00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:19,663
-It's just-- that's exactly
what it was.
-Just bang on.
492
00:23:19,715 --> 00:23:23,117
And also, you know, I think
a huge part of the story
is that
493
00:23:23,136 --> 00:23:25,836
we met at 22 and 23,
494
00:23:25,888 --> 00:23:28,255
but we're getting older.
So, like,
495
00:23:28,290 --> 00:23:29,957
the kind of, like, games,
496
00:23:29,976 --> 00:23:33,928
and like, I see him, you know,
one day, don't talk to him for
a couple of... Whatever.
497
00:23:33,963 --> 00:23:36,347
That was cool
for a little bit.
498
00:23:36,399 --> 00:23:39,934
But then, now, I'm like,
25, 26,
499
00:23:39,969 --> 00:23:42,019
-I have different wants,
I have different...
-Hm.
500
00:23:42,071 --> 00:23:46,023
I want someone that's like,
you know, a constant part
of my life.
501
00:23:46,075 --> 00:23:48,993
We're growing in how
we feel about each other.
502
00:23:49,028 --> 00:23:53,114
Um, we've obviously gotten
to know each other now,
over five years.
503
00:23:53,149 --> 00:23:54,832
But what do we have to
show for it?
504
00:23:54,867 --> 00:23:57,668
-Yeah. Yeah.
-That's really how I felt
about it. It was kind of like,
505
00:23:57,703 --> 00:24:02,823
"okay, but you're still, like,
a random person in my life,
technically." and...
506
00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:06,460
-The older I got, the less
space I had for that.
-Mm-hm.
507
00:24:06,495 --> 00:24:09,130
He says, "don't move."
he like, looks to me,
he's like, "don't move."
508
00:24:09,165 --> 00:24:10,347
and I was like, "okay."
509
00:24:10,383 --> 00:24:12,516
and then, as soon as
he was gone, I was out.
510
00:24:12,552 --> 00:24:14,852
I went to, like, another part
of the party.
I started taking shots.
511
00:24:14,887 --> 00:24:16,053
Like, that was it.
And I was done.
512
00:24:18,491 --> 00:24:21,658
...I was about to turn,
uh, 35.
513
00:24:21,677 --> 00:24:23,294
-Yeah.
-I was 34 when we met.
514
00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:26,497
But we met in November.
My birthday fell
in January, so...
515
00:24:26,516 --> 00:24:28,466
-Yeah. And I would've been
what? 28?
-Yeah.
516
00:24:28,501 --> 00:24:30,050
-Ooh.
-Right.
517
00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:32,636
Cougar paws, okay?
518
00:24:32,671 --> 00:24:35,523
-Cougar paws. Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah, buddy.
519
00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:39,643
And ray doesn't present
a younger guy vibe.
520
00:24:39,678 --> 00:24:41,729
Like, even when I, you know,
walked up to him,
521
00:24:41,781 --> 00:24:44,365
or he... He doesn't come off
like that at all.
522
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,818
-He comes off very,
very debonair.
-Right. [laughs]
523
00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:50,154
very old man sweet,
you know what I'm saying?
524
00:24:50,189 --> 00:24:52,490
-Very old man smooth.
-That's how I get you.
525
00:24:52,525 --> 00:24:54,708
Yeah. That's exactly how.
526
00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:58,045
-Like some good bourbon.
That's how ray comes off.
-Yeah. She's got a point.
527
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,915
-I was attracted by
the age gap. Like, her...
-Yeah.
528
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:03,367
-I saved her number
in my phone...
-As "35".
529
00:25:03,386 --> 00:25:05,085
-When we first met.
-...She was 35.
530
00:25:05,137 --> 00:25:07,588
-He saved it as "35".
-[laughing]
531
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,924
he was calling me "35"
to his friends.
532
00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:12,510
-"yeah, I'm going out
with 35 tonight."
-I still am. "hello, this 35?"
533
00:25:15,064 --> 00:25:19,049
so, I saw him later
in a large theatre
534
00:25:19,068 --> 00:25:21,068
and we waved from across
the room.
535
00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:24,388
And then I saw him
late that night, at a party.
536
00:25:24,407 --> 00:25:28,392
So, he walks up,
we start talking about the
recent premier that he's had
537
00:25:28,411 --> 00:25:31,445
and... And I said,
538
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,781
-"when do you leave
the festival?" right, okay.
-Mm-hm.
539
00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:37,251
So I said, "when do you leave
the festival?" and he said,
"Saturday."
540
00:25:37,286 --> 00:25:41,789
this was Monday. So I said,
"well, we don't leave until
Wednesday night,
541
00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:44,241
but we don't work on Wednesday
during the day,
542
00:25:44,260 --> 00:25:46,877
if you wanted to, like, chat."
543
00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:50,548
and he said, "are you hitting
on me?"
544
00:25:50,583 --> 00:25:55,219
-and I was like, "uh...
I don't know."
-[chuckles]
545
00:25:55,254 --> 00:25:58,639
because like, that's all...
I mean, come on.
Who asks that?
546
00:25:58,691 --> 00:26:00,140
And I was not ready.
547
00:26:00,192 --> 00:26:02,759
Nor did I feel like I was
hitting on him.
548
00:26:02,778 --> 00:26:04,778
So, I said, "I don't know."
549
00:26:04,814 --> 00:26:06,780
and like, right at
that moment, somebody comes
over and they're like,
550
00:26:06,816 --> 00:26:09,066
"tommy, I need you to
come over here..." and
da-da-da-da.
551
00:26:09,101 --> 00:26:11,118
And he says, "don't move."
552
00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:13,770
he looks to me, he's like,
"don't move." and I was like,
"okay."
553
00:26:13,789 --> 00:26:15,823
and then, as soon as
he was gone, I was out.
554
00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:18,158
I went to, like, another part
of the party,
I started taking shots.
555
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:19,827
Like, that was it. I was done.
556
00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:24,298
-And shortly thereafter,
he came and found me.
-Mm-hm.
557
00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:29,086
And we wound up talking until
3:00 in the morning
that night?
558
00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:31,338
-Mm-hm.
-And then we talked until
559
00:26:31,390 --> 00:26:33,474
5:00 in the morning
the next night.
560
00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:36,343
And then, we did have
lunch at Wednesday?
561
00:26:36,395 --> 00:26:38,228
-And that's now we met.
-That is how we met.
562
00:26:38,981 --> 00:26:40,014
It was fast.
563
00:26:42,635 --> 00:26:45,102
-Oh!
-[chuckling]
564
00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:47,271
it was one rainy afternoon.
565
00:26:47,306 --> 00:26:50,491
You know, we were at a place
called red cafe on
beverly boulevard
566
00:26:50,526 --> 00:26:52,326
right down the street
from her apartment.
567
00:26:52,361 --> 00:26:56,497
And she had on this little--
I think she had stanford
you know, sweatshirt on.
568
00:26:56,532 --> 00:26:59,283
-My brother goes.
-Her brother is a graduate
from stanford.
569
00:26:59,318 --> 00:27:01,285
Sweats. And she had
a little bob.
570
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,338
She had that little bob
back there. The little
halley berry bob...
571
00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:06,707
A little bob. A cute
little thing, right?
572
00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:09,843
And she was-- she had
a boyfriend at the time.
Some dude she was dating.
573
00:27:09,879 --> 00:27:11,879
Right? 'cause we were just
platonic, you know?
574
00:27:11,931 --> 00:27:13,881
And she was complaining
about this cat.
575
00:27:13,933 --> 00:27:15,432
You know, "yeah, yeah, yeah."
576
00:27:15,468 --> 00:27:18,135
I remember the moment she
put her hands to hair like
this... [inhales deeply]
577
00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:20,354
you know, "he's just getting
on my nerves."
I looked at her like...
578
00:27:20,389 --> 00:27:23,557
-"uh-oh."
right at that moment.
-[laughing]
579
00:27:23,609 --> 00:27:25,476
I don't know what was going on
with her.
580
00:27:25,511 --> 00:27:26,977
She's talking about this dude
she's seeing. All good.
581
00:27:27,012 --> 00:27:28,512
I ain't got nothing
against my man.
582
00:27:28,531 --> 00:27:30,514
You know what I mean?
But I'm like,
583
00:27:30,533 --> 00:27:34,034
right at that moment,
I'mma find a way over
in that direction.
584
00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:37,154
And right at that moment,
my whole focus was like,
585
00:27:37,189 --> 00:27:39,189
-phew, and now...
-Was that, like...
586
00:27:39,208 --> 00:27:42,693
-That was like, two months in?
-That was about two or three
months in.
587
00:27:42,712 --> 00:27:44,411
-After meeting.
-After meeting.
588
00:27:44,463 --> 00:27:46,997
-Okay.
-Two or three months. But
friendship, which is great,
589
00:27:47,032 --> 00:27:51,168
you know, I didn't know then,
you know, my early 20s, that
friendship is the best basis
590
00:27:51,203 --> 00:27:53,170
-to build something
substantial off of.
-Yeah.
591
00:27:53,205 --> 00:27:55,339
You're just thinking,
"attraction is the thing."
592
00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:57,725
and, you know, that kind of,
"whoo!"
593
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,426
can go in like,
three more days, right?
594
00:27:59,478 --> 00:28:02,879
So, I didn't know at the time,
but what had happed for us
through grace was,
595
00:28:02,898 --> 00:28:04,881
friendship was forming already
596
00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:06,567
and then the hotness came
in there.
597
00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:09,436
Once she did this thing
with her hair up, I was like,
"oh, she fine!"
598
00:28:09,488 --> 00:28:11,054
he was just starting
his career,
599
00:28:11,073 --> 00:28:13,056
and my career was just
starting to flourish.
600
00:28:13,075 --> 00:28:14,725
So, we were both
moving fast. Like,
601
00:28:14,744 --> 00:28:16,944
our teams, like,
our management,
602
00:28:16,996 --> 00:28:20,731
our, you know, entourage,
hated each other's.
603
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:24,084
Like, they hated him
and his whole entourage
hated me because,
604
00:28:24,787 --> 00:28:27,254
like, time, schedules,
605
00:28:27,289 --> 00:28:29,123
none of those things made
any sense.
606
00:28:29,175 --> 00:28:31,875
Like, there was times
I'd be on tour
and be like, "um...
607
00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:34,762
I'm going home for
a couple of days."
608
00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:38,265
"like, in the middle of tour?"
"yeah, I just...
I'll be back."
609
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:41,719
-and he's... Like.
Oh, my god.
-[laughs]
610
00:28:41,754 --> 00:28:43,387
he's annoying and vice versa.
611
00:28:43,422 --> 00:28:46,890
Like, when I would show up,
like, he'd be overseas
and he gets there, he's like,
612
00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:48,642
"hey, babe. I'm glad
you could make it."
613
00:28:48,694 --> 00:28:50,778
and they're looking like,
"she's in denmark?"
614
00:28:50,813 --> 00:28:53,230
-like...
-[both laughing]
615
00:28:53,265 --> 00:28:55,766
"why is she is annoyed
with us?"
616
00:28:55,785 --> 00:28:59,770
but, um, it was definitely...
617
00:28:59,789 --> 00:29:00,937
We were really young.
618
00:29:00,956 --> 00:29:05,159
Like, I don't think I realized
until more recently
619
00:29:05,211 --> 00:29:07,578
how young we were when we met.
620
00:29:07,613 --> 00:29:11,615
Like, when I look at,
you know, our children, like,
621
00:29:11,634 --> 00:29:14,918
I'm like, "if one of them was
to get married right now,
622
00:29:14,953 --> 00:29:17,805
I would literally die."
like, what?
623
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,956
I feel like,
we're definitely different.
624
00:29:19,975 --> 00:29:23,126
-Uh, 25, 26, 27
that we were...
-Yeah, yeah.
625
00:29:23,145 --> 00:29:25,962
...Is not, like, 25, 26 now.
626
00:29:25,981 --> 00:29:27,964
We went to ihop one night.
627
00:29:27,983 --> 00:29:35,305
And, you know, ihop,
bill's usually like $15-20,
for two.
628
00:29:35,324 --> 00:29:39,943
And gave to the waitress
my debit card.
629
00:29:39,978 --> 00:29:42,663
Came back, "sorry, sir."
630
00:29:42,698 --> 00:29:45,699
-[both chuckling]
-"I'm sorry, sir.
631
00:29:45,751 --> 00:29:47,818
-You just don't have..."
-[laughs]
632
00:29:47,837 --> 00:29:50,637
"came back. Sorry, sir.
It came back."
633
00:29:50,673 --> 00:29:52,706
-why'd I have to do that, boy?
-Then, you act shocked, right?
634
00:29:52,741 --> 00:29:56,176
-And, right, I was like...
-[both laughing]
635
00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:57,878
-"run it again."
-[both continue laughing]
636
00:30:00,516 --> 00:30:04,000
"no, no. Try it again.
Try it again."
637
00:30:04,019 --> 00:30:04,935
but...
638
00:30:05,838 --> 00:30:08,622
But what did it was,
it wasn't like a,
639
00:30:08,657 --> 00:30:11,141
"all right.
This broke dude. I'm not..."
640
00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:14,228
it was, "all right, we gotta
run to the atm then."
641
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,064
and so, she could've never
went out with me,
642
00:30:17,516 --> 00:30:18,866
ever again.
643
00:30:18,901 --> 00:30:22,402
To the point where when she
told my mom that story,
644
00:30:22,454 --> 00:30:26,206
-my mom was like,
"and you still with him?"
-[both laughing]
645
00:30:29,228 --> 00:30:31,628
when I met jb, um,
646
00:30:31,647 --> 00:30:34,130
I had actually been
celibate for two years.
647
00:30:34,149 --> 00:30:37,017
So, that's why I wasn't
interested in the catcall
in the restaurant.
648
00:30:37,069 --> 00:30:39,186
-I was like, "what does
he want? Like, what is this?"
-[laughs]
649
00:30:39,238 --> 00:30:41,488
uh, you know, went out
with him
650
00:30:41,524 --> 00:30:43,857
and I could feel like,
just like, right away,
651
00:30:43,909 --> 00:30:46,810
everything that was happening
in the, you know, the date,
652
00:30:46,829 --> 00:30:49,162
I felt like, "this is..."
not just, like, "oh, my god,
653
00:30:49,198 --> 00:30:50,497
-this is the man for
the rest of my life."
-mm-hm.
654
00:30:50,533 --> 00:30:52,165
But I knew he was a man.
655
00:30:52,201 --> 00:30:55,786
And I'm like, "this is what
I would want for myself."
656
00:30:55,821 --> 00:30:58,989
so, it wasn't like,
"this my husband."
it wasn't that.
657
00:30:59,008 --> 00:31:03,994
It was like, you know,
"this is what I will want
as a man in my life."
658
00:31:04,013 --> 00:31:07,714
we actually weren't intimate
for five months into
the relationship.
659
00:31:07,766 --> 00:31:10,517
So, like, at that point,
I was like, "you my man."
660
00:31:10,553 --> 00:31:13,837
because now, we didn't
crossed over the border,
like...
661
00:31:13,856 --> 00:31:16,172
[laughing] ...You know what
I'm saying? Things that
we crossed the line.
662
00:31:16,191 --> 00:31:17,808
Done put some money
on that layaway.
663
00:31:17,843 --> 00:31:21,695
-He put-- you know what?
[laughing]
-[laughs]
664
00:31:21,730 --> 00:31:26,182
-I've made him wait
three months for a kiss.
-Yeah.
665
00:31:26,201 --> 00:31:27,851
-Yeah.
-Like, so we would kiss
on the cheek.
666
00:31:27,870 --> 00:31:29,069
We would get close.
667
00:31:29,121 --> 00:31:32,489
-Yeah.
-But like, I was like,
"I don't want you...
668
00:31:32,524 --> 00:31:35,025
To think that I'm easy,
in any type of way.
669
00:31:35,044 --> 00:31:36,493
Because I'm not."
670
00:31:36,528 --> 00:31:39,212
-and... [laughs] yeah.
-"and I want you to understand
that this is...
671
00:31:39,248 --> 00:31:41,698
...Genuine. And because
we're friends,
672
00:31:41,717 --> 00:31:43,166
like, I really just wanna--"
673
00:31:43,201 --> 00:31:47,037
I cherished our friendship
and what we had.
674
00:31:47,056 --> 00:31:50,040
So, I really wanted him
to know, like, that,
675
00:31:50,059 --> 00:31:52,009
you know, we can go slow.
676
00:31:52,044 --> 00:31:54,210
Like, if we're gonna
be together,
we gonna be together.
677
00:31:54,229 --> 00:31:56,263
We have more than enough time
to kiss.
678
00:31:56,315 --> 00:31:59,733
-Yeah.
-So, I kind of kept that,
like, "no. Not yet."
679
00:31:59,768 --> 00:32:02,185
-now, let me tell you--
-he would walk me to my door.
680
00:32:02,220 --> 00:32:04,187
-Like, very gentleman.
You know?
-[chuckles]
681
00:32:04,222 --> 00:32:06,556
yeah, walk her to the door,
all that stuff.
682
00:32:06,575 --> 00:32:09,392
You expect, I mean, usually,
it's kiss time.
683
00:32:09,411 --> 00:32:11,411
I mean, I go on all the time,
you know?
684
00:32:11,447 --> 00:32:14,531
And so... But what was dope
about this though,
685
00:32:14,566 --> 00:32:15,782
it was the...
686
00:32:15,834 --> 00:32:19,369
What she did was like,
it was the romantic chase.
687
00:32:19,404 --> 00:32:21,755
Like, I'll be like, "madame."
you know what I mean?
688
00:32:21,790 --> 00:32:23,624
So, it almost felt like that.
689
00:32:23,676 --> 00:32:26,409
But in my world,
that just gave me like,
690
00:32:26,428 --> 00:32:29,296
"oh, this woman is...
This is really different."
691
00:32:29,348 --> 00:32:32,766
you know what I mean?
I'm vying for a kiss
right now.
692
00:32:32,801 --> 00:32:36,753
I didn't feel the pressure
of having to, like,
693
00:32:36,772 --> 00:32:39,806
get her or make
some decision and be like,
yes or no,
694
00:32:39,858 --> 00:32:42,776
-'cause we're in princeton,
we got his play going on.
-Mm-hm.
695
00:32:42,811 --> 00:32:45,812
It's just me and her
and all other castmates.
696
00:32:45,864 --> 00:32:47,948
-It's like, we ain't going
nowhere. It's wintertime.
-Mm-hm.
697
00:32:47,983 --> 00:32:50,817
-I was like, "hey, I got time.
I don't have to... Push.
-Mm-hm.
698
00:32:50,869 --> 00:32:53,153
You know, to push this,
I don't have to put
the pedal to the metal.
699
00:32:53,205 --> 00:32:54,738
I could just wait.
Let's see what happens.
700
00:32:54,773 --> 00:32:56,606
-Let's just let it breathe.
-Right.
701
00:32:56,625 --> 00:33:00,410
And in that, you know,
sort of free space,
702
00:33:00,445 --> 00:33:03,080
um, you know, we fell
madly in love.
703
00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:05,966
Very quickly. You know,
I prayed diligently about it.
704
00:33:06,001 --> 00:33:08,251
And I really believe,
705
00:33:08,286 --> 00:33:11,922
um, you know, I heard
from god about it.
706
00:33:11,957 --> 00:33:17,477
And it was... You know,
what I heard was like, "hey,
you know, just be friends."
707
00:33:17,513 --> 00:33:22,966
and so, there was that, like,
root conflict right there.
708
00:33:22,985 --> 00:33:26,987
Um, because I've, you know,
felt that I'd heard
709
00:33:27,022 --> 00:33:29,356
one thing from god.
710
00:33:29,408 --> 00:33:32,142
But we were just falling
deeper and deeper in love.
711
00:33:32,161 --> 00:33:35,979
I asked my mom, actually,
I was like, "what do you think
about robert?"
712
00:33:35,998 --> 00:33:39,099
and it almost seemed like
she was waiting for me
to ask the question,
713
00:33:39,134 --> 00:33:41,368
'cause she was like,
"I really like him for you."
714
00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:45,338
and I think she realized that
we have that foundation
of friendship.
715
00:33:45,374 --> 00:33:49,659
You know, my mom knows that,
and my family were really
big with, you know...
716
00:33:49,678 --> 00:33:52,179
Being funny and not
taking ourselves seriously.
717
00:33:52,214 --> 00:33:53,964
And robert was like that.
718
00:33:53,999 --> 00:33:57,134
So, I think she noticed that
that was a big deal for me.
719
00:33:57,169 --> 00:34:00,003
And I was glad that my mom
mentioned it
720
00:34:00,022 --> 00:34:01,972
because I had friends who,
721
00:34:03,058 --> 00:34:04,808
and I think they meant well,
722
00:34:04,843 --> 00:34:08,195
but the idea was,
for a lot of my friends,
723
00:34:08,230 --> 00:34:10,697
is you should find someone
who's much more established,
right?
724
00:34:10,733 --> 00:34:13,900
-Who can pay the ihop bill,
who can...
-[laughs]
725
00:34:13,952 --> 00:34:15,569
or maybe that's...
726
00:34:15,604 --> 00:34:19,639
-Maybe that's
an understandable... [laughs]
-yeah. Yeah.
727
00:34:19,675 --> 00:34:21,708
"who can pay the ihop bill."
728
00:34:21,744 --> 00:34:25,178
-you know, ihop yeah.
-That is an
understandable expectation.
729
00:34:25,214 --> 00:34:26,863
Yes, we finally kissed.
730
00:34:26,882 --> 00:34:29,716
-The kiss was really nice.
-It was magical.
731
00:34:29,752 --> 00:34:31,168
It was magical.
732
00:34:31,203 --> 00:34:32,919
And we did the kiss.
733
00:34:32,971 --> 00:34:35,889
And then, after the kiss, uh,
734
00:34:35,924 --> 00:34:38,258
I guess I went home
and made this song.
735
00:34:38,310 --> 00:34:39,259
But I was into that.
736
00:34:39,311 --> 00:34:42,045
Like, I was into, like,
I would write songs.
737
00:34:42,064 --> 00:34:44,231
-Did do that for years
and poetry and stuff.
-Poetry, yeah.
738
00:34:44,266 --> 00:34:46,549
And so, it's a good way
to express yourself.
739
00:34:46,568 --> 00:34:48,185
You know,
however you're feeling.
740
00:34:48,220 --> 00:34:51,438
And I was just like,
"all right. I'm gonna
write her a song."
741
00:34:51,490 --> 00:34:55,275
you know what I mean?
[laughs] and it was called
"more than a friend".
742
00:34:55,327 --> 00:34:58,028
Right? And so... [laughs]
I was like,
743
00:34:58,063 --> 00:35:00,230
♪ more than a friend ♪
744
00:35:00,249 --> 00:35:01,281
mm-hm.
745
00:35:01,333 --> 00:35:03,583
♪ I kissed her last night
now we are ♪
746
00:35:03,619 --> 00:35:06,069
♪ more than a friend ♪
747
00:35:06,088 --> 00:35:07,287
-aye!
-Yeah!
748
00:35:07,339 --> 00:35:09,739
♪ I kissed her last night... ♪
something like that.
749
00:35:09,758 --> 00:35:11,041
It was a whole verse.
750
00:35:11,076 --> 00:35:14,094
The beat was hard.
I had a whole verse, a hook,
music and...
751
00:35:14,129 --> 00:35:15,295
The whole dime.
752
00:35:15,347 --> 00:35:20,050
-It was difficult...
To convince her.
-[laughs]
753
00:35:20,085 --> 00:35:22,185
-this guy.
-It was hard. I was like...
754
00:35:23,522 --> 00:35:25,522
"I never thought that
this would be so hard."
755
00:35:28,610 --> 00:35:31,611
every time she wasn't with me,
I would miss her so much.
756
00:35:33,098 --> 00:35:35,732
So, that kind of helped me
decide like,
757
00:35:35,784 --> 00:35:37,651
I can't be without
this person.
758
00:35:37,686 --> 00:35:40,353
You know, I feel better
when she is in my presence.
759
00:35:40,372 --> 00:35:43,523
One day, I had left,
I came home from court,
760
00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:45,909
I was having, like,
a very stressful day.
761
00:35:45,961 --> 00:35:50,046
And I'm just like, talking
about the people in my life
and...
762
00:35:50,082 --> 00:35:53,533
Like, if things go bad,
who's gonna be there,
who's not gonna be there.
763
00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:55,886
I was just like, you know,
just thinking of
the worst case scenario.
764
00:35:55,921 --> 00:35:57,003
That's just what I do.
765
00:35:57,038 --> 00:35:58,889
Like, he's the
mr. Think-on-the-bright-side.
766
00:35:58,924 --> 00:36:01,558
I'm always like, "what's the
worst possible thing that
can happen?"
767
00:36:01,593 --> 00:36:03,209
and I was just telling him
what I think is
768
00:36:03,228 --> 00:36:05,545
the worst possible thing
that could happen.
769
00:36:05,564 --> 00:36:08,098
He was like, "oh,
you're a great person.
770
00:36:08,150 --> 00:36:10,216
But I don't think that's
gonna be the case.
771
00:36:10,235 --> 00:36:13,386
You do a lot for everybody.
Like, everyone's gonna
be there."
772
00:36:13,405 --> 00:36:15,772
and he's like, "I'm telling
you right now, like,
773
00:36:15,824 --> 00:36:17,741
I will marry you. Like..."
774
00:36:17,776 --> 00:36:19,860
and I'm just sitting there
like, watching him put--
775
00:36:19,895 --> 00:36:21,411
like, he's like,
"I'm pouring my heart out."
he's like,
776
00:36:21,446 --> 00:36:23,747
"I will marry you.
I will be there. Like,
777
00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:25,532
you'd be my wife." and...
778
00:36:25,567 --> 00:36:27,117
I'm sitting there,
like, "so...
779
00:36:28,420 --> 00:36:31,204
I have to go to prison
for you to marry me?"
780
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:33,039
he's like, "how did you
just get there?" I'm like,
781
00:36:33,074 --> 00:36:36,259
"I don't wanna..." like,
I just started going crazy,
like,
782
00:36:36,295 --> 00:36:38,295
I guess, like, in his own way,
783
00:36:38,347 --> 00:36:41,097
that was his way of assuring
me, like, "yo, no matter what
784
00:36:41,133 --> 00:36:42,966
I'm gonna be here with you.
785
00:36:43,018 --> 00:36:44,935
Even if-- like, I'll marry you
786
00:36:44,970 --> 00:36:47,270
so that you know how serious
I am about it."
787
00:36:47,306 --> 00:36:49,255
but I was just so pissed off.
788
00:36:49,274 --> 00:36:51,224
Like, I was like, "don't even
bring it up again."
789
00:36:51,259 --> 00:36:55,929
-it was difficult...
To convince her.
-[laughs]
790
00:36:55,948 --> 00:36:58,064
-this guy.
-No, it was hard.
I was like...
791
00:36:59,201 --> 00:37:02,235
"I never thought that
this would be so hard."
792
00:37:02,270 --> 00:37:05,121
but I knew I was ready.
You know what I'm saying?
793
00:37:05,157 --> 00:37:07,440
I knew the space. Mentally,
794
00:37:07,459 --> 00:37:08,625
I knew I was there in life.
795
00:37:08,660 --> 00:37:11,077
Like I said, I asked myself
that question.
796
00:37:11,112 --> 00:37:13,246
See, a lot of people make
this mistake of it.
797
00:37:13,281 --> 00:37:14,831
That's why they get
into marriage,
they get divorced
798
00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:17,083
they have temptations to cheat
799
00:37:17,118 --> 00:37:20,420
because they never had that
conversation with themselves.
800
00:37:20,455 --> 00:37:23,256
And that conversation is
very important because,
I'mma be honest with you,
801
00:37:24,643 --> 00:37:26,893
for some men, they never
even consider
802
00:37:28,146 --> 00:37:31,481
being with one person.
They not even gonna
think about that.
803
00:37:31,516 --> 00:37:34,317
I was always, always
open and honest with her.
804
00:37:34,353 --> 00:37:36,686
-Yes.
-And I never like, tried to
pull the wool over her eyes.
805
00:37:36,738 --> 00:37:39,155
I wasn't like, "I'm not
talking to nobody,
it's just me and you."
806
00:37:39,191 --> 00:37:42,525
um, I was like, "no.
When I see you, I see you.
807
00:37:42,578 --> 00:37:44,661
When I don't, like, I'm...
808
00:37:44,696 --> 00:37:46,196
On some other stuff."
809
00:37:46,248 --> 00:37:47,981
-but um...
-Mm-hm.
810
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,450
But I also was like,
"don't wait for me.
811
00:37:50,485 --> 00:37:54,988
If somebody is treating you
the way that you want
to be treated,
812
00:37:55,007 --> 00:37:57,040
by all means, go explore that.
813
00:37:57,092 --> 00:38:00,343
Hopefully, you're around
when I am ready.
814
00:38:00,379 --> 00:38:02,846
But if you aren't,
then I gotta deal with that.
815
00:38:02,881 --> 00:38:04,497
Like, that's something that
I gotta live with.
816
00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:07,968
Um, but I'm willing to take
that chance because
I know
817
00:38:08,003 --> 00:38:10,837
that if I get into
a relationship with you
right now,
818
00:38:10,856 --> 00:38:13,306
-I'm just gonna
dog you." um...
-Mm-hm.
819
00:38:13,341 --> 00:38:16,342
And I didn't wanna do that
because, again, like, she was
my friend.
820
00:38:16,361 --> 00:38:18,228
In retrospect,
I really appreciate that.
821
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,146
Who wants to be with someone
that's not ready?
822
00:38:20,181 --> 00:38:21,865
And who wants to have
to give someone ultimatums,
823
00:38:21,900 --> 00:38:24,150
-which I never did either,
which I'm grateful...
-Yeah.
824
00:38:24,185 --> 00:38:26,486
...We never did that type
of stuff.
825
00:38:26,521 --> 00:38:28,905
Um, but...
826
00:38:28,957 --> 00:38:31,190
I always-- I do need to give
you credit for,
827
00:38:31,209 --> 00:38:33,860
you know, darroll was always
incredibly honest.
828
00:38:33,879 --> 00:38:36,246
Yeah, you were always
incredibly honest.
829
00:38:36,298 --> 00:38:39,365
But the honestly used to
really hurt me.
830
00:38:39,384 --> 00:38:43,086
So, she came to my apartment
one Thursday or Wednesday.
831
00:38:43,138 --> 00:38:44,704
Sat down in my living room.
832
00:38:44,723 --> 00:38:46,556
I'm sitting on the couch,
she's sitting right there.
833
00:38:46,591 --> 00:38:48,725
-She crossed her leg,
just like she's facing him.
-Another moment
834
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,894
-where he can remember
exactly... [laughs]
-and she took out--
835
00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:54,230
-I'm let her tell her stories.
I'm not tryna disrupt that.
-You're not.
836
00:38:54,266 --> 00:38:56,382
-I'mma be a humble
husband today.
-You are just like-- yes.
837
00:38:56,401 --> 00:38:57,901
I won't be indignant.
838
00:38:57,936 --> 00:39:01,387
So, she stands around
and cross her legs and
she had this paper,
839
00:39:01,406 --> 00:39:04,607
she had this fertility chart.
She was like, "yeah. So.
840
00:39:04,660 --> 00:39:07,393
I need to get married
on this day
841
00:39:07,412 --> 00:39:09,946
because if I could get a baby
on this day,
842
00:39:09,998 --> 00:39:11,898
I could have a baby
on this day."
843
00:39:11,917 --> 00:39:13,116
and it was the most
844
00:39:13,168 --> 00:39:17,454
insane thing I had ever heard
in my entire human life.
845
00:39:17,506 --> 00:39:21,541
And I'm not-- I was raised by
a single parent mom,
I got four older sisters.
846
00:39:21,576 --> 00:39:23,593
You know, I'm not
unaccustomed to women.
847
00:39:23,628 --> 00:39:26,880
I'm not one of those guys,
"I don't know how to--" no,
I was raised around aunties,
848
00:39:26,915 --> 00:39:28,882
I'm familiar with black women
my whole...
849
00:39:28,917 --> 00:39:31,417
I walked into the world
all surrounded by black women.
850
00:39:31,436 --> 00:39:34,704
You know, so I'm not
unaccustomed to my sisters,
my people talking to me.
851
00:39:34,740 --> 00:39:36,639
But this was the most
insane thing I had ever heard.
852
00:39:36,692 --> 00:39:39,275
When she was gonna tell me
when I'm gonna propose,
and when we gonna have babies.
853
00:39:39,311 --> 00:39:41,478
I was like, "how does that,
all that, happen with you?"
854
00:39:41,530 --> 00:39:43,730
-I was just laughing.
But I knew she--
-and when I was--
855
00:39:43,765 --> 00:39:46,432
-but hold on.
But she was sincere.
-[laughs]
856
00:39:46,451 --> 00:39:49,102
-and when you look at it,
you know, she was sincere.
-I was so sincere.
857
00:39:49,121 --> 00:39:51,154
So, I couldn't like,
laugh at her.
858
00:39:51,206 --> 00:39:53,323
-I just had to be like,
laugh inside.
-He was laughing.
859
00:39:53,375 --> 00:39:55,575
But it was bubbling out over.
860
00:39:55,610 --> 00:39:59,612
-You did laugh out loud.
-I hope-- I was trying to
fight that, baby.
861
00:39:59,631 --> 00:40:02,132
-So, I was like, "okay."
-'cause he was like,
"this is so huge."
862
00:40:02,167 --> 00:40:06,386
"really? Wow. And that's
my paper. That's what I have
to do.
863
00:40:06,888 --> 00:40:08,338
Whoa. Okay.
864
00:40:08,390 --> 00:40:10,456
Well, that's--
thank you so much.
865
00:40:10,475 --> 00:40:12,842
-And I really do appreciate
these inputs."
-"for your input."
866
00:40:12,894 --> 00:40:16,229
[laughing]
and we'll-- I'mma just hold on
to these papers.
867
00:40:24,139 --> 00:40:28,525
When I felt like he was still
kind of trying to
figure it out,
868
00:40:28,577 --> 00:40:31,661
I think, for me, I was just
like, "okay. Oh, well...
869
00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:33,196
What's happening?
'cause I'm in new york."
870
00:40:33,248 --> 00:40:36,533
and it was becoming harmful
to me.
871
00:40:36,585 --> 00:40:38,752
Like, I felt like I wasn't
872
00:40:39,671 --> 00:40:42,539
full ashley. I wasn't
my happiest self.
873
00:40:42,591 --> 00:40:45,341
I wasn't my best self.
I wasn't...
874
00:40:45,377 --> 00:40:47,994
I was worried about what
other people were doing.
875
00:40:48,013 --> 00:40:51,214
Namely him, and whoever
was with him at the time.
876
00:40:51,266 --> 00:40:54,333
I said, "you don't have to
call me, you don't have to
check on me.
877
00:40:54,352 --> 00:40:57,637
I'll be fine. Don't call me
just to chit-chat.
No small talk.
878
00:40:57,672 --> 00:41:01,024
Like, go do whatever it is
that you need to do for
your life."
879
00:41:01,059 --> 00:41:04,727
it's all good. But like,
we don't get to be friends.
880
00:41:04,780 --> 00:41:06,813
I'm not trying to be
this crazy person
881
00:41:06,848 --> 00:41:10,233
who's just like,
making stuff up, like,
"god told me..." you know?
882
00:41:10,285 --> 00:41:14,037
And so, I said, "all right,
lord. Like, I need you to
confirm this for me.
883
00:41:14,072 --> 00:41:16,355
I need you to confirm those
for me
884
00:41:16,374 --> 00:41:18,708
because I wanna be
with this man and...
885
00:41:18,743 --> 00:41:21,194
This seems to be the man
you've made for me.
886
00:41:21,213 --> 00:41:23,296
It seems that I was made
for him."