1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:07,709 ♪♪ 2 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,711 [ Tires squeal ] 3 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,843 ♪♪ 4 00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:13,278 [ Growls ] 5 00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:15,547 [ Screaming ] 6 00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:18,552 ♪♪ 7 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:21,845 Any last questions before I send you back in time to 1888? 8 00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:25,018 I do, Agent Garcia. What is it that we're 'sposed to be doing? 9 00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:27,028 I wasn't paying attention because you're boring. 10 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,430 Yeah, you're boring. 11 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:29,862 Oh, okay, we'll go through it again. You see -- 12 00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,826 Somebody named Black Bart is stealing horses -- 13 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,995 from time itself. -[ Clears throat ] 14 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,604 If we don't stop him in 1888, 15 00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:37,195 civilization will cease to exist because... Okay. 16 00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:39,367 ...horses were the building blocks of American society 17 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:41,566 in the late 1800s. -Are you prepared? 18 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,278 I've studied everything there is to know 19 00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:44,680 about Black Bart and the Old West. 20 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,011 I'm terrific at rounding up posses. 21 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,047 And I'm great at killing things with my gun. 22 00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:52,222 Ah, but you can't kill things when you time travel, Branski. 23 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,522 You see, there's a butterfly effect and wh-- 24 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,523 Yeah, yeah, we get it. 25 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,415 You can't kill anything because of time travel. 26 00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:58,917 Can I at least kill horses? 27 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,729 Your mission is to save the horses. Hmm. 28 00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:03,461 Have you ever, in your life, cared 29 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,427 about another living creature? Nope. 30 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:07,695 How 'bout this -- you can kill aliens 31 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,604 or anything not from this Earth. Okay? 32 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:12,096 -Okay. -Okay. Heh. On your way, then. 33 00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,939 Good luck. Mwah. 34 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,914 Mwah. Mwah. 35 00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:20,453 M-m-m-m-m-mwah. 36 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,780 Why do you have to be so boring, Garcia? 37 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:25,816 One of these days, you'll make a friend. 38 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:31,218 Branski, we're in 1888! 39 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,428 All this just to save some stupid horses. 40 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,390 I've been practicing all the colloquial phrases 41 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,798 of the time -- check it out. 42 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,630 How do, sir? 43 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,625 I'm right heartily pleased to make your -- 44 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,597 -[ Sneezes ] -Ugh! 45 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,766 Ugh! 46 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:44,803 [ Dry-heaves ] 47 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,968 Bandit: Sheriff! [ Horses whinnies ] 48 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:49,737 I'm rightly taking that there horse on behalf of Black Bart. 49 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,476 But it's our last doggone horse! 50 00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:54,912 Easy partner, no killing. 51 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,918 Remember what that boring guy said? 52 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,480 Garcia... 53 00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,648 Get off your horse and fight me like a man. 54 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:03,017 Get off your feet and fight me like a horse! 55 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,356 Okay. 56 00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,362 [ Grunts ] 57 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:09,655 [ Horse whinnies ] 58 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:12,356 Black Bart'll be here tomorrow at high noon 59 00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:14,529 to kill y'all and snake your final horse. 60 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,168 [ Horse whinnies ] 61 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,504 Sheesh. 62 00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,008 Black Bart and his boys have ruined town. 63 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,470 They ride in from Jagged Gulch, steal our horses, 64 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,339 and terrorize the people. 65 00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:26,707 Not human. [ Organs squish ] 66 00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:27,776 Not by far. 67 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,514 Finally! Something to kill. 68 00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,649 I didn't think anybody could stop Black Bart. 69 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,385 Until this buckaroo came into town, 70 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:34,720 ripped one off his flesh saddle, 71 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,794 and another came out of that there horse vagina. 72 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,893 That's the kind of courage this town needs. 73 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,390 Here's the official sheriff's horse, Autumn Gold. 74 00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:43,959 Treat him well. 75 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,027 We should take the fight to Black Bart before high noon. 76 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,866 I'll scout out Jagged Gulch on this dirty, disgusting horse. 77 00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,702 We're going to need help taking on the gang. 78 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,967 And that'll be in the skin 79 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,405 of a classic old-school western posse. 80 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:57,341 Assembled by yours truly! 81 00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,877 [ Retches, groans ] 82 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,383 And, Jen, just have fun in the Old West. 83 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:05,575 [ Groans ] J.A.S.O.N., scan symptoms. 84 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,649 J.A.S.O.N.: Typhoid fever, symptoms accelerated. 85 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:08,747 Prognosis -- positive. 86 00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,158 99% chance of full recovery 87 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,690 with immediate treatment of penicillin. 88 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,885 -[ Cheers ] -Hooray! 89 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,257 Penicillin hasn't been invented yet, you dumb [bleep] 90 00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:17,596 [Bleep] 91 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,731 Chubbie, you're gonna have to invent penicillin. 92 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,226 I need you to buy all these ingredients. 93 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:24,398 It's expensive -- do whatever you need to get the cash. 94 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,709 Yes! Sell that ass, Chubbie. 95 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,842 [ Strained ] Sell...that...ass... 96 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,378 Oooooh, yeah! 97 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,453 [ Saloon music playing ] [ Laughs heartily ] 98 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,622 [ Music stops ] 99 00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:39,748 Which one of you dastardly dudes 100 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:43,586 wants to join my posse to take down Black Bart? 101 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:46,123 Hows about you, partner? 102 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,759 [ Grunts ] 103 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:51,764 [ Music resumes ] You made me walk backwards! 104 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,068 Better get you cleaned up, Autumn Gold, 105 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,230 if you want a guy like me riding you. 106 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:57,869 Yeah, there you go. 107 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,444 Huh, your mane is quite exquisite. 108 00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:03,643 And your coat -- silky and smooth. 109 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,307 I've never felt this way about an animal before. 110 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,476 Black Bart's never taking you. Ever. 111 00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,145 I get it now -- we have to save the horses. 112 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,324 [ Grumbling ] 113 00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:15,553 I tip my bonnet to Chubbette. 114 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,058 [ Moaning ] She's making top dollar 115 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,790 screwing all the ugliest, diseased scoundrels in town! 116 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,787 Contrary to what I said earlier, 117 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,329 I'm terrible at rounding up posses. 118 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:29,365 Just look at me -- I'm an alcoholic. 119 00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:33,167 Need a rock tosser for your posse? 120 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,666 You've got it all figured out. 121 00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:41,147 [ Humming ] 122 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,911 It hurts! It hurts! 123 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,319 -What is it? You have an STD? -Ow! Ow! 124 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,422 But we don't need the penicillin anymore, Chubbie. 125 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,124 Can't you see, we're both fine! 126 00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:52,315 Typhoid fever, Stage 2 -- Hallucinations. Death imminent. 127 00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,259 -[ Whines ] -Follow me, Chubbie! 128 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,534 Remember, I know how to handle things in the Old West. 129 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:05,665 Excuse me sir, where in tarnation is that Black Bart? 130 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,883 You don't say. Much obliged. 131 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,113 Hubba-bubba-bub-bub-bub! 132 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,705 [ Hawk shrieks ] 133 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:16,147 Chubbie, stop acting crazy. 134 00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:17,482 You're embarrassing me. 135 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,047 This way... 136 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:26,556 [ Shivers ] Chubbie, this is the roller-coaster line. 137 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,163 Black Bart is actually a roller coaster. 138 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:35,165 Ow, ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 139 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,843 Black Bart, I was about to get Autumn Gold, 140 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,035 but someone got in the way -- 141 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,576 someone stronger than the others. 142 00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,751 Are you saying that he is stronger than me?! 143 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,181 [ Grunting ] -[ Choking ] 144 00:05:49,215 --> 00:05:51,175 Nobody's stronger than Black Bart! 145 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:54,147 -[ Whines ] -[ Chokes, exhales deeply ] 146 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,747 [ Bodies thud ] 147 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,220 Boy, that Black Bart is scary. My heart's racing. 148 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:02,589 Good thing you have a classic western posse to back you up. 149 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,729 Who the heck is this? 150 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,233 Rock-throwing Rick! 151 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,865 Black Bart is taking all the horses into who-knows-where. 152 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,171 Autumn Gold stay here. French, stay here. 153 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,273 Useless rock guy... 154 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,744 Rock-throwing Rick. 155 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,112 ...also stay here. [ Gun cocks ] 156 00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,880 Sometimes you gotta kill a horse to save a horse. 157 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:25,820 ♪♪ 158 00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:34,792 [ Gun cocks ] 159 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,832 [ Horse whinnies, gun cocks ] 160 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,141 Aah! 161 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,912 He used my head! 162 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:55,054 Everybody in the posse was essential, including me! 163 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,821 I'm sorry I doubted you, Rock-throwing Rick. 164 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,950 You're a hero. I hereby concede leadership to you. 165 00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:02,786 What do we do now, Sheriff Rock-throwing Rick? 166 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,322 Let's go through that darn magic thing 167 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:07,627 and save those darn horses from that darn Black Bart. 168 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:15,330 ♪♪ 169 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,798 [ Machine beeps ] 170 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,342 [ Babbling ] 171 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,744 Chubbie, don't be crazy. We can't get out of line. 172 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:26,676 Man: Purify toxins. [ Gasps ] 173 00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,483 Where... where am I? 174 00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,575 -Oh, yeah! -I'm cured! 175 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:31,817 Chubbie, you saved us! 176 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,691 [ Machine whirs ] 177 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:37,061 Horse-ificaton process. 178 00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:40,525 [ Bell dings ] 179 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,590 Huh? Chubbie, you idiot! 180 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,259 You turned us into horses! 181 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,027 Gimme a break, lady. 182 00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:47,465 Branski: Black Bart, that bastard. 183 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,670 He's turning these beautiful creatures into monsters! 184 00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,042 What should we do, Rock-Throwing Rick? 185 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,340 Partner, I'm fresh out of rocks and ideas. 186 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:56,773 But I reckon this here French has the gumption to take this darn base down. 187 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,509 Thanks, boss. If you ask me, 188 00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:01,845 we have to gain access to the ship's mainframe. And save the horses. 189 00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:03,451 Then set the ship to self-destruct. 190 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,323 -And save the horses. -And then save the horses. 191 00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,687 That's the part I like. 192 00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,021 Follow my lead, boys. 193 00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:12,586 I'll follow you anywhere. 194 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,730 What now, Sheriff Rock-throwing Rick? 195 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,533 Maybe do something to that shiny thing. 196 00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:19,725 Of course! 197 00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:22,996 Who's the leader of this here posse? 198 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,696 That would be me, a-and I don't mind telling you, 199 00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:26,337 I'm darn proud to be. 200 00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:28,342 Me and my boys are here to stop your horse-thievin' ways, 201 00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:31,614 and if you have somethin' to say, you need to say it to m-- 202 00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,750 Heaven awaits, boss. God bless your soul. 203 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,723 [ Gun cocks ] 204 00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:42,491 I heard about you -- you're supposed to be strong! 205 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,692 I'm strong, but I'm also strong enough to know when to be weak. 206 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,685 You trying to confuse me? I'm the strongest! 207 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,027 Ain't nobody stronger than Black Bart! 208 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,900 What the hell you gonna do with that? 209 00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:56,404 Branski: Shh. It's gonna be okay. 210 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,566 I'm gonna shoot you! 211 00:08:57,604 --> 00:09:00,374 Whoa! Nobody's shooting anybody. 212 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:01,766 [ Horse cooing ] Hey! 213 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,738 Shh. Does that feel good? Ohh, it looks good. 214 00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:05,606 You are a gorgeous steed. -Thank you! 215 00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:08,745 Almost done now. You're special. Means a lot to me! 216 00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:10,751 Self-destruct sequence initiated. 217 00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:13,793 Hey, whoa! What?! How dare you?! 218 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,924 Nobody's getting off this ship alive! 219 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,786 And I took your brush! 220 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:30,636 [ Sobbing ] 221 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,800 [ Yells ] 222 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,069 Self-destruct in 30 seconds... 223 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,608 We'll never get out in time! 224 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,614 Let's go! Hop on! 225 00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:40,976 French, mount my niece! 226 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,314 We're getting out of here on time -- 227 00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:44,278 and most importantly, saving the horses! 228 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:47,817 [ Alarm blaring ] 229 00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,894 French! Jen and Chubbie are horses! 230 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,722 -Wow! Hah! -Ow! You mother [Bleep] 231 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,089 [ Gunshots ] 232 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,827 Uncle Mark, you have to -- [ Grunts ] 233 00:09:56,863 --> 00:10:05,273 ♪♪ 234 00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,238 That's all of them. 235 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,579 [ Bullet clinks ] 236 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,114 Not all of them. 237 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,020 They got you, Autumn Gold. -No! 238 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:21,987 Autumn Gold... 239 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,716 ...I love you. 240 00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:33,327 [ Gunshot ] 241 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,344 Damn, I missed. 242 00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:54,024 ♪♪ 243 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,553 -Ow! Ow! -Ow! Ow! 244 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:59,218 -Aah! Stop it! Stop! -Ow! 245 00:10:59,258 --> 00:10:59,288 ♪♪