You are the boss of you.
Let me say it again.
You are the boss of you.
Sounds pretty simple.
Because it is.
All you have to do is master one small thing.
Yourself.
You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say,
"Hey, you.
I'm the boss of me." "I'm the boss of me."
Yes. - Yeah.
You know, folks come up to me, and they say,
"Terry, this all sounds great, but it's easy for a guy like you
with insane self-control.
What about the rest of us?"
Friends, the secret to self-control is one simple thing.
That one simple--
simple--
Uh...
The hell?
- Uh-- Uh... - Never in my whole life.
As I was saying, the one simple--
No! What's happening to me?
Someone help me!
Oh, God.
Get this thing off me!
All right, thank you. LAFD.
Make a hole. Coming through.
It looks like we're looking at a possible 5150, Cap.
Sir? Hey. Everybody, give him some space, okay?
Sir, whatever is going on here, y-you don't have to hurt yourself.
Do you think I wanna hurt myself?
It's my hand. It has a mind of its own.
I think he's suffering from alien hand syndrome, Cap.
- That's not a real thing. - Mm-hmm.
It's a really rare neurological condition
that causes a person's limbs to act out seemingly of their own will,
and it usually indicates urgent brain danger.
Okay. Buck, Eddie, get up there. See if you can help him restrain himself.
Let's get him--
Okay. Here we go. Okay.
All right, I'm thinking lorazepam.
And five milligrams of lidocaine. Aim for the ulnar nerve.
He's, uh-- he's stronger than he looks.
It's not me. It's it.
Oh. Oh. Thank you.
- Get it away from me! - Oh! I got it, I got it.
Please. Please just cut it off. Sir,
is there any chance you've been treated for epilepsy?
No. How about blood clots?
Any recent contusions or bruises?
Not until today.
What about irregular heartbeat?
Uh. Yeah, I had a ablation four weeks ago for my A-fib.
What? Sir,
I think it's possible your heart threw a blood clot that went to your brain.
So I'm having a stroke?
I believe so. But we should be able to get you to the hospital
before there's any permanent brain damage.
Oh! Hey, hey!
Hold on. Okay. - I'm sorry.
I got you, Buck.
Oh!
- It's not me! - Ooh! It's me!
Help! God! Ooh!
Yeah, let me get in there. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Wait. I can't--
Ow. It hurts!
Wait. All right.
Did you kill it?
No, I just put it to sleep. Lidocaine acts as a numbing agent.
I am so sorry.
It's all-- It's all good.
I am so sor--
Oh, that hand didn't do anything.
Left hand didn't know what the right hand was doing.
Aw. Don't you wish you could just shrink 'em back down to this size?
I'd be okay with just shrinking her down to this size.
She never even got a chance to wear this.
Okay. We have nine, 12, 18 and 24 months.
This should hold you over for a while, but if anything doesn't fit...
- Keep it anyway. - Well, we will definitely
put all of this to good use.
So thank you.
You guys must be so excited. A little girl.
I know.
I mean, how perfect is this little face?
Oh. Mmm. So perfect.
I can't wait until tomorrow.
Oh. Wait. It's Deidra.
She wants to see us.
Her grandmother changed her mind?
- But you said-- - I know.
She seemed pretty sure about her decision.
But when it came to actually signing the paperwork...
- She couldn't do it. - Mmm.
I'm so sorry. I know how disappointed you both must be.
A little girl gets to stay with family.
We can't really complain about that.
I have another thing I'd like to discuss with you.
There is another girl.
She's not an infant.
She's quite a bit older.
How much older?
She's nine.
Both her parents are deceased.
- And where is she now? - In a group home.
And, needless to say, that has not been an ideal situation.
But this girl is very special, and she's lost so much.
I just wanna see her get a chance to win.
And I think that the two of you are the very best chance I can give her.
When we get to meet her?
Well, yeah. So then, she got mad.
Uh-huh. - Mmm. Thank you.
Ah. Mmm.
- This was so good. - Yeah. I love this place.
Uh. Hey, what time does the movie start?
Uh, did we even pick one yet?
They have 18 screens. I figure we can decide when we get there.
Okay. Yeah, keeping our options open. I like it.
Nobody's looking at us, Evan.
- Uh, uh-- What? - We're just two guys having dinner.
- Nobody cares. - Yeah. I-I-I don't know what you mean.
You're a little tense,
but I get it.
We're in a pretty macho line of work.
But you'd be surprised how accepting most people are.
Were you always out on the job?
Oh, no.
The 118 was a pretty regressive place under Captain Gerrard,
and I was still figuring myself out.
It was only after I transferred to Harbor that I stopped lying about who I was.
Yeah, I-I'm not lying about who I am.
I didn't say you are.
I was talking about me.
Okay, listen, this-- this is my first date with a dude,
but I'm not weirded out, you know?
I mean, I-I'm an ally.
Uh, every Pride Month,
I-I put a rainbow on my Instagram. I'm-- You know--
Oh. That's good.
Then I guess it's just me that makes you nervous.
Tommy.
Hey.
Buck.
Hey, you two guys are hanging out. That's so great.
Yeah, we're grabbing a bite, and we're gonna go see a movie.
Nice. - And then we're gonna go find
some hot chicks.
Uh, 'cause, you know, hot chicks love firefighters.
Well, this hot chick already found her firefighter.
- She agreed to move in with me. - Hey, congratulations.
Uh, yeah, yeah, c-congrats.
- Thank you. - I thought you owned your place.
I'm thinking of renting it out.
Keep on telling her she can rent it furnished.
- Then we wouldn't have to move anything. - You're gonna have to make room.
You want me? You get my armoire too.
I guess you can never have enough closet space.
Ain't that the truth? Right, Evan?
All right. You guys have a great night.
Uh, yeah, yeah. You-- You too, bro. Take care.
You ready to go?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
So, uh, 16 screens, huh?
Eighteen.
Wow, that's s-so many choices.
Hey, is this-- This is ours?
No, it's mine.
I think I'm gonna skip the movie.
Why? What do you mean?
Evan, I think you're adorable.
But I don't think you're ready.
I'll see you around.
This is Mara.
Hi, Mara. I'm Denny.
And that's Hen and that's Karen.
- Welcome, sweetheart. - We're so excited you're here.
It's okay. You can look around. Make yourself at home.
These are her things.
The clothes inside are clean, and there's an extra pair of shoes.
She's not traveling with a lot.
No, the blanket is the only thing that she had left from before.
Do you like that spot?
Has she always been nonverbal?
No, not always.
When she first came to us,
she let us know how much she loved that blanket
when we tried to wash it. Oh.
Here. I thought you might like this.
His name's Herman. He was always my favorite.
Maybe he could be your favorite now.
Okay. Who's hungry?
Come on, Mara.
I think that's a good start.
So, you lied to Eddie?
Yeah. And it's, uh-- it's kinda tearing me up inside.
So, tell me.
Chimney's not here, right?
No, he took Jee to day care.
So, the other night I-I had a date.
Ooh. Anyone I know?
No. Uh, I don't think so.
Anyway. We-We picked a place kind of out of the way.
Or so I thought.
'Cause we're sitting there, and Eddie and Marisol walk in.
Okay.
So Eddie knows this person,
and I guess I'm feeling caught off guard 'cause I lie.
I make it seem like we're just hanging out.
Are you dating a married woman?
What? No. I would never do that.
Is it a celebrity?
Who it is isn't the point.
The point is I lied to my best friend's face.
Okay. So why do you think you did that?
I don't know.
I-- It's like it was my voice, but-- but someone else was talking.
The lie just slid its way out of my mouth, and I-I couldn't stop it.
It was humiliating.
And my date was right there,
and, as you can imagine, the night ended pretty quick.
He left me standing outside the restaurant,
and I just-- I feel like a fraud.
Um, I'm sorry. Who left you outside the restaurant?
My date.
Can we go back to the pronoun?
Uh, yeah, okay. I was-- I was on a date with a guy.
Again... [sighs] ...not-- not really the point.
Mmm.
Could be very much the point.
Well, it shouldn't be though, right?
I mean, uh, I'm an ally.
I've-- I've always been an ally.
So-So, now you're-- you're more than an ally.
It was my first time.
It was dinner and a movie, and I didn't even make it to the movie.
- Wow. - What "wow"?
No, not wow.
Like... [cheerfully] ...wow.
I didn't think that that's where your interest would lie.
I didn't either. I love women.
I-I've always loved women.
How long have you been leaning in the other direction?
I haven't. Not specifically.
I mean, sure, I'll check out a hot guy's ass, but that's normal.
Uh, it's-- it's not abnormal.
With Tommy... [sighs] ...I don't know.
He-He's so confident, you know? He's interesting. He has a cleft.
Wait. It's the same Tommy?
Yes. Uh, the-- the pilot.
- Eddie's friend. - Uh, recent friend.
We-- We met him at the same time.
Okay. I don't think you're a fraud.
I-- I just think that maybe you're not sure of your own feelings yet.
And if there's something that you need to tell Eddie, you will.
Just in your own time.
Yeah.
So, tell me more about the hot pilot.
So, that was fun.
That was. Mmm.
Aren't you glad you moved in?
- We were doing that before I moved in. - Uh-huh.
Yes. But now, one of us doesn't have to leave.
- I'm gonna go rinse off real quick. - Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Ooh!
Maybe we should go through your boxes and weed some things out.
Don't want to bring any duplicates, do we?
They're not duplicates if mine are clearly better.
Hmm.
What is that?
Oh, you're kinda cool.
Stop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
I wonder what else you've got.
What the--
When were you a nun for Halloween?
That wasn't Halloween.
That's from when I was at Sisters of the Holy Order.
Hey, uh, wait. Y-- You were really a nun?
Nearly. I only made it to novice.
I never took my final vows.
Having flashbacks to middle school.
You're not gonna spank me with a ruler, are you?
Only if you ask nicely.
Hungry?
Pancakes or French toast?
Here is your water bottle.
Nobody else is allowed to use it except you. Okay?
Would it feel better if I put a light on for you?
Okay, well, I'll just leave this lamp on,
but the switch is right here if you want to turn it off.
Okay.
Night night.
Ow.
Mara, what is it, sweetie?
Is something wrong?
Did you have a bad dream?
Why don't I come back to your room with you?
Okay?
Mara, Mara! Mara! Mara!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mara! Mara! No, look, it's okay.
Mara! Mara!
Quick reminder: stations are on schedule tomorrow.
Quick reminder: stations are on schedule tomorrow morning.
Hey.
Ah, so-- so listen. Um.
I just wanted to say...
that you are here early.
Yeah.
- Been here since 6:00. - Our shift doesn't start till 9:00.
I left the house early to avoid not having sex.
To avoid not having sex?
Yeah. She likes it in the morning.
Let me ask you a question.
Was your family very religious when you were growing up?
Uh, we were Episcopalian. So, no.
Well, I come from Catholics. Latin Catholics.
Rosary beads, Catholic schools,
confessions, mass every Sunday.
I went until I was old enough to tell my folks it wasn't for me.
I thought that was the end of it. I guess it wasn't.
Turns out I'm a Manchurian Catholic.
I just got a reservoir of Catholic guilt,
just lying dormant, waiting to be activated.
Like Sea-Monkeys.
No. [panting] Okay.
So, Marisol moved in this weekend, right?
Started to. And everything was really fun, kind of naughty.
Especially since Christopher was out of town for a couple days.
And then I found out she was a nun.
Oh.
Really? A-- A nun? Yeah.
And she never mentioned that before?
Nope.
Well, d-does she wear the outfit?
'Cause I-- I feel like that would be a giveaway.
No, she's not currently a nun.
She was a nun. Or a nun-in-training.
Uh, she never actually took the vows.
So, she dropped out of nun school?
More or less, yeah.
Or was she expelled?
No, it was her choice.
Okay. So what's the problem?
The problem is I can't look at her without wanting to do this,
instead of other things.
In fact, I haven't been able to, uh, you know, since I found out.
- Which is why you're so pent-up. - Yeah.
Well, I wish I could help.
Episcopalians don't have guilt, which I don't feel great about.
Uh, maybe you should appeal to, uh...
What? You think I should go to confession?
You think a priest is gonna make me feel better about all this?
No, I-- I think you should go to Cap.
He's a practicing Catholic.
That's true.
And he never makes you feel judged.
That's actually good advice, Buck.
I'ma do that. Thanks.
Uh, yeah, no-- no problem.
Hey, you look like you wanted to tell me something when you walked in.
I-- I was just gonna see if you needed a spot.
Nope, I'm done here. Should probably get ready.
This might help.
Yeah. Mmm.
That and maybe a handful of ibuprofen.
You got a headache?
More like an everything-ache.
How's the little one settling in?
Something happened to that little girl, Cap.
Last night, she had an episode.
Some kind of night terror, maybe.
I ended up sleeping on the floor next to her bed.
Ah. I was gonna suggest looking into a new mattress.
Maybe what you need is carpet.
She's only been with us a day and a night,
but she hasn't uttered one single word.
A day and a night's not very long.
I'm sure when she realizes she's safe, she'll open up.
Yeah.
That's what I keep telling myself.
Oh, God. I gotta call Karen.
What the hell happened to Denny's face?
Breakfast didn't go quite as planned.
A projectile coffee mug made an unexpected landing.
- Is he okay? - He swears he's fine.
I am. I promise.
She didn't mean it, Mom. It's not a big deal.
You're a good kid.
How many stitches?
Seven. Doctor said we got really lucky.
Did they do an X-ray? He could have a occipital fracture.
X-ray was clear.
Did they check for nerve damage or concussion?
Would you like me to get the doctor back so you can interrogate him directly?
I'm sorry. I just--
I wish I was there.
Me too.
So, h-how did we go from cereal to stitches?
It was pancakes, and--
I honestly am not sure.
One minute, Denny is setting the table,
and the next, he's bleeding.
I think he tried to move her blanket.
And that's the way that she reacted?
- Karen-- - When can you come home?
Soon. I think we have a lot to talk about.
Yeah.
We do.
What do I even say?
That w-we need to talk.
That we're-- we're in over our heads.
That-- That this isn't working out.
Is that what we're saying?
Because that sounds like the start of three different conversations.
Okay. What do we want from Deidra?
Absolution?
Hen.
I know, I'm--
But, I mean, it-it hasn't even been a week.
We have a responsibility to Denny.
And to Mara.
Things will only get worse if we wait long enough
for her to get attached to us.
You think that girl gets attached to anyone?
I don't know what's inside her head.
I wish I did.
Okay.
Hello. - Hi, Deidra.
It's Henrietta Wilson.
Doesn't look like any of the sisters at Saint Peter's Prep back in Minnesota.
Yeah.
Obviously, she doesn't look like that now.
But when I first saw it--
No, no, no. I understand. I do.
The imagery from our faith is a powerful thing.
There's a reason it's been around for over 2,000 years.
Except I'm not sure I can say it's our faith, Cap.
I don't know what I believe in.
Lapsed Catholic's still a Catholic.
Though, I can't help but wonder
if this reaction isn't just you having second thoughts
about asking this woman to move in with you.
Is that what you think it is?
Well, you haven't really talked about her in a way that would make me think
you're considering cohabitating.
I really like her, Cap.
I don't doubt that.
I just-- I remember you telling me
about things getting real with Christopher's teacher.
Anna. Yeah.
And that's when you started having your panic attacks.
- So you think I'm a commitment-phobe? - Hmm.
You don't seem to have a problem committing to certain things.
Military, this job, your son.
Shannon.
Reminder that all paramedics' paperwork
needs to be approved before submission.
Get it signed off before you turn it in, guys.
That was a lot of the reason why we got married. The church.
She got pregnant, and I think we both felt pressured into it.
But I never regretted it, and even when things got really bad,
there was always a part of me that loved being married to her.
I'm not gonna tell you how you feel about Marisol, Eddie.
Only you know that.
Okay. So shoot it to me straight.
As a practicing, confession-going Catholic,
if it were you, what would you do?
As a practicing, confession-going Catholic, what would I do?
I would probably go to confession.
I wouldn't want to piss off her ex,
the Lord.
Captain Reinhardt, 205, requesting an RA unit to 236 Alameda.
Is there a victim of the structure fire?
No, a dog attacked one of my firefighters!
Over here!
Hey, guys.
Brunson, how bad did you get it?
Uh.
Practically down to the bone.
Tore right through your turnouts. Must've been a big dog.
Yeah. She's a Doberman.
It's my fault, not hers.
She's locked in that back room because she kept getting out.
I was trying to grab her. I guess that's what I get.
Is she still in there? Uh, yeah.
Our guys know.
Look, you may need a plastic surgeon, Brunson.
I am so sorry. She was a rescue.
She was used for fighting, but she's really very sweet.
I mean, we were doing so well.
She was really making progress.
I-I don't even care about the house.
I can't believe I had her trapped in there.
I'm sorry I couldn't get her out.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Sir!
Oh, my God, Rosie!
Breathe through it. Breathe through it, Brunson. There you go.
I was supposed to take care of her.
She was finally supposed to be safe with me.
I need you to step aside, okay?
Come on.
There's movement!
There's movement in the scalene muscles.
She's trying to breathe.
Starting compressions.
Come on, Rosie.
Come on. Come on.
Hen.
Breathe.
There she is. There she is.
There's a good girl. My girl.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
My sweet girl. Thank you. Wow.
You don't give up, do you?
Those words are not in her vocabulary.
Now, this is everything that I could find on Mara's parents.
There's more than a few holes, and I think some records were sealed
because it involved a minor.
Mmm.
Thank you so much, Athena.
Are you sure you wanna read it?
Now, you told me that you and Karen wanted to do right by Denny.
Nothing in here changes what she did to him.
I know. I just...
Everybody's given up on her.
I don't want to be another name
in a long list of people who have failed her.
Not until I can understand how we got here.
You are not wrong about everyone failing her.
After reading this, I'm not sure this girl ever had a chance.
Mara's parents. Wade and Aubrey Driskell.
Apparently, they were high school sweethearts.
Not exactly Romeo and Juliet.
It's more like Bonnie and Clyde.
Criminal record dating back to when they were teens,
mostly drug-related or drug-induced, and almost always together.
They died the same night?
Opioid overdose.
Paramedics estimated that they had been dead for several hours
before their bodies were found.
Wait. How did the paramedics find them?
Someone called 911.
Just press play when you're ready, and I'll be outside if you need anything.
- Thanks again, Maddie. - Yeah.
911. What's your emergency?
Hello? Is anyone there?
This is 911. Do you have an emergency?
I think something is wrong with my parents.
Okay. What's wrong?
They went to sleep, and now they won't wake up.
Okay, sweetheart. Tell me your name.
- Mara. - Mara, do you know your address?
612 West Adams Street.
Okay, honey. The paramedics should be there any minute.
Mara, can you tell me if your mommy and daddy are breathing?
If you put your hand near their faces, you should be able to feel air
coming out of their noses.
I don't feel anything. They're not breathing.
Mara, help will be there really, really soon.
I just need you to keep helping me until they are, okay?
Okay.
Mara, does it look like your parents got hurt? Are they bleeding?
No.
Sometimes they take pills that make them sleepy,
but they always wake up.
I don't know why they aren't waking up.
Mommy? Daddy? Wake up! Please!
Please, wake up!
Mara wasn't just watching us sleep.
She was afraid we weren't gonna wake up.
She was trying to protect us.
It's Marisol again.
She wants to know what I want for dinner.
What do I tell her?
Uh, sushi.
The menu is not the issue.
She's expecting me to come home.
Which you do have to do at some point, don't you?
Do I?
Well, you live there and so does your son.
Yeah, but he's away for the next couple days.
What if I come home and she wants to have...
Well, you'll get through it somehow.
Not with God watching.
Was he not watching before?
Yeah, but now I feel like he's got eyes on the ground.
Gonna have to break up with her.
Is-- Is that what you want?
No. I just asked her to move in with me, and all her stuff's still in boxes.
I don't know, man.
You and Tommy have the right idea.
Stay single.
Hang out with the boys.
It was a date.
When you and Marisol ran into me and Tommy.
We were on a date.
- Really? - Mmm.
Wait, Tommy's gay?
Uh, that never came up while you guys were hanging out?
No-- No. I mean, not that it would have mattered.
Sure. I-I don't think he volunteers it, but, uh, he doesn't hide it.
So you two were...
We were on a date. Yes.
Okay.
Is that weird?
No. Absolutely not. I mean, I like him too.
I mean, just not the same way as you, evidently.
This doesn't change a thing between us.
Okay?
Good. That's, uh, a relief.
Although I guess it doesn't really matter anyway, 'cause, uh, he dumped me.
Wow. That's fast, even for you.
I guess he can't really dump me 'cause we weren't together.
Uh, basically, when we ran into you guys, I kind of made an idiot of myself,
and he said he doesn't think I'm ready.
Hmm. What do you think?
I kind of can't stop thinking about him.
Well, you know what I think?
You should call him.
- Really? - Heck yeah.
He doesn't know you're an idiot.
Once he gets to know you and know that you're an idiot,
he'll love you like we all do.
What if he says no?
Then he's an idiot.
Don't walk away from something before you even know what it is.
That sounds like some good advice.
Yeah.
I gotta talk to Marisol.
Come here.
Come here!
Call Tommy.
Don't even wanna know what's in there.
Hey.
You're home.
Yeah.
Uh, sorry I was late.
It's okay.
It was only 12 hours.
- Did you eat? - I had dinner with my brother.
I didn't feel like cooking.
Good. Good.
Uh, I think we should talk.
Yeah, we should.
Um,
I'm just, uh-- Um--
Just, uh--
Uh, honestly, I-I don't even know where to start.
I should have told you about the nun thing.
Why didn't you?
Because no man has ever looked at me the same after they found out.
There's two types of guys.
The ones that get freaked out by it,
and the ones that get a little too into it.
Maybe there's a third.
Uh, the kind of guy who just needs a minute.
You don't need to slow-walk it. If you're not ready for this...
Yeah, I, uh--
I don't think I am.
Yet.
So here's something you don't know about me.
Um, this moving too fast, I do it a lot.
I-I just go with my gut and let my head catch up later.
Does that usually work out for you?
Almost never.
But this time...
I'd really like it if it did.
Can we just start over?
Yeah, go back to the beginning
and take the time to actually get to know each other.
So we're gonna start over?
I can't wait to move out.
Me either.
Can I come in?
Is it okay if I sit here?
I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.
To be in a strange house with people you don't know.
I think I'd be scared all the time.
Which is how I know you are a very brave girl.
But I want you to know
that you don't have to be brave all the time.
That you're safe here, even if it doesn't feel that way yet.
So, until it does, this is for you.
Now, you can always watch us
and know we're here and know we're safe.
Okay?
Night night, Mara.
Night night.
We'll see you in the morning.
♪ Tall tales unfolding ♪
♪ A great sky to keep your secret Safe with me ♪
♪ Deep winter beholding ♪
- Uh, hey. - Hey.
Thanks for agreeing to meet me.
Of course.
Uh, I-I got you a coffee.
Thanks.
Um, I-I didn't know how you take it, so I-- I just took a guess.
Mmm. So not like that.
Seems there are a lot of things we don't know about each other.
Practically everything.
Well, I-I would like to change that.
First, I-- I need to apologize for the way I behaved the other night.
You have nothing to apologize for, Evan.
Uh, no, I-- I do.
No, I didn't cut things short because you behaved badly.
I did it because I didn't wanna pressure you.
Still, the way I reacted was not my proudest moment.
Noted.
Uh, s-so you said before, um, that-- that you don't think I'm ready.
The truth is, I don't know what I'm ready for.
But I am ready for something.
And-And I think maybe that something could be with you.
You already know that I'm interested.
Come with me to my sister's wedding.
- What? - I want you to be my date
at my sister's wedding.
- Evan. - Come on. I'm-I'm serious.
Listen, you already know half the people there,
and-and she wants to meet you.
Are you absolutely sure about this?
Yes, I'm sure.
There's gonna be free food, and I need someone to dance with.
- Okay. - Yeah?
- Yeah. - Okay, great.
They're half an hour late. Dad, anything?
Straight to voicemail.
Buck's car just pulled up.
Okay! Okay.
Is Chimney in his tux?
I didn't see.
It's fine. Okay.
How is it?
Oh! No, no, no.
Don't let him come in here. He can't see me until the ceremony.
Why are you dressed like that?
Uh, it was a-a themed party.
What was it? Pastel and puke?
No, '80s. I'm Crockett, he's Tubbs.
He's Tubbs, I'm Crockett. And this isn't my puke, I don't think.
Okay, whatever. Can you just go and get changed?
You're over half an hour late.
Where's Chimney?
It's complicated.