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[easy listening jazz playing]
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[crockery clinking]
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The Oldest Waiter in the World
by Alex Moreno.
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I wouldn't impose,
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but my therapist said
I should put myself out there more.
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You have a therapist?
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She's more a life coach.
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Oh, God, I hate this town.
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It's a... It's a sitcom.
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Starring you?
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Oh, no. I... I'm thinkin' someone younger,
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maybe Judd Hirsch.
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Okay, I'll be sure and give it a read.
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Thank you.
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- Hello, Alex.
- Hello, sir.
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Not him.
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Not me, what?
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Don't worry about it.
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All right. Norm, this is Martin.
Martin, Norman.
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A pleasure.
I've heard so much about you.
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So you're December.
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- [Sandy] Uh...
- Excuse me?
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Well, there's a May-December thing
going on, right?
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- Oh... Yeah.
- You're December.
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[chuckles] Okay, I got you.
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I'm lookin' at you, I don't see November.
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Well, let's say I'm just...
Just after Thanksgiving.
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[chuckles]
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So, what do you do?
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I was a high school teacher, retired now.
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Ooh... Retired, that's bad.
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And why is that bad?
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Are you kidding? He might as well
take a bath with a toaster.
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Why would I want to do that?
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[rattling]
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Thank you, Alex.
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- Martin, what are you drinking?
- What's that?
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This is Jack Daniel's and Diet Dr Pepper.
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Maybe a vodka martini with a twist.
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- See that? That's how a man drinks.
- [chuckles]
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Marty, it's a known fact
that the life expectancy
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of men who retire is slim to nothing.
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Hang on. You're mostly retired.
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No. I'm very much involved in
the day-to-day operations of my company.
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I've just learned to delegate.
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When was the last time
you were in your office?
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There's no need to.
We talk on the internet. We use WhatsApp.
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Oh, we... Uh, you use WhatsApp?
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Yeah. It's encrypted. End to end.
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[scoffs] Don't listen to him, you're fine.
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Well, up to a minute ago, I thought I was.
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Listen to me, Marty. Can I call you Marty?
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You know, I actually... I go by...
mostly by Martin.
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Marty, get a job.
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Any job. Your very life depends upon it.
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[laughs] Well, I just had a checkup
and my doctor said I was in good shape.
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Well, Dr. Norman
says you're on the way out.
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Is this thing with Mindy serious?
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They're living together, Norman.
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That's no good.
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She should try that eharmony thing.
Meet somebody with a future.
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Does he get that I'm sitting here?
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He doesn't care.
Something inside of him is broken.
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Ah, here we go.
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Thanks.
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See, now, that...
That's a guy who should retire.
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That's a guy who'll outlive you.
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A toast.
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To Mindy and Marty.
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May they have many happy months together.
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See? Broken.
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Oh, boy.
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That was amazing.
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Yeah, I told you.
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I think the last time
I had liver and onions, I must have been,
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I don't know, probably ten years old.
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- Is it as good as your mom's?
- Oh, my mom's was awful.
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She would incinerate meat,
turn it into shoe leather.
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- Mm.
- Oh, yeah.
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That was Depression-era cooking.
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People would buy the cheapest cut of meat
and burn it to get all the parasites out.
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Well, whatever the reason,
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if it weren't for ketchup,
I wouldn't be alive today.
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Huh.
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I was in college
the first time I had steak medium rare.
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I couldn't believe how good it was.
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I called my mother and told her.
She completely lost her mind.
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[chuckling]
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She started screaming
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that I should drink vinegar
to kill all the tapeworms.
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- Well, did you?
- Yeah. She scared the pants off me.
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You know, sometimes I have dreams
that my folks are still alive.
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That I'm having conversations with them.
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Me too. Vivid dreams, right?
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Oh, yeah, like they were never gone.
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Hmm.
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Yeah.
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My parents are still alive.
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Well...
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Goody for you.
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No, it's not like
they're the picture of health or anything.
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You know, they're not...
They're not doing well.
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I'm gonna...
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Where does a guy
brush his teeth around here?
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All right. Excuse me.
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Why is he here, exactly?
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I thought you two would hit it off.
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Yeah, well, swing and a miss.
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Give him time, he's got a good heart.
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Did you know he was at Woodstock?
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Oh, yeah? In a band?
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- No, in the mud.
- So?
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So, it's a, uh, cultural touchstone.
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It's, uh, something we share.
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Not with me.
I went to the Newport Jazz Festival.
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Okay, something I share with him.
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I saw Miles Davis there.
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Okay, I get it.
You're more sophisticated than I am.
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You saw Country Joe and the Fish.
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I wasn't there.
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- So why are we talking about this?
- Because Mart... [sighs]
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Oh, never mind.
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Is there any news on the Madelyn front?
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No. She's being very cool to me.
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Sorry.
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That's all right.
The whole thing was foolish.
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Getting involved with a woman
at my age, uh...
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I should have known better.
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Boy, if I were you,
I wouldn't give up so fast.
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What am I supposed to do? I apologized.
I'm mending fences with Phoebe.
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[sighs]
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I think you need to do something,
you know, big. Like, a grand gesture.
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Like?
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An engagement ring.
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Are you crazy?
Eileen just died a few months ago.
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I know under normal circumstances,
you'd have a longer grief period,
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but let's be honest. [sighs]
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How much time do you really got?
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Apparently enough time to waste it
eating dinner with you
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and the roly-poly ponytail.
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Norman, if this woman makes you happy,
and I know she does,
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you should fight like hell
not to lose her.
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That's what Phoebe said.
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Well, there you go.
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Relationship advice from a drug addict
fresh out of rehab
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and a guy who's been divorced three times.
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How can you go wrong?
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[both laugh]
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Hey.
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Don't want to put a damper
on the evening, but, uh...
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I gotta say,
I don't... I don't feel so good.
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What's goin' on?
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Well, I was takin' a leak,
and I felt this... this sharp pain
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right... right here, like a...
like a heavy weight.
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What did I tell you? Retirement.
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[sighs] Really? Jesus.
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We just had a pretty heavy meal.
You sure it's not indigestion?
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I, uh... I... I suppose it could be, but...
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[groans]
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Try belching,
see if that relieves the pressure.
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[burps]
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- Anything?
- No.
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- Try farting.
- Norman!
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Gas doesn't care which hole.
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Try it.
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Okay...
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- Uh...
- Lift a cheek.
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- [groans]
- The other way.
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[groans]
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- Oh, boy.
- What?
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I just shit myself.
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- You're kidding!
- Mm.
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- No, he's not. He's not.
- Oh.
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Oh! Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Okay.
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All right. I'm calling this.
All right. Alex, 911.
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[groans] Sorry about this, fellas.
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Fuck it. You're gonna be fine.
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Cedars-Sinai
is right around the corner, right?
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God damn it.
I saved room for cheesecake, too. Oh!
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[exhales heavily]
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Feel a little foolish now?
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What?
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You said he had a good heart.
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You don't have to sit here.
You can go home.
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No, no, no. I want to see what happens.
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[sighs]
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- How is he?
- It was a mild heart attack.
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They're puttin' in a couple of stents.
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Doctor said not to worry,
you can probably take him home tomorrow.
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You might wanna bring him
some new pants.
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- What?
- Ignore him.
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I don't know which drug
you're sendin' through me,
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but keep it comin'.
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You know, it's funny, but...
when I started teaching,
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that was a noble profession back then.
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Teachers were a respected part
of the community.
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But now, no way, no sirree.
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Now we're the first people the police
visit when a child goes missing.
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And you know why? Because in this culture,
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right now,
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if you care about children,
if you care about their future,
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well, then there is, ipso facto,
something wrong with you, you know?
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By the way, if... if you're a bachelor,
if you're a single man, forget about that.
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Why, that's tantamount to...
Then you're... You're a pedophile satanist.
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You know, you... Oh, uh,
don't pass Go, don't collect $200,
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00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,333
you sicko pervert.
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00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,378
I... I'm a good person.
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00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:08,464
I'm not a pervert.
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Although I'm not adverse
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to a little finger in the heinie
once in a while.
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[sighs] Your father says
I should propose marriage,
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but I don't know, that seems
to me a little desperate.
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I'm thinking I could patch things up
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with maybe a nice gift card,
maybe Williams-Sonoma.
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00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:32,196
Norman, no offense,
but I'm kind of distracted right now.
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Because of Marty?
Don't worry, stents are no big deal.
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It's like snaking a toilet.
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Make him stop talking.
219
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,916
Oh, honey, I've been trying for years.
220
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,628
Okay, a little change of plans.
221
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We started to put in a stent
and decided he needed bypass surgery.
222
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- Oh, my God!
- But the operation went perfectly.
223
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:54,802
He's going to be fine.
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Oh, that's great.
That's great. Thank you, doc.
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A couple of weeks' rest,
he'll be as good as new.
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How can you say such a thing?
227
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,310
Excuse me?
228
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,647
He's a 66-year-old man with no job,
he had a heart attack,
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00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,774
and you're saying "good as new"?
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00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,861
What? I told him to go home.
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00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,697
Sweetheart, he'll never be as good as new,
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00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,940
but if you want him to be good
for a couple more years,
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put him to work.
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00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,244
Starbucks, Home Depot.
235
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,664
Anything other than, say, picking fruit,
236
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,042
because that can be brutal.
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When can I see him?
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00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,215
As soon as he wakes up. Maybe half hour.
239
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Thank you.
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00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,475
Anything else you want to say, Norman?
241
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,936
No. I think we've covered it.
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00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,691
[Lisa] Mindy must be a wreck.
243
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,443
She's pretty shook up.
244
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:53,611
Aww.
245
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:56,739
Well, I'll give her a call later,
see if she needs any help.
246
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,741
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
247
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,660
You okay?
248
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:06,666
Yeah, I just can't help thinking,
there but for the grace of God, you know.
249
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:10,169
Well, if you're worried,
call your doctor and get a checkup.
250
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,252
I'm not worried.
251
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:16,133
Well, um... What's...
What's "there but for the grace of God"?
252
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,011
Never mind, forget about it.
253
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,847
When's the last time
you had a stress test?
254
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:22,932
Um...
255
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,559
- Last time I had sex with you.
- Oh! Hm.
256
00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,704
- Came through with flying colors.
- [chuckles]
257
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:28,728
Well...
258
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:31,023
- Well, I came through it. Hm.
- [laughs]
259
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,775
You should just get a checkup.
260
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,694
Ah, I don't need a checkup.
261
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:38,656
I really wish you wouldn't do that.
262
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:40,824
Do what?
263
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:43,494
By bringing up the possibility
of me having...
264
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,080
cardio issues,
265
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,165
you're kind of inviting trouble.
266
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,249
So what,
267
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:53,295
having a conversation about it
is... is bad luck?
268
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:56,048
No, it's... it's not bad luck,
it's just that you're...
269
00:11:56,424 --> 00:12:00,177
[sighs] You're putting it out there
in the universe as a possibility.
270
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,847
It's better not to talk about it.
271
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:05,891
When did you get superstitious?
272
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,643
- I'm not superstitious.
- Oh.
273
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,354
I just have a healthy respect
for bad juju.
274
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:11,564
Uh, bad juju?
275
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:12,648
- [laughs]
- [sighs]
276
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,317
Regardless, you don't take your car
to the mechanic
277
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:16,861
when it's running just fine.
278
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:20,197
Yeah, you do when your car was built
in 1945.
279
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,992
[sighs] I should never have told you
my real birthday.
280
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:24,367
Yeah.
281
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:27,829
I'm sorry.
282
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:30,374
[chuckles]
283
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,466
You maybe feel like takin' the car out
for a little spin?
284
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:40,925
Really?
285
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,305
Are we done with that platonic bullshit?
286
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:47,641
I will give you three seconds
to rephrase that.
287
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,018
I would love to.
288
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,311
Hmm.
289
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:52,896
Much better.
290
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,734
I, um... Just need a half hour...
291
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,986
to digest my dinner.
292
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:00,528
Sure.
293
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,156
You know what?
294
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,658
Let's call it an hour.
295
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,620
- That stuff's pretty greasy.
- [both laugh]
296
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:11,957
Well, you're certainly looking better.
297
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,125
Thank you.
298
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:17,296
Wasn't sure what magazines you like
so I just took a guess, and, uh...
299
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:22,510
I just had a heart attack
and you guessed Cigar Aficionado?
300
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:26,222
There's an interview with Danny DeVito.
He talks about humidors.
301
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,515
Okay.
302
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:31,267
How's the soup?
303
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,437
The soup... It's fine.
304
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,899
Jerry's Deli.
Also brought you a pastrami sandwich,
305
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,318
but, uh, Mindy confiscated it.
306
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,654
Yeah. Because Mindy wants me to live.
307
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,197
Yeah, I get that.
308
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,242
But you still have to have
something to live for.
309
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,285
It's a little too late for that.
310
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,497
Sandy, let me tell you somethin'.
311
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,375
I have wasted my life.
312
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,126
No, no. Don't... Don't say that.
313
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,962
I never took any chances.
314
00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,213
I just... I played it safe.
315
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:01,590
I disagree.
You've helped thousands of kids
316
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,175
become productive citizens.
317
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,468
Oh, fuck 'em.
318
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,137
You're just being cynical
for what you went through.
319
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,766
A couple of weeks from now,
you'll be singing a different tune.
320
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,634
It's funny you would say that.
321
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:17,648
You know, I... I could have had a career
as a singer.
322
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,400
- Is that so?
- Yes.
323
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:22,653
Had a band in college.
Played keyboards.
324
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,783
Yeah. We did Allman Brothers
and the Stones, Jethro Tull.
325
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,785
- "Aqualung"?
- "Aqualung."
326
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:30,870
Stupid fuckin' song.
327
00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:36,166
"Snot running down his nose,
greasy fingers, smearing shabby clothes."
328
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,251
Who writes that?
329
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:39,461
Yeah, but he played the flute.
That was cool.
330
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,545
Played the flute.
331
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,506
So, why'd you quit?
332
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,092
Why'd I quit? My parents...
333
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,720
begged me to get a teaching degree,
334
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:50,139
you know, so I'd have something
to fall back on
335
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:52,516
in case the music thing didn't pan out.
336
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,227
- And you fell back.
- Like the French army.
337
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:59,690
So, my big dream of playing my rock opera
at the Fillmore East
338
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:03,360
somehow became
playing "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown"
339
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,362
at Blaine Weintraub's bar mitzvah.
340
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,531
- Yeah, that's another stupid song.
- Yeah.
341
00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,993
Try playing it for 200 people
eatin' pound cake. [snorts]
342
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,828
I wish I was more like you.
343
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,456
You had the guts to...
to stick with your dream.
344
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,499
Well, thank you. Thanks.
345
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,792
I mean, you stayed with it
346
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,795
long after it was clear
you weren't goin' anywhere.
347
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:23,756
Well, I... I wouldn't go that far.
348
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,008
No, it's true.
The writing was on the wall,
349
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:27,843
you refused to read it.
350
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,346
Thanks again. So, uh...
351
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,848
About your rock opera, what was it about?
352
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,434
[sighs] It was good, good story.
353
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:38,520
Blind boy falls in love
with a deaf girl during a nuclear war.
354
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:43,400
Cuban missile crisis, nuclear war.
I'm sensing a theme here.
355
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,487
When I was 14,
I got a blowjob in a bomb shelter.
356
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,364
Eh, it really informed my work.
357
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,157
- Duck and cover.
- Mm-hm.
358
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:51,991
A good play.
359
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,495
Eh, but, uh...
360
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:58,666
But I quit on it, because...
361
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,292
I'm a quitter.
362
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:04,588
No, no, no. Hey, come on, you...
you're being too hard on yourself.
363
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,216
And I put my whole heart and soul
into the thing.
364
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,300
I'm sure you did.
365
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:10,551
No, it was good.
366
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,931
♪ Can you see the mushroom cloud? ♪
367
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,184
[falsetto] ♪ Can you hear
The boom so loud? ♪
368
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,644
Then the whole chorus comes in.
369
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:22,481
♪ Fallout, fallout, fallout
While we fall in love ♪
370
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:25,776
- Catchy.
- Yeah.
371
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,572
Hey, Siri, call Dr. Shenckman.
372
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,033
Calling Dr. Shenckman.
373
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,410
[ringing tone]
374
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,620
[woman] Dr. Shenckman's office,
please hold.
375
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,706
- [sighs]
- ["Aqualung" plays]
376
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,082
♪..of his broken luck ♪
377
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,751
- ♪ Hey, Aqualung ♪
- [sighs]
378
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,461
Fuck it, it's a sign.
379
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,883
♪ Sitting on a park bench ♪
380
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:55,222
♪ Eyeing little girls with bad intent ♪
381
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:03,355
♪ Snot running down his nose ♪
382
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:10,195
♪ Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes ♪
383
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,990
♪ Hey, Aqualung ♪
384
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:27,337
♪ Whoa ♪
385
00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:30,049
♪ Aqualung ♪
386
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:33,469
[Eugene] You know what?
I really don't care anymore. We just...
387
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:37,389
Give her the house and the cars
and the dog
388
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,516
and my cock and balls.
389
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,603
What difference does it make?
It's all bullshit anyway!
390
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:45,354
Half?
391
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,316
Half the practice?
392
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,319
Uh... Sure, why not, you know?
393
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:53,155
Just four years of med school,
eight years of residency,
394
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:57,076
30 years of blood, sweat and tears,
how is that not community property?
395
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,495
- [beep]
- [woman] Sandy Kominsky's here.
396
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:00,621
[sighs]
397
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:01,704
Give me a minute.
398
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,667
Jeffrey, just give her
whatever the fuck she wants.
399
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,419
All right? I just want it over.
400
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,254
I gotta go. Bye.
401
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,049
[whimpers]
402
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:14,550
[sighs]
403
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,647
[sighs]
404
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,066
[banging at door]
405
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,149
Come in.
406
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:33,820
Thank you.
407
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,283
- Hey, doc.
- Sandy.
408
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,285
Hey, how you doin'?
409
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:42,204
A little nervous, but...
410
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,289
You're smiling. That's encouraging.
411
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,333
Yeah, I'm always smiling, you know?
412
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:49,002
Gotta maintain a positive outlook.
413
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:50,628
[sighs]
414
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,633
Let's have a gander
at those test results.
415
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:57,677
Ah.
416
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,346
Aaaaah.
417
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:04,935
[exhales]
418
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:07,771
Mm-hm.
419
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,234
Uh-huh. Oh.
420
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:13,652
Are these your kids?
421
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,989
Only on weekends and holidays.
422
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:21,617
Well!
423
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:26,039
You got, um, good news
and some bad news.
424
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:30,085
[chuckles] Why do you guys always do this?
You... Just tell me.
425
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,922
Sorry, just trying to keep things loose.
426
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,173
Tell me.
427
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:36,925
Fine.
428
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,886
Well, your heart is...
is perfectly healthy.
429
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:43,265
You've got no blockage in your arteries,
you got great blood pressure,
430
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,434
- all systems A-okay.
- [sighs]
431
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:46,602
Thank you. Uh...
432
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:49,813
And the, uh...
433
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:51,648
the bad news?
434
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,611
Can I just be a little loose?
435
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,236
Doc.
436
00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,532
Okay. Well, we found a spot
on one of your lungs.
437
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,455
What kind of spot?
438
00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:10,125
Well, we're gonna have to do a biopsy
to be sure,
439
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,002
but it's most likely cancer.
440
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:24,431
I haven't had a cigarette
in 40 years. I...
441
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:26,641
Good for you.
442
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,937
I still sneak one once in a while.
443
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,318
[sighs] Jesus!
444
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:41,656
Fuck!
445
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:44,743
[sighs]
446
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:49,706
Is it treatable?
447
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,667
[sighs]
448
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:52,750
I would think so.
449
00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:54,461
We caught it pretty early.
450
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:56,462
Okay.
451
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,548
Okay, so, um...
452
00:20:58,632 --> 00:20:59,632
Uh, chemo?
453
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:01,550
Radiation?
454
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,888
A lot of these questions
would be better answered
455
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:06,265
by an oncologist.
456
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:08,141
And I will give you referrals.
457
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,768
Thank you. Thank you.
458
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:13,021
"Aqualung," of course.
459
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:16,066
Can I keep working?
460
00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:19,027
Again, it's better to ask an oncologist.
461
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,656
Uh, but I would say some of the treatments
are pretty debilitating.
462
00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:25,492
So do you have someone
who can go through this with you?
463
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:33,875
I'm gonna have to make some calls.
464
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:38,212
[sighs]
465
00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:40,006
Okay.
466
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:42,258
Good.
467
00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,094
Yes.
468
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,097
Thanks, doc.
469
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:53,312
Call me with anything, but, uh...
470
00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:55,230
spirits up.
471
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,401
[sighs]
472
00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:08,909
[sighs]
473
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,581
Okay, don't tell me. Let me guess.
474
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:15,250
- You're in trouble with the IRS again.
- No.
475
00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:17,169
You fathered identical twins
476
00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:19,171
while you were doing Pippin
in the Adirondacks,
477
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:21,174
and now they've hunted you down,
they want money.
478
00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:23,675
No! Jesus, twins.
479
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:26,636
You shot a man in Reno
just to watch him die.
480
00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:28,847
- What?
- Johnny Cash.
481
00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:30,390
Okay, I give up.
482
00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:32,100
What can I help you with?
483
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:36,438
Uh, next week,
I start treatment for lung cancer.
484
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:39,232
Oh, God, Sandy!
485
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:40,984
Yeah. Uh...
486
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:44,613
Anyway, I might need some help
with the day-to-day stuff.
487
00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:47,032
Of course, anything you need.
488
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,035
Uh...
489
00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:51,119
Have you told Mindy yet?
490
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:54,456
No. And that's another thing,
I don't want her to know.
491
00:22:54,539 --> 00:22:57,084
She's got enough on her hands with Martin.
492
00:22:58,627 --> 00:22:59,627
Okay.
493
00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:01,754
In fact,
494
00:23:02,672 --> 00:23:03,799
let's not tell anyone.
495
00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:06,343
I don't want people
treating me differently.
496
00:23:06,676 --> 00:23:08,804
So, you're gonna do
the quiet, stoic thing.
497
00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:10,764
- [scoffs] Right.
- Okay, well...
498
00:23:10,847 --> 00:23:12,849
- let's see how long that lasts.
- Well...
499
00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:15,811
Can I ask you what the prognosis is?
500
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:18,146
Uh, uh... Did they...
Did they catch it early?
501
00:23:18,605 --> 00:23:21,358
Yeah. At least that's what they told me.
502
00:23:21,775 --> 00:23:23,276
Well, that's fortuitous, right?
503
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:24,568
I guess, eh...
504
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:27,864
- You gonna keep working?
- I'm gonna try.
505
00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:33,071
What are you gonna tell people
if your hair falls out?
506
00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:34,663
I asked about that.
507
00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:37,040
It may not happen
with this kind of treatment.
508
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:38,291
And if it did,
509
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:41,002
bald is hip these days, eh?
510
00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:42,754
[sighs] Yeah, I've noticed that.
511
00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:46,007
The other day, a young man at my office
512
00:23:46,091 --> 00:23:48,218
asked me what I use
to shave my head with.
513
00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:49,301
What did you tell him?
514
00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:52,305
I said every few days,
I soak my head in chicken fat.
515
00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:53,807
[laughs]
516
00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:56,518
- You're a bad man.
- Yeah, I know.
517
00:23:57,352 --> 00:24:00,105
I'm hoping he comes to work
smelling like broth.
518
00:24:00,188 --> 00:24:01,188
[chuckles] Yeah.
519
00:24:06,069 --> 00:24:07,737
We're gonna get you through this.
520
00:24:10,740 --> 00:24:11,740
I hope so.
521
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:13,242
No hoping.
522
00:24:13,493 --> 00:24:14,870
We'll just do it.