I get why you wouldn't want to live with your daughter and the ponytail,
but why not come stay with me?
I've got plenty of room.
Thank you. I appreciate the offer, but I like being in my own home.
What about your propensity to, uh...
How shall we call it? Swoon.
It's not a problem.
I just have to take my iron supplements.
You know those cause constipation.
Well, I've got supplements for that, too.
Your stool turns black.
I like that.
It matches my mood.
You're being foolish. I'm not just offering you a home,
I'm offering you companionship.
- What we got right here? - Yeah.
That's enough companionship for me.
More than that, I feel like I'm in a bad sitcom.
Or classic literature.
How do you figure?
We sit in my living room, we wait for someone who never shows up.
Instead of Garry Marshall, it's Samuel Beckett.
Well, thank you, but I'm... I'm staying in my house.
Fine. Be alone. Shit charcoal briquettes.
- None of my business. - Mm.
- What are you doing? - What?
You're in a fight for your life and you're eating Cheetos?
Oh, leave me alone, will you? I enjoy them.
You know who else enjoys Cheetos?
Cancer!
And you wonder why I don't wanna live with you?
[child] Chips! Chips! Chips! Chips! Chips!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Take it easy.
Shut up!
Anybody in charge of this brat?
You know what? Leave it alone.
Wait. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hey, hey.
You need to pick all of this up and put it back.
No!
Don't tell me no. Clean up this mess and...
Ow!
Goddamn it!
[laughs]
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- You need to calm the fuck down. Give it! - [yelps]
Get your hands off my child!
Well, you get your child under control!
Sandy, please walk away.
I'm calling the police.
Your little psychopath threw a can of Pringles at me.
Walk away, Sandy. Come on, walk away.
My husband is a lawyer. We're gonna sue you.
You see this guy here?
He's a lawyer. And he saw your kid assault me.
Entertainment lawyer. Contracts, mostly.
So, come on. You sue me, I sue you, let's see who wins.
What is wrong with you?
Madam! Ma... Your child.
This isn't over.
Don't make any more kids! You're bad at it!
- Montana! Montana! - Come on, come on, let's go.
Can you believe that? If I acted like that when I was a kid,
my mom would've slapped the snot out of me.
Calm down. Eat a Cheeto.
I would never dare to say this to a woman,
but I'll say it to you.
I think the medication you're on
is causing you to behave in a premenstrual fashion.
Blow me.
Change of subject.
Please.
The partners in my agency have offered to buy me out.
Really? How much money are we talking about?
Oof! I couldn't tell you the actual number.
You're too frail.
But I will say I'm entertaining it.
You gonna retire?
I thought you said that was a death sentence.
It is. Without a purpose in life,
men like us are two or three Clive Cussler books away from the grave.
I happen to like his books.
That's fine. Just... read slow.
[scoffs]
So, uh, if you retire from the talent agency, uh...
what's your purpose?
Honestly?
I believe the next step for me is the journey inward.
[coughs] Aw.
The spiritual path.
So, what? You're gonna go into some ashram in India?
Maybe I will. We'll see.
There's an old saying that when the student is ready,
the teacher arrives.
- And you think you're ready? - I do.
And the teacher is...
I'll know him or her when I meet them.
Cool.
- Yeah? - Yeah, really. Yeah.
I hope you find the answers you seek.
Thank you.
I've often thought that this world is just a dream that God is having...
You're not the teacher.
Or you're not ready.
[phone buzzes]
[sighs]
Hey, Mindy. What's up?
I just picked up some groceries on my way home.
Yeah, I remember what the doctor said. Norman's driving me.
He is.
She doesn't believe me. Say something.
You're such a dick.
I swear he's driving.
Uh, sure. About half an hour?
Can I ask what it's about?
Okay. All right. Well, I'll see you then.
Huh.
What?
She wants to talk to me, but won't say about what.
You don't think she wants to marry Old Man Shitty Pants?
[snorts]
You joke, but that would make me very happy.
Sure. You'd have a son-in-law you could beat in a foot race.
Oh, yeah, they're gonna love you at the ashram.
Oh, good, you're home.
Why? What's happening? Am I interrupting a robbery?
Uh, no, but I do have a surprise for you.
Robbie, come say hi.
Hi, Grandpa.
Robbie.
It's so good to see you.
Good to see you, too. What are you doing here?
I came to visit.
I thought I was persona non grata.
You were. And so was Mom.
Which is why I left the church.
Really? You quit the Scientology?
Yeah. I decided I no longer wanted to be part
of an organization that would keep me from you guys.
Isn't it great, Daddy? We're a family again.
Yeah, it's... it's wonderful.
Uh... Your father was okay with you quitting?
Oh... You didn't hear?
He dropped his body a few months ago.
He dropped what?
He passed away, Daddy.
Oh, that's horrible. I'm... I'm so sorry.
No, it's okay. His work in the MEST universe was done.
I'm sorry, uh, "MEST"?
Oh. Matter, energy, space and time.
- Ah. - We call it MEST.
- Ah. - But there's no reason to be griefy.
Greg is a fully exteriorized Operating Thetan.
If anything, his meat body was holding him back
from fully mocking up his postulates.
Are you following any of this?
Greg's dead.
Robbie's home.
[birdsong] [Sandy] Don't tell me.
You guys are getting married.
What?
Martin, you have my permission to marry my daughter.
Hey, stay out of my life!
What? You said you wanted to talk.
Not about getting married.
I... I did ask, Sandy. Believe me.
Martin, not now.
So you did propose?
Oh, yeah.
I got down on my titanium knee and everything.
You had that operation?
Everybody I've talked to said it's a godsend.
Oh, totally worth it. Are you thinkin' about it?
Yeah, for my hip. There's days where it's just agony.
- That was my knee. - Excuse me.
Can we talk about your crappy joints some other time?
Uh, just one more thing.
The worst part is the rehab, but you've gotta do it.
- Painful? - Excruciating.
But they had me up and walking first day.
- Incredible. - Yeah, it's really... It's a miracle.
Oh, come on!
- He's all yours. - Thank you.
I'd like to make some changes at the studio.
Sure. What do you have in mind?
Well, I'm thinking of bringing in some working actors
to be like, you know, guest speakers.
Okay. Um...
What would they speak about?
Uh... You know, the basics.
Um... scene work,
auditioning, finding an agent.
The nuts-and-bolts stuff.
Isn't that what I'm doing?
Well, um, kind of, yeah. Um...
But you have all these things on your plate now,
I thought it could be a good chance for you to...
take a breather.
What makes you think that I want to take a breather?
"Breather's" not the best word to use with the lung cancer.
I've got this.
[sighs] Dad,
you're exhausted.
You've been missing class, and when you do make it to class,
you're a little erratic.
Oh, bullshit! Name one time
I've been anything less than 100 percent professional.
The other day with Lane.
You was my brother, Charlie.
[sighing] You shoulda looked out for me a little bit.
You... You shoulda taken care of me
just a little bit
so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money.
[breathing rapidly]
You don't understand. I...
[breathing heavily]
I coulda had class.
I... I... I could've been a contender.
I could've been somebody,
instead of a bum which is... which is what I am.
All right. I... I gotta stop you here.
[sighs] Why?
Do you have any idea what you're doing with your hands?
What about 'em?
You're, uh, flitting.
The character you're playing is a boxer, a... a longshoreman.
These aren't the kind of guys who openly, uh, flit.
I'm sorry. I... I don't follow.
Really?
Okay. Can you follow this?
Rock Hudson, Raymond Burr,
Tony Perkins, Van Johnson, Cary Grant.
I mean, the list goes on and on.
I mean, even Marlon Brando, he dipped his toe in.
But they never put their predilection
on screen.
Are you saying being gay is a predilection?
Why?
Is that word against the law now?
Am I going to PC hell because I said "predilection"?
Or should I have said, uh... "hankering"?
Hankering for dudes?
I don't care what kind of medication he's on, he's being a cunt.
I was trying to help the kid out.
That kid was so upset,
he went in the bathroom and punched a hole in the wall.
- Good. - How is that good?
It means he locked his wrist. None of this... You know.
Oh, my God. Okay, come on. We're going.
Yeah, all right.
I'll call my knee guy, see if he knows a good hip guy.
- Martin! - I'm coming.
I'm the only one that teaches in my studio.
Well, it's not your studio anymore.
- You gave it to me. - Martin, how about a little help here?
Please don't make me choose, okay?
[door opens]
[door closes]
[Robbie] So you are not your body or your mind.
Those are things that you have, but they're not who you are.
So who am I?
You are pure thought. Spirit.
In Scientology, we use the word "theta," which is the Greek symbol for life.
- Theta? - Right.
And you are a thetan.
Thetan.
Well, I've been called worse.
Okay.
Um, I've gotta get to work.
You guys gonna be okay?
We will be fine.
Good.
I can't believe my little boy is home.
- Love you, Mom. - I love you, too.
- I'll see you later. - Okay.
[door closes]
You know, your mom's doing great. You should be very proud of her.
I am.
She made amends to me. It's one of the reasons I'm home.
Good.
So explain something to me.
You say you quit Scientology, but it sounds like you still buy into it.
Oh, I do.
The technology developed by LRH is amazing.
LRH?
Uh, L Ron Hubbard.
- Yeah, of course. Like... Like LBJ. - Right.
It's the organization that I walked away from.
They've, uh...
They've gotten off purpose.
I get that. That's... That's why I quit the Elks Club.
Grandpa...
what if I were to tell you
that you could be free of all your past pain?
All of your loss and suffering that weigh you down
and colors how you see the world?
I would say, "What's the catch?" Because there's always a catch.
And you would be right to be cynical.
But what if it's true?
What if, freed of our past trauma,
our full potential as spiritual beings is restored?
What if we discovered the truth of who we are?
Immortal beings who are smarter,
wiser, more joyful, more loving than anything we could have imagined?
That sounds pretty good.
It's better than pretty good. It's fan-fucking-tastic.
And I know this because I experienced it myself.
And that is the only test for truth.
Is it real for you?
You're a really terrific salesman.
I have a terrific product.
[phone rings]
Excuse me.
Sandy, can I call you back?
Mindy is using my health as some kind of lame excuse
to take my studio away from me.
What? That's terrible.
Listen, I'm a little busy right now.
My grandson's turning me into a Scientologist.
- What? - Yeah.
I think maybe he's the teacher.
Norman, don't do anything stupid.
That's a brainwashing thing.
Well, maybe my brain needs washing.
I'll talk to you later.
Now, as an immortal spirit, would I have any dietary restrictions?
What do you mean?
Well, can a thetan eat pastrami?
'Cause I miss it so much.
[phone rings]
[Lisa] Hello?
- Hey, Lis. Hi, it's Sandy. - I know.
Uh... [chuckles]
I'm kind of busy right now. Can I call later?
Yeah, sure, sure. I just needed to vent.
Well, I'm happy to listen, just, uh... just...
let me... let me finish up here.
What you doing?
Well, uh, to be honest,
I'm trying to sell my house.
What? Why?
Uh... You know, with... with Matthew gone now,
there's, uh... there's no real reason for me to stay in LA.
Well... [sighs] Well, what about, uh...
What about me?
What about you?
[sighs] Well...
I thought we were, um...
We were what?
We were, uh...
you know, good.
I'm looking to clear double what I paid for this house.
You'll have to do better than good.
Oh, well, um...
you wanna get married?
[laughs]
Really? You're throwing a Hail Mary pass?
Did you catch it?
No!
I'll call you tomorrow. [chuckles]
"You wanna get married?"
What is wrong with me?
[woman] When I was driving over here tonight,
I was thinking, what can I tell you guys that would be really helpful?
And what hit me was...
there are no secrets in our craft of acting.
Everything you need to know is available to be known.
You know, Daniel Day-Lewis and Cate Blanchett
don't have a book of secret tips.
Uh, what about Sandy's book?
Did you already buy it?
- Yeah. - Then don't worry about it.
I mean, sure, there are little tricks you learn along the way,
like how to pace yourself
so you have something left when the camera gets in close,
or... or who you should suck up to on set.
[chuckles] For me, it's the lighting guys.
You piss them off, you wind up looking like turkey jerky.
[laughter]
But those are just things you pick up. There's no art to it.
Yeah?
You smoked a lot of cigarettes in... in that movie I, Tonya.
About the skater.
Were those real?
No, they were clove cigarettes.
Clove.
Wow. I gotta say, so convincing.
Thank you.
It really... Yeah.
Anyway, what you need to stay focused on,
the real key to success isn't doing the work.
I'm sure you've heard that a lot, "doing the work,"
but what does it mean? What is the work?
How does an actor bring their character to life?
Sandy says character development
can happen from the inside or from the outside.
Isn't that nice?
What I do is start with the script.
I look for clues about my character, not just in her dialogue or actions.
How do the other characters in the story talk and behave around her?
Are they afraid? Do they love her? Hate her?
Then I ask myself if I can relate to my character.
If the answer is I do, great.
Then my behavior, my thinking, maybe even the way I speak
might be useful.
If the answer is no, I don't relate,
then I ask myself if I know someone like the character I'm supposed to play.
And then the obvious next step is to see if I can use that person's behavior.
[Sandy] I've got a question.
What happens when mimicry doesn't get you there?
What happens when you actually have to act?
Oh, Jesus. God.
I mean, I'm just asking.
I mean, when does the actor's imagination
become part of the process?
Where is the freedom and play
that comes from he or she
simply immersing themselves in a character?
Immersing themselves in the character. What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm talking about acting as an art.
I'm teaching them how to be artists.
You're teaching them to be unemployed.
When they enroll, give them food stamps.
- Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah. - Mm-hm.
Did you happen to notice the name on the outside of this building?
Did you see it?
It says "The Kominsky Studios." That's me.
Sandy Kominsky.
And they're all here because of me, Sandy... Kominsky.
Yeah, I saw it. You painted your own name on a window.
You wanna know what my name's on? I'll tell you.
One Oscar, one Golden Globe,
seven Emmys, seven SAG Awards...
Ooh!
Ooh! I'm supposed to be impressed by that?
I could give a shit what impresses you. Are you guys impressed?
- [all] Yeah. - [Mindy] Yes!
Okay, fine. You make a choice.
Who do you want to be your teacher, me or her?
Traitorous little bastards.
[engine starts]
Goddamn it!
- Hey! - [sighs]
What the fuck, man?
Now this is called TR 0,
and its purpose is to teach you how to be comfortable
in front of another person without doing anything.
That means no twitching, scratching, thinking, talking.
Just sitting and being.
Sitting, I can do. I... I don't know about the being.
Well, that's what this is for.
It's to train us how to be comfortable in any situation,
without getting caught up in our thoughts.
Makes sense.
All right. So, we're gonna do this for five minutes
and we're gonna see how it goes.
Eyes closed like in meditation?
Eyes open like in life.
All right, ready?
Start.
I'm uncomfortable.
That's okay.
Just continue.
- I hate this. - Not unusual.
Just continue.
- [doorbell rings] - Thank God.
Sorry to bother you, but we're looking for Robbie Schumacher.
And who may I say is calling?
Uh, we're with the Church of Scientology.
I see. And what do you want with my grandson?
He took something that doesn't belong to him and we want it back.
- Ted. - Please.
Okay, well, Robbie's not here.
- Oh, come on! - Ted.
Where do you think the lad might be?
How would I know? He hasn't spoken to me in years
because, according to you guys, I'm a suppressive person.
Well, if you happen to hear from him...
Oh, you bet. Anything to help the people who tore my family apart!
What'd they want?
Frick and Frack? You tell me.
Okay.
First of all,
I didn't take anything that wasn't owed to me.
And what was it that was owed to you?
[Norman] Oh, God.
How much?
Nine hundred grand, give or take.
How much are we giving or taking?
All right, it... it's... it's 1.3 million.
Oh, Robbie.
Look... I worked for them for nothing for ten years.
Fourteen, 15 hours a day.
This is my back pay.
Jesus. You are your mother's son.
[doorbell rings]
Not a good time, Sandy.
- Aww, let me in! What... - Anybody else out there?
- No. There's nobody here. - Come in. Come in.
- What the hell's goin' on? - Come here.
- Holy shit! - Pretty cool, right?
No, it's not cool. We have to give it back.
Why?
They won't go to the police.
- We could split it. - Three ways?
Sandy!
Because it's the ethical thing to do.
No. It... It's my money. I'm... I'm keeping it.
Robbie, listen to me.
You don't need this money, and I'm gonna tell you why.
You have a God-given talent.
You're a born salesman.
Yeah, I know.
I was the head registrar at Flag for eight years.
Listen. Do you realize how rare and wonderful that talent is?
You almost sold me on that cockamamie religion.
- I could see that you are a seeker. - Look at him! He's still selling.
Robbie, this money here is chump change
compared to what you could make as a Hollywood talent agent.
Being an agent is ethical?
Shush!
Trust me. I can train you.
You could become a real power broker in this town.
And when you're ready, you could take over my agency.
- I thought you were selling the agency. - You really need to shush!
Hm.
What do you say? You and me, peddling and packaging thetans
to suppressive corporations.
What's a thetan?
[shouting] I will tell you later!
Okay...
Say we were to return it.
How would that go?
I might know a guy.
Hey, Tom. Norman Newlander.
First of all, congrats on that last impossible mission.
Riveting. Thrill a minute.
And just so you know,
ten dollars of your domestic box office came from me.
Yeah! [chuckles]
Yeah, I got the senior discount.
[laughs]
Uh, yeah. So... So... Yeah... So, lis...
Give me a minute here, Tom.
So listen, kiddo. I need a favor.
If you exteriorize from the situation, you'd see we're both very, very lucky.
Exteriorize?
Yeah. Pop out of your head and see the situation
from the vantage point of a... an immortal spirit.
- A thetan. - Now you're getting it.
By taking control away from you,
Mindy assures the legacy of your studio.
The Kominsky name attains a certain limited timelessness.
Why limited?
Well, she's not likely to have any kids with Old Man Shitty Pants.
And Robbie will eventually do the same thing with my agency,
which gives me that sense of...
[sighs]
...purpose...
that I was looking for.
What about your daughter?
She's one Coors Light away from the gates of hell.
Let her sling yogurt for a while, we'll see what happens.
Most important is you need to use this time to get well.
That seems to be all that I do these days.
You know, I take medicine for this, get treatment for that.
It never stops.
[laughs ruefully]
It'll stop.
[scoffs]
[sighs]
Here's a funny thing.
Earlier this evening,
I got into a pissing match over the craft of acting
with Allison Janney.
I'd ask who won,
but we both know how you pee.
Cheers.
[sighs]
Cheers, buddy.