Nora Ephron once wrote,
"Men and women can't be friends
because the sex part always gets in the way."
But we're making it work, Love.
Keeping it simple.
We're friends.
Just friends.
Want you to know I wouldn't blame you.
It's a tough scenario when they go full sorority ho on ya.
Oh, come on. She's...
our boss.
And it's for the best.
Can you imagine what I'd do to Calvin if we were together?
Or worse, what I might do...
to you?
You leave me gifts every day.
I enjoy them as friendly offerings.
I can't let them mean anything more because you...
Oh, that is phenomenal.
We still spend time together.
Between your busy work schedule and volunteering at a soup kitchen...
you could use all the help you can get.
It's not that I don't want you.
We have a connection, something deep.
But the last time I loved someone...
Well, I can't risk repeating history.
So really, this is me protecting you by being your friend.
You see? This is easy.
Platonic.
Safe.
Just friends.
I don't know, man.
From what you're telling me...
it would be easier for you and this chick to...
smash.
Don't say "chick."
Lady friend?
You won't tell me her name, so...
You gonna guess or what?
T.
D.
S.
M.
Dude, slow down.
You'll be dead before you kiss the girl.
Hint, it's a place.
Madrid.
So is she pretty?
I'll be back at lunch.
Man, you could talk to me, the least you could do is talk to me.
You're living under a false name in a new city,
that's mega-lonely.
Maybe you could use a friend, too.
Like I said, I already have a friend.
I don't think you understand how friendship works.
Man, I'm just kidding.
How about a heritage grain bowl for lunch?
Oh, man.
That was great.
Okay.
Hi.
You can play. Just stay close.
- You want to play? - There you go, go on the slide.
I promise we didn't drag you here just to watch our child almost bash their face in.
Yeah.
We have news.
- We have a date. - For the wedding?
- Yes. - Oh, my God!
When? Where?
- October. It's a formality, obviously. - It's more than an formality.
- It's gonna be modest. - It's gonna be huge.
- We're on a budget. - We're not.
I want to make your cake.
- No. - No way, no.
That's too much work for you.
Your only job at this wedding is to drink and dance.
- Yeah. - Please? I mean, I'll be amazing. It...
Come on, it would mean so much to me. I...
Not to be corny, but...
baking is how I express my love.
- Don't do that. - Come on, don't break my heart.
- Of course! - Oh, fine!
-Yes! Yeah-yeah-yeah!
Oh, my God, okay, I am so excited. I have so many ideas.
And I have all this energy that I don't know what to do with.
Oh, there it is.
What is where?
You cook when you're happy and you only bake when you're frustrated.
Let me guess. Will Bettelheim flaked on you again.
Does he even exist?
And if so, I'm sorry to say it, but he's obviously not into you.
Yeah, well, that's impossible.
Okay, look, if you're determined to ignore the red flags,
then, yeah, you've gotta take your cues from him.
- Or a radical idea: Bumble. - True.
No.
But the second you start to feel desperate...
- Ripcord. - Yeah.
We'll see.
I'm definitely walking the line between desperate and, you know, shameless.
Will, hope you're not triggered by the word "moist."
Oh, it's like eating pure sex.
How am I supposed to resist this?
If only the universe would send me some sign,
some platonic way to stay in your good graces.
William fucking Bettelheim.
Can I get a different sign?
Love's buns, am I right?
Well, that's accidentally horrifying.
Your sister's very talented.
Whereas your twin brother literally reeks of privilege.
Who shows up to work unshowered?
Who shows up anywhere in a kimono?
So, I couldn't help but notice,
you are crushing it.
Like, customers are talking about books.
This is about Love, clearly.
Does he not know I'm not a threat?
But if I might humbly
make one suggestion...
Here it comes, some clumsy version of "stay away from my sister."
Journals.
You know, the muse strikes like lightning,
and the best ideas are always the ones that slip away.
You're a writer.
Director-producer, but writer first.
I almost forgot, this is LA. He's not interested in me,
he needs me to be interested in him.
You know, managing the store just kinda helps me recharge.
I've got five features in development,
two properties I'm chasing.
Love, I'm not stupid.
This mix of humblebrag and gibberish
is your douchebag brother's attempt to keep his enemy close.
Annapurna actually is set to produce,
and my dear friend, Daniel Day-Lewis,
is attached to this dope pitch I've been kicking around.
And last I checked, family automatically trumps friends
in the social hierarchy.
I need to win this guy over.
But DDL's oeuvre is not about that four-quadrant hero's journey bullshit.
So I'm, like, birthing the scenes
instead of impaling myself on the rocks of a three-act structure.
"A good story cannot be devised,
it has to be distilled."
That's Raymond Chandler.
Exactly.
Sport.
Come with me to Harold Night after work.
I'm talent scouting.
An improv show?
I'd rather watch a cat massacre.
That sounds dope.
Incoming... non-ironic brah request
for one William Bettelheim.
Gotta go. Gotta write my morning pages.
Maybe this is good, Love.
A benign thing that'll deepen our friendship.
Now we share a brah.
He's a social creature.
Never alone, therefore never working.
There you are, cute, innocent...
Where did he go wrong?
Forty wrote and directed a short film called The Third Twin...
...au pair one summer.
Uh, and so Love and I were making our own breakfast.
...that may have won a Grand Jury prize at Sundance,
and he hasn't done a thing since.
His inspiration evaporated in a haze of Hollywood parties
and VIP events.
Then at a certain point, those evaporated too.
Your brother is a sycophantic fame-grubbing Hollywood has-been,
so of course our first friend date
is in a sea of sweaty,
thirsty Hollywood outsiders.
You can't play that cello in here.
This is daycare.
-Wait, did someone move the symphony?
Young, hungry, and broke,
masquerading as actors-slash-writers-slash-directors
to take the pain out of being nannies-slash-baristas
slash-disappointments.
This room is a self-fellating ouroboros of desperation.
He isn't even watching. What are we doing here?
You're crazy.
All right, thank you!
-We are Trigger Warning!
But stay in your seats.
We've got a special treat for you.
It's a secret set
from someone you may know.
I knew it.
Henderson!
A-ha! That's who we're here for.
Hendy and I go, like, way back. I'm... I'm writing this role for him.
- My skirt was pulled up. - So you're saying Henderson...
All right, how many of you guys
have seen the movie and love the movie Love Actually?
-All right, get the fuck out.
I'm serious, I don't want you laughing at my shit
because then I'll be second-guessing my taste.
All right? All right, strap in
and get ready for a 15 year old cultural staple
that's more cancerous than my actual cancer.
Um... So just, like, five minutes,
I promise, just long enough for me to reconnect with Hendy.
Okay, hang on a second.
From what you know, is he...
Is he a good guy?
Oh, yeah, he's like, the best.
I mean, he used to be kind of a party monster.
Um, then the cancer, like, really set him on, like, a higher path.
Just... Okay.
Jonah, man, long time no see, dude.
Um, I just have some business with Henderson.
No, no. You've got some balls, Quinn.
Come on, man. Like, you're a manager now.
You're not a bouncer.
I'm... I'm sober now.
Then take Henderson off your amends tour.
Okay, well, I'm sure if you just let me speak to him...
What, you're gonna let her through? What is she? 13?
- Are you serious, man? - Ellie.
Oh, no.
Yeah, thank you. Appreciate it.
Fucking manager.
Five years ago, that guy was Henderson's weed dealer.
And he would not know talent if he was choking on its dick.
- Cool. - Let's just go.
I would follow your brother, but I think you'd agree,
I need to follow the unprotected 15-year-old first.
What's up, you need a ride home?
Um, nah, I'm good. I'm a few blocks away.
-No candy from strangers, huh?
Have fun.
-Ellie.
You scared me.
Oh, okay, this cannot be our thing.
What, are you following me?
- No, I was at the show. - Why?
You're not funny.
I was with a friend.
Listen, I have to ask.
Uh, hanging out with Henderson, you know, your... your sister has...
history with him.
Oh, my God.
Did Delilah put you up to this?
Yeah, 'course I know she slept with him.
He's one of a hundred, she's one of a thousand.
- So why are you hanging out with him? - I'm not.
I'm chasing an internship.
And Delilah's okay with that?
I stole Henderson's email from her contacts.
Don't you dare tell her.
- Ellie, you know guys like that... - Guys like what?
Wait, let me guess. She called him a perv.
Know who else she called that?
Half the fucking cast of Sesame Street, okay?
It's her go-to. And who do you think you are?
Oh, my God, you're so kind.
You're so protective. You're like my daddy.
- Is that what you like to hear? - No.
- Do you want to fuck me, William? - No.
- No, yeah, of course you do! - Never mind.
Of course you do!
Everybody wants to fuck the 15-year-old!
Oy, she's precocious, all right.
I'll leave the parenting to her sister for now.
Especially because I have caretaking needs of my own.
Cafe Gratitude.
What's the occasion?
You got laid, didn't you?
Tell me everything.
U.
You're an arm away from death.
Serves you right for changing the subject away from your lady friend.
Well, there's nothing to talk about, we're still friends.
Still platonic.
But why?
'Cause her pheromonal effect on you ceased overnight?
No, it's not that I don't still...
Well, what are you trying to prove?
That I won't repeat history.
With respect...
you need to see a shrink 'cause you are fooling yourself.
Your deal is we're all subconsciously trying to date our moms over and over.
Patterns are set young,
and all romance is basically reenacting parental dynam...
What? I'm quoting my shrink.
- Oh! - And... and he's right.
Both my mom and my fiancée are very withholding.
I'm sorry, are... are you married?
Engaged.
Her name is Gigi. She lives in the Philippines.
Is this the one you sent all your money to?
Yeah, man. I told you I love her.
We met online.
One day, we'll meet in person.
Will, you are 100% disqualified from giving me relationship advice.
It's Manila.
Well, yeah, I gave you the biggest hint ever.
Wait, hey, are we just gonna play games until my meds run out again?
If I have a future at this company,
corner office, natural light.
Transfer to another branch.
When I know, you will be the first to find out.
Wait, you're not eating?
No. No, the lady friend's a baker.
What?
Stop playing games and just wife her already.
Hey, and while you're at it, take her name and give mine back to me.
Hey, Love.
Hey. How's it going?
I'm already drooling.
Shit.
Well, that's embarrassing.
Were... were you expecting something?
What? No. No, I didn't mean...
It's not like I'm owed a muffin.
- A muffin? - Uh, a strudel.
Maybe a light religieuse.
Oh, great.
Three-hour project, I'll get right on that.
This is weird, right?
All I meant was that I'm grateful for whatever I can get.
Which is...
whenever you want.
- Or if you don't... - You're right, this is weird.
Shit. If I could kiss you right now,
you'd know I meant no harm.
But apparently, friendships are more fragile than relationships.
I'm sorry.
For what?
I just don't know what you expected.
Sport.
Hi.
So, uh...
Now that I know you're not a crazy person...
- I gotta ask. - And here it comes.
What are your intentions with my sister?
Apologize to you, marry you,
send your brother out of strangulation's reach.
Intentions?
Yeah.
Not to be all like, you know...
but um...
if you were to hurt my sister,
I could make life very difficult for you at the store.
Love and I are just friends.
Don't get me wrong, she's amazing. I'm the problem.
I'm kinda getting over some stuff, you know?
I'm working on myself.
Oh, shit.
Dude, are you...
Are you in recovery?
- Nope. - Kinda.
Man, me too. Which... which program?
SLAA?
Wait.
Just because I choose to live so openly does not mean you have to answer that.
I'm in AA, and you know...
for right now...
that's enough.
Thanks, man.
Yeah. You know, I um...
actually have this killer idea for, like, a psychological thriller
set in the world of celebrity rehab.
Let me guess.
An addiction counselor turns out to be a celebrity stalker?
Holy shit.
I think you just cracked it. Are you... are you a writer?
I'm just a reader.
Speaking of Love...
does she seem off to you?
I think I might have offended her.
I wouldn't sweat it.
She's, like, very wound up lately.
She's always baking.
But like...
who bakes for the baker?
You know?
Your brother's right.
I've been taking your talents and you for granted.
Maybe in my attempt to give you space,
our friendship's become one-sided.
Maybe I can feed you like you feed me.
Don't walk out on me! Ellie, stop right there!
Are you or are you not dicking around with Henderson?
Good, Delilah, set her straight.
Are you or are you not spying on me?
You were at his not-so-secret set.
Not exactly discreet.
- How much did you pay Will to follow me? - What are you talking about?
The house manager texted me. She's one of my tipsters.
Listen, Ellie...
Henderson is bad news.
- You need to believe me. - Why?
I don't even know what happened between you two
because you won't tell me anything about it.
Maybe because there's nothing to tell.
You're a walking after school special.
Hey, not everything is a story, okay?
You think everyone is damaged because you're damaged.
Matter of fact, you love damage so much,
you made it your full-time job,
and it turned you ugly.
Oh, hey.
One,
what the fuck are you doing creeping around my sister?
Two, why the fuck would you not tell me?
Delilah, I ran into her.
The last thing I wanted was any of this,
but so you know, I actually did try to talk to her,
and she said... she said it was harmless.
Oh, okay. Yeah, good neighboring, okay.
Did you reach her little heart
with your little words?
She's 15, Will!
Doesn't matter what she thinks because the age of consent is 18.
She said it was an internship.
Really.
How can I help?
Just...
stay the hell out of the way while I take down the bad man.
What are you gonna do?
Same thing Ronan Farrow does,
except faster and with a personal agenda.
It's only a matter of time before I Harvey the shit out of Henderson.
I have rumors and sources, and eventually I'm gonna have evidence.
- Her heart's in the right place.
I just wish I could trust Delilah to protect her little sister.
More to the point, I wish I could trust Ellie, period.
Full disclosure, I put some family-friendly spyware
on the new phone I gave her to protect myself.
Crazy the lengths parents have to go to to keep an eye on their kids these days.
- Now, it's going to help me... - It's a new phone.
...protect her.
I wasn't lying, Love. The last thing I want to be in is her business.
But I meant it when I said I'll make myself worthy of you.
That means not turning a blind eye to obvious cries for help from a child.
Here's what I've learned so far.
Teenagers' inner lives are, on the outside, boring
and borderline nonsensical.
In Ellie's defense,
she's smarter than her chuckle buddies.
Bottom line, though, Henderson's correspondence
seems as benign as the others.
She seems to be working for him.
He seems to respect her taste.
And all of their texts are about films,
which brings us to tonight's event:
obscure film screening with a group of mixed-gender adults.
Not my idea of a good time, but, I gotta say, harmless.
I think I can stand down, which is a relief because, frankly,
I've gotta focus on salvaging our friendship.
Let's face it, me baking for the baker
is a one-way ticket to a kitchen fire.
So I'm getting creative and I owe my inspiration to your brother.
Love and I were making our own breakfast
from total junk every morning.
Oh, no.
I stole it from work.
Don't tell my boss.
Okay.
Fancy!
Mm! It smells like absolutely nothing.
Well...
That, my friend, is where you are wrong.
S'il vous plaît.
Merci.
Et voilà!
Chilla Wafers?
I have not had this since I was a kid.
- Forty put you up to this. - Kind of.
But he neglected to mention you call them "Chilla Wafers."
Oh, yes. This is an art.
You take the challah, you soak it in the cocoa,
then you take that wet blob and you put it between two wafers.
- That sounds delicious. - Will, it is...
...terrible.
-Like, inedible.
Please don't actually try this.
It's the thought that counts.
And so, uh...
What is this called?
It's breakfast, it's lunch, sometimes it's dinner.
It was the best I could do as a kid.
Which, you know, well, uh, it's pathetic.
Anyway, try it. Try it.
Uh...
I'm sorry.
I am so sorry. I did not mean for this to be romantic.
Are you kidding?
I mean, look at this.
Are you a sociopath? I mean...
I told you, I'm... This is... I'm trying to not hurt you.
And I told you that's stupid and giving me zero credit.
Okay, I don't... I don't care what you think you are,
I care about your actions, what...
what you do.
And these mixed signals, I mean...
peak shitty.
Oh, Love.
I'd like to ask if you're okay,
but I don't wanna be accused of hitting on you.
What do you care?
I don't want the plants to be over-watered.
- Ellie, if something happened to you... - Oh, my God.
Just shut up about Henderson.
It's not his fault, okay?
- What do you mean? - We were all watching a movie.
There were snacks.
I ate...
something.
Next thing I knew, I was lying on the balcony.
Henderson was a good guy.
He chewed Jonah out for the edibles
and he even paid for my town car.
Ellie, are you saying you don't remember, like you lost time?
Don't.
You sound like Delilah.
Shit. You can't tell my sister.
She'll blow things way out of proportion. Please.
Please don't tell her.
Okay.
I won't tell Delilah.
I'll just have to do the parenting myself.
Tell me how to hack a celebrity.
I...
require more information.
Henderson. An underage girl.
Probably dozens.
That's all you need.
Okay, but hacking? What are you looking for?
Evidence he's a pervert, something that'll take him down.
Are you doing this for the baker?
No.
I'm trying to protect a kid.
No offense, but you don't strike me as the vigilante type.
Which means you're getting something out of this other than altruism.
Like...
sense of self-worth?
To prove you're a good person?
Will...
listen to me closely.
If you don't quit the faux shrink bullshit right now and help me,
I will know you are a bad person,
and I have no trouble doing bad things to bad people.
I...
bow to your superior self-justification.
I can probably hack the man,
but first I require two things.
One,
the dude's jacktop.
No celeb keeps gross shit on the cloud or their phone
since Celebgate 2014.
So if he's smart, he's got a dedicated perv device, hence...
Jacktop, okay.
What's the other thing?
A second laptop.
With WiFi.
Not a chance.
I need to download my tools, man.
Unless you know Python, Perl, Lisp...
There are ten ways you could send an SOS with one minute of WiFi...
Linux, Nexus, Hashcat...
Or I could teach you how to hack.
By the time we're done, your victim will be of legal age.
What is going on with you today, huh? What is this?
Don't blame me. You're the one who has all the time in the world to work out.
I've been swamped.
I've been managing our parents' store,
rewriting my feature,
and now I'm in development on False Promises with Will.
It's like Promises in Malibu,
but with fake people.
Yeah.
I get it.
Didn't know you two were spending so much time together.
Why are you so prickly about Will, huh?
Is something going on?
If something's going on, you should tell me
because... twinsparency.
You know, it's really funny
how you only seem to care about twinsparency
when you have nothing going on.
Wow! Wow!
Fuck that. Come on.
You know I'm just trying to protect you.
Why are you all up in my shit today?
Because you're avoiding.
You keep glomming onto people thinking that's what's gonna make you successful.
Will can't help you.
You need to help you.
Why don't you just do the work?
Or maybe you're threatened by the possibility
that Will and I could become closer than you ever could.
Good game.
Yeah, write a script.
Fuck.
The plan: get in Henderson's house,
get jacktop to Will.
Not my first rodeo, thank you, Peach.
But this one's a celebrity. Finding his place...
Surprisingly easy.
Oh, he bought his historic Hollywood Hills compound from dear friend Judd off-market.
Address unlisted, of course,
unless you look for Joshua Bunter in LA voter rolls, which are public record.
Libertarian. Fucking sleazebag.
Henderson's pad, built in the 20s, four-bed, three-bath,
original tile, shallow-pitched exposed wood ceilings,
and very high walls.
Scratch breaking and entering.
I need to be invited in.
Which means scoring an invite to a legendary Henderson party.
VIP only.
It's too bad my dear friend Forty is non grata.
No, I need to befriend somebody on the edge of fame.
Henderson's pre-celeb pals.
And what better place to find a nobody who thinks he's somebody...
than the improv crowd.
Cross-reference Hendy's Insta tags with Facebook
with people he ats on Twitter out of his hundred thousand followers,
and you find...
Freddy.
He's my ticket in.
But in order to become an insider in the cult of improv,
I've got to speak the lingo.
Freddy's whole thing is yes-and.
Only gets you so far.
Then the game of the scene takes over.
God help us.
Scenes are built on agreement.
Someone makes an offer.
Chucky said you want to kiss my peepee behind the swingset.
No matter what, you say, "Yes, and..."
Yes, I said that.
And...
I want him to watch.
Which is a great way to indoctrinate female teammates into Hollywood.
You want to be famous? You gotta be game.
Someday, if you're lucky enough, you can say yes-and to Henderson.
-All right, guys, that's our show.
Thanks for coming.
That was great. Good job.
I'm glad you could see me up there 'cause you could see me in my element.
Nobody advances in this cult with talent alone,
they climb with heat, connections,
and for that, I must channel my dear friend Forty.
Hey, Freddy.
Yeah.
- Great show. - Oh, thanks, man.
- You used to be in WolfJizz, right? - Oh, yeah, totes.
And that team had instant group mind.
Totes. I saw you at Del Close a couple years back.
Eugene said you were a must-see.
Oh, you know Eugene?
He's but the tip of a second-hand bullshit iceberg.
Man, Eugene is the best teacher
I've ever had.
Such strong initiations.
Like, I got to guest spot a few fuck around shows,
and watching him and Billy and Henderson mind-meld...
- It's church. - They're good, yeah.
You know? So I just moved from New York.
You and Hendy used to be on a Harold team, right?
Oh, Chudthumper? You know that?
- Yes! Your object work was brilliant. - That group was crazy.
Oh, thanks, man.
Hey, uh, speaking of Hendy, you know about the after-show thing at this place?
- No, but it'd be sweet to catch up. - Yeah, you should come.
Gate code is D-I-C-K-S.
- Classic Henderson, right? - Classic.
- I'll see you there? - Yeah.
Chudthumper...
Well, that was only mildly debasing.
Now, all I need is to slip in and out with a jacktop,
unnoticed in a stream of white guys.
I know, I'm using my privilege for good.
Old sport?
What are you doing here?
No. No way. Did he follow me?
I hit it off with someone at the theater.
Did you and Henderson make up?
Not yet, but I'm seizing the bull.
I'm... I'm doing the work.
I'm gonna pitch False Promises live and in the flesh.
So go ahead.
Poor bastard didn't even get an invite.
So much for unnoticed.
Forgive me, Love, I've gotta ditch your brother, ASAP.
"Dicks." Classic.
I want to know who from the Family got cut from the guest list.
Take care. Send me the pic.
See that chick? That's Henderson's agent.
- I'm gonna find a bathroom. - Okay.
It's risky to leave Forty in a force field of anti-sobriety,
but I'm not his babysitter.
I'm here for Ellie.
Tina.
Forty. It's been a minute.
Oh, what are you working on these days?
I'm so glad you asked.
I have got this psycho-sexual thriller
set in a, um, a celebrity rehab facility
that I think Henderson would be perfect for.
It's real, it's fucked up,
- funny, star vehicle... - Oh, wow. How does it end?
Well, you would need to know the beginning and the middle...
Wow, sounds promising.
- Yeah, let's set up a meeting and we can... - No.
Mm-mm. No way.
Why?
Forty, you know when people talk about having it?
You don't have it.
It is a combination of talent and work ethic.
And I'm telling you this to help you
because you can have ideas and nothing to say.
But here's the silver lining:
you're rich.
You don't need to struggle.
You could, like, finance indie films or something.
You'd be so good. You're so fun.
-Think about it, okay?
I love you. I'm trying to protect you. Mwah!
Mm-hmm.
Henderson's inner sanctum.
It's so... normal.
It's a certain kind of assault, but bad taste does not a predator make.
I wonder how many people Josh alienated
as he climbed the mountain to become Henderson.
And how many girls Henderson traumatized once he had all the power.
It's Chekhov's knife.
And as soon as we see it,
then you know throats are gonna get cut.
But we don't know whose, and we don't know why.
Sure, she's... she's cutting an apple right now,
but the audience is gonna be subconsciously terrified...
Oh, shit.
...for the human apple.
It's powerful, man.
Old sport!
I am pitching False Promises
to these fine fuckers,
and I'm on page six,
which now that I'm saying it out loud,
feels like page three.
I should leave, I should just leave,
go help Ellie, let Forty screw Forty.
Sport? Sport.
Forty, hey...
Forty, your sister's asking for you. Let's get out of here.
No.
Boo-oo!
Party foul!
Tell her... tell her I'm mid-pitch.
I'm en fuego. She'll get it.
Forty!
Please, let me take you home. Come on. You don't want her to see you like this.
- Yo, Captain Buzzkill! - Why not?
This is exactly...
what she expects, promise.
Do you have any idea how painful it is
disappointing someone who is that perfect?
You would be surprised.
Hey, you know what?
You need to be drinking that swill if you're doing blow.
- Get down. Hey, easy, easy. - Henderson, Henderson.
- Yeah, no, I have a pitch for you. - We got a lot of catching up to do, buddy.
All right? But let's just, uh, not mix business with pleasure.
Let's just call Tina and we'll set up a meet with the both of us.
Henderson's trying to help.
- No, I'm... I'm good. Let's talk. - No, no, I know you're good.
As a matter of fact, I'm the one that's tired.
Actually... Everybody, guys, I'm tired, so...
All right, whatever. Fuck you, young people.
I'm in my 30s, I'm down a nut, and I need my eight hours, so good night!
Did this guy just tank his own party
to make Forty feel better about leaving?
- Oh, Henderson, man, I owe you an apology. - No, shh.
- I'm really sorry. - Hey, hey, hey. You're a delicious prince.
Okay?
Get home safe.
Bygones are bygones.
Here, I'll get you to Love's, okay?
No, no! No, please, please.
I don't... I don't want to go to somewhere funded by Quinn blood money.
Don't... don't you get the curse yet?
Okay, okay, then we'll go to mine.
- Okay. - All right?
Hey, buddy, do I know you?
Will. We, uh... we met at a party, Valley.
- Oh, the finger guy, right? Yeah. - Yes.
You're Delilah's friend. So you know Ellie.
Yes.
And...
she's very smart.
Did you just yes-and my small talk?
Yes, and I regret it.
Hey, keep practicing. That was really good.
She... Ellie is... Is she your intern or...?
Yeah, that kid is so, so smart.
Ah, it's the least a privileged white male asshole can do.
Hey.
- What did he take? - No idea.
It happened so fast.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
What did you take?
Would you mind putting on some tea?
I'm sorry.
There you go.
Do you think I'm talented?
Of course I do.
- That's why I push you. - But...
do I have to, like...
live in a shitbox like this to be a real artist?
Like...
where even are we?
Hey.
You're with me.
Always will be.
And that's all that matters.
What's the point?
Even if I made something really good now,
nobody is gonna care about it.
That's not true.
Whatever you write, I can't wait...
to read it
'cause it's gonna come from you.
I'm sorry I didn't look after your brother tonight.
It's not your job.
It's mine.
And Forty's fragile.
Life just keeps kicking the shit out of him.
Always has since we were kids.
Everybody sees the money. They don't understand he never...
He never had a chance.
Oh, when he was little, he was confident.
Creative.
So sweet.
Then, this one summer...
the year my parents launched Anavrin,
they left us with this...
fucking crazy au pair.
Forty saw way too much, too young.
Now I'm the one who picks up the pieces because...
he needs someone.
He's a good person.
He just does some bad things sometimes.
I'm sorry.
That's hard.
But that's love.
See, this is what I'm talking about.
I'm not perfect either.
Codependent brother...
A widow...
You haven't even met my parents yet.
You deserve better...
than another broken soul.
We're all a little broken.
Yet some pieces still manage to fit together.
-Shh! He's sleeping.
I told you.
We have to be quiet.
You're a different kind of woman, Love.
This time will be different.
I will never hurt you.
If anything, we can heal each other,
and I promise, I'll never take your cooking for granted again.
Morning, old sport.
How do you like your eggs?
Sunny side up.
And I will try my hardest to accept
being in a damn throuple with your brother.
How much longer?
Ask the shitty burner you bought.
Well, good news,
dude was easy to crack.
The bad news, the dude was clean.
It's impossible.
I scrubbed all his files, accounts,
search history, Pornhub.
Well, I did my job.
If I'm willing to put my faith in Love,
then maybe Ellie deserves the same trust.
She's smart.
How you feeling?
Embarrassed.
Hey, I'm really sorry I puked in such close proximity to you.
- Ah... - It was a bad edible.
So gross.
Thanks for not narcing me out.
It's on your list.
A bookseller gets murdered in the first 20 minutes,
so, uh... if it's too much for you, I'll understand.
All right, gotta get to Hendy's.
The hustle never stops, William.
You're gonna come home to the first book on your list.
- It's a hardcover. - I'm already bored.
For Ellie, something dark,
funny, ambitious,
a break from the dreck that crosses Henderson's desk.
Bettelheim.
- Oh, speaking of. - So here is the crusher.
I have been...
giving it some thought,
and I don't think False Promises is gonna happen.
It's a short story, not a feature film.
Oh, I'm sorry. That's a real shame.
It's okay. We'll think of something better, right?
A real showcase for Henderson.
My lunch with him is still on the books for next week, so...
That's great.
Hey, can I ask?
What happened between you two?
You know, I don't actually remember much of the night in question.
I mean, there was not much at that party that wasn't in my system.
It was all gonna... come up eventually, right?
Just wish it hadn't been all over his secret toy room.
- Secret toy room? - Yeah.
It's one of those old Prohibition houses
with the hidden speakeasy doors.
Henderson has transformed it into this whimsical little...
creepy dungeon, I guess.
And I went full Exorcist on that shit, just like...
You said it's creepy.
Imagine if you collected kids' stuff,
yet also were low-key a bit of a fucking sadist in the sack.
- That. - A secret room.
Huh.
I'm disappointed I missed that.
Subtitle by Matheus Modesto