Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull M_I_SForEver
I don't know why this can't wait until I'm back.
Because you'll be jet lagged and won't want to come into town
and you'll end up in no shoes to wear to the wedding.
- You know, how about those? - No.
- What's wrong with them? - Horrible.
- What's horrible about 'em? - Everything.
It's just a basic, black shoe, isn't it?
- Exactly. - I can't get anything right.
You could let me wear my trainers.
You're not wearing your trainers.
Why not? They're black.
Hardly. T-pexed all over with that awful morbid rubbish.
It's not rubbish! It's Metallica.
It's not appropriate for a wedding.
It's poetry. People read poems at weddings.
Why don't I get some new trainers, then?
You are wearing proper shoes to this wedding.
A wedding of two people I've never even met.
You have met them, actually, Daniel, when you were two,
Judith saved you from choking on a grape.
I don't remember.
It was rather frightening, actually.
Your face went blue and your eyes sort of bugged out.
- Have that, then. - Nope.
- Is it nice? - Mmm!
- Could I have a little corner? - Every time!
Why don't you get your own one?
Just a tiny bit off the end, there?
- No icing. - Okay.
Mmm!
So six weeks in Florida,
what you most looking forward to?
What if the baby's born whilst I'm there?
How you feel about becoming a big brother?
Half-brother.
If I'm his half brother, then what does that make you?
Well, nothing, really.
Half... step-mum.
No, no, I'm just the baby's father's ex-wife,
I've nothing to do with it... him or her, I should say.
You were desperate for a little brother or sister
- when you were younger. - So?
I thought you would be more excited.
They'll probably name it something stupid
and American, like... Brooke.
Daniel, that's not very nice.
Or Brie.
Candy.
Yeah.
Guess what the temperature is in Florida.
- Ooh, high, I bet, is it? - I said guess.
- Well, it'd be hot... 31, 32? - 30.
Hmm, still, that's warm.
Are you sure you have enough summer clothes?
You'll bake in black, you know?
They got air conditioning.
Can I do the gears?
- No. - Why not?
Because you can't drive.
- Ky's mum lets him. - Hmm.
You're always telling me to try new things.
You know that's not what I mean.
- What do you mean, then? - Oh, I don't know, Daniel.
Olives?
Dad's going to let me drive his convertible MG in Florida.
Well, you're not driving the Vauxhall Astra here.
Hello, Riley!
Daniel, could you get that?
Hello? Hello?
I think they've hung u... oh, hello, Bernie.
Fine, yes, thank you and...
Yes.
Oh.
No, you have to do what you feel is...
Um, actually, it's best if I do.
Daniel.
Sorry, it's just he doesn't really like Danny.
I will.
Okay.
You too, bye now.
What does she want?
- Would you like a cup of tea? - No.
What did she say?
Um, your dad and Bernie, well... there... it's a...
it's a bit tricky, but... with the baby due so soon
they're feeling a little overwhelmed.
- They don't want me to come. - No, it isn't that they don't
want you, it's... bad timing.
They're gonna re-arrange in a few months
and that way you can meet the new arrival.
So I'm afraid you're stuck with boring old me for six weeks,
but we'll have fun.
I'm sorry, love, I know how disappointed you must be.
Get a load of these puppies...
this, my friend, is what happens when man becomes machine.
Since when do you lift weights?
Since I've been getting a date tonight.
And you're go ice skating with your cousin.
Yeah, but she's bringing her fit friend.
So it's not a date.
I think this calls for the hat.
You might want to put a top on first.
- What's Skull Slayer? - It's the name of my band.
- But you don't have a band. - I know, but when I do...
Well, how is that going to work?
- Do you play an instrument? - I'm gonna be the front man.
Well, that sounds extremely plausible.
Is Daniel ready?
Sorry to hear about his Florida trip... oh!
You must've been looking forward to a bit of you time.
Well, these things happen.
Hmm. Hope you didn't have to cancel any nice plans.
My only plan was to clear out the loft... a bit sad, isn't it?
Oh, no, a clear-out can be fantastically therapeutic...
clear loft, clear head.
Daniel seems quite philosophical about it all, though.
Does he? I think he's quite disappointed, to be honest.
Daniel!
He said he does understand his dad and step-mum's situation...
we had a good chat about it at lunch.
He's very mature for his age.
Gosh, that's very...
Well, what a nice thing to hear.
Don't you think so?
Yeah, I mean, of course his...
yeah, it's different when they're yours, isn't it?
You see all the bad moods as well as...
Daniel, love!
I'm coming!
Isn't all that energy just so... terrific?
Hi, boy.
Don't tell me you ain't got dressed all day?
I didn't have any clean clothes.
Or taken Riley for a walk.
I was going to, after lunch.
It's five o'clock! And what are you eating?
Is that ketchup?
Yeah, we've run out of everything else.
Will it kill ya to go to the shops?
I don't have any money, do I?
No clean clothes, no food, no money,
- oh, but plenty of excuses. - Just the facts.
Since you're so keen on facts, here are a few for you.
I've been at work all day, I come home to find you
still in your pajamas, the poor dog scratching at the door,
and instead of saying, "Hello, mum, how was your day,
would you like a cup of tea?"
you blame me for the fact you're too bloomin' lazy
to do a single thing for yourself.
Have you finished nagging, mother?
Do not talk to me like that.
Then don't be a bitch!
I don't want to be here, do I? I want to be in Florida,
where I'm supposed to be, with dad!
Morning!
I've had a wonderful idea.
You're going to look for a summer job.
Oh.
This morning you can work on your CV
and hand it out this afternoon.
- Okay. - I don't want any arguments,
I want you to get on and do it, please.
I said okay.
Oh. Good.
Have a nice day, love.
- Mr. Porter, isn't it? - Uh...
We met at Daniel's parency thing.
Yes, of course.
Bagnold, Daniel Bagnold, is my son... 10J.
Very nice to see you again... Daniel Bagnold's mum.
Sue. It always does that silly thing.
Maybe I ought to put it on back to front to start with,
then it might turn itself the right way around.
So, Sue, is Daniel enjoying his summer holidays?
Not really. He was meant to be visiting his father in Florida,
but let's just say Bob isn't the most reliable.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
It's pretty tough on Daniel.
Well, it's not easy on you either, I'd imagine.
Oh, well, we muddle through.
Oh, American history, is that your specialty?
Oh, no, I'm cramming, actually.
Just been lumped with a new A-level syllabus...
some of this stuff I haven't done since my student days.
I'm a World War II man, truth be told.
Five weeks to cover 400 years,
what do you reckon, sound doable?
With time to spare, I'd say.
Ah, I like your spirit, Sue Bagnold.
Just these three you wanted to borrow?
As it happens, I'd rather like
to borrow you for an evening, too.
Presume there's a slightly different system for that.
Me? Uh, uh, that's very... gosh, uh...
Well, where do these blessed things go?
Dinner? Glass of wine, maybe two?
That would be... yeah, very nice.
There we go.
Due back on the 19th.
There you are, Mr. Porter.
Call me Douglas, please.
- Douglas. - And call me, please.
- My number. - Thank you.
But first, I have a date with the founding fathers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Anything else?
Uh, cheeseburger, fries and a coke.
- Wanna go large for 60p? - Uh, yeah, all right.
- Any luck today, love? - No.
- Where did you ask? - Everywhere.
- Did you have a news agent? - I searched everywhere.
- Were you wearing that t-shirt? - Why?
Uh, perhaps it doesn't make a great first impression.
You told me to show my CV and I did.
You told me to hand it around town, and I did.
Why are you still having a go at me?
I'm not having a go, I'm just wondering whether you might have
a better chance if you wore something
- that isn't quite so gruesome. - That's discrimination.
It isn't discrimination, Daniel, it's just common sense.
If someone comes into your shop wearing a t-shirt with a man
being electrocuted on it, he might wonder whether...
It's discrimination to judge someone based on their beliefs.
Music is my religion.
You're being facetious... I'm trying to help.
You're saying I looked gruesome.
I didn't say you looked gruesome, I said your t-shirt.
You know what, I'm too tired for this.
- Go to bed, then. - I will...
- pizza is in the freezer. - I'm not hungry.
Well, there's a first time for everything.
So, nothing happened with this girl, then.
- She was into me. - Was she, though?
She's only human, isn't she?
You're such a bullshitter, I bet you didn't even talk to her.
I was going to say, I saw her at this new band Skull Slayer,
- going to be the front man? - Fuck off, no you didn't.
Yeah, you just can't wait to see me in action.
The joke's on you because I just might be joining a band.
Sure, sure.
- Who, then? - You don't know them.
- Do they go to our school? - I said you didn't know them.
'Cause that doesn't make sense.
Well, I guess you're just going to have to wait and see.
I can handle the noise, just about.
It's the wolf-whistles
every time I leave the house I can't stand.
I hope they don't bother you.
I don't think anyone's ever wolf-whistled at me.
I should probably take it as a bit of a compliment.
Oh.
Has anyone ever told you what pretty eyes you have?
Would you mind?
Oh, my goodness. Look at you!
- May I? - They're probably quite strong.
I don't think I've got quite the right head shape for these.
- No? - Too angular.
Not lovely and round like yours.
But seriously, Sue, do you ever wear contacts?
Such a shame to hide those beauties away.
I like your bangle, is it bamboo?
Isn't it fab?
It's actually Nepalese teak.
Hello.
Yes, hello, hi, is that Mr. Douglas?
Speaking.
It's Sue, we met the other day at the...
Sorry, hello?
Daniel? Hang on, I think Daniel's trying to...
Ah, Sue, Sue Bagnold, Daniel in 10J's lovely mum.
Mr. Porter?
Daniel, I'm on the phone, love.
I'm so sorry, Mister... Douglas, can I call you back?
- Sure, speak soon. - Bye.
I'm putting the kettle on, would you like a cup of tea?
Why were you on the phone to my history teacher?
Douglas came into the library...
Douglas?
You didn't really think his first name was "Mister".
Anyway, we got chatting and thought
- it might be nice to meet up. - What, like a date?
- Well, dinner. - Ugh.
Is it so hard to believe
someone might want to go on a date with me?
- Yes. - Well, thanks very much.
Daniel, this is really not a big deal.
We just had a bit of a flirt, I suppose.
Oh! Please stop talking now.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable...
- It does. - Then we can talk about it.
Talking about it makes me uncomfortable!
Okay, okay, I'll leave it for the moment.
But when you're ready you know where I am.
- I'll never be ready. - Anyway, you can phone Ky now.
I wasn't phoning Ky... why do you assume I only phone Ky?
- Sorry, who were you phoning? - No one.
- A girl? - No!
- A new friend? - Ah, none of your business!
Okay.
Can you get out of my room, please?
Daniel! Auntie Carol and Katie are here.
Can I get you a drink, Katie?
- Coke? Orange squash? - Oh, I'd love a coffee.
Oh, hang on, I'm sure I have some somewhere.
Sue's more of a tea lady.
Oh, I mean, if it's any trouble...
No, not at all.
Oh, here we are, "Best before 2012,"
- do you think it's still okay? - Oh, not sure.
I'll just have a tea, then, thanks, Sue.
Do you have any almond milk?
- Almond milk? - Black's fine.
- Hey. - All right.
Have you got a girlfriend?
No.
I'm seeing someone... Ryan.
Don't tell mum, though, he's 19.
- Really. - He thinks I'm 18.
He has, like, three cars.
Right.
A state agent.
D'you want to see a picture?
- What do you think? - He's not really my type.
That was actually quite funny.
Seriously, Dan, like, don't tell your mum
because I don't want it getting back to my mum.
No, I won't.
He spends so much time on his own.
You weren't exactly life and soul at his age.
- Oi. - Or, dare I say it, now.
That's not fair, I can be... fun.
Go on, then, when was the last time you had a night out?
I had a drink with the staff from work
at the White Horse... two drinks.
- When? - Well, March.
Exactly.
Daniel will grow into himself.
He's a bit quiet, but he's not, you know, strange, like...
like that weirdo from the boys combo who was keen on you,
- what was his name? - No, there was no one...
Yes! Always hanging around you, you know who I mean,
with a plastic bag and a wispy sort of moustache.
Ian.
Ian! Ian. God, that was it.
Ian was someone you'd worry about.
Hey, do you smoke weed?
Um, not really.
'Cause I reckon I can sort you out if you want it.
I'm probably all right, thanks.
All the goths in my year smoke weed.
- I'm not a goth. - Oh... kay.
- What are you, then? - Dunno.
Not too short on the fringe,
I don't want it to look like I've had it done.
You know who you sound just like?
Who? Oh, no, don't!
She didn't like going out either.
It's clearly a hermit streak in our family.
I'm not a hermit, I have a job and a son and an ex
whose last three child support checks
have been mysteriously lost in the post.
Did I tell you he's got himself an MG?
- Well, bulb! - Convertible! Flash so-and-so.
- Flash bastard. - Carol.
When Daniel told me I was quite... ticked off, actually.
- It is uncanny. - What?
You're mum... Mach Two, right down to the glasses.
Marvelous! Just what I need.
Douglas Porter's out and about.
Leave a message after the...
Douglas, hello, it's Sue Bagnold from the library.
I hope you're very well.
By my calculations you'll be into the American Civil War
by now... awful, bloody business, isn't it?
Just wondered if you did fancy dinner or a drink?
Friday night?
Give me a ring back whenever, no rush.
822-496. Bye, now.
Oh, shit!
Douglas Porter's out and about.
Leave a message after the....
Um, yeah, hello, just realized,
as I'm sure you will have, too,
that I read your number back to you
instead of leaving mine... stupid.
So, I'm on 823-771...
Sue... Bagnold, that is.
Again. Sorry. Okay... bye!
Hello?
Oh, Bob, yes, he's here. Just before I hand you over,
did you get a chance to re-post that check
because I still haven't seen...
Oh! Okay.
Hang on. It's your dad.
Hey, dad, did you get my email?
I sent you some songs I found...
Well, half-sister.
I'm fine, bye.
- Well? - It's a girl.
Well, that's sooner than expected, but...
Everything's okay? Is there a name?
- He didn't say. - Well, what did he say?
- Kept calling me "Danny". - Well, he's just excited, love.
- I remember when you were born... - I'm going out.
Shame it didn't work out
with your little make-believe band.
Who says it didn't?
Don't tell me you're still clinging onto that delusion.
Guess who my mum's going on a date with.
Oh, oh, she's seeing someone else, is she?
Oh, the cable wasn't enough for her?
Ha-ha.
Mr. Porter, she calls him "Douglas".
Eh, if I was an older single lady
I'd probably go for someone like him.
What are you talking about?
Well, he's in pretty good shape for a man of his vintage...
and he reads, which is important for a lady
of letters like Mrs. B.
What happens if he was my step-dad?
He could give you the answers to your history tests.
- He'd have to so you'd like him. - I don't know.
Oh, where have you been? I was beginning to worry.
Oh, uh, Ky's.
- Why aren't you asleep? - It's only ten.
Oh, I thought it was, like, midnight.
Did you have a nice evening?
Yeah, it was great, thanks, mum. Mum...
How's it going, mum?
Fine, thank you, Daniel, did you have something to eat?
- No. - Would you like a sandwich?
Yeah.
- Cheese? - Yeah, I love cheese.
So, what did you and Ky get up to this evening, then?
Just the normal stuff. Pool, X-box.
All right, so who won pool?
I'm just going to go to my room.
Don't you want your sandwich?
I'm feeling a little bit...
At least get your hair out the way.
Must've been something I ate.
Hmm.
I feel horrible.
You'll be all right, love.
What people don't realize is,
you spend far more time marking
and doing paperwork than you do in the classroom
- and actually teaching. - Yes, quite.
We get all these young grads arrive every September,
all misty-eyed, dead set on being the inspiring teacher
that the kids will remember forever and I...
I say to myself, you wait.
You'll be zombies like the rest of us before Christmas.
- The optimism of youth. - Hmm.
I imagine it's the same for you.
People picture you whiling away your days in the book stacks,
but the reality is targets,
box ticking and funding applications.
Don't forget fixing photocopier jams.
But no, there's good bits, too, there's the reading groups...
You have to try this.
Oh, um... okay, thank you.
Yeah?
- Yeah. Mm. - Yeah? Mm.
- That's good. - Yeah.
- How's yours? - Lovely, thank you.
- Would you like to try some? - Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
Mmm...
Mm-mm-mm. Mmm.
I think I made the right decision.
Oh, what the hell.
I've taken the liberty of ordering some more wine.
Mr. Porter, I'll be drunk.
Nonsense, ladies do not get drunk, merely tiddly.
Well, cheers.
Cheers to you, Sue Bagnold.
Mmm...
When you were in the ladies,
I remembered I knew a Bagnold at university.
But I can't for the life of me think of his first name.
Paul? Robert?
My ex-husband was Robert... Bob.
Where were you at university?
- Oxford? - Ah, then no,
Bob and I were at Hull.
It would've been odd, wouldn't it,
if we'd known each other, way back when?
And come together again all these years later.
The path not taken.
Well, there are many paths not taken.
Oh, a bit of a one, were you, in your heyday?
Goodness me, no, I didn't mean it like that, just that...
I don't know, sometimes it seems so arbitrary,
the way things pan out.
To think Bob's now in Florida with a 36-year-old wife
and a new baby daughter,
driving a convertible bloody MG, while here I am...
Richard... Dicky Bagnold, Dicky Dicky Bagnold... natural science,
he was a big fellow, played a lot of rugby, as I recall.
I doubt he was any relation.
Bob comes from rather weedy stock.
Did you ever think of going back to your maiden name?
Bagnold, believe it or not, is an improvement.
Really?
Well, then, I simply must know what it was.
- Sneed. - Ooh.
Well, thank you for such a lovely evening, Douglas.
I really...
I really should be getting in.
Perhaps I should join you for a nightcap.
I rea...
I think with Daniel here you best not... this time.
Can't blame a boy for trying.
Hello, love, I'm home!
Daniel...
You had an early night last night.
Yep.
Thought you'd be up when I got in.
Tired.
Do you want to know how my evening was?
Nope.
I'm gone for five minutes
and I get back and my big sister's
turned into a sex maniac.
- Oh, shush. - Tell me everything.
Well, there isn't much to tell.
- We had dinner, some wine. - And? Did you?
- Carol! - You had a date
with a randy single man in his 50s,
- what else am I gonna ask? - Who says he's randy?
Asking out the librarian, come on.
What? So you're saying he'd... you know, anything that moves.
No, but you don't exactly scream "ask me out".
- Well, thanks very much. - Oh, don't get huffy.
He must've been on the lookout for opportunities,
is all I'm saying... come on, spill.
Well... we had a bit of a cuddle in the taxi.
- A cuddle? - Embrace, a kiss, a...
- I don't know. - In the taxi?
I drank too wine and he's very charming.
- Good kisser? - How would I know?
I haven't kissed anyone since Bob.
- And will you see him again? - Well, I don't see why not,
he seemed keen... lord knows why, I'm just the dreary,
old librarian.
Oh, you know I didn't mean it like that.
You did a bit, be honest.
Who cares? You have a boyfriend!
At 52.
I don't think Daniel's too happy about me seeing his teacher.
You've been living like a nun for eight years,
you're allowed to have a bit of fun.
It's not like we're even anything yet, but...
I'm going to give you highlights
before your next date.
No, wait, I'm going to give you extensions... blond ones.
You bloody aren't!
Mom!
Up here!
Riley's been sick.
- Well, could you clear it up? - In my shoe.
- Oh, dear. - It stinks.
Yes, okay, leave it by the washing machine
and I'll sort it out.
Why haven't I seen this before?
- I'm sure you have. - No, I would've remembered.
Those dungarees.
My friend Maureen from school gave you those.
- Why did you hide it up here? - I didn't hide anything,
it's just where the old photos are kept.
There's like a million of you and me downstairs.
I don't know what sort of dastardly conspiracy
you're accusing me of, Daniel, I wasn't going to pretend
we were some jolly, happy family...
He's my dad, though.
Just because he's not your husband anymore.
I know that, love, and I don't think I've ever tried
to suggest he isn't a very important person in your life.
You always say mean things about him.
No... do I?
Like how he never phones when he says he will,
how he owes you loads of money.
When have I ever said about money?
Every time you speak to him, and to Auntie Carol.
Well, I'm sorry you've picked up on that, but you know what,
I do think it's quite shoddy that he just up and left
when you were eight years old and only sends money
when it suits him, which is hardly ever, by the way.
Yeah, well, maybe if you didn't see him as a bank account
he wouldn't have gone in the first place.
Hang on, Daniel.
I'm the one who had an actual job working all hours
while he sank our savings into ridiculous business schemes,
and then you tell me he's got a convertible MG!
Well, I'm sorry if I don't feel too bad for him.
I do! He had to live with you... no wonder he left!
Well, if that's what you think,
then that's what you think.
- Where are you going? - To see a man about a band.
Oh, you're such a villain! Just leave it.
How'd you even know it was here?
Ky's got eyes all over this hood.
- Well, lookee where we are. - Okay, can we go now?
Relax. I just want to hear them play.
I'm getting a Megadeth meets an early Priest sort of vibe.
Not bad, are they?
Sounds like they still don't have a singer.
But I think we can do something about that.
- Ky, fuck's sake, don't. - Trust the Ky-ster.
Please, seriously!
So I hear you... children are looking for a lead singer.
Well, my friend here, my client, Mr. Bagnold,
might just be interested.
He's got it all, the whole package... just look at him,
- he's a god-like creature. - Uh, there's no one there.
What?
Douglas Porter is out and about.
Leave a message after the...
Hello, it's Sue, from the library,
and the other night, Bagnold.
So, I had a nice time and wondered if you might fancy
meeting up again this weekend or we could watch a film
or just have dinner again... not just, I mean, it was lovely.
So, anyway, you have my number.
Hope to speak soon.
Hi, love!
Those are good for school as well.
No.
If you could try and describe what would be acceptable.
I'll know when I see them.
You'd have thought they might get more styles in
for the new term.
I'm beginning to wonder whether there are
any you haven't said no to yet.
- I'd wear those. - What... which?
Daniel, you're not wearing trainers to a wedding.
They won't look like trainers under a suit.
I'm not getting drawn into this.
Yeah, another complete waste of my time, isn't it?
- What? - Nothing.
What are you doing?
Sitting here so I don't have to look at your face.
Puts me off my food.
Charming.
Oh, hello, Ky.
- Is Daniel in? - Um, let me go check.
Why don't you wait here for a minute?
Daniel, Ky's here for you.
I'm not in.
- What shall I tell him? - That I'm not in.
Are you sure you don't want to talk to him, love?
How many times?
Sorry, Ky, he must've gone out.
Any idea where he went?
I think he took the dog for a walk.
Okay. Um, thanks... thanks, anyway, Mrs. B.
Do you want me to post on a message?
Nah, just tell him that the Ky-man swung by
and tell him he said... ciao.
Will do. Take care, Ky.
It's supposed to be nice tomorrow.
I was thinking, what about a day out?
- Where? - The seaside?
Since you didn't get to go to Florida?
I hate the beach.
It's not the beach, really, is it?
Not like abroad.
It might be fun to be by the sea.
I'm not going in the sea.
- No, I don't expect you... - Or on the sand.
I hate sand.
It's a shingle beach, I think, you know, stones.
So what do you say?
Oh, standing on stone sounds great.
Oh, come on, Daniel.
We could get fish and chips, a cream tea,
ride on the big wheel.
Maybe they'll have some good shoe shops to try.
- I'm not going shoe shopping. - Okay, no shoe shops.
So that's a yes, to the beach... I mean seaside?
Yes, fine, whatever you want.
Oh, I thought maybe we could chat for a bit.
What about?
Um... we could play I Spy.
Do you remember when we used to sing together in the car?
♪ You know I can't smile without you ♪
♪ I can't smile without you ♪
- Pull over. - Why?
So I can hitchhike home.
Oh, don't be such a spoilsport.
I know Ky's not on the scene right now but I wondered
if there was maybe another friend you'd like
to ask around... anyone from school?
No.
What about what's his name from scouts, Matthew?
- Moved to Australia. - Oh, shame, you got on well.
Yeah, in scouts, when we were 12.
- Can I listen to my music now? - I suppose so.
Oh, you planning on wearing those all day?
- What? - Never mind.
The history of this area is fascinating.
Did you know there are Neolithic flint mines
- a few miles away? - No.
The fifth millennium BC, that is actually pretty awesome.
Awesome.
In the proper sense of the word,
not the empty, meaningless way you lot use it.
You know, I read something the other day that said
the earth was almost entirely covered in sea
until around 2.5 billion years ago.
- Awesome. - 2.5 billion years.
Puts everything in perspective a bit, doesn't it?
Yeah, makes me wonder why we bother.
- Bother what? - Dunno, with anything.
Don't be so nihilistic.
You're the same... if you actually thought
anything mattered you'd do something about it.
You don't, because there's no point.
Where does this come from, like what?
You're always saying you should join the Green Party
and learn more about stuff in the news,
exercise and cook new things.
If I'd known you were keeping a list of all my many failings.
You asked.
So why not make up with Ky, then,
if we're all just little specks of nothing?
Isn't life too short to hold grudges?
Life's too short to spend with dickheads.
Can't imagine what he said or did to make you so upset.
- Is it over a girl? - No.
- A boy? - No! God.
- I just want to understand. - You wouldn't, so leave it.
What you said earlier about why'd we bother.
Stop analyzing every tiny thing I say.
It's hardly tiny, is it, saying
you don't see the point in anything.
But we're still here, aren't we?
We can't have mucked things up too badly.
What, you and me?
I meant you and Ky, actually, but...
What?
Oh, you want some cake, don't you?
Oh, well, if you're offering.
- Fine. No icing. - No icing, I know.
Shall we skim some stones?
- Uh, I'm all right. - There's a knack to this.
They say it's all in the wrist.
Oh! No. Is that better?
No. Ah, okay, I think that might... unh.
Don't you want to try, Daniel?
Daniel!
Daniel! I was in the middle of talking to you...
don't laugh, I'm actually really annoyed.
Chill out, it was for, like, five seconds.
Leaving me talking to myself like that...
very mature, thank you.
Is it time to go home now?
We haven't been to the fudge shop yet.
What's at the fudge shop?
Well, what do you think, Daniel, is at the fudge shop?
It's meant to be quite interesting,
there's a demonstration.
- Sounds thrilling. - Honestly, I don't know why
you came if all you're going to do is stare at your feet.
- Uh, you made me come. - Made you?
I just wanted us to do something fun but you're right,
that was stupid of me, I should've known
you'd just be rude and ungrateful.
Well, it's not my fault
you're the most boring person in the world.
We did once used to have quite a nice time together, you know.
Yeah, but that was before you became really annoying.
I'm going to the fudge shop.
Come or don't, I honestly do not give a monkey's.
Right, who is up for making some fudge?
Now, first things first, I am going to need a volunteer.
How about this little urchin over here?
Not interested, too cool for fudge.
What about you, kind sir?
Scared of the fudge demonstrator.
What about the mysterious gentleman lurking at the back?
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
I can see you, dressed all in black,
come on, down you come, out the shadows.
Help me out. Bit quicker, could be.
Let's get this show on the road... hello.
What's your name?
- It's Daniel. - Huh? Nice and loud.
- Daniel. - Hmm?
- Daniel. - Daniel! Dan the man.
The man who can.
Bang that with your bonks, will ya, mate?
Cover those greasy locks. Health and safety.
That's very nice, it suits you... dare I say it's an improvement?
So, Dan, how's your day at the seaside treating you?
It's good.
Oh, blimey, chatty bugger, isn't he?
Have you walked along the beach?
- Yeah. - Yes, tick.
Have you have fish and chips?
- Yeah. - Tick.
And now, here he stands like a prize plum
in a ghastly blue bonnet, making fudge.
I imagine you weren't expecting that to happen
when you woke up this morning.
- Yeah... I mean no. - No, of course you weren't.
Right, grab your spoon, man, let's get stirring.
It ain't gonna stir itself. Who you down here with?
Your girlfriend?
- No. - No?
Keep it stirring... mum and dad?
- Just my mum. - Just your mum.
And where is Mrs. Dan the Man?
- Here. - Hello.
Go on, then, what do you make of this business?
- Well, it's his choice. - What about dad?
I expect he's slightly less keen.
I used to have long hair like you, I thought I was god's gift.
But then my dad took me to one side and said, "Listen, mate,
you actually look like a bit of of pellock... lop it off."
So I did, lopped it off, start again.
Sometimes less is more.
There we go... he's smiling, he gets it.
Right, you've stopped stirring altogether now, mate.
Shall we call it a day? Pop your spoon down there.
There we go, and a round of applause, maybe?
Lovely, off you go, then.
Thank you, and away... oh, go on.
Ugh! Horrible stuff. Absolutely grim.
Right, that's in the bin, I think, that one.
That was rather fun, wasn't it?
He was a piece of work, though.
Well done for volunteering, love,
for an awful moment I thought he'd pick on me.
I didn't volunteer.
- What are you doing? - I want to get in the back.
And have me drive you like a chauffeur?
Just want to lie down.
You won't fit across the backseat, it'll be all squished.
Are you sure you won't be more comfy in the front?
Positive.
I really don't understand that.
The end of the holidays could not come soon enough.
- Tell me about it. - Katie's been out every night
this fortnight till gone 12, sometimes two or three,
and I have no idea where she is or who with.
Daniel's barely left the house in days.
He's had a mysterious falling out with Ky
and hardly spoken two words to me since.
- Swap? - Yes, please.
What about you and your teacher friend?
Any new taxi shenanigans to report?
Um, no. Haven't heard anything since.
Oh...
Probably for the best, anyway, with Daniel and that.
Maybe he's gone on a holiday.
- Or he's just not interested. - Well, his loss.
Would you like some breakfast, love... bacon sarnie?
There's a letter for you there, I think it's from your dad.
"Welcome to the world Miley Joe Bagnold".
Oh, a sweet baby. What do you think of the name?
- Appalling. - It's not that bad.
It is, chuck it out.
You might want to keep it in time.
I know it might not feel like it now, but once you've met her...
I won't.
Bernie looks well, you'd never think she just had a baby.
Bob looks like... Bob with a tan,
and are they false teeth or has he had them done?
- They're very white. - I said put it in the bin!
No need to raise your voice!
Are you absolutely sure you don't want to...
It's my post, I can do what I want with it.
I want you to put it in the bin.
Now, where were we? Bacon.
Shall I do you an egg as well?
One, two?
I'll do you two.
Daniel, are you going to be okay?
- I'm fine. - Don't fall asleep in there.
Maybe it's just the age he is and maybe I'm being
overly anxious, but he does seem to have
retreated into himself.
He won't say a word about what happened with Ky
and I think maybe with this new baby arriving he's feeling...
Oh, I don't know.
He was never the most talkative boy, but...
Still waters run deep.
I think... he's holding on to a lot of pain.
And perhaps... he isn't the only one.
What? Oh, you mean me?
No, no, this isn't about me, I'm fine, really.
Hmm.
He's reckoning with a lot at the moment, figuring things out.
- The music he likes is so... - Honest?
Believe me, I know how tough it can be
raising a teenager on your own.
Ky is a brilliant, beautiful boy...
talented, artistic, sensitive, but...
Oh, there are days when it's all so hard... you know,
chakras are just...
- Yes, yes, exactly, yes. - Speaking of chakras...
Well, I think you know what I'm going to say, hmm?
Oh, yeah... do I?
Come for a reiki session, do... 25 percent off.
I think you might be surprised how nourishing it'll be.
Gosh, it's not really my thing, but...
Well, why not, you only live once.
Well...
Mum?
Uh, Riley hasn't gotten up from his bed
and he hasn't had anything to eat or drink.
All the vets be closed.
He doesn't seem to be in pain, at least.
Let's see how he goes tonight
and we can take him tomorrow if he's still...
You think he's gonna die.
No. I don't know. Maybe.
Well.
He's been slowing down for a while, hasn't he?
I didn't notice.
Have you eaten?
I'll make some sandwiches.
Do you remember the day dad brought him home?
Yes, I was bloody furious, but it worked out okay in the end.
You two were always playing together.
- Yeah, WWE. - What?
You know, like, wrestling.
Oh, yeah, I'm not sure he used to like that game very much.
He did. Didn't you, Riles?
Maybe we should leave him alone for a bit.
Try and get some sleep.
You can, I don't want to.
Crikey. I practically lived in this at university,
what was I thinking?
Right, it looks exactly like all your other jumpers.
Are you joking? I'll never wear this color now, awful.
I thought people were meant to dress cool in the olden days.
Well, clearly not me.
Did you used to, like, get stoned and stuff?
- No. - Everyone did in the '70s.
I was still a child when the '70s ended.
The '80s, then.
There was a lot of it about, but... didn't really appeal.
Did you have, like, boyfriends before dad?
- Uh, not really. - What, none?
I did go out with someone from the boys comp
for a little while, but he...
well, turned out he was a bit disturbed.
Had to been to go out with you.
It's pretty sad, actually.
He passed away.
- What happened? - He killed himself.
I don't really know, there was some family stuff.
Like I say, he wasn't a really happy person.
Shit.
Mum?
Oh, love, he's gone.
You should probably let your dad know at some point.
I don't think he'd be that bothered.
No, I suppose that's ancient history to him.
- He's got fish now. - Does he?
Yeah. Tropical fish, one of them's an endangered species.
Glad to hear he's doing his bit for conservation.
He has somebody who comes and cleans the tank.
- I bet he has. - It's massive.
I bet it is.
Mum, we've run out of milk!
So?
So, do you want me to go and get more?
Yes, please.
So have you guys auditioned a lot of people?
- Nah. - We're taking our time,
- waiting for the right person. - Okay.
Do you know "Gates of Hell" by Death Certificate?
Yeah.
- Okay. Whenever you're ready. - What, just sing it?
Uh, yeah?
- I'll count you in. - Okay, cool.
Okay.
I'm ready.
Okay, boys. One, two, one, two, three, four.
So we discussed it and we made a decision.
You're in, you're in the band.
- Cool. - Welcome, brother.
So all we're missing now is a band name... any ideas?
I dunno, something like, I don't know, what about...
- Skull Slayer? - What?
Skull Slayer, I don't know.
- Skull Slayer. - I don't know.
We need another band meeting to vote.
Shall I wait here again or...
Oh, no, 'cause you're in the band now.
All those in favor of Skull Slayer, raise your hand.
Oh, yes, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to...
Yeah.
Landslide. Skull Slayer it is.
Let's get back to work, boys.
How's it been without your Ronnie?
Oh, you must miss him terribly.
Oh, Riley. Yeah, it's strange, I keep forgetting.
Well, you know, the house is still full of his spirit.
And it will hit me again, the absence.
Oh, Sue.
Shall we begin, if you'd like to hop onto the bed, here?
That's super.
Now, just gonna scan your body to see if there are
any areas that need any special attention.
Okay, Sue?
Ah...
Am I right?
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's come over me.
It's okay.
Let it out.
I'm so embarrassed.
It's my birthday this week and for some reason
that always makes me feel quite... sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I could sense you were channeling some...
very powerful energies, I've should've warned you.
But actually, you know what, I feel great.
I haven't really let go like that since for...
I can't remember.
You're welcome.
Order whatever you'd like.
I think I'm going to try these balls.
- What? - The risotto balls.
Are you having a starter?
Uh, yeah, garlic bread.
And what about for your main?
- Pizza. - Bread and more bread.
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Nothing, nothing at all.
Do you know what you're having?
Yes, I'll have the aran-chini.
- Arancini. - Oh, arancini.
- Oh, I see, like Puccini. - Uh, yeah. For your main?
The ribbons of pasta with wild mushrooms in tarragon
in delicious creamy white sauce.
Tagliatelle. And for you?
Garlic bread and Mt. Vesuvius.
- It's very hot. - I can handle it.
- And to drink? - Glass of the Riesling,
please, and Daniel, would you like a beer?
Yeah, sure, um...
I'll have the lager.
Lager? Okay.
- Lovely, thank you. - Thank you very much.
- You're in a good mood. - No, I'm not.
The beer is just because it's a special occasion, okay?
- You offered it. - I haven't forgotten
about that night... You know what I'm talking about.
That was weeks ago, you can't tell me off about it now,
- that's not how it works. - I'm just saying.
Never mind.
- This is nice. - Yeah.
Makes a change from... well, I was going to say pizza,
but you're having pizza,
so it makes it a change from frozen pizza.
So, are you having a nice birthday?
Yeah, lovely, thanks.
Did you have a cake at work?
Oh, no one knows it's my birthday.
Why didn't you just say it?
Well, because you don't, really, at my age, anyway.
Why not?
You'll understand when you're older.
Though it's not really the same for men.
- I'm not sexist. - It's just how things are.
So Astrid mentioned Ky's joining a gym.
- Yeah, he's trying to bulk up. - Gosh.
Is that something you're interested in?
Is everything all right?
Yeah, it's fine, all right.
- You're all hunched over. - This is how I sit.
How's your pasta?
Very nice, would you like a bit?
- Daniel! - Sorry.
- It went all over my dinner. - I said I was sorry.
Probably just as well, anyway.
Save some room for dessert.
- Can't we just go now? - Why?
- I'm full. - Too full for ice cream?
Well, if you will polish off an entire pizza in two minutes,
but I would like some dessert on my birthday if you...
- You okay, mum? - Yes, why wouldn't I be?
Should we go?
No, I would like some ice cream.
Right, and I will too.
And another glass of wine.
I mean, you spend far more time marking and doing paperwork
than you do in the classroom actually teaching.
It's...
Oh, hello, Mr. Porter.
Bit of a favorite haunt, this, is it?
Hello, there.
- Sue. - Sue, of course.
How funny to see you here. This is Nancy.
Yes, Aaron Baker's mum. I'm Daniel Bagnold's mum.
Well, I'll leave you two to it.
Have a lovely evening.
Is that Aaron Baker's mum?
- It was indeed. - Gross.
She could do better.
Anyway, who needs us, slippery old fish,
when I have a lovely young man on my arm.
Mom! Ugh!
Come on, let's go home and see what's on telly.
Daniel, if you don't get down here
and have your toast we'll be late for the wedding!
Coming!
I'm wearing a hat.
- Yeah, I can see that. - And you look smart.
No, honestly, you look very handsome.
My little boy's a man.
Where's this toast?
You look good in black, mum.
Yeah, it's meant to be slimming, black.
You really think it looks okay?
And you've washed your hair.
Does it look all... weird and fluffy?
No, love.
You're going to eat that chicken?
No, I don't eat meat.
You ate the ham it was wrapped in.
Yeah, I eat ham.
- Can I have it? - Yeah, sure.
Uh, so your mum says you're in some band now?
- Yeah. - Really? What do you play?
- I'm the front man. - What have you been on?
We're just signing up, our manager's signing up some gigs.
- Do you know The Shed? - Yeah, been there loads.
So actually there.
Cool, I'll make sure I look out for you.
- What are you called? - Daniel.
- Weird name for a band. - Oh... Skull Slayer.
Nice.
Um, have you finished with your chicken?
Knock yourself out.
Maybe the next one.
You said that for the last six songs.
So let's hope the next one's a good one.
I brought you some cake.
I shouldn't, really, but...
I got a piece with lots of icing.
Mmm! Would you like a bit?
Yeah, all right.
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