That's it. Ah!
I've got goose bumps.
Marcus is going to love it.
And how about the bride-to-be?
Would you like to try it on?
I should really get back to work.
I think I'm going to cry!
MUSIC: Love Will Keep Us Together by Captain & Tennille
SHE SIGHS
OK, who took my chair?
Sorry, did you see anyone take my chair?
No. Er, sorry.
SHE SCREAMS
DOOR OPENS ..so if we can meet again next week?
Yeah, is that OK?
Sorry, just nabbed this for my meeting.
Are you all right, Catherine?
BREATHLESS: Yep.
OTHERS GASP
It's been a bit much lately.
And...
..my dad died in September,
and there's been quite a lot of fallout from that.
Is there any one you can talk to?
Your mum, or do you have any siblings?
Erm...
My mum's not really in a good place at the moment.
And, yeah, I have a half-sister.
A secret illegitimate half-sister
that I only discovered after my dad died, so...
SHE CLEARS THROAT
Have you got a man in your life, Cathy?
Or a woman. Moira?
You remember our training day?
Or a lesbian partner?
Er, I've got a boyfriend.
Sorry. A fiance.
Oh, well, there you go, then, Cathy!
It's not all bad, eh?
I think what you need is a bit of what we in HR call me time.
But if you could make a full recovery by the 24th,
we will need you back for the audit.
I tell you what, I'll get you in with a bereavement counsellor.
CAR BEEPS
Taxi, for one half of the sexy Walcott sisters.
RAP MUSIC ON CAR STEREO
I'm so sorry about this.
What are you so sorry for? I'm over the moon, mate.
What's in the bin bag?
CATHY SIGHS
It's my wedding dress.
CATHY SOBS
Oh, Cathy!
A bit of Magic FM, that'll cheer you up, yeah?
RADIO: # I can't live if living is without you... #
CATHY, WEEPING: Oh, no!
Oh, I've got puffy, crying eyes.
Do you mind if I hang here for a mo?
I just don't want it to seem like I'm going back too early.
No, course not.
Oh, my mum is going to freak when she finds out.
She's not in a good place at the moment.
She's started using the word "dude".
I mean, that's a real mental health red flag in the over-50s, isn't it?
Then don't tell her, you dick.
Didn't you ever skive school?
Why would you want to miss lessons?
Do you know what your problem is?
You need to be less Catherine Walcott Senior,
and a bit more Catherine Walcott Junior.
You know there's only five days between us?
Right, I'll tell you what.
Pretend that you're going to go to work,
but then come and sit in the boat with me.
Ah...
OK.
Sure.
But just while I get my ducks in a row.
Right.
Whoa, no. No, no, no, no.
No. You can't take that indoors.
What happens if the groom sees it?
You know, you could always give it to your maid of honour
to look after.
Oh, I'm not bothering with all that.
What? Who's going to organise your hen do?
And hold your bouquet,
and stick those plastic little willies on your cake
when you're not looking?
Have you ever actually been to a wedding?
No.
Not even an immigration scam.
Cathy...
Cathy, please. Please, can I be your maid of honour?
Can I think about it? I'm just...
I'm not really in the right headspace
to make an honest decision right now.
Yeah, well, of course.
You have just been sacked.
It's not sacked. It's compassionate leave.
Please, come on!
Look, I'd love you to look after the dress. What?
Like in a maid-of-honour kind of way?
Thanks for the lift home.
Look after the dress.
Bye!
VOICES FROM INSIDE
Hi, baby. We're in the kitchen.
What a day that was in the office!
Molly's server crashed.
I think we're going to have to change that around.
Sorry, what's this?
Just working out whom to sit next to whom for the wedding.
Guys, I've already done this.
This is a Cathy job.
Look. Cathy job.
Yeah, that's my bad.
I sent my dad the table plan and he's asked for a bit of a rejig.
Why did you do that?
What's... Sorry, why have you taken Cat and Marilyn off?
This is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives.
Why do you want to ruin it?
Well, because Cat's my sister.
Also, why is Verity Longworth on the top table?
She would be my candidate for maid of honour.
You used to be great mates.
Plus, she's a pilot now so, you know,
she might turn up in her Flybe uniform.
Right, I don't want Verity Longworth to be my maid of honour,
because I haven't seen her since the Leavers' Ball -
and, also, I don't trust her, OK?
She took a sat nav on our bronze expedition
and it nearly cost us the DofE Award.
So, no, thank you.
Sorry, T-Dog,
did we confirm that Verity's parents are going on Table Four?
Why?
Why are they coming?
They were very supportive when your dad left.
They bought me a lasagne.
Dad didn't leave. He died.
Still a form of leaving, dude.
Also, you cannot put Georgia and Julie next to each other.
They just don't get on, OK?
I'm getting a Shloer.
It's like a princess dress.
If I'd ever married your dad,
I wanted to wear a black chiffony number and a top hat,
a la Stevie Nicks.
Can I try the dress on?
No.
No. I told Cathy that I'd guard it with me life,
and that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to guard it with me life.
Just like that school guinea pig
that I brought home for the holidays.
It died, love.
No!
Did it?
Well, there's no way I'm going to let this wedding dress die.
I am off to work.
Right, shoes, shoes, shoes...
Now, I'm going to the garden centre,
so, exactly which succulents do you want for the table decks?
Mum, for the millionth time,
all my wedding inspo is on my Pinterest page.
I've actually got Ellie Goulding's exact table decorations on there,
so just stick to the Pins, OK?
OK. Right.
Bag.
OK.
I am off to work.
Er, is there something you forgot to tell me?
No. What?
That you love me?
Hm? Yes.
Course.
Love you. Bye.
Bye.
So...
The Apprentice starts tonight, dude.
Booyah!
I'm all over that.
Have you had therapy before, Cathy?
Not formally, but I've read every book
on Amazon's Bereavement Reading List.
Before we had to boycott them for tax reasons.
Oh, plus, I keep a gratitude journal, so, er...you're welcome!
Cool.
Did you come across the term intensification ritual?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Erm...
Remind me.
It's basically a wanky way of saying, setting aside time
to share memories of your dad, or doing something to mark his life.
Oh, tick, tick.
I'm actually waiting on some quotes for a memorial bench.
I can show you the e-mail exchange... It's fine. Honestly.
Could you do some homework for me this week?
Oh, yes, please. I love a bit of homework.
Can you try and talk to your mum about your dad?
Like, a memory you have of him,
or something you all did together as a family.
It really does get the ball rolling.
God.
Fine.
I'll do it for you.
For yourself. Uh-huh...
MUSIC: Small Town Talk by Bobby Charles
I'm guessing it's short for Saffron, but she goes by Saff,
which is pretty cool.
And she says words like "wanky".
She just really listens, you know?
Mum?
We're 'ome!
Like, we can sit there for ages and just don't say anything.
Oh... You should go and see her.
Everyone should go and see her.
I want to go and see her again right now.
Oh, and Saff also says that I should talk to other people about Dad.
Well, you're in the right place.
I was just saying to Cat here this morning
about the first time your father and I tried Viagra.
Yeah, we found his medication box.
Not that he needed Viagra.
He was naturally very...
PHONE ALERT
Oh, sorry.
Oh, my God. Mum!
How hard is it to choose and pay for a table decoration
I have already chosen and paid for?
Was she like this about her own wedding?
What was that like?
Yeah, who was her maid of honour? Was it your Auntie Dawn?
I bet it was your Auntie Dawn. Hm.
I don't know. I've actually never asked.
DOORBELL
I'll get it.
Cheers.
Oh, Dad's charger! Oh!
Oh, wicked.
Now, hopefully we can get into your dad's phone.
"Cat, here's your charger. Enjoy. Dad."
Oh. Oh, I love that it's gift-wrapped.
It's like he's sending me presents from the grave.
Who knows what mysteries we'll uncover?
Guys, is this ethical?
Turning on Dad's phone like this,
rifling through his personal belongings?
It just feels like an infringement on his personal...
PHONE ALERT
Let me see that.
MORE PHONE ALERTS
Why has he got 12 missed calls?
What's his PIN?
My birthday, 2205?
Nope.
Mine, 2705?
No.
Oh, try 6969.
Oh.
Well, that's me stumped.
FRONT DOOR CLOSES
Jeez, Louise!
Looks like an illegal aloe vera farm in here.
Did you check out the wedding band?
Google The Hit Shots.
I need to let them know by tomorrow lunchtime.
Booking the band is a Cathy job, Mum.
I specifically want a ceilidh band that does Adele covers.
Mum, what-what did you wear to your wedding?
Like, what was your dress like?
I burnt it.
I hate everything about my wedding.
I should never have gone ahead with it.
Don't say that. Then you wouldn't have had me.
You are very much the silver lining
to the unmitigated shit cloud that was my marriage.
Please, don't use any of that in your mother of the bride speech.
Now, please, can you google that wedding band?
Do you know what kombucha is?
Ciao!
I brought you a, erm, kombucha.
Oh...
Thanks. That's kind.
Can't get enough of that fermented goodness.
Oh, yum off! That is delish!
It's actually my third one today, so...
Kombucha!
PHONE ALERT
Oh, sorry, I'll put it on aeroplane.
Cathy, are you comfortable talking about the chair incident?
Oh, I don't know what happened there.
I just, er...
I don't know.
It's really normal to channel one set of worries
onto something completely unrelated.
What do you think triggered you attacking a chair?
Well, I mean, it wasn't just a chair.
It was my chair.
And it had really good lumbar support, so...
Fine. I...
I don't... I...
I guess I went wedding dress shopping with my mum that day,
and she made me buy a dress I really didn't like.
God, this is stupid!
I feel like I'm on an episode of Don't Tell The Bride.
I've not seen Don't Tell The Bride.
Why would you?
You probably spend your evening making overnight oats,
or just, like...
..hot-yogaing.
How would you feel telling your mum about your feelings
towards the wedding dress?
God, you're good.
MUSIC: Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond
A toast.
To the bride and groom.
FRONT DOOR CLOSES
All right, Mum?
Has anyone tried to call Dad's phone?
No.
Oh...
Oh.
No.
FABRIC RIPS
Oh!
Oh...
Saff's just posted a photo of her walking her mate's sausage dog.
I wish I was her mate's sausage dog and she was walking me. Oh!
What are you doing?
You've got to switch your brain off. No wonder you went...
..fully Nutella.
What's Marcus said about all this sacking shit?
Yeah, I wasn't actually sacked.
And I can't tell him.
You know, he's bum chums with my mum,
and if she found out it would break her.
Well, you don't need him. You've got me.
OK, it's time for your surprise!
No-one use the downstairs loo!
Follow me.
Erm, hi.
Do you know when Cathy will be back?
Only I need a decision about this wedding band,
otherwise they're going to take a gig in Rochdale.
Cathy hasn't been in all week.
She went psycho over a chair and got sent on compassionate leave.
Er, yes.
Sorry, silly me. I knew that.
OK. Thanks.
Well, this is a first, drinking apple champers on a yacht.
Technically it's not a yacht,
it's a two-berth cruiser and it's not champagne, it's cider.
But, um, anyway...
Ah! Sante.
Cheers, me dears.
Do you know what? I can totally see why dad enjoyed coming here.
Oh, babe.
That's a dead nice thing to say.
No-one expects anything of me.
I guess this is what Saff meant by a safe space.
Alexa, play Mega Hen, Mega Mix.
Alexa: Playing Mega Hen, Mega Mix.
MUSIC STARTS
What?
Tune!
All right?
I've invited some of me mates.
Invitationing is yet another strength of mine.
Welcome to Cathonbury!
Whay! Woohoo!
You look like a right boffin.
Oh, do I look too serious?
Because I want patients to feel at ease
when they see me on the corkboard, you know.
OK, try this.
HE LAUGHS WEAKLY
I think, let's lose the tie.
Oh, OK, yeah.
Marcus, do you know where Cathy is?
Tess! Er...
Oh, this...
Er, Meredith, could... could we have a minute, please?
It's my almost mother-in-law.
Cathy's mum.
I've got to go.
Um, sort the urine samples.
OK, thank you.
Did you know Cathy is on compassionate leave?
No. God, what?
She's not at home, she's not at work.
She's not answering her phone.
I'm worried sick, Marcus.
No, um...
The thing is I've still got 40 patients to see.
Marcus, what if something awful happens?!
You're absolutely right, sorry.
Yeah, absolutely.
PHONE PINGS
Oh, God.
It's too late.
The Hit Shots have taken another booking.
SHE SIGHS
# I do my hair toss check my nails...#
A really well-organised party, innit?
Here you are. Give me your hand.
What's this?
I don't know, Dad's old medication, so I thought it would be wicked.
What?! You don't even know what this is.
Oh, throw caution to the wind, babe.
It's not every day you get a week off work for twatting a chair.
All right?
God knows what Saff will say about this.
Well, she hasn't been into Waitrose for three days.
The woman at the fromagerie is as worried as we are.
OK, according to Find My iPhone, her phone is in...
..Elmside Avenue.
That sounds familiar.
Who lives there?
Judas!
What are you doing in here?
You're missing a wicked party.
Come on in, love.
Oh... Sorry.
Now, listen, I need to tell you something awful.
OK.
I've ruined your wedding dress.
I was...
I was trying it on, and then I got trapped in it,
and I've ripped the zip, and I have tried sewing it back together
but it is monumentally buggered, and I...
I'm so sorry. I just wanted to feel special for a split second, and...
CATHY LAUGHS
Why are you laughing?
Marilyn, I hate that dress.
It's a lovely dress.
No, it's not.
I'm sure you looked a million dollars in it,
but I look like I've been attacked by a doily.
Oh, don't joke with me.
I'm really, really not. I promise you.
I'm... I'm really not. It's all yours, Maz.
No diggity.
Did you ever think you'd marry my dad?
No.
He'd never leave your mum.
He was a man of honour.
Wow.
That mirror is amazing.
What do you use it for?
Sex with your dad.
Have you got any Wagon Wheels?
Erm...
I've got Cartwheels, but they taste exactly the same
when you're off your tits.
Oh, this, my dear sister, is a sensational partay.
MUSIC: Yes Sir, I Can Boogie by Baccara
What is wrong with you?
Cat...
Cat!
Go away, just leave me alone. I'm sorry.
No, no, no. Cat, wait. Let me explain.
That dress is gross. I hate it. Your mum did me a massive favour.
No, that's not the point.
Your wedding dress got trashed on my watch.
God, I'm supposed to be the f...
SHE SMASHES BOTTLE
For God's sake!
I could kill my mum!
Listen, I don't give a flipping, bloody F about that dress.
Look, I know I'm incredibly high right now,
but I've got this amazing feeling of bottomless love in my heart,
and that's all because of you, baby girl.
'Scuse me. What's your name?
Doug.
Duck?!
Doug. Oh.
As Duck is my witness,
will you, Catherine Walcott, do me the honour of being my,
Catherine Walcott's, maid of honour?
Really?
Yeah.
Oh. I'm jumping.
I'm going to jump. Yeah?
Yeah. Oh, oh, oh! I'm jumping, I'm jumping.
Thank you, thank you!
MUSIC: You Make My Dream Come True by Hall and Oates
# But like the flame that burns the candle
# And how, I can't explain
# Oh, yeah
# Well, well, you Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
# You make my dreams come true You... #
What...
Oh, ho, ho!
What the...?
Just go.
I don't need to see this.
Just go.
4591.
No.
5961.
Oh, shit.
I just locked Dad's phone.
I'm too pissed to type properly.
Oh... I actually don't feel very well.
I've got this, like...
..pain, like, in my heart.
Like a kind of stabbing pain.
Oh, my God, I think it's those pills.
Call an ambulance.
Call Saff. Tell her I'm sorry.
Cathy, Cathy, just breathe.
Breathe, breathe.
Breathe. It was only antacids.
I took acid?!
Antacids, you knob!
Oh. OK, actually, do you know what?
I think it is underwire from my bra digging into my chest.
Crisis averted!
Right, I should probably go home.
Love you, maid of honour.
Bye, Marilyn. Bye.
Your tits look great in that dress, by the way.
Whoo!
See you, Duck!
DRUNKENLY: Hi, it's me.
I just wanted to say...
..you've made the biggest mistake of your life.
You're going to regret this,
you absolute piece of penis.
SHE BURPS
WEEPING: I'm so sorry.
Please, don't leave me, baby...
MUSIC: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper
SHE BURPS
# Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you
# Caught up in circles
# Confusion is nothing new
# Flashback, warm...#
Oh.
We shall talk about this tomorrow.
You're a liar, just like your father.
Sorry.
CATHY GROANS
Oh...
Dropped your pants.
Joke. It's Marcus's.
Maybe you'd like to tell me what the hell is going on.
I physically assaulted an innocent chair
and they sent me home from work,
and I felt very ashamed so I went to Cat's.
I think it's the grief, Mum.
It's just... I really miss Dad.
And you clam up every time I mention his name.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
Like the other day, when I brought up the wedding dress
and you immediately shut it down.
I just hate that I can't talk to you about the past.
No, give me the pants. Sorry.
Follow me.
Was this your wedding dress?
Oh, Mum, I thought you burnt it.
Please can I wear this one?
It's so much more me.
If it makes you happy.
I suppose we can return the other one.
Erm...
MUSIC: My Sweet Lord by George Harrison