1 00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:03,883 You've reached the voicemail of Colin Walcott. 2 00:00:03,883 --> 00:00:06,563 Please leave me a message and I'll call you back. 3 00:00:06,563 --> 00:00:08,963 What? What's the emergency? 4 00:00:08,963 --> 00:00:11,923 I'm supposed to be dropping a pad Thai off in eight minutes. 5 00:00:13,003 --> 00:00:14,763 Really stinks of farts in here. 6 00:00:16,643 --> 00:00:19,083 I need an update, Cat. Are you serious? 7 00:00:19,083 --> 00:00:21,603 You got me all across town for Instagram? 8 00:00:21,603 --> 00:00:23,003 'Kin' hell, Cath. 9 00:00:26,603 --> 00:00:29,123 OK, so there's two new photos and an Insta story 10 00:00:29,123 --> 00:00:30,763 about them feeding turtles. 11 00:00:32,123 --> 00:00:34,883 Huh. So he's sticking to my itinerary. 12 00:00:34,883 --> 00:00:37,763 I was the one that booked the trip to the turtle sanctuary. 13 00:00:39,163 --> 00:00:41,083 Oh, my God, is that my water bottle? 14 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:43,843 What a kick in the tits. 15 00:00:45,443 --> 00:00:47,243 What have I done, Cat? 16 00:00:47,243 --> 00:00:49,563 I'm supposed to be on the beach feeding turtles, 17 00:00:49,563 --> 00:00:54,003 not cyberstalking my ex-fiance and his ex-receptionist 18 00:00:54,003 --> 00:00:55,523 on MY ex-honeymoon. 19 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:59,803 Are you forgetting that Marcus is a complete cockrocket? 20 00:00:59,803 --> 00:01:02,643 Come on, let's go. Up. 21 00:01:02,643 --> 00:01:05,163 Me and you are going on our honeymoon. 22 00:01:05,163 --> 00:01:07,563 We'll take Dad's yacht, we'll eat a shit-tonne of crisps 23 00:01:07,563 --> 00:01:09,563 and we'll hit the deck like Di and Dodi. 24 00:01:10,683 --> 00:01:12,923 Cathy, look at me. Oh. 25 00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:15,483 You owe it to yourself. And me. 26 00:01:15,483 --> 00:01:17,603 But mainly to yourself, OK? 27 00:01:17,603 --> 00:01:19,163 SHE GROANS 28 00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,763 Fine. Wicked. 29 00:01:21,763 --> 00:01:23,163 Let's honeymoon! 30 00:01:24,723 --> 00:01:27,723 Let's honeymoon! 31 00:01:31,603 --> 00:01:33,963 Cathy, about the wedding gifts, 32 00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:38,163 I managed to return everything except for the Le Creuset salt pig. 33 00:01:39,163 --> 00:01:41,163 Because Bill and Jane are in Lanzarote. 34 00:01:43,163 --> 00:01:44,243 Cathy? 35 00:01:59,643 --> 00:02:02,243 At least give me a clue as to where we're going. What direction? 36 00:02:02,243 --> 00:02:04,483 All I'm going to say is that you wanted to be with Dad, 37 00:02:04,483 --> 00:02:06,323 so that's what we're going to do. 38 00:02:06,323 --> 00:02:09,763 We're going to kill ourselves? No, knobhead. Have you finished? 39 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,323 Isn't there some sort of manual we can download for this? 40 00:02:12,323 --> 00:02:14,283 Get out the way. Let me do it. 41 00:02:14,283 --> 00:02:16,163 Here you are, Cathy, you're in luck - 42 00:02:16,163 --> 00:02:18,883 getting things into holes is my speciality. 43 00:02:18,883 --> 00:02:21,003 Did you hear that, Mum? What? 44 00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:24,603 I said, "Getting things into holes is my speciality." 45 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:27,123 MARILYN LAUGHS HEARTILY 46 00:02:27,123 --> 00:02:30,363 Oh, brilliant. Where do you get all this stuff from? 47 00:02:30,363 --> 00:02:32,843 I don't know, it just arrives out my mouth like that. 48 00:02:32,843 --> 00:02:37,523 Here, Cathy, love, do you mind if I give Marcus' mum a ring? 49 00:02:37,523 --> 00:02:41,283 I don't know what the etiquette is when the groom dumps the bride. 50 00:02:41,283 --> 00:02:43,283 She dumped him. I dumped him. Oh. 51 00:02:43,283 --> 00:02:45,563 Anyway, no, knock yourself out, Marilyn. 52 00:02:45,563 --> 00:02:48,843 Mishti is not the villain of this piece. Oh, cool. 53 00:02:48,843 --> 00:02:52,763 I thought I might even get the bus down to see her. 54 00:02:52,763 --> 00:02:54,443 Oh, nice one, Mum. 55 00:02:54,443 --> 00:02:57,563 Something to work towards, anyway. 56 00:02:57,563 --> 00:03:00,723 Who knows? One day, I might even run a marathon. 57 00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:03,403 Oh, you could join my mum's Nordic walking group. No. 58 00:03:04,603 --> 00:03:07,203 Wicked. All right, come on, Cath, let's rock and roll. 59 00:03:07,203 --> 00:03:10,643 Oh, Mum, keep an ear out for Dad's phone, yeah? 60 00:03:10,643 --> 00:03:11,843 Wicked. 61 00:03:12,883 --> 00:03:14,843 Bon voyage, mis amores. 62 00:03:17,603 --> 00:03:19,643 Girls, y-you forgot the boat. 63 00:03:19,643 --> 00:03:23,003 The boat. You might need the boat. 64 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:27,163 I think we might have forgotten the boat. Oh, you're kidding. Shit. 65 00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:54,923 I hereby declare HMS Catkin open. 66 00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:59,443 Let the bottle see the yacht. 67 00:04:02,723 --> 00:04:05,683 Well, that's one drawback to SodaStreaming your own champagne. 68 00:04:08,323 --> 00:04:10,443 Oi, dickhead, stop looking at my phone. 69 00:04:10,443 --> 00:04:13,483 What a bitch. I was going to order the swordfish. 70 00:04:13,483 --> 00:04:16,563 She better not have ordered the Bajan macaroni pie. 71 00:04:16,563 --> 00:04:19,323 She's ordered the Bajan macaroni pie. Has she no shame? 72 00:04:19,323 --> 00:04:20,563 Ugh. What? 73 00:04:22,803 --> 00:04:25,963 What are you doing? Well, it's my phone. I can do what I want with it. 74 00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:28,003 Oh, my God. You're mental. I'm mental? 75 00:04:28,003 --> 00:04:30,323 You're the one who's obsessing over what two fanny packs 76 00:04:30,323 --> 00:04:32,483 are having for their lunch. Fine. Do you know what? 77 00:04:32,483 --> 00:04:35,483 I'll just download Instagram on my phone. OK. 78 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,723 CATHY GASPS 79 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,723 Oh, my God! 80 00:04:39,123 --> 00:04:43,123 That was a work phone. Look. Shit! 81 00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:45,203 We're on our honeymoon, OK? 82 00:04:45,203 --> 00:04:48,523 No e-mails, no updates, no exes. Just you and me 83 00:04:48,523 --> 00:04:51,003 having some quality sister time on a yacht. 84 00:04:51,003 --> 00:04:53,003 OK, one, it's a two-berth cruiser. 85 00:04:53,003 --> 00:04:57,603 And two, what if we need a map or a torch or - I don't know - 86 00:04:57,603 --> 00:04:59,203 the Headspace app? 87 00:04:59,203 --> 00:05:01,323 You better not be like this all honeymoon. 88 00:05:01,323 --> 00:05:03,723 Right, come on, shift your car for the boat drive 89 00:05:03,723 --> 00:05:06,643 It's a slipway. Are you serious? How do you know all this shit? 90 00:05:06,643 --> 00:05:08,883 Did they teach you yacht lessons at your posh school? 91 00:05:08,883 --> 00:05:11,043 Pfft. I didn't go to Eton. 92 00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:13,283 OK? My school was just a run-of-the-mill, 93 00:05:13,283 --> 00:05:15,683 bog-standard private school that just so happened to have 94 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,043 a rowing club. Yes, I learned it at my posh school. 95 00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:20,763 Right. Well, I'm going to get changed. You go and shift your car. 96 00:05:20,763 --> 00:05:23,403 OK. Well, I hope you've bought appropriate boat wear. 97 00:05:23,403 --> 00:05:26,203 Oh, I've got the perfect yacht frock. 98 00:05:28,563 --> 00:05:30,843 SHE INHALES DEEPLY Oh. 99 00:05:58,123 --> 00:05:59,283 Hello, Colin. 100 00:06:02,203 --> 00:06:04,803 I know we haven't spoken for a while, which is mostly your fault, 101 00:06:04,803 --> 00:06:06,523 but I'm not going to get into that. 102 00:06:07,883 --> 00:06:09,003 Anyway... 103 00:06:12,283 --> 00:06:13,923 ..the long and the short of it is... 104 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,483 ..I hate you. 105 00:06:17,723 --> 00:06:19,323 I hate you so much. 106 00:06:21,483 --> 00:06:22,683 And it's horrible. 107 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:30,643 And then, today, I finally ran out of distractions. 108 00:06:31,923 --> 00:06:34,523 And I was sitting on the sofa and I had an epiphany. 109 00:06:38,003 --> 00:06:42,403 I realised I hate the hate more than I hate you. 110 00:06:44,723 --> 00:06:45,763 So... 111 00:06:46,963 --> 00:06:48,203 ..that's why I'm here... 112 00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:52,003 ..because there's really only one way out. 113 00:06:54,763 --> 00:06:56,123 SHE INHALES SHARPLY 114 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:06,363 I forgive you, Colin Walcott! 115 00:07:08,923 --> 00:07:10,443 That's OK. 116 00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:11,923 MEN LAUGH 117 00:07:13,723 --> 00:07:14,843 Prat. 118 00:07:14,843 --> 00:07:15,963 PHONE RINGS 119 00:07:19,723 --> 00:07:24,203 Hello. Oh, g'day, it's Kelly from Kendrick Estate Agents. 120 00:07:24,203 --> 00:07:26,123 Am I talking to Cat Walcott? 121 00:07:26,123 --> 00:07:28,003 No, I'm her mum. I'm Marilyn. 122 00:07:28,003 --> 00:07:31,163 OK. Sorry. Had a bit of a big one last night. 123 00:07:31,163 --> 00:07:33,483 We flogged a school football pitch to a casino 124 00:07:33,483 --> 00:07:36,723 and I am sweating Sambuca. 125 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,243 Anyway, I'm calling about the completion arrangements 126 00:07:39,243 --> 00:07:40,803 for the Stalks Hill property. 127 00:07:40,803 --> 00:07:43,683 I believe Cathy left the keys with her sister? Erm... 128 00:07:47,203 --> 00:07:49,923 Yes, we've got them. Ah, top banana. 129 00:07:49,923 --> 00:07:52,243 Can I meet you at the property at 11? 130 00:07:52,243 --> 00:07:54,483 I would pop over to yours, but I've just done one of those 131 00:07:54,483 --> 00:07:58,323 online blood alcohol calculators and I can't drive till seven. 132 00:07:58,323 --> 00:08:01,003 Is that a sausage roll? Oh, yes! 133 00:08:01,003 --> 00:08:03,603 Mate! Hello, Marilyn, you still there? Yeah. 134 00:08:03,603 --> 00:08:06,283 Great, all right. I'll see you at 11, darling. Ta-ta. 135 00:08:15,003 --> 00:08:16,203 OK. 136 00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:32,803 # I took my love, I took it down 137 00:08:35,923 --> 00:08:38,843 # I climbed a mountain and I turned around 138 00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:46,883 # And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills 139 00:08:46,883 --> 00:08:50,883 # Till the landslide brought me down 140 00:08:52,523 --> 00:08:57,123 # Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? # 141 00:08:59,523 --> 00:09:01,123 Here you are. Right, you ready? Yeah. 142 00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,123 Right, where's this from, OK? 143 00:09:03,123 --> 00:09:05,963 I'm the king of the world! Oh. 144 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:09,883 Yes, thingy in, erm, whatsit! God, I love that film. 145 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,723 That is so frigging freaky. 146 00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:14,683 I love that film, too. We could be the same person. Yeah. 147 00:09:14,683 --> 00:09:17,883 OK, can you move so I can see the canal? Yep. Thank you. 148 00:09:17,883 --> 00:09:21,803 Ah. Here, do you get dolphins in the canals? 149 00:09:27,123 --> 00:09:28,643 BIRDS CHIRP 150 00:09:40,043 --> 00:09:42,283 WOMAN PANTS AND FOOTSTEPS APPROACH 151 00:09:45,443 --> 00:09:47,323 WOMAN CONTINUES PANTING 152 00:09:50,683 --> 00:09:53,363 You're Marilyn, right? 153 00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:55,763 I'm going to need a moment. 154 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,643 Citymapper said it was a 20-minute walk here. 155 00:09:58,643 --> 00:10:01,403 I mean, that's a load of bullcrap right there. 156 00:10:01,403 --> 00:10:04,923 Sorry. OK. All right. 157 00:10:01,403 --> 00:10:04,923 SHE BREATHES HEAVILY 158 00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:08,203 Have you got the keys? 159 00:10:09,883 --> 00:10:11,243 Ah, brilliant, thanks. 160 00:10:14,043 --> 00:10:17,163 Do you want me to do anything else while I'm out and about? 161 00:10:17,163 --> 00:10:20,443 Yeah. Yeah, you can take the post. There we go. 162 00:10:21,563 --> 00:10:24,803 Now, er, we've got all the bank account details, yeah, 163 00:10:24,803 --> 00:10:26,763 for the, uh...for the payment? 164 00:10:26,763 --> 00:10:29,683 Yes, I believe it's going to the solicitors. 165 00:10:29,683 --> 00:10:33,003 Colin, my other half, the owner, he didn't leave a will, 166 00:10:33,003 --> 00:10:35,643 so it's all got a bit complicated. 167 00:10:37,883 --> 00:10:40,803 Look, I don't want to be a sticky beak, but, uh, 168 00:10:40,803 --> 00:10:42,283 you know the other one, Tess? 169 00:10:43,363 --> 00:10:45,683 Is she the wife? Yeah. 170 00:10:45,683 --> 00:10:46,883 I was his lover. 171 00:10:48,923 --> 00:10:50,123 Yes. 172 00:10:52,323 --> 00:10:53,363 Yes. 173 00:10:54,803 --> 00:10:55,883 That is beautiful. 174 00:10:57,003 --> 00:11:00,883 Well, I guess I'll ring you when we've officially completed. Yeah. 175 00:11:04,923 --> 00:11:08,323 Parksie! Mate, I was right. She's the lover. 176 00:11:08,323 --> 00:11:10,523 SHE CHUCKLES 177 00:11:08,323 --> 00:11:10,523 Yeah, you owe me a pint. 178 00:11:10,523 --> 00:11:13,003 Told you so. Yeah, I can do Queen's Head in 20 minutes. 179 00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:15,683 Hair of the dog, mate, yeah. 180 00:11:15,683 --> 00:11:17,883 MUSIC: What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction 181 00:11:17,883 --> 00:11:20,883 I hate not knowing where we're going. It's a surprise. 182 00:11:20,883 --> 00:11:22,043 Oh, my God. 183 00:11:23,403 --> 00:11:25,323 There's a guy in the bush staring at me. 184 00:11:25,323 --> 00:11:27,803 He's just fishing. No, he's not. He's got his cock out. 185 00:11:27,803 --> 00:11:30,563 No, he doesn't have his cock out, Cat. 186 00:11:30,563 --> 00:11:32,563 Oh, my God, he does have. 187 00:11:32,563 --> 00:11:36,243 Pervert! Oh, I don't think much of your bait, mate. 188 00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:39,883 Did you see that? I said, "I don't think much of your bait, mate." 189 00:11:39,883 --> 00:11:41,483 Here, pull over. I need a piss. 190 00:11:43,763 --> 00:11:46,203 What happened with you and that waiter the other night? 191 00:11:46,203 --> 00:11:48,363 Like, what base did you get to? 192 00:11:48,363 --> 00:11:50,883 How many bases are there? Four. 193 00:11:50,883 --> 00:11:54,243 We got to, like, seventh. What?! How do you even do that? 194 00:11:54,243 --> 00:11:56,563 I've got a very high pain threshold. No, no, I mean... 195 00:11:56,563 --> 00:12:00,443 No. How are you so successful with boys? I mean... I mean men. 196 00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:03,203 I'm useless. Bollocks. 197 00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:06,523 Us Walcotts are hot pieces of ass. 198 00:12:06,523 --> 00:12:09,403 If we was at Nando's, we'd be the chilli triple sign. 199 00:12:09,403 --> 00:12:12,883 No, I'm lemon and herb all the way. 200 00:12:12,883 --> 00:12:15,043 I'm a terrible flirt. And not in a sort of 201 00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:17,163 "she's a terrible flirt" kind of a way. 202 00:12:17,163 --> 00:12:20,763 More in the sort of..."did she just mention ringworm?" kind of a flirt. 203 00:12:20,763 --> 00:12:22,083 MUSIC: Toxic by Britney Spears 204 00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:24,163 Oh, my God, I love this song. Oh, tune. Tune. 205 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,363 Whoa. 206 00:12:27,843 --> 00:12:31,323 # Baby, can't you see I'm calling? 207 00:12:31,323 --> 00:12:34,643 # A guy like you should wear a warning 208 00:12:34,643 --> 00:12:36,443 # It's dangerous 209 00:12:36,443 --> 00:12:38,163 # I'm falling... # 210 00:13:26,443 --> 00:13:28,123 Oh, my God, look at those cows. 211 00:13:28,123 --> 00:13:30,283 Where? Their balls are massive. 212 00:13:30,283 --> 00:13:31,883 Well, I think you mean their udders. 213 00:13:31,883 --> 00:13:34,123 No, they're not, they're balls. No, they're udders. 214 00:13:34,123 --> 00:13:35,643 Moo! 215 00:13:37,203 --> 00:13:39,723 Oh, shit, we're here. Hmm? We're here! 216 00:13:39,723 --> 00:13:42,323 Cathy, pull over. This is the place. 217 00:13:42,323 --> 00:13:44,603 Look. Look, it's the pub from Dad's photo. 218 00:13:45,963 --> 00:13:48,403 I thought that if he can't come to us, we'll go to him. 219 00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:50,043 Or at least his favourite place. 220 00:13:51,083 --> 00:13:52,683 God. 221 00:13:52,683 --> 00:13:54,963 I don't know what to say. You are welcome. 222 00:14:01,763 --> 00:14:03,683 Marilyn. 223 00:14:03,683 --> 00:14:07,923 Tess. Oh, my God. What are you doing here? 224 00:14:07,923 --> 00:14:11,123 Listen, there's something really impor... I forgive you, Marilyn. 225 00:14:11,123 --> 00:14:13,043 I forgive you. I, uh... 226 00:14:15,043 --> 00:14:16,243 I forgive you. 227 00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:23,523 OK. There's just... Sorry, if I can just finish. 228 00:14:23,523 --> 00:14:29,003 I, erm, I can't walk around with this much hate 229 00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:31,643 because I'm not a horrible person. 230 00:14:31,643 --> 00:14:36,083 So...to reiterate my opening sentiment... 231 00:14:37,523 --> 00:14:39,163 ..I forgive you. Great. 232 00:14:40,483 --> 00:14:43,603 Listen, I don't want to be rude, but can we come back to this? 233 00:14:43,603 --> 00:14:44,723 Because, erm... 234 00:14:46,403 --> 00:14:48,283 ..I think you should see this letter. 235 00:14:56,443 --> 00:14:58,883 I think I need to put the kettle on. Come on, Tess. 236 00:15:07,723 --> 00:15:09,883 Yes, I can hold. 237 00:15:11,643 --> 00:15:14,363 So they can't discuss anything over the phone, but they say if we can 238 00:15:14,363 --> 00:15:18,163 go over there with some ID, they can talk us through Colin's will. 239 00:15:18,163 --> 00:15:20,643 Who are you talking about, "we"? 240 00:15:20,643 --> 00:15:23,043 Well, I'm not doing this alone. 241 00:15:23,043 --> 00:15:28,003 OK. That's impressive. I didn't know Cat was Grade Eight saxophone. 242 00:15:28,003 --> 00:15:31,203 Oh, she's not. That's YOUR Catherine Walcott, 243 00:15:31,203 --> 00:15:32,723 but it's nice to imagine. 244 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:35,603 We got that when we gutted your house. 245 00:15:35,603 --> 00:15:37,923 Er, yes, sorry. 246 00:15:37,923 --> 00:15:41,203 Terrific, yes. Great, we'll come straight over. 247 00:15:41,203 --> 00:15:42,443 Let's go now. 248 00:15:50,523 --> 00:15:53,203 If you're so shit at flirting, how did you bag Marcus? 249 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,403 We met on a unisex netball team. 250 00:15:55,403 --> 00:15:59,563 How can a sentence that contains sex and balls be so unerotic? 251 00:15:59,563 --> 00:16:01,763 Ball isn't really an erotic word, is it? 252 00:16:01,763 --> 00:16:05,443 Balls. Ballsack. What are you talking about? That's my go-to word 253 00:16:05,443 --> 00:16:08,323 when I'm talking dirty. Really? 254 00:16:08,323 --> 00:16:11,003 Ballsack? Yeah. 255 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,763 Men don't want frigging Mills & Boon, Cathy - 256 00:16:13,763 --> 00:16:15,923 they're filthy bastards. 257 00:16:15,923 --> 00:16:17,243 I don't know any of this. 258 00:16:19,523 --> 00:16:21,043 That's very funny. 259 00:16:21,043 --> 00:16:24,363 I know the original, keep calm and carry on, but that is very clever. 260 00:16:24,363 --> 00:16:25,803 CATHY CHUCKLES 261 00:16:30,283 --> 00:16:31,803 Hiya, what can I get you? 262 00:16:31,803 --> 00:16:34,963 Oh, may I peruse your wine list, please? 263 00:16:34,963 --> 00:16:37,643 Um... Erm, no. Two Foster tops. 264 00:16:38,923 --> 00:16:40,923 Is there any KFC around here? 265 00:16:40,923 --> 00:16:44,523 No, no. Welcome to the middle of nowhere. 266 00:16:44,523 --> 00:16:47,803 Oh, but how do you feel about Bombay mix? 267 00:16:47,803 --> 00:16:50,563 Now we are talking. Oh, yes. Yeah, honestly, I actually don't 268 00:16:50,563 --> 00:16:52,483 understand people that don't love that shit. 269 00:16:52,483 --> 00:16:54,403 I've eaten half of this myself. Yes, please. 270 00:16:54,403 --> 00:16:56,763 Though I'm never sure whether we should call it Bombay mix 271 00:16:56,763 --> 00:16:59,883 or Mumbai mix because, obviously, there are colonial undertones. 272 00:16:59,883 --> 00:17:01,723 Oh, I just call them spicy maggots. Hmm. 273 00:17:04,803 --> 00:17:05,843 SHE SOBS 274 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:10,243 Cathy? Oh, Cathy, come on. 275 00:17:10,243 --> 00:17:12,803 Sorry. Here, look, have some blue roll. 276 00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:14,043 CRYING: Sorry. 277 00:17:16,643 --> 00:17:17,763 I'm sorry. 278 00:17:21,323 --> 00:17:23,003 Oh, I just got emotional. 279 00:17:25,883 --> 00:17:27,603 I just got a wave, you know? 280 00:17:29,843 --> 00:17:33,243 I am doing the right thing, aren't I, Cat? Oh, 100%. 281 00:17:33,243 --> 00:17:36,043 You know, Marcus is a total dick. 282 00:17:36,043 --> 00:17:38,923 And do you know what really annoyed me about him? 283 00:17:38,923 --> 00:17:41,363 How much of a slow eater he was. 284 00:17:41,363 --> 00:17:43,643 Pervert. What am I going to do now? 285 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:46,563 Cathy... 286 00:17:47,843 --> 00:17:49,803 ..the world is our oyster. 287 00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:52,603 All right? I've never eaten an oyster, 288 00:17:52,603 --> 00:17:54,723 but the beauty of the world being an oyster 289 00:17:54,723 --> 00:17:57,683 is that maybe one day I could eat an oyster. 290 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,683 We could eat our world. 291 00:18:01,683 --> 00:18:03,803 That's wise words. Are they? 292 00:18:03,803 --> 00:18:05,763 Right, makeover time. 293 00:18:05,763 --> 00:18:09,203 Oh, no. No, thank you. Oh, babes, come on. 294 00:18:09,203 --> 00:18:13,203 Live a little, live a lotto. Consider yourself Queer Eyed. 295 00:18:13,203 --> 00:18:15,923 You're not even going to recognise yourself in 30 minutes. 296 00:18:15,923 --> 00:18:18,123 Can you err on the side of natural? 297 00:18:18,123 --> 00:18:21,123 Shh, I can't contour if you're talking. 298 00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:25,283 TOILET FLUSHES 299 00:18:25,283 --> 00:18:27,043 Oh, my God. 300 00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:28,683 I love it. 301 00:18:28,683 --> 00:18:31,043 I look like I could have my own show on ITV3. 302 00:18:34,643 --> 00:18:38,243 You know, us Walcotts have incredible bone structure. Yeah. 303 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:40,443 Look, Catherine, right here. Mm-hm. 304 00:18:40,443 --> 00:18:43,043 Just got to subtly tease them out. Yeah. 305 00:18:43,043 --> 00:18:45,963 You're like a cheekbone archaeologist. 306 00:18:45,963 --> 00:18:49,043 You know, when I was a kid, this is all I ever wanted. 307 00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:54,123 A sister to do makeovers and dance routines with. 308 00:18:54,123 --> 00:18:56,523 Now look at us. 309 00:18:56,523 --> 00:19:00,163 Right, should we go and get a drink and watch the sunset? Yes, please. 310 00:19:04,883 --> 00:19:07,363 I've never felt better. 311 00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,403 Anyone got a boat called Catkin? 312 00:19:09,403 --> 00:19:12,363 Yeah. It's floating down the canal. 313 00:19:12,363 --> 00:19:13,403 Shit. 314 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,123 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The boat. The boat. Oh, my God, it's our boat. 315 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,163 Oh, shit. 316 00:19:19,563 --> 00:19:22,163 THEY GASP 317 00:19:19,563 --> 00:19:22,163 Whoa. Oh, my God. 318 00:19:22,163 --> 00:19:23,643 Oh, my God, he's in. Oh, my God. 319 00:19:26,723 --> 00:19:27,923 Wow. Hmm. 320 00:19:31,883 --> 00:19:33,963 Yeah, mate, throw us that rope. 321 00:19:35,523 --> 00:19:38,443 It's like that bit from whatsit. Pride And Prejudice. 322 00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,403 No, Ex On The Beach. 323 00:19:42,443 --> 00:19:44,323 Oh, my God. 324 00:19:44,323 --> 00:19:45,723 Baby boy. Wow. 325 00:19:48,403 --> 00:19:50,403 Maybe we should go see if he's all right. Yeah. 326 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:55,083 I am so, so, so, so, so, so sorry. 327 00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:56,923 I'm such an idiot. 328 00:19:56,923 --> 00:19:58,403 Absolutely my bad. 329 00:19:58,403 --> 00:20:01,323 No worries. He needed a wash anyway. Shut up. 330 00:20:01,323 --> 00:20:04,843 Can I buy you two a drink as a thank you? 331 00:20:04,843 --> 00:20:08,083 That's OK, isn't it, Cat, if these two gentlemen join us? 332 00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,643 Yeah. Yeah. 333 00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:11,403 All right, I need to get changed first. 334 00:20:11,403 --> 00:20:12,763 Are you guys sticking around? 335 00:20:12,763 --> 00:20:14,963 Hell yes, we're sticking around. 336 00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:18,323 You try and stop us...being sticky. 337 00:20:19,683 --> 00:20:20,723 All right. 338 00:20:23,563 --> 00:20:26,723 When I flirt, I sound like Ed Miliband. Who? 339 00:20:30,683 --> 00:20:34,843 We did leave quite a few messages on his mobile, but never mind. 340 00:20:34,843 --> 00:20:36,603 Right, that'll be £600. 341 00:20:47,923 --> 00:20:49,643 Sorry about this. 342 00:20:49,643 --> 00:20:52,323 It only seems to work in the corridor for some reason. 343 00:20:54,883 --> 00:20:58,443 Cindy, the bloody doodah's stopped working again. 344 00:21:02,363 --> 00:21:03,763 Thank you for forgiving me. 345 00:21:07,283 --> 00:21:09,923 I just reached a point where I thought, 346 00:21:09,923 --> 00:21:11,803 "I don't want hate to define me." 347 00:21:13,723 --> 00:21:16,203 And I can't really blame you for falling in love with Colin. 348 00:21:16,203 --> 00:21:17,563 It's exactly what I did. 349 00:21:18,963 --> 00:21:20,603 Well, it's very gracious of you. 350 00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:26,203 Don't you feel any resentment towards him? 351 00:21:29,123 --> 00:21:31,523 I actually feel a peace about it. 352 00:21:33,323 --> 00:21:36,483 There was this woman that did my smear once. 353 00:21:36,483 --> 00:21:39,163 She told me she thought love was like a river. 354 00:21:39,163 --> 00:21:40,963 No-one can own a river. 355 00:21:40,963 --> 00:21:44,003 You can own the bank, but not the actual water. 356 00:21:45,403 --> 00:21:48,363 Colin was our beautiful, swirling river 357 00:21:48,363 --> 00:21:50,203 and we just had to let him flow 358 00:21:51,883 --> 00:21:54,003 People really open up to you. 359 00:21:54,003 --> 00:21:57,523 Well, to be fair, I was really opening up to her. 360 00:21:57,523 --> 00:21:59,003 Oh, it's decided to work now. 361 00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:04,843 Right, sorry about that. If you could just insert your PIN. 362 00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:12,283 Smashing. 363 00:22:14,243 --> 00:22:16,523 And there is your will. 364 00:22:21,203 --> 00:22:22,843 It's very straightforward. 365 00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:26,283 The majority of it goes to Tess as his lawful wedded wife. 366 00:22:26,283 --> 00:22:29,563 And the rest of it's divided equally between the three children. 367 00:22:30,723 --> 00:22:32,723 Sorry, what do you mean "three" children? 368 00:22:34,923 --> 00:22:37,003 The cheating bastard! 369 00:22:38,723 --> 00:22:41,043 So how do you two know each other? That's my sister. 370 00:22:41,043 --> 00:22:42,763 I'm Cat and she's Cathy. 371 00:22:42,763 --> 00:22:45,203 We're actually both Catherines. 372 00:22:45,203 --> 00:22:47,003 I'm a Catherine. Really? Yeah. 373 00:22:47,003 --> 00:22:49,163 Well, everyone calls me Kitty. Oh, my God. 374 00:22:50,283 --> 00:22:53,403 Jackpot. Hey, I don't mind telling you 375 00:22:53,403 --> 00:22:55,803 but I have got my drinking lips on tonight. 376 00:22:55,803 --> 00:22:57,683 Shh. Oh. 377 00:22:57,683 --> 00:23:00,683 Here, Cathy, Cathy. Hmm? She's another Catherine. Yeah. 378 00:23:00,683 --> 00:23:02,643 Oh! Three Catherines! 379 00:23:02,643 --> 00:23:05,283 The Holy Catherinity! 380 00:23:05,283 --> 00:23:07,523 Oh, Catherine, you'll like this. 381 00:23:07,523 --> 00:23:10,923 My dad - our dad - he has a photograph of himself 382 00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:12,683 outside this pub. 383 00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:14,883 And so we thought that we would take a pilgrimage here 384 00:23:14,883 --> 00:23:16,563 today on his yacht. 385 00:23:16,563 --> 00:23:19,923 It's technically a two-berth cruiser. Hold on. Who's your dad? 386 00:23:19,923 --> 00:23:21,963 Cos I might know him - this is my mum's pub. 387 00:23:21,963 --> 00:23:26,243 Well, he died, unfortunately, but, um, Colin Walcott. 388 00:23:26,243 --> 00:23:28,323 Colin? 389 00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:31,003 Walc... Colin's dead. 390 00:23:32,443 --> 00:23:34,803 Oh, my God! 391 00:23:34,803 --> 00:23:36,603 Colin's died. 392 00:23:37,923 --> 00:23:40,323 God! That's... Sorry. Bloody hell. 393 00:23:40,323 --> 00:23:44,923 Like... Well, because he used to do our pub quizzes on Thursdays. 394 00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:48,083 My God! My mum's going to be knocked for six about that. 395 00:23:48,083 --> 00:23:51,003 Oh, God. I think I need a drink. 396 00:23:51,003 --> 00:23:52,323 Oh. 397 00:23:54,123 --> 00:23:56,523 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 398 00:23:56,523 --> 00:24:00,283 How... I don't know how I'm going to tell my mum about this. 399 00:24:00,283 --> 00:24:03,443 To Colin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 400 00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:05,723 To Dad! To Dad! 401 00:24:08,163 --> 00:24:10,083 Oh. Ooh. 402 00:24:10,083 --> 00:24:13,203 So, Kitty, about the Thursday thing with Colin. 403 00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:17,203 Oy, oy, saveloy sausages. Not... Not jizz. 404 00:24:17,203 --> 00:24:18,923 Um... Just in time. 405 00:24:18,923 --> 00:24:20,643 We're going to be doing some shots. 406 00:24:20,643 --> 00:24:23,803 Two more of those diddy little glasses, please. 407 00:24:23,803 --> 00:24:26,803 Cool. Right. Um, Cathy, Cathy. 408 00:24:27,803 --> 00:24:30,483 Just one more shot with the lads to say thank you and then 409 00:24:30,483 --> 00:24:34,163 we'll find a table and we'll sit and we'll watch the sunset, you and me. 410 00:24:34,163 --> 00:24:37,083 Sister sunset. Yeah, I'll join you outside. 411 00:24:37,083 --> 00:24:40,043 So a toast to... 412 00:24:41,163 --> 00:24:43,083 ..ballsacks. 413 00:24:43,083 --> 00:24:46,443 To ballsacks. To ballsacks. To ballsacks. Ballsacks. 414 00:24:48,843 --> 00:24:50,963 Ah. 415 00:24:50,963 --> 00:24:52,603 Gah. 416 00:24:52,603 --> 00:24:56,963 Pick up. Come on. Pick up, pick up, pick up. 417 00:24:56,963 --> 00:24:58,843 They're not picking up. 418 00:24:58,843 --> 00:25:02,363 OK, er, where have they gone to? Marilyn, where are they staying? 419 00:25:02,363 --> 00:25:04,803 Where are the girls going to? 420 00:25:04,803 --> 00:25:08,403 I am raging here, Tess. I am boiling over. 421 00:25:08,403 --> 00:25:10,563 I mean, it's one thing to have a wife 422 00:25:10,563 --> 00:25:13,003 but quite another to take an extra lover. 423 00:25:13,003 --> 00:25:16,923 OK. What...? The three-timing... Marilyn. ..sex-pest piece of shit. 424 00:25:16,923 --> 00:25:18,403 Marilyn. Right, Marilyn. 425 00:25:18,403 --> 00:25:21,203 Right, Marilyn. What an idiot! Marilyn! 426 00:25:21,203 --> 00:25:24,363 Focus. Where are the girls? 427 00:25:27,643 --> 00:25:30,163 At the pub. 428 00:25:32,163 --> 00:25:34,923 There you are. Why don't you come back inside and dance? 429 00:25:34,923 --> 00:25:38,283 I'm all right, thanks. Oh, come on. Come inside. 430 00:25:38,283 --> 00:25:41,683 Those guys are a real top pair of spunk buckets. 431 00:25:41,683 --> 00:25:45,243 Not that I'm objectifying them - they're also really nice guys, 432 00:25:45,243 --> 00:25:47,323 boys, men, males. 433 00:25:47,323 --> 00:25:50,123 I don't feel like it, OK? 434 00:25:50,123 --> 00:25:52,403 Sorry. Are you in a snot with me? No. 435 00:25:53,563 --> 00:25:55,923 Wait! Are you jealous? 436 00:25:55,923 --> 00:25:57,843 This was supposed to be our honeymoon, 437 00:25:57,843 --> 00:25:59,963 then them guys just turned up and now I just feel 438 00:25:59,963 --> 00:26:02,083 like a proper gooseberry. 439 00:26:09,643 --> 00:26:11,643 Sorry about the sunset. 440 00:26:11,643 --> 00:26:14,243 Yeah, well, it was all right. 441 00:26:14,243 --> 00:26:18,443 Sorry, I just... I think I got over excited by the builders. 442 00:26:18,443 --> 00:26:20,563 Don't apologise. 443 00:26:22,483 --> 00:26:24,363 They were fit. 444 00:26:24,363 --> 00:26:26,083 Yeah. 445 00:26:26,083 --> 00:26:28,403 Well... 446 00:26:28,403 --> 00:26:30,323 I owe you a thank you. 447 00:26:30,323 --> 00:26:35,243 And not just for excavating my natural cheek bones, but for this. 448 00:26:36,323 --> 00:26:38,243 For all of this. 449 00:26:38,243 --> 00:26:41,363 If it wasn't for you, I would probably be married to a man 450 00:26:41,363 --> 00:26:45,523 I didn't love and I would never have the confidence 451 00:26:45,523 --> 00:26:47,803 to toast a man's ballsack. 452 00:26:47,803 --> 00:26:49,683 I've got you to thank for everything. 453 00:26:51,923 --> 00:26:53,603 You're making me emotional now. 454 00:26:53,603 --> 00:26:55,763 MUSIC: Dance Wiv Me by Dizzee Rascal 455 00:26:55,763 --> 00:26:59,003 Oh, my God! Rave from the grave. 456 00:26:59,003 --> 00:27:02,603 I haven't heard this since my school leavers' ball. Come on. 457 00:27:02,603 --> 00:27:05,283 Isn't that when you got off with the maths teacher? 458 00:27:05,283 --> 00:27:08,803 It was one slow dance to end a very intense year of maths. 459 00:27:08,803 --> 00:27:11,483 # 100%, I'll make it perfect You got a body to die for 460 00:27:11,483 --> 00:27:13,883 # Let me merk it Now it's murder on the dance floor 461 00:27:13,883 --> 00:27:16,443 # I wanna take this further On the dance floor 462 00:27:16,443 --> 00:27:18,603 # I ain't forceful But I'm still hardcore 463 00:27:18,603 --> 00:27:20,683 # You're gonna give me everything I ask for 464 00:27:20,683 --> 00:27:22,803 # It's not a long ting you're the boom ting 465 00:27:22,803 --> 00:27:24,803 # Maybe more than the hotel room ting 466 00:27:24,803 --> 00:27:26,963 # I never know if I just walk past 467 00:27:26,963 --> 00:27:30,043 # I really wanna dance So I guess I'll just ask... # 468 00:27:30,043 --> 00:27:33,123 Here, the best way to get over a horse is to get off 469 00:27:33,123 --> 00:27:35,243 with two other horses at the same time. 470 00:27:35,243 --> 00:27:37,843 # Satisfy my mind, body and soul 471 00:27:37,843 --> 00:27:39,523 # Come and dance with me Come and dance with me 472 00:27:39,523 --> 00:27:41,723 # Come and dance with me Come and dance with me 473 00:27:41,723 --> 00:27:44,043 # I see you glance at me That's why I'm asking, B 474 00:27:44,043 --> 00:27:46,203 # So let's party, B Come and dance with me 475 00:27:46,203 --> 00:27:50,283 # If I'm out on my own Then I can look at you looking at me 476 00:27:50,283 --> 00:27:51,723 # If I'm out on a date... # 477 00:27:51,723 --> 00:27:53,083 PHONE RINGS 478 00:27:53,083 --> 00:27:55,523 Hello. 479 00:27:55,523 --> 00:27:58,883 What? Yeah, yeah, one second. 480 00:27:58,883 --> 00:28:03,283 Cat! Cat! Cat! 481 00:28:03,283 --> 00:28:05,323 Phone for you. 482 00:28:07,923 --> 00:28:10,483 Hello. 483 00:28:11,803 --> 00:28:14,443 I can't hear you, Mum, you'll have to talk up. 484 00:28:14,443 --> 00:28:18,283 You've got a brother. He's called Callum. 485 00:28:18,283 --> 00:28:21,683 Oi, Callum. What are you drinking? 486 00:28:28,803 --> 00:28:32,043 NO-O-O-O-O!