1 00:00:08,067 --> 00:00:11,300 - Right, I have bleached the loo, 2 00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:14,000 I've gone over the Nest login with Mum, 3 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,667 I've emptied the bathroom bins, 4 00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:18,300 and I have done a pee. 5 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:19,800 Oh, and you'll need to hand-wash that cup. 6 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,100 - Yes, I will... 7 00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:22,967 Wow! 8 00:00:24,367 --> 00:00:25,600 Schwing! 9 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,200 - Please don't schwing me, Marcus! 10 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,433 It's objectifying and it makes me feel old. 11 00:00:29,433 --> 00:00:30,533 - Sorry. 12 00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:32,300 I was just schwinging you entirely 13 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,800 in the spirit of empowerment and respect. 14 00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:37,467 - I'm sorry. 15 00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:38,367 Pre-wedding nerves. 16 00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:39,733 - Right. 17 00:00:39,733 --> 00:00:41,400 Ms Walcott, are you ready for your 18 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,033 last drinks partay as a single laday? 19 00:00:45,533 --> 00:00:46,367 - Yeah. 20 00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:48,167 I guess. 21 00:00:48,167 --> 00:00:49,133 Right, have you got the car keys? 22 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,467 - Yep here you go. 23 00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:53,967 - Shit balls! 24 00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:58,833 - Sorry. 25 00:00:58,833 --> 00:01:01,167 * Dreamer 26 00:01:01,167 --> 00:01:04,067 * You know you are a dreamer 27 00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:08,633 * Well can you put your hands in your head? * 28 00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:11,800 (classical music) 29 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,600 - Ambassador, with these, um... 30 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:15,533 - They're grape, 31 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:17,467 chutney and Brie crostini. 32 00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:20,733 - With these Brie, chutney and grape-- 33 00:01:20,733 --> 00:01:21,567 - I get it, Dawn. 34 00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:22,600 - Grape crostini-- 35 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:23,967 - Yes, you don't have to finish. 36 00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:25,600 - Are really spoiling us! 37 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:26,433 Hats off! 38 00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:27,533 Big time! 39 00:01:27,533 --> 00:01:29,067 Is there anymore of this cava? 40 00:01:29,067 --> 00:01:30,500 - It's champagne. 41 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,433 Make sure people know that, and don't drink all of it! 42 00:01:33,433 --> 00:01:35,133 I want there to be some left when Marcus' parents... 43 00:01:35,133 --> 00:01:36,767 Oh, speak of the devil! 44 00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:38,900 Shray, Mishti! 45 00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:39,900 Welcome, welcome. 46 00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:43,100 - I'm sorry we're late. I had to perform 47 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:45,533 an emergency DRC, and it rather dragged on. 48 00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:47,433 - I don't know what that is but, 49 00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:49,133 boy, do I like the sound of it! 50 00:01:49,133 --> 00:01:51,500 - It's re-plumbing a tear duct. 51 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,667 - Hello, I'm Dawn. 52 00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:54,367 I'm Tess' sister. 53 00:01:54,367 --> 00:01:57,433 It is an honor to meet you, 54 00:01:57,433 --> 00:01:58,233 Dr Tandell. 55 00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:01,133 - Please, call me Mr. 56 00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:03,067 - Oh, don't be so modest! 57 00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:04,167 - No, I'm a surgeon. 58 00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:06,300 The correct title is Mr. 59 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,867 It's a common mistake. 60 00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:09,100 - It's Mr. 61 00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:11,233 - Well, I think I deserve a drink. 62 00:02:11,233 --> 00:02:14,200 Get me a glass would you, darling? 63 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,333 - So, I'm waiting with bated breath, Mr Shray! 64 00:02:19,233 --> 00:02:21,067 How did the op go? 65 00:02:21,067 --> 00:02:23,500 - Well, let's just say, when he came around, 66 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,533 he wept tears of joy 67 00:02:25,533 --> 00:02:27,067 from both eyes. 68 00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,233 - Oh! 69 00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:29,067 - Excuse me. 70 00:02:37,067 --> 00:02:38,833 - You've got lipstick on your teeth. 71 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:47,267 - Hi! 72 00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:51,633 - Right. 73 00:02:51,633 --> 00:02:52,733 Let's get you set up. 74 00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:53,967 You hungry? 75 00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:56,200 Do you want to watch some telly on me phone? 76 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,233 Oh, no, I can't. 77 00:02:57,233 --> 00:02:58,533 I'm on maid of honor duty. 78 00:02:58,533 --> 00:03:01,067 I've got to be on it like a bonnet. 79 00:03:01,067 --> 00:03:02,900 What's this, cheese on toast? 80 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:04,567 - Kind of, yeah. 81 00:03:04,567 --> 00:03:05,800 - I'll save it for later. 82 00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:17,200 - It's about sort of four inches across, two inches wide... 83 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,200 - Oh, no, thanks, keto diet. 84 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,667 - Oh, these are for milady of the bride. 85 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,667 - I was just picking Mr Shippen's brains about the-- 86 00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:25,933 - If you call me Mr Shippen again, 87 00:03:25,933 --> 00:03:28,333 I'm going to put you in detention! 88 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,800 - Sorry! 89 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,100 I was just picking Sir's brains about the wall scuff. 90 00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,733 - What you stressing about a scuff on the wall for? 91 00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:36,567 It's your wedding eve! 92 00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:37,900 - It's annoying! 93 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:40,600 I've tried putty rubber, a damp cloth, Vanish. 94 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,667 Someone told me to spit on it with vinegar. 95 00:03:42,667 --> 00:03:44,733 - Have you tried a baby wipe? 96 00:03:44,733 --> 00:03:47,633 - I don't use baby wipes cos of the fatbergs. 97 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,733 - Do you know anyone who's actually 98 00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:53,500 seen a fatberg with their own eyes, 99 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,433 or did you just read about it in The Guardian? 100 00:03:57,633 --> 00:03:58,900 Don't shoot the messenger. 101 00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:00,900 Nige! 102 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,167 - Unbelievable! 103 00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:07,733 How can he be a geography teacher and a fatberg denier? 104 00:04:07,733 --> 00:04:10,067 I thought he was one of the good guys. 105 00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:11,367 Bet he voted Leave! 106 00:04:12,233 --> 00:04:13,067 - Leave what? 107 00:04:14,533 --> 00:04:17,067 - So sorry, but do these have dairy in them? 108 00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:17,833 - Oh, bollocks! 109 00:04:32,933 --> 00:04:34,100 - Do you need a top-up? 110 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:35,333 - Oh, thanks. 111 00:04:35,333 --> 00:04:37,700 God, this is hellish! 112 00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:40,400 You're a saint, you know, waiting on these awful people. 113 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,833 - Oh! 114 00:04:41,833 --> 00:04:44,067 I don't work here I'm a guest. 115 00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:45,800 - Oh, God, I'm so sorry! 116 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:46,833 - No, not at all. 117 00:04:48,633 --> 00:04:50,967 I don't want to be here either. 118 00:04:50,967 --> 00:04:51,867 Who made you come? 119 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:54,833 - I'm the mother of the groom. 120 00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:55,833 - Oh. 121 00:04:55,833 --> 00:04:56,667 - You? 122 00:04:58,067 --> 00:05:01,833 - I made love to Cathy's father for three glorious decades. 123 00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,800 - And that is why you should never trust your GP. 124 00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,433 - Sorry, ladies. 125 00:05:11,433 --> 00:05:13,900 Would I be able to steal the groom for a second, please? 126 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,167 Thank you. 127 00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:17,267 Bit of an odd one, but that scuff on the wall 128 00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,933 is really bothering me, and I was just wondering whether 129 00:05:19,933 --> 00:05:22,467 you could nip me to the DIY store, and then 130 00:05:22,467 --> 00:05:24,433 I could just get it out of my mind before we go away? 131 00:05:24,433 --> 00:05:25,833 - God, Cathy I... 132 00:05:25,833 --> 00:05:28,400 Hi, hi, lovely to see you! 133 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,933 - It would just really put my mind at rest. 134 00:05:29,933 --> 00:05:32,200 - Um, look. I'm on my third glass of fizz... 135 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,133 - Please, Marcus! 136 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,600 - I don't get it. 137 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,200 It's just a stupid scuff. 138 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,567 Let's just enjoy ourselves, hm? 139 00:05:39,567 --> 00:05:41,500 - Yeah you're completely right. 140 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,333 - Okay? 141 00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:43,167 - Yeah, of course. 142 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,600 - [Rupert] Hey save it for the wedding night! 143 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,767 - Shut up, Rupert! 144 00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:54,567 - Oh, come here! 145 00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:57,867 Like that. 146 00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:05,900 - You know it's staff only back here? 147 00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,067 - Maid of honor, access all areas. 148 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:08,900 - Yeah? 149 00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,967 All areas? 150 00:06:10,967 --> 00:06:12,433 - All areas. 151 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:17,333 Oh great job, guys. 152 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,533 Just to let you know that the mini cheeses on toast 153 00:06:19,533 --> 00:06:21,433 were absolutely disgusting! 154 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,333 But, otherwise, you're nailing it. 155 00:06:33,833 --> 00:06:35,067 - You, 156 00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,533 Cat! 157 00:06:36,533 --> 00:06:39,167 Do you see that girl over there, by the cellist, yeah? 158 00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:42,167 That is Verity Longworth, and she's a pilot. 159 00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:45,700 Verity was due to be maid of honor 160 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,900 until you tipped up on the scene. 161 00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,600 - I mean, I am Cathy's sister. 162 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:50,600 - No! 163 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,267 Half-sister, you are only a half. 164 00:06:53,267 --> 00:06:55,200 - That's still 50% more than the pilot. 165 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,967 - If anything goes wrong, anything 166 00:06:58,967 --> 00:07:00,733 I will blame you. 167 00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:02,333 - All right, cava breath! 168 00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:04,867 - It's champagne! 169 00:07:06,267 --> 00:07:09,400 - And if you know your history, said the geography teacher, 170 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,667 you'd realize that all of this is just cyclical 171 00:07:11,667 --> 00:07:15,233 and there's irrefutable scientific evidence to support it, 172 00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:16,667 and you can quote me on that. 173 00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:26,167 - Better not be sending dick pics. 174 00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:28,900 I'm messing, mate. 175 00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:29,733 - Oh, yeah! 176 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:33,333 No, no, no I'm just checking in on the BA app 177 00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:34,800 for our flights tomorrow after the wedding. 178 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,133 - Okay, cool. 179 00:07:36,133 --> 00:07:37,667 Well, I can't piss about cos I'm on duty, 180 00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:39,300 but I just wanted to give you your wedding present. 181 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:40,133 - Oh! 182 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,600 Oh, how kind! 183 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,067 We actually had a John Lewis wedding list, so... 184 00:07:44,067 --> 00:07:44,900 Oh! 185 00:07:46,167 --> 00:07:47,867 - My sister loves you and, because of 186 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,767 the ancient code of sisterhood, I must, on this, 187 00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:55,467 your wedding eve, extendeth my love to ye. 188 00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:57,333 - Two Cathys for the price of one! 189 00:07:57,333 --> 00:07:58,733 I don't mind if I do! 190 00:07:58,733 --> 00:08:00,133 - Don't cheapen the moment. 191 00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,733 No, but, seriously, treat her like a princess, 192 00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:07,800 or I will post to all the local forums that you sent 193 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,367 dick pics to your receptionist. 194 00:08:10,867 --> 00:08:12,900 Have a nice night, Marcus. 195 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:13,733 - Okay. 196 00:08:22,667 --> 00:08:23,900 (gasping) 197 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:25,300 - Oh, my gosh! 198 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:26,300 Oh, my gosh! 199 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,200 I locked it. 200 00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:33,067 Did you see anything? 201 00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:35,300 - No, nothing, I swear, nothing. 202 00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:36,933 - Okay. 203 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,967 - To be honest, I was just looking for somewhere to lay low. 204 00:08:38,967 --> 00:08:41,933 I feel like a spare prick at an orgy out there. 205 00:08:41,933 --> 00:08:43,500 - That's one way of putting it! 206 00:08:44,967 --> 00:08:47,933 - Do you fancy joining me in the party bunker? 207 00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:53,167 - Maybe just the one, huh? 208 00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:54,567 - Bottoms up! 209 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,067 Or, as Colin used to say, up your bottom! 210 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,800 Mm! 211 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,800 Oh, I love it when it goes up your nose! 212 00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:10,600 - Hi! 213 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,100 Oh, enjoying the nuts, great! 214 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:12,933 Cheers! 215 00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:15,267 Hey, hey, how much have you had to drink? 216 00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:16,733 - Nothing, why who said I've been drinking? 217 00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:18,067 - Huh? 218 00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:19,967 No, can you drive me to a DIY store? 219 00:09:19,967 --> 00:09:21,200 - There's still a free bar, babe! 220 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,467 Nobody leaves until the free bar ends, 221 00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:24,067 then everyone leaves at once. 222 00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:25,867 - You know, I am possessed by that scuff! 223 00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:27,733 It's eating away at my brain! 224 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,233 And if I don't fix it tonight, then it'll ruin my honeymoon. 225 00:09:30,233 --> 00:09:31,467 Please! 226 00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:33,067 We'll be there and back in 20 minutes. 227 00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:34,100 - Fine. 228 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:34,933 - Come on. 229 00:09:44,433 --> 00:09:46,533 - A trolley for one tin of paint? 230 00:09:46,533 --> 00:09:48,233 - You never know what you're going to get! 231 00:09:48,233 --> 00:09:49,400 Oh those boxes are-- 232 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,533 - Oh, shit keep walking. 233 00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:53,967 - Well, well, well! 234 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:56,767 If it isn't Cat Wallcock! 235 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,567 - Never got called that at school? 236 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:01,600 - Well, in a netball tournament once, 237 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,467 someone called me Wallclot. 238 00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,733 - Oi, dickhead! 239 00:10:04,733 --> 00:10:06,500 I'm livestreaming you. 240 00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:07,600 Who's this? 241 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,600 Your carer? 242 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,933 Oh, sorry your mad mum's carer. 243 00:10:14,233 --> 00:10:15,233 - [Cat] Let's just go and get your stupid paint 244 00:10:15,233 --> 00:10:16,933 and go back to the party. 245 00:10:22,033 --> 00:10:25,433 - Oh, that is ridiculously good value for Dulux. 246 00:10:27,233 --> 00:10:28,733 - [Tanoy] The store will be closing in ten minutes. 247 00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:31,600 Could all customers please make your way to the tills? 248 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,900 Except for the slag in Aisle Nine who should make her way 249 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,267 to the jet washers, cos her fanny stinks. 250 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,100 - God's sake. 251 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,700 Got this 24/7 at school. 252 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,233 - Why didn't someone say something? 253 00:10:44,233 --> 00:10:45,833 - Snitches get stitches. 254 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,967 And besides, Mum was housebound 255 00:10:48,967 --> 00:10:51,133 and Dad wouldn't be seen in public with me. 256 00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:52,233 Come on, let's just go. 257 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,200 - You all right? 258 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,067 - Yeah. 259 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,233 - I'm just going to take the trolley back. 260 00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:32,600 Yo Melanie, hi. 261 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,733 Uh, quick question, are you aware 262 00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:37,233 of the TV show "Secret Millionaire"? 263 00:11:37,233 --> 00:11:38,833 - Yeah why? 264 00:11:38,833 --> 00:11:40,100 - Great. 265 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:43,067 Well, you see Catherine Walcott out there yeah? 266 00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:46,733 Well, she has just inherited this entire empire 267 00:11:46,733 --> 00:11:49,900 from a childless uncle, and she was 268 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:53,833 about to give you a cheque for £22,000. 269 00:11:55,067 --> 00:11:57,133 But because of what you did back there, well 270 00:11:58,267 --> 00:11:59,633 you blew it. 271 00:11:59,633 --> 00:12:01,833 So, joke's on you. 272 00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:06,367 - Cat Walcott is a mad fantasist who pretended 273 00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:07,867 her dad was a roadie for Nickelback 274 00:12:07,867 --> 00:12:09,700 rather than admit he'd done a runner. 275 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:13,100 Now, can you leave the store, please? 276 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,067 We're closing soon. 277 00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:16,900 You want to get a takeaway tonight? 278 00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:17,833 - Yeah, why not? 279 00:12:17,833 --> 00:12:19,067 - Maybe Wallcock'll deliver it. 280 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,067 - Nobody calls my sister Wallcock, 281 00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:27,600 you messy, messy bitch! 282 00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:35,633 (upbeat music) 283 00:12:37,467 --> 00:12:39,133 Oh, my God! 284 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,067 Quick! 285 00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:42,067 - Shit. - Oh, my God. 286 00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:43,333 - You're barred! 287 00:12:44,667 --> 00:12:46,867 (laughing) 288 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:49,133 - Oh, my God, I can't believe I did that. 289 00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:50,433 Oh, shit. 290 00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:51,600 Do you think they got it on CCTV? 291 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,800 - God, yes, I hope so. 292 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,200 God, seriously, cheers, Cath. 293 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,667 You know, I've wanted to do that since I was 11. 294 00:12:58,600 --> 00:12:59,433 (phone chimes) 295 00:12:59,433 --> 00:13:00,367 Oh, is that my mum? 296 00:13:02,933 --> 00:13:04,133 - Hot waiter. 297 00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,333 Oh, is it a dick pic? 298 00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:06,900 I really don't want to see a penis. 299 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:09,067 - Yeah, I bet you're sick of them after what Marcus did. 300 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,367 - How do you know about that? 301 00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:13,567 Why didn't you say something? 302 00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:15,133 - Why didn't you say something to me? 303 00:13:16,467 --> 00:13:18,800 - I mean, he's changed. 304 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,067 He really is a good man. 305 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:29,800 (laughing) 306 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,467 - Do you think they've even noticed we're missing? 307 00:13:32,467 --> 00:13:34,600 I bet that Tess is still up Shray's arse, eh? 308 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:38,067 - Am I being paranoid, but do you think she doesn't like me? 309 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,533 (laughing) 310 00:13:40,533 --> 00:13:42,867 - Yeah, I can see why she might be a bit off with you. 311 00:13:42,867 --> 00:13:45,400 You're goddamn gorgeous, you're fun 312 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,733 and you're your own woman. 313 00:13:47,733 --> 00:13:50,500 - Not because I've been shagging her husband for years. 314 00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:01,200 - Aw does it get any easier, the loss? 315 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,533 - No. 316 00:14:02,533 --> 00:14:05,533 Just think I'm getting used to the feeling. 317 00:14:07,233 --> 00:14:08,633 Everything feels a little bit 318 00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:12,200 smaller and darker without him, but 319 00:14:13,533 --> 00:14:16,067 better to have loved and lost and... 320 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,567 One in the hand is worth two up your bush... 321 00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:22,067 What... 322 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:24,933 - Oh, I think you might need another drink, my love. 323 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,067 - Are you serious? 324 00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,967 You got me all the way over here for that? 325 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:34,300 - Why would you wrap a plastic sheet in more plastic? 326 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,533 It's probably going to end up in a dolphin's lung, 327 00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:38,233 do you know what I mean? 328 00:14:38,233 --> 00:14:40,400 I bet Mr Shippen doesn't even believe in plastic. 329 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,633 - He's got enough of it injected in his face. 330 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:44,467 - Balls! 331 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,500 I must've picked up the wrong color. 332 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,900 I wanted Natural Calico, and this is bloody Mineral Mist. 333 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:51,833 - Great, wicked. 334 00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:53,067 Well, just put the lid back on 335 00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:54,333 and you can take it back after your honeymoon. 336 00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:55,733 Cathy, we really need to get our skates on, 337 00:14:55,733 --> 00:14:57,900 otherwise we're going to miss the speeches. 338 00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:00,667 - Do you know what? 339 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,300 I'm going to have to paint the whole wall. 340 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,433 I'd rather have a whole blue wall 341 00:15:04,433 --> 00:15:06,167 than think about that scuff on my honeymoon. 342 00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:07,600 - Are you serious? 343 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:08,533 - Come on. 344 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,733 The quicker we get this done, 345 00:15:09,733 --> 00:15:11,433 the quicker we can go back to the party. 346 00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:16,433 - Okay. 347 00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:18,167 What? 348 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,767 I'm not messing up that dress it's from Boohoo. 349 00:15:20,867 --> 00:15:24,800 - Okay, so, I really just wanted to 350 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,333 welcome you all here to our little soiree. 351 00:15:28,333 --> 00:15:32,233 And, in particular, Mr Shray Tandell 352 00:15:32,233 --> 00:15:35,067 and his lovely wife Misty. 353 00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,467 - Did she just call me Misty? 354 00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:39,467 - Now, if you don't mind, I am going to 355 00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:41,700 hijack the mic just for a couple of secs. 356 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,733 - Sex I'd like some sex. 357 00:15:43,733 --> 00:15:45,967 (laughing) 358 00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:46,800 - Erm, yeah. 359 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,900 So, as many of you know, 360 00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:53,067 this past six months has been 361 00:15:53,067 --> 00:15:56,600 something of a demi-annus horribilis for us. 362 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,600 And, erm, it is true what they say, 363 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:03,067 that you really find out who your friends are when 364 00:16:03,067 --> 00:16:05,800 ca va chier dans le ventilo. 365 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,600 (laughing) 366 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,567 You'll pardon my French pronunciation. 367 00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:14,633 So, really I just wanted to thank you all for being 368 00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:16,933 bloody great mates. 369 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,133 And for all the lasagnas. 370 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,700 Most of which were home-made. 371 00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:25,167 - Mine was. 372 00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:28,233 - But I would like to thank two people in particular, 373 00:16:28,233 --> 00:16:32,733 erm, Cathy and Marcus. 374 00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:36,067 Ever since my ex left us, 375 00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:41,667 those two have been a pair of absolute megastars. 376 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,633 So, I personally would like to thank 377 00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:47,200 my beloved daughter Catherine 378 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,600 and her rock, and mine, Marcus. 379 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,867 So, come on up, guys, come on and be thanked. 380 00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,100 (applauding) 381 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:54,900 Where's, where's Cathy? 382 00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:56,467 Is she...? 383 00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:57,300 Cathy? 384 00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:58,667 Come on don't be shy. 385 00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:00,667 - Cathy? - Cathy? 386 00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,100 Anybody seen Cathy? 387 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:04,600 I'm not sure. 388 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,667 Well, let's have a toast. 389 00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:10,167 A toast to the future Mr and Mrs Tandell. 390 00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:12,667 - Doctor, he's a long way from being a Mr. 391 00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:14,867 (laughing) 392 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:18,833 - To the future Doctor and Mrs Tandell, wherever she may be. 393 00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:20,067 So, to love. 394 00:17:20,067 --> 00:17:20,867 - [All] To love. 395 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,167 - Cathy, what are you doing? 396 00:17:25,167 --> 00:17:27,667 - Well, this wall isn't going to match that wall now, is it? 397 00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:29,400 - Cathy, stop. 398 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,267 Call it weird sister telepathical shit, 399 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:32,667 but is this about your wedding? 400 00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:36,633 - No this is about an unfortunate scuff on the wall 401 00:17:36,633 --> 00:17:39,433 and the subsequent rectification of said scuff. 402 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,500 - Why are you talking like Judge Rinder? 403 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:42,700 Look, let's just call it a day, 404 00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,367 go to your party, we'll have a spring roll. 405 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:46,400 - It's not my party, is it? 406 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,733 It's my mum's party. 407 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,067 And she's only throwing it so that 408 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,467 she can pretend to all of her 409 00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:53,300 friends that everything's bloody brilliant without Dad. 410 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,700 - Well, yeah, it's still a bit shit to do a runner. 411 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,867 - Oh, I get it. 412 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,100 Of course. 413 00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,600 You just want to go back and bone that waiter. 414 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,300 - Why are you being a dick? 415 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:03,367 Just give me the brush. 416 00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:04,300 - No. 417 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,233 - This is an intervention. 418 00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:06,367 Just give me the brush. 419 00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:07,200 - No! 420 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:08,933 - Fine. 421 00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:14,067 Give me the brush. 422 00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:15,233 - No it's my brush! 423 00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:16,167 It's my brush! 424 00:18:16,167 --> 00:18:17,400 - I want the brush, Cathy. 425 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,733 - No, get off it! - Give me the brush! 426 00:18:18,733 --> 00:18:20,500 What is wrong with you? 427 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,733 Give it to me. 428 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:24,233 - Mad, mad! - Cathy! 429 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:25,067 Get away! 430 00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:28,933 - Come back! - No. 431 00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,333 - Just give me my brush. - No. 432 00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,400 - [Cathy] Catherine Walcott, come back here now. 433 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,233 - No no! 434 00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:36,900 - Let me in! 435 00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:38,700 - [Cat] This is for your own good, Cathy. 436 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:39,633 - Grrr! 437 00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:40,433 - [Cat] Go away you're mental. 438 00:18:40,433 --> 00:18:42,367 What is wrong with you? 439 00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:44,233 Crazy woman! 440 00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,300 You need help! 441 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,467 It's me, you still at the party? 442 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,467 - Marcus. - Argh! 443 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,500 Dad, you gave me a shock. 444 00:19:05,933 --> 00:19:07,467 - I'm going to ask you a question. 445 00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:08,633 - No, I'm okay. 446 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,200 - We have an expression in surgery 447 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,167 As hire As, 448 00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:21,133 and Bs hire Cs. 449 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,967 Basically, brilliant people surround themselves 450 00:19:24,967 --> 00:19:27,467 with other brilliant people in order to succeed. 451 00:19:28,633 --> 00:19:32,267 Whereas, those on the rung below, the Bs, 452 00:19:32,267 --> 00:19:35,533 they feel threatened and so hire even worse people 453 00:19:35,533 --> 00:19:36,900 to make themselves look good. 454 00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:39,400 - Oh, yes, I listened to a Freakonomics podcast-- 455 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,533 - No, there isn't an equivalent down in General Practice 456 00:19:41,533 --> 00:19:43,433 because, basically, it's one guy 457 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,733 in a cupboard diagnosing sniffles, 458 00:19:45,733 --> 00:19:47,200 whereas, up in surgery, 459 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,633 where it's literally a matter of life and death, 460 00:19:49,633 --> 00:19:53,067 you have to have complete trust in your team. 461 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,667 - I'd like to think that I save the odd one. 462 00:19:54,667 --> 00:19:56,167 - What I'm getting at is 463 00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:01,000 truthfully, what letter is Cathy? 464 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:03,300 - A. 465 00:20:04,167 --> 00:20:05,000 Definitely. 466 00:20:07,233 --> 00:20:08,700 - There you go. 467 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,400 I guess that's where love differs from surgery. 468 00:20:11,633 --> 00:20:12,967 She must really love you. 469 00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:15,200 - Yeah, she does. 470 00:20:20,133 --> 00:20:22,300 - Ugh, God, I need a whisky. 471 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,967 This cheap champagne's revolting. 472 00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,133 Where the fuck is your mother? 473 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,300 (laughing) 474 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,400 - Catherine Walcott, you'd better have a very good excuse 475 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,000 for why you're not at that hotel. 476 00:20:47,633 --> 00:20:48,567 - She's downstairs. 477 00:20:57,233 --> 00:20:59,267 (crying) 478 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:01,100 - What's going on? 479 00:21:04,267 --> 00:21:05,500 - Cat took my brush. 480 00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:08,433 I just need to finish the wall. 481 00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:23,367 * It's raining so hard 482 00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:28,367 * Looks like it's going to rain all night * 483 00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:31,500 * And this is the time 484 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:34,733 * I'd love to be holding you tight * 485 00:21:34,733 --> 00:21:36,367 What are you doing? 486 00:21:36,367 --> 00:21:37,900 - What does it look like I'm doing? 487 00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:39,700 I'm not going to let some wall ruin your honeymoon. 488 00:21:45,633 --> 00:21:49,100 - Gosh, that is very good value for Dulux. 489 00:21:52,633 --> 00:21:54,933 (laughing) 490 00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:02,167 - Can I just ask, are you 491 00:22:02,167 --> 00:22:03,800 sure you didn't see anything earlier? 492 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,433 You know, when I was peeing? 493 00:22:07,067 --> 00:22:08,600 - Not a sausage. 494 00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:11,967 Would it even matter if I did? 495 00:22:11,967 --> 00:22:12,800 - I know, but 496 00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:15,633 it's just I have this 497 00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:19,067 weird fear of being seen naked. 498 00:22:19,067 --> 00:22:20,700 I've had it since I was a teenager. 499 00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:21,533 I 500 00:22:22,933 --> 00:22:25,067 I shower in a bathing suit. 501 00:22:25,067 --> 00:22:26,900 - But you've got a great bod! 502 00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:28,800 - No, I don't but 503 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:29,633 thank you. 504 00:22:31,067 --> 00:22:33,067 - I've got this thing about the outdoors. 505 00:22:33,067 --> 00:22:35,800 I can barely leave the house. 506 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,967 God, what is wrong with us? 507 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:40,100 - Cheers For Fears! 508 00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:41,067 - Oh! 509 00:22:41,067 --> 00:22:42,433 I love that band. 510 00:22:44,067 --> 00:22:45,200 Cheers. 511 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,067 - Cheers. 512 00:22:47,433 --> 00:22:50,700 - Come to think of it, I got off with the drummer once. 513 00:22:50,700 --> 00:22:51,933 - No. 514 00:22:51,933 --> 00:22:53,167 - He had a massive-- 515 00:22:53,167 --> 00:22:54,633 - I've been looking for you for 20 minutes. 516 00:22:54,633 --> 00:22:56,267 I'm off to bed come on. 517 00:22:56,267 --> 00:22:58,433 - I'm going to stay here, actually. 518 00:22:58,433 --> 00:22:59,733 - I beg your pardon? 519 00:22:59,733 --> 00:23:01,700 - I'm going to stay here with my friend Marilyn. 520 00:23:01,700 --> 00:23:03,067 She's on the same floor. 521 00:23:03,067 --> 00:23:04,333 - Fine. 522 00:23:04,333 --> 00:23:05,233 Don't wake me up. 523 00:23:09,933 --> 00:23:11,167 - Cock. 524 00:23:11,167 --> 00:23:13,500 (laughing) 525 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:17,800 - Good job well done, that. 526 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,667 And I didn't mess up my dress. 527 00:23:19,667 --> 00:23:22,600 - Right, you go up and have a shower 528 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,733 and I'll clean up down here. 529 00:23:24,733 --> 00:23:27,433 - Mum, can you stay in my room tonight? 530 00:23:27,433 --> 00:23:28,400 - Of course I will. 531 00:23:29,833 --> 00:23:31,600 Which means you can stay in my room if you like, Cat. 532 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,467 - Oh, no, I'm good I'm out of here. 533 00:23:34,467 --> 00:23:35,767 Love you, 534 00:23:35,767 --> 00:23:36,600 you knobhead. 535 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:37,400 - Love you. 536 00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:41,400 - Thank you 537 00:23:42,733 --> 00:23:43,833 for calling. 538 00:23:43,833 --> 00:23:45,667 And for staying. 539 00:23:45,667 --> 00:23:47,700 And I'm, I'm sorry about earlier. 540 00:23:49,067 --> 00:23:50,100 - It's family, innit? 541 00:23:51,533 --> 00:23:54,067 Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an extremely horny 542 00:23:54,067 --> 00:23:56,267 hot waiter waiting for me in the hotel room. 543 00:23:59,633 --> 00:24:01,867 - Just to the third tree and back, okay? 544 00:24:01,867 --> 00:24:03,100 - Okay. - Okay. 545 00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:04,500 - Fear is not the boss of us. 546 00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:06,333 Ready? 547 00:24:10,733 --> 00:24:12,633 You're naked! 548 00:24:12,633 --> 00:24:14,067 And I'm outdoors! 549 00:24:15,933 --> 00:24:16,767 Mishti? 550 00:24:19,900 --> 00:24:20,733 Mishti! 551 00:24:35,067 --> 00:24:36,067 - Shit. 552 00:24:36,067 --> 00:24:37,567 Shit! 553 00:24:37,567 --> 00:24:38,400 Get out of bed. 554 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,867 Why didn't you set the alarm? 555 00:24:41,867 --> 00:24:43,400 Oh, you have the first shower. 556 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,967 I can make do with a hooker's flannel. 557 00:24:45,967 --> 00:24:48,767 Come on we haven't got time for this. 558 00:24:48,767 --> 00:24:50,267 - I don't think I love Marcus. 559 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,700 Why didn't you say something before? 560 00:24:55,700 --> 00:24:58,167 - I guess the wedding was the only thing keeping you going 561 00:24:58,167 --> 00:25:00,700 and I didn't want to let you down. 562 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,600 - How long have you felt like this? 563 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:16,533 - A few months. 564 00:25:18,500 --> 00:25:19,400 Maybe a year. 565 00:25:21,067 --> 00:25:23,933 Maybe longer, if I'm brutally honest. 566 00:25:23,933 --> 00:25:25,200 I'm so sorry, Mum. 567 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,833 - Don't be sorry. 568 00:25:28,067 --> 00:25:30,167 You can't marry him if you don't love him. 569 00:25:33,267 --> 00:25:35,933 I was crazy about your dad when I married him. 570 00:25:35,933 --> 00:25:36,767 I mean 571 00:25:38,133 --> 00:25:40,067 you know, it ended how it ended, but 572 00:25:41,700 --> 00:25:44,567 I could never say I didn't love him. 573 00:25:44,567 --> 00:25:46,333 - Are you sure you're not cross? 574 00:25:47,467 --> 00:25:48,300 - Oh, come here. 575 00:25:55,767 --> 00:25:56,600 Okay. 576 00:25:59,067 --> 00:26:02,067 We'd better cancel this fucking wedding. 577 00:26:12,467 --> 00:26:14,800 (laughing) 578 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:23,100 - Of course Marcus would be late for his own bloody wedding. 579 00:26:23,700 --> 00:26:26,133 (phone chimes) 580 00:26:27,533 --> 00:26:28,367 - Oh, God. 581 00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:32,767 - Shit the bed! 582 00:26:32,767 --> 00:26:35,867 - [Tanoy] The arrival of flight BA1392 from London Heathrow. 583 00:26:35,867 --> 00:26:37,633 - Did you speak to her? 584 00:26:37,633 --> 00:26:39,667 - No, I texted Mum. 585 00:26:39,667 --> 00:26:41,367 I thought it was best to let the dust settle. 586 00:26:41,367 --> 00:26:44,067 - Are you sure that you want to do this? 587 00:26:44,067 --> 00:26:45,500 - Yes, Meredith. 588 00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:47,933 I realized two big things last night. 589 00:26:49,133 --> 00:26:51,200 You're the only one that loves me for being a B. 590 00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:54,367 And also, my father's a massive C. 591 00:26:55,467 --> 00:26:56,967 - I don't get it. 592 00:26:56,967 --> 00:26:58,400 - It doesn't matter. 593 00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:59,233 Come here. 594 00:27:05,367 --> 00:27:06,200 Come on. 595 00:27:12,067 --> 00:27:13,500 - Cathy. 596 00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:15,500 Cathy, I've left you, like, a million messages. 597 00:27:16,667 --> 00:27:18,800 - Listen, I've got to tell you something. 598 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:19,667 - He's not here. 599 00:27:19,667 --> 00:27:20,833 - Who? 600 00:27:20,833 --> 00:27:22,067 - Marcus. 601 00:27:22,067 --> 00:27:23,833 Marcus has just text his mum saying 602 00:27:23,833 --> 00:27:25,300 that he's not coming to the wedding. 603 00:27:25,300 --> 00:27:26,800 - What? 604 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,767 You're confused, I'm the one not coming to the wedding. 605 00:27:30,767 --> 00:27:32,300 - Sorry, Cath, man, but I think 606 00:27:32,300 --> 00:27:33,933 you've been stood up at the altar. 607 00:27:33,933 --> 00:27:35,067 - No. 608 00:27:35,067 --> 00:27:36,567 No, no, no, no, no. 609 00:27:36,567 --> 00:27:37,733 Me. 610 00:27:37,733 --> 00:27:40,067 I stood him up at the altar. 611 00:27:40,067 --> 00:27:42,533 I'm the one not coming to the wedding. 612 00:27:42,533 --> 00:27:44,733 I'm standing him up! 613 00:27:44,733 --> 00:27:47,133 (screaming) 614 00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:51,300 * Don't you want somebody to love? * 615 00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:54,933 * Don't you need somebody to love? * 616 00:27:54,933 --> 00:27:58,633 * Wouldn't you love somebody to love? * 617 00:27:58,633 --> 00:28:03,633 * You better find somebody to love * 618 00:28:04,267 --> 00:28:08,833 * Love love 619 00:28:12,233 --> 00:28:15,733 * When the garden flowers