Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
Brava!
Bravo! Whoo!
- Incredible show. - I'm glad you liked it.
I was worried you wouldn't be able to connect
with a 19th century opera in a foreign language.
- Why would you think that? - Silly me.
Are you coming to bed?
No. I have some emails to send. Do you mind?
Hey, whatever you like. Just don't stay up too late.
It's a big day tomorrow for you. Fucking huge.
And you're gonna absolutely smash it.
I'm gonna be making more money than you.
Yes, you will, damn it. Oh-oh. What a thought!
You bloody love it, don't you?
Oh, I'm gonna make you rue the day you hired me.
"Rue the day"?
That's very sexy.
Sure you don't want to send those emails in the morning?
I'm sure.
Goodnight.
Thoroughly Magnificent Millie.
I think that maybe comes close to describing
our brilliant young miracle-worker,
a woman who has elevated fund management to a sublime...
No, no, let me correct myself, to a sacred level.
And our clients' faith in Millie challenges religion itself.
It is a faith beyond faith.
I hope I'm not being too restrained.
People say I'm very grudging with my praise.
- Absolutely. - But it's over to you, magnificent one.
Well, first, I'd like to thank our esteemed leader
for his restrained and grudging remarks.
Um, I've been incredibly lucky.
I'm lucky to have joined this firm.
I'm lucky to have had you all as my teammates.
And I am humbled, truly humbled
to have you ask me to head up
this bold and inspiring new initiative.
But...
I'm going to decline.
No.
I'm saying no.
Is she serious?
Millie!
What the hell are you doing?
Charlie, look, it's not who I want to be.
- It's not who I am. - Who do you think you are, then?
- That's for me to figure out. - Please, let me suggest something.
It's not too late.
I can explain to Victor
you're having a bad reaction to the pills.
- What pills? - Anti-depressants or whatever.
- I'm not depressed. - The whole world's depressed.
- You must take something. - You mean like vitamin pills?
One way or another, you're not in a calm state of mind, Millie!
Darling, let's just talk about it at home, all right?
Love you!
It's not about us, Charlie.
I've never felt better about us.
There's just something I've always wanted to do, that's all.
Which involves throwing away your career?
I don't know.
What if I have just done the most stupid thing
I ever possibly could've done?
Would it really make that big a difference to you?
Would you still love me?
Well, it seems to me that, without a job
or any real career prospects,
you'd probably have more time available for creative sex.
There you go.
Always looking on the bright side.
Get you in some leather, a bit of S&M.
By the way, what is it you've always wanted to do?
Later. I'm really tired.
Okay.
I've always wanted to be an opera singer.
Wha...
What, you mean... like in the shower?
Yeah, exactly. You got it in one. Just like in the shower.
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean... - No, don't worry about it.
I knew you'd understand.
Goodnight.
Come on, Tom.
Oh, sweetheart. You can try again...
They're not gonna take you seriously, Millie.
They'll look at you and say, "It's not a calling, it's just a whim."
It's not just a whim. I've always wanted to do this.
I've always wanted to sing.
I'm not going to spend the rest of my life
as a fund manager.
You think opera singing
is no more difficult than fund management?
Well, I'm going to give myself the year to find out.
- What, just to prove something? - No.
It's not just to prove a point.
It's... it's because it's what I want to do.
And why shouldn't I?
Why shouldn't I follow my heart?
It normally takes years,
and people mostly start a lot younger.
Patricia, I'm not that old and it is not too late.
I'm willing to do this with or without your help.
Okay. If you want to take the fast track, there is one way.
A competition, like Singer of Renown.
If you win, you land a role with a major opera company.
But you're up against the sharpest young singers in the country
at the peak of their form.
Okay. Well, where do I start?
Meghan Geoffrey-Bishop. She's a little unorthodox.
Well, as long as she gets results.
Oh, in her own way.
Most of her students are now in psychiatric care,
but the ones who survived became major stars.
- Uh... - Just joking. Don't worry. You will love her.
She's one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet.
She's supposedly retired, but who knows?
- I'll give her a call. - Thank you.
You're gonna change my life.
I hope not.
Stop! What are you trying to do?
This is one of the most delightful arias ever written
and you're turning it into noise pollution!
- I was... - Shut up!
Start again, bar 32.
Shit!
What do you want?
Hi. This is Millie Cantwell.
Patricia Hartley said she'd talk to you about me.
- Who? - My friend Patricia Hartley from the music conservatoire.
Did she call?
I don't know. I don't remember. What do you want?
Oh. Um, singing lessons.
Singing lessons?
Uh, yes, I'd like to study with you.
I'm not taking on any more students.
- I'm sorry. - Please. Uh...
Patricia said that you might be able to make an exception for me
and she also said that although your fees are very high,
it would be worth every penny.
Oh? And how high did she say my fees are?
Oh, pretty high.
And how much do the others charge?
As much as 100 a lesson.
And I charge quite a bit higher than that?
Yes, it seems so. Quite a bit.
All right, you can come and audition.
Oh! I... I have to audition to be your student?
Yes. I don't take on lost causes.
Um, can I send you a sound file?
What in God's name is that?
You listen to it on your computer.
I don't have a computer.
- Oh. Um... - Just a moment.
Um, I can give you half an hour this coming Saturday morning
at 8:15 sharp.
- 8:15 in the morning? - Yes.
Don't be late.
Why are you doing this?
I can do what I like.
You're supposed to be retired.
It's supposed be just me.
Well, so far, Mr. Just You,
you've been on what I would call a full scholarship.
I work for you. I do everything you need.
Yes, but you're not gonna get me a place
in a five-star nursing home, are you?
Or find the money to get the fucking roof fixed.
- I'll fix the fucking roof! - No, you won't.
Stop fretting about it. She won't pass the audition anyway.
- How do you know? - Oh, grow up.
Max! Come back here!
Bar 32.
I had plans. I was going to get us a puppy.
- A puppy? Really? - Yeah.
And I thought maybe we could look for a house together
and the dog would have a garden to play in and...
We will. Honey, we will.
Millie, why are you doing this?
To yourself. To us. Please, please, think again.
- Talk to your therapist. - I don't have a therapist.
- What? - I only pretended to have a therapist.
- Why? - I don't know.
Because you like complicated women,
and I didn't want to seem too plain and simple.
- But you are complicated. - No, I'm not.
You mean a genius fund manager
with a brilliant career ahead of her
runs off to join the circus.
That's not complicated?
I'm not going to join the circus.
I'm going to Drumbuchan to learn how to be an opera singer.
- Drum-who? - Drumbuchan.
It's in the Scottish Highlands.
Oh.
Well, that makes the circus seem quite rational.
Charlie,
you are going to raise your glass
and toast to my success.
Or go fuck yourself.
To your success, my love.
Well, that was fucking awful.
I'm gonna head over to work.
- What do you want done first? - Upstairs.
The sink in number two... disgusting.
Why? Are...
- Are you full? - No.
It's just that if I give you a room,
I've then got to give you a guided tour of the amenities,
then turn your bed down and put one of those after dinner mints on the pillow.
And in the morning, I need to strip the bed,
wash the sheets, dry the sheets,
mop the floor, clean the toilet,
and get one of those... one of those
"this toilet has been sanitized" things
and put that in the bowl.
And for what? For 45 pounds!
It's not really worth the effort.
If things turn out, I might stay a year.
What things?
Do you know Meghan Geoffrey-Bishop?
I'm afraid so.
I'm auditioning for her. I'm hoping she'll train me.
It needs a new hot water tap.
- Max, get the lady's bags. - What?
Get the lady's bags and take them upstairs to her room.
- Her room? - Yes, she's staying with us, Max, possibly for a whole year.
The bags!
The bridal suite.
I'm afraid it's all we have at the moment.
Training for anything in particular?
Yeah. The Singer of Renown competition.
Have you heard of it?
Uh... Uh...
I need to show you.
Don't touch that tap. Okay?
Uh, okay, so there's only cold water in the basin?
- That would be correct. - Does the hot water tap work in the bathtub?
I don't know.
- Can I try? - Okay.
Satisfied?
Um... sure.
Wait. Please.
Here. Thanks.
Uh, would it be possible to get something to eat?
Or perhaps you could direct me
to where I may be able to find something to eat.
No. This would be about your only choice.
But we were planning on closing the kitchen early.
Oh.
I'll ask the chef.
What would you like?
Uh... Do you have any local specialties?
She'll have the special!
You're very fortunate, you know.
We're usually booked solid on a Friday evening.
- So what happened tonight? - Who knows?
The winds of change, I venture to say.
The internet, social media. Live streaming.
We don't know who we are anymore.
You're from America.
Yes. But I've been living in London.
What did you do down there?
Um... I was in fund management.
Fund management. How was that?
Oh, I hated it.
Pay crap?
No, no, the pay was great.
Was your boss a tosser?
No. Actually, he became my boyfriend.
So if the pay was great
and you were on cordial terms with the management,
why did you hate it?
Uh...
It wasn't fulfilling.
Oh!
You're the chef here as well.
Is that so difficult to imagine?
Sorry.
Is there a problem?
A problem?
Do you always answer a question with a question?
Why would I do that?
This is really good.
Clever boy, our Max.
Hey, Ramsay, do you think he'll make it this year?
You think he'll break the curse?
I don't know.
I think he's up against some stiff competition.
- The Filthy Pig... - Are you serious?
Yes, The Filthy Pig, that's what it's called.
It's the only pub in the village.
Or it kind of is the village, as far as I can tell.
Is that really it?
Oh, no, apparently there's a tractor repair shop
and a post office somewhere,
but that's pretty much it.
Have you met your teacher?
No, I'm gonna meet her tomorrow morning.
Where is she?
Just over the hill.
- Well, good luck. - Hey, you never know.
Could be back tomorrow night with my tail between my legs.
I'm sorry about the circus thing.
Thank you.
Okay, goodnight, honey.
- Night. - Bye.
Got a train to catch?
Uh... no.
So you were just clearing your throat
in preparation for this audition?
Um... yes.
Good. That's a great relief.
Because I would absolutely hate to think
that you were impatient,
and had an obnoxious sense of entitlement
which goes with your overall appearance.
Am I making you nervous?
I said, am I making you nervous!
Or are you deaf?
- No. - No, I'm not making you nervous, or no, you're not deaf?
- I... I'm not deaf. - So I am making you nervous?
- Yes. - Good.
Then let's proceed.
Did you prepare something?
Y-Yes, I did.
What is it?
It's "Voi che sapete" from The Marriage of Figaro.
Okay, let's hear it.
Okay.
Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for me now.
Thank you. That'll do.
Um...
Well, that was incredibly mature.
That was so mature of you, so unbelievably mature,
that I'm thinking of creating a certificate of maturity,
a big one, and getting it framed,
so I've got something large and heavy
- to hit you around the head with. - She's dreadful.
It'd be a complete waste of time.
- You know that. - Oh, shut up, you idiot!
Don't do it! Don't lower yourself!
You ruined my audition.
Was the plumbing really that urgent?
Or did you just not like my singing?
Yeah. You're a complete amateur.
She's not going to accept you.
Really. Don't take any notice.
You are a sad excuse for a singer.
I could tell after the first note.
You have one party piece,
which is just above karaoke standard,
and you think you really are something.
The person who sent you owes me an apology.
- You owe me an apology. - I'm sorry...
Shut up! I haven't quite finished telling you
how worthless you are,
which is the first thing you need to know
when you become one of my students.
You're accepting me?
I'm accepting you as a challenge.
The sort of challenge it makes no sense to accept.
Why? Because supposedly I'm mad.
The Mad Diva of Drumbuchan.
- Thank you. - These are my rules.
- No drugs... - That won't be a problem.
No alcohol.
Um... uh, is that bad for the vocal cords?
No. It weakens the resistance to distractions.
But I'm staying in a pub.
Yes, ironic, isn't it?
And no visitors. You can leave the past behind.
Including that bubble of self-adoration you live in.
Some people say an opera singer needs to suffer.
And I shall certainly make things
as unpleasant for you as I can.
So maybe you should get out now
before it costs you anything.
I think I'll stay.
More fool you.
What do you think of Drumbuchan?
Um, it's quite charming.
Really? I can't stand it.
Then why are you here?
A woman came to me after seeing my Tosca in '83
and said she'd leave me her farmhouse.
It was only once I got here that I wondered if she'd actually liked my Tosca.
- Any questions? No? - Well...
We'll start in the morning.
All right, get out.
Are you ready?
- Uh... - He's my other student.
He's very good.
Are you surprised?
- Well, I just... - Yes, you are.
You're surprised that someone like Max can sing like that,
you condescending little bitch.
Come inside.
Do it.
I... I can't.
I said, do it.
My God, you're even worse than I thought.
Are you paying by check or cash? I prefer cash.
- Mrs. Geoffrey-Bishop? - Yes?
I would like to enter the Singer of Renown competition.
- Oh, really? - Can you prepare me for it?
- Yes. - Well, now that you've heard how awful I am,
how long do you think it'll take?
As long as you can afford.
Make it a double.
How do you know all about Meghan's rules?
You're in a place where there's not really a great deal to know.
I mean, you must've noticed
there's not really much happens round here to tax the brain.
So, therefore, I can proudly claim
to know everything there is to know.
Tell me about Max.
Ah, now, there's an exception.
I don't know everything there is to know about Max.
Nobody does. Not even Max.
I'll tell you what I think you want to know.
He's been studying with Meghan for about five years.
He's twice tried to win the Singer of Renown competition.
This will be his last attempt.
- Hello, Ramsay. - Aye, aye.
Just one more thing.
Is Meghan just taking my money,
knowing that I don't have a chance?
Well, you are sort of the local economy right now.
All right, there, Jimi?
Oh, Jimi, you look terribly well.
Open your mouth. Open it.
Wider, I said! Wider, girl!
Wider! Come on! La! La! Where's your tongue?
Stick it out. Stick it out. Stick it out. Stick it out.
Keep singing! Keep singing!
Singing! La! Come on!
Sing! Sing!
- Hi, darling. How's it going? - Great. Great.
Is "rear-ry" exciting.
You sound a bit strange.
Is everything all right?
- "Abso-root-ree." - Okay.
- How are you, honey? - I'm doing fine.
Good. I, um...
I can't talk "rong." She might check my phone.
- Who? - Meghan, my teacher.
She has "rures."
- She has what? - "Rures!"
What's that?
Warm salt water.
Well, it's hot at the moment,
but it should be warm by the time you're upstairs.
You gargle with it as long as possible.
Two minutes or more.
Don't swallow.
Should be okay in the morning.
She's a fucking sadist.
It's a process.
I bet she hasn't had sex in, like, 20 years.
Eight years.
You know, if you're going to take the young woman's money,
you should at least respect her efforts.
I mean, she can sing.
What business is it of yours?
Everything's my business!
You're behaving like an angry old diva.
It's as if you want to punish the young woman
because she could be what you should have been.
- Should have been? I was! - And look at you now.
A fallen idol, with only people like me to admire you.
Technically, Ramsay MacFadyen,
I know you have balls, and they're not a pretty sight.
But otherwise, you lack the manhood
to have a say about anything.
So how is it that you,
the very model of failure and downward mobility,
have come to give me advice?
Or is it more admiration?
Don't think of her as a rival.
Maybe you should think of her as the wind at your back,
which is exactly what you need.
Trouble is, I don't know if she's got the backbone to last.
Give me ten more slices.
God, how much is she paying you?
Let me make this clear.
Okay, I'm taking her money,
but I'm not just taking her money.
The girl might have potential.
How much potential?
I suppose we'll see.
Do you breathe through your nose or your mouth?
- My mouth. - Huh.
- Who is it? - Max.
Uh, just a moment.
- Yes? - If you decide
you want to breathe through your nose and your mouth,
you should read Rogers and Blum.
Pfeiffer argues that breathing should not be conscious and voluntary
but unconscious and involuntary.
Um, would you like to come in?
Uh, no.
There are different schools of opinion.
Sing loudly before you sing softly.
Sing softly before you sing loudly.
Mouth should move. Mouth should not move.
Raise the palate, don't raise the palate.
Diction's vital. Diction's crap.
It's all there.
Um, thanks.
So what's going on, pal?
Give us all the lurid details.
- What are you talking about? - You and the girl.
- What's her name? Molly? - Millie.
There you are.
You've committed her name to memory.
Copulation is sure to follow.
They say it's good for the vocal cords.
- His or hers? - Piss off.
Well, could be worse.
That young woman has shown more determination in the last three months
than you have in five years.
The future for you as I see it right now...
and I may be doing you a favor here...
is a typical cruise ship with regular burials at sea.
You'd do well on one of those,
crooning your way around a bunch of senile old deaf people
who all have one foot in the grave.
Pull yourself together.
Hello, Millie.
Oh, it's so nice to hear from you.
How's it all going?
Well, she has tried to kill me, but not for a while,
so I think there's a good chance I might actually survive.
You've come a long way.
I think you're ready for this.
- What is it? - A composition by Mozart.
Mozart wrote this?
Yes. Let's see what you can do with it.
Couldn't I try something a little more challenging?
Not for your first performance.
- As in public performance? - Yes. In Edinburgh.
At the Princess Royal Theatre.
Don't you think we're rushing things little a bit?
Yes, of course. But Edinburgh is a qualifier for Singer of Renown.
Now, do you want to go for it or not?
Why are you jogging?
What?
Why are you jogging?
For my lungs, mostly.
Did Meghan tell you to do that?
No, my boyfriend suggested it.
You've got a boyfriend?
Yes, I do.
Does Meghan know?
I don't see what that has to do with anything.
Is your boyfriend more important than your career?
My career as an opera singer?
Is this just an interesting hobby for you?
Why are you asking me all these questions?
Why is it any of your business?
- I'd like to help you. - Help me? How?
Well, for one thing, too much jogging's
not gonna do you any good.
I can show you some exercises that will expand your lungs
without damaging the rest of your body.
Max, why would you want to help me?
Because when you're at the Edinburgh recital,
you'll be there as one of Meghan's students.
I don't want her being publicly embarrassed.
So then, what would you suggest?
- Come over to my place. - Your place?
I shouldn't be visiting guests in their rooms.
I see.
Oh! Um, do you mean on my bare skin?
- No, that won't be necessary. - Oh. Okay.
- Sing. - Oh.
I can't feel anything. Try again.
No, I still can't feel anything.
Put your hands on me.
Um, could you do that again?
Yeah.
Can you feel the vibrations?
Um... yeah.
Do you think you can find those vibrations?
Mm-hm.
Oh, my goodness. Here she is.
Ah. Surprised to see you again, Max.
What keeps you coming back?
It must be the camaraderie.
Hey! What are you doing?
Max, leave me alone.
- What's happened? - I've had an epiphany.
Now is not the time for epiphanies.
Oh, no, now is the perfect time
because I can finally see what's going on here.
I am being set up to fail.
I'm not in the same class as these people.
I don't belong here, except to entertain you all
while I fall face-first into the shit.
You spoiled brat. Do what you like.
Ms. Emily Wheeler, ladies and gentlemen.
And next, we are pleased to welcome back from Drumbuchan,
Mr. Max Thistlewaite.
Max is looking to qualify for Singer of Renown,
under the tutelage of Mrs. Meghan Geoffrey-Bishop,
who is also with us here today.
Mrs. Geoffrey-Bishop.
Ladies and gentlemen, Max Thistlewaite.
Who are you with?
Um, Meghan Geoffrey-Bishop.
Oh. So you're entering Singer of Renown, are you?
Possibly.
How long have you been at it?
I'd rather not say.
That long, huh?
Afraid so.
Millie Cantwell. You're up next.
Mr. Max Thistlewaite.
And now we have a newcomer,
also under the tutelage of Mrs. Geoffrey-Bishop.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Millie Cantwell.
♪ Twinkle, twinkle Little star ♪
♪ How I wonder What you are ♪
♪ Up above the world So high ♪
♪ Like a diamond In the sky ♪
♪ Twinkle, twinkle Little star ♪
♪ How I wonder What you are ♪
♪ Then the traveller In the dark ♪
♪ Thanks you For your tiny spark ♪
♪ He could not See where to go ♪
♪ If you did not twinkle so ♪
♪ Twinkle, twinkle Little star ♪
♪ How I wonder What you are! ♪
You were good.
Charlie?
Why are you calling me so early?
What?
What do you want?
You need to see this.
I haven't got my reading glasses.
- What is it? - A review.
"The familiar voice of Max Thistlewaite
brought more of the same standard
that local concertgoers have come to expect...
technical proficiency of the highest order...
and a lack of the emotional depth needed
for an aria so full of erotic passion
as the Toreador song from 'Carmen.'
Much like perfectly cooked fish and chips,
without the zing of the malt vinegar,
there really isn't much point to it."
"An unfamiliar voice delivered delightfully unexpected results
when Millie Cantwell coaxed genuine grace and charm
out of Mozart's witty variations
on 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.'
We must be sure to keep an eye out for Ms. Cantwell.
What we heard was the nascence of a beautiful voice,
full of feeling, but free of pretension or condescension."
Twinkle-twinkle, fucking star!
You think the girl could do it?
Think she could go on to win the Singer of Renown?
It is possible.
Is that what you want?
It's nothing to do with what I want.
If she comes out on top, then it's meant to be.
I don't understand, he...
Max came so close to winning last time. So damn close.
It'll break his heart.
What did you say?
I said, it will break his heart.
Then maybe he'll learn how to sing.
It's lovely to see you, Meghan.
Oh, piss off.
Don't be pathetic.
It wasn't a negative review, it was a mixed review.
I'm fish and chips without the vinegar.
You're the victim of a pretentious critic with verbal diarrhea.
Millie's putting me to shame and you helped her do it.
Are you a man or a muppet?
She's what you'll compete with in the real world.
This is critical for you, you understand?
You're better than her, but she has tricks you don't have.
Learn what they are. Learn how she does it.
Now, sit up straight!
- Any other suggestions? - Yes.
You and Millie are going to prepare a duet.
What?
When people sing together,
they hear their own voice in a completely new way.
It's time you started.
You've been in your own cocoon for too long.
Here.
It's about acting too.
So watch her face. Watch what she does.
And learn from it.
So Meghan's pitting us against each other.
Well, we could look at it as a cooperative venture
where we challenge each other, raise the bar.
Then you agree it's a good idea?
Yeah, I do.
For one of us, anyway.
Well, whatever happens, happens.
In the meantime, we should behave professionally.
You deserve the same chance as I do.
That's very noble of you.
Don't get too emotional.
I won't.
Thank you, by the way.
For helping me prepare for the concert.
It made a big difference.
- Hey, sweetie. - I hope this isn't a bad time.
It is. I'm sorry. I'm actually running late.
Okay. Don't worry. I'll call you back.
- I have a little surprise. - Oh, God.
You haven't gone and bought a puppy, have you?
We'll talk later. Love you.
Okay, bye, love you.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Hello?
What?
Oh my God, what are you doing here?
I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I had to see you.
- Do they do food? I'm starving. - Yes.
Wow! That was delicious.
Who'd have thought you had to come to The Filthy Pig
to find the perfect meal?
My compliments to the chef.
- Hmm. Surly type. - Yeah.
Um, Charlie, I'm so glad that you came,
but why did you drive up here?
When I read out that review of yours to the team at work...
- Wait. You did that? - Yeah.
I've never felt more proud in all my life.
And later on, when I thought about it, I've never felt more ashamed
that I didn't understand who you are.
That I didn't even try to.
I mean, you sort of tried.
Well, I want to try harder, baby.
I can't imagine anything more exciting
than being the paramour of a great diva.
I'll massage your feet,
and I'll buy you flowers every day. How about that?
- All this just from one review? - Yes.
I felt terrible about how I misjudged you.
And that's why I drove all the way up here,
I really needed to tell you how sorry I am.
And how much I admire you...
and adore you.
You came all this way just to tell me that?
- Bye. - Bye.
You can go now.
Just one suggestion.
You might consider actually looking at each other
when you sing a love duet.
I'm sorry about just rushing off yesterday.
I really wasn't expecting my friend
to just show up like that.
That's okay.
- Can I ask you for a favor? - A favor?
Please don't tell Meghan.
About what?
About Charlie being here.
She just has this thing about visitors and...
other distractions.
I won't say anything. Don't worry.
Thank you.
- Are you and Charlie engaged? - No!
No, uh...
he's what you would call my...
significant other.
That sounds like a personality disorder.
It's not a personality disorder.
Well, it doesn't exactly sound like a love match.
You like her, don't you?
You like her a lot.
- Who? - Who?
Mabel the cow?
Don't play coy with me.
She says she has a commitment to someone else.
A commitment? Is that the word she used?
- Yeah. - Interesting.
Why is that interesting?
Well, it doesn't exactly reek of romance, does it?
Can I make a suggestion?
Go away for a few days.
To get her out of my system?
No. Because she'll miss you.
Are you serious?
How many jokes have you heard me tell?
Uh, where's Max?
Gone.
Gone, as in like evaporated?
That's a very poetic way of putting it.
But I just mean gone, as in "not here,"
as in "didn't turn up for his work,"
as in "not to be found at his usual place of abode."
So you'll just have to put up with my cooking.
Did he say how long he was gone for?
No. He didn't share that information with me.
This smells terrible.
- What are you thinking about? - Nothing.
What do you mean "nothing"? Are you a yogi?
Do you manage somehow to go into a deep meditative trance
and think of nothing while you sing?
No.
Really, if there's something on your mind,
you can tell me.
There's nothing to tell.
Sit down.
- You need to learn to control your emotions. - What?
When you sing the high notes, don't push the voice.
People will think you're showing off.
I will hold it back a bit.
And, by the way, you've qualified
for the Singer of Renown contest.
Oh, my God! I...
What about Max?
But of course.
Just in time.
Congratulations.
And to you.
To us, then.
Oh! Damn, that's good.
Let's hope Meghan doesn't find out about this.
We shouldn't worry about Meghan right now.
Where did you learn to cook like this?
- Meghan taught me. - Oh!
We've known each other a while.
It sounds like she was like a bit of a mother to you.
No, not really.
The only mother I can remember was Mother Superior,
and she wasn't very motherly.
But she did put me in the choir.
Why are you here?
Well, as you know, I gave up
a very comfortable life of white-collar crime
to become an opera singer.
But why opera?
I don't know.
I've always loved to sing.
And I think I'm irresistibly attracted
to the tragedy of it all.
Every opera ends in death and every love affair
is accompanied by pain and betrayal.
And it's just all so dramatic.
I don't know, it's like you get to sing it all out
and then have a good cry,
and you just feel so much better after.
And you know what? I love that every heroine in an opera
is not the kind of girl you'd bring home to your mother.
There's, like, the slave girl, the terminally ill girl,
and the hooker.
These men are forever getting mixed up
with the wrong kind of women.
It certainly happens.
It sure does.
♪ Oh, Elaine come out Oh, please, come out... ♪
If the Three Stooges could do opera, then I could do it.
- In fact, Shemp went to Julliard. - Huh?
- He was one of their top students. - Oh, that's beautiful.
♪ I see, I see, my darling Cedric standing there... ♪
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. No, no, no, no.
No. No!
I can't do this. This is a line I cannot cross.
I am deceitful, and I am a liar,
and I'm a two-timer, but...
I'm not technically a cheater, right?
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
And technically, I can say
I did not have sexual relations with that man.
Is that not so?
Yeah, you could honestly say that.
Okay. Good!
Look. I don't mind that we didn't technically have sex.
You don't?
What tribe are you from?
The I'll-take-a-raincheck tribe.
Oh.
So you see a future in this, do you?
No. I can't see anything at the moment.
It's all a blur. It's, um...
I don't know what to call it.
I'm sorry.
I'm just... I'm really confused right now.
About a lot of things.
The one thing I'm not confused about
is that I came here to win a singing competition.
So I need you to stay away from me until this is over.
I'll make my own dinners from now on. Okay?
Ahhh!
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
I'll see you in London.
Yeah, see you there.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Grand Theatre, London.
You are about to hear 15 remarkable young artists,
as they compete for the title of Singer of Renown.
Rosa Patullo to the stage, please.
Oh, God, that's me.
Are you okay?
No, no, no, I'm not.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay!
Oh! Oh! Okay.
- Oh, gosh. - Get it all out.
That's right.
Oh, that was a good one.
Feeling better?
Not much.
Well, the good news is you didn't get any on your dress.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
I can't. I can't go through with this.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
- I didn't think I would come to pieces like this. - You're not in pieces.
You are in one solid piece. Okay?
This is it.
You have to let go of my hand. Okay?
It's okay.
Please welcome Rosa Patullo.
Millie Cantwell. This is your ten-minute call.
- Who's up next? - Fergus McKenzie from Edinburgh.
- God, that's not good. - No.
Millie Cantwell to the stage, please.
Next, please welcome Millie Cantwell.
Whoo!
My God. She could win.
Aye, she could at that.
Max! What are you doing?
We promised we'd stay away from each other.
Millie, please, there's something I need to ask you.
Max, go away. You're gonna be up soon.
- Now is not the time. - No, now is the time.
Marry me.
I'm sorry. I need to pee.
- What did she say? - She said she needed to pee.
- Is that what you've decided? - Yes.
Will you tell him, or would you like me to?
No! No. No. Neither of us can tell him.
We can't tell him.
Just... Just please,
go out there and tell him that I'm really feeling sick,
and that I am completely overwhelmed.
And I can barely talk and just leave the ring here.
Tell him I'll see him later. Just let him sing.
I'm sorry, I can't lie to him.
What?
I can't lie to him. Can you?
What if this ruins everything for him?
What if he falls to pieces?
All these years of hard work and...
How can I live with that?
Do you intend to marry him or not?
No, I don't.
Then he will either sink or swim.
You are the hero of the story.
You are Figaro, the Barber of Seville.
Men admire you. Women adore you.
And you sing ecstatically of your accomplishments.
Your pride in who you are.
It is a song of joy if ever there was one,
all you feel is the wonder of the moment.
Max. Look at me.
You are a happy man.
Let's go.
You know, that guy, he reminds me of the waiter from the Filthy Pig.
Hi. We just had to come and say how very much we enjoyed it.
One word says it all. Divine.
No, it was more than divine. It was... superbo.
Fantastico. Bravo. Bravissimo.
Hope this helps. I can see how nervous you are.
Well, I don't stand a chance. Never did.
I don't agree. If you didn't stand a chance, you wouldn't be nervous.
Look, I've had an amazing year. No regrets.
But it'll be good to get back to reality.
That's a very healthy thing to say.
I can see now why you don't need a therapist.
- You're too kind. - Grazie.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce
that given the continuing high standard
of all the contestants in this competition,
in addition to the outright winner,
the organizers have decided to also award a second prize.
This year's second prize goes to...
Rosa Patullo!
- Thank you! - Wonderful.
Thank you so much.
And now the big moment.
The winner of this year's Singer of Renown is...
Max Thistlewaite.
Bravo, Max!
- Bravo! - Well done, Max!
Well done. Excellent.
Excellent performance.
Thanks.
- Congratulations, Max! - Well done, Max!
- I'll get that. Don't worry. - Thanks.
- Is that everything? - Yeah.
Wow, it's weird to be back.
What are you thinking about?
I should have realized...
there's no fast track.
A year is nothing.
One might say I should've gotten it out of my system by now,
but that hasn't happened,
and I don't think it's going to happen.
Charlie...
I don't think I'm going back to reality as we know it.
I'm gonna keep studying,
and I am gonna keep training my voice,
and I am gonna go back there one day and win that damn contest.
It's not over.
Did you just roll your eyes?
Fuck.
Fanella's quite sick.
- How sick is she? - Way too sick.
- She's out of it. - Well, who else is available?
We have a choice. They're both here.
There's Alyssa Friedrichs,
bit of a cow, but she did this at La Scala two seasons ago.
Then there's this new girl, still cutting her teeth,
but already making a name for herself.
- Right. - Millie Cantwell.
I can have either of them here this afternoon.
Uh... who would you go for?
Mmm... the cow.
Less interesting, but safer choice.
Mmm.
How's your bladder control?
Much better, thank you.
I... I took back the ring and they gave me a full refund.
Oh? Good.
Yeah, they said it happens about one in every three cases.
That seems like a lot.
Mm. Yeah, well, they're used to it.
They've had strongmen break down in their store and cry.
I hope you didn't do that.
How are things with your significant other?
He lost his significance.
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