1 00:00:01,345 --> 00:00:03,465 ♪ light synth music ♪ 2 00:00:03,553 --> 00:00:05,223 ♪ singers harmonizing ♪ 3 00:00:05,303 --> 00:00:07,853 ♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪ 4 00:00:07,929 --> 00:00:10,259 [Blair] Previously, on Black Monday... 5 00:00:10,345 --> 00:00:12,295 You borrowed money from actual villains who will cripple us. 6 00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,177 [Mo] All you have to do is keep Blair in the dark 7 00:00:14,261 --> 00:00:15,891 until he marries that Georgina chick. 8 00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:17,300 - Hi there! - [Dawn] I didn't hate 9 00:00:17,387 --> 00:00:18,507 your Blair plan; I hated that you didn't tell me! 10 00:00:18,595 --> 00:00:19,845 How do you guys get it done? 11 00:00:19,929 --> 00:00:20,929 I just don't feel like there's enough 12 00:00:21,011 --> 00:00:22,301 - hours in the day. - Cocaine. 13 00:00:22,387 --> 00:00:23,427 Should I try some? 14 00:00:23,512 --> 00:00:24,892 ♪ intense music ♪ 15 00:00:24,970 --> 00:00:26,600 You know what? Fuck your dad! 16 00:00:26,679 --> 00:00:28,139 I would rather fuck my father! 17 00:00:28,220 --> 00:00:30,850 I broke up with Tiff! 18 00:00:30,929 --> 00:00:33,639 [Melle Mel's "White Lines" plays over speakers] 19 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:38,140 ♪♪♪ 20 00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:40,350 [voices whooping] 21 00:00:40,428 --> 00:00:42,178 ♪ Bass ♪ 22 00:00:42,261 --> 00:00:43,051 ♪ Ooh ey ♪ 23 00:00:43,136 --> 00:00:44,506 ♪♪♪ 24 00:00:44,595 --> 00:00:46,295 ♪ Work ♪ 25 00:00:46,387 --> 00:00:49,007 ♪ Ooh, white lines ♪ 26 00:00:49,095 --> 00:00:50,885 ♪ Vision, dreams of passion ♪ 27 00:00:50,970 --> 00:00:53,350 ♪ Blowin' through my mind ♪ 28 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,508 ♪ And all the while, I think of you... ♪ 29 00:00:55,595 --> 00:00:57,595 I'm not getting a real "I made a huge mistake 30 00:00:57,679 --> 00:01:00,469 and I'm rushing back to my fiancée" vibe off him. 31 00:01:00,553 --> 00:01:02,143 I mean, it's gonna be tough to do the Georgina play 32 00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:04,550 - without the Georgina. - Nah, it's fine. 33 00:01:04,637 --> 00:01:06,847 You know, it's--He's just making cash for the first time. 34 00:01:06,929 --> 00:01:09,049 I mean, you remember the moneymoon period, Dawn. 35 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,716 [Mo] He'll get sick of this shit. 36 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,144 - [snorting] - [Mo] It's like when the nuns 37 00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:13,390 caught me smoking. 38 00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:15,140 They locked me in the closet. 39 00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:16,930 They made me smoke a whole carton of cigarettes 40 00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,141 till I didn't want another fuckin' cigarette 41 00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:20,260 - as long as I lived. - Hmm. 42 00:01:20,345 --> 00:01:22,385 - ♪ Ticket to ride... ♪ - [Dawn] Fuck this. 43 00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:24,220 It's been a month, Mo. We gotta step in. 44 00:01:24,303 --> 00:01:26,103 No, no, no--he's gonna get it outta his system. 45 00:01:26,178 --> 00:01:27,598 Don't worry about it. 46 00:01:27,679 --> 00:01:29,099 - [thump] - [gasps] 47 00:01:29,178 --> 00:01:31,048 - Come on, Blair. - [Dawn] Come on. 48 00:01:31,136 --> 00:01:33,136 - [Mo] Yeah. Ha. Hey, hey, kid. - [Dawn] Oh, yeah-- 49 00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:34,930 [Dawn] Guys he's gonna be okay? 50 00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,971 [Mo] Oh, good. You gave us quite a scare, Blair! 51 00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:39,053 [chuckling] Hey, buddy, I'd say being dead 52 00:01:39,136 --> 00:01:40,636 for a song and a half kinda qualifies 53 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,220 as hittin' rock bottom, don't ya think? 54 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,223 [Dawn] Hey, maybe we should call Tiff? 55 00:01:44,303 --> 00:01:45,183 - [Mo] Let's call Tiff, buddy. - [Dawn] Let's call her. 56 00:01:45,261 --> 00:01:46,511 Let's call her. 57 00:01:46,595 --> 00:01:49,295 [wheezy inhale] Fuck that bitch. 58 00:01:53,261 --> 00:01:54,761 ♪♪♪ ♪ Rang dang diggedy ♪ 59 00:01:54,845 --> 00:01:55,755 ♪ Dang di-dang ♪ 60 00:01:57,053 --> 00:01:59,683 Okay. "Fuck that bitch" isn't the best start, 61 00:01:59,762 --> 00:02:02,012 but Blair is a puss. 62 00:02:02,095 --> 00:02:03,965 Deep down, he still loves Tiff. 63 00:02:04,053 --> 00:02:06,143 We just have to remind him of that, and he'll take her back. 64 00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:07,640 I'm way ahead of you. 65 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,220 And these are... 66 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:11,223 Contestants for the Manhattan Pageant. 67 00:02:11,303 --> 00:02:13,853 Jesus. Are you still doing that dumb shit? 68 00:02:13,929 --> 00:02:15,889 Dawn, it's a venerable Wall Street tradition 69 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,550 to auction off the most eligible pit trader. 70 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,137 Look, just because I moved upstairs 71 00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,100 doesn't mean I forgot where I came from. 72 00:02:21,178 --> 00:02:22,548 It's a very prestigious honor 73 00:02:22,637 --> 00:02:24,007 to be asked to emcee this thing, you know. 74 00:02:24,095 --> 00:02:25,755 - You're emceeing? - [laughs] Hey, 75 00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:27,715 well, when you set the all-time auction record, baby... 76 00:02:27,804 --> 00:02:29,394 By having a couple of trick hos, 77 00:02:29,470 --> 00:02:31,430 as in tricka-mo-niasis? 78 00:02:31,512 --> 00:02:33,432 get into a bidding war over you with your money? 79 00:02:33,512 --> 00:02:36,102 It's for charity! The Afghani Mujahideen are 80 00:02:36,178 --> 00:02:38,098 in the fight for their lives with these Russian bastards. 81 00:02:38,178 --> 00:02:39,798 Fine, fine, fine. What does this have to do with 82 00:02:39,887 --> 00:02:41,257 getting Blair and Tiff back together? 83 00:02:41,345 --> 00:02:42,465 It is a honeypot, Dawn. 84 00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:43,893 A honeypot? 85 00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:46,680 Hogan's Heroes. Classic con. 86 00:02:46,762 --> 00:02:49,262 Look, we just have to convince Blair 87 00:02:49,345 --> 00:02:51,545 that Tiff is dating a newer, hotter guy. 88 00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:53,547 He's gonna get jealous, and he's gonna want her back. 89 00:02:53,637 --> 00:02:57,177 And there is no hotter guy than Jackson Polack. 90 00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:59,431 Ha. Yeah, the traders call him that 91 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,602 because he's Polish and he splatter-painted half the town. 92 00:03:01,679 --> 00:03:03,049 [scoffs] 93 00:03:03,136 --> 00:03:04,716 Ehh. I get it. 94 00:03:04,804 --> 00:03:06,644 Face: ten. Body: ten. 95 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,350 Brains: Polish joke. 96 00:03:08,428 --> 00:03:10,258 Exactly. Guy'll do anything for a buck. 97 00:03:10,345 --> 00:03:11,755 - [zipper whines] - Foolproof. 98 00:03:11,845 --> 00:03:13,215 So your plan is foolproof 99 00:03:13,303 --> 00:03:14,603 because it worked on a sit-com? 100 00:03:14,679 --> 00:03:16,639 Everything works on a sit-com. 101 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,640 There's two different TV shows with little black midgets 102 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,010 playing rich white people's kids. 103 00:03:20,095 --> 00:03:21,465 - Come on! - [laughs/huffs] 104 00:03:21,553 --> 00:03:23,683 Can we just please try it my way for once? 105 00:03:23,762 --> 00:03:26,432 Let's just talk to the kid about the power of love. 106 00:03:26,512 --> 00:03:28,432 The Huey Lewis song? How's that gonna help? 107 00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:30,222 Keith! 108 00:03:30,303 --> 00:03:32,143 Yo! What's up, boss? 109 00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:35,600 Is...so weird calling a chick a boss. 110 00:03:35,679 --> 00:03:38,139 It's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. 111 00:03:38,220 --> 00:03:40,680 Yeah, it's crazy. Listen, I need you to take 112 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,222 these big payments over to the Yakuza. 113 00:03:42,303 --> 00:03:43,643 Little behind on my loans. 114 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,640 Uh, Do- Mo arigato... 115 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,470 - Stop it, please. - Jesus Christ. 116 00:03:48,553 --> 00:03:49,803 You know, actually, I have tics to a show tonight, 117 00:03:49,887 --> 00:03:51,257 so maybe I can drop this off tomorrow? 118 00:03:51,345 --> 00:03:53,215 Oh, yeah, that's no problem. 119 00:03:53,303 --> 00:03:55,263 I don't mind getting my dick teppanyaki'd by the Yakuza 120 00:03:55,345 --> 00:03:57,175 - [Dawn laughing] - 'cause you wanna go see 121 00:03:57,261 --> 00:03:59,101 Starlight Express for the tenth fucking time. 122 00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:00,678 It's layered, okay? Ha. 123 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:02,932 The whole show is actually a young boy's dream 124 00:04:03,011 --> 00:04:05,851 as he kind of teeters on the cusp of manhood 125 00:04:05,929 --> 00:04:08,099 [sighs] Ah. Fine. 126 00:04:10,303 --> 00:04:12,303 Is it me, or is he getting weirder? 127 00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:14,507 He's definitely getting whiter. 128 00:04:18,845 --> 00:04:20,255 - Thank you, Kyle. - [beep beep] 129 00:04:20,345 --> 00:04:22,385 It's so cool you live in a hotel. 130 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,140 - You're like Eloise. - [soft R&B on stereo] 131 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,350 I don't know who that chick is, but, yeah, it's pretty nice. 132 00:04:26,428 --> 00:04:28,388 You know, it's just temporary, till I get my own place. 133 00:04:28,470 --> 00:04:30,350 - I been lookin' around. - For the last 15 years. 134 00:04:30,428 --> 00:04:32,888 Do they give you, like, a monthly rate or something? 135 00:04:32,970 --> 00:04:34,180 Mm-hmm. 136 00:04:34,261 --> 00:04:36,221 So Blair, how are you? 137 00:04:36,303 --> 00:04:38,103 I can't imagine how hard it must be 138 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,008 to be apart from the love of your life. 139 00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:41,755 Iiiit's pretty great. 140 00:04:41,845 --> 00:04:43,175 Yeah. Yeah. 141 00:04:43,261 --> 00:04:44,351 - Yeah? - Tiff's been living 142 00:04:44,428 --> 00:04:45,928 with her parents uptown, so I get to do 143 00:04:46,011 --> 00:04:48,011 - whatever, whenever. - [Mo laughing] 144 00:04:48,095 --> 00:04:50,175 Last night, I ordered ethnic food. 145 00:04:50,261 --> 00:04:51,971 - Oh, hard to argue with that! - Oh! 146 00:04:52,053 --> 00:04:53,393 [both chuckle] 147 00:04:53,470 --> 00:04:57,350 But I will, because, Blair, love is dope. 148 00:04:57,428 --> 00:04:59,138 Ah, exactly. Ethnic food-- 149 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,100 you know, it gets old. 150 00:05:01,178 --> 00:05:03,718 Except falafels. Now, those fuckers are built to last. 151 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,644 Like true love. 152 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,600 You know? And it doesn't come around often. 153 00:05:07,679 --> 00:05:09,509 Trust us: you don't wanna be the 40-year-old guy 154 00:05:09,595 --> 00:05:11,845 in the club that everybody feels bad for. 155 00:05:11,929 --> 00:05:13,849 Well, I-I don't know that they feel bad for the guy 156 00:05:13,929 --> 00:05:15,759 so much as they wanna high-five him, you know, 157 00:05:15,845 --> 00:05:17,385 for not settling. 158 00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:18,970 You know what I'm talking about, right? 159 00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:20,803 No! Blair wouldn't be settling. 160 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,637 I mean, Tiff is his soul mate 161 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,010 just like Spencer is my soul mate. 162 00:05:25,095 --> 00:05:26,755 I agree with the Tiff part of that sentence. 163 00:05:26,845 --> 00:05:28,175 I'm just saying that, you know, 164 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,101 sometimes it's brave to be alone 165 00:05:30,178 --> 00:05:32,428 instead of, you know, settling for the first 166 00:05:32,512 --> 00:05:34,762 lame-ass doctor that you lay eyes on 167 00:05:34,845 --> 00:05:36,715 that satisfies your parents but not you. 168 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:38,304 Sexually. 169 00:05:38,387 --> 00:05:40,177 I'm sorry--is Tiff the limp dick doctor 170 00:05:40,261 --> 00:05:42,011 - in this scenario? - You know what? 171 00:05:42,095 --> 00:05:43,795 It is brave to not jump off a roof 172 00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:45,597 when your best friend is a robot. 173 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,429 Well, if Short Circuit has taught us anything-- 174 00:05:47,512 --> 00:05:50,182 Blair, everyone needs someone to share life with, 175 00:05:50,261 --> 00:05:52,471 someone to share a bottle of wine with 176 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,183 at the end of a shitty day and toast to not... 177 00:05:55,261 --> 00:05:57,101 dying alone in a hotel room. 178 00:05:57,178 --> 00:05:59,598 With a fuck machine in... 179 00:05:59,679 --> 00:06:01,509 - [Mo] Jesus Christ. - [Dawn] A coke-induced haze-- 180 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:02,715 - [Dawn] What the fuck? - [Blair] What the fuck? 181 00:06:02,804 --> 00:06:04,684 Yeah. That the fuck. 182 00:06:04,762 --> 00:06:06,262 I'm sorry that you had to find out like this, kid, all right? 183 00:06:06,345 --> 00:06:09,005 I got a friend over at Page Six, the socialite beat. 184 00:06:09,095 --> 00:06:11,215 Is Tiff like out there? 185 00:06:11,303 --> 00:06:13,053 Yeah, I'm afraid so, champ. Word on the street-- 186 00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:14,966 this guy's hung like a hose. 187 00:06:15,053 --> 00:06:16,143 You mean horse. 188 00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:17,720 I do not. 189 00:06:17,804 --> 00:06:19,394 I mean, I know I broke up with her, 190 00:06:19,470 --> 00:06:21,890 but I just didn't expect... this 191 00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:24,300 this soon-- I--[stammers] 192 00:06:24,387 --> 00:06:25,467 - I gotta go find her. - Yeah. 193 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,223 'Scuse me. 194 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,973 See ya, buddy. 195 00:06:29,053 --> 00:06:30,643 - [door closes] - [laughing] Right? 196 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,430 - Mission accomplished. - No. 197 00:06:32,512 --> 00:06:33,552 Let's go celebrate. Cedar Tavern. 198 00:06:33,637 --> 00:06:35,047 What do you say? 199 00:06:35,136 --> 00:06:36,386 I am going home to my husband. 200 00:06:36,470 --> 00:06:38,350 You wanna bag all this up for him? 201 00:06:38,428 --> 00:06:40,508 You know, I appreciate a man with hips. 202 00:06:40,595 --> 00:06:43,505 Oh, good. 'Cause he's got those. 203 00:06:43,595 --> 00:06:45,845 Enjoy fucking Kyle. 204 00:06:45,929 --> 00:06:46,969 Jealous! 205 00:06:47,053 --> 00:06:48,103 [door opens, thuds shut] 206 00:06:48,178 --> 00:06:50,678 [soft R&B continues] 207 00:06:50,762 --> 00:06:52,352 - [beep beep] - Y-you can't take 208 00:06:52,428 --> 00:06:53,508 that kinda shit to heart, Kyle. 209 00:06:53,595 --> 00:06:55,465 Just let it roll off your back. 210 00:06:55,553 --> 00:06:57,013 ♪ The Cars' "Drive" plays ♪ 211 00:06:57,095 --> 00:06:58,255 [beep beep] 212 00:06:58,345 --> 00:07:00,545 ♪♪♪ 213 00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:03,007 Tiff? 214 00:07:03,095 --> 00:07:04,675 ♪♪♪ 215 00:07:04,762 --> 00:07:08,222 - Spence? - In the bedroom, babe. 216 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,263 ♪♪♪ 217 00:07:10,345 --> 00:07:13,505 Hey, bring us a bottle of wine, yeah? 218 00:07:13,595 --> 00:07:16,465 ["Drive" continues] 219 00:07:16,553 --> 00:07:19,433 ♪♪♪ 220 00:07:19,512 --> 00:07:23,182 ♪ Who's gonna tell you when ♪ 221 00:07:23,261 --> 00:07:26,181 ♪ It's too late ♪ 222 00:07:26,261 --> 00:07:28,931 Kyle? I'm home. 223 00:07:29,011 --> 00:07:30,891 Kyle? 224 00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:34,720 ♪ Who's gonna tell you things ♪ 225 00:07:34,804 --> 00:07:38,144 ♪ Aren't so great? ♪ 226 00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:41,760 ♪♪♪ 227 00:07:41,845 --> 00:07:43,505 Papa Bear, I've been naughty-- 228 00:07:43,595 --> 00:07:45,345 Hey! 229 00:07:45,428 --> 00:07:46,798 I thought we were gonna get busy. 230 00:07:46,887 --> 00:07:49,347 Oh, babe, I'm so full, I can hardly move. 231 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,008 [chuckles] 232 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:54,345 You can do stuff to me if you like. 233 00:07:54,428 --> 00:07:55,598 ♪ Who's gonna drive you home ♪ 234 00:07:55,679 --> 00:07:56,849 Mm-mm. 235 00:07:58,136 --> 00:07:59,506 ♪ Tonight? ♪ 236 00:07:59,595 --> 00:08:04,675 ♪♪♪ 237 00:08:05,637 --> 00:08:08,717 ♪ Who's gonna pick you up ♪ 238 00:08:08,804 --> 00:08:10,604 [Tiff] Would you get me a paper towel? 239 00:08:10,679 --> 00:08:12,299 - Dip it in some cold water. - [Jackson] I'll even 240 00:08:12,387 --> 00:08:14,047 - wipe it off of you. - Ooh! You don't wanna 241 00:08:14,136 --> 00:08:15,756 lick it off? 242 00:08:15,845 --> 00:08:18,045 And...scene. That felt really good. 243 00:08:18,136 --> 00:08:20,596 You think Body Heat's a weird movie to audition with? 244 00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:22,549 [Tiff] I just really wanna get into this acting class. 245 00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:25,137 Maybe I'd loosen up if we had sex again. 246 00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:26,550 - Ah. - Yeah. Then we can clean up 247 00:08:26,637 --> 00:08:28,757 all the laundry that we knocked over 248 00:08:28,845 --> 00:08:30,465 - when we had sex in the hall. - [Jackson] Yes! Ohh... 249 00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:32,393 [both moaning] 250 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,430 ♪ To your dreams... ♪ 251 00:08:34,512 --> 00:08:35,762 - [Tiff] Rrr! - [Jackson] Rrr! 252 00:08:35,845 --> 00:08:38,675 [Tiff] Ah...ahh! 253 00:08:38,762 --> 00:08:40,932 Mo, we've got a problem. 254 00:08:41,011 --> 00:08:43,301 Yeah, you're damn right we do--the Yakuza killed Kyle! 255 00:08:43,387 --> 00:08:44,927 - [gasps] - Where the fuck is Keith? 256 00:08:45,011 --> 00:08:46,851 - I been trying him all night! - He just skipped in 257 00:08:46,929 --> 00:08:48,219 singing show tunes. 258 00:08:48,303 --> 00:08:50,223 Look at this shit. I had it translated. 259 00:08:50,303 --> 00:08:51,803 It's something Kyle would have done. 260 00:08:51,887 --> 00:08:53,257 He loves languages-- Loved languages. 261 00:08:53,345 --> 00:08:54,795 Oh, fuck me! 262 00:08:54,887 --> 00:08:57,047 - They never got their money? - No! 263 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,596 - Keith! - Keith! 264 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,349 Hey. You screamed? 265 00:09:00,428 --> 00:09:02,428 What happened with the drop? 266 00:09:02,512 --> 00:09:04,512 The Yakuza never got their fucking cash! 267 00:09:04,595 --> 00:09:06,215 Whaaat? That doesn't make any sen-- 268 00:09:06,303 --> 00:09:07,643 You just save it for the Yakuza 269 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,930 that I'm sending to your house to get their money 270 00:09:10,011 --> 00:09:13,391 outta the fillings in your children's goddamn teeth! 271 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:14,760 That's pretty dark. Your Rachel's godfather. 272 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,425 - Go handle it! - On it. 273 00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,262 Mo, I'm sorry. 274 00:09:18,345 --> 00:09:21,215 All robocide aside, but we've got bigger issues. 275 00:09:21,303 --> 00:09:22,973 Bigger than me getting my dick chopped off? 276 00:09:23,053 --> 00:09:24,893 You're gonna be broke. 277 00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:26,890 ♪ edgy music ♪ 278 00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:28,850 [laughs] 279 00:09:28,929 --> 00:09:31,099 This fuckin' day! 280 00:09:31,178 --> 00:09:32,548 ♪♪♪ 281 00:09:32,637 --> 00:09:33,967 What the fuck did you do? 282 00:09:34,053 --> 00:09:35,513 The Yakuza didn't get their money. 283 00:09:35,595 --> 00:09:38,505 I asked you to do one simple thing. 284 00:09:38,595 --> 00:09:40,635 - Whaaa-- - Oh, don't "whaaat?" me! 285 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,430 'Cause I was just in there "whaaat"ing Mo! 286 00:09:42,512 --> 00:09:44,012 Look, this chick Geena I been mackin' on 287 00:09:44,095 --> 00:09:46,795 beeped me 69-1-1. That's an oral emergency. 288 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,677 - I had Wayne do it. - [laughs] Wayne? 289 00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,392 - Yeah. - Wayne's a test tube baby! 290 00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:51,890 Why the fuck would you do that? 291 00:09:51,970 --> 00:09:53,890 Same reason you had me do it, so you could go see 292 00:09:53,970 --> 00:09:55,720 fuckin' Starlight Express again? 293 00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,304 - [line ringing] - It's layered, okay? 294 00:09:57,387 --> 00:09:58,637 Greaseball represents the twilight of the... 295 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,470 [together] Industrial Revolution... 296 00:10:00,553 --> 00:10:01,513 - before it got-- [Wayne] You got the Wayniac. 297 00:10:01,595 --> 00:10:03,505 The Yakuza didn't get their money! 298 00:10:03,595 --> 00:10:05,505 - Whaaaat? - [Keith] No. Nope, Wayne. 299 00:10:05,595 --> 00:10:07,385 - Where the fuck are you? - [Wayne] Home sick. 300 00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,720 [sniffles] Jeez! Hey, unrelated to that, 301 00:10:09,804 --> 00:10:11,644 I just wanted to let you guys know 302 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,800 how much fun I've had workin' with you. 303 00:10:13,887 --> 00:10:16,717 You're not just good. 304 00:10:16,804 --> 00:10:18,514 - You're golden. - Are you dying? 305 00:10:18,595 --> 00:10:21,005 Is that the Golden Grahams slogan? 306 00:10:21,095 --> 00:10:22,845 [PA] This is the final boarding call for flight... 307 00:10:22,929 --> 00:10:25,509 Wayne...are you at LaGuardia? 308 00:10:25,595 --> 00:10:27,505 No, man, I told ya, I'm at the movies. 309 00:10:27,595 --> 00:10:29,635 You just said you were home sick. 310 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,180 Tell me you did not take the VIG money 311 00:10:33,261 --> 00:10:35,051 that we owe murderers 312 00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,006 and put it all on the LaGuardia Spread. 313 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:39,295 [woodenly] This call has been disconnected. 314 00:10:39,387 --> 00:10:40,887 - [beep] - Fuck! 315 00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:42,010 Fuck! 316 00:10:42,095 --> 00:10:44,005 What's the LaGuardia Spread? 317 00:10:44,095 --> 00:10:46,095 You! Are there any abnormally huge positions 318 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,138 - open on Wayne's account? Go! - What? Wayne's a day scalper. 319 00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:49,640 [Karen] He never trades anything larger than-- 320 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,470 Oh, God! 321 00:10:51,553 --> 00:10:54,723 Wayne's long 100,000 contracts of feeder cattle? 322 00:10:54,804 --> 00:10:56,434 - [Karen] On margin. - [Keith] Fuck! 323 00:10:56,512 --> 00:10:58,432 What's the LaGuardia Spread? 324 00:10:58,512 --> 00:10:59,932 My name's Karen, by the way, 325 00:11:00,011 --> 00:11:01,551 - if you guys-- - [Keith] Shut the fuck up, 326 00:11:01,637 --> 00:11:02,757 Karen! 327 00:11:03,804 --> 00:11:05,474 [Mo] Hey, there he is. 328 00:11:05,553 --> 00:11:07,303 - How'd it go, slugger? - Well, it was a night 329 00:11:07,387 --> 00:11:08,757 of passion between 330 00:11:08,845 --> 00:11:13,255 Tiff and this, like, Polish centaur. 331 00:11:13,345 --> 00:11:16,545 And now she doesn't wanna get back together with me. 332 00:11:16,637 --> 00:11:19,007 How'd she meet someone so fast? 333 00:11:20,553 --> 00:11:22,013 You have to help me. Please? 334 00:11:22,095 --> 00:11:23,755 [Dawn] Blair, this is totally fixable. 335 00:11:23,845 --> 00:11:26,005 You take her to a super-romantic spot 336 00:11:26,095 --> 00:11:28,045 and just...I want you to tell her how you feel. 337 00:11:28,136 --> 00:11:30,426 [laughs] Yeah, like that'll work. 338 00:11:30,512 --> 00:11:32,972 Well, it worked for you. 339 00:11:33,053 --> 00:11:35,053 You took me to the Cedar Tavern, 340 00:11:35,136 --> 00:11:37,596 And you poured your heart out that night after work. 341 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:39,179 Remember? I hate to admit it, 342 00:11:39,261 --> 00:11:41,051 but that's what did it for me, your vulnerable side. 343 00:11:41,136 --> 00:11:42,846 I don't remember that. And I don't have any sides. 344 00:11:42,929 --> 00:11:44,509 I'm all edge. 345 00:11:44,595 --> 00:11:46,385 You don't remember telling me 346 00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:48,390 that you were the last guy in your junior high to get pubes 347 00:11:48,470 --> 00:11:50,850 - and how it totally defined-- - Nope. No, no, nope, nope. 348 00:11:50,929 --> 00:11:52,679 Don't remember that. Hey, listen, Blair. 349 00:11:52,762 --> 00:11:54,432 You wanna get Tiff back, you know what you need? 350 00:11:54,512 --> 00:11:56,182 Good, old-fashioned honey pot. 351 00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:58,261 - [Dawn] Ugh, God. - Like Hogan's Heroes. 352 00:11:58,345 --> 00:12:00,295 Like Hogan's Heroes. Exactly. 353 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,757 Foolproof. 354 00:12:01,845 --> 00:12:03,635 Except when it makes shit worse. 355 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,470 Well, it worked on you, didn't it? 356 00:12:05,553 --> 00:12:07,013 There's no way you would have shown up 357 00:12:07,095 --> 00:12:08,675 at Cedar Tavern that night if you hadn't seen me 358 00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,472 makin' out with that Oreo model. 359 00:12:10,553 --> 00:12:11,973 I think you're supposed to say "mulatto" now. 360 00:12:12,053 --> 00:12:15,393 Yeah. She was a print model for Oreo Cookies, asshole. 361 00:12:15,470 --> 00:12:17,510 Uh, no, she ate Oreos. I mean, she was fat. 362 00:12:17,595 --> 00:12:19,045 - Jealous. - You know what? 363 00:12:19,136 --> 00:12:20,966 She had shit to do with it, and fine. 364 00:12:21,053 --> 00:12:23,223 - Honeypot it is. - Great. 365 00:12:23,303 --> 00:12:25,183 And I'll be the honey. 366 00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:28,640 Great. Just as I intended it. 367 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,970 - Great. - [Mo] Great! 368 00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,353 So I will get Tiff's boyfriend 369 00:12:31,428 --> 00:12:32,848 to bring her to watch him tonight 370 00:12:32,929 --> 00:12:34,299 in the Manhattan Pageant, 371 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,467 and you two kids can do your thing. 372 00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:36,763 - Great. - Great. 373 00:12:36,845 --> 00:12:38,255 Wait. How do you know who he is 374 00:12:38,345 --> 00:12:39,885 or that he's in a pageant? 375 00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:41,720 Jesus Chris, kid, did you ask this many questions 376 00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,144 when you watched Hogan's Heroes? 377 00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,350 Yeah. It's a sit-com that takes place 378 00:12:45,428 --> 00:12:48,098 - in a Nazi concentration camp. - Mmm. 379 00:12:48,178 --> 00:12:49,178 That's fair. 380 00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:51,845 Remember that guy who could fuckin' pull 381 00:12:51,929 --> 00:12:53,549 the handkerchief through his nostrils? 382 00:12:53,637 --> 00:12:55,347 Bo Melp! What happened with that maniac? 383 00:12:55,428 --> 00:12:57,098 Who the fuck knows? Same thing 384 00:12:57,178 --> 00:12:58,848 with Sammy Marsh, Len Burger, and Chippy Cox. 385 00:12:58,929 --> 00:13:00,929 When you're down to your last stack 386 00:13:01,011 --> 00:13:02,801 and you're all outta moves, there's always one last play 387 00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:04,637 if you're crazy enough to try it. 388 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,220 You take a huge position out on the margin-- 389 00:13:06,303 --> 00:13:07,853 I'm talking about a crazy fuckin' long shot-- 390 00:13:07,929 --> 00:13:09,639 you pack a bag, you head to the airport, 391 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,010 and you call the floor. If you're lucky, 392 00:13:11,095 --> 00:13:12,595 you come home a hero. If you're not, 393 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,099 you don't come home ever. 394 00:13:14,178 --> 00:13:16,348 You get on a plane, and you fuckin' disappear. 395 00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:18,508 But Wayne has a family. 396 00:13:18,595 --> 00:13:20,345 - Bo Melp had two. - [elevator bell dings] 397 00:13:20,428 --> 00:13:22,298 Damn. The LaGuardia fuckin' Spread. 398 00:13:22,387 --> 00:13:23,757 That motherfucker! 399 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,885 [upbeat music plays over speakers] 400 00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:28,260 [cheers and applause] 401 00:13:28,345 --> 00:13:29,965 ♪♪♪ 402 00:13:30,053 --> 00:13:34,103 Wheeeere's the beef? 403 00:13:34,178 --> 00:13:36,678 Ha ha. Isn't that what all you ladies are wonderin'? 404 00:13:36,762 --> 00:13:38,472 Welcome to the motherfuckin' 405 00:13:38,553 --> 00:13:42,353 43rd Annual Manhattan Pageant! 406 00:13:42,428 --> 00:13:44,048 - Whoo! - [whistling, cheering] 407 00:13:44,136 --> 00:13:45,756 Those of you who don't know me 408 00:13:45,845 --> 00:13:47,595 are fulla shit, 'cause I'm a Goddamn legend. 409 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:50,349 - [chatter, cheering] - I came up in these very pits 410 00:13:50,428 --> 00:13:52,348 and there is not a day that goes by 411 00:13:52,428 --> 00:13:54,718 that I don't think how much I hate you dumb immigrants. 412 00:13:54,804 --> 00:13:56,644 [laughter] 413 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,180 Okay, enough, enough, enough. Enough foreplay. 414 00:13:58,261 --> 00:14:00,681 First up, ladies, comin' to the stage-- 415 00:14:00,762 --> 00:14:03,102 you know him, you hate him. 416 00:14:03,178 --> 00:14:04,968 He's an incredible bigot. 417 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,393 Flanny, the oranges' frozen orange juice trader. 418 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:10,350 - [Irish folk music plays] - Look at this fucking 419 00:14:10,428 --> 00:14:11,968 alcoholic with the Irish tan, huh? 420 00:14:12,053 --> 00:14:14,683 He doesn't have a liver. This is a die-er. 421 00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:16,352 Come on, get those paddles up, ladies. 422 00:14:16,428 --> 00:14:17,968 You better hurry up, 'cause he's knock-knock-knockin' 423 00:14:18,053 --> 00:14:19,893 on hell's door. Come on, preach, Flanny. 424 00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:21,850 You're one of the good ones, Mo. 425 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,759 - [Mo] I tell you what... - Are the categories 426 00:14:23,845 --> 00:14:25,675 really "man, hat" and "tan"? 427 00:14:25,762 --> 00:14:27,762 It's all very first thought. 428 00:14:27,845 --> 00:14:29,545 A thousand, a thousand. [muttering quickly] 429 00:14:29,637 --> 00:14:30,847 1,000. [muttering] 1,500. 430 00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:32,139 [muttering] 2,000. 431 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,680 You look incredible. 432 00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:36,142 Oh! Thank you! Just, uh... 433 00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:37,760 little something I had 434 00:14:37,845 --> 00:14:39,755 to spend my last two paychecks on. 435 00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:41,295 - [both chuckling] - [Mo] Okay, 2,000-- 436 00:14:41,387 --> 00:14:42,967 Ah... 437 00:14:43,053 --> 00:14:44,893 [Dawn] There she is. 438 00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,970 Oh, God. I haven't acted since college. 439 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,893 And the UPenn Gazette called my performance 440 00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:52,890 as Otto Frank the worst thing to happen to Anne Frank. 441 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,760 [Dawn] Couldn't have been that bad. 442 00:14:54,845 --> 00:14:56,345 - Just follow my lead. - [Mo] Whoo! 443 00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:57,928 [clears throat] 444 00:14:58,011 --> 00:14:59,391 - Oh. - [crowd cheering] 445 00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:00,930 - What about this? - Okay. 446 00:15:01,011 --> 00:15:02,431 Yeah, yeah. It's natural. 447 00:15:02,512 --> 00:15:03,762 Sold! 2,500! 448 00:15:03,845 --> 00:15:05,215 Somebody's going home happy. 449 00:15:05,303 --> 00:15:07,013 [Mo] Those Irish eyes are smiling! 450 00:15:07,095 --> 00:15:09,595 - [both chuckling] - [Blair] I love you too. 451 00:15:09,679 --> 00:15:12,009 Uh...let's keep it goin'! 452 00:15:12,095 --> 00:15:15,465 [Muzak plays over speakers] 453 00:15:15,553 --> 00:15:17,513 [whispers] Shit. 454 00:15:17,595 --> 00:15:20,175 [man] It's time for Market Watch with Ali Greer. 455 00:15:20,261 --> 00:15:22,351 What's goin' on in those futures pits today, Ali? 456 00:15:22,428 --> 00:15:24,298 [Ali] The U.S. Agriculture Department 457 00:15:24,387 --> 00:15:26,177 just released this quarter's livestock report, 458 00:15:26,261 --> 00:15:28,301 and it's a record surplus, 459 00:15:28,387 --> 00:15:30,467 causing feeder cattle futures to plummet. 460 00:15:30,553 --> 00:15:32,513 Hey, bartender. 461 00:15:32,595 --> 00:15:34,345 This is my last hundred. 462 00:15:34,428 --> 00:15:37,138 I want 90 on drinks and 20 in smokes. 463 00:15:38,178 --> 00:15:40,048 Just fuckin' do it! 464 00:15:40,136 --> 00:15:43,096 [Muzak continues in background] 465 00:15:43,178 --> 00:15:44,388 ♪♪♪ 466 00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,010 - Thank you! - [beeping] 467 00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:50,215 [line trilling] 468 00:15:50,303 --> 00:15:52,643 Hey, honey. Listen. 469 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,220 I'm not comin' home. 470 00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:57,393 But I wanna let you know... [breathing hard] 471 00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:59,640 I've never loved anyone 472 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,970 as much as I loved... 473 00:16:02,053 --> 00:16:03,513 your sister! 474 00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:06,005 [laughs] I--That's right! You were right! 475 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,635 I fucked your sister! 476 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,760 It was nice! Uh, buh-bye now! 477 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,095 - [beep] - Fuck! 478 00:16:12,178 --> 00:16:13,798 Fun fact about Fat Fred-- 479 00:16:13,887 --> 00:16:15,097 You know how he got his nickname? 480 00:16:15,178 --> 00:16:17,258 - Mean children. - [laughter] 481 00:16:17,345 --> 00:16:19,715 - True story. - [chatter, laughter] 482 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,894 - [Blair and Dawn laughing] - [Dawn] Dude looks like 483 00:16:21,970 --> 00:16:23,850 a John Candy version of Soul Man. 484 00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:26,139 - [both laughing] - Was it just me, 485 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,800 or was that movie about racism 486 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,597 really, really racist? 487 00:16:29,679 --> 00:16:31,799 Uh, like every movie. 488 00:16:31,887 --> 00:16:34,047 [Dawn] I mean, you've seen Teen Wolf. 489 00:16:34,136 --> 00:16:35,176 When the guy turns into an animal, 490 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:36,721 he starts dunking, break-dancing, 491 00:16:36,804 --> 00:16:38,434 turning on white women, 492 00:16:38,512 --> 00:16:40,602 scaring the shit outta white men. 493 00:16:40,679 --> 00:16:42,639 My favorite line from that movie is, 494 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,550 "I'm not a fag. I'm a werewolf." 495 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,547 - [both laughing] - Michael J.! 496 00:16:46,637 --> 00:16:49,097 [Mo] He is the reigning rainmaker, Jack Piechowski, 497 00:16:49,178 --> 00:16:52,758 but you all know him as Jackson Polack! 498 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,095 [loud cheers, applause] 499 00:16:55,178 --> 00:16:56,848 - Whoo! - [Mo] So debonair! 500 00:16:56,929 --> 00:16:58,849 Show 'em the goods, baby. 501 00:16:58,929 --> 00:17:01,549 Oh! 502 00:17:01,637 --> 00:17:05,047 [crowd chattering, hooting] 503 00:17:05,136 --> 00:17:06,716 [Dawn] Let me tell you something. 504 00:17:06,804 --> 00:17:08,264 You would never wanna be that chiseled. 505 00:17:08,345 --> 00:17:09,925 - Women don't like that. - That masculine. 506 00:17:10,011 --> 00:17:11,431 - No! - No! 507 00:17:11,512 --> 00:17:12,432 [Mo] Let's get this bidding going. 508 00:17:12,512 --> 00:17:14,012 I want to serve him hot. 509 00:17:14,095 --> 00:17:15,795 All right, I'm gonna start this cat at a thou! 510 00:17:15,887 --> 00:17:17,137 Who got a thou? 511 00:17:17,220 --> 00:17:18,890 - Fifteen! - Fifteen hundred. 512 00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,430 - Thank you, young lady. - Fifteen thousand. 513 00:17:21,512 --> 00:17:23,142 [murmuring dies down] 514 00:17:23,220 --> 00:17:25,850 - Fifteen thousand. - [low chatter] 515 00:17:25,929 --> 00:17:27,139 Fifteen thousand. Pretty sure that's gonna 516 00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:28,970 close out the bids right there. 517 00:17:29,053 --> 00:17:30,103 Thank you very much. Fifteen thousand, Jackson. 518 00:17:30,178 --> 00:17:32,178 [cheers and applause] 519 00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:33,931 Mmm. Whatever. 520 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,891 - [Mo] Jackson! - [man] Whoo! 521 00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:37,510 - Sorry. - That's okay. 522 00:17:38,679 --> 00:17:40,139 Is that White Rain? 523 00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,930 Yeah. You can smell it, huh? 524 00:17:42,011 --> 00:17:43,301 - It's really nice. - It's like the best spray. 525 00:17:43,387 --> 00:17:44,177 [coughs] 526 00:17:44,261 --> 00:17:45,761 Hey, it's me, Wayne. 527 00:17:45,845 --> 00:17:47,885 I just wanted to say 528 00:17:47,970 --> 00:17:50,760 you're a piece of shit, and I've always hated you. 529 00:17:50,845 --> 00:17:53,345 You put Mom on the phone? 530 00:17:53,428 --> 00:17:55,138 Hi, Mom. 531 00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:56,350 Yeah. I know you've always 532 00:17:56,428 --> 00:17:58,138 liked Mark best, but guess what. 533 00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:01,140 The joke's on you, because I outlived him. 534 00:18:01,220 --> 00:18:03,350 Will you please put the dog on the phone? 535 00:18:03,428 --> 00:18:06,348 [slow ballad plays] 536 00:18:06,428 --> 00:18:07,348 ♪♪♪ 537 00:18:07,428 --> 00:18:11,468 [Dawn giggling] 538 00:18:11,553 --> 00:18:14,303 - [ballad playing] - [Dawn continues giggling] 539 00:18:14,387 --> 00:18:15,717 [Blair] I know it didn't work, 540 00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:17,684 but...honeypot or not, 541 00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,302 I had a really great time tonight. 542 00:18:19,387 --> 00:18:21,217 Me too. You're cute. 543 00:18:21,303 --> 00:18:23,013 [Dawn] You could be the third Corey. 544 00:18:23,095 --> 00:18:24,845 [both laughing] [Blair] Some Mo moves there. 545 00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:28,299 [ballad continues] 546 00:18:28,387 --> 00:18:29,847 [quietly] Wait, wait, wait. Here she comes. 547 00:18:29,929 --> 00:18:31,719 - Here she comes. - Backin' it up. 548 00:18:31,804 --> 00:18:33,514 Don't look, don't look. 549 00:18:33,595 --> 00:18:34,795 [both laughing] 550 00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:36,177 - Oh--Blair! - [Dawn] Uh-- 551 00:18:36,261 --> 00:18:37,551 What are you doing here? 552 00:18:37,637 --> 00:18:39,547 Oh, I'm just, uh, you know, 553 00:18:39,637 --> 00:18:41,547 here supporting the Mujahideen. 554 00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:44,257 Just gotta get them as many weapons as possible. 555 00:18:44,345 --> 00:18:46,175 - You're a good man. - Thank you, babe. 556 00:18:46,261 --> 00:18:48,351 - [Dawn] And who is this? - I'm Jack. 557 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,008 - Like the cheese. - [Dawn] Oh! 558 00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:52,635 Young...Einstein. 559 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,760 [Dawn] Impressive. [giggles] 560 00:18:54,845 --> 00:18:57,005 - This is Dawn. - [Tiff] Dawn, of course. 561 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,215 I've heard so much about you. 562 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,603 Wow, you are beautiful. 563 00:18:59,679 --> 00:19:02,009 - Thank you. - Ah, your husband 564 00:19:02,095 --> 00:19:03,845 - is a very lucky man. - [laughs] 565 00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:06,389 - Wherever he is. - [Blair] Ha ha ha ha ha. 566 00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,470 [Tiff] Listen, I just came over to say 567 00:19:08,553 --> 00:19:09,643 I don't want things to be awkward between us, Blair. 568 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,300 And I'm hoping that eventually 569 00:19:11,387 --> 00:19:13,597 you and I could be friends. 570 00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:15,469 You do? 571 00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:18,893 For once in my life, I need to focus on myself. 572 00:19:18,970 --> 00:19:20,720 On Tiff. 573 00:19:20,804 --> 00:19:23,604 For once. So good-bye, Blair. 574 00:19:23,679 --> 00:19:25,299 Nice to meet you. 575 00:19:25,387 --> 00:19:27,387 That bow makes you look skinny. 576 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,680 [Dawn] Oh, thank you. You should get one. 577 00:19:33,845 --> 00:19:35,295 - It didn't work! - No-- 578 00:19:35,387 --> 00:19:37,097 - I'm already in her rear-view. - Listen, no. 579 00:19:37,178 --> 00:19:38,888 Tonight was just the first step, you know? 580 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,390 It might take a little-- 581 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,600 [ballad continues] 582 00:19:46,679 --> 00:19:48,639 Blair! 583 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,550 Tiff. 584 00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:53,505 - Oh! - Ah! 585 00:19:53,595 --> 00:19:55,635 Oh, my God. Tell me. 586 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,890 Tell me that you just brought Dawn here 587 00:19:57,970 --> 00:19:59,430 - to make me jealous. - Yes. Did it work? 588 00:19:59,512 --> 00:20:01,762 Of course it worked. Oh, my God, she's so hot. 589 00:20:01,845 --> 00:20:03,255 Part of me didn't know whether I should be jealous 590 00:20:03,345 --> 00:20:05,385 of her or of you, and that part of me 591 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,260 - was my Hot Pocket. - Yeah, your little Hot Pocket. 592 00:20:07,345 --> 00:20:09,385 - [Blair] Yeah... - [Mo] Hey. 593 00:20:09,470 --> 00:20:12,430 Is this wrong? 594 00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:14,302 I mean... 595 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,297 Tiff's sort of the worst, and Blair's not. 596 00:20:16,387 --> 00:20:18,297 Yeah, well, I can give you 60 million reasons 597 00:20:18,387 --> 00:20:21,137 why it's right. 598 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,640 - [Blair] I missed you. - I missed you too. 599 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,260 - I'm sorry. - Me too. I love you. 600 00:20:24,345 --> 00:20:25,885 - I love you. - Huh? Oh, my God. 601 00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:27,720 Is that my earring? 602 00:20:27,804 --> 00:20:29,804 Okay, I'd know that emerald-cut emerald anywhere. 603 00:20:29,887 --> 00:20:31,217 Stop. Stop-ay. 604 00:20:31,303 --> 00:20:33,013 - Earring-a? - Oh! 605 00:20:33,095 --> 00:20:35,635 Lo siento. Lo siento. 606 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,220 Oh, it's okay-o. 607 00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:38,263 - [murmurs] - [Tiff] Buenas dias. 608 00:20:38,345 --> 00:20:39,715 [Blair] Gracias. 609 00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:42,354 Why didn't you tell me that you lost this? 610 00:20:42,428 --> 00:20:44,178 You know these earrings were the only survivors 611 00:20:44,261 --> 00:20:46,431 when my great-grandpa's mine collapsed! 612 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,222 I know, I'm sorry. I didn't wanna disappoint you, 613 00:20:48,303 --> 00:20:50,303 and honestly, sometimes you can be a little bit scary. 614 00:20:50,387 --> 00:20:51,927 I know I can, and I'm sorry. I'm working on it 615 00:20:52,011 --> 00:20:53,141 with my numerologist. 616 00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:55,220 Look, uh, I'm sorry I brought up 617 00:20:55,303 --> 00:20:56,853 all our old stuff, you know? 618 00:20:56,929 --> 00:20:59,099 The past is the past. 619 00:20:59,178 --> 00:21:01,428 Well... 620 00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,511 What if it wasn't? 621 00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:09,095 We did such a great job of getting them back together, 622 00:21:09,178 --> 00:21:12,468 what about...us? You know what I mean? 623 00:21:13,970 --> 00:21:15,510 Oh, Momo. 624 00:21:15,595 --> 00:21:17,385 What? 625 00:21:17,470 --> 00:21:19,260 That was a long time ago, 626 00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:22,045 and...remember? Kinda married. 627 00:21:22,136 --> 00:21:23,386 No, I don't remember, okay? 628 00:21:23,470 --> 00:21:24,850 I don't ever remember that. 629 00:21:24,929 --> 00:21:26,549 That guy's a nonentity to me. 630 00:21:26,637 --> 00:21:28,097 Okay? I mean, when was the last time 631 00:21:28,178 --> 00:21:29,968 you had a good time with that white boy? 632 00:21:30,053 --> 00:21:31,263 Last night. 633 00:21:31,345 --> 00:21:32,385 - Last night? - Yeah. 634 00:21:32,470 --> 00:21:33,890 Dawn, I know your 635 00:21:33,970 --> 00:21:35,390 "I had a good time last night" face, 636 00:21:35,470 --> 00:21:37,350 - and that ain't it. - Oh. Well, I got a new 637 00:21:37,428 --> 00:21:38,928 "good time last night" face, that's all. 638 00:21:39,011 --> 00:21:41,101 Okay. 639 00:21:41,178 --> 00:21:43,138 Look, after I sash and crown here, 640 00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:45,390 I'm gonna go over to the Cedar Tavern. 641 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,720 I'm gonna be there around 10:00, okay? 642 00:21:47,804 --> 00:21:50,764 So...show up, don't show up. 643 00:21:50,845 --> 00:21:53,255 It's up to you. I'm gonna be there. 644 00:21:53,345 --> 00:21:55,135 You're gonna be there alone, Mo. 645 00:21:55,220 --> 00:21:57,550 I'm not coming. 646 00:21:57,637 --> 00:21:59,967 We'll see. 647 00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:02,013 - We'll see. - Uh-huh. 648 00:22:03,512 --> 00:22:05,352 - Ha ha. Uh-huh! - Okay. 649 00:22:05,428 --> 00:22:06,888 - Bye! - Bye. 650 00:22:06,970 --> 00:22:07,970 [both laughing] 651 00:22:08,053 --> 00:22:11,053 [ballad continues playing] 652 00:22:11,136 --> 00:22:13,176 [Tiff] Let's get this back where it-- 653 00:22:13,261 --> 00:22:15,601 You know what? No. No, this thing's bad luck. 654 00:22:15,679 --> 00:22:17,299 Ever since I put it on you, it's just kicked off 655 00:22:17,387 --> 00:22:18,927 a series of disastrous events, okay? 656 00:22:19,011 --> 00:22:20,511 This thing is cursed. 657 00:22:20,595 --> 00:22:22,005 [Mo] Hey, hey, hey! 658 00:22:22,095 --> 00:22:23,635 There's the happy couple! 659 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,430 [claps] Oh, my God. 660 00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:26,762 You've gotta be Tiff-- the one and only. 661 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,635 - [Tiff] Yeah, I am. - [all laughing] 662 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,640 Blair has been heartbroken without you, I gotta tell you. 663 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,850 And I can see why. 664 00:22:31,929 --> 00:22:33,599 Ah-ooga! Ha ha ha. 665 00:22:33,679 --> 00:22:35,299 What a beautiful dress. 666 00:22:35,387 --> 00:22:36,547 - Well, actually... - Whoa! 667 00:22:38,136 --> 00:22:40,466 Oh! It's a skort. 668 00:22:40,553 --> 00:22:42,303 - Skants. Prototype. - Skants. 669 00:22:42,387 --> 00:22:44,257 Oh. Well, I'd say they better rush that baby to market. 670 00:22:44,345 --> 00:22:46,465 - [Blair] Right? - What is it: Levi's, Guess? 671 00:22:46,553 --> 00:22:48,933 No, it's Georgina. I'm Tiff Georgina. 672 00:22:49,011 --> 00:22:50,601 [snaps] Tiff Georgina. 673 00:22:50,679 --> 00:22:52,889 Now I see where this guy gets his fashion sense from-- 674 00:22:52,970 --> 00:22:54,890 a beautiful, fashionable lady 675 00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:57,010 from a famously fashionable family. 676 00:22:57,095 --> 00:22:58,635 - [Blair] Ah! - And you must be the very 677 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,350 famous Maurice Monroe that I've heard so much about. 678 00:23:01,428 --> 00:23:03,258 All good, I'm sure? 679 00:23:03,345 --> 00:23:06,675 [ballad continues in background] 680 00:23:06,762 --> 00:23:09,182 [Blair] So what else? 681 00:23:09,261 --> 00:23:10,681 [murmurs] 682 00:23:10,762 --> 00:23:12,512 - A lot of people, huh? - [Mo] Yeah. 683 00:23:12,595 --> 00:23:14,635 You know, Maurice, I have been meaning 684 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:16,800 to thank you for giving my man here a little job. 685 00:23:16,887 --> 00:23:18,547 - Ah. - So please, 686 00:23:18,637 --> 00:23:21,047 consider this tie pin a gift for luck. 687 00:23:21,136 --> 00:23:22,846 Oh, my God. Ha ha! Well, I'm gonna say yes. 688 00:23:22,929 --> 00:23:25,049 - Ah! - Ha ha ha ha ha! 689 00:23:25,136 --> 00:23:26,346 - You kids have a great night. - [Tiff] Oh, so nice seeing you 690 00:23:26,428 --> 00:23:27,798 - and meeting you. - [Mo] Thanks again! 691 00:23:27,887 --> 00:23:30,467 - That was so generous, babe. - Fuck him. 692 00:23:30,553 --> 00:23:31,933 - Ooh! - Yeah? 693 00:23:32,011 --> 00:23:33,431 - I'm back! - Yeah, you are back. 694 00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:35,392 Oh, I'm actually on the air. 695 00:23:35,470 --> 00:23:38,470 Hi, Howard! Long-time listener, first-time caller. 696 00:23:38,553 --> 00:23:41,223 Hey, can you put Robin's boobs on the air? 697 00:23:41,303 --> 00:23:43,353 [laughs] Huh? No, no, I love you guys. 698 00:23:43,428 --> 00:23:45,928 Hey, whoa, hey, Howard, before you hang up-- 699 00:23:46,011 --> 00:23:47,641 Fuck Jackie Martling! 700 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,930 - [phone thuds down] - Wait! 701 00:23:49,011 --> 00:23:50,511 - [Keith] Stop him! - Shit! 702 00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:52,505 [Keith] Stop him! Get him, get him, stop him! 703 00:23:52,595 --> 00:23:54,715 You dumb-ass LaGuardia fuckin' Spread idiot! 704 00:23:54,804 --> 00:23:56,684 What the fuck are you doin', man? 705 00:23:56,762 --> 00:23:58,352 [Keith] The Yakuza's gonna track us down and kill us. 706 00:23:58,428 --> 00:24:00,008 [woman] ...killed today by a food-borne illness 707 00:24:00,095 --> 00:24:02,175 found in beef. 708 00:24:02,261 --> 00:24:03,761 Mad cow disease is affecting 709 00:24:03,845 --> 00:24:06,595 livestock across Canada and the U.K., 710 00:24:06,679 --> 00:24:10,349 causing one of the biggest beef recalls in history. 711 00:24:10,428 --> 00:24:11,798 The outbreak of mad cow disease 712 00:24:11,887 --> 00:24:14,467 forced supermarkets across the U.K. 713 00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:17,723 to dispose of the tainted beef. 714 00:24:17,804 --> 00:24:19,974 Resupplying the market with safe beef from the U.S. 715 00:24:20,053 --> 00:24:22,513 is causing the demand to skyrocket. 716 00:24:22,595 --> 00:24:25,505 [men laughing] 717 00:24:25,595 --> 00:24:28,175 It is my distinct honor to present 718 00:24:28,261 --> 00:24:30,261 these brave Mujahideen warriors 719 00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:34,595 - with a check for $44,250. - [crowd whooping] 720 00:24:34,679 --> 00:24:38,179 Fight on, brave men. We will not forget you. 721 00:24:38,261 --> 00:24:40,391 We're actually not going by Mujahideen anymore. 722 00:24:40,470 --> 00:24:41,680 We're rebranding. 723 00:24:41,762 --> 00:24:44,352 What do you think about, uh, Taliban? 724 00:24:44,428 --> 00:24:47,428 Taliban, uh... yeah, that's got legs. 725 00:24:48,845 --> 00:24:50,385 ♪ edgy music ♪ 726 00:24:50,470 --> 00:24:51,760 Oh, shit, I gotta get outta here. 727 00:24:51,845 --> 00:24:53,005 - All right, take it easy. - Salaam! 728 00:24:53,095 --> 00:24:54,965 [Mo] Yeah. Salami and bacon! 729 00:24:55,053 --> 00:24:57,183 ♪♪♪ 730 00:24:57,261 --> 00:24:58,601 [elevator bell dings] 731 00:24:58,679 --> 00:25:03,509 ♪♪♪ 732 00:25:13,053 --> 00:25:14,553 [exhales] 733 00:25:23,512 --> 00:25:28,182 [woman] ♪ Where do I find the strength ♪ 734 00:25:28,261 --> 00:25:31,181 ♪ To face the future ♪ 735 00:25:31,261 --> 00:25:35,221 ♪ With...without you? ♪ 736 00:25:35,303 --> 00:25:37,353 Uh...make it a double. 737 00:25:37,428 --> 00:25:39,218 You haven't ordered. 738 00:25:39,303 --> 00:25:40,263 [inhales] 739 00:25:40,345 --> 00:25:42,385 Scotch. 740 00:25:43,428 --> 00:25:46,348 ♪ dramatic music ♪ 741 00:25:46,428 --> 00:25:48,008 ♪♪♪ 742 00:25:48,095 --> 00:25:50,925 I'm gonna need that finger. 743 00:25:51,011 --> 00:25:52,391 No hard feelings, Mo. 744 00:25:52,470 --> 00:25:54,470 You have a boss. I have a boss. 745 00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:57,263 Technically, I'm my own boss, but... 746 00:25:59,929 --> 00:26:02,429 Mm! 747 00:26:02,512 --> 00:26:03,602 I have to do it? 748 00:26:05,136 --> 00:26:06,256 [blows out] 749 00:26:06,345 --> 00:26:10,965 ♪♪♪ 750 00:26:11,053 --> 00:26:14,103 [inhales, exhales] 751 00:26:14,178 --> 00:26:16,048 How much pinky are we talkin' about? 752 00:26:16,136 --> 00:26:18,676 - Mo! - Yeah. 753 00:26:18,762 --> 00:26:20,762 Oh, shit. 754 00:26:22,762 --> 00:26:24,432 [Keith] Stop! Stop! 755 00:26:24,512 --> 00:26:26,432 Stop! Shit! 756 00:26:26,512 --> 00:26:28,222 We got the money and then some. 757 00:26:28,303 --> 00:26:30,683 Turns out Wayne was pulling a LaGuardia Spread 758 00:26:30,762 --> 00:26:31,892 - [Keith] with the dough. - And it worked! 759 00:26:31,970 --> 00:26:33,800 Well, it didn't until the U.K. was overrun 760 00:26:33,887 --> 00:26:35,467 by zombie cows. 761 00:26:35,553 --> 00:26:37,223 [Yassir] U.S. livestock futures are-- 762 00:26:37,303 --> 00:26:38,723 Do you wanna give this guy his Goddamn money 763 00:26:38,804 --> 00:26:40,724 so I don't have to cut off my fucking pinkie? 764 00:26:40,804 --> 00:26:42,224 The money's already been wired into your account, Mo. 765 00:26:42,303 --> 00:26:44,473 So...are we good? 766 00:26:46,261 --> 00:26:47,301 [knife clatters] 767 00:26:47,387 --> 00:26:49,847 Ohh... Ha. Ha ha. 768 00:26:49,929 --> 00:26:52,469 Ha ha ha ha. Oh! 769 00:26:52,553 --> 00:26:54,353 I'm not even mad at you, Wayne okay? 770 00:26:54,428 --> 00:26:56,098 You're a fuckin' wild man. 771 00:26:56,178 --> 00:26:57,848 - Yeah, right? - [laughter] 772 00:26:57,929 --> 00:27:00,099 [Mo] It takes some big-- Actually, that's not true. 773 00:27:00,178 --> 00:27:01,468 I'm very upset with you! 774 00:27:01,553 --> 00:27:03,303 I'm upset with all three of you. 775 00:27:03,387 --> 00:27:05,347 I'm gonna individually fuck each one of you up. 776 00:27:05,428 --> 00:27:07,098 - Do you understand-- - [grunts] Mm! So... 777 00:27:07,178 --> 00:27:10,598 You wanna do a money order? Write us a check? 778 00:27:10,679 --> 00:27:12,349 Whatever's easier. 779 00:27:12,428 --> 00:27:15,298 ♪ suspenseful music ♪ 780 00:27:15,387 --> 00:27:17,637 ♪♪♪ 781 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,510 And again. Again, I fell for it. 782 00:27:19,595 --> 00:27:24,465 And...again, Mo let me down. 783 00:27:24,553 --> 00:27:27,143 You know, it's like, uh... 784 00:27:27,220 --> 00:27:29,600 I feel like I'm Lucy, 785 00:27:29,679 --> 00:27:31,179 you know, and the football, 786 00:27:31,261 --> 00:27:32,801 or...maybe I'm Charlie Brown. 787 00:27:32,887 --> 00:27:36,677 I don't know. Or maybe I'm the football. 788 00:27:36,762 --> 00:27:39,222 Who knows? Ooh! Peanuts! 789 00:27:39,303 --> 00:27:40,643 What if I do some peanuts 790 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,350 to soak up some of this alcohol. 791 00:27:42,428 --> 00:27:45,258 This is supposed to be one of the most romantic spots 792 00:27:45,345 --> 00:27:46,795 - in the city. - Eew. 793 00:27:46,887 --> 00:27:48,847 I gotta pee. 794 00:27:50,595 --> 00:27:52,095 [soulful music in background] 795 00:27:52,178 --> 00:27:53,798 Hey. You're here! 796 00:27:53,887 --> 00:27:55,467 Mmm! 797 00:27:55,553 --> 00:27:57,683 Did you see Tiff and I are, uh, we're back. 798 00:27:57,762 --> 00:27:58,722 - I think. - Oh... 799 00:27:58,804 --> 00:28:00,894 Uh, so thank you 800 00:28:01,011 --> 00:28:02,761 for everything. 801 00:28:02,845 --> 00:28:04,675 Well, I'm just--I'm happy that you're happy. 802 00:28:04,762 --> 00:28:06,932 I see you took my advice on this spot? 803 00:28:07,011 --> 00:28:08,351 Yeah, yeah, I did. 804 00:28:08,428 --> 00:28:10,468 Again, I...owe you. 805 00:28:10,553 --> 00:28:11,683 Big. 806 00:28:11,762 --> 00:28:13,012 Yeah. 807 00:28:13,095 --> 00:28:17,795 ♪♪♪ 808 00:28:34,470 --> 00:28:37,510 ♪♪♪ 809 00:28:37,595 --> 00:28:40,295 ♪ upbeat synth music ♪ 810 00:28:40,387 --> 00:28:45,547 ♪♪♪