1
00:00:07,970 --> 00:00:09,804
Previously, on Black Monday.

2
00:00:09,887 --> 00:00:11,804
You are not needed, Keith!

3
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You are nothing.

4
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:14,303
Blair, I want a baby.

5
00:00:14,387 --> 00:00:16,720
The answer is, "Fuck no.
Are you crazy?"

6
00:00:16,804 --> 00:00:19,095
I'm just some "mom-a-be"
hocking Skants

7
00:00:19,178 --> 00:00:21,637
to a bunch of
Bible-breeding bitches

8
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,178
on a channel in the teens!

9
00:00:23,261 --> 00:00:26,136
Hey, I told you, really.
I'm done with that stuff.

10
00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:27,845
How quickly can you get behind

11
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- this bank bailout?
- That's just not gonna happen.

12
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You're a man of influence.

13
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Your bank bailout for the video.

14
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VHS tape was released, showing

15
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,011
newly-elected congressman
from the 13th District...

16
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Roger, I am so fucking sorry.

17
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At least I don't work
for the FBI.

18
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He was the guy behind that whole

19
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Amerisavings shootout shit.

20
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You're the one trying
to fuck over the AASF fund.

21
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- You are?
- Marcus...

22
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I'm the one who leaked
the entry.

23
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I'm over all y'all.

24
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,762
Power to the people,
motherfuckers.

25
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Dawn.

26
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Dawn!
Dawn!

27
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- Wait, Dawn.
- You lying fuck.

28
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You told me in Miami
that you were out.

29
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How do you just lie to people
in their fucking faces?

30
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I wasn't... listen!
Listen.

31
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I wasn't lying, okay?

32
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I was out, but at that time...

33
00:01:18,261 --> 00:01:20,845
And you were the one who
blew up my fucking bank deal?

34
00:01:20,929 --> 00:01:22,345
My God.
What the fuck?

35
00:01:22,428 --> 00:01:24,011
You are obsessed with me.

36
00:01:24,095 --> 00:01:25,095
Yeah, but at that time...

37
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"At that time."
Say it one more time.

38
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Say it one more fucking time.

39
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- At that time...
- At that time...

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- You just...
- ...at this time,

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and for all fucking time,
we are done.

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We are done forever!

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Jesus.
Come on, Dawn.

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Will you stop being so goddamn
drama...

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Hey!
Hey!

46
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- Where you think you're going?
- Shit.

47
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Here.
Just... no, just take it.

48
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,762
Dawn.
Slow down.

49
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:47,762
Will you let me explain?

50
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Miss Tiffany,
excuse me for waking you,

51
00:01:57,470 --> 00:02:01,220
but your makeup is complete.

52
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What the fuck, Marina?

53
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I said, "do a rocker eye,"
Marina.

54
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Oh, but you fell asleep.

55
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I used the magazine you gave me
for reference.

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No.
No, I meant this.

57
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Doesn't that make more sense
for religious-based programming

58
00:02:20,887 --> 00:02:24,679
as opposed to full-faced
fucking Kiss makeup,

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Marina, doesn't it?

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Oh, I'll get the cold cream.

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Fuck me, Jesus.

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Permission to speak freely.

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What?
Go.

64
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No, I meant, permission to

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speak, comma-Frehley,

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00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:42,470
like Ace Frehley,
the guitar player from Kiss.

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'Cause your look is wowza.

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It was only supposed to be
heavy around the eyes

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'cause I need them to run like
a river when I cry out there.

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Wait a second.
That's your plan?

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Sympathy tears while you blame
your evil husband

72
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and promote your new special,
Gene?

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I don't have a new special jean.

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No, I meant, promote
your new Christmas special,

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comma-Gene, like Gene Simmons.

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'Cause of your whole...
the Kiss makeup.

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Yeah, that's hilarious, Blair,

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but I just got thrown off
my own special,

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thanks to you.

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Now ALF is hosting it
by himself.

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My brand is butt-fucked
like you on that tape.

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Why did you release that?

83
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Whoa.
I didn't do that.

84
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Why would I do that?

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Besides, I'm all over that tape.

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I'm arguably the star.

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Why would I want the world
to know

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I roll my Rs when I orgasm?

89
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Why do you do that?

90
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It's just something I picked up

91
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from Raul Julia.

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From what movie?

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Yeah, from a m-m-movie.

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Look, I can fix this
for both of us,

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but you have to
put me on the air.

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Ha!
That's cute, Blair,

97
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but I think I'll just tell
the world

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that we're getting
a divorce instead.

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That's the only way
to save my reputation

100
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and Pfaff Fashions.

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You think a divorce
is gonna jibe

102
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with your new "wholesome,
family-first" image?

103
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Tiff, I know this is
the last thing you wanna hear,

104
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but the only way to save
your brand and yourself

105
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is to double down on me,
your husband.

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"Stand by your man,"
"Jesus saves"... all that.

107
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I can fix this for us.

108
00:04:01,595 --> 00:04:05,095
There's only one person to
blame for what happened, Tiff.

109
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Let me go out there and explain
that to your audience

110
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and make this right.

111
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Fine, but you have to tell
Leonard Nimoy

112
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we're bumping him again.

113
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Tough but fair.
Kiss?

114
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Oh.

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My God, of course.

116
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You meant, tough but fair,
comma-Kiss.

117
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- Mm.
- Calling me by the band name.

118
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It's a bit of a stretch.

119
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So tell me, what is
Jasmine Guy really like?

120
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And I see you are not
a story editor

121
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from A Different World,
working on

122
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an AASF-themed episode.

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I just told your assistant that
so you'd see me.

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Good lie, specific.

125
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Course, I'm not surprised,
considering lying

126
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is what you're best at.

127
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I deserve that.

128
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Please hear me out.

129
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You have until the feds
come humiliate me

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in front of my peers,
which, I assume,

131
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is any minute now.

132
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A scandal like this
could take down the whole AASF.

133
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How could you do this to me,
Dawn?

134
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To anyone?

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'Cause I'm a bad person.

136
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Because...

137
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...I'm in a... I'm in
a bad business,

138
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and I'm just really good at it.

139
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I don't even know anymore.

140
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You're not that good at it
considering the FBI's

141
00:05:06,512 --> 00:05:08,011
about to take down
every person you've ever known.

142
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I didn't wanna take that money.

143
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I didn't wanna risk
the kids' futures.

144
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I tried to turn it down.

145
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But you did.

146
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Yeah.

147
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'Cause when you looked at me,
I really...

148
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I just really wanted to be
the person that you saw.

149
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I didn't go into this
to hurt you

150
00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:31,261
or scam you... or anything.

151
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Trust me.

152
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Believe it or not, I still do.

153
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Unfortunately,
that doesn't change

154
00:05:39,053 --> 00:05:41,095
our current situation.

155
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But what if it could?

156
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How?

157
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If you transfer $3 million
into an account

158
00:05:49,387 --> 00:05:50,428
in the Cayman Islands,

159
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we can sink that FBI bitch
for good

160
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and save the AASF.

161
00:05:56,637 --> 00:05:58,679
Marcus, I can fix this.

162
00:05:58,762 --> 00:06:01,345
Dawn, I can fix this.

163
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Dawn, will you slow down?
Give me a chance to explain.

164
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Look, you're in high heels.
You're gonna get a bunion.

165
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You are a bunion on my life.

166
00:06:08,053 --> 00:06:09,720
And why is everything
always about feet with you?

167
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,053
I don't know.
I love them.

168
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Listen.
I was out, okay?

169
00:06:13,887 --> 00:06:16,095
But then you tried to erase me
from the company that I built.

170
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- It pissed me...
- We built!

171
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- We built!
- I got angry.

172
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Okay?

173
00:06:20,178 --> 00:06:21,470
You know how hard it is to be

174
00:06:21,553 --> 00:06:24,136
the first black man with
his own shop on the street?

175
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Dawn, come on.

176
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:27,220
See?

177
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There you go... bunion.
I told you.

178
00:06:29,261 --> 00:06:31,095
- You want me to rub it out?
- No!

179
00:06:31,178 --> 00:06:32,637
And you know what?
You're right.

180
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I'm sorry.
I didn't think about that.

181
00:06:34,178 --> 00:06:35,345
It must be really difficult

182
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,845
to be a black man
on Wall Street...

183
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,303
- Thank you.
- ...like one-millionth

184
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as difficult as it is
to be a black woman

185
00:06:40,512 --> 00:06:42,428
on any fucking street.

186
00:06:45,261 --> 00:06:46,970
Huh.

187
00:06:47,053 --> 00:06:48,428
At least you can get a cab.

188
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Don't follow me.

189
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53rd and 5th.

190
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- Okay, you know what?
- Oh, my fucking God.

191
00:06:56,595 --> 00:06:58,261
You are always complaining
and bitching about

192
00:06:58,345 --> 00:06:59,345
how much you help me.

193
00:06:59,428 --> 00:07:00,720
How 'bout how much
I've helped you?

194
00:07:00,804 --> 00:07:02,178
Just admit it.

195
00:07:02,261 --> 00:07:04,095
You couldn't stand to see me
doing better than you...

196
00:07:04,178 --> 00:07:05,345
- No...
- ...without you.

197
00:07:05,428 --> 00:07:06,845
That's why you blew up the bank.

198
00:07:06,929 --> 00:07:07,762
- No.
- Shit.

199
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:10,428
If this is you helping, stop!

200
00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:15,762
- Hey, let me out.
- Pay up, pal.

201
00:07:15,845 --> 00:07:16,970
- We haven't even moved!
- Meter's running.

202
00:07:17,053 --> 00:07:18,095
Jesus Christ.

203
00:07:18,178 --> 00:07:21,053
This is an expensive
fucking fight.

204
00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:24,095
And at my lowest point,

205
00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:27,053
after I'd been betrayed
by my husband,

206
00:07:27,136 --> 00:07:29,804
the Lord spoke directly to me.

207
00:07:29,887 --> 00:07:32,053
He said, "Tiff...

208
00:07:32,136 --> 00:07:34,553
to err is to be human;

209
00:07:34,637 --> 00:07:38,387
to forgive is to be divine.

210
00:07:38,470 --> 00:07:42,845
Allow your audience the chance
to be divine."

211
00:07:44,136 --> 00:07:47,387
And so by direct orders
from God Himself...

212
00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:49,303
ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome

213
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:52,929
my husband... Blair Pfaff.

214
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,970
Thank you, Tiffany.

215
00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,512
Thank you, Pfaff Flock.

216
00:08:11,595 --> 00:08:15,095
This is the hardest thing
I have ever done.

217
00:08:16,387 --> 00:08:17,428
Ooh.

218
00:08:17,512 --> 00:08:18,804
Every time a person's nervous,

219
00:08:18,887 --> 00:08:19,970
the microphone feeds back.

220
00:08:20,053 --> 00:08:21,387
It's like,

221
00:08:21,470 --> 00:08:22,929
"Do these things sense nerves
or what?"

222
00:08:23,011 --> 00:08:25,011
You're not funny.

223
00:08:26,345 --> 00:08:28,929
Anyway...

224
00:08:29,011 --> 00:08:31,553
I have something here
that I think will explain

225
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:34,095
the sinful acts
that transpired between

226
00:08:34,178 --> 00:08:35,845
the late congressman and I.

227
00:08:38,553 --> 00:08:41,136
What in
the H-E-double-hockey-sticks

228
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,220
does this boy
have up his sleeve?

229
00:08:43,303 --> 00:08:45,345
Congressman Harris'
suicide note.

230
00:08:46,595 --> 00:08:50,553
"Dear Blair,
I need to apologize to you.

231
00:08:50,637 --> 00:08:53,804
I take full responsibility
for coercing you

232
00:08:53,887 --> 00:08:57,053
into the sinful, decadent,

233
00:08:57,136 --> 00:09:01,428
and unnatural temptation

234
00:09:01,512 --> 00:09:03,512
that is homosexual fornication.

235
00:09:03,595 --> 00:09:08,178
Satan took my hand
and placed it on your knee,

236
00:09:08,261 --> 00:09:11,136
forcing you to be gay,

237
00:09:11,220 --> 00:09:13,095
which is why, today,

238
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:15,303
I will take my life,

239
00:09:15,387 --> 00:09:18,303
along with your homosexuality,

240
00:09:18,387 --> 00:09:22,095
with me to Hell...

241
00:09:22,178 --> 00:09:24,178
where I belong.

242
00:09:24,261 --> 00:09:28,553
You can now go back
to being straight forever."

243
00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:29,762
Amen!

244
00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:31,887
"I would say, 'I'll see you
on the other side, '

245
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:36,011
but of course, you will
be in the kingdom of Heaven

246
00:09:36,095 --> 00:09:37,804
while I burn in Hell."

247
00:09:38,929 --> 00:09:43,053
"The end.
Fondly, Roger."

248
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:51,053
Take her down, Lynette.
Lynette!

249
00:09:51,136 --> 00:09:52,720
Dawn.
Dawn!

250
00:09:52,804 --> 00:09:55,428
Listen. Hey, listen.

251
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,136
The feds were onto you and TBD.

252
00:09:58,220 --> 00:09:59,553
Okay?
I had no choice.

253
00:09:59,637 --> 00:10:01,053
I had to make a deal with them
to try to protect you.

254
00:10:01,136 --> 00:10:02,387
Bullshit.

255
00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:04,804
The only person
you ever protect is you.

256
00:10:04,887 --> 00:10:08,178
Did you or did you not
put me and Blair into this shit

257
00:10:08,261 --> 00:10:09,061
to save yourself?

258
00:10:09,136 --> 00:10:10,011
No.

259
00:10:10,095 --> 00:10:11,095
No.
What?

260
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,053
No.

261
00:10:12,136 --> 00:10:13,553
Look...

262
00:10:13,637 --> 00:10:14,970
...they had shit on us.

263
00:10:15,053 --> 00:10:17,220
They had sh... they have shit
on us.

264
00:10:18,637 --> 00:10:23,387
Dawn, let... let's
just disappear,

265
00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:26,387
me and you, for good.

266
00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:30,095
It's our chance
to get out of this shit.

267
00:10:30,178 --> 00:10:32,387
We could go to the Maldives
tonight.

268
00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:35,970
It-it'd be like-like '78
forever.

269
00:10:38,345 --> 00:10:40,136
Come on, Dawn.

270
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:43,470
You know you're the only thing
I ever cared about.

271
00:10:43,553 --> 00:10:45,804
That's why I was gonna
propose to you back in the day.

272
00:10:45,887 --> 00:10:47,095
I mean, I...

273
00:10:47,178 --> 00:10:49,762
...I sort of did propose to you
on Black Monday.

274
00:10:49,845 --> 00:10:51,512
You always complain that

275
00:10:51,595 --> 00:10:53,303
I don't wanna make you
my partner.

276
00:10:53,387 --> 00:10:55,011
I was trying to make you
my partner in life.

277
00:10:56,011 --> 00:10:57,345
Doesn't that matter even more?

278
00:10:59,512 --> 00:11:00,845
No.

279
00:11:02,303 --> 00:11:05,970
Wow.
No, it doesn't.

280
00:11:06,053 --> 00:11:07,553
Idiot.

281
00:11:11,095 --> 00:11:12,011
Mo.

282
00:11:15,595 --> 00:11:17,762
I need 85 cents.

283
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,303
Come on, you owe me that
at least.

284
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:37,387
Operation Free Mo
brainstorming session,

285
00:11:37,470 --> 00:11:39,887
now in... session.

286
00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:42,220
No bad ideas.
Go.

287
00:11:42,303 --> 00:11:43,387
Kill yourself.

288
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:44,887
Are you fucking crazy, Alvin?

289
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:46,637
You think I'm gonna write
"kill myself" up here?

290
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,762
- You said "no bad ideas."
- Alvin.

291
00:11:48,845 --> 00:11:50,845
Honestly, I can't see
any way out of this.

292
00:11:50,929 --> 00:11:52,637
- Except...
- Except nothing.

293
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,095
The FBI won't even return
my calls,

294
00:11:54,178 --> 00:11:56,261
which isn't a good sign
for your deal or for me.

295
00:11:56,345 --> 00:11:57,470
Fucking FBI.

296
00:11:57,553 --> 00:11:58,387
They're just trying to
pressure us, okay?

297
00:11:58,470 --> 00:11:59,428
It's what they do.

298
00:11:59,512 --> 00:12:00,470
They're a bunch
of fucking teases.

299
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,929
They're coming for you
any minute.

300
00:12:03,011 --> 00:12:05,679
Now if we're moving away from
the suicide area for sure...

301
00:12:05,762 --> 00:12:06,562
We are.

302
00:12:06,637 --> 00:12:07,845
...then you have
two choices:

303
00:12:07,929 --> 00:12:11,428
turn yourself in
and save everyone... or run.

304
00:12:11,512 --> 00:12:13,679
And fuck everyone.

305
00:12:13,762 --> 00:12:15,345
Jesus, no.

306
00:12:15,428 --> 00:12:17,095
I can't fucking be
the bad guy again.

307
00:12:17,178 --> 00:12:18,095
I'm not gonna run.

308
00:12:18,178 --> 00:12:19,637
Plus, the feds have my passport.

309
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:20,887
There are other passports.

310
00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:22,178
Hey.
What about Dawn?

311
00:12:22,261 --> 00:12:25,220
There's no way her passport
would work for you.

312
00:12:25,929 --> 00:12:27,845
Did you not have breakfast
this morning or something?

313
00:12:27,929 --> 00:12:29,261
No, of course
I didn't have breakfast.

314
00:12:29,345 --> 00:12:30,637
It's 3:30 in the morning.

315
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,303
You called me and told me
to get my ass over here

316
00:12:32,387 --> 00:12:33,595
with a whiteboard.

317
00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:34,479
I had to bring it
on the 6 train.

318
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:35,595
- These kids jumped me.
- Alvin.

319
00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:36,512
They pissed in my bag!

320
00:12:36,595 --> 00:12:39,220
What's going to happen to Dawn?

321
00:12:39,303 --> 00:12:42,095
I don't know, but I do know
what'll happen to you...

322
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,387
life in prison.

323
00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:45,887
This new three-strikes rule
is nonnegotiable.

324
00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:47,136
If your FBI deal is off,

325
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:48,553
then you're gonna go down
for everything,

326
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:49,929
last year and this.

327
00:12:50,011 --> 00:12:51,303
Add to that your Panthers arrest

328
00:12:51,387 --> 00:12:53,178
and that DWI you got
when you were 16.

329
00:12:53,261 --> 00:12:55,970
That was a DWB, all right,
"driving while black."

330
00:12:56,053 --> 00:12:58,595
Technically, it was a DWBJ,
if you know what I'm saying.

331
00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:00,178
- You punched a cop.
- Yeah.

332
00:13:00,261 --> 00:13:03,887
Mo, my expert legal advice
is run.

333
00:13:14,303 --> 00:13:15,553
Leisure time, Lenny.

334
00:13:15,637 --> 00:13:17,303
I got the Wall Street
board game.

335
00:13:17,387 --> 00:13:19,553
You can be the coke straw.

336
00:13:19,637 --> 00:13:21,470
Lenny?

337
00:13:21,553 --> 00:13:23,387
- Lenny?
- Ta-da.

338
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,929
Hot stuff coming through.

339
00:13:26,011 --> 00:13:28,053
Ah, fuck m-me.

340
00:13:28,136 --> 00:13:30,720
Hey, let's go out tonight,
Larry, and-and get some Betties

341
00:13:30,804 --> 00:13:33,095
and paint this town semen.

342
00:13:33,178 --> 00:13:35,595
Mm.
So is that attached to...

343
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:37,720
Ligaments and nerve-endings?
Yep.

344
00:13:37,804 --> 00:13:38,929
- Wow.
- I taste metal

345
00:13:39,011 --> 00:13:40,679
or blood every time
I take a step.

346
00:13:40,762 --> 00:13:42,178
- Well...
- But other than that,

347
00:13:42,261 --> 00:13:43,804
I'm 100%, baby.

348
00:13:45,804 --> 00:13:47,804
Hey, what is that?
Is that for me?

349
00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:48,929
- Oh, nothing.
- It's got my name on it.

350
00:13:49,011 --> 00:13:50,428
I, uh, thought it might
upset you,

351
00:13:50,512 --> 00:13:52,095
so I threw it away.

352
00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:53,762
- It's from Keith.
- Hmm? Who?

353
00:13:53,845 --> 00:13:55,428
"I can't believe
you betrayed me.

354
00:13:55,512 --> 00:13:57,637
- I thought we were friends."
- He's being dramatic.

355
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,178
"You ruined Phantom for me

356
00:13:59,261 --> 00:14:01,595
more than Sarah Brightman's
pitchy understudy ever could."

357
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:02,929
I don't think that's possible.

358
00:14:03,011 --> 00:14:05,011
"Please release me from
your Lloyd Webber of lies."

359
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,220
Look on the bright side;

360
00:14:08,303 --> 00:14:10,845
it's back to just us.

361
00:14:10,929 --> 00:14:14,136
Keith was deadweight anyway.
We're all we need.

362
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:17,011
We're all we've ever needed.

363
00:14:17,095 --> 00:14:18,970
Lenny.

364
00:14:19,053 --> 00:14:22,637
Did you do something to Keith
without consulting me?

365
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,053
What if I did?
This is my company.

366
00:14:25,136 --> 00:14:27,512
It is our company,
and I have been running it

367
00:14:27,595 --> 00:14:30,595
by myself, without you
for months... okay...

368
00:14:30,679 --> 00:14:32,470
while taking care of you.

369
00:14:32,553 --> 00:14:34,428
Running it into the ground!

370
00:14:34,512 --> 00:14:37,261
Amerisavings & Loan,
the Yen trade.

371
00:14:37,345 --> 00:14:38,970
I guess it's true what they say,

372
00:14:39,053 --> 00:14:41,762
that I've always been
the brains of the operation.

373
00:14:41,845 --> 00:14:43,970
Well, I guess
that makes me the body.

374
00:14:44,053 --> 00:14:47,428
And our little brother, Lonny,
would have been the heart,

375
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,387
but you ate him in the womb.

376
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,011
Rumor!

377
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,845
But I never could have
mustered the strength

378
00:14:56,929 --> 00:15:00,470
to come forward without
Pastor Newell Swafford's

379
00:15:00,553 --> 00:15:01,720
conversion program.

380
00:15:01,804 --> 00:15:03,011
Praise the Lord!

381
00:15:03,095 --> 00:15:06,595
With the miraculous help of
Dr. Gabe Egone,

382
00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:09,553
I no longer have a gay bone
in my body.

383
00:15:09,637 --> 00:15:11,387
And believe me,
ladies and gentlemen,

384
00:15:11,470 --> 00:15:13,011
I did before.

385
00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:15,428
But don't take my word for it.

386
00:15:15,512 --> 00:15:16,679
I have proof.

387
00:15:16,762 --> 00:15:18,887
Tiffany, darling,

388
00:15:18,970 --> 00:15:23,011
would you like to tell everyone,

389
00:15:23,095 --> 00:15:24,595
or shall I, darling?

390
00:15:24,679 --> 00:15:26,762
Uh, tell them what, Blair?

391
00:15:26,845 --> 00:15:30,720
Uh, our big surprise. Duh.

392
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:32,929
Oh, she's being bashful.

393
00:15:33,011 --> 00:15:35,887
We haven't even told
our own families yet,

394
00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:38,637
but... since we consider
all of you

395
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,637
our real family,
we might as well

396
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:42,929
just get right to it, right?

397
00:15:43,011 --> 00:15:44,428
I'm scared.

398
00:15:44,512 --> 00:15:46,345
Oh, we're both scared

399
00:15:46,428 --> 00:15:50,178
because you can never be
too prepared to become...

400
00:15:50,261 --> 00:15:51,387
parents.

401
00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:52,720
That's right.

402
00:15:52,804 --> 00:15:54,970
Tiffany is with child.

403
00:15:55,053 --> 00:15:58,220
Our firstborn,
Blair Jr... boy or girl.

404
00:15:58,303 --> 00:15:59,303
Am I right?

405
00:15:59,387 --> 00:16:00,720
Dump this feed right now,

406
00:16:00,804 --> 00:16:02,720
or I will put a hex
upon your kid

407
00:16:02,804 --> 00:16:04,637
that'll span generations!

408
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,387
Dump the feed.
Dump the feed!

409
00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:10,095
And if that news
wasn't amazing enough...

410
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,595
we got one more little surprise

411
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:12,970
in store for y'all.

412
00:16:13,053 --> 00:16:14,762
The master pastor himself

413
00:16:14,845 --> 00:16:16,387
has landed for the first time

414
00:16:16,470 --> 00:16:17,136
in years.

415
00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:18,762
Ladies and gentlemen,

416
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,261
please "praise" the roof for

417
00:16:21,345 --> 00:16:24,178
Pastor Newell Swafford!

418
00:16:28,011 --> 00:16:30,345
Come on out, Father!

419
00:16:30,428 --> 00:16:31,845
Oh, praise him!

420
00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:34,595
Tiff, come and join me.

421
00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:35,595
Come on.

422
00:16:35,679 --> 00:16:36,804
Come on.

423
00:16:36,887 --> 00:16:37,687
Come, come.

424
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,637
Oh, if it wasn't for this man

425
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,762
and his amazing
conversion program,

426
00:16:41,845 --> 00:16:44,011
I would still be deep
in the annals of anal.

427
00:16:44,095 --> 00:16:46,095
But his work needs your help
to continue.

428
00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:48,970
So if you believe in this man
and his power to heal,

429
00:16:49,053 --> 00:16:50,261
please dial the number
on your phone

430
00:16:50,345 --> 00:16:53,428
and donate, donate, donate!

431
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:54,887
Oh! Oh!

432
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:57,553
Pastor, look at
the numbers climb.

433
00:16:57,637 --> 00:17:00,136
Oh, boy.
Oh!

434
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,637
Yes!

435
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:02,970
Praise Him.

436
00:17:03,053 --> 00:17:05,178
Oh, operators are standing by.

437
00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:08,762
- Ooh!
- Tiff. Tiff.

438
00:17:08,845 --> 00:17:09,804
Ooh, we are a witness tonight

439
00:17:09,887 --> 00:17:11,303
miracles do happen.

440
00:17:14,053 --> 00:17:15,804
- Oh, Jesus.
- Keith. Keith.

441
00:17:15,887 --> 00:17:17,387
I-I don't know what
my brother told you.

442
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,136
Uh, nothing, just that
he's alive,

443
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:21,011
that you're not my friend,
you never were,

444
00:17:21,095 --> 00:17:22,512
and this entire time,
you've been using me.

445
00:17:22,595 --> 00:17:23,970
You're just gonna
throw me back in jail.

446
00:17:24,053 --> 00:17:26,303
Well, yeah, that's an accurate
description of our plan,

447
00:17:26,387 --> 00:17:29,136
but what he left out
was the part where

448
00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:30,762
I got to know you.

449
00:17:30,845 --> 00:17:34,387
- And I genuinely like you.
- Yeah, right.

450
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:38,053
That's why I rushed over here
the second I got your note.

451
00:17:38,136 --> 00:17:40,178
Look, ever since
my brother's accident,

452
00:17:40,261 --> 00:17:43,637
there has been this
darkness in him...

453
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,011
or more darkness...

454
00:17:46,095 --> 00:17:48,762
and he's jealous of
what we have.

455
00:17:48,845 --> 00:17:50,011
But you know what?

456
00:17:50,095 --> 00:17:52,470
I don't give a rat's ass
what he thinks.

457
00:17:52,553 --> 00:17:53,679
You don't?

458
00:17:53,762 --> 00:17:56,345
I don't, Keith.

459
00:17:56,428 --> 00:17:58,387
Now why don't you put
those wheel-boots away,

460
00:17:58,470 --> 00:18:00,470
and I'll-I'll prove it to you?

461
00:18:08,345 --> 00:18:11,345
♪ Daisy, daisy ♪

462
00:18:11,428 --> 00:18:14,178
♪ Give me your answer, do ♪

463
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,762
♪ I'm half-crazy ♪

464
00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:19,720
♪ Over the love of you ♪

465
00:18:19,804 --> 00:18:20,762
- Oh!
- ♪ It won't be ♪

466
00:18:20,845 --> 00:18:22,011
♪ A stylish marriage... ♪

467
00:18:22,095 --> 00:18:24,553
Make your own money,
ya piece of shit!

468
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:25,804
♪ A carriage ♪

469
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:27,136
♪ But you look sweet ♪

470
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:29,261
♪ Upon the seat of ♪

471
00:18:29,345 --> 00:18:31,887
- Oh!
- ♪ A bicycle built for two ♪

472
00:18:31,970 --> 00:18:33,595
Get your own watch, sucker!

473
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:34,804
♪ Daisy, give me ♪

474
00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:37,220
♪ Your answer do... ♪

475
00:18:37,303 --> 00:18:40,887
Oh, you've found
your calling, mister.

476
00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:42,970
Thank you.

477
00:18:43,053 --> 00:18:44,303
♪ It won't be
a stylish marriage ♪

478
00:18:44,387 --> 00:18:45,929
I gotta get this framed.

479
00:18:46,011 --> 00:18:48,303
♪ I can't afford a carriage ♪

480
00:18:48,387 --> 00:18:50,345
♪ But you look sweet ♪

481
00:18:50,428 --> 00:18:54,178
♪ Upon the seat of
a bicycle built for two ♪

482
00:18:54,261 --> 00:18:56,637
Tiffany!

483
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,679
You cannot possibly be upset
right now.

484
00:18:59,762 --> 00:19:01,053
They love us.

485
00:19:01,136 --> 00:19:03,845
I fixed everything, and you got
everything you wanted

486
00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:05,470
and a baby.

487
00:19:05,553 --> 00:19:08,053
And I used "annal" and "anal"
in the same sentence.

488
00:19:08,136 --> 00:19:09,720
I want a divorce.

489
00:19:12,178 --> 00:19:13,845
You and what army?

490
00:19:13,929 --> 00:19:15,804
An army of fucking attorneys,

491
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:18,637
that's what goddamn army,
you fucking psycho.

492
00:19:23,679 --> 00:19:27,345
Pastor Swafford,
what a pleasant surprise.

493
00:19:27,428 --> 00:19:29,178
I hope you're not
too ground-sick to notice

494
00:19:29,261 --> 00:19:31,595
you just made a one-day
fundraising record...

495
00:19:31,679 --> 00:19:33,261
and climbing.

496
00:19:33,345 --> 00:19:34,762
Hate for your flock to find out

497
00:19:34,845 --> 00:19:36,303
it's all based on lies,

498
00:19:36,387 --> 00:19:38,470
that you leaked the tape
or that conversion therapy

499
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:39,845
is utter bullshit.

500
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,261
I underestimated you, Pfaff.

501
00:19:42,345 --> 00:19:45,095
I've never been accurately
estimated in my entire life.

502
00:19:45,178 --> 00:19:48,387
So what do you want?

503
00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:51,887
I know how close you are
with the governor.

504
00:19:51,970 --> 00:19:54,720
You're gonna ask him
to do me a favor.

505
00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:58,178
Oh, he said,
"What do you wanna be holding?"

506
00:19:58,261 --> 00:19:59,303
I didn't know.
I said, "balloon."

507
00:20:00,512 --> 00:20:01,929
What a fun day.

508
00:20:02,011 --> 00:20:03,345
I mean, any day not spent

509
00:20:03,428 --> 00:20:05,595
emptying my brother's shit bag
is a fun day for me.

510
00:20:05,679 --> 00:20:06,762
Thank you, Keith.

511
00:20:06,845 --> 00:20:08,387
I'm happy to have you back
in my life

512
00:20:08,470 --> 00:20:09,804
as a friend, of course.

513
00:20:09,887 --> 00:20:11,261
Oh.

514
00:20:11,345 --> 00:20:13,512
And I promise,
I'll be honest from now on.

515
00:20:13,595 --> 00:20:14,512
Me too.

516
00:20:14,595 --> 00:20:16,595
Um...

517
00:20:16,679 --> 00:20:18,637
there's actually something
I've been meaning to tell you.

518
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,845
Hey, Keithy, come on.
You can tell me anything.

519
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,679
You know the Yen trade?

520
00:20:23,762 --> 00:20:24,762
Sure.

521
00:20:24,845 --> 00:20:25,970
The FBI caught wind that

522
00:20:26,053 --> 00:20:27,845
that was insider information,

523
00:20:27,929 --> 00:20:30,970
and they are after us.

524
00:20:31,053 --> 00:20:33,261
The FBI are after us?
What the fuck, Keith?

525
00:20:33,345 --> 00:20:34,762
What the fuck did you do to us?

526
00:20:34,845 --> 00:20:37,428
Oh!
My brother's gonna kill me.

527
00:20:37,512 --> 00:20:40,303
He's already up my ass about
how I'm running the company,

528
00:20:40,387 --> 00:20:41,720
and then when he hears
that the Yen trade

529
00:20:41,804 --> 00:20:45,470
that we lost a fortune on
is highly fucking illegal...

530
00:20:45,553 --> 00:20:47,512
It's my fault,
and I am sorry, okay?

531
00:20:47,595 --> 00:20:49,970
But I have a plan
to make this right.

532
00:20:50,053 --> 00:20:51,470
Just trust me, okay?

533
00:20:51,553 --> 00:20:54,428
All we need to do is pin it
on a patsy, all right?

534
00:20:54,512 --> 00:20:56,845
People do it all the time;
Lee Harvey Oswald, the O-ring.

535
00:20:56,929 --> 00:20:57,845
It'll be easy.

536
00:20:57,929 --> 00:20:59,345
Okay, but you gotta

537
00:20:59,428 --> 00:21:00,470
come with me to tell Lenny.

538
00:21:00,553 --> 00:21:02,011
I mean, he's gonna be
crazy-pissed,

539
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,053
but he's-he's gonna know
who to pin it on.

540
00:21:04,136 --> 00:21:05,720
- Okay.
- Besides, you two need to

541
00:21:05,804 --> 00:21:06,929
bury the hatchet.

542
00:21:07,011 --> 00:21:08,929
Oh, you should come to

543
00:21:09,011 --> 00:21:10,762
our annual camping trip
at Wolf Lake.

544
00:21:10,845 --> 00:21:12,887
- Oh, I-I-I wouldn't...
- No, it'd be great.

545
00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:14,845
It was our favorite place
to go when we were kids.

546
00:21:14,929 --> 00:21:17,345
Yeah, it's, uh... it's where
we fell in mud,

547
00:21:17,428 --> 00:21:21,053
where we lost
our Virg-inia Slims.

548
00:21:21,136 --> 00:21:23,136
When we were kids,
we would steal

549
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:24,970
our mother's cigarettes,
and then we'd throw them

550
00:21:25,053 --> 00:21:26,387
in the mud.

551
00:21:26,470 --> 00:21:30,136
Okay, a lot of weird pauses
in there, but sure.

552
00:21:31,679 --> 00:21:32,804
Sorry about the pauses.

553
00:21:49,679 --> 00:21:50,679
Hmm.

554
00:22:01,762 --> 00:22:03,637
Fuck.

555
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,970
He lost?

556
00:22:06,804 --> 00:22:08,595
- What?
- The election tonight.

557
00:22:08,679 --> 00:22:10,512
Harris, he lost.
That's why you're...

558
00:22:10,595 --> 00:22:12,011
that's why you're all upset,
right?

559
00:22:12,095 --> 00:22:14,637
He hung himself.

560
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:15,929
What?

561
00:22:17,845 --> 00:22:22,428
He won... and then
he hung himself.

562
00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:28,136
'Cause of his father-in-law,

563
00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:31,220
Pastor Newell Swafford,

564
00:22:31,303 --> 00:22:34,595
leaked a tape to Channel 5 News
of us fucking.

565
00:22:34,679 --> 00:22:36,553
"This just in..."

566
00:22:38,011 --> 00:22:40,804
That was, um... that was
really insensitive.

567
00:22:40,887 --> 00:22:42,637
I'm sorry.

568
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,470
That's why you're sorry, huh...

569
00:22:45,553 --> 00:22:49,220
not for you turning me
into a fucking maniac?

570
00:22:52,178 --> 00:22:54,345
You fucking maniac.

571
00:22:54,428 --> 00:22:58,053
Blair... you're going through
something really emotional

572
00:22:58,136 --> 00:22:59,512
right now,
which is why I'm not gonna

573
00:22:59,595 --> 00:23:00,595
stomp the shit out of you,

574
00:23:00,679 --> 00:23:03,136
if you get out of my face
right now.

575
00:23:03,220 --> 00:23:05,303
I'm not a good guy, man.

576
00:23:12,887 --> 00:23:14,553
Something funny?

577
00:23:14,637 --> 00:23:15,929
Yeah.

578
00:23:16,011 --> 00:23:17,345
You were right, Mo.

579
00:23:17,428 --> 00:23:20,011
"Fuck 'em all,
or get fucked by 'em all,"

580
00:23:20,095 --> 00:23:22,011
even the ones closest to you.

581
00:23:22,095 --> 00:23:23,762
Well, hell, especially the ones

582
00:23:23,845 --> 00:23:25,095
closest to you.

583
00:23:26,637 --> 00:23:27,679
Look at you and Dawn.

584
00:23:27,762 --> 00:23:29,553
You just keep ruining each other

585
00:23:29,637 --> 00:23:32,261
over and over and over.

586
00:23:34,011 --> 00:23:35,053
What's the point?

587
00:23:35,136 --> 00:23:38,929
Well, life is the point, Blair.

588
00:23:39,011 --> 00:23:41,053
I mean, if you're not even
gonna try to love anybody...

589
00:23:41,136 --> 00:23:42,095
You're fired.

590
00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:46,804
And you and me...

591
00:23:46,887 --> 00:23:48,637
we're done forever.

592
00:24:17,136 --> 00:24:18,178
I never thought I'd say this,

593
00:24:18,261 --> 00:24:20,053
but it finally feels like

594
00:24:20,136 --> 00:24:22,136
we're over all our bullshit
and back to us,

595
00:24:22,220 --> 00:24:23,387
and it's 'cause of you.

596
00:24:23,470 --> 00:24:26,053
You've really changed, Momo.

597
00:24:26,136 --> 00:24:28,929
So happy re-birthday.
Get it?

598
00:24:29,011 --> 00:24:30,762
Love, Dawny.

599
00:25:23,136 --> 00:25:24,428
♪ What they do? ♪

600
00:25:24,512 --> 00:25:26,595
♪ They smiling in your face ♪

601
00:25:26,679 --> 00:25:28,345
♪ All the time,
they wanna take your place ♪

602
00:25:28,428 --> 00:25:30,303
♪ The back stabbers ♪

603
00:25:30,387 --> 00:25:32,303
♪ Back stabbers ♪

604
00:25:32,387 --> 00:25:33,929
♪ They smiling in your face ♪

605
00:25:34,011 --> 00:25:35,303
♪ All time ♪

606
00:25:35,387 --> 00:25:36,470
♪ They wanna take
your place ♪

607
00:25:36,553 --> 00:25:38,220
♪ The back stabbers ♪

608
00:25:38,303 --> 00:25:39,637
♪ Back stabbers ♪

609
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,261
♪ All you fellas ♪

610
00:25:41,345 --> 00:25:42,553
♪ Who have someone ♪

611
00:25:42,637 --> 00:25:44,303
♪ And you really care,
yeah... ♪

612
00:25:44,387 --> 00:25:47,345
So what do you want?

613
00:25:47,428 --> 00:25:50,387
I know how close you are
with the governor.

614
00:25:50,470 --> 00:25:53,136
You're gonna ask him
to do me a favor.

615
00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:55,136
♪ Yeah ♪

616
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,136
♪ Somebody's out... ♪

617
00:25:57,220 --> 00:26:00,011
If you transfer $3 million
into an account

618
00:26:00,095 --> 00:26:01,679
in the Cayman Islands,

619
00:26:01,762 --> 00:26:04,470
we can sink that FBI bitch
for good.

620
00:26:04,553 --> 00:26:06,595
♪ Clenched tight
in their fists ♪

621
00:26:06,679 --> 00:26:08,720
I have a plan
to make this right.

622
00:26:08,804 --> 00:26:11,428
All we need to do
is pin it on a patsy.

623
00:26:11,512 --> 00:26:12,845
♪ What they do? ♪

624
00:26:12,929 --> 00:26:14,804
♪ They smiling in your face ♪

625
00:26:14,887 --> 00:26:16,553
♪ All the time,
they wanna take your place ♪

626
00:26:16,637 --> 00:26:18,679
♪ The back stabbers ♪

627
00:26:18,762 --> 00:26:20,470
♪ Back stabbers ♪

628
00:26:20,553 --> 00:26:22,637
♪ They smiling in your face ♪

629
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,345
♪ I don't need ♪

630
00:26:25,428 --> 00:26:27,220
♪ Low-down
and dirty bastards ♪

631
00:26:27,303 --> 00:26:28,261
♪ Back stabbers ♪

632
00:26:28,345 --> 00:26:29,345
♪ They smiling in your face ♪

633
00:26:29,428 --> 00:26:31,929
♪ Da-da, da-da-da ♪

634
00:26:32,011 --> 00:26:35,261
♪ Da-da-da-da ♪