Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
What I'm just finding out is that both my exes picked me
for things on their list other than sex.
- Like what? - Like Housing and Safety.
Do you cook for him?
I will never cook for a man, never!
He asks me to cook, I call the cops.
We get along great, I'm just not attracted to her.
We have great sex, I just can't stand him.
He wanted to kiss me under my arms.
Gross!
He said it was a very exciting place for him.
Lick my pits!
Nobody's ever licked my pits.
- Underarms! - Gross!
I don't mind older men.
Jacking off is not cardio!
Good morning, Carl?
Her feet!
Oh my God, you should see her feet!
Her toes are like teeth!
Does it taste like peppermint?
- Is that what he said? - That's what he wanted to know.
- And what did you say? - Salted caramel.
- And what did he say? - Said he'd give it a try.
And what did you say?
What both sides wish for is a home, a nest,
a life with another.
He turns off the heat, I turn it back on.
He turns off the lights, I turn them back on!
Rae!
The blinds, I open them, he shuts them.
- Rae! - We just keep un-doing
each other all day long, every day,
day after day, all of it just unravels!
Rae!
I could love more than one man at the same time.
Same day, no problem.
It's all about touch!
Now, who is gonna touch me?
That is my question to the universe.
- It's like you don't exist. - It's like you don't exist.
Man, alone, walking in the desert.
No, man is alone.
He walks in the desert of his desires.
They are hot
and all around him like the sun.
And he cannot escape, and he cannot see.
He is blinded by these fantasies.
They make him thirsty,
yet they do not satisfy his thirst.
They bring him to his knees, yet he gets up again and walks.
Where is he walking?
He walks in their direction.
They lead him,
and he obeys by following.
There is no destination, only pursuit.
His journey
is one of secrecy...
...and one of exposure.
He will die of both.
And women...
It's the same for them too.
Women, men.
It's the same, really.
There's no connection.
It's broken.
Do you know, in Miami Beach, they don't even walk on their sidewalks?
Do you know what they do? They stroll.
- They stroll? - That's right, they stroll.
Three or four of them strung out across a sidewalk,
taking up the whole thing, maybe even one of them pushing a carriage.
- What are they thinking? - Nothing.
- That's right. - Not one thought in their heads.
What are they, lost? Who are these people?
- It's not right, you know. - No, it's not.
- When you live among others. - Yeah, yakking
- the whole time too. - About nothing.
Tell you something else, in Miami, they're fit.
They exercise, and they look good, they work at it.
- So do we. - No, but the difference is,
if someone's running in New York or LA,
it's to make you think they're better than you, but in Miami,
they've got grease on, I'm serious.
It can't go on.
It's gotta stop,
otherwise you go crazy and you start doing things.
That's what's gonna happen to me, I can see it.
- Sexually insane. - What?
They don't even have hospitals for this kind of thing, or jails.
No, they pick you up
and they drop you off in the middle of nowhere,
like animal control, yeah, that's where I'm headed.
I'm on the verge.
I had this dream, I was in a room full of Sirens.
Sure, you're in a room full of sirens right now, listen.
No, I'm talking about the other kind.
You know, the Siren Sirens,
- that kind. - Same thing.
That's all this city is, a room full of Sirens.
They're all over the place. Go on, take your pick.
What happens if you don't pick?
You die with nothing.
What happens if you do pick?
You die sooner.
I could be one of those guys with three wives
and three separate lives.
I could do it. You read about these guys.
- How do they do it? - They lie.
Can you imagine the sort of lies
you're gonna have to keep coming up with nonstop?
- I could do it though. - No, you couldn't.
- Three women? - Minimum three.
Be reasonable, make it two.
Like in that story of Tristan and Isolde.
- You know that one? - No.
Well, anyway, there are two different types of women
in that story, and they both have the same name, Isolde.
- Isolde? - Isolde.
One was Isolde of the Golden Hair
and the other was Isolde of the White Hands.
This was in the paper?
No, this is the 15th century, Sir Thomas Malory.
- What's the difference? - About 600 years.
No, between these two women, the Isoldes, Hair and Hands.
Big. Isolde of the Golden Hair, she's the magic potion woman,
and I'll get to that in a minute, but she is the woman
who will drive you mad over the ends of the earth.
She's the one you'll sacrifice your sanity for,
your well-being, your job,
your fortune, your talent, your whole purpose in life.
She destroys you, she kills you.
She takes what you thought you were
and what you thought you could achieve
and what you thought you wanted, and she sculpts it like wax
to the exact image of her.
And this is the one you want?
She and nobody else.
And what about the other one, the one with the white hands?
That's the one you're married to.
- What's she do? - She keeps you alive.
So who'd he pick?
He didn't.
He didn't? He didn't make a choice?
- Same, same. - You got it.
Choice was made.
Now here's the bit about the magic potion.
Tristan was taking Isolde of the Golden Hair back to King Mark
to be his bride, that was his mission,
and on their way over, they were on a boat,
and a serving girl poured this magic potion
that she shouldn't have, and they drank it,
Tristan and Isolde, and they fell in love,
and of course, that wasn't supposed to happen
because Isolde of the Golden Hair and King Mark
were supposed to drink it and solidify their union.
And that's what did it?
They had a drink?
It wasn't just a drink.
It was fate in liquid form. They were transformed.
Ah, but you're saying no choice was made,
or rather, a choice was made, just not by them.
No, they knew what they were doing.
They both wanted it and they made the choice.
I think choice is really very reactive.
I think we get it all wrong by thinking that it's us
that's making it happen, 'cause it isn't.
- What is? - It all adds up.
That's all choice is, it's an accumulation.
We're there before we know how we got there,
and then you can't get out.
- You can't? - Nope.
- What do you do? - There's nothing you can do.
You never made it in the first place.
- So you don't make a choice. - Choice happens.
You end up in one from 30 years ago.
- Who made it then? - Who can remember?
And by now, it's too late. Done.
You think you know when choices are made?
Can you point to one time in your life when you were making
a choice and you knew you were making a choice?
I'm not talking about ordering lunch or bringing an umbrella.
I'm talking about one that alters your life.
Do you ever remember doing that, ever?
No, and that's what I'm saying.
So much of life is non-intentional.
We don't see it happening.
We react years later to what we did years earlier,
and choices are made internally.
That's why we don't know,
but they are happening all around and all at once,
and we don't even know.
After the fact, that is life, after the fact.
Jeez, don't get me started.
- I would've picked her too. - No, you wouldn't.
- Yes, I would've. - No, you wouldn't.
- Yes, I would've! - No, you wouldn't!
Had I the choice, which I wouldn't,
'cause it wouldn't have mattered anyway, so.
You stay away from her.
Oh, no, the results are the same.
Heads, I don't make a choice, and tails, it's fate.
Either way, it's her.
She will eat you alive.
- So be it. - You listen to me.
You want the agony?
'Cause she will float your brain
like a cork down the River Lagan.
You think Mondays are bad? Don't get me started.
- You're not listening! - I am not.
They are restless souls, these Sirens!
You think you're gonna go home and watch a movie with her?
Heck, these creatures are never still
'cause they can never be still.
And the past has torn them up,
and they're always scrambling,
they're gathering all those wee pieces,
but the wind is just a little bit too strong,
and those wee pieces are always and forever out of their reach.
Like little styrofoam peanuts.
She'll keep you in pieces too.
You'll start screaming out of nowhere.
Little styrofoam peanuts!
Pieces that never fit together, they never make a picture.
She can't stay, and then you're left
with what won't satisfy you.
She makes every other woman look like a losing hand.
Poor little Isolde of the White Hands.
Nobody ever wants to pick you.
- Maybe you would. - I would.
- Maybe. - I would pick her.
Maybe you'd marry her.
I'm getting married now? I don't think so.
- Oh, you'd marry her, if... if... - If? If?
If, if, if, if, if you like knowing someone so much
that you'd take off all your layers
and she takes off all hers,
and then you win, and you lose,
and you're a king, and you're an asshole,
and you're the guy in between.
Familiarity, to have someone know you all inside,
and you know her that way too.
- And you're loyal. - Sounds like dogs.
You're each other's dog.
You play together, you poop together,
you stay warm together, you lick together.
She completes you.
Well, I'm just waiting to find somebody.
Well, I'm waiting to lose weight.
The key to a man's sexual vitality?
Its in his waistline.
That's the first place in a man I look.
Oh, well, you don't have to look much further than right here,
'cause I got about three of them.
Well, maybe I have to look a little lower.
What did I just say?
Did you really just say that?
Look at that.
I wonder who's playing.
Look at them.
It's like a parade that stopped.
They're all stuck.
They're stuck in place like their shoes are glued down.
Nothing ever happens to people in line.
If you're in line, you're out of life.
Nothing will ever find you when you're in line.
Those people, those lives,
wasted away.
Gotta move!
Gotta get out of line and stay out, that's what you gotta do.
Go let something happen to you.
You wait in line, you're asking for life not to happen, period.
You're on the sidelines.
You let it go too long, you can't get it back.
No, you've thrown yourself on the fringe
and you can't get it back.
It's like quicksand.
You sink.
You gotta jump.
If you don't, then what?
You've done nothing with your life.
That's exactly what'll happen if you don't jump. Nothing!
What if it's their last chance and they don't even know it?
That's the way it is, they made their choice.
I thought you said we don't make our choices.
We don't.
Being in line, is that a choice?
- They're waiting. - Is it a choice?
We can say they're in transition.
Or we can say they're stuck.
They're here to see something, man, this is just the meantime.
So they're stuck in the meantime.
That's what you do when you're on the way to your choice.
That's where I always am, I'm on the way to my choice.
I can't believe this, it's a myth.
Those two women, the Isoldes, they're myths,
and all the women around us, too, they're not real either.
No, I'm surrounded by mythology.
All I'm doing is just chasing bubbles!
Lie down now, brother, that's all there is!
Chase on, run yourself ragged.
That's where I'm stuck.
I'm stuck in the chase, but I'm not getting closer to anything.
We're all on our way,
and nobody's moving, we're just stuck.
We're stuck like stupid stuck, stupid shite.
Stupid stuck, stupid shite...
How are you gonna get from here to there if you don't make a move?
Can't.
Can't be done.
How are you gonna chase if you're stuck?
You gotta bust it.
Bust it?
I'm gonna bust it.
We gonna bust it?
- You ready to jump? - Hey, I'm ready to jump.
- On three? - Jumping.
- One... - Moving.
- Two... - Never stuck, never in line,
- moving, jumping. - Three!
Bust it, bust it!
She suggested I do some manscaping.
- How close are you cut? - Are you in line or out of line?
I'm sorry, say again, what?
Do you already have your ticket?
Yes, I do, I have them.
Then you don't have to wait in line, you can go right in,
unless you're waiting for someone.
How many tickets do you have?
Two.
So do I,
but I'm only using one.
It was for my husband, but we got into an argument.
Your wife?
Yes.
And she has disappeared too.
Do you think perhaps art and marriage are incompatible?
You could go in too.
I prefer to wait. Something might happen.
I might run into someone who likes art.
That would take care of the extra ticket.
That would take care of a lot of extras.
I have to get this.
Paintings. Look at her paintings. Vaginas. All vaginas.
Pretending to be flowers. You've got to be kidding me.
She became this wise old hermit in the desert devoted to her art
and her paintings are amazing.
Ok? Awesome!
Are you mad?
Yes! I am mad. You make me mad!
Really, really mad?
Very, very mad!
Maybe you are mad enough to kiss me?
You are dreaming!
Yes, and I find myself a prisoner in this dream.
And in my dream, you are frowning.
And all I wanted was to kiss the frown from your beautiful face.
To banish that sad, sad frown with the magic of my kiss.
Arduino! Arduino! Arduino!
Vita! Vita! Vita!
Hi! Come on in.
Hello, I'm Frank.
Frank, yes, please.
Reyna, Reyna.
Am I saying it right?
Yes, Reyna.
You found me.
- Frank? - Yes, Frank. Yes.
May I take your coat?
Sure, sure.
Here, I brought you this little brown bag.
Oh, thank you.
You didn't have to bring me anything,
but I do like gifts, so I'm glad you did.
This looks really nice.
I wasn't sure if you liked red or white,
or even if you liked wine at all.
Oh, oh, also this.
Would you like some champagne?
- Is it open? - Almost.
Are you hungry? Would you like some cheese?
Oh, I didn't take your jacket.
- I can just put it here. - No, no, no.
Let me...
Can you do the cork?
I'm so bad with those. I don't want to break my nails.
I also have strawberries.
Whole Foods, three for a dollar.
Here.
And we can use these.
They're clean.
I always spill.
You like champagne?
I drink champagne by surprise.
Would you like a glass of water?
No, no, this will be...
Hey, I didn't see you!
Well, look at you!
He's really cute. Is it a he?
- Yes, it's a he. - What's your name?
Mini-Me is his name, but I call him Mr. Mini.
Mr. Mini.
I am so happy to meet you.
Come, sit. Don't let him bother you.
- But he won't let me pass. - Mini, sit!
I can see I'm in big trouble.
I'm gonna have to pay the toll, aren't I?
Oh, yes, I am.
Please, have your champagne.
You are quite an amazing rascal. Yes, you are.
Is it all right?
Mr. Mini, you are a character, sir,
and a very handsome one, too, if I might add.
He's pretty good.
He doesn't bark, he doesn't growl.
He's been a bad boy today.
I'm very annoyed at him.
What did he do?
He bit me, right here on my finger.
Where? Let me see.
What a bad boy! What am I going to do with you?
I am going to eat you for supper and teach you a lesson.
You must not bite.
No, you're such a bad boy today.
I'm sorry.
Have your champagne and some strawberries.
Don't pay attention to this monster.
Do you like the music?
Do you want to hear something else?
I have other things.
Do you want to look?
What did I say? No!
What are you doing to me? You are so cruel!
Okay, now I'm gonna have to bite off all four of your feet.
One, two, three, four.
I'm sorry,
'cause he really drives me so crazy.
He's so spoiled.
How old is he?
I got him three years ago.
He was just a few weeks.
Hey, what did I say?
Repeat after me:
You are a bad boy!
Does he speak more than one language too?
He doesn't listen in any language.
How many do you speak?
Just two.
Spanish?
Spanish Mexican.
You're Mexican?
Mexican American.
I should have a Chihuahua.
That's what I'm going to do.
I am going to make you into a Chihuahua
and call you Taco, yes.
I'm taking you into the lab like Dr. Frankenstein.
Your hair is so golden.
But it's not.
It's red.
I've always wanted my hair to be gold.
Real gold.
Reyna?
Yes?
That's a really pretty name, Reyna.
I like it.
Reyna.
- Do you like it? - I like it.
Oops.
Would you like to take a shower?
Here, come.
You can leave your things here if you like.
There's a hook,
and when you're ready,
come and find me.
Are you cold?
Take some water with you.
Do you have everything?
I am leaving with so much more than I came here with.
You gave me so much.
You gave me a lot too.
I didn't think I would be so open.
You opened me.
I know.
For me as well.
No, really.
Well, I... I'm sure you've had...
Not the first time.
No.
Never on the first time, no.
Do you have your water?
Yes.
The water of life.
You give me life.
Where do I go?
Make a right to the elevator.
Be safe.
Going down?
I need to see you again, Reyna.
Do you have an hour this Tuesday?
At two?
Do you know what a rare woman you are?
I have just achieved the age of 60.
What am I saying? I'm 66.
I'm lying about my age.
Would you like me better if you thought I was only 60?
I want to go further with you.
I want nothing to be forbidden.
I want to learn what you love and how to give it to you.
You astonish me.
I don't have the words to say what I'm going through.
I don't know if I can harness the language I need
to make you understand what I mean.
Harness, like what you put on a horse?
Yes.
What you release in me
is as powerful as a horse,
and to express it,
to contain this horse of desire,
I need to harness it with words.
I feel like I've been sent an angel.
You have a touch that I trust,
that takes me beyond where I've ever been.
I love being naked with you.
I love our talking.
I love how you never stop playing.
I love your harness.
I don't know.
I didn't expect this to happen.
I don't know.
Tomorrow is October 1st.
I'm so happy to begin this month with you.
Are you available this coming Thursday,
11 a.m., for two hours?
I can see you this Thursday from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.
Can't wait.
- Smile! - I am smiling!
Kisses!
Yeah, 'cause there's nothing there.
It's, you know...
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm fine.
That was new.
You helped me.
I feel like you're the blood in my veins.
Right now I'd fight a war for you.
You'd better wait until the morning.
I can barely stand.
You kill me.
I don't like my life in this marriage.
So then don't live it.
I am out of love!
And I want to be in love!
I am in here.
Somewhere, my meaning is in here!
You are responsible to me!
Deprivation.
You are responsible to me!
Deprivation!
What's the word for "constellation"?
Constelación.
A new constelación has been discovered.
Shall I show it to you?
Don't we have to look at the stars?
No, this is a constelación of the body.
- But that's on Earth. - Yes, but it's a heavenly body.
There are four points
which I'll need to map out.
Map me.
The first point of this heavenly, earthly constelación
begins right beneath your arm.
And then from there, swoops slowly down
to the outer circle of your left breast,
which is point two.
Then up between both breasts
to the neck
under the arch of your chin,
for point number three.
Then finally,
the lips for point number four.
And the constelación, Reyna, is complete.
- Frank. - Yes?
My name is Emilia.
Emilia.
Bless you!
Bless you.
Not everybody can hold him.
I bring him treats.
He thinks you're his father.
I've given you a son.
Who do you think he resembles most?
- You. - You're my boy.
May I ask you a question?
Are you married?
At the moment, yes.
But probably not for much longer.
No way. Why?
Well...
I'm here with you.
No way.
I have a child.
Boy or girl?
A boy, Emilio.
How old?
He's 6.
Picture?
Here.
Your eyes.
Did you divorce?
He's, uh, a doctor.
He does operations.
- Surgeon? - Yes.
He could never make love to me.
I don't know.
We did at first, but then he... he couldn't, at all.
I don't know if he stopped loving me,
if I wasn't beautiful to him anymore.
I couldn't take it.
He really hurt me,
that I wasn't desired.
Do you have any children?
No.
I have no one, Emilia.
No one.
Just you.
You are everyone.
You are all I have!
Do you want to take a shower?
A few days ago, me and my cousin
went to the park and rented bicycles.
You will laugh at me, but I had to rent a tricycle
because I am so bad with two wheels,
but I have to say, it was fun.
Mini says hi, and don't forget the treats!
I can meet you this Wednesday at 12:30.
- I can meet you... - What's this?
...at 12:30.
What have you done?
I can meet you this Wednesday at 12:30.
Here, I got this for you.
What have you got?
I didn't know about the size.
It's your birthday.
This is really beautiful.
You think it is?
I didn't know what to get.
I don't know.
Do you smoke?
Once in a while, a cigar.
My husband smokes cigars.
And now, for you.
This.
No way.
I'm not the one getting older, you are!
Actually, I'm getting younger.
I wanted to see what it looked like against your skin.
Will you wear it?
I wish we could go out to a museum or a movie.
Would you like to take a shower?
If you don't like the shirt, I can take it back.
I've got another surprise for you when you get out.
I'll meet you.
Frank!
I asked you to please wash your hands
before you pick up Mr. Mini.
I don't want him to get sick,
and there's so many infections all around.
Why do you look so red?
Would you like to take a shower?
Would you like some champagne?
Do you have your water?
Hey, come on in.
Hello, I'm Frank.
Frank, yes, please.
I'm sorry.
Make a right to the elevator.
Be safe.
I'm sorry.
Face it.
I know. Face it.
What are you doing?
I know. What am I doing?
Face it.
Yah, yah, yah.
And that's just what I'll do.
Going to get freeni...
...like Houdini.
Frank!
I would like to ask you a favor because I truly need it,
if it's not too complicated, impossible
to write a review for me.
Will you do this?
One of the guys I saw wrote a not-very-nice review of me,
and I'm unhappy about it.
Usually, I get nines, and this was a six,
and that makes me so mad.
And it's the most recent one.
I need another nine, and I want you to write it.
And put down everything we did.
I just finished writing you a review.
I don't know when they'll put it up on their site.
Usually, it takes, at most, 48 hours to get posted.
I hope it will help.
You make me feel like a special woman.
I truly appreciate your time and help with the review.
Cannot wait until my next chance to see you.
Sweet sleep.
I'll be calling soon.
Sorry to bother you.
I know you wrote a review for me,
but it has been almost a week,
and I truly need your review at this moment.
I've sent them another email
asking why my review was not posted
and I'm waiting to hear back.
I know, it's very frustrating.
Can you please find out why this review is not posted?
I will keep pursuing and see what I can do.
I hope that your review will change my situation for good.
There is no one like you.
I really count on it.
I'm shedding.
I'm worse than Mr. Mini.
What wine is this?
Red.
At some point, you have to ask yourself,
how many lives do you think you get to live?
What are you going to do?
Keep starting over and hoping that this time,
what, you'll be different?
The other person will be different.
The world will magically change
in a way that will make things better for you.
Whatever list you're keeping, you better throw it out.
It's not about finding something new.
It's about restoring something that has been broken.
It's about repair.
When he comes home the next time,
you'll have to surprise him.
I'm sure he'd like that.
No, you don't have to tell me everything.
TMI.
When does he get back?
So, see, you have plenty of time to prepare.
Do you have one of those things you could practice on?
I'll send you a link.
They're very authentic!
That's up to you, there's many variations.
Who's going to save you from your fantasies?
Who's going to be your guardian?
I love Manhattan.
I couldn't do winter, but at least we could leave.
South Beach, give me Miami.
Give me sand, lots of sand.
"To be or not to be.
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind..."
All right, all right.
That's it! That is it!
I mean, if you don't know by now.
Look where she reads.
Pau...
Paula, look...
We each have about ten good years left
before our lives become predominantly medical.
I think we should live them to the fullest.
I don't want either of us
to have to compromise or not do something
we really want to just because the other one doesn't approve.
I want to have a fuller life, Paula.
I want you to have a fuller life.
We're just draining each other, Paula.
We're running out of sand.
We have to stop this.
We have to stop!
But how do you stop it?
What's the resolution?
Where can one go from here?
"Who would fardels bear, to grunt and sweat
under a weary life?"
Honestly, I can't foresee.
There is no next step, or one after, or one after that.
This puzzles the will
and, thus, conscience does make cowards of us all.
- Divorce. - Decisive.
Paula!
I...
...want...
...to leave.
Goodnight, baby.
How was your trip? Did you get to the exhibit?
It was all right. Yes, I did.
I don't think the sprinklers are working again.
That's because I turned them off.
Why did you do that?
Right before I left, I turned them off.
- It's so dry. - It was raining.
- It doesn't matter. - Everything got soaked.
- It dries up really fast. - Four days.
- I don't want brown grass. - I think it's okay.
- It still gets dry. - I will turn them on.
I will turn them on.
He couldn't sleep yet.
He hadn't finished the day.
He hadn't accomplished what he could have.
He hadn't completed himself,
and he couldn't go to bed...
...incomplete.
Sex would have done it.
Sex would have completed him.
He hadn't gotten a new life, a new work,
a new woman.
He was still stuck with the old, and the new was all around him.
And he hadn't made it happen.
He had failed.
How could he sleep?
If you have sex, you have hope.
If there's no sex...
...there's no hope.
No sleep.
Shall I turn on your coffee?
Thank you.
- No talk! - Shh!
There is nothing about you that I admire
and, also, there is nothing about you that I desire.
I do not look at you and think,
"I really want that guy to get me naked."
I mean, I can think
of about a thousand other things I'd rather do
than have to make love to you.
Just the number of bestsellers alone.
- Paula! - No talk!
- Shh! - And there's nothing
you can do to change it.
You can shower, brush your teeth,
light the candles, put on some music,
and spritz on cologne,
but it's still going to be you, isn't it?
What it all comes down to:
You.
Here.
- I'm thinking of a word. - Paula...
- No talk! - Shh!
You know, usually, when one loses, one leaves the field,
but you continue to stand on the ground of your own defeat.
You think that if you don't admit it
that you can still stay in the game.
You can't keep losing and fool yourself into thinking
that you are still playing.
The children feel the same way.
Do you know what word I'm thinking of?
- Here. - Paula...
- No talk! - Both of them.
In fact, they can't even stand it if you are in the house
at the same time when they are.
Now what does that say about the fathering, huh?
Is that the type of father you'd imagined yourself to be,
or can we just add that on to the list of failures?
No respect, no desire,
and no love from your spawn.
Do you know what we don't call this?
We don't call this "success," that's what we don't call this.
The word, the word is...
The word is...
- Contempt. - I put in time.
- Don't say that I didn't. - You want to talk about time?
Time is sand and it is falling through the glass.
You think this is all a prelude,
that the curtain isn't up yet
and you're waiting for the show to start?
Well, it's up. You're on.
And it's not all that long before the curtain
comes back down and the show is over.
Did you like your part?
Did you play it well?
Paula needs a necky.
- Paula... - Shh, no talk. Necky.
I am not your enemy.
Our mail has arrived.
- What are you doing? - Just some errands.
- Are we having lunch? - I don't think so.
- Do you need to get gas? - No, I'm fine.
- Are you below half? - Maybe.
What if there's an earthquake?
Here, hold this for a second.
Do you know how much this was at Ralph's? Four dollars.
Do you know how much at Gelson's?
- Seven. - Huh.
If you're going to the post office, take these,
I'm sending them to my mother.
I tried for about a year to get her to wear them
and now she won't take them off.
- You want delivery confirmation? - I don't need it.
I may get a massage later, one of those salt scrubs
that leaves my skin feeling like that of a much younger woman.
A much younger woman.
- Okay. - What time is the game?
7:30.
- Who are they playing? - Sharks.
They'll do it, they're going to make the playoffs, don't worry.
- That's it? - That's it.
- All fixed? - That's what you do.
They're four points out of eighth.
They are going to win the Cup.
- With six games left. - Seven games to play.
They get four of them and they're in.
- Running out of time. - There's still plenty of ice.
- You seem so sure. - The Sharks are shit.
Even if they win, they're losers.
They always get to the finals, win the division,
and then choke for the Cup.
They're over.
When are you going to change the filters?
When you least expect it.
How about when I most expect it?
Smoke alarms, too, every six months.
Where does the time go?
Where do the batteries go?
So, if the Sharks end up in first...
This phone work. Look at it, it's dead.
- Where are they now? - Probably the battery.
First, and we barely make it in,
guess who we play in the first round?
Dead.
I'll switch it out with another phone,
see if that helps.
So just think of tonight as practice then.
Nope. How do you open this thing?
- This is fun. - You got to do it.
It works.
So, who is going to do it?
I'll get another one of these.
There's one near Whole Foods.
All of them, Carts, Kopi, Toffi,
all of them are going to score.
- You seem so sure. - You want to bet?
A million, two.
- No, I'm with you. - He scores!
How many times are we going to hear that?
- He scores! - I say four.
That works unless the Sharks get five.
Not tonight. Tonight belongs to the Kings,
and what other team has Quick in the goal?
Nobody, and nobody gets past Quick.
You want soup?
It's fantastic. Do you want me to?
Soup, sure, sure. Soup is fine.
I said "suit."
Do you want me to pick up your suit?
I thought you said do I want soup?
Hearing, honey, you've got to get it checked.
It's getting worse.
I left you something in the fridge.
I'll pick something up. We're all Kings.
What wine is this?
Why I Love Paula.
Starring Paula as herself, with Frank as the husband,
a recurring role.
She's a force.
She's unpredictable.
And she is always on guard.
Crumb.
And in tonight's episode, she... well, see for yourself.
- Try these on. - Why I Love Paula.
- What are they? - Lingerie.
- Where'd you get these? - At Victoria's Secret.
- On sale? - No.
- What did you pay? - I'm not telling.
I bet you paid too much. I know where to get these for nothing.
Well, they're pretty much nothing as it is.
Where's the receipt? Did you keep it?
- Will you try these on? - No.
Red.
Where'd you get it?
My usual place.
Usually, their wine is good.
I gave it to you last week, you loved it.
I'll give it to you again on Thursday.
- You'll love it again. - I don't think so.
Don't drink it, then. Give it to me.
I'm not opening another bottle.
I like it.
Want to hear how maybe they don't make love that night?
Goes like this:
They've decided to sell their house,
and they're fixing it up for the realtor
who they have an interview with in the morning.
The gardener, whose usual day was Thursday,
told Paula he'd be coming back on Saturday.
Why is he coming back on Saturday?
To finish his work on the trails.
I thought you said just the minimal amount of work
on the trails would be done.
Well, he's doing all the trails.
You lied.
Look, the trails are my thing.
Why go to the expense of having them
if they're not cleared and usable?
Don't call me a liar, don't!
Don't make me the brunt of everything you think is wrong!
I'm sick of it! Sick!
I don't want anything you're cooking tonight.
And that's why the night will pass
without any lovemaking between them.
Maybe.
After a time, he did get a handwritten message
she slipped through his slammed door.
It said she had just put out some food
she had gotten earlier from Bistro Orient,
so it wasn't food she had actually cooked.
And it was ready to eat.
And they watched the rest of the hockey game.
Your final score: Kings 4, Sharks 5.
Goodnight, everybody.
Shedding.
Keep it.
There's more.
Love is not love, I don't care what they say.
What is it then?
It's love, but not in the way that we think we know it.
So how do you recognize it?
You can't.
It's unrecognizable.
So then you never really ever know.
Nope, you never do.
What if you think you're in love?
You're wrong.
What if you think you're not in love?
Wrong again.
- What did you get? - Nothing.
- Yeah, you did. - No, I didn't.
- You're lying. - Okay.
- So what did you get? - Pill.
- Pill? - Ambien.
- You take those every night? - I take them every night.
Well, that's not good. They say not to do that.
- I don't do what they say. - What does your doctor say?
"How many you want?"
You have to get up early.
That's why I'm taking it now.
Well, aren't you supposed to allow for six hours of sleep?
Ha, I never get six hours of sleep.
I don't like you driving to the airport.
You want to drive me?
You should get right into bed after you take that,
otherwise you get all drugged up and you eat everything in the fridge.
I clean up all the crumbs when I come out in the morning.
It's like animals got loose.
You wonder why you're not losing weight.
Here, I know what we can do.
You still have that blow gun?
Load it up, count to six, give me a running start,
then nail me right as I pass the first bedroom.
- Aim for here. - Why don't you just come to bed?
What are you doing now?
You have all the lights on.
You're reading crime stories.
- Shot of vodka. - Turn them off.
- Goodnight. - Don't eat all my little cones.
- I won't even remember. - You won't, you are in a state.
I am putting in cameras.
I'm not sleepwalking.
I'm not operating heavy machinery.
- I'm happy. - You like that feeling?
This pill is like skinny-dipping in the river Lethe,
and Charon, the boatman, rows me across.
Styx.
Charon rode on the river Styx.
Lethe is the river of forgetfulness.
Styx is the river you cross to get to the other side.
Both of them are in the underworld.
Is that where you're headed?
Underworld.
So what does it make you forget?
I forget to be afraid.
They come to cut me up, I'm sleeping, I don't see a thing.
Who comes to cut you up?
I'll tell you a little story.
- True story? - Mm-hm.
About a man.
Man have name?
Franco.
- Call him Franco. - Okay. What's his story?
Franco was afraid he'd be killed.
- Ooh. - At night,
at the point of sleep, of letting all his guard go,
that's when he decided they would strike.
They would cross the threshold
of the bedroom where he lay in bed with his wife.
Paulina.
You said it was a true story.
They would take him over and reduce him
to the most scarring humiliations.
- So, Frank. - Franco.
Put a revolver, five shot, by the bed, cylinder open,
just so he wouldn't go down without a fight.
But how is he even going to get to the gun
when these shadows cross the threshold?
Any movement he made would be his last,
and if he clicks the cylinder shut,
the other guy pulls the trigger at the sound,
so Franco was one fatal step behind.
He wasn't clever enough or brave enough
or armed enough to survive.
His instincts let him down.
His man wits didn't show up.
Franco was going to die.
And Paulina...
Paulina is in danger.
Paulina is in danger?
So who is looking out for me?
Nothing is seen...
...but it's there.
Very Rosemary's Baby.
Very Psycho.
Everywhere we don't look, that's where they live.
We're now in a scene from El Topo.
Oh my God, you should see what they do to you.
I can't stop it. I'm stripped, forced to my knees,
waiting to get my balls cut off in the public square.
I'm no help. At gunpoint.
While they ride around you in a circle,
maniacally waving their Gila monsters in your face.
But, then...
Sam Peckinpah takes over the camera.
Which means I can see
that on a very below the civilized level,
you begin to like it.
You enjoy the bargain.
You see where the power is, all this primitive male energy
turning all of its takedown attention towards you.
I've been exposed and eliminated as a coward in your eyes,
and I understand while I'm bleeding out
and screaming in silence and they laugh at me
that you're just using your femininity to survive.
That's great because I can't use my masculinity to survive.
I reach for the gun, they kick it away.
Boom.
What I wish, and this just never happens,
is that Sergio Leone would direct this thing.
Then I'd be sitting on a dirt floor
in some Spanish-style larger room, a barn maybe.
Moonlight filtering in.
Sixteen other guys in the room.
I don't know who they are.
Bandits faking sleep,
waiting to jump me when I nod off.
But I sleep like Clint,
and Clint sleeps with his hat tipped just low enough
over his eyes so he can see out,
but the shadow from the brim of his hat conceals his eyes
from everyone else so they can't see in.
His hand is draped ever so gracefully over his gun.
Cylinder already closed.
Forefinger very close to the trigger.
I don't believe Clint takes Ambien.
Logic.
Do you think your logic is going to make you a better partner?
Logic.
No.
No, no.
No.
No logic can be found anywhere.
Logic. No, no.
And it's a good thing too.
Once you think you know, then you are lost forever.
Logic.
Do you think your logic is going to make you a better partner?
Logic.
But look.
Of course life is beyond logic.
It has to be.
But look.
Logic.
Do you think your logic is going to make you a better partner?
No, no.
And then beyond all logic, this.
Then you are lost forever.
No logic can be found anywhere.
Once you think you know...
Logic.
And then beyond all logic, this.
Of course life is beyond logic.
It has to be.
But look.
All things prepare the event.
You're not going to like it.
In a waiting room, huge, like an airport.
Durban.
The whole city was on lockdown
and had been hit with some bioterrorism. Plague.
And all the people, you and me included,
were in varying stages of certain death.
It was just a matter of time.
The teeth would soften.
Blood would come out from anywhere.
The skin couldn't hold itself together.
It would just come apart like wet tissues.
One moment I could talk to someone,
the next, they couldn't talk at all or move.
We were all on each other's death watch.
Somehow, we had gotten separated.
I sought you out in the room.
And finding you...
...and wanting to say it before I could no longer say it.
I said, "I'm glad it was you that I married."
What was it that you said?
"Glad it was you...
...that I married."
It's a beautiful dream.
Valentine's Day!
Give me a word, one word that sums up
the whole Valentine's Day thing for you, huh?
- Just one, one word only. - Massacre.
A lot of men died, really, it's a survival thing.
Don't get me started.
They want us to get them flowers and jewelry.
Always buy her flowers the day after when the prices come down.
I never get her cards or flowers or chocolate.
We never make love. It's just like any other day.
What if you did all the things you're supposed to do?
- I'd still get nothing. - What if you changed?
I'll tell you exactly what would happen.
She'd go off and pick some cage fighter
who doesn't even use complete sentences.
It's so one-sided.
What are we, Knights of the Table Round?
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."
- One. - Oh, it's one way, all right.
Hers. Don't get me started.
It's an attempt to domesticate us.
Ah, but that's the bargain.
Women trade their youth and reproductive value
for protection, but men trade for protection, too.
Against what?
Against our wild warrior lover selves.
So, first, they want to tame us.
And then they go and find a cage guy.
Then they want us to thank them for this.
The cards, the flowers, the bracelets.
That's our tribute.
That's the price of our admission,
our confession that we can't do this alone.
But it's a hoodwink, the whole meshugana.
- Same, same. - You got it.
- Well, it's only once a year. - It's forever.
Don't you get me started.
"Oh, who is it that my Shepherd will be, to keep my flock from roamin'?"
"It is I, my lady, your Shepherd will be,
and that field we'll rake our home in."
"Oh, Tristan, you walk the path to my heart that I thought would never open."
"Isolde, your smile let me have for a while,
for your kisses I'll ever be hopin'."
Now that
is beyond
all logic.
And that
is exactly
how it happens.
Which tells me that, inside,
I mean, you can't see it,
but inside, there's some other little function
that wants us together.
No matter how hard we resist,
it makes the choice.
It decides.
It is our fate.
But you have to pay attention.
And for most of us, that is not the case.
We don't.
And then what?
The chase never ends.
The choice never gets recognized.
And we run ourselves ragged for the rest of our lives.
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull