1 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,677 [dance music playing in the distance] 2 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,521 ["Front" by Vex Ruffin playing] 3 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:29,446 You think he's gonna propose? Ugh, what a bummer. 4 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,991 Okay, yeah. I'll talk to you later. 5 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:37,954 [Nadia] Hey. 6 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,540 Welcome to yesterday. 7 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:45,587 I'm so glad you made it. And look at that, great posture. 8 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:46,796 -[Alan] Thank you. -Yeah. 9 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,840 Not a lot of people at this party can say that. 10 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:52,260 -Come on, I'll show you around. -It's a cool place. 11 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,978 ♪ I've got the strength But you feel it, oh ♪ 12 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,897 Why do you think this is happening to us? 13 00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:07,776 I'm-- I'm pretty sure that it's purgatorial punishment 14 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,736 for being a bad person. 15 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,947 What is this bad person? 16 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:16,910 I mean, you know, there's Hitler and then there's, uh, everybody else. 17 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,621 Even Wile E. Coyote. 18 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:22,165 Yeah, he's out there. He's looking for a hot meal. 19 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,627 -Are you having a stroke? -No. Uh... 20 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,546 That guy that Beatrice cheated on me with, he's here. 21 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,424 -Don't look. -[Nadia] Just take it easy, all right? 22 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:35,011 Point him out later, and I'll bust his fucking knee caps, okay? 23 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:39,182 But for now, you and me got bigger fish to fry. Life and death stuff, huh. 24 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,520 -[Alan] Geez. -[Nadia] Eh. 25 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:45,230 [Alan] What is that? 26 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:48,691 My new theory is that it's an incredibly dense gravitational field 27 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:52,320 that's gaining consciousness and is now deliberately fucking with us. 28 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:56,116 Kind of the black hole meets They Shoot Horses, Don't They? 29 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,827 Yeah, my bathroom doesn't have a black hole, so... 30 00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:01,955 This isn't gonna be very fun if you keep rejecting my theories. 31 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:02,956 You rejected mine. 32 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:05,667 Yeah, because it was morally simplistic and narcissistic. 33 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:09,838 I mean, the universe is moral, but it shares your views on morality. 34 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:16,177 We'll try your way. 35 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,679 [indistinct chatter] 36 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:18,596 Oh, great. 37 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,682 -What were you doing in there? -Who is this guy? 38 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:24,853 Uh, have I ever done anything, you know, memorably bad to either of you? 39 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:28,106 Yeah, you said I shouldn't adopt those two Neapolitan mastiff puppies 40 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:29,274 'cause I have a small space, 41 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,943 but they needed a home and I could've made some changes. 42 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:33,736 Okay. Do you want to get in on this? 43 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,699 Oh, no, no. I love that you're a cunt. It makes me feel morally superior. 44 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,951 Okay, that's a good way to not judge people. 45 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,578 Is there anything else? 46 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:42,495 -Yeah. -Who? 47 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,454 -Gina. -Okay. 48 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:46,791 When you said Gina wasn't really my type, I really took that to heart. 49 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,627 I mean, if it weren't for you, I'd be married. I'd be living upstate. 50 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,839 I'd be raising two mastiffs. I'd have a completely different life. 51 00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:55,800 -Shall we open it up to the group? -Yeah, that's a great idea. 52 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:58,136 Okay, okay. No problem. 53 00:02:58,970 --> 00:02:59,971 Ding dong. 54 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,266 [Nadia] Gather 'round, gather 'round. 55 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:07,228 Great to see you and you and also you. Okay, so hi. 56 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,563 Me from the party. 57 00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,273 I just want to say... 58 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:15,570 thank you all so much for coming to celebrate tonight. 59 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:16,905 What good people. Uh... 60 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,281 It means a lot to me, 61 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,367 and something else that also means a lot to me 62 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:25,872 would be if you would tell me if you think I'm a bad person, 63 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:29,250 or maybe I've committed some serious misdeeds, 64 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,045 and you could come and talk to me about that tonight 65 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,172 would be super fucking hot. Okay? 66 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:38,468 For my birthday, tell me if I'm a bad person. 67 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:39,427 Okay, cool. 68 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:42,180 -Uh, thank you so much, Nadia. -Thank you. 69 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:45,099 I would like to dedicate this night to Chong, my uncle, 70 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,644 who also had a hard time saying thank you. 71 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,437 -[glass clink] -[cheering] 72 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,438 [Maxine] To Chong. 73 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,941 -Love you, Chung. -Chong. 74 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,359 -Chong. -Chong. Chong. 75 00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,406 This is why she's acting like this. 76 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:03,910 Okay, check it out. 77 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:06,496 I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me I'm a bad person. 78 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:11,042 Nobody did it because I fucking rule, so... there goes your theory. 79 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,877 -[John] Hey. -[Nadia] Hey. 80 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:13,878 It's been a while. 81 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,672 Yeah, I guess for you it has, huh? 82 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,548 [John] You look-- You look real fantastic. 83 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,217 Well, I wear the same thing all the time. 84 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,134 Hey, man. 85 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,886 -Hey. -I'm John. 86 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:22,929 Oh, this is Alan. 87 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:26,599 He's basically a child that the universe has tasked me with babysitting. 88 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,018 -Would you say that's a fair assessment? -Sure. 89 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:29,936 Uh... 90 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:32,397 Speaking of kids, how's Lucy? 91 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,899 She's doing great. She just won the Gwendolyn Brooks prize 92 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,734 for her poem on the Statue of Liberty. 93 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,195 That is great. Lucy is great. 94 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,947 John and I were a thing for a year. 95 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,366 How do you know she's great? You never met her. 96 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:46,077 I mean, you were supposed to meet her, but you backed out. 97 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,287 She backed out, new guy. 98 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,497 I had every intention of meeting her, all right? 99 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,375 I just, uh... overslept. 100 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:56,337 I even had a book I was gonna give her. Emily of New Moon. 101 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,422 I love that book. 102 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,048 Why'd you even bring her up though? 103 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,342 You're supposed to ask people about their kids. Okay? 104 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:04,595 It's polite. It gives everybody a moment to pretend there's gonna be a future. 105 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,472 -I'm gonna get a seltzer. -Okay. 106 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,641 Oh, hey, they have alcohol over there too, so... 107 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,143 No, no, no, no, no. That's his deal. 108 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,729 He's like sober, white-knuckling it so he doesn't drink. 109 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,063 That's why he's such an asshole. 110 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,524 Oh, I thought it was because you were pissing him off. 111 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:20,028 Alan, sexualizing self-hatred is the hallmark of any relationship 112 00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,904 that begins with extra-marital infidelity. 113 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:25,992 You skipped out on meeting his daughter and you broke up his marriage? 114 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,168 With the amount of guilt, I'm surprised you're not a Jew. 115 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,211 Thanks, man. 116 00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:41,049 [sniffs] 117 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:46,179 -What? -Let's do it. 118 00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:48,348 Let's meet Lucy. 119 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,642 I wanted you to meet her when we were together. 120 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:53,102 Please? [John] Okay. 121 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,399 I have breakfast with her every Monday and Friday. 122 00:05:58,858 --> 00:05:59,984 Tomorrow morning then. 123 00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:06,991 Thank you. 124 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,745 [Maxine] I think there's a lot of merit in copying. 125 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:13,289 I'm interested in plagiarism as an art form. 126 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,166 But haven't you wondered why visual art 127 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,835 no longer carries the weight it did 30 years ago? 128 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,421 -I've literally never wondered that. -The internet. 129 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:22,715 AIDS. 130 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:28,763 The AIDS crisis, it wiped out nearly every meaningful critical voice in every medium. 131 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:35,395 So now, the artist's intention is buried in a sea of likes and thumbs up. 132 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,355 But if the intention's still there... 133 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,690 If it's clear, it doesn't matter what the critic thinks. 134 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,150 What are you, a collector? 135 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,735 I don't really understand art. 136 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,780 My dad used to say that I don't have a single creative bone in my body. 137 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,532 So we're talking about your dad now. 138 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,450 I'm really into dads. 139 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,203 -I'm a dad. -[Maxine] Ah. 140 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,914 -You want a refill? -Yes, Dad. 141 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,208 You keep that, I'll get another one. 142 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:04,674 I'm not really good at this stuff. 143 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,926 You seem to be so comfortable with yourself. 144 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,219 Bringing up AIDS at a party. 145 00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:10,430 -I'd never have the balls to do that. -[liquid pours] 146 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,099 Is that what she likes about you? 147 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:14,976 I'll tell you what. 148 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:18,396 If you would politely excuse yourself... 149 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,648 I might be able to find out. 150 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,109 Thank you. 151 00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,777 ["Diamond Veins" playing] 152 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,421 [Nadia] Pancake breakfasts... 153 00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:44,797 private cars... 154 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:49,677 You know, all my mother gave me was a subway token and an eating disorder. 155 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:51,721 You're a good dad. 156 00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:53,764 She's gonna be great. 157 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,225 But, you know, it's a tricky age. 158 00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,519 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 159 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,981 I was right about that age when life stopped making sense. 160 00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:05,526 Hey, all I wanted to do was be left alone, hole up with books all day. 161 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:06,903 Man, you know what? 162 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,155 I still got Emily of New Moon at Ruth's house. 163 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:12,366 I think I should just go grab it and give it to her. Ah? 164 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,744 It's late. How about we give it to her another time? 165 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,579 Come on, man. I'd like to do it tonight. 166 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,164 [classical music playing] 167 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:34,555 She's just fucking everybody, and I'm watching like an idiot. 168 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,724 [glass shatters] 169 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,398 -[cell phone thuds] -[John groans] 170 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:45,983 [Nadia] Sorry. 171 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,152 What time is it? 172 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,529 [Nadia] Uh, 6:00 a.m. 173 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,364 Oh, my gosh. 174 00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:54,158 I'm gonna go to Ruth's and get that book for Lucy, okay? 175 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,452 -I'll see you at breakfast. -Okay, babe. 176 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,246 [John groans] 177 00:08:58,829 --> 00:08:59,664 You okay? 178 00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:01,958 My bones hurt every morning. 179 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,585 You should get checked for Lyme disease. 180 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,711 [Ruth coughs] 181 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,129 [Ruth] Damn it. 182 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,922 [coughing] 183 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:50,923 God. 184 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:52,967 [Ruth sighs] 185 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,260 [flies buzzing] 186 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,721 -[Nadia] Hey, did you find it? -[Ruth] Yes. Way in the back of the armoire. 187 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:01,642 [Nadia] Ooh. 188 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,686 Ah, thank you. 189 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:04,937 [Ruth] Okay. 190 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,690 You know I keep all your stuff. 191 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:11,861 I even have the Valentine's Day card you made me in fourth grade. 192 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:15,281 I mean, your mother was a little unstable around that time, 193 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,533 and oh, I told her, I told her, 194 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,786 I'm not trying to replace anyone. 195 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,830 I'm just trying to be here 196 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:25,875 for a little girl who could use a little help. 197 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,004 [exhales] It was the decent thing to do. 198 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:30,921 Sure. 199 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,674 Oh, oh, oh. Did you lock the door behind you? 200 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:34,717 [Nadia] Yes, I did. 201 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,680 Hey, Ruth, if you were gonna die today, 202 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,016 would you be ready for it? 203 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:45,353 Like would you feel at peace with your life? 204 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:46,395 Yes and no. 205 00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,649 So, how do you get to just yes? 206 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,108 [Ruth] You don't. 207 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:55,863 See, holding two incompatible ideas in your head at the same time 208 00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:58,991 and accepting both of them... 209 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,118 that's the best of being human. 210 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:06,332 Yes, no, good, bad, life, death. 211 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,584 Wax on, wax off. 212 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,670 Tomato, tomato. 213 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,505 -Potato, two potatoes. -Okay. 214 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,548 -All night, all day. -Okay, okay, okay. 215 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,883 -Okay, okay. -Right? 216 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,218 -Okay, okay. -Come on. 217 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:19,136 Look. Right now, 218 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,306 I'm looking at you as you are today 219 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:26,852 while also looking at you as that peculiar little girl I knew. 220 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,187 [Ruth inhales] 221 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,313 [Ruth sighs] 222 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,399 [deep voice] Happy Valentine's Day. 223 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,401 Oh! There it is. 224 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,443 Well... 225 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,654 I may not be a mom, 226 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,824 but, hey, damn, I got this. 227 00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,158 -[Nadia] Mm-hmm. -[Ruth] Uh-huh. 228 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,619 Look, she's smoking, like you. Get it? 229 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,163 And St. Valentine was a big smoker. Everybody knows that. 230 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,331 Oh, yeah. 231 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,167 Fucking bingo. 232 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:53,713 It's here. 233 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:57,174 You know, that was written by the same woman that wrote Anne of Green Gables. 234 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,217 [Nadia] Yeah, of course. 235 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,636 Everybody loves Anne, 236 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,431 but I like Emily. 237 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,432 She's dark. 238 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,394 -You lock the door behind you? -Yes. 239 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,438 You already asked me that, Ruthie. 240 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,190 Oh, I know. My memory's slipping. 241 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:17,153 There's-- There's somebody in the neighborhood. 242 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,781 I am making you tea. 243 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,409 But, personally, I wouldn't touch the stuff. 244 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,244 [Nadia] "She despised Rhoda... 245 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:28,038 more than ever for trying to get back with her." 246 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,250 You know, Rhoda was the cunt in this story, obviously. 247 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,501 Here we are. 248 00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:38,174 [knock at door] 249 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:41,719 [sighs] 250 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,721 Fucking God damn it, man. 251 00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:46,640 [sighs] 252 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,684 [knocking on door] 253 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,853 [knocking continues rapidly] 254 00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,188 [sighs] 255 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,190 [dance music playing] 256 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:58,444 -Gas explosion. -[Alan] Bike accident. 257 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,404 Listen, I know you think I'm a moral narcissist, 258 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,406 but there are good guys and bad guys. 259 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,366 And I am definitely a good guy. 260 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,994 And that piece of shit, he... 261 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,288 he is a bad guy. 262 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:12,958 Okay, so then why are you the one in purgatory? 263 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,462 Hey, happy birthday. 264 00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:17,630 John. 265 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,548 Quelle surprise. 266 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,801 So, listen. Uh, remember when I stood up Lucy 267 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,761 and you've been secretly resenting me ever since? 268 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:25,971 Let's take her to breakfast tomorrow morning, 269 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:28,390 make everything kosher copacetic, okay? 270 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,310 We can go to my place. 271 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,813 Let's take the fire escape. 272 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,357 It'll be fun. 273 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,317 [gasps] What's that? 274 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,735 -Come on. -Whoa. 275 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,030 [Mike] You gotta stop getting so worked up over him. 276 00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:45,324 You've spent enough time on this guy already. 277 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,701 I know it's a bummer, but come on. 278 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,786 Oh, yeah. 279 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,913 Yeah, it is a bummer. 280 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,790 It is a bummer for everybody involved, 281 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,250 except, it seems, to be for you, 282 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,001 which, you know, doesn't make any sense, 283 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:59,088 because if anybody deserves to be punished 284 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,340 for the rest of their fucking life, it is you. 285 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,133 You are fucking garbage, 286 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,010 and someone needs to bag you up, 287 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,555 take you outside, throw you into the East River, 288 00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,432 and put everyone who can smell your fucking stench 289 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,309 out of their goddamn misery! 290 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:13,227 God! 291 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,770 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! 292 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,856 -Yeah! -Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! 293 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,192 I don't know who the fuck you are, I don't know what's going on here, 294 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:23,237 but either you two suck each other's dicks or get out of my apartment. 295 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,823 Okay? Come on. I'm not sucking anybody's dick. 296 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,664 Bea, he's a sex addict. 297 00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:36,542 -[Beatrice] Who? -Michael. Mike. Your Mike. Your Michael. 298 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:40,212 Alan, you're so fucking drunk right now. I'm not gonna do this with you. 299 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:43,090 -I am not, okay? -[Alan] Bea, he's a sex addict. 300 00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:45,759 Don't bother calling me back, 'cause you're not gonna be sober. 301 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,136 -You need help. -Please, Bea. 302 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,804 -[honking] -[tires screech] 303 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,097 -[crash] -[water running] 304 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,063 [water running] 305 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,320 -Gas explosion again. -Again? 306 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,113 I get hit by a car. 307 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:07,406 [Nadia] Oh, classic. 308 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,449 Hey, wait a second. 309 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:11,160 Are you telling me that you're never dying on the stairs? 310 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,494 No. 311 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,539 Are you some kind of a fucking superhero or just a... 312 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,583 Do you think that we're dying at the same time? 313 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,668 Hey, happy birthday. 314 00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:21,629 Give me one second. 315 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:24,423 [snoring] 316 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,926 [horns honking in the distance] 317 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,103 -Up with Susan? -Yeah, 'cause she was like doing that. 318 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,981 -What? -She was choking her during sex. 319 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:41,899 Oh! 320 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,026 Yeah, she's a choker and shit. 321 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:44,985 Yeah. 322 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,654 It's kind of hot. 323 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,281 I mean, it is kind of hot, but then the stalking started. 324 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,950 -That's not hot. -Yeah. 325 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:56,246 This guy's been following us for like five blocks. 326 00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:00,501 What the hell are you even-- 327 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,211 Back the fuck up, motherfucker! 328 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:06,966 I said back the fuck up, motherfucker! Back the fuck up, motherfucker! Back up! 329 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,676 Let's go! Let's go! 330 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,810 [keys jangling] 331 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,355 Three-one-one, you guys rock. 332 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:24,316 Listen, uh, I'd like to report a gas leak. 333 00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:26,568 Yeah. 334 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,278 Yes, it is urgent. 335 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:29,530 Uh-huh. 336 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,282 You know, it's a big-time fucking emergency, actually. 337 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,044 [gunshot] 338 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,678 [shaky breathing] 339 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,681 [Ruth] Nadia! 340 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,851 Oh, God. Look at me. Look at-- 341 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,145 Oh! Nadia, no! Honey, please! 342 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,772 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 343 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,399 I thought it was a burglar. 344 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,944 They've been saying there's somebody in the neighborhood. 345 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,904 [speaking indistinctly] 346 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:15,367 [knock at door] 347 00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:18,495 [Nadia] Fuck. 348 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,082 Oh, fuck. 349 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:24,460 [exhales] 350 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,171 [exhales] Fuck. 351 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,553 [exhales] 352 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,439 [dance music playing] 353 00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:50,527 [Mike chuckles] 354 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,446 [Mike] You think he's gonna propose? 355 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,239 That's a bummer. 356 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:57,618 Yeah. 357 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,370 That's right. 358 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,955 Hi. I'm Alan. 359 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,959 -Yeah, I'm on the phone. -Yeah, with my girlfriend. 360 00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:07,419 Beatrice. 361 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:11,298 Bea, uh... I'm gonna-- I'm gonna call you back. 362 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,760 -Listen. -Why you? 363 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,637 Why me what? 364 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,554 Bea. 365 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:21,100 She chose you, and you don't love her. You're not faithful. 366 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:22,976 You never get punished. 367 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,269 So why you? 368 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,731 She didn't choose me, Alan. 369 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,860 The only choice she made was not you. 370 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,321 Nobody chooses me. 371 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,367 I'm the hole where a choice should be. 372 00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,207 Oh, God. Alan. 373 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,084 I had a mace-induced asthma attack. You? 374 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,087 What if they keep going? 375 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,006 -Who? Who keeps going? -Them. 376 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,467 I mean, everyone who's not us. 377 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,178 All right, I thought that what was happening to us 378 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,013 wasn't hurting anybody else, but... 379 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:03,267 [chuckles] ...I mean, they're all in it, too. 380 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,309 What? 381 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,396 Fifteen times, Ruth has grieved for me. 382 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:11,608 In 15 universes, she's alone. 383 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,403 Wait. It's 15 for you, too? Did you count? 384 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,155 I know how to count, Alan. 385 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,407 Hey, happy birthday. 386 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,576 Hey. Okay, listen to me. 387 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:24,496 We are leaving, and I am not going to get the book. 388 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:28,625 I'm going to tell your daughter about Emily of New Moon. 389 00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:30,586 -Understand? -Yeah. 390 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,004 -Can you help me with this? -Sure. 391 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:33,463 Sorry, I gotta make a call. 392 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,550 [woman laughs] 393 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:39,219 -What the fuck? -Oh, my God. 394 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,556 You want me to feel guilty? 395 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,057 Well, I don't. 396 00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:47,227 I am not Beatrice's boyfriend. That was your job. 397 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,605 Look, I know it's not up to me to punish you. 398 00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,024 But I don't have to make this easy for you. 399 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,067 Who is Beatrice? You know what? I don't care. 400 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:57,571 Listen, I have an early flight to Sweden in the morning, 401 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,781 so you need to get out so I can get it in. 402 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:01,909 Whatever. 403 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,454 If it wasn't you, it would be some other woman. 404 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,997 Do I look like I care? 405 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,750 -I-- I wasn't trying to insult you, ma'am. -Fuck you. 406 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,211 [sighs] 407 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,298 She told me all about you, you know? 408 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:20,677 That you have mental problems, that you're sick and you won't get help, 409 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,179 and she couldn't break up with you 410 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,264 because she was afraid you would do something. 411 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:25,974 She calls you the gingerbread man. 412 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,894 She can call me whatever she wants. 413 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,066 [sighs] 414 00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:03,720 I'll be right back, okay? 415 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:11,228 [John] There she is. 416 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,021 [Nadia] John, man. 417 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,530 This kid just gave me the finger. 418 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:22,739 [John laughs] 419 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,032 She's perfect. 420 00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:27,202 Luce, say hi. 421 00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:30,330 Say hi, baby. Say hi. 422 00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,082 Pancake time. 423 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:33,792 Okay, John. 424 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,004 -Be careful. -With what? 425 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,382 What's wrong? 426 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,719 I'm sorry, I can't do this. 427 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,887 -Do what? -I can't meet her. 428 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,306 I could die in front of her, John. 429 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,223 -Die? -Yes. 430 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,726 -What are you gonna die from? -I don't know. The grate. 431 00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:54,521 A car could run me over. I mean, best case scenario, I... 432 00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:57,065 [sighs] ...disappear. 433 00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:00,652 Don't do this. Okay, please, I'm begging you. 434 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:01,695 Don't do this to her. 435 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:04,072 I can't have people coming in and out of her life like this. 436 00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:06,950 Exactly, all right? I'm not rejecting her. I'm protecting her. 437 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:10,120 [John] Don't do this to her, please. Okay? Don't do it to me. 438 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,040 I'm begging you. I love you. Please don't do this. 439 00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:15,876 Just come and say hi. Just say hi. 440 00:22:15,959 --> 00:22:18,628 I wish I could. I really do. 441 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:20,464 I wish I could, okay? 442 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:22,841 Sorry. I'm sorry about everything. 443 00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:24,760 All right? I got to go. I got to go. [Maxine] Is cyanide sweet, though? 444 00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:37,606 Is that why Jim Jones put it in the Kool-Aid? 445 00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,524 So the kids can't taste it? 446 00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:41,401 [Lizzy] Jonestown was bonkers. 447 00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:43,904 [Lizzy and Maxine speaking indistinctly] 448 00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:49,534 -[Lizzy] Right? -[Maxine] Yeah. 449 00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:51,661 [Lizzy] But it's huge. I don't know. 450 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:54,706 [Maxine] Wait, nothing we do will be as devastating as that. 451 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,291 -[Lizzy] Mm-hmm. -[Maxine] Maybe... 452 00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:58,126 I should start a religion. 453 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:00,545 -[buzzing repeatedly] -Come on, man. Please don't be fucking dead. 454 00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:05,842 Fuck. 455 00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:10,764 Yay. Uh... 456 00:23:10,847 --> 00:23:14,142 I'd like to report a gas leak... every fucking day, please. 457 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,436 Every day I'd like to report a gas leak. 458 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,897 Sorry for cursing. It's Ruth Brenner. 459 00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:21,817 B.R.E.N.N.E.R, 311 East 12th. 460 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:22,734 Thank you. Hey. 461 00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,738 -Did you die? -Did you die? 462 00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:27,864 No. 463 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:30,409 -I think we're dying at the same time. -[object clatters] 464 00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:39,459 ♪ All I need is some sunshine ♪ 465 00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:46,341 ♪ All I need ♪ 466 00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:53,348 ♪ All I need is some sunshine ♪ 467 00:23:54,891 --> 00:24:00,313 ♪ All I need ♪ 468 00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:12,367 ♪ The siren call beyond the treeline ♪