1
00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,626
[Scarecrow] Oh, crazy about
Joker and Harley.
2
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,495
I heard they tried
an open relationship thing,
3
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,297
which everybody knows
only works for gay men.
4
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:33,533
Your idle gossip distracts me
from my master plan.
5
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,069
Break the Batman.
6
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,472
Punish Gotham
for its transgressions,
7
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:41,042
and stand atop
the mountain of skulls
8
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:44,145
left in my wake.
9
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:47,582
-Anyway, I heard Harley--
-[Joker] Morning.
10
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:50,884
-How are you?
-Fine. Why wouldn't I be?
11
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:53,887
Because Harley dumped you.
12
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,189
You know?
13
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,158
People are saying
that Harley dumped me?
14
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:01,341
[laughing menacingly]
15
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:08,069
Please! You know what?
I don't even care.
16
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:12,638
I wish her well.
17
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:13,941
[Harley] Ivy, no rush,
18
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,909
but Howie Mandel's only showing
19
00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:18,144
how to turn
Thanksgiving leftovers
20
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,781
into an entire
nativity scene.
21
00:01:20,813 --> 00:01:22,450
Oh, my God! Wait, what?
22
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,084
[Poison Ivy] Hot, hot,
hot, hot, hot, hot.
23
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,552
Next, I'm gonna show you
24
00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:27,691
how to make
a mashed potato Virgin Mary.
25
00:01:27,724 --> 00:01:29,956
But first,
[chuckles nervously]
26
00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:32,561
please welcome
my, uh, surprise co-host.
27
00:01:32,596 --> 00:01:36,631
Uh, you know him
as the clown prince of crime.
28
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:39,533
-Let's give it up
for the Joker!
-[audience gasping]
29
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,001
[laughing]
30
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,135
-Shit!
-Damn it.
31
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,772
-Ooh.
-Get ready, America.
32
00:01:43,805 --> 00:01:47,042
Howie's got something
he's dying to tell you.
33
00:01:47,075 --> 00:01:49,343
-[audience screaming]
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Not Howie!
34
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,144
You know what's stupid?
35
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:54,415
Me, for playfully implying
on yesterday's show that
36
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,917
the celebrity villain couple,
37
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,986
formerly known as "JoQuinn"
is no more.
38
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,320
Thanks, Howie.
39
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:02,590
When I dumped poor, sad,
what's her name...
40
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,158
-She's right over here.
-Frank.
41
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,192
I promised I would
respect her wishes
42
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:09,597
to drift into the darkness
of total anonymity.
43
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:12,532
And for the record,
our couple name was...
44
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,402
-"Joker."
-Oh, that liar
trying to blow up
45
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,741
the cleanest and nicest
talk show host in television!
46
00:02:17,774 --> 00:02:19,939
Just ignore him.
He's baiting you.
47
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,508
It's not worth
getting angry over.
48
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:24,211
Sorry, but that's all the time
we have today, Howie.
49
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,013
And speaking of time,
50
00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:28,081
yours is running out.
51
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,349
[audience screaming]
52
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:30,883
I need a very brave
wardrobe girl!
53
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,218
-[laughing viciously]
-[grunts]
54
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,587
Jesus, Harls.
55
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,222
This is why I don't put
the good TV out.
56
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:36,925
Good TV?
Where you hiding that bad boy?
57
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:40,026
If he thinks I'm just gonna
fade away into obscurity,
58
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:41,194
he doesn't know
what's coming.
59
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,729
Who cares?
You're doing great.
60
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,800
You got a killer new outfit,
you started meditating.
61
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,033
I haven't started yet.
I just downloaded the app.
62
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,235
That's a first step.
63
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,704
You're a strong,
independent woman
64
00:02:49,704 --> 00:02:51,305
who doesn't care
what other people think.
65
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,873
Right! Who cares what Joker
66
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,942
and his stupid
Legion of Doom buddies think.
67
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,677
-Exactly!
-Preach!
68
00:02:56,711 --> 00:02:59,180
Hell, I'll show them in person
how little I care.
69
00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:00,914
What? No. What are you doing?
70
00:03:00,949 --> 00:03:03,450
-Logging into Joker's calendar.
-Oh, God, we're off the rails.
71
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,786
No, let it play out.
72
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,586
Oh, hey, there's a party
at the Gotham Mint
73
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,489
with the Legion of Doom guys
tomorrow!
74
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,757
Oh, if he wants
to fuck with me in public,
75
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,225
I will fuck right back!
76
00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:14,027
-Please do not do this.
-Please do that shit.
77
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,262
I'm just gonna show those guys
78
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,663
how awesome I'm doing
without him.
79
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,099
It'll be so fun!
80
00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:20,769
And you can meet a hot guy
and use your cool love potion.
81
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,538
This isn't a love potion.
It's my distilled pheromones.
82
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,239
It makes men
infatuated with me
83
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,212
and then kills them
by turning them into plants.
84
00:03:27,212 --> 00:03:28,543
[both] Right, a love potion.
85
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:31,378
-Please come with me. Please!
-No.
86
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,181
-Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
-Stop.
87
00:03:33,181 --> 00:03:36,250
-Frank, shut up.
Saying no again.
-Do it. Do it. Do it.
88
00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:37,752
What? Stop saying "do it."
89
00:03:37,752 --> 00:03:39,019
[Frank and Harley chanting]
Do it, do it, do it.
90
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,455
-Fine.
-[Frank] Yes.
91
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:43,090
-[cell phone chimes]
-Oh, shit. Howie exploded.
92
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,061
-[Ivy and Frank] No!
-Not Howie.
93
00:03:45,093 --> 00:03:48,462
-Joker, you son of a bitch!
-That's my phone, uh...
94
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,645
[theme music playing]
95
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:02,223
[roaring]
96
00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:23,326
[man coughs] [clears throat]
97
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,771
[man clears throat]
98
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:33,807
[roaring]
99
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:36,646
Did you know that this party
was for children?
100
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,980
I do now.
101
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,982
Although, technically,
one boy becomes a man today.
102
00:04:40,982 --> 00:04:44,151
Are you one of the dancers
for my nephew's bar mitzvah?
103
00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:45,952
Jesus, Harley!
104
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,454
[laughing]
105
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:50,257
Rock bottom came fast
as the Joker dumped you.
106
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,826
Uh, she dumped him,
107
00:04:51,860 --> 00:04:53,863
and you smell like
shrimp shit. Excuse us.
108
00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:55,730
-We should leave.
-No, no, no, no, no.
109
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,298
All the Legion bigwigs
are here.
110
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,632
I came to show 'em how great
111
00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,434
I'm doing
and I am gonna!
112
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,235
This isn't
your coming out party.
113
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,805
It's a 13-year-old boy's
coming out party.
114
00:05:03,805 --> 00:05:05,439
Look, a lot of people made
115
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:06,708
a name for themselves
at parties.
116
00:05:06,708 --> 00:05:08,274
Bane, he decided to blow up
117
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:10,276
Gotham Stadium
during Trivia Night.
118
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,812
[Bane] Oh, the Dallas Cowboys.
119
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:13,980
Incorrect.
120
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,216
The Steelers have won
121
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:16,850
the most games
at Gotham Stadium.
122
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:19,420
I'm gonna blow up
Gotham Stadium.
123
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:21,089
Fine, just don't
leave me alone.
124
00:05:21,089 --> 00:05:24,024
Or some like D-list villain
will hit on me
125
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,560
or ask to do a heist with me
126
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:28,495
and the longer we wait...
Okay, she's gone.
127
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,398
[whispering] Kite Man.
128
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:33,233
What? What was that? Whoa.
[laughs]
129
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:38,238
Did I just hear the wind
say "Kite Man?"
130
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,973
I think you're alone in that.
131
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,141
Hell yeah!
132
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,142
Good God.
133
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,812
I need a permit
for a trap door?
134
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,848
The whole point is
135
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,516
no one is supposed
to know about it!
136
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,117
Especially the City.
137
00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:52,519
I need this lair rebuilt now.
138
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:53,922
[cell phone ringing]
139
00:05:53,922 --> 00:05:55,555
Knock, knock, who's there?
It's me, Joker.
140
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,358
You will never guess
who's at the bar mitzvah.
141
00:05:58,391 --> 00:05:59,894
Jesus, Bane!
142
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:03,129
I don't have time
for a guessing game. Hang on.
143
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,399
Those shoes have black soles!
144
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:06,834
Put plastic booties on.
145
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,803
Harley is at Penguin's nephew's
bar mitzvah.
146
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,639
She crashed
the stupid thing?
147
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:14,442
Yeah, seems like
she's doing pretty well.
148
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,711
Brought a tiger. Pretty cool.
149
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,312
What? Anyone can buy a tiger.
150
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,247
You know she has HPV, right?
151
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:24,184
Most sexually active adults do.
152
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,817
Shut up! I'm on my way.
153
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,656
[Harley] Uh-oh!
Who are these troublemakers?
154
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:32,293
Nah, I'm just kidding.
I know it's you, Scarecrow,
155
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:34,163
Two-Face,
other half of Two-Face,
156
00:06:34,196 --> 00:06:35,495
[imitating Bane] Bane.
157
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:36,764
[all laughing]
158
00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:39,000
I'm going to blow up
this bar mitzvah.
159
00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:41,668
Quinn, great to see you.
Where you been hiding?
160
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,836
On your left,
where you can't see shit.
161
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,240
[all laughing]
162
00:06:45,273 --> 00:06:48,108
So, guess who has a plan
to finally get rid of Batman?
163
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,343
Ya girl.
164
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,446
[Joker] Look
who's' trying to run
165
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,581
before she can crawl.
166
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:55,449
[all laughing nervously]
167
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:56,651
Mazel tov!
168
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,819
-Jesus.
-Glad you're here, J-Man.
169
00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:00,620
Pull up a chair.
Doesn't bother me.
170
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,622
So, who's goin' beef
and who's goin' chicken?
171
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,358
You are going
somewhere else.
172
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:06,560
Because this is
the Legion of Doom table!
173
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,497
Why don't you go find
the Crazy Bitch table?
174
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:11,632
Spoiler:
It's not a real table.
175
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,300
-That was implied!
-[groaning]
176
00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:17,271
Who wants to ditch this jester
and tear up Gotham with me?
177
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:20,341
[laughs menacingly]
178
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,608
Laugh. Laugh with me.
179
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:24,144
[all laughing nervously]
180
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,747
You know what? Who needs ya?
181
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:30,779
This table's too far away
from the dance floor anyway.
182
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,887
Ugh, can you believe
those assholes?
183
00:07:33,922 --> 00:07:35,757
You know what?
I don't need 'em.
I'll sit with you guys.
184
00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:39,627
Uh, no. This is
the Joshua best friends' table.
185
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,362
Unless, you're the girl
186
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,930
that Joshua
fingerbanged at Camp.
187
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,699
If I said yes,
would you let me sit here?
188
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:48,735
Trick question. Joshua has
never fingerbanged anyone.
189
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,170
Ha!
190
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:54,007
So, Ivy-Ivy-Bo-Bivy.
191
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,877
Um, let me ask you
a personal question.
192
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:59,178
Have you ever seen
Gotham Central Park...
193
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:02,117
-From the sky?
-From the sky!
194
00:08:02,117 --> 00:08:03,552
Yeah, you get it.
Okay, you know, I was thinking,
195
00:08:03,552 --> 00:08:06,387
you and I should do
a heist together.
196
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:07,956
Uh, you know what?
197
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,891
I'm just really kinda worn out
from all the heist stuff.
198
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,358
It's just kinda hard
being such
199
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,060
a weak woman
and whatnot.
200
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:15,495
Yeah. I bet.
201
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,298
Um, but, hey,
I'll do all the heavy-lifting.
202
00:08:17,298 --> 00:08:18,531
You don't have to break a nail.
203
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:21,235
It'll be a breeze.
204
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:22,637
-Breeze.
-Yeah.
205
00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:24,103
It's just 'cause my powers
are wind-based.
206
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:25,338
You don't have powers!
207
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,807
You just have a kite
like every kid
208
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,608
in every park
across the world.
209
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,076
And she doesn't want
to do a heist with you
210
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,512
'cause you're stupid!
211
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:36,017
-Do you think I'm stupid?
-I mean, don't you?
212
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,320
These assholes always pretended
to be my friends.
213
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:41,655
But they're really just...
[screaming] assholes!
214
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,389
They think
I am not in their league,
215
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,493
[screaming]
but they don't know shit!
216
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,761
Hi, girls.
So glad you could come.
217
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,730
I know we're all evil here,
218
00:08:49,764 --> 00:08:51,798
but maybe we could
put a little sugar
219
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,533
on that salty language,
220
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,567
you know, for the kids.
221
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,470
Sorry, Mrs. Cobblepot.
222
00:08:56,504 --> 00:08:57,971
Yeah, never again. Sorry.
223
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,440
Dude, we got to
get the fuck out of here.
224
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,908
Hell, no. I'm not giving up.
225
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,409
I'll show these Legion guys
226
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,412
I can do something
not even they can!
227
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,980
[Harley] What's one thing
in this room,
228
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,049
none of them
ever had the balls to try?
229
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,485
-[Poison Ivy] The fruit salad?
-[sneezes]
230
00:09:11,519 --> 00:09:12,620
Even worse.
231
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:15,254
I'm gonna rob the Gotham Mint.
232
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:19,091
Oh.
233
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:20,894
No cuts!
234
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,830
All right, Stop.
Let's get real for a second.
235
00:09:22,864 --> 00:09:25,198
The Gotham Mint
is impenetrable.
236
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,701
They're so confident,
237
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:29,070
they rented the atrium out
to the Legion of Doom.
238
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,638
Look, I'm doing this thing,
all right?
239
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:31,972
-What if Batman shows up?
-I'll kill him.
240
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,774
-Where's the getaway car?
-I'll steal one.
241
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,543
-Where will you put
all the money?
-Look around.
242
00:09:35,543 --> 00:09:36,811
Every kid's wearing a backpack.
243
00:09:36,811 --> 00:09:38,046
Gah! Look, Ivy,
244
00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:39,580
all the reasons you said
it can't work
245
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,182
are exactly the reasons
I gotta do it!
246
00:09:41,216 --> 00:09:42,984
They might not like me,
247
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,618
but they will respect
the shit out of me.
248
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,687
All right, fine. Just go.
Go steal the money.
249
00:09:46,721 --> 00:09:49,155
Just do me one favor, okay?
Don't leave me alone here,
250
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:50,289
because... Oh!
251
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,494
Party's a drag, huh?
252
00:09:52,494 --> 00:09:55,523
[raspy voice] I really
should quit, but, I just can't.
253
00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:56,730
Go away, fragile child.
254
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:59,068
Hey, how about we ditch
this shindig
255
00:09:59,101 --> 00:10:03,035
and sneak into
a PG-13 movie?
256
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,304
[all grunting]
257
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,773
My love potion?
258
00:10:05,807 --> 00:10:09,442
I stole your juice
and I gave it to these kids.
259
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,645
-Hell yeah!
-You're an idiot.
260
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,847
Ooh, you mispronounced
"genius."
261
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,150
No, that potion makes people
fall in love with me
262
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,153
and then kills them.
263
00:10:18,153 --> 00:10:20,287
-What?
-Yes! What did you think,
264
00:10:20,321 --> 00:10:21,423
you kite-fucking freak?
265
00:10:21,423 --> 00:10:23,658
My name is Poison Ivy.
266
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:26,259
Damn! See, this is why
I stick to the kites.
267
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,462
So simple.
268
00:10:28,496 --> 00:10:30,563
Ha!
269
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:31,932
[Harley grunts]
270
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,033
[grunts]
271
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:36,604
The vault must be
around here somewhere.
272
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,436
[yelps]
273
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,274
Bingo.
274
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,626
-[grunts]
-[grunting in pain]
275
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,831
[grunts]
276
00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:07,869
[guard screaming]
277
00:11:07,902 --> 00:11:10,937
[Harley grunts]
278
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,207
We gotta get an antidote
before these kids die.
279
00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:14,376
It's in my apartment
across town,
280
00:11:14,376 --> 00:11:16,076
so we need to get there quick.
281
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,778
Quick as a kite?
282
00:11:17,812 --> 00:11:19,513
-Oh, God.
-Weather permitting.
283
00:11:19,547 --> 00:11:20,780
Fine, hit the button.
284
00:11:20,815 --> 00:11:22,216
Is it raining out?
285
00:11:22,216 --> 00:11:23,783
It looked a little overcast
when I came in.
286
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,653
Oh, shut the fuck up.
Let's go.
287
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:26,953
...look at
my phone here.
288
00:11:26,988 --> 00:11:28,621
No, I think we're good.
289
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,524
[girl screaming]
290
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,027
Ugh! My chicken is rubbery.
291
00:11:33,061 --> 00:11:34,695
Mmm, your beef looks good.
292
00:11:34,729 --> 00:11:36,931
Uh, fine.
293
00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:39,267
Ah, ah, I might finish that.
294
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,568
Oh, well, then,
what are we doing?
295
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,470
Hey, everybody,
let's give it up
296
00:11:43,504 --> 00:11:45,740
for Joshua's
bar mitzvah, huh?
297
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:46,774
[all applauding]
298
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,842
It was very special for me.
299
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,311
It was when I realized
it was my dream
300
00:11:51,345 --> 00:11:52,546
to become a crime lord.
301
00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:54,115
-[all] Aw.
-[sniffles]
302
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:57,784
So today, I force that dream
on to you.
303
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,986
[crowd cheering]
304
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,123
[guard wincing in pain]
305
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,557
[Penguin]
Okay, Joshua ...
306
00:12:03,591 --> 00:12:05,725
Get ready for your first caper.
307
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,361
Good luck fighting off
the guards,
308
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,697
also known as
309
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:13,201
Gotham Chucklehut's
finest improvisers...
310
00:12:13,234 --> 00:12:15,436
and stealing that cash-ola,
311
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:17,772
otherwise known as...
312
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:19,339
Joshua Bucks?
313
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:20,374
Oh, no!
314
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,711
Go, Joshua... Oh, my God!
315
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:27,081
Hey, Joshy,
mazel tov.
316
00:12:27,115 --> 00:12:30,317
-[man screaming]
-[laughing menacingly]
317
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,918
This is fantastic.
318
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,388
You're probably
not laughing
319
00:12:33,421 --> 00:12:35,755
because this is sort of
how you screw up.
320
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:36,789
[Bane groans]
321
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:39,461
-You ruined the bar mitzvah.
-[crowd booing]
322
00:12:39,461 --> 00:12:42,096
-And crippled
an improv troupe!
-Meh. Well.
323
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,597
And that's our show, folks!
324
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:49,070
-I got this.
-[gun cocking]
325
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,738
Say good night, puddin'.
326
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,706
You think [panting]
this is gonna...
327
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,410
[voice breaking] stop me?
328
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:59,647
[Joker laughs]
She even sounds like you.
329
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,152
Oh, I don't think...
Do I sound like...
330
00:13:02,184 --> 00:13:04,884
[Bane] You never hear
your own voice, I guess.
331
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,811
-[laughing menacingly]
-[Harley groans]
332
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,057
Sometimes, I just fly
333
00:13:10,091 --> 00:13:11,926
to have a quiet place
to think.
334
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,561
You know, just really let
my thoughts just run wild.
335
00:13:14,595 --> 00:13:17,144
Thoughts? Plural?
336
00:13:22,144 --> 00:13:23,837
[Poison Ivy] All right,
I'll get the antidote.
337
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,941
And you know, just don't,
like, touch anything.
338
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,524
Uh... [muttering]
339
00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:35,349
All right, let's boogie.
340
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,750
Kite Man?
341
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:37,833
Oh, no.
342
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:46,460
Kite Man. Hell yeah!
343
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,660
What are you doing?
344
00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:50,096
Getting ready to have sex.
345
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,129
Why?
346
00:13:51,129 --> 00:13:55,302
Because after a great date,
you usually have sex.
347
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,337
[laughing]
348
00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:59,274
Sorry, sorry.
I was gonna say something,
349
00:13:59,307 --> 00:14:01,542
but I wanted to see
how all this played out.
350
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,278
-Oh, shut up, Frank.
-Ooh!
351
00:14:03,278 --> 00:14:04,913
I'm gonna need you to
put your clothes back on
352
00:14:04,913 --> 00:14:06,813
because this was not a date.
353
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,783
Excuse me,
if this wasn't a date,
354
00:14:08,783 --> 00:14:10,765
why did you bring me back
to your place?
355
00:14:10,765 --> 00:14:11,736
For the antidote!
356
00:14:11,736 --> 00:14:13,455
Oh, I thought
that was just a line.
357
00:14:13,455 --> 00:14:15,322
-Why would I use
a line on you?
-I don't know!
358
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:16,890
I mean why would you
even have me come?
359
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,259
I mean, a cab
would've been faster.
360
00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:19,327
You know it, I know it,
we all know it.
361
00:14:19,327 --> 00:14:21,796
Jesus, get dressed.
362
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:26,100
[heart beating]
363
00:14:26,134 --> 00:14:30,804
["Hava Nagila" playing]
364
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:33,374
Cut the song.
No Horah for Harley.
365
00:14:33,408 --> 00:14:36,210
Hey, it's gonna take
more than a souped up parasol
366
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,577
to keep me
from kicking your ass,
367
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,778
you fat flightless bird.
368
00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:40,380
The mouth on her.
369
00:14:40,414 --> 00:14:42,283
What better way
to become a man than by--
370
00:14:42,317 --> 00:14:44,421
Ooh, than touching
your umbrella? Whoo.
371
00:14:44,453 --> 00:14:49,355
Yes, I've been waiting
for this!
372
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,625
Any last words
373
00:14:50,625 --> 00:14:54,928
before I kill your dumb blonde,
stupid, smelly...
374
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,462
[whispering]
That's too many adjectives.
375
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,999
...idiot ass?
376
00:14:58,032 --> 00:15:00,000
Hey, Joshua,
make sure you aim it
377
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,101
directly at my head,
378
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,336
'cause you don't want to miss
379
00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:04,038
in front of your friends
and family.
380
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,538
I won't miss.
381
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,974
I don't know.
382
00:15:07,008 --> 00:15:09,809
That trembly finger's telling
a different story.
383
00:15:09,844 --> 00:15:11,211
It's not trembly.
384
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:12,847
I just... I've never shot
an umbrella before.
385
00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:15,381
I bet there are a lot of things
that you've never done
386
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,951
like drunk a beer.
387
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,888
I drunk a beer,
like all the time.
388
00:15:18,921 --> 00:15:20,888
I always drunk beers.
389
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:23,256
I bet you still believe
in Santy Claus.
390
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,693
I don't! I'm Jewish
and today, I'm a man.
391
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,028
Oh, that's right,
392
00:15:28,062 --> 00:15:30,631
I forgot I'm talking to
a newly grown man.
393
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:33,767
I mean, after all,
you've already
fingerbanged somebody.
394
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:35,202
[crowd gasps]
395
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,337
-Wait, what?
-I mean, you have, haven't you?
396
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:40,341
You didn't lie about such
an important milestone, right?
397
00:15:40,375 --> 00:15:45,375
-Yeah, it happened.
-Are you sure?
398
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,259
[stuttering]
I... I don't know.
399
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:55,155
So, um, obviously,
I misread some signals.
400
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,188
[Poison Ivy] Mm-hmm.
401
00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:58,158
I hope me taking off my clothes
didn't come across as...
402
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,163
Creepy? It did. It didn't. Did.
403
00:16:00,163 --> 00:16:03,464
Right. Yeah, no. I apologize.
404
00:16:03,498 --> 00:16:07,182
It's just, I have never been
alone with a woman
405
00:16:07,182 --> 00:16:08,469
of your caliber.
406
00:16:08,503 --> 00:16:11,572
-Oh, you don't have to--
-Your eyes, your smile...
407
00:16:11,605 --> 00:16:14,241
Your silky, shimmering...
408
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,543
Oh, God.
You know what?
409
00:16:15,576 --> 00:16:18,349
Strong woman... osity?
The... [stutters]
410
00:16:18,381 --> 00:16:22,015
I'm gonna be
quiet for a while.
411
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:25,652
[Poison Ivy] You know,
it is kind of cool
412
00:16:25,686 --> 00:16:27,020
seeing the park from the sky.
413
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:29,423
I mean,
when you're not talking,
414
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,793
and we're just kinda
soaring majestically,
415
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,095
you're not so bad.
416
00:16:34,128 --> 00:16:35,628
Hell yeah.
417
00:16:40,734 --> 00:16:41,936
Oh, shit.
418
00:16:41,936 --> 00:16:43,203
Something's going on
down there.
419
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,572
[stuttering]
I... I don't know.
420
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,975
It was at camp, at night.
421
00:16:48,009 --> 00:16:50,043
It was me and her
and it was dark.
422
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:51,979
I definitely did something.
423
00:16:52,013 --> 00:16:54,081
Oh, Joshy.
424
00:16:54,115 --> 00:16:56,717
Do you really think
you're ready to kill someone
425
00:16:56,750 --> 00:17:01,488
if you've never even
finger blasted a girl?
426
00:17:01,522 --> 00:17:02,990
[grunts] You're right.
427
00:17:03,024 --> 00:17:04,325
I'm not ready.
428
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,759
-[Joshua sobbing]
-[crowd gasping]
429
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,627
I told you we should've
gotten him the dollhouse
430
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:08,929
like he asked, Oswald.
431
00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:10,798
It's not a doll house!
432
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,066
It's an army base
433
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:14,402
with sound effects
of real screams
434
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,403
and it's the only thing
I wanted!
435
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,105
-You're dead, Quinn.
-[gun cocking]
436
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,208
-[glass shattering]
-[grunting]
437
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,410
[groaning] Hell, yeah!
438
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,045
Hey, did they do cake yet?
439
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,346
Not yet.
440
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:27,481
[groans]
441
00:17:27,515 --> 00:17:29,282
I though that was gonna be
way cooler.
442
00:17:29,317 --> 00:17:30,817
[clears throat] Harley!
443
00:17:30,851 --> 00:17:32,118
You're not a solo act.
444
00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:34,422
You're a sidekick,
an afterthought.
445
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:36,226
No one is ever going to
take you seriously.
446
00:17:36,259 --> 00:17:39,227
Admit you're nothing
without me
447
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,028
and you walk away alive.
448
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,596
Or you can die.
449
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,066
[laughing menacingly]
450
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,534
Well, easy choice.
451
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:49,202
Uh, lovely bar mitzvah.
Mazel, mazel.
452
00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:50,738
-Are you leaving?
-Ha, no.
453
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,406
I ain't admitting shit!
454
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,406
Boys?
455
00:17:58,546 --> 00:18:00,513
-I got Two-Face.
-I got Scarecrow.
456
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:01,882
I, um...
457
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:02,916
Oh, dear God.
458
00:18:02,950 --> 00:18:04,185
Oh, wow.
459
00:18:04,219 --> 00:18:05,786
[grunting]
460
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:08,021
You're looming.
461
00:18:08,055 --> 00:18:10,925
Um, all right, well,
I'll take, um...
462
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:14,028
If you don't mind,
if you could scooch
just a little.
463
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,230
Boom! On-site coordinator.
464
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:18,531
Looking kinda brittle there.
Won't see it comi--
465
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,134
[grunting]
466
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:22,669
I wanna go home.
467
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,202
[laughing]
468
00:18:31,412 --> 00:18:32,949
[shrieking] Ive, gun!
469
00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:34,815
Got it.
470
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,285
Hey!
471
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:42,890
[screaming]
472
00:18:42,923 --> 00:18:45,472
[crowd screaming]
473
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,104
Let's get out of here.
474
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,538
No, let's fight.
Maybe Kite Man can help.
475
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:02,041
[grunting]
476
00:19:02,076 --> 00:19:03,443
Bane!
477
00:19:03,478 --> 00:19:05,679
Quit dicking around
with Kite Man
478
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:06,779
and get those two.
479
00:19:06,814 --> 00:19:08,250
But he was attacking me.
480
00:19:08,282 --> 00:19:10,049
With what? A kite?
481
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:13,554
Just do what I tell you,
you dumb, freakish monster.
482
00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:16,457
Bane, why are you letting him
talk to you like that?
483
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:17,726
In fact, why do
any of you
484
00:19:17,759 --> 00:19:19,559
let him talk to you like that?
485
00:19:19,594 --> 00:19:21,362
He doesn't even have powers!
486
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:24,565
His only power is bullying you
into doing what he wants.
487
00:19:24,565 --> 00:19:27,300
I should know.
He did it to me for years.
488
00:19:27,335 --> 00:19:30,069
Don't listen to her.
She's nothing!
489
00:19:30,104 --> 00:19:31,439
She makes a good point.
490
00:19:31,439 --> 00:19:33,740
I don't like
how you called me a monster.
491
00:19:33,775 --> 00:19:35,676
-Yeah, that was pretty harsh.
-Oh, yeah.
492
00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:38,112
Oh, my God!
It's just an expression.
493
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,314
Also, let's talk
about dinner.
494
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,182
I selected the beef
well in advance
495
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,483
and you stole it from me.
496
00:19:43,518 --> 00:19:45,118
You said you didn't even
497
00:19:45,152 --> 00:19:47,488
want to come
to this "stupid thing."
498
00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:50,357
-[crowd gasps]
-[Bane] My feelings exactly.
499
00:19:50,391 --> 00:19:53,361
This is a monumental night
for young Joshua.
500
00:19:53,394 --> 00:19:55,996
I'm the Joker, all right?
501
00:19:55,996 --> 00:19:57,664
I was joking, okay?
502
00:19:57,699 --> 00:20:00,769
Oh, my God!
I'll kill Harley myself.
503
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:04,271
Ivy, if you could just,
you know, move over,
504
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,606
so I could just
kill your friend.
505
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,209
Absolutely.
Over my dead body.
506
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:11,644
Ugh! Female friendships.
507
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,881
Ha!
508
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,782
[snarling]
509
00:20:15,816 --> 00:20:16,865
[yelps]
510
00:20:22,056 --> 00:20:23,856
[cell phone ringing]
511
00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:25,292
Hold on. [chuckles]
512
00:20:25,326 --> 00:20:29,329
I'm getting a cell call
from my contractor.
513
00:20:29,363 --> 00:20:32,067
What? This is the Joker.
Come again. Yeah, whatever.
514
00:20:32,099 --> 00:20:35,169
What do you mean
they're not going
to start till 10:00?
515
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:36,805
Ugh! Can you believe this?
516
00:20:36,837 --> 00:20:38,740
They're calling it
a residential zone.
517
00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:40,508
It's an
abandoned amusement park
518
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,509
at the end of a rotting pier!
519
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:46,980
[gasps] I'll, uh...
Yeah, coming over right now.
520
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,249
Let's put a pin in this.
521
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:49,683
You understand. [chuckles]
522
00:20:49,717 --> 00:20:51,586
-So, are we good to leave now?
-Yeah.
523
00:20:51,586 --> 00:20:53,320
I can't believe you talked me
into coming to this.
524
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,191
Don't forget
your party favors.
525
00:20:55,223 --> 00:20:58,291
[both]
Thank you, Mrs. Cobblepot.
526
00:20:58,326 --> 00:21:01,862
Aw, such sweet girls.
527
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,631
So, do you realize now
528
00:21:03,631 --> 00:21:05,132
that you don't have
to prove to anyone
529
00:21:05,132 --> 00:21:06,400
how awesome you are?
530
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,836
Yes, except for
the Legion of Doom.
531
00:21:07,836 --> 00:21:10,237
I need to get into
the Legion of Doom.
532
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:11,638
What? After all of this,
533
00:21:11,673 --> 00:21:13,508
why would you wanna be
a part of that club?
534
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,209
Those guys are such dicks.
535
00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,711
No, not all of 'em.
536
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,313
When we were leaving,
Bane said, "You go, girl!"
537
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,849
No, he distinctly said,
"Ooh, Go-GURT.
538
00:21:21,883 --> 00:21:24,417
Ooh, what, they had Go-GURT?
Oh, man.
539
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,621
Ivy, listen. Anyone who is
a respected supervillain
540
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:28,122
is in the Legion of Doom.
541
00:21:28,122 --> 00:21:29,289
That's when you know
you've made it.
542
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,358
If Joker can get in,
so can I!
543
00:21:31,392 --> 00:21:33,059
So that is what I'm gonna do.
544
00:21:33,093 --> 00:21:34,628
What you need to do
545
00:21:34,662 --> 00:21:37,030
is get these 13-year-old boys
out of this apartment.
546
00:21:37,064 --> 00:21:38,398
They're starting to take root.
547
00:21:38,432 --> 00:21:41,268
Ah! Okay, boys.
548
00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:42,470
So, I got the antidote
549
00:21:42,502 --> 00:21:44,471
to turn you back
into humans, okay?
550
00:21:44,505 --> 00:21:46,307
But the only effective way
of doing it
551
00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:50,109
is when
my saliva interacts...
552
00:21:50,144 --> 00:21:51,479
with your saliva.
553
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,913
So, is this a kiss?
554
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:55,583
No, it's not a kiss.
555
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:58,951
It is an antidote
delivery system
556
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:00,119
and nothing more.
557
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,588
You will still be
sexless nerds
558
00:22:01,622 --> 00:22:04,191
by the time
the night is over, okay?
559
00:22:04,224 --> 00:22:07,594
And...
560
00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:09,896
Yuck.
561
00:22:09,930 --> 00:22:13,680
This is procedural, okay?
562
00:22:16,837 --> 00:22:18,271
Yeah, I kissed you
already, buddy.
563
00:22:18,305 --> 00:22:20,275
Yeah, I'm still
a little bit tree.
564
00:22:20,307 --> 00:22:23,309
-Yeah, fuck off,
get out of here.
-Yeah, fuck off, kid.
565
00:22:23,344 --> 00:22:28,344
[theme music playing]