1 00:00:25,147 --> 00:00:27,580 Gentlemen! My fellow whites! 2 00:00:27,580 --> 00:00:30,048 Let's raise a glass to this pyramid of money. 3 00:00:30,083 --> 00:00:34,619 The foundation of which was built upon our favorite pastime. 4 00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:35,552 Fucking the poor! 5 00:00:38,258 --> 00:00:40,659 Party's over, ya pieces of shit! 6 00:00:40,694 --> 00:00:44,095 This is my money now so back the fuck off! 7 00:00:45,997 --> 00:00:47,799 Harley Quinn? 8 00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:51,036 [scoffs] I mean, you think we're afraid of the Joker's girlfriend? 9 00:00:53,506 --> 00:00:55,371 -So, here's the deal... -[man screaming] 10 00:00:55,371 --> 00:00:57,276 Are ya gonna shut the fuck up so I can talk? 11 00:00:57,310 --> 00:00:59,511 [screaming] I'm in a lot of pain! 12 00:00:59,545 --> 00:01:01,845 Oh, just give it a minute, you'll go into shock. 13 00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:04,884 Yeah, there it is. So, as I was saying-- 14 00:01:04,885 --> 00:01:06,918 -[guns cocking] -You made a big mistake coming alone. 15 00:01:06,951 --> 00:01:11,951 [laughing] She's not exactly alone. 16 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:15,227 She brought a plus one! [laughing] 17 00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:17,530 It's me, Joker! 18 00:01:17,563 --> 00:01:19,564 Apologies, but your friend, Rupert, 19 00:01:19,564 --> 00:01:21,865 just couldn't face coming out here. 20 00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:26,405 [laughing] I'm so sad. Where's my body? 21 00:01:26,438 --> 00:01:28,353 Puddin'? What the fuck are ya doing? 22 00:01:28,353 --> 00:01:30,576 You're not supposed to take his face off yet. I had this covered. 23 00:01:30,609 --> 00:01:33,646 [stammering] Yes, but I thought up that great "plus one" line. 24 00:01:33,646 --> 00:01:36,981 And then I'm not going to not puppeteer his face. 25 00:01:38,584 --> 00:01:40,218 All right, fine. Do your thing. 26 00:01:40,253 --> 00:01:42,421 So, listen up motherfuckers! 27 00:01:42,454 --> 00:01:44,091 Ya better jump in the harbor right now, 28 00:01:44,091 --> 00:01:45,957 -or I'm gonna kill-- -[Joker laughing] 29 00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:50,930 God, really? You just did it again. 30 00:01:50,930 --> 00:01:54,533 [laughing] That's because I forgot I had the acid bomb. 31 00:01:54,566 --> 00:01:57,135 But we agreed I'm the muscle! I do the hitting! 32 00:01:59,271 --> 00:02:01,039 You know, you're great, you're great. 33 00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:02,941 You do your thing, I do my thing. 34 00:02:04,310 --> 00:02:07,147 You're the appetizer. I'm the entree. 35 00:02:09,716 --> 00:02:12,451 I can't spend my whole life just bashin' goons. 36 00:02:12,484 --> 00:02:15,187 When Gothamites hear the name "Harley Quinn," 37 00:02:15,221 --> 00:02:16,822 I want 'em to piss 'emselves! 38 00:02:16,854 --> 00:02:18,223 I want a taste of that. 39 00:02:18,257 --> 00:02:20,225 You want a taste of... piss? 40 00:02:20,225 --> 00:02:21,927 No, you know what I meant. God, listen, puddin', 41 00:02:21,927 --> 00:02:24,663 can't you just see me in the Legion of Doom? 42 00:02:24,698 --> 00:02:28,866 That is just... [laughs] You don't want that. 43 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,568 Besides, no, 44 00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,507 the Legion of Doom doesn't give memberships to sidekicks. 45 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:35,007 -You have to be-- -Partners. 46 00:02:35,007 --> 00:02:36,093 [under breath] Oh, fuck me. 47 00:02:36,093 --> 00:02:38,912 I wanna be your partner in crime. For reals. 48 00:02:38,943 --> 00:02:41,580 -Can we talk about this later? -If not now, when? 49 00:02:41,614 --> 00:02:46,151 I don't know, tomorrow? I've kinda got my hands full right now. 50 00:02:51,924 --> 00:02:53,292 Joke's on you, Joker. 51 00:02:53,324 --> 00:02:55,126 Jesus, this guy. 52 00:02:55,161 --> 00:02:56,763 You'll never take us alive, Bats! 53 00:02:56,796 --> 00:02:59,365 Love that fighting spirit, Harley. 54 00:02:59,399 --> 00:03:02,032 But in this fight, I'm afraid I have to 55 00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:03,836 take a dive. 56 00:03:03,871 --> 00:03:05,805 Uh, dontcha mean "we"? 57 00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:08,341 You know I'd love to take you, puddin', 58 00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:12,745 but I'd never deny you the pleasure of buying me time to escape. 59 00:03:13,913 --> 00:03:15,848 Hey, but what if I get sent to Arkham? 60 00:03:15,882 --> 00:03:18,550 Then you won't spend even a single night! 61 00:03:18,585 --> 00:03:21,520 I'll break you out, my love. I swear. 62 00:03:21,554 --> 00:03:25,389 Or actually, uh, I have something tonight, 63 00:03:25,424 --> 00:03:27,893 but I'll definitely get you out before breakfast. 64 00:03:27,893 --> 00:03:28,960 Love ya! 65 00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:33,667 [grunts] Ow. 66 00:03:33,699 --> 00:03:36,168 Oh, ain't he cute when he's escapin'? 67 00:03:36,201 --> 00:03:37,924 -No. -[gasps] 68 00:03:39,437 --> 00:03:41,007 [Gordon] You're a cancer, Quinn. 69 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,909 Spreading from Gotham's lymph nodes into its spleen. 70 00:03:43,943 --> 00:03:46,846 And God help us if you get to Gotham's bladder! 71 00:03:46,877 --> 00:03:48,145 But I'm the chemo. 72 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,514 How long's he gonna keep doin' this? 73 00:03:49,514 --> 00:03:52,019 You're a festering boil, Quinn. A bedsore. 74 00:03:52,050 --> 00:03:55,020 A tapeworm that sets up shop in Gotham's lower-- 75 00:03:55,054 --> 00:03:56,354 -Jim. -All right. 76 00:03:56,388 --> 00:03:57,423 Where's the Joker? 77 00:03:57,455 --> 00:03:59,073 I'll never give up my puddin'! 78 00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:01,460 Why are you protecting a psychotic clown who treats you like garbage? 79 00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:02,894 Asks the guy who fucks bats. 80 00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:04,162 He doesn't do that! 81 00:04:04,197 --> 00:04:05,430 -Jim. -Sorry. 82 00:04:05,465 --> 00:04:06,832 I'm not tellin' ya shit! 83 00:04:06,866 --> 00:04:08,901 What me and Mistah J have is real love. 84 00:04:08,935 --> 00:04:13,639 In fact, not too long ago, we were on a rooftop just like this. 85 00:04:13,673 --> 00:04:15,907 That's when Mistah J proposed. 86 00:04:15,941 --> 00:04:18,976 Till death do us part. 87 00:04:19,011 --> 00:04:21,113 Ooh! Told ya! 88 00:04:21,148 --> 00:04:23,886 After we get married, we'll take a cruise to Barbados, 89 00:04:23,886 --> 00:04:25,584 or maybe a resort that's all-inclusive. 90 00:04:25,584 --> 00:04:27,685 They say they're all-inclusive, but that's bullshit! 91 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,687 They charge you for the towels! Soap! 92 00:04:29,721 --> 00:04:31,156 -Jim. -Top shelf liquor! 93 00:04:31,156 --> 00:04:32,524 -Jim! -Right, right. 94 00:04:32,559 --> 00:04:33,759 Give up the Joker, Quinn, 95 00:04:33,791 --> 00:04:35,360 or you're going to Arkham for life. 96 00:04:38,964 --> 00:04:42,701 [laughing hysterically] Why are we laughing? 97 00:04:42,735 --> 00:04:44,571 'Cause you said "for life"! 98 00:04:44,603 --> 00:04:46,607 -And, as sure as I am that he fucks bats... -Okay. 99 00:04:46,639 --> 00:04:50,675 ...I know my man'll break me out of Arkham before I spend a single night. 100 00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:53,278 [gate clanking and shutting] 101 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:57,360 [all speaking indistinctly] 102 00:05:00,185 --> 00:05:01,321 Oh! Mistah J? 103 00:05:01,353 --> 00:05:03,889 -Hmm? -Oh, sorry, my bad. 104 00:05:03,923 --> 00:05:05,757 I mean, ya looked a little like him. 105 00:05:05,791 --> 00:05:07,560 I don't know why you bother comin' here. 106 00:05:07,595 --> 00:05:10,196 He's never showing up. 107 00:05:11,797 --> 00:05:13,999 -Fuck off! -[Poison Ivy] Yeah, fuck off! 108 00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:15,942 But for the record, he does have a point. 109 00:05:15,942 --> 00:05:19,103 Just give me 15 more minutes. Joker's probably still fightin' Batman. 110 00:05:19,137 --> 00:05:21,005 I don't know, hon. 111 00:05:21,005 --> 00:05:23,910 It's, you know, most superhero fights, they're not like, eh... 112 00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:25,577 Calendar Man, how long has she been in here? 113 00:05:25,577 --> 00:05:27,512 Oh, hey, Ivy! 183 days! 114 00:05:27,547 --> 00:05:31,649 Oh, sure. You remember the incarceration date of Porn Clown over here 115 00:05:31,649 --> 00:05:33,819 but not your own son's birthday! 116 00:05:33,851 --> 00:05:35,586 For the last time, I'm sorry, Debbie! 117 00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,255 Come on! I know it's June-ish. 118 00:05:37,255 --> 00:05:40,791 It's okay, Daddy. I brought you this cactus to keep you comp-- 119 00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:42,995 [guard] Plant! 120 00:05:43,028 --> 00:05:46,966 There ain't no plant life within 50 yards of Poison Ivy, ya moron! 121 00:05:46,999 --> 00:05:49,468 -No wonder your dad doesn't remember your birthday! -[crying] 122 00:05:51,702 --> 00:05:54,572 All I'm saying is, is that you can do way better than Joker. 123 00:05:54,607 --> 00:05:56,642 I mean, you're smart, you're strong... 124 00:05:57,642 --> 00:05:59,511 You're in control of your own destiny. 125 00:05:59,543 --> 00:06:01,125 Leave Joker for who? 126 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:04,750 Some reliable square who thinks he's "quirky" for playin' on a dodgeball team 127 00:06:04,783 --> 00:06:06,485 and calls himself a "beer nerd"? 128 00:06:06,517 --> 00:06:07,821 -[metallic clanging] -Hmm. 129 00:06:07,853 --> 00:06:09,988 Okay, I know you're talking about Dan. 130 00:06:10,023 --> 00:06:12,257 It was my first year at Sarah Lawrence, there were very slim pickings. 131 00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:13,858 [whimpers and grunts] 132 00:06:13,892 --> 00:06:16,026 I'm just sayin' the Joker's excitin'. 133 00:06:17,394 --> 00:06:18,430 He's challenging. 134 00:06:18,463 --> 00:06:19,798 He's psychotic. 135 00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,934 He threw you into a vat of chemicals. 136 00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:23,536 You know, I prefer to think of it as a-- [grunting] 137 00:06:23,571 --> 00:06:27,172 As a vat of freedom sauce! [grunts] 138 00:06:30,809 --> 00:06:33,244 He literally made me who I am today. 139 00:06:33,278 --> 00:06:34,639 Aw... 140 00:06:36,949 --> 00:06:38,483 [Poison Ivy] Babe, let's, let's just be honest. 141 00:06:38,483 --> 00:06:39,952 This isn't the first time that Joker's... 142 00:06:39,952 --> 00:06:42,120 -[sniffs and snarls] -...left you here to rot. 143 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,488 He does not love you. 144 00:06:43,523 --> 00:06:45,100 Ya have to leave him. 145 00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:48,326 -And don't say-- -[both] You don't know him like I do! 146 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,696 Harley! Riddle me this. 147 00:06:50,728 --> 00:06:52,331 What did Nadia Comaneci do 148 00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:54,899 when she scored a perfect ten on the uneven bars 149 00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:57,470 during the 1976 Montreal Games? 150 00:06:57,502 --> 00:06:59,392 -Win a medal? -Not menstruate till her 20s? 151 00:06:59,392 --> 00:07:00,442 -Ew. -She broke a record! 152 00:07:00,442 --> 00:07:01,774 Which is what you sound like! 153 00:07:01,807 --> 00:07:04,944 A broken record. He's not coming! 154 00:07:04,976 --> 00:07:07,345 That is just one person's opinion. 155 00:07:07,379 --> 00:07:09,180 [all] He's not coming! 156 00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:12,430 Aw, the fuck do you know? You're all fuckin' insane. 157 00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:16,690 [sighs heavily] Or maybe I'm the crazy one. 158 00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:20,524 Mistah J? 159 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,860 [gasps] Mistah J! 160 00:07:22,894 --> 00:07:24,663 -I knew you'd-- -[exploding] 161 00:07:26,632 --> 00:07:27,634 Uh, hola. 162 00:07:27,634 --> 00:07:28,901 Oh, it's you. 163 00:07:28,934 --> 00:07:31,603 [weakly] How did you get a plant? 164 00:07:31,637 --> 00:07:34,372 I ate an orange and shit out a seed! [giggles] 165 00:07:34,406 --> 00:07:36,240 -Thanks, Ivy! -Okay, let's go. 166 00:07:36,274 --> 00:07:38,244 No! 'Cause I'm waitin'! 167 00:07:38,244 --> 00:07:39,209 For-- 168 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,545 Joker, yeah, I got it. 169 00:07:40,545 --> 00:07:42,148 You know how long you been saying that? 170 00:07:42,148 --> 00:07:45,617 -Calendar Man? -Oh, hi! Exactly one year today, Ivy. 171 00:07:45,651 --> 00:07:48,887 One year! Happy Arkham Anniversary, Harls. 172 00:07:48,922 --> 00:07:51,990 Here's your present. [blowing] 173 00:08:00,298 --> 00:08:01,632 [Harley] Uh... 174 00:08:01,666 --> 00:08:03,336 Where am I? 175 00:08:03,338 --> 00:08:05,937 [Frank the plant] I did not ask for a fuckin' roommate. 176 00:08:05,971 --> 00:08:08,608 Uh, when you pay rent you can make decisions, Frank. 177 00:08:08,641 --> 00:08:12,711 Ugh, look what all those months in Arkham did to my poor babies. 178 00:08:12,711 --> 00:08:14,478 And where is that stupid neighbor kid 179 00:08:14,512 --> 00:08:16,548 I hired to water them, for fuck's sake? 180 00:08:16,581 --> 00:08:19,384 Uh, he quit after a week. Very unprofes-- 181 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:23,755 Really, Frank? What if his parents come to look for him? 182 00:08:23,788 --> 00:08:26,257 Unlikely. [retching] 183 00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:28,127 [groans] What am I doing here? 184 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,761 The Joker's gonna go crazy with worry 185 00:08:29,761 --> 00:08:31,297 when he tries to break me out of Arkham 186 00:08:31,297 --> 00:08:32,465 and sees I'm not there! 187 00:08:32,498 --> 00:08:34,301 He does not care! 188 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:36,735 Our escape was all over the news and he has not come to see you. 189 00:08:36,768 --> 00:08:38,339 Oh, my God. You're right. 190 00:08:38,339 --> 00:08:40,806 Somethin' terrible must have happened to him! 191 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,273 [gasps] I hope he's okay! 192 00:08:42,307 --> 00:08:44,076 Oh, my God! 193 00:08:44,109 --> 00:08:46,514 What do I have to do to prove that Joker does not love you? 194 00:08:46,548 --> 00:08:50,249 Uh, ya can't. I am outta here! 195 00:08:50,282 --> 00:08:52,518 [Poison Ivy] For once you're gonna listen. 196 00:08:52,551 --> 00:08:54,556 You were a genius psychiatrist. 197 00:08:54,589 --> 00:08:56,855 Do you remember how you diagnosed me? 198 00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:59,591 Sure. A classic misanthrope with abandonment issues 199 00:08:59,624 --> 00:09:01,927 who befriends plants to avoid human intimacy. 200 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,263 -Nailed it! -Frank. 201 00:09:03,296 --> 00:09:05,464 -[Frank the plant groans] -You helped me. 202 00:09:05,498 --> 00:09:07,267 I can be around people now. 203 00:09:07,299 --> 00:09:10,989 You know, I mean, I hate it, but I can do it without vomiting. 204 00:09:10,989 --> 00:09:13,773 Harleen Quinzel was the only doctor 205 00:09:13,773 --> 00:09:15,607 who ever got through to me. 206 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,912 What do you think that she would say to you? 207 00:09:18,945 --> 00:09:20,746 Why are you always tied up? 208 00:09:20,778 --> 00:09:23,782 Oh. [chuckles] Look how square and boring I look. 209 00:09:23,816 --> 00:09:25,217 Yeah. You look way better now. 210 00:09:25,251 --> 00:09:27,152 Look, I need some help with a patient. 211 00:09:27,186 --> 00:09:28,421 Oh. Then, sure. Shoot. 212 00:09:28,421 --> 00:09:29,653 I'm gonna... I'm gonna take a guess 213 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,220 that the picture is talking to you? 214 00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:33,859 Tell her yes, but to stay out of it because we are making progress. 215 00:09:33,893 --> 00:09:36,429 The picture says stay out of it 'cause it's making progress. 216 00:09:36,462 --> 00:09:40,633 So, this patient of mine, she's fixated on a murderous psychopath 217 00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:42,201 and won't end their relationship 218 00:09:42,201 --> 00:09:43,970 no matter how terribly he treats her. 219 00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:47,004 Oh, easy. Classic abusive codependency. 220 00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:49,241 You just gotta show her there's no future with him 221 00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:52,477 and she needs to end it and find her own identity and... [gasps] 222 00:09:52,479 --> 00:09:55,346 Oh. I see. You're smart. 223 00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:57,350 I know. I'm you. 224 00:09:57,374 --> 00:10:00,287 The authorities are still on the hunt for escaped Arkham inmates 225 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:04,590 Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, and Gotham's funniest villain, The Rid-- 226 00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:07,559 Screw that guy! 227 00:10:07,592 --> 00:10:10,363 Name someone funnier than me, Stan. 228 00:10:10,395 --> 00:10:13,230 -Harley? -What? No! Sta... 229 00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,033 Women aren't funny! 230 00:10:16,537 --> 00:10:18,770 She's standing behind you. 231 00:10:18,804 --> 00:10:21,105 -[clearing throat] -Oh, hey, Harley. 232 00:10:21,105 --> 00:10:22,042 Ragweed. 233 00:10:22,042 --> 00:10:24,643 That's it? Just "Hey, Harley"? 234 00:10:24,643 --> 00:10:26,611 You left me in Arkham for a year! 235 00:10:26,645 --> 00:10:28,715 You abandoned me, you lied to me! 236 00:10:28,748 --> 00:10:29,916 But this is the last time. 237 00:10:29,916 --> 00:10:31,417 I am here to break up with you! 238 00:10:31,450 --> 00:10:33,753 Oh, shit! She's dumpin' you. 239 00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:36,388 No, she's not! She doesn't call the shots! 240 00:10:36,422 --> 00:10:38,490 Yeah, 'cause I'm callin' a cab. 241 00:10:38,523 --> 00:10:39,557 See ya never. 242 00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:40,559 Oh, shit. 243 00:10:40,592 --> 00:10:42,628 Oh, uh, thank goodness. 244 00:10:42,628 --> 00:10:46,131 She's finally doing exactly what I prayed she would. 245 00:10:46,131 --> 00:10:47,734 -[Harley] What? -[Poison Ivy] Oh, for fuck's sake. 246 00:10:47,767 --> 00:10:49,801 Much as it destroys me to say it, Harley, 247 00:10:49,835 --> 00:10:51,937 I was going to insist on breaking up, 248 00:10:51,937 --> 00:10:54,273 because it's the only way to keep you safe. 249 00:10:54,306 --> 00:10:55,941 What the hell are you talkin' about? 250 00:10:55,974 --> 00:10:57,876 Yes, no, please continue with your bullshit. 251 00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:01,181 The world's gone mad since you've been in Arkham. 252 00:11:01,214 --> 00:11:03,349 Have you seen Commissioner Gordon? He's lost it. 253 00:11:03,383 --> 00:11:08,153 He wants revenge because I "paralyzed" his "partner." [chuckles] 254 00:11:08,187 --> 00:11:11,758 He and Batman are hell-bent on destroying everyone I care about. 255 00:11:11,791 --> 00:11:13,359 That's why you didn't come get me? 256 00:11:13,359 --> 00:11:14,960 -[Poison Ivy moaning] -Keeping you away from me 257 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,196 was the only way to protect you. 258 00:11:17,229 --> 00:11:18,230 And still is. 259 00:11:18,264 --> 00:11:19,932 So, I'm afraid, my dear, this is a... 260 00:11:19,965 --> 00:11:21,900 Oh, it's a heartbreaking goodbye. 261 00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:24,403 -Uh, no, no wait! -No! No "wait." 262 00:11:24,437 --> 00:11:26,306 -This is what you wanted, Harley! -Is it? 263 00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:28,807 It is, yes. You came here to do this. 264 00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:31,443 Yes! Listen to your awful friend. 265 00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:33,078 So, this is really the end? 266 00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:34,813 -Yep. This is it. Let's go. -Unless... 267 00:11:34,813 --> 00:11:35,914 -[Poison Ivy groaning] -Unless what? 268 00:11:35,914 --> 00:11:38,417 Unless our love is so powerful 269 00:11:38,418 --> 00:11:42,054 -even the threat of death can't keep us apart. -[gasps] 270 00:11:42,054 --> 00:11:44,590 Oh, screw it! I'll die for you any day. 271 00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:46,993 -I'm in! -Really? Me too! 272 00:11:47,025 --> 00:11:48,794 -[Harley] Mwah! -[both moaning] 273 00:11:48,826 --> 00:11:51,263 What the fuck just happened? 274 00:11:51,263 --> 00:11:52,898 We're gonna need some privacy, Ive. 275 00:11:52,898 --> 00:11:55,868 Sorry, but it's gonna get real gross, real quick. 276 00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:03,975 On and off. 277 00:12:04,009 --> 00:12:05,744 And on and off. 278 00:12:05,777 --> 00:12:07,746 Everything lives and everything dies. 279 00:12:07,778 --> 00:12:09,114 -Jim? -I wasn't playing with it. 280 00:12:09,148 --> 00:12:10,883 -[grumbles] -It's the Riddler. 281 00:12:10,883 --> 00:12:12,018 We hear he's got a riddle so funny 282 00:12:12,018 --> 00:12:13,384 it makes people's brains explode. 283 00:12:13,384 --> 00:12:15,620 And he plans to broadcast it on live TV. 284 00:12:15,653 --> 00:12:17,657 Not if I solve it first. 285 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,292 Oh, and hey, I was thinking about 286 00:12:19,292 --> 00:12:20,692 having some friends over to the house for a barbecue if-- 287 00:12:20,725 --> 00:12:22,427 -No. -All right. 288 00:12:22,427 --> 00:12:26,032 And they say it's so funny it makes people's brains explode! 289 00:12:26,032 --> 00:12:27,866 Let me take your mind off the Riddler. 290 00:12:27,866 --> 00:12:30,537 I made some bread puddin' for my puddin'. 291 00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:34,907 Okay. [clears throat] You're not grasping the impact of this. 292 00:12:34,941 --> 00:12:36,875 Funny is my thing 293 00:12:36,908 --> 00:12:40,745 and this asshole's trying to steal it on live TV! 294 00:12:40,778 --> 00:12:42,748 Also, are those raisins? 295 00:12:42,748 --> 00:12:43,649 I mean, why? 296 00:12:45,884 --> 00:12:47,585 They're chocolate chips. 297 00:12:47,619 --> 00:12:50,589 Sorry. I do love chocolate chips. 298 00:12:50,623 --> 00:12:51,956 I apologize, puddin'. 299 00:12:51,990 --> 00:12:54,328 It just seems like every time I turn around, 300 00:12:54,363 --> 00:12:56,995 someone's gushing over the Riddler. 301 00:12:57,028 --> 00:12:58,764 I mean, seriously, 302 00:12:58,764 --> 00:13:01,967 his whole schtick is being the world's most indirect asshole! 303 00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:03,196 Okay, how about this? 304 00:13:03,196 --> 00:13:05,806 If I kill the Riddler in the next hour, can we still have date night? 305 00:13:05,806 --> 00:13:08,474 I got a Reese Witherspoon movie I was thinkin' we could watch. 306 00:13:08,506 --> 00:13:10,743 Well, I do love my Reese. 307 00:13:10,775 --> 00:13:12,110 All right. Kill him. 308 00:13:12,144 --> 00:13:13,879 But it's Legally Blonde or I'm out! 309 00:13:13,879 --> 00:13:15,446 It's Sweet Home Alabama. 310 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:19,350 This day... sucks! 311 00:13:19,384 --> 00:13:21,287 Wow, how do they not find these lairs? 312 00:13:21,321 --> 00:13:26,321 And we're murdering everyone in Gotham in three, two... 313 00:13:26,392 --> 00:13:27,711 Citizens of Gotham, 314 00:13:27,711 --> 00:13:31,663 Riddler here with a riddle so hilarious... [laughing] 315 00:13:31,696 --> 00:13:33,198 ...you'll die laughing! 316 00:13:33,232 --> 00:13:36,469 Hey, Riddler. I got some notes on your show. 317 00:13:36,501 --> 00:13:37,836 It's over, Riddler... 318 00:13:37,836 --> 00:13:39,403 Wait a minute, what are you doing here? 319 00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:40,840 Buzz off, Batsie, I'm in the middle of doing a "notes" bit! 320 00:13:45,345 --> 00:13:46,845 [Riddler] Riddle me this, you two. 321 00:13:46,878 --> 00:13:48,879 What is cold but still burns? 322 00:13:48,914 --> 00:13:52,051 What will eat you if you drink it? What-- 323 00:13:52,085 --> 00:13:53,285 -Acid. -It's acid. 324 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,388 I am not done. What is... Wait... 325 00:13:55,422 --> 00:13:57,523 Did I say the thing about cold but it still burns? 326 00:13:57,556 --> 00:13:58,624 -Yes. -Right. 327 00:13:58,624 --> 00:14:00,158 -No! -Because it's acid. 328 00:14:00,192 --> 00:14:02,330 Okay, it's acid. I'm dropping you in a pool of acid. 329 00:14:02,364 --> 00:14:05,813 [sizzling and bubbling] 330 00:14:07,799 --> 00:14:09,535 You're makin' a big mistake, 331 00:14:09,535 --> 00:14:11,941 'cause when my man hears about this, he's gonna come runnin'. 332 00:14:11,941 --> 00:14:14,774 Precisely what I'm counting on. 333 00:14:14,774 --> 00:14:19,774 Why don't I invite him over right now for a little game night? 334 00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:22,282 So you don't have a riddle so funny 335 00:14:22,315 --> 00:14:23,682 it makes people's brains explode? 336 00:14:23,715 --> 00:14:24,950 -No. -I knew it! 337 00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,318 You won't get away with this, Riddler. 338 00:14:26,318 --> 00:14:28,020 If there's no riddle, why are we here? 339 00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:30,056 To play a little game. 340 00:14:30,089 --> 00:14:32,991 Choose one to live and one to die 341 00:14:32,991 --> 00:14:35,494 and in the acid, the loser will fry. 342 00:14:35,528 --> 00:14:37,964 Is it the good kind of acid that gives you super powers? 343 00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,597 -No. Choose! -[Harley] Aw... 344 00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:41,333 Go ahead. Tell him, Mistah J! 345 00:14:41,368 --> 00:14:43,437 -Deep fry that bat. -Yes, well, yes, yes. 346 00:14:43,471 --> 00:14:47,706 It would seem an easy choice, Harley, but... [giggling] 347 00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:52,342 Puddin'? 348 00:14:52,342 --> 00:14:54,547 Even for you that's a lot of maniacal giggling. 349 00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:56,849 Sorry, my little strung-up pheasant, 350 00:14:56,883 --> 00:15:00,186 -but I couldn't possibly let this punctuation prick... -[Riddler] Hey! 351 00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:03,288 ...get credit for killing Batman, now, could I? 352 00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:06,825 Free the bat, drop the broad. 353 00:15:25,677 --> 00:15:28,581 Till death do us part. 354 00:15:28,614 --> 00:15:31,350 But that's not what really happened, is it? 355 00:15:31,383 --> 00:15:33,318 Aw, shit. What are you doin' in my memory? 356 00:15:33,352 --> 00:15:35,120 It's my memory, too, dummy. 357 00:15:35,153 --> 00:15:37,791 First of all, those weren't violinists. 358 00:15:37,823 --> 00:15:40,960 -And you weren't dancing with Joker. -[gasps] 359 00:15:40,993 --> 00:15:43,363 And it wasn't an engagement ring. 360 00:15:43,395 --> 00:15:46,131 But, if all that's true, then why'd he say-- 361 00:15:46,164 --> 00:15:48,467 Till death do us part. 362 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:51,640 Because he didn't say it to you. 363 00:16:00,011 --> 00:16:03,081 It was him all along, wasn't it? 364 00:16:03,115 --> 00:16:04,182 It's always been him. 365 00:16:11,490 --> 00:16:15,693 [Harley] Joker never loved me. He only loves Batman. 366 00:16:22,801 --> 00:16:25,671 [gasps] Ivy! 367 00:16:25,703 --> 00:16:27,273 You saved me from the acid! 368 00:16:27,306 --> 00:16:29,575 It's actually just margarita mix. 369 00:16:29,575 --> 00:16:30,342 It's still kinda stingy. 370 00:16:30,342 --> 00:16:32,479 Okay, I did my part, 371 00:16:32,511 --> 00:16:35,379 so we're square for you breaking me out of Arkham? 372 00:16:35,414 --> 00:16:37,583 His... His part? What's he talking about? 373 00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:39,619 So don't go all Harley on me, okay? 374 00:16:39,652 --> 00:16:41,953 But I did set this whole thing up. 375 00:16:41,955 --> 00:16:43,956 I've been telling you forever that the Joker's no good for you 376 00:16:43,956 --> 00:16:47,326 but it seemed like such a hard concept for you to understand, 377 00:16:47,326 --> 00:16:49,830 so I decided to let you see it for yourself. 378 00:16:49,863 --> 00:16:54,166 [groans] I just wanna crawl back into that acid and die. 379 00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:57,470 Again, it's margarita mix, so that doesn't apply. But look, chin up. 380 00:16:57,503 --> 00:17:01,307 You know, you still got me. And I care about you so much 381 00:17:01,341 --> 00:17:05,678 that I spent my entire Saturday setting up something this fucking stupid. 382 00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,446 That's true. I bet it wasn't easy. 383 00:17:07,479 --> 00:17:09,213 Eh, you know, the biggest pain in the ass 384 00:17:09,249 --> 00:17:11,250 was just finding 150 gallons of this shit. 385 00:17:11,284 --> 00:17:13,519 I told you to get a Costco card. 386 00:17:13,553 --> 00:17:15,953 And I told you I only go there once a year, 387 00:17:15,988 --> 00:17:17,891 so it doesn't pay for itself, chief! 388 00:17:17,923 --> 00:17:21,960 [groans] I can't believe I wasted years of my life on that idiot clown! 389 00:17:21,992 --> 00:17:24,030 Oh, boo-fuckin'-hoo. 390 00:17:24,065 --> 00:17:26,432 I spent ten years in a dog park. 391 00:17:26,465 --> 00:17:30,369 Come talk to me after a St. Bernard shits on your face! 392 00:17:30,402 --> 00:17:32,336 -Frank, Jesus. -[Frank groans] 393 00:17:32,372 --> 00:17:34,574 Harley, I love you in... 394 00:17:34,606 --> 00:17:38,711 [sighs] In a very odd, hard-to-articulate way. 395 00:17:38,711 --> 00:17:41,279 And if you just stopped sabotaging yourself-- 396 00:17:41,314 --> 00:17:42,615 -Unlikely. -Right. 397 00:17:42,648 --> 00:17:46,219 But if you did, the world would be yours. 398 00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:49,422 And you could be any kind of... I don't know, 399 00:17:49,455 --> 00:17:51,458 circus performer you want. 400 00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:53,460 Yeah. You know, why am I still wearing this thing? 401 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:56,628 -I do not know. -[doorbell ringing] 402 00:17:56,662 --> 00:17:57,830 Joker-gram! 403 00:17:57,864 --> 00:18:00,400 "Knew you'd make it out. Let's forget the past. 404 00:18:00,432 --> 00:18:02,768 I sent this idiot to shout, let's have a bla--" 405 00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:06,605 Uh... 406 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,342 Just to be clear. You don't find this charming, right? 407 00:18:09,374 --> 00:18:11,576 -No. No, no, no, no, no. -Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, cool. 408 00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:14,011 I mean, look, you know, there's obviously something super romantic 409 00:18:14,046 --> 00:18:15,547 about a man who explodes... 410 00:18:15,582 --> 00:18:17,349 -Right. -...another man for you. 411 00:18:17,383 --> 00:18:19,518 But, but no. No, I'm totally finished with him. 412 00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:20,854 Oh, finally! 413 00:18:20,854 --> 00:18:22,622 Yeah, yeah! You know, I am so gonna show the world 414 00:18:22,622 --> 00:18:24,957 I am more than just Joker's girlfriend! 415 00:18:24,990 --> 00:18:26,557 -There ya go! There ya go! -Mmm-hmm! 416 00:18:26,558 --> 00:18:28,662 -I'm gonna have my own capers! -Goddamn right you are! 417 00:18:28,662 --> 00:18:31,395 Like, like, like, I'll kidnap the mayor of Gotham 418 00:18:31,396 --> 00:18:32,766 and I'll put him in a missile 419 00:18:32,798 --> 00:18:34,467 and I'll just, like, shoot it at the moon 420 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,503 unless he names a highway after me, huh? 421 00:18:37,505 --> 00:18:40,007 -Uh, um, okay? -I'm actually still workshopping that. 422 00:18:40,007 --> 00:18:42,008 -Yeah. -But me and the Joker, we are so through! 423 00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,179 Okay, cool, yeah. No, for sure. 424 00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:50,415 [man] Huh? 425 00:18:53,451 --> 00:18:55,386 [Joker] Oh, come on. 426 00:18:55,421 --> 00:18:59,057 Hey, does anyone know our damn Wi-Fi password? 427 00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:01,992 Harley? Oh. Is that you? 428 00:19:02,027 --> 00:19:03,496 It's me, dickhead. 429 00:19:03,496 --> 00:19:05,330 Uh, by the way, that's also the Wi-Fi password. 430 00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:08,734 What is? "It's-me-dickhead?" or just "me-dickhead"? 431 00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:12,638 Ah, it doesn't matter. You look fantastic. Is that new lipstick, or-- 432 00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:14,940 -Ya treated me bad. -What? 433 00:19:14,972 --> 00:19:16,307 -Ya lied to me. -Aw. 434 00:19:16,307 --> 00:19:18,076 -Ya never loved me. -Come on. 435 00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:19,443 I know that now. 436 00:19:19,444 --> 00:19:21,413 Well, well, heh, that's nonsense, puddin'. 437 00:19:21,446 --> 00:19:25,250 My motives are never clear! I'm an agent of chaos! 438 00:19:25,284 --> 00:19:26,518 That's what you love about me! 439 00:19:26,553 --> 00:19:28,421 Not anymore. We're through. 440 00:19:28,452 --> 00:19:32,090 Oh, yeah, this again? Look, let me make this clear. 441 00:19:32,124 --> 00:19:34,192 You don't ever break up with me! 442 00:19:34,227 --> 00:19:36,128 I'm the top supervillain in Gotham. 443 00:19:36,162 --> 00:19:39,364 Not for long. 'Cause you're lookin' at your replacement. 444 00:19:39,398 --> 00:19:42,799 You? [laughs] Replace me? 445 00:19:42,835 --> 00:19:44,230 I created you! 446 00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:47,307 You won't even get out of this building alive unless I let you. 447 00:19:59,852 --> 00:20:01,885 Bring it, bitch. 448 00:20:15,768 --> 00:20:18,237 Ooh! Ah! 449 00:20:28,515 --> 00:20:30,816 Just say the word and I'll call it off. 450 00:20:33,018 --> 00:20:35,488 Till death do us part. 451 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,372 Oh, fine. Kill her. 452 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,270 Ooh! 453 00:21:03,949 --> 00:21:05,449 Hell yeah! 454 00:21:45,490 --> 00:21:49,027 Hey, I was just gonna see if you need any help, but you seem good. 455 00:21:49,028 --> 00:21:50,152 Love the new look. 456 00:21:50,152 --> 00:21:52,265 Gonna go pick up some Thai food. Text me what you want? 457 00:21:52,297 --> 00:21:53,967 Oh wait, I'll have a green potato curry. 458 00:21:53,999 --> 00:21:56,036 Yeah, but I said... [stammering] Just text it to me. 459 00:21:56,067 --> 00:21:57,568 -But you're right here. -Yeah, but, I'm not gonna remember it. 460 00:21:57,604 --> 00:21:59,271 And then you won't like what I get you 461 00:21:59,306 --> 00:22:00,506 -and you're gonna want some of mine. -[sighs in frustration] 462 00:22:00,538 --> 00:22:02,642 Just, just fuckin' text it. 463 00:22:02,673 --> 00:22:06,378 [whimpering] Oh, what? 464 00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:08,114 You gonna kill me now? 465 00:22:08,146 --> 00:22:12,017 No, I want you alive so I can see the look on your face 466 00:22:12,049 --> 00:22:16,101 when I'm runnin' this town.