1
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:15,598
[Poison Ivy] Lex started
the apocalypse

2
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,934
with his phony
"Save the Ozone" plan.

3
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:19,769
-Look, just breathe, okay?
And if we learned anything...
-[cat meows]

4
00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:21,688
...from our future warlord
traitor daughter,

5
00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:23,815
it's that we are better
together. We can do this.

6
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,275
Yeah, easy.

7
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,111
Stop toxic masculinity
and bring back the sun.

8
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:31,281
[sighs and exhales]

9
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:33,283
Did someone perfectly stack
our coffee table books

10
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,160
-by weight and theme?
-[cat meows]

11
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:38,997
-[yelps]
-[gasps]

12
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,708
-[laughs]
-Okay, I was actually
feeling good,

13
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,626
yet my stress hallucinations
are back.

14
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,961
Uh... Who is that?

15
00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,713
Oh, you see her, too? Oh, yes.

16
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:49,090
Thank God, I'm not crazy.
But I am very scared.

17
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:51,801
Hi, Harley Quinn.
Truly a pleasure.

18
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,804
-Uh... [grunts]
-Okay, got some crimes
to stop, bye.

19
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:56,556
Hey! Where the fuck
do you think you're going?

20
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,516
I'm sorry. Did someone
just, like, clone you?

21
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,352
Listen, babe,
just go ahead and start
on the fixing the world thing,

22
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,270
and let's regroup later.

23
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,938
[partygoers cheer]

24
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,484
-[dog barking]
-[bottle clangs]

25
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,235
[Double] Wrong bin, asshole.

26
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,237
[man grunts]

27
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,490
-[whimpers and yelps]
-[bottle clangs]

28
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:16,242
All right, poser,
the game is over.

29
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:18,286
Ow! Calm down, girlie.

30
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:23,375
Okay. Which of my many
powerful enemies or psychotic
admirers made you?

31
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:24,834
I'll explain.

32
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:30,674
God, Harley sheds like
a Golden Retriever.

33
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,801
[Gordon] Eh, time to eat your
vegetables, Gordo.

34
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,469
Come to pa... Whoa.

35
00:01:34,551 --> 00:01:37,097
My God, it's still cold
and there's a hair on it, yuck.

36
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,140
Oh, that's okay.

37
00:01:39,223 --> 00:01:42,185
Just because one potato
is gone doesn't mean you're...

38
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,187
...all alone.

39
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,689
-[microwave beeps]
-What... What the...

40
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:46,981
[chuckles] Okay.

41
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,608
Terra, you pranked me.

42
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,694
Come on out, Volcana. Teffe?

43
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,654
-You expect me
to believe a sad man...
-[bird screeching]

44
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:56,157
...accidentally made you
in a microwave slash
cloning machine?

45
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,743
Yeah, I'm 5% potato
and 95% you.

46
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,537
Oh, gosh, I should've
sent you an email

47
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,123
before you saw me,
so you could process this.

48
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,958
Mmm. [gasps]

49
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,419
-Melted butter. It all tracks.
-[dog barks]

50
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,670
[theme music playing]

51
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,095
Ivy.

52
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:20,807
So you thickened the ozone
just to weaken Superman?

53
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,017
Can we schedule a lunch?

54
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,102
You're interrupting
my UV light treatment.

55
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:26,896
You see, for plants,
the sun is food.

56
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,732
-It's called photosynthesis.
-Yeah, I know.

57
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,526
And now what? You're just
destroying life on Earth

58
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,319
to, like, punch him?

59
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,739
Even if I did what
you're accusing me of,
which I didn't,

60
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:39,701
everyone who matters
can relocate to my moon.

61
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:40,618
For a fee.

62
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:42,412
[grunting]

63
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:46,624
[giggles]

64
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:49,127
Please don't make me laugh.

65
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:52,714
-My butthole
is way too relaxed.
-Ah, motherfucker.

66
00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:55,841
I was going to protect you,
but you overstepped.

67
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,219
I'm the boss, baby.

68
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,138
And don't misquote me on that.

69
00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:03,099
I said, "Boss, comma, baby."

70
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,642
I will stop you.

71
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:05,894
-[breathing heavily]
-I'm the most

72
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,271
powerful businessman
in the universe.

73
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:10,440
I'm keeping the ozone thick,

74
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,776
and Superman, you,

75
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:16,237
-and whoever else
needs the sun...
-Everyone needs the sun.

76
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,530
...weak forever.

77
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,241
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's time for my

78
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,910
-chlorophyll infusion.
-[beeps]

79
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:22,952
Huh?

80
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,372
Chlorophyll is what
absorbs life.

81
00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:28,958
I understand photosynthesis,
you shitprick!

82
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,920
[man] Ooh! Whoo!

83
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,089
I didn't want Batgirl
to miss you while
you were gone,

84
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,757
you know, so I stepped in.

85
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,259
And we have been
so busy bringing
hella criminals to justice,

86
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,930
finding lost dogs and then
finding them homes with more
responsible pet owners.

87
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,933
Look at you
swinging that big
detective energy around.

88
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,936
Oh, and me and Batgirl
did a CPR training class.

89
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,562
Oh, Flash came, too.

90
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,148
[laughing] Oh, he is hilarious.

91
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,776
-[all panting]
-[Flash humming]

92
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,570
-[both laughing]
-Hey, check this out.

93
00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:00,824
Huh. Guess you had to be there.

94
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,952
I'm telling you,
Flash has jokes. I mean...

95
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,914
[growling]

96
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:11,626
-Hold on one teeny second.
-[both grunting]

97
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,005
[handcuff clicks]

98
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,464
But, you know,
we'll get back on the same page
about everything

99
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,798
once we spend
more time together.

100
00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,676
Think about all the good
you can do now.

101
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,637
Double the justice,
double the fun. [laughs]

102
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:25,265
-[gasps] I'm gonna teach you
everything I know.
-[cell phone beeps]

103
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:29,769
First hero lesson. Saving Ivy's
adorable green apple bottoms.

104
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,565
So, hey, are we gonna,
like, kidnap Lex

105
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:34,983
and force him to turn
the sun back on?

106
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,818
Honey, I'm just...
I'm too weak.

107
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:39,696
He must have a switch
that just turns off the laser.

108
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,322
We just have to get inside.

109
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,450
Oh, you look so hot
when you rappel.

110
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,076
Sorry. Remind me why
she's here again.

111
00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:47,162
Well, you sent the Natural
Disasters into hiding,

112
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,204
so we need the extra support.

113
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:49,289
Plus, we are on a roll.

114
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,082
Yeah, we are, girlfriend.

115
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,626
Good God, you guys
have so much energy.
It's very annoying.

116
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,003
Oh, the boardroom.

117
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,756
We can access his office
through here. [groans]

118
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,175
Ugh, a wet bar?
Lex is so tacky.

119
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,677
She's actually really
starting to sound like you.
It's freaking me out.

120
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,513
Ooh, I can smash
like Harley, too. Ha!

121
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:09,267
[both grunting and shouting]

122
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,436
The fuck are these made of?

123
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,357
Oh, shit.

124
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,567
[all screaming]

125
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,652
-[Poison Ivy grunts]
-[Double yelps]

126
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,906
[all screaming]

127
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,282
[whirring]

128
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,159
[all continues screaming]

129
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,869
[Harley and Double grunt]

130
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:31,081
[grunts] I don't
have my powers.

131
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,665
I can't defeat Lex.

132
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,459
This is... This is humiliating.

133
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:37,045
Don't you have a seat
on the LexCorp board?
Vote him out.

134
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,256
Use your business powers and go
all Logan on Lex's Kendall-ass.

135
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,884
Oh, my God, you're a goddamn
genius, peanut.

136
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,052
[moans]

137
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,887
I thought you didn't
watch Succession

138
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,389
-because you hate satire.
-She hates satire.

139
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,016
-Harley!
-She thought I was you.

140
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,727
Okay, boo. Go win over
some board members.

141
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:56,940
Now, 70% of the budget
is going to his ozone machine.

142
00:05:57,065 --> 00:06:00,860
After overhead, there's only
1% left for other projects,

143
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:05,115
and I know how important men's
reproductive rights are to you.

144
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,783
If you can't get a tan,

145
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:10,370
how will people even know
you honeymooned in Tulum?

146
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:13,832
Hey, did you know
that Lex was shtupping
Ilene's granddaughter,

147
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:15,458
and that's what
broke up her marriage?

148
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:18,169
-And now she's dating
an uncircumcised boy?
-[gasps]

149
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,380
It is time to remove Lex

150
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,424
as CEO of LexCorp.

151
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,967
Can I count

152
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,093
on your vote?

153
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,472
[grunts] I still need
one more vote.

154
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,516
She-EO to She-EO. What do I do?

155
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,268
Step your pussy up, Ivy.

156
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,396
Everything you need
is at your fingertips.

157
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,398
Regenerative cream
from Lazarus Spa,

158
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,734
electrolytes and Clegg.

159
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,193
Clegg? That's a person?

160
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,612
[sighs] I thought it was like
a dumb brand name

161
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,072
to avoid legal issues.

162
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,323
Oh, Clegg's real.

163
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,867
That recluse makes
his annual public appearance

164
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,077
at the Gotham Celebrity
Golf Pro-Am.

165
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,455
His vote would secure
a majority for you.

166
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,082
And be incredibly erotic
for me.

167
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,626
Golf goes against
everything I stand for.

168
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,128
Privatizing green space

169
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,297
so old men
with shrimp cocktail breath

170
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,133
can hit their tiny white balls
with long hammers.

171
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,634
But...

172
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,928
Nora, get me the longest hammer
you can find.

173
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,430
First, an hour
in the tanning bed.

174
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,682
-You are so not serving
Polo Chic...
-Ah.

175
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,768
...with this whole
sunken-eye look.

176
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,519
We busted
a human trafficking ring

177
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,355
and still had time
to get our nails done?

178
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,148
Ah, pretty great
afternoon, huh?

179
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,484
These little babies
always come in handy.

180
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,110
-You know, I was thinking.
-[cat meows]

181
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,488
You're naturally good
at this by-the-book hero stuff.

182
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,657
But maybe you can take
the Bat Fam reins for me
for a while?

183
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,159
[gasps] Anything I can do
to help.

184
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,869
You should get on the Nightwing
murder thing.

185
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,746
Ugh, Batgirl's still
so upset over it

186
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:35,997
and I'm just out of ideas.

187
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,749
Oh, right,
I know who killed him.

188
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,334
Plus, she's probably getting
loads of press requests

189
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,711
after embarrassing Mayor Joker
on Psycho's pod...

190
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,171
Wait, back up.

191
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,340
Why you just
mentioning this now?

192
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:46,508
Who's the fucking murderer?

193
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,593
Oh, it's you, girlfriend. Boop!

194
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,512
No, no, no.
I do not believe you.

195
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,472
You did it while
you were sleepwalking.

196
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,015
I was there.

197
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,518
You made Nightwing put
on your friendship bracelet.

198
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,103
Then you killed him.

199
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,647
And before that, you partied
with the cold villains,

200
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:01,940
ate three slices of quiche,

201
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,358
and turned your underwear
inside out

202
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,151
because you forgot
to bring a second pair.

203
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,195
All that could have been
in the police report.

204
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,365
There, there.
I understand this is a lot,

205
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:13,159
-so I will give you
some time...
-[grunts]

206
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:21,167
Dry grass, sunless sky
and an overall feeling of bleh.

207
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,961
Will humanity survive?

208
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,796
That's a question
for another day

209
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:29,509
as we kick off the 69th
annual Gotham Celebrity
Golf Pro-Am,

210
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,094
sponsored by Cleggbucks.

211
00:08:32,761 --> 00:08:34,681
[indistinct chatter]

212
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,600
[grunts]

213
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,061
Clegg, Poison Ivy.

214
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:41,438
Don't believe we've met before.

215
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,313
-Mmm.
-Love the polo.

216
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,734
Looks so expensive in that way
that makes me go,

217
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,777
why? I mean, wow.

218
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:48,945
-Big C.
-[Poison Ivy grunts]

219
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,238
Try this old brassie.

220
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,907
The handcrafted shaft
is made from ash,

221
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,785
and the head is a sexy little--

222
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,787
Persimmon wood cushion.

223
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,539
Ooh, good eye.

224
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,332
We better watch our balls,
right, boys? [chuckles]

225
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,084
Don't wanna hit 'em
into the litter box.

226
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,462
You mean cat box? Easy mistake.

227
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,214
It's just nice to see a lady
taking to the green.

228
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,674
My wife hates golf.

229
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:12,594
She's hung up on the whole
"it's a waste of water" thing.

230
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,387
God love that idiot.

231
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:18,266
Maybe you can teach
this silly little lady
a thing or two.

232
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,476
Mmm, back off.

233
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,437
I know all about
your hapless coup.

234
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,023
And I know you need
Clegg's vote to win.

235
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,442
And you're not going to get it.

236
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,944
Ivy, what's your handicap?

237
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,739
Gosh, social anxiety,
I guess? Guilty.

238
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:33,698
Oh, you meant in golf?

239
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,658
Uh... I don't know.

240
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,620
-I guess you're just gonna
have to teach me. [chuckles]
-[Lex grunts]

241
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,289
Clegg, my dude.

242
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,790
You mind if I join?

243
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:47,462
[both grunting]

244
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,923
[sighs] This is the last place
in the world I want to be.

245
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,716
But I am ready to make good
on my promise.

246
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,468
I'll do the pod.

247
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,096
A full three-hour livestream,
uncut, raw, no topic off-limit?

248
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,390
Yeah, but first,
I need a favor.

249
00:09:58,473 --> 00:09:59,808
No, no, no. I did that favor.

250
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,142
You're just paying what
you owe me for that trip

251
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,186
into Bruce Wayne's mind,
remember?

252
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,437
I'll wear latex.

253
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,731
Okay. My little Psychos
might be into that.

254
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:10,193
I need you to use
your annoyingly specific
brain diving powers

255
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:12,320
to help me recover
a very important

256
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,822
and very intimate memory.

257
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,324
Ooh, yummy.

258
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:20,954
[zaps]

259
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,623
[screaming]

260
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,417
[grunts]

261
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,628
Camping? Aw, shit!
You tricked me.

262
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:31,089
There better be a snow orgy
in here or I'm out.

263
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,132
Shut it!

264
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,260
[gobbles]

265
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,432
Nightwing, ha-ha. Beat you!

266
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,517
[in sing-song voice]
I rescued Batgirl.

267
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,478
[in normal voice] Here,
I made you another
friendship bracelet.

268
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,688
Put it on.

269
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,815
Oh, cut the crap, Harley.

270
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,026
You kidnapped Babs.

271
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,527
You may have fooled
some more gullible heroes,

272
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,362
but I always knew you were
plotting to take us down.

273
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,614
Oh, need help putting
on your friendship bracelet?

274
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,826
[scoffs] More like
a lies and deceit bracelet.

275
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,161
You're not a hero.

276
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,747
You're a vapid,
carb-obsessed killer.

277
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,874
You'll always be a villain.

278
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,417
I'm a good guy.

279
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,836
-[grunts] I am a good guy.
-[Nightwing struggling]

280
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,713
I'm a good guy.

281
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,590
-I'm a good guy.
-[Nightwing choking]

282
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:14,799
I'm a good guy.

283
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,634
I'm a good guy.

284
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,428
-I'm a good guy.
-[gasps]

285
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,055
[Nightwing grunts]

286
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:23,850
Oh, look.
It looks so cute on you.

287
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,394
[cackling]

288
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,146
I killed Nightwing.

289
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,564
[Dr. Psycho] And you
didn't know!

290
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,317
My God, that is some
hella repressed shit!

291
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,360
Get me out of here.

292
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,114
Oh, my God.
Nightwing was right.

293
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,158
I'm a villain at my core.

294
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:43,453
Ooh, breaking
the exclusive scoop

295
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,663
that hero Harley Quinn

296
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:47,540
killed Gotham's hottest heinie

297
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:51,419
is gonna beat my
Joker-getting-owned-by-Batgirl
episode.

298
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,089
-[grunts]
-[Dr. Psycho on soundboard]
DJ Psycho.

299
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,465
[horn blows on soundboard]

300
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:58,051
[Clegg] Remember, chest out,
caress the club,

301
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:02,055
swizzle your hips and swing.

302
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,520
[ball clatters]

303
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,981
-[laughs]
-[crowd cheering]

304
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,441
I'm a kingmaker.

305
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:15,652
Looks like someone
just won Clegg's vote

306
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,987
and that someone is sh-- Me.

307
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:19,989
Usurper! [grunts]

308
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:22,617
Uh, I think you meant,
"You super."

309
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,910
Heyo!

310
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,161
Hey, Lex. I think I smell

311
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:28,456
an "in your fuckin' face"
coming. [grunts]

312
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,874
[Clegg grunts]

313
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,126
Ho, oh!

314
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,628
-[crowd screaming]
-[Bane grunts]

315
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,547
[gags and retches]

316
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,632
Well, that's a real
kick in the cooter.

317
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,050
[cell phone vibrates and beeps]

318
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,343
[Harley over phone] Hey, Ive.

319
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:41,594
I figured out
who killed Nightwing.

320
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:42,762
It was me. Case closed.

321
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,097
Whoa. Are you okay?

322
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,557
Hmm... As an investigator,

323
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,100
it is nice to finally
nice to know whodunnit.

324
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,310
But as a good guy,
it's pretty fucking bad.

325
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:50,186
Ugh, yikes.

326
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,855
But also, crazy coinkidink.

327
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,898
I just accidentally
killed Clegg,

328
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:57,318
-the linchpin to my dramatic
boardroom takeover plan.
-[crowd crying]

329
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,487
Oh, we are such twin flames.

330
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,197
My shit's fucked, too.

331
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,116
Okay. Now I just gotta figure
out how to keep Psycho quiet.

332
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,660
Oh, I'm totally down
to kill Psycho, honey,
'cause I'm on a roll.

333
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:06,828
Ha! Jokes.

334
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,246
Wait. That gives me an idea.

335
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,998
-Keep you posted. Bye.
-[cell phone beeps]

336
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,624
-[line ringing]
-How long would it take you

337
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,168
-to get to Psycho's
recording studio?
-[knock on door]

338
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:15,670
What up, pigtails?

339
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,255
I wanna prank my former
associate, Dr. Psycho.

340
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,673
Of course, I immediately
thought of you,

341
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,925
you know, since you are
the lord of hijinks.

342
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,344
You know, you never respond
to my GIFs.

343
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,262
So I was worried
you didn't think I was funny.

344
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:25,805
I need to work
on my self-confidence.

345
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,474
Ugh, that's a very male take.

346
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:28,683
So, what are we doing?

347
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,185
Prank call? Rubber snake?

348
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,520
Generic brand plastic wrap
on the toilet seat?

349
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,315
Or what if you turned back time
five minutes?

350
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:38,360
Psycho hates doing ads,
and if we go back five minutes,

351
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,695
he'll have to do them
all over again.

352
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,697
[laughing]

353
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:44,407
I'm in.

354
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:45,909
[machine beeps]

355
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,705
[Flash grunts]

356
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,126
Looks like someone
just won Clegg's vote

357
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,754
and that someone is sh-- Me.

358
00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:59,547
Usurper! [grunts]

359
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,384
Uh, I think you meant,
"You super."

360
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,760
Heyo!

361
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,053
Hey, Lex. I think I smell

362
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:08,723
an "in your fucking face"
coming. [grunts]

363
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,767
[Clegg grunts]

364
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,644
-[woman screaming]
-Oh, f...

365
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,479
Wow. Two holes in one.

366
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:15,438
[Lex chuckles]

367
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,440
Oh, God.
Who invited the virgin?

368
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,859
You selling candy
for your rec league, son?

369
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,070
[laughing]

370
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,947
Ah, you're right!
This is hilarious.

371
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,699
All right. Thank you.
Time to go.

372
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,534
[laughs] Why?

373
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,578
Can't we just hang and bask
in these righteous
friendship LOLs--

374
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,788
-[grunts]
-Get outta here!

375
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,415
Right in the kid Flashes!

376
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,875
All right. Ready to see
that salacious memory?

377
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:38,086
Oh, yeah. You know, I just
remembered the thing I forgot.

378
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:40,088
And it was no biggie.
Peace out.

379
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:45,427
So, do you believe me now?

380
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,178
Yeah. I guess
I was so messed up.

381
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,388
I didn't know what I was doing.

382
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,806
But I really wanna
make this right.

383
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,349
That's what doubles are for.

384
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,351
I'm here to help.

385
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:54,561
The fuck are you doing?

386
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,438
Making this right
like you said.

387
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,565
Now the Bat Fam gets
the Harley they deserve

388
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,900
and you won't keep
86ing your coworkers.

389
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:03,028
Coworker. Singular.

390
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,904
[Tawny] Shockwave
to the leaderboard.

391
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,489
Poison Ivy kills Clegg.

392
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:08,283
We haven't seen a disaster
like this since

393
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,785
Blake Lively's British accent.

394
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,704
[Bane groans] Oh, woe!

395
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,289
We hardly knew ye.

396
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,374
-[screams] Oh.
-[cell phone vibrates]

397
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:22,839
[Bane groans]

398
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,466
Ivy, can we get a comment?

399
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:26,468
Um... Yeah. I mean, you see,

400
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:31,097
low visibility because Lex
blocked out the fucking sun.

401
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,974
-[both grunting]
-[Poison Ivy] Oh, fuck.

402
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,310
Forgive me.
I was repaying a debt.

403
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,146
Whoever said
golf was boring... Ha!

404
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:40,065
[Lex] Jealous.

405
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,484
I wish I thought to kill Clegg.

406
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:45,153
Now the board will be
locked into a tie,

407
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,821
securing my position.

408
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:51,201
Suddenly, I understand what
it feels like to snatch a wig.

409
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,496
In you go, original sin.

410
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,873
Gah. Who the fuck are they?

411
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,625
Criminals like you.

412
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,168
It was ketamine therapy,

413
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:03,296
And you tried to get reimbursed
by insurance, which is fraud.

414
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,839
What did the nun do?

415
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,383
I torrented Keeping Up
with the Kardashians

416
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,134
because I didn't want to add
to their empire.

417
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,427
First, it's piracy.

418
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,971
Then a few clicks later,
it's murder.

419
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:13,515
You know this
better than anyone.

420
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,350
Okay, listen,
I'd never punish anyone

421
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,810
for this jaywalking-level crap.

422
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:19,229
I started hero-ing because
I wanted to help people.

423
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:22,899
There is no redemption,
only justice. Kick!

424
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:25,110
[both grunting]

425
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:35,370
But I'm supposed to be
the upgrade.

426
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:38,790
Put in a good word for me
with the dude upstairs, Sister.

427
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:42,669
And finally, there's a motion
on the docket to oust me.

428
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:46,548
Yeah, because CEOs
should be leaders,

429
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:52,804
not petty, sun-blocking, uh,
dumb dum-dums.

430
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,724
All in favor of me maintaining
my position, say "aye".

431
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,350
-Aye.
-[man] Nay.

432
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,518
-Aye.
-[woman] Nay.

433
00:16:58,601 --> 00:16:59,686
-[man 1] Aye.
-[man 2] Nay.

434
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:00,979
-[man 3] Aye.
-[man 4] Aye.

435
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,272
-Nay.
-[Lex] 6-6.

436
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:05,400
[chuckles] I remain
CEO of LexCorp.

437
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,652
You can't take what's mine.

438
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,363
-I take what's yours.
-[grunts]

439
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,574
Hmm, what is this? [slurps]

440
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,410
-B12. Delicious.
-[heels clacking]

441
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:18,579
What about Clegg's vote?

442
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:19,748
Hi, who are you?

443
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,959
Devora Macklewaithe,
Clegg's wife. Well, I was

444
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:26,713
-until you impaled his butthole
with this golf club.
-[club clangs]

445
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,840
So, say "aye,"

446
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,926
as was his dying wish.

447
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,178
Ivy, I don't know you,

448
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,096
And I hate your shoes.

449
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,307
But your girlfriend
avenged my clavicle
when no one else would.

450
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,059
Especially Clegg.

451
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,187
So, the least I can do
is vote with you
on whatever this is.

452
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,438
Nay.

453
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,440
Nay? [chuckling] Nay?
It's a nay.

454
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,276
Whose balls are
in the cat box now, bitch?

455
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,207
Batgirl, I've been looking
everywhere for you.

456
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,292
I brought coffees.
Very detective-y, huh?

457
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,044
I'm never gonna find
Nightwing's killer.

458
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,545
Ugh, you'll get the next one.

459
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,547
I fucked up a million times.

460
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,299
And you never gave up on me.

461
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:13,426
Even when I killed
Professor Pyg
or doxed that mailman.

462
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:14,552
I mean, we all mess up.

463
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,763
The world is not
black and white.

464
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,390
I mean, now
it actually kind of is.

465
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,308
But, like, normally.

466
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:21,976
Okay, are you gonna
say something,
or am I just standing out here

467
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,270
with my emotional dick out
for everyone to laugh at?

468
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:26,981
Back away from that imposter,
girlfriend.

469
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,151
I'm the real Harley.

470
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,487
-[gasps] You sneaky
little skank.
-[coffee spills]

471
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,655
How did you get out?

472
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:35,156
[laughing]

473
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:36,574
Damn it, I'm good.

474
00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:38,576
What's happening?
Is... Is this a Flash prank?

475
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:41,162
I don't always get his humor,
but it's easier just to laugh.

476
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,373
[both grunting]

477
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:45,000
-Stop that!
-[both grunting]

478
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,588
Oh, yeah. [grunts]

479
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:53,258
You wanna dance, baby?
Let's fucking dance.

480
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,676
[grunts]

481
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:57,470
[yelps]

482
00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:00,515
[both grunting]

483
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,933
Batgirl, help. Ugh!

484
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:04,477
This ghoul's trying
to take over my life.

485
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,940
Well, you aren't doing
anything with it.

486
00:19:09,024 --> 00:19:10,692
[both grunting]

487
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,035
I'm the better Bat Harley.

488
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,497
[struggling]

489
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,546
Wait. Which one of you
is Harley?

490
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,423
-[both] Me!
-Oh, my God,
we sound nothing alike.

491
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,884
Her voice is so grating.
I hate it!

492
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,095
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!

493
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,388
[grunts]

494
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,600
The world isn't
black and white.

495
00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:47,020
Of course, it is. [grunting]

496
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,397
-[grunts]
-[yelps]

497
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,608
Mwah.

498
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,610
I knew I was a good kisser.

499
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,945
-Wait!
-[Double screams]

500
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,782
[splatters]

501
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,533
[man] Hey, they're giving away
free mashed taters.

502
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:02,035
Kids, get your spoons.

503
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,953
Harley, why'd you do that?

504
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:04,954
She killed Nightwing.

505
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,915
[gasps] That fricking B!

506
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:11,211
All right. We are deactivating
the EarthSaver.

507
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,546
So... Are you gonna push it?

508
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,174
Yeah. I was just waiting for...
Is, uh... Where's Lex?

509
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:19,636
I gotta go. I start to get
hives being around
this many notties.

510
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,262
Okay, fine, now. It's fine,
it's fine, I'll...

511
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:22,389
Boom!

512
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,692
[chuckles]

513
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,861
My walnuts are back
to being royal blue.

514
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,449
[glasses clinks]

515
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:45,662
Whoo! One step closer
to dismantling the patriarchy,
am I right?

516
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,872
Who wants margaritas?

517
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,547
This doesn't feel
like a victory.

518
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:59,968
[Batgirl] I can't believe
I was working with an impostor.

519
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,553
Although it does explain
how amped you were

520
00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:03,346
to persecute
trademark infringements.

521
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:05,473
And I've increased
my body count.

522
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:07,600
She was a murderer
and a potato.

523
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,310
So this doesn't
technically count as killing?

524
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,979
Yeah, it was basically cooking.

525
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,481
But listen, I don't wanna keep
getting off on technicalities.

526
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,567
I came to tell you
I'm quitting the Bat Family.

527
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,610
What? Harley, why?

528
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:19,446
I'm tired of fighting who I am.

529
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:21,573
Your Double was
totally by the book,

530
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,324
but I choose you.

531
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,826
And I'd always choose you.

532
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,870
You just need to work
on your hero instincts.

533
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:29,622
Trying to live up
to your rules fucked up
my relationship with Ivy

534
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,499
and messed with my brain.

535
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:33,918
Even when I thought
I was doing great,
I still killed someone.

536
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:36,171
Who tried to take over
your life.

537
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:40,675
Yes. Okay. My Double
was intensely annoying
and uptight and bossy as shit.

538
00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:43,553
But neither he nor
that great ass deserved to die.

539
00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:44,512
You mean she?

540
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,139
Yep. Anyway, I'm sorry.

541
00:21:46,222 --> 00:21:49,392
But I'm finally ready
to admit I can't do this.

542
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:51,269
But you can't quit
the Bat Family.

543
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:52,604
But I am.

544
00:21:52,687 --> 00:21:53,855
The more I force it,
the more bad stuff

545
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,732
-keeps happening and I--
-[gunshot]

546
00:21:55,857 --> 00:21:58,401
-[both gasp]
-[Batgirl grunts]

547
00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:00,278
-[exhales]
-No, no, no.

548
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:02,405
-No, no, no.
-[breathing heavily]

549
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,075
[Joker laughing maniacally]

550
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:12,749
[growls]

551
00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:15,752
[screaming]

552
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:20,840
[theme music playing]