1
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,792
[exhales]

2
00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:28,161
For the last time, dude,
get the fuck out of here

3
00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:30,564
with the "Gandalf could just
fly over Middle-earth

4
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:35,201
and drop the ring
into the fires of Mount Doom
from atop an eagle" bullshit!

5
00:00:35,301 --> 00:00:38,505
I've clearly laid it out
on a LOTR subreddit.

6
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:41,207
What do you want to watch?

7
00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:42,776
We could watch Harley Quinn.

8
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,076
[spluttering]

9
00:00:44,176 --> 00:00:45,612
-No!
-Have you seen the show?

10
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,381
Oh, God, no!

11
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:50,616
It's just another heavy-handed
female empowerment story,

12
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:54,353
where the true villain
is the quote-unquote
"patriarchy."

13
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,454
So basic.

14
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,613
Yeah, I guess.

15
00:00:56,613 --> 00:01:00,093
I heard Harley takes down Joker
at the end of season one!

16
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:04,463
I'm sorry, but "cucked" isn't
a great color on the greatest
villain of all time.

17
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,533
That's what this review says.

18
00:01:06,632 --> 00:01:08,569
-[slurping]
-Hey, you wrote this one.

19
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:11,337
I can't believe you want
to watch this show.

20
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:14,408
You know, they just did
a three-episode arc,
where Harley beats Penguin,

21
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:17,444
Riddler and Mr. Freeze,
using nothing
but her Mary Sue powers!

22
00:01:17,543 --> 00:01:19,546
Are you sure you haven't
seen the show?

23
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,481
Yeah! 'Cause I'm not
a 12-year old girl.

24
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,150
Also, dude,

25
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:27,219
why would I watch a show
that's set in Gotham City,

26
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:28,621
but Batman's barely in it?

27
00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:30,456
You watched
all five seasons of Gotham.

28
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:34,361
Because it wasn't
a fucking tsunami
of virtue signaling.

29
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:35,768
Here, smart guy.

30
00:01:35,768 --> 00:01:39,198
Let's see what
this week's episode
of Harley Quinn is about.

31
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,135
"Harley Quinn
and her best friend,
Poison Ivy..."

32
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,135
See?

33
00:01:43,135 --> 00:01:47,340
"...aren't in this episode,
which focuses on Batman
waking from his coma

34
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,742
and vowing to take back
Gotham City."

35
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:53,914
Fuck! Fine! But if it sucks,
we're watching Family Guy.

36
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:57,164
[theme music playing]

37
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,293
[grunting]

38
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:08,929
Okay. [groans]

39
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,230
[back cracks]

40
00:02:12,331 --> 00:02:13,831
[grunting]

41
00:02:20,706 --> 00:02:23,257
[sighs in relief]

42
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,447
[dramatic music plays]

43
00:02:27,546 --> 00:02:28,882
Alfred!

44
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,608
-[rod clangs]
-[thuds]

45
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,187
-[Bruce groans]
-It's not as bad
as it looks.

46
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,590
Why don't you
come back to bed?

47
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,625
I've made you
a cup of honey tea

48
00:02:38,724 --> 00:02:40,165
and pigs in blankets.

49
00:02:40,165 --> 00:02:43,330
I don't want pigs in a blanket.
I want to fight crime.

50
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,610
I will take that honey tea.

51
00:02:45,610 --> 00:02:48,769
Let's get you
back to bed, Master Bruce.
You need your rest.

52
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:51,236
I've rested enough.
Gotham needs Batman.

53
00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:54,441
And it will get him,
once he's made
a full physical recovery.

54
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:55,842
In the time
you were in a coma,

55
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,711
312 new television shows
came out.

56
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,747
What say we be binge buddies?

57
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:04,250
-Get me Jim Gordon.
-We needn't bother Mr. Gordon.

58
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:07,454
He's making sure law and order
are returned to the city.

59
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,222
We are so fucked!

60
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,991
It's a shit show out there!

61
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,925
I saw a dog kill a man
on the street,

62
00:03:12,925 --> 00:03:16,329
and then I saw the dog do
other things to that man.

63
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,564
What, have you
been in a coma
these last few months?

64
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,500
No. I've been doing stuff.

65
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,871
Ah! [chuckles] You playboys,
always doing stuff.

66
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,034
Must be nice.

67
00:03:25,034 --> 00:03:27,574
Now, I brought
a list of things
I need you to pay for,

68
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:29,376
so I can take back the city.

69
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:32,979
One, police officers.
Two, a codpiece that I can wear

70
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,247
that opens up and shoots
a tiny missile.

71
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:36,515
That doesn't exist.

72
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,651
Not yet.

73
00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:40,486
That's where you
and your fat wallet come in.

74
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:43,556
Mr. Wayne is not going
to bankroll your imaginary--

75
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,324
Tone it down there, limey.

76
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,995
Now, look, I'm the only one
who can save the city.

77
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,597
At least, since the Bat
abandoned us.

78
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:52,498
Are there no heroes left
in Gotham?

79
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:56,741
[groans]
Just a couple of amateurs
popping off. Take a look.

80
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:04,711
[Gordon] This Yankee doodle
dandy in a powdered wig
calls himself "The Macaroni."

81
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,301
-[man grunts]
-As in...

82
00:04:06,301 --> 00:04:07,914
♪ Stuck a feather
in his hat... ♪

83
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,449
And you know the rest.

84
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:11,350
[Bruce] That wig's a walking
"kick me" sign.

85
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:13,954
If you think that's bad,
check out the broad
in the bat suit.

86
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:16,857
[Gordon] They're calling
her Batgirl.

87
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:19,492
That's futile.
These lightweights
aren't prepared

88
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:22,728
to go mano y mano
with Two-Face or Bane.

89
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:26,365
Without Batman, people don't
have the balls to fight back.

90
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,504
I got word
Quinn took down Freeze.

91
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,607
That clown is a pain
in my ass.

92
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,408
-Hey, that's not your chair.
-[grunts]

93
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,744
We're keeping it open
for honorary purposes.

94
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,346
-That's your chair.
-[groans]

95
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,512
Have some respect.

96
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,048
[Bane] Oh, okay.

97
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,918
Does this rule apply
to parking spots?

98
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:47,788
If so, I'll need to
move my Volvo.

99
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:49,889
Look, I've been doing
some thinking.

100
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,492
[chuckles]

101
00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:54,661
Oh, sorry, I thought
that was a punchline.

102
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,596
Quinn's on a dare.
And we're next.

103
00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,399
Maybe we should
consolidate power

104
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:04,071
and join forces
to protect ourselves
from external threats.

105
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:06,072
What, you and me? Collab?

106
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:09,509
Ha! You got your hands full
with Banetown.

107
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:12,678
Hey, it's the locals.
We say "Bane-ton."

108
00:05:12,778 --> 00:05:16,382
The way you remember it,
it rhymes with Plankton.

109
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,384
That's a soft rhyme at best.

110
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,300
Look, I'm not worried
about Quinn.

111
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:23,156
Besides, why would I
want to team up
with the likes of you?

112
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,992
You don't even have
a big boy chair.

113
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:27,427
I... [grunting]

114
00:05:27,526 --> 00:05:29,795
-[grunts]
-Ah, don't get your little
singlet in a bunch,

115
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:30,930
I'm just having a goof.

116
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,033
So, are we teaming up?

117
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:35,966
-No.
-[sad groan]

118
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:41,108
[music plays]

119
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,809
-[Batgirl] Up here, dummy.
-[camera shutter clicks]

120
00:05:44,877 --> 00:05:46,413
[grunting]

121
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:53,386
[panting] Hey, guys,
today's safety tip.

122
00:05:53,485 --> 00:05:55,689
Instead of going to a party
this Friday night,

123
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:59,093
sign up for
a self-defense class.
Right, buddy?

124
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,761
This is Batgirl, signing off.

125
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:01,762
[grunts]

126
00:06:02,728 --> 00:06:04,598
Research, Master Wayne?

127
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:07,867
This sorority girl
can't run around
wearing the bat symbol!

128
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,767
It's gonna make people
think I'm back!

129
00:06:09,767 --> 00:06:12,939
So your quibble is with
the unsanctioned use
of your logo, sir?

130
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,908
A, it's not a logo.
It's a symbol,

131
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:17,009
meant to strike fear into
the hearts of criminals.

132
00:06:17,011 --> 00:06:19,846
And B, if that little girl's
killed while wearing it,

133
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,747
the city of Gotham
will lose all hope.

134
00:06:21,747 --> 00:06:24,184
Well, there's nothing you can
do about it now, Master Wayne.

135
00:06:24,185 --> 00:06:26,086
You can barely make
a solid bowel movement.

136
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,021
Well, maybe Bruce Wayne can't.

137
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,922
But I know someone who can.

138
00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:37,764
[Batgirl grunts]

139
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,434
-[thuds]
-[gasps]

140
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,603
-Who's there?
-Always check your six.

141
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:46,673
[squealing excitedly]
Oh, my God! Batman?

142
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:49,076
I am such a stan!

143
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,478
-Hmm.
-I'm wearing your logo.

144
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,047
It's a symbol.

145
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,714
And one you shouldn't
be wearing.

146
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,817
Oh, frick! Is it copyrighted?

147
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,653
I swear to God I'm not making
any money off of it.

148
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:02,521
It took me years of training
to establish trust with
the people of Gotham.

149
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:04,658
You're out of your depth.
It's not safe.

150
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:07,627
I appreciate your notes,
but I can handle myself.

151
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,197
-You were saying?
-[gasps]

152
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,333
Oh, my God, you guys,

153
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,901
I have awesome breaking news.

154
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:19,206
Batman...
Yes, The Batman
is back in Gotham.

155
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,940
Do you still have
a million followers?

156
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,242
Actually 1.3 million.

157
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,177
Yeah, but most of them
are bots, right?

158
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,677
-Batman is back!
-Hmm.

159
00:07:31,817 --> 00:07:35,088
Ladies and gents,
going to need you
to stay calm

160
00:07:35,189 --> 00:07:38,557
while my associates and I
relieve this establishment

161
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:40,927
of a little coin.
You know I like coins.

162
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:43,062
[chuckles] Fill her up,
sweetheart.

163
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,632
No! We're not afraid
of you anymore.

164
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:49,702
What? Of course you are.
Look at the guns
and half my face.

165
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:50,870
[grunts]

166
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:54,740
Ow! Ow, fuck!

167
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:58,677
We're not afraid,
'cause Batman's back.

168
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:00,646
Just leave us alone.

169
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:01,949
Yeah.

170
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,050
Wait, Batman's really back?

171
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:07,653
-[people cheering]
-That's right.
Rebellion is in the air!

172
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,622
Batman's back, baby!

173
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,559
And with him,
hope for the people
of Gotham!

174
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,928
I'm gonna live forever!
Batman's back!

175
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:16,930
[woman grunts]

176
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,168
You can wipe that smug look
off your face.

177
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:22,802
That's not smug.

178
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,937
-This is smug.
-Devastating.

179
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,173
I never said I was back.
Batgirl did.

180
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,209
Yet, you didn't deny it.

181
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:32,245
And now all of Gotham is
as full of false hope as
an undercooked meat pie!

182
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:35,782
Enlighten me.
Why can't Batman be back?

183
00:08:35,881 --> 00:08:37,583
Still unable
to reach your feet?

184
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,254
I've been rocking slip-ons.
My feet run hot.

185
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:43,990
But if you think I'm too weak
to get back out there
and I'll fail, just say it.

186
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,192
You're too weak
and will fail.

187
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,927
I am strong and will succeed!

188
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,662
Fine. Prove it.
Put these on.

189
00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:54,600
[groaning] Come on.

190
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,702
Come on!

191
00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:57,937
[grunting]

192
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,041
Oh, that's right, you can't.

193
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,643
Seems to me,
the city's protector
should be able to

194
00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:06,212
put his sockie-poos
on his feetsies.

195
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,850
But what do I know?
I just took you in after
your parents were murdered,

196
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,052
loved you like I would
my own son.

197
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,754
Cared for you unconditionally.

198
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,857
Changed your diapers
when you were in a coma.

199
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,808
You don't know
what it's like
to be a warrior.

200
00:09:19,808 --> 00:09:21,760
I'll have you know,
I was in Her Majesty's
Royal Navy.

201
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,197
What did you guys fight over?

202
00:09:23,197 --> 00:09:24,998
[in British accent]
Who get the last scone?

203
00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:26,265
On occasion, we did.

204
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:28,201
Your ego is writing checks

205
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:31,804
your broken body
cannot cash, sir.

206
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,808
"Your ego's writing checks..."
[blabbering]

207
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,010
Connect me to Lucius Fox.

208
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:46,048
Oh! There you are, buddy.
Hey, I got a surprise for you.

209
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:52,725
[sighs]

210
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,094
-[chair squeaking]
-Huh?

211
00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:56,129
How does she ride?
Ain't she a beaut?

212
00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:58,899
Look, it's adjustable.
It can be any height
you want it to be.

213
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,033
It's like magic.

214
00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:02,068
Yeah. I love it.

215
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,370
The lower lumbar support
is helpful.

216
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,567
[grunts]

217
00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:09,708
Not a lot of chairs
designed for guys
with overdeveloped traps.

218
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,812
You look parched.
Let me get you a drink.

219
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,414
If I remember correctly,
you're a sparkling guy, right?

220
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,782
Aw!

221
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:17,250
[slurping]

222
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,885
Is that coconut?
[slurping]

223
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,765
Delicious!

224
00:10:23,765 --> 00:10:26,225
Hey, I admit I was
being tough on you yesterday.

225
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,195
But that was just some
good-natured ribbing.

226
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,962
Brotherly love, et cetera.

227
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,298
It felt very personal.

228
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,832
And frankly, mean-spirited.

229
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:34,500
Well, I've thought about
what you said

230
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,802
in regards to us
joining forces,

231
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:40,706
and how we're more likely
to survive if we stick
together, and I'm in.

232
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:44,244
Let's do it, you and me,
an equal partnership.
Fifty-fifty.

233
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:49,149
Hmm. Does this have anything
to do with Batman coming back?

234
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,217
-Can I be honest with you?
-Of course.

235
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,385
It does not.

236
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,388
So what do you say,
partner?

237
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:57,024
As long as it's 50-50.

238
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,859
All right,
now let's talk branding.

239
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:01,360
We need to communicate
that we're working together,

240
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,895
and not to be fucked with.

241
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:04,730
I got something I wanna
show you. Hey, boys!

242
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:11,270
But... That's not a...
That's just a picture of you.

243
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,207
I'm not even on the poster...
[stammers]

244
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,975
Where's the 50 and 50?

245
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:17,510
What are you talking about?
That's you, right there.

246
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,145
No, that is a shadow.

247
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:21,748
I was born there,
but that's not me.

248
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,884
And look,
it's only got your name on it!

249
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,784
What are you talking about!

250
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:28,922
That's you, that's me.
We each got a face.
Two-Faces.

251
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,325
I think it's too much
of a thinker.

252
00:11:31,325 --> 00:11:33,360
Nah, everyone knows
that it's the both of us.

253
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,495
Equal partners, right?

254
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:40,299
[stammers] I would be
open to a bus poster,
like the twins poster,

255
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,168
where it's you,
but it says Bane.

256
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,303
And then it's me,
but it says Two-Face.

257
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,273
But I've gotta be
on there.

258
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,142
Otherwise, you know,
this is...

259
00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:50,777
I'm a name.

260
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,812
Loaded with firepower
and razor-sharp weaponry,

261
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:58,418
the titanium-dipped
body armor comes fitted with
a strength-compensation dial.

262
00:11:58,519 --> 00:12:03,519
I've also added a customized
AI to provide tech support
and system analysis.

263
00:12:03,624 --> 00:12:05,426
Her name is Monica.

264
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,826
[sighs]

265
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,495
You deserve better, Monica.

266
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,167
[laughing]

267
00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:15,535
Oh, hello, Alfred.

268
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,504
Going behind my back
to have Lucius build you

269
00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:20,139
a bat suit to compensate
for your feeble state?

270
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,009
No, I'm just hanging
with my buddy,

271
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:25,446
like friends do. Jealous?

272
00:12:25,546 --> 00:12:27,947
Oh, look! A suit of lies.

273
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:32,918
You cannot fight crime
in your current
physical condition.

274
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:35,956
Yeah. That's what
the suit is for.
Tell him, Lucius.

275
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,259
I need to get going.

276
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,193
I have Pilates tonight.

277
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,129
-Alfred.
-Lucius.

278
00:12:45,633 --> 00:12:48,835
You're not getting that suit
and you're not to fight crime.

279
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,437
I forbid it.

280
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,474
Fine. If that's
the way you feel.

281
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,241
Forgive me
if I don't trust you.

282
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,110
This is coming with me.

283
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,979
-[whimpering and grunting]
-[creaking]

284
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,416
The dolly's got a bum wheel.

285
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:06,734
[Alfred grunting]

286
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,990
Elevator's broken.

287
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,359
[Alfred continues grunting]

288
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,927
[Alfred] No trouble at all.

289
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,828
-[slurping]
-[clanking and thudding]

290
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,464
[snoring]

291
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:22,967
[softly] Monica.

292
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,239
[swooshing]

293
00:13:27,106 --> 00:13:29,009
[shushing] Quiet.

294
00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:33,062
[swooshing]

295
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:50,645
[snoring]

296
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,274
[Monica] You're looking great
this evening, Batman.

297
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,908
-[beeping]
-Let's do this!

298
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,477
[grunts]

299
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,147
[grunts]

300
00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:08,749
[Monica] Stun mode activated.

301
00:14:10,484 --> 00:14:12,184
-[pipe clangs]
-[Batman] "Not ready," my ass.

302
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,184
[Monica] Indeed, sir.

303
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,803
[beeping]

304
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,196
[man grunts]

305
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,033
[yelling]

306
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,567
-Who are you working for?
-[whimpers]

307
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,671
[Batman] Two-Face.

308
00:14:30,671 --> 00:14:33,307
[Monica] Threat identified.
Proceed with caution.

309
00:14:33,407 --> 00:14:34,441
-[beeping]
-Bane.

310
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:39,211
We thought you
were dead, Batman.

311
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,047
Bad news. I'm not.

312
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:43,256
[Bane grunts]

313
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,589
My beef isn't with you, Bane.
I'm here for Two-Face.

314
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:50,222
He's clearly running
this operation.

315
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,326
What? No!

316
00:14:52,426 --> 00:14:53,927
[grunting]

317
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:57,777
-[crack]
-[Batman grunts]

318
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:03,035
[Bane] I am also
equally in charge.

319
00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:04,605
Not by the look of things.

320
00:15:04,705 --> 00:15:06,173
[Bane grunts]

321
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,708
No! It's Two Faces!

322
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,644
Plural. My face and his face.

323
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:14,615
I am one of the two faces.
We are partners!

324
00:15:14,715 --> 00:15:16,416
He already has two faces.

325
00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:18,552
If he were your partner,
that would be three faces.

326
00:15:18,552 --> 00:15:19,952
[Bane grunting angrily]

327
00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:22,389
I knew it was too much
of a thinker!

328
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:26,960
[Bane grunting]

329
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,230
[Monica] Code red.
Threat level, 100%.

330
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:31,431
[both grunt]

331
00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:34,201
[Batman grunts]

332
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,469
[Monica] Caution. Caution.

333
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,568
[distorting] Cau...

334
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,006
[groans]

335
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:44,043
I am the shadow
that haunts your darkness!

336
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,245
[Batman sighs]

337
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,346
[Batman] Last chance.

338
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,280
Where's Two-Face?

339
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,381
[grunts]

340
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:51,717
[Bane] Ahhh!

341
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,687
[Bane yelling]

342
00:16:01,662 --> 00:16:02,763
[Bane grunts]

343
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,399
[yells]

344
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:07,432
[beeping rapidly]

345
00:16:08,769 --> 00:16:10,403
[yelling]

346
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:14,606
[Monica] Code red.

347
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:15,775
[Bane grunts]

348
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,080
[yelling]

349
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:26,086
-[Bane yelling]
-[groaning]

350
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:29,089
[Monica distorting]
C-Code red.
Proceed with caution.

351
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,359
[grunts]

352
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:34,494
[Monica] Code red.
Code red. Code red.

353
00:16:34,595 --> 00:16:36,263
[both grunt]

354
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,365
[Bane yells]

355
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:43,437
-[Batman groans]
-[Bane] I will
break the Bat!

356
00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:45,138
-[Bane yells]
-[grunts]

357
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,207
[crackling]

358
00:16:49,610 --> 00:16:53,078
Bane, you gullible fool!

359
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:56,216
[panting and groaning]
Monica, call Lucius Fox.

360
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,350
[system shutting down]

361
00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:59,119
Well, what do we have here?

362
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,053
Boss is gonna love this.

363
00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:05,826
[laughs] Looks like ya got
your bell rung
real good, Batty.

364
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:11,464
-We cooked up
something special for ya!
-[crackling]

365
00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:14,468
Why didn't you wake up
and stop me, Alfred?

366
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,069
To repay you
for years of torment,

367
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:20,406
we're gonna make
a little video for
all of Gotham to see.

368
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,309
[chuckles] Yeah!
Then we're gonna post it!

369
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,578
-[chuckles]
-That's implied, Rick.

370
00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:29,415
Everyone's gonna know
it was Two-face's crew
that killed Batman!

371
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,218
[scraping]

372
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,486
You two, go check it out.

373
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:34,555
[grunts]

374
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,789
[grunts] What the...

375
00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:39,458
It's "The Macaroni."

376
00:17:43,564 --> 00:17:44,564
[grunts]

377
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:46,964
[grunting]

378
00:17:53,941 --> 00:17:55,342
[access platform whirring]

379
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:59,346
[grunting]

380
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:01,181
-[Batman] Who are you?
-My liege.

381
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,482
-Alfred.
-Just doing my part, sir.

382
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,685
That wig is pretty impractical.

383
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,321
[grunts]

384
00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:10,590
Let's get you on your feet.

385
00:18:10,691 --> 00:18:12,558
Just say it.
Say, "I told you so."

386
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,194
A gentleman
does not trade in such
pedestrian platitudes.

387
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,329
[grunts]

388
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,866
But he does know
when to ask for help.

389
00:18:19,967 --> 00:18:21,468
A little assistance, my lady.

390
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:22,567
[Batgirl] Be right there!

391
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,636
[both grunt]

392
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,507
Oh, yikes.

393
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,809
Your legs
are hella jacked up.

394
00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:33,512
One of them's, like, going
that way and the other one's
all floppy and stuff.

395
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:34,681
It's gross.

396
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,682
[Batman] Can you just
help me up?

397
00:18:36,784 --> 00:18:40,534
[old-timey music playing]

398
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,656
-[Bane yelling]
-[explosion]

399
00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:44,892
Jesus, what now!

400
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,425
[yelling]

401
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:52,633
I was born in hell,
and I demand respect!

402
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,201
I crushed Batman.

403
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,837
Perhaps I should do
the same to you?

404
00:18:57,938 --> 00:19:00,539
Tranquilo, baby, tranquilo!

405
00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:03,743
I want to hear you out,
but I cannot talk to you
when you're like this.

406
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,913
I beg you, please, calm down.

407
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,414
Do one of those
breathing exercises you're
always telling me about.

408
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:11,664
Oh, sorry. [groaning]

409
00:19:15,923 --> 00:19:18,391
Better. Now, talk to me.

410
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,894
You said this was
an equal partnership,

411
00:19:20,894 --> 00:19:22,829
but even Batman thinks
you're running Gotham.

412
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,932
Ah, don't listen to bat face.
He's just messing
with your head.

413
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,500
[breathing heavily]

414
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,803
[grunting]

415
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:32,940
-Focus.
-Now, when you say,
"Crushed him,"

416
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:34,540
does that mean he's dead?

417
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:36,442
His legs were parting
in different directions!

418
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,217
-It was gross.
-In the future,

419
00:19:38,217 --> 00:19:41,848
I think we should just kill
Batman when we get the chance,
but you did a good job, buddy.

420
00:19:41,949 --> 00:19:44,817
See, I contribute
to this business.

421
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,354
We need a new name
that represents both of us.

422
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:48,989
The Bane of Your Existence?

423
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,691
Bane Capital?

424
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,592
Not that,
but something like that.

425
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,094
We... we can pitch on it.

426
00:19:54,094 --> 00:19:55,996
It's not the name.
The name's workin'.

427
00:19:55,996 --> 00:19:59,767
What I think is you need
to have room to do
your best work.

428
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:03,703
Space to spread out
and explore all the nooks
and crannies

429
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,372
in that big ol'
noggin of yours.

430
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,740
To find what sparks my joy?

431
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,342
Exactly.

432
00:20:09,343 --> 00:20:11,778
And I know just the place
for you to do that.

433
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,381
[Bane groans]

434
00:20:15,015 --> 00:20:16,784
Eh.

435
00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:19,486
[voice breaking]
That's beautiful.

436
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,622
See? Isn't that nice?

437
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:26,721
Who takes care of you?
Right, buddy?

438
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:33,634
[gasps] Sweet mother
of Canadian Club!

439
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,402
-Are you sitting?
-Sometimes I sit.

440
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:36,804
-Never seen it.
-You don't know
everything I do.

441
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:40,507
[sighing] You don't write,
you don't call.

442
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,308
I thought you'd abandoned us.

443
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:43,810
I would never
give upon Gotham.

444
00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:47,047
Well, uh, I can get you
up to speed real quick.

445
00:20:47,048 --> 00:20:50,651
The city's in the shitter.
We have a lot of work
to do, partner.

446
00:20:50,651 --> 00:20:53,286
Should probably start
by taking back the GCPD.

447
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,688
There was a coup, of sorts.

448
00:20:54,788 --> 00:20:57,289
-No.
-Okay, we'll start smaller.

449
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:58,925
Gotta walk before we can run.

450
00:20:59,026 --> 00:21:00,326
Uh, how about the docks?

451
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,762
No, I mean, I can't work.

452
00:21:02,863 --> 00:21:05,031
[chuckles] I'm trying
to do the math here.

453
00:21:05,132 --> 00:21:07,800
Uh, you're back,
crime's at an all-time high.

454
00:21:07,901 --> 00:21:09,002
What's the problem?

455
00:21:09,002 --> 00:21:10,871
I'm not physically able.
Currently.

456
00:21:10,971 --> 00:21:12,873
-Is that why you're sitting?
-Maybe.

457
00:21:12,873 --> 00:21:15,009
I need a little time
to get back to
my fighting weight.

458
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,742
Your fighting weight? Okay.

459
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,746
And how long are we talking?
A week, a month, uh...

460
00:21:19,747 --> 00:21:20,814
Gotham needs a bat!

461
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,449
I agree.

462
00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:24,984
-[crying] And I need a partner.
-Also agree.

463
00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:27,520
And I know
the perfect person for the job.

464
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,422
Jim, meet Batgirl.

465
00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:32,625
It's a real honor to meet you,
Da... Commissioner.

466
00:21:32,726 --> 00:21:33,961
What's she doing here?

467
00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:35,761
Like you said,
the city needs the bat.

468
00:21:35,863 --> 00:21:37,698
The bat inspires fear
in criminals,

469
00:21:37,698 --> 00:21:39,598
and hope
in the people of Gotham.

470
00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:42,102
And with your help,
Batgirl can keep
that hope alive.

471
00:21:42,202 --> 00:21:44,503
[chuckling] You want us
to work together?

472
00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:45,712
It's temporary.

473
00:21:45,712 --> 00:21:48,913
The people of Gotham
need to believe that Batman
is still out there.

474
00:21:49,977 --> 00:21:50,977
Uh...

475
00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:54,780
[resigned sigh]

476
00:21:54,882 --> 00:21:57,384
We will literally have
the best time.

477
00:21:57,384 --> 00:21:59,096
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

478
00:21:59,096 --> 00:22:04,096
-Hey, guys, Batgirl here,
and I've got some big news!
-[sighs]

479
00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:08,996
-I liked it.
-[slurping]

480
00:22:10,998 --> 00:22:12,665
Batgirl should have
smiled more.

481
00:22:12,766 --> 00:22:14,433
You wanna watch
another one?

482
00:22:14,534 --> 00:22:15,935
Fine. Whatever.

483
00:22:16,036 --> 00:22:17,470
It doesn't come out
for a week?

484
00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:20,707
This distribution model
is ridiculous!

485
00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:22,875
[sighs] Let's just
torrent some hentai.

486
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:24,845
[theme music playing]