1 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,390 [Harley] This is bullshit! 2 00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:26,425 -This is a kangaroo court. -[Two-Face] No way. 3 00:00:26,492 --> 00:00:28,361 We got a real judge and everything. 4 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,129 Hey, Judge, get in here. 5 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,066 [Bane] All rise for me. 6 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,469 -Bane's the judge? -I promise you'll get a fair shake. 7 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:37,737 I am unbiased. 8 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,807 Well, he's actually telling the truth, 9 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,442 which is really annoying, so I took it upon myself 10 00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:45,646 to provide you with Gotham's top litigator. 11 00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:49,415 [grunting] 12 00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:53,219 -Oh, we're so fucked. -Let's not judge a lawyer by the fact he's a bat. 13 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:57,658 The defendants are charged with the murder of Oswald Cobblepot 14 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,259 and [mumbles] other stuff. 15 00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:01,829 Counselor Man-Bat. 16 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:04,364 How do your clients plead? 17 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:07,867 [clears throat] 18 00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,737 [shrieking] 19 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:11,737 Yeah, we're fucked. 20 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,376 [theme music playing] 21 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,813 And then, she bit The Penguin's nose off. 22 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:25,451 -[all gasping] -She bit The Penguin's nose off. 23 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,819 Mm, mm, mm. 24 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,856 Is Harley Quinn who definitely did that 25 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,558 in the courtroom today? 26 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,260 Yeah, that's Harley Quinn. 27 00:01:33,325 --> 00:01:36,530 -[shrieking] -Does anyone speak bat? 28 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,564 I want to sustain or overrule, 29 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,500 but it's indecipherable. 30 00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:43,469 For my last witness, I call... 31 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,905 Poison Ivy! 32 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,373 -[all gasping] -[Two-Face laughs menacingly] 33 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,375 Ooh, and they're friends. 34 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,543 This is going to be saucy. 35 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,200 [chuckles] Yeah. 36 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,846 Ive, blame it all on me, okay? You had my back 37 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,582 no matter what stupid messes I've gotten myself into. 38 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,453 For once, let me be the one who does something for you. 39 00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:00,921 You have a whole life ahead of you, 40 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,923 -I mean, you're engaged. -But you and I are a team. 41 00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,325 Ive, please, I wouldn't be able to live with myself 42 00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:06,393 if you went down for me. 43 00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:10,764 You hate people, is that correct? 44 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,633 -Yes. -But you don't hate Harley Quinn, do you? 45 00:02:13,699 --> 00:02:16,770 You partnered with her, your only friend 46 00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,372 and helped her plan and execute 47 00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,574 the murder of the Injustice League. 48 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,276 [all murmuring] 49 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,615 Yeah, we did it, okay? 50 00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:31,217 We teamed up to kill your pathetic asses, 51 00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:34,554 'cause you deserved it and one day, we're gonna finish the job. 52 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:35,656 -[all gasping] -Ivy! 53 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,591 [all clamoring] 54 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,725 Your Honor, given the testimony, 55 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,728 I request that you find the defendants 56 00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:43,663 guilty on all counts! 57 00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:46,299 -[all gasping] -[shrieking] 58 00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:51,366 I hereby sentence them to life! 59 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,639 In prison, of course. 60 00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:56,710 [all gasping] 61 00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,912 What the hell are we doing in the sewer? 62 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,681 Smells like shit down here. 63 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,883 Wait. [sniffs] That's me. 64 00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:04,985 My God, I told you three times. 65 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,651 We need to stop Ratcatcher, 66 00:03:06,651 --> 00:03:08,754 he's using the tunnels to move weapons across Gotham. 67 00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:10,205 Ratcatcher, right. 68 00:03:10,205 --> 00:03:13,225 Living underground, these criminals have hit rock bottom. 69 00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:14,995 -[metal clangs] -[exclaiming] 70 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,296 -Gordon, are you drunk? -I have a high tolerance. 71 00:03:17,296 --> 00:03:20,300 And I have a low tolerance for evasive answers. 72 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,902 [mockingly] "I have a low tolerance for evasive answers." 73 00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:24,837 I know what I'm doing, all right? 74 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,340 I was putting away scum while you were filling up 75 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,575 your bat diaper with stinky bat doodies. 76 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,544 [Ratcatcher mumbling] 77 00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:34,381 -[rats squeaking] -[moaning] 78 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,248 I've seen this stuff on the dark web. 79 00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:38,985 [sighs] Okay, I'll circle around and block the exit. 80 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,920 Wait for my signal. 81 00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,855 [mutters] Taking orders from a cheerleader. 82 00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,891 [sighs] I used to be a damn good cop. 83 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,030 Oh! Aah! 84 00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,097 -[rats squeaking] -Huh? 85 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:57,304 Swarm, my children! Swarm! 86 00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,438 [laughing maniacally] 87 00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,307 [screaming] Oh, shit! 88 00:04:01,373 --> 00:04:04,645 Shit, shit, shit! [gasps] 89 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,748 [exclaims] Get it off! [screams] 90 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,417 -[Batgirl] Oh, come on. -Thanks. 91 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,752 -[thuds] -[rat squeaks] 92 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,453 [grunting] 93 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,454 That's not mine. 94 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,862 Why the hell did you do that, Ive? 95 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,730 Harls, I'm not gonna let you rot in prison 96 00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:26,834 while I'm kiting around the world on my honeymoon. 97 00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,601 But no one even knows you're kidnapped, 98 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:29,903 you could've led the rescue. 99 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,571 Maybe called it a mini-moon. 100 00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:33,940 Come on, we can break out of Arkham in our sleep. 101 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,408 [tires screeching] 102 00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:40,447 Uh, the hell is this? 103 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,230 [Bane] Your new home. 104 00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:44,416 -What the shit are you doing here? -I'm not just a judge. 105 00:04:44,483 --> 00:04:46,552 I am also a warden. 106 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:51,091 Welcome to he Pena Duro North Correctional and Rehabilitation facility. 107 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,927 Affectionately known as The Pit. 108 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,863 Listen, Bane, we're not going in your dumb hole. 109 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,732 So either free us or kill us. 110 00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,966 [Bane] Okay. 111 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,735 [both screaming] 112 00:05:02,601 --> 00:05:05,338 [Poison Ivy] Oh, shit! 113 00:05:05,404 --> 00:05:06,773 Oh, they'll be fine. 114 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,875 I set up padding at the bottom. 115 00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,677 Just more dramatic, you know, to see 'em drop like that. 116 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,480 [exclaims] 117 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,516 While I was born in darkness, 118 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:20,721 here at Pena Duro North, we're bringing people into the light. 119 00:05:20,786 --> 00:05:25,358 We try to cultivate positive thinking in The Pit. 120 00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:30,362 Teach our guests to redirect aggressive energies like maiming and killing 121 00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,399 into something more productive. 122 00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:34,867 Holy crap, is that Killer Croc? 123 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,136 See for yourself. 124 00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:38,971 -Waylon. -Oh, hey, Harley, Ivy. 125 00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:41,108 I was working on a new water color. 126 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,543 I call this one "Reed in the Water." 127 00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,478 His name is Reed and, uh... 128 00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:47,915 He's in the water, yeah, we get it. 129 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:49,548 What the fuck is wrong with you? 130 00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,050 I'm working out my shit. 131 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,386 [Bane] There's a talent show tomorrow 132 00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,988 to showcase what everyone's been working on. 133 00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:58,091 I'd like you both to participate. 134 00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,692 -She'll never do it. -I won't do it. 135 00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,528 Here we are, home sweet home. 136 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,730 You're probably wondering to yourself, 137 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,899 "Hey, Bane, why no door?" 138 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:09,468 Because where would you escape to? 139 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,072 You are in a pit! 140 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,108 [clicking tongue] 141 00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:16,910 Oh, my, who caused this catastrophe? 142 00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:19,779 In The Pit, your bed must be made daily. 143 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:23,182 A tidy room is the key to a tidy mind. 144 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,886 Now, bring it in, bring it in, my darlings. 145 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,620 -Don't fucking touch me. -I will murder you. 146 00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,855 I will see you two in painting class. 147 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,822 Winking, I'm winking. 148 00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:34,427 Shit, Harls, I mean, how the hell are we gonna get out of here? 149 00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:37,596 -I don't know, beanstalk us up. -There's no plants! There's no plants in sight. 150 00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:40,033 Oh, my God, oh, my God, [sighs] we're gonna be stuck in here forever. 151 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,790 I mean, who's gonna protect the rainforest? 152 00:06:41,790 --> 00:06:43,670 -Swamp Thing. -Who'll defend the Great Barrier Reef? 153 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,973 -Aquaman. -Who's gonna write letters to the network 154 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,940 when they're trying to decide whether they should renew Love It or List It? 155 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,978 -Some loser. -Yeah, exactly, and Kite Man... 156 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,745 What about Kite Man? I finally find somebody 157 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,480 that I actually want to marry 158 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,848 and now I can't even do it. 159 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,117 -Fuck! -Listen, we're gonna escape 160 00:06:58,117 --> 00:06:59,786 and you are gonna walk down that aisle. 161 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,221 You're right. [exhales] You're right. 162 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,288 We're gonna get out of here. 163 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:03,891 -Hey, girls. -Oh, shit. 164 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:06,192 Just dropping off some welcome caps I've knitted. 165 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,810 It gets mighty chilly at night. 166 00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,000 Oh, pass the mayo. 167 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,036 So, how'd the crime fighting go? 168 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,904 Eh, it's not working out with Batgirl. 169 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,805 She just doesn't have what it takes, 170 00:07:19,872 --> 00:07:22,541 I might have to fly solo. 171 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,577 [sighs] Dad, we need to talk about your drinking. 172 00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,146 Ah, it's great, loosens me up. 173 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:27,947 Um, [sighs], okay, 174 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,483 this is super hard for me, so I'm just gonna say it. 175 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,685 You are a problematic drinker. 176 00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:35,822 A problematic drinker and former cop turned vigilante. 177 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,125 A person can be two things, or did you not know that? 178 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,892 Trust me, Dad, I know. 179 00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:42,062 Right now, I'm telling you you need to clean yourself up. 180 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,663 Gotham needs you at your best. 181 00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:45,865 I'm at my best. 182 00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,267 Always have been, always will be. 183 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,069 If you won't stop drinking for Gotham, 184 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,502 do it for me. 185 00:07:50,569 --> 00:07:52,105 It hurts me to see you like this. 186 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,040 [gulps] Ah. Oh, Barbara. 187 00:07:54,108 --> 00:07:55,809 [gunshots] 188 00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,778 -Get down! -Oh, crap! 189 00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:02,983 Hey, Gordo, I heard you've been playing cop again. 190 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,517 Trying to move in on my weapons sales. 191 00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:08,254 Dent. Ratcatcher's working for you? 192 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,125 The whole city works for me, hadn't you heard? 193 00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:14,093 New New Gotham is mine. 194 00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:18,165 Ah, you wanna play rough? 195 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:21,701 I should've killed you back at the station months ago. 196 00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:24,170 And tonight, I fix my mistake. 197 00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,305 Barbara, we need to... 198 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,774 Barbara? 199 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,212 I would watch the light leave their eyes 200 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:36,883 and know that their last thought was fear. 201 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,220 But now I imagine myself in the bubble of calm 202 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,990 and the urge to kill goes away. 203 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,758 [all clapping] 204 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:49,196 -Why aren't you clapping? -Because this is stupid. 205 00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:51,798 Look, Bane, we wanna change. 206 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,734 We really do, but it's just too... 207 00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:58,904 depressing in this very dark, dank pit. 208 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,908 I don't know, maybe if you transfer us to Arkham... 209 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:06,046 [laughs] Arkham is for the criminally insane. 210 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,948 The Pit is for the criminally capable. 211 00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,899 [groaning] 212 00:09:10,899 --> 00:09:15,054 But I will let you in on a little secret to lift your spirits. 213 00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,192 Tomorrow's talent show will have a special guest. 214 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,793 Mr. George Lopez. 215 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,296 Can you believe it? 216 00:09:22,363 --> 00:09:25,331 Yeah, he's choppering down for a ten-minute set. 217 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:29,068 Mostly new material, but probably some old hits. 218 00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:30,336 Okay, this is how we escape. 219 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,038 I sign up for the talent show... 220 00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:34,006 -Lopez choppers in. -We watch his hilarious set. 221 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,243 That pokes fun at the idiosyncrasies of a Latino family. 222 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,610 Then I do a tight five that incites a prison riot. 223 00:09:38,677 --> 00:09:40,947 Which pulls the guards away from the chopper... 224 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,615 Wait, sorry, how is standup comedy gonna incite a riot? 225 00:09:43,615 --> 00:09:45,385 I tell a bunch of jokes that piss people off. 226 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,721 -Nice. -Right? You and me are getting on that chopper. 227 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,255 We fly out and you're exchanging "I dos" 228 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,125 -with Kite Man in no time. -[both whooping] 229 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,960 [Two-Face] Where are ya hiding, Gordon? 230 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,263 Let's end this real nice and quick. 231 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,999 I got a dental appointment in the early a.m. 232 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,268 Lot of gum work, you know? 233 00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:02,836 Do you hear me, Gordon? 234 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,705 I took your station, I took your city, 235 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:10,121 and now I'm taking your life. 236 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,179 [Gordon] Oh. 237 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,850 [sighs] I'm sorry. 238 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,052 Let's get this over with, Harvey. 239 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,089 Glad you came to your senses. 240 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,856 Better to go out like a man 241 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,192 rather than begging like one of those cats 242 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,894 that thinks it's a dog. 243 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,897 -Any last words? -Tell my daughter... 244 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:35,764 -I love her. -Tell her yourself. 245 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,273 [grunts] 246 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,409 [screams] 247 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,144 -[thuds] -[grunts] 248 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,715 You and the bat hussy set me up. 249 00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,350 I only brought two goons. 250 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,952 I thought this was gonna be a two-goon job. 251 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,855 That's on me. I'll be back. 252 00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,423 -Why the hell did you do that? -What? 253 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,292 What'd you save me for? 254 00:10:58,359 --> 00:10:59,893 You know what I am? I'm dead weight, yesterday's news. 255 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,061 Dime store sushi. 256 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,328 I'll just get in your way again. 257 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,063 Hey. Hey! 258 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,966 Ah, there was a swig and a half left. 259 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,801 Stop feeling sorry for yourself. 260 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,135 Why? 261 00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,836 You don't need me, Gotham doesn't need me. 262 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,206 My own daughter thinks I'm a joke. 263 00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:13,840 That's not true. 264 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,309 You're a good man, Jim Gordon. 265 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,977 -You inspired me. -Ha! 266 00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,846 Oh, yeah? Says the girl with bat ears. 267 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,347 Batman's your inspiration. 268 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,384 He inspired my costume. 269 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,220 My dad inspired me. 270 00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,322 -Barbara? -That's right. 271 00:11:28,389 --> 00:11:30,123 I'm Batgirl, Dad. 272 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,326 You're the one that's been protecting Gotham. 273 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,831 That's my girl. 274 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,966 And Killer Croc, he's so ugly. 275 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,769 -How ugly is he? -He's so ugly that when I met him, 276 00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,839 I thought his asshole was doing the talking. 277 00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,307 -[laughs] -Hey-oh! 278 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,009 Kind of feels like a low hanging fruit there, but, 279 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,408 it'll probably kill with these dumb shits. 280 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,879 Harley, I see that you're doing stand up 281 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,947 after Lopez. [laughing] 282 00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:57,116 Whoa, what is this? 283 00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:58,851 You failed to make your bed. 284 00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,421 Oh, shit, yeah, sorry about that. 285 00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:04,191 Sorry doesn't cut it, I was very clear on the rules. 286 00:12:04,258 --> 00:12:06,125 I cannot play favorites. 287 00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:09,995 Harley may not participate in the talent show. 288 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,298 I'll make my bed, you weirdo. God. 289 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:15,469 I wish your wave of enthusiasm had crested earlier. 290 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,304 -Ivy, you have to do my set. -What? No. 291 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,206 I can't tell jokes in front of strangers. 292 00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:22,509 Yes, you can, you'll be a riot. 293 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,345 A riot, I need you to start a... 294 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,480 -Stop, yes, I got it. -Do it, Ivy. 295 00:12:27,548 --> 00:12:31,183 I guess I'm going up after Lopez. 296 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,385 [Bane] Bold. 297 00:12:34,288 --> 00:12:35,822 [grunts] 298 00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,490 This is gonna be easy to break out of. 299 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:42,557 -There is no door. -[Bane] But there is a Cheryl. 300 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,166 Ugh, hi, Cheryl, you're really gonna make me kill you to escape? 301 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,100 Well, you can try. 302 00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:51,937 [grunting] I'm Cheryl. 303 00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:53,539 -[sighs] -[growls] 304 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,041 If she attempts to escape, 305 00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:58,110 force her to join the show choir! 306 00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,313 [Bane laughing maniacally] 307 00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:01,847 [mic squealing] 308 00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:03,883 -Hello. Ah! -[mic squealing loudly] 309 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,285 And welcome to the first annual 310 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:09,054 Live from The Pit talent show. 311 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,124 We have a lot of great acts tonight, 312 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:15,328 but first, who wants to see some close-up magic? 313 00:13:17,431 --> 00:13:20,966 And then I said, "From now on, we're home schooling you." 314 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,602 -[audience laughing] -So whatever we don't know, 315 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,381 -you don't know. -[all laughing] 316 00:13:24,381 --> 00:13:26,539 Like, when did the Korean War start? I don't know. 317 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,109 -And neither do you. -[all laughing] 318 00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,379 [laughs heartily] 319 00:13:32,446 --> 00:13:33,879 Okay, that's my time. 320 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,948 Thank you, The Pit. Good night. 321 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,317 [all cheering] 322 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,287 Shit. This plan is so stupid. 323 00:13:43,591 --> 00:13:45,091 You've got this, Ivy. 324 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,159 Cheryl, listen, I'm getting past you, 325 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,495 so either I do and you're alive, or I do and you're not. 326 00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,897 What do you say? 327 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,399 [growls] 328 00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,369 Oh, Jesus. [gasps] 329 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,441 Uh... Hello. 330 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,378 Uh, I see Killer Croc is here. 331 00:14:04,445 --> 00:14:06,480 He's so ugly, when we met, 332 00:14:06,547 --> 00:14:08,514 I thought his asshole was talking to me. 333 00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,484 Oh, come on, it's a skin condition. 334 00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:12,052 Ah, that's below the belt. 335 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:13,419 How about Victor Zsasz, okay? 336 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,988 Oh, boy, here we go. 337 00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:16,456 The tally marks on his head 338 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,057 make him look like a Peanuts character. 339 00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:19,592 Oh [sighs], she's no Lopez. 340 00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,260 Hey, you just got Ivy'd. 341 00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,929 -[man] You suck! -I know, right? I suck. 342 00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:25,932 Blah! Do you guys wanna riot? 343 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,934 Why? This is a safe space. 344 00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,138 [helicopter whirring] 345 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,505 Come on, Zsasz, you're not even 346 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,341 like a little pissed off about that? 347 00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:36,243 You just got Ivy'd. Bleh. 348 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,511 [laughs] Just start shanking, people. 349 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,548 -People, shank. -If I could make a constructive criticism. 350 00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:44,049 Your joke directed at me was reference-heavy, 351 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,951 and if might, a bit derivative. 352 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,455 What the shit is this? This should not be hard, 353 00:14:48,522 --> 00:14:50,691 you guys are killers, kill each other. 354 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,591 [grunts] 355 00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,529 [grunting] 356 00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,341 [metal clangs] 357 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:13,279 [grunting] I'm getting to that chopper! 358 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,716 -Shit! -Shit. 359 00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,686 Good night, The Pit. 360 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,419 What a bunch of locos. 361 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,087 [Barbara] And after I defeated Riddler, 362 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,057 -I knew what I had to do. -I can't believe it. 363 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,493 I... You were her! 364 00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:28,595 And she was you while I was me. 365 00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,062 [laughs] Yeah, I even slipped up 366 00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,398 and called you Dad a few times. 367 00:15:31,465 --> 00:15:34,315 But you were pretty... [sighs] Drunk. 368 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,405 Dad, stop. 369 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:40,740 Are you gonna lend a hand 370 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,143 or is Batgirl too cool to help her dad 371 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,678 in a montage where we skip past the hard parts 372 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,279 of beating an alcohol addiction 373 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,749 and cut to the part where I'm clean? 374 00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:50,916 Get over here. 375 00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:55,322 Welcome back, Dad. 376 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:57,090 You're finally home. 377 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,259 No, there's only one place that's home. 378 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,729 The Gotham City Police Department. 379 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,563 But that's Two-Face's lair. 380 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,164 I'm taking it back. 381 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,533 -Wanna know why? -Why? 382 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,200 'Cause I'm a damn good cop. 383 00:16:25,619 --> 00:16:29,154 So, um, I actually came on stage to start a riot. 384 00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,024 -Huh? -[Bane] What? 385 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,259 I was gonna use the riot as a diversion to escape 386 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,629 on George Lopez's helicopter. 387 00:16:35,696 --> 00:16:38,532 Now that I say it out loud, I realize how stupid it sounds. 388 00:16:38,599 --> 00:16:40,133 -[sighs] -[all laughing] 389 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,735 I mean, I'm never getting out of here, right? 390 00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:44,104 [all laughing] 391 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:47,573 My entire life I've been cut off from my feelings, you know? 392 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,610 I was living in an emotional pit, 393 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,046 but I liked it that way, you know. 394 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:57,149 'Cause it was safe and secure, and no one ever put a knit hat on me, you know? 395 00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:59,352 -[all laughing] -[Ivy chuckling] 396 00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:03,490 I guess that I accepted that being lonely was, you know, was my thing. 397 00:17:03,557 --> 00:17:05,192 And then something happened. 398 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:08,228 I made friends, I got engaged. 399 00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:11,431 -[all cheering] -Thank you. I joined the mile high Kite club. 400 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,567 -[all whooping] -Yeah, yeah. 401 00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:15,434 I'm going to give you a piece of advice about sex at 10,000 feet. 402 00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:16,670 Don't do it into the wind. 403 00:17:16,737 --> 00:17:18,104 [all laughing] 404 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,405 And I was thinking about it, 405 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,709 I'm like, was I happy? 406 00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:23,509 I was really happy. 407 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:26,579 You know, it's like, I crawled out of my emotional pit. 408 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,280 -[all exclaiming] -[man] Yeah. 409 00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:30,250 And so then, what happens? 410 00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,486 -Where did the universe put me? -[man] The Pit. 411 00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:35,121 -[all laughing] -That's right, The Pit. 412 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,089 And no matter how much we change down here. 413 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:39,459 No matter how many times we make our goddamn bed 414 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,327 or pass the talking stick. 415 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,130 We're still stuck in this Pit. 416 00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:47,433 -And with Bane of all people. -[all laughing] 417 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,736 This guy. 418 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,605 [laughing] I relate. 419 00:17:51,672 --> 00:17:53,539 Wow, she's got a great point there. 420 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,343 I did all this hard work to get myself out of one pit 421 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,511 just to end up in another. 422 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,881 Life's just one big pit 423 00:18:00,948 --> 00:18:03,482 that none of us are ever gonna get out of. 424 00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:08,153 One big fucking inescapable pit. 425 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:11,657 And that is where we are stuck forever. 426 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,394 Damn, Ivy's right. 427 00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,128 We gotta get out of The Pit. 428 00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,198 -[all clamoring] -Yeah, come on, guys, 429 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,733 we're a talented group, if we work together, we can escape. 430 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,836 Also if you don't chip in, I'll stab you. 431 00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:27,240 That was amazing, you spoke from your heart, 432 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,742 -you started a riot! -About 30 seconds too late, 433 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,711 let's face it, George Lopez is never coming back, 434 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:32,980 I bet they hardly met his quote. 435 00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:35,347 Harley, I really blew it. 436 00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:36,616 Or maybe not. 437 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,890 -[all clamoring] -[grunting] 438 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,929 -Here's the plan, we go on the roof... -Blah, blah, blah. 439 00:18:48,996 --> 00:18:50,663 -Daddy's got this. -[gun cocking] 440 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,332 [grunts] Hey! 441 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,951 [screaming] 442 00:19:06,747 --> 00:19:08,414 [yelling] 443 00:19:10,651 --> 00:19:12,300 [screaming] 444 00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,325 -[gunshots] -You still got this? 445 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,625 [Gordon yelling] 446 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,662 Yeah! Yeah, yeah. All good. 447 00:19:24,999 --> 00:19:27,634 Honey, I'm home. 448 00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:29,336 [siren wailing] 449 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,904 You get a shiv. You get a shiv. You get a shiv. 450 00:19:35,509 --> 00:19:40,446 [Bane] Hey, Ivy, it's clear you made a breakthrough in The Pit. 451 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,884 How about you come back and continue to work on yourself? 452 00:19:43,951 --> 00:19:45,919 Perhaps a vision board? 453 00:19:45,986 --> 00:19:48,689 -I have some inspo. -Ah, shove it, Bane. 454 00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,290 Yeah, don't take credit for her emotional growth. 455 00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:52,893 -[yells] -[grunts] 456 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,761 Fuck this, I shall rise! 457 00:19:58,999 --> 00:20:00,834 [grunting] 458 00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:02,402 Uh-oh, that's not good. 459 00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:09,605 We're not gonna make it. 460 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,378 Hold on. 461 00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:20,487 No one escapes The Pit! 462 00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:22,388 [grunts] 463 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,826 -[yelling] -Damn it, Bane. 464 00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,760 [both] Shit, shit, shit! 465 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,298 What, are you gonna write me a ticket? 466 00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:34,000 A ticket to hell. [grunts] 467 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,770 [both grunting] 468 00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,772 You still doing okay? 469 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:42,009 -[Gordon] Yep. -[both grunting] 470 00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:44,978 Ah! 471 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,400 In the soft spot. 472 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:57,673 [screams] 473 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,365 [groans] What's happening? 474 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,732 I'm back. That's what. 475 00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:15,009 [Bane grunting] 476 00:21:15,075 --> 00:21:18,711 -[Harley grunting] -You cannot run from your problems, Harley. 477 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,682 Hate weighs you down. 478 00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:25,019 Only love sets us free. 479 00:21:25,085 --> 00:21:26,987 -[gasps] Ivy. -No. 480 00:21:27,054 --> 00:21:28,721 -It's okay. -Don't, don't do this. 481 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,724 Have a good life, get married, make babies. 482 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:32,992 Name them Harley. 483 00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:34,928 -The girls and boys. -Harley? 484 00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,364 See? It totally works. 485 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:38,731 You know I love you. 486 00:21:39,133 --> 00:21:40,482 Bye, Ive. 487 00:21:44,403 --> 00:21:45,604 [grunts] 488 00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:51,979 [Bane babbling] 489 00:21:52,046 --> 00:21:54,445 [Bane screaming] 490 00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:03,089 [grunts] 491 00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:07,527 [screaming] 492 00:22:10,529 --> 00:22:11,964 -[panting] -Hi! 493 00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:14,101 -[laughing] -We did it. 494 00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,403 -[sighs] -[chuckles]