1
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Tawny Young reporting
live from Gotham City Hall

2
00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:27,059
as the mayor,
in a rare public appearance,

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has come out
to honor the heroes

4
00:00:28,728 --> 00:00:31,864
who fought so bravely
in the Battle of Gotham.

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I present you each
with a key to the city.

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There you go, Superman
and, of course, Wonder Woman

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and Batman.

8
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Check out that grip.

9
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There you go, space cabbie.

10
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Couldn't have
done it without you.

11
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Who the fuck are these guys?

12
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Commissioner Gordon,
what do you think

13
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of this beautiful ceremony?

14
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I'm just so honored to be
getting a key to the city

15
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seeing as I was
here the whole time

16
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protecting lives.

17
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The Mayor's probably
saving the best for last

18
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,189
like I did with
the Mission Impossible movies.

19
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I watched one first

20
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-but then I went to four--
-Mmm-hmm. Let's listen.

21
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There's one last person
I need to thank today.

22
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If it weren't for him,
our city would still be riddled

23
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with supervillains.

24
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This mustachioed
servant of the people

25
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may not have powers

26
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but, man, he sure is super.

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That's right, citizens.

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I hereby honor myself.

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-[public cheering]
-What? What about me?

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We helped this city together.

31
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Not him.

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Seriously,
I think I've seen this guy

33
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like one other time,
like, ever.

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[theme music playing]

35
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Dr. Psycho, check.

36
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Riddler, check.
Welcome back, by the way.

37
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Harley Quinn!

38
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[scoffs] Don't tell me...

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You're not supposed to be here.

40
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Is anyone supposed
to be anywhere?

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Oh, you wanna talk about it?

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Maybe over a fruit cup.

43
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Nah... [sighs]

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I wanna be alone
with my thoughts.

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Don't worry about me.
I'll break out when I'm done.

46
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I'm just going through
a personal crisis.

47
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Actually, I'll take
that fruit cup though.

48
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Well, fruit cup
in exchange for conversation.

49
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Sort of linchpin
of this whole social contract.

50
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-So... I'm gonna go.
-[sighs]

51
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Look, thank you for giving
me a chance to talk to you.

52
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-[sighs]
-Why did you do it?

53
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[stutters] I don't know.
I fucked up.

54
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I wish I had a better answer.

55
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I love you.

56
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That Harley stuff
was a stupid fling

57
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and a mistake.

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And I promise
it will never happen again.

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If you don't want to marry me,

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just say it
so I can go to a bar,

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and get loaded and get
into an argument with somebody

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about what the most
metal album of all time is.

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And then start crying

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for no reason
and puke on myself

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Oh, Kite Man, I do.
I do want to marry you.

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And if you, you know,

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were a metal album,

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you'd be
Appetite for Destruction.

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-You know...
-What? What...

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GNR is not even metal.

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What are we even talking about?

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-Is this--
-Chuck, I hate that I hurt you.

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You know, you
deserve everything.

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And I know
this doesn't fix anything.

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But could you pull over here?

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Ta-da! It's the old
Gotham corn factory.

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What is this?
Is this just a tour
of my failures?

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It's your dream wedding venue.

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If you still, you know,

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wanna get
married to this old gal.

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What about Condiment King?

82
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Didn't that dick face
already call dibs
on this monument

83
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to rustic perfection?

84
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So about that...

85
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[clears throat]

86
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Come to ask for an invite
to our wedding, Ivy? [guffaws]

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Change of plans, sauce fucker.

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It's Condiment King!

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So, you know, he just, sort of,

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decided to just give it to me

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and he is still
obviously very much alive.

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But he's, sort of,
like out of town indefinitely,

93
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and no one knows
if he'll ever come back,

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but, you know, probably not.

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Ivy, Kite Man, we're so happy

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to have you
at the old corn factory.

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We know your
wedding will be perfect.

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Wait. You risked your life

99
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against one of the most
formidable villains

100
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Gotham has ever seen

101
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just to give me my dream venue?

102
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I think that's maybe
like an overstatement

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of Condiment King.
But essentially, yes.

104
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That's what I did
because I love you.

105
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So... [sighs]
What do you say?

106
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You wanna get married or what?

107
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Wow. This is
a lot to think about.

108
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You, probably,
can't tell right now,

109
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but I am tots overwhelmed.

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Look, just take your time.

111
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You know, just know
that it's waiting for you

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if you want it.

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[sirens wailing]

114
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Why are you so calm, Gordo?

115
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Aren't you excited to see
me going back to Arkham?

116
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I'm a complex man
with many emotions.

117
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that must be sifted through.

118
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The Mayor didn't give
you the key to the city

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-and now you're sad.
-I don't have a key, goddammit!

120
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I mean, no,
that's not it at all.

121
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That was a dumb guess.

122
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Dummy!

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Let me give you
a little piece of advice.

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You don't wanna be the one

125
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who gets the key to the city,

126
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you wanna be
the one who gives it.

127
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Yeah, Gordo.

128
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You should run for mayor.

129
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I got into public service
to shoot bad guys

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while allowing
for the occasional accidental

131
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shooting of an innocent,
because no one's perfect!

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I don't even like politics.

133
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Well, I love 'em.

134
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Come on, let's overthrow
Mayor What's-his-name?

135
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I can run your whole
campaign from behind bars

136
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like a real campaign manager.

137
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No!

138
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But let's just say
for argument's sake

139
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I want the job.

140
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Being the police commissioner

141
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of the most
dangerous city in America,

142
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I got low favorables.

143
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You also seem like
a hair-trigger reactionary

144
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:06,639
kind of guy
who runs his mouth off

145
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when he's backed into a corner.

146
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That's bullshit.

147
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Say that to my fucking face!

148
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Ah-ha! See, you're a cop,

149
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but you're not a hero.

150
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Unless, you do something heroic

151
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,084
that gets your
name in the papers.

152
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Cuffing your occasional
costumed psycho isn't splashy.

153
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But guess what?

154
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A little bird told me
that Ivy and Kite Man

155
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are getting
married on Saturday.

156
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And I've got their guest list.

157
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[laughing]

158
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All these criminals
will be in attendance

159
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-with their guard down.
-Wait a minute.

160
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I just have an idea.

161
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I bust that wedding
and I become a hero

162
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as big as Batman.

163
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Now you're
getting it, Mr. Mayor.

164
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Hey, there, sweetheart.
Why so gloom?

165
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,548
What are you guys doing here?

166
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,918
-Really?
-[overlapping chatter]

167
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,887
So did you get
the paperless post reminder?

168
00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:56,555
Ivy's wedding is on.

169
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,625
And the bride
still wants you to come.

170
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[sighs] I'm not going.

171
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,399
I'll just be a distraction

172
00:06:01,399 --> 00:06:03,163
and like Ivy said,
I always fuck everything up.

173
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It's your goddamn
best friend's wedding!

174
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Yeah and for once,

175
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I wanna make
the right choice.
Restraint.

176
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Everyone wants you there.

177
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And you wouldn't want
to miss my performance

178
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:12,939
of an aria.

179
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I'll be singing
at the reception.

180
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,110
Did we mention there's
going to be vanilla cake?

181
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,946
-I'm not going.
-I'll save you a seat.

182
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,983
So you're bailing
on your best friend's wedding?

183
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,886
Why is everyone so chatty?

184
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,187
This place used to be
great for silent brooding.

185
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,189
If you're really
worried about someone

186
00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:32,925
dragging Ivy's wedding
to hell in a handbasket,

187
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I got bad news.

188
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-What is it?
-Help break me out

189
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,997
and I'll tell you.

190
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,197
-I ain't buying it.
-All right.

191
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:39,800
That's fine.

192
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,036
Screw over your
best friend twice, I guess.

193
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:44,937
-[sirens wailing]
-[alarm buzzing]

194
00:06:44,937 --> 00:06:46,148
-[grunting, yelling]
-Gordon's planning to arrest

195
00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:48,209
all the villains
at the wedding.
He told me himself.

196
00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:50,509
-The cojones on that guy.
-[grunting]

197
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,646
How the fuck's he
going to pull that off?

198
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:53,913
Oh, he probably won't.

199
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,115
But he's gonna try.

200
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,283
And I mean, these weddings...

201
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,684
-Oh!
-[grunts]

202
00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:59,319
...they're so
meticulously planned.

203
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,786
Anytime you throw
a wrench in it,

204
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:02,656
it's like a ripple of--
[grunts]

205
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,024
Well, if I can't fuck up
Ivy's wedding.

206
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,826
-No one can!
-Okay.

207
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,627
I hear bells ringing.

208
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,833
Listen up.
I didn't just bring you in here

209
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,201
to enjoy these vegan donuts.

210
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,634
[retching]

211
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:16,802
[Cheryl] Vegan?

212
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,172
We have a special
mission today.

213
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:20,973
Oh, come on, boss.
It's Saturday.

214
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,244
I've got
my half-sister's baby shower.

215
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,812
We're going to Poison Ivy
and Kite Man's wedding.

216
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,680
Ivy's going
through with it, huh?

217
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,783
You mean Kite Man's
going through with it?

218
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,752
After all that
woman's done to him.

219
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,987
Look, we don't know
the emotional underpinnings

220
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,245
of that relationship

221
00:07:35,245 --> 00:07:37,990
but by God we will when
we arrest those two lovebirds

222
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,627
along with every major
supervillain in the city

223
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:42,795
who didn't have
prior weekend plans.

224
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,730
Sounds like Batman's problem.

225
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:48,235
Well, I am off to my
half-sister's baby shower.

226
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,036
[Gordon] Not so fast, Cheryl.

227
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,538
Aren't you tired of the supers
getting all the credit?

228
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,874
Here. Here's the guest list.

229
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,076
-Take one. Pass 'em along.
-[mumbles]

230
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:58,511
These are the most powerful
supervillains in Gotham.

231
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,047
Exactly. It's pretty badass.

232
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,814
Pretty damn key worthy.

233
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,651
But, sir, these people have
a myriad of superpowers.

234
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,985
And what do we have?

235
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,636
A damn good plan.

236
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,975
Oh, Father,
I gotta sin I've gotta confess.

237
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,877
Ah, this isn't really
a good time, son.

238
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,611
Yeah, uh, I must confess.

239
00:08:32,711 --> 00:08:34,847
All righty then,
what is it, my son?

240
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:38,398
I punched out a priest.

241
00:08:44,158 --> 00:08:46,707
[muffled screams]

242
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,932
Look at you!
Looking all elegant and shit.

243
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,033
You come alone?

244
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:55,701
[laughs]

245
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,171
My name is... [grunts]

246
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:00,874
Can I get an amen?

247
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,009
Amen, sir.

248
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:07,147
Oh! Oh, now this is majestic.

249
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,316
It is very 2014 Pinterest.

250
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:12,585
Kite Man is a basic bitch
through and through.

251
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,087
Oh, he's drinking
out of a mason jar.

252
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,224
I am so nervous.

253
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,860
Relax. Weddings
are a joyful occasion.

254
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,895
You know,
unless you're one
of the bridesmaids.

255
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,831
The gifts are okay, I guess.

256
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:27,000
I'm not nervous
about the wedding.

257
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,336
I'm nervous about
performing at the reception.

258
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,706
This particular piece
is a musical minefield.

259
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,875
The tricky rhythms,
dramatic shifts in pitch.

260
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:39,812
One needs the lung
capacity of an Adam Lambert.

261
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,081
Aren't you cute?

262
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,850
Look, I'm sure Ivy
will love the song.

263
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,284
I don't care if she loves it.

264
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,620
I only care if he does.

265
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,100
Catwoman's date?

266
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,923
How dare you?
That's not just
Catwoman's date.

267
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,726
That's cinema auteur,
Tim Burton.

268
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:56,263
If I deliver
a siren song for the ages,

269
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,630
it could be my big break.

270
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,734
So you weren't singing
this song out of love?

271
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:04,971
-I was, out of love for acting.
-Mmm-hmm. [gasps]

272
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,206
Oh, my gosh! She's here.

273
00:10:06,307 --> 00:10:08,774
Hey, hi, howdy, hello,

274
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,644
everybody continue talking
amongst yourselves.

275
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,011
Everything's cool.

276
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,947
Harley! I'm so glad
you decided to come.

277
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,883
-Love wins again.
-Yeah, yeah.

278
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,318
Long live Poison Kitey.

279
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,153
[chuckles] Well done.
That's one less thing

280
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,455
you'll regret your entire life.

281
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,822
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

282
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,390
So are there other
rooms here or what?

283
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,193
They have us corralled
in here for cocktail hour.

284
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,196
Right under this godforsaken AC

285
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,264
-which is doing nothing...
-Gordon.

286
00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:32,432
...my vocal chords!

287
00:10:32,533 --> 00:10:33,833
I'm gonna go find the bathroom.

288
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:34,868
[Clayface scatting]

289
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,169
There you are, Gordon.

290
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,971
-There you are.
-Ah! Don't touch me.

291
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,206
[laughs] Let's get you

292
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,274
with the other
bridesmaids, okay?

293
00:10:40,274 --> 00:10:45,144
It's almost showtime.

294
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,880
So how's everyone been?

295
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:48,914
What the crap, Harley?

296
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,917
I'm here. Ready to maid.

297
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,687
You weren't at the rehearsal.

298
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,087
How are you gonna
know how to walk?

299
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,822
Uh, right foot,
left foot. Repeat.

300
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,192
You bailed on Ivy.

301
00:10:58,192 --> 00:11:00,159
What do you care?
Are you even a bridesmaid?

302
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,962
I still have all
the responsibilities
of a bridesmaid.

303
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,798
Just not the fashion ones.

304
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,033
You think I'd be
caught dead in that rag.

305
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,434
Okay. Well,
then can I wear yours?

306
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,037
[chuckles]

307
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:13,105
Which ten pounds
do you plan on leaving behind?

308
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,475
Ladies, I'm just
here to support Ivy.

309
00:11:15,576 --> 00:11:17,277
That is the only
reason I'm here.

310
00:11:17,378 --> 00:11:19,278
Please give me the chance
to make it up to her.

311
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,847
And you. Cobb squad forever.

312
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,851
[grunts] Damn!

313
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:27,754
I thought she was
just being a beep.
This really is too tight.

314
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,822
-[grunting]
-Hold still, goddamn it!

315
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,024
-BRB!
-Hey, I'm not done!

316
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,461
You said you'd
braid my hair! Fuck!

317
00:11:34,562 --> 00:11:37,464
Where are you,
you rat bastard?

318
00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:38,999
What did you just call me?

319
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:42,001
-Harley?
-Oh, hey, Mr. Groom.

320
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,903
I just wanted to say mazel tov

321
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,139
and I wish you
many happinesses.

322
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,341
I am having so many
emotions right now.

323
00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:50,910
None of them
I would categorize as happy.

324
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,846
[stutters] Hey, where's Frank?
He said if this happened,

325
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,280
he'd have a pocket full
of zannies for me.

326
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,383
There you are,
my runaway bridesmaid.

327
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,351
I'm supposed
to keep you two apart.

328
00:11:58,351 --> 00:11:59,385
Yikes!

329
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,889
Hey, Jen, hair looks great.

330
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,057
No thanks to you.

331
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,225
Yass, queens. Okay, attitude.

332
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,095
Give me attitude.
Great. Love it.

333
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,162
Got you, Gordo!

334
00:12:09,263 --> 00:12:10,397
Ah, fuck my ass.

335
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,831
No one ruins
my best friend's wedding

336
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,436
but me!

337
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:16,870
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

338
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,438
Mr. Covington,
Help, the venue rep.

339
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,840
He's bleeding. [whimpers]

340
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,442
Hey, where do
I stand for the...

341
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,211
-Tad! [gasps]
-Ivy!

342
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,846
Wow. You look stunning.

343
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,712
-Harley!
-[yelps]

344
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,952
Hey, Tawny,
it's the Commish...

345
00:12:33,852 --> 00:12:34,988
...ioner.

346
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:36,557
-[Tawny] Commissioner?
-Gordon.

347
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:38,357
Yes. Listen, I've got
the scoop of the year for you.

348
00:12:38,359 --> 00:12:40,394
Bring your cameras down
to the old Gotham corn factory

349
00:12:40,394 --> 00:12:41,528
because there's gonna be

350
00:12:41,629 --> 00:12:44,163
something real
heroic going down.

351
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:46,365
[clicks tongue]

352
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,933
You're ruining my wedding.

353
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:50,003
I'm trying to do
the opposite of that.

354
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,971
I keep finding people
that you've punched out

355
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,974
and then you made
the photographer faint.

356
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,375
-But--
-Look, I just need this day

357
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,809
to go smoothly for Kite Man.

358
00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:58,000
I mean, he's a mess.

359
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,147
I mean, he didn't
even want you here.

360
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,615
I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have said that.

361
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,149
It's just... Look,
this is supposed to be

362
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,519
the happiest day
of my life, you know?

363
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,554
I mean, that is if you ascribe
to those patriarchal norms

364
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:12,057
about a woman's value fading
after she gets chosen by a man.

365
00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:13,393
Which we don't, right?

366
00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:15,428
Regardless,
it's supposed to be,

367
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,897
overall,
a really good vibes day

368
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,566
and it's barely
hanging on by a thread.

369
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:20,900
I mean, I feel like I'm just

370
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,969
sick of managing
everyone's feelings.

371
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,105
I have my own.

372
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:28,307
I'm nervous
and I'm scared
about the future, too.

373
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,143
But... I don't get a time

374
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,111
to just like
reflect about that, you know,

375
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,947
before I walk down
the goddamn aisle forever.

376
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,884
No, because someone's
going around cold-cocking

377
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,254
-all my goddamn
vendors. Shit.
-But--

378
00:13:40,354 --> 00:13:42,154
-But Ivy--
-Harley!

379
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,890
Your friendship
means the world to me

380
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,626
but, maybe, I'm kidding myself

381
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,294
that I can have
my cake and eat it too.

382
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,431
You know, you
can't stop being you

383
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:54,268
and... [sighs]
That fucks up what
I have with Kite Man.

384
00:13:54,368 --> 00:13:55,902
It just does.

385
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,870
Gordon is here
to bust half your guest list.

386
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,273
I'm trying
to save your wedding.

387
00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:01,942
-Listen how crazy you sound.
-I'm not.

388
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,342
-Two-Face told me.
-Okay.

389
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,614
A literal two-faced
person told you that.

390
00:14:06,714 --> 00:14:08,881
Harls, you may not even
know this but you're looking

391
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:11,350
for any reason to disrupt
my life with Kite Man.

392
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,120
And I just... I cannot have it.

393
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,587
So what are you saying?

394
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,356
I mean, I'm saying... [sighs]

395
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,658
I'm saying I don't
want you to be here.

396
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,427
[sobs]

397
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,099
[Clayface singing]

398
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,602
Harley, are you leaving?

399
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,339
Yeah, I got duped by Two-Face.

400
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,575
He told me Gordon was
gonna be here but he's not.

401
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,576
And I just look
stupid and desperate

402
00:14:36,677 --> 00:14:38,110
in front of everyone as usual.

403
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,212
Nonsense! We're at a wedding.

404
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:42,115
The only person people
are paying attention to

405
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,650
is the bride... [chuckles]

406
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,552
And hopefully, me!

407
00:14:45,653 --> 00:14:47,654
[scatting]

408
00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:52,592
[sighs] Maybe I don't
fit in Ivy's new life.

409
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,027
[Clayface] Ugh, I need water.

410
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,999
[sniffs]

411
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:02,201
Plastic?

412
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,303
Ivy, from the first
moment I saw you,

413
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,572
I knew I could never do better.

414
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,442
And even though you rejected me

415
00:15:08,442 --> 00:15:11,177
over and over again
and over again,

416
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,613
for good measure,

417
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:16,015
I was determined
to share a life with you.

418
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,317
You know, some
might call it stalking...

419
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,721
Ivy, I can't wait to spend

420
00:15:20,721 --> 00:15:22,322
the rest of my life with you

421
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:26,393
in our modest,
ranch-style, suburban home.

422
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,596
Grilling meatless
proteins, of course,

423
00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:34,067
and spending weekends shuttling
our four kids between soccer,

424
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,302
ballet, karate and capoeira,

425
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,706
which is this sick combination
of ballet and karate.

426
00:15:39,807 --> 00:15:42,207
Spending Sunday dinners
at my parents' house,

427
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:45,077
as soon as they allow us back
into their lives, of course.

428
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:48,381
Um, and just a lot
of chilling on the couch,

429
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,051
binging some
premium streaming content

430
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:53,519
and looking at our phones.
No-judgment style.

431
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,389
Ivy, you are
the wind beneath my kite.

432
00:15:56,490 --> 00:15:58,291
What the hell do you
think you're doing?

433
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,427
Saving my best friend.

434
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,730
Well, that was...
a very specific picture

435
00:16:02,730 --> 00:16:04,697
that you painted
of our future that I had not...

436
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,033
[clears throat] I had
not totally considered.

437
00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:09,101
[sighs]

438
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:10,403
Oh, right, I'm up. Sorry.

439
00:16:10,504 --> 00:16:13,072
Um, hello,
uh, let me just check

440
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,041
my notes...
Right.

441
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,009
[inhales]

442
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:17,878
[coughs]

443
00:16:17,878 --> 00:16:20,279
Charles Kite Man Brown,

444
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:22,783
I...

445
00:16:22,883 --> 00:16:24,350
I knew you were bullshit.

446
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,219
It's not what you think.
Just let me through.

447
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,788
Fuck you, homewrecker.

448
00:16:27,788 --> 00:16:30,389
Time to put my Cardio Barre
membership to the test.

449
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:31,389
Fuck, Jennifer.

450
00:16:31,389 --> 00:16:33,192
I am 36 goddammit!

451
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,662
This might be the last wedding
I get to be a bridesmaid in.

452
00:16:35,763 --> 00:16:40,167
[shouts]

453
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,503
Why is a caterer
at the ceremony?

454
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:49,241
-[Harley shouts]
-[grunts]

455
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:52,613
[in exaggerated accent]
Okay, great. You did your part.
Do you both agree now?

456
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:53,746
-Hell yeah.
-I do.

457
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,349
I now pronounce you...

458
00:16:56,817 --> 00:16:58,317
[in normal voice]
Under arrest!

459
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,354
Do it, men and Cheryl,

460
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:01,788
[grunts]

461
00:17:01,889 --> 00:17:03,056
Too much glue.

462
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:06,125
Why? [crying]

463
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:08,561
The flowers.

464
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,762
I'll get us out,
I'll get us out.

465
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:11,431
[groans]

466
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,201
This is... Shit! Plastic?

467
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,538
Why?

468
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:18,538
Gas masks!

469
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,440
[mumbling]

470
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,311
[Tawny] Merv, Merv,
are you getting this?

471
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:26,445
'Cause I can't see anything.

472
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,451
Darling, I think
it's time to leave.

473
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,487
Don't leave, Mr. Burton!

474
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,521
We haven't rapped yet.

475
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:40,622
This is for you,
Timothy Burton!

476
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,328
[singing]

477
00:17:45,699 --> 00:17:49,102
No! Why! No...

478
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:50,251
[thuds]

479
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,375
[chuckles]

480
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,279
Maid of honor coming through!

481
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,579
[grunts]

482
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:07,685
[shouts]

483
00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:16,395
Ah! I fucking love science.

484
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:20,299
Tawny Young reporting live

485
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,869
from the scene
of Ivy and Kite Man's wedding

486
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:25,171
in which
Police Commissioner Gordon,

487
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,874
-heroically...
-Retreat!

488
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,508
Get outside! Quick!

489
00:18:28,509 --> 00:18:30,277
Pissed off some
very powerful supervillains

490
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,345
and accomplished
absolutely nothing.

491
00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:33,613
All right, Merv,
let's pack it up.

492
00:18:33,614 --> 00:18:34,681
[explodes]

493
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,266
[singing an aria]

494
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,230
Gary, let's get out of here.

495
00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:51,565
That guy is creeping me out.

496
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,515
[singing continues]

497
00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:11,250
Harley, I'm really glad

498
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:12,819
you didn't leave
when I told you to.

499
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,188
I thought maybe I could
do something right for once.

500
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,523
Oh! I just want you
guys to be happy.

501
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:18,791
Well, it's too late.

502
00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:20,426
Once again,
everything is ruined.

503
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:21,929
It doesn't have to be.

504
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,363
Hey, I'm an ordained minister.

505
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,230
I got a license-- Ah-- online.

506
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:26,666
And I made it into a lanyard.

507
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,501
Pretty legit, huh?
So what do you think, huh?

508
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:30,569
-Can I marry you?
-Wow! [chuckles]

509
00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:32,305
Harley with a backup plan.

510
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:34,942
Oh, good for you, Reverend.

511
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,385
Fuck you!

512
00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:38,511
Listen, Kite Man,
I know we aren't
in the corn factory

513
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,380
but we are on the property.

514
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,949
So technically, you can tell
Us Weekly or whatever

515
00:19:41,949 --> 00:19:43,375
that you got married there.

516
00:19:43,375 --> 00:19:44,984
We can Photoshop some
pics later. It'll be great.

517
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,820
-[screams]
-Okay. Let's do this.

518
00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:49,923
-Hell no.
-What?

519
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:52,925
I should have known
the third time I proposed.

520
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,627
Every step in our relationship

521
00:19:54,728 --> 00:19:57,364
I've had to do over
and over and over.

522
00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:58,999
[stutters] And I'm not.

523
00:19:59,099 --> 00:20:02,669
After all of this,
I'm not redoing my wedding.

524
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,538
Don't you...
Don't you wanna marry me?

525
00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:06,573
Of course, I do. But you don't.

526
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,776
I saw your face during the vows

527
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,411
and I knew
your heart wasn't in it.

528
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:14,381
I may be simple
but I'm not a fool.

529
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,983
It is hard to finally admit it.

530
00:20:17,084 --> 00:20:19,819
But since you
refuse to, I will.

531
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,354
I'm not the person for you.

532
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,022
No. Oh, shit!

533
00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:25,759
Like you said, Ivy,
I deserve the best.

534
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:30,058
[Clayface continues singing]

535
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:35,768
There they are!

536
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,905
Shit! We gotta get out of here.

537
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,892
[singing intensifies]

538
00:20:52,019 --> 00:20:53,219
[grunts]

539
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,724
Where's the exit?

540
00:20:58,726 --> 00:21:00,326
[Poison Ivy]
Oh, for the shit of shit.

541
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,694
This is why I didn't
want to get married here.

542
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,596
The parking lot is a damn maze.

543
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:06,866
-[tires screeching]
-[sirens wailing]

544
00:21:06,967 --> 00:21:09,435
[Frank] It's pollen season
in here, bitch!

545
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,637
It's pollen season!

546
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:13,039
I'm really sorry, Ivy.

547
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,775
Kite Man will come around.
He always does.

548
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:17,711
Yeah, but you know what?
I won't. I mean, he's right.

549
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,513
I've been denying a lot
of myself for a long time.

550
00:21:20,614 --> 00:21:22,782
I guess... I guess,
it seemed easier for me

551
00:21:22,883 --> 00:21:24,451
to just go along
with it, you know?

552
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:27,054
But now I realize
I hurt a lot of people

553
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:29,789
-delaying the inevitable.
-Well, people change.

554
00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:32,026
Yeah, yeah, people do change.

555
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:34,994
I mean, look at you.
What you did for me today.

556
00:21:35,095 --> 00:21:37,663
You... [sighs]
You showed me the Harls

557
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:39,566
I always wanted
to see, you know.

558
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:41,801
You don't think
I'm chaotic and crazy,

559
00:21:41,902 --> 00:21:44,070
-make a bunch of messes?
-No, you definitely do that.

560
00:21:44,171 --> 00:21:46,472
But you're trying to grow

561
00:21:46,573 --> 00:21:48,775
and actually doing it.

562
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:50,576
And that, I mean, for me,

563
00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:51,678
that's what matters.

564
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:52,913
[sighs] I love you, Ive.

565
00:21:55,015 --> 00:21:56,516
I love you, too, Harls.

566
00:21:58,617 --> 00:21:59,987
Oh... Oh, shit!

567
00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:01,488
Okay, eyes on the road!

568
00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:04,887
I love you, but Jesus!

569
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:15,333
[sirens wailing]

570
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,679
[theme music playing]