1
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,110
[cat meowing]

2
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:30,739
Listen, I just can't thank you
enough for letting us stay
here, Selina.

3
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:35,618
Please, it's no trouble at all.
The guy I'm seeing has got this
whole wing of a mansion

4
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,997
that's pretty much mine now,
so I'm barely home.

5
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,876
I mean, I was gonna pay someone
to feed my cats,
but now I don't have to.

6
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:47,756
Great. And you know, I know
we're just guests, so I promise
we will respect your stuff.

7
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,632
What do you think
this is? Ahh!

8
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:50,967
-[grunts]
-[glass breaking]

9
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,552
And I guess we'll never know.

10
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,096
[gasps] Rembrandt's "The Storm
on the Sea of Galilee."

11
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,183
Degas's "Program for
the Artistic Soirée 1 and 2."

12
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:02,228
Dear Lord!
I believe I've solved the
Isabella Stewart Gardner heist.

13
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:05,356
It's entirely filled with
premium sushi rolls.

14
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,567
[Selina] That's for
the cats only.

15
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,152
They love raw fish.

16
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,488
Obviously, I have cameras
all over the place.

17
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,824
and do not open the room
with the green door.

18
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:18,495
Princess has been a naughty,
naughty kitty and she's in
time out.

19
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:22,916
-[Selina] All right, bye.
-Wait, wait! Before you go,
girl, come on, you gotta dish.

20
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:26,961
Like, tell me about this guy.
What's his butt like?
Like, is it cool?

21
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,005
He's... fine.

22
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:31,841
Yeah. No, totally.
I bet you could do
so much better.

23
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,801
Mmm-hmm.

24
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:35,595
[device beeps]

25
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:37,347
Shall I continue?

26
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,516
[sighs in exasperation]
It's not worth it.

27
00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:45,230
[opening theme music playing]

28
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,944
Honey, can you hand me one of
those clean beakers?

29
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,281
-[loud crash]
-Ow, my penises!

30
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,283
Oh, you mean a
clean, clean one.

31
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,869
Sweetie, I am close to
perfecting this serum.

32
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,790
All I need to do is reduce
the combustion intake by
adjusting the picric acid level

33
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:09,254
and then adding a small amount
of sodium bicarbonate
to counteract it.

34
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:12,799
-I'm gonna make it
less explodey.
-Oh yeah. Good thinkin', Ive.

35
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,551
So, next step, I gotta get our
hands on...

36
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,719
-[Harley screams]
-What?

37
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,640
I can't find the damn
unsubscribe button in this
email. It just pisses me off.

38
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:23,017
-So what we really have to do--
-[Harley screams]

39
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,270
I found the button, thank god.
[sighs in relief]

40
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,230
-[Harley screams]
-And they sent you the email

41
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,524
-confirming you unsubscribed.
-No, no, listen to this.

42
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,652
"The Academy of Evil Arts and
Science, in association with
the Gotham Foreign Press,

43
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:36,406
is honored to announce the
nomination of Harley Quinn
and Poison Ivy for Best

44
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,909
Couple at the 83rd Annual
Supervillain Awards!"
[screams excitedly]

45
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:44,372
Ugh, the Villys? Oh, great,
another gaudy award show
for egomaniacs.

46
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,791
Why would they think that we
wanna attend that circle jerk?

47
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,877
Cause I always win that
circle jerk.

48
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,588
Well, why keep jerkin' then?
Why do you need more awards?

49
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,756
Cause all those wins
were with Joker.

50
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,384
That clown kept every
Villy for himself.

51
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,303
Didn't even let me on stage.

52
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:01,222
I never got to give the
big speech and I live
for the big speech.

53
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:05,101
Hell, one time he didn't
even take me, he just took
one of his goons.

54
00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:07,437
-Dean.
-Oh it was Dean?

55
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,565
I wanna be on that stage with
you, holding up our Villy right
in middle of that circle jerk.

56
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:15,278
Honey, I just got my lab setup.
I've got momentum on this plan.
I'm in the zone!

57
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:18,281
And I mean like, when
have I actually even used
the words "in the zone"?

58
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,325
Oh, can't you step out of the
zone for one night,

59
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:21,951
and then after pop
right back into the zone?

60
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,786
-Please, please...
-[exhales sharply]

61
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,290
-Okay, okay, screw it,
let's go win this award.
-[Harley screams]

62
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,209
But I'm having three
Long Island ice teas
and no one's stopping me.

63
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,253
-No ice.
-Fuck yeah!

64
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:36,174
First thing tomorrow, Martha,
I announce my retirement
and focus on our family.

65
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,426
Put little Brucie on, will ya.

66
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:42,639
Heya, sport. I know I haven't
always been here for you,
but I promise that's over now.

67
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:46,851
Tell mother to wear her pearls
cause tonight we're going to
the movies!

68
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,771
And... cut! great take.
moving on.

69
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:52,982
Ugh, God, my back is killing me

70
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,526
-[chair vibrating]
-[moaning] There it is!

71
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,285
Willie Rob!

72
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,996
Might not recognize me.

73
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,875
Lotta hair and makeup...
I play the chair.
The director's chair.

74
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,252
Maybe you could, say, sit on me

75
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,713
in exchange for
one-on-one acting lessons?

76
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,382
I don't sit.

77
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,385
Ah, the Christopher Nolan
school of acting,
no sitting on set.

78
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:21,552
I don't ever sit.

79
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,722
Me neither.
Another standing pooper!

80
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:28,393
-James!
-Eatin' a Danish.
Just tastes better on set.

81
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:32,855
Look, it's just buddy, this,
this dialogue. I mean. It's not
humming, ya know?

82
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,732
Ugh, it hums.

83
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,693
[Billy Bob] Hey, you know what?
Maybe we could meet
at your place?

84
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,194
-Mmm.
-You know, cook some dinner,
and do a re-write?

85
00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:40,196
It's like what
Warner Bros told me

86
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:44,534
while I was writing the
"Scooby-Doo" movie.
It's all about the edit.

87
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:51,541
[chuckles] On second thought,
forget everything I just said!
And let's meet tonight.

88
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,085
-[tense music plays]
-[chuckles nervously]

89
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,296
Cool.

90
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:01,551
And we say happy Villy Sunday
from Gotham City's
lovely Crime Alley.

91
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:06,055
Ooh, Riddler, Clock King.
congrats on the nom for
Best Couple.

92
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,391
Thanks, Tawny,
It's a big category.

93
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,143
Lotta great couples this year.

94
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:13,438
Now you two were some of
Gotham's first openly
gay villains.

95
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,523
Must not have been easy.

96
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:19,360
[laughs] You might say the
hardest riddle I ever solved
was my own sexuality.

97
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,572
Luckily, I figured it out
just in time.

98
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,741
-Oh god, you turn my gears.
-Come here.

99
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,868
-Oh, okay, now don't
lean, that's okay.
-Oh, oops, get in there!

100
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,578
-[kissing noises]
-Aw.

101
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,997
And Clock King,
can you tell us
who you're wearing?

102
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,708
Of course, Tawny my clock
tonight is by the master, Patek
Philippe, it's a chronometer...

103
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:36,794
-You didn't tell me we had to
walk the red carpet.
-But you love walking!

104
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,963
[Poison Ivy groans]

105
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,510
Don't forget to re-apply
lipstick before they
announce your name.

106
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,929
Need that bold lip pop
on camera.

107
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:50,516
It's the other dynamic duo:
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!

108
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,728
I can't tell ya how great
it feels to be here
for another Villy,

109
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:56,314
and with time
with the love of my life.

110
00:05:56,397 --> 00:06:00,026
Well, girl,
this is the first time
you're running minus the Joker.

111
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,944
Think you can do it
without him?

112
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,531
When we're up on that stage
everyone will forget
about Mr. J.

113
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,451
It's all about
my sweet love Poison Ivy.

114
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:12,538
Okay, well, Ivy, everybody's
clamoring to see those claws.

115
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,791
Is there a theme
to your nails tonight?

116
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,211
Uh... social anxiety, I guess?

117
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,462
[Tawny] Oh...

118
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,301
God, they run out of those
little quiches so fast,
huh, Ive?

119
00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:28,054
If I stand here no one can ask
me who I'm wearing.

120
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,098
Okay, I know it's a lot,
but you're doing great.

121
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,643
-Promise, the show itself is
pretty low drama.
-[sighs]

122
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,812
Uh, hey, excuse me,
can you pass me the water?

123
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,980
Hell... o.

124
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,857
[disappointed groan]

125
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,568
[female announcer]
Live from
Crime Alley's Monarch Theatre,

126
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,446
it's the 83rd
Annual Villy Awards.

127
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,659
Here's your host:
the ace of knaves,

128
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,745
the clown prince of crime...
Joker!

129
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,455
[snarls]

130
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,625
-[alarm beeps]
-Ah shit.

131
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:02,046
I'm late for my eight o'clock.
I've got a show to host.

132
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,215
[hip hop music playing]

133
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:11,139
♪ Tonight's the night
We celebrate the bad guys
We fight it out ♪

134
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:16,185
♪ Every day for the real prize
The awards for those
They demonize ♪

135
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,855
[wicked laugh]

136
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,607
[singing]
♪ We're here for gold
I've won my share ♪

137
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,485
♪ Tonight's the one night
We play it fair ♪

138
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,280
♪ From Killer Croc,
To Firefly ♪

139
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,074
♪ Throw those hands up
In the sky ♪

140
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:33,244
-♪ Put on a smile ♪
-♪ Like Joker do ♪

141
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,912
This is beyond messed up.

142
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:38,958
You know, I should hate 'em,
but dammit the girls got moves.

143
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,711
-♪ We're throwin' acid. Yeah! ♪
-♪ Like Joker do ♪

144
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:44,922
-♪ We're gettin' plastered ♪
-♪ Like Joker do ♪

145
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,466
♪ Grodd is here
Dressed in a tux ♪

146
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,178
-♪ And so is Bane
Too bad he sucks ♪
-[Bane] What?

147
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:54,015
♪ Harley Quinn
With her new flame
I sat them next to... ♪

148
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:57,518
♪ Oh, what's his name?
Put on a smile ♪

149
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:58,978
[together]
♪ Like Joker do ♪

150
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,396
♪ We're gettin' wild ♪

151
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:01,564
-[evil laugh]
-♪ Like Joker do ♪

152
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,442
So, this is awkward turtle.

153
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,403
No. Why, why would that be?

154
00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:11,157
Uh, because we had an affair
while you were dating, then you
left him at the altar for me,

155
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,451
and now we're all seated
at an award show
where you and I

156
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,203
are up for Best Couple
and lalala.

157
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,371
Bingo-bango.

158
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,875
♪ Like Joker do! ♪
[laughs wickedly]

159
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:25,671
We've got an incredible show
for you, folks. Some great
guests, Sinestro,

160
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:30,343
Solomon Grundy,
Kevin Spacey.
Stay tuned!

161
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:31,719
Maybe we should go?
Should we go?

162
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,679
No, no, no it's fine.
All in the past.

163
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,683
Actually, I have completely,
totally moved on.
Even brought my new boo.

164
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,352
-You're dating Bane?
-What?

165
00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,938
I got a pretty good gig
as a seat filler.

166
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,273
My girlfriend's not here yet.

167
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,776
She's running late.
But she's definitely real.

168
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,319
I have a girlfriend
who is real.

169
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,072
Real hot, muy caliente.

170
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,699
Ha, but no it's not,
it's not just about her looks!

171
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:56,702
That would be shallow.
I mean, you girls
would really get along!

172
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,538
[forced laugh] Yeah...

173
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,289
Ive, maybe we should go
mingle little.

174
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,291
Mmm-hmm. You know what,
you go ahead.

175
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,710
I just...
I think need some air.

176
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:12,009
Whoa, you could cut the tension
with one of these.
That's on them.

177
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:17,723
All they have to do is give me
back my pasta maker if they
don't want things to be weird.

178
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,809
No, no. We all think it's cool.

179
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:23,604
Haven't heard a single person
suggest you're compensating
for something.

180
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:27,817
Riddler! Cock King!

181
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,237
Ha! It's Clock King, honey.
Cock King's the other guy.

182
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,532
Ha, lookin' forward to seein'
all six of those hands clapping

183
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,493
while I'm up on stage with Ivy
giving the big speech.

184
00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:39,912
Oh, Harley, have you seen our
new puppy, Maurice?

185
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,205
Yes, yes, show her.

186
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:44,292
Aww. So cute!
Who's the other guy?

187
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:48,379
Riddle me this,
who's the overseas President
without a country?

188
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:51,507
Who works in black and white,
but gives out the gold?

189
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,968
Why it's the head of
the Gotham Foreign Press.

190
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,762
And we gifted him
Maurice's twin sister.

191
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,264
You know, to grease the wheels.

192
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,224
-Grease the wheels?
-Oh, Harley.

193
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:04,437
You of all people must know
that these awards are
mostly political.

194
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,481
Joker spent half the year
campaigning for you two.

195
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,859
Gotta do whatever you can
to get the upper hand.

196
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,111
Even if it's
a little underhanded, right?

197
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:17,116
Ugh, yeah, totally, everyone
knows that. I mean, it's very
common knowledge. Mm-hmm.

198
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,369
[suspenseful music plays]

199
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,955
Hey. You're the award show
accountant, huh?

200
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,207
Cool, cool.
And that briefcase right there?

201
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,751
It's got the winners in it,
huh?

202
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,170
Maybe you could let me take
a lil peek inside it,

203
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,422
you know, make sure
I won Best Couple.

204
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:42,350
Look, nerd. You're gonna hand
over that briefcase and give
me the envelope.

205
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,185
I will look at it,
maybe cross somethin' out,

206
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,312
but hopefully not.
Then you take it back,

207
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:49,815
pretend this never happened.
Otherwise, I'm gonna kick
your math-lovin' ass.

208
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,571
Uh, wait, do androids piss?

209
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,448
[yelps, groans]

210
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,949
[low growl]

211
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,576
[ominous music plays]

212
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:06,874
[sighs in exasperation]

213
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,751
-[woman] Need a charger?
-Thanks.

214
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,003
It's nothin'. I never leave
home without it.

215
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,756
Which makes me think,
maybe I'm addicted to screens?

216
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,925
[chuckles] I mean,
who isn't, right?

217
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:19,887
Man... [exhales]

218
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,806
-this night sucks.
-Oh, why's that?

219
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:25,267
Ugh, it's just my girlfriend's
obsessed with winning
this award.

220
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,435
This whole thing is just,

221
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,270
it's not my scene.

222
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:32,274
I wanted to spend
the night at home,
working on my diabolical plan.

223
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:37,405
[gasps] Diabolical work
on a Sunday?
It's the Lord's Day.

224
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:41,075
Joke. I know
the sabbath's on Saturday.

225
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,660
This would be killing
if you knew me

226
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,538
because I am not religious.
[chuckles nervously]

227
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,790
No, it was a good joke.

228
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:51,794
You know, to make matters
worse, those assholes assigned
me to sit next to my ex-fiancé.

229
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,755
I hear that. I couldn't even
get myself to go in.

230
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,174
I'm supposed to be in there
with my new boyfriend,

231
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,301
but I am way too nervous.

232
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:03,806
-Why's that?
-Those assholes assigned us
to sit next to his ex-fiancé.

233
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,559
[gasps softly]
You are Kite Man's girlfriend.

234
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:15,025
And the award for the Most
Creative Nom de Plume goes to
Cock King!

235
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:19,905
Oh! He's a chicken. [laughs]
That is creative.

236
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,617
[doorbell dinging]

237
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,079
The muse has arrived.

238
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,499
James! I brought bread.
Thought we'd break it.

239
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,418
Isn't your hair
usually spikier?

240
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:36,338
[awkward laugh]
If I learned anything from
my seven years acting

241
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:43,679
on the Amy Sherman-Palladino
dramedy Gilmore Girls
as the quirky town resident--

242
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,557
I'm gonna stop you there.
James Gunn doesn't act.

243
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,519
Everybody knows his brother
Sean played Kirk on
Gilmore Girls!

244
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:54,273
You clicked
the wrong Wikipedia, didn't ya?
You're not James Gunn.

245
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,695
-You're a monster!
-No, no, no. I...
I'm the chair! Remember?

246
00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:03,741
You can turn yourself into
anything, but you use your
talent to become chairs?

247
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:06,535
Well, I'm not strictly.

248
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,704
At first I thought,
maybe you're a stalker.

249
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,209
But I can see behind those
horrific clay eyes,
you're just a hungry actor.

250
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,211
Oh, how I starve!

251
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,671
You know, I've been thinking,
maybe it's time for me
to take on a protege.

252
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,257
And Chair Guy,
I think you may be it.

253
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,675
[excitedly] Huzzah!

254
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,219
I gotta go take a piss,
but when I get back

255
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,970
your life is gonna be
changed forever, son.

256
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,847
-Where's the shitter?
-First door on the left.

257
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,476
Or was it the first door
on the right?

258
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,436
[Billy Bob] Holy shit,
is that a tiger?

259
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,231
-[tiger roars]
-[Billy screams]

260
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,941
-[tiger roars]
-[glass breaking]

261
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,819
[keypad beeping]

262
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,989
-[King Shark] Hello?
-Shark? Perchance you're free?

263
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,750
[sniffles] So moving.
Gone, but not forgotten.

264
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:58,587
Next is a special award
given only to
the truly deserving.

265
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,382
The baddies who make
a real difference.

266
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:07,555
This year's
recipient of the Joe Chill
Honorary Award is... Catwoman!

267
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,808
-[laughs boisterously]
-[audience clapping]

268
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:14,019
Let's forget the fact that I'm
not even really a villain,

269
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,604
I'm an anti-hero.

270
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,649
The only reason you gave me
this award is cause I'm Black.

271
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,654
After eighty-plus years
you finally realize

272
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,864
you haven't let
a single Black villain win.

273
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,783
No matter how much
we deserve it.

274
00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:30,828
Black Manta's
been out here for years
as a marquee villain,

275
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:32,621
and you don't see him
getting an award.

276
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,292
-He's black?
-And you think you can satisfy
your white guilt

277
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,794
with one apology trophy
named after...

278
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:41,672
you guessed it,
a white dude.

279
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,215
[cell phone vibrates]

280
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,717
[tiger roaring]

281
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,262
Why am I wasting my breath?

282
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,976
-So you're...
-Golden Glider.

283
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:57,896
Yes... Right. You're, you're
the one who glides with
your, your...

284
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:03,027
I have these special ice skates
that let me glide in the air.
Whoosh, shwing!

285
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,737
Woah. Look at that.

286
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,740
-They're like kites
for your feet.
-That's what Chuck said!

287
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:12,494
Oh, wow. So you guys know each
other's secret identities?
I mean, that's pretty serious.

288
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,788
It was months before Kite Man
told me his real name.

289
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:19,627
I mean, I know
it's pretty fast,
but yeah it feels real.

290
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,836
Has he made you the
chili yet?

291
00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:23,589
I love the chilli.
It's incredible.

292
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:27,676
Right? Ah, he gets
so obsessive about
picking each veggie.

293
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,762
It's almost like no onion
is perfect enough for him.

294
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:33,515
Oh, actually I hate...
hate, hate, hate onions,
so he stopped using them.

295
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,143
Really? Gosh, but, Kite Man
loves onions.

296
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,187
I mean, that's was like his
number two thing under kites.

297
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,898
I guess it's like how he took
out the meat when he made it
with you.

298
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:44,026
Huh. Kite Man's
a really good guy.

299
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,819
He's so good
at being supportive,

300
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,613
even if it's a sacrifice
for him.

301
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:51,367
Yeah. We're both... lucky.

302
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,120
Well, you know what? Fuck me.

303
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,040
I don't matter.
You shouldn't be nervous
because of me.

304
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:01,001
I mean, the only person
you should give
a snowrat's ass about

305
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:03,003
in that tacky theater is Chuck.

306
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,756
I mean, you're here
because of him,
and I'm here because of Harley.

307
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:11,053
So, let's just go be in there
for them because they sure
as hell would be there for us.

308
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,389
Hell yeah.

309
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:16,266
[grunts]

310
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,478
[aggressive screaming]

311
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:20,854
[muffled scream]

312
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:21,897
[Harley straining]

313
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,778
Ugh. Fuck off,
I was perfectly blended.

314
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,780
Hi-Yah!

315
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,829
[ominous music plays]

316
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,333
[screams, groans]

317
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,589
[man clears throat]

318
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,094
-[screams]
-Ahh, someone's in here!

319
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,179
Ugh, move it or lose it
Invisible Kid.

320
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,474
-Uh, I'm Imperceptible Man.
-[door opens]

321
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,685
Oh my god,
he did not wash his hands.

322
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,687
[Harley grunts]

323
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,818
[groans, growls]

324
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,406
[grunting]

325
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:18,245
[panting, grunts]

326
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,125
[laughs]

327
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,376
[gasps]

328
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,757
Ugh, you're such a dick.

329
00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:32,050
[screeching]

330
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:35,137
I sure hope we didn't have to
censor any of that. [laughs]

331
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:40,350
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It
was a very touching speech
about your mother's leukemia.

332
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:44,146
Thanks, bud. Uh, BTDubs,
I don't currently have
a bladder infection,

333
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:48,192
but the best prevention is
to keep crushing these
vodka cranny-cran-crans.

334
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,111
Lisa!

335
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,821
-Ohhh!
-[gasps]

336
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,908
-That's my babe.
-I'm so sorry I'm late, Chuck.

337
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,159
No problemo, mon amour.

338
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,203
I'm just happy we're together.

339
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:03,123
Although now,
I do have to leave you
to use the little kite's room.

340
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,168
[humming]

341
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,711
[gasps, screams] Harley!

342
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,172
What's going on here?

343
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,883
[sighs sharply]
I'm lactating?

344
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,929
You know, this was my
first time at the Villys.

345
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,097
Always wanted to go,
never got invited,

346
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:22,643
until last week, I got
nominated for "Best D-Lister"
at the less publicized,

347
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:25,521
but definitely equally
prestigious Technical
Villy Awards.

348
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,856
-Did ya win?
-I did not.

349
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,025
Lost to a guy
with a gun for a penis.

350
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:33,403
But sitting in that rented out
kid's dance studio, it hit me,

351
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,198
the only reason I got nominated
was 'cause of Ivy.

352
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:39,535
Dating her made me
want to be a better person,
a better villain.

353
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:44,706
Hell, when I first met her I
was a delusional, nobody himbo.
Now I'm big enough

354
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,042
-to lose Best D-Lister.
-But Ivy left you.

355
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:50,504
Yeah, and now I'm with Lisa
and she rules.

356
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,548
Things are working
out for the ole Kite Man.

357
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:58,220
And win or lose tonight,
they seem to be working out
for you too.

358
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:03,559
Now, if you will excuse me,
I gotta do a yak-attack of some
vodka crans in that stall.

359
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,812
-[retches]
-[vomiting]

360
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,897
[King Shark yelling]

361
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,942
It's taken care of.

362
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:16,488
A moment of silence
to honor the talented
Mr. Thornton's life.

363
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,073
[cell phone vibrating]

364
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:20,742
Well, I'm done for. It was good
knowing you, friend.

365
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:25,247
Too bad you can't turn into
Billy Bob Thornton and live-out
your dream as a movie star.

366
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,583
It'd be far too much
to keep up with.

367
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:33,297
Balancing his busy life with
your own much-less busy but
probably still important life.

368
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:37,217
Screw Clayface!
I choose Thornton.

369
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,095
Billy, you were right.
I looked at the script,
made a few changes,

370
00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:44,474
added some incongruous songs
to spice in some humor.
I think you're going to love!

371
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:48,937
Terrific. Oh, how I,
Billy Bob Thornton,
alive and well,

372
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:53,108
do love our camaraderie,
James Gunn.

373
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:55,944
Cool.

374
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,075
Okay, bitch,
wait what happened to you.
You know what? I can guess.

375
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:07,122
Let's win this Villy,
crush the acceptance speech,
and make that trophy a cuck.

376
00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:08,707
Totally! How?

377
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,627
Uh, by making it watch us have
crazy sex till dawn. Duur.

378
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:15,547
Okay, I absolutely love that
image. But Ive, I am so sorry.

379
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,634
You've had real anxiety
all night, and I
should've helped.

380
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,802
I was so fixated on that award
when I was with Joker

381
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,971
cause it was the
only validation I ever got.

382
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,140
But that was a
bad relationship,

383
00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:27,059
and I have grown beyond that.

384
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,686
So who cares about
a dumb trophy?

385
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,648
I've got the real award
right here.

386
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,275
That's so sweet. But
I should've been more excited.

387
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,986
I mean, this is
important to you,
so it is important to me.

388
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,197
-[Harley] Aw...
-[kissing noises]

389
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,534
You wanna ditch this hellhole?
Get some Big Belly Burger?
Tie up the employees?

390
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:47,496
Maybe take silly photos in our
fancy dresses?

391
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:51,083
Uh, hard yes. I'd kill for a
grilled cheese right now.

392
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,670
And you know we're taking those
silly photos. It's not gonna be
silly how hot we look.

393
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:59,174
-Fuck you, Villys.
-Yeah. Fuck you Villys!
And your vegan apps suck.

394
00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:02,886
Don't put a leek
on a crostini and call it an
hors d'oeurve!

395
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:12,646
Now, the moment we've all been
waiting for... The final award:
Best Couple.

396
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,942
And the Villy goes to...

397
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,946
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!

398
00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:23,031
-What?
-Boo!

399
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,825
[sobbing]

400
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,537
We will never win
and it's because of my big
stupid clock for a face.

401
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,871
-Hey!
-Don't touch me.

402
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,583
You are beautiful.
And you are loved. By me.

403
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,669
I don't even know
what time it is.

404
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:40,590
I said Harley and Ivy!

405
00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,551
Where is that damn seat filler?

406
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:47,514
So, going to any of those cool
after-parties later?

407
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:52,477
Hmm, well only one thing to do.
Trophy's mine! [laughs]

408
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,939
On behalf of Harley and Ivy,
I'd like to thank
my loyal goons.

409
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,607
Dean, shout out.

410
00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:00,610
Laura, my co-class mom,
shouldn't be gendered.

411
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:03,572
And of course my better-half
Bethany. Muah!

412
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,365
You are my rock.

413
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:08,243
And hey kids, you'd better be
off to bed, but if not,

414
00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:10,912
this one's for you, Benicio
and Soph-Soph.

415
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:13,081
Good night!
[laughs maniacally]

416
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,708
-I love you so much.
-Come here.

417
00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:16,084
-Okay.
-Don't put your head
right into my face.

418
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:18,253
-Oh, okay. Sorry.
-Stop Moving.

419
00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:20,047
God, we have to work out
our kisses.

420
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:22,215
[theme music playing]