1 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,006 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,270 [Harley] Last season on Harley Quinn, 3 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,730 my bestie Ivy was engaged to this lame-o, 4 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,440 but I was in love with her, too. 5 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,692 Joker got a second acid bath. I kicked Psycho's ass. 6 00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:27,777 Hard passed Darkseid. 7 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,571 Saved Ivy from her own wedding and we drove off into the sunset. 8 00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,698 What do you think we did next, hmm? 9 00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,658 [woman giggling] 10 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,202 [women chuckling] 11 00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,038 [woman moaning in pleasure] 12 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:42,751 [bed creaks] 13 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,128 Now let's shed those leaves. 14 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:48,089 [exaggerated moans] Uh, yeah, I'm Ivy, ooh, yea... 15 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,424 [Ivy] I don't even wear leaves. 16 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,676 Still, ya gotta respect the hustle. 17 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,471 I mean, they wrote, shot, and edited this in two weeks since Psycho blew up our spot. 18 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,932 Was that only two weeks ago? It feels like so much longer. 19 00:00:58,016 --> 00:00:59,684 I know, right? 20 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:01,561 -[hologram whooshing] -The sign says "no girls allowed" 21 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:02,979 Superman's dead dad? 22 00:01:03,062 --> 00:01:05,315 Harlivy? What are you doing here? 23 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,150 Ooh! Is that our official celeb couple name? 24 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,235 Ugh, I would have just gone with "Hivey". 25 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,780 I hadn't said it out loud before, it looks better in writing. 26 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:15,867 Now surrender, fugitives! Wait, are you watching a dirty movie? 27 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,745 This is the Fortress of Solitude! 28 00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:21,080 L-O-L a "dirty movie"? 29 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:24,667 Uh, relax, we just dropped in to chill for a bit and eat all your chips 30 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,211 while Gordon's looking for us, okay? 31 00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:28,004 Your big, dumb son says it's okay. 32 00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,255 Oh, did he now? 33 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,257 Perhaps we should call him. 34 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,344 -You really don't have to do that. -Yeah, don't do that. 35 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,054 [hologram whooshing] 36 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,555 Ladies, your honeymoon is over. 37 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,724 Wrong again! It's just beginning! 38 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,434 C'mon, Hivey, let's bounce. 39 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,394 -[key beeps] -[explosion] 40 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,772 -[Harley laughs maniacally] -Come back here and face justice! 41 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:47,899 Wait, did you sign up for HBO Max? 42 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,943 I already used my free trial! 43 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,986 Shit, shit, shit, where'd we park? God! 44 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,364 -How does Wonder Woman keep track of this damn jet? -[distant beeping] 45 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:57,700 -[explosion] -Oh! It's right over there. Yay! 46 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,619 So, what do we do now? 47 00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:02,372 Let the "Eat Bang Kill" tour begin. 48 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,499 -Come here. -[both kissing, moaning] 49 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:05,458 [jet whooshing] 50 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,044 [muffled screams] 51 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:10,171 To us, together at last. 52 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:13,341 Harley and Ivy take over the fucking world! 53 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:14,717 [pops] 54 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:16,469 [impact thuds] 55 00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,891 -[man] Hello? Hello? -[Ivy chuckles] 56 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,643 -This is Commissioner Gordon. -[whispers] Oh, he's on! He's on! You, you! 57 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,728 [clears throat] This is the IRS calling, sir, 58 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,314 you have a $90,000 lien on your house. 59 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,483 How in the he-- is this about my ex-wife? 60 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,820 We're gonna need to confirm your identity. What's your credit card number again? 61 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:37,490 -Oh, life saver! So, any credit card? -Gimme, gimme, gimme! 62 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,117 The one with the highest limit. 63 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,578 Okay, let's see. You ready for the number? Four-six... 64 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,540 -Charge it to the room. -Missus and Missus Gordon. 65 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,958 [glasses clinking] 66 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,960 -[Harley laughing maniacally] -[jet whooshes] 67 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,214 -[Harley grunts] -Ugh. 68 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,258 -[grunting] -[impact thuds] 69 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:58,845 -[man screaming] -Send our regards to whatever shitty tabloid you work for! 70 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:03,224 And tell Ben Affleck I upper-decked his fancy soda stream! 71 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,018 [Harley screaming] 72 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,730 [sighs] 73 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,565 -Champagne, my queen? -[Ivy chuckles] 74 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:13,318 Harls, I gotta tell ya, this trip you have planned for us-- 75 00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,819 Call her by her name. 76 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:18,489 Right, the "Eat Bang Kill Tour," is just so sweet, 77 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,074 it's so fun, and then raunchy... 78 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,784 [chuckles nervously] ...and then a little scary. 79 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,620 I know, it's going to be hard to top 80 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,580 punching a bunch of Buckingham guards in the dick though. 81 00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,498 [gasps] Oh, oh, tell me your favorite part. 82 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:30,293 Um, I really liked walking through the Queen's rose garden. 83 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,962 Each rose totally blooming to her full potential. 84 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,672 I'm like what is this woman's secret... 85 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,925 [woman] It's all about the sprinkler schedule. 86 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:38,301 Who said that? 87 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,345 -[woman grunting] -Queen Elizabeth the second? 88 00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:44,140 -How did she get in here? -She shoved me in a bag. 89 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:46,225 Happy two-week anniversary! 90 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,394 Oh, wow, wow, Harls. 91 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,357 -What you... You don't like it? -No, I do. I do. 92 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,485 I like it. 93 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:58,321 -It's so pleasurable to meet you, your majesty. -[Queen chuckles awkwardly] 94 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:02,116 Aren't people going to be, like, looking for her? I just took my bra off. 95 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,993 [jets whooshing] 96 00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:07,372 I gotcha, Ive. We'll wrap this thing up quick! 97 00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:10,667 Let's commemorate with an emergency photo shoot. 98 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,169 -Kiss under the missile for good luck, Ive! -[kisses] 99 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,879 [camera shutter clicking] 100 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,839 Okay, okay, I think we got the shot! Time to lose our tail. 101 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,675 It's been real, your majesty! Later! 102 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,843 -Watch the-- Harley, no! -[Queen screams] 103 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,262 Yeah, she's got an invisible parachute. 104 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,848 I am gonna choose not to question that. 105 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:31,437 The potholes, the sinkholes, toxic puddles, super squirrels, exploding sewers, 106 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,525 haunted crosswalks, we've got children driving busses, 107 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,819 pregnant rats on every corner, 108 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:43,783 it costs $38 to mail a letter-- Personally, I loaded up on forever stamps in high school, 109 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,702 but not everyone's smart like that. 110 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,412 [disgruntled citizens clamoring] 111 00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,414 -So is that a question or? -[citizens jeering] 112 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,709 If you're elected mayor, how the hell you gonna fix all this, Gordon? 113 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,502 Cheryl, you're my lieutenant! 114 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:57,422 I've got step-kids to feed and you're blowing our tax money 115 00:04:57,505 --> 00:05:03,136 on tanks, robocops, and GCPD branded water bottles. 116 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,221 Eh, we paid for it with the library tax. 117 00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,557 Most people are only in there to use the bathroom, anyway. 118 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,642 -[citizens jeering] -Why's everybody mad at me? 119 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:13,730 The biggest existential threat to Gotham is criminals like Harley Quinn 120 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,149 and Poison Ivy, who continue to wreak havoc. 121 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,901 I'll do whatever it takes to bring them to justice. 122 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,236 [disgruntled citizens shouting] 123 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:22,280 Mayor, you have 30 seconds to respond. 124 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,198 Your police budget is out of control. 125 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,034 -You're the mayor! You approved my budget! -[citizens booing] 126 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,119 -[citizen 1] Lame! -Boo yourself! 127 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:31,497 Hold on! I've dedicated my life to trying to keep this piece of shit city safe! 128 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,291 -[citizen 2] You stink! -Nuh-uh! 129 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:34,792 Hashtag team Harlivy! 130 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,544 -[citizen 3] You suck! -[audience booing] 131 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:43,593 I'll bring Harley and Ivy to justice, and then you'll change your tune! 132 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,721 Everyone's gonna be whistlin' Jimmy Gordon baby! 133 00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:49,557 -[citizen 4] Fuck you! -No, fuck you! 134 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,476 [citizens booing, jeering] 135 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,686 I think that went pretty well. What do you think? 136 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,022 [jet whooshing] 137 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,608 [Ivy grunts] 138 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,318 Can you believe it's been 16 whole days since we've been together? [screams] 139 00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,236 I'm sorry, who's flying this plane? 140 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,489 -It's on autopilot. Oh, shit, wait, hold on. -[emergency beeping] 141 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,951 -Okay, now it's on autopilot. -[Ivy clears throat] 142 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:13,456 I know I've been showering you with super thoughtful gifts to an almost exhausting degree, 143 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:18,211 but get ready 'cause this next one's gonna blow your skirt up. 144 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,921 But it's also very chill. 145 00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:22,632 [water splashing] 146 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:26,803 We've been doing all this intense bad guy fighting, which you do often enjoy, 147 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,514 but there's this whole other side to you which is like, 148 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,682 plants! And I love that, too. 149 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,601 [gasps] Surprise! 150 00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:37,772 Ugh! No! I thought I smelled stone-age pollen. Why did you bring me here? 151 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:41,317 Uh, what? You built this beautiful place. It's your baby. 152 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,695 I thought you'd get excited and maybe we'd mess around a little bit. 153 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:48,533 Come on, let's have sex in your baby! 154 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,953 I-- I brought you here because I thought it would inspire you. 155 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:55,623 Harley, it's not inspiring, it's-- It's a total failure. 156 00:06:55,706 --> 00:07:00,711 I... I had this dumb idea to terraform Earth using prehistoric plants. 157 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,255 [mockingly] Ah! 158 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,173 You know and then I called it Edin with an "I" for Ivy. 159 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,217 That's so cute! 160 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,678 Okay, the name's not great. But the-- But the idea is! 161 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,431 I worked on it for like way too long, and then I could only grow this one shitty acre-- 162 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:17,019 Of the most beautiful jungle anyone's ever seen! My girl! 163 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,355 No, I failed over and over again. 164 00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:23,359 I designed it, like, ten years ago, the colors are so dated. Oh, my God! 165 00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:26,028 I feel like I'm in, like, an Urban Outfitters sale section. 166 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:29,448 Hey. Neon is back! Some people say it never went away. 167 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:33,077 Ivy, you spent the last two years helping me with my stupid bullshit 168 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,579 and making chili with your ex. 169 00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,873 Yeah. I also died and was resurrected. 170 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,876 Yes, exactly. You are a badass evil villain. 171 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,752 You should mold the world to your vision. 172 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:44,046 It's time to focus on what you want. 173 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,508 Since we're here, it's at least worth looking around, right? 174 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,093 [serene music playing] 175 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:52,054 I mean, the root system does look pretty strong. 176 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,682 I used to be so into that. [breathes deeply] 177 00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:57,393 -Okay. Fine. -[Harley gasps] 178 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,979 -We can look around. But let's make it quick. -[Harley squeals] 179 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,439 [clock ticking sounds] 180 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,069 -Oh, my God! Babe! -What? What? 181 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,071 Did the queen find us? Do we need to finish her off? 182 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,573 Start an international incident? 183 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,576 I just negotiated the correct pH in the groundwater! 184 00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:16,454 Oh, cool, I'm loving how inspired you are. 185 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:19,665 Bee-tee-dubs, in case other people ask me, what's the wi-fi here? 186 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,752 There's no wi-fi in Edin-- That's like the whole point. 187 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:27,131 A paradise that reverses all the damage humans have done to the environment. 188 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:31,594 Where ancient plants can finally bloom to their full potential! 189 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:32,929 Totally! 190 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:36,265 Reclaiming every inch from toxic factories, 191 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,684 fast food chains. Bravolebrities! 192 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,937 But not the ones that make their own wine, right? 193 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,690 I cannot go back to buying based on the label. No fucking way. 194 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:49,612 Just imagine, you and me, sitting in the sun, living off the nectars. 195 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,823 We don't have to run from anybody or bash any heads in. 196 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,159 Um, yeah, [chuckling] yeah, that is so cool. 197 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:58,371 You know, I don't need to bash people's heads in or have wi-fi. 198 00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:01,999 I can just sit here. Maybe I'll learn to talk to flowers or something. 199 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,418 And this mind control device? Who needs it! 200 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:05,753 [impact thuds] 201 00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:08,714 [inhales] Oh, look at this soil! 202 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,050 The Staghorn fern is self-propagating, 203 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,970 so if I can get the right acidity levels... 204 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,805 [indistinct creaking noises] 205 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,224 And then, who knows, Terraforming could be possible! 206 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,642 -[phone buzzing] -[Harley gasps] 207 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,602 [grunts] 208 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,063 Ooh! An unknown number, maybe it's a telemarketer, I'd better answer it! 209 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:25,815 Hello, outside world! 210 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,817 Oh, hey, girl! It's King Shark. 211 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,653 OMG K.S. Bang Bang! What's happening in Gotham? Tell me all the hot goss! 212 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,196 Well, funny you should ask, 213 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,992 we're being tortured. So, how are things with you? 214 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,994 Wait-- You're being tortured? By who? 215 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,622 Oh, I hate to be a spoilsport but me and Clayface are incarcerated. 216 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,874 [chuckles] Gordon nabbed us at the wedding. 217 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,543 He's holding us in Arkham. 218 00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:48,254 But if you're too busy to rescue us, we understand-- 219 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,714 No! We'll be right there! 220 00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:52,883 Ivy! I've got some terrible news! [squealing] 221 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,552 [jet whooshes] 222 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,929 So, let's just in and out, no extra drama. 223 00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,599 My seedlings are just in a crucial stage and I want to get back ASAP. 224 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,893 Oh, yeah, me, too, can't miss the crucial seedling stage. 225 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,062 You know, as soon as we make Gordon pay for messing with our crew! 226 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,065 Let's skip Arkham and crash this jet right into Gordon's house 227 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,984 and slaughter his entire family! 228 00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:12,361 Honey, I know you haven't punched anyone in the dick in two days, 229 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,530 but we have to be smart about this. 230 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:17,366 Actually, yesterday there was a fox that tried to take a shit too close to me. So... 231 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,285 Gordon could be using him as bait. 232 00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,496 A shark as bait? Ha! That is so fucked up. God, you're smart! 233 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,665 This is why we make a great team. 234 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:28,377 You with your brilliantly thought out strategies and plant goddess superpowers, 235 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,962 and me with... [breathes sharply] 236 00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:32,590 -You gonna fill that part in? -What? 237 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,216 Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. I was just... 238 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,760 [impact thuds] 239 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,596 [windshield wipers squeaking] 240 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:43,559 -Your hair looks really good today. -I know, right? [chuckles] 241 00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:47,980 The shark found the phone we planted and called Harley just like we thought he would. 242 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,024 [laughs] 243 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,693 I bring down Harley and Ivy, no one's gonna be complaining about the potholes, 244 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:56,072 the sinkholes, toxic puddles, exploding sewers, haunted... 245 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,741 This is torture! Let me out of here! 246 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:02,328 Chin up, buddy! Before you know it, Harley is going to bust us out. 247 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,413 She better do it soon. 248 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:08,084 I have an audition in six hours for the new Thomas Wayne biographical picture! 249 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,919 "A Hard Wayne's Gonna Fall." 250 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:13,631 [scoffs] Another movie about a bipedal billionaire. 251 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,549 And a trashy reboot at that. 252 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,761 Stop it! That puckish auteur James Gunn, 253 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:23,599 is spreading his wings into the horizons of award season drama! 254 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:26,852 If you can't make the audition, why don't you just submit a tape? 255 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,563 We could just use the phone that suspiciously showed up 256 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,440 in my French bread pizza at lunch. 257 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,025 Oh, like now? [clears throat] 258 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:36,404 Hello. Clayface. Arkham Asylum. Five to seven feet tall, 259 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,115 or whatever suits the role of "Thug Number Three." 260 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:43,953 Willing to shave. Anywhere. 261 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:48,165 Is this gonna be much longer? I gotta go pick up a prescription for my lizard. 262 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,502 [Gordon chuckles] Pay dirt! 263 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:54,463 -[guns cocking] -Freeze! 264 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,385 I'm getting nervous about Britney and Kylie's improv skills with Gordon. 265 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:03,264 They're trained professionals. I'm sure they're gonna buy us at least another five minutes. 266 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:05,975 [Kylie] Oh, no! Have we been bad? 267 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,853 [Britney] Ooh, we need someone to punish us. 268 00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:11,105 Not Commissioner Gordon! 269 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,733 Ooh, we respect and fear him so much. 270 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,735 Something about this doesn't seem right. 271 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,654 Hold on, let's hear them out. 272 00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:22,616 What the? Adult film actresses Kylie Kryptonite and Britney Bionic? 273 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,994 -[male cop] I'm a huge fan! -Loved you in the "Drilling Joke." 274 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:28,664 -Sign my gun? -Can I get an autograph? It's for my husband. 275 00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:29,915 [alarm blaring] 276 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,293 [prisoners yelling] 277 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:37,840 Wait. This is where you drugged and kidnapped me to help me escape an abusive relationship. 278 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,175 [yells] Harlivy! 279 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,051 -Shark face! [squeals] -[King Shark chuckles] 280 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,386 You look radiant! 281 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,014 Oh, thanks! We've been doing a ton of fucking. 282 00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,640 To the jet! Quick! 283 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,435 God, I can't believe I just said that, that was so lame. 284 00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,937 Should I try that again? You know what, nevermind, let's just go. 285 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,273 [alarm blaring] 286 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,860 Watch where you're going, Karen! 287 00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:01,197 Excuse you, bitch! You just bumped into Poison Ivy. 288 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,033 One of the premier supervillains in this world, 289 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,952 newly inspired for some really cool shit she's working on. 290 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:10,331 And my BFF GFF slash-- [loudly] Hottest woman alive. 291 00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:14,210 Supervillain? [scoffs] Ha! She hasn't done anything evil in years! 292 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:17,296 Where the fuck do you get off? You-- 293 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,215 -[growls] -Come on, Harley, let's go. 294 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,842 [alarm continues blaring] 295 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,719 [ominous music playing] 296 00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:25,846 [jet whooshes] 297 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,932 -Yeah. -You're not coming with? 298 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,851 We're gonna jet back to Edin and continue the important work we were doing 299 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,062 with the leaves and measuring them... 300 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,730 Probably having lunch at some point... 301 00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:37,525 Then maybe, maybe more leaf inspections... 302 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,401 And you're enjoying that? 303 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:43,280 Oh, yeah! I love chaos but I also love plants. Just like my lady. 304 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,699 Harley, I mean, if you want to hang with them, you don't have to come... 305 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:48,410 Are you kidding? There's nothing I'd rather do than listen to bae 306 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,579 talk about chlorophyll for a couple of weeks. 307 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,373 So I won't be needing these... 308 00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:55,793 The nuclear codes expire on Tuesday. Miss ya, mean it! 309 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,254 Stop by whenever and also call me if anything cool happens 310 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,590 and even anything uncool happens I don't want to miss out. Bye! 311 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,425 -[Clayface] Huh? -Mmm-mmm. 312 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,428 You're what the French call "Les Incompetents." 313 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,597 -That's a little-- -Losing Harley and Ivy again, 314 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,768 and now half the GCPD is suspended for the shit they posted on social media 315 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:15,437 with pornstars. I should have your badge! 316 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,523 We'll let the people decide who's gonna take whose job 317 00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,191 when I kick your butt in the election. 318 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,610 [laughs] You don't stand a chance. 319 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,779 Just ask my campaign manager. 320 00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,532 -[Mayor laughs maliciously] -What? How could you do this to me? 321 00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,784 -Do you know what my name is? -[gasps] 322 00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:33,247 -Harvey Dent. -Right, but my moniker? 323 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:37,668 Oh! [chuckles] [normal] I still don't get it. 324 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,299 Ooh! Big whoops. Whatevs. 325 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,884 Enjoy your seventh term, Mr. Mayor! 326 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:50,055 Just know this open sewer of a city and its shit problems are all yours 327 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,224 and I hope you choke on 'em. [grunts] 328 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,353 [squirrel squeals] 329 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,231 -[screaming] Stupid squirrel! -[squirrel screeching] 330 00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:01,358 -[impact thuds] -[grunts] 331 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,443 [squirrel chatters away] 332 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:03,736 [bubbling noises] 333 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,283 -[tires screeching] -[car honks] 334 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,326 [laughing maniacally] 335 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,036 [gasps] 336 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,079 Ah, damn kid bus drivers! 337 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,290 -[bus crashing] -[explosion] 338 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,375 [Mayor yells] 339 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:24,423 Live by the polls, die by the polls. Poetic. 340 00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:27,426 Good news is I just became available again. 341 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:33,974 [crying] 342 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,851 [sobbing] 343 00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:37,394 [whimpering] 344 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,438 [screams] No! 345 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,358 [Ivy sighs] 346 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:45,194 I just put the tea kettle on, do you want chamomile or jasmine? 347 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,528 -[muffled grunts] -What? 348 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,697 -Nothing. -[muffled grunts continue] 349 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:52,242 -What is that noise? -Well, I mean, it is our 18th day anniversary. [chuckles] 350 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,703 I'll give it to you later. Actually no, I'll give it to you now. 351 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,955 [grunts] 352 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,875 -So what is it with you and, like, bags of people? -[chuckles] 353 00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,168 Surprise! 354 00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,712 Oh, my gosh. Harley! Do you know who this is? 355 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,215 Yeah, it's the munch who said you weren't evil! 356 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,800 Let's feed her to a plant or something! 357 00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,718 Give her an unflattering haircut for her face shape! 358 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,720 Show her you are the baddest bitch on the planet! 359 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,556 She's head of the Suicide Squad. 360 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,975 Oh, so you're Amanda Waller? 361 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:20,020 Oh, whoa, we need to make a Gotham yearbook or something. 362 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,399 I know the names but not the faces, but sometimes the faces and not the names. 363 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,650 -Harls. -[grunts] 364 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,819 You never returned my emails. 365 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:29,321 Yeah, thanks for the t-shirts and all, but the only squad I'm joining is Cobb. 366 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,115 Yet you still refuse to get the tattoo. 367 00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:33,033 What's your damage, Waller? 368 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,744 Always perving on supervillains and putting bombs in their heads. 369 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:39,790 You think you're hot shit but no one's above being rude to my bae! Now apologize. 370 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,084 You think you can kidnap me without repercussions? 371 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,211 I eat repercussions for breakfast! 372 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:46,422 Harley, why are you stirring up drama right now? 373 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,425 We are supposed to be checking mitochondrial reactions. 374 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,260 -This is not drama, okay? -[sighs wearily] 375 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,387 What's she gonna do? She's wearing a pencil skirt. 376 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:57,558 You dance with me, you dance with the entirety of a team of renegades 377 00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:01,603 who take on the dirty jobs the U.S. Government won't even do. 378 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,063 [rock music playing] 379 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,440 Captain Boomerang. 380 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,233 Killer Croc. 381 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,152 Enchantress. 382 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,404 Deadshot. 383 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:11,780 Katana. 384 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,533 Together they are, The Suicide Squad. 385 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:18,620 Some of the meanest psychos who are alerted whenever Amanda Waller 386 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,997 sends out the signal. 387 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,000 [woman] Which you did about two hours ago. 388 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,586 That's pretty cool, eh? P.R. put it together. 389 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,213 Oh, they want your notes by end of day. No rush. 390 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,090 Uh, hey! Can I see it? 391 00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,259 Oh, sure, yeah, I'll send you the link. Right after I kill ya. 392 00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:34,511 You kill us? You didn't even make the montage! 393 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,054 Where's everybody else? 394 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,807 Oh, uh, P.R. has the A-team overthrowing a dictator 395 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,185 in Central America. But... 396 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:45,856 I am Plastique. And I'm "the bomb." [echoes] 397 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,235 [both laughing] 398 00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:51,945 [Harley gasps] 399 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,115 Oh, fuck me. 400 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,658 Oh, I've got butterflies of excitement! 401 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,660 Oh, no, I'm going to faint. 402 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,412 Pull yourself together, man! 403 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:03,499 Do you want to get cast as Thug Number Three or not? 404 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:07,377 Yes! Playing a minor character in a billion-dollar franchise 405 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,004 is every actor's dream! 406 00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,632 -There we go. Warm up that instrument. -[lip trills] 407 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,926 [both making indistinct noises] 408 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:18,555 Keep going. Oh, you definitely couldn't have done this alone in the car. 409 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,474 [director clears throat] 410 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,727 "Quit ya yappin' or the tooth fairy is gonna need to do a little, uh... 411 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,021 She's gonna come and collect her-- 412 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,606 Uh, tooth, uh, fee." 413 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,358 [chuckles] I'm sorry, can I try it a different way? 414 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,860 That was great! No notes! Thanks so much! 415 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,862 Please, I have incredible range! 416 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,364 I'm perfect for this role, 417 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,616 but if not, I can be anyone else. 418 00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:39,368 A shocked bystander? 419 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,994 A lost tourist? 420 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,871 An uncredited limo driver? 421 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:47,459 I need this job. I'll lose my SAG insurance and the screeners! 422 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:51,088 I use the elaborate boxes they send them to store my leftovers. 423 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:53,257 How will I keep my egg salad fresh? 424 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,175 That sounds like a you problem. 425 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:56,468 Thanks for coming out. 426 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,137 [sighing sadly] You already said that... 427 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,265 Ugh, God. This chair is killing me. 428 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:04,184 Can you get me one that doesn't make my ass fall asleep? 429 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,020 One with lumbar support perhaps? 430 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:10,274 Please, James Gunn, sit on me! 431 00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,406 Oh. Ooh! 432 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,782 [laughs] 433 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,577 Well, Mister Face, what would you say to a job 434 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,371 on set as the director's chair? 435 00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:28,417 God, you look like a pile of shit but you feel like a pile of clouds! 436 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,501 [Clayface gasps in delight] 437 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,170 -[explosion] -[Harley grunts] 438 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,463 Bombs away! 439 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,424 [explosion] 440 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,384 [Plastique laughs] Too slow, eh? 441 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,428 -[Ivy groans] -[gasps] Ivy! 442 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,013 -[impact thuds] -[Harley grunts] 443 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,514 We really shouldn't have given away all our weapons. 444 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,600 We could use those nuclear codes about now! 445 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,770 -Here! -Aww, but I gave that to you for our three-day anniversary! 446 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,063 [explosion] 447 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,065 Well, eat scepter, Plastique! [grunts] 448 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:55,694 Ouch! God damn it. Now we get serious! 449 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,237 [explosion] 450 00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,031 -Oh, I think I've heard of Plastique. -[explosion] 451 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:00,449 She's like a failed Canadian political terrorist, right? 452 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,409 I didn't know Canada made terrorists. 453 00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:06,955 Chirp away, hosers! I almost blew up a super-soldier lab! 454 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,792 Oh, is that before or after you stole Carmen Sandiego's coat. 455 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,962 God, you know I meant that as an insult, but I do love her. 456 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,714 -Eat ash! -[Ivy grunts] 457 00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:18,258 -[explosion] -[yells] My ranunculus! 458 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,844 [grunts] 459 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,387 [groans] 460 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:26,308 I hope you're ready to be in a new montage. In Memoriam! 461 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,645 [chuckles] I was born for it! 462 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:31,813 [device beeps] 463 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,067 Oh, hang on, it's gotta, yeah, it does this little blinkie thing before it explo-- 464 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,610 [both scream] 465 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,987 [both grunting] 466 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,614 [helicopter whirring] 467 00:20:44,242 --> 00:20:45,911 [sighs wearily] 468 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,245 It's gone. 469 00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,539 It's all gone. 470 00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,416 I'm so sorry. 471 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,920 Wait! Look, look! It's not all dead. 472 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:56,004 Ew! 473 00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,924 [whimpers] 474 00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,843 If I hadn't kidnapped Amanda Waller none of this would've happened. 475 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,720 [crying] I'm addicted to drama! 476 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,014 It's fine, it's fine, Harley. 477 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,683 Edin was doomed to fail. 478 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:11,645 No! I saw how happy you were, tinkering with your shiny trees 479 00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,730 and the wet hunks of grass. 480 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,565 And all the green stuff. 481 00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:18,694 Oh. Wow, please never describe nature again. 482 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,363 [sighs] Look, there's nothing I want more than 483 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,823 to terraform the world. 484 00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:25,867 To take it back from humans, but... [inhales] 485 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,745 It just can't be done. At least not by me. 486 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:32,833 That is bullshit. You can do it because now... You have me. 487 00:21:32,916 --> 00:21:35,085 Harley, I saw how bored you were. 488 00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:38,213 It's okay if we don't do everything together. 489 00:21:38,296 --> 00:21:40,674 Disagree! These last 19-and-a-half days 490 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,051 have been the most emotionally dope of my life. 491 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,303 I know the Eat Bang Kill Tour can't go on forever. 492 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:46,638 So let's get serious. 493 00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:49,641 I am all in! I want what you want. 494 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,310 Please let me help you see your beautiful evil plot through. 495 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:56,523 Please, let's plant some shit, please? 496 00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:58,317 You really think I can do this, peanut? 497 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:03,113 Yes! Totally! Partners in crime in every sense of the word. 498 00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:05,866 -BFFs GFFs, right? -[chuckles softly] 499 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,242 [inhales deeply] 500 00:22:07,325 --> 00:22:10,078 Harley and Ivy take over the fucking world! 501 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,663 I'll put on the tea kettle. 502 00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:12,831 [kissing] 503 00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:16,251 Happy 19th-day anniversary. [squeals] 504 00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:18,420 [theme music playing]