1 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,609 Okay. I got the almond milk for Benecio. 2 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,153 [object clattering] 3 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,323 [thunderclap] 4 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:34,951 Ah! 5 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,620 [panting] Ah! 6 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,998 Always with the dead ends. 7 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:41,708 [gasps] 8 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,418 Why are you still chasing me? 9 00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:44,794 I'm a different person now. 10 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,921 I haven't been in a dark alley in forever. 11 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,591 Come on, I'm a stay-at-home dad. 12 00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:51,468 I mean, I'm not their "Dad." 13 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:52,969 I'm not trying to replace him. 14 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,888 Unless one day they asked me. [chuckles nervously] 15 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:57,724 I mean, that would mean the world to me. 16 00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,142 [thunderclap] 17 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,269 [gasps and grunts] 18 00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:03,772 You know, we missed you at the school bake sale. 19 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,648 All the parents took a vote. 20 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:09,611 Your lemon squares sucked and you're gonna die. 21 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,738 -[laughs maniacally] -[screams] 22 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:12,655 [panting] 23 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,990 [sighs in relief] 24 00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:16,159 [speaks in Spanish] Que paso, corazon? 25 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,077 Did you have another Debbie nightmare? 26 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,496 [groans] Yes. 27 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,289 Aww... mi amor. 28 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,124 Did you have the chorizo dream? 29 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,210 No, she didn't try to cut off my penis, 30 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,003 and serve it at a book fair again. 31 00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:30,340 But I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. 32 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:36,137 Bethany... this Debbie may be my most challenging enemy yet. 33 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:39,682 ♪ I used to think life was a tragedy ♪ 34 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,977 ♪ An agent of Chaos was all I could be ♪ 35 00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:46,856 ♪ But I found a best friend who completes me ♪ 36 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,610 ♪ And now I realize life's a comedy ♪ 37 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:54,197 ♪ Wait 'til they get a load of us ♪ 38 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,867 ♪ No one will ask "Why so serious?" ♪ 39 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,162 ♪ All it takes is a joke a day ♪ 40 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:05,208 ♪ To keep the gloom away ♪ 41 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:08,419 ♪ We live in a society ♪ 42 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:12,382 ♪ But, baby, it feels like it's just you and me ♪ 43 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:16,052 ♪ I think you and I are destined to do this ♪ 44 00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:17,887 ♪ Forever ♪ 45 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,598 ♪ Wait 'til they get a load of us ♪ 46 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,100 -[Joker humming] -[laugh track playing] 47 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,560 Good morning, Janice. 48 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,604 How is the most beautiful school receptionist? 49 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,398 -Oh, you! -[laugh track plays] 50 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,567 Oops! Let me turn this off. 51 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,235 I was just sneaking my shows. [chuckles] 52 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:33,987 But who needs TV when you've got 53 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,364 Gotham City's most infamous criminal mastermind 54 00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:38,616 turned sane bartender turned back into unhinged 55 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,785 but now equally charming psychopath. 56 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,246 [laughs] Janice, please. 57 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:47,500 I'm just plain ol' Benecio and Sophia's stepdad. 58 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,752 Speaking of, do you have the student list 59 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,255 for the new Spanish dual immersion program? 60 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,967 It's so important to us that our kids get a bilingual education. 61 00:02:56,050 --> 00:03:01,097 Well, I'm not really supposed to show this list until next week. 62 00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:03,391 -I don't know... -Mmm. 63 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:06,185 Oh, you know, I can't say no to you. 64 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,186 Here it is. 65 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,063 Ah... 66 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,857 -Morning! -[door bangs] 67 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,233 [murmuring] 68 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,444 The New Spanish dual immersion student list. 69 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,446 I think we're all very excited to see that 70 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,364 Madison and McKenna got in, am I right? 71 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,324 Am I right? 72 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,950 Your kids got in? 73 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,286 Now we're gonna know if the maids are talking about us 74 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,079 when we're on vacation in Cancun. 75 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,790 [laughs] And I can't help it if I have connections 76 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,542 on the election board. 77 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:30,960 Better luck next year, 78 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,547 or as my maid says, "escupo en tu comida." 79 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,010 [Two-Face] You've got to be kidding me. 80 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:42,180 You wasted $400 million on ads! 81 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,641 And another million on custom Pez? 82 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,352 -People love Pez. -No one loves Pez. 83 00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,437 You don't need this stuff to win. 84 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,523 In the debates, you can just tell people directly 85 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,735 your plans for Gotham and what you stand for. 86 00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:56,986 Also, I've been meaning to ask you. 87 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,446 What do you stand for? 88 00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:00,239 Well, it's, um... 89 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,618 I... [murmuring] 90 00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:07,205 Don't worry your pretty little heart. 91 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:10,375 I'll teach him how to trail off like a pro. 92 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,002 [laughs maniacally] 93 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,545 [smashing] 94 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,340 -Ha! -[Bethany groans] 95 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,676 Are you still upset about the dual immersion program? 96 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,511 Yes, it's so unfair! 97 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:24,973 This program would really help the kids embrace their heritage. 98 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:28,768 You know, one time, I picked Benecio up from soccer practice, 99 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,813 -and I heard some other kids mocking his name. -[sighs] 100 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,148 This program would offer him something 101 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:37,068 I can't give him. More self-confidence. 102 00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:40,530 The opportunity to feel a sense of pride in his name. 103 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,991 A great boost on his transcript 104 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:46,077 for when he applies to early admission at Oberlin. 105 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,662 Always you with Oberlin. 106 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,831 Dinnertime! 107 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,708 [Gordon] Hey, mister, that's strike two. 108 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,376 You pop off like that again, we're gonna cross swords. 109 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,503 I'm all about changing Gotham for the better. 110 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:58,840 And if I'm lying, may God strike you down. 111 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,341 [gasps and groans] 112 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:01,384 [grunts] 113 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,511 You know the rules. 114 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,221 There's no TV during dinner. 115 00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,265 I think we just saw someone die. 116 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,350 Sure did, buddy. 117 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,562 So, say we couldn't get into the dual immersion program. 118 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,356 What's another thing you guys are interested in, huh? 119 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,484 Uh, what about art or soccer? 120 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:22,613 It's never too early to get into kinesiology, Benecio. 121 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,408 Uh, can I just go by "Ben"? 122 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:28,202 I don't want to stand out in school. 123 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:32,582 That's it! Debbie is gonna get a tire iron straight into the-- 124 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,834 Bethany, no, trust me. 125 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,462 I know how to deal with arch enemies. 126 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:42,133 I'm cooking up something extra special for Debbie. 127 00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:46,429 [laughing maniacally] 128 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,315 [gasps] 129 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:04,906 Hey, Debbie. 130 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,199 Nice parking spot. 131 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,618 So, you're a VIP, huh? 132 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,203 Uh, yes, I am. 133 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,789 Because I have a very important job. 134 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,166 And I need a very important spot. 135 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:16,918 -What do you want? -Listen, 136 00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,211 I just wanted to show 137 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,798 my appreciation for you, and all you do. 138 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:26,803 It's arroz con pollo from mi casa to su casa. 139 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:30,306 Mmm-hmm. And is that an ethnic dish, or... 140 00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:32,975 It sure is "ethnic." 141 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,769 Speaking of racist, 142 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,145 I couldn't help but think 143 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,272 about the dual immersion program, 144 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:41,317 and how amazing it would be if you could pull some strings. 145 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,527 Oh, I see. 146 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:45,113 So you and your strong smelling dish 147 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,823 are trying to bribe me. Is that it? 148 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,366 Is that what you're trying to do? Bribe me? 149 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,660 Strong smelling? [sniffs] 150 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,495 No. [chuckles softly] 151 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,789 It's just that there are only 24 spots 152 00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:57,834 in the program for all of Gotham's school district, 153 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,545 and I know you have friends on the committee. 154 00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:02,171 Mmm. Oh, okay. 155 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,464 So, you're threatening me, then. 156 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,091 Didn't you use to blow things up? 157 00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:08,719 [laughs loudly] Oh, no... 158 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,180 That was over a year ago? 159 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,640 That's the old me. 160 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,433 The only thing I'm blowing up here 161 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,603 is your waistline with my yummy dish. 162 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,313 Aw... I think it's so cute 163 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,858 that you're out here trying to do stuff for your kids. 164 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,442 It's a adorable. 165 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:26,404 I so wish I could help you, but it's just out of my hands, 166 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,197 and I guess it's out of your hands, too. 167 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,407 [chuckles nervously] 168 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:32,285 Whose hands would you say it's in? 169 00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:33,995 Well, the city sets the budget, 170 00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,414 so I'd take it up with them or the mayor. 171 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:39,917 Oh, but no, I guess he just died. 172 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,294 Oh, boo-hoo. 173 00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:42,962 Well, I guess you're just gonna have to go down 174 00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:44,714 to City Hall and file a complaint. 175 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,507 -[engine revs] -[tires squeal] 176 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:51,137 Oh, I'll file a fucking complaint. 177 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,974 Oh, my God, there were bones in this. 178 00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,601 [rock music playing] 179 00:07:58,352 --> 00:07:59,562 Whoo! We did it! 180 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,273 Dad! Congrats on being the only candidate 181 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:03,774 to not die tonight. But don't you think 182 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,568 it's a little premature to be celebrating? 183 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,737 Barbara, the opposition is dead. 184 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,822 Winning by default is a bigger victory 185 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,199 than I could have dreamed of. 186 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,285 Boo! 187 00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:16,621 [sighs] Dad, you still haven't even figured out 188 00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:17,914 your plan for Gotham. 189 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,333 Gordy, remember your trail off training? 190 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:21,584 I'm glad you asked that. 191 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,212 -I guess the... -Dad. 192 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,922 I know you love Gotham, 193 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,965 and there are tons of things that are important to you. 194 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,801 So just make that the plan. 195 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,511 What do you even believe in, Dad? 196 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,263 As Reagan once said, 197 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,514 uh... 198 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,850 [distant explosion] 199 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,686 -[people screaming] -[explosion] 200 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:45,483 The old Joker is back. 201 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:46,525 Get two cameras on him. 202 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,110 Where's the chopper cam? 203 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,947 [Joker] Attention, Gotham City. 204 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,366 I've had it with your shit. 205 00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:56,452 I tried being a villain that didn't work. 206 00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:58,913 I tried being a good stepdad. 207 00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,331 that didn't work. 208 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:03,167 I tried meditation and then-- Actually, 209 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,460 that almost worked 210 00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:06,796 until the app I was using started charging. 211 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,800 Yet the city remains a hateful asshole. 212 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:14,053 That's why things are going to change right now! 213 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,722 [all screaming] 214 00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:17,765 [woman screaming] 215 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,475 He's pointing it at me! 216 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:21,143 -[trigger clicks] -[people shouting] 217 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,562 [shouting dies down] 218 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,816 I'm running for mayor! 219 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:28,859 -[laughs boisterously] -[fanfare playing] 220 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,738 Less than 24 hours ago, 221 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,074 Joker announced he was running for mayor. 222 00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,993 Today, we are following Joker 223 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,078 and his goons to the Gotham Bank. 224 00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,038 For what? We're not sure. 225 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,040 I'm Suave with Thrice TV. 226 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,834 Can you tell us what you're doing here today? 227 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:48,587 Some mayoral candidates take bribes from big money. 228 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:52,174 I'm skipping the bribe part, and just taking the money, 229 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,593 and giving it back to the citizens. 230 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,429 Here's your money shot! 231 00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:01,350 Oh, wow. Ha! 232 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,353 Hey, what do you hope to accomplish as mayor of Gotham? 233 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,646 Well, to start, 234 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,231 education reform. 235 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,899 Every child should have the choice 236 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:12,403 to be in a dual immersion class and be bilingual. 237 00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,613 I also want free universal health care. 238 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:17,366 Do you think Arkham would have a three-year wait list 239 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:21,037 if everyone had access to free mental health services? 240 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,333 And the rich one-percenters are gonna pay for it all. 241 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,753 Big changes are gonna happen. 242 00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:30,254 [laughing maniacally] 243 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,422 -[gunshot] -[screams] 244 00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,798 Damn it, Gary. 245 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,675 I said we're not doing the stupid 246 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,427 Reservoir Dogs thing. 247 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,262 You want the rich to pay for all this? 248 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,764 Are you like a socialist? 249 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:42,391 I'm not like a socialist. 250 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,685 I am a socialist. 251 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:49,065 And together, we're gonna fix this city. 252 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,566 -[grunts] -[gasps] 253 00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:53,361 I'm sorry. I thought you were ready for that. 254 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:54,570 We locked eyes, 255 00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:56,739 I-- You were looking right here. Wh-- 256 00:10:56,822 --> 00:11:00,076 This is our money! Our Gotham. 257 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,536 This, this has to be some sort of trap. 258 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,080 It's Joker, for crap's sake. 259 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:07,208 He's Batman's arch-enemy, and I'm Batman's best friend. 260 00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:08,376 Hmm. 261 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,252 I just thought it should be said. 262 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,296 I just don't get it. Why do people love him? 263 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,090 Because he has good policies. 264 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:17,009 Jesus, you need to start wearing bangles or something 265 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,677 'cause I never know when you're in a room. 266 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:19,970 Joker's preaching policies 267 00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:22,264 like free health care, free tuition. 268 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,767 Oh, God, is my own daughter some kind of Jo-Bro? 269 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,186 They prefer to be called "Sane Clown Posse," 270 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:28,562 and I'm not a Jo-Bro. 271 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,773 What we need to do is fight dirtier than 272 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,483 we've ever fought before. 273 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:35,277 Do something truly diabolical. 274 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,987 No, I'm drawing a line. 275 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:39,198 Dad, I believe in you. 276 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,699 A mayor needs policies 277 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,159 and to be able to make decisions. 278 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:45,663 Well, I want you to make a decision right now. 279 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,165 Fire Two-Face as your campaign manager. 280 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:50,459 If you don't, I can't support you. 281 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,628 It's him or me. You got to choose. 282 00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,296 Nepotism. 283 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,465 Oh, man! What is it with women in this family and ultimatums? 284 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,050 Dad, choose! 285 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,970 Babs, sweetie. Things aren't so black and white. 286 00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,930 There's shades of gray, I don't have to choose 287 00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,599 Two-Face or you, I can choose Two-Face, then you. 288 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,310 I'm so close to winning! 289 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,812 I've never said that before. 290 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,105 The ends will justify the means, 291 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,149 -I swear. -It's crazy. 292 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,943 She's so quiet, you can't even hear her walk. 293 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,279 Okay, when we talked to Joker's hostages, 294 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:20,197 -some of their comments were-- -Dad, can you-- 295 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:23,409 Kids stop, they're talking about me again. 296 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:24,785 I wasn't gonna vote before. 297 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,454 But after hearing about his plans 298 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,540 for universal health care, I will now. 299 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:30,666 Also, he's kind of hot. 300 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,042 -[excited chatter] -Oh, moi? 301 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,669 Did you hear that, honey? 302 00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:35,087 People think I'm hot. 303 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,840 Yeah, he's kind of hot in like a David-- 304 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:43,012 Augh! But... David who? Spade? Tennant? 305 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,055 Cono. No TV at the dinner table. 306 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,515 This was your rule, remember? 307 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,851 You wanted us to talk like a family, remember? 308 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,811 Yes, yes, yeah. 309 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,271 Yes, yes. 310 00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:55,524 So, does anyone else want to talk about their day? 311 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,235 Today, the teacher said that dinosaurs died out 312 00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,695 because they didn't have religion. 313 00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:01,238 That's exciting. 314 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,157 You want to know something else exciting. 315 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,869 My favorite toilet read, Vanity Fair called! 316 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,580 Radhika, the editor wants to feature me 317 00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:12,625 in her series about political game-changers. 318 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,836 Me, a political game-changer. 319 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,881 Dad, you're still coming to my soccer game tomorrow, right? 320 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:22,051 What? Oh, the game! Oh! 321 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,678 I'm sorry, buddy. I can't. 322 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,348 I have the big campaign parade tomorrow. 323 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:31,143 I have to put my focus on the important stuff first, 324 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,603 then you guys. 325 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:37,733 Whoops, I mean, you guys are first, 326 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:40,236 always first. I'm doing all this 327 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:44,406 for you and the kids because you always come first. 328 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,325 Well, I'm done eating. Gotta go. 329 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:52,122 [people chanting] Joker! Joker! 330 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,086 Okay, boys. 331 00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:58,379 -[gasps] -Let them have it. 332 00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:02,591 [all cheering] 333 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,344 Change is happening! 334 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,595 -[laughing maniacally] -[Gunshot] 335 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,389 Damn it, Gary. 336 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,308 [all cheering] 337 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,352 -[phone vibrating] -[woman] I love you! 338 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,815 Two-Face, perfect timing. 339 00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,400 You calling to concede? 340 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,068 [Two-Face] What? How'd you know it was me? 341 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:24,613 Um, we used to work together, like a lot. 342 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,449 [Two-Face] Oh, well, yeah, I'm just surprised you kept my number 343 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,493 after all we've been through, you know? 344 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,078 Did you, like, want something? 345 00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,038 I'm about to give my speech. 346 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,624 [Two-Face] Oh, yeah. No, I just thought that you should know. 347 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,126 -I have your son. -What? 348 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,836 [Benecio] Dad, please come get me. 349 00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:40,629 [Two-Face] If you ever want to see him alive again, 350 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,632 come to the abandoned amusement park alone. 351 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,135 And in case, I'm not being clear here, 352 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:50,014 I have kidnapped your son and I'm holding him hostage. 353 00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,682 Yeah, I got that. 354 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,310 Sorry. I'm... I'm used to spelling things out for Gordo. 355 00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,936 You probably don't need... anyways. 356 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,521 Uh, okay, bye. 357 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,025 [chanting] Joker! Joker! 358 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,821 [chanting] Joker! Joker! 359 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,661 [chanting stops] 360 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,331 I'm coming, Benecio! 361 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,625 [thunderclap] 362 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,461 [eerie music playing] 363 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:23,422 Okay, I'm here. 364 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,049 -Where's the bomb threat? -Bomb threat? 365 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,343 I never said anything on the phone about a bomb-- 366 00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,719 Whatever. You're here. 367 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,680 Yes, I am. Whoa! Hey, Two-Face, what is this? 368 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,515 It's Joker's step-son. 369 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,476 Once Joker sees we have his kid, 370 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,478 we can make him drop out of the race. 371 00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:41,357 If he refuses, I press the start button on the coaster, 372 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,317 and Benny here is gonna find out 373 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,194 why this place shut down. 374 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,862 -[laughs] -What? 375 00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:50,324 You kidnapped an innocent kid and are threatening murder? 376 00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:51,575 Two-Face, crimes like these 377 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:52,868 are considered especially heinous. 378 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:55,329 -You have to let him go. -No fucking way. 379 00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:58,040 We can't go back now because we're in too deep, 380 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,668 and I'm trying to keep up above in my head 381 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,086 instead of going under! 382 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:04,296 Instead of going under! 383 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:08,050 I'm sorry. Sum 41 was playing in the car on the way here. 384 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,677 [chuckles] I love that band. 385 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:10,928 But we're still doing this. 386 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:13,222 -I trusted you. -Why? 387 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,140 Why do you keep trusting me? 388 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,851 My name is Two-face. 389 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,895 I almost feel like you're trolling me. 390 00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:22,231 Being Two-Faced is what I do. 391 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:23,899 It's pretty straightforward. 392 00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:26,568 I kidnap kids. I poison mayors. 393 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,654 Poison... poison mayors? 394 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,990 Did you kill the mayor? 395 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,451 I had to take action because I'm trying to win you this race. 396 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,579 Do you think he died just because he was impaled by a pole? 397 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,456 He was taut for 62. 398 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,750 That guy had cum gutters. 399 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,922 I'm here. No, Beth, I'm sorry, but you can't come. 400 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,549 I promise I'll get Benny back safe. 401 00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:51,760 Just get Sophia to your sister's house. 402 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,263 No, no, not your brother's place. 403 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:57,391 Because he smokes and Sophia has asthma. 404 00:16:57,474 --> 00:17:00,436 That's why. Well, someone there smokes. 405 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,062 I know I smelled something. 406 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,106 Look, I got to go. 407 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,191 I love you. Bye. 408 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,360 Where the hell is Benecio? 409 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:11,196 Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm doing fine. Thank you for asking. 410 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,283 We can chitchat when you give me back my step-son. 411 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,910 Drop out of the race. and I'll let your kid go free. 412 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,121 If you refuse, I'll press this button, 413 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,582 -and Benecio is gonna take off... -[Benecio whimpering] 414 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:24,126 ...on these broken tracks. [laughs wickedly] 415 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,880 Wow, Gordon, I didn't take you for a child murderer. 416 00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,381 No shit. 417 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,801 I am Jim Gordon, and I do not approve this message. 418 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,763 You four-faced son of a bitch. 419 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,518 Okay, I'll drop out. 420 00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:47,399 -You think I made a hard choice? -Dad! 421 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,650 Wrong. 422 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,402 I'm only running for mayor for my family, 423 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:53,447 and I'll quit for my family just as easily. 424 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,699 Wow, I didn't even stop drinking from my family. 425 00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,743 Well, I did. But then I started drinking again, 426 00:17:57,826 --> 00:17:59,578 but it wasn't as much. 427 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:03,373 I'm sorry. I've been a bit of a... well, of a douche. 428 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,502 -I love you. -Uh-huh. 429 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,128 -Let's go home. -I don't think so. 430 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,880 [lock clicks] 431 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,340 What do you think you're doing? You said you would let him go. 432 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,716 -Why would you lie? -Seriously? 433 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,885 You're making this really not fun for me. 434 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:17,137 "Two-Face" is my name. 435 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:20,808 And if Joker is still alive, he will always be a threat. 436 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:24,186 You will be mayor and I will be DA again. 437 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,021 So that's what this is all about. 438 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,983 You act like you care, but deep down, you're as dark as me. 439 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,693 I mean, look where we are. 440 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,988 Now, step back and let me take care of this. 441 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,032 -No! -[both screaming] 442 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,452 -[grunts] -[both screaming] 443 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,913 Shit! Shit! Gordon, do something! 444 00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,762 Superman! Dad, we're saved! 445 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:02,015 Oh, no. It's just Gordon, keep screaming, son. 446 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,643 [screaming] 447 00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:10,524 -Joker, grab my hand! -Yes. 448 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,776 [both grunting] 449 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,863 [screaming] 450 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,207 [chuckles nervously] Gordon! 451 00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,877 Shit! Hold on! 452 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,920 [all screaming] 453 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,381 [both grunting] 454 00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:37,301 -Benny. Benny! Oh! -[groans softly] 455 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,886 Thank God! 456 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,973 You're okay. Physically. 457 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:45,309 Mentally, this is messed up. 458 00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,439 Gordon, no! Don't kill him. 459 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,441 I have to. He's done too much. 460 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,819 Look, no one wants to kill Two-Face more than me, 461 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:58,655 [chuckles] But killing him won't solve the problem. 462 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:02,034 It'll just make things worse. That's not what you do. 463 00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:05,203 You're Commissioner Gordon, remember? 464 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,080 You make things better. 465 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,291 My God, you're right. Whoa! You really have changed. 466 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:13,462 You're the kind of step-dad I wish I could be for my own biological daughter. 467 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:16,757 I just want to be someone my family can be proud of. 468 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,134 I already am proud of you, Dad. 469 00:20:19,217 --> 00:20:21,470 You called me "Dad"? 470 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,221 I've been calling you "Dad." 471 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:26,767 I called you "Dad" like, three times on the roller coaster. 472 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,937 Not that it'll make much of a difference for you, 473 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,521 but I'm gonna drop out of the race. 474 00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:32,648 You should be mayor. 475 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,900 Really? You mean it? 476 00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:35,984 Yes. 477 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,486 Congratulations, Mr. Mayor. 478 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,322 Gordon, I don't know what to say. 479 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:41,865 Thank you. 480 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,326 Yeah, it's pretty wild, but it's for a brighter future. 481 00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,911 Being Commissioner ain't so bad. 482 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,496 I look forward to working for you. 483 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,289 No, no, no, no, no. 484 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:52,834 My first act as mayor is dismantling the police department. 485 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,753 You're out of a job. [chuckles] 486 00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:57,297 Sorry. Let's go, Benecio. 487 00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,008 Should've killed me when you had the chance. 488 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,593 [vehicle approaching] 489 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,553 Ahh! Watch the faces. 490 00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,514 All right, I dropped Sophia off. 491 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:08,225 Now let me at him. He's gonna be a "No-Face" when I'm done with him. 492 00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:10,310 Oh, good. Your mother found us. 493 00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:14,606 Ooh! And it's Tuesday. Let's get tacos! 494 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,441 David Boreanaz! 495 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:20,487 I bet that's the David that she said I look like. 496 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,952 Barbara, I'm sorry. I choose you. 497 00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:29,705 From now on, it's always you. 498 00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:32,457 [voice-over] There's a new dawn on Gotham City. 499 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,378 There's no limit to what we do. 500 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,796 Like Miss Walter do. 501 00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:39,715 -Like I do. -Like I do. 502 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,383 Like we do! 503 00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:42,718 [speaking Spanish] Como yo lo hago. 504 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:45,387 Like we all do! 505 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,722 [people cheering] 506 00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:49,558 I am your mayor, and I approved this message. 507 00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:54,229 [chanting] Joker! Joker! 508 00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:59,443 -[chanting] Joker! Joker! -[all cheering] 509 00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:03,196 Ah, I'm so glad we're home. [sighs] 510 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,240 Wait. What the... [gasps] 511 00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:07,367 We were gone for four days. 512 00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:10,996 [groans] 513 00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:11,955 Morning! 514 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:13,498 You're in my spot. 515 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:14,750 Correction. 516 00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,212 I'm your nightmare now, bitch. 517 00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:22,591 [laughing maniacally] 518 00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:28,221 [theme music playing]