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00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:03,803
♪ upbeat music playing ♪
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SYNTHESIZED FEMALE VOICE:
Enter your goal.
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‐ My goal.
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00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:17,429
How about... 100 steps?
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‐ If you have recently been dumped,
please enter a more challenging goal.
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‐ Okay. Uh, 200 steps.
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‐ This is why no one loves you.
Enter your goal.
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‐ Fine, 350 steps.
Are you satisfied? Are you?
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‐ Begin workout.
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[Jules sighs]
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‐ All right.
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Clean break, new me.
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This is good.
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[device beeps]
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‐ Workout paused.
Increase pace to continue.
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‐ Seriously?
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‐ Resume workout.
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Workout paused.
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Feel inferior to continue.
‐ Wait, what?
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‐ Let's go, girls.
Last one to spin class buys kombucha.
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[women laugh]
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‐ On your left!
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‐ Disguise tears as face sweat
to continue.
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‐ I'm not crying.
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‐ Hit rock bottom to continue.
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Distance traveled: 0.3 flights.
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Calories burned:
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seven.
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Workout complete.
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[sighs]
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♪
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[bottles rattle]
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[cat mews]
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[indistinct noises from kitchen]
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JULES: Yaaaaa!
‐ Hey, Dollface.
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‐ Jesus, you scared me.
‐ You don't look so good.
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00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:54,616
Did you order
from that Indian restaurant again?
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‐ No, I didn't order
from that Indian restaurant again.
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‐ You know, after last time,
we decided you have to get extra mild.
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‐ I went for a run.
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‐ Like intentionally?
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‐ Okay, what are you doing here?
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I thought you were gonna stay
at your sister's while I look for a place.
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‐ It's Sunday, Juju.
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I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
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‐ Do you mean that?
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‐ Of course.
Ramona doesn't have DirecTV,
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and this is the only place I can watch
NFL Sunday Ticket.
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‐ Football.
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You're here 'cause of football.
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‐ Yeah, well, I lost fantasy this week
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so I kinda have to host the league.
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Um... I know you normally
like to watch with us,
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but, you know, the guys all heard
what happened, so...
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I just don't want you to have to deal
with that by... by being here.
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‐ Actually, you know what,
that is perfect for me
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because I have a bunch of plans
for the day anyway.
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Lots of stuff.
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‐ A morning jog and then a puzzle,
you're just like my dad.
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‐ Your dad who is a cost‐accountant
and is 66 and is a man?
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‐ Don't take it like that. I love my dad.
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‐ Good. Good for you.
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♪ I'm sick of the gray days ♪
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♪ Where's the color in the world ♪
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‐ Time to go somewhere.
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I'm a person,
people go to places and do things.
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That's normal.
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Those are nouns.
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♪ Won't someone help me ♪
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♪ Paint a smile on me, girl ♪
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♪ Without you... ♪
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‐ C'mon, sweetheart, move it along.
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‐ Uh, to where?
‐ Well, where are you trying to go?
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‐ I don't know.
I'm just kinda driving around.
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I have nowhere to be.
‐ CAT LADY: You made it.
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Welcome to Nowhere to Be.
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‐ Sorry, I didn't plan
on making plans today.
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My boyfriend dumped me
and I have no idea what to do with my day,
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or my apartment, or my entire life.
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‐ If only there were a group
of people specifically designed
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for hanging out with
and going to for advice.
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‐ No. I can't just call her.
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I mean, the way we left things...
I have no clue where we stand.
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‐ Oops. It's ringing. Eeeee!
‐ Oh, man.
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[phone ringing]
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‐ Hey.
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‐ Hey. Um...
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So... I had a good time the other night.
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MADISON:
Yeah, me too.
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It ended up being fun.
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‐ Cool.
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Yeah, so, um...
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I know we had all that time apart,
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but then we had that night and I guess
I'm just kind of wondering,
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um... what are we?
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‐ Are you trying to define
the relationship right now?
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‐ No... I mean, we can just keep things
casual, you know, if you want.
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‐ Well, that's not what I want.
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‐ I mean, are we friends?
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Are we best friends?
Was that a one‐time thing for you?
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‐ You know I'm not that kind of girl.
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‐ Well, can I see you again?
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‐ Yeah.
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Stella's picking me up.
You can meet us there.
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‐ Really? Uh, great.
Wait, meet you where?
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‐ Jules, it's Sunday morning.
Where do you think?
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[phone beeps]
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‐ Well, she didn't say
where they're going.
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‐ Well, they're going where all good women
go on Sunday mornings.
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Brunch.
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♪ Mama said we in the church
You best believe this ain't no hotel ♪
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♪ Rocking your halo like a snapback
'cause you hang with ghetto angels ♪
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‐ Whoo!
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♪ She told me they won't catch you
when you fall ♪
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♪ You know this ain't gon' end well ♪
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♪ Heard somebody shot the sheriff
If it's you, I ain't gon' pay bail ♪
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♪ She says ♪
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♪ Wake up and get yourself to church
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
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♪ Wake up and get yourself to church
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
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‐ Ladies, in the power
and the spirit of this Sunday,
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do you feel free?
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LADIES:
Yes!
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‐ Do you feel gluten free?
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LADIES:
Hallelujah!
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PASTOR:
Can I get an amen?
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‐ Amen!
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‐ [excited chatter]
‐ I'm just saying, my cousin's friend
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took those gummy hair vitamins
and her baby was born with a full beard.
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‐ Hey. Uh, sorry I'm late.
‐ Oh, no worries, girl.
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‐ All good.
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‐ [chair clanks]
‐ Thanks again for letting me crash.
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‐ Hey, you're not crashing,
you were invited.
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‐ Well, thanks again for inviting me.
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‐ Well, thanks for coming.
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[awkward chuckle]
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Okay, fuck it, I can't take this.
Just tell us what's going on with Jeremy.
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‐ Oh, thank God.
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‐ Honestly, I thought that was going to be
the whole goddamn brunch.
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‐ Well he's having his fantasy league over
and he actually kicked me out.
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‐ Okay, pause.
You're still living there?
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‐ Oh, I know, I know, I know.
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And it's just temporary
until I find a new place.
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Actually, I saw this guesthouse
on Craigslist
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that I actually think
could be really great for me.
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The post said "vintage furniture,
antique charm, accessible floorplan"‐‐
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‐ No, you are not living
somewhere from Craigslist
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because you will get murdered
and they'll make a podcast about it
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and they'll want to interview me
and I hate podcast people.
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‐ Babe, you need to shake up your life.
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Okay? And instead of looking for a place,
have a travel moment.
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Get yourself a map, put your finger
on the farthest place you can imagine,
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00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,034
and then throw out the map
and go to Costa Rica.
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‐ So intentionally get lost in the jungle?
That's terrible advice.
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‐ Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize
my advice was getting graded.
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[table splits loudly]
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‐ You need to find an apartment
that's aspirational‐‐ a view, a gym...
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something that says,
"I put the 'sexy' in 'sexcessful.'"
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If "successful" was spelled differently.
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‐ Oh sure, because all
rich successful people are happy.
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Think about it, Madison.
Steve Jobs killed himself.
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‐ Steve Jobs didn't kill himself.
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‐ Okay, why are you always correcting me?
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‐ Because you're consistently wrong.
‐ [Jules straining]
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‐ Um, you know, this isn't something
I have to figure out today.
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‐ Don't sweat it, Jules.
‐ Yeah, this has nothing to do with you.
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‐ I mean, it is an argument about me
and I did directly cause it,
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but, yeah, no worries.
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Hey, where's the alcohol man?
‐ Yeah.
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‐ Well, Jules, why don't you try a mimosa?
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I mean, sure, the champagne
is more expensive,
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but it's a quality of successful people
to invest in themselves.
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‐ Or get a Bloody Mary.
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It has qualities of
fun, happy, sexy people
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who like to spice it up
every now and then.
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‐ Oh yeah, basing your entire
life philosophy off Eat Pray Love
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sounds spicy, Stell.
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‐ Well, I can't wait
to read your memoir, Mads:
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I Worked. Then I Died.
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‐ [table rattling]
WAITER: Can I take your order?
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‐ Oh, um... [laughs]
I think I need a minute.
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00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,558
‐ Okay, the fact that I got you
this appointment is insane.
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00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:46,364
You know the Property Brothers?
This is their third cousin. By blood.
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‐ I just hope choosing to take your advice
doesn't make Stella upset.
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I just feel like aspirational
could be what I need right now.
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‐ You made exactly the right decision.
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Look, I love Stell, but she's been
bouncing from house‐sitting gig
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to nannying job
to trip abroad since we graduated.
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I mean, she's basically
a very well‐dressed homeless person.
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00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:06,839
‐ Ladies, welcome.
Who's ready to change their entire life?
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00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:08,339
‐ Um, me.
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00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:11,720
‐ This view is the only view
in the entire city
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00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:15,468
that offers visibility into the homes
of all 19 Kardashians,
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00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,722
plus, on a clear day...
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00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,353
[whispering] Blac Chyna. Yeah.
195
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:21,602
This way.
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00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,153
MADISON:
Quick question.
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00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,896
This couch... custom?
198
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,478
AGENT: Oh, yeah.
MADISON: Oh! I knew it!
199
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:30,951
‐ Three words: Japanese snow monkeys.
200
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:34,945
‐ Could I have a few more words?
201
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,326
‐ For your trip abroad.
202
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,657
The snow monkeys in the Akaishi Mountains
will change your life.
203
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,044
‐ Jules, come look at this!
204
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,000
‐ One second, I'm just texting...
my mom.
205
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:50,672
‐ It's really cold there, but there's
a thermal wear sale at this spot I know.
206
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:53,144
I mean, the universe
is sending you a sign.
207
00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,385
‐ Ma'am, you don't work here.
208
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,393
‐ You look amazing. [laughs]
209
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,602
You're welcome.
210
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,401
MADISON: Jules!
‐ Yep.
211
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,515
MADISON:
No, this is beautiful.
212
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:10,783
‐ Now, in addition to the amenities
in‐unit, the building features a gym,
213
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:14,487
two pools, a spa, a rec center,
an archery range,
214
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:18,489
an in‐house therapist, puppies you can
play with whenever you want to,
215
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:22,373
two coffee bars
with oat milk lattes on draft,
216
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:25,882
a baked crab handroll bar,
a recording studio,
217
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,336
an indoor ski mountain,
218
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:31,126
a meditation room made entirely
out of the wax of a Diptyque candle.
219
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:35,641
‐ [stammering] Okay, I'm gonna just, um...
how much is this per month?
220
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:41,307
‐ Give you a moment.
‐ Thank you.
221
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,523
‐ [gasps] No, no.
222
00:10:44,937 --> 00:10:47,767
‐ Oh, this seems doable.
‐ Doable?
223
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:51,863
Doable as what? The gross domestic product
of a mid‐sized nation?
224
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,110
‐ Oh, you are being dramatic,
225
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,321
I'm sure you're doing fine at work.
What are you making?
226
00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:05,624
Jules, wait, how is that even possible?
That's barely entry level.
227
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,584
I mean, have you never asked for a raise?
228
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,594
You've never asked for a raise?
229
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,957
‐ Okay, I'm sorry.
Listen, I just‐‐
230
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:14,514
I just find talking
to Celeste incredibly intimidating.
231
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,138
‐ Okay, that's it. Forget the apartment.
232
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:20,305
New piece of advice‐‐
you're sitting down with your boss today,
233
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:23,975
you are being strong,
assertive, and leaning the fuck in.
234
00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:26,396
JULES: Okay, I will try. I'm sorry.
MADISON: And that word.
235
00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,975
Okay, under no circumstances
are you to apologize
236
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:31,021
for asking to be paid what you deserve.
237
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,404
[inhales sharply] No matter what:
238
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:35,491
do not say "sorry." Got it?
239
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:36,907
[Madison sighs]
‐ Got it.
240
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,615
‐ [softly] Good.
‐ [softly] Got it. I'm sorry.
241
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,331
I'm sorry that I said I'm sorry before.
242
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:48,750
[exhales] I really appreciate you taking
the time to meet with me, Ms. Oslow.
243
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,550
‐ [voice muffled]:
Oh please, call me Celeste.
244
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:55,844
I'm trying this new amphibian facial
for our summer skin care list.
245
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:57,508
[sighs]
246
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,469
It's unbelievably hydrating.
247
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,889
Willow?
248
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:01,928
[Celeste sighs]
249
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:06,520
Speaking of, your skin is luminous.
What are you using, placenta?
250
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,638
‐ Um...
251
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,654
soap, mostly.
252
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,396
Oh, and, uh, water.
253
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:15,278
Uh, I'd say water‐‐
soap, water‐‐ is like the whole routine.
254
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:18,157
‐ Huh, we haven't tried that yet.
‐ [both laugh]
255
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,485
‐ Habanero green juice?
256
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,079
‐ Oh, wow, thanks.
[softly] Oh, Jesus, okay.
257
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,785
‐ It's incredibly detoxifying.
258
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,285
‐ Mm‐hmm. Hm!
259
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:27,537
Ecch. Sorry. Nope...
260
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,329
[coughs] Nope, not sorry.
261
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:32,923
That was a reasonable reaction
to pepper juice and I stand by it.
262
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,380
Um... [clears throat]
263
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,339
I'm Jules, by the way,
from the Web design team.
264
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:41,091
‐ Oh! I love putting a face
to a name around here.
265
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,014
Jules. Jules.
266
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:45,524
Jewels.
267
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,096
Emeralds. Garnets. Birthstones.
268
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,400
Birth. Nesting. Birds.
269
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,145
Robins. Blue Jays. Jay. Jules.
270
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,819
Got it.
‐ Right. [laughs]
271
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,816
Anyway, the reason I wanted
to sit down with you was, uh...
272
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,949
[softly] No. We talked about this.
273
00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:02,822
‐ Um... I've been here‐‐
274
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,834
‐ There's cilantro in this.
‐ ...for a few years.
275
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:07,616
‐ You know how I feel about cilantro.
‐ And, um...
276
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:08,871
‐ Soap.
‐ Um...
277
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:11,332
CELESTE:
It's not feeling spicy enough.
278
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:12,923
‐ The simple fact is that I deserve‐‐
279
00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:14,878
[Celeste gasping]
280
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,008
[electricity sparks]
281
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:20,125
My God. Celeste, I am so s...
282
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,643
Eeeeh.
283
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:28,426
Um, that is to say,
this was generally regrettable...
284
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:29,889
by me.
285
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,062
♪
286
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,030
♪ It's gettin' late ♪
287
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,358
♪ But I'm just gettin' started ♪
288
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:43,994
♪ It's been a day ♪
289
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,661
♪ So I just wanna party ♪
290
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,500
♪ Dancing away... ♪
291
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:50,618
‐ Um...
292
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,169
Hey, Stell.
293
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:55,918
‐ Oh, hey, lady.
294
00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:58,132
‐ It's Monday.
295
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,667
‐ Is it?
‐ Yeah.
296
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,514
And we always get
our mani‐pedis on Fridays,
297
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:07,139
like we've been doing every other week
for the past two years. Together.
298
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:08,559
[laughs]
‐ Huh.
299
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:12,807
Well, I guess since I went today, I'll be
going every other Monday from now on.
300
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:14,768
By myself.
301
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,226
[Madison exhales, stammers]
302
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:21,863
‐ This wouldn't happen to have anything
to do with us giving Jules advice
303
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:22,992
the other day at brunch, would it?
304
00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:24,658
‐ No, of course not.
305
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,696
We're just two girls who want
the best for our friend
306
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:30,661
but totally respect
each other's differing opinions.
307
00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:35,922
‐ I could not have said it better myself.
[laughs]
308
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:40,260
Anyhoo, uh, I hope
your pedicure is amazing.
309
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,045
‐ Oh, well, I hope your lunch
is incredible.
310
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:46,180
‐ I hope tonight feels like
your actual birthday.
311
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,968
[both laughing]
312
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,232
STELLA:
Ow! Ha, ha, ha.
313
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,225
‐ [sing‐song] Bye.
314
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:53,436
‐ Bye.
‐ Bye.
315
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,345
‐ Bye‐bye.
‐ Bye.
316
00:14:55,354 --> 00:14:56,654
‐ Ta‐ta!
317
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:02,112
[phone rings]
318
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:03,993
Hey, Jules.
319
00:15:06,532 --> 00:15:09,242
‐ Stella, I think I'm ready
to leave the country now.
320
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,035
♪
321
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:17,044
JULES: Oh. I already have four pairs
of long underwear on.
322
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,542
This feels like a lot.
323
00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:21,674
‐ Do you know that most people
have never met a Japanese snow monkey?
324
00:15:21,672 --> 00:15:23,342
Which makes me so sad.
325
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:27,140
Then I think about a Japanese snow monkey,
I feel happy again.
326
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,505
[Jules sighs]
327
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,891
‐ I'm not feeling so great.
328
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:33,519
‐ Sweetie, I know you're worried
that Madison is gonna be upset
329
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:35,097
that you went with my idea
instead of hers.
330
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,902
‐ Oh, I meant all the layers,
but, yeah, I mean,
331
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,896
I just came back into Madison's life.
332
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:41,318
I don't know if a great first move
333
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,736
is to just ignore her advice
and disappear again.
334
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:46,405
‐ Madison spends
her entire salary on stuff.
335
00:15:46,405 --> 00:15:48,365
It's times like these where you need
to ask yourself,
336
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,575
do you wanna buy the book
or do you wanna be the story?
337
00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:52,536
‐ I wanna be wearing less tops.
338
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:55,456
‐ We just have one less parka to try on
'cause you don't wanna get to Mount Hotaka
339
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,955
and find out your last layer doesn't fit.
340
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,037
Scoot, scoot.
341
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:08,724
[phone chimes]
342
00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:14,933
‐ How did the raise go?
Shatter that glass ceiling?
343
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:18,153
‐ No raise, but definite shattering.
344
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,152
STELLA:
How's it going in there?
345
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:23,317
‐ Um... it fits. I'm taking it off now.
346
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,580
Uh... Stella?
347
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,658
‐ Give me space, Josh.
348
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,173
‐ You've already tried that, Brendan.
349
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:40,915
If the mechanism is jammed,
reversing it's only gonna make it worse.
350
00:16:40,918 --> 00:16:42,838
‐ Um... maybe we should just cut it off.
351
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:45,298
‐ Cut thermal fiber polar tech?
352
00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:48,297
Good luck. Can't compromise
that material with a chainsaw.
353
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:51,260
‐ Stella, if I die, please don't let them
bury me in this parka.
354
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:55,351
‐ Hey, Jules, stay calm, okay?
Panic makes the body expand.
355
00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:59,309
‐ All right, everyone stand back.
I'm an Eagle Scout.
356
00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:01,271
‐ We all know you never got
your basketry badge, Brendan.
357
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,521
STELLA:
You guys, please.
358
00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:05,653
Okay? Bringing Brendan down
isn't gonna lift you up, Josh.
359
00:17:05,651 --> 00:17:08,151
‐ I'm literally begging you
to get me out of this coat.
360
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:11,413
‐ All right, before I do,
I'm gonna need a credit card.
361
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,656
That's 395 plus tax.
362
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:14,989
‐ What? Are you shitting me?
363
00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:16,583
‐ Oh, do you wanna sign up
for our rewards program?
364
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,578
It won't be 10% off this purchase,
but it will be 10% off‐‐
365
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,500
‐ Just get this off me!
366
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:26,460
JEREMY: Hey!
‐ [Jules screams]
367
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:29,383
‐ I like this new thing we're doing
where I enter and you scream.
368
00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:31,223
It's a fun dynamic for us.
369
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:35,178
Also, did you go on, like,
a really bad ski trip?
370
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,810
‐ What are you doing here?
371
00:17:36,807 --> 00:17:39,517
‐ I don't know.
I just thought I would pop by.
372
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,848
‐ Jeremy.
‐ It's Monday Night Football?
373
00:17:41,854 --> 00:17:44,944
‐ Okay, you've gotta give me a heads‐up
if you're coming over here.
374
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:47,820
‐ Jules, c'mon,
it's nothing I haven't seen before.
375
00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:50,318
I'm happy to get naked, too,
if that'll make you more comfortable.
376
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,740
‐ Thank you, no. No naked‐‐
naked stuff is done now,
377
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,240
now that you've... unsubscribed.
378
00:17:57,202 --> 00:18:00,042
Look, I get that this is your place,
but you did say I could stay here
379
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:02,918
till I figured out my next move,
so if that's the case,
380
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,416
there have to be some boundaries.
381
00:18:04,418 --> 00:18:08,838
‐ Okay, I'm sorry. It's just...
I'm driving Ramona crazy. Okay?
382
00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:11,969
‐ Well, I mean, if her coffee table
looks anything like ours,
383
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:14,597
I could see why.
It's called a Clorox wipe.
384
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:17,215
‐ She's a total bridezilla basket‐case
with the wedding coming up.
385
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,522
I mean, you know her.
386
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:21,305
Can I please just stay on the couch
until you leave?
387
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:22,690
‐ This? Here?
388
00:18:23,562 --> 00:18:25,862
Well... Isn't that gonna be a little,
um...
389
00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:27,106
weird?
390
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,817
‐ Not at all. I mean,
I'm sure you're close to finding a place
391
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:34,068
and until then we're both mature adults.
It'll be like we're roommates.
392
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:36,492
You know, just totally platonic roommates.
393
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,491
♪
394
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:45,789
See you later, roomie.
395
00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:52,092
[sports commentary playing softly]
396
00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,345
[phone chimes]
397
00:19:03,602 --> 00:19:05,652
JEREMY:
Hey, Juju, did I leave my phone in there?
398
00:19:07,648 --> 00:19:08,938
‐ [softly] Yes.
399
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:10,981
Yes, you did.
400
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:20,788
ALISON B: Jules, listen, on my
yoga teacher's honeymoon in Thailand,
401
00:19:20,786 --> 00:19:23,036
her and her husband
accidentally killed a baby elephant
402
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,408
with their Jeep convertible.
403
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,964
‐ Oh God, why would you tell me that?
404
00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:28,539
‐ I was trying to think of something
405
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:30,344
that was almost as bad
as your meeting with Celeste.
406
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,877
I'm making you feel better.
407
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,720
‐ [sighs] Thanks.
408
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,755
I had temporarily suspended
being upset about the Celeste thing
409
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,600
so I could be upset that my ex‐boyfriend
wants to be "platonic roommates."
410
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:43,307
‐ [both gasp]
‐ He cannot treat you like that.
411
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:44,978
You should dump him.
‐ Mm‐hmm.
412
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,517
‐ He dumped me a week ago.
413
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,810
‐ See? Look at you
sticking up for yourself.
414
00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:51,024
And we have salad.
See you out there.
415
00:19:52,985 --> 00:19:55,275
‐ I'll catch up with you guys.
416
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:59,369
Um... We haven't gotten
to talk one‐on‐one yet since I told you...
417
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,486
my shame.
418
00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:02,872
‐ Yeah, sorry, Alis‐‐ Eh...
419
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:04,120
Izzy.
420
00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:05,711
It's just been a really long week.
421
00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:07,366
‐ Kind of makes you want
to change your name
422
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,754
and live under
a totally different identity, right?
423
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,841
I'm just kidding, don't do that.
It's actually really hard.
424
00:20:11,837 --> 00:20:13,757
‐ [scoffs] I have to move out
of my ex's place,
425
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,585
but when I went
to my girlfriends for advice,
426
00:20:15,591 --> 00:20:18,971
they disagreed and it caused
this huge war between them.
427
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,099
‐ Well, consider me the United Nations
428
00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:24,136
because I'm here to bring
international peace.
429
00:20:24,141 --> 00:20:26,811
And also because
people don't take me seriously.
430
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:31,190
But, for realsies, I have an extra bedroom
and you can totally stay with me.
431
00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:32,860
Like a trial run.
432
00:20:32,858 --> 00:20:36,068
‐ Really? That might be perfect.
433
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:38,159
I wouldn't have to pick anyone's advice
if I got a roommate.
434
00:20:38,155 --> 00:20:39,865
‐ Motion approved.
435
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:42,235
That's a Model U. N. thing.
436
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,292
[chuckles]
437
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,365
So this is it.
438
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,660
Welcome to Chez Izz.
439
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:49,174
Also my bat mitzvah theme.
440
00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:51,496
It was basically "A Night in Paris,"
very classy.
441
00:20:51,502 --> 00:20:53,842
And, yes, I will show you
the DVD in bed later.
442
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,587
‐ It's great.
443
00:20:55,589 --> 00:20:57,719
Do you think it'd be okay
if I just grabbed a shower?
444
00:20:57,716 --> 00:20:59,796
I really need to wash this day off me.
445
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:02,051
‐ Oh, my God, of course.
Just right down the hall.
446
00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,678
All the towels in there are clean.
I just did laundry.
447
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,352
Domestic. Wife material.
448
00:21:07,351 --> 00:21:09,231
Marry me, someone, anyone.
449
00:21:09,228 --> 00:21:10,558
[chuckles]
450
00:21:13,357 --> 00:21:15,357
♪
451
00:21:19,947 --> 00:21:21,867
IZZY:
Pretty good water pressure, right?
452
00:21:23,492 --> 00:21:27,082
‐ Oh, um...
I thought I closed the door.
453
00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:30,669
‐ Oh, did you want it closed?
I'm so sorry.
454
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:33,708
I'm making you a post‐rinse face mask.
455
00:21:37,798 --> 00:21:40,428
Okay, this is amazing.
We're basically like the Olsen twins,
456
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,255
and, um, before you say anything,
457
00:21:42,261 --> 00:21:45,011
it is very important to me
that I be Ashley.
458
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:46,223
[phone chimes]
459
00:21:46,223 --> 00:21:49,023
‐ Ooh. Izzy, is this supposed to tingle?
460
00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,097
[phone chimes]
461
00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:52,692
‐ Yeah, it's activated charcoal,
that means it's working.
462
00:21:52,688 --> 00:21:53,688
[phone chimes]
463
00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:55,769
Hi, popular.
Do you want me to check it?
464
00:21:55,774 --> 00:21:58,114
‐ Oh, no, no, that's okay.
‐ Madison's texting you.
465
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,320
‐ I was being totally reasonable
the other day at brunch, right?
466
00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:02,991
‐ Oooh, what brunch?
467
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:04,780
‐ Oh, when her and Stella were fighting?
468
00:22:04,783 --> 00:22:06,913
‐ "When you and Stella were fighting?"
Send.
469
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:08,910
‐ Wait, send? What do you mean, send?
470
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:11,122
‐ We weren't fighting!
Did she say we were fighting?
471
00:22:11,123 --> 00:22:14,753
Tell me what she said.
‐ Hey, J, has Madison texted you about me?
472
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:17,091
‐ Is that Stella?
‐ What should I say back?
473
00:22:17,087 --> 00:22:20,127
‐ I just felt like she was kind of harsh
at brunch, you know what I'm saying?
474
00:22:20,132 --> 00:22:23,432
Like, I'm a person,
I'm allowed to have my feelings hurt.
475
00:22:23,427 --> 00:22:25,927
‐ I don't know what to say,
shouldn't she be telling this to Madison?
476
00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:27,759
‐ Good idea. Send.
477
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,274
‐ Wait, send? Wh‐what send?
478
00:22:29,266 --> 00:22:31,516
‐ Harsh? She thinks I'm being harsh?
479
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,558
‐ Did you just say something to Madison?
480
00:22:33,562 --> 00:22:35,522
She just asked me to return
a pair of kitten heels
481
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:37,482
I borrowed from her
like six years ago.
482
00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:39,442
‐ Izzy, what did you do?
Ow, ow, ow!
483
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:42,573
Oh, my God, ow!
Blind, stinging, it is multiplying.
484
00:22:42,571 --> 00:22:46,241
‐ Don't worry, I just sent Madison
the screen shot of what Stella told you.
485
00:22:46,241 --> 00:22:47,531
‐ You did what?
486
00:22:47,534 --> 00:22:51,334
No, no, Izzy, I... I just meant that they
should be working this out directly.
487
00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:54,290
‐ Oh, okay. Send.
488
00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:57,710
‐ Why the fuck did you just put
the three of us in a group text?
489
00:22:57,711 --> 00:23:01,301
‐ I'm confused, what does
martini emoji, tree emoji mean?
490
00:23:01,298 --> 00:23:02,968
‐ Izzy!
‐ No, no, no.
491
00:23:02,966 --> 00:23:04,966
Olive... branch.
492
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:07,678
Get it?
We're, like, such peacemakers.
493
00:23:07,679 --> 00:23:08,849
‐ Oh, my God.
494
00:23:08,847 --> 00:23:10,967
‐ Um, hello?
‐ What's going on?
495
00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:12,434
‐ Jules!
‐ Jules?
496
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:14,354
‐ Jules?
‐ Give me my phone!
497
00:23:15,145 --> 00:23:16,935
[groans]
498
00:23:16,939 --> 00:23:18,609
Oh, God!
499
00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:21,067
‐ Hey, do you know where
the Apple TV remote is?
500
00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:24,361
Never mind, found it.
501
00:23:24,780 --> 00:23:25,860
[scoffs]
502
00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:29,076
[indistinct announcements
over loudspeaker]
503
00:23:29,076 --> 00:23:30,986
‐ It's just a strained ankle. You'll live.
504
00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:32,294
Let me go grab you some crutches.
505
00:23:32,287 --> 00:23:33,367
‐ Thank you.
506
00:23:35,207 --> 00:23:36,787
‐ I feel like this is my fault.
507
00:23:36,792 --> 00:23:38,382
I'm gonna find you a mask.
508
00:23:38,377 --> 00:23:41,297
The last thing you need
on top of this sprain is bird flu.
509
00:23:41,296 --> 00:23:42,796
‐ Izzy, it's okay. [sighs]
510
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:47,091
I just don't understand
how I got seen so quickly.
511
00:23:47,094 --> 00:23:48,764
There's like a hundred people
in that waiting room
512
00:23:48,762 --> 00:23:50,472
and one of them's holding
their own finger.
513
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:52,392
‐ Jules, that was not his finger.
514
00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:55,440
‐ Look, it's not a big deal.
I know someone at the hospital.
515
00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:56,475
‐ Know someone or paid someone?
516
00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:58,558
‐ Okay, let's not start this again
right now.
517
00:23:58,564 --> 00:24:00,904
‐ What? She wants me to stop,
she'll just slip me a twenty.
518
00:24:00,899 --> 00:24:03,109
‐ Really?
‐ Stella, that's not fair.
519
00:24:03,110 --> 00:24:05,820
‐ [softly] Thank you.
‐ But if you did pay someone off,
520
00:24:05,821 --> 00:24:07,491
I will pay you back,
probably in instalments
521
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,319
'cause I don't know how much bribes cost.
522
00:24:09,324 --> 00:24:11,914
‐ I didn't pay anyone off, okay?
I'm dating someone.
523
00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:14,084
I'm dating someone who works here.
524
00:24:14,079 --> 00:24:17,249
‐ Wait. You're dating someone?
‐ Who?
525
00:24:17,249 --> 00:24:18,919
‐ One of my mom's doctors.
526
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,420
When she was sick, we got close
and, I don't know, it just happened.
527
00:24:22,421 --> 00:24:23,711
‐ Why didn't you tell us?
528
00:24:23,714 --> 00:24:26,684
‐ Because it's new and complicated
and sometimes you don't want your friends
529
00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:27,925
weighing in with all their opinions,
530
00:24:27,926 --> 00:24:30,176
especially when you've got
a gut feeling about something.
531
00:24:30,179 --> 00:24:32,099
‐ A gut feeling?
MADISON: Yeah.
532
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:34,137
‐ I had a gut feeling
about where I should live
533
00:24:34,141 --> 00:24:36,101
and you told me
I was gonna get murdered.
534
00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:38,191
And you tried to ship me
to a monkey tundra,
535
00:24:38,187 --> 00:24:39,977
and you sat in the bathroom
while I showered,
536
00:24:39,980 --> 00:24:42,900
and, I'm sorry, but I really don't
think you're well‐suited for a roommate.
537
00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:44,530
‐ If I'm not well‐suited for a roommate,
538
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:48,106
then why have I had eight
in the last three months?
539
00:24:48,113 --> 00:24:51,033
‐ [scoffs] God, you know what?
This isn't any of your faults.
540
00:24:51,033 --> 00:24:53,583
This is my fault.
This is what's wrong with me.
541
00:24:53,577 --> 00:24:56,707
Other people know how to run their lives
and take advice and have friends
542
00:24:56,705 --> 00:24:58,665
and for some reason, I can't.
543
00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:01,075
‐ Jules‐‐
‐ I can't ask for a raise,
544
00:25:01,084 --> 00:25:04,004
I can't group text,
I can't even go to a goddamn brunch
545
00:25:04,004 --> 00:25:07,014
without ruining things to the point
that makes you two hate each other.
546
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:09,757
No wonder I hid away with Jeremy
for so many years.
547
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,180
I'm never gonna figure out how to do this.
548
00:25:11,178 --> 00:25:14,848
I need to just accept that we'd all be
better off if I was completely alone.
549
00:25:14,848 --> 00:25:16,098
IZZY:
Oww!
550
00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:20,269
Aah! I hope that needle was clean.
Do you think it was?
551
00:25:20,896 --> 00:25:23,066
‐ Whoa, babe,
is that really what you think?
552
00:25:23,065 --> 00:25:26,065
‐ No one would be better off that way.
And we don't hate each other.
553
00:25:26,068 --> 00:25:29,238
That's insane. We fight like this
because we love each other.
554
00:25:29,238 --> 00:25:31,068
I'm actually scary nice
to the people I hate.
555
00:25:32,157 --> 00:25:35,697
‐ Here's your crutches.
‐ Thank you so very much.
556
00:25:37,371 --> 00:25:39,751
‐ Like that woman should be terrified.
We're fine.
557
00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:41,828
We're going for a fro‐yo after this
and all will be forgiven.
558
00:25:41,834 --> 00:25:45,054
‐ Exactly. And in terms of you
being alone, it's not happening.
559
00:25:45,045 --> 00:25:46,255
We are not going anywhere.
560
00:25:48,090 --> 00:25:49,970
‐ Okay, well, if you're really not
going anywhere,
561
00:25:49,967 --> 00:25:51,507
then I can just be honest.
562
00:25:52,636 --> 00:25:56,096
I don't want an aspirational apartment
and I don't want to travel.
563
00:25:56,098 --> 00:25:58,428
I think I just want to live
in that place from Craigslist
564
00:25:58,433 --> 00:25:59,853
and figure this out for myself.
565
00:25:59,852 --> 00:26:03,402
‐ Yes, girl. Ask for advice, then do what
you were gonna do the whole time anyways.
566
00:26:03,397 --> 00:26:06,397
‐ Congratulations,
you're officially a human girl.
567
00:26:07,109 --> 00:26:08,689
IZZY:
Ooh, how about this?
568
00:26:08,694 --> 00:26:11,284
Do you want some "Oxycontin"?
569
00:26:12,906 --> 00:26:15,076
I feel like this drawer should be locked.
570
00:26:15,659 --> 00:26:19,369
‐ So when the ad said,
"vintage furniture and antique charm"?
571
00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:23,041
‐ Yep, all these antiques belonged
to Nana right until the day she died.
572
00:26:23,041 --> 00:26:24,331
Right on that couch.
573
00:26:24,334 --> 00:26:26,344
‐ Ohh!
‐ Now that she's gone,
574
00:26:26,336 --> 00:26:28,086
we're just looking for a renter.
575
00:26:28,088 --> 00:26:31,338
The guest house has its own entrance
so you'll be totally independent.
576
00:26:31,341 --> 00:26:32,931
[gasps] Speaking of independent,
577
00:26:32,926 --> 00:26:36,636
Nana's bathroom set‐up is perfect
for someone in your condition.
578
00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:43,349
‐ Oh. [laughs]
579
00:26:43,812 --> 00:26:47,862
"Accessible floorplan." Yeah.
Well, that makes sense now.
580
00:26:47,858 --> 00:26:51,318
‐ She's yours today if you want her.
You ready to be out of your old place?
581
00:26:52,070 --> 00:26:55,870
KESHA: ♪ I buy my own things
I pay my own bills ♪
582
00:26:55,866 --> 00:26:59,656
♪ These diamond rings, my automobiles ♪
583
00:26:59,661 --> 00:27:02,001
♪ Everything I got, I bought it ♪
584
00:27:01,997 --> 00:27:05,167
♪ Boys can't buy my love ♪
585
00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:06,497
♪ Buy my love ♪
586
00:27:06,502 --> 00:27:09,552
♪ I'm a motherfucking woman, baby ♪
587
00:27:09,546 --> 00:27:11,216
♪ All right ♪
588
00:27:11,215 --> 00:27:14,925
♪ I don't need a man
to be holding me too tight ♪
589
00:27:14,927 --> 00:27:19,307
♪ I'm a motherfucking woman, baby
that's right ♪
590
00:27:19,306 --> 00:27:23,346
♪ I'm just having fun with my ladies
here tonight ♪
591
00:27:23,352 --> 00:27:24,812
♪ I'm a motherfucker ♪
592
00:27:25,938 --> 00:27:28,858
♪ Whoo! Yeah! ♪
593
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,490
♪ Whoo! Mm, yeah ♪
594
00:27:33,487 --> 00:27:35,567
♪ I do what I want ♪
595
00:27:35,572 --> 00:27:37,622
♪ Say what you say ♪
596
00:27:37,616 --> 00:27:39,986
♪ I work real hard every day ♪
597
00:27:39,993 --> 00:27:43,083
♪ I'm a motherfucking woman, baby ♪
598
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,620
♪ That's right ♪
599
00:27:44,623 --> 00:27:48,343
♪ I'm just having fun
with my ladies here tonight ♪
600
00:27:48,335 --> 00:27:49,995
♪ I'm a motherfucker ♪
601
00:27:50,921 --> 00:27:52,171
♪ Oooh, whoa ♪
602
00:27:52,756 --> 00:27:54,166
♪ Oooh, whoa ♪
603
00:27:54,842 --> 00:27:57,052
♪ Oooh, whoa ♪
604
00:27:57,052 --> 00:27:59,222
‐ The tchotchkes are fun.
605
00:27:59,221 --> 00:28:03,851
‐ Yeah, no, I know this place has
some unexpected charm, but it's mine.
606
00:28:04,601 --> 00:28:06,651
‐ Well, I personally love it.
607
00:28:06,645 --> 00:28:07,805
‐ We're really proud of you.
608
00:28:07,813 --> 00:28:09,863
‐ Yeah. Totally get you don't need
our help.
609
00:28:12,442 --> 00:28:13,862
[Madison clears throat]
610
00:28:13,861 --> 00:28:15,111
‐ Okay, fine.
611
00:28:15,112 --> 00:28:19,622
‐ Okay, the wallpaper has got to go...
‐ [all speaking at once]
612
00:28:22,870 --> 00:28:24,250
‐ Look at termite...
613
00:28:24,246 --> 00:28:26,616
[all speaking at once]
614
00:28:29,376 --> 00:28:32,796
WILSON PICKETT:
♪ It's too late ♪
615
00:28:32,796 --> 00:28:36,626
♪ For tears ♪
616
00:28:36,633 --> 00:28:38,723
♪ Honey, it's too late ♪
617
00:28:40,179 --> 00:28:42,969
♪ Too late to cry ♪
618
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:47,190
♪ Oh, but it's too late ♪
619
00:28:47,811 --> 00:28:50,771
♪ Oh, for begging me, baby ♪
620
00:28:50,772 --> 00:28:53,322
♪ Honey, it's too late ♪
621
00:28:53,317 --> 00:28:55,067
♪ Too late ♪
622
00:28:55,068 --> 00:28:57,238
♪ To cry ♪
623
00:29:00,324 --> 00:29:02,784
♪ Now that you need me, darling... ♪